#felt like i was working a 9-5 with a deadline

[bl-inkstone]

the ghost of my christmas past is me sitting down in front of my laptop for over 10 hours to write a 5k+ wc companion fic to my friend's own oc-centric fic after not writing anything more than 1k words for over a year

[kiemiu]

𝓒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝓢𝐈𝐗: 𝓒𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝓞𝐧 𝓨𝐨𝐮

pairing kang sae-byeok x fem!reader | wc 2.1k

summary -> getting an urgent call from the orphanage frightens you, until you realize the true reason why you were needed. warnings -> none. :)

( beneath the quiet masterlist )

9:20PM

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 help but silently thank whatever higher power above that gave you a valid excuse of getting out of the house without David breathing down your neck and accusing you of something degenerate.

Rolling your neck around, you gathered the energy to muster up a smile before entering the coffee shop. Gia had once again called you into work, no urgent tasks to handle, no deadlines looming, no sudden customer rush, it was just another case of her being desperate for some company. Spending time with her was easy, comforting even, so gaining the chance to escape the suffocating tension of your apartment, and him, felt like a gift. It was as if you could breathe properly again, even if only for a little while.

You rested your head against the car seat, your eyes fluttering shut for a brief second, savoring the fragile peace. But the sharp, sudden rapid knocking on your passenger window startling you out of your reverie. You jolted upright, clutching your chest as your eyes flew open in alarm, only to find Gia grinning like a mischievous child, her palms flattened against the glass.

“Come onnn! What are you waiting for?” she called out, her voice muffled but her playful pout unmistakable. She tapped her nails against the window with exaggerated urgency, her uniform slightly askew, and stray hairs falling loosely from her ponytail due to the wind.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you rolled your eyes at her antics and grabbed your bag from the passenger seat. “Is anyone working with you today?” you asked as you got out of the car, brushing off the remnants of your nerves.

“Nope,” she replied with a nonchalant shrug, looping her arm through yours as the two of you made your way toward the shop. “Sohee was supposed to, but she called in sick.”

You stopped short, narrowing your eyes at her. “Wait, did you leave the shop completely unattended just to come shout at me?”

Gia grinned, entirely unrepentant. “Well, yeah. You were sitting out there for ages. I had to make sure you weren’t, you know, dead or something.” She leaped over the counter with the grace of someone who’d done it a hundred times before, plopping down on the other side like a cat claiming its territory.

“I pulled into the parking lot 5 minutes ago,” you deadpanned, setting your bag down at a nearby table and unpacking your laptop.

“Sure, sure,” she murmured, waving you off with exaggerated indifference before letting out a dramatic sigh and slumping forward on the counter. You couldn’t help but shake your head, a faint smile tugging at your lips as you powered on your computer.

You had planned to spend this quiet moment tackling the mountain of overdue schoolwork weighing on your conscience, but as you stared at the blank screen, your thoughts drifted elsewhere—back to your mother. They always did. Her absence hung over you like a shadow you couldn’t outrun. It wasn’t just the ache of loss that clung to you, but the unanswered questions, the way her death didn’t make any sense.

After 17 years of complete silence, you had finally been met with the opportunity to contact her. After so much wondering, so much yearning, you were finally going to meet her—your biological mother. The plan had been set, a meeting arranged for your 18th birthday. It would be in her hometown, she’d show you around and introduce you to all of your extended family, it would've been perfect. But a week before the long-awaited reunion, your adoptive mother had shattered your fragile hope with a single sentence: she was gone. Dead. Just like that, the one blood relative you knew of now a distant memory, a farce and a fantasy to something you foolishly desired.

Even now, months later, you couldn’t make sense of it. The documents they’d given you after her passing felt incomplete, fragments of a story left half-told. You’d read over them again and again, desperate to fill in the blanks, but each revelation only led to more confusion, more doubt. Nothing about her death fit together the way it should have. And that gnawing uncertainty, that lingering sense of something left undone, followed you everywhere—no matter how far you tried to run.

Just as the weight of exhaustion began to press heavily against your temples, your eyes glazing over the same set of documents you’d read a hundred times before, your phone suddenly buzzed against the table. The vibrations were rapid, insistent, breaking through the fog of weariness and pulling you back to the present. The screen lit up with a number you knew well—the orphanage’s main line.

You snatched up the phone, heart already picking up its pace and before you could even say hello, your mother’s voice poured through the speaker, sharp and hurried.

“Cheol’s asking for you,” she said, her tone tight and edged with frustration.

“Wh—me? Why? Is everything okay?” you stammered, already feeling your hands move on their own, quickly packing up your belongings.

“I—I don’t know! He won’t tell me anything—please, just come now,” she said, her voice cracking under the strain of stress.

You didn’t waste time replying. The call ended before you could form a coherent response, and you shoved the phone into your pocket, throwing your things into your bag with frantic hands. Next to you, Gia, who had dozed off with her head resting on your shoulder, jolted upright at the sudden burst of motion.

“Wait, are you leaving already?” she asked, blinking in confusion as she tried to process what was happening.

“Yeah, I—uh, something came up. I’m needed at the orphanage,” you said quickly, your words tumbling out as you slung your bag over your shoulder. “I’ll text you, okay?”

Gia hesitated, her worry evident in the way her brows knitted together, but she swallowed any protests, simply nodding instead. “Okay. Be safe,” she said softly, her voice almost drowned out by the sound of the door swinging shut behind you as you hurried out to your car.

The drive to the orphanage stretched endlessly, the familiar streets melting into an indistinct haze as your mind churned with countless possibilities. Each turn of the wheel felt slower than the last, the hour-and-a-half journey dragging on like an eternity. Your fingers tapped restlessly against the steering wheel, an outlet for the growing anticipation.

When you finally pulled into the gravel driveway, the crunch of stones under your tires barely registered as you started unbuckling your seatbelt, leaving your belongings behind as you hurried toward the entrance with a brisk jog.

Inside, the familiar hum of the orphanage greeted you, a mix of children’s chatter and the occasional laugh echoing through the halls. Around this time, the kids were enjoying their downtime after torturous hours of studying. Navigating the hallways, you made a beeline for the Boys’ Quarters, your eyes sweeping over the room as you entered. Some boys were sprawled out on their beds, a few immersed in comic books, and others dozing peacefully. It didn’t take long to spot Cheol, sitting on the edge of his bed, his legs dangling off to the side and swinging lazily.

Hearing your voice call his name, his head shot up, and his small face broke into a grin—a mixture of relief and playful mischief lighting up his features. His smile widening as you approach, kneeling down to meet him at eye level.

“Cheol,” you breathed, your voice gentle but edged with concern. “Is everything okay?” your eyes scanning him quickly.

He tilted his head slightly, his expression calm, though his eyes sparkled with something unreadable. “I’m okay,” he said with a small nod. “I was just wondering why you weren’t here yesterday or today.”

The tension in your shoulders melted, and you let out a quiet sigh of relief. The weight you’d carried on the drive over lifted as a faint smile touched your lips. “Cheol,” you said softly, “I don’t work on weekends, remember? I’m only here on weekdays.”

He nodded again, his gaze dropping to his lap, where his small hands fidgeted with the edge of his blanket. A flicker of hesitation crossed his face. “Noona was looking for you,” he murmured quietly.

You blinked, confusion evident on your face as you leaned in slightly. “Your sister, Sae-byeok?” you asked, the words coming out unsteady and slow.

Another nod, his fingers curling into the soft fabric beneath him. “Mhm,” he affirmed. “She said she wanted to thank you for helping me at movie night.”

From under his blanket, he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, its edges worn and torn with a mysterious orange stain. Written across the shredded piece of paper in neon green crayon was a phone number, accompanied by smaller, tidier writing, obviously written in a haste: ‘ Kang Sae-byeok. For emergencies only. I respond faster to texts. ‘

You took the note delicately, treating it as though it were fine china. Your thumb slowly brushes over the creased surface, a soft warmth blooming in your chest. “Thank you, Cheol,” you whispered, a genuine smile spreading across your face. Raising a hand, you ruffled his hair affectionately.

He giggled, catching your wrist in his smaller hand and pressing it to his cheek. “Are you staying for dinner?” he asked suddenly, his wide, hopeful eyes locking onto yours.

Your heart tugged at the question. As much as you wanted to stay, you couldn't. Still having other responsibilities to tend to. A small frown crept onto your face as you shook your head. “Not tonight, Cheol,” you said gently. “But tomorrow, I’ll eat dinner with you. Pinkie promise.” You held out your pinkie, waiting.

Without hesitation, he hooked his pinkie around yours, his face lighting up once more. “And Noona will be there too,” he added with a cheeky grin.

