#fast food again and being able to go home and have a life instead of school or planning for the future i guess

[your--isgayrights]

You have written at least 1 No Scenarios AU before, so what do you think would happen to ORV KDJ if the scenarios never happened? In your wall fic, KDJ gets a stable job and a still ongoing story about YJH but at around the same time in the novel KDJ is about to be unemployed while WOS is coming to a close. Do you think ORV KDJ would be able to find another job (maybe like in your wall fic) or stay in contact with YSA or be fine without WOS? I’ve seen others say that KDJ might contemplate suicide again, or that he would never come to terms with his mom and his past in a No-Scenario event. What are your thoughts on the possible differences between this KDJ and your wall fic’s KDJ?

Hmm that's a good question... I think most important to whether or not Kim Dokja contemplates suicide again is whether or not WoS ends in the same way it does in cannon and how he reacts to it without the scenarios. My feeling is that when Kim Dokja survives his first attempt, he goes online and searches something to the effect of 'How to survive in a ruined world' and stumbles across a page publishing WoS, and he follows it for all these years because he is still looking for an answer to that question. I think a lot of people can relate to that drive for media consumption that is like... 'please, I just want to feel different after this, I want this to mean something.' WoS is a story about what happens to a man forced to survive the apocalypse over 1800 times and this is analagous to KDJ who endures the sisyphusian burden of being a regular guy with no friends every goddamn day lol. KDJ has been waiting for WoS to tell him what it has all been for. An important part of WoS's construction is that HSY knew KDJ's future while writing it. In this way, WoS was like a promise to KDJ, 'please just keep living, we're coming soon, the people who love you will appear, please just wait for them a little longer..'

In a world where this future doesn't come to pass, the original ending of WoS would lose a lot of this meaning. we get a bit of a preview of this reality in the sort of... Oh... That's it? Moment KDJ has after reading 'the end' at the start of ORV and then there's his messages with the author. So with this as the starting point I will say I find it likely KDJ could work himself up to another attempt just based on the ending of 'surviving 1863 times was for nothing because reality is limited and there are no true heroes' bc his internal just like YJH moments would end up depressing like 'doing all this work for nothing in the end...' but like you say there's more fun options if you get our ORV ladies involved. For instance, I could see KDJ disbelieving the ending or wanting a better conclusion for YJH and messaging the author about such things. Imagine that as One True Author HSY is fading, 26(?) Yo HSY wakes up to see she has a weird alternate account she's typing on? What? And looking at her computer history she realizes she sleep wrote this novel? Wow her genius knows no bounds...

I think for an author like HSY, having a single dedicated reader to converse with who takes the story to be as important as it is in your head is a really big thing, and her popular web novels never have anything like that. So when she has this account that's this one way channel with KDJ she's like oh haha fuck this guy what a loser he likes this webnovel that doesn't even have a good ending like mine did... I could write so much better of an ending awake than I did asleep... So she starts writing extras at KDJ's behest. Except her style is totally different and very fanservicey, except she doesn't understand the fan she's serving very well yet?

On KDJ's end I think maybe YSA takes concern after he reveals he doesn't have a position lined up after his contract ends and starts sending him any and all opportunities she sees around. At first he awkwardly thanks her and doesn't pursue them right away, but while WoS is ongoing again in this weird new direction, he starts applying around. He either gets another office job or honestly I could see him working at a convenience store or something (maybe he has a system where if there's a fly in the store a certain bug net carrying kid can catch it for candy rewards...).

While HSY is writing WoS extras, KDJ is constantly complaining and it eventually shakes down to a long one on one conversation between the two of them about why WoS and it's ending matters so much to KDJ. He wants a happy ending that he can Believe, not just a 'happy ending' standard formula, because those exist for a different Type of person than YJH (KDJ) is. So HSY doggedly works at writing and revising it until KDJ could possibly be satisfied... But maybe comes to the conclusion that there's no way WoS could end and satisfy KDJ so they decide to write a sequel that only HSY snidely sees as a KDJ self insert fanfiction of the original work so HSY is writing RPF of random guy who read her sleep-wrote novel ending up in her sleep-wrote novel and that's ORV. I like to think that somehow ORV would become popular even though WoS itself would remain in obscurity like people would think it was made up just as the premise for ORV and not look for the actual novel lol. Then I think HSY and KDJ could be very Established online friends and maybe even meet up in person to talk shit. As for his mom, she'd get out of prison but I don't think she and KDJ would meet up again unless maybe HSY coached him or his mom reached out first. I have some more specific ideas about how it's going to go in Wall fic I wanna keep close to the belt for now.

But yeah without WoS or any of the IRLs' intervention, KDJ's story is def one of that passive suicidality that comes from not even being able to imagine a future worth surviving for. Without a driving motivation to keep living, KDJ becomes unemployed, food becomes scarce, he might drift through some systems for a bit before reaching the end. I don't know if he'd still take action himself, but he'd definitely be another person just sitting around waiting to die. Of course, even for such a person there are avenues to keep living. Like I said, low level job at a convenience store or something could be pretty okay. It's a close knit team with a small group of customers and he doesn't have to care too much about the job to get it done. He could do little niceties for people like he likes to do and just have it taken as good customer service. But he would still definitely be Waiting for whatever next thing would come along, be it a new novel or like a robber coming to kill him lol. I could imagine him getting held up and being like... Do it. Take the shot. I'm a 30 yo working at a convenience store do you think I have something to live for. And maybe he'd get promoted to manager.

[cryptfile]

⋆౨ৎ˚ ࣪ over the moon [ benedict bridgerton x wife!reader ]

summary — based on a request but went slightly off with it aka when your husband starts to stay up painting till late you start plotting a good plan to make him go to bed with you and actually rest instead.

warnings — pure fluff, since the rumors of sophie being latina sparked, personally went crazy with the information so it’s implied that reader is latina also, mentions of sex (nothing explicit,,, implied as part of a establish relationship).

side notes — English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes i’m sorry in advance. this is for my latin girlies out here reading in tumblr, working extra hard to translate your works to bring new content to the page, tkm <3 reblogs, comments and likes are much appreciated,,,as brittany broski once said: i'm a benedict bridgerton believer, i'm a benedict bridgerton ally.

You really didn’t know what you were getting into when you accepted Benedict’s marriage proposal.

Nobody told you that loving an artist is a tricky thing, cause while you’re always giving Ben’s new ideas, you hate him at the same time when he’s at the art studio until late, painting as if the absence of light it’s not enough to separate him from the canvas.

God, it just drives you crazy. He lacks of a schedule so he’s able to keep on painting till the rays of light start to appear again in the window he leaves opened all night long, and you’re afraid he’s going to catch a cold if he continues with his bad habits.

It suddenly hits him, that inspiration he ends up being the victim of, kissing you quickly as he escapes so fast you aren’t able to say anything when he disappears leaving you alone, you tolerate it at first, but the second? The third? He's just testing your patience at this point.

