#fear of being hurt
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- Look at her arms, so wide open. How can she open herself up so easily?
- She wishes to receive love.
- Even at the risk of being hurt or taken advantage of?
- Even at the risk of it. Keeping her arms crossed may keep her protected, but it also keeps her wish from coming true.
- Is the risk inevitable?
- Apparently.
- So it’s about choosing between safety that brings loneliness, and risk that may bring the love one wants.
- It probably never stops feeling scary, though. With the right people, that fear could turn into love.
- What if they hurt me after I’ve opened up?
- You have every right to protect yourself and run away.
#dialogue#fear of being hurt#journal#love#trust#reflection#dialogue writing#writing#words on tumblr#thoughts#fear of death#creative writing#nature#nature photography#trees#open arms#branches
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i drew more of them. mold spores multiplying in my procreate files
#daan's waistcoat would have a pattern like that#imo#olivia deserves accessories#karin <3#abella is the goat for being recruitable day1#doodle#fanart#doodles#obsidian_portfolio#funger#fear and hunger#fear & hunger#f&h#fear and hunger termina#fnh termina#karin sauer#daan von dutch#olivia fear and hunger#idk her surname yet#levi fear and hunger#f&h abella#fear and hunger abella#meow meows#samarie fear and hunger#samarie#i have so much hurt/comfort brainrot for levi and samarie#lgbt artist#artists on tumblr#artist on tumblr#lgbt
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hey have you guys heard of that movie. yeah the obliterating masterpiece on trans identity
#i know i’m frequently dramatic but i’m being so serious when i say you have to see this movie. oh my god#as these reviews hopefully imply it will hurt. it is a viscerally hurtful movie#i’ve never been so desperate for a happy ending to a story. i wanted a happy ending for the protagonist so much it hurt#just a remarkable story about transness and identity and fear and longing and isolation#god i’m going insane#i saw the tv glow#jane schoenbrun#orating!
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Out of all of the people The Ghost King Phantom expected to relate to, it definitely wasn’t the scrawny red headed photographer of the Daily Planet. Jimmy Olsen has gotten so many temporary superpowers over his time being Superman’s friend. Hell, he once gained a 4th dimensional being’s reality warping abilities when he was given said dimensional being’s powers during a fight. Sure there’s a dozen or so heroes with the same amount of powers he has, but none as suddenly granted to them as a all powerful god that can relate to a teenager.
#bones speaks#hi this is bones in the future: below tags I do mean but I was Not Sober while writing them so they may have severe spelling errors#bones prompts#dpxdc#dp x dc#just google the amount of times Jimmy has had powers and what they are. I just read a comic#where the F PLOT of all things is Jimmy getting superpowers and causing havoc in Metropolis. that’s how frequent this is#the all powerful god powers was in a recent Batman/Superman Worlds Finest issue where he got Mxyzptlk’s powers#like guys. there are SO many heroes that have more powers than Danny in DC.#off the top of the dome I can only name a few (in my defense I am Not Sober so memory is Not Good:)#Raven. The Spectre. Superman. The Atom. Batman (temporary powers). Dr Fate. Martian Manhunter#and I could name more if my memory wasn’t shot rn#this is a mini rant in the tags but I’m so tired of the ‘Danny has so many superpowers it would stump DC’#it would for sure shock them. but they wouldn’t be surprised. why are they all so shocked from Danny’s arrival?#I’ve made many posts about how much more interesting Danny simply being in the JL like it’s just another Tuesday would be interesting#so many folks enjoy the discovery aspect of Danny and not the part where he’s alreaady a JL member and is#*isnt OP. it’s so much more interesting to write a character with flaws. make him regular powered and able to be struck down by a Big Bad#and not just his weaknesses. he’s been beaten to shit by ghosts before. the angst possibilities is crazy.#Billy Batson looking at a kid nearly his age get hurt more and more by Black Adam? Fear Gas setting him on a rampage in Gotham absolutely#destroying his perception of what being safe is anymore. Lex Luther finding his weakness and wrecking his shit#it could be SUCH an interesting direction to take dpxdc but no one does. when I write prompts with those ideas they make a fraction of the#notes of the prompts where I pander and have batfam in them. diversity of ideas in fandom is what makes us strong. keep the new and#unorthodox ideas flowing. it feels like you’re swimming upstream but it’s worth it to help a fandom grow
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the buddy-buddy act ends now
#ritsu: i am a horrible person and i hate you this is my evil arc#shigeo: *hugs his hurting little brother*#ritsu: *breaks into tears* not fair#GDHEHXGSGDH god God i love ritsu okay#i love the kageyama brothers they mean everything#and ritsu- loving ritsu has just been SO interesting and enlightening even these past months#I'm squatting in his brain#his tendency to catastrophize#his powerful sense of self-importance that coexists with brutal self criticism#his prickly aloof nature and enormous capacity for empathy that he consciously extends to very few#he's a judgy b-tch but only in his head#people adore him but he's not interested#he's Driven by fear and he's brave to the point of lunacy#the LEVELS of gaslighting he did on himself to convert that fear into adoration#protectiveness#anything#Anything else that makes sense#the way he snapped under the weight So Fast when presented with an out eager to test what kind of wicked creature he is under the layers of#paint and consolation prizes#his high morals that he's itching to see crumbled#his 'I've obtained loss' that speaks to me. his 'I just wanted to see what its like being a fool'#his 'i realised what i really wanted: to learn that devotion towards living a fun life and shedding sweat and tears and blood for it.'#g a h#kageyama ritsu#ritsu kageyama#mp100#mob psycho 100#mob psycho 100 fanart#kageyama brothers#this piece fought me every step of the way Jeeesussss but i love it. it was very experimental in the direction i want to keep exploring