You laughed softly, ignoring the uncomfortable knot that formed in your chest at the thought of actually sitting down to have a conversation with her. “I can’t wait,” you replied, your voice warm but quiet. With a playful pinch of his cheek, you added, “But listen, Cheol, I have to go now. Don’t give my mom any more trouble while I’m gone, okay?”

Though you tried to sound stern, there was no real authority behind your voice, and Cheol could tell. He gave you a mischievous smile, his eyes glinting as he replied, “Can’t make any promises.”

You shook your head, an amused chuckle escaping as you stood up. He flopped back onto his bed, opening a comic book and hiding his quiet laughter behind its colorful cover. You watched him for a moment, that mischievous grin still playing on his lips, before turning toward the door. Even as you left, the sound of his soft giggles followed you, lingering in the air like a reassuring reminder of why you always came back.

As you made your way back to your car, the gentle breeze brushing against your face did little to distract you from the crumpled note in your hand. Its weight felt far heavier than the paper itself, your thoughts spiraling with every step toward the vehicle.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, you shut the door behind you, cutting off the outside world. The momentary quiet inside the car gave you a fleeting sense of peace, but it was quickly replaced by a nervous energy thrumming beneath your skin. The note rested in your lap, its edges curling slightly, as if urging you to act. With trembling hands, you picked up your phone, the screen glowing softly.

Your fingers hovered uncertainly over the keyboard. The words felt trapped, refusing to come out the way you wanted. ' Yo, it’s Kim Y/N from the orphanage.' Delete. 'Heyyy, it’s–' No, no that's way too deserpate. again. Each failed attempt only heightened the tension coiling in your chest.

Finally, after cycling through countless drafts and second-guessing yourself more times than you could count, you settled on something simple and straight-forward.

' Hi Sae-byeok, it’s Kim Y/N from the orphanage. :) '

You reread the message twice, your thumb hesitating over the send button. Then, with a deep breath, you pressed it. The message disappeared, and the phone screen dimmed as you locked it, placing the device on the center console as though distancing yourself from it might make the moment feel less significant.

Leaning back against the headrest, you closed your eyes for a moment, exhaling deeply. Your hand instinctively found the pendant hanging from your necklace, fingers curling around it as if seeking comfort. When your eyes opened again, they caught the faintest hint of a smile on your face reflected in the rearview mirror—a smile that surprised even you.

What are you doing to me, Kang Sae-byeok?

' 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ' 📷 : @miabcuzz @twicesuuui @kissyslut @kritkalhit @st4rcs @dumbbellxo @theforestchoseme3 @wlvlurvsfimmia @genshinenjoyer @theweirdanimation @ch-3-rry @nenukkjhj @giaqnn @crack240 @pookalicious-hq @laurenkenss @sheinhamood @pooksterrr @bbynai @diorzs @beaaluv @colorfulkittenperfection @yourl0caltrash @kidicaruslover911 @sherryuki-callmeyuki @i0nic02 @knfthxv @mina-has-been-here @monroesturnns

[absolutebl]

Best & Worst BLs of 2023

My Top 15 BLs of 2023 are (in order)

1 Our Dating Sim

Korea Viki

Nerds in love, deadlines, gaming, teasing, pining tiny idiots, casual affection, linguistic oops, ADORABLE. If you haven't watched this, it's a must. A perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy.

I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent.

Also recieves my 2023 award for best giggle.

2 I Cannot Reach You

AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan Netflix

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen.

Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way.

This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

Also wins the best thirst award.

These were the 2 BLs that got 10/10 from me in 2023. The rest of these got 9/10 from me.

3 My School President

Thailand YouTube

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL.

Received the Namgoong award for best wingman 2023.

4 I Feel You Linger in the Air

Thailand grey

IFYLITA is an exquisite BL, from filming techniques to narrative framework. Steeped in history and family drama this is an elegant and classy BL. The main couple (both as a pair and individuals) were excellent, particularly Bright (Yai) whose eye-work acting style is a personal favorite of mine. It's a marker of how great it was that it's so high on my list despite the ending which was very much not what I wanted.

Additional accolade, sexiest moment of 2023 - (the oil scene).

You could try to fight me, but you'll have no grip.

5 Kiseki: Dear to Me

Taiwan Gaga & Viki

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs (everyone is queer), and a KILLER side couple. It involves all the tropes under a very offhand framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

Best side couple 2023!

(thank goodness Taiwan made this list!)

6 Jun and Jun

Korea Viki

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching.

Best flirting 2023.

AKA "the tongue knows" award

7 The Eighth Sense

Korea Viki

This one is a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it has a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

2023's most likely to appeal to non-BL watchers.

8 Unintentional Love Story

Korea iQIYI

The lead, Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT, who carried this show. He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, which he used to carry a killer plot and challenging role. Forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the eyes EMOTING at us in PAIN. Driven by external conflict, social tension and pressure this story seems simple but it's actually refined and quite complex. I loved this show.

Best story structure 2023.

9 My Personal Weatherman

AKA Taikan Yoho

Japan Gaga

This is classic yaoi of the kind that really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. It's high heat is well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" which is exacerbated by the fact that they're already fucking. Sure is sexy tho.

Best use of props 2023 for the shower of sheets.

10 Our Dining Table

AKA Bokura no Shokutaku

Japan Gaga

Lonely salaryman and talented cook gets accidentally adopted by a college kid and his little brother. It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. It's lovely & sweet with the romance beats used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy. Special.

First prize for domesticity.

11 Laws of Attraction

Thailand iQIYI

This is a great gay suspense thriller with several solid couples, fun plot, killer characters, queer rep, and a happy ending. It’s tons of fun and I had an absolute blast watching it.

Charn wins my favorite character of 2023.

12 La Pluie

Thailand Viki

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL. With good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn high marks.

Most interesting concept 2023.

13 The New Employee

Korea Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever!

Best overall queer rep from Korea.

14 Step By Step

Thailand Gaga & YouTube & Viki

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk which added tension to the narrative and character development.

Chot wins best queer character 2023.

15 Love Tractor

Korea iQIYI

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed = all my favorite silly tropes.

Biggest "he so pretty" gasp of the year award.

10 Worst BLs of 2023 (that I watched)

My Blessing

My Universe: Casanova Begins

Boyband the series

Cafe In Love

Chains of Heart

Hit Bite Love

Only Friends

Senior Love Me

The Luminous Solution

The Promise

Yes, you read that right. I know I'm against the flow but I really did not like Only Friends. Everyone's taste is different.

However I DNFed faster and more BL's this year than ever before, so that means my 10 worst probably aren't quite reflective...

10 Probably Actually Worst BLs (I dropped 'em)

My Story

The Day I Loved You

Beyond the Star

Crazy Handsome Rich

Dinosaur Love

House of Stars

Mr Cinderella 2

Love Bill

Stormy Honeymoon

The Star Always Follow You

Codicils in General

I only carefully track/watch Thailand, Taiwan, Korea, and Japan. Other countries are not fully represented.

My Numbers

So my spreadsheet chronicled 138 BLs that finish airing in 2023.

101 = watched & reviewed

2 = still in the docket (WDYEY2 & Love Syndrome III)

15 = CNF (could not find)

20 = DNF (which also accounts for how few very low scores I handed out in 2023 as opposed to previous years, I just stopped watching). Speaking of which...

Ratings spread

(# of stars. #of BLs given that rating)

0 (see the DNFs instead)

2 - IT'S DEPRESSING they killed the gay, save yourself

7 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT

7 - FATALLY FLAWED but still basically BL, however… do we want to support this kind of behavior?

9 - WATCH IF YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO but don’t expect much, it’s a total hot mess

17 - WORTH WATCHING BUT FLAWED probably around the ending or in narrative structure/cohesion or censorship

14 - RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS i.e. isn’t quite BL, convoluted, not strictly HEA, too short/long, or chemistry issues

30 - RECOMMENDED some concerns around tropes (like dub con) or story structure but still satisfies as BL

13 - ABSOLUTELY RECOMMENDED probably a few pacing issues or one flaw

2 - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED faithful to tropes, happy ending, good chemistry, few flaws, high rewatch potential

(source)

[communicationthroughlyrics]

I Work Too Hard, Can You Fuckin' Pay Me?

Part 11 - Y/N moved to escape some of thier looming troubles from Westview, to the place that their best friend said would make a difference. New job, new digs, will Y/N make a change for the better, or leave another city with their tail between their legs?

