#felt so sorry for that girl getting teased about this constantly for a couple episodes and she's only 18 or 19

[mabith]

Fun moments from Circle of Sound.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 13 “When She Finally Leaves” [Episode List] Dana spends the whole day at Dave’s place. When the girl leaves, Tim, who’s now Dave’s roommate, finds out how much gas a man can hold in just to not look gross in front of a girl.

When She Finally Leaves

In the last few weeks I’ve been spending more and more nights at Dave’s place, whether because I needed a place to work, write my essays, or simply to spend some quality time watching bad films and drinking beer. It was Dave himself to ask me to “marry him” (as he jokingly put it), basically becoming official roommates, which also meant dividing our tasks and obviously splitting the rent.

And honestly we were having a great time. We both had jobs, fortunately, which were not much but they did pay taxes for now and it was overall a great experience. Friend or not, Dave is an excellent roommate, being pretty good at cooking and organising chores; the same could be said for me actually, though in some cases we have our own preferences; for example Dave prefers cooking (the fact that I’m bad at it it’s purely coincidental) so we agreed I’ll be the one doing the dishes.

We also had our buds crashing over what is now *our* place a couple of times, which resulted in more bad films and beer, or even nerd stuff such as gaming together. Of course however, the person who most often came over is obviously Dana, Dave’s girlfriend. She’s pretty cool though we don’t really hang out with her when Dave’s not around, though as I said she’s pretty easy-going.

Tonight we’ve been watching a trash movie. Yes, the three of us. Don’t worry, I was a welcome addition today. Dave would usually just tell me to leave for a few hours if sex was on the table (sometimes literally on the table, the one where we eat our food…) as we respect each others enough to just be straightforward whenever we needed some privacy. Tonight however it was just chilling like three friends hanging out together (knowing however that Dave would just give me a signal should things get more heated up you know).

We were in the living room. I was on an armchair, working on my laptop, despite the poor wi-fi. On the long wide couch beside me, Dave and Dana chilling and watching the movie with more attention than me, my bud’s left arm around his girlfriend, sometimes making remarks on how bad it was. We all had a can of beer, because of course we did.

The couple brought some takeouts for dinner, some fast-food a few blocks from here (Dana’s idea, actually, which we were both thankful for). Dave, chilling next to Dana, was wearing his signature casual outfit: a grey shirt and pair of dark blue loose jeans, details that my gay-ass eyes immediately noticed and more than once stared at.

“Oh wow the helicopter just blew up I’m speechless.” Dave said, sarcastically.

“A Subversive Masterpiece: that’s what they were going for when they wrote this.” Dana added, and they both chuckled.

I also did my fair share of sarcastic remarks though work got most of my attention, even though it was nothing urgent, just me trying to get some stuff done as fast as possible.

“Did the shark just wink at him?” my bro commented.

“They’re best friends now.” his girlfriend explained. What a great film.

After 15 more minutes the movie ended with the three of us clapping at a shot of a man and a shark exchanging a look of gratitude to each other, as the Sun set into the never-ending ocean. Drugs played a big role into the making of this move I’m 100% sure.

“Well, that was enlightening, but I gotta head back home. The Uber’s almost here.” Dana said, as she got up and reached for her purse and some other stuff.

“You’re really sure about that? Come on, stay here for the night.” Dave suggested. “I taught Tim to play dead. We can throw food at him.” he then joked.

“I can also bring you the newspaper upstairs, tomorrow morning.” I played along.

Dana chuckled in response. “I’m sure you’ll win the next contest you two, but I gotta wake up super early tomorrow.”

The couple walked towards the front door. The entrance was next to the living room, a few steps behind the couch. Dave and I sometimes darkly joked that any assassin could easily ambush us because whenever we’re on the couch anyone could sneak into the house behind us, with enough care (we then prefer to drink about it).

“Call me when you get home.” Dave said and the two shared a quick kiss.

In the meantime I moved on the bigger (and more comfortable) couch, more or less in Dana’s spot, as I also have better wi-fi reception there. I left my laptop on the small table in front of me because apparently all of my laptops have to be shitty and take some time to even the most basic stuff. As I inspected the wi-fi icon flashing on the screen, I heard Dave shutting the door and walking back to the couch. After a few steps his tall figure was already towering over me.

“Yeah the reception is pretty bad lately.” he commented, and then collapsed next to me.

Only a few seconds and he already had that well-known smirk drawn on his face; he then quickly adjusted his position. He completely laid down, extended his demin-clad legs, with his left one resting on the back of the couch, ending right behind my neck. In a moment, Dave ended up showing off his loose, almost-sagging jeans-clad ass directly next to me, as his legs trapped me into a gentle yet strong grip. Seeing both that “wall” made of jeans and my bro’s smirk at the same time was a sight I never truly got used to. He was just lying there, next to me, with his ass pointed at me, as if it was one big prank, even though he knew exactly how much I enjoyed that.

“Bro you’re ready?” he asked, still sporting that smirk.

When even Dave goes as far as asking me if I’m ready, then I knew that the fart was going to be gargantuan. And I realized why: Dana has been with us and my bro the entire day, so it’s possible that Dave just held all of his gas in for hours. We all experienced this, then when the girl leaves, men get to “relax”. Other than that, Dave had tons of beer and junk food. I stared at that denim butt, for the first time almost scared of what my bud was capable of; I knew a fart was coming, and I knew it was going to be big.

But what Dave said next really once again confirmed how chill he is around me.

“Believe me: you might want to get closer for this one.” he said, laughing a bit.

He sported weirdly reassuring smile, Dave’s millionth attempt at saying “It’s ok, Tim.” as he probably noticed now nervous I became when he assumed that pose.

The teasing bastard then went full bully on me and simply reached for my head with his long right arm and gently pulled me down, as if I was bowing to that still silent denim-clad ass. I just heard him laugh like an idiot, as it usually happens. Despite my head being down and in front of that ass, I could still see Dave’s face and that smirk. He raised his eyebrows and half-closed his eyes as he started pushing, but he didn’t need to put all that effort into ripping that blast.

It’s like the fart was barely contained in the first place: it immediately exploded with a loud sound right into my face. Dave closed his eyes and kept his smirk as the blast probably surprised him as well. It was low-pitched and dry, a completely natural gas-eruption that sounded like an engine. The stench was unbearable, a mixture of beer and junk food, surprise to no one.

While farting, Dave adjusted his position as bit, spreading his legs bit more, with my face getting almost planted into that denim-clad butt as he effortlessly kept ripping that immense flatulence. Hours and hours of gas being erupted as if I was in front of a dormant volcano that just woke up. And I feared that “hours” was what he was going for ‘cause after 20 seconds the fart didn’t even lose power.

Dave still had this smirk drawn on his face and occasionally stared down at me as he completely destroyed my face and nose with his incredible farting skills, skills that constantly let me speechless, fetish or not. He was the fart master, a showoff with a manly talent that I could only bow to and endure in the hop-

“Sorry, I forgot my house keys.”

The fart immediately stopped and it all went silent: It was Dana.

Dave turned his head to his girlfriend, greeting her with the stupidest smile you can think of.

“Oh stay there no worries, they’re right here.” I heard Dana say as she reached for keys, probably hanging right next to the door, my face still almost planted in my friend’s denim ass. That felt surreal.

I completely froze (not that I could move) but I knew that she couldn’t see me (just like I couldn’t see her) as I was lying down. All she could see from where she was standing was Dave’s head and his right leg resting on the back of the couch, since the entrance was behind our couch.

I was terrified, while Dave was doing his best not laugh like an idiot.

“What’s so funny?” Dana asked, laughing a bit herself, definitely noticing her boyfriend being weird.

My teasing bro quickly glanced down at me, almost losing it (and still holding holding the fart in, which didn’t stop the smell from burning my nostrils).

“N-nothing’” he stuttered. That’s it, he was gonna laugh like an idiot.

“Okay” I heard Dana, not really convinced of the boyfriend’s answer though.

There was a moment of awkward silence and then we heard a car honk, thank goodness.

“Oh… it’s my Uber. Bye!” the girl said, quickly leaving the house and shutting the door behind her.

Another moment of silence followed, Dave still staring at the entrance. I was shaking, I was legitimately scared that someone was gonna find out, which was weird given the hotness I was experiencing in that moment, even without the fart being ripped.

“Ok… where were we?” Dave asked, turning back to me, with a smirk. “Oh yeah!”

And he effortlessly resumed farting, just as loud, proud and powerful as it was before the interruption, directly into my face. The terror I experienced moments before was blown away by that incredibly blast and me being rock-hard, as it usually happens when Dave showoffs his gassy talent around me, or on me.

Dozens of seconds passed and at this point Dave just played along. He nodded at me, faking a serious expression, as if he was listening to something actually interesting instead of his own loud fart still going on strong; after about ten more seconds he checked the time on his wrist-watch and acted surprised, then stared down at me as if he wanted to say “damn that is long!”. We both however actually lost the track of time and he simply relaxed as if I wasn’t even in front of his ass, all while the fart was still being blasted in my face.

Dave then reached for my head again and gently pushed it inches closer to his roaring ass, and I felt the vibrations of his rip all over my face: it was literally an earthquake.

How long was it lasting? More than 1 minute perhaps? How much gas can a man hold in? Dave certainly was pushing for a record. All I knew is that I felt privileged witnessing that, even though I was beyond being a mere witness since no particle of gas missed my eyes and nostrils.

However (finally, actually), the fart seemingly started to lose power, the once-continuous sound starting to “stutter” and turning more into a fast series of loud farts, fired back-to-back. The show (because that’s what it was: a show) ended with a loud, 5 seconds blast, and Dave’s laughter.

I slowly got up, sweaty, my nose burning, with a startled look to which my bro reacted with another immature cackle. I was now sitting next to him as I was before, and looked back at my bud, who in the meantime re-adjusted his pose. He was still lying down, still kind of showing off his loose-sagging ass, but in a less “menacing” way: now he was just chilling.

“When’s Dana coming over again?” I joked. I mustered all the courage I had left to say that. I was impressed by the fact that I could still speak considering that all of my blood probably flooded my boner at that point.

Dave laughed at that lame joke, thank goodness. “As if I need Dana to blast you like this.”

He raised one leg, again showing off his sagging denim ass in my direction. He quickly sucked some air in and after a few moments and weird noises a loud 6 seconds fart erupted. For his standards, that’s basically a weak one.

My friend just casually joking and bragging about facefarting me and then farting on command to prove it made me lose it, as I felt my boner… dampening. He didn’t notice it but he knew that I had a hard-on, that’s for sure.

I didn’t want to just rush into the bathroom so I just stared at my laptop, still on the table, in front of me: the wi-fi signal was stronger than ever. I jokingly like to think that Dave’s blast was so powerful it actually influenced the signal somehow and improved it.

I turned to my bud, still lying on his side of the couch, just checking his phone and being… casually hot.

“Thanks man.” I said, not for the wi-fi though.

He lowered his phone, revealing a blank reaction “Really?” he said, rolling his eyes, with a bored expression. “Stop being cringe and do the dishes.”

Fuck, I totally forgot about those. We had takeout food but we still used some of our dishes. I immediately got up and rushed to the kitchen, hoping that Dave was distracted by his phone enough to not notice by boner through my sweatpants.

Once in the kitchen, a place that wasn’t tainted by Dave’s gas, my nostrils could still feel my bro’s fart-stench. That’s how soaked up in his gas I was. Even my ears needed some time to adjust to the silence, now that I didn’t have a deafening fart being ripped right into my skull. 

And I just knew that this wasn’t the last time this was gonna happen. I’m Dave’s roommate, and being roomies means we have to divide our tasks: he’s the farter, I’m the sniffer.

End of Episode 13

[unknown-writing]

The boys reacting to their s/o pulling themselves out of a Bad Depressive Relapse:

Warning(s): Mentions of depression, Intrusive thoughts, self-destructive behavior’s

A/N: I’m very proud of myself for pulling myself out of my bad depressive relapse episode this morning so, it’s time to write some comfort!

This man is pretty dense when it comes to dealing with other people’s internal suffering tbh.

Like, unless your outwardly showing signs of pain, he won’t fully get it.

He noticed that you were...Not your usual self for a while. A long while at that, it started to worry him that you weren’t laughing with him anymore for that period of your slump.

But, one morning, an early morning that is, you had snuck out of your room that you shared with the girls to find Luffy for some much needed Cuddling.

Ever so quietly moving towards his bed, you slowly climbed in. Him feeling movement on top of him startled him awake but, he kept quiet.

Seeing that you were the one crawling in his bed, literally made him have the biggest grin on his dorky face you’ve ever seen.

“Welcome back y/n-san” He whispered as he pulled you in for a tighter cuddle session, you couldn’t help but chuckle but, you kept quiet to avoid waking the other boys.

Soon enough, it was morning, and the rest of the crew saw that you two were finally cuddling again after your depressive slump.

Nami so took a picture with the Camera-snail for blackmail evidence to tease you with.

Seeing you severely depressed drove him Mad.

Not because he was mad /at you/ But because he was mad at /himself/ for not noticing it sooner than he should have.

Robin tried telling him about your depressive slump but, Zoro was completely clueless on what she was getting at.

“My y/n? Depressed? Why? She looks perfectly fine to me.”

That line was a big mistake on his part since you accidentally heard that, which sort of drove you over the edge again

Ngl, it took him quite a while for him to start making it up to you again after that night. His guilty conscious refused to let him rest peacefully until things where settled between you two again

Weeks went by, and even though most of the Straw Hats assumed you where still depressed, Zoro sensed otherwise.

It seemed like to him that you were finally starting to shed your light again, even if it was a slow start at first.

One day though, while the two of you were on grocery duties to help Sanji since he took the role of guard duty this round. You grabbed his arm and hugged it tightly.

it startled him at first because he thought he was being kidnapped or something, but once he saw that you had just grabbed onto it and acted so casually about it

This mans started to blush a pink hue. A brief silenced filled the air between you two before he spoke up,

“...Y/n-san....” He paused before turning towards you, “Is everything ok now? And I don’t mean that fake bullshit ‘Ok’ either...” he asked while looking concerned

You looked up to him, with the biggest smile he’d ever seen. Even if it was a small one, the fact that you smiled again after so long of not smiling, it drove him Wild.

“Yeah...........Yeah.......Everything’s gonna be ok now.” You started off before holding his hand firmly, “I have my Nakama...And I have you by my side. So, I’m no longer alone anymore.” You smiled again while looking up to Zoro, who still had the blush but, a genuine smile back

“That’s my girl.” Zoro just says while bending down to give you a quick peck on the forehead, which made you blush a deep crimson red seeing as you two were in public still.

Okay but, you /KNOW/ this idiot is gonna think it’s his fault your depressed.

He’ll constantly blame himself for your sadness, as it’s not something that could be easily cured with affection or food.

He’s even more sad when he can’t dote on you so much because it makes you feel even worse.

You have to keep reminding him that this was just how your brain worked sometimes.

It wasn’t until Nami and Chopper explaining it to him properly, is when he started to finally understand that some people just feel down and needed some space for a bit.

Even when he was giving you your personal space, he still made you your favorite foods, making sure that you had stuff to drink and eat even if you were cooped up in your bedroom for a long time.

He won’t admit it directly but, he genuinely misses you. He misses your smell, your touch, your face, your body, your everything.

He especially misses the way you can easily fluster him and make him feel like a King, but he’ll deny those feelings if you asked him though.

A couple of month’s had gone by of this depressive state of yours. it was starting to take a mental tole on himself, knowing that you were stuck in those same four walls, missing everything that was happening, being unable to help you at all during this.

Just as he was about to head towards the sleeping cabin area to drop off your next meal, he’d noticed that your door was slightly open. He blinked, confused and worried that somebody had tried sneaking inside of it somehow.

But soon enough, you had popped out, yawning as you’d just woken up that morning. Nothing had harmed you physically from the looks of it, he looked up and down for a while before placing the food tray on a nightstand to avoid spilling the food.

You turn after hearing the tray clink against the wooden surface, “Oh? Morning Sanji-sa--Ouf!” You where cut off from a tackle hug.

Sanji had wrapped his arms around you tightly, holding you so close to him you were practically choking on his hair. “S-Sanji?? Is everything alright?” You asked, patting his back gently

Your eyes widened as the next thing he did was give you a big passionate kiss on your lips. You felt salty fluids on his face. “Oh.” You thought as you realized what was happening

“I missed you so fucking much y/n-chan.” Sanji says after the kiss. Hearing him say that so bluntly made /you/ turn red-faced and start to stutter.

“....Yeah....I missed you too Sanji-san.” You admitted while smiling again after so long of not showing your smile to anybody. Poor Sanji nearly fainted.

Law knew something was off about you even before you realized it yourself.

You were grumpy, snippy, more “tired” than normal. You had constant mood swings that showed up out of the blue. Everything was just...Off.

It didn’t take much for him to realize that you were dealing with Depression. Although he knew very little of your past, he knew that something was eating at you.

Once your downward spiral of your mental suffering began, you stayed in your bedroom for the majority of the time, refusing to go out even if it was for a general meeting for a mission, or even for food.

Law wasn’t the best at communicating his own feelings towards somebody, so helping his crush with her depression was a little bit harder to do than he thought.

He didn’t realize that you would get so bad that you just woke up absolutely /screaming/ at the top of your lungs during a nightmare. The only reason he knew what was happening was because Bepo went to drop off some food for you, and then ran once he heard the screaming.

After a while of some studying on Depression, Law tried everything that he could to at least /try/ to get you to speak with him...But, after a few weeks of this, he started to get tired of chasing you.

“Y/n-ya...At least let me check for injuries.” He said as he sat on the floor, leaning against your bedroom door with a frown....No response.

He could hear silent sobbing and hiccups behind him, which hurt because he didn’t know how to help you! it drove him Mad!

He was about to give up, sighing in irritation. As he started to walk away, he heard the bedroom door start to click open. You peaked your head out tiredly, face stained with dried and fresh tears, your face all red from not just crying but from stress as well.

Seeing you so Broken hurt him. He’s been there before, he’d never wish to see his friends be broken like this...Let alone his crush.

You opened the door wider so that way he could come in, “...sorry....For the mess...” You weakly spoke, allowing him to enter your room.

Once the two of you were in your room, you had shut the door, then locked it behind you...Eventually turning to face Law, the next moved startled him

You were so tired from the depression night terrors, the screaming, the crying and well...Everything else...That you just fainted into his arms! “Y-Y/n-ya??” He questioned as he stood still. No response...Well, nothing with words anyways. A soft snore leaked passed your slightly open mouth

You had fallen asleep, quite literally in his arms. And he didn’t know how to handle it. You were his crush after all! What was he supposed to do!? Move you away!? Fuck.

He calmed down and carried you bridal style in his arms, thanking God that you were a heavy sleeper, and shuffled his way onto your messy bed, kicking his shoes off at least before getting comfortable.

Another week had passed since that night, and throughout that week, law would give orders to Bepo and Penguin to take control of the ship while he stayed put. he would only move to take a piss/shit or a quick shower before rushing to your side again. He’d forgo the shower if waking you would cause you to feel alone and start crying again.

Once that week had passed though, you had woken up to feel a body underneath you. Blinking, you were confused as to what was happening. You then blushed a deep crimson red seeing Law underneath you, holding you so tightly to him that you could hardly breathe properly because of it.

Law had woken up after feeling your movements to try and get out of bed and take a shower, since you hadn’t taken a proper one in the past three weeks due to your depressive state hitting you like a two ton truck.

You then felt an arm snake around your lower waste, pinning you down of sorts, which made you jump a bit and turn to see who’s it was. Only to see Law wide awake and looking upwards at you

A brief silence filled the room before Law had spoke. “Y/n-ya......You’re Ok.” he says quietly, trying not to startle you...Soon, the memories of what you went through during your depressive state had hit you. You saw everything that happened. And then you saw that Law had tried his hardest to get you to feel ok.

You started to cry again, which made him frown in worry, only to . be taken aback by the sudden tackle hug you were doing, “Law!” You kept muttering in between your hiccupped sobs as you held him.

All Law did was rub your head gently and held you close to him again. He didn’t know how to respond. “....You saved me.....” You commented, now hovering over him with a shaky smile.

Those words. Those three single words made his heart melt with pure happiness. A feeling he hasn’t had in a LONG while. Despite the fact that he hated being called a Hero, if he could save /you/ from death? Then he’ll take being called a Hero by you any day.

You just kept hiccupping as you cried of happiness, but that was easily silenced with Law’s next action. You felt Law’s rougher lips against your own, which easily made you stop crying. He broke the kiss after a while and smiled back, “...I’m glad that your Ok y/n-ya.” he says before pulling you down for another kiss

[hihellogoodbyebruh]

Stingy

Pairing: Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes x Black!OC

Summary: EZ has a problem sharing and his girl, Monique is quite over it.

Warning(s): Some angst with a fluff ending

Word count: 2,552

AN: Ahhhh my first EZ fic. Based on a request I received from the lovely @ly--canthrope with an assist coming from Ginuwine’s Stingy. Thank YOU so much for your patience and encouraging words. I hope you enjoy this xo

You can say I'm tripping but I'm stingy And I can't hide it Wanna keep you all to me I'm selfish, why try to fight it?

An abandoned episode of Girlfriends played on the tv in the background as a woman sat straddling EZ’s lap as the two made out. His hands were rubbing up and down her sides under her shirt and her hands were gripping his face. One of her favorite things to do was kiss her boyfriend. She loved that they could just get lost in each other and it was the perfect opener for the mindblowing sex that was coming.

The familiar ringtone and buzz from her phone’s vibration echoed against the coffee table as she received a text message. She pulled away from the kiss and turned her head, trying to see if she could read the message from her position. She felt EZ stiffen, his hands moving down her hips to grip her thigh.

“I swear to God, Monique.” EZ began, feeling himself become annoyed. He can’t even enjoy her company at home without being interrupted. He’s tried so hard to be understanding, but that selfish part of him was fed up. The opening of Galindo’s company really put into perspective how often he misses time with her.

As Miguel’s assistant she had a very big hand in putting the opening celebration together. She’d been Miguel’s assistant for a couple years now. Her mother was a close confidante to Dita before she passed away. Dita wanted to keep an eye on her so she asked Miguel to give her a job. She was fantastic at keeping things organized and she already knew about the other side of business. 

Working for Miguel was great because though some would hate being an assistant, he actually gave her a lot of responsibility. She was often put in charge of events while making sure everything in his life runs smoothly, at least on the legal side of things.She was so proud of her work tonight but she hardly had time to celebrate until she saw her man walking through the door.

She’d been with EZ, Ezekiel as she liked to call him because she loved his full name, for a little over a year. It was the best relationship she’d ever been in. He was kind, honest, caring, and oh so very fine.

She ended her current conversation before strutting over to Ezekiel, her arms immediately going around his neck. “Hi baby. I’m so happy you’re here.” She kissed his lips.

EZ loved seeing his girl in her element. She was very much out of his league in his mind and he felt lucky every day he woke up to her. “Hey beautiful.” He greeted her, hands resting on her lower back and pulling her close to him. “I see all your hard work has paid off.”

“It really has. Things couldn’t be going better. Especially now that you’re here.” She grinned at him.

“Oh yeah? You’re happy to see me?” He teased, smiling back so she kissed him again.

The two of them engaged in some conversation and heavy flirting before they were interrupted by her boss.

“Monique, I need you for a second…” Miguel announced, no time for pleasantries. He was always about his business. She could respect it but it was also annoying because he could have greeted Ezekiel

“Oh hi Miguel. We weren’t having a conversation or anything.” She sarcastically replied, giving her boss a look.

“Reyes..” Miguel acknowledged her boyfriend with a barely noticeable head nod before bringing his attention back to her. “You’ve put in the most face time with the Castillos and the lovely matriarch has requested your presence. We don’t want to keep them waiting, verdant?”

EZ rolled his eyes at Miguel but didn’t say anything. He was used to Miguel’s shit and honestly he didn’t like him either so the less they communicated the better.

The Castillos were a very important family that have entered into an arrangement with Galindo enterprises both on the legitimate and illegitimate side of business. It was already fragile so she wanted to keep everything on the up and up.

She retreated from EZ’s arms without a second thought. “Is everything alright? When we went over the final documents she didn’t bring anything up.” She began walking alongside Miguel but stopped in her tracks.

“I’ll be right back.” She walked back over to EZ and planted a distracted kiss on his cheek. 

He mustered up a slight smile and then she was gone. 

She didn’t come back until the end of the night.

She sighed, pushing her way out of his lap and snatching up her phone once she stood up. “He’s my boss, Ezekiel. You have got to let this thing with Miguel go. Enough is enough.”

“He just does this to piss me off.” And it worked. He wanted to have her all to himself, but he couldn’t do that with Galindo constantly texting her and having her work long hours. At this point it felt she was the one singlehandedly keeping his businesses afloat.

“So stop letting it piss you off.” She replied, like it was the easiest thing and to her it was. 

He shot up from his seat and exasperatedly asked, “Why do you always defend him?”