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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ghost fucking soap so hard and so good he passes out but he utterly panics about it
he thinks he must’ve ignored soap asking to stop; was it pain that made him pass out? how bad could it have been to make him pass out when he’s been shot and kept going? should he bring him to medical? he’ll never touch him again, he’ll never so much as look at him again; he’ll ask for a transfer- fuck that, a dishonourable discharge. there’s no coming back from this
he spirals, guilt chasing hatred chasing despair chasing fear, until soap finally wakes back up
soap's still floating, loose-limbed and buzzing; fucked so thoroughly out of his head that it takes him a while to notice ghost isn't in bed with him anymore. he frowns, lifting a heavy head off the pillow and freezes. ghost's on the other side of the room, curled up tight in the corner as far away from soap as he could get without leaving him alone
(he would've left, would've made sure soap never had to see his face again and be reminded of what he did to him, of the monster he’d let into his bed- but he couldn't just leave him unconscious; what if he didn't wake up, he had to make sure he was safe first even if he'll rightfully hate him forever when he does wake up)
soap's voice when he calls out to him makes him flinch, his head burying deeper in his knees. cold worry chases the bliss from his blood and soap pushes himself up but his shaking arms can't hold his weight
the sound of him collapsing back onto the bed makes ghost rear up, his panic growing and soap's heart breaks at his red rimmed eyes
it takes a long time for soap to coax him back to the bed, countless loops of, "sweetheart, please, come here, what happened? it's okay, everything’s going to be okay.”
(and how ghost’s self-hatred grows hearing soap comforting him; hearing the concern and love in his voice when he doesn’t deserve a drop of it)
it takes even longer for ghost to believe soap when he says that he passed out because he felt so good; that he never asked ghost to stop, never wanted him to stop. that he trusts him more than anything and knows he'd rather die than ever hurt him, especially like that
“you’re not a monster, love,” he promises, soft with conviction and it’s as much a surrender as a relief when he collapses into his lap and lets him hold him close
ghost believes johnny but he still can't bring himself to be intimate with him for a while; that fear still haunting him, but soap doesn't hold it against him, doesn't complain about ghost's perceived "step back" in their relationship
hell, ghost seems to hate it more than he does; he misses being with soap, misses the connection, the closeness they shared, the safety and quiet he found in his embrace, but he's always trusted soap more than he trusts himself
soap doesn't let him be consumed by his fear or worse, sabotage them and turn it into a punishment; doesn't let him even get through the suggestion of switching because he knows how much he hates it and he won’t let him twist something as good and pure as their physical love into something self-harming
instead, he brings them back to the basics, working through the steps to get ghost comfortable with intimacy again, to get him to trust himself again; spends happy months just grinding and exchanging handjobs like when their relationship first started
and it's a happy day for them both when soap finally falls apart on his cock once again, anxiety the farthest thing from ghost's mind when his arms are wrapped so tightly around him, kissing a smile against his lips
#i dont want to know what it says about me but i love traumatic misunderstandings?#thing like thinking the other is sh’ing or has an ed or in this case pushed the other beyond their limits#i think its the knowledge that its not true and the love or trust of the souple will win out above the guilt or fear#even less severe ones like thinking the other is mentally ill when they actually time traveled or can see ghosts or whatever#i just really like misunderstandings that have actual weight to them#tw for ghosts comic backstory#but ghost surviving roba and the hell he put him through only to be terrified of being like him? oh that shit Hits#like ghost knows hes fucked up he knows he has trauma and he knows he likes killing people a little too much#but him being scared of that twisting into him becoming like the people that hurt him? very interesting very painful#and him ever thinking that he did that to /johnny/? it would destroy him#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#we’re a team. ghost team#save post#ghoap#call of duty#cod#cod mw2#cod mwii
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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Fear
#pmd eos#pmd art tag#pmd Dusknoir#Riolu/Aimilios#dadnoir#<<(until it goes downhill)#hero/partner being afraid to physically be close to Dusknoir is a fun hc#in this case Aimilios. he wants to trust Dusknoir again so so badly.#but he can’t help but flinch. but feel terrified.#and Dusknoir knows this. it makes perfect sense for Aimilios to fear him.#still. it hurts. so much.#sorry for the rant in the tags I just love thinking abt the conflicting dynamic between these two.#after everything Aimilios still wants to be close with Dusknoir.#they both want to be close again.#but it’s going to take so much time. to get to that point again.