TW: Angst, Intersex reader, reader has some... not so great coping habits, sexual tension, smut

Word Count: 2.6K

Read Pt. 1 HERE Read Pt. 2 HERE Read Pt. 3 HERE Read Pt. 4 HERE Read Pt. 5 HERE Read Pt. 6 HERE Read Pt. 7 HERE Read Pt. 8 HERE Read Pt. 9 HERE Read Pt. 10 HERE

I'm Afraid I May Never Learn From All My Mistakes

The workweek flew by you in a flurry of due dates for upcoming projects and deadlines for your current builds. Despite the chaos, you found yourself eagerly counting down the hours to the weekend. Thoughts of Wanda's smile, her touch, and the way she looked at you filled the quiet moments of your day. Each time you thought of her, you felt your heart flutter—a feeling that was both exhilarating and terrifying. You hadn't seen the redhead since your weekend together, a thought which brought you sadness.

Thursday evening, you were in the last meeting of the week, and you received a text from Wanda: "Miss me?" Attached was a photo of her lying in bed, the sheets tangled around her body, leaving little to the imagination. You slammed the phone down onto the conference table and cleared your throat, hoping no one had noticed your lapse in professionalism. "Sorry, just...something came up," you muttered, trying to focus on the blueprints in front of you as everyone's attention was on you.

Your cheeks were tinted a rosy pink at the thought of the older woman alone in her bed like that. The meeting dragged on, and your thoughts were far from work. You couldn't wait to get out of this conference room, and back to your cubicle to text her back. And you were damn glad you had your blueprints to carry.

Finally, your meeting ended, and you rushed to your desk, throwing the rolled prints down before slouching down into your chair and texting Wanda back with a simple "More than you know," along with a winky face. She replied with a smirking emoji, and your heart skipped a beat. Loosening your tie, you looked around at your surroundings before snapping a picture that showed the 'problem' you had been hiding since the picture she sent you. You sent it to her with the caption "Better watch what you send me, young lady. You won't be able to handle the punishment."

Three grey dots quickly appeared, then disappeared, and reemerged as she was contemplating her response. "Last time I checked, I'm older than you, Y/N."

Smirking, you shook your head. "Maybe so, but who were you calling 'daddy' while I broke your bed?"

Wanda's response was swift, "Y/N, don't start that..." Before you could begin your response, another photo came across, showing more of her sinful body, bottom lip fully trapped in those pearly whites that had you enraptured.

"Wanda, behave, baby. I can't do anything while I'm still at work." You shot back a response, trying to sound stern, but the smirk on your face betrayed you. You watched your phone, waiting for her to respond, the anticipation making you feel giddy like a teenager.

"But you can imagine," she texted back with a mischievous wink. You groaned, sliding your phone off to the side so you could unfurl the blueprint you needed, beginning to tweak it how you were asked to in the meeting. You heard a few vibrations coming from your left, trying to ignore the anticipation in your gut, knowing that it was likely Wanda.

You managed to keep your focus on work for all of half an hour, but the buzzing of your phone was a persistent reminder of the distraction waiting for you. When you couldn't take it anymore, you looked down to find several more texts from her, each more flirty and provocative than the last. "You're going to be the death of me," you muttered to yourself, your cock twitching in your pants. Scrolling through the descriptions of what she wants to do to you, you came across the last message. It was a video, and your heart nearly stopped when you clicked it. You quickly paused it, realizing that there was more than anyone's share of obsceneties in it, and rifled through your shoulder bag looking for your earbuds.

Once you had them in, you hit play, and watched as Wanda lay back on her bed, her fingers tracing along her glistening folds, her breathy moans coming across as she buries her fingers knuckle deep into her heat. Your eyes widened, and you swallowed hard, trying to keep your composure.

You had to remind yourself that you were at work, and that your coworkers were just on the other side of the thin fabric walls. You shot back a text, "I'll give you what you're asking for this weekend," before sliding your phone across the desk, far away from you before turning on some music from your watch.

The end of your night could not come fast enough. Each moment at work was torture, knowing that Wanda was just a house away from yours, probably thinking of you as much as you thought of her. The anticipation was palpable, and it was all you could do to keep from walking out the office, and straight to her house.

Finally, you had made all of the changes you needed to, and your 'friend' had finally relaxed enough that you could walk out of the office without shuffling to hide. You began packing up your things, sliding your laptop and various other things into the pouches on your bag. The clock above the door ticked away the final seconds of your workday with a sadistic slowness. Each tick echoed in the quiet office like a gunshot, but you had made it. Just as you were throwing your coat on over your shoulders, a voice echoed from behind you. One you weren't anticipating hearing, not here.

"Y/N?" there was a familiar rasp to it, as you turned to face none other than Natasha. She leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. "I was told I would probably find you here."

You felt your cheeks burn as you hastily shoved the last of your things into your bag, trying to hide your disappointment in her arrival. You just wanted to get home, slip next door and see the woman who has been occupying your thoughts all week. "Funny how that works, Nat. I work here."

Natasha's smile grew, "I know that," as she stepped closer. She looked you up and down, a knowing glint in her eye. "That's not how you should treat someone who gave you such a welcome to town, or did you forget?"

You couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, "It's not like that Nat. Believe me, I have tried to forget, considering the circumstances. And had I known about your situation with my best friend and your boss, then it wouldn't have ever happened."

Natasha's expression softened, "I know it's complicated, but it's not your fault, Y/N." She took a step closer, "But, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun together." She leaned in, whispering in your ear, "I know you enjoyed it."

You stepped back, shaking your head. "No. Absolutely not. I'm not doing that again, Natasha. Is that seriously all you came here for?" you hissed in her direction.

Her smirk grew, "What if I told you, that's not what I really came here for?"

Groaning, you gathered your things, trying to get out of the office. "What could you possibly be here for, Natasha?"

Her eyes glinted with a mischievous spark, "Well, I need your help with something."

"My help?" you echoed, raising an eyebrow. "What on earth could you possibly need my help with?" you let the irritation seep through your voice.

Natasha sauntered closer, her hips swaying in a way that was definitely not accidental. "It's about Pietro," she said, her tone dropping to a whisper. "I need to plan something special for him. For his birthday."

You stopped in your tracks, turning on your heel before walking right up to the redhead. "Let me get this right. You begin dating my best friend, your boss, then sleep with his best friend when she comes to town. He finds out, so you've been kissing his ass since. Now you have the fucking balls to walk into my office, flirt with me and insinuate sleeping with me again, just to turn around and ask for help with something for his birthday? Are you stupid?" you growled.

Her eyes narrowed, "Like you should be one to talk about crossing lines, Y/N."

The accusation stung, but you held your ground. "What the hell do you mean by that, Romanoff?"

Natasha's smirk grew wider, "Oh, come on. You've been spending an awful lot of time with Wanda, haven't you? Looks like she has more than helped you 'settle in'. How would Piet feel about that revelation?"

You clenched your jaw, anger boiling up inside you. "Don't bring him into this. Whatever's going on between Wanda and me is none of your business. And frankly, I don't care what you do for his birthday. Just don't involve me in your mess." You turned to leave, but Natasha grabbed your arm.

"I'm not trying to start trouble," she said, her voice taking on a serious tone. "But I am looking out for him."

"Jesus, Natasha, you don't think, do you?" You shook her hand off, the heat of your anger burning through your cheeks. "I've known Piet since high school. I'm not just going to toss his friendship away for some fling. And I'm certainly not going to entertain being with his sister without letting him know! He already knows about us, Romanoff! Wanda and I are just trying things out, trying to make it different than our past. And what we have, it's certainly not something to be used as leverage in some twisted game."

Natasha's smirk slipped, and for the first time, you saw a flash of genuine concern cross her features. "You're serious," she murmured. "I had no idea. I just..."

You shook your head, scoffing. "Yeah, Natasha. You had no fucking idea." You turned to walk away, halting when she spoke.

Her expression grew contrite. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause trouble. But I want to let you know something."

You turned to face her, your arms crossed. "What is it?"

Natasha took a step closer, her eyes serious. "Pietro's not okay," she said, her voice low and urgent. "He's...he's been acting strange lately. And I think it has to do with someone who is coming back to town."

You frowned, "Who?"

"Val. She's been gone now for..."

"6 years." you finished. You are certain your heart is now in your stomach, and all color has left your features.

Natasha nodded solemnly. "Exactly. How'd you know?"

You glanced at the redhead, shaking your head. You weren't going to tell her the truth, not this truth. "Best Friend. Remember?"

Natasha nodded, her eyes widening a fraction. "Right. I'm sorry, I forgot." You shook your head, standing in the middle of the glass entryway to your office building. "I'm gonna go now, have a good night, Y/N."

"Wait," you called out as she started to turn away. "What's going on with him? Is he okay?"

"Call him. Best friend, remember?" was all she said before she walked away.

