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jotun-philosopher · 3 months ago

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Aziraphale: Dungeons & Dragons AU

I've been on a bit of a D&D jag recently -- a couple of 50th anniversary adventure books caught my imagination -- so I went back to this little post and decided to expand on it with in-universe character bios and statblocks for the Ineffable Husbands!

I can't safely assume that everyone who reads this post will be familiar with D&D terms, so I'll be including a lot of inline links -- let me know in the notes if there's anything I've missed on that front. For the links to 5e.tools, there are tabs for Traits/Stat Block, Info and so on at the top of each information pane on the right-hand side of the screen. The tables on the left-hand side of the screen can be hidden by clicking on the 'Hide' tab.

Crowley bio/statblock here -- the bios are intended to be read more-or-less side-by-side. The whole thing is also available on my AO3 here

cw: child abuse, physical and psychological (mostly implied, some effects shown or discussed), cults, violence, trauma

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Shabby but comfortable scholar's robes in an old-fashioned style, short white hair, stocky build, a gentle, kindly, soft-spoken manner -- apart from the brown eyes liberally flecked with silver and the ring of dusty, sparkling light around his head, like a concentration of the 'diamond dust' that sometimes forms in cold regions, Aziraphale looks like a perfectly mundane bookseller in a well-preserved late middle age. Many have judged this aasimar thus; for some beings, it was the last mistake they ever made.

It was not always so. Aziraphale was born into a self-righteous apocalypse cult that travelled around the easternmost reaches of the continent. His strong celestial heritage was obvious from the start, which the cult leadership took as a sign of divine favour for their schemes.

As a small child, Aziraphale would have been perfectly content to spend his time chasing butterflies, trailing his fingers in running water and playing with motes of dust dancing in sunbeams. However, a stern, distant angelic figure began repeatedly appearing in his dreams, sending vague dark prophecies and visions of events that might or might not come to pass. When Aziraphale mentioned this to the adults, with all the trusting innocence of the very young, the cult's resident sage recognised the signs of a deva guide reaching out to their assigned aasimar. The cult leaders, unwilling to relinquish control of their little figurehead, proceeded to use every method they could find, both magical and mundane, to manipulate and browbeat Aziraphale into becoming their chief enforcer.

When Aziraphale came of age, the cult's leadership decided to test the strength of their control over him by sending him out to kill some tiefling children in the nearby town for, essentially, being tieflings. He went out, because the conditioning to which he'd been subjected for most of his life was deeply rooted and backed up with a high-level geas. Underneath it all, though, Aziraphale was wracked with nebulous fears, doubts and uncertainties that the chains of enchantment around his mind would not permit him to examine more closely. This internal conflict, however deeply buried, was still potent enough to slow his steps and blunt his situational awareness; when he entered the residence of his assigned targets, his guard was just low enough that he didn't notice the adult tiefling rogue until his sword was snatched and thrown across the room at the same time as he was slammed into the wall.

Aziraphale rather distantly realised that he should have been scared. Instead, the golden-yellow eyes staring into his own struck him as the most beautiful and above all kindest eyes he had ever seen. Distracted by this sight and thought, and the further inner turmoil they provoked, he answered a series of probing, compassionate questions without thinking, until he found himself helping his would-be targets discreetly take flight to a far-off place of safety -- without provoking a psychic backlash from the geas!

On a hillside overlooking the town, once he'd helped this mysterious tiefling burn the house down to cover up the family's escape, Aziraphale risked taking a closer look at the golden-eyed stranger. Six feet of lanky height, dark red hair falling in waves past the shoulders, elaborately twisting horns above the temples, serviceable leather armour and a five-foot-long prehensile tail -- an arresting sight indeed! And so many questions -- delivered in a gentle tone, but carefully worded and incisively aimed. Aziraphale answered haltingly, utterly unused to such interactions and uncertain as to why his new friend seemed so horrified at things that were, for him, perfectly normal. He tentatively reached toward the thought that maybe they weren't normal, but as soon as it began to form, the harsh bite of enchantment yanked his mind into a stinging dark red haze and his limbs began to move of their own volition.

Stumbling back to the cult's encampment, a prisoner within his uncontrollable body -- in pain on an earthen floor, the cult's leader wielding a wooden cudgel to vicious effect while the sage rummaged through his mind -- tremors in the ground, the boom of a magically magnified voice that seemed familiar, though the words were indistinct -- being carried at speed along a dark street, blood streaming from his nose...