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I will never be over how good Leo and Hueso’s dynamic is and how both of them get so much out of having the other in their lives.
In Leo’s case, he gains that older male figure in his life that he is willing to trust and lower his walls for. He gains a confidant where he has none elsewhere, too busy keeping up his many masks with his family to ever consider showing them his true thoughts. He gains an authority figure who is willing to hear him out, no matter how reluctant said figure initially appears.
In Hueso’s case, Leo’s direct involvement in the skeleton’s life has undoubtedly benefited Hueso so unbelievably well. For one, it’s Leo’s choice to ask Hueso for help finding his brothers that ultimately leads to the clearing of Hueso’s Hidden City ban. Then, it’s Leo and Mikey that Hueso brings on to help him with two mob bosses, ending with the bosses no longer being a problem for Hueso. And of course, through Leo’s decision to come to Hueso for advice and later the slider’s insistence that Hueso try to make up with his brother, Hueso’s estranged relationship with Piel is finally mended.
Sure, Leo causes no small amount of strife and damages to Hueso’s business and person, and Hueso is often annoyed by and speaks callously to Leo, but there’s a reason Leo feels comfortable enough to continue going to Hueso, and there’s a reason Hueso ultimately always hears Leo out.
They really do end up feeling like a nephew and uncle, don’t they?
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt hueso#GOD I LOVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH#LEO AND HIS TIO#No but like I said Hueso’s biggest problems in life are all solved largely in part due to Leo#and Leo - someone who notoriously keeps his feelings and fears under lock and key - is comfortable going to Hueso when he needs HELP#Hueso is understandably often annoyed by Leo’s antics but man just try and hurt Pepino in front of him after all this#Leo constantly looking for a father figure and accidentally finds an uncle#*shakes Nickelodeon* PLEASE I NEED MORE OF THEM#PLEASE LET LEO BABYSIT HUESO JR IT WOULD BE SO GOOD#yes I wrote this because my previous post ended up being a fic with them as a loose focus lol
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
#Seeing their posts absolutely shattered me#I may never be able to relate to how he’s going through rn but at least I can relate to the fear of living in absolute fear#the fear of unable to be yourself in your own home with creative and personal freedom#The fear of being terrified that the thing that gives you the most innocent happiness will be heavily demonized and threatened#The fear of getting caught doing something you love and being yourself with your found identity#The fear of destruction#I relate heavily to this and to feel you are going to be caught doing anything that isn’t a crime hurts#I wish him safety and love during these stressful days#He’s brought so much joy to my life that I must keep private irl too#Whatever he decides for the fandom I will fully support it#I will still continue posting of course unless he wishes otherwise#If he sees this (which I doubt) hey other clown lmao- you are loved and not alone#It may be scary but you are not alone- you will never be alone#There will always be people out there who love you and there will always be those who are not even worth giving time of day#The internet is both a blessing and a cruel cruel unforgiving place#I hope it doesn’t deter you from doing what you love and hold dear#I hope you have anyone you can be with online or in irl that can give you the comfort you need#You deserve peace and security#Do what you feel is best#Welcome home
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*Counting brazenly* I see... hm.... one..two..three.. four... Nightmare do you have 4 pairs of wings? :3
"...Do not breathe a word of this to anyone." Nightmare refuses to humour this conversation. Leave and be silent, or face the consequences of your nosiness.
while they are no longer seen, as he hides them at all cost, Nightmare still has the wings he was born with. long-since wilted and atrophied, they sit under his new wings as a reminder of his past failures. he binds them and wears a cloak at all times to ensure there is no way they can be seen.
it has been something like a millennia since his original wings were last seen in their full splendour, and few fae remain that remember that he had different wings at all. during the war most fae assumed he hid them as a symbol; that he was no longer a Seasonal prince but the Winter King and that they were in a new era. only one other understood the true reason-- that he was ashamed.
when the war was winding down and there were whispers of a truce on the horizon, few were surprised when the Winter King began to appear with beautiful green wings tucked humbly under his cloak. but two other fae knew the truth. Dream, who could never forget what happened to his twin, and a simple fae who had made a deal with the King himself, so that they might live in the human realm without their cumbersome wings.
