#feeling v strongly about everyone rn

[rainturned]

.

[mariii1]

✨️Your Future Crush/Love Interest & Squish✨️

Yes, all you aro/aces can join in today 😌

1-2

3-4-5

Pac Song Theme:

OMG I'm did a pac during finalss week?! Yes, this is how I deal with stress, I'm also going to be doing another one inspired by a tarot reader on here for as an end of year celebration get readyyy��

‼️CW: topics surrounding violence, SA, abuse/trauma came up just as a heads up‼️

🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉

1. Might really like money. They think about their career a lot, and not just in a very workaholic mindset but this is someone that likes capitalism. They might like to one up people or they think they're better than others for pursuing money even if they don't have a lot. A very scummy feeling from this person, would be the type to take you to a michellen star restaurant and then be really angry if you didn't sleep with them afterwards. (s!A vibes for some) 🤢🤮 I feel like they see themselves in this very righteous manner but they're really not okay in the head and I mean that respctfully. They may struggle with chronic mental illnesses but their narcissist habits make it impossible for them to heal themselves. Uhhhhh I don't wish you good luck with this person and I hope you manifest another pile HAHAHA. this person could love to brag about flying/trips theyve been on. It's giving wealthy americans that think just because they traveled overseas they know the country better than the locals and tell racist jokes cuz they think they can 🤦🏾‍♀️

Squish: Literally the mild version of the romance. 😭😭 Again, this person likes money but isn't that obsessed. Again they might take you on trips but this is a really nice person even if they come across as ignorant. They could've been born with a golden spoon in they mouth, its giving stupid but v sweet. I think you'll like this person a lot, although I personally cant fck with this type, I'm strongly feeling your positive emotions. I think they can be a bit petty and immature tho although that's heavily connected to whatever privilege they have, even if its not necessarily financial.

🐶🐶🐶

2. I started sneezing like crazy the moment I started you're reading, for some this a future spouse or a long term commitment for you, whatever that means to you. AGAINnn with the money like are we all in college now wtf, anyway. This person feels stunted financially or just in general with something they value. Mostly career though for you all, maybe they keep getting rejected from jobs they want or they couldn't get a full-time job out of college and had to do more internships etc. It's just like they feel behind career wise or maybe even life wise. You could be ahead of them but I'm getting the two of you struggle together sometimes. This future partner/crush is very close to you rn and some of you know them already and this is your current crush. I think you guys will start off as good friends right away even if you're not (already) best friends. This could be a future squish too for some of you.

Squish: this is your future crush for everyone that's not aro. Even if you are, there's lots of physical intimacy even if its platonic. Lots of hugs and cuddling each other when you're sad. Both of you could be fems/women. They're very precious and I think that's what pulls you in. They have a soft approachable energy and they're funny. I think they can be rlly awkward and its v funny to you 🤭. They could also struggle with social anxiety and you might tease them about it sometimes. Both of you could be in college and stressed about student loans or money again. You could also just both have the same financial situation in terms of your household. Like literally the same family situation too.

🦝🦝🦝

3. This could be a future partner. You could've liked this person in the past, but they hurt you in some way or were mean? They could've been a loner even if they were ok with other people. You could be manifesting this person even if you don't know it. If you don't already know this person, they could be hurtful in some way, even when you two first meet. I keep getting the Empress for these piles, but I think its the first time in all my readings that I've had to interpret it in a negative way, interesting. This could be someone you have cycles with. Yeah they can just be rude unprovoked and I think that will be your first impression of them even if they're attitude isn't directed towards you. I don't think you know why you like this person and I think it's something you want/should figure out. Please be aware this can show up in multiple ways, it doesn't mean theyll call you a slut or curse at you, but it's much more passive aggressive and just rude. Like I don't think this person takes people seriously especially when it comes to others emotions and they like to play the victim when you try to assert boundaries.

Squish: You're going to really like this personnnn. They might heal some trauma you've had in the pass and they might really be againts your future crush. You're going to be friends with this person, for wlmost all of you close friends maybe besties. I think you might struggle alot of abandonment issues and feeling alone or isolated and I think they'll really help with that. This is someone who doesn't settle and is always moving onto the next big thing, even if it's about a partner. Yeah they might introduce you to other people, but you only really like this person. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you developed a crush on them after your future crush 🤭🙈 They also could've been through a lot and may have had the same tastes in people as you do in they past, so you might see them get very like fervent(?), like passionate about trying to educate you about the people you date/hang around even when you never asked for their opinion. I think they feel like you could do better for yourself but you can't see that. LOL you might find this really annoying and although it is, they have a point most of the time. When I say taste in people, this could apply to any relationship; they look at who you attract in terms of friends, or even family and the workplace for some you, and feel like they need to protect you.

🐱🐱🐱

4. So apparently this is my pile, so for y'all who chose another pile and feel like you're getting flamed, don't worry I probably am too 😭. This person again could be a loner or feel lonely. I feel there's something they went through that deeply impacted them negatively but they just don't deal with those emotions and try not to think about. This person may not tell you what it is like ever, or they tell you and play down the situation a lot esp cuz they might feel like it could make other people worry about them. This is someone who's been through a lot, like some really tough stuff for some you; they could've been an addict or had parents/guardians who were, they could have been bullied a lot and like aggressively, they could've been assaulted at school. They just really could of been through physical hell, literally, maybe there's a poimt where they were chronically in pain. This person has definitely visited a hospital more than a few times or its a miracle they're still alive and walking. You could've met this person veryyy briefly in your childhood, idk why but this is giving a manhwa storyline 💀💀 I'm specifically think of Park Hanhoo's Manager. Anywayyy, they came out on top. They really did, I feel they may compare themselves to average human being but they shouldn't bc their on a whole different level. And I feel what makes your pussy/bussyy pop is their strength. Cuz they handle things with so much gracee I tell you. They may feel behind but I think you view them very differently and I think for who they are as a person when you meet them, you're gonna give them their due respect, even if they don't have the best personality in the world. It's up to you whether or not you really want to pursue this person because I'm getting they could also become a mentor or just a friend. This could be someone at your workplace, whether you swutch jobs or they do.

Squish: Similar vibes, but more like they may have been betrayed by friends in the past or had shitty friends. They could be kind of a loner as a result and like to keep their distance but some of you will meet them at a time when their more emotionally available. This is someone that doesn't like to stay in one place, but I feel like they feel stagnant internally. They could be someone who does a lot of kind actions and could be very helpful although they're not necessarily friendly. They're nice in a very genuine and non-cliche way. If you made a mistake at work they'll give it to you straight, but they'll tell you exactly how you can do better in a non-judgmental way and are always willing to help you. They will answer your questions and paradoxically almost, they have no patience for bullshit, but they do have patience for you and people who are just less experienced than them. They could literally be from the streets. Nvm I ain't getting flamed, I love this pile y'all 🥰

🦁🦁🦁

5. This is a go getter for sure, but they can honestly be very impulsive in general. I keep getting distracted while doing this reading, they may or may not have adhd. This is a definite future spouse/long term partner for a lot of yall. They're very whimsical but not stupid. I think this is someone who believes in science but still likes occult stuff just cuz they can. For the majority of you, this isn't a conservative right leaning hippie who believes in antisemitic conspiracy theories. Even if they like tarot, they don't take it seriously or they could really like astrology lore but don't take it seriously all the time. This is a smart person even if they may not seem like at a first glance. Idk what it is about them, but they look kinda stupid depending on what you think that looks like. Like they could look like a frat boy/mommas boy but it's only bc they don't kno how to dress and they're actually really nerdy and support human rights stuff, like they're pro choice, acab, whatever. However I feel like you won't know that much about them even after developing a crush. This may be someone that you get to know over a lengthy period of time.

Squish: Again this could be your future partner/crush i described above. This person will take you out a lot, like just to hang out they'll want to go to a new cafe or want to see a new place that's opening up. I'm getting they don't necessarily like traveling long distance or flying tho. Y'all could live in an area that has a lot of things to do, there's always something new. They aren't rich but they still know how to have fun without spending a lot of money. Its really giving teen afterschool fun vibes, you guys might hang out at a mutual friends place a lot together. And that may be how you first meet. Again this person isn't super open but they are still a bit friendly and I don't think they mind getting to know you particular. I have a feeling they don't care if they don't have friends at all, they seem to be very content by themselves and know how to have fun. They may be what I like to call a quiet extrovert.

[chopper-witch]

Alright just bc I am v annoyed at the “but the lore and/or intention!” Takes rn:

In the original trilogy, aptitude for the force is implied to be strongly influenced by an individual’s genes and even suggests that people are born with a natural ability to harness/wield it, but at no point claims it is exclusive to those who have the natural talent. It is even implied Han sometimes makes use of the Force, despite having no real inclination or natural ability towards it.

The prequel trilogy adds in the component that makes the force, the force. An identifiable cell that is in every living thing and binds the galaxy together. The more someone or something has, the more that person/thing can manipulate and use the flow of the Force.

The sequel trilogy unfortunately distills it heavily into the “you need blood to be good at the force” when that is the exact opposite of what the Force is meant to be.

The whole idea is that the Force is something that lives within every single person, and that theoretically anyone can wield it, Jedi (and Sith) just have a physical component that puts them at an advantage. It is a living thing within all of us - regardless of natural aptitude towards it. The idea that anyone can be a Jedi is not novel or breaking lore or even intent at all.

Thusfar, Sabine being trained and Ahsoka pushing her to try and be more Jedi like breaks no lore at all. It only breaks tradition - that people with the natural ability to wield it thus go through training. Ahsoka, who both respects and resents the Jedi Order and all it stood for, training someone without the natural ability to wield what everyone in-universe has is a fresh look at the idea that “anyone can use the Force”. It fits her character perfectly too - someone like Grogu frightens her too much because she has seen what attachment can do to people who can just use the Force. Someone like Sabine is attached, yes, but without the innate abilities like other Jedi she has to work harder and truly understand who she is and why she wants to use the Force before just whipping it out in anger (cause she can’t).

Plan on writing something a little more comphrensive since this was slapped together before bed, but this is a start. I understand why people don’t like the choice and I do have some conflicting feelings about it, but there is nothing in lore or about the intent of the world in general to suggest the choice to train Sabine is retconning and changing lore. I do want to know the WHY behind it though. That piece is missing and I really want it.

