#ritsu: *breaks into tears* not fair

[hivemindscape]

the buddy-buddy act ends now

[tokusaatsus]

HI SUNNY if you ever get tired of my neverending requests lmk... i have too many ideas saved up

anyways what about... confession hcs 🥺 + nazuna + tsukasa ,, ue (you can add other characters if you want to, i know you love chiaki)

☆—NARUKAMI ARASHI

Who confesses first: you, obviously!

How: while on a ‘friendship’ date.

Friendship dates are like a running joke between you two, kind of? Mostly it’s just a fun way for you to relax and unwind, to take a break from the stressful rush of idol life and be yourselves without the heavy expectation of your idol personalities hanging over your head.

Sometimes you’ll invite some friends to tag along, like Mika or Ritsu. Usually though, it’s just you and Arashi.

Normally you would go to a cozy café? But since this is a special occasion, you want to be prepared.

Most likely, you would probably take her to a fancy-ish restaurant (you want it to be as date-like as possible but also not too fancy since you don’t want to overwhelm her! Plus, this was supposed to be a way for you two to unwind in the first place, you don’t want to cause her any undue stress.) and treat her like a proper lady. Pull out a chair for her, compliment her, pay for her food, the works. 

At the end, you tell her you have something to say. She’s waiting, looking all concerned and gorgeous.

Ooh boy. Deep breath.

You totally got this!

“Ara-chan, I’m in love with you.”

Obviously, she’s very happy when she hears this! All smiles, so excited!

She’s kind of a little insecure that she’s maybe ‘too much’ at times? And it can be off putting to some people?

So when you told her you had something important to say, and you looked so nervous and scared she was kind of worried that it was gonna be something bad?

Like, maybe you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore…

Which would be awful, sure, but she’d understand! Really! She wouldn’t even fault you for it, since she definitely understands growing out of friendships.

But of course, you have to surpass all her expectations. Not even in her wildest fantasies did she imagine something like this.

You, the most gorgeous person she’s ever seen and the love of her goddamn life, telling her that you basically want to spend all of your time with her forever and ever.

Doing things like holding hands and cuddling and kissing? Romantically?

She’s over the fucking moon.

“Aw, honey, I love you too!”

☆—NAZUNA NITO

Who confesses first: neither of you!

How: one of the baby rabbits (most probably Mitsuru) lets slip about his big fat giant crush on you.

You’re assisting Ra*bits with designing stuff for their lives, since they need an outsider opinion and they trust you.

Honestly, you’re just happy to help out. You enjoy spending time with all of them, but especially Nazuna.

(And no, this is not because of your big fat crush on him, it’s just because he’s so sweet and kind you can’t help but enjoy talking to him.)

Mitsuru’s complaining, though good-naturedly, because you vetoed his idea of wearing car-themed outfits for their next Live and Nazuna agreed with you wholeheartedly.

“That’s not fair, nii-chan has to take your side because he’s in love with you!”

I’m sorry, what?

Fucking. What.

You…have no idea how to respond. Because? You were not expecting this?

Nazuna’s frozen in place. Just…

Staring. At you.

Error 404. Nazuna.exe has stopped working.

And you’re a little worried, to be honest.

Nazuna looks like he’s on the verge of either tears or a mental breakdown and honestly you would not even blame him. His face is flushed and blotchy red.

You ask him if he’s okay. He says nothing, which, yeah. Stupid question. Being outed to the person you potentially are in love with is…an awkward situation, to say the least.

You don’t want to stress him out more, but you kind of want to know because if it’s a joke, playing with both of your feelings like this is. So not okay.

You ask him if what Mitsuru says was true.

He looks at you nervously–because if you don’t return his feelings that’s fine but if this messes up your friendship beyond repair he has no idea what he would do–and asks what you would do if he said yes.

You just giggle, relieved. It seems too good to be true, but you know Nazuna is nothing if not honest, especially with his feelings.

He looks a little apprehensive at first, but your next words seem to assuage whatever fears are plaguing him:

“That’s great because I love you too, silly!”

☆—SAKUMA RITSU

Who confesses first: Ritsu! Kind of…

How: before he falls asleep.

You and Ritsu are relaxing in the garden. His head is on your lap and you're casually playing with his hair as you scroll through Whole Hands.

You're smiling at the barrage of online game notifications Sazanami-senpai and Makoto-kun have sent you when Ritsu tugs on your sleeve to get your attention.

You ignore him, because he can get a bit possessive at times. It’s not even a romantic thing, he just has a tendency to gatekeep the things–and people!–he cares about. It’s cute, but it can also be pretty annoying, especially when you want to spend time with other people who aren’t Ritsu, so you’ve had to get proficient in the art of ignoring him lest you fall prey to his whims.

He doesn’t give up, though.

He keeps whining and pouting, and it’s really adorable. He’s like a little grumpy, needy kitten, but you must stay focused!

Finally, he seems to come to some sort of solution because he snuggles closer into your stomach and smiles deviously at you.

“Hey~ I’m in love with you.”

You don’t register it at first–you’re distracted by the adorable pictures of Daikichi Akehoshi’s spamming in the StarPro groupchat to the despair of both Isara and Midori-kun–but when you do, you’re flabbergasted.

Your screen tumbles from your hands and you’re left gaping unattractively at the boy curled in your lap.

What the everloving fuck?!

You try to shake him awake, because? Confirmation would be appreciated. Did you hear that right? Did he, Sakuma Ritsu of Knights, actually tell you he’s in love with you!?

It seems he’s taking revenge on you for your previous transgressions, because he doesn’t stir, not even when you shake him vigorously.

Ritsu, whyyyy?

But you huff a laugh in the end, because you guess he wouldn’t be your Ritsu if he wasn’t so difficult.

“I’m in love with you too, I guess…”

You don’t notice but he’s wearing a pleased smile after he wakes up, and it stays on his face for a while.

You definitely notice when he plants a kiss on your lips as you drop him off at his dorm. And for the second time that day, you’re left a flustered mess, all because of one stupidly annoying (yet endearing) vampire.

☆—SUOU TSUKASA

Who confesses first: Tsukasa!

How: after a live!

It’s another successful Live, and Tsukasa…he’s just so exhilarated. Like, he’s riding the high of the adrenaline rush and his heart is beating so fucking fast.

And when you come up to him to greet him backstage, you’re all like, you were incredible up there Suou-kun! You looked so cool on the stage, I had so much fun watching you!

And he’s used to compliments from people, of course he is. He’s the leader of Knights, one of the big three of Yumenosaki Academy. This is par for the course for him.

But there’s something different about the way you look at him, eyes sparkling so brightly. His heart begins to race and it’s got nothing to do with the Live.

You’re rambling on about something or the other but he can’t think of anything except how gorgeous you look right now.

And before he knows it, his mouth is opening, seemingly of its own accord.

“You’re beautiful…may I kiss you?”

Cue Leo and Arashi in the background going, “Oooooooooh~”

You’re gaping. Face flushed, arms hanging limp, you’re just. Shocked.

Tsukasa’s blushing too, but he’s still going strong. Hand outstretched, he waits patiently for your brain to reboot.

Of course, you say yes, because who wouldn’t?!

It’s a chaste little peck, just a slight brushing of lips, but when you pull back his face is redder than his hair.

You giggle and ask him if that kiss was enough for him. He flushes even more and begins stammering. 

It’s adorable. Obviously, he wants to kiss you more (and you want to kiss him more as well!) but he’s a little too awkward to tell you that, so you decide to take the lead.

“Well, that’s not enough for me. I think we should definitely kiss more!”

He nods rapidly, eyes wide. He’s going to die. Cause of death: overloaded by your absolute fucking adorableness. RIP Suou Tsukasa, you will be missed. We’ll get Leo to write your eulogy.

Only Sena’s timely intervention prevents him from fainting right there and then.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Tsukasa~kun!”

Trips over his own feet when he hears you say his name.

Oh my fucking god.

Leo’s just fucking cackling at this point, while Arashi’s like, wow Tsukasa-chan is such a charmer~! 

Poor baby.

He still gets to kiss you lots later, though, so it was worth all the embarrassment in his opinion.

☆—notes!

WC: 1.5k words

I SWEAR i’m not a knightsP despite what this post may make u think i am first and foremost a junP which is. surprising ik but what can u do :shrugs: it turns out i cannot write ANYTHING without proper punctuation and grammar or i will literally die also LILI <3 i will never get tired of ur reqs they give me motivation!! to write!!! so keep that shit coming!!!! anywayz. hope u enjoyed it? muah <3

[yoruthewardevil]

I Knew I Loved You

Requested by anon on my AO3

Plot: Shigure's POV on the day of Akito's conception as well as his conversation with Hatori that day.

"I'll see you soon." 

He dreamed of her and that was the beginning and end of everything. It was the beginning of a lifetime devoted to her but it was also the end of an existence that had felt empty. The boy had often found life to be rather dull, always feeling as though he was waiting for something and yet, he hadn't the faintest idea what he'd been waiting on. All it took was a dream and he'd found the missing piece. 

Although still young, the boy had read his fair share of fairy tales and poems. The concept of love was foreign regardless of how many times he'd read those stories, but he assumed that what he felt now was something comparable to love. Was this love? But how could he love someone he'd never met? It was as if his soul recognized hers on a level much deeper than just the dog spirit within him recognizing its god. This was something else entirely and although he couldn't put a name to this feeling, he knew it was something he wanted to feel forever. 

The tears he'd cried that morning were the most tears he'd cried since birth. In fact, the boy wasn't particularly big on displaying emotion. Shigure was an enigma to his friends and his parents. Hatori and Ayame spent more time with him than anyone else but neither of them had ever seen him weep the way he wept for her and the feelings that consumed him. 

The dream had been so vivid and he'd replayed it over and over in his head as he got dressed, eager to meet the other zodiac children. Surely they'd all had the same dream, but did they all feel the way Shigure had? It was hard to imagine that any of the others felt the way he did and honestly, he hoped they didn't. Whatever this feeling was, he didn't want it to end. 

As expected, the others were waiting for him outside of his house. No words needed to be exchanged given that they all knew what this meant, how important this day was for all of them. As they ran to the main house, Shigure led the way. He took note of the fact that the others didn't seem enthusiastic in the same way that he did and that alone was enough to assure him that his feelings ran much deeper than a bond.

When they saw Ren walking out, they stopped in their tracks. She looked confused but didn't move away at first. The four boys reached out and each placed a hand on her stomach. "We've been waiting for you," they said in unison. Shigure felt as though the breath had been knocked right out of him. This child, his god, the one that had finally made his life make sense… he'd meet her soon. Touching Ren's stomach seemed to bring out even more emotion in all of them but Shigure was convinced that none of the others felt what he was feeling. It was surreal and overwhelming for them all, however. 

With wide eyes, Ren finally backed away from them. She gasped and began to walk fast in the opposite direction. Their hands reached out once more as they watched her leave. Unbeknonst to them, they would not see her again that day or hardly ever over the next few months. 

"What now?" Kureno asked, breaking the silence. 

