#fey of the harvest

[omercifulheaves]

Drunken Master (1978)

[pls-just-let-me-marry-yeung]

FINALLY!!!

I finally got hold of the ring!! Now if only I could actually ask Yeung to marry me...

[ogradyfilm]

Recently Viewed: Dreadnaught

[The following review contains MINOR SPOILERS; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!]

Although the Criterion Channel’s description neglects to advertise it as such, the 1981 kung-fu horror-comedy Dreadnaught belongs to Yuen Woo-ping’s loosely connected Wong Fei-hung series. Whereas the original Drunken Master featured the historical figure turned folk hero as a mischievous student (portrayed by the inimitable Jackie Chan) and Iron Monkey explored his childhood (as the son of professional badass Donnie Yen), this film depicts him as a wise old mentor—played, appropriately enough, by Kwan Tak-hing, who starred as the character in approximately seventy-seven movies (according to the notoriously reliable Wikipedia’s undoubtedly accurate count, anyway).

The plot (minimalistic as it is) revolves around Mousy, a meek, cowardly youth constantly terrorized by local thugs, corrupt cops, and… adorable puppies. Since it’s his job to collect on overdue bills for his sister’s struggling laundry business, his timid demeanor is a significant problem; thus, at the insistence of a sympathetic friend, he seeks tutelage under the esteemed Master Wong. The perceptive teacher quickly intuits that his reluctant disciple is a naturally gifted martial artist; he merely lacks the confidence required to effectively utilize his innate skills. When a convoluted sequence of events makes him the target of a deranged, bloodthirsty assassin, however, necessity might yet transform our pussycat of a protagonist into a courageous lion.

Yuen’s greatest talent lies in his ability to convey story and characterization through fight choreography, and Dreadnaught certainly delivers in that regard; every punch calls back to a narrative seed introduced in an earlier scene—a deliciously satisfying display of setup and payoff reminiscent of Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. During the climactic showdown, for example, Mousy discovers that his family’s trademark “two-fingered grasp” technique is useful for more than just drying clothes; his firm grip strength—developed from years of wringing out wet fabric—gives him an unexpected advantage whilst grappling with his savage opponent… until his foe simply rips off the tattered remnants of his shirt, at least.

That deft juggling of tones—effortlessly transitioning between humor and suspense—elevates Dreadnaught, compensating for its relatively superficial flaws (particularly its uneven pacing). Yuen is justifiably renowned for his contributions to The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but I hope that more of his work as a director becomes (legally) available in the West; while his movies may not be conventionally “prestigious” or stylistically polished (compared to those produced by, say, King Hu), they are consistently entertaining.

[refabled]

something something about the cardeer of course being a metaphor for the olive trees. for the water buffalo. for the polar bears. for the south american forests.

meadow/fable would die to keep the cardeer safe than allow anyone who would abuse and endanger and commercialize and colonize these beautiful, beautiful creatures.

[chinesehanfu]

[China History]How were “luxury toiletries” made and created in ancient China 1,250 years ago?［Eng Sub］

This episode is set in the second year of the Tang Dynasty Tianbao era (743 AD), during the reign of Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty. It tells the story of a maidservant of the emperor's beloved concubine, Mei Fei 梅妃 (also known as Jiang Caiping/江采萍), who created the "Dendrobium Pearl Bath Bean/石斛珍珠澡豆" that Mei Fei/梅妃 had developed. According to the "Beiji Qianjin Yaofang《备急千金要方》" (Essential Formulas Worth a Thousand in Gold for Emergencies) by Tang-dynasty physician Sun Simiao:

洗面药：猪胰（五具切细）、毕豆面（一升）、皂角（三挺）、栝蒌实、葳蕤、白茯苓、土瓜根（各五两）；上七味捣筛，将猪胰拌和，更捣令匀，每但取洗手面，白日白净如素。

【Translation】：

"Facial wash medicine: pig pancreas (cut into fine pieces), beanstalk powder (one sheng/升), Gleditsia sinensis Lam(three pieces), Trichosanthes real, flourishing, white Poria cocos, and five taels each of soil melon roots; mix the seven ingredients, grind and sift, then mix with the pig pancreas, and grind together. Use the resulting powder for washing hands and face, making them as white and smooth as porcelain during the day"

(Note: The video also incorporates a segment on the tribute pearls from Hepu, filmed with the process of "opening oysters and harvesting pearls," though the historical accuracy of the video may have some artistic liberties, so viewers should be mindful of this).

The recipe for the "Dendrobium Pearl Bath Bean/石斛珍珠澡豆" was highly sought after by the imperial concubines and princesses of the time, who affectionately referred to Mei Fei as "Hu Zhu Fu Ren/斛珠夫人" (Lady of Pearls). Not only was she skilled in traditional Chinese medicine, but Mei Fei was also a talented dancer. She was one of the eight great female talents in the Tang Dynasty, having choreographed the famous Tang court dance "Jinghong Dance/惊鸿舞" (Dance of the Scared Swan).

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🧚🏻‍Production & Model/Makeup：@曾嚼子

🔗Xiaohongshu:https://www.xiaohongshu.com/discovery/item/66c5bca4000000001f038b85?

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[probablybadrpgideas]

Should you hug this monster?

Aberrations: Aberrations don't know what hugs are, so naturally, you should show them. Teach them hugs and they can teach you about squibbleblappening! Being squibbleblappened isn't as great if you lack tentacles but to be fair hugging loses a lot without skin.