#faeu asks#faeu lore#faeu nightmare#mod owl#dream mentions wing posture in another ask-- that holding them up is proper and that /some/ of them should remember that#it's hard to break the habit when you've spent the last +1000 years keeping your wings lowered for fear of them being seen#and it can be hard to let people get close to you for fear of them seeing the blatant evidence of your weakness and mistakes#as much as he craves closeness and trust... he won't let himself be manipulated or hurt again.
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The way people are complaining that jinx isn’t the same character this season because she’s “sane” (aka not actively having an episode of psychosis, even though she literally did experience a hallucination when seeing vi with the enforcers), is strange.
also I find it strange that people talk about jinx and powder as if they’re separate people. they aren’t. jinx is powder, grown up and traumatized and mentally ill. like i completely understand that jinx likely struggles to realize this, because extremes are often the stable of bpd and she shows all the signs, and well—a personality disorder is a personality disorder.
but no jinx did not kill powder and taint her memory. powder is not gone. jinx can not exist without powder, and vice versa—because they are eachother. that’s what vi needs to realize and accept as well—her sister is not gone.
her sister just grew up and changed and is traumatized and mentally ill. it’s impossible for jinx to kill powder, or for powder to “come back,” the exact same she was. vi could never have powder back because the powder vi remembers was a scared, helpless little girl who depended on her for almost everything. powder was never going to remain that way forever—not if she wanted to survive.
powder has grown up and changed without her. that was always going to happen, it happens to everyone. if nothing happened as it did, their family was still alive, vi was never thrown in jail and powder never taken in by silco; powder still would’ve changed, somehow, someway. She’d likely still just be going by powder rather than jinx.
#houndshowlings#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#psychosis is not a constant thing.#the reason she’s different from how she was in s1#is because we literally meet jinx when she’s in the throes of and being reminded of her trauma.#s1 one was basically just a giant snowballing episode for jinx.#of psychosis and trauma and confusion and fear.#especially once she was injected with shimmer and hallucinated that vi and cait were hurting her.#only to be faced with the possibility of abandonment and betrayal from silco.#something she very clearly subconsciously feared for awhile.#that silco would abandon her.#people are leaning way too far into the idea that jinx is the evil insane side#and powder the innocent good side#it’s what leads some people to believe that jinx genuinely hates violet and doesn’t have any love for her.#when in fact if that were the case#vi’s choice to become an enforcer wouldn’t have triggered a full on sobbing breakdown from jinx.#it’s clearly a huge betrayal to jinx that vi did that and hunted her down to their childhood spot & took claggors goggles.#that wouldn’t have effected jinx if she and powder were truly different.#not to mention#when vi the enforcer picked up claggors goggles was when jinx pointed the gun at her.#suggesting that jinx still feels highly protective of her brother and his things.#or at least things that remind her of him.#arcane season 2#arcane#arcane powder#arcane jinx#arcane vi#arcane violet#arcane claggor
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the pressure fandom right now
#pressure#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#pressure game#pressure sebastian#sebastian pressure#sebastian solace#sebastian roblox#Like bro I have never felt this much “pressure”🤪 with fandom drama before like#like holy hell#I just feel mixed feelings about this entire situation#Like one second I see someone talking shit about the dev team and the fandom while trying to Spread a false Narrative#About zerum and then I see someone defending the dev team and the fandom#Or seeing people deconstruct this entire Situation and just boil it done to people being childish about someone else's character and#Boundaries or I'm seeing horror stories about zerum and zeal and other dev members getting doxxed and harassed#And then I'm seeing people getting pissy about the whole thing because of shipping drama or I'm seeing people calling zeal out for#ableism or something else entirely#Like I get where people are coming from with this#This isn't the only time people got mad at a character for put boundaries on their character#And I know it would be the last time unfortunately#I'm not trying to defend zeal or zerum nor am I trying to get people to hurt them#I just feel awful about this whole thing and it's just a reminder to stick to smaller fandoms where people are less vocal ig#ok i'm done yapping#Selfshippers live your best life#And I hope the rest of the dev team recovers from this and try to learn how to be more Professional#Once again#I'm not trying to defend anyone I'm just confused and scared of this whole thing#I just wanted to make silly crossover art with sebastian and not have the fear of someone coming into my inbox or dms with my full name#For once :(#thank you for coming to my semi vent ted talk about the current pressure fandom issue
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Christmas Celebration
So. When I started typing this. The poll had said that Fluff was wanted with a small lead. The whole time while typing it it was even (seriously how did you do that?!) and as soon as i finish suddenly Lore won?