[ragnarokhound]

re: your tags on the jason’s anger post~

hard agree!! i will read reconciliation fics bc like… i do enjoy them getting to be a happy family/group but ultimately, i am firmly in the Jason Todd Was Right camp, &. serious work would need to be done for him to ever actually be part of the family again, bc the actual roots of his issues run DEEP. (and again! he has points!!)

and also same again on like… if i mention the batfamily dynamics in my fics, with the exception of au’s, jason’s relationship with bruce especially is still at least a little strained. he’s a member but also kind of an outsider and maybe he has complicated feelings on that sometimes but ultimately it’s bc his convictions / beliefs run deeper than his need /want of acceptance / belonging.

anyway sorry to dump a rant in your inbox but, i loved your tags & wanted to reply 💞

OUUGHH YES THO!! THANK YOU FOR RANTING, ALWAYS RANT IN MY INBOX STAY IN THIS SPACE WITH ME <333

(I'm about to have a mini-rant of my own, and disclaimer, it's largely informed by my terrible foundation of the UTRH movie + fandom osmosis + the occasional page/panel drop/arguments from other fans skdndndj sO GRAIN OF SALT THE SIZE OF RHODE ISLAND: )

Because yes yes absolutely! It would take serious work on Both sides for Jason to be brought back into the fold. They would both need to want it, and someone would have to be willing to bend on what they are ok with letting slide. Bruce would have to allow Jason his independence and divergence in philosophy; Jason would have to make concessions to Bruce's hard anti-murder stance.

There would have to be compromise, and reparations of some kind. They would have to actually talk and be able to listen. Apologies exchanged (mostly from Bruce because lmao) and a bunch of stuff people with the whole picture could probably tell me better lmao. ALL HARD ASKS

Because yes yes yes!! Jason's convictions and his beliefs ABSOLUTELY run deeper than his desire for acceptance. That's not-so-low-key the biggest obstacle for both him and Bruce in their ever reconciling. It's why Talia was able to manipulate him at all (idk the specifics of that, but details), it's why he hatched a deeply convoluted plan to get back at Bruce and the Joker and fuck over Black Mask in one fell swoop.

He wanted to confront Bruce with the consequences of letting Joker run around even after committing a deeply heinous and personal crime. Show him that taking a more intense and hands on approach and cracking down HARD on the crime families in Gotham would have more immediate results than what Bruce did. And that's not even getting into the Robin stuff yet lol

I don't personally agree per se with Jason's stance on murder and crime fighting lmao - but I also think he has a goddamn point, especially in this universe. In the world of batman, where death can be impermanent and supervillains pull all kinds of heinous, torturous bullshit, Jason has a lot of righteous and justified anger about how Bruce does things, on top of his hurt and betrayal over how both he and his death were treated.

Bruce's stance makes sense to me too, in a 'everyone deserves a second chance' and 'no one is beyond redemption' and 'its a slippery slope' perspective. But at some point you have to wonder about accountability. About what's acceptable. When the Joker is an unrepentant, murderous, sadistic criminal who has demonstrated that he cannot be adequately jailed or rehabilitated, what do you do? Do you ever give up on him? When is enough enough? Is the death penalty ever justifiable?

It's what makes Jason vs Bruce's arguments interesting and tragic to me, because from Jason's perspective, he is seeking retribution for himself as a victim. He is an avenger for victims failed by the system as it stands. And the system fails a lot of people. It needs to change. (And it's something being felt very strongly by a lot of people rn IRL which makes Jason's ideals v sympathetic.)

But from Bruce's perspective, Jason has given up. He has lost hope in the inherent goodness of people. He no longer seeks to find the good in people; he has decided that there exists instead a sharp dichotomy, that there is such thing as a bad person who deserves to die for what they've done, and for being bad. As opposed to seeing deeply injured people who need help, even when you find them repulsive. Rotten work, that.

Bruce sees the end of the path that Jason is on, and it's a bullet that Jason puts in his own brain - because if there are good people and bad people, and bad people deserve to die... won't Jason lump himself in with the bad people eventually? (I am once again standing on my 'Jason Todd wants to die on some level' soapbox)

Anyway, all this to say - there is a sharp divide in Bruce and Jason's methods/beliefs that makes their reconciliation impossible if neither of them is willing to budge. And when they both see budging as a terrible thing to do, a failure to the very people they are dedicating their lives to protecting...well.

It's gonna take a lot of angst and a lot of work.

[vynegar]

anniv3 card liveblog dump. updated as i go. spoiler warning!

luke

i’m gone TT (it’s actually all still pretty fluffy and sweet. barely a hint of angst)

YEAHHHHHHHHHH HIGH SCHOOL!ROSA MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ah i forgot to show you guys her new outfit in this card, she’s v cute, i’ll screenshot after this flashback scene)

agh. this expression. always so cute TT rosa it is an honor to be able to play as you 🫡

a;dlfjadkl okay i know the card wasn’t hitting (yet) but like. now with the new bgm i’m really feeling something :’) perhaps we will be budgeting for anniv3 after all

HADFJA;LDKJF;LAKJERLAJLEKRJAKLE

omg poetry reference. truly the bread and butter of this blog’s analyses

ok the interactions: i mean, they’re nice. the animation is very fluid and there’s definitely more motion and more variety than in normal card art animations (though those have been advancing over the years too!) lol i think the knowledge of how purely-fanservicey this is kinda limits how excited i get over this part

overall: i mean it’s a good card but doesn’t make me lose my mind over it like luke’s previous anniversary cards; like this is closer to the caliber of a birthday or top-up card. nothing necessarily bad about it but... i think the most emotion i felt was because the combination of a new bgm (or at least new to me) + high school era lukerosa which i have a soft spot for. 

anyway. off to watch vyn’s, which is my last hope for this anniversary really delivering on the card stories :’) also based on my quick glance at his interaction video they might have fixed the piano keys...?? BIG if true

ahhh almost forgot the keepsake!!

BIGHEAD ROSA!!! ahh i was wanting to draw her but mhy beat me to it lol

vyn

omg already >100 comments on his video. yes. my brethren. we are all broke and watching the video instead of getting the card 🤝

55 other people are watching the video literally right now. hell yeah

omg. they really did fix the piano keys XDDDDDDD

me trying to zoom in on the sheet music. LET ME PLAY IT

wow. reference to a very famous and iconic vyn card moment in this story. hint it has to do with water

what the fuck dude extreme weather even showing up in the tot cards TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

whoaaaa okay worldbuilding: svart has its own language i guess? there are labels written in it, and the narrative calls it svart language and not like english or french or whatever

i think a fun thing about backgrounds being reused is that everyone probably has different scenes that they most strongly associate each background with. for me, this is the winery from food for thought. vyn infodumping about how to cultivate wine grapes. mixing wine with sprite. that’s MY reference to a previous vyn card for this story

VYN HAD HIS MOTHER SEND OVER THE PIANO FROM HIS CONFESSION AS THEIR MOVING IN GIFT????????????

VYN WROTE THE SHEET MUSIC!! NEON MELODY CALLBACK????? (HUGE WIN FOR ME PERSONALLY)

ok only halfway through the card rn but i Need to sleep. back tmrw to finish this and to watch marius’s (even though i’ve barely seen any of this recent cards... whoops)

WAAAAAAAAIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKS SO HARD ACTUALLY??? THIS REFERENCE THEY’RE DOING?? WITHOUT STATING IT OPENLY AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SO POWERFUL TTT

ok here’s vyn’s illustration. wet rain-soaked little meow meow

rosa forgetting about the instant noodles she’s cooking. just like me fr

hmmmm kinda criminal that they’re supposed to be playing piano here and the bgm is one of the ones that DOESN’T have piano

ok yeah they definitely fixed the piano keys. just compare this to the original anniversary PV you’ll see. NOW FIX THE SSS CARD SYSTEM NEXT

one comment saying the sheet music is liebestraum which i was kinda also suspecting since structure is very similar but some of the measures don’t match up exactly (at least not against the copy of sheet music i have). however, the section behind vyn’s right shoulder is pretty much measure 25 and the part behind his left shoulder is close to m35-36. (which... is not a song that vyn wrote xDDD we’ll say he’s alluding to or remixing it for their purposes)

you’re telling me his hand accidentally hits the piano and there’s a “pleasing sound”??? he’s falling backwards onto it and playing chords???

ok back to checking the sheet music (my priorities are exactly where they should be)

i think the two sheets here (behind his left shoulder and under his left hand) are the same page (which we said before was m35-36). it’s the only place in the song where the key signature change looks like that (in the upper right; it’s definitely the sharps pattern and not the flats) and the following sections match as well. so i think that pages goes like this:

line 1: m34-36 (and key change where five sharps are made natural)

line 2: m37-m39

line 3: m40-m42

line 4: m43-44 (not sure if that last note should have a slur tho)

it was kind of throwing me off earlier since some of the chords that would be octaves didn’t seem far apart enough on the card art, but maybe it’s a combo of perspective + shrunk down + artistic license

ok i can’t rly find a keepsake investigation video yet and i’m still just watching the interaction in the bg but this card is fine. i know i got really excited at one point but it’s because i’m especially interested in the plant motif (still have not fully stated what the exact reference was bc i’m sure i’ll point it out later). so far the cards feel like nice top-up cards (since those always make sure to have spicy/fanservice-y parts) that are trying hard to reference previous events. i checked the comments of BOTH vyn and marius videos and there was someone (different people!) asking which of the cards had a better story (because what they’d seen so far was disappointing).... does NOT bode well ufnfortunately

edit: i will say that these even feel a bit worse than top-up cards since those usually try to grapple with substantive potential issues in the relationship, while these anniv3 cards don’t. also still haven’t watched marius’s yet but yamashina jin just translated artem’s card and even she’s disappointed by the writing quality so like... widespread disappointment i suppose 😔

marius

ok yeah this is a very good continuation/evolution of the idea from tideborne romance. unfortunately i was also meh on that card

omg... marius is gonna make himself the present isn’t he....