“Because you’re being ridiculous. You knew who I worked for when we started dating.” She was annoyed they were even having this argument. Her attention was focused on her phone as she replied to Miguel with the information he needed.

EZ grew even more irritated that even in an argument he couldn’t have her whole attention. “What could he possibly need from you at 2 in the morning? Hm?” He snatched the phone from her hand.

“Are you out of your mind? Give me my phone back!” She gasped, shocked at his audacity. She and Ezekiel had been together for awhile now and he’s never acted this way. He’s never lost his temper with her. “Things happen. Emergencies. I never say anything when you have an emergency with the MC.”

“Bishop doesn’t text all hours of the night. Bishop doesn’t hate you and try to disrespect our relationship at every turn. And quite frankly, Bishop isn’t a woman so it’s not the same at all.” Ez snapped, his voice getting louder.

“And just what the fuck are you implying, EZ?” There was a clear warning in her tone of voice as she matched his volume. Now they both were yelling at each other. She never called him EZ either. Always preferring to call him Ezekiel.

He knew he should have backed down and cooled off but he was beyond tired of this shit. The angry words slipped outta his mouth before he could stop them. “I’m just wondering what all the late nights are really about. If I’m dating Miguel’s side piece just tell me!”

That was a mistake. Yelling was a mistake. Saying those words was a mistake. He knew it the moment he saw tears form in her eyes. 

“Excuse me?” She whispered, voice slightly cracking. How dare he call her a cheater! He officially has lost his mind.

Ezekiel felt his heart drop into his stomach when he heard the hurt in her voice. It went too far. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, mariposa.” He started to walk closer to her, but she stepped back from him.

“This has nothing to do with me. Or us. This is you and Miguel continuing to have a dick measuring contest. Th-this all goes back to Emily.” The name rolled off her tongue with mild resentment. The two never had a bad run in with each other, but all the stories about Emily and EZ’s past relationship and how she was the love of his life always made Monique get defensive.

“That’s not true.” EZ refuted, but she interrupted him before he could further explain.

“Yes it is!  And if somehow it’s not then we got some serious problems baby.” She just shook her head at him before demanding, “Get out.” 

You're the only one, you're the only love That's strong enough to claim me So please forgive me I'm just stingy But how can you blame me?

It’s been two weeks since the fight with Ezekiel and Monique was really missing him. She was mad that he would be such a dumbass, but she still just wanted to be laying back on the couch with him watching tv.

Miguel watched as she pushed her salad around her plate, clearly not hungry. “Todo bien hermanita?” He asked, watching as she finally brought her eyes up to meet his. This was the quietest lunch the two ever had. Usually she was talking a mile a minute.

She smiled a little at the nickname. He only called her that when he was concerned or when he really wanted something. Truth is, the two had a sibling kind of relationship. She just wished EZ had seen and understood it. “I’m fine. Not really hungry.”

“Hmm.” He hummed, taking a sip of his drink. “Nestor and I had a meeting with the Mayans yesterday. Saw your novio and he looked like shit.” Miguel casually mentions and she tries to act nonchalant even as her heart races at the mention of a certain biker. “Imagine my surprise when he asked to pull me aside for a chat.”

“What!” She gasped loudly, jaw dropping.

“I’m sure you could guess what we spoke about.”

“Miguel…” She was ready to apologize to him for whatever accusations were thrown his way.

“I know I’m very demanding. It’s part of who I am. I demand a lot from myself and from those around me, especially those closest to me. That includes you, hermanita. But I don’t want to be the reason for your unhappiness. Even if it is with Reyes..” There was only mild disgust in his tone and she took that as an improvement.

“It’s not your fault he doesn’t trust me, hermano.” She sighed.

“He is crazy about you, you know that right?”

Monique went to answer, but Miguel stood up from his seat. He grabbed his suit jacket from the back of the chair and walked over to her, pushing down gently on her shoulders to keep her from getting up. He leans down and whispers “If in the end, you don’t want him and he won’t take the hint you let me know. He can visit my pew.” 

She jerked her head back to give him a stern look, hating when he brought up that damn pew. He just kissed her head and walked away. She sat there dumbfounded for a second. “Wait, what-” She turned her head to call out to Miguel but her voice caught in her throat as she spotted Ezekiel right behind her. He walked over and took the seat Miguel was just in.

It was silent before she decided to break it. “You and Miguel working together? Hell must have frozen over.”

He cracks a grin at that. “Ha. Guess you could say we’ve called a truce. At least when it comes to a certain beautiful woman.”

“Calling a truce with my ‘side piece’? I’m sure Emily appreciates it.” She sarcastically replied, making him sigh in reply. 

“I never should have said that. I was pissed off and being a sarcastic asshole. This never had anything to do with Emily. Yes we have history, but I don’t think about that anymore. I haven’t for a long time.” Monique looked down, wanting to believe him but having a hard time doing it. “I think about you. I think about you when we’re apart, I think about when I’ll see you again, I think about our future when you’re in my arms. You’re never not on my mind.”

His words make her want to smile, but she wasn’t done. “Then what’s been going on with us lately? Anytime I answer a call or text from Miguel you’re huffing and puffing. You sit there literally pouting like a 3 year old every time I have to do something for work. What’s the problem?”

“First, I don’t pout.” She started to disagree but he loudly continued, earning a playful glare from her. “SECONDLY, I know you’re an independent woman out here making it on your own and shit. I know it’s just been you and your job for a long time. But now you got me, mariposa. I’m here by your side and I like spending time with you. I like the quiet moments at home and our nights out. I want more of them. You work so much and you forget about everything else. Me included.”

“What do you mean I forget you? I don’t forget you.”

“Galindo Enterprises.”

“What are...Oh-” Her face completely dropped as she remembered the night. She got pulled away by Miguel and never went back to Ezekiel. She didn’t mean to, but she ended up checking on other things with the party and even though it hurts to admit she did forget about him. “Oh baby…” She held one of his hands that was on the table between both of hers.

“I’ve never been the one to cling and I don’t like to be needy but you’ve changed me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love being in your presence. Maybe I am kind of a baby, but I think wanting your attention is a good sign for a relationship. I’m not asking you to quit your job, but some boundaries would be nice. ”

She felt so bad. He was absolutely right. She had been alone for a long time. She wasn’t used to sharing her life with someone else. An adjustment was obviously needed. “I never meant to make you feel like I wanted anyone or anything more than you. Or that I cared about those things more. I promise that I will work on communicating more with you and not just doing what I want with no consideration for you.” 

He nodded his head, but she had to add one more thing. “You do need to know that sometimes just like you can’t help getting called away the same goes for me. But I’ll talk with Miguel and we’ll work out something that works for us all. I can’t believe I didn’t realize. I’m so-”

Ezekiel cut her off before she could begin criticizing herself. “So amazing, captivating, elevating,” after every word, EZ placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. “Anyway you put it I’m happy to be your man.”

“I’m still salty at you insinuating I was sleeping with Miguel.” She declared, causing him to nod with a sad look on his face.

“How can I make it up to you, mariposa?”

“Hmm…” She pretended to think when she already knew what she wanted. She leaned forward and beckoned him closer with a wiggle of her finger. She whispered in his ear, “I wanna ride you with only your kutte on until you lose your mind.” She lightly bit his ear lobe.

She busted out laughing at how fast he scrambled out of his seat and took her hand, pulling her behind him as he hustled out of the restaurant.

[itsmelaurel]

Begin Again

Summary: When your best friends move away for college, you think life is officially over. However, you find yourself making new friends including the blonde surfer from the other side of the island.

one

—————————————————

two.

The last three weeks of summer went by way too fast and it was finally your last first day of high school. You were currently out on the front steps of your home with a sign that said Senior. It was a tradition your mom went all out for every single school year.

“Looking like a snack before 8 am should be illegal.” Sarah shouted from behind your mom which caused you to roll your eyes.

“Oh, perfect shot. Probably going to use that for the Christmas card.” Your dad clapped sarcastically at your attitude being caught on camera.

“Alright, now all the kids on the steps.” Your mom directed. You and Sarah sat down first. Wheezie sat next to you and Katie, Kelce’s sister, sat on the other side of Sarah. Knowing it was only four of you this year had your heart sinking a little. These steps typically held seven Kildare Prep students. Now it was down to four and next year there would only be two left.

“I’ve got to send this to the boys. I tried to get them to take pictures on their first day of classes, but I was told they were too grown for that.” Kelce’s mom said while huddling next to Rose.

You had been successful in keeping busy these past few weeks in order to keep your mind off your best friend's physical absence in your life. All of you still texted every day in the group chat, but the promised daily FaceTime calls were slowly fading.

While you were busy with cheerleading and hanging out with the pogues, the boys had joined a frat and started classes two weeks ago. On top of that, they started partying several nights during the week and getting blackout on the weekends.

They still had no idea you were hanging out with the pogues. When they asked what you were up to, you would always tell them just hanging out with friends. Surprisingly, they never asked who. Just assuming you would never willingly hang out with the pogues.

You weren’t technically lying to them, but you constantly felt guilty about it. Then Sarah would remind you that they were living their best life at college, so why couldn’t you?

“Okay my sweet little babes, it’s time to head to school.” Your mom finally stops the photo shoot and pulls you from your thoughts. Her and your dad kiss your cheek goodbye, both of them tearing up when you get in your Jeep. They were so dramatic and you freaking loved them for it.

“I’ll see you at school after I drop these two off. Wait for me?” Sarah asked while leaning in your window. You promised to wait for her before leaving the driveway.

Arriving at school early was new for you. Last year you, Sarah and Kelce typically rode together in the mornings when Rafe had football and Topper had lacrosse. Kelce and Sarah were never on time which resulted in you running to first period with minutes to spare.

The song changed in the car, a soft country melody flowing through the speakers. The only person who listens to country is Topper and you roll your eyes at the fact he snuck this onto your playlist. Thinking of him made you realize that they really won’t be walking the halls with you today. It made your throat tighten with emotion at how different this year is going to be. The anxiety that you’ve done such a good job of hiding these past few years comes bubbling up unexpectedly.

Before you can stop yourself, you dial his number hoping it will calm your nerves. It rings a fourth, fifth and sixth time before it goes to voicemail and you hang up before you even hear the greeting. A dark, little voice in the back of your head says that he’s in college now and wouldn’t want to be bothered before 8 am about you're pathetic feelings.

The phone ringing through the speaker startles you and you immediately answer it without looking at the caller id thinking it’s Topper.

“Morning sunshine” JJs sleepy voice rasps through the car speakers.

“Morning punkin” a smile graces your face at the sickly sweet nicknames. It’s become a little joke between the two of you, mostly making fun of John B and Sarah’s overly sappy relationship.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, his voice sounding more alert than just a few seconds ago.

“Nothing, why?” your teeth capture your bottom lip and bite down.

“Somethings up”

“Nothings up-”

“Nu uh, don’t do that. Don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?” He prods hoping you let him in.

“I’m just really nervous about the first day, that’s all.”

“You’re going to have a great day, y/n. And if you don’t there’s nothing ice cream can’t fix.” His words are simple, but it causes you to giggle and your anxiety to melt away.

“How’d you know something was wrong?” You question.

While hanging out with the pogues these last few weeks, you and the blonde surfer had gotten close. When the couples would break off from the group, the two of you would hang out alone.

“I could just sense it and your voice cracked a little when you answered.” You imagine him giving you a shrug as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. But it was.

“Thank you, J.”

“Anytime buttercup. Do you have cheer practice today?” Now he’s the one who sounds nervous.

“I don’t. Why?”

“I don’t have work today either. Do you wanna hang out?” He all but rushes out the last sentence.

“Yeah, i'd like that.” You work out the details and he promises to bring ice cream just in case.

“Hey, you gonna sit out here all day?” Sarah knocks on your window causing you to jump. She gives you a weird look, but doesn’t question it. You climb out of the car and grab your backpack.

“How do I look?” You ask your tall blonde best friend as you head inside, motioning to your makeup and hair.

“I can’t believe you would wear that.” Her eyes scan your body and she grimaces playfully.

“We are wearing the exact same thing.”

“Shit, do you think they will notice?” She looks around at the sea of bodies all wearing a similar version of our private school uniforms.

“You’re so stupid.”

“But you love it.” She sticks her tongue out and you playfully return the gesture, all anxiety from this morning completely gone as you enter first period.

——

When you get home from school, a beautiful floral arrangement of your favorite flowers are sitting on the kitchen counter. A card is folded neatly next to them.

We hope you had a great first day. Wish you were here with us already.

xoxo,

Rafe, Kelce & Topper

Your hand dances over the petals softly as you lean in to smell them. The flowers are beautiful and you snap a picture to send the boys.

Y/n: thank you for the beautiful flowers. kildare prep wasn’t the same without y’all today.

Not even a few seconds after you hit send, your phone is lighting up with a FaceTime call from Rafe.

“There’s my little senior.” His voice is teasing as he comes into view. He looks the same as the last time you physically saw him. Hair gelled back and blue eyes bright as the sky.

“Thank you for the flowers.” You know it was him who specifically ordered them from the cheesy xoxo. It was something he started using after he watched a couple of episodes of Gossip Girl with you.

“I’m glad you like them. How was your first day?” He questions and you give him a quick rundown, laughing when you tell him about Sarah falling asleep in 2nd period with drool coming out of her mouth.

“Did you miss me?” He asks playfully, but there's a twinge of something else there too.

“Of course I did, Rafe.” You tilt your head as you watch him lay back on his bed.

“I miss you so much.” He admits softly and it catches you off guard. Rafe isn’t one to share his feelings or be vulnerable in any way.

“I miss-” you begin to tell him how much you miss him, possibly even admit how your heart aches when you think of all of them, but you're cut off quickly by someone busting through his bedroom door.

“Cameron! Are you ready to get lit?” His new roommate Parker comes into view when Rafe sits up in bed.

“Dude, I’m on the phone.” Rafe gestures to the obvious FaceTime call.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Parker leans down and waves at you. “Hey y/n! How was the first day of kindergarten?” He laughs obnoxiously at his own joke and you wrinkle your nose in return. Parker wasn’t the worst person they could be roommates with, but he was pretty annoying most of the time. He lived for the frat life and everything college stood for. If you weren’t in college, he only referred to you as a child.

“Knock it off.” Rafe gives him a look, but Parker just flips him off.

“It’s okay Rafe, I have to go anyway.” You glance at the clock knowing JJ would be there any minute.

“No, don’t go. I’ll go down the hall.” Rafe says in a panic clearly not ready for your call to be over.

“I really do have to go, maybe we can talk another night this week?”

“Why can’t we talk later tonight before bed?” He questions.

“Because apparently you are about to get lit.” You let an impassive mask slip over your face.

“Oh, right.” He says as if he forgot he already has plans. “I could cancel and we could have a FaceTime movie night?”

“Dude, you aren’t cancelling. The four of us have had this planned since Sunday.” Parker chimes in with a look of mock disgust at his roommate. Thankfully the doorbell rings providing you with the perfect excuse to get off the phone.

“Rafe, I have to go. Text me later.” You blow him a kiss and hang up before he can say anything else.

However, your dad beats you to the door and let’s JJ in while you're still in the kitchen.

“My man. I didn’t know you were coming over today.” You hear your dad's voice followed by JJ saying something you can’t quite hear. They share one of those bro hugs making your eyes roll.

JJ and the rest of the pogues have been over to your house a lot the past three weeks. While your parents loved each of your new friends, they were especially fond of the blue eyed boy that would come over by himself sometimes.

“I promised the princess some ice cream.” He winked at you when he walked into the kitchen.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Your dad smirked with a shake of his head. “Wanna stay for dinner? We’re having steaks.”

“Uh, if that’s okay?” JJs eyes look to you to make sure you are okay with this and you nod.

“Perfect, I’m going to get the grill ready.” Your dad walks out leaving the two of you standing alone in the kitchen. JJs eyes roam over your body and he lets out a low whistle.

“Wow, this uniform is something else.” His words cause you to blush.

“I know you're jealous that you don’t get to wear it every day.”

“Caught me.” He laughs and you join him. Your phone starts ringing and you check to see who it is.

Rafe

You let it ring out only for it to start ringing again with Kelce’s name.

“The powerpuff girls seem eager to talk today.” JJ comments as he takes in the flowers and your phone ringing off the hook.

“Hey, don’t call them that.” You squint your eyes at the nickname.

JJ scoffs “Like they don’t call me worse names when you tell them we’re hanging out. Do you correct them?” He questions as he steps closer to you. You bite your lip and watch as his eyes darken.

“You do correct them, right?” He asks again when you hesitate to answer.

“Well, they would have to know we hang out in order for me to do that.” You admit sheepishly.

“We’ve been hanging out for three weeks. How do they not know?” His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. You can see his train of thought even though he hasn’t said it out loud.

Surely she’s told them about me.

“When I tell them I’m hanging out with friends they don’t ask who. They just assume it’s not the pogues and I don’t correct them.” You watch as he deflates a little at your words.

“That- Uh, I-” He stumbles over his words, hurt dancing across his eyes.

“I’m going to tell them. I was trying to avoid all the kook versus pogue bullshit they are going to spout off.” and you're not sure why you do it but you let your hand slip into his, offering a gentle squeeze hoping it comforts him.

His eyes look down to your hands, his signature smirk back on his face and all the tension in the air slowly disappears with it.

“If you wanted me to be your little secret all you had to do was ask.” His cockiness is back in full swing and you let go of his hand to shove him playfully.

“So, what type of ice cream did you bring?” You ask effectively changing the subject.

The both of you head up to your room to watch Ozark. He asked if you wanted to watch it the last time he was here. You’d never seen it before so it wasn’t a problem to put it on. A little more gore than what you were used to watching, but it was a pretty good show overall.

Next thing you know, you hear your mom hollering that dinner is ready. Your eyes flutter as they try to adjust to the setting sun shining through your window. A hand lightly caresses your arm and you snuggle a little deeper into the bed.

Your eyes pop open when you realize you're actually cuddled into someone and not the bed. The thought causes you to jerk straight up and look over at the boy laying in your bed. His blue eyes are staring back sleepily and a soft smile graces his face.

“I- I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry.” You rush out feeling that predictable blush rising on your cheeks. He reaches over and grabs your hand. His fingers linking with yours much like earlier.

“I didn’t mind it.” He admits honestly.

“Me either.” Your words are barely a whisper but he hears you. Sitting up, his eyes flick down to look at your lips then back up to you making his intentions clear. You nod, giving full permission for him to lean in. His breath hovers over your lips as he gets closer, causing your eyes to flutter shut.

“Y/n! JJ! Let’s go!” It’s your dad's voice that bellows from downstairs this time and both of you jump apart feeling like you’ve been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to.

He stares at you for a moment longer before getting up “Come on, I don’t want to upset your parents.”

You follow closely behind him heading downstairs, head still spinning over what almost just happened.

Never in a million years did you think you and JJ Maybank would be cuddled up napping together or about to share a kiss. It was a lot for you to grasp. So, you push all thoughts of what just happened out of your mind for later and try to play it cool in front of your parents.

Too bad your mom sees right through it.

taglist: @dreamsndior @rafej-cambanks @prejudic3 @katiaw2 

[sparklingdisneyprincess]

Having Amber know for weeks affected fans view of her and why it was not done well.

In the tags on a reblog of one of my posts, someone mentioned that the scene where Amber tells Mark she knew he was a hero was bad writing and I low-key agree. I plan on doing an analysis on that specific scene later, but today I wanted to get into why the way the writes handled that situation just wasn’t great.

Keeping in mind the context of who the writers are can somewhat explain the  thought process behind the decision. The creators of the comic book said themselves that's the comic book very often pokes fun at superhero stereotypes and tropes. One of the main stereotypes in superhero comic books is the main non-super female love interest being upset with the male superhero love interest for constantly flaking on her/being unavailable trope. In this trope the conflict is typically resolved when the female love interest is told or discovers in the moment usually by so accident that the male love interest was the superhero the whole time and the revelation is suddenly supposed to negate all the negative emotions that the female love interest was put through and everything just ends up fine. 

In today's time it wouldn't matter if he was a superhero or not. He still made her feel terrible, he still lied. I do think women today wouldn’t allow that to excuse all the hero’s behavior especially when it was evident that said behavior was hurting them. 

We know the writers like to poke fun at stereotypical superhero comic book tropes and plot points, and a good way to do that it to utilize trope subversion.

Trope subversion definition:

A subversion has two mandatory segments. First, the expectation is set up that something we have seen plenty of times before is coming, then that set-up is paid off with something else entirely. The set-up is a trope; the "something else" is the subversion.

Pure trope subversion vs Partial trope subversion:

Executing a “Pure trope subversion” means to follow the blueprint for “Trope subversion” to a tee. The writer sets up the story with essentially no hints that the outcome will be anything but traditional, and then proceeds to suddenly turn the outcome on it’s head in a way that was unanticipated. In the case of the “Partial trope subversion” it’s the opposite. The writer will drop subtle hints and clues teasing that the outcome will not be traditional for the trope. The hints must be subtle because the writers goal is still to trick the reader into believing that the traditional outcome will occur.

The main problem with them writing it as a pure trope subversion is that Amber ends up looking really bad and that people already didn’t like her as they wanted Eve to end up with Mark.

The set-up of the secret identity relationship trope leads us to believe that the female was mostly if not completely unaware that their male love interest is a hero. They often times are suspicious, but the dots don’t usually get the chance to connect before it’s all revealed. Going with that type of trope set-up leads the audience to believe that it’ll end like it always does. The girl will feel sorry for her actions and completely forgive the hero (even though I don’t find think that’s realistic), so instead of it going in that direction they subvert it. They have the female love interest (Amber) figure it out herself and silently not be in the dark for a period of time till it’s revealed that she knew. This is fine unless it’s written as a pure trope subversion because the traditional trope buildup includes anger over canceled plans, late arrivals, and feelings of neglect. That anger makes the female love interest look completely irrational in the case that she knew! (Though perhaps she was not truly angry over those things after she discovered the truth, but she was angry with him lying and couldn’t tell him that without saying she knew, so she expressed her anger through those situations instead of the main reason??? Hmm, I just thought of that and that’s an interesting theory for another time.) Anyways...

I found that the trope subversion making Amber look so bad to be a glaring issue that should have been weeded out in the writing room. They had to have known how it would be perceived. There’s no way they wouldn’t. The only logical reason they’d do this is if they plan to go through with what I suspected was happening at the beginning of the show, which would be that the writers are telling us that Amber is not Mark’s endgame and that she’s just taking up space until Mark and Eve eventually get together. The only problem with that theory is that they had Mark and Amber get back together at the end of the season which is another trope subversion. In the usual love triangle bait-and-switch trope the first female love interest the male superhero chooses gets booted out to make room for the second girl in the love triangle who he was apparently supposed to be with the whole time, however the writers didn’t got through with that trope. They instead subverted it (whether purposely or not) by having the original couple get back together and setting it up in a way that shows the couple potentially growing stronger, rather than him staying single and eventually ending up with female love interest number 2. The writers even took the subversion a step further by setting the outcome up in a way that showed potential for female love interests 1 and 2 to actually start a beautiful friendship instead of a rivalry. 

I’m honestly confused by what the writers wanted us to perceive. If they wanted us to root for Amber and Mark why set them up like that? To prove that they can move past it? But who will support the relationship after everybody now hates Amber? It is contradictory, so I’m very confused. I did write another post speculating that though Amber knew Mark was a hero, she did not know he was Invincible. The theory does shed more light on the situation and it resolves a lot of issues, but it still doesn’t negate the fact that the use of a pure trope subversion in this instance made Amber look really bad. Especially when people would sooner find ways to cancel her, rather than attempt to understand why she did it. To understand someone does not mean to agree with or support them, but it reminds you to humanize the other person, a value we are all owed. 

If the writers had not done a pure trope subversion and instead decided upon a partial trope subversion the fallout would not have been nearly as bad. If they had done a partial trope subversion they could’ve allowed Amber to be more patient in some of the later scenes, while showing that even though she’s patient, she’s also very upset. It would show more understanding on her part, however I think Amber was actually already understanding of his situation. What she did not understand was the lying and how it seemed that he didn’t even care enough to lie well. She was hurt that he didn’t trust her and during their relationship she was constantly questioning whether or not he was serious and if he actually cared about her and honestly we questioned it too as an audience! Imagine how frustrated she must’ve been those 5 months out of 6 when she didn’t know why he was lying to her. 

