#feels like we never had a true chance because we never grew together

[myheartxmyman]

But somewhere over the last year I lost you, the person I still love deeply. Whoever you are now is someone else. I tried to reach you, find you again, but who you are now who you became I don't even consider as a friend.

[yoonia]

🖋️ one your stories that sticks to me the most was the (im)perfect ending. I really wish to see how you visualize their lives after. will Joon ever find out about the baby? will they reunite again? what happens when they do🤭? will Joon finally get his head out of his a** and end his marriage and be true to his feelings 🧐 or will OC has her own happy ending with someone else🤔?

💌 I think other people have said this before, but you are an admirable person that I've ever met online. You've worked hard on your stories and have always given us a lot. even now, you choose to spread positivity and share gifts for others to celebrate your birthday and I think that's the sweetest thing anyone could ever do. happy belated birthday, Dia. You deserve so much happiness and a lot more. I hope your coffee is always hot and your pillow always warm. wishing you and all your precious kitties an abundance of health and joy 💝💝

omg I've been getting the same questions sent to me for this couple, so I guess this might be a good chance to provide some answers for those who have been waiting for it lol

I know that the last letter mentioned in the fic didn't specify how much OC shared about her baby, so I guess this is where we get to see what other things she sent with the letter for Namjoon. I hope you enjoy the snippet and the visualisation below!!

— title: Our Imperfections| pairings: Namjoon x female reader| genre: second chances!au, infidelity!au, post divorce/break-up!au, angst | word count: 1,410 words — summary | Namjoon is on a mission to fix the mess he created. — ratings & warnings | +18 / M for mature; talk about divorce and custody, post break-up, mentions of infidelity

— original: The (Im)perfect Ending by @yoonia — fic drop date: Oct 30th, 2024 — song companion: loved

“Don’t forget that you need to pick up Sunny early Saturday morning for her class camping trip.” 

Hearing her voice on the phone, clipped with orders, used to make Namjoon wince. Now he is used to it. Always so business-like, even when talking about their only child. 

“Did you get that?” 

Her voice returns when he doesn’t answer. He holds back from rolling his eyes and calmly answers. “Yeah, I got that. Saturday morning. Early.” 

His reaction isn’t the only thing he is holding back. Asking why six-year-olds would go on a camping trip might only end up with him getting a long lecture through the phone. He doesn’t have that much time to endure that. And having his ear burning from it is really the last thing he needs right now. 

“Right. I’ll text you the details.” A sigh, then, “Sunny also wants you to be the one to drive her to school Monday. So I’m packing up extra clothes for her to stay with you another night. Is that good?” 

Namjoon closes his eyes. As much as he loves having extra time with his daughter, having the child’s mother schedule their time for him without consulting him first rubs him the wrong way. If he doesn’t know any better, he would have thought that she keeps doing this as a payback. Causing trouble and brushing his ego for choosing to step out of their marriage—the marriage that she had worked so hard to paint as perfect for the world to see. 

But Namjoon knows better. 

He knows that she has always been this way. 

Even when they were still together, she always had to be the one running the show, while Namjoon would have to follow. She was the one holding the pen, writing the story for them through her rose-coloured glasses, while forcing him into a role that he never felt like he could fit into. 

At one point, it caused him to lose himself. 

Only that he realised it too late. Far too late, because it hadn’t just started when they got married, but long before—when they grew up together and being fed their parents’ beliefs that they would end up together once they turned adults; when they became teenagers and she insisted that it would only be right if they started dating to make their parents’ dreams come true and when she started planning their wedding day just when Namjoon was starting to find a chance to write his own story, to walk a different path, with a completely different person. 

It wasn’t until he was able to find his old self and feel like himself again through the mistakes he made when he finally found the courage to leave that life. Yet, once again, he was too late. 

Far too late. 

“Namjoon? Do you—” 

Her voice breaks him out of his wandering thoughts, only for her words to get drowned by the sound of the announcement blaring through the speakers above his head. 

“Attention, passengers on Flight 345 with service to Sydney. We are now beginning our boarding process at Gate 12B. Please…” 

The voice fades as passengers rush in front of him to find the departure gate, and Namjoon waits until the announcement stops before taking his palm off his phone. 

“Where are you? Are you on another business trip?” 

Namjoon almost laughs. He finds it hard to believe that after spending an entire fifteen minutes on call with him, she never thought about asking him where he was or where he was up to. 

Business as usual. Even when it’s about our new arrangement. 

“Australia. I just landed. That’s why I couldn’t take your call until now.” 

“Oh…” 

“You do realise the longer you’re on this call, the more expensive it will be, don’t you?” 

Silence, then her bitter voice is heard. “How was I supposed to know where you were?” 

You could have asked. 

Sighing, Namjoon shakes his head. “Look, just text or email me all the details about Sunny’s trip. I’ll be back in Seoul Friday afternoon. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Her voice softens. “Take care, Namjoon.” 

The call ends, and Namjoon breathes a heavy sigh. Feeling exhaustion after speaking to her is one thing, but once it wanes, guilt always seems to take root. It doesn’t matter if he had fallen out of love a long time ago. He cannot deny that he has made too many mistakes that he is still trying hard to make up for. His decision to stay in the marriage for Sunny, using her as an excuse to hang on to the final threads that were offered to him instead of stepping away from that fallen marriage, was his last, yet probably most detrimental for his own mental health and any chance he ever had to make things right for everyone. 

Including you. 

Hoisting his duffle bag on his shoulder, Namjoon walks across the airport’s lot to find his ride. There is a reason why he is here, and he isn’t going to stop until he finds what he is searching for. 

It takes him nearly an hour to reach his destination. 

The small coffee shop looks quite inconspicuous as it stands between various other shops downtown, yet it still catches Namjoon’s eyes the moment he arrives. 

Quaint and delicate, with natural wooden colours chosen as the accents at the front side of the shop and dark window frames, it reminds him so much of you. 

The sound of the bell chimes above his head as he steps in, immediately welcomed by the fresh scent of coffee beans, chocolate, and a bit of cinnamon. Spicy and sweet and pleasantly warm. A young boy with a thick Australian accent welcomes him from the cashier, yet his eyes travel across the room, where the figure that has been filling his dreams at night appears. 

Smiling at the young barista, he walks up towards you instead. You have yet to notice him in the room. Your eyes are locked on the small child sitting on the sofa by the corner, swinging his legs as he receives a small sip cup from your hands. 

His eyes find him first, looking over your shoulder while you still have your back facing Namjoon and the front door. 

“Now you sit tight right here until Mommy finishes work, okay? And don’t—”

“Mama?” the boy cuts you off before you can finish speaking, his chubby finger pointing towards Namjoon, “Da..?” 

Your body freezes. Namjoon hears a soft gasp before you straighten up and slowly turn to face him. The moment you see him standing there, your eyes grow wide and you quickly move to hide your son behind you. Only the child is quick, as he hops off the sofa to stand right behind you, clinging onto your legs as he peeks at Namjoon. 

A line which he read from your letter echoes in his mind as he returns the boy’s curious gaze, just as it does many nights after you were gone—

“I have a boy. He’s here. He might have a dimple on his cheek too that might show up once he’s grown a bit older. His name is…” 

Namjoon bends down. “Sammy, is it?” 

The boy, Sammy, slowly nods. Namjoon smiles. “You look handsome. You’re being a good boy to your Mommy now?” 

“Yea…” 

Chuckling softly, Namjoon straightens up to face you. Your eyes are covered with tears as you look back at him. “How—” you gasp, “What are you doing here?” 

Because I’ll chase you to the end of the world if I could. 

Those are the words that Namjoon has always wanted to say to you. A promise that he never got a chance to say before you left him. It was a mistake that he had been dreading the most when he first received your letter, along with a copy of your sonogram and your final word of goodbye. 

“Keeping a promise,” he merely says. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” 

A deep sigh escapes your lips. The sound pains him. But the sight of every tension being lifted from your shoulders gives him a sense of calm. 

“I guess we do,” you whisper to him with a broken smile. 

A lot of them. 

He can almost hear those words coming from you. Just like he almost says out loud,

I have all the time in the world to talk and listen now. For you. 

For your fall tune, I think this song will fit perfectly well for this.

𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: dia’s birthday bash 2024 ⇝ closed!

[its-avalon-08]

hearts intertwined (hamilton x sister! driver!rosberg) p9

chapter 9: don't let your guard down

warnings - none at all

series masterlist

As the warmth of the coffee spread through them, so did the conversation. They delved back into their childhood, sharing forgotten memories with easy laughter. Lewis spoke of his surprise and (secretly) delight when Y/N began showing up at his and Nico's racing practice sessions, her bright personality a welcome change to their competitive intensity.

Y/N, in turn, confessed her childhood crush on him, a secret she'd harbored for years. "I used to sneak peeks at you during races," she admitted with a blush, "just waiting around with cold bottles of water and hoping you'd notice me cheering you on from the stands."

Lewis chuckled, a genuine smile warming his features. "Believe me, I noticed." He felt a warm feeling bloom in his chest

The conversation grew more serious as they touched upon the rift between Lewis and Nico. Y/N listened intently as Lewis spoke of the crushing pressure to win, the constant need to prove himself. "It's frightening. I turned into a totally different person and I wasn't able to recognize myself after everything with-with.. Nico," Lewis's voice broke towards the end truly giving away how hurt he was. He admitted his fear of commitment, not just on the track but in his personal life.

"Dating is… complicated," Lewis confessed, running a hand through his hair. "There's never enough time, and the fear of failing… it spills over into everything. I am not able to enjoy the simple things like movie nights because I'm always checking my phone to see if Toto sent me something. I forget anniversaries because I'm occupied with all the other overwhelming things."

Y/N nodded in understanding. "I totally get it," she said softly. "I had a serious relationship a few years ago with this guy called Aaron. We were together for a year but it crashed and burned because of his.. inability to stay away from his ex's bed. We just weren't right for each other. I wanted my career and he wanted someone who stayed at home and didn't travel as much. I just could never be that person for him."

A shadow crossed Lewis's face. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

"It's okay," Y/N forced a smile. "I learned a lot from it, mostly that I deserve someone who can be honest and true."

Suddenly, a playful glint returned to her eyes. "Speaking of which, I'm actually seeing someone casually right now. It keeps the pressure off from being permanently held to someone and just allows me to have a fun time. Just to keep things interesting, you know?"

Lewis's smile faltered, a flicker of something akin to jealousy crossing his features. He quickly masked it, but Y/N caught the shift in his demeanor.

"Oh," he said, his voice a touch colder. "That's… nice. yeah, that's good."

The conversation stalled, a heavy silence settling between them. Y/N's phone buzzed insistently in her pocket. Glancing at the screen, she saw it was her brother calling. Her face paled considering she had just spent over an hour talking to Nico's rival.

"Well," she said, standing up. "This has been… nice. Unexpected, but nice. I should probably get going."

Lewis rose as well, a strange mixture of emotions swirling within him. "Yeah, of course. See you around, Y/N."

"Yeah," she echoed, feeling the awkwardness return. "Bye, Lew- Lewis." She corrected herself from muttering his nickname. Lewis noticed and he felt his heart freeze.

With a mumbled goodbye, Y/N exited the apartment, leaving Lewis alone with the lingering scent of her vanilla perfume and a tangled web of emotions. He watched her disappear down the hallway, a strange ache settling in his chest. He hadn't expected her to be seeing someone, and the realization stung more than he cared to admit.

Lewis sank back into the chair, the worn leather a stark reminder of a simpler time. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance to rebuild the bridges that had been burned. But first, he had to confront his own fears, both on and off the track. As the afternoon sun streamed through the window, Lewis knew his journey to redemption had just begun.

credits for gif - @lewishamiltongifs

taglist: @laura-naruto-fan1998 , @xoscar03 , @torossosebs , @jajouska , @lindsayjoy444 , @barcelonaloverf1life , @charli123456789

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[futurewriter2000]

Second Chance

A/N: I don't know how this can end in a happy ending but... I'll try. I didn't even know how to start writing this request but I think I did fairly well and even better than I expected. I think I can do it better though but for now, I'll give you this. Short-ish and sweet. I tried to put everything into one fic.

REQUEST #14 (wattpad) @fredsdeath: HI!! I love all ur books especially the fred weasley book and uhm i was wondering if you could do my request abt how y/n pretends to have amnesia and not remember fred bc fred was her ex and broke her heart in their past relationship like happy emding or not its fine and this is just a suggestion its still okay if you dont do it tho :D

XX

They say that the first few months always feel like a true honeymoon and then the reality hits but it wasn't like that with you and Fred. It was different because the two of you were friends first before anything and that changed everything. You knew who he was, the good and the bad, as well as he did. The two of you had this undestructable bond, nothing in the world could break. It felt real, it felt true, it felt like a once in a life-time love and you believed that.

You did... until you didn't anymore.

There were moments of Fred acting ditant. Sometimes when you looked into his eyes, he wasn't there and when he smiled, it felt forced. You felt like you were too much for him so you took a step back as well, thinking that space was all that he needed. You were different than him however, you didn't want space, you needed reassurence that he is still the Fred that will hold your hands and kiss them randomly when the two of you are laughing or just sitting together. You believed that the Fred that walked down the hall, nagging you jokingly until you retorded a sarcastic comment back, pretending to be furious with him until he nagged you until you laughed- was still somehow there. You believed that the Fred who made your stomach cramp either from laughter or butterflies will appear soon. It's just a hard transitioning moment, now that the new headmistress is on. He's coming back... he's still Fred.

He wasn't though.

"What do you mean?" your eyes twitched and you couldn't figure out whether you were angry or sad. You kept looking at the ground, not knowing when your hands ripped themselves from his.

"It's not you, I swear, it's just-"

"It's you." you looked at him, your lip trembling but you refused to cry in front of him.

"It is..." he bit his lower lip. "I just don't think that this is it." he said and you refused to look at him. He forced a smile and swayed on his feet. "We can still be friends." he said, touching your shoulder playfully as if all of a sudden you will place a smile on your face, bright and jolly but you turned your head away, wiped the crocodile tear that fell from your eyes and looked at him.

"Who is she?" you said with a sharp cold tone.

"There isn't-"

"You never lied to me, Fred. Don't start now." you glared.

He looked at you and pursed his lips together. He looked away and you let out a laugh from disbelief.

"I had a feeling but I always refused to listen to it. You know why?" you paused. "Because my trust for you was bigger than my insecurities but you just made me believe I was going crazy for such a long time until you grew balls to tell me."