"We wait, I guess." The sadness that came along with the deep sense of longing could be heard in Shigure's voice.

"Do you think Ritsu had the dream?"

"Stop asking so many questions, Kureno." No one cares. Shigure couldn't help but feel some jealousy knowing that the others had shared the dream with him. He wanted the reality of the dream for himself and didn't want to share this feeling with anyone. Kureno's incessant talking was distracting him from getting lost in his thoughts. Shigure had never liked Kureno much. The rooster enjoyed following him around and tried too hard to be his friend and for whatever reason, that made Shigure dislike him even more. 

"Maybe we should all go home." Hatori was, as always, the voice of reason. It was mid-March and there was still a chill in the air as spring moved in slowly. Being the only responsible one in the group, Hatori didn't want anyone getting sick. 

They each went their separate ways but Shigure had no interest in going home. He knew his parents would likely ask where he had been and he didn't feel like explaining anything to them. Shigure took enjoyment in keeping them on their toes. 

The boy found himself on the roof, looking up at the sky. Something about knowing that she now existed in the same world that he did made him want to cry once again but he held back his tears. Again, he found himself questioning how he could feel this strongly for someone he'd never met.

"Shigure, what are you doing up there?"

He looked down to see Hatori and chuckled softly. "I don't want to go home yet. Let me guess, you didn't want to go home either."

"It's not that. You were acting strange. I know that the dream… It was a lot for all of us. We've all acted a bit strange today but it's different for you, isn't it?"

A sigh escaped the other boy's lips as he searched for a way to answer his best friend's question. It was different but given that these were new feelings, Shigure wasn't confident enough to completely vocalize what he was feeling. 

"I don't want it to end. I want it to last forever. I want to give it form and make it mine. I will."

There was silence between the two. 

"We all feel strongly about-"

"It's not that. It's not just the strong emotion. It runs much deeper than that. This is the feeling I've been searching for my entire life and I never even knew such a feeling existed until today. I know it sounds… crazy but I won't question it. How does it feel for you?"

"Not how it feels for you, I guess. It's different. The animal spirits in us are overjoyed. I can sense that and yes, it does make me feel content as well but what you're saying… I couldn't say the same." Hatori was always so serious. In moments like this, Shigure appreciated it given that he knew he could never have a conversation like this with Ayame. 

"You're right. The animal spirits are overjoyed which explains the tears. That girl though… there was something about her."

Hatori sighed. "Yes, Shigure. She's god. Did you miss the point of the dream?" 

The confusion his friend had expressed was amusing to Shigure. "I'm not talking about god. I'm talking about the girl and what I feel. I don't know how to explain it. No words I've ever read in any of my books can help me put a name to this. I just don't want to ever stop feeling this way. I feel as if I were to go inside or see my parents, I'd forget this feeling. I know that's stupid because soon the dream will be real."

This was a lot to take in, even for a precocious boy like Hatori. He understood some of what Shigure was saying but most of it didn't make sense to him. It was as if Shigure was talking nonsense, which wasn't unusual. Still, Hatori had never seen his friend like this. It was almost unsettling. 

"Shigure, I think you need to go home. Nothing will change. You know it's real. We have school tomorrow so you'll have to go home eventually. You probably have homework you haven't done."

Although Shigure had no desire to go home, Hatori was right. Nothing would change. She was real and he would cling to the feelings he'd felt that day for as long as he lived. Hatori was also right about him having homework that needed to be done. 

The two said their goodbye and Shigure finally went home. The memory of this day would stay with him until the end of his days.  He didn't know it yet but this would forever live on in his memory as the day he was made aware of the existence of the woman that would be his wife someday. 

[paradisobound]

World’s Greatest First Love: Chapter 12

Summary: Dan Howell wanted a clean break from his father’s publishing company. It was why he applied for a different company in London: to stop the ridicule of his coworkers for riding on his ‘daddy’s coat tails’. But he wasn’t expecting to suddenly be going from a literature editor, to a graphic novel editor. And he certainly wasn’t expecting to come face first with his first love who broke his heart from when he was a teenager: who just happens to be his new editor-in-chief.

Based on the Anime and Manga “The World’s Greatest First Love: The Case of Ritsu Onodera” aka Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2.6k (this chapter)

Warnings: mentioned of smut

Beta Read by: @phanandpenguins

Updates Every Saturday at 1pm EST

READ ON AO3 -- LONG AUTHORS NOTE ON AO3. PLEASE VIEW IT THERE

A/N: This chapter is split between Dan and Phil’s POV’s. Phil is first half of chapter, Dan is second half. 

“Aye, Damien! Did you happen to look over those papers that I gave you?”

Damien looked up at where Phil was standing in the doorway of the meeting room. The weekly sales meeting has just passed and now it was just Damien and Phil standing back. Phil had given Damien Dan’s proposal for his next book from his author and he was concerned that Damien wasn’t taking Dan’s work seriously.

He really wanted to speak to him about it now that he’s gotten serious with Dan.

It was true that he and Damien had a past. There was no use trying to deny that and hurt feelings further. They did try to date in university and it never happened because Phil never saw Damien as more than just a good friend.

But he always knew Damien felt otherwise and that did put a bit of a strain on their friendship even though Phil tried to not let it show. But ever since Dan came back into the picture, it was hard to ignore the signs any longer.

Although Damien has backed off recently when it comes to Dan, there were still many indications that Damien’s pursuit for Phil was not gone. And Phil really needed to set some boundaries.

“The proposal from Dan?” Damien asked, fingering through the manilla folder he was holding in his hands, “Yeah, I looked it over already.”

The last person that shuffled out of the room shut the door and they were definitely alone now, making Phil straighten up and just come out with it, “You know I’m with Dan, right?”

Damien looked up from his paperwork and cocked his head, “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I’m dating Dan,” Phil says, his voice trembling a bit, “I thought that you should know that.”

Damien’s demeanor shifted and Phil watched his shoulders rose and then fell.

“Why are you telling me this?” Damien asked, his voice a little tense now.

Phil stuttered, crossing his arms over his chest, “Because you’re my best friend, Damien. And I wanted to tell you that I was in a relationship with Dan again to get us on the same page.”

Damien shuffled back so his behind was resting against the meeting table. He was hunched over, looking down at the ground in front of him. Phil instinctively looked down too just to see if Damien was staring at anything in particular.

“Why?”

Phil was caught off guard by the sudden question, “Why what?”

“Why did you go back to him?” Damien asked, his voice growing higher in pitch, “He did nothing but break your heart and you still crawled back to him.”

“That’s not fair to say that!” Phil exclaimed.

“So you’re going to ignore that you spent your entire university years drowning in alcohol and sex to try and forget the boy that broke your heart?” Damien asks, picking his head up to look at Phil, “And then he waltzed back into your life and you are acting like you weren’t hurt by him all of those…”

“He wasn’t the only reason why I was hurting,” Phil says. “You don’t know the half of why I was hurting. My parents had just divorced. I had just learnt that the man I called my father wasn’t actually my biological father. And on top of that, I was heartbroken by Dan. But that’s all changed.”

Damien looked around the room and that’s when Phil realized that Damien’s eyes were turned like glass. He looked about ready to cry but the flush in his cheeks and the slight heave in his chest showed Phil that he was holding back.

“You’re stuck in the past,” Damien says. “You’re so stuck in the past that you crawled back to the man who just…”

“I’m not stuck in the past!” Phil countered.

Damien suddenly began to laugh and Phil watched as a stray tear leaked down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away.

“You need to stop interfering with my feelings,” Phil says as calmly as he can. “I don’t love the Dan I knew in the past,” Damien looks up at Phil and Phil opens his mouth and says, “Because I love the Dan I know now.”

The room drew awkward, and nothing more was said. Phil just watched the occasional movement of Damien as he fidgeted around. Eventually, Damien straightened himself up, smoothed down his shirt, and exited the room with no other words.

Phil remained back, rubbing his face with his hands as he pulls out the chair from the table and sits down. He needs a minute to figure out what had just happened. There is a lot to process there.

When he gathers his composure, he makes his way back out to the office and he can hear the murmurs around him.

Damien seemed really upset?

Was his face always that red?

His eyes looked a little blood shot. Hopefully he’s not sick!

Phil did his best to ignore all of the part timers gossiping at Damien as he made his way back to his desk. He knew that Damien was well known at the company and always was the topic of discussion for various reasonings but this time, Phil ignored them. Most of the time he did egg them on but he couldn’t today.

Phil sat down at his desk and began to open his laptop when he looked up and noticed Dan was at his usual desk. He looked around the room because sometimes Dan had to go to the copier or the printer for whatever reasoning.

But he was no where to be seen.

“Hey, Mitch?” Phil asks and Mitch turns his head to his command, “Where is Dan?”

“He left about a half an hour ago. He said he was feeling a bit under the weather and needed go home for the night. He did look a bit more pale than usual. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was running a fever with the way he’s running himself ragged.”

Phil bit his lip and nodded at Mitch. He felt like he should leave and go make sure Dan is okay, but he can’t afford to leave work with how much he needs to do.

He opts out for working on as much as he can before he closes his laptop and wishes everyone a goodnight on his way out.

When Phil exits the company building, the colds are rolling in fast, bringing a darkness with them. He couldn’t remember that the weather had called for rain on the forecast today but suddenly it was clear that rain was coming soon.

Just as the first drop hit his forehead, the monsoon came not long after so he rushed into the first cafe that he saw and stepped inside trying to dry off. There is no way he can make his way home in this so he decides to just get a drink and have some dinner here instead while he waits for the storm to pass.

“Phil?”

Phil follows the voice to see Dan sitting at an empty table directly behind him, rain dripping from his curls and falling down his forehead. Phil flashes him a smile, and sits down on the opposite side of him.

The rain had come out of nowhere and had completely blindsided Dan after he left the library. He lied to the other editors that he was going home because he wasn’t feeling well, but he really just wanted an afternoon to himself again because…

Well, he overheard what Phil had said to Damien in the meeting room. He hadn’t meant to, he swears that. But he was walking by the meeting room and happened to hear Phil’s loud voice coming through the small crack between the door and the moulding. He had stopped for a moment, and listened a bit because of curiosity. But as soon as he heard Phil say that he loved him, he bolted and said to the others he needed to leave.

He spent the rest of the time at the library where he caught up on old manuscripts and filled out a new form for a second printing on his book.

Dan was on his way home when the rain hit and he bustled into the closest restaurant to him to take shelter. It was mere seconds after he sat down when Phil came through the door.

It was almost like fate...if Dan actually believed in any of that.

“You left work early?” Dan asked, shucking off his soaked jacket over the back of his chair.

Phil shimmied his own off, “Could say the same for you.”

Dan blushed, “Yeah...wasn’t feeling good.”

“Do you need to go to a doctor?” Phil asked him, his voice laced with seriousness.

Dan shook his head and opened his mouth to say he was fine when a waitress came over and asked if they would like something to drink. Phil asked for a coffee and Dan asked for a hot chocolate to warm themselves up.

“I talked with Damien,” Phil says.

Dan looked up him, searching Phil’s expression because Dan wasn’t expecting at all to have Phil confess that to him.