No. You guys are getting fluff now >:D
First Drabble (original prompt by @spotaus ) Prev Drabble Next Drabble
(also for those curious this ended up being 3700 words so strap in and get ready)
*----------------------*
Nightmare wakes up early. Very early.
He isn’t that surprised. Not really. How can he really be?
Nightmare takes a moment to check how he is captured this time. Seems like Killer is completely wrapped around him and Horror holding both him and Killer. Dust and Cross are on his other side.
Mmmh… A bit more complex.
Probably his own fault for sneaking out of bed and the nest as often as he does. Still. He isn’t about to be discouraged about it.
Some wiggling and scooting and a lot of patience later and he is next to the bed.
Hah. Nightmare pats himself down before walking towards the chair holding their clothes.
It is still a bit weird but also nice to be spending a few nights at Crop’s and Straw’s. The two brothers had invited all of them to spend Christmas with them. Christmas here being all about family and spending time with them.
Horror had obviously wanted to go but he hadn’t immediately said yes. Said they would talk about it first. Which Nightmare gets. Dust still has issues with seeing anyone who resembles his own brother.
But as soon as Horror had told them about the invite Dust must have also seen how badly Horror wanted to spend more time with his best friend. Meaning he had said it would only be fair to say yes and spend time with them.
Killer had quickly agreed and Cross had seemed curious about the whole holiday as well.
Which leads them to here.
Nightmare finishes putting on his extra socks and his bat hoody. He puts on a beanie over his skull. He still is sensitive to the cold and he had to promise all of them that he would make sure he was dressed warm if he exited to nest.
Now fully dressed he slowly sneaks downstairs. It is still dark out but he doesn’t mind too much. A glance at the clock confirms it is nearing the normal time that Horror and Cross get up. Thought with the longer nights and the cold neither are as quick to wake up unless they turn on their own alarms.
Nightmare gets downstairs and spots Straw and Crop both getting ready to go outside. Nightmare takes a seat on the stairs and tilts his skull at them “Where are you going?”
Both of them jump and turn quickly. Straw sighs but grins “Wowie. You are a very sneaky babybones.”
Nightmare shrugs as he waits for his answer.
Crop chuckles “We are going to check the animals. Make sure they made it through the night and got enough things to drink and eat for the day.” He looks considerate at Straw and Straw nods with a large grin and a begging look.
Crop laughs but looks at Nightmare “Want to come along? Or do you think your dads will kill me if you come with?”
Embarrassed and Nightmare shrugs “I mean… if we leave a note I think they will not panic?” he isn’t sure what to even call them at this point. Not after everything. He tries not to think about it too much.
Straw looks so excited “Do you want to come? You can pet Betty again. And maybe pet some of the chickens?” as Straw speaks Crop is looking through the jackets and snowboots to find Nightmare’s set.
Nightmare ends up nodding and walking over. Straw quickly goes to grab some paper and a pen to leave the note as Crop hands over the outdoor wear. He dresses himself and waves off the help offered by Crop. It is just… he is fine dressing himself… mostly… He just lets the gang do it and help him because it makes it faster and they are.. well them!
Tying his shoes takes longer but works alright in the end. Even if the loops are a little… loose looking and not as tied when Cross does it for him.
Even so he pulls his hood up tightly over his beanie covered skull and gets ready for the cold.
Crop opens the door and Nightmare shivers a bit as the cold air penetrates through his jacket a bit. Not as bad as before but that is because of all the extra layers he is wearing.
Straw suddenly looks a bit unsure “You okay? Maybe this isn’t a good idea after all…” he shoots Crop a nervous look.
Crop looks at him “You still want to come?”
Nightmare huffs and nods trying to appear certain and determined. It is only after Crop starts to smile and Straw coos slightly that Nightmare remembers he is still wearing his frog beanie and his bat hoody. Sure there is a jacket over that but it is still not the most serious look.
He carefully walks through the snow and pauses to test a few steps. His spine had been starting to feel a bit better but he best not irate it by falling over and hurting himself.
It is a slow journey but they get to the chicken coop and Crop unlocks the little latch to let them into the area. Straw quickly grabs the stored food and easily jumps over the little fence to join their side.
Crop grins and opens the coop and must see the confusion on Nightmare’s face. Crop chuckles “They aren’t the biggest fans of the cold.”