OKAY THERE’S AT LEAST ONE (1) THING I LOVE ABOUT THIS CARD 🥺🥺 (doesn’t even get a mention in the story it’s just a visual easter egg in the bg)

artem

halfway through pt 2 and i’ve figured out how to describe how i’m feeling. you remember marius’s 1st birthday card when they were just kinda doing random things to fill up time in the plot? it’s kinda like that. (though it doesn’t have the weird ooc-ness of that card and it’s not as long)

the bear from his bday event and the eyemask from wandering heart!! actually maybe my favorite part of these cards will just be the little easter eggs in them

ok so after the “reveal” of what artem is Actually up to, i do like the card more. i really like what his true plan, i just kind of dislike how MC is kept in the dark again. it’s not even bad this time around, like it’s very much a cute surprise between lovers, but i think that stuff in his engagement left a bad taste in my mouth about it and i didn’t want to see it again lol. also, i feel like it would have been cute if mc was the one to propose moving in together (just a random thought since for all the these, it was p much the LI bringing it up)

ok this is one of the better illustrations for anniv3 cards tho.

alright. finished the card. umm nothing more to say xDDD

on the keepsakes tho; these genuinely fuck so hard. also artem's a protective charm from cloudbreak temple and red beans and he recites The Lines again.... literally why can’t we have this kind of energy in the actual card story TTTTT

[febireads]

Crying in H Mart

“Sometimes my grief feels as though I've been left alone in a room with no doors. Every time I remember that my mother is dead, it feels like I'm colliding with a wall that won't give. There's no escape, just a hard surface that I keep ramming into over and over, a reminder of the immutable reality that I will never see her again.” ⠀⠀⠀ Reading this felt like witnessing someone’s memories from a third-person perspective, everything just seemed so clear and detailed. Like when your friend’s telling you about their life and their feelings and what happened to them, you just feel them. ⠀⠀⠀ I relate to her story as an Asian myself and the way she expressed her emotions through words was so captivating that when I was not reading it, I thought about reading it all the time. This book’s so far the only memoir that didn’t bore me to death (I’m v picky). I love Michelle’s relationship with her mom and her relatives. I love reading her memories of visiting Korea, all of the food, and her effort of trying to keep connected with her mom through it (I want to eat kimchi rn). ⠀⠀⠀ The depiction of grief and loss was so realistic and raw. And I respect how the story was not about trying to be positive all the time, or suppressing the emotions and trying to take the silver lining out of the death of your loved ones, but instead telling you that it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to express your feelings (esp with your preferred way/media), and that time won’t heal your pain, you just learn to live with it. ⠀⠀⠀ When I finished this book, I came to cherish my time with my loved ones even more than before. This book has a profound impact on how I view time, moments, and memories. I STRONGLY recommend everyone to read this book at least once in a lifetime bc I’m sure each of us will have something to take from this memoir.

[pannacottawarrior]

And we will all fall, And they will all talk And it's all my fault And I am, I am, I am, I am a coward We will all fall, And they will all talk And it's all my fault And I am, I am, I am, I am a liar ... Falling slowly, the sky's are above me And scattered hope has found their way to me You know what I forgot, and I know just who I'm not And I won't, I won't, I won't be who you want me to be

I Am by The Eden Project

[ravel-puzzlewell]

i’m making a separate post bc I didn’t want to clutter this post even more, but I think keeping Nihlus on the team would solve a lot of me1 problems with both clunky first act structure and Saren’s lackluster characterization. 

like, the game clearly tries to present Saren as this far-end Renegade who started with good intentions and similar attitudes to Renegade\Ruthless Shepard, they use a lot of similar “getting things done no matter the cost” rhetoric, but we only see\hear about him after his fall from grace, we never get examples\stories of him doing legit heroic shit. So his quick, 1-minute redemption falls pretty flat in my opinion, bc there’s practically no build up or emotional investment in seeing Saren as more than just an asshole. The most we get is this abominably awkward dialogue with Liara about “mb he’s misunderstood and had noble intentions??” that makes no fucking sense bc first, Liara had to kill her own mother bc of Saren, second, it’s shoehorned right after Virmire where one of your teammates dies bc of him, third, she has no arguments except for “hmmmm, but what if??”. But if we had Nihlus, Saren’s old friend, partner (and mb ex lover?), it would very naturally give us a perspective of someone who knew Saren at his best and would be willing to try and find some excuses. 

also, as I’ve said, me1′s first act is v clunky, bc they just straight up tell you that Saren is a bad guy in a cutscene that Shepard can’t even see, but then they make you run around getting proof, but there’s no suspense, basically no dramatic stakes, you can’t even pretend you’re investigating, you just feel like you’re wasting your time. But what if instead we didn’t have any obvious proof that Saren did it? Like, first of all, we start with including Nihlus on the team, bc he’s supposed to be evaluating Shepard’s performance, for fuck’s sake, why would he want move faster on his own, bioware. He still gets shot by Saren, BUT it happens almost at the end of the mission, so he and Shepard get to work together, and second, it’s done by the sniper rifle and we don’t see who the shooter was (in-game a headshot from a Spectre-gear sniper rifles can plausibly take off both shields and most, if not all, of the enemy health, so it’s not dumb as Nihlus going down from a one pistol shot), and third, he’s taken out of commission for the rest of the mission so we can still recruit Ash, but he survives. After that, when Shepard accuses Saren of working with geth, the Council appoints Nihlus to investigate, bc honestly, internal affairs investigation by Garrus makes no sense. Garrus is a regular cop, it’s like sending airport security to investigate James Bond. (don’t worry, shakarians, when I’m hired to write me1-remake, we can still fit your boy in there, bc he’s gonna have a very different characterization and dynamic from Nihlus) So now instead of the Council just being idiotically obtuse we have to convince Nihlus that Saren did it, and it’d make sense that he’s resistant to this idea bc they are friends and he can’t believe Saren would try to kill him. We can restructure this part of the game to resemble an actual investigation more and make it a bit longer, not by a lot, just frex integrating Telos, bc rn Telos serves no narrative purpose, you could easily cut it out and just recruit Liara on the Citadel like everyone else, and second bc rn “ undeniable proof” is stupid, as if you couldn’t just fake an audio file?? Instead we can have Tali have leads to Telos, and there we find an actual evidence.

After that we can have an actual dramatic scene with the Council, where Nihlus has to confront Saren about his betrayal, instead of the Council just being clowns like we have right now. The rest of the game is structured pretty much the same, Nihlus stick with Shepard to bring down Saren and his arc is coming in terms with Saren’s downfall, but learning to trust Shepard despite the recent betrayal. I think it’d be cool and thematically relevant to have someone represent Paragon end of Spectre scale, bc right now we have only Renegade in Saren. Nihlus could play this role, being no-nonsense, but responsible, but also having to confront the reality of how the Council treats Shepard vs how he’s treated himself and realize that even tho he himself is not prejudiced and judges people by their actions (he canonically is the one who nominates Shepard to become a Spectre despite turian-human conflicts), the system in whole is stacked against non-Council races. I’m seeing his dynamic with Shepard with Legolas\Gimli vibe of mutual respect, but playful competitiveness. Also, I know it’s controversial, but I’m not married to Nihlus being turian, he needs to be one of the Council races, and we already have asari and turian on the team, so he can be our salarian representation that me1 lacks. but tbh i don’t feel strongly either way. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #465

“the old man then prepares to die regretfully  /  that old man here is me”

Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I had a guy who wouldn't leave me alone since pre-k. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? OMG I forgot about those!! I loved them!!! Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? AHHHHHHHHH yes!!! :') Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. My dresser was COMPLETELY covered in them. Who did you look up to most as a child? Steve Irwin, 100%. He was my hero. Did your parents let you drink soda when you were little? Some, yes. I wish they hadn't, with the dependency I have now. Did you ever watch The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter’s Laboratory? Of course! I strongly preferred the former, though. Did you watch Blue's Clues? HOW TIMELY. :'''') I did! My little sister and I loved it. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Just gimme a good 'ole double chocolate cake and I was one happy kiddo, ha ha. Did you ever want to grow up? Sure didn't. I was smart. How often do you listen to classic rock? It varies, really. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and binge it, other times I want newer music. What about country? Just about never. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Not a whole lot. I'm very careful with money. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? No. Whenever I did it in the past, it was always to relocate the pain I was experiencing, and because I felt like I deserved it. Last person to get on your nerves? I'd rather not give it the time of day. Are you in any pain right now? No. Last thing you ate? It was one of those chocolate chip Clif Thins things. I HATE every Clif product I've ever tried until these, so they're a good option if I really want something sweet that's actually decently healthy and doesn't taste like I'm eating pure fiber, like most of their products. Name three things apart from trust and loyalty that you need in a relationship. Open, honest communication, similar interests as well as morals, and pro-LGBTQ+, if I'm just naming three. How far away are you from the place that you were born? Like... not even ten minutes. Do you live near anybody who creeps you out? Nah. Then again though I know pretty much nobody in my neighborhood. Is there anywhere that you are too afraid to go to alone? Where? Hm. If for whatever strange reason I had to, I would absolutely not want to go into a men's restroom alone. Would you be upset if you had a child who decided to make “adult films?” Despite the fact I don't negatively judge porn stars if they are smart, cautious, an informed about what they do and how to stay safe... I think I'd be very, very scared if my child wanted that, especially if it was my daughter, because she can actually get pregnant. Yes, abortion's an option, but... still. I don't want her to have to be faced with that decision. I also would be terrified of my hypothetical son getting someone pregnant, especially because he's then not the one with say on what happens to that child. So ultimately, if I was ever in this situation, I feel like I'd need to be alone with my partner to just cry for a while and then talk with them and look at the situation factually and with regard for my child's happiness. What pizza topping would you never, ever, EVER eat? Sardines. /gag What annoys you most about your computer? The microphone is broken. Do you prefer to read blogs or watch vlogs? I'm not huge on either, but watch vlogs. Do you know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? No. Do you own a snowglobe? I wish I did, they cute. What was the last thing that upset you? It was more disappointing than upsetting, but I was nevertheless super bummed that my bf had to scoot us hanging out a day back today when I was v excited for it. What is something you are behind on? It sounds unbelievable, I know, but I am IMMENSELY behind with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Like, I'm somewhere around four episodes in. It's so hard to explain: like, I want to watch it badly, but I don't want to set aside time to sit in front of the TV to actually do it? It makes very little sense. I'll catch up eventually, I just... haven't yet. Who DO you go to for advice when you need it? Mom, Sara, my therapist... Will you go caroling this year? God no. Never have, never will. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? Bro what the fuck, of course I would. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter. Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? I'm very grateful that I was never truly bullied. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? FUCK YES. Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know; I've never been near one. :( What’s your favorite country besides the USA? Lol what a presumptuous question. Probably Africa. Did you get senior pictures taken? No, even though I wanted them. :/ I don't remember why I didn't? How often do you like to have sex? I don't care. Whenever it feels right. Are you any good at math? OH MY GOD NO Do you like Dairy Queen? I fucking love Dairy Queen. Ever had their Oreo Cupfection? *chef's kiss* If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt. Or my psychiatrist. Really depends. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES. Few things make me MORE uncomfortable. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Dentists are ezpz for me. At the doctor, meanwhile, I'm scared of them finding something seriously wrong. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I've only met one, and that was YEEEEAAARRRRSSS ago. He was chill, though. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? omfg YES Do you enjoy board games? Not really. Do you need a haircut? I actually just got one the other day. It's shorter than I would've liked, but it's whatever. Hair grows back, and mine does fast. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. They've got the same right to be here as we do. What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? A week or two when my mom and sis went to the beach (I think?) for a dance competition. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? Yes, when I presented my disability case. Do you know anyone who has been evicted? My mom, sister, and me because we couldn't keep up with rent. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never tried one. How often do you have friends over to your house? The only "friend" that comes over to my house is my boyfriend. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes; never back flips, because I was scared of breaking my neck. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Does your country have free healthcare? No, but it fucking should. What is your sexuality? Bro I don't even know anymore lmao. I just say pansexual. "Queer" might fit me best, though. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. What’s the last show you watched? Attack on Titan w/ Girt! I'm actually keen to see more of it. The darkness and heartbreak of it is right up my alley. How is your road rage? I don't really experience road rage because I'm too engulfed by terror to focus on anything else, honestly. Do you have any facial piercings? Yeah; I have a vertical labret in my lip. Have you ever been to a rehab center? So this is dumb as shit, but all the psych hospitals I've been to doubled as rehab centers. Which made NO goddamn sense because those who are suffering with mental illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts/tendencies are unique from those dealing with addiction; both require individual treatments and should not be grouped, imo. How long did your shortest relationship last? Not even a day. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? That's... scary to imagine. Sometimes, that was all I wanted. But seeing as he left because of my depression... it probably would have been catastrophic. He was the only person I ever wanted kids with, so there probably would have been children involved in all that madness, which no little one deserves. Him leaving ultimately led to my healing, too, so I don't know where I would've been mental health-wise if he stayed. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? I don’t cook. I need to learn, though... Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? He's my boyfriend now, ha ha ha. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yes. I'm too lazy to get into that stuff rn, though. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? I'm almost certain they would all say veterinarian. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? Slow down buddy, we haven't even been together a month lmao. Who was the last person to make you a home-cooked meal? What did they make? Mom, but I don't recall the last thing she made from scratch. Girt is doing that tomorrow, though! :') He's making grilled chicken stuffed with jalapenos and spinach and something else I can't remember and it sounds BANGIN'. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Hmmm... I'll have to get back to ya on that. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I think someone has, yes. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? Yep. Who was the recipient of your very first kiss? Jason. Do you prefer shrimp or crab? SHRIMP. Crab is mushy and disgusting. Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction books/movies? I strongly prefer fiction. Have you ever seen an eclipse? Plenty of lunar eclipses, yes. Who is your favourite video game character? Pyramid Head, Spyro, Cynder... I have a lot, those three are just panning out as strong contenders. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? lol Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you felt nostalgic about? uhhh Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? OMG one time in his prime, Teddy got loose on a snowy night and went on a full-blown adventure. I was SOBBING. My dad had to chase him down. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan knows Jason, Jason knows Juan and Girt, and Sara knows Girt. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Vaccines cause autism." Fuck out my face. What was the very first election you voted in? This most recent presidential one.