Amber and Mark didn’t have any relationship issues that I noticed aside from his secret identity. Their dynamic was interesting to watch in my opinion because Mark wasn’t phased by Ambers weird sense of humor and her having essentially no filter, in fact he embraced it and was also snarky in return. He liked that she has strong core beliefs and clearly enjoyed spending time with her. Even though Amber is sarcastic and pokes fun at Mark she finds his enthusiasm to be endearing and often laughs with and smiles at him. Heck, she even approached him first! They’re just two teenagers dating and it’s nothing too exciting like it’s usually portrayed in media. They text, go on dates, make out, enjoy the others presence without really needing to talk, it’s just nice normal dating stuff and it’s realistic and lowkey, and I really liked seeing it. Upon my first watch of the show I liked Amber and Mark together, but I didn’t see the chemistry. I think it’s because everything about their relationship needed to happen in the span of 8 episodes, but also that the reasons why their attracted to each other are very subtle. They don’t shove it in our faces, they just place it there and if you caught then you caught it, if you didn’t then you didn’t. It took me re-watching the episodes a second time to realize why Mark and Amber enjoy being with each other. The body language speaks volumes when you also pay attention to the little things that go on between them. I’ll probably make a whole other post about it because I think it’s something to talk about, but yeah.

In conclusion either the writers truly didn’t realize the outcome of their choice, the writers knew the outcome and did it on purpose to set the audience up to root for Eve and Mark, the writers knew and set it up in order to later on grow/redeem Amber and strengthen her and Mark’s relationship by having them over come it, or they didn’t think it’d be a big deal due to assuming that the trope subversion would take everyone by surprise and that we’d like it.

(If you made it to the end, I’m impressed cause this was long. Also, shoutout to the person who first brought up this topic in the tags. I didn’t realize I felt some kind of way until I started typing and couldn’t stop. It was honestly kind of cathartic😄 I didn’t tag you cause I didn’t know if you’d like that but, thanks for unintentionally giving me the motivation to write this!) 

[pluviophile-bookworm]

I feel like I need to talk about this...

I’m very open about being aroace. At least here on Tumblr I am. (Outside of Tumblr, I am technically out, but some issues with my mother and grandmother have forced me back into the closet. I felt miserable about that initially, but I’m learning to be fine with it.) But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I didn’t even know what aroace meant until I was 18. So how was I supposed to know when I got my first ‘celebrity crush’ that those last words do not, in fact, describe very accurately what I was experiencing? I didn’t know I had ADHD, either. I feel like that might have helped me realise some things about my experience. But let me go back a bit and actually tell you what happened and how it happened. [side note: I’ll be starting from a bit earlier than the ‘crush’ thing happened because I feel like it’s important for whoever reads this to understand how my circumstances shaped the experience I had]

Backstory:

I had always been different from my peers, so it was not surprising to anyone that I was bullied in middle school. [side note: Judging from my and my little brother’s combined experience, I feel like bullying is, quite unfortunately, something of a universal experience in middle school - in my day, I was on the receiving end. This last school year, my brother was the bully. Gosh, I wish I could tell my story without many deviations and without crying as I type, but I’ve already thrown both of those intentions out the window.]

So anyway, things got so bad that I was driven to suicidal thoughts. One night I was just lying in bed, thinking about going through with it, but I was like, well, I’ve got a test in the morning. Maybe after that. 13-year-old me had very weird priorities. I kind of still value my work over my mental health, but I’m working on it. So that night, I didn’t do anything. The next day, right before school, I was on the internet and I found out a new show had premiered. And then, as I was watching the pilot episode, that was when it happened. I saw this boy, whom I will not be naming, and I listened to him sing. I felt nothing much at the moment, but I couldn’t get the song out of my mind all day. Up until that moment, I had had a weird attitude towards music where I’d only listen to female singers. My ‘boys have cooties’ phase, I guess you could say. But this one, he was the first one I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I felt like I could listen to his voice 24/7. I’ve had that feeling hundreds of times by now, but I hadn’t before then. So I figured, this must be what a crush means, right? This must be what all my peers are talking about. The next day, I confided in a girl from my class with whom I was kind of friendly (though not actual friends, I’d say). I asked her if she’d seen the show, if she knew this person. She said yes and we kind of gushed about the song together, and I felt normal for a couple of minutes. I never knew the difference between my experience and what is considered ‘normal’ until years later.

For the time being, the thought of this special person was what was keeping me alive. I started having visions of him walking with me through the school hallways or sitting next to me on the bus home from school. I knew perfectly well those visions weren’t real, but they made me feel better. Happy. Safe. Seen. Full disclosure: I still have such visions, I’ve had them with different people through the years as my hyperfixations change. My latest one is what has enabled me to deal with some of my worst phobias (and I have a long list of them). I’ve never told anybody what it is, and I won’t be telling because I feel like if I do tell, the vision will not be strong enough to work against my fears. But I’m getting sidetracked again. Sorry for that.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with this guy. He was all I could think about, he was keeping me alive through what was possibly the toughest time in my life to date. So naturally, thanks to my heteronormative, amatonormative surroundings, I was convinced I had a crush on him. In fact, after this experience had lasted about a year, I was sure I was in love. 

Then things changed. I started high school. I found a couple of friends, and the people in my class in general made me feel like I could finally be myself. Be open about what I thought and how I felt. So by the end of the first semester, all 27 people in my class knew about my feelings for this guy. What I didn’t know was that they didn’t know that it wasn’t exactly like I was describing it. Because I wasn’t aware that a straight/ allo person’s idea of being ‘in love’ was different from mine. I was just putting things in words I thought I understood. 

So it came as a total surprise when some people from my class started teasing me about it. It wasn’t malicious teasing, that much I could tell. I had been bullied mercilessly before. What my new classmates were doing was asking genuine questions in a slightly teasing manner. For example, it would be known that my special person had a girlfriend, and so they’d ask me ‘aren’t you jealous’ or ‘do you wish you were that’, or stuff like that. And those questions felt so weird. So stupid. I thought, wait, why would I be jealous? Why would I feel bad about this person who has made me so happy, being happy himself? Why would I want to date him? That had nothing to do with how I felt. I told my classmates so. They gave me weird looks in response. So I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing that ‘in love’ thing right. Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were being intruded upon. Tarnished, somehow. I had always been aware that my visions were anything but real. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And all of a sudden, somebody was suggesting that I should want to date this person. Why would I want to date anyone, I thought? Even if it was him. Dating people was awkward. Making physical contact with anyone outside my immediate family made me shudder. It still does, though I can hug some of my closest friends without any negative feelings. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to my first time I questioned my experience. I was about 14 at the time (in Bulgaria, high school starts from grade 8, ages 13-14 or 14-15), and, well, I didn’t do much questioning at the time. I just told myself that they didn’t understand my feelings, and I stopped being so open about the topic. 

My hyperfixation on this person lasted long. Longer than any other I’ve ever had to date. Maybe it was because I clung to it like it was what tethered me to my mortal life. But by my final year of high school, I could feel it fading away. I was forcing myself to think about this person, to conjure up the old visions; the song that had started it all was drained of all meaning that it had held for me. I was moving on to other hyperfixations. I felt like I was betraying myself, like I was breaking some sort of unbreakable vow. It was time to face the music. So I let go. I allowed myself to move on. It was kind of made easier by the fact that my special person had changed, too, and had moved on to projects that I could not enjoy due to some triggering content. And I moved on.

Then I joined Tumblr. I discovered some things. Among them was Hellenic polytheism. It had been a while since I’d found my faith in the Hellenic pantheon, but Tumblr was where I found out I was not alone, that there was an existent religion. And step by step, I realised that... I had been projecting Apollo’s presence onto my special person. And my old connection to that person had started fading away when I had realised I believed in the gods.

This explained a lot of things. But there was still the fact that I had never been able to look at another person the way my peers were looking at each other. I had been asked out two or three times during high school. I had rejected those people without even thinking about it. My best friend at the time was a boy and most teachers seemed to ship us together because, well, let’s be real - we were constantly fighting like an old married couple. It took him getting a girlfriend and seeing how happy I was for the two of them for everyone to realise that things between us were, and had always been, purely platonic. And now I was going to uni and I had never had feelings I was apparently supposed to have. 

It was also thanks to Tumblr that I discovered the extent of the LGBTQ+ community. I considered myself an ally at first, and I was a passionate ally, too. I still am nothing but supportive to my fellow LGBTQ+ people of all identities, but it was not until I was 18 going on 19 that I discovered the term ‘asexual’. I knew quite suddenly that this was the term for me. I knew what I was and how I felt. I felt mature enough to know the difference between ‘I’m not experienced enough to know for sure’ and ‘I’ve just never had those feelings, I don’t even know what they’re supposed to be like’. It took a bit longer to find out there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, but by the time I was 19, I had proudly labelled myself ‘aroace’. I still feel at home with this label. I am completely open to the possibility that it might change with time, but this is what feels right at this time. 

Fast-forward another couple of years to about 8 months ago. I had always known that I got really invested into stuff - shows, books, hobbies, people - only for that investment to wear off after a time. The timespans varied, but I realised I had experienced this ever since I was in pre-school at least. I didn’t have a term for it, though. And then, all of a sudden, Tumblr started offering me posts tagged ADHD. I could relate to maybe 95% of them. At one point, it felt like whatever algorithm this hellsite operates on was shoving the ADHD posts in my face, as if screaming ‘DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, WELL, YOU?!!!’ in my ears. So I did some tests. I did a lot of self-reflection. I went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed in March. I started educating myself on the terminology and found out that what I was experiencing is called hyperfixating. So here I am now.

Here I am now, reflecting back on my experience from 8 years ago, connecting the dots. Realising what it was that I went through, allowing myself to go through it again, with different things and people. I don’t feel the need to cling to hyperfixations anymore because I know that is what they are and I know I can’t keep them forever. Of course, I do feel bad about stopping caring about something that used to be my light and life for a time. I dread the time I’ll get over my current hyperfixation, but I also know it’s inevitable. My ADHD brain needs the change and it happens naturally. And somehow I’m ok with that.

Well, this is it. This is the story of how Tumblr prompted me to discover aspects of myself that have been there for as long as I can remember. What better place to talk about it than Tumblr itself? What better group of people to understand and accept me than my lovely mutuals and followers? If you’re reading this, thank you. For being here, for listening to me, for allowing me to be who I am. You’ve got no idea how happy this makes me, even though I can barely see what I’m typing through the tears. Thank you. 

[agentnico]

WandaVision (2021) Review

I’m sorry but someone needs to address the elephant in the room - if Wanda and Vision are in a relationship, does that mean Vision - a robot - has a penis? Look, I cannot be the only one thinking this, right? Right??

Plot: Living idealized suburban lives, super-powered beings Wanda and Vision begin to suspect that everything is not as it seems.

So Marvel’s first Disney+ series has reached its finale, and I’m certain many fans will be left disappointed due to all the outlandish rumours and theories that the fanbase are known to come up with not coming to fruition, but I personally admire this show for sticking true to its guns by being something that is very different compared to anything that Marvel has done before. Well, mostly. When its different, its hugely different, however when it gets to the usual MCU antics its pretty generic Marvel.

At the beginning the show left a lot of audiences scratching their heads as to what was going, as in the first few episodes especially there isn’t much of a plot per se, and instead we are taken through the various stages of American TV sitcoms, starting with the black and white old-school The Dick Van Dyke Show styled format, with the first episode going as far as being filmed in front of a live audience just like they would’ve back in those olden days.....at least that’s what history tells us happened back in those days, honestly take that with a grain of salt as I wasn’t even alive back in the 60s so for all I know history is a massive conspiracy and all of this is a massive pile of tosh! But setting deceitful plot schemes, supposedly everyone back in the 60′s were black and white and there was no colour in the world... okay, I’m kidding, I’m not that stupid, but I digress. As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, we are taken through various phases of American tele-sitcoms and eventually entering into the usual MCU territory. What works at the beginning of the series is the way it pays homage to those sitcoms back in the day, and I’m certain there was a lot fun has on set by the production designers recreating visual look of those old shows and also with the actors biting into every opportunity of playing up to acting style that was used back then, with the winks to the camera and the purposeful pauses as they wait for the laugh track to die down, or there’s an episode akin to Modern Family and The Office where our stars act as if they’re in a mockumentary and even answer questions to the camera to great comedic effect. 

In between this sitcom format we constantly get little clues and teases towards what may actually be going, and there is this sense of constant mystery that really motivates you to get excited for the next episode (as Disney+ releases their shows one episode per week) and as such WandaVision turned out the be very exciting simply from trying to come up with the most out-there theories of what’s to come. And it seems like the showrunners were fully aware of this by playing up to the fanbase by ending episodes on massive cliff-hangers (people who have seen this series can now easily agree with me that “Please Stand By” is an even bigger Marvel villain than Thanos!) as well as featuring certain surprises and appearances that suggest much bigger plans for the Marvel Cinematic Universe as a whole, so to be fair this show really felt good simply from the anticipation factor and the discussion that it built among audiences. Naturally with huge anticipation it’s difficult to then fulfil that promise, and as such to the second half of the series where the show goes full Marvel on us, we do kind of get stuck in more mediocre territory, with the final episode especially serving some disappointment by ending with the typical generic Marvel superhero battle we’ve all come to expect at this point. In other words, WandaVision comes off a tad anti-climactic at the end, but its the journey that makes it worthwhile.

Typically to most Marvel projects, you can expect the cast to be great, and here in WandaVision that’s the same case. Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany are both stellar as Wanda and Vision, and first and foremost this show is about their romance and their love, and gosh aren’t them two just the biggest lovebirds! So adorable with only me and my girlfriend offering competition as the more gushier and sickly cheesy couple! Hey, we’re cheesy and proud, that’s all I’m saying!!! Anyway, the show is mainly about Olsen and her character’s grief and evolution, and Olsen proves her chops as a leading lady and I’m really looking forward to seeing what she’ll get up to in the Doctor Strange sequel. Bettany is both innocent yet smooth as her robotic boyfriend, and basically proves that if you want to get with one of the Olsen sisters, you have to accept every single chip that Bill Gates sends you to have a shot. We also see the return of a couple other MCU side characters, with Kat Dennings and Randall Park returning as Darcy and Jimmy Woo and to be honest WandaVision gives these characters proper justice. Kat Dennings in the Thor films always came off more annoying rather than funny, yet here on the show her character is both useful and her humour is sarcastic yet funny. And Jimmy Woo in the Ant-Man & the Wasp was stuck in the stereotype of the goofy FBI agent who is stupid and oblivious to everything, however here you can tell his character has become more wiser and better at his job, yet still with the wit and charm that Randall Park usually provides (and he’s the learnt the card trick from Ant-Man!!). We also have Teyonah Parris appearing as grown up Monica Rambeau who we saw as a young girl in Captain Marvel, and Parris is quite pleasant and does well with what she has, but I’m hoping she gets to have more interesting material to work with in the future Marvel projects she appears in. Then there is Kathryn Hahn as the mysterious nosy neighbour character, and though I don’t want to spoil anything about her role, I’ll say that Hahn gets to overact her face off and also gets a fun musical at one point that is annoyingly catchy!

WandaVision is a great sign showing Marvel attempting to branch out and go to new and different places, however with its ending it still proves that they need to learn how to break away from the repetitive formula they have gotten themselves stuck in. All we need is Deadpool proclaiming “Big CGI fight coming up!”

Overall score: 7/10

[astridthevalkyrie]

What's your SNK story, how you got into it, etc? Also, whose your favorite character? *lol sorry I accidentally unfollowed you trying to send a dm hah* anyway, thanks for sharing the love!

ooh, thanks for asking! and don’t worry about it :)

so like, the beginning beginning, because i actually remember when i first heard about it, was when the anime first came out and i was a wee middle schooler in private school. a few girls in my holy book class were into it and would talk about it a lot, and i remember being like “oh, is it interesting, what is it about?”

and i remember getting the most dubious look and being told “it’s about giant monsters splitting people in half and then eating them, you probably wouldn’t like it” or something along those lines and i was like....yeah they’re right i probably wouldn’t lmao i hate violent stuff, so yeah, never watching that ever.

fast forward like eight years and i meet up with my cousin in december, and he convinces me, my sister and his own sister to give it a shot and binge watch the first season. he said that now that the fourth season was coming out (which even i had seen on netflix, my dad and i watched the trailer and understood none of it), he wanted to rewatch all of it anyways. it took a lot of persuading on my part because i still don’t particularly like violence and gory stuff, but i usually choose stuff we watch together so i kinda felt guilty and agreed. and so we watched the first two episodes that night.

after the first, i was like, this is good, this is intriguing, but i have anxiety and intrusive thoughts and the smiling titan gave me the heebie jeebies. since i had watched it with other people, though, a lot of my nerves were soothed. and then after the second, i was like oh no. oh no, this is gonna be a thing. they’ve joined the military. and for someone who’s pretty anti-military in real life, i’m ridiculously weak for military stories and interesting characters. and i’m especially weak for survival and humanity stories.

we ended up binge watching the first season within a couple of days but held off on watching more because i decided this was something my dad would like, so i planned to show it to him when we got home and then we would watch it together after that. turns out my dad is absolutely terrible at watching stuff without being irritating (he’s bored in any scene without titans??) so i ended up watching most of it myself. all in all,  i obviously enjoyed it a lot.

and my favorite character is, embarrassingly and by a lot, levi. he was the only character i had heard of before starting the show, although i knew he wasn’t the main. i had just seen so many fanfics about him back when i was active in the big four fandom, since half the aot fandom had been the levi fandom at one point. when we were watching, i kept teasing my cousin that if levi didn’t show up in the next episode, i was going to stop watching, but in general me, my sister and my cousin’s sister built up so much hype around him that when he finally showed up we got pretty excited. even still, he wasn’t my favorite and i was pretty confused on how people liked him because in season 1 his animation is kinda weird and then in season 2 he just wasn’t there at all. i guess absence makes the heart grow fonder though, because i watched a single episode of season 3, watched him scream “kennyyyyyy” and immediately was like “oh <3 hi boo <3 i love you <3″ and then proceeded to write 75,000 words for him in the following months LMAO i haven’t written this much in ages, he pulled me out of like a two year long funk.

also a side note but even before we started watching the show my cousin showed me this same edit of levi like ten times, claiming "this man is so fine" and my cousin is a straight guy which makes that very funny. anyway, that edit is in my favorites now.

that’s not to say i’m not invested in the other characters, i think about all the trios so much, especially since they’re all so angsty. i particularly love eren, mikasa (my second fav because i’m basic like that), jean, annie, bertholdt, hange, gabi, pieck and the others who aren’t as up there are still like. on my mind constantly. it helps that my sister’s so into it, she fuels the brainrot. over the past few weeks, we’ve wasted several hours talking about aot per day, so that should tell you how bad it is.

this was so much longer than it had to be i’m sorry i just got excited. but tldr, my cousin got me into it and my favorite character is captain germaphobe!

[poisongirl18]

Worth it

Kylie X Jensen

Thank you to the readers! I appreciate you! I have grown a small following over the past couple of days and I decided to write this one for myself! If you would like to be added to my tag lis or want to request a one-shot yourself just let me know! Thanks!

Worth it

Words: 3524

JensenXPlusSizeReader

 Fluff, slight smut, depressed reader

When Kylie has to film a long awaited intimate scene with close friend Jensen, she goes to extreme lengths to make sure she has the perfect body

 Today was the day that the Supernatural fans have been waiting for, hell it was the day I was waiting for.

The sex scene.

I joined the cast of Supernatural around ten years ago, figuring that I would be killed off in a few short episodes turned into ten years of love and laughter. The fans seemed to like me, and the producers said that I just brought a type of femininity to the show. My character had a certain relationship with the Winchester brothers, but there was always something about her and Dean that had the fans quaking with excitement. The constant questions were when my character and Dean were finally going to be together, and that day was today. I was excited, I mean who wouldn’t be, I got to be with a semi-naked Jensen Ackles who I had grown very fond of over the decade.

Unfortunately, there were not many, but a handful of fans that just did not like my character with Dean. Their claims were that Dean Winchester would never be with a ‘plus-size’ girl. Now, I never considered myself fat by any means, but I was definitely bigger than the girl that Dean or Jensen would go out with. Each criticism over the years was like a slice to my heart and it even pushed me to start numerous diets and even hire a trainer despite Jensen’s many pleas to see how beautiful I was.

I wanted to believe him, I truly did, but I knew what I saw in the mirror every morning and I saw the number on the scale every time I stepped on it.

The producers had come up to me a few months ahead, warning me of the upcoming scene and making sure I was comfortable with. I knew that they cared and knew I had a hard time with my body imagine since starting the show. My chest had begun to hurt when they told me, and the room had begun to spin as my anxiety took over, but I had to say yes. If I had said no there would be girls’ miles long that would say yes, and my career as an actress would come to end. So, I pushed myself harder than I had ever done before and even managed to shed a few pounds, but now that the day has come, I wish I had loss a few more.

“You look nervous.” Jared teased as he had taken a seat next to me on set.

“I think I’m going to die.” I admitted, watching has he bit his lip to try and stop his smile which he failed miserably at.

“You’re not going to die.” He reassured me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s a just a scene.”

“A sex scene.” I let out, a little louder than I wanted. “With Jensen.”

Jared had known of my crush with Jensen, and although he constantly teased me about it, he respected my wishes in keeping it quiet. “You’re going to be fine.” He promised again. “The fans are going to love it, and you are going to be great.”

I watched as the crew scurried around setting up the scene that I was going to perform in. “What if all they see is a fat blob.” I whispered, trying not to tear up and ruin the make up that someone had spent and hour working on. “What if Jensen is just . . . disgusted with me.”

Jared let out a sigh. “Kylie,” He let out softly, “You are not a fat blob and you are not disgusting.” He paused for a moment. “Why don’t you turn down the scene, maybe they can change it and-“

“No.” I let out sternly before glancing at him, his face softening. “If I turn it down then my career is over.”

“No, it’s not.” He rolled his eyes. “We can just talk to-“

“Hey! Are you ready?”

My eyes moved up to a smiling Jensen, who looked way to excited for this scene. I bit my lip and looked at Jared who was shaking his head at me.

“Of course, I am.” I forced a smile. “The question is are you ready?”

Jensen scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Please, everyone has been waiting for this for the past ten years.” He smirked. “You just better watch that you don’t fall in love with me.”

Too late.

I licked my bottom lip and rolled my eyes before standing up, adjusting my black shirt so it was not so tight against my belly. “Please don’t flatter yourself.”

He threw an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. “You know, we should get some food before the big scene. Make sure we’re well nourished.” He wagged his brows.

“No.” I let out quickly, the last thing I needed was a bloated tummy for our scene which is why I had been fasting all day. Nothing but water for me. “I need to go over lines.” I tried.

Jensen’s green eyes crinkled and looked over me worriedly. “Are you alright?” He asked gently. “I mean, I know this scene is awkward-“

“It’s fine.” I let out and pulled away from him. “Seriously, what does everyone keep asking me?” I shook my head and began walking away from the set, and away from the men that I had grown to love over the years.

“Kylie!” Jensen called but I kept walking.

Everyone was so concerned about me doing the scene, but I don’t think they were concerned for me. I think they were more worried about their fat friend on screen, ruining the eyes of all the fans.

With all the anger that was plummeting through me, I had to stop walking to get the room around me to stop spinning. I sucked in a deep breath and listened as my stomach growled loudly begging for the food that it obviously didn’t need.

“Kylie!” I heard the voice of a familiar crew member call before she was grabbed and my hand and pulled me back towards the set. “We’re ready for you.”

“Already.” I sighed but continued to walk, stepping up on the bunker set and directly in front of Jensen whose eyes continued to look concerned.

“Kylie,” Jensen let out as the crew members continued to run around us, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know.” I nodded, standing in my spot in front of Jensen who now wore a flannel on top of his black t-shirt. He was dressed head to toe in Dean Winchester wear, and I was dressed differently for my character. My flannel was replaced with a tight black V-neck shirt with ripped jeans and her classic black heeled boots.

“You’re going to be great.” He smiled, putting a hand on my arm making me swoon.

“I hope so.” I forced just as I heard the director quiet the set.

Action!

“You can’t- you can’t do this to me Dean.” I shook my head, my eyes tearing up slightly not only for the scene but because of the emotions I was feeling.

“Why not?” Dean let out angrily. “Don’t you understand! Anyone I get close to dies!” He shook his head. “And I just . . . I can’t lose you.”

I cupped Jensen’s cheek, taking the moment to trail my thumb over the stubble. “Listen to me Winchester, I am not going anywhere.”

Jensen’s eyes teared up slightly as he looked over me before he took the opportunity to lean down and kiss me.

My heart pounded in my chest as Jensen’s lips met mine, it was all that I expected it to be and more. He was soft, but needy. His hands went directly to my hips as I backed up into the table, letting him pick me up behind me thighs to place me on it.

I was surprised that he could lift me, but that thought was long gone when he pulled the flannel from his body followed by the black t-shirt. I couldn’t help but run my hands along his chest, hoping that it fit well with the scene.

Jensen reached for the ends of my black shirt, looking at me, not my character but me, for permission. I forced a smile and nodded. He pulled the shirt from my body before taking a step back to admire me. Immediately I felt self-conscious especially as the camera zoomed in around me.

He bit his lip, and I worried that he was going to be disgusted, but then he muttered a word that wasn’t in the script that I had read over a thousand times. “Beautiful.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine in a heated kiss. I cupped his cheeks and wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him towards me as his hands roamed my body.