Nightmare huffs and nods in slight agreement. He gets that. He isn’t either.
Crop chuckles but continues “But. It is good for them to get some fresh air and move around a bit. It is why I like opening the hatch at least for the morning feeding.”
Straw joins his side by crouching down and opening the bag with seeds and some wheats “We can throw this out a bit for them. Encourage them to come outside before filling up the reserves inside the coop.” Straw grabs a hand and shows how he spreads it around.
Nightmare looks at his own mitten covered hand but grabs a tiny hand before spreading it out around the coop.
Some soft clucks and some chickens slowly waddle out. Looking very suspicious of the snow but clearly wanting the food. They slowly get nearer.
Straw grins and holds some food out for the chickens in his hands. Letting the chickens get closer and once they are close slowly letting it fall to the ground. The chicken starts to eat and Straw pets it. Straw grins at him “See? Easy does it. The girls are all very nice!”
Nightmare frowns but slowly grabs a small hand himself as he holds it out. One of the birds looks at the food he is offering and slowly walks over. Giving soft clucks along the way. Nightmare drops the food when she is close. The chicken pauses before starting to peck away at it. Nightmare inches a few tiny steps closer and pets the chicken. He obviously can’t feel the feathers through his gloves but the idea is nice.
Huh. He… just realised this is actually the first time he is near the animals on his own two legs. The first time he stayed here he remained inside the whole time. His back still too weak to even sit alone for a long time much less stand on his own. The only times he was near any of the animals it was when Dust held him and only near Betty once or twice.
So much had changed.
Crop pops out of the coop and dusts himself off “That is their feeds being filled again. Lets go to Betty next.”
Nightmare frowns as he looks at the coop “Don’t they need to be inside first?”
Straw nods “When we lock it certainly! But they need a moment for themselves outside and will soon realise there is also food inside. Then they will go back in themselves!”
Crop nods and gently nudges some of the chickens away from the fence as he unlocks the hatch again “Ready for the barn?”
Nightmare nods and walks towards the small gate after making sure his gloves are empty of any chicken food.
They leave the little chicken area and move towards the barn.
The inside of the barn is warmer and Nightmare watches as both Crop and Straw remove their scarfs and their gloves. Nightmare keeps his on, thank you very much, it is still cold even if it is a bit less cold.
Crop leads the way and they find the cow relaxing in one of the pen things inside the barn.
Crop pets the cow “Hey there girl. How are you today?” Betty moos and pushes into the affection.
Nightmare is a bit unsure… the cow looks so much… bigger now… He kinda gets why Cross is afraid of them now… it is big and strong and can probably easily break one of his bones… probably more bones at once… he isn’t the strongest of sturdiest anymore and-
“You remember Nightmare right?” Crop sounds gentle as he speaks to Betty. The cow flaps one of her ears and looks around a bit. Spotting Nightmare hiding partly behind the wooden wall of the pen. Oh no.
Crop looks over and smiles “Ready to pet her again?”
Nightmare feels a bit more unsure and shrugs “I dunno…” how to get out of this?
Straw gives him a gentle nudge forwards “It will be nice!”
Nightmare isn’t so sure but slowly walks closer. Animals either love or hate him. There is no in between… Sure Betty seemed okay before but that was with Dust near and Dust you don’t mess with.
Still he slowly gets closer and reaches an arm and hand out. it shakes slightly.
Crop speaks softly “Hey… no need to be nervous… she is very nice and gentle and there is no real wrong way of petting her.”
Hah! Sure. Nervous!
His mitten covered hand reaches the cow’s head and he slowly gives it a pet. One. Two. Three. He pulls his hand back and takes a few steps back. There. He did it. Full marks.
Crop frowns at him while straw grins “see? All good! And look! She still remembers you and liked your petting!” he nudges him again.
Crop gives his brother a smile “I think that is enough. I think I best get him back inside before the wind picks up or it starts snowing. You mind finishing up?”
Straw frowns but looks outside at the dark clouds in the sky “That is for the best. Snow is probably about to happen very soon.”
Crop thanks his brother and he and Nightmare start to leave the barn. Crop frowns at him “Why didn’t you say you didn’t want to pet her?”
Damnit. Not the best at acting still. Nightmare shrugs “it wasn’t big of a deal…” it is more of a mumble than anything. How does he explain that at first he had liked the idea but then seeing the cow from ground level and having to look up at it made him nervous?
They exit the barn and are two steps further when they hear the shout “Nightmare!”.
Crop and him look up to see Cross sprinting at them. He gets to their side and picks Nightmare up as he shoots the barn a nervous look before focussing on him “Are you okay? cold? Hurt? sore? Tired?” he checks his temperature and relaxes “you good… you are fine…”.