When Aziraphale regained full consciousness, he found himself lying in his underclothes on a bed in a small stone room, his brain feeling like it had been pulled out and flattened with a mallet. His tiefling friend -- who seemed to be called Crowley, judging by the argument they were having with a senior cleric -- barged the door fully open, helped him into a set of nondescript common clothes and a cloak (to conceal his distinctive halo), guided him carefully out of the temple through a rear door and, hand in hand, they legged it out of town just as dawn was creeping over the horizon.

And so began their desperate flight across the continent. Aziraphale struggled to adjust at first; the privations of life on the run were not so different from life in the cult, but having anyone at all (let alone a very stylish and huggable tiefling) treat him with kindness and actual, genuine respect for his thoughts and feelings and needs and personhood was so unfamiliar as to be initially incomprehensible. Sleep wasn't much of an escape -- his nightmarish memories combined with his deva guide's attempts at reaching out in surreal and disturbing ways.

It got easier. With every hug from Crowley, every kind word, every chance to watch a piece of natural beauty or try a tasty new food, and with the passage of time, the memories did not so much fade as lose their sharp edges. With the abatement, however gradual, of the nightmares came the mental space for Aziraphale to reconnect with long-buried parts of himself, in particular his quiet pleasure in sensory communion with nature, and his own aasimar powers.

When their funds started running low a little under one third of the way across the continent, Aziraphale was therefore the one to suggest taking adventuring work as a way to fund the rest of their travels -- jobs were in plentiful supply, after all, and it'd introduce an erratic element to their travel path that'd likely confuse any lingering pursuit (not that there was likely to be any, given Crowley's skill at stealthy travel). Plus, knowing that the cult had tried to exploit his power for evil ends made him very determined to use that power to help and protect people. Crowley seemed hesitant, but agreed after some thought, and helped him find a suitable sword and some decent affordable armour.

Taking up adventuring proved to be a better decision than Aziraphale had ever expected. Solving people's problems alongside Crowley and seeing genuinely positive results from using his aasimar abilities helped light break through the shell of trauma and darkness around his soul, and every smile -- from people he'd helped, and especially from Crowley -- went to shore up his burgeoning feelings of hope for himself and the future. Even his deva guide proved useful once or twice, pointing out places where a situation might need attention (though its distant, detached perspective and rigid criteria for 'goodness' proved troublesome and helpful in equal measure).

The discovery that he truly enjoyed helping and protecting people and places stoked in Aziraphale a fiercely burning love of all of the good and life-giving things of the world and a powerful determination to preserve them. He was musing over this one morning, watching an interesting bush swaying in the breeze, when a huge and magnificent blue butterfly began emerging from its chrysalis but fell from the branch before its wings had fully expanded. Aziraphale gently caught it and let it rest on its hand until it was able to fly. Something about the situation felt powerfully evocative of his own recent history, which gave him an idea. He discussed it with Crowley, and the very next day, in a sun-dappled glade with the wind whispering through the leaves, Aziraphale took the Oath of the Ancients before no god but nature itself, swearing to kindle the light of hope through acts of mercy, kindness and forgiveness; to shelter the light of beauty, goodness, life, love and laughter against the forces that would devour them; to preserve the light in his own heart, that he might best preserve the light of the world; to be a beacon of joy and courage and hope for those living in despair. The stern and muted approval of his deva guide at this decision was as nothing compared to Crowley's radiantly evident pride.

The decision to take the path of a paladin helped give a more defined shape to their adventuring work, and Aziraphale and Crowley quickly gained a degree of note (or at least notoriety) for being seemingly utterly mismatched -- paladin and rogue, aasimar and tiefling, heavy plate armour versus light, spike-studded leather -- yet working together with fluid brilliance, putting paid to evil schemes wherever they found them. Aziraphale in particular tended to attract curiosity and surprise, with his intense enthusiasm for butterflies (having adopted the image of one as his holy paladin symbol) leading people to take him for an unusually heavily armoured ranger or druid -- until he started smiting undead monstrosities or healing mortal wounds with divine light.

As far as Aziraphale was concerned, Crowley was the greatest of the good and life-giving parts of the world, the sheer goodness of their kind and caring soul (though they denied it, out of long-ingrained habit) a shining light that he would fight to preserve regardless of formal oath. This culminated, one crisp, clear spring morning, in the pair taking their wedding vows in a lush meadow in the foothills of a mountain near the western coast of the continent. Their rings being perfect for use with the warding bond spell was the icing on the metaphorical cake.