I let out a slight breath around his lips as he used the opportunity to slide his tongue in, surprising me. He let out a growl as he laid me back against the table, climbing on top of it to mount me. His hand immediately went to the straps of my bra where he pulled them down revealing my shoulders.

I let out an accidental moan and clawed at his back, feeling the muscles tense behind me as he pushed his cloth covered groin into mine. For a moment, I could almost feel a hardening sensation underneath his jeans.

“And cut!”

Jensen continued to kiss me, deepening the kiss and exploring my mouth with his tongue as his hands continued to slide down the curves of my body.

“Cut!” I heard again in a slight concern voice, opening my eyes before pressing on Jensen’s chest. He pulled away ever so slightly, looking down at me with shock and concern.

“Jensen?” I let out, licking my swollen lip.

“I-I’m sorry.” He let out, immediately getting off me. “I didn’t mean to.”

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I hopped off the table, my hands immediately going to my body covering myself from the world. “Don’t apologize for being in the scene.”

“No, it wasn’t that.” He said, bending down to grab his flannel, handing it to me.

I quickly put it on and swayed slightly as the set swirled around me, my vision becoming slightly blurry.

“You guys did great!” I heard Jared’s voice, and suddenly he was in front of me.

How did he move that fast?

“Uh, yeah.” I let out, rubbing the back of my neck.

“You good?” Jared asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

I felt my eyes become heavy and my body become weak. “Yeah, I just need-“

“Woah Kylie!” I heard the panic in Jared’s voice as I dropped to the ground, my body becoming too weak to stand up anymore.

“Ky? Ky?” Jensen called as I felt his calloused hands touching my face.

“Can we get a medic over here?” Jared called as I opened my eyes, seeing my co-stars faces full of concern.

“No, no, I’m okay.” I tried to sit up, but Jensen held me where I was.

“Just lay back and relax, okay?” He nodded, running his fingers through my curls. “We need to get you checked out.”

I felt hot tears of embarrassment fill my eyes as crew members surrounded me, making sure I was okay. I tried to reassure everyone I was okay but could not seem to get the words out as the medic came and looked me over.

“Your blood pressures low.” The medic commented as he took the cuff off from around my arm. “Have you eaten at all today?”

I looked around the group of people who were around me, all of which I considered my family and friends who I knew were all going to be ashamed of me. “No.” I let out quietly.

I listened as Jensen sighed with frustration. “I’ll get her something to eat.” He said simply.

“Let’s get her to her trailer.” Jared offered as he helped me stand.

Jensen shook his head when I got to my feet and took ahold of me. “I got it.” He let out quietly. “Kylie and I have to talk.”

I gulped audibly as he helped walk me through the crowd of people who were all staring sadly at me. He continued to stay silent and hold onto me as we made it outside, but instead of going to my trailer we went to his.

He set me down on his soft leather couch as he went to shut and lock his trailer door, pausing and letting out a breath.

I squeezed the pale leather beneath my hands nervously, not knowing what Jensen was going to say or do. “Je-“

He shook his head, silencing me as he moved to stand in front of me, his hands on his hips as he stared down at me. “You did it because of this scene.” He said not as a question. “How many times have I told you that you didn’t have to do the diets or the hour-long trips to the gym? That you’re perfect the way that you are.” He shook his head. “And now this? Jesus Kylie.”

“I know, I know.” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “But this was different, this was a scene where people were going to see me without my clothes.”

“I don’t care!” He raised his voice, shutting me up.

I shifted in my seat and looked down at my feet as he let out sigh.

“I don’t care.” He let out softly this time. “I care that your healthy, and this, this is not healthy.” He sat down next to me and grabbed my hands.

The tears began to flow from my eyes as I broke down in sobs. “I just want to be beautiful.”

“Oh Kylie.” He let out before pulling me to his chest, running his fingers through my hair. “You are beautiful. You are so damn beautiful that I can’t even stand it sometimes.” He tilted my chin up so that my red eyes were looking at him.

“I’m not . . . I’m just not.” I admitted as he smiled sadly at me.

“Kylie, do you know the first time that I saw you, you took my breath away.” He let out as he cupped my cheek, wiping the tears away. “Do you know that I was so scared to talk to you when I first saw you?”

“You don’t have to lie.” I let out, trying to pull away from him but he held me still.

“I’m not lying.” He said gently. “You can ask Jared. There is nothing more that I wanted than to kiss you today.”

I blinked a few times, this time sitting up fully to look at him. “W-what?”

He brought his lip in between his teeth as he looked down nervously at his hands. “I’ve been in love with you Kylie since the first time I saw you ten years ago.” He glanced up. “When I began kissing you today, even in front of all those people and that camera I couldn’t stop.”

“I-I-“ I stuttered like the dumbass I was.

“You don’t have to say anything.” He said with an awkward chuckle.

“Oh Jensen.” I couldn’t stop myself from smashing my lips to his in a needy passionate kiss. He instantly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest so he could run his fingers through my curls. I pulled away slightly. “I love you too.” I said softly before kissing him again.

He pulled back this time, blinking in shock. “Y-You do?” He stuttered in shock.

I let out a soft chuckle and nodded. “I have, for ten long years.” I smiled. “But you were with a girlfriend at the time, and I knew I would never compare to her.”

He shook his head. “You are so special to me Kylie. I just thought you would never see me that way.”

I leaned back against the couch, running my fingers through my hair with a small smile on my face. “We’re so dumb.” I let out a little laugh.

“We are.” He nodded joining in on my laughter.

After we calmed down, I looked up at him with awe. He was just so beautiful; I couldn’t believe that he was interested in me.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked once we calmed down.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, looking at me nervously.

I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I want to be with you.” I paused. “Do you want to be with me?”

“More than anything.” He smiled. “I would give up everything for you.” He leaned in and kissed me quickly.

“Then we should be together.” I grinned. “But maybe we should keep it on the low down for a while?”

“Just for a while.” Jensen winked.

------------------------------

2 months later.

“I am here with one of the stars of Supernatural Kylie.” The reporter smiled as she sat comfortably in her seat. “How are you doing today?”

I on the other hand was uncomfortable, I didn’t like interviews especially ones that I had to do alone. “I am doing great. How about you Sara?” I asked trying to stay calm.

“I am great, so happy to be here with you.” She nodded. “I heard you heard a little accident while filming a few months ago. Anything serious?”

I forced a smile and waved my hand. “Oh no, no, no I just didn’t eat enough that day and my sugar dropped. I have to be careful now, and Jared and Jensen are constantly making sure I keep my sugar up.”

“Are you diabetic?” She asked, looking over her note cards.

I bit my lip at the question not sure if I was ready to talk about an important moment in my life that had happened only a few weeks ago. “No, well not really.” I chuckled. “I was diagnosed a few weeks ago with PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome.” I nodded.

“Can you discuss this more?” She asked with a raised brow, intrigued.

“Sure, it’s common. Most women have it and lead normal lives, but it is a hormonal disorder and along with some female fertility issues, there can be an imbalance in some metabolic areas.” I explained.

Jensen had made me go to the doctors after the incident, just to make sure I was healthy. One of the things we talked about my weight and my trouble losing. Once we did a few tests, we quickly discovered that I had PCOS and although not life-threatening, it still worried me, so I’ve done extensive research with the help of Jensen.

“Well I do hope you are doing well.” Sara nodded.

I glanced behind her where Jensen stood giving me a thumbs up. “I’m doing great.” I let out, giving him a bright smile.

“That’s wonderful! We are all excited to see the new season of Supernatural. Anything you can tell us?”

I let out a slight laugh and nodded. “I think it’s going to be something different, ones the fans aren’t going to suspect.”

“Are we going to see a love connection between your character and Dean?” She wagged her eyebrows.

“Well,” I bit my lip, “I guess you’re just going to have to watch and find out.”

She frowned but nodded her head. “What about you and Mr. Ackles? Any love connection there? There’s been multiple reports of you and him going out to local restaurants together.”

I bit my lip and glanced at Jensen again who was smiling proudly. He wanted to let our secret relationship out to family and friends, but I had been pushing it off, not ready to our us to the world.

“Jensen and I have always been close friends.” I nodded. “Our relationship has grown over the years and he always been my biggest supporter in everything I do.” I smiled. “Our relationship has recently grown from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend.”

The reporter grinned at the news and nodded. “That is wonderful to hear! Congratulations! Thank you for talking with me, we cannot wait to see what Supernatural brings this season.” She turned to face the camera. “Be sure to watch Kylie on Supernatural on Mondays at 8 o’clock.”

“And cut. That was perfect.”

I stood up from my chair thanking the reporter before going to Jensen who was grinning from ear to ear. “I love you.” He said wrapping his arms around.

I rolled my eyes playfully and placed my hands on his shoulders. “You know Jared and Gen are both going to murder us when they see this right?”

“Totally worth it.” He grinned before pressing a passionate kiss to my lips.

[puddygeeks]

We Come Running - The 100 Bellamy x OC - Chapter 62: Unreliable Allies

Masterlist

Episode: Wanheda: Part One

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Sixty-Two

Smuggling my daggers into camp to avoid handing them in to our armoury, I packed away my clothing in a trunk in Octavia’s room and stared at my reflection. It was strange, but it didn’t feel like I had turned my back on the other side of me, but rather that I had merged the two as I promised to utilise what I had learned to assist my family. A knock at the door startled me and I whipped around to find Bellamy hovering awkwardly in the doorway.

“Heard that I might find you hiding out here. Didn’t expect to see you back in camp so soon.” He remarked as he smiled slyly and as I opened my mouth to answer, he shuffled into the room. “Look. I owe you an apology. I was out of line the last time that we spoke. I’m under a lot of pressure right now and I’ve put you in a similar position, which just makes it even worse that you’re the person I took it out on. I always want what’s best for you and sometimes that means disagreeing with you, but I don’t ever want to hurt you, not even by accident. I’m sorry, Inds. You didn’t deserve any of that.” He rambled, his face a sorry picture of remorse as he bared himself to me and I waited for him to allow me the chance to speak. 

“I’m sorry too. I was defensive and unwilling to listen. I didn’t stop to think about how all of this was affecting you, because you seemed so normal and you kept saying that you were okay, so I just stopped asking. I knew you were being weird the last time that I visited and it just wound me into a state. I should’ve listened to your opinion, instead of just yelling at you.” I explained, and his shoulders immediately dropped their tension as he realised that I wouldn’t be holding a grudge. “Are we good?” I asked him nervously, allowing him the opportunity to admit if there was more to his outburst than he had told me, but he simply smiled as he stepped closer to me, placing his hands on my shoulders gently.

“We’re good. You were right. I was being weird. I was feeling overwhelmed and missing you was stressing me out. I wish I’d just talked to you about it, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you how I was feeling until it spilled out of my control. I’m just not used to having someone to depend on.” He divulged, his hands warming my skin and I smiled at him in understanding. “I promise that I’ll do better, okay?” He offered with a sincerity that made my heart ache and I felt certain in this moment that I had made the right decision by coming home.

“Well, it should be easier for you to keep your stress levels down now that you won’t be missing me so much.” I responded cryptically and his handsome features contorted into a confused expression that made me chuckle lightly. “I’m gonna stay in Arkadia. No more running away. Arlo has more investigation to do in Azgeda and I know where I want to be. You were right. This is my home.” I revealed and a relieved smile lit his face up with such genuine joy that it made my stomach flip. 

“Really? You’re gonna stay? That’s great!” He breathed, before he seemed to suddenly doubt himself and anxiety crept into his demeanour. “This isn’t just because of what I said, is it? If you feel like you should be out there. I don’t want to hold you back.” He fretted worriedly and I smiled with appreciation.

“Bellamy, I swear. I’m here because I want to be. It came to time to choose a path and I realised that I already knew the answer.” I explained, causing him to regard me with fondness and sigh contentedly, lapping up every detail of my presence as if there were nothing else he could want. “I just want to make sure that you know you can talk to me about anything. Something you said before worried me, about living with your choices-”

“Love. I promise you, I’m fine. I was just lashing out because I was sick of everyone constantly bringing up Mount Weather. I’m just happy that you’re here. That’s all I need.” He cut me off mid flow with a very convincing assertion and the relaxed tone of his voice almost removed any fears that I carried, leaving only a trace of suspicion that I would continue to watch out for. “Now, if you don’t have any plans for the next couple of hours, I’d like to show you just how sorry I am.” He drawled, as his fingers deftly brushed the hair from my face, before cupping my cheeks and he closed into my space to place the first of many intoxicating kisses on my lips.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

Watching Lincoln and Bellamy spar was a strange experience, though as I glance around the room at the rest of our audience, I found that several of the female members appeared to be enjoying it for entirely different reasons. I couldn’t understand the necessity for them to be shirtless, but I was not about to argue with matters of testosterone and I had no objections to the sight of Bellamy’s toned chest glistening from the exertion. I bit my lip unintentionally and had to quickly remind myself that we were not currently alone, as a rose blush filled my cheeks.

Since I’d been home, Bellamy had been far more open to the idea of adopting some aspects of grounder life, including learning some simple parts of Trig from me. He was doing surprisingly well in the fight and it was clear that he’d taken my suggestion to allow Lincoln to assist with training seriously. He was able to stand his ground for substantially longer than before, even shocking me with a powerful flying punch, but it wasn’t long before he got overconfident and Lincoln threw him over his shoulder in a manner that only he would have the strength to do. Bellamy slammed to the ground with a groan, panting as his opponent hovered over him with his fist raised threateningly, before he stepped away in victory. He approached the waiting group to address them with authority.

“He had me, but he was too aggressive.” He analysed as he marched back and forth in front of the students and Bellamy struggled to his feet behind him.

“Whatever you say.” He remarked with a smirk and slid on his shirt, much to the disappointment of both myself and every other woman in the room.

“Quitting so soon?” Lincoln teased as he glanced over his shoulder at him and I was pleased to witness how comfortable he’d become amongst the residents of Arkadia. He’d settled into the role of training recruits quickly and I knew that many of them were inspired by his resilience. Personally, I enjoyed watching as he discovered his own sense of humour, but worried that his integration with us could backfire at any moment. Though my confidence in our leadership grew by the day, I continued to remain aware of our history and kept a careful watch for any signs of betrayal.

“Mapping run. Sector 7.” Bellamy answered absentmindedly as he finished getting dressed and I sighed with exhaustion.

Though I’d been aware that this was the plan for today, it had been easy to forget whilst occupied by the recruits and I would have preferred to remain in camp. It felt as if guard commitments were the only activity that filled my days now and I missed simply hiding out in our quarters. I didn’t regret joining the guard. It gave me the opportunity to keep an eye on Bellamy during patrols and it had been a rather well thought out plan on his part. However, part of me longed for the lazy mornings where we could be undisturbed, instead of waking to mission briefs in bed. 

“Harper. Let’s get this over with.” Bellamy called over to her and the blonde in question picked up a large holdall, throwing it to Lincoln with a smile. “Council wants you to have that.” Bellamy explained as Lincoln began to open the bag and my stomach lurched as he pulled out a guard jacket.

“I’m Trikru.” Lincoln stated, his eyes growing wide at the gift and he glanced up at Bellamy doubtfully. Internally, I wished that Bellamy had discussed this with me before he decided to act on the request, as I knew from my experience of integrating with the grounders that this was a much more significant situation than he realised and I fidgeted nervously on the spot.

“A uniform doesn’t change that. This is our home now, Lincoln. We fought for it.” Bellamy appealed, fixing him with an encouraging smile, whilst Lincoln simply furrowed his brows, an evident confliction in his face.

I cleared my throat to gain Bellamy’s attention and the moment that he peered over at me in the crowd, I shook my head just subtly enough to hint at him to drop the topic. He was immediately defensive of my silent criticism and turned to address the crowd instead.

“Too many of our friends died for it. On the Ark, the uniform meant something different. Down here, it means what we make it mean. Together.” He stated, attempting to inspire the recruits to great success and although I understood his perspective, I was uncomfortable with the councils intentions for such a gift. “My sister will understand that eventually.” Bellamy dropped his voice to a mutter as he leaned in close to Lincoln, but I managed to overhear him as I approached. I caught Lincoln’s eye as he reflected on Bellamy’s words and when he instructed the waiting audience, there was an evident tension in his voice.

“Pair up and fight. Now.” His statement was more commanding than usual and people rushed into their places with a greater urgency.

“You don’t have to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable, Linkon.” I offered calmly in Trig and he crooked a brow at me in interest. “She won’t appreciate seeing you in the uniform of the people who arrested her. No matter what he wants it to represent now. I’ll talk to him about it later.” I confirmed and Lincoln sighed in a gesture of stress, before striding over to Bellamy for a hushed conversation. I rolled my eyes at them and said a hurried goodbye to Harper and Monroe as I left to prepare for the outing.

I arrived into the hangar just in time for the Rovers return from the latest supply run to Mount Weather and began the check procedure that I’d harassed Raven into teaching me. It was near impossible to convince her to allow me to assist her with anything, despite my concerns about her exhaustion and so any tasks that I could take off her list were a blessing.

I’d made a habit of ensuring that I allowed time to get started on Rover maintenance significantly earlier than anyone usually planned to meet for any missions, so that when Raven arrived there was little point in her taking over. The supply group wasted no time in unloading and I worked around them in a well practiced routine.

“Oh, you’re already here!” A bright voice cheered and I turned to find Gina smiling at me, freshly returned from her task. I suspected that she’d mostly joined the guard to keep an eye on Raven and as I found myself in a similar position with Bellamy, I couldn’t blame her for doing so. “I was going to find you when we’d wrapped up here, but this saves time. You’re about to fall in love with me.” She crooned as she leaned back into the Rover to root around and I snorted in laughter at her playful comment.

“Is that so?” I remarked with a smile and Gina huffed in annoyance, before crawling fully inside the vehicle. “I think Bellamy would have a thing or two to say about that, you know.” I added with amusement and instead of a reply, several things clattered about as she knocked items over. Several of her crew mates seemed visibly annoyed by her antics, as they struggled to unload the supplies around her chaotic behaviour.

“I know it’s in here somewhere.” Her muffled voice sounded from between the clutter and I chuckled lightly under my breath. She cheered loudly in celebration and her head emerged from the door with a victorious smile. “So! Your brief was pretty vague on what to keep an eye out for, but I’m happy to report that I have absolutely delivered. Here is your Greek shit.” She teased, before presenting me with an immaculately cared for copy of The Iliad. I gasped in response, my eyes growing wide in surprise and she beamed with pride.

“Holy shit. Jackpot!” I exclaimed as I took the book in both hands, flicking through the pages in disbelief. “Gina, I don’t even know if I can thank you enough for this. You couldn’t have picked anything more perfect. Although, I didn’t just ask for Greek shit. I said that or anything mythology based. It’s not my fault if that’s all you focused on.” I defended and she crossed her arms at me, crooking a brow in a sassy manner.

“Right. So very cultured of you.” She drawled and I shook my head at her.

“Seriously though. You exceed all expectations. Thank you!” I enthused, staring down at the book with a deep appreciation and she beamed in response to the praise. “What can I do to pay you back?” I asked in a genuine voice and she shrugged as if she hadn’t done anything special. 

“There’s no need, Indie. It was a simple enough task and I can tell that it was important to you. What are friends for, right?” She responded cheerily and my brows knitted together as I viewed her with a feeling of dissatisfaction. “Okay. If you want to return the favour, you can keep a close eye on Raven for me on today's run. Kane won’t let me go straight back out and she’s been seriously overdoing it lately. I’d feel much better knowing that someone else had her back.” She suggested and I smiled thoughtfully, glad to find that she still had Raven’s best interests at heart despite their bond remaining in the friendship stage. 

“I’d do that for free, but sure. You’ve got a deal.” I confirmed, before returning to finishing up the work on the Rover.

Once I’d completed all the checks that I knew how to do, I busied myself with collecting my gear and dressing for patrol. It still felt strange to wear the guard jacket now that it was tied to a role rather than simply a sentimental item, but the fact that it was Bellamy’s helped to alleviate the awkwardness. This helped me to sympathise with Lincoln’s predicament and I made a mental note to deal with the situation when we returned from our task.

I navigated back to the hangar to find that most of our team was now present and chatting idly as they got ready together. Bellamy and Monty marched down the ramp with someone draped over their shoulders and I sighed as understanding dawned over me. I stepped out of the way to allow them to pass and Bellamy separated himself to approach me instead.

“Hey. I checked in with Kane and mentioned that you were worried. He’s cleared us to take guns this time, so if we’re unlucky enough to come across Azgeda, we’ll be ready.” He replaced as he placed a comforting hand on my arm and I nodded slowly. A loud groan drew my attention and I glanced over to Monty, who was struggling to get Jasper into a manageable position.

“Jasper’s wrecked again, I see?” I commented bitterly and Bellamy simply shrugged, unwilling to discuss the issue whilst we were surrounded by people. I sighed in disappointment and decided to attempt to cheer him up. “Well, I was going to save this for later, but you look like you could use a pick me up now.” I explained as I pulled the book from inside my jacket and handed it to him.

“What’s this?” He asked as he took it from me and turned it over to view the cover with a stunned expression.

“It’s a peace offering.” I admitted, sliding my hands into my jacket pockets awkwardly and Bellamy glanced back up at me with a fond smile. I’d hoped to show that I was invested in getting us back on track following the recent tension and the appreciation in his eyes indicated that this gesture had accomplished this. He seemed perplexed by this gift and I suspected that he was not used to being doted upon. I resolved to change this in the future. “I didn’t think I’d be able to get the exact book that your mother read to you, but I knew that I wanted to get something you could de-stress with.” I elaborated in a small voice, staring at my feet to avoid his eyes and found myself feeling uncharacteristically insecure. Bellamy stowed the book away and stepped forward to cut my face in his hands, forcing me to view him.

“Thank you, Love. This is perfect.” He confirmed, studying my face with a sense of wonder and I sighed with relief. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll relax tonight if you join me. I’ll even read you to sleep.” He offered and I giggled at the idea of him reading to me.

“Deal.” I whispered and he leaned in to kiss my forehead gently, causing butterflies to flutter in my stomach. “Let’s get this run over with.” I groaned, as I reluctantly pulled away from him.

I turned to find Raven examining my work on the Rover, checking that it met her standards and rolled my eyes at the realisation that she still felt the need to do this. People scurried around me as we prepared to move out and I busied myself with packing the necessary supplies into the back. Miller arrived late with a lack of enthusiasm for duty, a frequent pattern of his recently, and I overheard him and Bellamy discussing the use of guns as I placed the last item into the vehicle.

I moved round to the side of the Rover to find Jasper leaning against the doors in an intoxicated slouch and rolled my eyes at the completely helpless state of him. It was already becoming tiring to find him in a noncoherent condition and I couldn’t fathom how Monty was dealing with it on a daily basis. Right on cue, Monty appeared to throw a bucket of water over him aggressively and I was momentarily proud that he had started to absorb my assertions that he was too gentle in the way that he dealt with Jasper.

“Sorry. Was that too cold?” Monty drawled as he viewed him with displeasure and Jasper glowered furiously in response. The others shifted awkwardly in the tension as they stared at each other, before Jasper grabbed Monty and threw him against the Rover with a furious yell. He gripped him by his shirt, holding him in a threatening manner whilst Monty stared back at him with a deeply hurt expression, his eyes wide in shock. The pain in Monty’s eyes spurred me into action and rushed forward to snatch Jasper’s hands out of place.

“Back off.” I growled, my teeth bared in anger as I stood beside them and protectively leaned around Monty, shielding him from any further attacks. Instead of reacting to my fiery attitude, Jasper simply turned slowly away from me with a far off gaze as if he’d completely forgotten what he was doing. Remaining close to Monty to ensure that he wasn’t awaiting a chance to ambush, I watched Bellamy intercept him with an unimpressed expression.

“No gun for you. Not until you’re sober.” He ordered, staring him down with a commanding intensity and I could recognise that his behaviour was beginning to tax on Bellamy too.

“Don’t want one.” Jasper slurred, barely managing to keep himself upright from his intoxication and he swung his arm up for a dramatic solute, slapping Bellamy across the face with the tail end of the gesture before he stumbled away. Bellamy paused for a moment, holding his head down in the position that he’d received the hit in and it was clear that he was struggling to maintain his composure. When he finally looked back up, I was amazed at how calm he had managed to appear and everyone waited for his instruction in the heavy silence.

“Let’s do this.” He announced, spurring the group into life as they all split to take their places in the vehicle and I shuffled over to him with uncertainty filling my movements.

“I don’t think we should take him with us this time.” I admitted quietly, glancing through the window with a heavy feeling of dread in my chest and Bellamy sighed with reluctance. “He’s a major risk. We can’t afford that when we’re getting so close to Azgeda.” I added, unwilling to divulge that I also felt there should be a consequence for his unreliability. We’d tried almost every other approach to dealing with Jasper’s lasting breakdown and I was running out of ideas.