Beasts: Absolutely hug the beasts. All animals are cuddleable without exception. I, mod pencil, fully endorse this advice and take full legal responsibility for any consequences of people acting on it.

Celestials: A good way to distinguish if you're a good person is to hug a celestial. If you are a good person, you will get a literally heavenly hug. If you are a bad one, you will be instantly obliterated with divine fire and sent to hell. It's a refreshing burst of simplicity in an often complex world.

Constructs: All constructs will attempt to hug you if you ask them to but in 90% of cases this is not a survivable experience. Maybe try being made of a less crushable material if you want to hug a construct?

Dragons: I mean you're not really the one deciding on hugs here. You're the cute harmless little animal in this is scenario, so the dragon is going to hug you. It may also put you in a funny outfit and upload the photos on Instagram. Sorry about this.

Elemental: Roll a d4 for nothing, moist, inert or dead. So about normal for hugging someone.

Fey: Hug a fey but only on a harvest moon in a space between nature and civilization while wearing your socks inside out and making sure to say nothing that could be interpreted as a promise or a question and be sure to bow afterwards and dance widdershins back home.

Fiend: Neutral evil fiends are the best to hug. Like, they'll steal your wallet and organs, but compared to being eaten or bound to eternal servitude, it's a pretty nice hug.

Giants: Some slight mechanical difficulties here but beyond that, you should be good. Ask the giant to aim you at the shops afterwards and get your groceries done at the same time.

Humanoids: Hug a humanoid? Gross!

Monstrosity: Monstrosities are good to hug but they won't let you hug them because you called them a monstrosity. That's really rude :(

Ooze: Under no circumstannnnnnnn PutT ArMs In M Oose nOw pls Is GoOd anD TasTy

Plant: God if only there was a term for this

Undead: Really it's just like hugging a normal person if hugs killed you. If it helps, at least you have good reason to think death might a glow up?

[dailyadventureprompts]

Adventure: On the Chopping Block

Haste makes waste, the slow and merciless trod of industry makes something else entirely

For centuries the people of the Towerpine woods kept to the old rites and offerings which allowed them to make their living from the forest while staying on the good side of the local fey. That was before the margrave came and built his damnable mill, which takes and takes without first asking and stains the sky with its fumes. Now not only has the ancient pact with the fey been transgressed but the people of the Towerpine have lost their living, unable to compete with the mill and its labouring constructs, which produce in a day what it took the whole region a week to cut and carve.

Things are reaching a breaking point, and if the heroes don't act quickly there be no telling just how far the devastation will reach.

Adventure Hooks:

A good way to get the party into the Towerpine woods (especially if you're using this as an intro adventure) is to have them as caravan guards escorting much needed supplies to the frontier region. After fending off some wildlife that's grown increasingly erratic thanks to the mill's disruption of their habitat, they sit down in a village's public house for an overdue rest only to be approached by a gang of malcontents intent on going up the hill and doing something about the mill. These people are absolutely correct in their grievance, but their righteous and somewhat drunken attempt at sabotage is going to end badly when the constructs that work supply the mill activate and look to deal with them as intruders. The party can witness this disater first hand, ending up captured or escaping into the woods, alternatively they might hear about it the next morning, when the villagers beseech them to intervene and rescue the surviving saboteurs from where they're being held at the mill.

Garvan Vimley is the sort of odious little man who gives progress a bad name. Placed in charge of the mill's operation, Mr. Vimley and his Towerpine Lumber Company ( ironically shortened to TLC on their branding ) care only about squeezing more profits from the region regardless of how much harm occurs in the process. He might just be willing to release the captured vandals, if the party agrees to find one of his oh-so-expensive logging constructs that's vanished in the past week after being sent with a team of surveyors (who are also missing, but not as valuable) into one of the forest's more wild regions. As it turns out, the construct has been hijacked by a group of the local fey, who are now bickering between destroying the thing for good, playing with their new toy, or winding it up and send it rampaging back towards the mill. Negotiating with the fey will be difficult, especially because they hold a few of the surviving surveyors in thrall and are more than willing to use them as bargining chips.

Future Adventures:

Regardless of what the party decides to do Vimley intends to use this latest attempt at sabotage as a means of convincing his noble patron to institute draconian measures, pettitioning the crown to enclose the commonly held Towerpine woods and thus making it illegal for anyone save the TLC to harvest wood in the region, which would not only force the locals out of business but force them to buy even their kindling from the profitmongering Vimley or else be branded thieves. This scheme is subtle, and if one of the now sympathetic surveyors doesn't tip them off it's going to require the party to do some independant snooping to even notice what's going on. Once things are in motion the report of the sabotage has to be intercepted before it reaches the Margrave, potentially in a daring chase through the forest. Even then it's only but even that's going to be only a temporary fix, they'll need to make a petition at the Margrave's court with evidence of Vimley's mismanagement, or perhaps even oust the Margrave himself before he gets the crown involved.

It's more than corruption and greed at work in the Towerpines, as the forest's ancient guardians are making their displeasure known in all manner of ways. Rampaging beasts, dangerous pranks, nightmares, and bad omens all beset the people at the edge of the forest. Even this is not enough for Illyurn, the youngest of a circle of dryads who have long held court in the shadow of the ancient pines. The elders of the circle are convinced that their mortal neighbours will heed their warnings, return to the old ways, but Illyurn has fewer memories of good will to hold her back, and her anger burns ever hotter. Fire sears away the rot and ushers in the new growth after all, and as the days pass and Illyurn more and more embodies this destructive aspect of nature the more her incendiary words will catch in the mind of her fellow fey and those most discontent of the villagers, transforming them into a blazing mob that will rage and rage and rage until the landscape is rendered into ash.