You watched Natasha leave, her words echoing in your mind like a warning bell. The thought of Val returning to town made your stomach churn. The woman had been a tornado in your friendship with Pietro, leaving a path of destruction and heartache in her wake. You hadn't thought about her since you left Westview, and for good reason—the very mention of her name brought back memories you'd rather forget. But Natasha's concern for her boyfriend was clear, and you knew you had to at least check in on him.

Pulling out your phone, you called him, the line ringing with a sense of dread in your chest. After a few rings, he finally picked up, his voice sounding more tired than you'd ever heard it. "Hey, Y/N, what's up?"

"Piet," you started, your voice tight. "Natasha came by my office, she said you weren't doing so well. What's going on?" You heard a dry chuckle on the other line.

"Of course. No 'Hey man, I may be banging your sister but I wanted to talk to you', just straight to it." You could hear the sarcasm in his voice, but it was laced with a hint of actual pain. You sighed, rubbing a hand over your face. "Look, Natasha came to me because she's worried, and now I am too. What's going on?"

There was a pause on the line, and for a moment you thought he might hang up. "Val's coming back," he said finally, his voice barely a whisper. "And I don't know what to do." Hearing the confirmation from him is like a dagger, sharp and cold, twisting in your gut. "And she is bringing Maria with her." You feel your insides twist, knowing this will never be good for anyone here.

"Maria? As in...Maria, Maria?" you asked, wanting to make sure you're thinking of the same person.

"Yeah," he sighed. "The one and only. She's apparently decided she wants to reconnect with certain people, and Val's using it as an excuse to come back and stir up shit."

You felt your jaw clench. "What kind of shit?"

"Well, Y/N, when I first saw her and spoke with her, she somehow knew you had moved here. Something about, 'so much misunderstanding in your relationship' or some shit like that."

Your heart stopped beating, and the realization that Val knew about your move and would probably talk to Wanda set in. You could feel the spiral slowly beginning to start, the fear of something happening with Wanda too much. "I... fuck, Piet. What about Wands? Fuck."

Pietro's sigh was heavy, "I don't know, man. I'm sorry. I should've called you sooner. I've been trying to figure out what to do, how to handle it."

You felt your stomach drop. "No, no, it's okay. I've got to tell Wanda. She deserves to know before Val says something to her."

Pietro's voice grew a little stronger, "I know it's a mess, but she's going to have to find out from us first. I can't have Val playing puppet master again. And, Y/N?"

You swallowed hard, "Yeah?"

"Thank you for...caring enough to try and warn her, to prepare her. But this is exactly why I told you to handle things before you moved here."

You felt a knot form in your stomach. "I know. I'm sorry, I should've been more upfront with Wanda from the start." You rubbed the back of your neck, the tension building. "But it's not like it's been easy. I didn't think that this...this would be what happened."

Pietro sighed again, "I know, I know. But that's the problem, Y/N. You didn't think. And when it comes to Val, and Maria, those two are always 7 steps ahead on the chessboard. Just...try to talk to my sister before Val gets a chance to. I don't trust that bitch."

You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. "I'll go right now. I'll talk to you later, Piet." You ended the call, slipping your phone into your pocket and taking a deep breath before walking out of the office. The night air was cool, a stark contrast to the hot mess of emotions you felt on the inside. You made your way towards your car, popping the trunk to throw your belongings inside. As you slammed the deck lid down, a voice came from behind you. 

"Well hello, Y/N. What a small world."

[puck-luck]

1K Celly Event!

Welcome to my 1K Celly! I hit 1,000 followers in mid-October (about 6 months after I started this account�� WOW) and I felt so honored and loved that I wanted to do an event to pay you all back for your support these past few months.

I have never done a celly event before, so I modeled this one after @theemporium's 10K celly event. In the graphic below, I chose 25 dialogue prompts that will be the inspiration for the blurbs I will write at your request. I utilized these prompt lists (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) to compile my favorites, so credit to these creators for those!

For this celly event, all you have to do is pick a player, a "suit," and a prompt. All of that information can be found in this graphic:

Welcome to Andy's Casino! Place your bets at the pit and I'll get to work! [code: send me your requests in my inbox]. I hope you enjoy your stay and don't gamble all your cash away ;)

(Note: there's no actual money involved. I just think I'm funny when I talk on theme. Unless y'all want to start sending me bribes to complete your blurbs and requests faster.... I would be interested in that........)

I do not have a timeline for these blurbs yet, so requests will open NOW and the deadline is November 3. Any requests sent after November 3rd for this event WILL BE DELETED. I will likely start writing these blurbs once I finish my planned fics– which hopefully will not take that long. (Although, as of October 23, there are 12 more oneshots for me to finish.)

Love you guys! All completed blurbs will be posted down below!

hughes!sister x tz: fluffy lazy night in after Frozen Frenzy (blurb req. by 1,000th follower)

mattias samuelsson 18♦️

trezor zegras 1♣️

luke hughes 10♣️

cole caufield 13❤

cole caufield 22♠️

luke hughes 8♣️

luke hughes 25♦️

mattias samuelsson 21♠️

jack hughes 5♣️

trevor zegras 8♣️

jack hughes 15♠️

quinn hughes 14❤

quinn hughes 9♦️

jack hughes 18❤

jack hughes 24♣️

luke hughes 25❤

quinn hughes 6♣️

trevor zegras 7❤

jack hughes 26♣️

cole caufield 11♠️

quinn hughes 26♦️

luke hughes 1❤

jack hughes 21♣️

quinn hughes 7❤

matt rempe 7♦️

quinn hughes 23♣️

trevor zegras 4♣️

luke hughes 11♠️

mattias samuelsson 23❤

jack hughes 25♣️

jack hughes 21♠️

quinn hughes 24♦️

mattias samuelsson 9♣️

quinn hughes 16♦️

trevor zegras 4❤

luke hughes 26♠️

luke hughes 13♣️

jack hughes 26❤

jack hughes 12♣️

nico hischier 16❤

cole caufield 5♣️

jack hughes 17♣️

cole caufield 24 ♣️

quinn hughes 18♦️

jack hughes 14❤

[flanaganfilm]

Hey, Mike! Did moving to Los Angeles at the start of your career turn out to be all that you thought it would be? It’s a big step that a lot of people take, and I’ve never really heard you talk about those early years before. Did you ever contemplate quitting? And if so, I’m glad you stuck to it - we love your work!

Oh, I contemplated quitting many, many times.

I moved to Los Angeles in January, 2003. I had just graduated the previous summer from Towson University, and a group of five of us moved out together. Some wanted to be filmmakers, some wanted to be actors. We shared a 3-bedroom apartment in Glendale. The adjacent apartment was occupied by four other Towson alums. Between the two apartments, we called it "Little Towson." I didn't own a car at the start. I had no health insurance. I'd saved a few thousand dollars to get me through the first six months, but none of us had jobs at the beginning. I remember applying (and being rejected) for a job at Walmart. I combed Craigslist looking for non-union editorial gigs.

I had told myself I'd give it five years, and if I hadn't gotten any traction, I'd move back to Maryland.

People started dropping out pretty quickly. One of my roommates (and one of my best friends) had moved out here to be an actor, and only lasted a few months before he decided to go back. It's overwhelming and terrifying to take a leap into a city as expensive as LA, and you're surrounded by people who all want the same career that you want. But it feels like there is a thousand foot wall circling the industry, and it seems impossible to scale it.

I found work doing odd editorial jobs before working as a logger, than an assistant editor, then an editor on a few reality shows. I shot and cut those local car commercials you see on late night cable. And I frequently ran out of money and overdrafted my account. As more and more of our original group gave up and moved back East, I started to feel more and more crazy. A lot of my friends from school were getting married, buying houses, having kids. I felt pretty delusional as my 5-year deadline came and went, and I still hadn't found any way over or through that wall. When we started to talk about making Absentia in 2010, I had been in LA for more than 7 years. I was working two jobs as an editor. I found out I was going to be a father. It felt very much like whatever I'd wanted to happen by moving to LA was not going to happen. Absentia was kind of last-ditch effort. Ultimately, the five year plan I'd allowed myself when I moved to LA turned into a 9-year plan. I started shooting Oculus - my first "real" movie - in the fall of 2012, just shy of my 10th anniversary in Los Angeles. That movie wouldn't come out for a while after that, so by the time I actually had a career as a filmmaker, well over a decade had passed struggling in LA.

For most of that time, my refusal to move back to Maryland looked (and felt) like a delusion. Only afterward did it start to look like "tenacity." And it never felt like "persistence" or "determination"... it felt insane. It felt like constant, daily frustration and rejection. And when I couldn't pay the bills, or couldn't land a job, it felt downright embarrassing.

For what it's worth, the only difference I've seen between people who "make it" out here and don't are that the ones who made it all stayed long past their expiration dates. I've seen wildly talented people pack it up and head home. Talent helps a lot once the door is open, but really the only thing that opens the door is persistence. To the point of feeling insane.

