#female abuse victims

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernadette Allen

Published Nov 10, 2024

Around 30 women gathered in Belfast on Saturday to highlight concerns about a lack of support for male victims of domestic violence.

The march was made up of women wearing fluorescent pink and included relatives of men who have been the victims.

The twin daughters of west Belfast man Tony Browne, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

Bobbi-Leigh and Shannon McIlwaine say there “isn’t enough support services for men” who are going through domestic abuse relationships.

'Extremely hard for a man to come forward'

Mr Browne, 54, was at his home when he was stabbed to death by Wiktoria Maksymowicz.

Bobbi-Leigh said her dad didn’t tell any of his family members what was happening.

“He told one of his closest friends but made his friend promise not to tell me and my sister because he didn’t want anyone to know,” she added.

The death of her father has had a "huge impact" on her, said Bobbi-Leigh.

"There is not one day I’m not thinking about my dad and what he went through and thinking if it could have been prevented," she said.

“It’s extremely hard for a man to come forward and say that he is being abused. There is a chance he won’t be believed, he will be laughed at.

“Women coming out today to speak for men, that’s sending a powerful message. It shows we believe them and support them. There needs to be more support from Stormont.”

[ West Belfast man Tony Browne was murdered by his girlfriend Wiktoria Maksymowicz in 2022 ]

The march was facilitated by the Men’s Alliance NI who are calling for a men’s refuge in Northern Ireland and more support from Stormont.

In a statement, Stormont ministers said they have made it clear that domestic and sexual abuse transcends boundaries of gender, age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.

They have stressed their commitment to creating a society in Northern Ireland where domestic and sexual abuse are not tolerated, and where victims receive the support they need and where those responsible are held to account.

The Department of Health also said it provides funding for a 24-hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is a confidential, freephone service available to any person impacted by domestic and sexual abuse in NI.

[ Around 30 women gathered in Belfast calling for more support ]

Shannon feels a men’s refuge is needed.

“If my dad had have been able to go somewhere it may have given him the courage to leave,” she said.

“It’s important that people come out today and show their support because domestic abuse isn’t a gendered issue and it needs to stop being stigmatised as a gendered issue.”

'Nowhere to go'

Carey Baxter from Men’s Alliance says domestic violence is a societal issue.

“Today is a women’s only march and women are doing this on behalf of men.

“We speak to men who are living in their cars or sofa surfing because they have nowhere to go."

Mr Baxter said there is a huge gap in funding and services for men.

“It’s not about taking services away from women, it’s about finding something extra for the men because those services are needed and we hear it every single day of the week in our support groups, but there is nothing there for them.”

[frontmansdefender]

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR RADFEMS

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR TERFS

[angelshizuka]

I love the visual storytelling in this show so much!

Because despite us never having seen Stella physically hit Stolas before this moment (she's thrown things at him, but that's technically a different thing, though, not any less abusive), everything in this scene proves it's happened before. They don't need to spell it out for us, they let the visuals speak for itself.

The way Stolas is backing away in fear, keeping his focus on her, because he knows exactly what's coming.

The only difference is that this time he's not scared anymore to defend himself (because he's officially hit his limit due to the night prior). Even Stella's shocked by it, showing us this really is the first time Stolas stopped her.

He tries to keep standing strong, but lets out a breath and sinks into himself the moment she leaves, because standing up to her took all the energy and willpower he had left in his body.

I feel like (well written) male abuse victim/female abuser is so hard to find in media, so I'm just so happy to see it here! I'm a firm believer of taking male abuse victims seriously, and that yes, even women can be their abusers.

[medusa-fem]

Not all trans women are innocent bystanders to the patriarchy

My trans girlfriend from highschool used to complain that I didn't want to sleep with her because "I didn't see her as a real woman". This was a coercion tactic, used against me as a traumatized female who simply did not want to have sex often.

Another trans woman I knew adamantly defended lolicon, stating that "they aren't real kids". Of course I later found out she got off to "legal loli"

Same trans woman as before adamantly defended the movie cuties. Did not give two shits about the exploitation of young girls. Even said that bullying maps online was wrong because "pedophiles need support to not act on their urges"

I have also had a run in with a male who clearly did not even care to be a woman, simply called himself one as a sissy to get a pass to get closer to female people. Absolute fucking freak. Abusive towards a younger female coworker using sexist slurs, kept touching me when I explicitly said to stop and said I lead him on after getting kicked out of my home, even used his fake label to try to get head from a trans woman he had known for 3 days who showed no interest.

I knew a trans woman who kept dating people younger than her. Saw a freshly 18 trans girl as a 23 year old. Consistently talked about how immature she was, which makes it clear to me she knew the power dynamic.