Your marriage has never been a troubled one, your husband does not make you mad most of the time and you enjoy being in love, those little things that made your heart skip a beat. You enjoy talking to him at night, spend your day in his art room as he encourages you to keep on writing that mystery book you're so into lately, bickering about how unfair life is for women your age — Hell, woman of all ages.

You love the sound of his laugh when he's careless about everything else, when he admits he doesn't want to go that night's party cause he just wants to stay home and fuck you senseless, his way of seeing art and explain it to you as something totally opposite as what you really think it is.

Thing is, you choose to marry Benedict Bridgerton cause you're indeed, head over heels with him. You've fall for the charming smile and sassy attitude that made you finally settle after years of being called a spinster. He finds the way to intrude the walls of the maze that was your heart and managed to plant a flag in the middle of it when you're confident enough to talk to him, let alone be seen in public after all the rumors you've heard that he was looking for a wife that season.

Even when you try to avoid him, he makes you fall in no time, following you around like a lost puppy, going to your house to spend time with your family, convincing everyone he's desperate to try the food your nana makes, cause you've talked about how good it taste all the time.

It's almost like he tricked you into make you love him, to have you between the brushes dipped in a funny smell water. He has you hooked by the first months and soon after? God, he has no education when he makes you love him, how he obliges you to stain yourself with all the things he was his daily life mixed with yours functioning so well.

It's a thorn nailed in the palm of your hand, those moments of privacy when the moon evolves you and your lover completely that are now being taken away. It's selfish, surely it's something childish so you don't want to say anything to your friends, or even Daphne Basset when she visits you to have an afternoon of tea free from her kids, asking you about how everything's going days before you came up with this great idea.

You can take the matter by your hands, that's why the next time Benedict's painting at midnight your mind works like a machine.

After all the time together you happen to know him more than you know yourself, the things he enjoys what he dislikes the most — So it's not very hard to plot against your husband.

Benedict doesn't seem to hear you when you silently glide through the half-open door, unaware as the light of the candle lights is not enough to illuminate the whole room, the fire he kept close to the canvas he was currently working on. He looks handsome all concentrated. His brows furrowed as he takes the pigments with his bare hands and mix them in his wood palette to get that exact color he was looking for. A shade of pink for a piece he hasn't shown you officially yet.

"What are you doing up so late?" you ask coyly when you are close to him, hearing how his breath hitched for a second before noticing it's you, your hands coming from behind just to intrude in his space close to the easel. He's taller than you, but it doesn't stop you from standing in your tiptoes, pressing your cheek against the crook of his neck as you hugged him.

You cannot hide that you're tired. You lost the track of time when you got out of bed, so when you have your husband close and finally smell that nice and subtle aroma he carries with him, you relax in his back, the sound of his heartbeat loud against your ear.

"You scared me for a second," he says with a grin, muscles relaxing under your touch. "Didn't hear you coming in."

He has dry paint on his neck, so while you're cleaning his skin with one hand, he leans into you, back pressed against your chest seeking for your warmth, that contact he always seems to enjoy, your attention in all the ways he can get it.

“Bed’s cold without you” you say, fingers on his recently trimmed hair. "Done waiting for'you."

He has the nerve to laugh at your words, slowly at first, the sound of it making your skin shiver. He's going to defend his choices, you know it, and you hate how much you enjoy it, the way he always seems to find an excuse making you totally offended as you retort something equally ridiculous.

"Just thirty more minutes I promise," he says pressing a kiss in the palm of your hand he so gently grabs. "If you stay with me like this, can do the work in twenty."

"You can fool anyone else with that Ben, not buying it" to be honest, you're just trying to contradict everything he says, far from what you thought doing first when you plotted against him. "You said the same last week, amor. Not falling for any more lies."

"Not falling huh?" he asks, lowering the wood palette to look at you, his eyes meeting yours when you're so comfortable pressing your chin on his shoulder, looking at the painting he was doing — "You've learned the lesson then?"

"Twenty more minutes mean an hour in Benedict's language," he's the one that's now offended when his mouth opens in disbelief "Turns out I know my husband, and we both know that’s way more than twenty minutes.”

He loves it. It’s almost a secret, but he loves how you demand his company, the way you don’t fold against anything and you stand for what you believe. He loves how you claim to know him, your lavender smell filling every single space available in the room as he smiles happily in response. He was so unsure of marrying you at first, but now he doesn’t know what his life would look like without you in the picture.

“Ah, I’m guilty as charge” he says, his own hand going to his chest like it saddens him to hear you talk like that. “Thought you wanted me to paint more.”

You've been encouraging him to show his art to more people, a small gallery that displayed his talent, but that’s using your words for his advantage.

“You little bastard, that’s unfair coming from you.”

“Woah woah, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Kiss you even” you stick your tongue out, and he’s suddenly turning you around to place a kiss in your forehead, making you move in front of him instead — “You wouldn’t even imagine.”

Benedict’s a romantic. A poet at heart, so he doesn’t let any opportunity slip to show his affection, his infinite devotion to you. His heart flutters in his chest and suddenly he’s kissing you, staining your white nightgown with the fresh paint of his hands and not caring about it at the slightest. Kisses you like he missed you, like he didn’t see you the whole day when in reality you’ve spent all day in the same house, baking cookies cause you’ve suffered from a burst of love to the kitchen.

“You’re not convincing me” you say between kisses, hands pressing you closer to him. “I’m not leaving this room without you.”

He chuckles at your words — “Not even ten minutes?”

He’s devastatingly handsome in a way that makes you stare at him, wonder what you did to make him so interested in you, so attracted to the point he has to marry you.

"No Bridgerton. Ni diez minutos." To be honest, the accent just makes him go weak at the spot. It's pathetic, but he cannot help it, his brain melts at the sound of your voice, even if he doesn't understand much of what you're saying. "Let's go to bed."

You know it's a weapon, your lips are on his face, and he forgets about everything else: How he's supposed to continue on working when your lips are kissing every inch of his face? Seems like an impossible task now that his hands are on your waist and all he can notice are your pink lips, how you're looking at him through half-lidded eyes cause you're sleepy, an smile that eclipses the rest.

Benedict's no longer worried of his painting. Hell, he cannot seem to remember what shade of pink he was so invested in finding before, but he don't care at all when he's the one now leaning in, kissing you with fervent love as he traces the outline of your lips, almost asking for permission to invade you before deepening the contact, tangling his fingers in the strands of your hair cause he simply cannot get enough from you.

"Take me to bed then, my beautiful wife."

He does not protest next. He loves every second of it, the slight force, your gentle touch when your guiding him through the cottage you two share in Wiltshire, the goosebumps in his own skin when you managed to get what you want.

You win. It's a war that Benedict never intended to win, a disaster he knew it would end up with the result of him leaving his work half done cause he cannot resist to the idea of being tangled with you in such an intimate way. He sleeps so well with you on his arms, burying his head on your hair as he relaxes beneath the sheets, the contact of your skin enough to make him have the best night sleep.

Can he resist it? He's neck deep. Talked about it with his brothers before, drinking too much as the words slurred together and he admits how you got him wrapped around your finger, so in love he would do anything to please you, let alone have your full attention — They surely made fun of him, but is it his fault? Being so in love with his wife?