Crop smiles as he crosses his arms “We know what to watch out for.”
Cross looks away embarrassed but doesn’t let Nightmare go out of his hug “I know! I mean we know that. It is just… I woke up and well… he wasn’t there… and I saw the note and I just…” he keeps holding him close.
Crop nods “Fair enough. We were just on our way back. But if you could take him back I can stop by the chickens to check if they are in the coop again.”
Cross is already a few steps towards the house before Crop finishes speaking “Yes. I got Nightmare you good luck with your chores!” and he quickly goes back to the house.
Nightmare frowns up at Cross. Weird… Cross normally didn’t even want to walk into the direction of the barn as he knew Betty was there… yet he came running for him…
Nightmare feels warm and safe and confused as he just leans more into Cross’s hold. Sure he knew they were safe but… this is different… it feels more. He only really started to notice it lately just how… how at home it feels. To be with them. Near them.
They get back inside and Nightmare spots Horror immediately. Horror frowns at them and Cross looks away shyly “I euh… got him already and-”
Horror just shakes his skull and looks pointedly at Cross “The note said both Crop and Straw were with him.” he gives him a long look “No reason to run out without a jacket.”
Nightmare blinks and turns only to now notice that Cross isn’t wearing anything over his pjs. Nightmare blinks and looks disapproving at Cross “You could get sick.”
Cross looks slightly panicked between them “I just! I panicked!” and Nightmare feels Cross pull him even closer.
Horror sighs but looks unsurprised. He takes a few steps over and Nightmare feels Horror take him from Cross. Horror easily holds him with one arm before pushing Cross towards the bathroom “Go warm up. I will get you clothes after I got Nightmare out of his outdoor clothes.”
Cross looks ready to object but after taking a look to at Horror and him he relaxes and easily agrees. He disappears into the bathroom.
Nightmare frowns as Horror and him sit down and Horror helps him easily out of his jacket and snowboots. Nightmare looks at the bathroom door before looking back at Horror “Why did he run out? Was the note not okay?” he thought with a note it would be fine. A note was normally all any of the guys needed to leave for each other.
Horror snorts a she shakes his skull “The note was very clear. I think it was just the fact it wasn’t any of us with you that made him nervous.” Horror makes sure his beanie is on right before putting the stuff for outside back by the front door “which is something Cross himself has to work on. Trusting others outside of our tight circle.”
Nightmare nods. It isn’t that surprising. After all the betrayal Cross has had to deal with.
Horror does shoot Nightmare a knowing look “But I think it was very brave of him. He ran towards the barn right?” Nightmare nods and Horror grins “very brave seeing as he considers that Betty’s territory.”
Nightmare feels that same warm and safe feeling again as he crosses his arms. Almost as if he is trying to hide the feeling as he mutters “I thought the same…”
Horror rubs his skull and Nightmare feels himself relax “Don’t worry about it okay? he is fine.” Then more thoughtful “Well… unless I get him clean clothes. Give me a moment.” And he disappears upstairs.
Nightmare still feels warm and cozy and safe and… well…
Loved.
--
Nightmare sits on the counter as he watches Horror, Straw and Crop work on dinner together. It is a whole thing and they had been at work since just after lunch. Straw is working on this giant turkey while Crop works on the side dishes. Horror is in charge of the desert and Nightmare just watches them work together.
It is nice. Even if he isn’t allowed to help.
Cross, Killer and Dust are moving stuff around in the living room. Setting up the table and games or something.
Straw checks the turkey again before nodding and moving towards the counter to work on this mutter mixture he had been dripping over the bird every so often “I still can’t believe none of you have ever celebrated Christmas!”
Yeah that is another thing that Nightmare just doesn’t know what it is exactly.
Horror snorts as he works on the frosting “Told you. Most of us only celebrated Gyftmas underground. And that was all about presents more than anything.”
Nightmare swings his legs as he gives his own answer “My universe just… didn’t have it.” hard to have winter holiday without winter “just had harvest celebrations and stuff like that.” And the only one who ever got gifts was Dream anyway. So a party? To focus on celebrating family? It sounds real nice.
Straw looks deeply troubled by this “A child never having had the chance to experience the joy of Christmas? Ah. The multiverse is a rough and cruel place and fate is beyond unfair.”
Horror snorts and nods “Very true.”
Crop frowns “We aren’t big on presents with Christmas in this universe… if we had known…”
Horror shakes his skull “No worries. None of us celebrated it in a long time and it has… rough memories for all of us. This is nice. A new tradition.” Horror looks at what he made and holds a tiny spoon up to Nightmare “What do you think? Tasty enough?”
