#feel like me almost each day
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Dear, this is NOT staying in the tags
Keith with longer hair appreciation post
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Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.
Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!
Binghe is not happy about this.
But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.
Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.
When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.
While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.
Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.
#svsss#bingqiu#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#luo binghe: I don't know why the evil deity toys with me this much but as long as he is amused then he's not killing me#luo binghe: each day he lets me live is another blessing especially since I have no hope of escape#luo binghe: is it for some sick amusement that he drags me to and from the dens of monsters and feigns ignorance?#luo binghe: if I reveal that I know the truth will the ruse end? does he do this with all his sacrifices?#luo binghe: or is he toying with me because he knows that I'm not really a maiden at all? standing on this knife's edge is unbearable#luo binghe: and yet somehow this is the most stable my life has been ever since the death of my poor mother#luo binghe: the world is cruel -- perhaps if I become whatever it is this god desires I might be shielded from more of it for another day#luo binghe: wait I have heavenly demon blood? then... perhaps my dark master considers me a suitable companion thanks to this?#luo binghe: are we two companions in this wretched world? outsiders sharing scorn and thus only able to find solace in each other?#luo binghe: is this what it feels like to care and be cared for? it's been so long I had almost completely forgotten it#shen yuan: gosh these upgrades are getting convoluted I wish I had a skill menu or something#shen yuan: oooh neat a slime! easy exp!
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the things ekky has done or said that i cant stop thinking about. the 4 minute cut.
#theres a lot more#but those videos exist in vertical and like wow yeah#obviously because of that honourable mentions:#ekky on the pole almost kicking luosty in the face falling on his ass while he gets hauled up by multiple cats and mikksy put his hat back#ekky calling forsy a perfect swede#ekky slowdancing with sasha at the club#ekky saying im below you to benny while pointing out his name#ekky showing off his tat every minute he can by pulling up his shorts at the parade and gave us an egregious look at his dick#the first time ekky and mikksy do the bumpy ritual and ekky grunts at each bump and goes I LIKE THAT#any practise day mini mic shenanigans i.e āforsy cuz i love himā āforsy but only with his shirt offā#when he went tarps off for his cupday because it was raining on the golfcourse#additionally when he shimmied the cup to feeling hot hot hot#that time he was wearing shorts that they were bunching up in the front and he had to āsubtlyā pick it out in front of a crowd of phins fans#that time he organised a sturgeon tagging trip and invited the boys who liked fishing and also monty for vibes#because fishing is his love language#oh letting maffhew pour champagne in his mouth at the club#feeling up stolie at the end of the parade and lifting up his shirt#drinking out of the cup with forsy and also feeding himself the champgane cam but forsy taking it away from him#him hugging senko into his stall#honestly anytime he brings up forsy whether its his footspeed/speed. his body.#or how blessed he is to play with him#and likening him to a greek god#please dont make me go on
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been exercising consistently for a month now (4 times a week) and I hate to admit that my energy levels really have improved so much š§āāļø
#used to feel like crashing after lunch basically everyday and these days I actually feel like doing things...#and it just keeps getting easier to exercise too bc I'm starting to be less sore after each session + it feels sooo good to increase the#weights and know that I can handle it...#it was rly tough in the beginning but once I passed that bit where I would almost always give up it's gotten a lot easier#I don't even have my brain trying to talk me out of exercising anymore#I just get to the time I usually exercise and do it#and not just physically but mentally I can feel a lot less resistance in doing things too#specially with cleaning etc I used to battle it out in my head so much and I'd do it regardless but ik I used to do it very frustrated bc#I didn't Want to do it but these days I barely feel any resistance I just think that I have to do something and I do it... actually feeling#like a functional person woah#jt
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You look better this way. What way? Nothing. I couldn't get a hold of you for days. Did you work undercover in the school and help Zherui investigate?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 08
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#pdribs#userrain#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#'what do you care?' first of all. THE JAW CLENCH. second of all. chen yi why do you care?#he doesnt have to explain because he and ai di have been by each other's sides their whole lives#its impossible to put into words Why Chen Yi Cares bc their identities their whole beings are intrinsically tied together#and him sternly reminding ai di of that by only saying ai di's name....good stuff#cuz. huh. its almost like chen yi waking up and ai di Not Being There is his worst nightmare#what if we made that a plot point! a h a#HES WORKING IT OUT but its HARD to DO SO when again. their identities are tied together. it's a chen yi-ai di tangle#& while chen yi knows there are things ai di doesnt tell him he doesnt know the root feelings bc ai di hides them so well#ai di NEEDED to show his True vulnerable face to chen yi...he needed to sleep with him and he needed to cry#& leaving again (only days after this scene! (which was bc chen yi drunk-kissed him!)) was the final snap inside chen yi to make him SEE#the real ai di that'd been there all along. (while ai di used prison as another excuse to avoid him & the vulnerability he'd just exposed)
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I don't really go there anymore (i refuse to play gachas now), but Wizard is very blorbo shaped, and i still like these older doodles of him <333
#cookie run#wizard cookie#ni draws stuff#taking this moment to just ramble a bit in the tags#i still like cookie run#its characters are very interesting#they have very yummy designs#pun intended lol#however i just interact with the games from a distance now#i used to play kingdom almost everyday#but then i reached a point in an event#i think it was the special costumes for sea fairy and moonlight#when i felt myself getting desperate as the event came to a close#and had the dangerous thought of spending real life money#which made me step back and realise#all the time i put into that game was NOT healthy#so i dropped it along with any other gachas i had or wanted to play#i wasn't feeling all that great grinding for so long each day#so now i just follow along at a distance
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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they werenāt studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhailās place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each otherās arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each otherā no matter what would happenā they would never leave each otherās side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.