"I just kissed her once-"

"Oh-" you literally heard your heart break inside your chest.

"She KISSED ME-" he mumbled. "I swear, I didn't kiss her first, she just sort of leaned in and I pulled away and I didn't want to say anything, I swear because I thought it was nothing but she just sort of... I don't know... I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"So you want to slag around."

"NO!" he started to get frustrated, shaking his head. "I just- I'm lost right now. I don't know what I want."

"You want her."

"No-" he shook his head. "I don't know... maybe... I don't know."

"Fuck you." you said, slapping him hard on his cheek that it turned red immediatelly. "You just wasted fucking 8 months of my life." and with that you turned around.

----

It's been a long year now since then and you knew her name... not that you truly wanted it but you heard of a short fling between Fred and Angelina Jonson. She was another good friend of his and you wished you figured it out sooner but you haven't.

You've cried. You did. More than just one crocodile tear. You've made a mess from your room and your roommates didn't really mind. They've been patient and graceful with you. They've also been a good distraction from your emotions and you were glad you weren't when Fred made his great parting with fireworks in Hogwarts that year.

You've put yourself together since then. You did and you've heard he's been with that woman, another woman, a few other women and you didn't want to hear none of it. Your friends kept telling you about it, despite you didn't want to. You heard about his shop and all of other things.

Now... well, now you've had your own appartment, which was quite hard with the economy but you wanted your place since you were an early teen. And to think of it, getting an appartment was easier than getting a job that pays well on your education. But it did. You've worked in a small bussiness, grammar checking documents that came in and out. Something close to an accounting. It wasn't what you wanted but it was something.

You haven't seen Fred in a year and a half. He was still on your mind though. He was. It was as if he put a chip into you that keeps rewinding time back to when the two of you were in love.

What you hated more was that you did move on but somehow he was still following you everywhere you went. You didn't see him anywhere and you knew that was a good sign but you were always on the lookout. Close to his shop, you felt anxious and you thought it over what would happen if he came out now and see you. You didn't know. You didn't know anything. Your brain turned off like nothing.

But that never happened and so you were okay with moving on.

---

So how did you end up here?

How did he end up here?

The last thing you told him was that he should have fun with your replacement and he did... for a short time. It really infuriated him that you told him that but Angelina really wasn't the one either. He pushed it as far as he could but something didn't click with her. He didn't feel joy with her, he felt obligated to be with her but he grew tired of being with someone.

He told you he forgets people easily but why did seeing you hurt so much. It was like a sting into his heart- quick but short. He couldn't mumble a word when you stood there and there was no shine in your eyes, no glow on you as he remembered you. There was a smile but not as joyful.

You stood there... still beautiful.

He hated that. He hated that you were still beautiful- more than him... since always.

He turned his head away, not wanting to look at you anymore. He was furious- so darn furious. Why didn't anybody tell him about you?

"There she is!" Remus came over with his hands on your shoulders, gently and formally.

You smiled brightly at him because you adored him as a professor. He was the only professor who made a course feel important and interesting.

"She was my best student and she now works in a small company for accounting- a shame to waste your talents there."

Sirius, he stood up tall and mighty, almost king-like and you felt infatuated by his kingly presence. His eyes were cold blue but his look was warm and safe.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Azkaban or something?" you joked and he laughed.

"Been there, didn't like it much." he retorded back and a few of the group laugh. "She's been working for me too for a bit. Remus recommended her- just for a short time and she turned out to be trustworthy. I bet she went to Hogwarts with you."

Ginny ran to you into a hug immediately and smiled up to you... well not up anymore. She seemed taller than you by a few centimeters. The two of you always had a great friendship, despite Fred. She adored you and you adored her.

"I can't believe you're here!" she exclaimed and you laughed, hugging her tightly.

"Me neither. This man put me through hell."

"I did not." Sirius gasped.

"Don't leave him alone in this house for long ever again."

"We have so much to catch up!"

And you did. With the whole group. You did work with Sirius through Remus. You've never really met him personally, always through some Howlers, letters, some other secret forms of communication and he was always so arrogant through it. He had grumpy and sassy remarks and at first you were professional about it but through time you've had enough and returned the energy. It has mostly been with the documents you've been grammarly correcting. They had been reciepts from big, luxiourious wizard families and you could see in some of those reciepts which were on the bad side, which on the good and which were fleeding and unreliable.

You didn't know about the other participants except Remus, Tonks and Sirius. Soon you figured Moody was one as well when he trampled into your office, asking questions and now you've met others.

You've never been much of a leap of faith person but you've always had a strong urge to stand for fairness and justice. You've fired up when you had to, not knowing until you went to bed that night. Remus saw that in you and he knew that all you needed was a little push.

You've always been reliable and when you promised something, you didn't back out, even if you were extremely anxious. He knew you could never back out from this. A bit manipulating but well, that was the push.

You've looked at Moody with your mouth on the ground.

"Turn into Harry?" you looked at all the others, especially at Remus.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to." said Harry.

"No, it's not that." you laughed. "Couldn't we just turn Harry into some random Muggle and transport him?"

The others thought about it as it could be.

"No!" Moody shouted. "Would you think they'd just let some random Muggle with a stick in his boot let into the Ministry?" he growled at you, approaching you. "No- now dress up lil priss." and he shoved clothes at you.

You looked after him than walked to Harry. "Are you comfortable with this? Us... turning into you?"

He gave you a comforting smile. "Not really but a plan is a plan. My comfort is not really in question." he offered you a smile and you returned it, though you felt a bit sad for the boy, espeicially when others made awful comments about them.

What you didn't notice was the little peeps Fred was giving you when you undressed, easily unclasping your bra under your Harry shirt and throwing it in the corner.

George apperead in front of him as Harry, giving him a grin meanwhile Fred just put his glassess on and pretended not to look.

"You're with me little priss." one of the Harry's told you and winked at you.

As you walked behind fake Harry, you passed what you thought was Fred and he called out your name. "Hey, (Y/n)."

You turned around. "What?"

"Stay safe."

You looked at him and nodded, turning back to the fake Harry, feeling your heart beating fast. Not because of Fred... this was pure fear.

---

Fred just turned back into himself, laughing with his father about the trip when Ginny told him about George. He was running into the living room, finding his best friend bloody on the couch.

"Shit, George." he came to his side.

"I'm howy." George whispered.

"What George?" Fred leaned in worriedly.

"I said..." George took a breath. "I'm holy now Fred."

Fred rolled his eyes and laughed from all the relief. "Only you can crack a joke about a blown up ear."

He looked up, smiling joyfully when the others smiled back, hugging him and George. It wasn't until two were missing. He looked around again. "Where are Tonks and (y/n)?" he asked but the others looked around and nobody was around.

"Remus is waiting for them, I'll go out and check." said Arthur but just as he was about to head out the door, Remus came rushing the door with you in his arms. His shirt was soaked in your blood, Tonks' hands as well.

"MOVE!" shouted Remus as Arthur cleared the table so that Remus could place you there gently.

"It came out of nowhere- I don't know who is was but she was blown off our broom and fell hard on the woods. She hit her head pretty hard." Tonks spoke quickly, like your life depended on it.

Ginny and Molly were right by your side, Remus as well. Fred just watched with his eyes wide open. Everything was gone, all the anger, all of it, out of his system. There was no room for anger, only regret and sadness.

"(y/n)- come on little priss, you have to wake up." Remus slapped your cheeks gently.

It was so sudden. You laid there calmly and like you were awaken from the dead, you jumped up and took a deep breath in.

"Where am I?!" you looked around, feeling your head pounding but everything was extremely bloody.

You heard voices around you but none of them were clear.

"You're safe-" you looked around but you recognised that voice anywhere.

"Professor Lupin? Where's Madam Pince my head is-" you were just about to say something when you started choking on your own blood.

Fred fell on the floor, just by George when he saw the sight.

Arthur saw the terror in Fred's eyes and shouted at the other. "GET HIM OUT OF HERE! ALL OF YOU OUT!"

---

Fred had a whole review of your life together back in Hogwarts. Everything turned back- everything. The small things, the big things and he realised that not once did the two of you had a bad memory together. Not one but until he broke things off.

He was pacing up and down outside the living room. Ginny kept trying to calm him down but he was not consolable. Not until you were completely alright. Not until he comes back and you're breathing and smiling at him.

Finally Arthur came to Fred, only to Fred because he knew of their past together. His expression was grim but it wasn't something Fred could read at the moment. He had you in perfect image. Since always.

"How is she?!" he quickly asked and everybody stood up and listened as well.

"She's living and breathing." he said, putting his hand on Fred's shoulder. "Remus is great at taking care of people, so she's resting with George... however... she kept recalling back a few years..." he looked up worriedly. "She kept asking for Dumbledore and... McGonagall..." he continued. "Remus says it could be shock or some short amnesia."

"What does that mean, dad?" Fred asked but his father only looked away. "Dad!"

"I don't know really... only time will tell when she wakes up."

Fred burst through the door and found his two favorite people laying on the couch. It was odd sight becuase you were there moving your lips and looking at your roommate, fist bumping him.

"Samesiess." George shouted weakley. "I've always wanted a girl roommate."

"Ew." you said, laughing.

"Not like that- Merlin." George said. "If moving my eyes wouldn't hurt I'd roll my eyes right now."

"If I could have the strenght to move my hands I'd show you the middle finger."you replied and could hear him laugh, caughing.

Fred smiled from relief and walked confidently into the room. "Hey, you two are on bed rest, stop talking and laughing." he said, sitting at George's side first. He looked at you and you looked at him.

"George?" you said worriedly. "I didn't know you had a sibling?"

"I have eight of them... or seven... six... I really don't know..."

"I didn't know you had one that looks exactly like you." you furrowed your eyebrows and it was only for a joke. You've always wanted to play a joke but something in Fred's eyes.

Something in his eyes made him come towards you and look at you with the same look he did all those years. The same eyes that you prayed for such a long time ago.

"You don't remember me?" he asked.

And you haven't got any clue why you turned your head and mumbled no. You turned it away from him because you felt something hurt inside of you so much by having him looking at you so close. Your heart was tearing up inside of you all over again and you wished, you prayed, you said you never met him because that was what you truly wanted. You wanted that he never existed in your brain because it just... hurts so much.

"Please leave me alone." you said and kept shutting your eyes.

Fred backed away, terror in his eyes, his heart, rage? Perhaps shock- something was in his chest, burning up his throat. He didn't hear the pain in your throat or the tears that fell from your eyes when you turned away. He couldn't function properly.

"Fred..." he heard George but he just stormed outside.

It was as if something was spinning in his head. It was so horrible.

Ginny came after him, calling out his name, asking what is wrong.

"WHAT'S WRONG?!" he turned around, a big forced smile of disbelief, almost wicked-like. "I ALMOST LOST TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME! BESIDES THAT ONE LOST AN EAR, THE OTHER LOST A BLOODY MEMORY OF ME- OF OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP!!!"

Ginny stood there. Usually she would shout something back but she just let him yell.

"Ginny- she-" he started to break down, falling onto his knees and pulling his long legs into a hug.

Ginny walked to his side and hugged him around the shoulders. "It could be temporary... she's just in a shock."

"She remembers George."

"How do you know? She just talked to him like she woud with another person."

"She wouldn't talk to me like this..."

"She would." Ginny added and Fred looked at her, letting a laugh.

"Yeah... she would... she was unpredicatable like that." he said.

"Why did the two of you even break up?"

"I don't know really." Fred mumbled. "But I don't know if I can live through her not remembering us... you know?" he looked at Ginny, then laid his head on her shoulder. "We used to have so much fun... when we were together. She was so snarky and confident..."

"She's always so happy and has such a good heart." Ginny added.

"Yeah... she was perfect and... I really didn't know we would work so well together but I don't know... I thought she would be a fling and I wasn't ready to commit- she just... she deserved so much better than me, I always knew that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... look at her and look at me." he lookd at Ginny.

"Fred, she looked at you as if you were the whole world for her, not because of your looks or it was because of your looks, I doubt that though but she didn't want anybody else. She wanted you." Ginny said and Fred looked at her.

"I don't know Ginny."

"You do know, Fred. You were the one who thought you didn't deserve her and with the way you were acting after the two of you broke up, just told me how much she hurt you." she continued without any filter. "And it wasn't that she hurt you... it was that you were furious that you fucked up a good thing."

Fred looked at his sister with a confused look. She didn't use that kind of language. "I don't know when you grew up so much, Ginny." he said and laid his head back on her shoulder. "But... if she forgot about us... and me... I don't know- she was the only person who really knew me and it was hard for her to trust me in the first place. When she did, it felt like I met the right person to feel safe with..."

"Like I said... we can hope that she does remember."

---

You and George were laying in the darkness, both resting. You were glad the whole thing was over, even though you almost couldn't have made it out alive.

"Do you really not remember Fred?" asked George.

There was silence but you looked to the darkness beside you where George was speaking from. "I wish I didn't." you said.

"Why did you tell him then you didn't?" he asked calmly.

You turned your head back to the dark ceiling. "I just... I actually don't know... it was a joke at first..."

"I gathered that but he just saw two of people he cared about almost die in front of his eyes so I believe him for not catching it."

"Then he just looked at me with those eyes... like that he cares and I just... I don't know I wanted to make sure if he does or not so I just said no."

There was a small laugh from the other side. "Did you get your answer?"

"Kind of." you shrugged.

"(y/N)." he said in a serious tone. "He bloody loved you. You didn't know how he was when you weren't around. First he was furious, then he was frustrated when you didn't catch our fireworks, then he was melancholic for a while and all of a sudden he got an urge to go after every girl that walked into the shop- age appropriate to be clear." he stopped for a moment. "He cared, he really did- he didn't know how much he had lost until months later. Angelina couldn't compare to you. He wasn't as ambitious and happy as he was with you. He was absent and lost..."

There was a loud silence after that and you felt as if you have to say something in return. "I didn't know you could preform such long speeches."

You heard shuffling on the other side and suddenly something soft landed on your stomach. "Owww!"

"Shut up, we're both poor right now." he said and you laughed , throwing the pillow back.

---

George was awake and walking. He was just getting suited for the wedding when Fred was tying his bowtie. He walked into the living room and saw your space empty. He looked around and tried to find any traces of your disappearance.