"Can't say no to you," he says defeated "You know it."

In the privacy of the room you two share, you're washing his hands with a wet cloth, preventing him from getting the sheets dirty before pulling his linen shirt to the floor. It's so quickly, he don't seem to realize what you're doing until he's already in bed, covered with the thick duvet as he searches for you.

He realizes now he should have listened to you before, cause his back is surely happy now that he's able to rest, the weariness of being standing so many hours now falling over him as his eyes began to close by themselves.

"When are you going to stop working so late?" You ask, pressing your cheek against his chest as you hugged him, getting closer to him even when you stole more than half of the bed in the process. The second son of the Bridgerton family does not say anything about it, but instead, enjoys how needy you are of his touch, how you want him around.

"Inspiration always come late, angel" he tries to defend himself as you rolled your eyes. “Maybe it’s a curse.”

"Then i’m afraid i’ll have to drag you to bed every night," you protest. "Cause i'm not letting you stay all night in that studio, crazy man."

"Miss me too much in bed?"

"Hm, what if I do?"

"Cannot blame you," Benedict admits later, using the only traces of force he has left to caress your hair, fingertips against your scalp in a gentle massage. "I'm always missing you when you're not around."

Your heart skips a beat: How could you not be head over heels with this man? He always find the right words, what to say exactly.

Gently, your face come up to press a soft kiss against his lips, a quick one that’s not enough for Benedict when he makes you stay in the same position as he steals a much longer one.

Life is simple with him by your side, you know it cause you might as well be over the moon when you’re alone with Benedict Bridgerton.

Every. single. day.

my masterlist.

[finelinevogue]

you are the love of my life

summary - you go to harry’s listening party and are reminded how he is the love of your life

warnings: heavily angsty, probably not a conventional happy ending but no pt.2, fluffy moments too don’t worry!, swearing

word count: 3k

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

“Harry I don’t think that’s the best idea.” 

You rubbed a hand over your forehead as the call you were having with your ex-boyfriend stressed you out. It wasn’t the most ideal moment to be having this call either, since you were waiting for Chris, your boyfriend, to come and pick you up for date night.

Standing in the hallway you leaned against the wall and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall onto your cheeks. It was unfair how much your heart still hurt after breaking up with Harry and yet it was a mutual breakup, in which both of you decided to stay as friends. It was a hard decision for both of you and one you’ve regretted for all 482 days after. 

You knew his phone calls were a way of him checking up on you and making sure you were doing okay, which was the exact same reasons why you answered the phone. You each had pieces of each others hearts and that was something neither of you could let go. 

“Please, Y/N. I need... Just, please.” He said softly and your heart cracked just a little.

“Uh.. Harry, look I’ve got to go...” You tried to use your date night as an excuse to leave this phone call as it was.

“Uh.. Harry, look I’ve got to go...” You tried to use your date night as an excuse to leave this phone call as it was.

“Y/N...” 

The way Harry said your name with such familiarity made your heart so warm. His voice sounded like home and your heart knew it. You wanted him to come home, but his voice was as close as you’d ever get again. 

“You know Chris will be there.” You replied and you could hear him thinking out loud. His silence was so loud, thinking over the situation. You knew that it wouldn’t be an easy decision for him to make, but this was unfortunately the situation you’d both arrived at.

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” You questioned, just to make sure that had been his answer.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll text you the details later.” 

You couldn’t even say goodbye to Harry on the phone because he’d cut the call. Back when you were together Harry would refuse to be the first one to hang up the phone, same as you, so you would both stay on the phone for hours and hours. Now the calls only lasted a couple of minutes, because it was too hard to hear each other without getting to be with each other every day. 

Putting your phone in your bag, you walked down the hall and looked at yourself in the hallway mirror. You tilted your head back as you tried to trickle the tears back into your eyes. Sniffling, you looked at yourself and tried to pull the corners of your lips into a smile. When your lips began to tremble you tried to quieten your fast-beating heart, preparing yourself to be loved by someone that wasn’t Harry tonight. 

Nodding at yourself, you left your house and walked to Chris’ car. Opening the door for yourself, you slid in the front passenger seat and greeted him with a warm hello.

“Hi!” You smiled brightly, Chris not being able to tell you’d nearly had a breakdown moments before.

“Hello! Ready for some Thai food?” He asked, checking his mirrors before pulling away from your house and down the street. 

“Yeah.” You said, when you really meant no.

As Chris drove down the street, talking about the best things to order off the menu tonight, you couldn’t help but think about how different this night would’ve been if you’d done it with Harry. How Harry would’ve rang your doorbell, not just beeped his car horn. How Harry would’ve opened and closed the car door for you. How Harry would’ve been lost for words on how beautiful you looked as his first words to you. How Harry would’ve listened to you when you said you didn’t like Thai food and would’ve simply taken you to Taco Bell instead. 

It wasn’t right to think about Chris like that. It wasn’t fair. But Chris wasn’t Harry and that would be something you’d forever compared everyone to. 

Four days later and Harry had sent you the details.

Hershel💛: 101 Rosewood Street. 3PM. 20th May.

You smiled at how his contact name was still saved as Hershel; a nickname that you’d heard his stylist Harry Lambert use and had found so adorably funny that you teased him about it for ever. You couldn’t find the heart to change it now. The yellow heart stayed too, because he’d always be a slice of yellow in your cake of life.

On the 20th May you and Chris showed up to 101 Rosewood Street.

Chris walked in without your hand in his, because quite frankly he was not impressed by this event at all. Chris didn’t like that you were still chummy with Harry and he found it even worse that Harry had invited you both to listen to his new album together with him, and some of his fans. 

You felt silly walking in alone and pushing the door open for yourself since Chris didn’t hold it, but you didn’t make a big deal about it because there were more important things to worry about; like seeing Harry for the first time in 498 days.

The room was set up so beautifully, with sofas and comfy chairs dotted everywhere. Some fans were already seated and getting to know each other. Some of them noticed you and gasped over seeing you. You weren’t famous by any definition, but you and Harry were very public with your relationship because you weren’t bothered by anyone’s opinions of you. The fans absolutely adored you then and still do now.

You waved to them and smiled, following Chris where he was being directed by a man behind some doors “backstage”. You made note to go and say hello to the fans later. 

You pulled your sweater over your hands to create little sweater paws as your heart anxiously awaited to see Harry again. No amount of calls and face-times that you had had with him over the past 498 days could ever mean the same as seeing him face-to-face. You couldn’t smell his familiar aftershave on the phone or really remember the way he hugged either. 

“Y/N...” Harry’s voice came from behind you and you turned around to see him standing there in shock. Even though he had invited you and you’d confirmed you’d be here, he was still surprised to see you. 

“Harry.” You nodded and smiled, earning a smile from him in return. 

Both of you were staring at each other and you felt like you’d just fallen in love all over again. The way his eyes danced with happiness over you made you feel as bright as a Christmas tree in December. 