[sunsetsover]

Talk about yesterdays episode.. tell me everything you enjoyed in detail lol.

first of all lemme just say i’m SO SORRY this took me so long to get to i know i said i’d answer this like last sunday but sometimes shit happens!!! but you asked for me to go into detail so i very much went into detail so!!! buckle in!!!

i’m doing this in bulletpoints for clarity otherwise it will just be an incoherent mess lmao

(also for reference this is abt the 8th nov ep aka the ‘you’re my boyfriend’ ep!)

ok so let me preface by saying i fuckin adored this ep it’s like god tier for me rn i love ben and pam’s relationship so mf much i hope she comes back soon

like the fact that she just knew!! she knew smth was going on w callum and ben more or less straight away and ok granted those two were not exactly being subtle what with the domestic they were having in the middle of the albert but u know... for all she knew callum was straight and had just broken up w whitney so the fact that she knows ben well enough to just be able to Know smth was goin on despite all of that?? i love that it says so much abt their relationship!!

and then her being the nan that she is and taking it upon herself to fish for information with jay like ‘callum seems nice.... shame abt whitney 👀’ and then jay covering for their asses by not saying anything but pam is Not Stupid and jay was also tellingly vague so she was instantly like i see 👀👀

and then ben entering the parlour shouting about ‘bring out your dead’ or w/e it is he says like the little shit he is and pam rolling her eyes and just the easy affection of that whole interaction like her gently slapping his face and calling him a little devil like ur damn right he is!! almost literally!! but there’s sm overt affection and love there and it’s so nice to see bc ben doesn’t really get that from anyone else (he does from callum now, and jay in certain situations, but it’s just different u know?? like u dont even see that energy from his own mum v often so it’s just... nice to see idk)

like i just love her she has such nan energy and it’s so comforting and warm and she needs to be around forever not just for ben but for jay and lola and also callum like ? pls come back forever pam

ben innocently trying to help callum out by getting him promoted to manager when he hears jay is gonna take a step back like!! he was really just tryna help bc he knew callum was struggling w money... and alright, he probably shouldn’t have meddled and i get why callum wasn’t happy abt it (i’ll get to that) but i also truly believe that that wasn’t him tryna control the situation or interfere or whatever but him genuinely trying to help out his bf and jay was gonna take a step back anyway so it wasn’t even like he was the one to suggest it or anything idk i just thought as misguided as it might have been it was very sweet and thoughtful

also the fact that ben’s reaction to jay being like ‘i suppose callum could be ready to be a manager’ was basically ‘yeah man have you seen him in that suit!!! he makes my dick hard!!!’ like !!!!!!! he was so sincere and enthusiastic as well like he’s fucking diabolical i love him sm ..... pair that with jay’s reaction basically just being like ‘........................ anyways’ sdkfjsdkfsl iconic scene

and then later!!!! you’ve got ben practically chasing callum into the parlour when he sees him go in there!! he’s so excited to see callum and tell him the good news abt the promotion!! bc he’s done good!!! he’s helping!!! bc he knows damn well he’s in the doghouse bc of what had happened with pam and like the energy he radiated when he walked into that parlour was very much ‘i am coming to u w my tail between my legs bc i know i fucked up but instead of saying sorry i’m going to give u the sad eyes and hope u relent’ and like u can see he was practically buzzing out of his skin as he waited for jay to tell him abt the promotion and he’s looking at callum like ‘look! look at what i did!! i’m fixing it! i’m making up for my mistake!’ bc this is obviously how he thinks he can fix things instead of idk having a conversation and talking abt things but!!! i love it ben’s so cute

but ofc it backfires bc callum doesn’t want ben to fix things!! he doesn’t need ben fixing things!! he can look after himself! and we the audience know it wasn’t like ben went to jay and was like ‘you need to promote callum bc he’s struggling with money’, it was more of a two birds one stone situation. but ofc callum doesn’t know that, and it comes across very much as ben meddling and also - as callum says - very hot and cold. like ben can’t tell pam abt their relationship and will ignore him for hours but will (seemingly) wade in like some kind of knight in shining armour bc callum said he’s having money troubles? nah. i said it at the time but i completely agree w callum’s reaction, i would have reacted the same way if i were him. and maybe on any other day callum wouldn’t have reacted so strongly, but after what had happened that morning w pam it’s completely understandable why he goes off on one.

and like poor ben is so confused like he obviously really thought this would be good news and put him back in callum’s good graces but ofc it doesn’t bc what callum needed was an explanation and apology. and you can see how confused and crestfallen he is bc he doesn’t want to fight w callum and he really didn’t want to make things worse but he evidently has and not only that but jay is there witnessing his massive fuck up in action. and u can just tell from the body language that he straight up doesn’t know what to do or say so he’s just kinda floundering bc he really thought he could fix what had happened with pam bc what? he half talked jay into giving callum a promotion? bless him lmao

then he goes full grovel mode - even if he is still very ben about it - and is leaving him voicemails (meaning he’s tried to call him multiple times, he probably tried texting too lmao) and moping abt in the cafe looking all sad and stressed and it’s just so good bc he knows he fucked up and he’s trying not to let it fester which is a v good and v adult thing to do. plus the juxtaposition of ben being like ‘u know ur gonna forgive me so stop being a diva and call me back’ and then that soft little ‘please 🥺’ tacked on the end??? delicious

and then pam walking up to him and standing there and just sighing. like not a word, she just stands there and sighs like dkjfkjsdkfjlsdkf mood !!

no but ok that whole scene of ben and pam in the cafe really had me welling up like just. everything about it. the layers to it all. and i won’t sit here and dissect every little thing even tho i probably could bc we’d be here all day but like just. all of it.

like pam’s exasperation at ben not telling her about him and callum (bc obviously she’s found out from someone - probably honey, who wouldn’t think to lie abt it if pam asked outright), ben not even being marginally surprised that she knows bc even he must know how obvious he’s been, and she was bound to find out from someone. the fact that he jumped when she raised her voice and pointed at him - i could make a whole separate post about that honestly that just. says so much about ben. but yh.... the fact that she knew without him even having to open his mouth that ben was gonna say it was to spare her feelings (like that’s essentially what he says to callum later in the ep). the fact that he didn’t really have a good excuse to offer her and he knew that. his sad little face and the fact that he made himself smaller and ducked his head like just his body language in general (max bowden is SO good at playing on that shit, he has a way of making ben seem physically smaller in certain situations and i love it sm). ben being like ‘idk i thought it’d be easier’ and pam immediately being like ‘yeah for u not callum!!!’ like the ‘u silly boy!!’ was so heavily implied throughout this whole scene u can practically taste it.

and pam! pam manages to effectively have a go at ben and call him out on his shit without belittling him or being cruel or nasty (and no naming names but like. certain mothers could learn a thing or two 👀) and actually have ben listen to her. because she listens to him and hears him and respects and loves him and he respects and loves her so she can have a go at him and his back won’t go up and he won’t lash out because he knows she’s not going to try and hurt him or be unnecessarily harsh. and that’s why their relationship is so special. also i’m still v bitter abt the way kathy handled calling out ben’s shit as opposed to how pam handled it but 🤷🏻‍♀️

like it’s such a little thing but it’s the way she waited for ben to speak. ben said ‘i didn’t-’ and then cut himself off, obviously either struggling to find the right words or struggling to say them out loud, and she just waited for him. waited for him to find the words, to figure out how to say it. she didn’t rush him or try and put words in his mouth or anything, she just sat there quietly, patiently waiting for ben to explain himself in his own time. that is the difference between her and everyone else, and that’s why ben listens to her. because she listens to him - and i mean really, actually listens rather than just hearing the sound of his voice ygm

and then they get too the root of it all: paul. he says he didn’t want pam thinking he’d forgotten paul - which is only half true, imo. i think he was (and maybe still is) just as scared that he’s going to forget paul. i think he has a lot of unaddressed issues when it comes to paul and what happened in general. and i think he definitely needed permission specifically from les and/or pam that it was ok for him to move on now - bc other ppl have tried to tell him that but u can tell from how he’s reacted in the past that he doesn’t like ppl who didn’t really know paul talking abt what he would or wouldn’t want. but pam did know paul, probably better than anyone. and she’s telling him that it’s ok. that she wants him to be happy, and that’s exactly what paul would want too. and she would know - she’s his nan. so ben can allow himself to listen to her. he trusts her, trusts that she would know what paul would want, how he would feel. and now he has permission to let go of the past a little bit and finally start moving on.