“Monty begged me to take him.” Bellamy mumbled and I glanced up at him with a pang of guilt. “If he hadn’t, I’d have dragged his ass out of the Rover by now.” He confirmed and I nodded solemnly in understanding. “We’ll keep an eye on him together. Come on.” He offered, smiling encouragingly at me before he moved toward the back door, but I reached out to halt him.

“Wait.” I blurted, gripping his arm tightly and he studied me with concern. I stared up at him with an overwhelming sense of foreboding and couldn’t keep myself from taking his face into my hands. “No risks out there. We all come back safe.” I asserted, caressing his jawline with my hands trembling and he met my eyes with confusion. After a few beats, he nodded slowly in agreement and I pulled him in for a quick kiss in the hope that it would provide me with the strength that I need to face today. We walked to the back door hand in hand and sat next to each other on the bench.

“You two are so cute. Makes me sick.” Raven commented from the driver's seat and I caught a sly smile in the rear view mirror. It was obvious that she had been watching us from her seat in the wing mirrors as we shared our moment and I had to chuckle at her deeply ingrained nosiness.

“Couple of murderers. Super adorable. No wonder you get on so well with Monty.” Jasper spat from the passenger seat and as Monty surged forward to grab him, Bellamy quickly reached out to stop him.

“Can it, Jasper.” I groaned, frustration clear in my voice and he glanced over his shoulder with an antagonising expression.

“What, Indigo? You don’t want to get into the shocking amount of people that you’ve killed?” He drawled as he stared at me with unfocused eyes and I clenched my jaw in annoyance. 

“Enough!” Bellamy growled with an aggression that he quickly had to reign in as the others flinched in surprise. “Raven. Take us out.” He added, peeking over at me to calm himself and I smiled back in encouragement. 

Raven began the sequence of preparing the Rover to drive and a variety of sounds announced it’s surge into life. I surveyed the apprehensive faces that surrounded me with a sigh and felt regretful that there was such a heavy atmosphere between us all recently. The days of laughter and relief seemed years away and I couldn’t help a melancholy feeling as I wished for those simpler times to return. The hangar doors creaked open and barely seconds later Octavia galloped into view, blocking our exit with her horse.

“Guess we found her.” Miller remarked with amusement and I noticed a fond smile spread across Bellamy’s lips at the sight of her. Although she still insisted on travelling by horse, I was glad that she would be joining us and knew that I would need as much backup as possible if we were to encounter Azgeda.

“Try and keep up!” She called tauntingly and Raven’s expression grew devious at the challenge. I knew that Octavia would be disappointed that I hadn’t joined her on horseback, but I felt that it was important to be able to keep an eye on Jasper and to support Bellamy in dealing with him.

The vehicle lurched forward as Raven sped outside and not for the first time I questioned whether allowing her to drive was a wise idea. Though I was glad that the adjustments made to the Rover allowed her the morale boost of being behind the wheel, I didn’t feel particularly safe with the erratic way that she navigated the dirt roads alongside Octavia. Jasper began to sing along to the iPod that he had plugged himself into in the front seat and Monty promptly leaned forward to remove his earphones.

“No way.” He commented, as he tilted his head to view him and Jasper rolled his eyes in annoyance. “If you’re gonna ride shotgun, you can’t just disappear.” He argued, before leaning back into his seat and fixing us with a tired face. I smiled at him sympathetically, offering my silent support and instead of gracefully accepting Monty’s expression, Jasper plugged the music into the Rover speakers. Monty shot an arm out to grab the device in annoyance, but Bellamy quickly caught him in motion. 

“Hey. It’s okay.” He offered in a calm voice that seemed to relax Monty’s frazzled nerves too, before glancing over at Jasper sharply. “It’s a long ride.” He muttered and I could tell that he was already dreading how we would cope with him throughout this outing as much as I was. 

Monty relaxed back into his seat and the tense silence fell upon us all again. The melody that Jasper had chosen began to ramp up and filled with space with heavy beats that I wasn’t particularly disapproving of. It was a song that I’d listened to years ago with my father, who’d introduced me to all varieties of punk as he considered it the spirit of rebellion and Miller was the first to cave to the effect of it, drumming in thin air enthusiastically. Monty pinched his brows as the responsibility of managing Jasper weighed down on him and the troubled drunk in question began singing from his seat. Bellamy watched him with a deep disbelief, causing me to chuckle under my breath before he addressed a particularly flirtatious lyric at Raven and I raised a brow in surprise.

“But I look at your pants and I need a kiss.”

Somehow, this seemed to encourage out the playful side of her that had been mostly absent recently and Raven joined him in singing, with Miller closely behind her, now drumming along to the beat with vigour. The tension around us rapidly disintegrated, feeling strangely nostalgic as Monty reluctantly sang along and I couldn’t prevent a smile from taking over my expression.

“But something wont let me make love to you.” I crooned as I finally caved and turned to Bellamy with a cheeky wink, at the exact same moment that Miller leaned on Monty’s shoulder, shaking his arm playfully. Bellamy shook his head as he chuckled at the strange scene unfolding around him. The more than I sang at him, the more he seemed as if he wanted to disappear into the side of the Rover to escape.

“Play with me!” I yelled over the song, disappointed that he was the last person still remaining well behaved and he snorted with laughter, before leaning close to me.

“I’ll play with you later.” He whispered in a deep voice as his hot breath tickled my ear and I pushed him away with a gasp.

Before he could say anything else inappropriate, Jasper turned to face us and climbed out of his seat into the back of the Rover. He was still shouting the lyrics to the song and leaned in close to Bellamy in an effort to break his composure. Instead, Bellamy simply turned his face away, as if hoping that if he just didn’t acknowledge him, he might go away. 

In a way, his wish was granted as Jasper stuck his head out of the hatch in the roof and we could hear his wild screams of celebration even over the blaring of the stereo. Bellamy and I shook our heads at each other with amused smiles and I couldn’t help feeling immensely grateful for this moment. Everyone around me was smiling and enjoying themselves in a way that I hadn’t seen in a long while, even Jasper and I treasured every second of it. The party atmosphere was quickly interrupted as something beeped aggressively from the front and Raven shut the music off to focus on a small screen that was loosely attached to the dashboard.

“Tracking beacon from the Ark!” Monty announced as he rushed into the passenger seat and the vehicle skidded to a stop. 

“Hey. That was the best part.” Jasper sulked as he slid back into a seat from his windswept adventure and I rolled my eyes at his ruined priorities.

“Who is that?” Bellamy quizzed as he shifted closer to the front seats and I did the same, glancing between Raven and Monty with interest.

“Farm station.” Monty confirmed and my stomach immediately flipped as I remembered that this was where both Jasper and Monty were from. I couldn’t help feeling hopeful for them already and couldn’t imagine how they must be feeling. Immediately, it occurred to me how stabilising it could be for Jasper if we could recover his parents and prayed with every ounce of my spirit for Earth to give us just one bit of good luck.

“After four months...how?” Miller piped up in a small, uncertain voice and I shared his confusion.

“We’ll find out. Where are they?” Bellamy immediately enquired and before I could question whether searching for them without backup was wise, the back door of the Rover swung open to reveal Octavia.

“Don’t tell me I missed the party.” She drawled, her face filled with disdain and I felt immediately uncomfortable under her judgement.

“Mostly the drunk being a pain, honestly.” I groaned, which was the truth, even if I had thoroughly enjoyed our few minutes of carefree fun. 

“Nothing new there.” She replied with a wry smile and I relaxed at the sight of it.

“Sector 8.” Monty confirmed as he turned to face us with wide, nervous eyes and I gulped immediately.

“That’s Ice Nation.” Miller commented bitterly and as our eyes met, I could tell that he was one of the few people who had actually listened to my warnings about how dangerous they were.

“What about it?” Octavia questioned, staring directly at Monty with a guarded demeanour and I was glad that she was here to support me with this risky situation. 

“Protocol says to go home. Let the Chancellor decide what to do next.” Raven stated in a remarkably out of character, reasonable answer and I glanced over at her with a brow raised in suspicion.

“Screw protocol.” Bellamy declared and I whipped my attention to him with dread pooling in my chest.

“Bellamy, this is Ice Nation we’re talking about. Crossing into their territory, especially without backup, is a bad idea.” I argued, glancing at him with terror filling my features and he viewed me with a mixture of annoyance and understanding.

“I know your views on them, Inds. But the Chancellor’s not from Farm Station. Monty and Jasper are. So is Miller’s boyfriend” He explained and I cringed at this revelation, realising that we had more people who would be determined to follow this in the Rover than I had first thought. “It’s your call.” He added as he glanced between them with bated breath. 

“Let’s do this.” Monty was the first to answer and though I was fearful, I could completely understand his need to find his family. Both Bellamy and I turned toward Miller, silently asking for an answer and I knew that his vote would decide our course of action. 

“You have to ask?” He replied confidently and I peeked at Jasper, who was staring at the floor, appearing to seem as invisible as possible. I sighed in disappointment and found myself missing the times when I could depend on him to back me up. Raven smiled from the front seat and Bellamy turned to Octavia with a determined expression. 

“Try to keep up.” He drawled tauntingly and she tilted her head at him with attitude, before returning her attention to me.

“This will go badly.” She muttered in Trig and I nodded slowly in response.

“Agreed. Be ready for anything.” I acknowledged, before she slammed the doors closed to return to her horse. Now that events had turned, I found myself wishing that I had bought my horse after all and hoped that we would still be able to maintain control of the situation. 

The Rover took off at a hurried speed and I clung to the seat for stability. Bellamy noticed my nervous behaviour and placed a hand on my thigh to comfort me, but it failed to take effect. My gut feeling was that this decision was a mistake and I remembered Arlo’s clear warnings about the dangers of ever entering Azgeda territory. Practically everyone that I loved was cramped into the vehicle that was now hurtling toward the border and I tried not to panic as I considered all of the ways that this could go wrong.

When we finally slowed to a stop, I stepped out to find that Octavia had already tied her horse out of sight and now remained close to my side as we both expected trouble at any moment.

“These woods must be the border.” Bellamy announced, appearing at my other side protectively and I kept my eyes focused ahead.

“They are.” I confirmed in a stern voice as I recalled the fear inducing lesson that Arlo had given me about identifying the lands and knowing sectors that I should never risk entering. Azgeda was always at the top of that list and every step I took toward it felt like a betrayal.

“So, where’s all the ice?” Jasper slurred, wandering around carelessly behind us as if he had no concept of the danger that we were in and I noticed that he was still not even carrying a weapon.

“Much further north. Azgeda stretches for a thousand miles.” Octavia piped up to educate them, before fixing me with a significant look. We both knew the risks that we were taking by doing this and I could tell that we shared the hope that we wouldn’t have to venture far into their lands. The further that we went, the lower our chances were of ever surviving.

“Good thing we only have to go two hundred metres.” Monty announced in a frantic voice, rushing up to us with his focus blindly set on the screen from the dash of the car and Bellamy had to throw his arm out to keep him pushing past us in his enthusiasm.

“Slow down. He instructed, his deep voice pulling Monty back into the present as he dropped back to address him. “Remember, rules of engagement are non lethal force.” He confirmed as Octavia and I continued ahead, forming the first barrier of defence which seemed most suitable considering our further knowledge of the culture we were dealing with. “Tight formation on my command.” He added, subtly ordering us to stay near him and we paused to both turn back to face him with an unimpressed expression in perfect sync, before Raven appeared at his side. “Raven, you stay in the Rover.” He commanded, glancing at her with frustration and she rolled her eyes at him with the same attitude as Octavia and I.

“Yeah, right.” She ground and I couldn’t help a slight smirk at our shared refusal to be treated like delicate women, despite my own nervousness around Raven’s safety.

“We need every gun we’ve got.” Octavia asserted, fixing Bellamy with an insistent glare before she turned back to me. “If this goes bad, you and I will cut them down whilst the others cover us with guns. We need to be in and out before any reinforcements arrive.” She instructed and I nodded in agreement.

“If reinforcements come, we’re all dead.” I confirmed nervously and she placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Daun ste pleni.” ⸢That is enough⸥ Bellamy ordered as Octavia’s eyes widened at his use of Trig. I smiled proudly at him, although I knew that he wouldn’t have understood our conversation and was merely trying to return our attention to the task at hand.

“They’re coming.” Monty announced urgently and we all tensed at his words as he stared at the screen. “120 meters. 110.” He took an excited step forward, before Bellamy pushed him back and raised his gun protectively. “They’re our people. What are you doing?” Monty hissed with aggravation and Bellamy glanced back at him with his brows furrowed.

“We hope they’re our people.” He argued and Octavia and I wasted in no time in unsheathing our blades. “On my command.” Bellamy stated, setting the others into action as Raven and Miller took positions in the trees either side of us and Monty attached the screen to his hop so that he could hold up his gun instead. 

The sounds of horses neighing carried in the distance, causing my stomach to flip with nerves and barely a few moments later, the riders came into view. I could recognise their armour even from a distance and as they neared, their bright white faces inspired a deep feeling of terror in my stomach.

“Ice nation?” Bellamy asked with wide eyes, as if finally realising the risks that we were taking in being here and I gulped in answer.

“Yes. White war paint.” Octavia revealed quietly and I watched them closing in on us with my heart hammering in my ears. 

“We’re fucked.” I hissed as Octavia met my eyes and we both frantically attempted to form a plan. “Let’s be respectful. We may be able to talk our way out of this.” I whispered urgently and she gave a subtle nod in agreement. She quickly returned her blade to it’s sheath and I stowed my dagger away too.

“Stay calm.” Octavia instructed to the others, before she held her hands up in surrender and I followed suit, ensuring that I remained close to her side as she took a few cautious steps forward.

“Who are you?” The closest rider called out aggressively, their Trig sharper than I was used to and I peeked at Octavia to check which one of us would answer. She lowered her arms now that we had indicated our peaceful intent and I was glad to be able to keep my hands closer to the handle of my dagger, ready to grab it at any moment that things took a turn for the worse.

“Skaikru. Looking for our people.”  Octavia replied assertively, ensuring that she was clear that although we were willing to cooperate, we had no intention of being trodden over.

“Looking for Wanheda.” The other ride announced, and Octavia and I glanced at each other in confusion. I continued to appeal to them whilst Octavia translated for the others.

“We are no threat. We only ask for permission to enter your lands to recover those we lost in our arrival. We will leave as soon as we have completed our task.” I explained in an even tone and the riders seemed surprised by my ability to speak in their dialect. Octavia at least appeared somewhat as one of them, with her hair still neatly plaited back, but since changing back into my original clothes I was unable to command the same respect amongst grounders as before and I began to wish that I’d stayed in the clothing that Arlo had given me. 

“Who’s Wanheda?” I heard Bellamy ask as the lead rides began to dismount his horse and noticed Octavia staring intensely at me from my side.

“I don’t know.” She grumbled in frustration and I took a moment to meet her eyes. “Any ideas, Indie?” She investigated and I shook my head regretfully. I had no recollection or Arlo ever mentioning this name or title, and it seemed that Indra hadn’t educated her on it either. The lead rider crept closer to us and I gulped as I tried to think of a way to get us out of this mess.

“The light. That’s the beacon.” Monty muttered from behind and my gaze fell onto the flashing item on the riders belt. There was no way we could easily take this and I failed to imagine anything that we could trade for this item that he wore as a trophy. I realised with a crushing clarity that this did not bode well for the chances of those from Farm Station.

“Hey! Get back here!” Bellamy’s sharp voice startled me and before I could even turn back to investigate what was happening, the riders raised their bows threateningly. I held my hands up in an effort to calm the situation and just missed the opportunity to catch Jasper as he stumbled past. Everyone called out individually to him in protest and Octavia barely managed to grasp the back of his bulletproof vest, but was unable to stop him from advancing forward.

“It’s okay. I got this.” He slurred as he stumbled toward the ice nation warriors and my heart leapt into my throat as it took all my self control to remain on the spot.

“Tell them we observe the Commander's truce. Do it now.” Bellamy ordered with panic flooding his voice and Octavia obediently repeated the message. The men relaxed their bows slightly at these words, but as Jasper continued to approach their leader, he stared down at him with a furious scowl. As if completely unphased by the chaos around him, Jasper snatched the beacon from his belt.

“This belongs to us.” He announced, closing in on the leaders face and then promptly turned on the spot to return to us. He barely managed a single step before he was grabbed by his vest and held with a knife to his throat.

“Where’s Wanheda?” The leader growled, his blade already pressing into Jasper’s throat and I could barely catch my breath through the terror that pulsed through my body. Octavia held her hands out in an effort to calm things, but our group had already raised their guns and the bows of the enemy were pointing at us again.

“Breik em au!” ⸢Let him go⸥ Bellamy yelled, holding his gun tightly and I was relieved that I had managed to teach him some limited Trig now, as the more of us that addressed them appropriately, the more we seemed like allies.

“We don’t know who that is!” Octavia argued, even her voice raising in stress and I felt my heartbeat pounding as I stared as Jasper. “Please. We can help each other.” She offered in an attempt to de-escalate, but with Jasper in such a vulnerable position, I lost my patience with peaceful bargaining.

“This boy is an idiot, as you’ve seen, but very important. He is the Chancellor’s son. We had an agreed ceasefire with your Heda. If you kill him, you will be breaking that and our leader will bring wrath down upon you, with the entire coalition in support. Make the right choice.” I yelled in an aggressive manner, lying through my teeth in the hope that I could use my knowledge of their politics to  intimidate them. For a moment, it seemed as if they would release him, until a smug smile spread across Jasper’s lips and a wave of nausea crashed over me. The leader of the riders quickly noticed this and I felt a ripple of concern spread through our group, as they all reacted in various states of shock to his insane behaviour. I could hardly believe what I was seeing and my heart broke into a million pieces as I realised just how bad his mental state had become.

“You think this is funny?” His captor growled in fury and this small act of perceived disrespect pushed him over the edge of reason. He began to cut into Jasper’s throat and without a moment of hesitation, I whipped out my knife.

“No!” I screamed as I launched the dagger with all of my might and it cut through the air like a missile, until the blade planted itself deeply into the leader's face. Fortunately, Bellamy was quick to cover me, shooting down the rider whose bow was pointed at my face and the others began firing sporadically in every direction. 

“Hold your fire!” Bellamy called, frantically trying to keep anyone from being caught in the crossfire as panicked shots filled the air and Jasper stood frozen to the spot in a daze, as the grounder that had been holding him hostage fell to the dirt behind him.

“Jasper, get down!” Octavia cried, prompting him to drop without question and she spun as she threw her machete straight at the chest of the remaining rider. Before any of us could move a muscle, or take a single breath of relief, the radio crackled loudly from our vehicle.

“Rover one, come in. Repeat. Rover one, come in now.”

“What now?” Bellamy groaned as he rushed over to answer it and Octavia and I both rushed over to Jasper.

“I had him.” Jasper mumbled in a pathetic attempt to defend his insane actions and I could barely contain my temper as we hauled him to his feet. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Miller called over as he and Raven parted ways to approach different parts of the rover.

“We got the beacon, didn’t we?” Jasper wheezed as he clutched at the wound on his neck and I rolled my eyes in frustration at his ridiculous reasoning.

“Yeah. But where did they get it?” Monty argued, his disappointment in this outcome evident in his face and I made a mental reminder to check on him once things had calmed down.

“He needs to get to medical.” Octavia instructed as we dragged him over to the Rover and leant him on the side for stability. Miller jogged to meet us with a med kit from inside and Octavia held our patient in place whilst I got to work bandaging him as best I could.

“I swear to god, Jasper. If I wasn’t so glad that you didn’t just die, I’d kill you myself.” I scolded as I wrapped bandages as tightly around his neck as I could without choking him, despite feeling as if I easily could at this moment. My hands shook from a mixture of terror and fury as I worked and I struggled not to be distracted by Bellamy shouting into the radio about whatever event had gone wrong now.

“Take him home!” I almost jumped out of my skin as Bellamy stormed around the front of the Rover and bellowed toward Jasper with a temper that I’d never before seen from him.

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” Jasper groaned as he leaned over to face him and I slapped his cheek gently to stop him from fidgeting whilst I was attempting to stop the bleeding, but also to burn off some of my frustration with him. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to continue making snide comments after the destruction that he had just caused and didn’t have the mental capacity to pull Bellamy off him on top of everything else that I was dealing with.

“Miller! Get one of the horses for Indie!” Bellamy barked and Miller rushed off to complete his task, clearly not wanting to worsen Bellamy’s already aggressive attitude. “Octavia! Raven can’t ride, so you’ll need to take her on the back. Inds, can you take that idiot with you? You’re our best first aider.” He enquired, softening his voice as he addressed me and I nodded at him nervously.

“He’s losing a lot of blood. It’ll be a challenge to keep the pressure up and ride, but it’s that or he bleeds to death here, so….you can bet your ass I’ll get him to Abby.” I answered firmly as Miller returned with a horse and Octavia began helping me to push Jasper’s already weakening form up into place.

“Miller. Monty. You’re with me.” Bellamy ordered and the boys wasted no time in returning to the Rover. He took a step to follow them, but I caught his arm to pull him back.

“Bel. Keep your head, no reckless decisions. I can’t take any more injuries today.” I asserted as I clung to his arm and he flashed me a tender smile that immediately calmed me.

“You just worry about getting home safe and I’ll do the same.” He muttered under his breath and placed a rushed kiss on my cheek, before tearing himself out of my grip to stomp to the Rover.

I hopped onto the horse with Jasper clinging to me from behind and Octavia tied him to me as a safety precaution that we hoped would not be necessary. He looped an arm around my waist and his chin came to rest on my shoulder, whilst his other hand remained gripping the wound tightly as instructed. Just as we finished preparing for the ride back to Arkadia, I watched the Rover disappear into the distance and mentally made a little prayer for the safe return of those inside.

[call-me-merlyn]

I found a list of my favorite things you ever said to me. I cried in a way that I haven’t since I was a small child- broken by my parents’ words, mistakes, and anger. I curled my knees to myself and remembered that I can do hard things. I started to wonder where we went wrong. Because my feelings for you never changed. But then I realized that was never the issue. These words I read now ring as true today as they did over the four years you wrote them. But I want them back. I want you back. I want pragmatism and growth. I want to talk about the hard things and work them through. But I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything because you don’t want to hear it. Because you’re hurt and you want space. So if you stumble upon this blog- the one I told you not to look at all those years ago- I will let a few snippets of your words remind you. Mind you, these are 12 out of about 30.

1. Baby. I want the future with you. It just hit me so hard. I want the visions I have. I want us and I don't see that changing. We are the most beautiful couple I have ever encountered. Not just because we're both convinced the other is drop dead gorgeous, but because I see such magnificent potential in us, together. We are that rare couple that could actually have the dream life that everyone wants and fears is impossible or that they don't deserve it. Health, happiness, adventures, perfect children, successful careers, growth and excitement, cuddles, intellectual stimulation, respect for each other, kisses that leave us breathless, freedom, good friends that we both care about, a lovely home, a dorky dog or five, all the sex we can handle, our families coming together wonderfully, and true fucking love. I want it all with you and I believe that we can have it with all my heart. Ugh I want it and I'm so excited to build towards the future we want. With you. Every damn day, one day at a time.

2. Morning love. To build a home? I'll always like yours more. I'm binging your music this morning. Speaking of songs that make me cry. Night in shining armor? I love that whole analogy. Your words are one of my favorite things about you. I love the music that spills from your lips, whether you're singing or laughing or reading or teasing me. It's all heavenly music to my ears. I'm so proud to be your person, your once and future someone. I love you so much. The dark times have passed baby, you brought the light back into my life.

3. This one's hard to explain. I've never met someone who is such a clean harmony. Your identity, your character, is a beautiful, pure chord. Every interaction I have with you I hear that resonance, and the notes weave together perfectly. That chord resonates with who I am on such a deep level, and I could hear it from the very first moment we interacted. I want to listen to that chord every day, to hear it form your melody, day in and day out. Puzzle out it's layers and listen to you add more. And to play my own song to match yours, to create our own wonderful song in this life.