When the party intercede and end up having to put Illyurn down, she will choke out one final smoke-bitter curse: A doom for the party, for the mill, it's maker, and it's masters, may all they hold precious end in embers.

Art 1

Art 2

[monstersdownthepath]

A collection of Fey entities

A little different from my usual "a collection of..." posts. Making statblocks isn't my forte, surprisingly; I can, but ADHD Hellbrain kicks in and typically prevents me from actually finishing them, my energy and motivation running out typically by the time I need to select feats. A few of the creatures on this list are victims of that very phenomenon, but rather than letting them languish in my drafts forever, I figure I can share what I DO have in the form of lore and some basic ideas.

So, here's a bunch of fairies!

One of them I was going to write down, the Harvest Lords, are a concept I've developed too much for me to put here; they're a group of Archfey with proper domains and Boons, and thus will get their own post. Eventually.

Warnings: There are unsanitary themes in the Brughyorb Gremlin spot, as well as Totagoda. The final entry (Rotten Crick) deals with themes of animal death and allusions to animal torture, dealing specifically with sea life.

Brughyorb Gremlins (CR 1/2 Chaotic Evil Small Fey) are small, round, filthy creatures that are almost all mouth and stomach, resembling fleshy cauldrons when they fully open their mouths and scamper about on their arms and legs, and are thus also known as Cauldron Gremlins, Burplings, and Bowlbellies. Their grinding teeth and powerful jaws are best suited for plant matter (wood is a delicacy to them), but they won't hesitate to feed on whatever carrion they manage to find, even though the majority of what they eat isn't actually digested.

Brughyorb Gremlins hold most of what they shovel into their maws in the first of their two stomachs, where their pungent gut juices fester and melt their food into noxious sludge so malodorous it's actually acidic. Slow and unbalanced even when they're empty, they lay in waiting for an innocent passerby to cross whatever hiding spot they've holed up in before leaping out with a wet shriek, and when their victim inhales in order to scream in surprise, the gremlins unleash a horrific belch directly into the victim's face. Overwhelming nausea is the most common result of such a sensory assault (though especially unlucky ones may catch the fatal Filth Fever), victims disoriented not only by the scare, but their entire world becoming overtaken by an indescribably vile stink, preventing them from fighting back as the gremlin takes whatever it wants from them and scampers off into the shadows, cackling with terrible glee.

Though they're larger than most gremlins, Brughyorb Gremlins are just as cowardly and prone to fleeing whenever someone even moderately well-armed comes along. If a foe proves especially dangerous and their burps aren't cutting it, they'll loose the contents of their stomachs to form slick, acidic pools that carry an eye-watering reek with them to trip up and potentially even kill their pursuers, either immediately through acid damage or eventually through disease. Being directly disgorged upon is an experience so profoundly unpleasant that most beings subjected to it immediately switch careers into something that will prevent this incident from ever happening again... though the fact a Brughyorb's stench is nearly impossible to scrub away and lingers for many weeks means the horrible little beasts can easily track the scent of their past victims in order to get them again.

Despite their foulness, their gut juice is an alchemical reagent highly prized by alchemists for its ability to break down and, with a bit of tinkering, ferment just about any organic matter, making them highly desirable for anyone hoping to create not just powerful acids, but potent fertilizers, fermented foods, or alcohol. Alchemists desiring the gremlin's gut juice, of course, rarely risk seeking it out themselves.

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Tintink Gremlins (CR 1 Chaotic Evil Tiny Fey) are also known as Nail Gremlins, Sharpener Pixies, Hammerlings, Nailbiters, Sharpies, and other such names. While most fey fear the touch of iron, Tintink Gremlins collect the substance in earnest despite being just as vulnerable to it as any other fey. Contact with cold iron burns and pains them, but rather than shrinking away from it, they revel in it, with many of them boldly wearing sharpened points of cold iron for the specific purpose of terrorizing and bullying other fairies, as well as protecting themselves from being bullied or terrorized by others.

Tintinks are obsessed with the collection and the sharpening of metal pins, tacks, screws, caltrops, and especially nails, pilfering such items from workshops, lumberyards, factories, and even homes. Loose items are of course the easiest for them to get, their tiny backpacks and leather aprons full to bursting with stacks of nails they sweep off workbenches, but they're also prone to using hammers, crowbars, and pliers sized for their tiny hands to wrench fasteners from whatever surface they're embedded in. Their hoarding slowly but surely destroys furniture, floors, rafters, and eventually entire structures one stolen screw at a time, fleeing only when the infested building collapses entirely.

Even when they're not destroying buildings, Tintinks are horrid menaces. Their wretched claws, coarse palms, and rough tongues can shave metal with the ease of a whetstone, and they use these to sharpen whatever points they get ahold of until they can pierce the thick leather of most common shoes or gloves... and they lay them out in preparation to do exactly that, cackling in wicked glee whenever someone impales their feet or hands on their sharps collections.

They are quite dangerous for a gremlin, capable of causing terrible wounds and even deaths if they're sufficiently motivated, but they are easily caught and removed by those who can take advantage of their fairy quirks. Their obsession with sharpening borders on an irresistible compulsion, and many Tintinks have been caught and exterminated by fey hunters leaving out piles of dull nails, bent forks, and chipped knives, which the gremlins cannot help but sit down among and work on, leaving them vulnerable to ambush.