I had a trans woman I was hanging out with get permission from the other trans woman in the room to strip down to nothing, but did not ask me if I was comfortable with it. Then asked me if I wanted to see her botched circumcision scar. (I had only met her twice prior).

I had a trans woman use love bombing to manipulate me into jumping into a relationship with her. Once I realized how manipulative and mentally unwell she was I was going to break up with her. As soon as she figured out she drove to my house drunk to "get her things". She screamed at me and kept balling up her fist like she was going to punch me while I sobbed. I texted all of my nearby friends that if I didn't text them by x time the next day to call the cops, because I thought she was going to assault me.

I know of a trans woman in the area who was a friend of a trans man for about 6 months. He described them as something close to platonic soul mates. She raped him when he was too intoxicated to speak.

I knew a trans woman who would fully strip at any given opportunity while hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone was uncomfortable.

An abusive "friend" of mine from highschool began labeling himself nonbinary to sleep with traumatized trans men and nonbinary afab people who did not want to date men. He didn't do anything but use the label. He falsely accused me of rape because I began telling people about his abuse. He made comments about trying to get a trans male partner pregnant to trap him. Last I heard of him he was trying to sleep with my trans man friend, being extremely coercive, while I had to tell him to get the fuck out of there so he wouldn't get raped.

This isn't even all of it. I know some radfems who do not associate at all with the trans community may not realize it, but this is common place for trans men and nonbinary afabs. I have faced so much at the hands of trans women who were not held accountable for their behavior because no one wanted to hurt the reputation of trans women as a whole.

The concerns about bathrooms don't strike a cord because the trans community doesn't see it happen, that is actually rare. Please use the stories of the regular victims of trans women's actions, because these are stories I hope the lgbt community can take seriously. I'm not saying trans women as a whole are "men" or "just faking it", I'm saying they need to be held accountable just like other male individuals who harm female people.

[badaziraphaletakes]

THE WHOLE POINT IS VICTIMS CAN'T "BREAK THE CYCLE"! That's what being trapped means! The only person who can break "the cycle" is the ab*ser!

Friendly reminder that it's a common ab*se tactic to be inconsistent about "punishing" victims for breaking the "rules", so that they never know where they stand and are constantly terrified and confused. The point is there are really no rules; there's just what the ab*ser says. Aziraphale has broken heaven's rules so many times. He knows he "deserves" to have fallen just as much as Crowley did. They both know the system is inconsistent and makes no sense.

Also Crowley did not "get out". His ab*sers are just as evil as Aziraphale's. They tortured him for forty years. And heaven and hell have been shown to be part of the same system anyway. They're both trapped.

[fayevalcntine]

The whole framing of Lestat as the sole symbol of patriarchy that fandom is so desperate to put him in doesn't work unless you deliberately ignore how he was also a victim of rape and abuse before he was turned. People want him to be fit into this strict role of "father figure/violent husband/perpetrator" that is only that and not even a whole person, and in doing so they need to push aside the fact that despite being his family's provider, he was also pushed into that role when his father forbid him from joining a monastery or gaining an education that he wanted. Lestat wanted to run away with a theater group as a kid, and actually managed to do so once Gabrielle gave him her blessing and monetary support in order to go to Paris. He didn't always want to be the provider, he was forced into that role and became despondent when he thought he would never get a chance to leave his home.

His new life prior to being turned is pretty much the antithesis to the whole "Lestat is a manly man who would sooner throw up than be compared to a woman" spiel: he lived with another man in Paris while also being an actor, having left his family and "responsibility" to them. The only family member he was ever close to was his mother, all the other male members shunned or ridiculed him. Add onto that the fact that his turning firmly placed him within the role of the damsel/victim: he's kidnapped from his bed by a stranger, taken into a tower and left to rot while being fed on for a week, before then being raped and violently turned all while never even being asked if he would consent to it in any normal circumstance. But you of course have to ignore all of this if you want him to only represent the aggressor/patriarch while Louis is the helpless unhappy matriarch of the family.

My issue isn't that I think Louis isn't a victim, it's that it's not unrealistic for Lestat to be an aggressor/abuser while also displaying traits that aren't regularly assigned to stereotypical depictions of male characters. He's abusive to Claudia while also having been a victim of abuse from his own family. He's not a good maker/teacher, but he also didn't even have one when he was turned. He's the provider/attempted protector of the family and seemed to like being that, while also having run away from his own family prior to this to act in a theater in Paris. He's a rich white man while also being obviously effeminate in public spaces, even to Tom's own bigoted humor.

Like Louis' own complicated story with being his family's benefactor and provider, you can't firmly place Lestat as being one thing or another in terms of gender ideals without deliberately ignoring parts about him that don't fit this. And I don't think it's an absolute necessity, when even in Louis' own story, Lestat isn't stripped of his effeminate mannerisms or behavior while also being the abusive maker/father/lover.