4. You elicit feeling so well with words, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate

The way you express yourself so effortlessly

Because I've always prided myself on communicating verbally

But it comes pretty effortlessly to me too

Especially when I talk about you

I know I keep coming back to this, I'm sorry

But it resonates so strongly with me

To imagine you as a song, chord, or melody

The way your music weaves with mine

Haunting, ethereal, and divine

You make my eyes and heart shine

With love and affection, at my most painful times

When I can't feel it about myself

You come to my house and put happy memories upon my shelf

I want to show you how much you mean to me

So that you will always see

You are my light

And in the middle of the night

When I roll over and feel your breath

On my neck, I don't fear death

Because a life next to you is a life worth living

The love I have for you is a love worth giving

5. I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and to be honest that show really means a lot to me. I'm not sure why I bonded it with it so hard, it feels kind of silly in retrospect, but I did. In the episode, the main character runs into the girl who left him at the altar for another man, and they talk about true love and who you choose to be with. And the guy has an open moment about his yearning for that special connection that people find so rarely. That spark between people that's so unique and magical when it occurs. The song Careful by Michelle Featherstone plays in the background. I'm sure you've heard it, and it just pulled at my heartstrings. Maybe listen to it as you read this? Bc I am as I write. It makes me think of you. I've said it before, and the words fall flat, but I'm so damn grateful for you. Every piece of you. The fractals, the perfectly formed little moments of unadulterated Merlyn, that come together to form this perfectly cohesive being of fucking light. You know me. And I don't like to admit that I falter, or that I need help from anyone. It goes against what I've been trained to be by my father, my experiences, and my own cynical nature. Before you walked into my life...I wasn't entirely happy. I was missing something. I could feel it. And it made me ache. I went looking for it everywhere, even though I wasn't sure what it would look like when I found it. But I knew how it would feel. And you... you rescued me. From my own damn self. I'm prone to loneliness for a number of reasons. I'm solitary. I like to be independent. I'm proud. I can be harsh and judgmental. I get exhausted by humanity. I can be very sensitive when I'm vulnerable, and I don't like to give more than a handful of people the power to touch my heart. But since you walked into my life? I don't have to look anymore. I have never felt such constantly genuine, gentle, fierce, and unselfish support from anyone. Not from my parents, not from friends, my cousins, my lovers. No one has ever looked at me the way you do. No one has ever been so unyieldingly loving. Every time I have trusted you with more of my heart and my self, you do your absolute best to make me feel valued and loved. No matter how that best manifested, I have always felt your effort. You are always careful with my heart. I used to carry around this utter, soul crushing feeling that I missed someone. Someone vital. But there was no one to miss. And I didn't know where to direct that desire for connection. I got lonely because I wanted someones company...that I didn't know. But since I met you, I haven't felt that even once. I have only rarely felt lonely, and even in those moments, it was because I fucking missed YOU. Your laugh, your touch, our connection. And that's such a revelation to me. To know the face of the person I feel I've been missing all this time. It's been you. I love you, Merlyn. You are an unparalleled treasure to me.

6. God damn it Merlyn, I have so much love for you. I'm so lucky to have you, the thought of losing you is a nightmare. I want late night quesadillas and then to push each other to eat right. I want to scoff at each other's baby names until we get to ones we both love. I want to be your shoulder to lean on, cry on, or try to dislocate with a kimura. I want yours to be the same for me (maybe without the kimura bit?) I want to sing duets with you and write stories on lazy Sunday afternoons. I want to make you grin and I want to make you bite your lip. I want to hear your breathing every night when I go to sleep. I want to put Tristan on my shoulders, have a debate with Chris, try to get your cat to like me. I want you to cuddle into me and let me hold you at night even when I get hot because you're the most precious fucking thing in the world to me. I want you to train with my dad and shop with my mom. I want to get drinks with your mom and laugh at your dad's dirty jokes. I want to travel with you, go jet skiing on tropical islands and throw snowballs at each other in the mountains. I want to walk around crowded cities with you until I get too anxious but you tell me to chill out and stop being such a baby about it. I want to hear my daughter call you mother. I want to see you spin like you did when I first walked you home. Nothing brings me more joy than the thought of sharing the little moments, the big moments, and everything in between with you. Nothing is worth jeopardizing that future for me. I love you with all that I am. Count on it.

7. I just read all your words top to bottom and they hit me hard. I've been looking at them as bits and pieces. One day, one note at a time, not a tapestry. All together in one sitting, I can just feel where your heart was, and maybe still is. I hope it still is in some ways, because I've never been loved like how you love me. Not with such admiration or surety. I've never been wanted the way you want me. It makes me feel simultaneously unworthy and determined to live up to your love. It breaks me to feel the pain in your pen strokes. I want to wrap you up in my arms and fend away anything that would ever make you cry. I hate myself sometimes for making you cry. It breaks me every time, a corruption of my purpose. Every time, to read the simple words "today was hard..." It rips me apart. I love, live to see you smile. To laugh with you. To make music with you, whatever the form. I'm sorry for all the pain I've ever caused you, my darling. It's never my intention. You are my most precious gift, and words fall short of expressing the breadth and complexity of my feelings for you. They boil down to what you've written over and over again though: I want this life with you. I want all the complications, all the routine days, all the late night phone calls, and the adventures. I want to walk around knowing we have the same last name. I want you. Endlessly I want you. I wish I could pull a fragment of that feeling out of my chest and give it to you just so that you'd understand. God I miss you. I love you. You are my partner, and I hope that stays true for the rest of our lives. I can't say it enough. You are everything to me. I want you to express every part of you, never stop, because I love them all. Every mellifluous note in your melodies, every word of poetry in your fascinating mind, every fierce moment on the mat, every tear that falls in your fragile, vulnerable moments. I want to be there. To give you love and to be the best partner I can be. For you. God I can never say enough

8. Kay I'm heading to bed so gonna write this out. It's difficult. Love defies definition by its very nature. Which is a paradoxical statement right out the gate but whatever. I started writing my response in a philosophical approach but it didn't feel right. There's no need to ramble about Forms or essence or any of that philosophy mumbo jumbo. All that matters is how you opened my eyes. I used to think that love was about passion above and to the detriment of everything else. I used to think that love and pain were joined at the hip, inseparable. I used to fear that love was a curse, a burden, a surrender. I used to think that to fall for someone was a trap, and that you were taking a terrible gamble by giving someone the power to destroy you. I used to think that relationships were ropes and that love was a noose. I used to think that love was jealous, demanding, forceful, combative. I used to think that love was sporadic and messy. I used to think that there was no true, sustainable happiness to be found. You've turned it all around. Hell, you've upended the board and thrown away the rulebook. You've shown me that love is a balance of passion and choice, that they should play off each other build each other up. One is useless without the other. Passion will burn you out, but so too can you drown going through the motions. I've been through both. You're the only one that has struck the balance with me. You've shown me that the only necessary pains from love are the growing pains. I've been given and dealt horrible wounds, been through wars. Our relationship is the only one in which both parties can put their weapons down. You've shown me that love is a tank of oxygen when you're drowning, a shoulder to lean on, an investment. Trusting you with my heart has liberated and empowered me. I believe that trusting me with yours has done the same for you. We use that understanding of each other to lend strength, to give joy, to protect. You've shown me that relationships are lanterns and that love is the sun. You lit up my world. You've shown me that love is generous, thoughtful, gentle, supportive. You've shown me that it's steady and pure. You've shown me that happily ever after isn't just in storybooks. It's attainable. We have an obligation to chase it. We've been given a gift. And I will be grateful for it for the rest of my life. I will cherish it. I will cherish you. You've given me everything. You are my true love. Goodnight I hope you sleep well

9. Darling, gorge yourself on my love

I pray to God that it’s enough

To fill you up and keep us above

The water line of that rising slough

Darling, gorge yourself on my heart

I pray to God it’s what you need

Ignore the pain in the darker part

Come home again to me to feed

Darling, gorge yourself on my mind

I pray to God it’s what you want

Those angry echoes you may find

Don’t let them drive you from this haunt

Darling gorge yourself on me

I pray to God I’m what you crave

I know I’m flawed but I can be

The one who saves you, the one you save

Oh darling, I’ll gorge myself on you

On your mind and body, heart and soul

So darling, gorge yourself on me too

To keep us human, keep us whole

10. I want us to be tethered by the sea, to back each other to the hilt, to paint the walls red with love, to get lost in the light. Baby I promise I will take true care of you, tell you that some things last, and know you better than your piano. Because you found me. You came out of nowhere, you made me fall in love with a single touch, and this ain't a haunted house no more. I can't take my mind off of you. Only you can help me to forget the terror that comes and goes in waves. You keep me warm, and I know that all will be well and we'll be just fine. So don't give up love. Three more months, flyin your way home to me. We'll be inches apart and even closer at heart. So send me your location, cause I'm jealous of the wind that ripples through your clothes. Put your eyes on me, and I know a place that we can get away. Say you won't let go, tell me it's real, and let's go somewhere only we know. We won't need to take our clothes off to have a good time, but I'll get the lights and you lock the door, cuz we won't leave that room til we both feel more. Cause I see it all without the lights. No one will ever see you the way my eyes do. You are something to behold. Elegant and bold, you are unforgettable. You are the fire and the flood. Last night I woke the fuck up, realized I never wanted anything so much as to drown in your love. If you could read my mind love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. I feel life for the very first time: love in my arms and the sun in my eyes. Ohh I fall apart, and I can't help falling in love with you. I still can't believe that I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me. At (college). I made a fumbling play for your heart, and the act struck a spark. I want to be with you for the rest of my life and beyond. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to you and go straight into your arms. I'm in love with all that you are.

11. You always wonder about the future. What makes you different from the others. There are infinite answers, but some of the biggest ones are that..you make me understand and feel things that people always say but never mean. Until you, I've never truly wanted all of someone. And I mean it when I say I want ALL of you. I am in love with every inch of you, every word that comes out of your mouth, every little habit, every quirk. I have wanted every piece of you in every moment that I've known you without fail. I have never adored anyone or anything so much. You are perfection to me. In the truest sense of the word baby. You make the cliches make sense. You make them feel not cliche. It's incredible. You make sense in my bones. I am so in love with you. I can picture nothing more glorious than a life with you. That's how I know you're the one. Because it's obvious. And when it's right, it should just he obvious. Easiest choice in the world.

12 Goodnight ____. I hope you sleep well. I really enjoyed hanging out and listening to you play tonight. I know you were half joking about how I should be paying you compliments, but your music abilities really are such a gift. It always makes me happy when you use them. You get this energy about you that’s so wonderful to see. I’m listening to your soundcloud stuff again now. Been a while since I’ve done that, haven’t had access to the account for a bit. I wish you had more of your stuff on here. It’s all so lovely. It always makes me think about us. You don’t seem to care for it much, but especially To My Future Someone. I hope I live up to all you dreamt I’d be when you wrote those words. I hope to the gods I’m the one you sang about. Because you are everything I ever wanted in a true love, and more. Things that I didn’t even know I needed. You’ve made me a kinder, much more grateful man. And a happier soul. You deserve the best in this world, and I’ll always do my utmost to be him. I’m so in love with you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, my light. Sweet dreams.

When did the thought of losing me stop being a nightmare? Because the hurt was never more than this. Never more than this love. You said in another snippet that you’d do anything to be the person I built a home with; you’d do your best to be the my person and to never hurt me. But you don’t want to be with me. And you chose your nightmare over your dreams. And I still choose you. I still chose you every second of every fucking day. It was my nightmare too and I’m living it.

But, I’m changing. I’m harder now. The tears don’t fall quite as easily as they used to. And at least I know who I am now. I am a warrior. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am new. Don’t think 8 weeks can change someone?? Come see me again. I’ll show you exactly who I’m not anymore. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my love for you.

And if you want to lose these words and this love, so be it. I won’t fight you. I won’t fear you or that anymore. I don’t want to be the only one fighting. I can’t. And I won’t be afraid of my worst nightmares because they have come true and even though I pray I won’t lose you, nothing in this life is certain. If you don’t want to fight, I will be someone else’s light someday. And I will shine unashamed; unabashed; strong and sure. I will bring beautiful children, music, and love into the world. But until then, I’ll be my own light, and set my darkness aflame every morning, just as I have since the day you left. After all, there’s not much darkness left anymore.

[billyhardgrove]

precious and rare, THAT’S HAPPINESS

A/N: So @hoppersj​ messaged me with this request and during the process of writing they helped me to capture the reader’s perspective so give them a cheeky follow!! I hope you enjoy this one xx

You remembered staring at the two girls across from you, the three of you in the food court of the mall, as they giggled and clung onto each other’s every word, and the shallow dejection that began to fill you as you watched the couple. Robin had been seeing Katie Fraser for three weeks at that point, the honeymoon phase in full swing at the beginning of their relationship and as happy as you were for your best friend, you couldn’t help the disheartening feeling that seemed to follow.

You had never been in a relationship yourself, the thought of something being both appealing and terrifying at the same time. You couldn’t deny you wanted a boyfriend, someone to care for you, to love you. But the little gremlin in the back of your head unjustly told you that they wouldn’t want you. And that thought taunted you. Glancing down to your wheelchair, you frowned to yourself, the sight of the thing you felt was holding you back from finding happiness in someone causing your stomach to sink.

Your mind fought with emotion, it taking a toll on you. You found it so emotionally draining, for the wheelchair and Cerebral Palsy brought with them the awareness of other’s judgement. People didn’t treat you the same as another, with them either falling nosy and intrusive of the reason as to why you were in the chair or else instead treating you as though you were a child, with their condescending tones and slow words, it never ceased to bother you and took a heavy toll on your self-esteem and anxiety. The stares, the remarks, the lack of understanding, it was unfair how ignorant and rude some could be.

But then someone you didn’t expect entered your life and restored a small amount of hope in humanity that you thought would not return, someone who didn’t treat you like the majority did.

It was on that same day that you saw him in his sex god glory and it was on that same day that you first spoke to him. Your water bottle had accidentally been knocked to the floor, it dancing across the ground to where it interrupted the path of Billy Hargrove. His posse were behind him, Tommy, Carol, Jack and Lesley, and they all came to a halt upon Billy taking notice of the bottle. Annoyance was thrown into the air by Carol at the abrupt stop, but Billy ignored her, as he picked up the bottle and glanced around him to see who owned it.

And his eyes noticed your own staring right at him though you said nothing to claim the bottle as your own. Instead, Robin had noticed the brief episode and called out to the blonde boy herself; “It’s Y/N’s.” She shouted over, pointing slightly towards you and Billy’s eyes fell back to you, a small warm smile on his lips. Your eyes widened slightly as he began to walk over to you and you felt your heart pick up as you realised what was happening.

You had had a crush on Billy ever since he had arrived at Hawkins, but just like every girl it seemed. You had watched how he would go through different girls each week, how he would flirt with them, charming and charismatic. And you couldn’t deny the mild jealousy you felt that you hadn’t been one of them. But every good thing always came with a price it seemed, because you had heard things, heard how aggressive and troubled the boy was. You had seen the cuts and bruises that littered Steve Harrington’s face back in November and you had heard the rumour that Billy had been the one to do it. And you couldn’t deny that you were horrified at the thought. Though a new rumour a few months after had started to circle the student body, a rumour that suggested that Billy wasn’t all bad, that he wasn’t as angry and aggressive as he used to be, that he didn’t get into trouble as much, that he was, dare you say, good. And although that frightful thought of how he beat up Harrington had tainted your crush on the boy, this new news seemed to slowly reverse that flaw.

And with his gorgeous curls accentuating his Hollywood face, he looked nothing short of a movie star, and your stomach fluttered at the thought of him approaching you.

He was now right next to you, hadn’t even said a single word, and your cheeks were heating up at his mere presence. Letting your eyes flutter back and forth from his own to the ground, your mind was screaming at what was happening.

“I believe this is yours, princess.” Billy smirked at you, setting the bottle in front of you and you felt your throat run dry, words struggling to leave your mouth in response.

“T-thanks.” You finally managed out, your cheeks tinting a warm red and Billy’s lips turned into a closed smile at your shyness, his eyes seeming to sparkle at you. He let his hand tap against the table once before backing away from you but not before calling back.

“Try not to trip up anyone else, yeah?” He had teased you, sending you his dazzling smile that had your stomach erupting at the sight. And it was directed at you!

I won’t, you thought, though you only gave him a timid smile in response before the boy turned and walked away.

And that was it, that was the day Billy first noticed you, that was the first day that you had captivated his interest, though he knew you were so much more than any girl he had been with. And it had all been over a stupid water bottle. Who knew a situation so trivial and simple would lead to something so wonderful.

Two months on, you still thought about that day quite a bit, including now as you glanced over to the tanned Californian. The pair of you were watching a movie at yours but really you hadn’t been paying much attention. Taking in your boyfriend next to you, he continued to stare straight at the TV, although a small knowing smirk started to grow on his lips.

“Wow, you’re paying more attention to me than your favourite movie. I am flattered Y/N.” Billy cockily joked, turning his own gaze to you now. You felt your cheeks heat up at his flirtatious words. Two months of knowing the boy, two months of him flirting with you constantly and you still couldn’t help but blush every time.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, feeling shy now that he had called you out.

“Don’t apologise, princess. You know I love when you check me out.”

Again, goddammit, why could you feel your cheeks tinging red?

“What’re you thinking about?” Billy then asked, curious as to what could possibly distract you from the movie you adored.

“Nothing, really.” You replied, deciding not to get into it, but Billy wasn’t having it.

“Nah, bullshit. Tell me, baby.”

“I was just thinking about the day we first properly met, and how insecure I felt about being in my chair. The thought of having a boyfriend seemed far-fetched to me.”

Billy nodded his head listening to you intently.

“I don’t know, it’s stupid.” You tried to back out of telling him the full extent of what you felt.

“Don’t belittle your feelings like that.” Billy told you, placing the palm of his hand against your cheek, as you stared at the ground for a moment before looking back up to meet his gaze. Those gorgeous eyes of his never failed to hypnotise you into some sort of trance. “And now?” He asked and you fell confused for a moment, not knowing exactly what he was asking.

“How do you feel now? Are you happy?”

“More than anything, Billy, you make me so happy, I just-“ you cut yourself off, collecting your thoughts for a moment before trying again

“But why...” you trail off, not really sure how to word your question. “I just don’t get why you’d wanna be... you know...”

“I like you, Y/N” Billy got the gist of what you were saying, about your hesitance as to why he wanted you.

“But-“

“Why do you have to question it? I like you so much, baby. So much that it scares me.” Billy told you, his words suffocating with so much genuineness. “In fact, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and… you know what, fuck it. I love you, y/n.”

And your mind raced at those words. It wasn’t quite sure if it had registered exactly what Billy had just said to you and you couldn’t help the silence that fell between the two of you.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have told you that.” He began to backtrack, regretting telling you since it had left you so shocked and caught off guard. To him that meant that you didn’t feel it back, to him that meant that he had scared you off, to him that meant that he had fucked it and he began to beat himself up at the thought. That was the last thing he wanted to do. “It’s not possible for you to forget the last 30 seconds, is it? No? Ok I’ll-“

“Billy stop.” You laughed lightly at him, a grin taking over your face at his distress. “I’m glad you told me that. I just, I didn’t expect it really.” You told him, the words I love you echoing in your ears. “I love you too.” You told him truthfully, you had known it for some time now but had been too scared to tell him. Thank God he had told you he felt the same way first because you didn’t think you could keep it in any longer.

The biggest smile you had ever seen on the boy spread across his lips, his entire face lighting up at your words. “Really?” His voice broke slightly.

You nodded your head, smiling at him and he just looked at you lovingly before leaning in, his hand finding your cheek once more and his lips finding your own.

And your stomach began to flutter the way it always did when you were around Billy, except now it was amplified, it was much more intense, it was a feeling that felt precious to you, something that was somewhat rare, and you were certain it was happiness.

[josephmozzerellaswife-blog]

Expecting the Unexpected Part 4

IM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! I have been slammed with school and work so I’ve barely had time to write! Luckily I was sick for the past couple days and finally got to finish it. I hope you all LOVE it as much as i loved writing it for you all.

Warnings: fluff, angst, childhood illness, SMUT (at the end)

Word Count: 6500+

Summary: When Joe gets back from his recent business trip he notices something is up with your new little one. Can an urgent ER trip change your lives for good?

That night was even worse. Every couple hours Scarlet’s walling would jolt you both out of your sleep, her cries crushing your hearts with each beat. You turned to your phone for the time, 3:47 am.

“It’s my turn, I’ll go try to calm her down again.”

Joe was so strong through all of this and you never understood how. He had his breaking moments, but never let you feel like you were alone, his constant reminder that you all were going to get through this. Scarlet was going to win this battle.

He was persistent about you staying in bed. Not only did you watch Scarlet constantly during her treatment the day before but Joe knew that you weren’t eating because of your anxiety. His worries only grew as you continue to push aside your health for Scarlet. Of course he understands why you’re doing it, you can’t help, it but he just wants you to be healthy.

The last thing you remember was Joe crawling back into bed as he wrapped his arms around your waist, placing a light peck against your forehead.

“I love you Y/N. It’s crazy how much I love you, you know that?”

“What’s crazier is that I love you even more.” you whispered in a daze, your eyes quickly getting heavier by the minute.

“Not possible my love. You are my everything and more. The both of you.”

He kissed you passionately against your lips, his soft lips melting into yours, each time falling deeper and deeper into him. He was such a tease but you were both so tired that this was all you needed. Each other. Him holding you. Falling asleep in his arms.

The warm sunshine woke you from your well needed rest. The only thing missing was Joey but you figured he just went to check on Scarlet. A quick buzz of your phone drew your attention as the screen lit up.

“Joe Mazzello leaves Oscars in a hurry. What’s actually going on and is there another “hospital visit” in store?”

Normally you would be furious at the press but your worries were easily redirected to the bigger picture. Scarlet. You always knew that dating Joe would bring unnecessary attention to your life but you could care less about the media. Joe was your true love, your soulmate, he was everything to you and more. A little press wasn’t going to change that. Then came marriage and little Scarlet. Everything was falling into place and the media was there to share it the whole time. Even when the press angered you, Joe was there to remind you that nothing else mattered to him but you. Only you.

After browsing through the various press releases about your husband and his ‘dramatic’ exit, you finally brought yourself to stumble out of bed. Not so gracefully throwing on one of Joe’s hoodies, you made your way down the hall to Scarlet’s room only to find your adorable husband asleep while swaddling your precious little one. Their snores, although cute, bounced off the walls into an echo. You couldn’t help but laugh. Scarlet was a perfect mix of you both but she has the best of Joe’s personality. You threw on a fuzzy blanket over Joey’s legs and cracked the door open ever so slightly, trying to avoid waking your sleepy family.

You threw yourself into your husband’s spot on the couch and clicked on one of the movies Joe always kept in the dvd player, “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It was always one of your favorites but Joe opened a new view of the movie to you. His experience with film making and acting always made movies so much more magical to you. Visiting on set, dress rehearsals, press tours, everything that went along with the movie was a new experience. You always tried your best to have these experiences with Joe. Undrafted was the first time you both got the chance to do it together as a married couple. He always took you with him for interviews, showings, even most of the filming days.

A familiar buzz took you from the memory as you glanced to the coffee table, it was Gwilym.

Morning Y/N, I tried to reach Joe but didn’t get an answer. We were all just wondering if you all would like to go out for some tea later, say about noon? We both know how much Joe loves a good afternoon tea, or literally anytime he can have it. It’s just a little something for us to show our support, plus it’s been a while and we’d love to catch up! Kisses to Scarlet for me! X

You were very quick to reply. Whenever you could hang out with the gang, you always took the invitation. Plus Joe could use some quality time with his friends and you really just wanted to take your mind off of things and talk with Lucy.

Of course Gwil! We’d love to. The Huntington Rose Garden Tea Room is our favorite in the area! Please tell me you’re bringing that lovely fiancé of yours, Lucy and I need another girl to talk with.

Yes she is! I take her everywhere after all. She’s dying to meet the little one! Hopefully she’s not feeling to bad. I am so so sorry about everything that’s happened. Just know that we are all here for you guys if you need anything!

Thank you Gwil that’s very kind of you all. See you at noon!

Time felt like it flew by. It was about 10am when you heard footsteps coming from around the corner.

“Good morning my love. Someone felt a little ill so I slept in the rocking chair last night.” he mumbled, rubbing circles into his eyes.

“I saw. All I have to say is how did I get so lucky to have a sexy, multi-talented husband who cares for his child and wife while dropping everything to be with them. You really are my knight in shinning armor Mazzello, you know that?”

His eyes couldn’t leave your face, your body. His gaze grew deeper into yours, falling in love with you more than he ever thought possible. He inched closer to you by the second, his lips soon locked to yours. Joe set the sleepy child into her portable crib he assembled the day before. He swiftly twirled you back into his arms, your lips interlocked again. You pushed him into the couch, quick to hover over him as your touch remained constant. His hands sliding down your back as you inched closer to each other.

“You drive me absolutely insane Y/N.”

“Funny, I was about to say the same thing as you.”

Your touch never left his body, the distance from each of you nonexistent. If it weren’t for the little one right across the room you knew for sure it would have been more than a steamy make out session.

“You’re such a tease Mazzello.”

“I am? Speak for yourself.”

You both fell into simultaneous giggles, your head leaning against his chest as he stroked your hair.

“I could do this everyday. Just you and me. On this couch. But a little more-“

“Watch it Joe. Baby in the room.”

His gaze grew deeper into yours as a smile creeped along his face.

“Well, you already know then don’t you.”

“I have an... idea I suppose.” you said, a wink shooting in your husband direction.

“God the things I could do to you.”

“Joey!”

“What. It’s true.”

“Ugggh, you tease.”

His playful smile soon fell to yours in a slow, passion filled kiss. It was true that Joe always felt like home. Even if it wasn’t New York, whenever you were with Joe you always felt safe. Nothing was ever gonna happen to his favorite girls after all.

“I almost forgot. Gwil texted earlier, invited us to afternoon tea with the whole gang.”