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Steraba (CR 2 Neutral Good Diminutive Fey) are also known as Honey Fairies, Porridge Pixies, Mice Fey, and other such names. They resemble miniature humanoids with mouse-like features such as dewy eyes, rounded ears, long tails, paws, or combinations thereof (sometimes to the point they're just anthropomorphic mice), scarcely larger than the pests they resemble. Despite their appearance, Steraba are not pests themselves and are in fact one of many helpful fey known as House Spirits, and can be a genuinely helpful force in one's home... if one forgives their tendency to pilfer easily-missed items left in their field of vision.

Steraba make their homes in mouseholes inside occupied buildings, living among families of mice (never rats, they despise rats) which they take great pains to keep safe, healthy, and out of sight of the mortals with whom they share a space. Their lives are spent going on frequent, exciting 'raids' with their mice families (whom they can both communicate with and easily train), scampering unseen through homes like a spy trying to avoid being spotted by guards as they run missions such as 'read the next chapter of a book,' 'steal the button,' 'get to the grain stores,' 'slay the attic spider,' 'push out the rats,' and other such objectives. Between missions, they engage in surprisingly elaborate crafting projects; anything inedible they steal is used to decorate their tiny homes, if not by itself, then as part of a greater project. Unknowing families may have entire miniature art galleries in their walls!

Like most House Spirits, Steraba dislike being seen or acknowledged, and spending too long looking at one or talking about its existence aloud with one's family or neighbors is a sure way to drive it off completely. Even more than this, harming a mouse is a grave insult to the Mouse Pixies, who may respond by pilfering valuable or treasured items with Mage Hand, performing acts of vandalism with Prestidigitation and mundane tools, and even causing painful or humiliating household accidents against repeat and grievous offenders. Treating the mice with the calmness and respect one would treat a neighbor, however, will see a household blessed by the tiny pixies who use their talents--magical and mundane--to slay more harmful pests, drive off more malevolent fey, and provide just as well for their "big families" as they do the "small families." A Steraba can magically turn a single grain into a whole loaf of hot bread or a bowl of nutritious porridge that's filling even for a Medium-sized creature, letting them stretch the most meager of food stores for days or weeks on end, and can conjure small amounts of honey, sugar, and jam each day to assure the meals are never boring. A Steraba who has lived in a home for many years and established a positive relationship with its big family may even begin gifting the mortals with pieces of art it has made, which act as good luck charms so long as the owner takes care to say it was a 'gift from my neighbor' if they are ever asked where the trinket came from.

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The Filoxenia (CR 11 Neutral Medium Fey) are humanoid fey with golden skin and hair like stalks of wheat, so rare that it was believed there was only one for quite some time. These are fey many cautionary tales are spoken of, fey for whom the Laws of Sacred Hospitality are absolutes and generosity is the holiest of virtues. These fey take on the shapes of beggars, wanderers, and vagrants of various ancestries as they travel the world in the search of kindness, visiting the lowest muckrakers in their hovels, to the meager homes of farmers, to the mansions of nobles and royals to test their treatment of visitors. How, exactly, they perform their tests always varies, but it almost always begins with a simple request: Shelter, just for one night, and a meal of whatever the host can provide, just enough to let them see the next dawn.

The Filoxenia cannot be identified while they're in disguise, their own magic thwarting magical attempts to pierce it; the most reliable way to tell that you've encountered one is the gentle smell of honey and wheat which accompanies them, a scent they take pains to hide with mud and dusty clothes or, in rare cases, perfumes, but which they can never completely cover. Even if you know, however, it is in your best interest to play along and not allow it to sway your decision! Treating your new guest as you would any other is part of the test.

These fey exist to test mortals in their proficiency with and knowledge of the Laws of Sacred Hospitality, and each one has different means of both testing and rendering judgment. More lawful Filoxenia typically treat their task with the utmost of seriousness, and have a mental checklist they gradually move down during their stay in a mortal's home where failing even one step fails the whole test. More chaotic Filoxenia are much more likely to act as unruly guests, assessing the patience of their host, making gradually more unreasonable requests to see just how far the host is willing to go and rendering their judgment based on the host's breaking point; too soon (strict) or too late (lenient) and they fail.

The reward for passing their test is often simple but always beneficial; they may arrange for a parcel of valuable gems to be delivered to the host, repair flaws in their home, or magically enchant a tool or piece of furniture the host owns in a way which will always be useful to them. Impressing the fey may cause them to perform feats such as keeping the host's food stores full for a year and a day, blessing the host with a boon of good luck and health, grant them a useful magical item, blessing their livestock with health and virility, or introducing a helpful House Spirit into the home... but for all their potential blessings, their curses are the stuff of legends and horror stories.

Providing the bare minimum of hospitality is one thing (which earns the stingy host naught but a bowl of gruel or perhaps a new pair of socks for their trouble), but treating the Filoxenia poorly or, most damnably, rejecting their plea for mercy and assistance at one's doorstep? Such a host would be lucky if the worst thing that happened to them was the death of their livestock. An especially offended Filoxenia, such as one physically harmed by the host, can go as far as to curse an entire household to experience grave misfortune which, eventually, will lead to the death of all within in no more than a year.