Once the honeymoon was over, the adventuring work continued as usual -- though not without struggle. Aziraphale's tensions with his deva guide increased, as the guide's detachment from the realities of life on the Material Plane and unswerving adherence to a rigid conception of Goodness clashed with his lived experience of small, everyday acts of courage and kindness and love being just as important in holding back darkness (per his paladin oath) as any amount of smiting great evil. The guide's dream-contacts also made Aziraphale feel out-of-sorts for days afterwards, with the old nightmares tending to make a resurgence; he eventually realised that the pressure to adhere unquestioningly to rules of Goodness written on Mount Celestia was constantly re-opening the wounds inflicted on him so long ago by his childhood cult in their efforts to control him. He tried to convey this to the guide and request a cessation of contact save in the most apocalyptically dire emergencies, but the only response the guide made was to accost Aziraphale and Crowley in person when they were returning to civilisation, lightly singed, after dealing with a swarm of hell hounds and the fire giant to whom they were in service.

The meeting did not go well; almost the first words out of the guide's mouth were criticisms of Aziraphale's choice of paladin oath and general waywardness, Crowley's influence being blamed for the latter. Aziraphale could have dealt with all of that with comparative equanimity, but the guide followed it up by calling his and Crowley's marriage 'a distraction and a mistake'; it got about halfway through making a profoundly bigoted remark about Crowley's tiefling heritage before Aziraphale delivered a plate-armoured straight-arm punch to the nose. With the guide stunned on the ground, he coldly, calmly instructed it to never attempt to contact him or Crowley again, by any means or for any reason -- a request not quite delivered at swordpoint, but certainly with several inches of unsheathed blade. Thankfully, the guide got the message.

After that, things settled back into the usual rhythm of the adventuring life, with events ranging from the routine (such as joining up with another group of adventurers to deal with a demilich haunting the cellars of an opera house; a profoundly grateful management offered free tickets as part of the reward, so it turned into an impromptu date night!) to the surprising (a rare black-and-tan pegasus bonding with Crowley; for whatever reason, they decided to name it 'Bentley') to the intense (Aziraphale's childhood cult attempting to make a resurgence; their fatal error was in assuming that the powerful and experienced paladin with a legitimate grievance and devoted, protective spouse would be just as easy to control as the isolated and vulnerable child. They were swiftly proved wrong.) A few magical artifacts came into their possession, too, whether discovered in dungeons or given as rewards -- and once, when an old man festooned with canaries pressed a small canary figurine on them in the street because he 'liked their faces' (Aziraphale gave it to Crowley more or less immediately, because it was the same pretty gold colour as their eyes).

A short time after the final dissolution of the cult, the duo were attacked by a pit fiend that abducted Crowley, apparently due to some sort of long-ago deal. Aziraphale wasted no time in sending Bentley to fetch help, gathering resources, preparing spells and giving chase, refusing to leave Crowley in the darkness and despair of captivity for a single second longer than necessary, or to believe that his spouse would voluntarily enter into an infernal contract.

The portal to the pit fiend's lair lay in the ruins of a wizard's forest tower, and led to an isolated section of Avernus, first and outermost of the Nine Hells. While Crowley was too physically far away for the warding bond spell in their wedding rings to activate, long familiarity with the latent link meant Aziraphale was able to get a very good idea of which direction to go. He set off walking across the barren, blasted hills, cutting a swath through any creatures attempting to waylay him (when he was unable to avoid them using stealth techniques picked up from Crowley) and avoiding all deals, temptations and tarnish to his soul by means of sheer single-minded stubbornness. When a cave came into view that his senses, both mundane and divine, told him was the place where Crowley was being held, Aziraphale took a moment to pause and listen.

The pit fiend was gloating to Crowley (who was chained and caged, but alive and seemingly unharmed) and a bearded devil minion about its scheme to usurp power in Avernus, which apparently relied upon corrupting powerful souls; neither fiend was paying close attention to the cave entrance. Aziraphale was therefore able to catch the bearded devil entirely off-guard with a casting of moonbeam, which destroyed it in a matter of seconds. He moved the spell's area of effect to the pit fiend and advanced steadily, noting with the small part of his mind not bent on maintaining the spell that Crowley had nearly broken free of their bonds and was hastily working to finish the job.