“Oh really?”

“He blamed you for a lot of stuff,” Phil says and Dan remains silent. “Apparently he thought that you were the main reason for my hurting in university.”

“Oh?”

“My parents divorced not long after you left,” Phil says, “But it wasn’t unexpected. They’d been having problems for years so it wasn’t like they were ever really emotionally involved with the other.” Phil scratched his arm and Dan had an inclination to reach out and put his hand on Phil’s stop him from doing that, “But not long after, I had a health scare and they found out that my father wasn’t actually my father.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He couldn’t imagine the pain of knowing that you went your entire life thinking your dad was your dad and he turned out that he actually wasn’t.

“Turns out that my mum’s affairs were happening from way before I was born. It was just a normal occurrence. But it still blindsided me.”

“I’m so sorry, Phil.”

“I tried searching for you,” Phil says with a laugh. “When you left for America, I tried searching for you on Facebook and other social media but I never found you.”

Phil searched for me? Dan sat dumbfounded as he looked at Phil across the table and Phil just continued his solemn expression, “Was your parents divorce hard too?”

Now it was Dan’s turn to be completely confused. He shook his head and quickly cleared it up, “Oh, no? My parents are still married.”

Phil’s eyes widened and his mouth open and closed, “But you have a different last name too?”

“No, I don’t?”

Phil sat back in his chair, “Your last name was James, not Howell.”

Dan suddenly choked on air and coughed out as he sputtered a quick response out. Dan had completely forgot that when he signed out the same books as Phil in high school, he put his name as Daniel James because he didn’t want Phil to know his actual name and really see him a stalker and a creep.

“Oh, Phil, no...I used my middle name as my last name when we were in school because I was afraid of looking like a creep when I got out the same books as you.”

Phil’s expression suddenly changed and Dan could no longer read how he felt.

“I went... ten years not even knowing your last name?” Phil exclaimed with a laugh.

Dan just blushed and shrugged as Phil began to laugh.

“I’m sorry?”

“If I didn’t love you, I might have been inclined to say that I actually hated you right now.”

Hearing Phil say the words love you did something in Dan’s heart and he bit his lip, trying to hide the feeling that it gave him.

They remained at the cafe until the rain let up, and on the way back to their apartments, they held hands and for the first time since reuniting with Phil, Dan genuinely felt in love with Phil.

So as they get to their apartments and Dan has half a mind to say goodnight to Phil and part ways, he suddenly turns to Phil and just says it, “I love you.”

Phil’s mouth falls open and then he’s gathering Dan in his arms, swinging him around as Dan laughs and presses his face into Phil’s neck, “I love you so much, Dan.”

“I love you too,” Dan repeats, the words getting caught by the skin of Phil’s collarbone.

They make their way into Dan’s apartment, not letting go of each other as they make their way into Dan’s bedroom. Dan smiles into the kisses, letting the awkwardness of the tear clicking happen because he was so damn happy right now.

They fall onto Dan’s bed and as Phil sits back and begins to take his shirt off, Dan just reaches up and pulls Phil back down for another kiss.

He could get used to this.

The next morning Dan leaves for work before Phil is even awake beside him in bed. He needs to finish up the rest of his work that he didn’t get a chance to finish the day before due to everything that happened. So he needed to utilize the time before all of the other editors came to the office.

Dan thought for sure he was going to be alone, but as he got onto the elevator at the building, a hand shoots out and stops the elevator as the doors begin to close and on steps dark haired Damien.

He’s the last person Dan wants to see at this moment...or ever really. He never really wants to see Damien if he’s being honest.

“Good morning,” Dan says, trying to be civil.

But Damien doesn’t answer and as the elevator dings one floor at a time, Damien gets off and doesn’t say another word.

Dan makes his way into the office and sits down at his desk, digging into his small stack of paperwork.

By midmorning, Phil has arrived and Dan is nearly done with his late work and is busy finishing up one final thing. He’s typing away on his laptop as Phil walks over to him and comes up behind him, wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck and leaning his chin on the top of Dan’s head.

“What are you doing? We’re at work?” Dan mutters, confused by the sudden affection.

“Well, I have some news for you,” Phil says, pressing a quick kiss into Dan’s hair.

“What is it?”

“So you know that proposal you gave to the sales department yesterday morning?” Dan nods and Phil presses a few more kisses into his hair, “It’s a total reject.”

Dan suddenly whips around, knocking Phil off from him, “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, sales department rejected it and I agree with their reasonings,” Phil says with a shrug, “We need a new proposal by noon today or else the author isn’t getting a book deal.”

Dan sits stunned as Phil walks off down the hall towards the breakroom.

Dan is still a bit stunned with the way his life has turned out, and it’s moments like this where... just a little bit, he wishes he went to the literature department.

But as Phil walks back to the office with a mug of coffee in his hand, Dan’s reminded of the real reason he’s here... and Phil is just a plus.

[toneofdarkness]

pupupu my leo for Rei (because I had to)

Send my muse a name and they will answer “Yes or No” to the following. || @awesomeuchuu​​​

Rei, the Ojiichan:

Is Leo Someone You:

• Would Kiss:  “...Do you intend for me to chase after him all over the place for one??”

• Would Date:  “Goodness, that would be quite interesting to think about!“

• Would Make Friends With:  “Are we not yet?”

• Would Adopt:  “...I’m going to need plenty of paper, as well as cover all of my walls and furniture---I might as well cover the entire house with paper...!”

• Would Marry:  “Perhaps...??”

• Would Sleep With:  ”I...doubt Tsukinaga-kun has enough of a regular sleep schedule...”

• Would Live With:  “See mine answer in regards to adopting him.”

• Would Cuddle With:  “Once he stands, or sits still, then yes.“

• Would Fight With:  “...I might end up breaking him, and thus earn Ritsu’s eternal wrath...So, no.”

• Would Trust:  “Of course, of course~”

• Would Dance With:  “Tsukinaga-kun can dance, but I doubt he’d care for the slow types...”

• Would Bathe With:  “Ahhh...”

• Would Die For:  “He’d already saved me a considerable amount of times in the past, ‘twould only be fair that I do that for him.”

• Would Ignore:  “If I do that, I’ll find myself covered in his scribbles, you know.“

• Would Not Care For:  “No, no. I can’t.”

• Would Laugh At:  “I...can’t help it at times.”

• Would Cry With:  “If the King of Knights would show his tears, then so shall the Demon King shed his .”

• Would Cry For:  “Yes.”

[miyoron]

Miyo’s Anime of the Decade though Actually Just 2019

***Before I start this list, I would like to continue to send out good vibes and hope to all those affected by the Kyoto Animation arson attacks this past summer. It still hurts and I hope things can get better for everyone affected by it, even though I'm sure some things will take a long time to heal, if they ever will. Just know that you will always have me wishing you the best I can and sending out hope for you to recover at your own pace.***

I like writing these things every year. Whether it lets me know if my tastes are changing or staying the same, or if I'm just sentimental, writing about things I like is fun. Anime is good and I like watching it. I watched a good amount of stuff this year even if some seasons I couldn't find anything I say would fit this list.

For example, I started watching the Symphogear series and it's fun but I wouldn't say I liked it as much as any of these shows. Anima Yell is a very cute show but I didn’t have much to say about it, same for Aggretsuko again. I liked the main characters of JoJo part 5, but I wouldn't say I liked watching that, especially as the villain was revealed more and more. Fire Force was fun for me for like 5 episodes or so but then I bailed so take that as you will.

But I don't want to sound too mean here. No, this is for stuff I liked a lot and I wanted to write about things I enjoyed. This year I actually kept track of shows I liked as opposed to figuring out what I'd go on this list at the last moment. Crazy, I know, but this could be a good idea. Don't worry, I didn't take TOO many notes so this will be pretty off the cuff of my head like normal though I'm sure. As always, I will be using whatever title is easier for me to write/preference.

With this bit of text out of the way, let's la GO!  In no particular order (as always)...

Mob Psycho 100

This entry counts for both season 1 and season 2. I kind of sped through the first one a little so I could catch up in time for the second one. I feel it stuck with me just as much though. Mob Psycho is a solid action series with very silly things going on in the background of it...and foreground honestly). I suspect ONE is very good at making this sort of series. Honestly though, every character in this show is great and there's so many feel good moments. Mob  himself is a wonderful character. The most powerful psychic force in the universe but he just wants to get buff to go out with his crush.

There's a lot to like about this series. The humor is on point and anything with Reigen is going to be hilarious, especially if it takes a while. Animation is consistently top notch, especially in season 2, and I love the psychic effects. They end up looking like an old 90's video filter or trapper keeper or something. However, the most impressive thing this series does is show that maybe fighting isn't the way to do things all the time and that the most important thing you can show isn't just sympathy, but empathy.

Mob is a really good show and both of the OVAs are fun as heck. I dunno why I originally slept on Season 1, but I'm glad I came aboard.

Kaguyasama: Love is War

You probably know this one from that one ending with the pink haired girl dancing, that was going around for a while even though it was only for one episode. This series actually took me a little bit to get into mainly due to being WAY too tired to keep up with it. The set up being that the smartest boy and girl in the most elite high school both want to ask the other out. However, being the one to ask the other out would be to give up all power and admitting defeat. Basically it's a battle of two love struck idiots trying to get the other to ask them out.

As dumb as that sounds, the setups are often hilarious. Seeing the main characters trying to out scheme each other and keep a straight face while watching is a challenge in itself. It's like that 4th dimensional chess but the end result is seeing who will hold the other's hand first. Then throw in the wild card of Chika who seems to both not know what's going on while understanding how easy it is to end up on top in these battles and...look it's very funny ok? Even if sometimes the joke is just "weiner".

Shows that made me tear up count: 1

Kemurikusa

Similar to the Kemono Friends and its big gold star award, I felt like Kemurikusa deserved a shoutout this year. It's still janky like Kemono Friends before it, but after everything that went down with that series, it was definitely telling when this was the better of the two. This is a weird series and only some of that is due to the animation. The studio does a wonderful job of making a world that's both interesting and haunting at the same time. Everything that happens all ties to a big mystery that isn't revealed for quite a while.

The characters are fun enough. From the serious Rin to the caring Ritsu. From the voracious Rinas to the dweeby Wakaba. It's a fun cast going on a road trip throughout the apocalypse as they try to find good water for their big plant friend that drives around their husk of a bus. It can get pretty dark at times even with the neon bright colors the titular kemurikusa shimmering softly in the background. Oh also there's a roomba friend and a girl with sharp teeth so I mean, it's got something for everybody.

Hitoribocchi

This series is a cute little show with a setup which is potentially mean if you think about it. Bocchi's best friend is afraid she won't ever be able to make any other friends since they're going to different middle schools. Because of this, she says they can't be friends again until she befriends everyone in her class. The biggest hurdle to this challenge being Bocchi is horribly shy and socially awkward which just makes things seemingly impossible for her to overcome. Luckily, this is a cute comedy series.