His hair was a little shorter now, but the curls were more obvious because of it. He looked really good and really well. His skin was glowing, most likely from just coming back off a holiday to Brazil for a week for his mum’s birthday. 

“You...” “It’s...” You both said at the same time, then laughing when you realised you were still just as eager to speak over each other as before.

Chris then coughed beside you and made himself aware to the both of you. You had no idea how long he had been standing there, but you weren’t oblivious to the fact that Harry and you had just had a moment in a public room. It probably wouldn’t sit well with Chris, but the heart wants what it wants.

“Um, Harry... This is Chris.” You pulled Chris into your side by looping your arm with his. Chris’ body language showed that he was trying to be very alpha and it turned you off. Harry held out his hand politely waiting for Chris to shake it and flinched a little when Chris shook it a bit too harshly. You bit your tongue from telling Chris to stop being so jealous, because you hated it.

“Y/N’s boyfriend.” 

“Nice to meet you, mate.” Harry smiled, feeling anything but happy shaking this mans hand.

“Hmm, likewise.”

Harry turned back to you then and explained how the event would work. He had a million and thirty three things he wanted to talk to you about, but he knew now wasn’t the best of times. He would save those conversations for later. 

After being directed back into the main room, you went around hugging fans and talking to them about anything and everything. Harry stood by and watched on with the biggest smile, adoring you even more for how kind you were to everyone and especially his fans. 

Jeff introduced the event and Harry said some hello’s before the listening started. Everyone was given a set of headphones and told that the music would play at the same time for everyone in the same order. 

You and Chris sat next to each other, but the empty spot next to Harry called out to you desperately. 

The rest of the event was where everything changed. 

There were three songs that stood out more than any of the others, to you. Grapejuice, Satellite and Love of My Life. Every song was perfectly created, but you knew exactly what Harry was talking about when you heard the lyrics to those particular songs.

Grapejuice was obviously about the afternoon you and Harry had spent in your back garden sharing a bottle of red. It had been a hot weekend and so you and Harry had enjoyed some time in the pool, before relaxing with some wine that Harry had bought back from Italy. In fact, it was from the vineyard he had invested money into.

“Top up?” Harry had asked you, reaching for the bottle of red on the table with a little struggle. Your legs were draped across his lap, so he had to hold onto them as he bent forwards.

“I wouldn’t say no.” You smiled, head feeling slightly hazy from the four glasses you’d had already.

“Here you go, m’love.” He handed you your now full glass.

“Thank you.” Reaching for it, your fingers brushing against Harry’s with a slight warmth.

“I hope I’m living this life in 50 years time.” Harry said, sipping on his wine before putting it back on the table. He put his hand on your shins and rubbed his thumb on the soft skin there, not minding that there were a few rogue hairs that you’d forgotten to shave.

“How so?” You leant your head against the sofa you were sitting on, watching Harry’s face glow in the summer’s afternoon sun.

“I mean, I want to be in this moment in 50 years time with a similar bottle of red, not those crappy whites and pinks. With you, and only you. Maybe a couple of grandkids running and messing around in the pool - that pool. Just want something simple for my–our future.”

You looked at him with heart-shaped eyes, wanting that future to arrive here already. Nothing could break this moment or this love between you. It had engrained so deep into the roots of your soul and you hoped you never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him.

Bringing yourself back to the room where the listening party was taking place you bit your bottom lip to keep it from trembling, looking over to where Harry was sitting across from some fans. He immediately turned his head to face you as if he knew you were looking at him.

“Are you okay?” He mouthed from across the room, just for you eyes to make out what he was saying only.

You nodded in return and swallowed back the lump in the back of your throat, before looking down at your hands in your lap that were fiddling with each other. Chris was sat next to you with a bored expression and not a single thought behind his eyes.

When you listening to Satellite your heart pounded at your chest, begging to be sealed and sent over to Harry. Returned, in fact.

It was clearly about the many moments after the breakup where Harry didn’t care about anything other than making sure you knew he was right there for you still.

“Y/N, hi. Please call me back when you can. I’m getting worried a-and I… I…. Fuck, I just need to hear your voice to know you’re still there.” Harry’s voice faded out on the voicemail and you put your phone back on the floor next to you.

You were sat against the bathtub with a bottle of Whiskey and Daughter’s music playing on your record player. Tissues surrounded you on the floor and your grey t-shirt, that was actually Harry’s, was covered in wet splotches where your tears had fallen or where you’d wiped your nose.

An album that you’d made of pictures of you and Harry was sat to the side of you, but you’d thrown it away from you after your heart couldn’t handle any more happy.

You tricked yourself into thinking you were okay about this mutual breakup, but in reality it was the most soul-crushing event that had ever happened to you. Neither you, nor Harry, had fallen out of love with each other but you were both just so terrified that everything was moving so fast on the same timeline as Harry’s excelling career. You wanted what was best for him, and him for you. Turns out, looking back, maybe that wasn’t breaking up with each other.

The phone rang again but you left it to ring until it made a beep that meant that whoever had called you had left a voicemail.

“I know I’m going round and round, here, Y/N/N, but I need you to know that I’m here. I’m right fucking here and I always will be. Don’t shut me out. Please. J-just, shit, just call me back, okay? I’m a thousand miles away, but I’m right here.”

Your eyes had wept during listening to Satellite, because you were reminded of how you sat on the bathroom floor until all feeling in your bum and legs had gone numb. The tears hadn’t stopped until Harry had travelled all 1,000 miles to knock on your door with a bottle of red wine. You’ll always remember what he said when he stood at your door;

“If you’re going to be sad, I’m always going to be sad with you.”

So, when you wiped your hands over your eyes at the listening party after listening to the song, where Harry reminded you he was still here for you, you expected Chris to put and arm around you and console you. Instead, he took off his headphones and tapped your shoulder.

“I can’t do this.” He said to you. “I can’t deal with it.”

Your brain was confused, taking the headphones out of his hands - not that you had much choice from him.

“Chris…wha— deal with what?” Your eyes widened as you watched him stand up, brushing off his trousers to rid them of creases.

“You, Y/N. I can’t deal with you and your heart.” He cleared his throat and looked away from you, not being man enough to watch your heart break all over your face in front of him. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

And with that he was off out of the room and presumably out of your life.

There was no sorry and no hug goodbye. There was just an emotionless and dramatic man that couldn’t deal with a woman who had more emotions than he a plastic barbie doll. He couldn’t handle a real woman who was in touch with her heart.

The funny thing was, your heart didn’t break in the slightest for him even if Chris thought that it would. If anything, there was this sense of relief of not having him sat next to you and not having to go home with him afterwards. There was a sense of freedom that came from Chris leaving.

And it all made sense when Harry came and sat next to you, making you forget all about Chris and solely focus on the man with the green eyes that you remained in love with 498 days ago.

Harry took one headphone off one ear as you put yours back on your head. “You okay?”

That’s when Love of My Life started playing and your heart started racing from the images his lyrics were painting.

“I.. uh.. I-I think so. Or at least, I will be.” You cleared your throat and looked at him to show him that there were no threatening tears this time. Harry didn’t know exactly what happened, but he was just glad to see an empty seat next to you. This time, he wasn’t going to allow anyone the chance of filling it again. “You?”