It wasn't until he heard a grunt from the bathroom and you walked out, pinning something into your hair. "Hey Ginny this bandage is so unnecessary-" you looked up and he was staring at you as you stared back. His hands were at the untied bowtie and yours were stucking a flower somewhere where your bandage was loose around your head.

"You remember Ginny?" he asked and you kept looking at him.

You let your hands fall down to your side and you took a few steps forward. "I do." you said and grabbed his tie and started to throw it around into a bowtie.

"Do you remember me?" he asked softly as he looked down at you but you kept your eyes on his bowtie.

You were silent for a while and started to twist it around to stay on its place. "I can do it better." you said and untied it again.

He smiled at that. "A perfectionist, you remember that." he said and he could see a smile on your lips. "Please, (y/n)..." he said and placed his hands on top of yours.

You finally looked up and found his eyes in such pain. You didn't think eyes so joyful could look that tormented. "I remember you Fred." you smiled softly, then looked back at the bowtie. "Just like I remember how to tie a perfect bowtie." you smiled and fixed it on his collar.

He breathed out a long breath of relief. He saw your hands leave his bowtie and he immedately started to fix your bandage and hair flower. "You're beautiful today." he said as he continued to tuck in the last peaces of the bandage before going to the flower. "You're beautiful every day."

You continued to look up, his slick and gentle hands touching your scalp and spreading warmth, even the memories you forgot existed. "I'm sorry." you said and he raised an eyebrow. "I always knew who you were..." you said and his hands dropped, still holding the flower that was supposed to go into your hair.

"You did?"

"I did." you said. "You were so close and you were just- and it really hurt- you really hurt me." you said, looking into his eyes, knowing yours were filling themselves with tears. "It was the first time I saw you so close after such a long time and everything came back- and it hurt so much I wished to forget you." you said, avoiding his gaze.

He didn't say anything. To be honest, he wasn't furious or in shock. "You could have done worse, really..." he gave an awkward smile and you laughed. He put his hand back up to your head and started placing it into your hair.

You only observed and as you did so, his hand fell to your cheek and brushed it with his thumb. The two of you were looking at each other, felt like a whole century since the two of you were looking at each other like this... and it felt like yesterday.

Time truly is an illusion, isn't it.

"Please, give me a second chance." he said, leaning his forehead onto yours.

"Fred..." you sighed.

"I know it's a lot to ask but please- I promise, I won't run away again like I did last time." he said, pulling back and cupping your cheeks. "We're special. I know you know... I know we are... please..."

You smiled, closing your eyes and feeling all this warmth, safety and love over your body.

Hope.

There's nothing wrong with having hope.

There's nothing wrong with second chances.

You looked up at him. "Second chance then."

[jjksblackgf]

no rose petals | myg (m)

pairing — min yoongi x reader summary — Min Yoongi is a man that knows how to plan a date night. but he can't get too mad when his date deviates from those plans. genre — smut, established relationship rate — 21+ word count — 0.8k warnings — explicit sexual content, mentions of alcohol, oral sex (male receiving), soft deepthroating, cum eating

I felt the warmth of Yoongi's hand as he held mine. Even while driving, he made sure to make me feel special in this tiny way. His thumb caressed the back of my hand, and a passionate sigh slipped from my lips. 

He concentrated on the way home, so I had the chance to appreciate his beautiful side profile, which was showcasing his seriousness, in true Yoongi fashion. I could see his glasses slowly drifting down his nose, and I took a second to adjust them for him.

He smiled sheepishly and glanced my way for a second. “Thank you,” he said. His tone of voice sent chills down my spine.

This vision of him made me remember the late night pillow talk we had about fantasies and how much he wanted to experience car sex. This man does so much for me, and this may be the perfect opportunity to repay him.

“Baby, I just wanted to say thank you for tonight,” I started. Yoongi had reserved a private table at our favorite rooftop restaurant, and made sure that they would serve my favorite meals. He asked for my favorite flowers to be placed as centerpiece and went out of his way to make sure my favorite wine was stocked. He even wore the perfume he knew I liked. My perfect man.

“It was nothing,” he shrugged, now looking into my eyes as we reached a stop light. 

“Are you kidding me? Most men just go all out like this for special occasions.”

“Well, this is a special occasion…” he explained. “We’re together, and that’s special to me.”

“You’re getting super laid tonight,” I whispered, and he laughed.

“Get ready for some more special activities, because I decorated my bed with rose petals,” he looked away, driving again. His smile was a little smug, but a little self-conscious.

“Damn, I must’ve saved someone really important in a past life, I mean…”

“You’re doing it again…” he said suddenly.

“Doing what?” I asked.

“Thinking you don’t deserve me,” he spoke softly, making sure to take glances at me. “You do deserve me, you know? You make me the happiest man just by being yourself. Never forget that.” 

His hand landed on my thigh this time, squeezing it slightly, reassuring me. This wasn’t the first time we had spoken about this, but it was the first I felt something different. The knot in my stomach felt more like lust than gratitude, and the words that often made me feel like a fish out of water, now made me feel like the most precious human.

I caressed his bicep, tilting my head a little to see his face better. “You take such good care of me,” I said, and by the side eye he gave me, I could see he got the hint in my tone of voice.

“I sure do,” he joked.

“I think it’s time to take care of you,” I whispered, leaning closer to his ear.

“We’ll get to it,” he redirected, not taking me seriously.

“What if I want it now?” I whispered to his ear, caressing his inner thigh, and traveling my hand upward.

“Like… right now?” he asked, his voice surprised. I nodded, and he nodded in thought. “What would you even do?”

“I can show you,” I answered, my hand stroking his growing bulge.

“What about the rose petals?”

“We’ll get to it,” I said, reaching his zipper. I took off my seatbelt and adjusted myself on the seat. I quickly handled his slacks and boxers, unveiling his dick. I immediately went to work, licking his tip before enclosing my lips around him. He moaned, and that motivated me. 

I gave him my best efforts. I closed my eyes and bobbled my head, my throat clenching with every pass. I ignored the gag reflex and the tears as his dick grew inside my mouth, burying my face further down his crotch. When I pulled back, I took the opportunity to use my hand.

“Oh my,” he whispered, stunned. While I didn’t respond, I was riding an ego high. 

I wrapped my lips around him again, going as further as I could, and the moan that escaped his lips surprised me. He started to move his hips towards me, and I knew he was close. He placed a hand on my head and started guiding me that way, so I just let him take the lead.

He continued to moan and groan, and soon enough, I could taste his cum on my tongue. I swallowed it, cleaning the corners of my mouth with the back of my hand.

“When did we park?” I asked, confused and amused.

“A few minutes back,” he answered, trying to hide his smile. “I thought you’d notice, since I was thrusting my hips!” he joked, a teasing smile very apparent on his face.

“What? I was concentrated,” I shrugged.

“You did a good job, let me tell you that much,” he murmured, zipping his pants back up.

“How about we get to those rose petals now?” I asked.

“We don’t have to if you don’t wanna, I don’t want to put words in your mouth.”

“You can put more than words in my mouth,” I giggled.

“God, I’m dating a comedian…” he sighed, buckling his seatbelt and checking his mirrors.

[newtthetranswriter]

FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE WHO WRITES FOR FAIRY TAIL!!!

Would you mind writing a Loke/Leo x Celestial Spirit!Reader? Maybe they're one of the Chinese zodiacs and they met because they both joined Fairy Tail!

The reader traveled to the human world to seek out a worthy person to have their key, and that's when they met Loke. They knew that he was celestial spirit, but kept it a secret. They ended up dating before Lucy came along.

Eventually, Loke became contracted with her while the reader got contracted to Angel. That was because she found her key before the reader had the chance to give it to Lucy.

For the scenario, can you write something during the fight with Lucy and Angel, where Lucy summons Loke and Angel summons the reader? I'd prefer angst pls!!! Thank you!!!

Word Count: 2328

Paring: Loke/Leo x Celestial Spirit! Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence, mentions of feelings of abandonment, possible ooc Loke, use of the nickname 'kitty' for both reader and Loke, reader's gender is never mentioned

A/n: Hello, I’m thankful for the request. I recently started a rewatch of Fairy Tail in preparation for the new series and realized how much I like Loke, so thank you for feeding my need for him. Anyway I decided to make the Reader the Tiger Zodiac from the Chinese Zodiac because I thought it’s be fun to put the two big cats together. Also because they likely wouldn’t call it the Chinese zodiac I called the Eastern Zodiac because the more Asian inspired parts of Fairy Tail were referred to as being from the Eastern Continent, just so it makes sense. Well without further ado, I hope you enjoy and as always remember to hydrate or diedrate. 

  The Jade Zodiac Keys are much harder to come by as not many wizards know of their existence so for one of us to get contracted we have to do the leg work. I personally grew impatient and decided to go find my key and then find a wizard I trusted with it. So, I left in search of my key and wizard.

   It was long after I left, when I heard that one of the Golden zodiac spirits was banished from our home. Being the curious spirit I am, I went in search of the banished spirit. Eventually I stumbled upon a guild hall in the small town of Magnolia. Entering the Fairy Tail guild hall, I was immediately drawn to a ginger wizard surrounded by women. If it wasn’t for the familiar energy radiating from him I would have thought he was just another wizard, but being a spirit myself I was easily able to tell what he really was.

  I quickly approached the table, catching the attention of the group. “Excuse me but could I speak with you for a moment?” I asked, picking up on the fact that he was likely hiding his true nature from those around him.

  The ginger froze, likely figuring out what I was the same way I picked him out of the crowd. “Sure, who am I to deny a lovely creature like you, my attention.” His voice came off as flirtatious but there was an underlying hint of worry. He waved off the women, ignoring their whines, before standing up. “But, uh, not around here. Follow me.” With that he motioned for me to follow him out of the hall.

   After walking for a few minutes in tense silence we reached a small clearing just outside of town. “So, did the Celestial Spirit King send you to kill me?” He said, turning to look at me over the edge of his glasses. “He finally decided that it would be easier than having a rogue spirit running about.” He was stating it like it was fact.

   “No actually, I heard that one of the twelve golden zodiacs got banished and wanted to see if it was true.” I started earning a confused look. “So, what did the great and powerful Leo do to get exiled from his home among the stars?” I asked, while leaning against a tree.

   I didn’t miss the slight glare he sent at my mockery of his title. “What’s it to you? Do you think I would really believe you came all the way from the celestial world to ask why I got banished?” He now sounded defensive. “Also it’s Loke now, I left the name Leo behind.” 

  “First,I didn’t leave the Celestial world just for you. If I just wanted to know what happened I’d have asked around there. Second, The jade keys that are bound to the Eastern Zodiacs are nearly impossible to find. So, I set out to find my key. Once I do that I’m gonna find a wizard I can trust to make a contract with.” I explained to the confused spirit.

  He still looked confused but spoke up. “So, what exactly is the point of taking the time to find me? Just go find your key and leave me to enjoy what time I have left.” Loke said. “Why waste your time and energy to come talk to me, if it’s so difficult to find your stupid key.” 

  I looked at him shocked. “Put the claws away kitty. If I had any idea where my key was I wouldn’t be here. I came searching for you because I figured we could help each other out.” I stated.

  “How exactly can you help me? Once I run out of magic I’m dead, unless you can somehow convince the King that I didn’t do anything wrong, there’s nothing you can do to help me.” He turned away, getting ready to walk away.

   I nodded, moving away from the tree. “You’re right, I can’t convince the King you did nothing wrong. Because I have no clue what you did in the first place. But what I can do is share my power with you to give you more time.” I said placing my hand on his shoulder, demonstrating my proposal by pushing a wave of my own magic through him. He looked over his shoulder at me confused. “I can still return to the Celestial world whenever I need to recharge, you on the other hand won’t last much longer here without a supply of power. So, I’ll give you some of my magic every now and then, if you promise to help me find my key?” I asked hopefully.

   Loke thought for a minute, before responding. “Sure, I’ll help you. But once we find your key, I want you to forget about me, and let me die in peace.” He sounded like he already accepted he was going to die sooner or later, and he was just agreeing knowing I would be persistent. I nodded in agreement. “Also, no one knows that I’m a spirit, the guild thinks I’m just a normal wizard. I don’t care if they know that you’re a spirit but no one and I mean one is to know what I am. Got it?”

   “Whatever you say, Kitty. It will probably be easier for us if people think I’m also just a wizard, anyways.” I answered. “So, Loke, shall you introduce me to the guild I’ll be joining?” I asked, moving to walk in front of him.

   He just rolled his eyes. “Yeah whatever. Just stop with the Kitty shit.” With that we made our way back to the guild hall.

   Time skip to shortly before Lucy joins Fairy Tail.

   It has been almost three years since I joined Fairy Tail. Loke and I have spent the time going on jobs and becoming closer, while also searching for my gate key. Though somewhere along the way my priorities changed. I was no longer worried about finding my key, I instead was focused on keeping Loke around for as long as possible. We had grown extremely close fairly quickly.   

   After only three months of working together, Loke asked me out on a date. During which he told me about why he was banished and told me that if that changed how I felt he would understand. Though he had nothing to worry about because after he finished his story, I pulled him close and promised that I would stick by his side. I had told him that had it been me, I would have likely done the same. With our new found understanding and bond we became almost inseparable.

  Unfortunately for us, good things never last long. We had just finished up on a tough job and I had expended a great deal of my power. “Hey Loke, I’m going to return to the Celestial world for a bit to recharge. I’ll be back soon, Ok?” I said leaning on his shoulder as we sat waiting for a train to take us back to Magnolia.

  “Yeah, ok. I’ll tell the guild you aren’t feeling well and decided to go home.” He said with a nod. “Don’t take too long though, I don’t know if I can cover for three months again.” There was a slight chuckle in his voice at the reference to the one time I forgot that a day in the celestial world is three months in the human world.

  I laughed as well. “That was one time. Well I’ll be off. I love you and remember to stay safe Kitty.” I said placing a kiss to his forehead making sure to transfer the little extra power I had left, just in case I did take longer to recover than I planned. As I faded I heard a quiet ‘i love you too, kitty’ and couldn’t help but smile at our shared nickname for each other.

  After resting for a few hours and recharging my power I started to get ready to return to Loke. But I was stopped by a familiar sensation that I hadn’t felt in so long. Before I could even register what was happening, I was pulled through the gate and was now face to face with white haired woman. One hand was on her waist while the other held a familiar green key.