The show is basically about Bocchi trying to make new friends so she can hopefully one day reunite with her bestie from the past. As I said before though, she's kind of bad with knowing how to communicate with people so she has a bad habit of say following friend making tips she read in books or online to a t and not deviating from them. Thankfully she is able to meet with lovable weirdos like blunt Nako, pitiful Aru and ninja girl Sotoka. It's a cute little series that also has a lot of heart, especially if you've ever had to overcome your own social anxieties to interact with others before. It's also funny too so there's a bonus even.

Shows that made me tear up count: 2

Carole and Tuesday

Shhhh. Don't let Netflix know I finished this before they did. Carole and Tuesday is a fun show from the creator of Cowboy Bebop, as evidenced in the fact it takes place on Mars and uses the same currency. It's a fairly simple plot, two girls meet up one day on the streets and start playing music together. One's an orphan who's basically lived alone for most of her life, the other is a rich girl running away from her politician mother (whose politics are a little too close for comfort these days). They just wanna make music man, and with a former big time agent with them, how can they lose!

Carole and Tuesday are fun characters and the show has a fun future sci fi vibe while still being grounded in reality. One of the biggest highlights is definitely the music though with lots of new songs in every episode and a good number of them being certifiable bangers. There's an overarching plot that also hits too close to home at times but the big finale at the end made it all worth it in the end really. This is an easy show to recommend and I am doing so to you right now. Go see these girls trying to make it to the big time!

Shows that made me tear up count: 3

Fruits Basket (2019)

I skipped out on Fruits Basket the first time around. I always told myself I'd go back and check it out but, knowing how I do things, this never actually happened. Part of me is kind of glad I waited to check it out though since I really like the style of the new show compared to the one from the early 00s. What I'm saying is I should have checked this out a lot earlier than I did but I don't feel visually bad for doing so.

Fruits Basket is a show featuring Tohru, the most helpful lovable girl, and a cast of characters who all start to love her because she is the most helpful lovable girl. This might sound like a bad thing but it's not. All of the characters are really fun, save one who I don't know WHY they don't just beat up, and I love seeing all their interactions. I just grew really invested in all of them and keep hoping everything will end up ok for them in the end, while in some cases waiting for a really big shoe to drop and biting my nails in the process.

I dunno if I have a super bunch to say about it other than my favorites are Uo-chan and Hana-chan and I can't wait until part 2 shows up. I am ready to see more of these Zodiac weirdos get hugged by Tohru and become animals and have her solve their problems in that order.

Shows that made me tear up count: 4

....Now, as usual, I will take a break to talk about the Precures I watched this year...

Futari wa Precure

This year, my friend Cheapsteaks and I decided to go after the OG Precure scene by watching the series that started it all. School girls run into fairies being pursued by weird monsters from another dimension/world/whatever and have to become legendary warriors to help them out. It's a story we all know well, just with lots of dropkicks and judo tosses.

As much as I like Honoka and Nagisa, and the opening theme...Futari wa has a lot of growing pains which is to be expected. Being the first one, it feels more like other magical girl series of the time compared to the style of later Pretty Cure series. From the rather uninspired villains, including one named Pissard, to the bland crush of Fuji P-senpai, and especially the obnoxious fairies, this is definitely one of the weaker series in my eyes. Again, it's probably not fair to judge it though since they didn't know what they were doing yet with this series.

That being said, there is a dumb fun to watching the Crunchyroll subs for a nostalgic taste of hard yellow subs and often not great audio. Again, the best parts of this are Honoka and Nagisa and I can see why they still get to be super popular today.

Smile Precure!

The other older series we checked out this year was Smile Precure which is much more my speed. The characters are all really good and they're all super good friends and it just makes me feel good. Like just in general they'rea really good and strong cast and I love all of them. Reika/Cure Beauty is the secret funniest character just by being the straight man on a team of doofuses and it works so well.

Miyuki's desire to make everything around her "Ultra Happy" just makes you feel good seeing a character who just wants others around her to be as happy as she is. All she needs is a smile and that makes me also smile. Akane is fiery and powerful, Yayoi is a big sweetie whose artistic trials and tribulations I SUPER identify with, Nao is a super cool big sister and I already brought up Reika being great. This is really one of my favorite Precures I've watched so far and I'm going to be sad to see it go in a few weeks.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention that I love the stupid villain trio. Especially Akaoni. I love you big red oni doofus. (Please see oni times in the link below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXA5jfSJz_c&feature=youtu.be

Shows that made me tear up count: 5 (ANY NAO EPISODE AAAA)

Star Twinkle Precure

The newest Precure series! One we also dragged fellow anime friend Metalray into and I feel like it was a fun enough one. Cute alien encounters trying to help space zodiac princesses with a fluff unicorn and a tentacalien? Sign me up my dudes. Star Twinkle is a fun series and has a lot of things going for it, while also having weird similarities to Smile sometimes like soccer related attacks from good big sisters and prim and proper arrow girls.

The characters as always really make the show I feel when it comes to Precure and Lala is adorable enough to carry it entirely herself? But the enthusiasm of Hikaru is always fun because it usually just involves her being really into outer space and everything in it. Hey there's even Elena who is Mexican-Japanese and the show even explores a bit of her growing up being different from others so like, that's pretty cool I think? If it helps little kids learn to accept others and be cool through lil hermit crabs and dog space police officers, I think that's a real good thing.

...Now Precure time is over but I'm looking forward to next year's offering and seeing what old ones we go after next. (Spoilers, we will probably do Max Heart and Fresh!)...

How Heavy are the Dumbbells You Lift?

So this series has some problems in that like...wow sometimes during the exercise segments of the show, it just gets way too horny like...I dunno if I needed to see sensei in nothing but a bedsheet to show off how she worked her lats fellas. But I digress.

The main reason this show is on here is because it affected me enough to actually look at myself and start wanting to become healthier? Like the show is just a framing device for jokes and showing off exercise routines but the characters are all really sincere and the translation of the opening is even moreso? Like I feel this show helped me out a lot and I'm gonna let you all know about it cuz maybe it can help you out too if you need it.

I don't have a whole lot more to say but I will leave you with the opening I mentioned. Turn on the captions for this banger and remember that you can do it too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxi2Y4-NNXY

Wasteful Days of High School Girl

Hey, so can I say something amazing? Much like Asobi Asobase last year, this series was a very weird comedy that I absolutely ended up loving a lot in the end. The cast is full of delightful idiots, one aptly named Baka by her friends being the standout moron of the cast. The title pretty much says it all but you will find all sorts of high school girls here just wasting their youth away in their favorite ways.

You want a girl who draws BL doujin while listening to vocaloid tracks? We gotchu. What about a girl who is more invested in micro organisms in Petri dishes than her friends? Yo, we're set. A dipshit chuuni who climbs on top of absolutely anything tall and regularly needs to be rescued/leap out of trees because of it? Yea, that's here too. The show is not afraid to be weird any chance it gets and there's something I can respect about that. This series also had one of my number one laughs in an anime this year in one of the last episodes too and it still makes me laugh as I recall it right now.

Also like Asobi Asobase, it has the plus of having a lovable witch girl who is as pure as she is into weird occult shit. Majo you're a sweetie. Even if your room is creepy.

The Demon Girl Next Door

This show feels like something that should have come out about 5 years ago in terms of animation style, story set up, characters and even the jokes. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing though because not only is it pleasant and cute, it also knows when to step back from teasing its unfortunate main character. Shamiko, the demon girl formerly known as Yuko by everyone who isn't her family, is a kind of pitiful character and this series could easily just make jokes that punch down and humiliate her way more than it did.

Thankfully, the show actually does it's best to show that she is comic relief but also that she is genuinely a good person. She's not very good at being a demon as she is still learning so maybe she gets easily tricked by resident blase magical girl Momo more than she should. However, she will go out of her way to make sure her rival is eating more than the crappy instant food she frequently microwaves. Like I said, it's ultimately a silly, kind of dated feeling series but the character interactions are nice and it's just genuinely good

hearted to see these girls become friends, even if sometimes it's due to trickier. The show makes sure not to be mean at all times to Shamiko compared to say Satania in Gabriel Dropout's treatment, or the snake girl in that Dropkick show I dropped after one episode. Shamiko is good and hopefully one day she will be able to use her demon powers to rule the world so her family can have a bigger, non cursed, budget to live on.

O Maidens in Your Savage Season

Puberty is hard. Puberty is also maddening, wanting to drive you up the wall with new urges you are not used to. Simple joys like trains are replaced with weird videos you order off websites or somehow get from the back of a video store. Puberty is an inherently frantic time but it's also kind of funny if you think about it enough.

Maidens explores the tales of the Literature Club members as they go through this important stage of life and that's the fun of this series. All of the girls are each trying to find out exactly what it is they want out of a relationship. Is it just friendship? Is it Ess Ee Ecks? There's a lot of fun to be had as the series goes on. Whether it be Kazusa trying to get a bit further with a childhood friend, President Rika questioning her stance on relationships being even proper to have in high school or the writing adventures of HItoha going to sex chatrooms, there is a lot of different things going on in this show.

It's got a very good sense of drama as well; there were more than a few episodes where I found myself worried about what would happen next and hoping things would be ok. Niina's arc is very intense and gave me creeper vibes any time her old mentor appeared. The show is very good in general at just showing emotions and none of it felt like it was shoehorned or phony. The writing is top notch and I love all these girls. Puberty is a weird time but...they got this I'm sure.

Here are a couple of other shows I watched that didn't come out this year but enjoyed a lot!

SSSS.Gridman

Thank God Trigger was able to come back from its previous offering to give us Gridman. At first I was afraid that all of its Transformers color scheme easter eggs were just trying to lure me in with a mediocre show. This was not the case because Gridman just rules hard. A sequel/spinoff to the old 90's series, localized here as Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad, this show was a love letter from the creators to the show and other tokusatsu shows in general.

Kaiju appear to devastate the city, shown from low angles that just make it seem even more like you're watching an old toku show. The toyetic nature of Gridman's various powerups and the design of Gridman himself just further pay homage to this. There was one Kaiju for a moment I swear you could see a string operating it (for the record, it was not a string but was in fact part of the Kaiju). It's not just a cheap nostalgic trap though because the animation is superb, the action is top notch and the main theme song just kicks ass. This is a really cool series and if you have any passing interest in toku shows, are a Trigger fan, or like seeing Actionmaster Thundercracker's color scheme, go and check this thing out!

Other highlights include another version of Inferno Cop and Rikka's mom who is always fun and good.

Dirty Pair (TV series)

Dirty Pair is a series I watched a good chunk of before but never actually finished. Thanks to the #DirtyDecempair hashtag though, I finally went and did it and well...Dirty Pair is still really good y'all. It's got space babes who kick ass and are not afraid to go after hunks along the way. Seriously, it's great when you watch a show older than you and it lives up to its hype.

Kei and Yuri are really good characters because they will snipe at each other but in the end, they are still besties and will mess up anything that gets in their way. I appreciate that they always try to get more PTO and pay out of their boss. Even more, I appreciate that the chief will put up with all their shit, whether it be the aforementioned blackmailing for vacation or the sheer amount of destruction they leave in their wake,  and still is 100% behind them. He knows they're the best he has and nothing will get in their way.