Harry’s hand slid over to the edge of his leg and he held his palm up, his fingers still as pretty as always. You smiled at him, with a slight nervous blush as your hand took ahold of his and the dancing butterflies took flight all over again.

“Yeah. I think I’ll be alright too.” And with a soft squeeze of his hand in yours, it was felt between the both of you that you’d both be alright; together.

[sophiasharp]

Man I don’t think we talk enough about the fact that in the wildly accepted fanon, the ghouls were like. Creatures pulled out of a primitive society full of bloodshed and danger. These guys were just chilling in hell, fighting for their lives every day like you do, and now they’re on Earth, expected to figure out Earth manners and technology and how the fuck anything works. I’ve been thinking about it, though. Let me walk you through my thoughts

THE GHOULS TRANSITIONING TO LIFE ON EARTH

Aether

- Bull in a China shop

- Big man has gotten very good at controlling his strength over the years. That control was NOT there at first.

- Bumped into fucking everything too. Dude’s used to being in the wide open abyss the quintessence ghouls occupy. Suddenly having to learn special awareness was. A hurdle of his.

- He broke a lot of tables. And chairs. And plates. Mugs. One Sibling’s arm. He got there eventually but Omega had to walk him through how fragile everything on Earth is compared to their ghoulish strength.

- Part of his habit of jumping up and down also comes from how different Earth is to his home environment. You mean you can go up and then you’ll come down again? Automatically? What a concept! Gravity is so much fun!

- Still gets some sense of novelty out of electric lighting. Being able to just. Make the dark go away? Whenever? Amazing.

- He keeps a night light on in his room. The last person to make fun of him for it mysteriously ended up with 3rd degree burns.

Dewdrop:

- Skittish little fucker

- Kinda like that one video of those weird crabs reacting to the diver

- Dew, poking at a toaster: Friend? Friend? Friend? Big noise! Scared! Scared! Scared! Scared! … Friend? Friend?

- Fucking LOVED blankets and coats and jackets and robes and honestly just anything that will keep him warm. He was used to the cold, sure, but if he had a choice between that and being cuddled under 5 different comforters, possibly with another ghoul for extra body heat? It wasn’t even a competition.

- Still had to often be reminded to wear clothes. “We’re in a hellish commune, does anyone really care about one ghoul being naked?” “It’s not so much the nakedness as much as the being out and about without your uniform.”

- Warm food blew his Fucking mind. Coming from the frigid arctic, whatever warmth you’d get from your food’s internal temperature was short lived. Microwaves? Ovens? Tea Kettles? Marvelous. Truly a gift from the Dark One

- Got REALLY into cooking. Dude is a wizard in the kitchen. Watched so many kitchen shows once he figured out how TV’s worked and started replicating the really fancy meals they were creating on screen with whatever he could find around the Abbey and what the kitchen staff were willing to give him. Now, whenever there’s a big occasion, he’s the one asked to oversee the food.

Mountain:

- weirdly calm and placid about everything despite not knowing how literally anything worked.

- Just casually curious about everything. Was always asking questions. Not in an annoying way, but just politely inquisitive.

- There was like a 50/50 chance he was actually listening to you at any given point in time. I mean, there are so many new sights, sounds, smells to experience! Can’t expect him to be 100% there when there’s still so much new splendor all around!

- If ever he was confronted with something new but no one was around to explain what it was, he would instead try to just. Figure it out on his own using his best judgement.

- This is how he once ended up straight up eating someone’s phone. This was very early on, mind you, but it was so smooth and shiny! And the precious metals inside were so tasty! He knows better now, of course. But there are some days where he’s tempted to give his ministry-issued smartphone a nibble…

- Figured out his love of gardening pretty damn fast considering that’s what he was originally summoned for. However, aside from tending to Primo’s garden, he found himself still going out to tend to the plants even in his free time. It’s calming to him, reminds him of home. When things get overwhelming, the plants are there to let him channel his worry into something producing.

- His first personal plant was a small pot of rosemary. He kept it in the window of his room and took *such* good care of it. It’s still there to this day, nestled among the other plants he’s accumulated of the years.

Swiss

- he is so excited about everything!!!!

- He has to be touching all the new things all the time! What does it do? How is it made?? Can he eat it??? A lot of things that were small enough went straight into his mouth. Copia needed to keep a spray bottle on him at all times to make sure he didn’t hurt himself.

- Of course, when he was around the other ghouls, he played it cool. Have to make a good impression on his new (and hopefully permanent) packmates after all. He reeeaaaally didn’t want get sent back to the pit so getting in good with the rest of the band was TOP priority!

- In fact that need to be liked was bordering on unhealthy and sort of sabotaged himself a bit. Acting all suave and cocksure when the entire rest of the band was on high alert does that.

- Most of the ghouls regarded him with a hefty amount of distrust at first- being the first summon of the new boss came with a LOT of baggage -but Cumulus saw straight through him. He was just a silly little guy! She became his first real friend amongst the pack.

- The two became menaces together, exploring the abbey and messing with shit they probably shouldn’t have. Primo’s garden was a favorite of theirs, much to Mountain’s chagrin.

- Was just SOOOO fascinated by this new body he’s been put in. Unlike most the other ghouls, he didn’t have a physical body he inhabited back in hell, only being given one when he was summoned to the surface. Flesh! If feels funny! What does this thing down here do-

Cumulus:

- was honestly kinda scared at first, what with the whole mood of the pack being out of wack.

- Apparently their new boss might have killed someone? That’s the guy that summoned them? Uh oh!

- Stayed glued to Cirrus in the beginning. Being summoned together meant having a strong built-in bond with each other, always having access to what the other is feeling. Being together offered a much-needed sense of comfort to Cumulus. Getting to spend time with a really pretty girl wasn’t bad either.

- Swiss was the one to bring her out of her shell, imbuing her with confidence through his own fake bravado. They came to rely on each other in that sense. When Cumulus was scared to do the things she wanted, Swiss would convince her of her capability. When Swiss was anxious and felt like a fraud, Cumulus would remind him of his sincerity.

- Was very curious about how her magic worked on the surface versus how it did in the pit. Back home, she was used to having to beat against the constant winds of the first layer of hell. Now that she’s on Earth, her powers are much more powerful than she ever expected them to be!

- LOVED textiles. She surrounded herself in all things soft and fluffy. Her bedroom (and most nights Cirrus’s as well) is just so Fucking cozy. Blankets and pillows everywhere. Her stuffed animal collection is unmatched. Will cry if even one of them ends up on the floor.

- Dew was the one to help her start her collection. To this day they are each other’s #1 cuddle buddies.

Cirrus:

- Stone cold badass front to hide how nervous she was.

- VERY protective of Cumulus in the beginning. She could feel how scared she was and felt the need to step up and protect the both of them from any threat this new environment may have… even if the perceived threat is a bit stupid.

- She once kicked in the washing machine cause it made a sound once it was done and it startled her. Not her proudest moment.