by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays
#cp2077#edit:mikhail#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing#whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier#you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly#but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined#they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again#and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you#and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain#sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day#and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest#night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big#and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like#how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole#anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out
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please donāt by k.will did more for the gays back in 2012 than any boy group can possibly do with fan service and crop tops in 2024
#do young kpoppies know about please donāt by k.will. im serious do they know#I think about it a lot#itās impossible to replicate the feeling of being gay and watching that mv in the 2010s and just getting bodyslammed by the ending.#like he really just dropped that shit in TWENTY TWELVE#kibumblabs#to this day I think thatās the most explicitly gay mv ive seen in kpop by an established artist#(ie not holland. no shade to him but he kinda built his platform on being an openly gay artist and heās not a big industry name or anything#which makes the impact significantly different. if that makes sense. anyway.)#like think about any other example. almost all of them can be brushed off as fan service or are at least vague enough to be#up for interpretation#please donātās ending is nearly fucking impossible to write off as anything but explicitly gay#no fanservice involved. no vague staring in each otherās eyes. just straight up Oh Heās Not Jealous Of His Friend Heās Jealous Of His#Friendās FiancĆ©. oh#like thatās the whole point. interpreting it any other way doesnāt make sense with the impact itās purposefully supposed to make#like seriously try to say āheās just sad heās losing his friend to marriage :(ā or something. you have to be REAL fucking stupid or#deeply in denial to make that argument let alone believe it#anyway. I appreciate this mv a lot#k.will the OG of doomed yaoi in kpop#kill me#closest contender off the top of my head is one more day by sistar#also note I am talking about mvs here not songs in general#cause if I were talking about songs in general. keyās out there pretty much writing about gay sex at this point so I mean#k.will#kpop#only adding actual tags because I want you to watch this mv if you havenāt already
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One thing they don't tell you about the Senshi tulpa that WILL inevitably manifest in your mind to tell you to eat better is that. Every time I make myself a coffee via kuerig instantly, I can hear him. Lamenting the fact that I have become so accustomed to convenience and ease that even a standard coffee machine has become foreign to me. I am thinking about how to make coffee without use of a machine in the first place, I am wondering where my french press went, I can see him. In my mind. Showing me how to make coffee in The Dungeon. Dungeon Coffee.
#dungeon meshi#i'll allow this one to be set free into the wild. i think the world needs to know.#i really love senshi's character too how like. it's easy to feel guilty too if you aren't doing something 'the right way'#and despite him being very set in his ways he manages to alleviate that specific guilt#just by being senshi about it. i have never wanted to learn how to cook. too much work/too many steps#i like instant/ease bc that means i can devote myself completely to the things i AM passionate about#but senshi will manifest in your mind to tell you. you need nourishment to do that#he is just as passionate and detailed about it as i am my art. all i ever want to do is art. esp traditional art#which i think almost feels similar. to magic (digital) vs non-magic (traditional mediums)#each takes a very specific set of skills. one 'feels' easier than the other but a lot Does go into it (digital)#and there is an ease of access esp sharing wise. but i am autistic about the medium itself#yes sometimes i have to wait a day to even share my stuff cause the sun went down#yes there's less ways you can take shortcuts. you have to do Everything by hand#but that's what i love about it. espppp blending my pencils.#but going back i do not have that same level of interest (not even NEARLY) for anything that Isn't related to art#it's like. i really don't WANT to .... but senshi ...... makes me think about it.#senshi
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why does everyone hate vegetables so much. they genuinely taste good. i prefer them to so many other "good-tasting" foods. like genuinely. give me your vegetables i will eat them for you give them to me now. seriously where do they get their icky reputation from. why do children hate them. iām confused
#stria speaks#i was going to say this is because i'm indian and we have FANTASTIC vegetable dishes and then i realized. i like white-people salads too#ate a salad almost everyday for two weeks straight because of a program i was doing once#because i wanted to not because it was one of the only vegetarian options available#i also ate pasta. this is irrelevant i feel#it was genuinely good??? like i liked it??? it was yummy#i don't understand why people act like eating salads is a chore. i love salads#people were (light-heartedly) making fun of me for it like āoh are you on a diet? i could never. salad only for five days straight???ā#ig iām on a diet if you count being vegetarian as being on a diet#but iām not on a diet in the traditional sense#VEGETABLES STAY ON TOP#nobody understands the joy of eating a perfect combination of vegetables with different tastes . . . they all compliment each other so well#vegetables#vegetarian#vegetarian food#food
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ngl i want lxl to double down on the whole āweāre loversā thing that they have going on in meoto and continue acting as lovers in their future songs. theyāve given their fans enough love, now itās time for them to love each other on main!!! and hey, maybe theyāll finally be canonā
#i want them to act as lovers in a whole variety of settings though~~~~~~#iād love to see them pay homage to yujiroās kabuki background and portray the story of a kabuki play in a song maybe~?#the possibilities are endless with these two bc theyāre stupid dense lol#you could ask them to act as lovers and theyāll still walk away from the experience without realising their feelings for each other#though on the topic of songs im sure either white day kiss or last stage (or both) are the most likely songs to get mvs for the next 2 weeks#b u t i really reallyyyyyy want it to be meoto lmao#though ig at this point motto ichigo au lait is more likely to get an mv first than meoto (solely based off the songsā ages)#i hope we get a new mona mv soon though~~~~~~~~~~~~~#im sorry itās almost 5 in the am im running on low sleep and residual fumes of rage and thus my thoughts are a messsss#ęBODY ONCE TOLD MEā
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Iām really having trouble sympathizing with Zee at this point.