So yea, Dirty Pair. Still a good show over 30 years later. You should check it out next December! Or sooner, whatever!

That abut wraps up my list of anime I watched this year, but I'm also gonna throw a little bonus round on you! Some anime movies I watched and liked! Lightning round go!

Promare Good fucking movie, good fucking soundtrack. Good Trigger things this year. It lives up to its hype for sure. Go see this when it is out on DVD and Bluray!

Sound Euphonium - Our Promise: A Brand New Day This was a nice movie that felt like a good third season condensed into about 2ish hours.

Love Live! Sunshine!! The School Idol Movie: Over the Rainbow I actually like the music from this one more than the movie itself but seeing Ruby's arc gaining confidence is good and I love it.

Bonus Saint Snow Track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUNNWxK2Dfs

Redline A movie I kept meaning to see and finally did thanks. Stylish and cool as hell, and the dub is really good too.

Dragon Ball Super: Broly They made Broly a compelling character finally, holy shit. Also some good Frieza comedy.

KonoSuba! Legend of Crimson Imagine a village full of dipshit chuuni wizards. This movie was fun and funny as shit. Warning: It does have one awkward joke related to gender but it thankfully passes by it real quick.

So I think this is my list. I hope you enjoy it. The next time you'll see one from me will be in the distant future of 2020! Hopefully things will be cool by that point to go with the good anime.

[aranciafiamma]

Thank You, Next (beta)

"I think... I think we should break up." 

 The unthinkable spills out of Teru's mouth. Mob blinks at him.

“... Yes. I think we should.”

(a bunch of disorganized snippets from my very ambitious TeruMob fic)

(that probably will never be written)

"I still love you. I don't think I can ever stop loving you. But... We weren't making each other happy. I mean, it was fairly obvious from the start. What did we have in common? Apart from being psychic. And you taught me that being psychic doesn’t mean much. I guess... I guess I didn't really learn even after all that..."

"Do you have something in common with Edano?"

"We have the same taste in bands. And we're both rough around the edges. He is unfailingly rude."

"Oh. You do have a lot in common then."

Teru snorts. "How are things with Emi?"

"She submitted a new short story in a magazine! ... I forgot which though..."

"That's okay. I can ask her. I'd love to read it later."

"I've learned a lot of cool new words. Like, pulchritude."

"Oh? What does that mean?"

"It's a fancy way of saying beautiful."

Teruki laughs. And it's like they're fifteen again. They're walking home from their first day of high school. Mob always liked that he could make him laugh like that.

But the laughter fades. Teruki's right, of course. They hadn't been happy. They can only smile easy now because they've reset. This new, post-boyfriend relationship brought them back to those first days of being friends, when there was no world to save and no identity crisis to solve. Mob loves Teruki the same way he loves Tsubomi, still and always. But he grew away from both, and that just happens.

"You're dating Edano? Seriously? Talk about a step down!"

"Excuse you, little brother! You did not just diss my boyfriend. I happen to like him very much. And yes, he's not Shigeo. But that was kind of the point? Your brother and I didn't work out! So I found someone different than him and we do match, quite a bit actually. He's a good boyfriend and I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult him. You were raised to be kinder than that!"

Reigen blows a smoke ring at Ritsu.

"Relationships are a trial and error sorta deal. Not everyone meets their one true love at the age of 13."

"Sho's not my one true love! Not that I don't love him, I do. I mean - You know what I meant!"

"You guys have been dating for six years and still going strong."

"Uh, no? We've been dating for three."

"Right, flirted for three then dated for three. My point is, you have the kind of relationship fairy tales are about."

"He knocked me the fuck out when we first met."

"Yeah. Like a fairy tale."

"Have you read a fairy tale in your entire life?"

"Whatever! I'm just saying! You're a lucky kid!"

"I don't - I have - I'm sorry!"

"What? No! Please. The last time I dated a girl, I was thirteen and a brat. I touched a boob like once. I hadn't been looking forward to being clueless down there. Not that vaginas are like super difficult to figure out or anything. I just, you know, I have more experiences with penises. I mean-"

"Oh gosh! I get it! Stop, you dork! Too much information!"

Teru laughs and flops down on the bed, taking her with him. "You are a stunningly beautiful woman, did you know that?"

Rei squeals, landing on his chest. She flicks him on the nose. "I did actually! But you're just saying that to make me blush!"

"I wanna see if I can get your face to match your hair."

Rei has to kiss him then or else he'd never shut up.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating Momo-chan.” “You know he hates it when you call him that.”

“Hence, why I persist in doing so.”

“Also, we broke up.”

“Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

“It was never serious. He was already half in love with someone else. I was just a stand in.”

“That’s... Okay, wow. What a dick.”

“I knew - or I was... aware. It was fun while it lasted. And besides... He was a stand in for me too.”

Mob goes silent. His gaze seems very intent on his coffee. Teru watches the tips of his ears redden. Understanding clicks like the lock of a door.

“... Is that what’s happening here? Is this... Is this a date?”

Mob shakes his head, still refusing to look at him. “No! This is coffee. Just coffee.”

“Good. Because I... The thing is... Why did you tell me that?” Teru leans back in his chair, fingers combing through his hair. He looks up at the ceiling. “I love you still. I do. But this - we can’t be happening. Not... Not right now.”

Mob lifts his head and looks at Teru. “Now?

"She might be open to me seeing you. But if she's not... I don't want to break up with Rei. Not even for you, Shigeo. I'm sorry... We can't... This isn't..."

Teru hastily gets up and leaves the table.

"Clairvoyant... I... I try not to look into the future. Especially not the futures of those close to me. All it's ever caused is grief. And I guess... This was no different. You love him - Ritsu-kun's brother."

"That doesn't make me love you any less!"

"... Oh, Teru... Maybe not now. But in the future."

"The future isn't here!"

"But it will be! You don't want to hurt me, I get that. Except staying with me out of pity? That's just as bad. Belt up, and just end this."

"I don't want to? I'm not going to leave you."

"... Then I will."

Teru swallows. His eyes blink rapidly. He breathes in deep. "You know... Shigeo once taught me that our powers aren't the end all, be all. That we can grow to be more and not have to rely on any of it. ... I just assumed you thought the same. But I guess I was wrong."

"My predictions always come true! And you know what, I'm glad I looked! So I wouldn't be blindsided when it finally happens! And you break my heart!"

"So you're not even going to fight for us?  This is it? Rei... Goddamn, I really thought I knew you."

Teru leaves the apartment.

"I... am a homewrecker."

"Wow. Wooooow, big brother. Didn't know you had it in you! I'm so proud!"

"Sho. Go sit in the corner."

"That's fair. That's totally fair."

"This - You and Me - This! Ugh! I don't want to prove her right! Okay? So can you just - Could you like - Stop being so you! It's driving me crazy!"

Teruki grabs Mob's face and kisses him hard on the lips. He pulls back.

"Right. I just need to get that out of my system. I am now walking away. I know that's mixed signals but let me have this!"

"I want me and Mob to be my choice! And I feel like - fucking hell..."

Teru takes a swig of his beer. Reigen watches him.

"It's so weird that I can now drink with you boys."

"That's what happens when you get old, old man."

"Yeah, yeah..." Reigen takes a sip of his beer. A pause. "You know, you still can. It's still your choice. The reason you broke up isn't because you were predetermined at birth to end up with Mob. But because she made a decision and that was to give up on your relationship. Are you listening?"

Teru nods. A beat. Tears start running down his cheeks. "I love her... I really do... I chose her. Why didn't she - Why couldn't she -?"

Reigen drags Teru closer to him, letting Teru cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, kiddo... I'm so sorry..."

"I think Ritsu's building a harem."

"... You wanna talk to him about it?"

"Hell no. I'm proud."

"All that drama! And here we are again! How can we be so stupid?"

"I don't think people are meant to be smart."

Teru laughs. He laughs until he cries. He brings Mob's hands to his lips, kissing the knuckles gently.

[fireflysummers]

Mob Psycho 100 Fanfiction

I Could Even Learn How to Love (Like You)

Teru realizes that, despite his best attempts, he still isn't a great person.

That doesn't stop him from trying though.

(Dedicated to @uncannycookie​, @auro-cyanide​, @terubi​, @avoresmith for getting me Thinking About The Haystack Child Again)

(Doubly dedicated to @rustnut​ and @ofpaintedflowers​ for being my betas)

|| Chapter 1 ||

It starts with the aliens.

Teru isn’t entirely certain he believes Shigeo’s account, except that there were several eye witnesses to the event in the mountains. That, and the wave of psychic energy that Shigeo had purportedly helped create had been felt around the world, so if anybody had summoned aliens with amplified telepathy it would have been him.

“It seems that you can finally put Kurata-san’s nagging to pasture,” Teru says at the conclusion of the story.

“Nagging?” Shigeo repeats, between mouthfuls of ramen.

“Yes. She’s the one that was always bothering you to go on ‘dates’ with her to hunt for telepaths, right?” He’s only met the girl in passing, but she’d left the impression of somebody with a loud enough voice to get by doing very little. He can’t explain why, but something about that mentality rubs him the wrong way. “Now that you’ve found the aliens for her, she won’t be in your face anymore.”

“Oh…” Shigeo looks contemplatively at his own reflection in the broth in his bowl. There are green onions bobbing to the surface. “I guess you’re right. That’s too bad.”

“Too bad? You were really interested in finding those aliens?”

“No.”  There’s a long story here, Teru can feel, but Shigeo doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. He doesn’t seem inclined to talking at all, actually.  His mood seems to have fallen.

“Then what’s the problem?”

The silence stretches between them as Shigeo continues to contemplate the flotsam and jetsam of his mostly-empty ramen bowl. By now, Teru knows better than to push him, or even to try to fill the silence, if he wants answers.

“I didn’t really care about finding the aliens,” he says at length, “But…Tome-chan did. She wanted it as much as I want to improve my strength with the Body Improvement Club. And…I care about her, so it didn’t seem like nagging, or even any trouble at all. I guess I wanted it because she wanted it so badly, and I thought I could help.”

“I understand,” Teru says afterwards.

(He doesn’t.)

He isn’t sure if the silence that stretches out is awkward, or just Shigeo’s regular thoughtful silence. Either way, they remain so until it’s time to pay the bill, and Teru stumbles over himself to pay for them both. Thankfully, Shigeo doesn’t argue, watching as Teru ungracefully spills half his bag’s contents onto the table in search of his wallet.

“What’s this?” Shigeo asks, just as Teru locates the missing wallet. He looks up to see Shigeo holding one of the items that had fallen onto the table.

“It’s a love letter,” Teru says, dismissively, unable to fight off the heat in the tips of his ears at the sight of Shigeo carefully turning the pink envelope over.

“It’s not opened,” he says, simply.

“It seems that I forgot about it.” Teru tries to shrug it off. “They give them to me quite frequently, so I suppose more than a few have gotten lost.  Besides, I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of confessions.”