Nightmare gives Horror an unimpressed look “Everything you make is tasty.” But he isn’t going to pass up a chance for an early taste and happily tastes it. As expected. Delicious. He hums happily and nods “Very tasty.”
Horror chuckles and puts the frosting in the fridge before moving on to the next part of the cake.
Nightmare is eventually removed from the kitchen to wait with the others in the warm fireplace lit living room. Something about making sure he is safe as the kitchen is about to be hectic. Which is just nice words for him having to stay out of the way.
Killer pokes his cheek and grins “such a grumpy baby.”
Nightmare pouts and crosses his arms “I could have helped…” somehow…
Killer grins “Of course. Just not in the chaos and hectic energy of preparing a bit feast. The timing is everything and can get stressful.”
Nightmare gets it but still…
Killer grins “If it makes you feel any better. Us three were banned from the very beginning. You were at least allowed to stay in the kitchen with them for most of the prep.”
Cross looks insulted but Dust just shakes his skull at him.
Killer grins “What? We all know it is the truth.” And he winks at Nightmare.
Huh… that does make him feel a bit better.
A bit later the three cooks bring out the food and they sit at the table.
You would think that seven at the table would get complex but they manage. Nightmare is pretty sure they made the seating arrangement with Dust’s situation in mind.
Seeing as Horror is sitting between Dust and Straw. Making it almost impossible for Dust to see the other Papyrus. And with Straw speaking in another accent the voice is not familiar enough to trigger him.
Killer sits at the table head, next to Dust. And Nightmare sits on his other side with Cross on his own other side. Crop sits across from his brother next to Cross. The other head end of the table is against the wall.
It is nice. Straw proudly cuts his turkey as Horror easily moves the dishes around the table to whoever has an interest.
It is all delicious and smells so nice. Everyone is relaxed and laughing and just enjoying themselves.
Everyone it so happy.
After the main course Cross helps with putting the food away as Horror puts the last few finishing touches to his cake which he brings out. It is vanilla with delicious banana frosting with tiny chocolates. It is so good and everyone agrees.
Nightmare is honestly feeling sleepy already by the time it is time to play some games and relax by the fireplace. Nightmare is on the same team as Dust and leans heavily against him as they start a game of catan.
Nightmare feels himself fall asleep before everyone even had their first turn.
He just hears them talk as he dozes against Dust’s side. He feels himself be moved and he makes sure to make his displeasure known. Dust just mumbles a soft reassurance to him that he can stay asleep. He leans against the other and hears Dust’s soulbeat against the side of his skull.
It is calm and soft and Nightmare feels his whole being relax more and more. His own soul slowing and calming down as well.
The feeling is familiar at this point. He gets it a lot when he is being held by any of them. But it is so much clearer and so much stronger when he feels sleepy.
Like another hug. Relaxing him more and more and pulling him towards sleep.
He isn’t sure how long he stays just like that. In Dust’s lap and arms. Happily half asleep as he listens to the others. Sometimes sleeping fully for short periods of time.
Nightmare is pulled from his sleep as Dust gets up. He blinks open his sockets and looks around confused, why are they moving?
Dust nuzzles his skull and mutters softly against his skull “we are just going to bed.”
Nightmare hums and pushes closer to Dust again. Following the soft reassurance send to him form the adult soul so close. Calling out to his very being that it is okay to sleep and rest.
He notices that someone is helping him into his pjs and helps him brush his teeth. Nightmare can still hear movement downstairs as the others no doubt clean up everything.
Nightmare is laid down in bed and he immediately pushes his skull deeper into the pillow.
A soft chuckle “Comfy tiny boss?”
Oh. Killer is with him now?
Nightmare just hums. A weight joins him and a blanket is pulled over him. Two arms pull him close and another adult soul is near. Different then Dust’s. Much louder. So it really is Killer. The message remains the same though. It is safe. I got you. You can rest.
Just… He knows that is the message.
Killer hums and whispers to him “That is it baby. Just sleep.”
Nightmare pushes closer to the other and willingly succumbs to sleep. *----------------------*
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#utmv#realageau#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#dust sans#killer sans#cross sans#horror sans#farm sans#farm papyrus#The fluff drabble!! :D It is here! Sweet isn't it :3#Can we all be very proud of cross who went straight towards the source of his phobia to help protect the baby?#because he was afraid the cow might hurt the baby?#Like. can we all be proud of cross for that?#Horror already is proud of him but i need all of us to be proud of him too#phobias are terrible things to have to deal with and sure cows may seem silly but fear isn't about being rational#did i want to say something else?#Not really.#Just going to fix my links and work on that sweet sweet sweet lore. don't mind me.
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