[missanthropicprinciple]

In many many ways 2024 was atrocious personally and globally - p*l*st*ne, ukra*n*, s*d*n, and the US election - but personally, I did have some accomplishments and I can't complain.

Work has been more stressful in some ways but I have gained a certain amount of leverage. Not sure how I'm going to manage my 9-5 routine, especially how it's been going with constant rolling deadlines and tasks. I have to figure out how to delegate work. Some serious restructuring is in order. Finally got a divider for the front of my desk but people keep leaning on it so it's a work in progress I guess. But I think work took a toll on my health this year, even more than last year, as I've been at my job two years now. We shall see.

I was able to travel to see my best friend and to go to England. I reconnected with family, a dear friend, and my brother. It was an emotional upheaval in many ways, but it was all worth it. I went looking for confirmation for several things and found it. Foxgloves and Eype clay were my primary goals. I learned so much about family history, which was a bit sad but incredible.

I guess I felt more like an adult this year. I don't have a lot of goals other than getting more sleep, eating less/no sugar, and just feeling better. I've been reading more over break so I really need to keep doing that. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. These will become abundantly clear to all.

I will do my very best to make 2025 a good year.

[telomeke-bbs]

Okay, not (quite) anonymous any more, but still not (that) active yet. With all the recent discussion of episode 5 and the rooftop scene, I think I've yet to see analysis of 5 [4/4] 9:06-9:13, from when Pran says "We're not even friends" to when Pat says "That's right." Of course, we didn't know it on first viewing, but based on what we learn later from episode 12 [4/4] 12:58-13:54, what Pran says must have hurt. And we see it in Pat/Ohm's reaction. I'd love to see that deconstructed.

Hi @pandasmagorica! 😍 Sorry this reply is so late; I was struggling with my post about OS2 x BBS x ATOTS and also some work deadlines.

With regard to the Ep.5 rooftop, I must agree with you that Pran's comment "We're not even friends" must really have stung for Pat.

By this point he'd been totally swept away in the rush of his new-found feelings that he also knew were returned. But Pran, contrarian as ever, was vehemently denying the existence of closeness to his face. And to deny that they were even friends when they had actually been so close and affectionate behind the scenes before must have felt like a gut punch to Pat, who was laying himself so bare and vulnerable here.

For almost all of Ep.5 we watched as Pat sank deeper and deeper into the disorientating realization that he had somehow fallen in love with his supposed rival. And he must have been pushed so close to the brink of despair by the swell of these anguished, bottled emotions that he couldn't wait even a second longer than necessary to confess it all to Pran (which of course is quite in character for our open-hearted boy).

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.5 [4/4] 1.18

This was why he waited up for Pran down at the base of their block, drunk as he was, so as not to miss his return. And when he was prevented – by Wai's presence – from expressing all that was churning within him, of course he couldn't contain that pressure and it all erupted into a brawl.

But Pat on the rooftop is now showered and clearheaded, and once again focused on his task of confessing all to Pran.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.5 [4/4] 7.45

Unfortunately, as before, Pran is unaware of Pat's true feelings and is expecting their usual jostling, competitive dynamic to be the framework of their exchange. And so Pran continues to toss barbs at Pat, thinking he'll find some way to lob them back as he'd always done before.

And in a sense he does, but Pat's energy is different now. For him it's not a game anymore and the usual teasing impishness that we saw so much of in preceding episodes (and at the start of Ep.5 too) is gone.

This scene is also a callback to (and a parallel with) Ep.3 [4/4] 6.09 – in the corridor there, Pran had been so moved by Pat's generosity and help with the bus‑stop that he decided to dial back on the rivalry and was wanting to take things to the next level.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.3 [4/4] 6.51

This was the motivation behind his seemingly off-the-cuff "Have you eaten?" at Ep.3 [4/4] 7.20 – he was wanting to interact with Pat socially instead of as a competitor (see this write-up linked here for more analysis). Before this, the only other time we'd seen them at a meal together was at the wonton noodle stall (Ep.3 [1I4] 6.20), and it only happened by accident (and Pat soon turned it into a chopstick battle anyway) so I like to think Pran was wanting a romantic do-over in Ep.3 [4/4] by asking Pat out for a meal.

But there in the corridor Pat only seemed to want more of their usual relationship dynamic (more gameplay), and he signaled this with another of his bait-and-switch moves, lulling Pran with the return of his guitar and then saying "I just like to see your face… when you lose."

Here on the rooftop the tables have turned. In the corridor of Ep.3 [4/4] Pran was left resigned with Pat's unchanging focus on their rivalry (and yet maybe still relieved that they could continue their relationship, even if it was based on competition). But on the rooftop it's now Pat – all ready to bare his soul – who is thwarted and exasperated by Pran instead.

During the fight scene we already saw Pat getting annoyed at Pran (who was operating in their default mode of pretending to be bitter enemies). And he retaliated with a refusal to play along, turning snarky when Pran said "Why? Is it so hard to accept defeat?" at Ep.5 [4/4] 2.41. Pat's snide response "Defeated by that lousy song. Why would I feel anything?" landed like a slap too (though Pran couldn't have felt it, unlike Pat and us viewers who knew the truth behind his sarcasm). Because of course Pat had his heart torn to shreds when he finally understood that the song Just Friend? was really about Pran's unrequited love for him, and was now speaking to his feelings for Pran in return.

So on the rooftop Pat – perhaps annoyed at having to delay the confessing of his own truths – calls out the double-sidedness of Pran's comment and laces his response with more sarcasm and layers of unspoken meaning. His skewed, sardonic smile when he says "That's right" is a mix of sadness and derision, a colloid of contrasts ironically just like the relationship that they've always known – a forced mix of enmity and friendship, a combination of two opposites that will never truly meld.

If we're being generous, it's possible to read that Pran intended his "We're not even friends" to mean something like they're not allowed to be friends in the fullest sense of the word, in front of society and the world at large, even though they were always friends behind the scenes. But what Pat does is to take the literal meaning of this and flip it on its head.

They're both aware that their illicit friendship exists, but it's a friendship that dare not speak its name because of outside disapprobation. Pat's answer in the affirmative also snorts cynically, not just at Pran's surface denial, but also at their pitiless circumstances that don't allow them ever to be seen in front of others as anything besides bitter rivals.

And this is why he goes on to list why others might think they're not friends – in spite of the fact that (for all intents and purposes, except for how their relationship is presented to the world) – they actually are:

"How can we be friends when our parents despise one another?"

"How can we be friends if we live next door to each other yet can't even talk?"

"How can we be friends if we have to compete against one another in everything?"

But just like his sarcastic "That's right" and the cynicism of his mirthless smile, his words here are rhetorical, and are meant to highlight the opposite of what they seem to be saying – because his list is only made up of obstacles to friendship, but not reasons for enmity.

Their parents' mutual hostility, the ban on communicating with the boy next door, the enforced competition – these were constraints imposed on their friendship, but in themselves are no foundation or justification for any kind of animosity between them. And early on, little Pat and Pran found ways to get around the barriers and become firm friends in all but name, because there was never any justifiable reason for them not to be so.

Pat is calling Pran out here; he's telling Pran that he's just repeating what they'd been told since childhood, but the two of them, despite having drifted apart after Pran was sent away – they know better. And he's also calling for an end to the verbal gameplaying, and for them to face their truths.

Because after each rhetorical question is the silent, unspoken answer that BOTH know to be true:

"How can we be friends when our parents despise one another?" "But we ARE friends…"

"How can we be friends if we live next door to each other yet can't even talk?" "But we found a way around it…"

"How can we be friends if we have to compete against one another in everything?" "The competition was never a barrier to us ACTUALLY becoming friends…"

He's using rhetoric and sarcasm to illustrate that they weren't allowed to be friends and they've been conditioned not to call themselves that – but it doesn't change the truth about their friendship.

And I think Pran hears him loud and clear – despite what the world's been telling them all their lives, they are close and they have been friends, which is why there's a discernible softening on Pran's part.

I think Ohm did a fantastic job in Ep.5, heaving onto his shoulders the weighty stone that was also BBS's glowing heart, when it was Nanon doing all the heavy emotional lifting in the first four episodes. You can see what Pat is going through – but just in case you want further insight regarding his inner turmoil, BBS actually lets us in on a little more info.