“Not really, no,” Shigeo replies, and there’s something in his voice that screams of a long, twisted story. Teru waits for him to elaborate, but instead Shigeo  gently places the letter back on the pile from his bag. “Do you think she was sad that you never answered?”

Teru opens and closes his mouth a couple times before the words find their way out. “I don’t know. But…why would she be? Whoever she is, she probably doesn’t know me well enough anyways. She’ll get over it in a week or so, and move on to the next boy.”

While Shigeo seems to mull over the words, Teru hurries to make the payment, unsure where this agitation has come from. When the bill is paid, he begins shoveling the scattered items back into his bag, painfully aware of Shigeo watching him carelessly shove the lonely love letter with it.

--

“I don’t think he’s really in love with her,” Teru muses aloud, mostly to himself. He’s sitting in the Kageyama’s kitchen, waiting on his friend upstairs.

“Takane-san?” Ritsu doesn’t look up from the newspaper that he’s reading, but despite how he’s trying to appear casual, there’s something tense in the curve of his shoulders. “How do you figure?”

It takes Teru several seconds to realize that he’s been answered.  Ritsu’s reply startles him for two reasons.  First, he wasn’t really expecting an answer, because he’s learned not to expect one after so years on his own with nothing but walls to bounce his own voice back to him. Second, the younger Kageyama keeps mostly to himself when Teru comes around, not necessarily out of dislike of Teru so much as a dislike of small talk, it seems.  This is an interesting development, as far as Teru can tell, and cautiously follows the spark of curiosity.

“Hmmm,” Teru mumbles, filling the silence as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I suppose it’s just that he doesn’t really seem to know her. Whenever he talks about her, it’s just how she looks, or memories from a long time ago, ergo he doesn’t really know her, and you can’t be in love with somebody you don’t know.”

“And I suppose you know better than my brother, how he feels and why.” He still hasn’t looked up from the newspaper, but he’s not reading it. Teru can see that he’s clenching its edges too hard, crinkling the thing newsprint in a way that would make it difficult to follow the tiny threads of lettering.

“Maybe. He openly admits to not knowing how he feels himself a lot of the time,” Teru snaps back, wondering briefly where this sudden spike of defensiveness comes from. “It’s just…I think he’s in love with the idea of Takane-san. It’s what she represents—popularity, acceptance, and whatnot.”

“Oh. So in other words, you’re projecting the way you feel about my brother onto the way that he feels about Takane-san.” Ritsu visibly rolls his eyes.

There’s no helping it now. Teru’s hackles go up, feels his face curling into a scowl. “You’ve made it no secret that you don’t like my feelings for Kageyama-kun, but I can guarantee that the two situations are completely different. For starters, I actually know Kageyama-kun.”

“Do you? Really?” Ritsu finally drops the paper, looking at him with a cold determination that he’s seen few other times. “Hanazawa-kun, I don’t approve of your advances because you’re not good enough for my brother.”

Teru splutters angrily, a little shocked at the forwardness with which Ritsu spoke, but the younger brother was not yet done.

“When my brother loves somebody, he loves them wholly, even when they don’t share that same level of love.” There’s a sardonic grin here, and almost points out that it’s Ritsu who’s projecting now.  “You’re a pretty amazing person, Hanazawa-kun, and my brother agrees…but you’re not really a good one. You’re too in love with yourself to be the kind of person my brother needs.”

“How would you know that?” Teru snaps back, suddenly furious at the coolness with which Ritsu flings the accusation, because it isn’t true.  It isn’t true, he’d know better than anybody, he’s changed.

(Then why did the younger brother’s words hurt, if they weren’t true?)

Ritsu just eyes him, unmoved, arms crossed in a sullen glare. Neither move, neither look away. The temperature in the kitchen drops a few degrees.

“Being nice doesn’t count, if you’re only doing it to get attention.” Ritsu doesn’t break eye contact. “You only now how to take. And my brother only knows how to give. It doesn’t take a genius to see why a relationship would be healthy for either of you.”

“And I suppose you’re one to talk?” Teru challenges through gritted teeth. There’s something…terrifying in his face now. A desperate rage that has drained his face of color, threatens to contort his expression into something almost animalistic. He’s leaning heavily on the table now, fingers wrapped around the edges and knuckles white, as though it’s the only thing anchoring him right now.

Ritsu doesn’t even flinch. “At least I’m honest with myself.”

 Shigeo comes downstairs a few minutes later to find Ritsu sitting alone, nose buried in the newspaper without apparently having moved.

(There are new dents in the Kageyama’s table. Their mother later remarks on how much like somebody has squeezed the edge in a fit of rage, deforming it in a way that wood shouldn’t be capable of. Neither of the boys seems to know how that could have happened, however.)

--

Teru doesn’t answer his phone that day, or the next. Monday rolls around and he’s absent from school, making sure to email for sick leave.

He doesn’t actually have a fever this time, but he may as well with the muddled headache that has set hold of him. There are too many thoughts, panicked and anxious and all fighting for his attention, and he hates how in his own head he can’t hide from the truth.

Being nice doesn’t count if you’re only doing it for attention.

He tries to make a list, to think of counter examples that he can rub in Ritsu’s smug face. Tries to make it twice. Thrice. Four times.

You only know how to take.

Before long there is a pile of scrunched up papers piled up against his waste bin, and in a fit of rage he throws his notebook across the room to join them.

Not a good person.

With a sob, he buries his face in his hands, the frustration boiling over but not quite turning to tears.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all. He’d been doing everything right. So why wasn’t it working? Why was he still the same as he was back then?

He wonders if Shigeo knows. If Shigeo has seen through him as easily as his younger brother had.  As easily as the first time they had met. The thought of it burns like bile at the back of his throat, weighs heavily on his chest until he feels like he’s drowning.

It’s the drowning that finally prompts him to emerge from his dim apartment that Monday. The crushing guilt chases him out the door, and down the street, and while he knows that not even the aid of psychic powers will ever allow him to outrun it, there maybe is a place where he can face it, prepared.

[shigeokageyaboi]

Coming to Terms

So this is kind of the first fanfiction I’ve ever finished and posted online, and I’m sure there are plenty of things about it that are weird It’s Terumob aka Hanazawa Teruki/Kageyama “Mob” Shigeo. It’s just some fluff, it’s for general audiences and there might be more to come?

Shigeo is coming to terms with the fact that Tsubomi might never have feelings for him, but realizes that with Teruki by his side he doesn’t really mind what Tsubomi thinks

“Have you ever had to force yourself to let go of something despite every part of you feeling desperate to hold onto it?” Mob asks, his voice soft and slow, yet his tone is unsure, as though he is straining to talk.

Teru knows exactly how that feels, he was still coming to terms with letting go of his entire previous life. He still struggled everyday to face the world he thought he was better than, and though he feels like changing is what’s right- he can’t help but wish he could stay living blindly, believing he was more important than the rest. However, he doubts that Mob’s struggle is the same, so he simply nods and looks over at his friend.

“Yes, have you?” Teru asks, prodding to understand Mob’s situation just a little more. Mob leans back against the bench they’re sitting on and observes the sky, as if he were reading the shades of orange and purple that tell them night will be here soon.

“I know that I won’t be with Tsubomi-chan, even though I’m working so hard to be someone that she would love.” He almost flinches, like he’s being assaulted by the words spoken through his own mouth; Teru thinks Mob must must feel that way as well. He almost scoffs in response.

‘Why doesn’t Tsubomi love him the way he is right now?’ He thinks to himself, but aloud he says,

“What makes you say that, Kageyama-kun?”

It's quiet for a moment while Mob fights to speak words he doesn't want to say.

“Tsubomi-chan wants someone full of life, and I am not…” He mutters in response, tearing his gaze from the skies above to the concrete below. He crosses his arms tight along his torso, hugging the jacket in his arms closer to himself.

Whatever gave Mob the idea that he was not full of life clearly hadn’t spent more than a couple of minutes in his presence. Nothing had ever given Teruki more life than the boy he sat next to. Mob’s small, yet powerful smile, his dark eyes that hid behind soft, straight, beautiful hair... the color that filled his cheeks when he caught Teru staring at him… none of those things could be classified as anything less than ‘full of life’. To Teruki, Mob carried everything from night and day; nothing was ever as dark or as bright as him, nothing could be so secretive yet so transparent at the same time, nothing could be as dull or as colorful as Mob could be all at once.

“I don’t feel enough to be considered a human being…” Mob added, breaking Teru out of his thoughts.

That was definitely not true. Mob’s emotions were muted at times, but they weren’t nonexistent. When he lets his true passion shine through it is very clear that he feels everything to its full extent. He feels things at 100%, those feelings are within him and shine through him, even in small doses. That was clear to Teru.

“That’s not true, Kageyama-kun. You’re practically more human than anyone I’ve ever met.” He interjected, persistence in his voice, and eyes locked on Shigeo, who returned his gaze for only a moment before retreating back to the rubble of the concrete.

“But… I wouldn’t be able to laugh with her, or cry with her, or- or anything like that!” He insisted, Dimple’s words revived themselves, and rampaged the streets of Shigeo’s mind. He tried not to let them get to him, but the more he thought about his future with Tsubomi (or lack thereof) he couldn’t help but realize that even though those words were intentional stabs at his confidence they had truth to them.

“You would when it mattered, besides it’s not as though you don’t feel a thing- I’ve spent enough time with you to be able to tell that even though you’re not laughing you’re having fun, or even if you’re not crying you’re upset. You don’t have to be as expressive as everyone else to be readable.” Teru says, placing a hand on the back of Mobs neck, rubbing small circles into the juncture by his shoulder with his thumb. He wasn’t exactly experienced with comforting people, and physical affection towards Mob always had him thinking too much, but he tried not to focus on his mistakes, and instead focus on his friend.

“My bouts of emotion only really happen when something matters to me in particular, what if she’s upset and I’m just not able to feel for her? What if she never understands how I’m feeling if I’m not expressive enough?” His voice was quiet and he bit down on his lip, looking back up at the sky, trying to clear his head. He could feel himself beginning to shake, and held his jacket tighter to his body in an attempt to control his own movements. Teru could feel him breaking down under a single hand, and was tempted to pull the other in for a hug. Instead he sat quietly, growing increasingly more frustrated with Mob’s situation.

“If the way you are now isn’t good enough for her then maybe- well… maybe...” Teru stopped himself. He isn’t sure what would be too harsh to say to Shigeo, what would register as an offence towards this girl he held so dearly in his heart.

‘She isn’t good enough for you.’ is what pushes against Teru’s lips, daring to be said aloud, but they're swallowed away, and he becomes silent. It’s not fair, Teru doesn’t have any room to get frustrated with the girl Shigeo is close to. He’s not better than her, he shouldn’t act as though he knows what is good enough for Mob. However, he does know that Shigeo, his patient and generous friend, does not deserve to be thinking so lowly of himself, especially not because of some girl that doesn’t see how precious and valuable Mob’s affections towards her are.

“Maybe what, Hanazawa-kun?” Mob asks, eyes begging for comfort. Teru could feel his heart break as soon as he met that sad gaze, and nearly forgot he was speaking at all. What was he gonna say now? He couldn’t just badmouth this girl that Shigeo is so attached to, but he so badly wants to get his message across.