The pit fiend lunged out of the moonbeam spell at that point, breaking Aziraphale's concentration with a tail strike that sent him reeling. Aziraphale responded by invoking warding bond and the strongest magical transformations granted by both his aasimar heritage and his paladin oath, and went on the offensive, trying to damage the pit fiend as much as possible while drawing its attention away from Crowley, who had managed to escape both chains and cage, and was readying a sneak attack.

Aziraphale and Crowley fought hard, with a fluid cooperation honed over many years. The pit fiend gave as good as it got, though, and despite Aziraphale's protective paladin auras and Crowley's speed, they eventually found themselves near collapse, burned by walls of fire and weakened by poison from the fiend's bite. Then Crowley, with the ingenuity that always made Aziraphale go gooey inside, remembered the enigmatic canary figurine, invoking an activation command and hurling it at the pit fiend's feet -- whereupon it transformed into an adult gold dragon!

The considerable distraction provided by the dragon allowed Aziraphale the opportunity to heal himself and Crowley and repair the rents in their armour. After that, they went back on the offensive, and with the aid of their new ally they vanquished the pit fiend. In the aftermath, Aziraphale took a moment to sit and catch his breath while Crowley carefully gathered up the restored canary figurine and explained about how their village had tried to sacrifice them to the pit fiend in their early childhood, and the swiftly-dispatched bearded devil had once been part of the old cult.

Their belongings gathered, the next problem presented itself: getting out of Avernus safely. An investigation of the meagre hoard of treasures in the pit fiend's lair turned up a silver ring inlaid with three green gemstones, one of which burned with a curious internal fire. Aziraphale recognised its powerful magic immediately, and after some thought, Crowley identified it as a ring of three wishes with one charge remaining. As the more proficient spellcaster, Aziraphale used the ring to transport the two of them back to their campsite, where Bentley the pegasus was waiting for them, whickering nervously.

Ultimately, despite multiple boons from some of the more sentimentally inclined deities who'd been following his and Crowley's relationship and exploits, an accumulation of physical and mental scathe forced Aziraphale to retire from active combat and adventuring. He bought property in a somewhat out-of-the-way town and opened a bookshop, which quickly gained a sort of affectionate notoriety for its incredibly convoluted opening hours and refusal to actually sell anything.

Adventurers are welcome to drop by the bookshop for advice on spellcasting, assistance with copying or interpreting spell scrolls, information on butterflies (which they'll probably get anyway!) and good counsel about many other matters. A very lucky few might be permitted to pet or feed Bentley the pegasus, or take some fruit and vegetables from Crowley's well-tended garden. It would be wise to note, though, that despite his retirement from active adventuring, Aziraphale still keeps in shape and follows the tenets of the Oath of the Ancients as best he can in everyday life -- and thus retains all of his paladin powers. Only the most terminally foolish individuals would try to steal from the bookshop or otherwise provoke his and Crowley's ire.

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Aziraphale

Medium Humanoid (Protector Aasimar, 20th level Oath of the Ancients Paladin), Chaotic Good

Age: Unknown (immortal) Height: 5'10'' Weight: 194lb

Armour Class 13 Hit Points 250 (20d10+140) ('Tough' feat applies) Speed 30ft

STR 23 (+6) DEX 17 (+3) CON 20 (+5) INT 22 (+6) WIS 20 (+5) CHA 22 (+6)

Saving Throws Strength (+20), Constitution (+19), Intelligence (+20), Wisdom (+12), Charisma (+20)

Skills Athletics (+13), Sleight of Hand (+10), Arcana (+20), History (+13), Nature (+20), Religion (+20), Animal Handling (+19), Insight (+12), Medicine (+19), Survival (+12), Intimidation (+20), Persuasion (+20)

Damage Resistances necrotic, radiant; bludgeoning, piercing and slashing from non-magical attacks

Damage Immunities psychic, poison

Condition Immunities charmed, frightened, possessed, poisoned, stunned, all diseases

Senses darkvision 60ft, passive Perception 29

Languages all

Challenge 21 (33,000 XP) Proficiency Bonus +7

Traits

Special Equipment Depending on the circumstances of combat, Aziraphale may be wielding either a Holy Avenger Longsword or a large candelabra. He uses them two-handed and has proficiency with both. He also wears a ring of the ram on the little finger of his right hand and a platinum ring for use with the warding bond spell on the ring finger of his left hand; Crowley wears the other such ring.

Chronic Fatigue Due to persistent trauma, Aziraphale has two levels of exhaustion as a baseline.