and that’s hard!! like as much as he might like callum, that’s still a hard thing to do for him!! you can see on his face that it’s hard for him to digest and accept what pam’s telling him - that maybe it’s finally time to let go. it’s just as hard for him to confess that yeah, he does care about callum - he gives her the tiniest nod of the head because he can hardly even bring himself to say it, but he can’t deny it either. and it’s hard for pam too, is the thing. you can from the way her voice shakes as she tells him it’s time to start showing callum that he cares how hard she’s trying not to cry. not because she’s not being sincere, not bc she doesn’t mean it or she doesn’t want ben to move on and be happy, but it’s still a hard thing. the world has moved on without paul, and now ben - the last link to him in a lot of ways - is too, and as necessary and as good as that is for him, it doesn’t make it any easier for them. grief is a weird and difficult thing and i think they both did a good job of portraying the struggle of it in this scene.

and then them having this moment right at the end at the end where they’re just smiling at each other w their heads rested together and it’s not an easy thing and they’re both obviously a bit upset and broken but it’s so sincere and warm and she just pulls him in and kisses his head and he just lets himself be comforted by her and by this point i had a big lump in my chest bc it was a very real and important and sweet moment and i was a lil overwhelmed

the tiny mick and callum scene!! i want more of them!!! we haven’t had a proper mick and callum scene since before the wedding i think and i know realistically it’s bc danny dyer has been doin other stuff and hasn’t been filming much and then when he has been filming obv the focus has been on the ollie/linda stuff but!! i miss them and it was so good to see them acknowledge that they haven’t seen each other much and for mick to acknowledge callum’s relationship w ben (calling it ‘matters of the heart’ 🥺️) it was just Good i love their relationship sm and i miss them and i need more!!

mick being so happy to see pam was just !!!!!!!!!! like everyone loves pam!!!!!!! please can she come back and stay forever pls

ben’s face when he tried to approach callum only for callum to turn his back on him like that boy was CRUSHED and he didn’t know what to do like he just stood there for a moment unsure what to do w himself and it was Gud

the shot of callum drinking his beer looking all mopey and dejected with ben staring at the back of his head obviously pining even if he wasn’t in focus and then pam telling ben to basically get his shit together and fix this and practically shoving him towards callum while ben’s lookin like he’s trying to psych himself up and mick’s just there looking between all of them trying to figure the whole thing out??? high art

ben approaching callum looking visibly nervous and out of his depth... and then callum seeming genuinely surprised that ben had come over... bye

the fact that the first thing ben said was ‘i’m sorry’!!! ben saying he understands why callum flipped out the way he did!!! callum saying he understands that ben was just trying to help!!!! ben acknowledging that callum is hurt and upset and then explaining why he did what he did and how he felt but still acknowledging that he hurt callum!!! the fucking communication!!!!!!!! like honestly it hasn’t been smooth sailing for these two so far but they always seem to be surprisingly good at communicating and talking when smth is going wrong, at least after the fact (esp ben) and i LOVE that it’s so healthy!!

callum doing the very callum thing and being like ‘it’s fine, i get it’ even tho he’s clearly still upset bc he doesn’t wanna rock the boat but then ben being like ‘no, it’s not fine! what i did is not fine! you don’t have the pretend that it is!’ and callum seeming lowkey taken aback by that :-(

(pam and mick just watching on in the background of all of this like the pseudo parents they are like honestly??? maybe the best part of the scene LMAO)

that little bit of nervousness before ben says ‘you’re my boyfriend’ like he said it in a very sure way but you could tell he was nervous bless him... and then the way callum’s face lit up but he tried to hide it and not smile and play it cool with his ‘you’ve never called me that before’ but then it cuts back to ben who has the biggest smile on his face but u can tell he’s tryna suppress it a lil too but failing miserably AND THEN shy ben makes an appearance w his little ‘well you are, aren’t ya?’ like he just wants to be sure!! he wants to ask so callum has the opportunity to say no (though judging by both of their faces he knew callum wasn’t gonna say no lmao) but he’s still ben so he’s gotta ask in this roundabout way... man it’s so cute

combine that with callum’s little pout and squint like he was pretending he really had to think abt it and the tone of his little ‘yeah’ like he was like ‘i suppose so’.... the subtle banter of it all i love it.... but he can’t keep it up for long bc then he’s the one with a massive smile on his face like bro... the sun doesn’t even shine that bright

and then ben’s little disbelieving ‘yeah?’ like he had to make sure :-(

AND JUST PAM AND MICK BEING LIKE AWWW WHEN THEY KISSED AND MICK BEING LIKE ‘HOW LOVELY’ AND JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT THEM IT TOOK ME OUT FR

ben asking callum if he’s happy and callum tapping ben’s chin and telling him he is...................... the two of them looking at each other Like That....... talented brilliant incredible amazing etc

pam being like ‘my work here is done’ i love HER

ben making a point of being like ‘pam i want you to meet my boyfriend’ he’s so fuckin cute i love him

the whole pam and callum exchange from the hug to her holding his hand and telling him how lucky he is to have ben and then telling callum that ben has the biggest heart of anyone she knows but saying it to ben bc she knows he needs to hear that too bc like... when has anyone EVER said that about ben?? when has anyone ever thought that about ben?? but she sees through all the bullshit and sees him for the kind, soft-hearted, loving but equally damaged boy he really is and she wants callum to know and understand that but also for ben to know that too and i’m crying just thinking about it bc you can see ben’s face change and how emotional he starts to get not only bc it’s pam and everything that must be going through his head abt paul, but also just?? someone being kind to him?? saying smth nice?? god i’m broken

like pam really almost had me in tears in this scene genuinely esp when she was clearly getting emotional (as was ben) and she took both of their hands and told them to look after each other, given everything that happened with paul, and them both saying ‘we will’.... like that really fucked me up.... it felt like a Moment.... and then follow that up w pam and ben resting their heads against each other and whispering ‘i love you’ and it was so warm and full of love and adoration .... the ‘i hate goodbyes’.... the palm kiss.... the fact that ben looked like he was abt to cry as pam left... i was a broken woman truly

and then they just went on as if nothing happened and they didn’t just have a very significant relationship moment with the ‘i am lucky’ ‘i’m glad you realize it’ banter lmao

ben being like ‘u have the support of ur boyfriend 🥰️’ when callum was explaining he wanted to leave the parlour like he really couldn’t keep that word out of his mouth huh 🥺️

and the way he grabbed callum’s hand but only managed to get 3 fingers and then callum putting his hand on top of ben’s like for some reason that really fucked me up......... like gays and hands am i right

the journey ben’s face went on when callum told him he wanted to join the police.... the way it went from ‘haha good joke’ to ‘..................... wait he’s being serious’ to ‘oh god what the fuck’ was amazing lmao

and then him interrupting jay and lola w his massive dramatic freak out was so fucking funny like the way jay just shoved lola off his lap when ben come in KILLED me honestly and like ben’s on the verge of a breakdown and his brother and the mother of his child are just taking the piss and laughing at his expense.......... i love family

yeah so perhaps i went a bit overboard w this one but i did make you wait like a week and a half so perhaps this will make up for it lmao ??? but rlly tho i loved this ep sm there was so much good abt it and i want to keep pam forever thank u for ur time 💖💖

[xhaotixaesthetica]

Guardian Witch!Hyunjin

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator

You are in: a genetic mutation of The Fantasia Star System 

TRIGGER WARNING: one mention of groping, one mention of a creepy man luring kids in a van, some sexual themes

man this is gonna fuck me up so hard but lezzgettit i need to stop reading jae’s tweets

idk how it works in y’all’s universe, y’all got some weird shit going on that one dude, trump? WILDT

but here in CS2001, witches are a subcategory of demons, so basically you got a guardian demon trailing after you 24/7

guardian witch! hyunjin looks like the above picture, his eyes are like that constantly, but whenever he works any kind of magic, his irises glow

hyunjin is not a subtle bitch and he works magic pretty much 24/7 so either they’re normally constantly glowing or flashing like a fucking neon sign

once when y’all were cuddling and he was staring up at the ceiling, his eyes were just constantly glowing and when you asked about it he said, “I’m protecting you.” all casual like he does this shit all the time which he does sis do you know how many shields and protection spells are around your fucking house

crying rn, where can i get me a guardian witch! hyunjin

hyunjin is v young, esp for a demon, he’s the same age as you, but all the other demons are fucking terrified of him and they never tease him about it except his eight other crackhead demon friends

boy knows some powerful magic, some neutral, some light, and some very very dark

no one outwardly knows if he’s ever offed someone but he never gives a straight answer to the question, only this smug little smirk, and he knows a little too much about some very disturbing curses and torture devices

this is not to say that he’s a bad person, he’s not, he’s like the chaotic good type

because the only people that end up on his shit list are the people who deserve it

that dude who groped you without your consent when you were 13? yeah no one knows what happened to him, hyunjin don’t fuck with that sexual assault shit

the creepy dude in the white van trying to lure kids in that hyunjin happened to spot when he was walking you home from school one day? yeah, he’s missing and a bunch of previously missing kids were recovered the next day

he’s not like a vigilante or an antihero, boy spends most of his time with you anyways, but this shit is everywhere and if he sees it, he’s gonna put a stop to it

there was no big event where you came home and saw him chilling on your bed and threw him out the window in fear if i saw hyunjin’s fine ass on my bed after i came home from school, i’d probs cry and need a bowl of cereal to cope

he was just kinda always with you

demons are notoriously bad parents so when his mom had him, bitch just kind of dipped and he was assigned to you

witches don’t eat, not like humans anyways, they feed off energy, what kind of energy depends on what kind of witch it is

guardian witches feed off the life energy of their person, so as long as you’re alive he is too

growing up, your parents were no stranger to the name hyunjin cause you talked about him constantly but they thought he was just an imaginary friend till you were like seven and hyunjin started his drum faze and he was “drumming along” to linkin park on your father’s office desk at 3am