“Maybe… she just doesn’t know what she’s missing. You’re wonderful, Kageyama-kun. She must be blind if she doesn’t already see how lucky she is to be noticed by someone as great as you.” Was that better? He can’t tell. He can hardly think with those eyes staring him down, he wonders if it’s obvious how he wishes he could look in those beautiful eyes forever. He wonders if it’s obvious that he’s staring, can eye-contact be considered staring?

‘Stop staring, Hanazawa, you’re being too forward!’ He can feel his face flush, and he turns his gaze to the clouds above the falling sun, painted with a color that was nearly as pink as his cheeks. However, looking away doesn’t stop the heat caused by Shigeo's beaming eyes that peered into the side of him. Teruki’s mind racing with thoughts grabbed hold of one that moved him in particular.

‘Everything Kageyama has done to improve himself was for this girl, and now he’s coming to terms with the fact that she might never appreciate that.’

Maybe their situations weren't too different. Teruki was changing himself to be better, and letting go of his pretentious behavior- leaving behind his previous ideals. Mob was changing himself to be better and struggling to let go of his reserved behavior, but now he may have to leave behind his whole motivation for changing.

Either way they’re both trying become better people for one person's sake…

Themselves.

And neither of them were fully ready for the result of that.

“If someone like you thinks something so nice of me… then maybe what Tsubomi-Chan thinks of me shouldn't matter so much.” Mob says in a quiet voice, turning his head away to watch the clouds with Teru, whose face only grew into a dark shade of red. He wanted to say something to make Shigeo feel less alone, he sat in silence for only a moment before forcing himself to speak- to just make something up,

“I- If Tsubomi-Chan is the kind of person who will only accept you at your best then just know that I'm here for you when you gotta be your worst…” Not bad, but when is Shigeo ever ‘the worst’ to Teruki? He had to keep going…

“O-Or.. even just your mediocre, because even if… um.” Stay charming, Teruki. Stop sputtering. Say something mystical…

“Even if you want to be a star for Tsubomi... you're already a galaxy to me.” Good enough Teru adds, too embarrassed to think through every word, just desperately hoping his message doesn't come off as too strong or confusing or even too embarrassing.

Shigeo just smiles at him in response, small but genuine and sincere, his face dusted with pink. He wishes he could think of something to say to Teru that carried as much meaning as what Teru just said to him, and he shames himself for not being as great with words as his silver-tongued master. Instead he stands, turning to face the blond below him,

“It's getting dark, if I'm not home soon Ritsu might get upset.” he says, reaching his hand out to help Teru up. Not removing his hand from the other when he is successfully pulled from his comfortable position on the park bench. Mob wonders if this is okay, Teru has yet to pull out of his grasp, but neither of them have started moving forward. They just stand in silence, hand in hand.

“Okay, let's get you home then.” Teruki says as he begins to walk, signalling Shigeo to begin as well, who hums in agreement.

They stay intertwined until they reach the step of Shigeo's porch, triggering him to turn around and face the blond who lets go of his hand in surprise.

“Thank you, Hanazawa-Kun. For speaking with me today.” he speaks softly and swallows thickly as he moves towards Teruki, who scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, his eyes unmet with Mob’s and doesn't notice the space between them getting smaller.

“Ah hey, don’t worry about it! I’m always here when you need to talk. You have my number, right? So don't hesitate to--”

He’s cut off by Shigeo's lips, that press against him softly, and far too quick for him to register before the other bolts to the door and says,

“Thanks again, Hanazawa-kun! Bye!” with his face flushed and his voice clearly raised higher than it was used to going, and a single wave goodbye before he scurried behind the door of his home.

Teru brought curled fingers up to his chest and smiled, and he felt as though he were flourishly skipping his way home. Surely his rosy cheeks and wide smile would stand out to those who might pass by him in the near dark of night, and he couldn't help but feel as though he shined bright enough to bring back the day. And as soon as he got home he began to retrace every step of the day in his mind.

[technicolorheart9801]

All It Does Is Take: Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3  |  Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Ritsu had been oddly subdued thus far, gazing at the complicated transmutation circle with a furrowed brow.

“Do you see something wrong with it?” Mob asked. “I’ve triple checked all of my calculations, but I could have missed something.”

Ritsu stayed silent for a moment, seeming to hesitate, before saying, “N-no. I was… just wondering about her soul. What do we have to offer that could possibly be equivalent?”

To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. And on that day, they lost more than their fair share. Now the Kageyama Brothers are on a mission. A mission that might cost them everything they have left.

I just recently watched Mob Psycho 100 and fell completely in love, so I decided to write something that has been on my mind for a while: an FMA/MP100 crossover. I'm very new at this, so don't be afraid to comment on anything you think I should fix or any ideas that you have, just please be nice!

Alchemy is the science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. However, humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. This is the law of equivalent exchange. And back then, this was our only absolute truth.

“Water 35 liters, carbon 20 kilograms, ammonia 4 liters, lime 1.5 kilograms, phosphorous 800 grams, salt 250 grams, saltpeter 100 grams, sulfur 80 grams, fluorine 7.5 grams, iron 5 grams, silicon 3 grams, and trace amounts fifteen other elements,” Mob’s soft voice rang out in the quiet basement, “That’s everything.”

Ritsu had been oddly subdued thus far, gazing at the complicated transmutation circle with a furrowed brow.

“Do you see something wrong with it?” Mob asked. “I’ve triple checked all of my calculations, but I could have missed something.” Mob trusted Ritsu enough to fix anything that Mob messed up. Ritsu was smart, and had a keener eye for the smaller details that Mob might have overlooked.

Ritsu stayed silent for a moment, seeming to hesitate, before saying, “N-no,” Mob tilted his head to the side, a bit worried. Ritsu didn’t usually stutter. “No. Your alchemy is as amazing as ever. I was… just wondering about her soul. What do we have to offer that could possibly be equivalent?”

Oh. It seemed Mob was worrying for nothing again, as he normally did when it concerned Ritsu. The hesitancy was gone by the end of Ritsu’s statement, and he brought up a good point, as usual. His little brother was probably just a bit nervous, they were about attempt human transmutation, a taboo. Mob would be having second thoughts too, if he was with anyone other than Ritsu, the smartest person he knew, and if it was for anyone other than their mother.

“Oh, right.” Mob had almost forgotten about the soul data. “Well, since we got our blood from her’s, I figured a few drops would be enough. A fair trade.” He proceeded to pull out a small knife and prick his finger, not noticing Ritsu’s wince, and let some blood seep into the mixture of human ingredients he had rattled off earlier. It was a bit amusing to Mob, the fact that everything you needed to create a human body could be bought with a child’s allowance. Mob held out the knife to Ritsu. “Um, here. I mean, if you want to. I won’t make you, but-”

“It’s okay, Nii-san.” Was Ritsu’s natural response to reassure his brother. Mob wasn’t really known for his eloquence, but Ritsu was good at understanding, even when Mob couldn’t articulate properly. Ritsu took the knife and went through the same motions Mob had. “It’s only a papercut. We get those all the time.” He ended the statement with a small (strained) smile.

Mob was uncomfortable with the fact that Ritsu had to get hurt, even if it was just a cut… but this was for their mother, and Ritsu was just as onboard with this plan as he was.

“Okay, then. I think we’re ready.” Mob kneeled on the stone floor and placed his hands on the outer rim of the circle. Ritsu stayed standing, once again gazing at the symbols and writings that they had spent years deciphering and understanding and learning to make. He then closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and crouched down to join his brother. Mob figured Ritsu was excited to finally be reaping the benefits of their hard work, like he was.

The alchemic reaction started up, sending blue lightning shooting through the air and lighting up their faces. Mob’s heart started hammering with the excitement that he figured Ritsu must be feeling as well.

It was finally happening. After months of training and studying, he and his brother were finally going to do it. They were going to get their mom back, and he wouldn’t have to stand on his own anymore, or be strong for his little brother, because he was just so tired of being strong. He smiled widely, and - with alchemy in the air, his mother coming back, and his brother at his side - he felt nothing but pure ecstasy and happiness for a short, precarious moment.

Then his joyful little bubble was shattered with the pain that began, radiating white-hot throughout his left leg. Mob screamed out, collapsing onto the cold, hard stone beneath him. He looked down to see ribbons of black attached to and dissolving his leg, leaving only a white imprint in it’s wake. The burning suddenly morphed into something icy cold that traveled all the way up his leg starting at his toes, stopping at mid-thigh, and leaving a numb nothingness in it’s wake. It was all Mob could do to think clearly enough to try to work out what exactly had gone wrong.

“I-it can’t be… a rebound?”

“Nii-san! Nii-san!” All concern for the reasons behind their failed reaction and his own well-being were immediately removed from Mob’s mind as he looked up to see Ritsu in much the same situation as himself except on his entire body, little black hands attached to the ends of ribbon-like arms, spiraling up his arms and body and face, breaking Ritsu’s body apart in a manner that was much like a failed alchemic reaction, making his skin look like paper mache. He was being dragged up into something that Mob couldn’t seem to make out.

“Ritsu!”

“Nii-san, please!” Ritsu - calm Ritsu that always seemed to have a plan, that had a cool head in any situation - looked scared, eyes wide and panicked and starting to fill with the beginning of tears. He reached out with the only hand he had left, and Mob - with energy he didn’t know he still had - reached out to Ritsu in turn.

“Nii-san! Nii-san, help!”

Ritsu’s arm was dissolving, all the way down to his fingertips.

“No! Ritsu!”

Mob was so close. So close-

“Nii-san!”

“RITSU!”

Then there was a bright, white light, blinding Mob for a second, before it was gone, leaving behind darkness only tempered by one remaining light bulb. The other light had been snuffed out.

When Mob opened his eyes, it was to a white landscape, seeming to stretch forever in every direction and yet, at the same time, could also be the size of his own small bedroom. A mind trick. And the only abnormalities in the flawless nothingness were himself and an odd humanoid figure that was sitting facing him.

“Ritsu? Wait, what was I doing?” Mob’s head was feeling oddly fuzzy. “What just…”

“Hello,” The dark figure spoke suddenly, voice sounding akin to static on a radio. Mob shivered slightly as he looked into the blank white eyes, because it looked like a shadow of himself, flickering in and out of existance like a flame on the wick of a candle. A candle that you couldn't blow out even if you wanted to. A candle that may seem harmless, but could burn an entire house down if left unattended.

Mob quickly swallowed back his fear. “Um, hello… how are you doing today?” He never did like small talk all that much - by the end of the conversation he usually felt like he messed up somehow - but he was willing to be polite. He just hoped he wouldn’t accidentally insult the... person. Mob seemed to do that a lot. “What’s your name?”

The being tilted its head, black hair floating around it as if in water. “You should learn to ask the right questions. I am here today because you played god. And failed. And now, you face the consequences. That is what I am doing today.”

Mob was confused.