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Totagoda, the Uninvited Guest (CR 13 Chaotic Evil Large Fey) is a unique fey entity, an object of both scorn and amusement in the First World and a downright blight in the Universe whenever he deigns to enter it. He is a wild combination of a bloated toad and a gluttonous goat, standing on his back two legs as a man does, with three bulbous eyes always surveying the area as he searches for his next meal, the remains of which are added to the breathtaking tapestry of reeking stains over his clothing and skin.

Totagoda is a gluttonous, wretched beast of a fey, his primary modus operandi involving taking the shape of beggars, wanderers, and vagrants, hoping to gain invitation into the home of unsuspecting mortals who do not realize just what's standing at the door. Unfortunately, as one may surmise from his title, he is quite liberal with determining what qualifies as an 'invitation' into someone's home, with even strained conversation or simply holding a door open for too long becoming cause for him to push past his unfortunate host and slip inside. Only slamming the door in his face and refusing to speak will cause him to move on. Once inside, he takes a seat at the kitchen table and bullies his hosts into providing for him, often relying on the victim's fear or good manners (or both) to prevent them from seeking aid even as he wolfs down whatever food (or anything close to food) they can provide.

Victims of the Uninvited Guest quickly find themselves eaten out of house and home as his loud demands for food grow ever more violent and unreasonable, his monstrous form gradually revealing itself as he gorges himself. By the point he's revealed as a true and literal monster, it's far too late for his host, with him threatening their belongings, their health, or their very lives if they don't comply, the foul fey holding their treasured belongings or even their family members hostage to force their hand. When all the food in the house is exhausted, victims are forced into the marketplaces where they're expected to spend all their remaining money on a further banquet for the fey. Victims who can give no more may find themselves ensorcelled and forced to provide against their will, butchering their livestock, pets, or their unfortunate neighbors to feed Totagoda, until eventually he grows bored with the current fare and snaps up his host whole and alive with his massive tongue, moving on and leaving any surviving family members nothing but a destroyed home and horrific memories.

Sending out invitations to a party or celebration when Totagoda is stalking an area is a dangerous affair, because no matter the intended celebration, one can be assured it will end in tragedy and horror; many malevolent fey have, in fact, wielded the Uninvited Guest as a weapon by gifting him invitations to the party of a rival or hated enemy. When feeling especially peckish and shameless, he will use the public nature of taverns, restaurants, markets, and other such spaces where food may be found to barge in and begin stuffing his face, using threats, charming magic, or outright mystic domination against the owners, forcing them to ignore his crimes until they become too great to rationalize even with his spellwork clouding their minds. He prefers the 'thrill' of forcing his way into the homes of helpless mortals who cannot seek aid to feed him, using public eateries as a last resort, as he despises the concept of experiencing consequences (which is why he flees the First World as much as possible; he has made many enemies among Archfey and Eldest). Despite his considerable power and unnatural resilience, Totagoda is a coward and a bully, and at the first sign of any trouble (even trouble he could easily deal with) he is more likely to flee than fight, flinging his disease-ridden, acidic dung and unleashing nauseating belches at any pursuers until he can finally escape.

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That Old and Rotten Crick, (CR 15 Neutral Evil Medium Fey), also known as Rotten Old Crick (and variants thereof), the Devil Fisherman, the Demon Angler, the Barnacle, Captain Hook, and a thousand other names with varying levels of fear or vitriol, is among one of the strangest denizens of the First World. Appearance-wise, he is a humanoid being, though not a hint of true flesh can be seen through the coverall-clothing of an angler that he wears; what isn't covered by clothes is studded with barnacles or coral growth. His vest is adorned by countless hooks, flies, whatever equipment he wishes to keep on hand rather than in his beaten up but magical tacklebox (the Artifact known as the Tomb of Karaphas), and extra parts for his Artifact-level fishing rod and primary weapon, the Tidepool Reaper. His face (if he has one) perpetually hidden in the shadow of his fishing cap, and he speaks with the smooth cadence of a devil and maniacal purpose of a daemon.

Nearly an Archfey in terms of power, Rotten Crick does not seek influence and remains outside of whatever political nonsense the others have going on... though his actions have a great many Archfey and even one of the Eldest furious with his very existence. Rotten Crick, you see, despises all life in the sea, especially the lives of any creature which could be called a 'fish.' His absolute hatred for all sealife has earned him a many enemies among waterway guardians and sea-dwelling fey, but just as many allies, though not for the reasons one may think; many stories circulate across many worlds of a mysterious angler approaching a fisherman or sailor with promises of rods, reels, baits, hooks, and nets which will assuredly catch enough fish to feed not only them, but their families and the families of their neighbors as well. Indeed, Rotten Crick has no animosity towards most mortal life, and is actually quite amicable, willing to help any down-on-their-luck man on the coast fish enough to live, or even make a business! There are rare stories of him going out of his way to save fishermen whose lives are endangered by the sea... but it is all for the singular goal of eliminating as many fish as possible and inspiring others to do the same. He will sit with other mortal anglers for many hours, fishing alongside them and making occasional, casual conversation, but anyone who knows what they're dealing with is advised to keep it casual, because any extended conversation with him will gradually turn towards alarmingly enthusiastic diatribes on how terribly fish suffer when hooked and dragged from the water, or disturbingly thorough explanations of the many deaths caused by sea beasts all over the world, in order to justify their torture and extermination.