  “So you’re Y/n the Jade Tiger.” She said in a cold tone. “You are now my spirit and you will do as you’re told.” She said leaving no room to argue. Before I could speak she looked at me, noticing the guild mark on my hand. “Oh, you’ve been playing human have you? Well that’s over now. If I find out you returned to that reached guild, I’ll make sure you regret it.” It was clear from her tone that she was not one of the nice Celestial wizards. She viewed spirits as property and nothing more. “Now gate close, you better be ready to fight when I call you.”

   Returning to the celestial world after being summoned was an odd feeling after spending so long coming and going whenever I chose to. I looked around my small section of the Celestial world trying to figure out how to return to Loke. I was now contracted to a wizard and though I had no say in the contrat it was now set, I had to obey her wishes. If I went against them, I would be exiled for breaking the contract and then there would be no way to help Loke. So, I resolved myself to sitting and waiting to be summoned, hoping that I could convince my new wizard to allow me to visit Loke if only once to explain what has happened.

   Time skip to Lucy Vs. Angel

   No matter how hard I tried to convince Angel to allow me on final visit to my old guild, she would never let it happen. It was fruitless to try and argue with her, so I just hoped Loke knew I didn’t abandon him. I worried constantly that he would fade away while I was away and just hoped that one day I could see him again.

   My prayer to see him again was answered in a way I never expected. I had been sitting talking to one of the other Jade Zodiacs, when I was summoned. The trip between worlds always throws off my senses when I'm summoned, but once I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings I froze. Standing just feet in front of me was none other than Loke. His hair was longer now, and he was wearing a nice suit, but I could never forget those eyes.

   “Loke, you’re okay. I was so worried about you.” I said moving to get closer to him.

   I watched as a river of emotions flashed across his face. “I see you found your key, good for you.” It seems he settled on indifference for our reunion. 

   The blonde standing behind him looked at him confused. “You know this spirit Loke? Is she one of your friends?” She asked him.

   “I know this spirit, or at least I thought I did. And no she’s not my friend.” It felt like I had been stabbed in the heart, hearing the malice that laced his voice.

   Before I could speak again and explain myself, Angel spoke up. “Enough, I called you here to fight, not wallow in the past now take out Leo and kill that wizard so I can take her keys.” Her words caught everyone's attention.

   I turned away from Loke, looking to the wizard I was contracted with. “You can’t expect me to fight him, anyone but him.” I said, holding back tears.

   “You will fight whoever I tell you to fight. Now fight him.” Angel said clearly not wanting to deal with my defiance

   I was about to retort but was interrupted by a wave of yellow light washing over me. Turning quickly I saw Loke preparing to fight. “What are you doing Loke? I can’t fight you. I know it seems like I abandoned you but I didn’t I promise. Please listen to me for five seconds.” I begged, as I began deflecting the punches Loke was sending my way.

   “I don’t want to hear it. You broke your promise, you never came back. I almost died and you were nowhere to be found, had Lucy not been there I would be dead.” He spat as he continued throwing punches. I didn’t even have a chance to speak between deflecting his attacks and the words that honestly hurt more than any punch could. “I waited for you for months, saying that it was probably just taking longer for you to recharge. I waited in our apartment for you to show up and you never did. You abandoned me and now you’re contracted to this bitch, doing her dirty work. I thought you were going to give your key to someone you could trust.”

   He only stopped when I lost my footing falling flat on the ground. “I never meant to be gone for so long. I tried to come back but I couldn’t. You have every right to hate me for leaving you when you needed me.” I said, holding back tears. “I’m just glad someone was able to save you.” Sitting up slightly, I turned to look at the blonde wizard that held Loke’s key. “I guess I should thank you for saving Loke.” I finished with a said smile. Before I could say more or hear a response, Angel closed my gate sending me back to the celestial world. Back among the stars, I prayed that Loke and his wizard would beat Angel. Even if I know that Loke will likely never accept my apology, I hope that he will someday know that I never meant to abandon him.

EDIT: part 2 is out now

[bambidixon]

I've been thinking about them. A LOT. I mean it sooo

First thing first They're so “The exit” by Conan gray

Feels like we had matching wounds— the way they grew up

But mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine—She being stuck in the past unable to form bonds with new people while Daryl finding his place with his new family

Feels like we've buried alive something that never dies— the past and ofc Merle

NOWW some things I've been thinking about

I don't think she would like Carol at all at leats until the prison maybe? they would eventually become friends and probably before she and daryl get together.

She would hate Rick, not that much but she would find him quite annoying.

I feel that she would get along with the Greene family, in fact she would be closer to them than to the rest of the group.

Beth would be her first real friend and Hershel the first man she trusts other than Daryl and Merle and I'm dying on that hill

She has something that Daryl gave her (a necklace, a ring, a diary idc anything) and she takes it everywhere

About how I think things would happened...

So she left, but I don't think she's going to leave Daryl behind just like that. He's all she has, and Daryl's "friendship" is the only stability she's ever known. I believe their it will happen gradually , probably starting during their time on the farm. In the first days, she and Daryl are both busy looking for Sophia—there's no time for buddies talks, and things don't seem to have changed between them. But as the days pass, she can't help but notice how much finding Sophia means to him, and she just doesn’t understand it. From her perspective, that girl is probably dead, and Daryl is risking his life for nothing. Yet, she keeps her thoughts to herself bc she knows better than arguing with him.

Their first real argument happens when Andrea mistakenly shoots him. She's furious—Daryl could have been killed, and it feels like no one else truly cares. She’s the only one who went out looking for him. They end up yelling at each other, both too stubborn to back down.

Things don’t change much until Sophia is found, already turned into a walker in the barn. The entire situation leaves Daryl angry and disillusioned with everyone. He retreats to what he knows—her—but it no longer feels the same. There’s a discomfort, a sense that Daryl no longer belongs by her side, and it bothers her.

Their distance grows when Daryl starts to bond with Carol. Is she jealous? YES ABSOLUTELY, but not in a possessive way—more in the sense that Carol is actually good for him unlike her, and he seems happier around these people, more like his true self. As his connections with the group strengthen, the gap between them widens—though it's more that she distances herself from him than the other way around.

After the farm burns down, when they’re camping with the group, she overhears Carol asking Daryl to leave with her and separate from the group. For a moment, she wants to say something, because who is she to think she can just take Daryl away like he's some lucky charm? But Daryl’s refusal to leave stops her.

Ultimately, I think she would leave after Merle’s death. She realize that if Daryl is happy and has chosen to stay with these people, she wouldn’t be the one to take away his chance at having a family, even if she’s no longer part of it.

[buckysgrace]

6. Kiss Me Deadly

Now That We Don’t Talk

Billy Hargrove x Fem!Mayfield OC/Tommy Hagan x Fem!OC

CW: Stepcest, cheating

Kim

Glitter and ribbon streamers were strung through her hair, decorated delicately by Nora after she had eaten her cake. Tommy’s mother had fussed about how it would ruin her hairstyle, but she didn’t mind. It probably looked better than it had before. 

She took a breather in the pantry, feigning the need for more supplies as she gave herself one second of peace. She was terrified that everyone knew, that everyone could see the crime that she had just committed with Billy. She was overthinking it.

But she didn’t regret what she had done and maybe that was the worst part. She missed Billy’s touch, missed all of them. All of those old feelings were front and present now, making it incredibly difficult for her to even sit across from him in the same room. She wanted to sit by him, to be able to touch him. She could still feel him, even now. 

“What are you doing?” She jolted, holding her palm over her chest as Billy entered the room with her. She chewed on her bottom lip, watching the way he shut the door behind him as she gestured towards the untouched items next to her. 

“Oh,” She paused for a moment, “Getting more paper plates. Why?” She asked him curiously, tongue feeling heavy in her mouth. It had been risky enough when they were on their own, they definitely couldn’t do it now with everyone nearby. 

She inhaled deeply as she got a better look at him, realizing that he wasn’t here for any sexual needs. He looked angry, furious. Her heart beat slowly but roughly inside of her chest as she held her fingers together, trying to swallow the lump in the back of her throat. 

“She looks like me,” He said, looking rather disheveled as he leaned against the wall, “She fucking looks like me.” He accused her roughly, eyes flashing in disbelief as he waited for her to answer.

There was no shying away, no turning her head and hiding from his accusation. She’d thought about that same statement for many years. And the older Nora grew, the more she had slowly begun to realize that it may be true. That it probably was. Nora just didn’t resemble Tommy. But still. There was a chance. 

“Billy-,” She started slowly, trying to keep her composure calm, “I don’t-,”

“You don’t what?” He said with a laugh, “Is it true? Is she mine?” He demanded, pointing to himself roughly. She felt a rush of emotions smacking her around, nearly making it difficult to breathe. But she wouldn’t break down, not yet. 

“I don’t know,” She told him honestly, “I never tested anything. I couldn’t-, I couldn’t tell Tommy that. Maybe.” She felt numb as the words rolled off of her tongue. It was pathetic and not much of an answer, but it was all she had. She had spent much time deciding that she would be the only one to know this truth. Well, up until Billy decided to show up once again. Now things were messy. 

“Jesus, Kim.” He looked at her exasperated, like she had done something wrong. She bit down on her tongue for a second, frustrated by the way he was rubbing his palms across his face. She’d spent the past few years alone, understanding that if anyone was to ever become suspicious that it would all be over with. He had left her alone, with no way of getting a hold of him. It wasn’t her fault. 

“Don’t,” She said sternly, “You left me. I had no way of contacting you. I didn’t even know you were alive until Tommy said you were coming here.” She reminded him roughly, her throat burning from the large lump that had grown in the back of it. She knew she was probably a terrible person, but she wasn’t going to make Nora suffer because of it. And despite all things, Tommy was good to Nora and she loved him. 

“So that makes things right?” Billy scoffed as he looked at her, eyes slightly glistened over. She looked at him in frustration, unsure of how he could just think she wanted to do something so terribly to him. To Tommy. To her daughter. Many people would be hurt if the truth came out. 

“What did you want me to do?” She asked him seriously, “How was I supposed to get a hold of you? You ran off. You erased me from your life.” She felt angry now. Furious that she had been so easy for him to toss aside. She would’ve left with him to California if he had asked. She would’ve done anything for him. But he didn’t want her. She’d always just been something cheap and easy for him to get his hands on. 

“You made a whole big fantasy for yourself though, didn’t you?” He cocked his eyebrows as he looked at her accusingly, nose curled up like he was disgusted with her. It hurt. It made her feel really shitty. She’d been disgusted with herself for a long time now and didn’t need him to confirm it. 

“I don’t owe you anything,” She said as she fought the growing lump in the back of her throat, “I did what I thought I had to do. I couldn’t go back home to our parents. I don’t know what you want from me.” She wiped at her cheek, blinking roughly to try and keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t want to cry.

“Honesty would’ve been nice.” His voice was raw as he spoke, like he was genuinely upset. She shook her head as she turned from him, blinking roughly before she took another deep breath. Today was supposed to be a happy day. 

“How?” She asked him seriously, “How was I supposed to tell you? She might not be yours. We don’t know. I don’t know.” She reminded him, feeling awful all over again. She used to debate about going off on her own with Nora, but she had no support. It was scary. She didn’t know what to do, especially if Tommy was her father. She didn’t know what was right or wrong. 

“She doesn’t look like Tommy, that’s for sure.” He replied dryly as he crossed his arms over his chest. She felt as if she’d been backed into a small corner. 

“You can’t just come in here and act like I owe you something,” She said at last, “It’s not fair.” She sniffled as the tears fell free this time, her cheeks growing raw as she rubbed her fists across her cheeks. This was too messy for her to work through. 

“What’s not fair is you marrying him,” He said at last, “What were you thinking?” He swung it back at her again, making her stare at him in disbelief. What had she been thinking? 

“I dated him to keep your dad from getting suspicious because you said it would be a good idea,” She reminded him, “You never told me you loved me. Or that you wanted to be with me. Tommy at least gives me stability.” She spit out all at once, angry tears continuing to fall from her eyes. 

“And how is that treating you?” He asked her seriously, “Because you look pretty fucking bored.” He shot back at her, making the tension in the room grow thicker. They were both angry, that was very clear. 

“You don’t know anything.” Her voice wobbled this time, her throat burning as she gripped the paper plates tightly in her hands. She needed to get out of here, to get away from him. She couldn’t deal with him right now. 

“He doesn’t even help you,” He spit out, “He looks like he could care less if you stay together or not.” He expressed the truth once again, but she shook her head quickly. She had already decided that Tommy was allowed to do whatever he wanted. It was only fair. 

“I’m not fighting with you about this.”  She dismissed at last, no longer wanting to talk to him. She felt sick, ridden with guilt and shame. She was disgusted with herself, angry that she had let herself pretend like everything would be fine. 

He stared at her, eyes still holding a fiery gaze for a split second before he relaxed. His shoulders sagged as he exhaled roughly, wiping his palm across his forehead. She rubbed her fingers across her cheeks once again. 

She distracted herself as she heard the door opening, gripping a handful of plates and silverware and whatever else she could grab within her arms. She listened fearfully, heart hammering roughly inside of her chest. 

“Is everything okay?” Tommy’s voice entered the room, confusion laced in his tone as he stepped inside. She held the stuff close to her chest, trying to keep the panic from boiling over. 

“Kim.” Billy’s tone was warmer, softer this time around. She closed her eyes for a brief second, knowing that this wasn’t the time to discuss who Nora’s father was. Not today. 

“Everything is fine,” She said harshly, blinking quickly to keep her fresh tears from falling, “Here’s the plates.” She turned, forcing a bright smile onto her lips as she held everything tightly to her chest. Tommy wrinkled his eyebrows together.

“Alright,” He nodded his head, “Let’s get back to it then.” He smiled as he held his hand out, his fingers brushing against her shoulder. She nodded her head, grateful for the escape as she quickly fled. She couldn’t be in here for one more second.

Billy’s words stayed with her the rest of the day, truly making it difficult for her to focus like she had before. She was stupid. So, so stupid. She couldn’t believe how easily she had fallen, how she had made her situation so much more complicated.

“Did you have fun?” She asked as she got Nora tucked into bed that night. Her strawberry blonde hair was filled with pink and yellow streamers. She had decided against taking them out, she had been so excited about them after all. 

“Yeah,” Nora grinned happily, her bed filled with the new baby dolls she had gained, “I liked the cake the best.” She giggled softly, her eyes fluttering with exhaustion as she yawned deeply. 

“Did you?” She laughed as she dropped the picture book against her chest, “I did too. I’m glad you had fun.” She hummed as Nora scooted closer to her, rubbing her cheek against Kim’s shoulder. 