Channel Divinity: Nature's Wrath As an action, Aziraphale can cause spectral vines to ensnare one creature within 10 feet of him that he can see. That creature must succeed on its choice of a Strength or Dexterity saving throw or be restrained; it can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, freeing itself on a success. This causes the vines to vanish.

Protective Auras Provided that Aziraphale is not incapacitated, he and any creatures friendly to him who are within 30ft of him have a +6 bonus to saving throws and resistance to damage from spells, and cannot be inflicted with the 'frightened' condition by any means.

Divine Smite Aziraphale deals an extra 1d8 radiant damage with all weapon strikes (as detailed under 'Radiant Strike' in the 'Actions' section)

Undying Sentinel (1/day) Aziraphale falls to 1 hit point if he takes a hit that would reduce him to 0 hit points without killing him outright.

Magic Resistance Aziraphale has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Legendary Resistance (3/day) If he fails a saving throw, Aziraphale can choose to succeed on it instead.

Spellcasting Aziraphale is a 20th-level spellcaster. His spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 21, +13 to hit with spell attacks). He uses a butterfly-styled amulet as a spellcasting focus and as such requires no material components. He has the following paladin spells prepared, and casts warding bond at the start of combat:

Cantrips (at will): light, mending, holy word

1st level (4 slots): wrathful smite, divine favour, ensnaring strike (oath spell), speak with animals (oath spell)

2nd level (3 slots): branding smite, warding bond, moonbeam (oath spell), misty step (oath spell)

3rd level (3 slots): blinding smite, remove curse, aura of vitality, plant growth (oath spell), protection from energy (oath spell)

4th level (3 slots): aura of purity, supernal smite, staggering smite, ice storm (oath spell), stoneskin (oath spell)

5th level (2 slots): banishing smite, destructive wave, commune with nature (oath spell), tree stride (oath spell)

Actions

Multiattack Aziraphale makes two Radiant Strike attacks and either casts one spell or expends one charge from his ring of the ram.

Radiant Strike Melee Weapon Attack: +13 to hit, reach 5ft, one target. Hit: 15 (1d10+10) slashing damage plus 15 (2d10+1d8) radiant damage (Holy Avenger Longsword)/10 (1d6+7) bludgeoning damage + 4 (1d8) radiant damage (candelabra).

Radiant Soul Aziraphale unleashes the divine energy within him. For the next minute, he has luminous, incorporeal wings which grant him 30ft of flying speed and the ability to deal an extra 20 radiant damage on one weapon or spell strike per turn.

Elder Champion Aziraphale calls upon the strongest powers granted by his oath, gaining a leonine mane of shimmering butterfly wings. For the next minute, he regains 10 hit points at the start of each of his turns and can cast his paladin spells as a bonus action even if their casting time is 1 action; additionally, enemies within 10 feet of him have disadvantage on saving throws against his spells and Channel Divinity feature.

Reaction

Trauma Aziraphale is immune to all enchantment and illusion magic. Any such spell cast on him fails automatically; furthermore, he moves to within 5 feet of any creature that tries to cast such magic on him or Crowley and makes two weapon attacks on that creature, which are automatic critical hits.

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Notes:

I wrote this with the Forgotten Realms setting in mind, since I'm most familiar with that world; translating things to another part of the D&D multiverse shouldn't be too much of a problem

I was leaning on the 2014 editions of the Player's Handbook, Monster Manual and Dungeon Master's Guide for this fic and statblock -- the 2024 PHB came out when I was halfway through typing up the statblock! XD

This statblock is intended to portray aasimar!Aziraphale in retirement; if you want to put him into your campaign as an active paladin, equip him with Plate Armour of Etherealness (angels aren't occult, after all!) and a shield in addition to the Holy Avenger Longsword; I'm torn between Euryale's Aegis, Sentinel Shield and a simple +3 shield (the latter two of which would free up an attunement slot for something else (maybe a Necklace of Prayer Beads?)). Whichever one you choose, tweak the statblock accordingly, and happy dungeoneering! And definitely drop me a line to let me know how it goes! :D

My autistic headcanon for Aziraphale really made itself felt while I was planning/writing this (I'm autistic myself and identify with Az to a slightly worrying degree, so I was probably projecting a bit while writing); I'm not entirely sure where the butterfly aspect came from, but eh, it fits ^^

Props to @vidavalor for doing a spot of beta reading :D

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