He doesn't even eat any of his catches, enraged by the very idea of putting a fish in his body. If there is no one nearby to gift them to, he either abandons them on the shore to rot or, if feeling especially spiteful, slices them apart with fillet knives and hooks and leaves the disassembled bodies for the birds. He holds no love for creatures he calls "betrayers," which includes dolphins, whales, and seals, such unfortunates earning swift and terrible ends by his hands. Intelligent sea beings, especially merfolk, are in danger of torturous disassembly while still alive, as he draws sadistic joy from hearing their cries.

Why, precisely, he harbors such irrational hatred for sealife is something he has never explained to anyone who's asked, and likely never will. At the very least, any grand and far-reaching plans he may actually have to depopulate the seas of Golarion are slow going, if they're happening at all, held back by the sadism and hatred which drives him; it has been explained to him many times (primarily by daemons) that he could efficiently depopulate the seas by way of pollution, poison, and industrial expansion, but his hate is so great that he seems to prefer the more visceral, personal approach.

[creativitycache]

Alright everyone hear me out.

Morgoth and Sauron can’t create life, they have to twist what beings they can get their hands on. Another way to get the results with less power used is to do what Sauruman did and breed & crossbreed orcs/etc to be more their liking.

Crossbreeding can get out of hand if not carefully monitored, and the results can become their own strain (see mountain goblins vs orcs).

Sauron didn’t create orcs, Morgoth did. Sauron had every reason to want his own creations but couldn’t build them from scratch, nor could he afford to make them his main mission. Sauron was locked away from things for long stretches at a time.

Hobbits are called Halflings. Half of what? Size, or bloodlines?

Hobbits have traits similar to all the other Free Peoples mixed together. (Height of dwarves, lifespans of man, fey glimmers like distant elves.)

Hobbits have some goblin naming conventions. (Farmer Maggot, auctioneers Grubb & Grubb, hard glottal stops like Gorbadoc)

Sauron loves order and the proper way of doing things. Hobbits love order and the proper way of doing things.

Sauron was the Lord of Rot. Hobbits love mushrooms and fermented things like cheeses and beers. Hobbits are hardy to all poisons.

Sauron loves clever machinery. Hobbits build someone the most advanced architecture and farming technology shown. Round doors are hard af to make, and they don’t go in for fancy spires or elaborate elegant decor but goddamn if their farming infrastructure isn’t so perfectly managed that their crop harvests make them the breadbasket of the west.

Sauron created a persona that was the Lord of Gifts. Hobbits LOVE giving gifts.

The Ring finds it very difficult to drive Hobbits to full madness. Hobbits are the most likely creatures to be able to harmoniously use a part of Sauron’s soul for their own small ends without being totally corrupted.

Nobody knows where Hobbits come from.

Hobbits are newer than all the other races.

Sauron doesn’t even know where hobbits were, or much of anything about them.

THE CONCLUSION IS CLEAR.

Hobbits were an original attempt by Sauron to create his ideal citizens who could feed his armies and have the world work as he wanted.

Hobbits were not done by the time he got curb stomped and proto-hobbits spread out after Sauron was vanquished. They bred on their own and created their own culture and civilization, with their own sense of justice and How The World Should Be.

Gandalf set up Sauron to be killed by his own creations. Sauron could have peacefully lived among creatures that were perfectly attuned to him as he once was if he hadn’t been so focused on domination.

[revenancy]

the linden game || intro.

“Do you think it’s war?”

Arhelte and Yselte have spent their whole lives in the town by the Lind. In a place where the fey venery press and expand into human lands – where human lords press back, felling trees, poisoning stumps – there's little to be had. Every year, the harvest is leaner. The hunt closer.

Ara tends the crops; Yse tends the farm. She sows salt around the edge of their land, and she ties bells in the boughs of trees to warn them should someone come riding their way. She practices with their father's laithlock rifle – a strange thing, of fey make, that draws on hunger deep under her skin – until she's certain she can stop a horse at a hundred paces.

She doesn't get the chance.

The hunters come at night. They raid farther from the Lind than they have ever tread before, every bell in every tree torn down as if by a strong wind, every wall of every house splashed with blood, and they kill, and they devour, and they take.

They take Ara.

Their father speaks of going after her, but he is old, and he is wounded, and he is tired. In the dead of night, Yse takes the laithlock rifle and she follows the hunters back into a strange and shifting wood where the truth can kill as quickly as a lie. She'll shoot whoever she has to so she can bring Ara home.

“It’s always war with them, isn’t it?”

adult high fantasy, following ideas of self-discovery and coming into one's birthright, betrayal, change, and the nature of hatred –

content warnings (i'll add to this as needed) for abuse and violence of an emotional, physical, and sexual nature

disclaimer: no one in this is a good person and they are continually taking that out on everyone else around them. this is a terrible romance. in real life these people would be sentenced for multiple crimes. i am writing this to have fun with an edgelord descent into clarity.

anyway this might end up being my nano this year and i might end up writing it earlier. ping me if you want to be on the taglist.

blacklist '#work: the linden game' if you don't want to see anything about it.

love y'all!

[thenerdyindividual]

The Challenge of the Fey Court

Words by: thenerdindivdual Art by: @pyjamacryptid

Summary:

Balinor meets Hunith and falls madly in love with her. When Ealdor experiences a terrible famine, Balinor takes it upon himself to save them. He makes an agreement with the King of the Seelie (Uther); thirty years of good harvest in exchange for Balinor's first born. Balinor leaves Hunith with the intention of never having a child with her or any other woman. The problem? Hunith is already with child. Twenty years later, Merlin is fulfilling Balinor's end of the bargain. He just hopes that his fey husband isn't a complete prat, and that things go smoothly. Things do not go smoothly. Merlin was not expecting to have to complete seven courtship challenges before being allowed to wed The Bear Prince of the Seelie. Nor was he expecting his future husband to already be in love with someone else.