Pat's audition as Riam in Ep.7 [4/4] 5.26 was also a play-by-play repetition of the Ep.5 rooftop scene, but Pat/Riam verbalizes his feelings a bit more directly, and adds further dimension to our understanding of Pat's motivations while on the rooftop.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.7 [4/4] 5.26

Using Riam's voice, what he says in Ep.7 [4/4] cuts out all of his previous rhetoric, and instead speaks plainly of his weariness with the gameplay and of his willingness to give it up (repudiating his playful corridor self of Ep.3 [4/4]):

"I’m tired. Tired of pretending to hate you while your face has taken over my heart. Aren’t you tired too?... Let’s stop it. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I don’t want to lie to people anymore. You asked if I still wanted us to be friends. What if my answer is no? What do you say?"

Part of why Ep.5's rooftop scene hits so hard is not just because Pran walking away embodies the loss of a romantic story that could have been. It hits also because we see just how far battle-weary Pat has come, on a rollercoaster journey of grappling with emotions (over the course of just one episode) that Pran had taken years to integrate as part of his reality.

The loss is all the greater because we see how much it cost them to get to this point. For Pat it meant dismantling his worldview and lifelong sense of self as Pran's rival in every respect – and yet he was willing to cast it all aside, after recognizing the truth underlying his closeness to Pran.

As BBS is also an allegory for the lives of queer people, all the rumination around "friends who are not friends" here (also calling out to Pat's favorite among all of Pran's personally-scented tees) parallels how closeted LGBTQ+ relationships are often not allowed to speak their truth to wider society.

But while the allegorical message may speak to us intellectually, I think it gets drowned out by the molten magma at the searing core of this scene on the rooftop, which communicates directly – deafeningly – with the heart. All intellectual preoccupations aside, it's also just two young, would-be lovers stumbling through a conversation where so much is unknown and so much has yet to be said, trying to find the truth of their relationship in the maze of all the semantics – which is what many of us who have had to navigate young love must have experienced at some point.

Some of us get beyond the maze and fall into the truth behind the words straightaway. Others, like Pat and Pran, will have to take a little longer to get there. But as they ultimately demonstrate, it's always worth the journey when your erstwhile "friend" (or "enemy") turns out to be your soulmate instead. 💖

[autistpride]

What is time blindness?

Time blindness is actually a term more frequently used in the ADHD community.

Due to the fact that ADHD is a comorbid conditions with autism and time blindness is an executive functioning struggle many autistic individuals also struggle with time blindness as well.

Time-blindness is a phenomenon where a person does not recognize that time is passing, or how quickly it’s passing, or how soon an event or deadline is approaching.

We simply do not sense time passing the way most people do.

A person struggling with time blindness could be working on a task look up and the clock says 3. They look up what feels like much later and the clock says 3:05. They They look up what feels like very little time later and the clock now says 8. How?! Time felt so quick that second time but it wasn't and they forgeot to use the toilet, eat a meal, and do the other tasks for the day they needed to.

Some other effects of time blindness are:

-tasks not today or tomorrow seem ages away

-delayed sending a text, email, or returning a call and not realizing it has been two weeks

-being late or overly early every time

-gone out expecting to just a few minutes and come back hours later

-burning a meal that's cooking because you stepped away for what you thought was a minute

-starting every story with "the other day" because anything in the past is lumped together

-painful memories stay fresh longer because it just stays in the brain as if it just happened instead of processing

However there are some positives to time blindness!

Like being able to sink into a good book and forget the world, getting swept away by a project, or enjoying outings or people in the moment without time constraints

Hyperfocus is also a time blindness related thing. When hyperfocused individuals often lose all track of time while neglecting body needs such as food, water, sleep, or the toilet.

Here are some possible tips to help. I personally use 8/10 of these.

1. So many clocks. All the clocks everywhere. And reminders.

2. Visual timers!

3. Write down all the things you do during a day so you can reflect and see that you accomplished more then you realize. This will also allow you to look back on past days and know more precisely when something occured.

4. Track how long a task takes so you know for future that you need to account for that amount of time to accomplish that task.

5. Make long term deadlines into smaller ones. If an assignment is due in a week, split it into fourths and set dates throughout the week by which each part needs to be finished by.

6. Alway keep a schedule in front of you. Make your calendar your phone wallpaper or add tasks with alarms to your phone or watch.

7. Take notes with sticky notes or digitally and keep them in an easy to access location.

8. Stop hyperfocus before it starts when you can and if you can't have alarms set to try to help change your focus.

9. When estimating time for things, estimate off the worst case scenario and possibly also add an additional twenty minutes to that that for unexpected things like needing to get gas.

10. Do the same task at the same time each day. It becomes easier to mark the passage of time when you have performed that task time after time and doing it at the same time each day helps set you into a routine.

[milkteamoon]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @shinyopals thank youuuu

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 42!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 340,042

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently and primarily The Magnus Archives — I only rarely write for multiple fandoms at a time. In the past I've written for Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun, Deltarune, Victoria's Electric Coffin......a friend and I used to write OC/Black Butler crossover fics in like, middle school lol

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Cicada Summar (JSHK, rated T, gen) — Pre-canon JSHK backstory fic

No Sort of Name for People Like Us (TMA, rated T, jmart) — mid s3 practice kissing fic

Our Own Personal Hell (TMA, rated T, jmart) — s2 time loop shenanigans

Tongue to Teeth (TMA, rated T, jmart) — victorian monster hunting au

Check Each Box That Applies (TMA, rated T, jmart) — s2 lunch dates and personal discussions

Cicada Summer was posted at the height of JSHK fandom popularity, so I don't think that one is super representative of my "best" fics, though I do think that No Sort of Name is pretty good haha

5. Do you respond to comments? I do my best to!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Prooobably Hazy Days of December...I got a lot of people yelling at me for that one haha (even if I don't think it's too bad? It's open ended at least)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Umm I'm not sure! I think most of my fics are happy endings...maybe Worth More Than All the Silence

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten a few weird comments but I don't think I've ever gotten anything outright hateful

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I've written a few fics but must of my smut stays in the Google docs. My asexual ass likes things more focused on the humorous lead up and/or kink than the actual sex part haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I think the closest thing I've written to a crossover is the doctor who au I wrote earlier this year — I don't really write proper crossovers :,)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Don't think so!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Me and @indigosienna attempted to write a collab fic back in 2020, but we both ended up falling off of it before we finished (oops). The first chapter is still good though I think!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? HARD question, but jmart and hananene both have very special places in my heart

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Too many fic ideas to list haha

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm pretty good at humor and getting into a character's head. Also love writing an emotionally charged scene

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue heavy scenes are the WORST (writing dialogue tags without sounding stupidly repetitive...shaking my fist at the sun). Also forever complaining about editing

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't know any other languages well enough to do so

19. First fandom you wrote for? I have vague memories of writing warrior cats fanfiction waaaaay back in the day

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? This is a haaaaard question but currently I'd have to say 1. Learning the Ropes — I originally started this for the RQ big bang in June and didn't make it to the deadline, so it felt like a big accomplishment to actually finish it. Plus I just really like delving into that era of canon and Jon and Martin's whole not-quite-dating shtick they have going on. And 2. Tongue to Teeth — I really love this fic and this au and I was noooot at all expecting the love for it I ended up getting on it. I love this silly au and I'm glad others do as well :,)

Not sure who has been tagged so! Sorry for any repeats! @rakel-on-ao3 @asleeb @thatsrightdollface @crit20lesbian @phynoma @lo-fi-charming @pinehutch @cnnmonbimee

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

so I was fucking TIRED of being inconsistent and generally behind on this, such that I sat down and made myself watch 5 episodes in a row, which isn't a lot of episodes but also like man, you know? Also as a sidenote earlier in the year when the friend I'm watching all KyoAni shows with mentioned how long he expected it to take if we never missed a day he came up with August 22nd - now this date assumed we'd only ever watch one episode a day and that that'd apply for specials as well, which would have been pretty stupid and added on like a month, so it's not like the actual formal "we have to finish by this date" date. But also, it's kind of a fun goal, isn't it? Like we're so close to it that it has to be possible, I want to have it done, you know? To that end I'm hoping I can watch Second Raid at a faster pace than I've been doing before, but we'll see.

Anyway, as for the episodes I watched today:

Episodes 8 and 9 are a two-parter in which Tessa briefly joins the school and later they go on a hot springs trip. I didn't really like these episodes at all - Tessa's kind of just annoying, her rivalry with Kaname is obnoxious, and the hot springs episode is an excuse to watch Kurz and some of the NPCs try to peep on the girls, which I just literally did not enjoy a single second of.

Episode 10 sees Bonta-kun Sousuke train a group of yakuza members so they can more effectively take on a different group of yakuza members, with an action climax involving rescuing Kaname and her friend. Felt kinda lame. Every element that composes this conflict was done better earlier - Bonta-kun in his introductory episode as well as Ponytail, rescuing Kaname literally everytime that's ever happened, and Sousuke training a bunch of incompetents in the rugby episode. So just wasn't really it.