“Your joking.” he said, barely hiding the excitement in his eyes.

“Am not. Told him we’d bring the whole fam. After all, it’s been a while since we’ve taken Scarlet out and it could does us all some good to get out of this apartment.”

“I love you.”

“I love you to Joey.”

He placed a kiss against your forehead as he continued to rub your arm.

“I’m glad you’re here. With me. I don’t know what I would do if I never meet you all those years ago. Tom really did do his magic didn’t he.”

You giggled. Tom Hanks was originally the one who introduced the two of you. You weren’t an actress but he was a family friend and knew about your love for film. He insisted you come to set and even offered you a role as an extra for the end of the shoot.

“I couldn’t Tom. I’m not even an actress.”

“Come on Y/N I know you’d love it!”

As much as you wanted to say no a cute, fiery redhead walking this way had other ideas.

“Oh you have to take the part. A gorgeous girl like you can’t just be sitting on the sidelines. You’d be perfect!” he said, his eyes fighting to stay on yours.

“Y/N this is Joe Mazzello. He plays Eugene.”

Your face instantly flushed a deep shade of pink as you saw Tom’s smile grow from ear to ear out of the corner of your eye.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.”

“So what’s a gorgeous girl like you saying no to Tom Hanks?”

“Oh Tom is just a family friend. I’m no actress.”

“I beg to differ. With that personality you could do anything.”

“Anything?”

He smiled. You could tell that even though he came on strong, deep down he was really shy and judging by the group of men whispering from a far, this seemed to be a big step for him.

“Well I was wondering if uh- you wanted to uh-“ he stumbled over his words, the confidence he had quickly turning into his shy persona again.

“Get coffee sometime?” you giggled.

“Really? You want to go out with me?”

“I don’t see why not. You are very sweet.”

He blushed before your turned to give him your number. Little did you know, that the part Tom has planned for you was to dance with Joe’s character at the end of the final episode. Even though it was cut from the show, Tom had planned for you to meet Joe the whole time. When he spoke at your wedding along side Steven Spielberg, they mentioned how one day they were talking about the two of you and noticed how similar of a chemistry you both had. Ever since then you’ve been together and you both owe it all to those lovely men.

Joe noticed how you were day dreaming. He could only wonder what you could possibly be thinking about. He loved how that intelligent brain of yours worked. When he looked at you again he noticed you dozed off. Considering that you were laying on top of him, he just held you tight, never letting go. He always felt the need to let you know how much he loved you.

You were both soon woken up by the small cries of your ill child from across the room. It hurt you to see Scarlet in such discomfort. Even though she wasn’t throwing up anymore and most of the hard side-effects had worn off by now, you could still tell she wasn’t her best. You grabbed her medicine off the counter and swopped her up to breastfeed. It was only a few more hours before you left and you didn’t want her to be cranky considering it would be the first time you all hung out in a while. You quickly swaddled her before laying back next to Joe to feed her.

“You’re amazing. I honestly don’t know how you do it.” he smiled.

He always knew you would be a fantastic mother. He could tell just by the first time you both spoke about having children, the tone of passion and excitement in your voice.

Joe offered to finish cleaning up Scarlet so you could go and start to get ready. Bless that man. You decided to go with something simple and just throw on some jeans and a comfy sweater. You were just about to leave the bathroom when you looked in the mirror,

“Yikes. Looks like I didn’t get very much sleep last night after all.”

You quickly powdered your faces and threw on some sloppy concealer just to cover your under eyes before heading down the hall to Scarlet’s room.

“Joey honey go get ready, I can get her dressed.”

“I’d love to but you know this is my favorite part.”

You both laughed in unison. It was true, Joe was quite the fashionista when it came to baby clothes.

“Ok well I’m on baby duty when you’re done Mazzello. We are running late.”

“Yes ma’am.”

God he always knew just how to make you laugh.

You swooped the baby from his arms as you pointed to the bedroom door, obviously trying to hold in your giggles. You slowly rocked your little one as you sang one of her favorite songs, trying to get that cute little smile out of her.

I was born to love you

With every single beat of my heart

Yes I was born to take care of you

Every single day of my life

It didn’t take very long for her sweet, gentle eyes to light up across her face.

“How did mommy ever get so lucky to be blessed with you and daddy?”

Little did you know, Joe was standing in the doorway all jazzed up and snapping pictures of the two of you.

“Have you been there the whole time?”

“Most of it. We’re gonna be late but I could stand here and watch you all day.” he giggled, a tear running from his eye.

“Aww love, don’t cry.” tears were quickly forming in your eyes.

“You both are just so incredible. I don’t know who i’d be without you.”

He encased you in his arms, his chin resting on your head while one hand wrapped around your waist and the other on Scarlet’s head. You wish the moments like these could last forever. While you rushed out the door and got Scarlet all situated in her car seat, Joe made sure that everything you might need was in her diaper bag and quickly followed you.

It was about a 45 minute drive to the tea room and Scarlet slept for most of the car ride, although both Joe and your singing might have woken her up a few times. Thankfully she was in a great mood.

“I’m so glad we get to do this. I know how much you’ve wanted to do something like this since the diagnosis.”

“I’m just glad I get to do it with you. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to spend the rest of my life with.” the tears slowly began to fill your eyes.

“Aww baby don’t cry. I know it’s been tough but I will always be here every step of the way, through everything, not just this.”

“I love everything about you Joey. Even your snores no matter how many times I have to nudge you at night.” Your tears soon turned to laughter before you both got out of the car.

The paparazzi had been following your car for the past 15 minutes so you already knew what to expect. Joe had quickly unbuckled Scarlet and swaddled her in the blanket before he came around the car to grab your hand. Thankfully Ben had come outside to help escort you both past the outrageous amount of cameras.

“Seems like you three are quite the popular bunch.” Ben joked.

“To bad it’s just to find out about if we are doing our jobs as parents right.” you muttered.

Joe placed his hand against your low back, slowing rubbing up and down.

“Are you crazy? Obviously you both are the best parents. Everyone knows it, even the paps.” Gwil chimed in.

“Uggh it’s just frustrating. I know i’m not supposed to care what they think but this is mine and Joe’s child they are talking about.”

Joe could tell you were getting upset just by the way you were holding his hand.

“Why don’t we go find our table yeah?” Joe implied, looking to Ben.

Ben noticed what Joe was trying to do.

“Hey Y/N/N, you mind if I pull Joe aside really quick.” Ben asked.

“You don’t have to ask silly.” you smiled, taking the baby from Joe’s arms.

“Besides I think everyone is dying to see Scarlet anyway.”

As you walked away from the two handsome men, you were greeted by Rami, Lucy and Gwilym’s fiancé who you had met a couple times before.

“Oh my gosh Y/N has she grow already since the last time we saw her? It’s only been a few weeks!” Lucy exclaimed.

“I know she is growing like crazy lately. It makes mommy a little sad doesn’t it sweetie.” you say, as you direct your attention to your daughter who Gwil was now holding.

“She better stop growing, otherwise I won’t get to call her my little squirt anymore!” Rami laughed while Lucy nudged his arm playfully.

You noticed that Joe had been gone for a while now and it was starting to worry you. What could he possibly be planning? Was he ok? Your anxiety was starting to get the best of you after the encounter you had not long before.

“Excuse me for just a moment, I’m gonna go to the ladies room. Lu do you mind watching Scarlet for a minute?” you said as your worried expression was painted across your face.

“Sure love! Scarlet loves her auntie Lucy time huh little one?” she said as she let your little one hold her finger.

As you got up Gwil noticed a tear running down your cheek. He looked to his fiancé with a concerned look on his face,

“Love would you go check on her? I think she’s having a rough time with all of this.”

Gwil had told her about everything Joe had said the night before so she was somewhat caught up to speed.

“Of course, I can’t imagine any of this being easy for them.”

Just as she began to walk away Joe and Ben had entered the private room to join the rest of the group. Joe scanned the room for you after noticing Scarlet was with Lucy.

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Oh she just went to the restroom, she should be back in a second.” Lucy said, but something still seemed a little off to Joe considering the way you stayed close to him earlier.

“Joe-“ Gwil whispered, trying to get Joe’s attention.

He looked to Gwil instantly. Maybe he knew something?

“I noticed Y/N starting to get upset before she left so my fiancé went to check on her. Is everything all right?”

Joe hesitated. He didn’t know if he should tell him or not but Gwil was one of his best friends and Rami and Ben already knew.

“She’s been having a rough time. Her anxiety hasn’t been the best lately and it’s been hard for us with the whole diagnosis and all.” He looked to Scarlet, holding in whatever tears he had left.

“Joe I- I had no idea man. I’m sorry.” he could tell Gwil felt bad for asking, it was a touchy subject after all.

“No Gwil it’s ok. We appreciate everything all of you have done for us. It’s been hard and it’s not going to get any easier but with all of you supporting us it’s been very helpful. We can’t thank you guys enough.”

He smiled resting his hand on Gwil’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna go check on Y/N and see if she’s alright.”

Joe couldn’t get up from his seat any faster, his worries about you growing with every step.

You heard a knock on the door as you were crying into Gwilym’s fiancé’s shoulder.

“Who is it?” she said, trying to hand you more tissues.

“It’s Joe. Honey are you okay?”

You looked up from her shoulder.

“Baby please come in.” you managed to spit out between sobs.

He swiftly opened the door encasing you in his arms.

“Love oh no. Are you alright?”

“I’ll give you some privacy.” she said before leaving the room.

“Joe I thought I could do this. I really did. It’s just so much all at once and with the paparazzi and all eyes are on us right now. It’s just a lot. I don’t want to leave, I want to be here with our friends but I just needed a minute. I’m sorry i’m such a mess, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“Y/N/N don’t you ever say something like that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control love. I want to be here for you. I want YOU. You are the only thing I care about right now.”

His words comforted you along with his warm touch. You needed him so bad right now and you couldn’t understand why. It only took you a couple more minutes to calm down from your anxiety attack. Joe always knew how to help you through them. You pulled yourself together and Joe held your hand as he guided you both back to the table.

“Sorry for that. Just needed a moment.” you apologized.

“No need to apologize Y/N. We’re all here for you guys.” Ben explained.

It was obvious that everyone knew what was going on by now and an instant relief flew through your body. Everyone important to you both knew. Now the only thing left was the world but it’s definitely not the time for that. You smiled over to Gwil’s fiancé and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ as she smiled.

“So how has everyone been? I know everyone has been quite busy lately.” you pointed out.

“Well 6 Underground has been a blast! We’re almost wrapped too! One production is finished you bet i’m gonna be at your house all the time to watch that little one of yours.” Ben winked to you, something seemed a little suspicious but you couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet.

“And I’ve just done a finally press tour for Top End Wedding! Movie weddings are fun and all but I can’t wait to experience the real thing soon.” Gwil smiled as he wrapped his arm around his fiancé.

“Rami and I have been doing a lot of traveling lately. See the world together. It’s been great fun.” Lucy turned to kiss Rami on the cheek.

“That’s fantastic! We’re glad you all are doing so well. We missed you guys like crazy.” you laughed.

“We missed you guys too. Especially last night.” Rami explained.

“Congratulations by the way Mr. Academy Award winner.” Joe nudged his shoulder.

“You could say that. I couldn’t have done it without all of you. Even you little squirt.” Rami smiled, looking to the small child resting in his girlfriends arms. He tickled the little girl until her giggles flooded the room causing everyone to laugh along.

You adored how much everyone loved Scarlet. There was never a doubt in your mind that they wouldn’t love her even if she was born right before BoRhap’s big premiere.

The rest of the afternoon was wonderful. Everyone chatted about what was going on in their lives and all the new upcoming projects. Scarlet was definitely getting all the attention no doubt. Everyone insisted on holding her and giving her all the cuddles in the world. It was way past her nap time so when she fell asleep in Ben’s arms he looked a little scared.

“Uhh Joe mate. What did I do?”

“Nothing Ben.” he said while everyone continued to laugh,

“She just fell asleep. It’s way past her first nap.”

Joe took her from Ben to relieve him of his baby duties while everyone else finished their tea and conversations.

It wasn’t long after that when everyone said their goodbyes and loved on your little one for the last time. Except for Ben. Something was definitely going on. Maybe this was what he pulled Joe aside for?

As the paparazzi scrambled to photograph everyone leaving, there was one in particular trying to catch shots of your little one before Ben got into the car.

“Hey buzz off mate. Don’t you know what boundaries are?” Ben threatened the man still shoving his camera towards your child’s face.

Joe was quick to step in, keeping you close behind him before helping you into the car after Ben had Scarlet situated.

“Babe what’s going on?” you questioned, puzzled by the blonde sitting directly behind you.

“I may have a little something up my sleeve planned for tonight.”

Your puzzled expression quickly grew into a smile. He always planned the best surprises.

“Oh is that so?” you teased, having an idea of what might happen tonight.

“What can I say. I’m full of surprises.”

“You don’t fool me one bit Mazzello.”

He smiled at you placing a kiss to your lips before getting into his side of the car.

On your way home, you noticed that Joe had missed the exit to go back to Ben’s hotel. You figured that was on purpose based upon the quiet giggles and smirks the two men had exchanged while passing it.

“What in the world are you two planning?”

“What are you talking about Y/N? I just asked Joe if he could drive me back to your apartment because I forgot some stuff there.” Ben explained, but something still seemed suspicious.

If Ben really had left something there, wouldn’t he have texted Joe about it before we left?

“If you say so.” you smirked.

This left the boys with a puzzled look on their faces. Did you already know what they had planned?

By the time you drove into the driveway, Scarlet was already asleep for her late nap so Ben had no problems switching her from the car seat to his arms. Joe helped you out of your side of the car and his hand quickly interlocked with yours as you both followed not to far behind Ben and the baby.

When everyone went inside, you noticed a suitcase had already been packed and was sitting by the front door. Trying to avoid anymore questions you simply just plopped down on the couch and flicked on one of your favorite tv programs.

“Babe I’m just gonna uh- grab something really quick i’ll be back.” Joe fumbled over his words as he looked to Ben.

He swiftly stammered down the hall and Ben day himself next to you on the couch.

“Any plans for tonight?” he said with an anxious tone to his voice.

“Nothing that I know of. Just another night in.”

Ben was quick to react to your words, a smile plastered across his face just as you said them.

You hadn’t even noticed Joe had come back into the room until you felt his warm touch slide across your arm.

“Love wanna come with me for a drive? I have to run and go pick something up.” he stuttered.

“Where to?”

“Oh it’s nothing just a few errands. Ben can watch the baby right?”

“Oh sure, I don’t see why not.”

You could clearly see right through Ben. He knew something you didn’t.

“Is love to go babe. After all your next project is coming up soon.”

Joe swiped the keys off the counter as you quickly went over to give Scarlet hugs.

“Momma will be back later ok sweetie. We love you.” you said as you kissed her forehead.

Just as you were walking out the door you noticed Joe grab the suitcase that was still sitting by the front door. He not so secretly threw it in the back of the car before helping you into your seat. He swiftly ran around the car and jumped into the driver’s side before handing you the aux cord.

“Anything you want love.” he offered.

“Anything?” you teased, hoping he might have an idea of the song you would pick.

You clicked on your favorite Elton John song The One and a smile lit up across Joe’s face. You always sing this to him when he is feeling down or upset about something because it perfectly describe what Joe is to you.

When stars collide like you and I

No shadows block the sun

You’re all I’ve ever needed

Baby you’re the one

The whole way to this “errand run” was filled with all your favorite artists and songs. The only thing that confused you was when Joe changed one of he songs that came on, Get Down, Make Love by Queen. He never said changes songs from your playlists ESPECIALLY Queen songs because he knows they are one of your favorites.

“Something wrong love?” you asked, your hand soon laying on his. You couldn’t take it anymore, What in the world was going on?

“Joe what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird since we left the tea room today.”

“Nothing. It’s uh- a surprise.”

Just as he said that, you pulled into the most fabulous hotel covered in golden, bright lights and fancy architecture.

“You didn’t.”

“I told you I had something up my sleeve.” he smirked, shooting a sly wink in your direction.

“So I’m guessing that’s what the suitcase is for?” you giggled.

“I may have called someone to pack us a bag.”

“And Ben? Is this why he pulled you aside earlier?”

“He asked if we wanted a day just for us so I called and made some reservations.”

“Well you did a damn good job of hiding it Mazzello. It’s almost like you’re an actor or something.”

You both flooded the car with laughter.

“Almost huh?”

You both got out of the car and Joe grabbed the suitcase out of the back before grabbing your waist to twirl you around.

“A night all to ourselves!” you screamed.

Don’t get me wrong you both love Scarlet with everything you have but it’s been so long since you’ve both had the night alone.

“After you my love.” Joe said, gesturing you inside as he held the door.

His hand never left your side the whole time, constantly keeping his touch to your body known.

“I have a reservation under Mazzello.”

The lady shot you a quick, jealous look before bringing her eyes back to Joe.

“Of course. Top floor.”

“Top floor! Joe I-“ you loudly tried to whisper to Joe.

“Hey. No ruining the surprise before we get up there.”

“What do you mean? I thought this was the surprise?”

“Oh like all I was gonna do was take you to a fancy hotel for the night. Someone has to make up for this morning.” he teased before placing a sweet kiss against your lips.

“What do you mean-“ Then it hit you.

“Oh so that’s what’s going on here. Let’s just say we’re gonna have a fun night then.” you teased right back.

When you walked into the gigantic room, or should you say suite, your mind was blown.

“Joe this is absolutely gorgeous! How did you even find this place?”

“Let’s just say a friend recommended it to me.”

“Ben?”

“Nooooooo.” he said trying not to laugh, but it was pretty obvious by then.

Then you noticed the bed. Boy was that gonna be some fun later. It was blanketed in hundreds of rose petals, all which were making the room smell incredible.

“You’ve really outdone yourself here Joe. You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

“I did. You’re my wife and I love every inch of you, you’ll find out just how much later.” he winked, god he drove you absolutely insane.

“Oh will I?”

He nodded before swooping you off your feet and pinning you against the bed.

“Why wait?”

He lifted you up before you grabbed his shirt and threw it off his body. His lips pressed against yours, slowly making their way down to your neck.

“You wouldn’t happen to need this would you?” he said pointing to your shirt.

Your face quick to say no as your hands continued to entangle in Joe’s fluffy red hair. His hands make their way down to your waist when you feel your pants become loose as Joe pulls them off.

“Little eager are we?”

“With all the teasing that happened today? Most definitely.” he said, your hot bodies resting against each other.

Your panties became so wet after that comment, that burning sensation you needed from your husband pounding you against the bed. You went to slide them off before Joe stopped you.

“No No. Those are for me.”

His hands soon met your waist again after trailing their way from your breasts, pulling off your filthy, wet garments. His hand brushing the inside of your thigh, the throbbing from your desperate clit increasing. You pulled him closer, his chest against yours.

“Give me your best Mazzello.”

“Don’t I always.” he smirked before whipping out his long length. 

He gave it a few pumps before brushing it against your folds, pushing into your chamber. He covered your mouth to hide your loud moans, his soon to follow. He slowly pumped himself into you, easing you into your orgasm. Your nails digging deeper into Joe’s back.

“Babe your so tight around me.” Your moans now louder as he increased his speed, rocking the bed against the wall.

“Joe i’m so close.”

“Cum for me baby.”

His words sent you over the edge as you hit the peak of your high, his thrusts slowing to string you along through it. His lips meeting yours as he made his way down to your neck, sucking a purple mark into it. His hands had you pinned to the bed, his length still pumping into your slick folds. You roll over on top of him, guiding him into his orgasm. You loved the way you felt when his cum filled you up. Both of you breathing heavy as you come down from your highs. You throw yourself back down next to him on the bed.

“That was incredible.”

“Let’s never wait this long again.” he smiled.

“Round two?” you begged as your eyes met his.

“As much as I would love to fuck you all night, I had more planned for tonight.” You smiled as your hand brushed his cheek, your lips placing a kiss upon it.

“You’re absolutely perfect. You drive me insane and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” You slowly intertwined your legs with his, your head falling upon his chest as you hear the steady beat of his heart grow quick.

“I don’t know how I ever lived my life without you.” He placed a tender kiss against your scalp.

You pushed yourself off the bed and wandered over to the suitcase that barely made it through the door. Quickly rummaging through it, you found one of your favorite dresses to wear on date night. It was a short cocktail dress that flowed just above the knees and hung off your shoulders, the entire dress then blanketed in a thin lace. Not only was it your favorite, but Joe’s too.

“Such a fancy dress, what’s the occasion?

“You’ll find out.” he smirked before approaching you, twirling you into his arms, his hold on you ever so tight.

You shuffled to the bathroom to throw on your outfit with the strappy heels that were pack for you along with some subtle makeup. You weren’t one to go all out with your makeup but considering how the night was going so far, you wanted to make it special. 

By the time you were done getting ready Joe had already changed into your favorite dress shirt of his with black slacks, your clutch in his hand ready for you to grab.

“After you my love.” he gestured towards the door.

You barely made it out the door before he smacked your ass and you giggled like a little school girl.

“Joseph!”

“What? You’re such a tease little lady! I can’t help myself.”

He ended up taking you to The Grove first so you could pick up a few books that Joe had noticed you had wanted over the past few weeks and then to one of your favorite clothing stores in LA.

“Joe this is too much. I don’t deserve all this.”

“Are you crazy! Not only are you the most incredible human being, but you are the most amazing mother and wife through all of these unfortunate events happening to us lately. I owe you the world love.” His words sent you to tears, your head falling against his chest.

“Joe I-“ he left you speechless, his hand gently rubbing your back as the other played with your hair. His lips fell to yours, falling deeper in love with him by the second.

Dinner was next on his agenda and he took you to the most gorgeous and lavish restaurant in town. You hadn’t even noticed that the paparazzi had been following the two of you around until Joe had to tell them off a couple of times while leaving the place.

Your night ended with a steamy shower session and throwing on some of Joe’s pjs before hoping into bed.

“Today was absolutely incredible babe. Thank you so much.” you pleaded, your head deep into one of the new books Joe had bought you earlier.

He plopped himself into the spot next to you, his arm quickly wrapped around you.

“You deserve it my love. You deserve it all.” He turned to place a kiss against your temple before you met him in the middle, your lips pressing against his, falling deeper by the minute. You could have fell asleep lying against him until your phone vibrated against the side table.

“Joe Mazzello and wife Y/N Mazzello seen without the little one. Are they abandoning their sick baby just for a fun night out on the town?” 

A tear fell from you eyes as Joe sat up from his position on the bed.

“That’s it! We need to tell the world Y/N. I’m sick of everyone bashing us, bashing you, for something that they don’t even know about.”

“I agree. The world needs to know, but how are we supposed to tell them?” Your words calmed him as you both laid back into the heart shaped bed, your head resting against his chest. You could feel the pacing rise and fall of his chest.

“We are going to figure this out Joey. Everything will be ok.”

He looked to you before breaking down, tears slipping from his cheeks. He wasn’t crying from sadness though, it was almost a relief for him. The world needed to find out, and it was going to be soon.

Taglist: 

@onehystericalqueeen @sevenseasofky @queens-n-roses @soberandfurious @toger-raylor @sincereleygmg @mrsmazzello @myfreakydeaky @readdyyfreddie @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @misterbrianmay @heartsarecompatible @ixchel-9275 @benmeadowstaylor @slutfordeacy-mazello @winnielinleigh @everybodyplaythegame @radioxtaylor @deakyspuff @okiegirl24 @imagines-xxx @classypaintercolorcowboy @super-heros-are-my-life @brookecarney1 @florenceivy @rogersradio

Thank you all for being so patient!! I have school testing for the next month so I’ve been slammed. I hope you all enjoyed!❤️ Don't forget that my requests are ALWAYS open!!

[renywrites]

Newest Edition

I’m back with another part to my omegaverse au!! This time Keith has a baby... there is baby. 

*

Keith absolutely adored his baby.

Of course, he had loved his baby from the moment they had found out he was expecting and that, for once, everything seemed to be in order. No miscarriage. No complications. Nothing at all that was worrying in any way. The doctors were a bit worried about the birth, considering that he’d had some complications in the past, but they had scheduled a C-section in order to have complete control of the situation. Which was more than fine with Keith.

He and Lance had decided to wait to see the sex of their child was at birth. Lance liked surprises, and Keith wanted to venture away from the binary-construct that came with having a baby boy or a baby girl. He’d been adamant, despite the teasing from the more traditional side of Lance’s family.

And because he loved his omega and his not yet born baby, Lance had spent an exhausting weekend painting the nursery a light shade of green and white, constructing furniture and converting the office into their baby’s new room. Keith had overseen, of course,

The more pregnant Keith got, the more fussy and emotional he became. At first, it was endearing. He was more protective of Lance, always sure to scent his alpha furiously before and after he came home from anywhere — work, the store, a friend’s house.