This is my entry for this year's @aftercamlann big bang event! This fic kicked my butt, but it was so worth it to get to see the amazing illustrations pyjamacryptid made for me! The cover art is just the beginning, there is even more art inside the fic so check it out! I am really proud of this fic, and I hope you all enjoy it.

[aldryrththerainbowheart]

Oath of the Ancients Paladin who:

is basically a walking garden, their armor is always covered in plants, roots, and branches; you can harvest medicinal herbs from them like they're terrarium

are at home in elven keeps and druid groves, even those that don't tolerate any other outsider

quickly gains the favor of Emerald Grove and bonds with Halsin over their experiences with druid circles and their love for nature

has a fey friend that follows them around, be it a fairy, pixie, fairy dragon, brownie, or bling dog; especially if its a unicorn, it makes everyone in the camp lose their shit

whenever they step, flowers bloom and longer richer grass starts to sprout

blooms all types of flowers for Karlach and teaches her how to make wreaths out of them

is frequently approached by various critters because they instill in them a sense of peace and comfort and they chat with them all the time

smells like forest rain, moss, rotting leaves or herbs

their appearance changes depending on the season of the year

tells Wyll about that one time their path led them to Feywild

enjoys and partakes in any form of art, be it painting, playing an instrument, or singing

become so imbued with ancient spell-warding magic as they progress, their presence alone wards off fey and fiends, and the Weave gets distorted around them, to Gale's eternal chagrin

stops suffering from the drawbacks of old age, making them as eternal as Astarion; the pale elf now has a friend who will never leave him

[merchant-wizard-and-jerry]

“Hello, I’m the friendly wizard _____. My name got taken by a fey prince but it hasn’t really hampered my life. Anyways I am new to this wider wizard community and would like to get along. I have a magic book, a cart, and a friend. His name is Jerry, he is a fungus colony that has taken over my magic book and acts sort of as my patron. He…is a little weird but great fun.”

*sound of an explosion in the background, a book flys by being chased by goblin shamans casting fire ball*

“He is…”

“He is fine.”

“Anyways, I am here to sell goods and make a small profit. If you need something I’ll see what I can do : ) ”

“Also apparently I helped smuggle an amnesiac @fattocatto-wizard out of the city in my wagon. That was a shock, though he was just a cat.

Character Cheat sheet

( 3 currency to 16 silver crowns and 2 copper crowns)

(3 skulls to a coin)

(2 currency to 1 gold)

(100 currency to a 1000 grams gold bar)

(1 currency per 10 grams of gold)

(Current balance 89,359.250,001 currency, one penny, 23 meat pucks, 14 pounds, 2 gold coins one with Julius Cesar on it, 3 naturally-grown mana stones, 2 highly enchant able metal pieces, and one bar, 1 special bug corpse, 1576.5 gold, silver 18, 70 aus, 5kg silver, magic dirt house size. 24 counterfeit currency. Moss/lichen-coded bio stone. An inverse cold torch. 99 BG silver. EMERALD LINCOLN, GOLDEN CARROT, 200 SALTED MEAT DISKS, 200 POLISHED ROCKS, 82 FIGET SPINNERS!, A FULLY EQUIPPED LICH'S DUNGEON, and a cardboard box (magic black marble).” Invisibility stone, a bundle of drake feathers, quantum locked rock, raw gold. 9 Gold coming from the green goblin empire, 50 mushrooms, 92 secret society emblem. 5 trans enchanted gold coins, 2 skull coin, ancient lost civilization fragment, 5 glistening green metallic coin, 31 writhing bugs of gold, jade coin. Pile of gold coins and gold coin bugs, pile of shines from harpy, dust, quantum glass shards, bag of tooth shaped candy, 6720 candies from the festival, bag of holding money bag, 68 money bags, 500 flat Foxen, double sided dollar coin, 3 floppies, a Brahman horn, a medkit, a few candy bars, and an umbrella, 130 goblins eggs (goblin cooked chicken eggs.), 17 bars of pure gold, 1 crate of guns, temp singularity potion. 762 grasshoppers glow in the dark.Book on the formation patterns of natural portals - @serious-tabaxi. Edward Evandrian’s expired library card. Gems and frenicx mother gem and a junkarian leap amethyst. white mithril sapling. Timeseed, infinite note book, time tunnel. A nice gold bag. bag full of candied scorpions 💰, large gem stone. 💰 💰 💰, gems = 70currency. 1/3rd a gold bar. Compass map, it's keyed to the Island of Silence. N=10^7 menger sponge. 2416 shadow cloaks, 52 shiny stones. 20$, 3 gold coins 100 grams. Gummy worms. 100 journals of Ventus Asamuran, Last Peacekeeper of Har Aminas. car keys, box of a 27 rusted necklaces with warding spells. an amulet made of stone, with blue rectangular crystals growing out of it. 48 shiny stones, 30 currency worth of silver. 3 sets of custom made chips @crickled-thorn-thug. Gold potion It opens a portal to the realm of metals! It causes any land within 20 feet to be transmuted, temporarily, into a variety of metals. If left untouched, the land reverts after a day. If harvested, the stuff stays metal and can be used. It also causes uhh 20 gold peices to spawn, and anyone within the radius to get a bit of vertigo. Causes slight iron deficiency, for some reason. 23 bouquets of metalic flowers. They're grown beneath volcanic chambers, uses the heat of magma as a supplement for sunlight. Given their environment, they grow petals sharper than claws and harder than steel. They can be used for creating armours and weapons. one box of nightmare inducing Mac and cheese)