“Are you sleepy?” Nora asked softly, eyes fluttering shut as Kim gave her a little kiss on her forehead. It felt safe here, at least for now. Nora could be upset with her in the future, but for now it was fine. She understood right now at the moment. 

“Very.” Kim nodded her head softly, drifting her fingers across Nora’s forehead and nose. Then across her cheeks. She was out a few seconds later, drifting into deep sleep as Kim continued to watch her. She didn’t want to get up, but she needed to.

She ensured the little night light was on, just in case Nora got out through the night. Then she made sure that her stuffed rabbit was nearby to grab as it was her favorite. But she hoped that she’d sleep well tonight after all of their fun activities. 

She gently shut the door before she headed down the hallway, confirming that Tommy was already passed out in their room too. He had to work tomorrow so it was no big surprise to her. He needed to rest. And she wanted to hide away in her shame. 

“You’re not going to tell him then?” Billy’s voice made her sigh as she placed a hand over her head, knowing that she shouldn’t be surprised that he brought it up again so soon. He’d been watching her closely the rest of the afternoon. She knew he was upset and rightfully so, but she was exhausted. 

“What do you want me to say?” She asked him softly, turning to face him. She felt her heart flutter in her chest at their close proximity. 

“I want you to be honest.” He told her sternly but not in a condescending manner. Her pulse quickened underneath her skin, making her press her palm down against her chest lightly. She didn’t need to panic over this. She’d be fine. 

“I don’t know,” She huffed in frustration, close to breaking down again, “I just can’t do this right now.” She told him roughly, wishing he would just leave her alone. She used to pray for his return, that he would walk through the door and beg for her back. But that had been a silly dream. They couldn’t work out. Things were too complicated now. 

He stared at her for a long time, his hardened expression slowly fading as he drifted his eyes towards hers. She wondered if he could tell how much this was hurting her. She didn’t have any explanations for him right now. 

“I love you.” His words were soft, gentle like the first breeze in autumn. Her jaw went slack, eyes widened as she stared at him. She had to be dreaming. She had surely heard him wrong. How could he say such a thing? Now especially. 

“Stop.” She demanded as she felt her heart open up, singing for joy as everything else crashed around her. She grew angry with him, wondering why he took so long to say such a thing. They could be in a very different place now had he not waited. Why did he wait? Did he like seeing her suffer? 

“I love you,” He clarified as he took another step forward, closing the gap between the two of them, “I was so fucking stupid for leaving, but I couldn’t stand to see you marry him. I was so selfish. Look at you. He doesn’t treat you like you deserve.” He whispered softly, making her heart ache as he began to rub his thumbs across her skin. 

“Billy.” She whispered underneath her breath, shaking her head as they shared the same sorrow. His eyes were glazed over in the same manner, a look of regret etched on his features. 

“I’m a lot of things,” He laughed between his tears, looking a little angry at himself, “But I know I would treat you well. I would. I love you. Everything about you.” He spoke freely as he held onto her, forcing her to keep her eyes locked in on his. Everything hurt. She had wanted to hear this for so long and now she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t believe it. 

“You don’t love me.” She spit out between her tears, chest rising and falling harshly. She didn’t know how everything could go so wrong in a matter of days. This was bad. Very bad. She knew what her answer would be, so she needed him to be lying to her. 

“Then I’ve never felt like this with anyone else,” He said harshly, “I won’t take that back.” He dropped his head against hers, making her sniffle harshly as she gripped his wrists softly. 

“You’re making this harder.” She told him truthfully, shaking her head in dismay as a soft chuckle left his lips. She was so deeply in love with him, but that didn’t erase everyone else. There were more things at play than just their feelings. 

“Come away with me.” He begged as his lips fell to her forehead, kissing her skin gently as she nuzzled herself against him. She wished she could pull away. 

“How?” She asked him softly, “I have no job. You don’t either. Nora is four, her whole life is here. I can’t just leave.” She reminded him, unsure of where they would even go. She supposed she could ask Sam, but that would be a whole other conversation. She didn’t want to go there. Not just yet. 

“Then we work it out here,” He promised as he brought his lips against the corner of her mouth, “I should’ve never let you go.” He sighed softly, tickling her skin as she closed her eyes gently. She savored the feeling of him, the way everything burned inside of her.

“Do you mean it?” She asked him seriously as she pulled away, searching his eyes for any lie. She couldn’t have him just leave again, escape through her fingertips. She needed to know that he was serious. 

“I love you, Kimberly Rose.” His smile grew slowly, but seriously. She felt a sense of relief spread through her body, her joy bursting into bright flames as her heart beat to the rhythm of his words. He loved her. “I love you too.” She breathed out quickly, nodding her head rapidly as the tears fell even harder this time. It was almost poetic as he began to brush her tears away from her eyes. She began to do the same, admiring the feeling of his slick skin against her thumbs. 

“Yeah?” He chuckled softly, looking lighter than he had the whole time he’d been there. She nodded her head in agreement, inhaling deeply. This was so messy. 

“I have for a long time.” She laughed as she wiped the rest of his tears away, smiling gently as she pulled his hand away gently. She kissed his fingertips, wishing they could just be together. This would’ve been much easier if they had just admitted their feelings years ago. 

“What do we do now?” He asked her softly, moving his hands so he could tuck her hair behind her ears. She didn’t know. She had no clue. She didn’t want to hurt Nora, or Tommy. Even if she wasn't in love with him, she still cared for him greatly. 

“I don’t think you could convince Tommy to leave me,” She teased softly, “That would make things easier.” She thought out loud, wishing there was some simple solution. There really wasn’t. 

“Hm.” He thought in agreement, making her shake her head in disagreement. They couldn’t place the blame on Tommy. They needed to be the one to do this.

“I was joking.” She said quickly, shaking her head as he lazily rested against the counter. She frowned, watching the plans form behind his eyes. 

“It’s not a bad idea.” He said as he chewed on his bottom lip, tapping his fingers against the counter as he continued to think about it. 

“Billy,” She breathed in deeply, “If you mean what you say, then this is serious. You can’t change your mind. I have a daughter.” She told him instead, wanting him to know that she wouldn’t just leave Nora. 

“We have a daughter.” He clarified, making her heart soar in her chest. She felt a smile form on her lips, knowing it was more complicated than that. 

“She takes a lot of work.” She didn’t know how Nora would react to the news, or if they should tell her at all. Tommy was the only father she had ever known. 

“She’s like her mom,” He teased as he traced her lips with his thumb, “I can handle that.”

Tags: @cassandracorvo @jessicar401 @mrprettywhenhecries @sassidykassidy

[desi2go]

𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝟏𝟒𝟑

part 1 part 2 part 3

Pairing: Lee know x reader

Warning: some angst, fluff ... Soulmate au/werewolf au

Summary: Minho is a werewolf and you are a normal human girl. But the universe bonded your souls at eachother. You were his mate but he doesn't want a soulmate. Not a werewolf and neither a human. Or so he thought...

In the past, there were many werewolves. There were more of them then humans. And at first both species tolerated each other. They lived side by side for centuries but the humans were never fond of these "wild animals" as they called them. But as the humans grew more anxious and afraid about these mysterious creatures with the power of turning into a wolf and heightened senses, they began to hunt them down. Pack after pack. Wolf after wolf until only a small amount of packs survived, forced to hide their identity and to live amongst the humans. They were forced to suppress their wolf side and to control it, even on fullmoon.

Time passed and the people forgot about their existence. Truth turning into a myth that only were believed by crazy people. Even though it was true.

Minho was one of these creatures. Since birth. As a young child, he didn't understand why his parents always told him to hide his wolf side. But as he went to high school, he understood it. Humans were crazy. Everyone that wasn't like them, like the standard, was not normal, an outsider. They even treated other humans like trash because they were different. How pathetic.

After his graduation, he decided to go to college. With his good grades, he was soon accepted and moved in with some his pack members that studied ther too. That is when he met you, a smart humangirl with a big heart. You sat in one of his classes with a bunch of notes and hair up into a messy bun. At first, he didn't understand why he was so attracted to you, especially his inner wolf. Normally, he never had interests in humans.

Whenever you were near him, he would force Minho to overcome these few metres and to hold you in his arms, to mark you and make you finally his. Just with his whole strength he could hold his distance. You were just like any other girl, so he thought.

So, why went his wolf so wild? That's when he realised that you were in fact his mate, his soulmate that was meant to be with him for the eternity. Why? Why you? You were just another human. A normal human without any special skills.

He was never fond of the idea of having a soulmate, even if his other half would be another wolf. But a human? That was bullshit. Sure, you didn't even feel something. Like a pull or attraction to him. When he told his friends, his own little pack, they were beyond happy. "That's great Minho! Have you already planned how to ask her out?" Changbin asked. "I know the perfect place for your first date!" Felix shouted from the kitchen while baking his famous brownies. "No? She is a human!" Minho answered.

" And that's the problem? Come on, she wouldn't just hunt you down." Seungmin laughed and stepped into the kitchen to help Felix with his brownies.

"Give her a chance, Minho. Maybe she isn't that bad" Chan adviced. He is lucky. He already found his soulmate two years ago in the hallway of the college because he almost ran her over. And she is a werewolf so that she felt the pull of the bond too.

Minho just scoffed and changed the topic. He doesn't want a mate not a werewolf one and neither a human one. Since that day he decided to ignore you and don't even come in the near of you.

......

Well, he made that decision without the universe and destiny.

Just one week later, the whole class was split into groups of two to work on a partner project. And the professor unfortunately picked you two as partners. How ironic.

You quietly sat down next to him, preparing some notes. "So, where should we start? Do you want to do the research together?" you questioned. His inner wolf drove him insane. He never was so near to you and with his heightened sense of smell, he could even smell you. It was a sweet scent like hyacinths and a hint of roses. He knew that if he was longer then ten minutes near you, he would loose control and give in to his inner desire to get closer. So, he stood up and ran out the classroom.

You just watched him leave and were confused. Why did he leave? Was working with you so terrible? Everyone in class had noticed his escape and stared at you. You ducked down and quietly worked on your tasks. Asshole, you thought.

.....

Minho knew that he was an asshole. It was rude to leave like that and even if he felt terrible for that, he still doesn't want you as a mate or doesn't even want to be near you.

The next day, you approached him in the library since you doesn't want to work alone on this project. "What is your problem with me?" You asked him. "I-uhm. I don't know what you mean." He answered like he didn't know what you are talking about. "Minho, please. Don't play dumb. You just ran away from me yesterday." You sighed and blocked his way as he tried to escape another time.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to look like that. I-uh. I had an emergency so I had to leave" he lied. "My next class isn't until 3 pm, so I have about two hours. Want to do something on the project?"

He just nodded and took his backpack from the stool next to him, so you could sit down there. "Sure, I have plenty of time either"

He knew that he couldn't ran from you at least not until the project is done. The next two hours are spend researching and answering the questions as you worked side by side.

Sometimes you catched Minho staring at you but you shrugged it off and concentrated on the book in front of you.

....

After your last class you rubbed your eyes and leaned back. Finally, you could go to your little apartment on the campus and rest. You walked down the floor to the exist of the college. Outside, you stopped as you saw the dark grey sky and the rain. You searched in your backpack for your umbrella since your apartment was ten minutes away and you don't to be soaking wet.

Soon you realised that you left your umbrella at home because you didn't think that a rainstorm is about to come. You pulled your thin sweater tighter around your body as you slowly started freezing and walked into the rain.

Head low, you ran through the storm. "Y/n! Wait!" You heard behind you. It was a familiar voice. You immediately knew who it was, Minho.

Slowly you turned around. When Minho came up to you, he held his umbrella over your heads and brushed his dark hair out of his face. His gaze drifted over your shivering body. Immediately he took his jacket off and layed it over your shoulders.

"Come, I'll walk you home" he said and got closer to you so that both of you wouldn't get wet. Quietly you held his warm jacket closer and enjoyed his smell. He smelled so nice even if you would never mention it to him.

"Thank you Minho" you slightly bowed to him as you took his cloth from your shoulders and handed it to him. You arrived at your apartment without getting too wet. "Sure, see you tomorrow." He smirked and turned around walk to his little pack house.

When he saw you running in the rain nearly completely soaked til the bones, something in him switched. He needed to help you. So, he followed you with his umbrella in one hand. As he was close to you, he noticed that you shivered. Confused, you looked at him. Your hair was wet and little raindrops falling on your face. Immediatly, he stripped his jacket off and layed over you. His inner wolf was satisfied that you will smell like him.

Maybe you weren't that bad.

[kaylinelizabeth4004]

Dog Days Are Over

Summary: The Reader is struggling with severe depression, and Alec Hardy comforts her.

A/N: inspired by one of @denaliwrites Alec stories! This one made me cry several times while writing it, it’s pretty much my experience minus Alec (unfortunately.)

TW: talk of severe depression, suicidal thoughts/ideation, body dysmorphia, and not beta read because it was hard to write

She sat on the couch, curled up in a corner while 'The Office' continued playing on the telly. She'd been mindlessly scrolling on her phone all day, not really noticing anything on there but not wanting to look away from a screen. Then she might see the real world for all it was, and today wasn't the time for that.

Y/N glanced at Michael Scott as he put on a stupid hat to impress some stupid friend of Pam's. She felt a tension in her shoulders, along her back and arms, but she tried to ignore it. Tried to bury herself amongst the blankets and pillows of the couch. It wasn't working, why wasn't it working?

She adjusted her pillows, and nothing. She got bored of the Instagram reels that always turned into mommy bloggers she didn't like to see. The telly grew louder and she suddenly found Michael Scott bordering on obnoxious and not funny. The room was so goddamn warm in there but she knew she couldn't change from her comfy clothes because she didn't want to wear a bra. If she changed into something remotely hugging her figure, she'd feel as though she had to wear a bra and start the day. It was so fucking stupid the way her brain was wired.

She tried to ignore it.

Then she got a sudden pang of guilt, a feeling that was brewing at the surface but she tried to shove down. She worried that everyone at work would absolutely hate her for not coming in. That they'd know she was lying about being sick and think she was a terrible worker, that she didn't provide anything, she was incompetent and slow and everyone was wondering why she couldn't get her fucking act together. She worried that when she wasn't there they'd be saying awful things. How stupid she was, how needy and desperate for attention and validation and pathetic.