Episode 11 is a flirting competition so there's a lot of early 2000s haha women dialogue that was pretty annoying, and moreover it was boring for a lot of the runtime, but there's a pretty sweet scene at the end of a disguised Kaname rescuing Sousuke from a bad dare punishment, it was quite nice.

Episode 12 sees a biohazard released into the classroom such that Sousuke detains everyone so they can all safely die together, hilarity ensues. Pretty entertaining actually. The get-out-of-jail card at the end is that actually, it just dissolves clothes. Frankly these last couple episodes have really upped the sheer amount of fanservice scenes compared to just earlier in Fumoffu. No strong feelings on that.

And thus, the show is finished. I was kind of between 4 and 5 for my score, honestly I think the main thing I felt about the show for the bulk of its runtime is that it's kinda boring, but there's generally enough there to where I felt a 5 worked, certainly the first episode made me laugh out loud and there are enough like single-line gags that would get to me. Sousuke overhears high-school boys trading photos of the girls using vague terminology the entire time and saying out loud "I understand. They're trading narcotics" or something, that's funny. More broadly after hating every single character in the original series it was nice to watch this and straight up enjoy Sousuke as well as be able to tolerate Kaname. Not hating this is such a huge upgrade over the first season anyway, so.

Next step in FMP groupwatch is I'll watch Second Raid episode 0 since it's 5 minutes long, and then starting tomorrow I'm gonna have to make pretty good time knocking out the proper 13 episodes remaining and then the OVA as well. We'll see if I can't hold myself to that August 22nd deadline. Gaming.

[umichenginabroad]

New Zealand Part 1 (Week 11)

One of the beautiful things about studying at UNSW is that during week 6 of our studies, we get a flexibility week where the majority of courses don’t hold class and students are given the chance to catch up with schoolwork, get ahead, or do nothing and just relax! My hostel-mates and I knew about this opportunity from the day we got here, so a big trip was always in the works. We even knew that we all wanted to spend the time in New Zealand. The only problem? There’s 18 of us living in the hostel together and we’ve had enough trouble planning trips for just 5 or 6 people, let alone 18. Everyone had a different vision of what a trip to New Zealand could look like between camping, or renting cars and staying in AirBnBs, or living out of campervans. Needless to say, the trip planning was procrastinated all through the 4 weeks of summer and another 4 weeks of term 1. Once in a while someone would say, “Guys, we really have to plan this. Plane tickets are getting expensive!” and they’d be met with more approval and support than a professor who has suggested extending a homework deadline. But, as expected with our group, no action would be taken. Until one person sits down and buys themself a roundtrip flight to New Zealand, nobody is going anywhere. Soon enough, after intense procrastination and discussion, tickets were bought, plans were made, the group of 14 (four couldn’t make it) had divided into two campervans and two cars (who would be staying in AirBnBs), and I was sitting on a plane to Queenstown. 

^^ Landing in Queenstown

Queenstown may not be among New Zealand’s 20 largest cities, but it is renowned for its adventure sports and stunning scenery, earning it the nickname "Adventure Capital of the World," as my friend Elizabeth would say. Our adventures in Queenstown, however, were put on hold until the end of the trip as we had a road trip planned that would take us up north to Christchurch and then back down to the Adventure Capital. So, on our first day there we picked up our car rentals and headed to Fiordland National Park for a quick hike. The greenest plants, mossiest rocks, and most colorful mushrooms riddled the paths and made our short hike one of the most memorable. 

^^ Some New Zealand Flora

I also felt a lot safer hiking in New Zealand compared to Australia. New Zealand has none of the snakes that Australia is infamous for and has an almost negligible amount of dangerous spiders compared to the numbers Australia boasts! With our glow worm cave tour waiting for us in Te Anau, we had to get back on the road quickly. Lucky for us, there are worse places to be driving than one of the most naturally beautiful countries in the world where mountains surround you in every direction and lakes bluer than the sky itself pop up out of the blue (pun intended) every few moments. We weren’t allowed to take pictures in the glow worm caves, but imagine yourself sitting on a boat in a pitch black cave with little blue/green specks scattering the ceiling. That was pretty much it! It was interesting to learn about the glow worms themselves – they glow brighter the hungrier they are (to better attract flies) and they’re actually larvae, not worms, so they just need to survive long enough to turn into gnats and reproduce. You may be wondering why I’m sharing so much detail about random worms. Well, as a recent trivia night attendee (two weeks in a row), I see every random fact as a future topic in trivia. You can thank me later.

^^ Just the average roadside view while driving along the west side of the South Island!

Milford Sound was next on the list. Just a two hour drive from Te Anau with the option of a bus service to shuttle you there and back, Milford Sound is a large fiord stretching 9 miles (or, 15 km should I say) to the open sea. Once there, a boat cruise takes you down to the ocean and back while passing waterfalls, dramatic cliffs, and some popular scuba diving destinations. Milford Sound was highly recommended as an activity on our itinerary, and it truly lived up to the hype! From the stops on the bus ride to the scenic cruise, I was in a constant state of awe that I will never forget. The rest of the trip was just as exciting, but I’ll cover it in the next post! Until then, Cheers!

^^ The car gang on our way to Milford Sound

^^ A snippet of Milford Sound

David Bayer

Biomedical Engineering

University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia

[semperreformanda]

I really have to remind myself sometimes my work environment is not my entire life. I got a promotion after 3 months into the company which I am grateful for, but I’m learning how incredibly toxic and disorganized my department is. Sometimes I regret accepting the promotion. I’m taking on work that literally 2-3 people can do and I’m not really compensated enough for it. I’m only 2 months in, but I feel a substantial improvement because I can juggle stuff better than when I first started, which is a huge relief. I had my coworker train me for 2 weeks but after that 2 weeks and I was working on my own, it literally felt like I was walking blindfolded trying to get a good grasp of where I’m going and how I’m going to do it. Everything is so fast paced, so...stressful. I’m trying to focus on the big picture. Sometimes it’s just so hard in that 9-5; it feels like the entire office becomes my life (if that makes sense). Then I leave work, and it feels like I take it home with me and I need an hour or two to feel like my normal self again. I leave the office doors, sit in the car, and throughout the drive home I write down what I need to do the next day. It’s like chasing and chasing and chasing and it never ends. But... the yearning to be a housewife is incredibly relentless. Lord willing, when we have a baby, I will leave that work anyways because I cannot for the life of me settle on the idea of sitting on a desk and serving strangers while I leave my own child at home for hours without its mother. I know it can be done and women have done it for years, but I just can’t. So...it’s not my whole world. I have to keep reminding myself. In the midst of angry cursing bosses, frantic deadlines, messy paperwork, multiple phone calls, staying back an hour late - unpaid, stressful meetings, corporate blame games, trying to figure out this and that and how does this work again and so many freaking things. This is not the entire world. This is... just work. And I need to just breathe.

[sorryiwasasleep]

Personal rant

I started my final year of schooling last week and I’ve already missed 9 out of 11 classes so far. I’m burning up all my unexcused absences and I can’t even bring myself to care at all because I don’t want to be in this program getting this degree and I feel incredibly trapped and overwhelmed. I can’t make myself do the readings. I can’t make myself go to class. I can’t make myself care. I can’t seem to do anything at all but lay in bed. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this for another year. Fuck, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this even just next week when I no longer can miss class without an excusal. And I can’t drop out anymore cause the deadline for full reimbursement passed, but also that was never a real option for me anyway cause dropping out would also likely mean moving home and that’s just as bad for my brain. Even right now I should be doing my readings for my class that’s at 3:30, but instead I’m typing this. Because I’m sad and I don’t care. But because I didn’t do the readings? I feel like I can’t go to class, so I WON’T which in turn is a problem cause I am using all my skips and I’m missing the first two weeks of class so I’m going to go in SO fucking confused next week probably. Shit shit shit shit fuck.