[demeterdefence]

i have a lot of bones to pick this chapter and i will get to that but i'm still really pressed by how rachel depicts kronos apparently grieving having to kill hera in her vision

rachel does this really gross thing where at some point in the narrative, she'll have the male abuser depict some kind of sadness in regards to his female victim, but it is not remorse. it really reads like whitewashing the abuse itself because "can't you see how upset the abuser is that he has to do this :("

apollo got that really disgusting pov chapter talking about his perspective on persephone after raping her and that was bad enough, but then you also see kronos and his relationship with hera being sanitized or even shipped, when hera said verbatim that he abused her and she did not want to sleep with him, she had hoped she could just charm him. the narrative explicitly points out that kronos is a chronic abuser - he kills or severely injures rhea in a fit of rage after using all her powers, he frequently drives away any nymph or consort who approaches him, and he spends who knows how long mentally torturing hera.

there's another essay tucked into that but i just find it so fucking egregious that rachel wants to portray kronos as being upset he has to kill hera because of his own feelings for her, when the fact of the matter is he is choosing to kill her, just like he chose to kill rhea, and swallow his sons, and tear hera in half. depicting an abuser (a serial abuser, in this case) as being upset over an action he's choosing to do for his own benefit is ... a choice, and a disturbing one. why are we centering the abuser in a sympathetic light when he is still ultimately abusing someone???

[divorceblogger]

I feel like I’d get the anne hate train better if people hated her for the right reasons and didn’t sideline the actual genius of her work in the process. also who gives a fuck if she was living vicariously through her characters. male writers do that all the time too.

[wren-l-winter]

Thanks for the continuation!! i’m glad i could give some motivation!!

If you’re down for more (no pressure at all) i also loved this one and would love to see where you take it! https://www.tumblr.com/wren-l-winter/766608155460452352/you-want-to-be-free-whumper-looked-down-at?source=share

this definitely took a different direction than i had thought it would but i'm really proud of this one. thank you anon for asking me to continue it! writing this was really therapeutic

Mud squelched beneath Whumpee’s feet. Every step brought her closer to the forest, to the smell of pine and the earthiness of decaying foliage. Autumn rains had enriched the hues of vibrant leaves, their tips heavy with droplets. Whumpee stood behind the line of the gates, looking down the worn path she’d once been dragged across. Did she dare try?

Whumper stood as a statue, her cold, stoney eyes never moving off of Whumpee. The mutts waited in the woods, maws salivating with the anticipation of the chase—the only meal they’d ever known were the runaways. 

Whumpee stood there, encased by the weight of what could be. She could be free, start a new life, somewhere quiet and warm. She’d have a garden, something to tend to. There would be a stream nearby, always bubbling away, drowning out her thoughts when she couldn’t keep them at bay. She’d have seeds for the singing birds. Perhaps she’d let her favorites inside to keep her company. And her clothes would be soft and loose, never again would she have to wear corsets or itchy lace. She wouldn’t be a doll anymore. 

The clap of a dog’s bark struck through the delusion. Whumpee would never make it. She couldn’t outrun Whumper’s hounders. She turned away from her dream to the surety of her imprisonment. 

“Nothing’s ever good enough for you.” Whumper’s disapproving gaze darkened as Whumpee stopped in front of her, head bowed and hands neatly folded in front. She grabbed Whumpee’s chin, her nails threatening to break skin. Whumpee knew better than to wince. “One more word about wanting your freedom, and I’ll hang you up by your dainty little wrists and let the dogs gnaw away at you. Do you understand?” 

“Yes.” 

Whumper straightened, running her hands over her embroidered skirt as if she could dust off the moment. “Good. Get dressed. We have guests coming for dinner and you’re expected to entertain.” She turned, walking up the steps and disappearing into the estate. 

A shrill whistle cut through the air and the handlers emerged from the woods, their dogs muzzled and pulling at their leashes. Whumpee looked past them, imagining what their crazed eyes would have looked like when they’d hunted her down.

She traded starving dogs for the gluttonous boredom of the elite.

[mushroominaforest]

Idk if I missed something or am dumb, but how did Cody get temporarily blinded?

Also LOVE the story I'm so happy to see you posting abt it sjkskskskd

Aahhshshjdjsjsfhdh thank you so much (dies)

Basically the reason he can’t see is ‘cause both of his eyes are swollen shut lol (I once had a bad black eye that I couldn’t open for like two days, Cody just has that but with both eyes rip)

How that happened I will leave to your imaginations, but I can confirm it was Eliana who did it

(A lot of yapping in the tags be warned lol)

[starryvomit]

i was taught from a very young age that the world is not safe.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

its hard to give any criticism of helluva boss a flicker of consideration because 99 percent of the times its just I hate the creator they're sexist/homphobic to women? its not developed much but what about Vag/Charlie? they do exist as a lesbian couple.. and really no one was developed much in s1.. it was more plot focused than character focused.

but its bad writing because they don't write stellas as a victim when its obvious she is the real victim because cheating is always bad and abuse is excusable when the man cheats on you. 99 percent of criciism i notice is I hate STolas I hate Viz.. she hates women. (I myself could never forgive cheating but i also wouldnt abuse my husband either. Stella was a shitty wife thats just facts)

but thats not criticism. its a feeling of hate towards the fictional male character and the creator..