now they just don’t comment when shit starts floating around the house or you scream at them when they try to sit in a spot where hyunjin’s already sitting

he can actually appear to people if he chooses to, he just likes fucking with your parents, this dumbass thinks their reactions are funny

two of hyunjin’s dumbass demon friends, these little assholes named minho and jisung like to hang around your house and eat all your fucking food, EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE FUCKING WITCHES AS WELL AND DON’T NEED FOOD

they hang around your house constantly, it’s like they live there

it’s lowkey a battle for who can get hyunjin’s attention

now onto YOU and hyunjin

boy is WHIPPDT

he low-key follows you everywhere, not like a stalker, he’ll just find an excuse to go anywhere you go

claims it’s cause you need protection, when really he does, cause this bitch is ready to throw hands at any single loud noise

you and hyunjin are a couple but were best friends long before that and it fucking shows

knows all your orders from every single restaurant, but he doesn’t order it, he just pops it into existence cause he’s lazy and he doesn’t like the way the cashier checks you out when you guys go

jinnie takes his job as your guardian WAYY too seriously

you ain’t going outside in late fall without a jacket, you better be wearing short sleeves in summer, no standing around in the rain you might get sick, ANYONE messes with you at school, you gotta tell him so he can kick their asses

some things hyunjin doesn’t have a solution for but he’ll just be by your side for it and it’s so calming. you got a test? he’s sitting beside you both while you study and while you take it lowkey trying to help you cheat, you might have to hit him a bit or accept his help and cheat, do what you gotta do sis, you won’t need that info later on anyways

you gotta come out to your parents? boy’s right there rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb

you gotta give a speech? he’s in the audience with a foam finger and a fucking banner with your name on it, trying to be stupid and make you laugh

supportive in the most tsundere way

“ooh, that looks cool” he says nonchalantly, looking your talent show dance and pretending like he didn’t just finish putting  up flyers for the show, highlighting your name and crossing out the other contestant’s names and drawing mustaches on them and acting like it was just your fucking solo performance basically

the. CLINGIEST. BABY.

“y/n can we cuddle i had a nightmare :(”

“jinnie....it’s noon and you don’t sleep”

“ >:( HOLD ME YOU DUMB BITCH”

despite how he acts and how clingy he is, this boy is so fucking tsundere and actually quite shy

his eyes glow when you hold his hand cause he still has to perform a silent spell to keep himself from blushing

he pretends to be all aloof when his friends are over

“y/n don’t hold my hand, you have two for a reason, hold your own”

this is said WHILE he’s crawling into your lap and literally drinking from the same cup as you

he’s not reserved about PDA around other demons who aren’t his friends, boy wants them to know you’re taken

“jinnie, what are you doing why are your eyes glowing?”

“i don’t like the way that asshole was looking at you”

“but your eyes only glow when you— HWANG HYUNJIN DID YOU JUST MAKE ME INVISIBLE?!”

“don’t worry we both are”

whenever hyunjin feels really REALLY strongly (anger, lust, happiness, doesn’t matter as long as the emotion’s really really strong), his eyes will glow completely green iris, pupil, sclera the white part for you uneducated bitches, and all

you’ve only seen this happen three times (minus when you have sex, boy’s eyes go green quicker than you can get him on the bed)

the first time was when y’all were fifteen and he realized he loved you

it was stupid, you were literally just about to fall asleep and he was playing with your hair and looked down and was like wow, i would really die for this moron

and his eyes glowed green and he just poofed out of your room and you didn’t see him for two days it was like that video of that cat that ran in and said i love you and then zoomed off real confused cause they couldn’t handle their emotions

the second time was when y’all were 17 and you were the first to say i love you

he. literally. started. crying.

I MEAN BLUBBERING, YOU HAD TO CALM HIM DOWN

cause he still has doubts that anyone could ever really love a demon and he thinks that you’re amazing and you could get any guy you want but you fell for him? that shit just got to him man, he wouldn’t stop saying i love for for like three hours

fight me you dumb bitch, you’re literally a fucking god and you deserve all the love in the world

can y’all tell i love hyunjin, i love hyunjin so fucking much :(

and the third time was when an angel tried to get you to ditch him

they do this shit a lot actually, they don’t agree with the idea of any sort of demon being a guardian so they try to get the human to break the bond and get a guardian angel

and this angel was bold, he walked up to you when hyunjin was right there, the nerve of him >:(

hyunjin’s eyes glowed green as soon as he realized what was happening

“you have three seconds to get the hell away from my human before we have a fucking problem”

he fucking growled the words out

ngl, it was hot, you’d never really seen hyunjin this mad before 

the angel was scared af

yall went home and fucked after, for a loooong time

if you ever want to get hyunjin riled up, call him hyunjin instead of jinnie

his eyes glow green and he does that thing that people do where they like close their eyes and roll their neck around, trying to release the tension from their shoulders and keep themselves under control idk if you know what i’m talking about but it’s so dom, jimin from bts did it once and i think i had a spasm

“yes baby?”

and he’s looking down at you really intensely, like you’re something to eat

you can always tell when he’s in the mood either cause his eyes are glowing or suddenly your name has switched from y/n, love, sweetheart, and loser to baby or prince/ess

MOVING ON

jinnie has an animal form

it is, you guessed it, A SAMOYED DOG

except his fur is as black as his hair and he’s kinda VERY big for a samoyed, and his eyes are green

people who know what samoyeds are and are supposed to look like are kind of freaked out when they see him but everyone else just coos over how cute he is cause he is

he’s a very happy pup, actually likes for you to walk him and take him to the dog park and shit

doesn’t like leashes, but he’ll never admit that he actually likes wearing the collar with your name on it

“i just don’t see why i have to wear it y/n”

“jinnie, you don’t, you made me buy it”

“it’s not like if i can’t find my way home or teleport if the pound picks me up”

“that’s what i said before you made me buy it”

*dramatic sigh* “if you insist, just put the damn thing on so i can go play”

“jinnie, you don’t have to wear it, i really don’t care—”

“ >:( YOU’D BETTER CARE, JUST PUT THE STUPID COLLAR ON Y/N, DON’T MAKE ME CHEW UP YOUR SHOES AGAIN”

even sometimes changes into his samoyed form while you're at school and walks around the street so strangers give him food and pets and tell him how pretty he is

he’s really carefree and happy in this form and usually only changes into it when he’s really stressed or just wants to chill or play

he likes to lay on you in this form big ass mf thinks he’s a fucking lap dog or some shit so you rub his ears and give him pets and belly scratches and will not move until he gets them

lays in sunspots and sways his tail like a cat

not afraid to use the puppy dog eyes and they work everytime

call him a good boy or a good dog and he’ll probably bite you

do NOT play tug-of-war with this damn dog, he does not care that you’re his s/o, he will fucking DRAG you with NO. MERCY

one time y’all were at the mall and he was trotting along beside you in samoyed form, happy as a clam, until some rando person came up trying to spit game

long story short, jinnie peed on their leg

he got an earful that day but he still hasn’t apologized and probably never will

“i had to go y/n”

“YOU COULD’VE CHANGED INTO A PERSON AND GONE TO THE BATHROOM”

“c���mon prince/ss, it’s not like they didn’t get what they deserved, who wants to be flirted with while they’re walking their dog”

his logic makes ZERO sense and he knows it, bub just doesn’t wanna admit he was jealous

and as he’s saying this he’s back hugging you, whispering in your ear, swaying gently, even nibbling on your neck and earlobe a bit

he’s got you wrapped around his finger and he uses that to his full advantage

he thinks you deserve it for stealing his heart >:(, how dare you reader

ANYWAYS THIS IS LONG ENOUGH CAUSE I’M A SUCKER FOR ALL THINGS HYUNJIN

so basically guardian witch! hyunjin is a really chill but really devoted boyfriend, protective af with a heart of gold and would give you the moon and stars but pretends like he would sell you to satan for one corn chip

The Fantasia Star System 

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator

[zoeekar]

1-44 of those questions fjfjfj

I know who you are why you do this to me?? 👀👀

1. Any scars?

Not self-inflicted ones, but I do have a couple from my cat from 7 years ago... xD

2. Self harmed?

Nope

3. Crush?

My gf is lurking, I have to say her lmaoo also just look at my blog tbh.... 😂

4. Kissed anyone?

Kissed about four (4) people, hide yo wives! 😂

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither, I hate fizzy drinks that are not mixed with alcohol xD

6. Someone you hate?

Hate is a strong word, I just strongly dislike a couple of people

7. Best Friends?

My real-life best friends either don’t care about tumblr or refuse to make an account (I’m talking to you, Hayley!) but honestly, I may not have too many friends, but the ones I do have, I consider them besties

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

I do drink sometimes, socially and I’ve smoked (and eaten) weed before but that was aaaaages ago and it didn’t even do anything for me lol

9. What’s your dream job?

Freelance creator and/or writer 😊 I’m currently working towards both of those. At a snail’s pace, but I’m working on it nonetheless

10. Ever been in love?

A couple times. One of them didn’t end too great, we don’t talk about that xD

11. Last time you cried?

Don’t even remember tbh. Which is a good thing!

12. Favorite color?

Black, purple, blue, green...

13. Height?

164, I’m p smol haha

14. Birthday?

April 13. Y’all should wish me happy bday in 7 months! 😂

15. Eye color?

Green

16. Hair color?

Natural; black. Artificial; blue

17. What do you love?

Food xD And movies and books and shows and writing and drawing and watching/listening to true crime podcasts and videos

18. Obsession?

👀👀👀👀

I mean what?? (gifs not mine, can’t tag/credit ppl on my stupid phone though!) 

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For me and the people I love to be happy and have our dreams come true and live our best lives! Also more understanding among everyone and less discrimination/racism etc etc

20. Do you love someone?

My gf, my best friends, my parents and my brother, my grandma, my fur baby who I haven’t seen in almost a year...

21. Kiss or hug?

Both (or neither) depending on the situation. I do love me some soft cheek kisses tho

22. Nicknames people call you?

Zo, Z, Mush (thanks for that, Hayley)... Can’t think or anything else rn tbh

23. Favorite song?

Oh, loooooooads of songs! Can’t pick one

24. Favorite band?

Dunno??? Florence and the Machine?? 

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

I’ve been lucky enough that nothing truly bad has ever happened to me tbh

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

I worked in Disneyland back in 2015 and it kind of kickstarted the rest of my life xD

27. Something you would change about yourself?

Was gonna say my body but like... Maybe my confidence levels lmao and also my boobs. I hate them, they’re too big! 