Yeah it wasnāt his idea to have Sprite take over for him while he was in the hospital but Sprite has already admitted that he likes First. It wouldnāt be a big jump to assume that First feels the same given the way heās attempting interact with Zee once he comes back. Yet Zee is being an even bigger asshole than usual to both of them.
Zee if youāre really unhappy with the situation, put being an asshole to at least somewhat of a good use and just tell First so he and Sprite can fix their shit without needing to drag you into the deal.
First liked Sprite enough to keep your secret and you are in the clear and off the hook.
#twins the series#zee tts#firstsprite#spritefirst#like yeah it would still be shitty for first to find out this way#but zee is just becoming more and more of asshole with each day#iām almost at the point where iām looking at zee every time heās on screen and going#you want me to feel back for this bitch? iām donāt#cap watches twins#cap speaks
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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#hey like. not to be really annoying i shouldn't be doing this aged 32 but i'm really struggling#every time the weather gets cold i feel like i am entering winter with more and more despair#i am really struggling this time#every day is a struggle to get through#i'm losing my hair#i'm losing my reasons to live#i keep putting on a full face of makeup and clothes in my room at like 2am just to desperately try to feel human#i keep saying i don't know if I'll survive the winter and people keep laughing but I don't mean it as a joke#i'm sadder than i've ever been and everything feels like it's falling apart#whenever i get the chance to confide this in people i get told that i'm strong and i'm a survivor#and that i should do some shit to make me happy#and yea i can stave it all off for a few minutes with like a trip out or some makeup or something but it all feels like bandaids#for a serious wound that's going to go septic soon#like this isn't a way to live a life#i don't want to 'be strong' or a 'survivor' anymore i want to be fucking happy#i'm tired and promises of brief happiness between ever worsening pain feel almost patronizing at this point#i woke up the other day in the middle of the night and as soon as conscious thoughts hit my brain i almost doubled over#if i had been not on the first floor i think i might have jumped then and there#i want to be loved and feel like my love is worth something#i want a clean apartment of my own and a career that doesn't feel like it's designed to kill me#i'm 32 and still essentially feel like i'm living my life like a teenager#i want sun and suncatchers and healthy plants and a wardrobe that fits my clothes#and i want the will to actually get up in the morning#i endured all of this for so long on a delusional belief that things were going to magically get better#but i realize now they won't#i became aware of the bounds of my cage with no means of escaping them#i'm sick of living each day oscillating between numbness and grief i can barely eat i can barely work i can barely laugh#and no one's coming to save me#i'm agonized by the idea that this is maybe what life always is for everybody#is this how it's supposed to be
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end upā#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so ššš every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast asā#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the animeā he seems quite a bit flatterā#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he'sā#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he'sā#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushiā#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Alsoā about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about itā I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a veryā#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after theā#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip theā#āNothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.ā line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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Crying because I feel like I might never feel happiness like this again instead of enjoying the moment is such a ridiculous thought process, I am aware, yet I cannot stop myself. Poisoning my own enjoyment is one of my top skills. š
#i canāt be the only person to relate to this#confusedfeelsfangirl rambles#this is about loving my friends so much and being scared theyāll leave me#but also about never finishing Hannibal NBC because I feared Iād never love a show as much as I loved it#as well as the full on interior breakdown I had in a bookshop two days ago when I realized Iāve read almost all of dungeon meshi#this is not new behavior but i feel more ridiculous each time it happens now#i feel like I shouldnāt let such small things overwhelm me
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