- Was almost OVERPROTECTIVE of Cumulus at first, even, doing even the simplest of tasks for her to prevent risk of injury. That was until she watched her kick a sibling straight in the nuts for making snide remarks about Cirrus in front of her. Cirrus had never fallen in love faster.

- Took a LONG while to warm up to the others. Constantly felt like she had something to prove, like she needed to show that she wouldn’t buckle under pressure. Everyone (but Cumulus) was a threat.

- Adores weather on Earth and how it isn’t just WIND 24/7. She loves all the different shapes of the clouds, how dark they get with moisture, the gentle snowfall or the needle-like rain. Really puts her at peace to be out on a rainy day

Rain:

- S C A R E D

- Everything is new and bright and cold and heavy and loud and- and- and-

- Yeah he barely left his room for a week, didn’t talk to anyone for anything. Not shy, necessarily, but just freaked the fuck OUT. They were starting to think he was nonverbal cause man refused to use his voice. In his defense, talking outside the water feels very different when you’re used to your vocal cords wiggling in water all your life.

- In my brain the first time he did speak was to Copia after he did his lil oopsie with the rest of the pack. It’s like a day later and Copia’s tryna plan how he’s gonna make it up to the ghouls when rain cornered him in a dark hallway, made direct eye contact, and in the softest voice went “I wouldn’t go near the lake if I were you. It’s hard to hear screaming underwater.” He then left a completely stunned and freaked tf out Copia standing alone in the hall like it never happened.

- He kinda regrets letting his first words on Earth be a threat now but the rest of the pack is flattered, although they do still sometimes tease him for it.

- Really started coming out of his shell when Dew made dinner for him. Dew was in the same shoes as him once and, although his relationship with the new water ghoul was complicated, he still felt obligated to help his new packmate adjust to life on Earth.

- Bro went through the trouble of showing Rain what every little thing in the kitchen did so he wouldn’t be scared to make his own food anymore, all while making him some grade A gourmet dining. Dew didn’t know it at the time but that’s when the heart-eyes started.

[baekguuuuu]

Daylight

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mature Content (nothing too detailed), lyric-inspired: Daylight

Word Count: 26.7k (im really sorry... again)

Summary: Born, raised, and bred in the city. Life took a dramatic turn when the things you cope with became the reason for the conflict with your father. 

With your bags packed and the cigarette you sneak inside your suitcase, you hope for the best where life will bring you when you hop on the train with no specific destination in mind. 

Skyscrapers. Blinding artificial lights. Traffic jam. Fast-paced environment. Overpriced nourishment. 

Cigarette. Alcohol. Parties. Two-faced people. Hookups. 

Those were the things I was surrounded by as a person born and raised in a big city. 

Harmful lifestyle, people are being controlled by money, everything must be documented on social media—or it never happened, people whom you call friends even though they’ve been stabbing your back since day one, relationship that should be called situationship in the first place. And last but definitely not least, parents who weren’t there physically. 

When I found out that my supposed-to-be friends in university have been hanging out without me, despite the fact that I have asked them countless of times and they would decline my invitation, saying that they were busy, or something came up, or their mother had asked them an errand—all those bullshit, but in reality, they were together. 

I should’ve just stayed at home, eat junk food on my bed while watching Netflix, instead of going out alone and finding out that they’ve been shitting on me since our freshmen year. 

But no, I didn’t. 

If it wasn’t for my problem with falling asleep, I wouldn’t have gone to a pub by myself, ordering a few drinks to get tipsy so I could get some rest. I sent a message to our group chat, trying my luck if someone was available. And obviously, they all turned me down. 

“Yeah—I know! She looks so dumb when she smiles!” 

I was in my second glass when I recognized Lisa’s voice, trying so hard to be husky and chic at the same time. No name was mentioned, yet my heart started thumping inside my chest, slowly turning my head to peek over my shoulder to glance where the voice came from. 

And I was right. Lisa, Wendy, and Soyeon were there... and some guys. Probably their date—I don’t know. Then my eyes landed on a particular person who I’ve been seeing for a few weeks now: Eunwoo. Given that we weren’t official, I thought we were hitting it off. My brows drew together when I followed the hand resting on his lap, which was Lisa’s. 

They all said they were busy, and it was too late for them to go out, yet here they are. Giggling, flirting, drinking, and talking shit when they thought I couldn’t hear them. 

I didn’t understand myself when I decided to stay for a few more minutes to hear what’re their thoughts were about me. Each and every word they would spat added a needle poking in my chest. 

“She should be ashamed, to be honest. Her older brother has had good reputation since high school to university, and she has the audacity to just exist—” 

“Are you done?” 

The look on their faces is fucking hilarious when I finally had enough and stormed to their table with the most blank expression I could ever done. I can’t be more thankful that the pub has dim lights and they can’t probably see how red my face is. 

Who will pay for the afternoon snacks in university now that I know what they’ve been doing behind my back? How will they be able to get a ride to campus now that I’d probably never hang out with them anymore? And whose luxury item they’d be using to take a photo and upload it on Instagram? 

From a couple of shots to get some sleep turns into almost half of a bottle, and finding myself making out with a man who wears oversized and overpriced clothing until sobering just a little bit because of disappointment when this man, who removed his clothes sloppily as soon as we got into a cheap motel we could find, finished in less than two minutes, leaving me hanging and frustrated.  

I groan and ruffle my hair before turning my head to look at this pathetic human being who couldn’t even last up until I’m close at least. I put on my clothes and leave the motel, palming myself that the sky is starting to get brighter yet still looks dark. My parents will definitely go apeshit on me. Again. 

Did I spend the whole night—an awful one—awake, drunk, betrayed, and sexually frustrated? 

Yes. Yes, I did. 

I started walking home, totally intoxicated, at six in the morning, makeup smudged and reeked of a combination of alcohol and puke; while healthy enthusiast people would go for a run before starting their day. 

“Good morning to people who wake up on my bedtime,” I’d slurred loudly, clumsily waving a hand to them. Of course, I’d always received a look from head to toe, probably wondering about the condition of my organs at that point. 

“Don’t you think you’re too much?” 

I tried drowning my dad’s nagging by sticking my head further down the toilet bowl while I let out the immoderate booze I downed the whole night. 

My dad is the typical businessman. We’re not super rich to the extent that we have a butler or a red carpet by the front door—I think, but we do have some helpers to get shit done here at home. He’s become strict now that I’m older, but he did spoil me as a child, like a toddler-child, not the elementary-child because all I got during that time was trauma. 

I’m not saying he’s not a good father, but he’s really uptight, mainly to me, especially when I started getting into trouble as early as nine years old—I stabbed a classmate with a sharp pencil, but that’s another story to tell. 

My mom is the typical housewife of a businessman. She’s into wine and aesthetics. You know, she likes spending loads of money on marble things, antiques, and charcuterie that she never eats. She’s the madam of the house. Although, she’s the gentle parent among the two of them, and has no bad blood with anyone from being so friendly that she signed up to, at least, nine charities. 

She’s always present in those charities, volunteering—all that stuff, but never once was she present to my piano recital, school performances, parent-teacher conferences, the list goes on.  