28. Ever dated someone?

I’ve dated the same amount of people I’ve kissed (four)

29. Worst mistake?

I don’t really like to think that I’ve made mistakes tbh? Like... I’ve made some choices that turned out to be less than great, but I didn’t know that at the time. And also, without those, I wouldn’t be who I am today, so...

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Both, duh!

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yep

32. Favorite show?

Euphoria, Killing Eve, Dead To Me, Fleabag, One Day at a Time, Luther, The Good Place, You, Sex Education, The Haunting of Hill House, The Office US (and UK), Parks and Rec, Pushing Daisies, Derry Girls, Sharp Objects, Everything Sucks, Spartacus, Chuck, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Kim Possible, Hibike! Euphonium... TOO MANY

33. Best day of your life?

No idea, honestly

34. Any talents?

I’d like to think I’m decent at drawing and writing xD

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Not really, I’m quite happy with the way things have turned out so far

36. Any bad habits?

Naaaaaaah. Maybe eating a bit more Nutella than I should 😂

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Nope. I have had ghost experiences tho

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

My gf and my closest friends. And also strangers online 😊

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My grandpa died a few years ago but I’ve never experienced true loss tbh. I loved him and all, but he was like 90 years old and v sick so we all knew it was coming. I’ve never lost someone close to me out of the blue

40. Do you believe in love?

I believe in mutual understanding and support and also being able to be yourself with someone without feeling embarrassed

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Not hate, I just don’t really like a couple people at work and like... some people from back home but that’s pretty much it

42. Are you okay?

A lot better than I was this time  last year, let me tell you that xD

43. Relationship status?

Taken 😊

44. Selfie?

Not a Selfie™️ but pretty representative of who I am on the inside xD

[tcnked]

✦ * · ˚ ⌜ paul wesley, amanda, 20, est, she/her ⌟ was that TED TONKS?  i heard the TWENTY-EIGHT year old is working as an INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER now. not surprising, seeing as how they are SHARP and GENUINE, although some say they can be AGGRESSIVE and BLUNT. maybe that’s why HE is rumoured to be NEUTRAL. here’s hoping they have what it takes to survive the war.

so this is ted, he’s really pretty. that’s all u need to know

pinterest

character insp: ryke meadows, shane madej, jess mariano, jack pearson, ryan atwood, etc.

themes, motifs, and imagery: tba i’m too lazy for this rn.

EARLY LIFE.

tw: mentions of emotional manipulation and alcoholism

michael tonks? an absolute asshole of a guy. valerie tonks? horrible stepmom. rachel tonks? great lady, the best, iconic, groundbreaking. didn’t even change her last name back bc it was her son’s and she didn’t want him to feel alone. my name’s amanda and i would die 4 rachel tonks

basically michael and rachel were a really fast-paced relationship. super deeply in love but destined to fizzle out early once michael found the next pretty girl that was apparently better than rachel. and his two year old son. they were in their mid-twenties and she was working with michael during a case he was given and, as the poets say, the rest was history. they were engaged within the first year and married a handful of months after their one-year anniversary. they fell pregnant a couple months later and had a son before they were even together for three years.  the fact that they lasted for years past their honeymoon stage was a gd MIRACLE, to be honest with y’all

they were fairly happy for the year following ted’s birth, but from there things started to go downhill. they started arguing over everything, fights ranging from small things to exploding over something major. the tipping point was when rachel found out he was having an affair --- but of course, it wasn’t MICHAEL’S fault he was unfaithful. it wasn’t MICHAEL’S fault he turned to alcohol to deal with their failing family. it’s never his fault; always everyone else. he was a saint, as far as he was concerned!!!! by the time ted was two years old, his parents had divorced. it was an UGLY thing behind closed doors, but as far as michael’s colleagues and the press following his rise as a lawyer knew, it was pleasant. and after a bit, rachel and edward tonks fell back into obscurity. 

she moved out of london and took ted with her farther north, back to her hometown and family, while michael and the woman he had been seeing behind his wife’s back slowly eased their relationship into the public. two years they were married with twins on the way!!!! and for a few years, ted had no idea of his father. the way michael initially wanted it, at least.

ted was seven when michael decided to step back into his life. rachel fought against it, but michael was fuckin relentless and also,,,, a lawyer so he knew his parental rights and what he had and hadn’t given away. ://// so every week he and ted would have lunch or michael would show up at his football games, trying to ease his way into ted’s good graces. and at the time, ted was so easily manipulated that it hurts my heart

he fell for it, for a WHILE not realizing that this wasn’t the proper relationship a son should have with his father. it even got as far as him getting close to his twin half sisters, georgina and cecelia. but it was all very quiet as the older ted got and the more he realized this was SHITTY, the more his father tried to manipulate the situation by blaming things on rachel. or on ted, when he would miss dinners or have to change plans with four of them. and he would keep feeling guilty, and keep falling for it every time. even when his mom would try to reassure him that nothing was his fault. all masked as a good father wanting to be involved with his son and have him involved in this second family’s life as well.

he was just past his tenth birthday when a woman in robes showed up at the doorstep of the tonks home in northern england, weaving stories of a school for magic. it explained a lot of incidents that had been shoved under the rug and never discussed again as ted had grown up, though rachel was undeniably weary with her more catholic background. it took........a lot of convincing to say the least, but by the following september she was alongside ted at king’s cross.

HOGWARTS YEARS.

the hat didn’t sit on his head for long before screaming ravenclaw within the great hall. he joined those with eagles plastered on their chests and, for the most part, kept to himself.

ted in hogwarts grew to be a lot more.........stony, for lack of a better word. the boy with endless curiosity and a big heart shifter into someone rougher the longer he faced taunts and whispers and disdainful looks from those of ‘pure’ magical background. despite it all, he was fairly well known around the castle. not always for the greatest things, but he did get himself a certain reputation

ted was no stranger to starting or getting involved in fights around the castle, both physical and verbal. he’s v punch-first, think later

he was such a smart ass honestl y. like fairly self-deprecating but he also didn’t stand for people saying shit??? like if someone said something stupid or rude, he was quick to bite back??? came off as a lil self-righteous, a little condescending when it came to his intelligence. highkey a pain in the ass but overall he meanT well like lived by do what you love, fuck off what u don’t

he was never anything but strongly and genuinely himself tbh. v dry humored, v 'i can do anything'

basically hogwarts ted was hard to ignore even tho he wanted 2 stay to himself

POST - HOGWARTS TO CURRENT.

so BASICALLY after leaving hogwarts his dad amped up the shitty game

especially after ted got with andromeda

“how many trips have you made with someone named black but not your FAMILY” “your SISTERS miss you, think you can make some time for them?” “maybe we’d help you if you spent time with your family” it’s v disgusting v rude but like,,,,, he still didn’t know ted was a wizard and anyway

ted grew increasingly sick of it, especially as michael kept pushing and pushing and pushing him when ted and andromeda had to live with rachel for a while following andromeda being disowned. it was a lot to deal with and ted just,,,, lost all patience with it and stopped contacting his father at all

tbh one of his biggest fears is eventually becoming his father and it really worried him that by removing himself from michael and his step mom, that his sisters will think he’s abandoning them

but listen ted at 28 is sorta thriving??? a lot more mentally stable tbh. less aggressive, for the most part. he’s working as an investigative reporter for the prophet. he’s big on digging and figuring out the truth and yeah he’s v aware the prophet isn’t an impartial paper, but like. he’s trying his best out here. getting involved in some shady shit and going under a pen name to avoid potential risks of the wrong people realizing who he is, yikes. not only war-related things, but unicorn blood dealing circles and dragon rings etc etc etc.

also ted as a dad???? iconic. he would do literally anything for dora BYE

and andromeda? always flirting w her tbh, always doing tiny things 2 get under her skin. he was such a pain in her ass at hogwarts goodbYE

anyway dont talk 2 me about him trying to help and cope w andromeda’s like. unspoken problem w alcohol. he’s out here tryin 

this is a lot of word vomit and didn’t cover everything iw anted but. love me plot w ted

[ultralaser]

answer me 30 questions, tell me 30 lies

tagged by @tariqk

NICKNAME(s) - my twin brother is named ryan so i answer to that a lot

GENDER - my dude

SIGN - taurus

HEIGHT - five six and change

CURRENT TIME - 17:36

FAVORITE BAND(s) - the first five off the top of my head are chvrches, f(x), the doors, wu bai and china blue, and jaurim. do with that as you will.

FAVORITE SOLO ARTIST(s) - first five off the top of my head are charli xcx, tori amos, enya, yanzi sun, and a mei chang. do with that as you etc etc

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD - the devil and the huntsmsn from the king arthur: legend of the sword soundtrack (it was the song in the trailer)

LAST MOVIE I SAW (IN THEATRES) - mission impossible: fallout, which was very good but not the series best, though they always score a lot of versimilitude bc yeah, tom cruise did that.

LAST MOVIE I SAW (TV) - exposed (2016) w keanu and ana de armas, which is nearly good, but (spoiler) i hate ‘the ghosts were hallucinations’ almost as much as 'greek myths without the gods’ as a subgenre so the ending annoyed me

LAST SHOW I WATCHED - i tried to watch the outpost and haven’t gotten into it yet, so, mainlining the first four episodes of killjoys s4 to get caught up, now i need to go back two weeks on wynonna earp s3

WHEN DID I CREATE MY BLOG - late november 2008, right after obama won, when bush was still technically president but nobody cared

WHAT DO I POST - i reblog good posts from other ppl and fold in abt 10% of my own dumb bullshit, it seems to be a winning combination. hope you like nerdy media rants and grumpy trump blogging

LAST THING I GOOGLED - looked up some meanings of names at lunch with mom and my neice. mom’s birthname, ethne, is celtic and means fire, which is a lot closer to her actual persona. neice’s first plus middle mean 'life’ plus 'from the water’ or, fish. her dad is named scott and his name is an english word meaning 'person from scotland’.

DO I HAVE OTHER BLOGS - choosy-moms-choose-gif is my gif blog (largely dormant) and geographimancy was going to be a google maps travel blog but turned into a space to host images for in-class presentations, now it’s just a good name. also, there is…

DO I GET ASKS - not often, about half of it is nice

WHY DID I CHOOSE MY URL - my tumblr id is a hackers reference. my actual domain name is an abbreviation of nyarlathotep i bought back in 05? when i was going to go full on with cthulhu and pals but i never quite did. see also my eldritch mermaids comic i need to make more of, what we do in the shallows. both were resurrected as projects for a writing comics class last year.