(Currently holding baby dire bunnies. A ring of mana (covers energy into mana. Only suitable if you don’t have mana)

(Jerry’s balance 13 gold, a fancy rock, 1 coin, flower petals (snacks for later), harpy eyes, feathers, vocal cords, and talons, a coin with @informis-the-many-faced on it, it is locked away for emergencies. bottle of magic mold rejuvenation powder, wooden key @crickled-thorn-thug)

(Warlocks of Jerry @fungal-boy-witch-yay @ignisuadaroleplay @life-is-okay-rn2 I think that is who it was…)

(Possessions - wealth stone, Antidote stone)

Owner of membership cards

——————————

@the-final-knight-2

@confused-sorcerer

@bi-gender-sorcerer (+ 10% off for employee discount)

@the-mighty-dalob

@detectivewizzard

@goblin-wizard-in-the-making

@serious-tabaxi

@weltreths-wanderings

@ignisuadaroleplay (will)

@shittest-wizard-ever

@wizard-wylin-wylerian

@akronus-and-associates (the primordials)

—————————————

@hallowed-the-silver-gun

@jormungand-seas-champion

@crow-natures-wrath

@antros-ember-of-fear

@akronus-the-redeemed

@clockwork-time-watcher

@aldira-born-anew

——————————

@wizard-ghost

@yeast-wizard

@crickled-thorn-thug

@sorcererest-sorcerer

@damnable-druid (+ 10% off for employee discount)

@informis-the-many-faced

@kittycatwizard

@gun-sorcerer

@crime-wizard-conglomerate

———

Perks

———

5% off all purchases

Special requested items

More favorable bartering

———

[a-thread-of-green]

I have two commander decks. One is blue-green, led by Vorel of the Hull Clade, and focused around building up as many +1/+1 counters as possible on a single evasive creature. I love it on a philosophical level because all the art and flavor text is about the freedom and power of bodily transformation and, as a trans woman in the early stages of feminizing my body through hormones, I jive with that.

The other is a white-green, led by Sythis, Harvest's Hand, and focused around buffing creatures with auras, with a sub-theme of token generation. I love it on an aesthetic level because all the art is of elves and dryads and lady-knights, with a sprinkling of cute fey creatures, and it's all very lush and cottage core and divine-feminine, so basically my transition-goal mood-board as a commander deck.

I told all of this to a friend from my commander pod as I tried to decide which one to bring to our next game night, and after I got through all that florid description, he asked me, "Well, which one is better?" And that's when I had to admit that, in terms of actually winning the game, they're both utter shit.

[gildedoak]

There are days when I go back to my roots of drawing extremely pretty men and elaborate outfits and jewelry.

"Pirates of Leviathan" is one of my favorite seasons of Dimension 20 - can you tell? "A Court of Fey and Flowers" is right up there with it. Can't get enough of it. I really hope the Bad Kids swing by Leviathan at some point again. Like, Garthy O'Brien was briefly mentioned in FHJY Adventuring Party Ep1, and I went FERAL. (I wanna know more about Ayda's relationship with Garthy! Embarrassing baby stories, general lore, I DON'T CARE.)

Needless to say, I adore Garthy O'Brien and Jack Brakkow. It was hilarious to watch Matt and Brennan flirt with each other. But even more than that, I love a good revenge/glow-up story, and Captain Brakkow had a great one.

(Image description under the cut!)

[Image description: Garthy O'Brien stands with Captain Jack Brakkow at their side, his hand on their left hip. They are gesturing off to the left, as if showing Jack the sights. Garthy, a half-orc aasimar with golden eyes, is wearing a plethora of intricately-made, gemstone-studded jewelry, comprised of: two upper arm bands, four bracelets, three rings, a choker, chandelier earrings, and an enormous Anatolian-style necklace that spans nearly from shoulder to shoulder. Jack Brakkow is a 7ft-tall ratfolk pirate captain wearing a loose, navy shirt, tan pants, and a teal captain's coat. There's a small silver charm of a crescent moon sickle hanging from his collar, marking him as the captain of the Harvest Moon. He also wears a golden belt buckle with mother-of-pearl inlay depicting a flower garden.

End image description]

[aftercamlann]

The Challenge of the Fey Court

words by thenerdyindividual, art by pyjamacyrptid Summary:  Balinor meets Hunith and falls madly in love with her. When Ealdor experiences a terrible famine, Balinor takes it upon himself to save them. He makes an agreement with the King of the Seelie (Uther); thirty years of good harvest in exchange for Balinor's first born.

Balinor leaves Hunith with the intention of never having a child with her or any other woman. the problem? Hunith is already with child.

Twenty years later, Merlin is fulfilling Balinor's end of the bargain. He just hopes that his fey husband isn't a complete prat, and that things goes smoothly.

Things do not go smoothly.

Merlin was not expecting to have to complete seven courtship challenges before being allowed to wed. Nor was he expecting his future husband to already be in love with someone else. Click HERE for the story and HERE for the art!