TW: weight discussion, emetophobia, eating disorder mention (just by name nothing specific), ARFID, depression, anxiety, apathy, mention of American politics

Heavier discussion below

I recently realized (i don’t have a scale in my apt) that I lost about 40 pounds in the span of about 5 months all from a combination of stress/my ADHD medication suppressing my appetite (vyvanse bitch ass doesn’t even work) and stress induced vomited and also vomiting because I treat my body like shit (don’t drink water, cope with unhealthy substances a lil too often, don’t eat anything remotely healthy, barely eat at all anymore if I’m being honest). I knew I’d lost some cause clothes were looser. I thought it was like 10. But no I know how much I weighed in March and it was a full difference of 40 and I know part of this stress and the stress induced vomiting are being caused by school and it’s like… I have another year. Am I just gonna keep wasting away? Something’s gotta give here and I know shit has to change but I have absolutely no drive to actually climb out of the hole I’ve buried myself in. I feel like there’s no point and that even if I crawl out, the world is the same and my family is the same and I’m still in this program and so nothing is actually different anyway. I just wanna let the dirt consume me. I wanna lay in my bed with a sitcom playing mindlessly in the background while I work on my silly little fanfictions until everything just stops except I lay in bed and don’t even do those things but am paralyzed by all the things I should be doing instead that I neglected because I didn’t care and I still don’t care enough to do it, but I feel bad enough to not do anything else either in that time. And I know that’s BAD and that having no motivation for anything is obviously super a ‘ur depression is worse girl’ (hi yea i fucking live inside this stupid head so I already fucking know that. @/my psych and parents). but I keep getting cancelled on or stood up by therapists and my psych has told me three appointments now shit like ‘Well what do you want me to do about?’ (Without even fucking considering something like uhhhhh… idk changing the meds I’m on? Since I’m at the max dose for my anti depressant and I’ve been on it for about half a year and I feel it stagnated because while it seemed to help when I started, now I’m worse? Like, I tell you I feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life and you answer ‘And what do you want me to do?’ YOUR FUCKING JOB? Provide me with my options???? Not be a dick?) And she keeps saying I have to find a therapist because the meds only do so much (I had one but she went on maternity leave in January and then when she came back from it I was too broke to pay every week (which is what my bitch ass brain needs) and then when I wasn’t broke any longer she had ghosted me and she also was my provider for two years and never actually gave me any coping mechanisms so I kinda wanted a new one anyway). The psych did not like when I laughed at her and said “And will you fucking pay for it?” in response the first time she said it even though obviously I know she’s right.

My roommate told me the other day also that I need to get a therapist and that I have to focus my energy into that because she can’t listen to me say the same complaints anymore (she said it nicely, but like I’m crying rn thinking about it and will likely never feel safe to share with her anymore for worry of annoying her.) She also said she doesn’t think I want to help myself. That she wants me to get better and obviously it’s shit what’s happening but that I’m not doing the (what are to her obvious and to me impossible to actually do because of familial enmeshment and financial dependence) things that could maybe make things better. Even though… I AM trying to help myself. Yea it’s not the best I can be doing, but it’s as much as I can fucking manage given my surety that none of this matters and isn’t that worth something? I’ve been looking for a therapist since MAY. They keep standing me up or cancelling or they’re booked or they don’t take my insurance. I had five (5) telehealths where I got stood up. Starting therapy anew is already terrifying but when the person doesn’t show up it just feels like shit. It made me feel like they looked at my paperwork and decided I wasn’t fucked up enough when the reality is yea I held back slightly but that’s because I needed to know the vibes of the place first. That’s not what happened (for at least three appts anyway. The other two ghosted me also after so I never got explanation so maybe it did) but I still felt that way and for someone who already has a lot of problems with imposter syndrome and deep insecurities around being forgotten it really sucked and was incredibly unprofessional of any worker but especially mental health care professionals to do. I have one on Friday. Let’s hope this one doesn’t stand me up 🤞 Also, back to my ungodly amount of rapid weight loss, I did have 40 pounds that could’ve been shed and I am still not what would be consider ‘skinny’ but an average weight, so the worst part of this whole thing is that people are telling me i look GOOD now. Literally it was my MOM. She always implied I’m overweight and need to lose it and pretends like it’s ‘in your best interest honey’ meanwhile I can’t even do the fucking obligations I’m tied to? You think I can fucking do EXTRA? And yea I should use that kickboxing class that I bought, but not to lose weight mother, but because I’m not physically fit in that I cannot go up stairs without getting winded and because I have all the rage in the world (a portion of which goes to her!) and hitting things makes me feel better and it expires soon and was $40 I won’t get back. None of those reasons have to do with my weight, but if I mention I went to that class to her? She’s going to be SO excited on the phone, for all the wrong reasons thinking it’s me trying to get thin, when it’s me trying to get healthy. That is not equivalent to weight loss necessarily, as clearly evidenced here since I lost a shit ton unhealthily. This weekend I got a ‘Do you lose weight? Cause you look great!’ from her. 🫠🙄And i know that people would even more so do that if I do continue on this path of wasting away even though I’m actually unhealthier than I’ve ever been with my eating habits and the weight loss is a result of my depression and anxiety spiraling worse. How about we as a society stop fucking commenting on other peoples weight period full stop. Also it’s SAYING something that I’m the worst ever rn because food and I have always had a weird vibe. I recently learned what ARFID is and I’m fairly confident I’ve had that my entire life and just never had the name for it so that’s certainly something. Anyway idek what the point of this was other than for me to shout into the void because I was sad. If the void wants to shout back and tell me how I’m supposed to function in this life that’d be great cause I didn’t even HIT the state of the world and how that causes half my lack of motivation for anything in this post, but god the American political and legal landscape fill me dread and anxiety and anger and I can never escape them.

TLDR: I’m sad, I can’t bring myself to go to class at all in these first two weeks of classes. I need a therapist but they keep cancelling when I finally get an appointment and find one that accepts my insurance. My psych is kinda bad and my roommate was trying to help but did it in a way that hurt me more. I wanna drop out but can’t and also school is impacting my mental health so severely that I lost an extreme amount of weight in a short amount of time. Got complimented by mom even though I’m literally unhealthy. Separate from that but intertwined, I might have ARFID, possibly for my whole life and I am genuinely SHOCKED it never once was suggested by a medical professional to my parents when I was a child.

[seekerwithsneakers]

moved to a uni in another city for summer research ... the campus is kinda empty, my supervisors are leaving for a week, i dont know anyone ,,, i have so much time but the dread of being alone makes me just watch kdramas and stuff to feel good but i worked today for like 4 hours and those 4 hours felt good

it is just that stopping the shows is so hard and makes me feel terribly lonely

also i feel lost in the research part ... like when studying for exams or during the school year i know about deadlines but here i dont know how to set deadlines for myself... i need to get something out of here

also self studying for GRE i feel kinda slaggy like yes i am studying just not enough

i have set my goals fr each day but i barely meet them -

ok ay maybe schedule the day ->

morning till -12 - internship work

1 - lunch

2-5 research work

5-6 vocab gre

6-9 chill +dinner

9-10 practice questions

i should start using the questionbanks judiciously cause i will loose access to test prep by the end of this month

[salemthetown]

when i was - a poem

when i was 1 i toddled around and played with blocks and read picture books, i lived without a care in the world

when i was 2 i ran around in the yard and i only worried about what i would have for lunch and if the clothes my mom picked out were itchy

when i was 3 i wondered why i was always wearing pink and purple when some of my friends wore blue and green, i wanted to wear clothes like them

when i was 4 i wished i could wear t shirts with power rangers and thomas the train and with disney princesses and barbies, why does nobody wear both

when i was 5 i wanted to spin in dresses, play in the mud, rip the knees of my jeans, why were some things for girls and some for boys

when i was 6 i wanted to climb trees and cartwheel, why couldnt i do that in a skirt, i didnt care about modesty or being ladylike

when i was 7 i couldnt wait to be as old as my cousin, i didnt understand why everyone told me to stop trying to grow up, i just wanted to make my own choices

when i was 8 i wished i would wake up as a boy every night before i went to bed, it never worked, my body was still the same each morning

when i was 9 i wanted to cut my hair short and wear blue and green, society said girls wear pink and purple so that is what i wore

when i was 10 i wanted to stop being treated as less than in everything just because everyone said i was a girl

when i was 11 i wanted to stop my body from changing, i didnt want to use the girls lockers and bathrooms, why cant i keep my shirt off at the beach

when i was 12 i wondered what was wrong with me and why i feel like this, i didnt want to be different, i wanted to know why i felt this way

when i was 13 i realized there were people who felt like me, i didnt want to be transgender, i just wanted to be a kid again

when i was 14 i hid my body away from everyone so i could mold myself into what i wanted to be, i couldnt wait to move out and make my own decisions

when i was 15 i realized the only thing i could do was accept myself, there was nothing i could do to change who i was, and i didnt want to change for other people

i couldnt wait to be 16, i would get a car and a job and more freedom than i could imagine

i couldnt wait to be 18, i would be able to start hormones, get therapy, get surgeries if i wanted, the freedom to be myself

i couldnt wait to be 21, i would be able to drink legally, maybe people would take me seriously when i spoke

i couldnt wait to be 25, i would be past the deadline for living i set for myself "theres no way i will make it to 25 i said" maybe i could prove myself wrong

i couldnt wait to be any age that meant i had enough freedom and felt comfortable enough in my skin that ending my life wasnt in the front of my mind every day

i dont care how old i am, i want the freedom to be myself