FOLLOWING - 423 but i strongly suspect half of those are dormant. if you asked me to write a list of ppl i’m conciously aware i follow it’d be about, forty ppl? idk prolly more actually

FOLLOWED BY - 2095?! that’s just the total though, more like five to ten amazing ppl i still can’t believe followed me, about twenty five? mutuals i regularly interact with, and then like two thousand bots, randos, haters, and quiet types

BLOCKED BY - itswalky, for one of several reasons possibly but i don’t know which

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP - i aim for 8+ but often stay up late and wake up early. i feel like i slept through most of 2004-2014 tbh

LUCKY NUMBER - i don’t really have one

INSTRUMENTS - i’m a fan of the piano, bassoon, and most strings, but i can’t even play guitar hero

WHAT I’M WEARING - an old paperthing shirt bc IT’S TOO HOT RN, boxer briefs (new ones! marshalls got some in in my size for a change), and a pair of wierd ass cargo shorts i found at goodwill for $7

DREAM JOB(s) - personal assisstant to some absurdly rich celebrity. tmnt toy designer. there’s a gift shop and cafe on top of the aiguille du midi. scifi novelist (working on it). warren ellis.

FAVORITE FOOD(s) - bacon egg and cheese biscuit from mcdonalds. a really good roast beef sandwich. clam chowder. spaghetti. cup noodles with a v8 poured over. sausage rolls. pizza. tillamook ice cream but i can’t eat a lot of dairy. muenster. roasted csrrots. mud pie.

NATIONALITY - colonizer

FAVORITE SONG(s) - first five off the top of my head are kiss from a rose by seal, and then i can’t think of any others for some reason. extreme ways by moby, hayling by fc kahuna, watercolors by ltj bukem, and die young (accoustic) by ke$ha (had to look at my ipod).

LAST BOOK I READ - i boght a ton of books not for class over the last six years and i haven’t started aaany of them, so the last book i finished was zone one by colson whitehead. it’s v good.

TOP THREE FICTIONAL UNIVERSES I WANT TO JOIN - i don’t have the skillset to be a heroic protagonist, so, pokemon, star trek, and then tbh we’re heading into Generic 1980s Dystopia now so at least maybe a farcical one like dominion tank police. but also shakespeare’s wierd renaissance athens au.

I TAG - nobody bc i never like putting ppl on the spot, i invite everyone bc there are two thousand of you and i only really know like thirty.

[yuseirra]

I love how you can have the readers feel an emotion or feeling in your comics. When I try to make something meaningful I kinda ruin it with my drawings Xd

Good morning/afternoon/night to wherever you’re at, hello!// I nearly said dear anon due to your icon//

I’m really happy to feel my drawings could evoke emotion in you!! That’s really one of my goals regarding drawing (to be able to incorporate feelings in them) and it makes me feel I’m on the right direction! ;v;// I’m also glad because it makes me feel that you take time reading through my works, enough to make you feel something from them too.. for that I’m super duper grateful!!// This may sound a bit creepy (I hope not?;;) but I end up remembering/noticing ppl who like my works a lot! Although all support is meaningful and precious and you don’t have to like all my works to get me motivated, when this happens it really does encourage me to keep working my way through.. and I’ve noticed you’ve been liking a lot of my drawings lately!! So when I saw your ask I couldn’t help but feel ‘hey, it’s this person!!// yes thanks for talking to me I was looking forward to it’..// hope it doesn’t feel so pressuring?

Awawa digressed a bit; I really love the first line of your ask right here but the second bit makes me pretty sad;; I think I get the gist of it (since I’m not entirely confident about my works either), but I really would like to tell you to not say that about your drawings.. there is no need to compare my drawings with yours!! Seriously!!;// I spent a long time getting to where I am and I’m p sure you’d be able to get better than me if you spent as long as I did??! Also, to say that your drawings ruin something feels terrible to hear..;; That’s a hurtful way to describe about something. Let’s face it, they are probably not ruining anything to begin with either!! If you are not so satisfied with your drawings at the moment, just think that you’re still in progress to work your way up there and your current works are like stepping stones, or ladders that will help you reach those goals. When I first started drawing I tried really hard to force me thinking that way and this way of thinking helped me quite a bit.. Like I couldn’t even draw a person. I’m not kidding, I only drew animals when I was little and I HAD.NO.GROUND.TO START FROM when I wished to draw ppl It were dark days

you’re still on your way building your own unique castle. And I’m still working with mine too ‘ㅁ’/ A complete and perfect castle doesn’t pop out of nowhere, and you have to work hard.. but if you think about it the other way around, every brick(effort) counts. Even broken ones that you feel you won’t use will still help you learn because that’s what you call trial and error!

Eheheh;// when somebody tells me their works don’t feel as good compared to mine I just don’t know what to say >//

But I keep drawing because it’s really fun and enjoyable. To add, if there’s something I’ve learned after all these years of drawing (and I still don’t consider myself a good artist never did lol) having fun is.. really all that matters (for me at least). To have fun and feel absorbed and enjoy what you’re doing!// I mean if you pursue art as a career you’d have to force yourself to draw to meet ends and match requirements and stuff and it wouldn’t be happy all the time but still, if you don’t like art and enjoy the process in general what’s the point// Also putting myself down, didn’t really help me get better. Ya need to trust and believe in yourself. If you don’t love your art (or at least some elements of it) you’ll have a really hard time trying to draw more. You say your art seemingly “ruins something meaningful” but if it has meanings for you, I say it has meaning.. other people’s judgement and publicity are important but what I feel the most important is the way you, the creator, feels about your own work. As for me.. I tend to draw things that I feel pretty passionate about people can’t force me to draw things I don’t feel like drawing at all ‘v’)9 So how may the drawings be crude, they’re still genuine to me. And if some people feel the feels seep through it makes me extremely happy..// because it would mean that what I’ve put in there’s been able to get their way through to others too.

This got long, but never stop trying if you really do like drawing. If you’re not so passionate about it it’s okay to stop and give up I guess, but if there’s something you feel very strongly about and love.. it’d be sad to just let it go like that. In addition, please don’t compare your things to other peoples in a condescending way!! You can always pick up something nice or get motivated from seeing ppl better than you but just feeling sad about how your works aren’t as good will only make you feel miserable. I’m saying this from my own experience.. and to be honest I’ve been trying a lot myself as well over spans of years to create something meaningful/fun on my own end ^^; and I don’t improve that fast either ahah I really have a lot to say on this matter; other people try too, and they try hard.. the only thing you could speak on behalf for is about your own efforts and tries, and you can’t assume how much/how hard other people worked on things. What I mean is, don’t put yourself down!! Others are others and you have your own life and pace. If you really want to get better at drawing, or anything else, just keep working at it, and you will get significantly better. Drawing is honestly a field that could reveal your improvements/efforts in the most visual way ever?? and that’s why I love it so much (although the amount of effort and improvement doesn’t always add up as a direct proportion) so relax and have fun, love your things and draw away!// :) You will get there. I also draw in hopes of getting there and I have all my life to keep drawing. It’s never too late!‘v’)9

See you around! >//

BUT I DO HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ISSUE I just keep quiet all the time ^^;// hope you have a lovely day!

[yukimuras-blush]

Can you recommend some otome games that doesn't actually require you to pay money unless you want to, like SLBP?

*cracks knuckles* OKAY HERE WE GO (I’ll try to keep this brief but…that is not a strength of mine lmao)ALSO, DISCLAIMER…. I have spent money on all of these. Some more than others. So all of this should be taken with a grain of salt because I can talk about not spending money but I have 0 self control, hahaha.1. Mystic Messenger! Almost all of my friends that I’ve met through otome started with MM (the gateway otome game, for me at least), but I thought it was worth mentioning just in case! I really like the fact that it’s in kind of more real time, it makes it feel more real for me (MM is the only game I use my real name for, actually, it actually made /me/ feel like MC and I haven’t felt that in another game yet, even though I strongly relate to some of them!) - but also, I’m the type of person who sets alarms at 3 am so I don’t miss chats (V I AM READY FOR YOU) … and if you haven’t played, it’s a good time to start because they are releasing a long awaited route soon! Also, they have a toooon of endings, and it’s a lot of fun to get all the different ones!

2. Several Shades of Sadism - I’ve heard a looot of people say that you have to pay to get the good ending. But it’s just like SLBP’s Divine ending - if you have enough affection, you can get it (there are guides for every character if you’re into that sort of thing), but they actually have a free daily gacha that is NOT super well advertised (whether or not it was in the tutorial I don’t remember) - I didn’t realize it was free every day, not just the first time, until after I had…finished every released route lmao. But in the gacha you can win affection points, so even if you don’t pick the best answers you can still get the good ending, though that way might take a while! It has voiced successful lessons and things the characters can say on the home page, which I like. (Plus, Minami is bae, one of my favorites ever)3. Ikemen Sengoku - This one is fairly new! It’s based on the samurai like SLBP, but MC is from the future (and FEISTY). They just announced that they’re releasing a fourth character, which is nice! I definitely like SLBP more but I love this one too!

4. Midnight Cinderella - This one has been out for a while, but by the same company that made Ikesen, and they just released a new character and still have events, so they are still pretty active! (Loving the event going on rn, in other news I have no time to do anything else anymore, rip) There are a lot of characters to choose from and I had SO MUCH TROUBLE picking who to go for first. I’ve loved everyone I’ve romanced so far!

5. Decode Desire - I’ve seen…literally nothing ever about this game that I haven’t specifically searched for myself, but it’s super cute!! I actually haven’t played it in forever and haven’t finished a route, but that is ONLY because I was at a really good stopping point in it and I just…with all these dang story events that I LOVE going on, I didn’t have time. But I love the kind of plot they’ve got going on - it’s all based around teaching an AI to love and MC falls for a coworker - not all the routes are released yet, but I’ve gotten glimpses of other characters and they all seem cute! (Then again, I have a Thing for socially awkward nerdy types, apparently.) Also, this has been the easiest game for me to NOT spend money in because they are really generous with their energy items and things!

Except Mystic Messenger, all of these are ticketed games like SLBP, with a fairly similar setup. I know Voltage has other PARTY games, but the only one I’ve really given a chance is SLBP so I can’t comment on them personally! I tried Be My Princess: PARTY but it didn’t immediately draw me in, so I decided to give it another shot once I am not spending like 90% of my free time playing these games, ahahahah.(”I’ll try to keep this brief” - yeaaaaahhhh right, SORRY, i write novels not responses whoops)***also, literally anyone message me about any of these games if you ever want to, I love talking about them and I’ve met such awesome people through otome fandom things (even though I’m v v slow at responding to messages, sry guys, you know who you are)