The voices came whirring at her. She hadn't even realized they'd been speaking this entire time until they all started screaming at her. The voices battered like a ram, tore through her chest, attacking and spitting venomous words. Her lungs seemed to recede inside her, clenching for an oxygen that wasn't there. Suddenly her vision was blurring, hiccups came bursting from her lips in broken sobs and she could feel that heaviness in her chest like her heart was going to explode. She couldn't breathe with that weight, there was no oxygen. Y/N felt as though her skin was itchy and thin and it just wouldn't come off. If she could tear it all off to make it go away she would.

The loudest voice screamed out, "Everyone hates you! You are the worst human to exist and we wish you would just die already!" Her fingers buried in her hair, holding the roots tightly and her cheeks were burning hot. She wanted to scream but didn't have the energy. The voice kept screaming and screaming, "they hate you, they hate you, they hate you! You're the worst person ever!"

And it's all true, that's the most despicable part. She believed every foul thing that voice said was right in the truest sense of the word. No logic could stop her brain from believing that she was stupid and slow and incompetent.

She believed all the things they said, that she was fat and ugly, and her nose wasn't right, her skin wasn't right, her stomach was horrendous, she could never be beautiful or sexy or smart. She ruined every chance she had for it, and one day Alec was going to see how horrific she was and he'd flee. He'd spout viscous things and they would be right. She deserved all of it and worse. There was no man that deserved the hell she provided, she was the worst it could get.

Then she kept chiding herself, trying to stop this delusion she was building in her mind. She'd say, Y/N, that's not fair, you've worked on this. Y/N, you're on medication, this shouldn't be how you think. You're better now. Y/N, talk yourself out of it. Y/N, you're jumping to conclusions. And all the while she's sinking and building evidence to false realities. She wonders if she's insane, if she should be locked up then has to remind herself she's not Joe Miller. But a wicked part of her wishes she was, so these feelings would be justified.

There was no way to explain this to friends and family. No way to explain that this was her thoughts almost all the time, and the times she wasn't thinking like this it was lying low. But it never left. But everyone had depression these days, she wasn't unique. And if everyone else could live, then surely she could to.

She retracted her fingers from her hair, prying off the strands that came with it. Her cheeks were still painfully hot but she wiped the tears away. Michael Scott was still doing something stupid on the telly, and she had her phone on her lap. She wanted to call Alec. He'd said to call if she felt anything, said he wanted to be there for her. But wouldn't this be a burden? Wouldn't he find her repulsive after this? Not want to deal with it. She didn't want to either. She didn't want to deal with this anymore, she was so tired. And surely Alex's life would be easier with one less person to deal with? With one less mess to clean up, no worrying about her.

But it was those thoughts that forced her to call him. She knew that those thoughts were bad, that those thoughts led to bad things. And though she was humiliated, wanted to hide away from him, she knew it was for him she had to call. He'd be so hurt if she left. He'd blame himself, and that wasn't fair.

"Darlin?" His voice filled the silence.

Her breath shuddered and she sniffled like a baby, "Alec."

"What's happened?" His voice was stern, alert. With that one word he sensed that she wasn't okay.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing."

She let out a pathetic laugh, "no, Alec. I don't want you to worry."

"I'll be there in 15." Then he hung up. She gaped at the phone. Y/N didn't want Alec to see her like this, so broken and battered. He didn't deserve this.

Her heart started to race and she treated every sound as a threat. She looked horrible, she was certain her breath stank and her cheeks were flushing and her hair was going every which way. She looked fat and greasy, her clothes had stains. Oh God, oh God.

The door opened with no preamble. She shut her eyes and waited for him to yell, to be furious that there was no true emergency. It's not like she'd cut herself. There were footsteps and then the couch beside her dipped, but she felt no touch.

"Darlin?" Alec spoke softly, his accent sliding through her flat. Michael Scott seemed a distant image. "Are you alright?"

She didn't want to open her eyes. As childish as it was, she felt that if she didn't seem him then the issue was resolved. "I'm fine."

There was a pause, "May I see your beautiful eyes?"

With a shaky breath, she peaked through her lashes at Alec. He was sat beside her, brows furrowed in concern as he looked at her. His coat had raindrops on it, his hair mused and looking like chocolate. His beard needed to he shaved but she hated when he did. And in those stupid, beautiful brown eyes, she saw a love so raw and unconditional she couldn't stand it.

Tears fell down her cheeks and her hands went back to her hair. She could feel herself retreating, curling into a hall and away from the world that hated her. But Alec was so soft.

"Darlin, can I touch you?"

She whimpered a yes.

Warm, calloused hands came to her own in her hair. The touch was not harsh, yet it wasn't shy either. Alec wanted to love Y/N and keep her safe, even if it meant from herself. He brought them down, holding them firmly. Then he lifted her chin so she would look at him. Her lips began to quiver.

"How long has it been since you've showered?"

The question caught her off guard. She'd expected him to pry into what she was feeling and tell her why all of it was wrong and he loved her. Which was incredibly sweet, but would have hurt her so much. She'd feel like a burden. But this wasn't what she anticipated. "Uh, um, a few days."

"Do you care to take a shower with me?" He smiled, his Scottish accent lilting the words. "I need one from the rain."

She nodded nimbly. Alec got up from the sofa first, then helped her up though she didn't need it. They walked to her bedroom, where Alec went through her drawers to find a clean pair of underwear and pajamas. She felt her heart smile when he pulled one of his shirts she'd stolen as her top. He had his own pair kept in her drawers as well.

Alec walked softly as he went and turned the shower on, letting the water patter against the tile.

"Y/N, do you think we could take your dirty clothes off?" Alec asked, letting the tiniest of smiles cross his face. She'd learned to cherish that look, because it wasn't one many got. But right now, she felt selfish for getting to see it when she didn't earn it. Y/N nodded.

He helped take off her pajamas, each piece with care and precision. She felt like she was a wounded animal he was bringing back to life. That guilt forged its way in her heart. Alec placed a hand on her hip, the other on the back of her neck. Though she was naked, and he was about to be, it wasn't sexual in nature. It was intimate, and loving. Alec's voice was rough as he grumbled out, "Now you stop that bad thought. I love you as you are."

Her lips parted and her eyebrows shot up in surprise, she hadn't said a word. But Alec just pressed a kiss to her forehead. Soon they were both naked and they got into the steaming shower. Alec let her stand under the warmth, hands stroking her sides in ginger caresses. He was just appreciating her as she was.

Alec couldn't pretend to understand exactly what went through Y/N's head. It wouldn't be fair to her. But he did know that he loved her deeply, and that no matter what he'd stay with her. If she didn't know who she was, he would remind her if only for a moment to be with her.

With his long, dexterous fingers, he washed Y/N's hair. She stood awkwardly, letting it rain over her. It felt nice. The little pelts of hot water had a steady rhythm, only interrupted by Alec’s kind hands massaging her scalp. She felt the tears slip down her face in steady streams, but didn’t bother to hide them.

Alec quickly shampooed his own hair, then took his time with the body wash to take care of Y/N. He lavished her but in the most sincere way a person could. No agenda, just making sure that with each part of her body he cleaned that she knew he loved her. And she did, she knew he loved her more than anything. That’s what made it so hard.

The water ran lukewarm and Alec got out quickly to wrap a big, fluffy towel around her. He helped dry her with the towel, helped her into her pajamas.

“You want braids, love?”

“You know how to braid?” Her voice sounded so small. Alec nodded and parted her wet hair, french braiding it out of her way. His fingers were nimble.

“Come on, darling, let us get something to eat.”

Alec walked with her down the stairs, going into her fridge until he found some ingredients to make omelets, which he knew she liked. With gentle hands, Alec came and placed Y/N on the counter so she could be right there as he made the food.

“Cheese?”

“Yes please.”

It was a quiet sort of appreciation with Alec. Y/N could tell he wanted to blurt out his love but this quiet approach, this simply taking care of her, hit a part of her heart she didn’t know it would hit. She could feel her soul opening just slightly. He couldn’t fix her, that wasn’t how this worked, but she could feel him loving her.

He helped down from the counter and brought the plates to the sofa. Alec put on a different sitcom, gave her the plate, and settled in.

After a pause where she stared at the plate and wondered the different ways she could jump off the earth, she said, “You don’t have to stay.”

“I’d like to,” he said with a bite of omelet.

“I don’t want you to stay.” The words were harsh, and untrue, but the humiliation of being this way made her angry. She wanted to lash out at him if it could only take away from the pain in her heart.

“Tough luck, darling. I’m here to stay.”

That was when the sob broke out. A deep, heart wrenching sob that make the plate fall to the floor, carpet covered in a cheesy omelet he had just made for her. Y/N covered her mouth as though the sounds would stop but they didn’t.

Alec came and scooped her up, letting her rest on his lap, head on his shoulder. He hummed just slightly, hands running comforting strokes on her body, lips kissing her forehead.

“You don’t deserve this,” she hiccuped. “You don’t deserve this mess.”

Alec looked down and grabbed her chin, forcing him to look at her. “Y/N, you listen to me. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t choose to have depression, you didn’t choose it.”

“But you can choose. You need to leave, you deserve-”

“I want you. I want you, Y/N. I don’t care about this, we’ll fight it together.”

“Why do you want this? I’m broken.”

He brought her hand and let it rest on his heart, above his scar. “So am I, Darlin. You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive.”

She cried softly onto Alec, and he held her all the same. It didn’t get better like that, but it seemed to help cement something in Y/N. Alec wasn’t going anywhere, and she wasn’t alone. The dog days will be over, and the horses will come. Alec kissed her forehead and held her close.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Nancy was grateful to Robin and to Dustin for pushing her and Steve back together. It gave them the chance to see and feel what it was like without the weight of Barb's death hanging over them like a storm cloud. It also made Nancy realize that she had actually loved Steve and probably always would. She hadn't stayed with him out of some weird sense of duty to Barb because she felt like she had owed it to her because her best friend had died that night. She had stayed with Steve because she had wanted to. After coming together beneath the sheets, they both got the closure they needed, especially afterward when they jumped fully clothed into the very pool that Barb had died in.

"It's not our fault," Nancy had gasped for air as she resurfaced.

"No, we just wanted to be together," Steve said.

They floated on their backs for a while, staring up at the inky night sky. The stars twinkled down on them knowingly. Nancy just stared back at them and swam over to Steve, kissing him. Their relationship ended two weeks later, just after a threesome with Jonathan. It had left Nancy feeling a little wanting as Jonathan and Steve had mostly focused on each other, but it was good. Even though Nancy had already broken up with Jonathan, it had felt like the perfect goodbye to her relationship with both of them. Although she'd miss having sex with them, especially Steve. He was always really good at that.

"Maybe we could find the perfect partners that would let us sleep together once a year," Steve had joked.

"My ex-boyfriends certainly looked good together," Nancy had smirked when Steve blushed.

Meanwhile, Robin had gone back to hanging out with all three of them since it wouldn't be her third wheeling anymore. They listened as she complained about the fact that Vickie's parents had dragged her out of town.

"And right before we could kiss too. . .how cruel was that? Vickie had just gotten up the courage to tell me she liked women and that she liked me. . .months, I have spent hanging out with her as friends when her parents announced they were moving," Robin rambled. "She clearly wanted to kiss me, but she didn't want to do it in front of her parents. I am never going to get my first kiss. I guess I'll just become a nun."

"Yeah, right," Steve and Nancy said.

"I really liked Vickie," she said softly.

Robin was currently laying upside down on the couch, her head hanging over the side. Her light brown, almost blonde hair was brushing against the carpet. A ray of sunlight danced across her face, accentuating her blue eyes. The light didn't bother Robin? Nancy stared at her, mesmerized by her freckles and then suddenly her lips. What was that about?

"You're going to find someone, Robin. You'd be surprised how many secretly queer people there are in this town," Steve said.

"Yeah, that's true. I mean, I always thought you were straight, but then it turns out that my own best friend also likes boys!" Robin said.

"Surprise," Steve grinned and Nancy laughed.

"Fuck off," Robin said affectionately.

"Maybe like Steve, a lot of them aren't aware that they're like you yet," Nancy said.

Robin's eyes moved to stare at her. Nancy swallowed as Robin looked as though she were studying her. She felt a fluttering in her chest, and her stomach grew warm as she gazed back into Robin's eyes. What is this? Had Nancy just inadvertently talked about herself just then?

"Maybe," Robin said softly.

"I'm going to get a drink. Does anyone want anything?" Steve asked.

"I do! Get me a root beer," Robin said. "Please, and thank you."

"Uh, I'll help you," Nancy said.

"Ha! Nancy thinks you're incapable of carrying two things of drinks," Robin laughed.

"Fuck off, Robin," Steve said with the same amount of affection that she had used earlier.

Nancy followed him into the kitchen and watched as he tried to decide what drink he wanted for himself. She boosted herself up onto the island.

"Steve?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah?" Steve asked as he closed the fridge and turned around.

"I think I like Robin," Nancy said.

"As in. . .?" Steve asked with raised eyebrows.

"Romantically," she said.

"Oh! That's so great!" Steve exclaimed. "I didn't think you were into women."

"Yeah, me neither. Although, I don't think I necessarily care about what gender a person is," Nancy shrugged. "I don't know. . .it kind of just hit me when I was watching her talk. Do you really think this is great? I mean, I'm your ex and she's your best friend."

"Did it bother you when I stole Jonathan?" Steve asked.

"You did not steal Jonathan," she laughed. "And no, it doesn't bother me."

"Look, Nancy, we got to end things differently this time. . .we got to end it on our terms with no bitter feelings. We both know now that we do love each other but that it's not enough. We got the closure we both needed. I'm happy with Jonathan, and I think you're going to be happy with Robin. She's so great and so are you. You both deserve this," Steve said.

"I love you," Nancy said.

"I love you too," Steve said and pressed a hard kiss to her forehead before helping her off the counter. "I'm just going to hang out in the kitchen."

"I swear if you slap my ass and tell me to go get 'em tiger, I will shoot you," Nancy scoffed.

"I wasn't - okay, am I really that predictable?" Steve asked.

Nancy laughed. She grabbed a root beer from the fridge and a coke for herself just as they heard the front door open. A moment later, Jonathan entered the kitchen. Steve beamed and eagerly greeted him with a kiss.

"Well, it looks like you have something to do other than hang out in the kitchen," Nancy teased.

"Don't you have something you should he doing?" Steve asked.

"Did I miss something?" Jonathan asked.