He was also more snuggly than usual, often curling up either in one of Lance’s shirts and a nest of blankets, or simply in his mate’s arms. He liked it when Lance touched his belly and talked to their baby. He liked being close to his source of safety and comfort.

However, there was also the downside of the hormones. Keith got upset very easily. He cried over things constantly, sending Lance into a mess of panic and concern and worry. It was often nothing more than a stubbed toe, being unable to reach something, or maybe something on the TV (he always tried to dissuade him from watching soap operas, but after a nasty fight over it, he had given up).

Not only that, but midnight cravings were serious and made him mean if he didn’t get what he wanted. Lance became a regular in the Taco Bell drive through at odd hours in the night. And Lord forbid anyone comment on his eating habits.

However difficult pregnancy was, Keith was still so happy at what was coming from all of it. He spent hours in the nursery, falling asleep in the rocking chair or reading the picture books they’d been given.

After the baby shower they’d been thrown, Lance had taken to working from home for the last couple of months until the due date. Keith was still insistent on doing things on his own, and Lance regretted buying a house with so many stairs. Although once Keith got to a place he liked, he generally stayed put. Working from home gave the omega time to unpack all of the things from the baby shower, and gave Lance peace of mind.

This doesn’t mean Keith wasn’t still his same stubborn, independent self.

One morning, Keith woke up with a funny stomach ache and a weird pain in the very low part of his back. A look at Lance told him he was still asleep, and the clock by the bed read 6:58am. It was still too early to be awake.

The omega sighs, rubbing his face and resting a hand on his belly. As usual, their baby gives a little kick, pulling a smile from its mother.

“You behave,” he whispers, “or we’ll wake up your daddy.”

He gets another little kick in reply before the baby rolls over and settles.

Keith settles in, drifting just back to the cusp of sleep, when a sharp pain cuts through his reverie and up his spine. He inhales sharply, pushing to sit up. His heart was racing, but the baby seemed okay. There was no blood between his legs, he checked first thing. Maybe it was just a weird bout of back pains.

Lance shifts beside him, just barely awake. “Wha...? S’early, baby, c’mere…”

He reaches for his omega, and Keith lets himself be pulled back down into the warmth of his alpha and the covers. Lance’s hands settle neatly on his belly, his face tucked into the back of his neck. “Okay?” He rumbles.

Keith nods, melting against him. “Okay. Just… restless.”

He gets another sleepy rumble in reply, then a soft snore. He smiles to himself, rolling his eyes, and settles back in. The pain doesn’t come back right away, and sleep comes easier tucked away in Lance’s arms.

*

The pain comes back later that morning.

He was in the kitchen, putting dishes away — because even nine months pregnant, he still insisted on being useful — when it happens.

The pain is sudden and blinding, tearing up his spine and through his hips. Keith gasps, dropping the plate in his hands and reaching for the counter. The plate shatters at his feet, but he hardly registers it, too busy focusing on not biting through his tongue. After a few seconds, the pain is gone and he’s left panting and hanging onto the counter.

A few seconds later, Lance comes skidding into the room. “What happened?!” He yelps, gingerly scooping Keith up and away from the broken ceramic, setting him carefully on a kitchen chair and kneeling to check for injury.

“I’m okay,” Keith protests when he can get his wits about him. “It was just an accident, I’m fine.”

The alpha nods, but continues checking his feet and hands to ensure that he wasn’t hurt. Satisfied, he lets out a breath and leans up to press a relieved kiss to Keith’s lips.

“You scared me.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to his forehead next, lingering.

“Sorry.” The omega offers weakly, resting his hands on Lance’s shoulders. To be honest, his heart was still pounding, but that was probably because his back was still aching.

Lance pulls away, looking up at him, blue eyes searching purple. “Are you okay?” He asks, earnest. Keith can feel his heart melt.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just got this weird sort of pain in my back. I probably just moved wrong.”

“Okay…” His mate says dubiously, the doubt in his voice reflected in his eyes. “I’m gonna go clean up the glass. You stay put.”

The omega bites back a protest, instead deciding it felt nicer to stay in the chair than it did to stand. Besides, like this, he got to see his mate bend down to pick things up, and that in itself was a treat.

*

The pains wouldn’t go away. It was starting to frustrate Keith immensely. Lance had sensed something was up after his omega had seized up and made a noise that could only be described as agonized when they were cuddling.

After fussing and ensuring he hadn’t done anything to hurt Keith or the baby, the omega had been left in a very grumpy pile of blankets and pillows, Lance at his side and on his computer.

“I feel fine.” He protests, not for the first time.

“I know,” Lance replies, also not for the first time.

“It was just indigestion, probably.”

“I know.”

“Nothing to worry about. You don’t have to hover.”

“I like hovering.”

Keith makes a dubious tch sound, settling back into the blankets. They’re quiet for a moment, enjoying each other’s presence, when the omega goes stiff and makes another noise of pain. One that sends panic and helplessness through his alpha.

“I’m calling the doctor.” He says, getting up and shutting his laptop.

“Lance!” Keith protests, or tries to. He’s cut off by another sharp pain, this one tearing the breath from his lungs and making him clench his teeth.

“I’m calling the doctor,” Lance says, kneeling in front of him as he dials the number, his gaze pleading. “Okay?”

“Okay,” He gasps when the episode passes, nodding and reaching for his hand. Lance takes it, squeezing gently. His touch is warm and grounding.

They wait in silence for a while before someone picks up. “Hi! Uh, hey, this is Lance McClain-Kogane. Can I speak to Dr. Smythe? Yes, thank you.” They wait a beat, the alpha’s thumb rubbing over the back of his hand, before anyone picks up.

“Hey, Coran, it’s Lance. I — Well, I… Keith is having some pain and I’m really worried. He’s um, well… it seems to be sudden…” He trails off, glancing at Keith for confirmation. He gets a nod before yet another searing pain tears a devastating noise from his omega.

“Yeah, uh, no it’s — it’s pretty bad. It’s happened a few times, I think..? I dunno, hold on, um. Babe,” He tilts the phone away from his mouth. “When did this start?”

“This morning,” Keith manages to hiss through his teeth.

Lance nods, his concern growing, before reporting this to the doctor. He listens a moment, then nods. “Right, yeah, I’ll— I’ll do that right now.” He gets up, squeezing his hand. “I’m gonna get you a heating pad, okay? Stay put.”

The omega nods, closing his eyes tight against another wave of pain as his alpha hurries off, still babbling to the doctor. He tries to breathe through it, tries to tell himself that this is all fine, everything is fine. It’s probably just… well, he doesn’t know what, but it sure is something.

The pain ceases abruptly, far more abruptly than before, and with it comes the tiniest popping feeling and then a rush of clear fluid. Keith goes still, understanding dawning. And then the pain hits in double.

“Lance,” He calls, his voice shrill.

No answer.

“Lance!” He shrieks, panic clawing up his throat and bleeding into his voice.

There’s the sound of thudding from upstairs, panicked alpha scent drifting into the room before Lance scrambles in, wild eyed. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“I think my water just broke.” He breathes, his eyes still on the mess in his lap.

The two of them are silent, save for the tinny sound of their doctor trying to get Lance’s attention. A pained whimper from Keith sets Lance back into action. “I’m here!” He says, both to the doctor and to his mate. He rushes over, dropping down in front of him and holding tight to his hand.

“Yeah, uh, his water just broke. No, there’s no blood— I don’t… no, we won’t have time to get to the hospital, his contractions are really close together. A… About thirty seconds? Oh. Oh, shit. Yeah, I’ll… Yeah.”

His eyes widen and he sets the phone down, putting it on speakerphone. “Okay.” He says.

“Hey, Keith.” Greets Dr. Smythe. “How’re you feeling?”

“Not very good,” He wheezes, clutching his belly and kicking a leg out in restless desperation. “I think this baby hates me.”

Their doctor chuckles. “No, I don’t think so. Listen, you’re going to need to start pushing soon. I’ve sent a dispatch team and they will be there as soon as they can.”

“What?” Keith’s eyes widen, the acrid stench of pained and panicked omega blooming in the room and making Lance hover closer. “But— no. No! I’m not supposed to… we’re supposed to do a c-section, I’m not supposed to do this naturally!”

“Hey, baby, hey…” Lance takes his hand, kissing his knuckles. “We’ll be okay. The ambulance will be here soon, all we have to do is try and deliver this baby.”

“Oh, yeah!” Keith cries hysterically. “All we have to do is delivery a baby! That’s it! That’s all!”

“Keith, I need you to breathe.” Dr. Smythe says calmly. “Lance is going to be with you the whole time. Are you comfortable?”

“Yes,” He hisses, the word more of a whine than an actual word. As comfortable as he was going to get, anyways, with all this pain taking over his autonomy.

He spaces out when another contraction hits, missing the instructions Lance is getting from the OB. He’s more focused on not dying and not freaking out, because apparently freaking out was bad for him and the baby. Which was inconvenient if you asked him (which no one did).

When he comes to, Lance is looking up at him with his eyes filled to the brim with love and a little bit of concern. “Come on, love,” he murmurs, “let’s deliver this baby.”

*

By the time the ambulance gets there, Keith is crying and exhausted and holding the little bundle they’d been waiting years for. He cries even harder when they take her — her — away from him to check her over and put her in an incubator until they reach the hospital.

Lance is with him the whole time, holding his hand and brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes, whispering how proud of Keith he was, how amazing it was that he’d brought that little bundle into the world. The omega doesn’t stay awake long after they’re loaded in the ambulance and on the way to the hospital. Not with his sight on the little baby and his mate’s fingers tracing over his neck and cheek.

The second time he drifts back into consciousness, he’s in a sterile hospital room. There’s an IV in his arm and he’s hooked up to a couple machines to monitor his vitals. His whole body is sore and he feels like if he moves, he might scream.

This all fades away though, when he looks over to see his alpha holding their baby girl. She was swaddled in the pale green blanket he’d picked up a couple weeks ago — Lance must’ve grabbed it before they left. She was quiet, probably sleeping, and Lance was looking down at her with an expression so tender it almost made Keith cry.

“Hi,” the omega breathes.

Lance looks up, a wide smile taking over his face. “Hey, baby,” he murmurs, walking over to sit in the chair he’d pulled close to the bed. “How’re you feeling?”

“Sore. Tired.” Keith’s gaze never leaves their baby.

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” His mate chuckles, leaning over so Keith can see. “Look…”

The omega takes in his baby. She’s so sweet — she has Lance’s nose and darker skin, but Keith’s hair and eyes. He can’t help but smile, falling hopelessly in love with this tiny human. All the pain he’d gone through and all the fertility treatments and all of… well, everything had been so worth it.

“Can I hold her?” He whispers, emotion choking his throat enough to make it impossible to speak.

Lance gives him a soft smile before passing her over, resting her gently on Keith’s chest. She stirs, making a soft noise of annoyance before settling in, content when she smells her mother’s comforting scent.

“Hi,” the omega whispers, eyes full of tears. His fingers brush over her tiny little fist, traveling up to her downy hair. “Hi, baby…”

“You did that.” His alpha was close to his ear. A kiss was pressed to his temple, a hand combing through his hair. “I’m so proud of you, baby. She’s so beautiful.”

He can only sniff, pressing his nose to her tiny little head and closing his eyes. It takes a while to gather his thoughts, gather his words, before he realizes she needed a name.

“Can we name her Akira?”

“Yeah,” Lance breathes. “Yeah, of course. That’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

Keith gives a wet, emotional laugh, cupping the back of Akira’s little head. He had loved this baby — their baby — since he had found out nine months ago. But having her here, holding her close, he wanted nothing more that to protect her for as long as he could. He was definitely going to be a little bit of an overbearing mom.

“I love you, Akira.” He whispers.

“Go to sleep, baby.” Lance murmurs against his temple. “I’ll be right here. I won’t go anywhere.”

As the world fades away and Keith slips back into sleep, he falls into a blissful state of contentment and security, his alpha watching over him and his little girl safe against his chest.

*

You can find me on AO3 a Renegade_Reaper <3 

[you-andthebottlemen]

51 - An Original. High school, small town gossip, a pregnancy scare and saying ‘I love you’ for the first time.

HAPPY RELEASE DAY!!!!!! What do you think of The Balance? Please let me know! I’m so curious about other people’s reactions to it. 

Anyway here is a fic that’s been in my drafts for a while. It is unrelated to the album lol but just thought I should post something to mark the occasion!! 

So here’s one based off a Gossip Girl episode of all things....don’t know, just watched it and immediately thought of a young Van living in Llandudno and having this shit go down. Also slightly inspired by Rango???? Enjoy!

Send me a request if you have one!

E x

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Living in Llandudno was hard enough without the draining and frankly stupid lack of privacy. Being a close-knit community meant everyone knew everyone and everyone’s business was everywhere, all the time. Plus, the town’s people had a huge predisposition for gossip. You’d managed to stay outside of all this for most of your life. However, it all changed when you’d started dating Van McCann. He was known as a bit of a troublemaker, bit of a rebel. He wasn’t bad or anything, just a cheeky young lad who didn’t always follow the rules and liked to make his own fun. Though for you, that was all a part of his charm. But Van’s charm didn’t mean that you were untouched by your occasional occupation as a topic of Llandudno’s rumour mill. 

Almost everyone knew Van; his extroverted yet easy going personality made him stand out and with the added bonus of being in a band (which he’d never shut up about) he stood apart from your average skinny white kid. People loved him; he was pretty much friends with everyone at school and around your age. He was a little different but was kind and anyone who took the time to know him knew he had a heart of gold. He was funny and witty and had an instant appeal to him that no one could quite put their finger on. He was intelligent too, though this wasn’t always immediately recognisable. Mother’s hated him at first; he was cigarettes, leather jackets and late nights. Someone you didn’t want your daughter around. But they too would fall for his charm eventually. Father’s also saw him as trouble but the sort of trouble that remined them of their own youth’s back in the day. And besides, everyone loved his parents, Mary and Bernie McCann, so Van’s recklessness was never taken too seriously.

The details of your relationship with Van were often misconstrued by gossip amongst other kids at your school; sometimes you weren’t even aware of what was being said until someone was brave enough to say it to your face. This wasn’t an uncommon thing for couples to have to deal with, but it was definitely made worse by Van’s high profile. Whether that be rumours Van had been seen with another girl, flirting with someone else…though this never bothered you as you knew Van had a flirty nature but was more loyal than a Labrador. Or stuff about him up and leaving with his band and leaving you behind. Not to mention the initial shock of Van dating the ‘good girl’ and all the whispers it stirred. You were a rebel now too it seemed. You and Van just let it be though. You knew what was what, and that was all that mattered. It was all just talk. 

The worst rumour though, was yet to come.  

………..

“I think I’m pregnant.”

The sentence hit you in the chest like a kick. 

“What?” you questioned.

“I’ve missed a period. I never miss a period,” Hannah anxiously whispered through the phone. 

“Have you done a test?”

“No, I’m too scared.”

“I’ll go get you one. See you at yours in an hour. It’s okay Han,” you replied, feeling sick to your stomach. 

You were only 17, Hannah 16. You felt terrible for her, scared for her and extremely nervous. After you hung up the phone, you called out to your mum that you were heading to the shops and then bolted to the pharmacy. Your headspace was cloudy and panicked, you didn’t give a second thought about buying the pregnancy test for your best friend. You didn’t consider who saw you or what they would think. All you thought about was Hannah, who was waiting in tears for you at her house. 

Once you arrived, Hannah let you inside and you went straight to the bathroom. Her face was white as a sheet and her eyes rimmed red from crying. You opened the box and read the instructions to her; her hands were shaking too much to do it herself. 

“Does Aaron know?” you asked through the door as she did the test. 

“No.”

The timer was set on your phone and the two of you sat and waited in silence, your arm wrapped around your teary friend whose head was rested on your shoulder. When your phone finally dinged after the longest five minutes of your life, Hannah’s head lifted. Your heart lurched. 

“You do it, I can’t,” she said, turning away. 

You went into the bathroom nervously and looked at the test. An enormous breath escaped your chest.

Not pregnant.

……………..

The next day at school, you noticed people looking at you for a few seconds too long or turning to whisper to their friends as you walked by. Self-conscious thoughts ran through your mind and you constantly fixed your hair or picked for any food stuck between your teeth.

After weaving your way through the corridors full of whispers and side-glances, it was a relief to see Van and Larry leaning against their lockers laughing and mucking about as usual.

“Hello love,” Van smiled, and brought you in for a kiss.

He smelt both smoky and minty; a scent that had quickly become one of comfort to you. He slung his arm loosely around your shoulders and then continued talking to Larry. You fit easily tucked under his arm as if you were always meant to be there and his body was warm against yours even through your uniforms. 

“Mornin’,” you mumbled contentedly.

“I was just tellin’ Larry lad here that…”

You listened in a daze as Van spoke, happy and calm by his side. The three of you stayed this way until Benji arrived and the bell rang for your first class. 

Later in the day over lunch, you met up with Hannah who was now back to her usual high spirits. When you found her, she pulled you aside and off down a quiet hallway before any of the boys saw you.

“What’s going on?” you asked, confused as you thought all the secrecy was over.

“We have a problem,” she said seriously. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Katie’s mum saw you get me that test, told her now Katie’s gone and spread it round.”

Your stomach dropped. Katie was an absolute cow. She loved stirring the pot and this bit of information would have made her feel like she’d won the lottery.

“Fuck.”

“You can’t tell anyone it was for me, y/n,” Hannah pleaded. “I don’t want Aaron to know. Or my parents.” 

You promised her again you wouldn’t, but you felt anxiety build inside you. That’s why everyone was being weird earlier; they thought you were pregnant. Suddenly, your mind snapped to Van. Did he know? Or was he blissfully unaware? If he heard from someone else that you were pregnant, and not from you, he’d absolutely flip. Not that you even were pregnant though. Fuck. You wanted to throw up just thinking about what people were saying to each other or worse, to Van. 

“I’m so sorry y/n,” Hannah whined. 

“It’s fine. I should have been more careful, gone to a pharmacy elsewhere. I wasn’t thinking.”

You searched for Van, wanting to get to him first and explain but you couldn’t find him or any of the boys anywhere. They’d probably skipped lunch and the final class of the day which meant he might not have heard anything yet, hopefully. You spent the remaining hour of class feeling absolutely nauseous. 

Once the bell rang and school was done, you headed to Van’s house to try and find him. Mary explained with a thick eye roll that Van and his band had gone off with Bernie overnight to play a last-minute show a few towns over. Though he had promised to be back for school the next day. The confrontation would have to wait. You were surprised he didn’t tell you he’d left, but you weren’t mad. Van was easily tunnel visioned when it came to the band. She offered you a cup of tea, but you declined and gave Little Mary a quick cuddle before leaving. You loved that tiny dog to bits. On the way home, you stopped by the fish and chip shop. The lady behind the counter looked at you like she had a bad smell under her nose. Great.

……….

As you arrived in school that morning, you instantly wanted to turn around and head home again. If the rumour hadn’t spread across the whole school yesterday, it definitely had now. People stopped speaking as you walked past, pointed at you, all of it. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole. But you had to find Van. 

Standing beside Van’s locker was a group of boys you vaguely knew from class.

“Seen Van?” you asked.

“Looking for your baby daddy are ya y/n?” one teased with a smirk. 

“Shut up Owen. It’s not true,” you hissed angrily. 

“Courtyard,” one of the others commented between laughter.

With a nod, you b-lined your way outside. You stood just out from the doorway and scanned the crowd. Quickly, your eyes landed on Van who had obviously seen you already and was blustering through the hordes of students on the other side of the courtyard. You could feel the eyes of at least 20 people around you, burning into your skin but you ignored them and focussed on the brown-haired boy heading straight towards you. He stared at the ground and his face held a look of determination. You felt scared and frozen to the spot. What did he think? What had he heard?

Before you could say anything, Van spoke.

“I love you y/n. Whatever happens, I’m here. Whatever you wanna do or not do, I’m gonna be there. I’m in love with ya and I’m not gonna let you down.”

His voice was breathless, but he spoke with conviction. Van’s words reverberated through your head. This was not what you thought he was going to say. He knew, someone had told him. He thought you were pregnant. You were too shocked and dazed to take all of this in and think of a comprehensive response. You knew people were staring at the two of you, waiting for the next chapter in the story to spread amongst their friends. 

“I’m not pregnant,” you replied bluntly. Van’s face changed; he looked both confused and pained. 

Your fight or flight response kicked in and you just had to leave. Run away. You pushed past Van and bolted out of the courtyard. Tears began to spill from your eyes and as you walked quickly away, your head hung in shame and embarrassment. He said he loved you, for the first time. But obviously he was only saying it because he thought you were pregnant. He couldn’t love you. But regardless, he’d said it and you walked off. You knew somewhere deep down that you loved him too, but you couldn’t think about that right now. What the fuck had you just done.

………….

Van’s parents owned a small Bed n’ Breakfast in town. It was not unusual to find him there running amuck. He hadn’t been answering his phone or replying to texts and wasn’t at home or any of his usual haunts. Larry hadn’t seen him either. You were panic stricken and felt sick; something you’d become accustomed to over the last few days. After a sleepless night, the BnB was your last stop. You entered through the reception, hoping to find someone who could tell you where Van had gone. 

Through the glass panes on the door, you saw Mary and Bernie in there sorting through paperwork and invoices. You took a deep breath and opened the door. They both looked up when you entered, and their faces melted into looks of sadness and sympathy. While this wasn’t great, it was better than the looks of disgust or disappointment you usually received and that you received from your own mother the night before. She knew the rumour was just that, a rumour, but her advice was to break up with Van and have nothing more to do with it. That was something you were not going to do. You had to fix it.

Undoubtedly, Mary and Bernie had heard too. Probably through friends or acquaintances or whoever they’d seen about town. Maybe Van had told them the real story. This stung. You felt terrible for causing two of the loveliest people you knew, embarrassment and shame and dragging them into a drama they definitely would not have wanted to surround their son. Teen pregnancy wasn’t going to help his reputation, whether it was real or not.

“He’s upstairs love,” Bernie told you softly.

You nodded a thank you and dashed away up the staircase. The BnB was classically decorated, dark wooden floorboards and white linen sheets. Simple and comfortable. You slowly walked down the first-floor corridor, looking for any open doors or signs of Van. Soon enough you reached the end and heard the soft sounds of Van’s acoustic guitar through the walls. Nervously, you pushed the door open. 

Van was laid out on the bed, his back leaning against the wall and his guitar in hand. He was wearing his usual ratty jeans and a t-shirt, but looked like he too, hadn’t slept the previous night. When he heard you, he didn’t look up, just kept playing a slow tune. Maybe a new Catfish song, you thought.

“Meant to be putting in clean towels,” he mumbled. 

“Van…”

You walked over and tried to sit beside him on the bed, but he didn’t move over for you. Instead, you perched yourself on the end awkwardly. He looked boyish and young, his hair falling into his eyes. He’d been crying. This broke your heart.

“The test was for Hannah,” you said simply. He stopped playing. 

“So, you never thought you were…?”

“No.”

Van put his guitar aside, leaning it against the bedside table. He tucked his legs under him and sat cross-legged facing you, then pulled his hands anxiously through his hair. 

“This town plots fuckin’ thick stories,” he muttered more to himself than you.

“That could be a lyric,” you smiled, trying to lighten the mood. 

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments. Your heart was beating fast and Van’s quiet behaviour was frightening you a bit. You’d never seen him like this before. 

“I’m sorry that everyone’s been talking Van…what they must think of us…”

“Doesn’t matter y/n. I don’t care ‘bout rumours, you know that.”

After giving him a small nod, you sat cross legged also and reached for his hand. He let you take it but still wouldn’t look in your eyes.

“This one was something else though…” you continued. 

“You didn’t say it back y/n. You fuckin’ ran away.”

Van sounded heartbroken. His voice was low and strained, you could hear the pain and disappointment in it. 

“But you only said that because you thought I was pregnant? That you’d be stuck with me and a baby all at 17…”

“What? No!”

Van’s eyes whipped up and met yours, finally. He gripped your hand tight now.

“It was bad timing I know…but I meant what I said. I love you.”

You couldn’t help but let your bottom jaw drop slightly. Hearing it a second time made it sink in. Your brain whirred like a bunch of cogs finally oiled and spinning again. 

“I guess when I got told about everything, the baby or whatever, it made me think about my future in a way I haven’t had to yet. Yeah, the band, but you an’ me. I want you in my future y/n.”

You moved closer to him, making the bed creak loudly as you did so. You knelt in front of Van, cupped his soft face in your hands and slowly moved in for a kiss. His breath was hot on your skin and you could almost feel his heartbeat buzzing, just like yours was.

“I love you too, Van McCann.”

The words felt natural and right as they rolled off your tongue. Van kissed you hard, hitting his forehead against yours in the process, teeth knocking together. None of it mattered though, it was the most romantic and passion filled kiss you’d ever shared.

“So…how about we get to work on making that rumour real?” Van winked. 

“Oh god,” you laughed with an eye roll before kissing him again and descending beneath the sheets in a room that you definitely shouldn’t have been in.