“Can you guys—” she hurriedly closes the door and curtains that could be a reason someone might see the chaos inside our house, “—stop it? It’s not even seven in the morning!” 

I heard my father scoff, and even though I was staring blankly at the pearl-white toilet before me, I could imagine how he rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval. Like he always does. “Yes, of course. What our neighbor thinks is more important than controlling your daughter. It’s your fault she’s become like this—” 

“What do you mean my fault? You’re her parent, too. And why are you talking like that? We’ve all been in this stage of life—” 

“I didn’t.” 

Ah... how can I forget about my older brother, Kyungsoo, who exists in this world to make my life miserable as it already is. No, I’m just kidding—or not. We have the typical sibling-relationship. Our priority is to annoy each other, until one of us snitches to our parents. 

Unlike me, who struggles to get a bachelor’s degree, Kyungsoo made it like a walk in a park that our dad thought’d be the same for me. He’s now aiming for a master’s, and he shows that he’ll continue until he gets a PhD. 

I close my eyes, on the verge of crying, because I know where this will go now that Kyungsoo has decided that adding fuel to the fire is a good idea.  

“See?” My dad’s voice was so loud that I felt the vibration on the walls. “Stop making excuses for the behavior of your daughter. It’s the choice she made—it’s the path she wants to go. Why am I still paying for her school? Her car, clothes—even uses my card to buy alcohol and cigarettes—don’t be surprised that I know! I always check your transaction history.” 

He ended his sentence by pointing his index finger at my face as soon as I pushed myself up from the floor. I wanted to say something—things that have been going through my mind, but I’m tired... physically as I haven’t gotten a blink of sleep, and mentally... for so many things I couldn’t comprehend. 

I know the three of them are waiting for me to rebut but what they didn’t expect was for me to nod my head in confirmation. 

“Yeah... I smoke and I drink a lot, I even used your card for motels—” 

I already saw it coming on how he would react, but not like this. Although, it’s not the first time he had to discipline me physically, nobody predicted that the side of my head would hit the wall from the impact of his hit. The scene is a bit dramatic with my mom’s gasping and Kyungsoo bulging his eyes out. I don’t think it’s that serious as I still feel okay, just a bit dizzy, though my lip got cut and is bleeding from the actual slap. 

Deep down in my heart, I hope that my dad will apologize for his outburst, but I know I deserve it when he coldly said, “I’m done with you.” 

My dad didn’t throw me out directly—or he did—but he clearly stated that he didn’t want to see my face under his roof. I tried to call my friends but remember, I have none now and haven’t been in touch with my high school friends for years. It’d be weird to call them asking for a place to stay for the rest of the summer break. 

Obviously, he confiscated the credit card I typically use and the car I received as a gift when I finished high school. 

I didn’t even get a chance to take a rest even for a short while, and immediately packed my belongings with a heavy heart. I know what I’ve done, and I kind of deserve this punishment he’s giving me, but could I at least have an apology? Because that slap hurt so bad. 

Alright, maybe he thinks that I do not deserve anything for all the headaches I’ve given him. But can he at least ask me what’s going on? How’s school? Did someone hurt me? Am I okay? I can’t even remember the last time he asks me if I’ve eaten. That goes for my mom as well. 

“Where will you go?” 

Kyungsoo asks with a low voice while he watches me struggle to zip the suitcase close. I had to sit on top so my clothes would be compressed a little bit. I can only manage to carry a duffel bag and a large suitcase by myself; hence I must compromise. 

“Here and there,” I curtly respond, not batting an eye to him. I grab a plain t-shirt and walk towards the ensuite bathroom to change. Although I still have alcohol in my system and I’m still quite dizzy, I can’t deny the fact that my clothes smell terrible. 

“I can ask Junmyeon hyung if you can stay at his place,” he says right after I leave the bathroom. “He’s rarely home and I—” 

I scoff, rolling my eyes as I sling the duffel bag on my shoulder and grab the handle of the suitcase. “Why do you even care?” 

Kyungsoo looks taken aback by my reaction, perhaps thinking that I’d be kneeling before him in happiness that he’s offering his friend’s apartment for me to stay while our dad takes his time to cool off. “Of course I care, you’re my sis—” 

“No shit, Kyungsoo,” I laugh incredulously, not letting him finish his sentence. “Just few weeks ago, you literally said to my face how embarrassed you are because I’m in the same family tree as you.” 

I saw how his jaw went tight, seemingly out of words. And I could feel the lump in my throat; my eyesight got glossy as tears started to form in the brim of my eyes. I’ve never talked nor confronted them about the way they communicate with me. Whether how hurtful their words were, I would swallow my pride and isolate myself with despicable things I’ve done. 

I walk past him with the initial thought of not looking back, but I have something that needs to get out of my chest. “And no, Kyungsoo, you do not care about me—no one in this house does. So don’t act like a big brother now, it’s too late to do that.” 

Nowhere to go... 

Those are the words I’ve been repeating as I stare at the train station from a distance. I still have some cash that I kept hidden in case of emergency, and now I want to pat myself on the shoulder for thinking ahead—even though, this is not a good thing. 

I’m tired and starving.  

And I’m hoping that my life won’t be dark and cruel as it already is that it would suddenly rain when summer just started. 

I heave a deep breath, closing my eyes before I wheel my things with me. I cross the road as I walk towards the train station, with no specific destination in mind. 

My eyes are wide open, looking at the big screen with the details of departure and arrival times from and to the places I’ve never heard of before. Until my eyes reached the last town on the list, it would take almost five hours. It rings a bell, but I’m unsure where and when I’ve heard of it or if it’s just a figment of my imagination. 

I paid for a one-way ticket, bought myself a convenient store rice ball and a bottle of water, charged my phone to the outlet at the corner of the waiting area, and hoped for the best. 

I’ve been out of the country, of course, but travelling to somewhere with little to no money, with no backups or whatsoever, is terrifying. I don’t know where it will get me, however, I’m already desperate and I, honestly, want to get out of here for a while. 

I still have a year left in university, so there is a massive probability that I’ll be back before the semester starts. Even though I’m struggling to pass my course, I don’t have the desire to just drop out. Even if it means that I must start making money to support myself, I’ll do it. 

You don’t know how to do anything. How will you survive? 

I can hear my dad’s voice inside my head, reminding me how useless I’ve been to the family. 

Nuisance. 

I was labeled when I got into a massive fight with my brother in high school. I got into trouble when I hit him with my fist, but he was never once reprimanded for the way he talked to me since we were kids.  

My surroundings rushed when the town's name printed on my ticket was finally called to board. People gather their belongings and fall in the queue, waiting for the sliding door to be opened.  

So, this is it... 

I can’t wrap my head around that twelve hours ago, I had a black credit card with me, drinking with no limit, and now, I only have at least a hundred bucks in my pocket and clothes from a quarter of my closet.  