Nancy laughed again and left the kitchen. She entered the living room, causing Robin to sit up immediately. The suddenness of it caused her hair to flop messily over her head. Robin quickly fixed it before Nancy handed her the soda. She sat down right next to Robin.

"What happened to Steve?" Robin asked.

"Jonathan is here," Nancy replied.

"Okay, so I guess we're never seeing him again," Robin said.

"Yeah, they're probably going to be kissing," Nancy said teasingly.

"Nancy! You know how sensitive I am," Robin said and hit her with a pillow.

Nancy watched her as she opened the root beer and took a drink. She watched as she tilted her head back slightly, exposing her throat as she swallowed. Robin let out a refreshing gasp as she pulled the can back. Nancy's eyes followed her tongue as it wiped away the soda on her lip. Suddenly, Robin let out a belch, breaking Nancy's trance. She giggled.

"So, what upset you more: the fact that you didn't get to kiss Vickie or that you didn't get to kiss a girl?" Nancy asked.

"Well, both are equally disappointing," Robin said.

"You want to know what kissing a girl is like? What her lips feel like against yours?" Nancy asked.

"At this point, I think any willing girl will do," Robin said with a sigh.

Nancy smiled and turned Robin's face towards her. She leaned forward and captured Robin's lips with hers. She smiled when she felt Robin gasp in surprise, but it falterd when Robin didn't kiss her back at first. Then, suddenly, Robin was cupping the back of her head and returning the kiss quite eagerly. Nancy wrapped her arms around Robin and deepened the kiss. Robin pulled back with a gasp, her hands gripping Nancy's waist.

"What was that?" Robin asked.

"That was called kissing," Nancy said.

"Hilarious. No, I mean, you're not like, just throwing me a bone here, are you?" Robin asked.

"I like you," Nancy said sweetly.

"I, uh, like you too," Robin said, blushing. "Even if I ramble?"

"I like the rambling. . . I just hope that you don't think I'm being so forward so soon after Vickie," Nancy said.

"No, just forward enough, I think," Robin said. "I mean, Vickie and I never really went anywhere."

"I'm sorry that she sort of got yanked out your life before you could find out if it would have gone anywhere," Nancy said. "I really did like her. She was nice and I have to say that she surprised me when everything went down."

"She fought like hell. I suppose that's why her parents decided to get her out of here," Robin said and paused. "Thank you for acknowledging Vickie. You're very sweet."

"So, are you, but I'm not always sweet. . .I can be mean if you want me to be," Nancy said.

"Nancy Wheeler, are you flirting with me?" Robin asked.

"Maybe a little," she grinned.

Robin leaned in to kiss her again when she gasped and pulled back.

"Steve!" Robin exclaimed.

"I'm Nancy," she said slowly.

"Hahaha! You're cute and funny. I get it. No, but what about Steve?" Robin asked.

"He's alright with this. I talked about it with Steve. We're good. Besides, he stole my boyfriend so we're even," Nancy said, and they laughed. "Do you really need to ask him?"

"No, I trust you when you said that he's okay with this, but you shouldn't be surprised. . .me and Steve are terribly codependent," Robin said.

"I might have picked up on that," Nancy said in amusement.

"I just want you to be prepared. We will literally call each other and debate with each other about what we're going to have for breakfast. I'm his mole cancer checker, and he literally looks for lumps. I make sure his hair isn't receding, and he reminds me to take my vitamins. We also check under our beds for monsters. We also have frequent sleepovers," Robin said. "Scared yet?"

"Nothing is going to scare me off, and all of that actually is very cute. Steve is very much a part of my life, too, and what happened between us recently. . .it made us realize that nothing is ever going to change that," Nancy said and paused. "Do you and Steve braid each other's hair?"

"Ugh, he does mine, but he refuses to grow out his hair for me to do his," Robin said. "Maybe now that you're my girlfriend, we can attack him from both sides."

"Am I?" She asked.

"What?"

"Your girlfriend?" Nancy asked.

"Uh, yeah, I mean, if you want," Robin said.

"I would like that," Nancy said and kissed her.

Robin squealed and pushed her against the cushions. Nancy laughed against her lips.

"Nancy Wheeler is my girlfriend!"

Two weeks later. . .

The front door to Steve’s house burst open, startling the casual double date that was occurring in the living room. Eddie stormed into the room with Chrissy trailing behind him. Robin had her head in Nancy's lap while Steve laid in between Jonathan's leg. The TV was on.

"Was anyone else other than Dustin going to tell me that we could come out of hiding?" Eddie asked.

"Oh. . .were you in hiding? I thought you moved out of town," Steve said.

"Yes! . . . Wait, did everyone think that?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah," Robin said.

"What's going on here?" Chrissy asked with a grin.

"This looks. . .okay, when we left Byers was dating Wheeler and Buckley was pining over a redhead," Eddie said. "And Harrington was pining over Wheeler."

"You would think that after everything we went through, he'd remember our first names," Steve muttered, and Jonathan laughed.

"He calls me Cunningham, and I'm his girlfriend," Chrissy laughed.

"Well, Jonathan broke up with Nancy, Nancy got with Steve, then Steve and Nancy broke up. Vickie moved away now, Jonathan is dating Steve, and I'm dating Nancy," Robin said.

"Jesus, the next thing you're going to tell me is that Jeff is dating Argyle," Eddie said.

"Jesus, that is a good fucking guess," Jonathan whispered.

"What?!"

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: It Was Always You

A chance encounter during one of the worst times of Ezra Fell’s life reunites him with his once best friend and the one who got away. Though, that would imply he ever had him in the first place. Anthony Crowley and his son, Warlock, relocate to the quieter city of Tadfield from that of London. In the process, manages to find again that one person who always made him feel less alone, the one person he was pretty sure he was never going to speak to again. But the road to true love never did run smooth (something that’s been true from their very beginning). Despite the easy way they fall back into each other, their lives don't seem to follow suit, and if it's not one challenge its another. But despite everything they find themselves facing down, the ten years without each other taught them one thing: they’re better together than they are apart.

Length: 236,585 words

AO3 Rating: Teen and Up

Best for: Safe in Public, Taking Breaks, Human AU, Slow Burn, Romance, Fluff, Pick-me-up

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by mltrefry

*Minor Spoilers* Strap in, because this is going to be a long rec post. This story hit pretty much all my personal buttons on the parent AU side, so I knew it would end up being a favorite of mine. But then, to combine it with such a rich and wonderful story of how Crowley and Ezra grew up together as best friends? It felt tailor-made for me.

Let's start with the present. Crowley is the father of five-year-old Warlock, owns a very successful flower shop, and has moved to Tadfield to be closer to that branch of the business. Ezra has just lost his sister Eliza and is now the guardian to his nephew Adam. Both men are content with their lives, but the memory of their fallout plagues them both. In the past, we follow their entire history—from their first meeting, to new boyfriends, supporting each other through hard times, and the unbearable pain of their unspoken mutual pining.

I loved everything about this story. As parents, they're both amazing. They love being dads, they never see their sons as a burden, and I'm so thankful that this story doesn't cause any unnecessary angst for them in this aspect. Their family is built on love, safety, and trust. I adored the boys, their new routines, and their entire extended family of side characters.

I was fascinated by their past relationships. Every person each of them dated was such a complex and interesting side character. I appreciated how even when a partner is flawed, they're not portrayed as evil—especially Gabriel. Yes, he's an asshole, and he can't take no for an answer, but he's not evil. He does nothing to purposely sabotage Ezra's happiness, which was something I was honestly expecting a bit. The character of Oscar here was a particular standout for me. I also loved how the red string of fate kept connecting them in ways I don't think they'll ever realize. Which is lovely, but also a little silly in that it almost feels like there's only like 8 queer men in all of Britain. But each relationship taught them more about life and themselves, and yes, maybe it would have been easier for them if they confessed their love earlier in their lives. However, that wasn't meant to be; they came together at exactly the right point in their lives. They were meant to have this wonderful family together.

And watching them grow up together? I was glued to every moment. Their family lives were unique and complex. Completely original to this story, which sometimes can feel too removed from canon. But it didn't feel that way to me ever. Or if it ever did, it wasn't a negative. I don't believe this is the kind of story you could scrub out the Good Omens and repackage it as any other couple. Even though technically it should be easy to do with this set up. There isn't that much Good Omens canon in it, but still, this just feels like Crowley and Aziraphale despite how much of an AU it is.

Ok, I gotta stop before this becomes even longer, there are SO MANY plot points I could talk about. But seriously, if you love parent stories or stories of them being friends as kids, this is a must-read. It's satisfyingly long, but also so effortless that you will spend hours in this world, and it'll feel like seconds. The writing is excellent, so detailed that you'll feel like you're actually there, but never gets bogged down in itself. This is now a forever favorite of mine!

Read it here, fic by mltrefry

[lunajay33]

Always You🍂

Summary: You’ve known Daryl since you were young and you always stayed by his side no matter what and had always had feelings for him but then the apocalypse hits, will you have the chance to confess?

•Masterlist•

Being with Daryl was so easy, he was and has always been the constant in my life since we were 8, I saw how the other kids left him out and I could see he was a sweet boy so I decided to get closer to him and be a real friend for him

Over time we grew close and never left each other’s side, I always loved him but never had the courage to say anything after what Merle said to me when I was younger, I always kept it to myself

And now here we are fighting against zombies, stuck in this disease control centre, I was sat in mine and Daryl’s shared room just thinking about everything, what if this wasn’t gonna work out here and we had to face the dead again, what if I get torn apart and I would have never confessed to the only one over ever truly loved

“Hey, ya alrigh’?” I looked up and in the door way Daryl was standing there looking at me with that worried look only I could recognize

“Oh ya just thinking about stuff” I said fidgeting with my fingers

He came and sat next to me and laid an arm across my shoulders

“I know when yer lying, come on out with it”

I turned to him so we were face to face

“Do you remember that night when we were younger, when we were suppose to have that sleepover because you wanted to get away from your dad?” I asked

“Ya, what about it?”

“I walked over that night ready to pick you up so we could walk over to my place together but Merle was there, he told me that I should stop comin around, that I was a whore and I was just hurting you and giving you false hope in the world and that you’d never see me the way I see you….”

It was silent for a moment, the only thing I could hear was my own heart

“S’ that’s why, I always wondered if ya forgot about it or jus’ didn’ wanna have me over”

“I’m sorry, I knew you wanted to get away and I was so excited but what he said really got to me, I still think about it plus he didn’t let me forget it any chance he got when we were alone at the Quarry”

“Did he ever hurt ya?”

“No, not physically”

“‘M sorry I wasn’t there to protect ya”

“It’s not your fault Daryl but that’s not the point of this, the point is that I’m tired of keeping this to myself, that if something ever happens to you or me then I….”

“What is it, please tell me” he said as he held my hand

“I love you daryl, so much, I love your blue eyes and the way you smile, I love the way you make me feel when you walk into a room, I love everything about you and I have since I met you”

He grabbed my cheeks and brought me into a gentle kiss, he pulled back and rested his head against mine

“I love ya too, ya’ve been the only thing ’ve ever wanted, yer all I’ll ever need in this world, jus’ promise ya won’t leave me”

“I’ll never leave you Daryl, nothing will take me away from you, ever”

This was like a dream come true, finally with the one I love more than anything

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

I love soft Daryl sm! If you have any requests for me to write feel free to message me!

I appreciate likes and reposts :)

[polycrowtruther]

“Jesper inherited his dimples from his father,” Kaz said softly, “Did you know that? The Fahey dimple has been running for five generations now. A-And Inej, she’s got this bow in her step. Her mother steps the same way. And Wylan, fuck, his freckles are everywhere. Just like his mom, she’s got the stars on her skin just like he does. And I think about this all, and I just wonder… What would their kids look like? What would they get? Would my pup have the Fahey dimple? Would my pup learn Suli, or Fjerdan, or maybe both? What would my pup like best, maths or science? Would… would my pup have a bow in their lips just like my dad did? I think about all of this and it guts me every time.”

Alina stirred her hot chocolate, feeling her friend's grief so deeply in her bones. She has had the same dreams, and she knows what comes next too. Kaz still forced himself to say it, anyway, because he wasn’t the kind of person to leave a story half-finished. 

“I can’t bring a child into this world. I just - I - I can’t. Not with how it is now. You, well you have to, for the sake of Nikolai’s future. For all your futures, and I know that, and it’s a whole different brand of fucked up, but still. Inej was fourteen when she was sold off. Fourteen, Alina. I was nine when my life was destroyed. Matthias learned how to shoot straight before he even had his first kiss. Before he hit puberty. This world is not a kind one, not to us and certainly not to children, and I am not a kind person because of it. How could I ever bring something I love into it, into this?”

“I know, sweetheart,” Alina murmured, feeling tears bead against her lashes. 

“But in the same way, how can I deny my pack that?” Kaz moaned, his head flopping down to rest against his arms with a loud thunk, “They all would be such good parents, show so much love to that child, and I do not deserve the right to deprive them of that chance just because I’m scared. This may be my only chance to carry a pup, but if a life is spared in a warzone is it really spared at all?” 

Alina shook her head, unable to speak. Because every word Kaz had said was true. Already each fear he had voiced aloud had resonated within her long before she had discovered her own pregnancy. Every omega who grew old enough to understand what birth required lamented on these very ideas. What did it mean to be a mother? What did it mean to carry a child? She didn’t know, and she didn’t know how to ease her friend's pain either. She’d try her best though. 

She cleared her throat, and spoke only what she believed, “I know, and it sucks. It really fucking sucks. The state of the world right now is nothing but ashes, and that flame was sparked because of every single person who has hurt us. Aleksander, Pekka, every faceless man who walks us by? Each one of them has the chance to ruin us.

"But after a forest fire, things heal. They always do. Nature is the first mother, and she shows us time and time again that her children are resilient. We are resilient. And when we become mothers we have to learn that all over again when our children go on to fight their own fight. But, although it’s all we have, we do have the power now to work towards what we feel is right, and one day we will make it so no one else has to ask these questions again. We have each other, Kaz, and we have our friends. If we stick together, life won’t always be a warzone. So if you are pregnant, then we will simply have to fight even louder to make this world a suitable place for our child to call home. And if you aren’t pregnant now, it doesn’t mean you’ll never have the chance to have a kid someday. You’ve got time, Kaz, and a lot of it. We all do. That’s what fighting so hard up till now has given us. The chance to keep fighting, and give what comes next their own running start.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tldr that moment when you're writing Grishaverse ABO mpreg fic and it becomes such an allegory for the current soceopolitical state of the world that you get possessed by Mpreg Castiel to write poetry in said fic.

anyway Kaz may or may not be pregnant yall

[i-likethesummer-rain]

It’s so hard for me to explain how I’m feeling. I just need an outlet and I haven’t been on this app in seven years but I remember the comfort and relatability and vulnerability tumblr had allowed me in my teen years so I guess I’ll try to type my feelings out here at the ripe age of 26.