“Hm… As for your second question, I am known by many names. I'm the World. I'm the Universe. I am God. I am Truth. I am all. I am one. And I am also... you.” The Truth pointed at Mob with one dark finger, and a gate that Mob hadn’t even realized was right behind him was opened with a resounding clang.

“You have dared to knock on the door. Now, the door is open.” Mob slowly turned around to face what his gate contained and was met with a single, wide-open eye, facing sideways to fill the entire length of the door that was at least three times Mob’s own height. And from the depths of the blackness behind it, tendrils of black shot out to grasp at his arms and body, dragging him towards the unknown from whence they came. Mob wondered what was beyond the gate. For once in his life, Mob decided he would rather remain ignorant.

The figure-Truth-stood, glancing down at its body and examining its hands. "Though, you are certainly an interesting case, aren't you?"

Mob couldn't do anything but scream as the hands continued to drag him backward.

Truth remained seemingly indifferent, but finally addressed Mob again, saying, "This may not be what you wanted, but it is what you asked for. Word your question better next time.”

Then the doors slammed shut, cutting off Mob’s screams. That’s when it suddenly felt like all of the world’s information was being poured into his brain all at once. “No! It’s too much! Please, it’s too much!” He saw everything. “Please, stop! Stop it!” He saw everything. And it wouldn’t stop, pushing his mind to the brink of shattering, because he was just human. He couldn’t handle this.

His brain felt like it was about to burst, the weight of millions of secrets and absolutes just about crushing him. That was the moment when, just for an instant, it all became clear. The Truth… of everything.

But then the gate was clanging back shut behind him and Mob was right back in front of Truth like nothing had happened. But something had happened, and Mob needed answers. So he started a conversation with a stranger, which was kind of new.

“I see now.” Mob stated. “My human transmutation theory wasn’t wrong. It was just missing something. But it can be done, and all the answers are right here. Can you please, maybe… show it to me again?”

The dark figure stood. “I’m afraid not. I’ve already shown you all that I can with the toll you paid.”

“Um… what do you mean by toll?”

“Still asking the wrong questions. Surely you know?” Mob’s eyes widened in horror, because he did know. That was the same moment that Mob’s world went sideways, and the last thing he heard was, “It is equivalent exchange, right, little alchemist?”

And suddenly Mob was looking at his basement’s stone ceiling, clutching at his thigh where his leg should have been. Mob couldn’t help but think about how stupid he had been, thinking that some blood could be equivalent to a human soul, because a soul was special, but blood was easy to get. Too easy. Evidence by the red liquid that endlessly flooded through his fingertips and onto the floor. He knew, distantly, that this was a bad thing that he should be worrying about, but all that he could feel was the cold spot next to him where his little brother should be.

“Ritsu?” But no one else was there. The only remains of Ritsu were his clothes on the ground beside him. For the first time ever, Mob was completely alone.

“Ritsu.” Mob’s voice was choking up. “Ritsu, please, where are you?” But Mob knew where Ritsu was. He wasn't here, because in Mob’s quest to get his mother back, he had crossed a line, a line into a territory that had cost him the only family he had left.

No. No. Mob would not accept that. He knew what he needed to do.

But it hurt. It hurt like nothing he had ever felt before. But Mob didn’t stop until he had dragged himself over to the suit of armor in the corner, knocking it to the ground with a clang that made his ears ring and echo with something other than his own heartbeat. With shaking, bloody hands, Mob drew the most important transmutation circle he had ever and would ever make again on the inside of the armor, at the nape of the neck.

“No, please - Don’t take him too! Damn it, he’s my brother! Take anything that you want, anything. Just GIVE HIM BACK!”

Mob took all of his pain and sorrow and determination and desperation and used it all in one single clap. The lights of the transmutation were different this time, rainbow-colored and seeming to created an aura around Mob the blood seal he had made, lifting his hair until it looked like it was floating underwater. This only lasted for a brief second, before the light was gone along with his right arm and his hair sat flat on his head again. Now all Mob could do was wait and hope that he wouldn’t have to be alone forever.

[aranciafiamma]

The Seance

Summary: You should be careful when summoning spirits. You never know who’s going to answer your call. (Mob dies. Ritsu does not cope well and makes some Very Bad decisions.)

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2

"Hey, kiddo. You hungry?" Dad asks, knocking on his door. "I'm ordering pizza."

Ritsu picks himself up from the floor. He looks out the window and sees it's gotten dark. He has no idea how long he's been sitting, staring at nothing. Probably hours. He walks over and opens his door. "I'm not really hungry, Dad." "You haven't eaten all day. Please kiddo.  Just a slice." "Sorry. But I'm -" "It doesn't have to be pizza. It can be ramen. We can have ramen delivered." Ritsu sighs. He avoids meeting Dad's eyes. "It's okay. You don't have to..." "I don't have to? What? What don't I have to do?" Dad barks out a laugh - a sharp, dry, wheezing sound. "I'm just - I'm just trying to take care of my kid. That's my job. It's what I'm supposed to do. It's what I decided to do. It's what I - I..." Ritsu hears a hitch in Dad's breath. He snaps his head up and watches horrified as Dad swallows down a sob. Their eyes meet and Dad turns away, rubbing the back of his neck. But it's too late. Ritsu already saw. "Dad - " "So anyway. Ramen?" Dad still isn't looking at him. Ritsu feels his stomach crawling up his throat. The idea of food right now... But he breathes in deep. "Yeah. Sure." Dad glances over his shoulder. His eyes are still suspiciously shiny. Then he faces forward once more, running a hand down his face. "Good, good. Yeah. I'll get some for the both of us." "What about Mom?" "She's uh, she fell asleep. Don't wanna wake her up, and all that," Dad says, already walking away. Ritsu watches him go before shutting his door. He had heard Mom crying in the bedroom next to his - Nii-san's bedroom. He didn't hear her leave. She must have fallen asleep there.

It's been like this since the funeral. At least before, coming home from the hospital, there had been things to do - preparations to start, finances to fix. But now, that's all over. And they're left at a loss. Or simply, they are lost - untethered, wobbly - like a chair missing its leg. Mom is prone to fits of mania and catatonia. Ritsu finds her polishing the kitchen floor at 3 a.m. Or she'll be sitting on the couch, limp against the cushions. Her eyes are always fixed on some unknown distance. Ritsu could be inches from her but she'd simply see right through him. Dad hasn't gone back to work, but he's doing the most. He reminds them to sleep or to bathe. He's taken over the daily chores. He keeps them fed and cleans the house. He's not very good at it, but better than expected considering he gets no help. Ritsu isn't exactly the most helpful. He's been losing time. He'll take a seat or lie down, then blink and find out hours have passed. In such a state, he can’t go back to school. He’d zone out through his lessons. Not to mention the pity, all his classmates giving condolences and half-hearted comfort - he’d want to crawl out of his skin. So he stays at home. Dad lets him. He thinks it's been a week? Maybe two? It doesn’t matter. He should just drop out and get that over with. It’s just laughable - the idea that he'll get over this enough, that one day he can conform himself to some kind of normal. His whole reality had folded into itself. There’s no such thing anymore.

Okay sure. In another timeline, in another realm of possibility, Mob survives every head injury with just a scratch to show for it. Things like concussions, vasogenic edemas, subdural empyemas aren’t even considered. It didn’t matter that he was hurt. He got up and walked it off. So everything turned out all right. Except. This isn’t that timeline. This isn’t that universe.

Ritsu can only dream of it - the world where his brother made it to his third year, became the vice-president of his club, and celebrated Reigen’s next birthday. Those dreams are flushed with color, filled with fluid movement and vibrant expression. Nii-san smiles freely.

The waking world is a static monochrome in comparison. This is an all wrong reality. This is a cruel universe. Ritsu wants to believe that. He wants to blame some higher, cosmic being. Nii-san’s death had to be some intentional wrong, a deity with grudge, because if not - if it was just a random instance, if bad things just happen with no fault or cause…

His stomach tries for a prison break through his mouth. Ritsu leans heavily against his desk, nails digging into the polished wood. He really shouldn’t eat but he can't bear the thought of Dad being all by himself.  He will have dinner tonight. He just needs a minute to catch his breath - a second really. He'll be fine.

They have ramen, just the two of them. Mom still hasn’t woken up. Dad couldn’t find their soup spoons so they made do with the regular kind.

“Itadakimasu,” they say.

Ritsu picks up his spoon, only for it to suddenly twist and warp away from him. Just like spoons usually did for Nii-san. He stares at it, still and silent. It’s the split second before an earthquake, the breath before a punch. This whole time, he hadn’t been able to feel much. A chill had followed him all the way from the hospital, numbing him from the inside out. But now. Now.

He slams the damn spoon on the table. His bowl of ramen floats. The whole stupid table floats. Dad yelps and rears back. The cupboards starts opening and shutting like some kind of satirical applause. He can hear the cutlery drawer rattle, no doubt all the spoons and forks and knives have bent out of shape.

“Ritsu?”

Fucking psychic powers. He’d spent years wanting this? The most useless fucking shit. In the end, what could it do? In the end, it did nothing to help or protect. In the end, it laid dormant while Nii-san died.

It makes him sick. Nii-san died just because. Nii-san. Surely, his brother was meant for more than this. An accident. What a load of bullshit. He survived battle after battle only to die from bacteria. Nii-san? It wasn’t poetic or grand or noble or anything. It was just…

“...sad. It’s okay.”

Ritsu looks up. Dad is on his feet, watching him. He seems resigned, but not at all wary, not at all scared. Even with the kitchen wrecked. The bowls smashed. The ramen splattered everywhere. Cupboard doors have been ripped from the hinges. The table now overturned and lying on its side. Horrified, Ritsu backs up, wrapping his arms around himself as if he could stuff his powers back in. It sort of works. The psychic storm slowly powers down.

His legs collapse from under him. A sob tears itself from his throat. Each breath feels like phlegm being coughed from his lungs. There is at once too much and not enough air.

He hears footsteps before slippered feet enter his sight. Worn sweatpants kneel on the floor. There’s a soft, muffled crying. His? Dad’s? He doesn’t want to know. He keeps his eyes down.

A pair of arms wrap around his shoulders. He is brought close to a t-shirt probably older than him. It smells like sweat, old leather, with just a hint of cigarette smoke. Hands card through his hair as the chest under his cheek shudders and shudders. The crying has drowned out any other noise.

He tries to squirm out of Dad’s grip, to push him away. He doesn’t want comfort. He doesn’t need it. Because he’s not sad. He isn’t. The burning sensation at the back of his tongue isn’t sorrow. It’s a scream. It’s forge-hot, searing white rage. Screw telekinesis, he’ll tear down everything with his bare hands! He’ll unmake it all piece by piece! This world shouldn’t exist. It’s an abomination. It’s a mistake. It’s...

“... Not fair,” Ritsu hiccups. “It’s not fair! How could - How dare - How fucked up -”

“Yeah.” Dad exhales out a sob or maybe a laugh. “I know.”

A pause. Ritsu freezes. His hands clutching fistfuls of Dad’s shirt. There’s a second of silence, absolute and heavy. Then he collapses, surrendering to Dad’s hold. Because really. There’s nothing more he can add to that.

Chapter 3