It be like me saying I hate Beatrice Horseman and so its bad that she was given a sympathic backstory and the craetor supprts mothers abusing their kids in real life. ergo bojack is a terrible show. cancel the creator.. . which would be riduclous to claim .

Loona/Via/ Stella/Millie are lacking in character development ... it was given all to Stolas/Blitz/Fizz and i can get being annoyed that the women lack development cause they do. but they're not bad Women.. they're good woman and people want to say viz hates women when she has one Female Villian and like 5 male villians

most criticism alwas boils down to I hate Viz/Stolas.. which just isnt criticism.

[ayrennaranaaldmeri]

i will say is seeing people unironically go 'gale's arc is about how bad he is at communicating' is just the funniest fucking thing i have read in my entire life and i haven't laughed that much at something since the early access conspiracy theories

[coachbeards]

imagine if ted lasso examined beardjane as a serious depiction of a man being abused by his female partner. imagine.

[hellaversity]

It really says something that the Helluva Boss fandom is willing to excuse every evil action Stella does and every evil thing she says, especially her abuse towards Stolas and begging for her to have sympathetic traits, yet not once have I ever seen an HB fan desperately wishing for Crimson or Mammon to be portrayed more sympathetically than they are in the show and call it bad writing when they don't show any redeeming qualities. The fandom just accepts the fact that those guys are pure evil without batting an eye. Nobody asks why they're the way they are. But Stella? Nope, there MUST be a sympathetic reason for her being an abusive bitch to Stolas because it's apparently "unrealistic" for a woman to abuse her husband out of spite never mind the fact that those kinds of women actually exist in real life.

These images pretty much speak for themselves.

Crimson, Striker, Mammon, Andrealphus and Valentino are no less two-dimensionally evil than Stella is. What reason did Crimson have to murder his own wife and make his son experience it? Just to traumatize him? The show never really says why he does it, he just does it so the audience can have a reason to hate him. What reason does Striker have to help Stella try to kill Stolas? None, as far as we know. What is there to Mammon's character other than abusing Fizzarolli and being a greedy asshole in general? Why does Andrealphus flirt with his own sister and participate in her scheme to have Stolas murdered by Striker? Because reasons. Why is Valentino a rapist who takes advantage of Angel Dust and sexually abuses him? Just because he can. What makes Stella any different from these guys other than being female?

Fans are just asking for her to be more sympathetic because she's a woman and they can't accept the fact that women are capable of abuse without trying to justify it. The whole "behind every bad bitch is a man who made her that way" bullshit. People who see a woman beating her husband in public and automatically assume he did something to deserve it even if they have no evidence or context for what actually happened. Even though Stella has been treating Stolas like shit before he cheated on her, and he likely wouldn't be sleeping with Blitzø if she wasn't so horrible to him in the first place. He never even puts his hands on her and allowed her to abuse him so that Octavia could live and grow up with normal parents. (As normal as Stella and Stolas could possibly get with each other, anyway.)

Stella made fun of Stolas for not participating in sex with her and laughed about it while he was standing 2 feet away from her, and knew he was there. Whether or not she raped him to produce Octavia is a discussion for another day. If anything, Stolas cheating on her was revenge for treating him like garbage for so many years. She humiliated and embarassed him in public before getting a taste of her own medicine when Stolas does the same to her in return. She wouldn't even let him divorce her because she enjoys being mean to him. I wouldn't mind if Stella was given more charaterization outside of "abusive wife" but honestly? I don't really care if she's given sympathy or not. I don't want to sympathize with her. If Valentino isn't gonna change his ways any time soon, I have no reason to believe that Stella can. FFS Stella apologists make me mad. Even if you type in the "anti stella" tag on tumblr there are more posts defending and excusing her actions than those actually opposing her and saying "uh, no, she's just a cruel bitch" meanwhile if you type "anti Stolas" that's exactly what you're gonna get, pretty much exclusively.

Goes to show how hyper-sensitive tumblrinas are over female characters rightfully being portrayed as in the wrong when they fucking are.

[ciderjacks]

The JD vs Amber Heard stuff was actually insane. I didn't keep up with it because I disagreed with the sheer principle of publicizing something like *that* but the misogyny was MASK OFF...

NO LIKE FRL IT WAS SO INSANE