I just want to start off by acknowledging that Liam Payne had made some mistakes. It’s really difficult because I feel guilty having such strong emotions about someone who I know has done some bad things. I guess I’m learning that grief and mourning are very strong emotions and feelings. Just because he did some bad things does not mean he deserved to die. I think what is very upsetting to me in particular is that Liam was never able to grow and heal. It just makes me so sad that he didn’t accept the help that he so desperately needed. Liam deserved a chance to right his wrongs. He deserved a chance at redemption. But in a way, he was set up for failure for a long time. I truly wish I was surprised but anyone could see he was clearly not well and had been using substances for a long time. His alcoholic tendencies that stemmed from one direction set him up for failure and inevitably put him on this path. But, I still don’t think any of this is an excuse for his abusive behavior. I am mourning Liam but I am in no way excusing his actions.

I’m not just mourning Liam. I am mourning the true end of one direction. I feel like I never truly believed one direction was over. Maybe it was delusion, maybe it was hopefulness that one day, maybe 10 years from now, we would have some sort of reunion. I hoped that these boys would heal from the trauma caused by one direction. I hoped they could all work out their problems and that with time and maturity it could be something healthy. The boys were so young in the band. Now that I’m older I can truly see how toxic one direction was. I’m so saddened that this time to heal from one directions trauma has just caused even more trauma for these boys. I’m saddened that Liam never truly found his place after the band ended. I’m saddened that one direction brought me so much joy, but being in that band killed Liam.

Part of me wishes this band never happened. The sweet loving boy I fell in love with through my screen would still be here. I’m so conflicted on how to feel about one direction now. I can’t even listen to their music right now. How did something that caused so much joy lead to something so tragic. I think of how much one direction changed my life. I was a lonely teenager. I had friends, but I never had a “group.” While other groups of friends would go out after school, hang out at each others houses, have sleepovers, I would spend time by myself. Watching one direction music videos, video diaries, concert videos, interviews, performances, funny moments, over and over and over again. I had blogs and instagrams and twitters dedicated to this band, and I would get to talk to friends online who related to me. It was like even if I was having the worst day at home or at school, I could log onto my laptop and one direction was there. And then there were the few friends I met at my school. I made a best friend and we were both going through horrible circumstances, but we bonded over one direction together. We went to their concert together. We had each other. Even if it was for a short time and we grew apart as we got older, I had someone who truly understood me. If it weren’t for one direction I truly don’t think I would have anybody.

One direction truly change my life ever after they disbanded. They made me realize I had a passion for live music. After I went to my first one direction concert, it was like I was addicted. I needed to go to more. I was lucky enough to see them twice in high school. Once I was in college and had the means to go to concerts, I was forever chasing the high of one direction. Even well into my 20’s, my passion for live music hasn’t changed. From going to music festivals, to following Harry around on tour, to still going to 5sos shows after I saw them open for one direction in 2014. I wouldn’t have any of this life that I live without one direction. Concerts have become my happy place. My comfort zone. My safe space. And I’ve experienced so many new things and discovered so many new artists.

It’s just really hard that one direction changed my life in such a monumental way, but brought so much pain to those in it. I’m going to zayns first solo show next week and I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know how he’s going to do it. My thoughts on the Zayn situation have also changed so much as I’ve gotten older. Initially I was angry and upset but now I see how these teenage boys were being controlled and emotionally abused for years. I’m worried about how this is going to affect Zayns confidence on stage and his anxiety about performing that he’s worked so hard to overcome. But I am mostly worried about Louis. This saint of a man has gone through so much. I just truly hope Zayn Louis Niall and Harry can get through this dark period together.

I’m just sad. I’m sad that Liam Payne is gone. I’m sad that Liam Payne never got to heal. I’m sad that the boys reconnected this way. I’m sad that it will never be 5/5 ever again. I’m sad that one direction is actually truly over.

Thank you Liam, Louis, Niall, Harry, and Zayn for everything.

Rest In Peace Liam Payne.

[punkette1026]

Life Anew (Runaway Part 2)

Summary: Months after therapy and grieving the loss of you unborn baby, you and Joel are about to embark on a journey that was once a dream.

Here is Part 1

Warnings: Pregnancy, angst, mention of miscarriage

Thank you so much for those of you who enjoyed the first part! I do appreciate all the support. I hope you enjoy this part 2.

It has been a long hard road to get where you are today. Months and months of therapy and the dark days that seemed to never end were now a thing in the past. Your partner Joel, as he liked to refer to himself since he felt like he is too old to be called your “boyfriend”, had been your biggest supporter and rock. He grieved the loss of your child with you, was the shoulder to cry on when you woke up with panic attacks, and most importantly protected you against yourself as your demons emerged begging you to end it all and run for good.

Joel held it together for the both of you, yet he offered you moments of vulnerability. The side of him that rarely saw the light of day. Late at night when he thought you were asleep, you could hear him weeping on the cold bathroom floor or when you walked into the garage and saw him staring with tear filled eyes at the baby crib he was building for a client. On those nights he allowed you to be his rock. He allowed you to wrap your arms around him and hold him tight as he broke down. He allowed you to whisper to him that everything was going to be okay and to reassure him that these rough days were needed in order to get to the light. To get to this moment right here, tired, sweaty, and just a few pushes away from your dreams come true.

Your journey began one afternoon when you and Joel were lounging by the pool that had seen many tears over the past couple of months. You were cuddling up on the lounge chair with Joel’s head resting on your chest as you gingerly ran your fingers through his dark curls.

“Hey Joel?” you asked, figuring now was the time.

“Yes darlin,”  he tiredly looked up at you carefully placing his chin on your chest.

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you cupped his bearded cheek caressing the dimple that peaked out, “I’m late.”

“Late? Late for what?” he asked in confusion, “We have nowhere to be today.”

Men, you thought to yourself as you rolled your eyes, “Not that kind of late Joel. I mean, I’m late late.” You then took his hand and placed it on your belly.

You watched as your words set in and his eyes grew wide, “Are…are you sure?”

“Yes I’m very sure, I haven’t been feeling very well lately, so I went to the store when you were with Tommy and I bought a test or two which I haven’t taken yet. I was trying to figure out the perfect time to tell you. What if…”

Joel quickly got off of you and pulled you into his arms, “Hey, none of that okay. We don’t know anythin yet. Remember what the therapist said, we can’t change what happened and we can’t let it dictate our future. All we can do is react in the moment and take things as they come. Now, let’s go inside, take this test, and see if we have a little peanut on the way.”

He led you upstairs holding your just as shaky hand in his. By the way you could feel it start to get sweaty, you could tell he was as equally as nervous as you were. It was one of his tells. As pulled the test out of the bathroom drawer, Joel gave you space to handle your business privately before you joined him on the bed and helped him set a timer on his phone.

“Joel baby, I need to know what exactly you are thinking, because I’m scared shitless,” you tell him, taking his hand back into yours. You knew he was trying to remain positive for the both of you, but you needed to hear him say how he was feeling.

“To be perfectly honest with you, I’m scared shitless too. I mean we both knew this could happen when we agreed to start tryin again, but now that you could actually be pregnant again and we actually get to know this time, I can’t help but be excited. This is our second chance,” he smiled, “We have come such a long way.”

“Yes we have,” you smiled at him as emotion consumed your voice. “It’s funny how things can change so quickly. Months ago I never thought that we would be here again. That we would be taking a test to see if we are having another baby let alone being together. After that day I lost it and hit you, I didn’t think we would ever be okay. I thought that I ruined everything and you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I…I guess what I am trying to say and what I want to say is, thank you for being patient with me throughout everything. Thank you for not giving up on me, on us. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” at that point you couldn’t hold back anymore and tears began flowing down your face. 

Joel, supportive as always, took you into his arms and sat you down on his lap, “Oh darlin, you never have to thank me for anythin. I do it because I love you and I ain’t plannin on going nowhere. I never did. You are it for me darlin. Now and forever.”

“You’re it for me too Joel. I love you so much,” you cried before leaning up to give him a passionate kiss with all your emotions poured into that kiss. 

Soon both your hands began to roam, needing to feel each other as much as you could in that moment. Desperate to strip each other down, not just of your clothes, but strip each other down to your core, to your soul. This was an intimacy on a whole new level. Needing to feel each other not only on a physical level, but on an emotional one. However as you reached down for the hem of his shirt, Joel’s alarm went off signaling whether or not your life was about to change.  

“I guess this is it,” you sighed, “Come with me?”

Joel nodded and instead of letting you go, he gathered you up into his arms and carried you into the bathroom. He then gingerly placed you on the cold counter before he inserted himself in between your legs, “Are you ready for this darlin?”

You shakily looked over at the test that was hiding its answer upside down, “I’m more than ready, but…but Joel, whatever this test says, I just….I just don’t want us to forget our first baby. Even though we only knew about them when it was too late, baby Miller is always going to be our first born.”  There was just no way that you could forget about them, They were already embedded in your heart and mind.

Joel, with tears in his eyes, placed a kiss to lips, “You don’t have to tell me twice darlin. Baby Miller will always be with us, lookin down. Whether we are pregnant or not, we can keep trying. Our future babies will never replace our first. I promise you that I will make you a mother. Now can we please look. The suspense is killin me.”

Your heart began to race with anticipation as you took one last deep breath before turning the test over, “Congratulations daddy!”

“Real…really?”

“Yes baby, look,” you turned the test to him and showed him the world, ‘Pregnant.’ 

Joel immediately took you into his arms with tears of joy streaming down his face. It was like a fresh breath of air. All the pain and struggles had dissipated in that moment and was replaced by pure love and happiness. You were going to be a mother and Joel was going to be a father.

Over the next few months it seemed like time flew by as your belly proceeded to grow. Joel was of course right there by your side for every moment. Every doctor visit, especially the first, was always nerve wracking, but your doctor, being as sweet as she could be, reassured you that everything with your baby was fine and progressing as it should be. You enjoyed every minute of being pregnant. Everything from swollen ankles to feeling your child move inside you, was a moment of joy. Joel was as equally as ecstatic as you were. You saw a twinkle in his eye and a pep in his step every time he spoke to someone about your pregnancy. He tended to your every want and need without hesitation or complaint. Whatever you wanted he got you, even if that meant driving the next town over for some strawberry ice cream when everyone else was out. The highlight of your pregnancy was when he stood proudly in your now finished nursery when he showed off the baby crib and rocking chair that he surprised you with at your baby shower. 

Everything was going perfect, that was, until you reached your eighth month. Your blood pressure decided it wasn’t going to cooperate and started to sky rocket any moment that could. Just a simple walk to the kitchen was enough to do you in for the day leaving you feeling sick. The decision was made for the health and sake of you and your baby, that you would be put on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. The fear of something happening to you and your baby outweighed any other factors and you agreed in an instant. Joel had even managed to take his paternity leave early so he could be there catering to your every need. 

Then last night just two weeks into your bedrest, everything changed. It all happened so fast. You had been on your way to the bathroom when a shooting pain rushed from your stomach straight to your back. It caused you to hunch over and grip the nearby dresser tightly. You had thought it was another case of Braxton Hicks contractions like you had a few weeks ago. You were still two weeks away from your due date, so you didn’t think much of it. However, as you took another step forward, the pain returned and a gush of water came out from under you, “Oh no….Joel!”

In an instant Joel rushed upstairs and saw the mess all over the floor, “Umm…did you have an accident darlin?”

“No you idiot! My water just broke!” you yelled through your gritted teeth as another contraction took over. 

As soon as he realized what you meant, Joel began to freak out, “Oh fuck, okay, okay we gotta go, we gotta go. Where the hell are my car keys? Where did we put your hospital bag? Did we even put gas in the truck? What if we don't get there in time”

“Joel, Joel breath!” you tried snapping him out of it. “I need you to focus, baby. The hospital bag is in the hall closet, your keys are the kitchen counter, and you better pray you filled up the truck. I’m not having this kid on the side of the road. Now get me to the hospital or so help me, I will end you and they will never find your body.”

That threat seemed to do the trick, because Joel immediately snapped out of it and managed to get you and the hospital bag into the truck and on the way to the hospital. When you got there, they took you straight to the back while Joel remained in the waiting room calling all your friends and family. 

“Okay everyone is on their way,” Joel announced as he walked into your hospital room. “I can’t believe this is finally happening. How are you feeling darlin? Is the pain getting better?”

“No it still hurts, but laying down helps. Sorry I snapped at you.”

Joel just laughed and took a seat next to you placing his hand on your belly, “It’s okay darlin. You are having our baby, my baby. I think I can let this slide. I guess our little peanut has inherited the Miller stubborn gene huh?”

To say that was an understatement. The baby wanted out now and no more than a few hours later, here you were getting ready to push your little bundle joy out into the world, with Joel holding your hand right by your side.

“You are never touching me again Joel Miller! You better get used to your hand for the rest of your life,” you shout at him while squeezing his hand tightly. “I want this to end. I can’t do this!”

“You got it darlin,” he chuckles knowing you didn’t mean it. “Just think about how in a few short pushes, we will have our little boy or girl in our arms.” You both decided that you wanted to keep the gender a surprise. “I believe in you darlin. We didn’t come this far just for you to run at the last second. You got this now c’mon and push.”

Hearing Joel’s words seemed to have given you a second wind because after a few more pushes, a baby’s cry filled the room, “Did I do it? Are they okay?” you asked not believing this moment was real.

“Yes you did it darlin. He is here, our baby boy is here,” Joel cried as he watched the nurse place your son on your chest.

“Oh Joel he’s beautiful,” you cry as you take in the sight of your little boy. He had dark curly hair like his father and he was a very healthy baby. “I love you so much Joel. Thank you, thank you!”

Joel, with tears streaming down his face, leaned over and placed a kiss on your head and let his son wrap his hand around his finger, “I love you darlin so much, you don’t ever have to thank me. I was going to do this much sooner, but I didn’t know how. Darlin, you mean the world to me. We have grown so much together over the past year and you have given me the best gift of all, a son. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. You are it for me darlin. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

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