My suitcase was left on the baggage area at the end of the carriage, while my duffel bag was thrown on the overhead compartment. I plug my AirPods that thankfully got into my pocket earlier—or am I still drunk to remember that I brought it with me, while I watches the window beside my assigned seat displays buildings to transition slowly to trees and empty fields. 

When I jolted awake from the vibration of the train halting to a complete stop, it reminded me, like an ice-cold bucket of water splashed on my face, harsh and cruel, that I was, in fact, not dreaming. Most passengers are greeted by their loved ones when they exit the station. 

Unlike the one in the city, the station in this town is open air, facing the blue ocean with the sound of seagulls singing around. My heart feels like it's being tickled by a soft feather when the warm breeze of summer air hits my face.  

I can’t describe the smell, but it’s nothing like the air I breathe back in the city. There’s a distinct smell of the ocean, though it’s not unpleasant, but more on cozy sentiment. The sun shines bright and there are trees planted all over the place, contradicted with the cloudy and polluted city I grew up in. 

“Young lady—miss!” 

A faint voice interrupts my thoughts. I turn my head on the side and look over my shoulder to see an elderly woman walking briskly towards me. Her hair is white, her skin is wrinkly, and the top of her head only reaches my jawline.  

She gives me a kind smile, handing me a phone in her hand. “You dropped this.” 

My eyes widened as my hands frantically searched for the device I thought was in my pocket. “Oh, shit—oh, my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to curse. I—” 

“It’s alright,” she gives my hand a pat, chuckling and seemingly amuse by my reaction. “You’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I mumble an appreciation for the kind gesture before shaking my head to answer her question. “Uh, no. Not really.” I chuckle, a bit embarrassed that my appearance probably screams tourist. 

She looks delighted with my answer, setting her bag on the ground before clasping her hands excitedly. “We haven’t had visitors in this small town for such a long time! What a pleasant surprise this is!” 

“I mean,” I give her a smile before bashfully looking down at my feet, “trying something new, I guess.” 

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, getting her bag from the ground. “Do you have an itinerary? Or would you want me to help you?” 

I hope my eyes didn’t glisten in relief when I look at her in disbelief. But then I remember how we were taught for ages to not talk to strangers, regardless of gender and age, to not trust anyone, to not take anything from them nor go with them to places. 

The old lady must have read my expression that she laughs, the corner of her eyes crinkling as they shaped into a crescent. “The sun is up, and there’s a lot of people around. I’m not going to kidnap you, dear. I’m old as you can see and can’t move fast. You can ask me questions about the town, and I will answer them. That’s it. All of us here get excited when someone visits this small town. Forgive this old grandma, my dear.” 

Warmth creeps up from my neck up to my face from embarrassment, concealing my scarlet red cheeks by looking around to act as if I’m looking for something. “I—uhm...” I rub the back of my neck, trying to get my brain to work despite being sleep deprived and hangover. “To be honest, I really don’t have any idea where to start. But would you happen to know where I can find a place to stay? Like an affordable hotel or something?” 

I internally cringe from the way I deliver the last few words. I sounded like a spoiled brat, and it’s not my intention. Maybe I should’ve asked where I can earn money instead... right? 

“Oh, dear...” her shoulders slumped as she sighs, looking like in deep thoughts while she thinks thoroughly about my inquiry. “We don’t really have hotels around here, but some families offer a room in their home for a price.” 

The horror-thriller movies I’ve watched before quickly flies out my mind, and I am that desperate to find a place to stay. 

“Do you happen to know where I can find one? But I only have a limited budget, so...” I grimace, internally crying with my situation. 

“Hmm... let me see,” she fished out a flip phone from her purse, dialing a number before pressing the device on her ear. I watch her every action like a lost sheep, making me realize how I took my lifestyle for granted. 

“Youngmi! It’s me!” she exclaimed, my shoulders flinching from how loud her voice is. “We have a visitor—yes! I’m surprised myself. But she’s looking for a place to stay—for how long?” 

She turns her focus to me, covering the phone's mic with her other hand. “For how long, dear?” 

For how long? Why haven’t I thought about that? I don’t know how long I’d be staying here... will my family look for me? Or am I getting my hopes too high for nothing? 

“Uh—two months, maybe?” 

The old lady looks stunned for a few seconds before clearing her throat to inform the other person on the line. “Two months, Youngmi. Is it okay—or? Okay, okay.” 

The phone call ended with a sigh and I’m not taking it as a good sign. “No?” My voice was small and quiet, feeling a little too hopeless with the thought that I’d probably sleep on the street tonight. 

She shakes her head, looking at me with sad eyes as if reading my mind and pitying me. “Her daughter-in-law will give birth anytime soon; she can’t lend her spare room that long. I’m so sorry, dear.” 

“Oh...” the corner of my lips curved downwards, feeling dejected, yet it was expected since nothing was planned with this little trip of mine. “That’s okay, though. Thank you so much for helping me—” 

“I have a spare room if you’d like,” she proposes, cutting me off in the middle of my dilemma. “I live by myself. My husband left this planet almost two years ago, but I do have some animals to keep me company. If you don’t mind some creatures waking you up early in the morning.” She ended her sentence with a chuckle, and I couldn’t help myself but smile, it’s contagious. 

“I—how much would that be?” I stutter, my heart thumping inside my chest for a couple of reasons. One, she could be a psycho despite her sweet appearance and would murder me in my sleep. Two, I only have a hundred bucks with me and have no other source of income. Maybe I can sell some of my things to pay for my stay? 

The old lady shrugs her shoulders, laughing quietly before patting and gently squeezing my arm. “I’m fine with how much you’re willing to pay. I’m already old and don’t need much money.” 

In a hurry, I unzip my duffel bag and hand her the crumpled bills in my hand, looking a bit guilty from how they are stored. I’m aware that what I’m doing is risky, but I can’t think of anything else other than a roof over my head. “This is everything I have right now, but I’ll find a way to pay you more—I swear.” 

The old lady looks lost for a minute, her eyes shifting from the messy bill on her palm to my round, pleasing eyes. “It’s—it’s alright, dear. Calm down. But—” she nods her head to my things. “We don’t really have public transportation here, and I usually walk. Are you alright with walking?” 

I don’t even go to the  gym to do a heavy workout since I prefer Pilates and yoga, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? Hence, I nod my head with a tight smile, hoping to God that it doesn’t look forceful. 

Or it did. 

She has a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head, dialing another number on her flip phone. “Baekhyun-ah! I’m so sorry to call you suddenly—ah, of course, this grandma knows how to use her phone now. Are you busy right now—oh, that’s great! Is it alright if you pick us up from the train station? Of course, I’ll pay you.” 

I am greatly astounded that this grandma seems to know everyone in this town, when I don’t even know our neighbor’s name even though we’ve been living beside them all my life. I’ve heard stories about how countryside residents have tight communities, unlike in the city, but witnessing it is another level. 

We both waited in front of the station for almost ten minutes until a beaten, on the looks of it, pick-up truck pulled up.  

A young man, looking around my age, jumps out of the truck. He has dark brown hair that seems really soft to touch, and a clear, sun kissed skin. He’s wearing a loose white T-shirt and a light blue jeans.  

“I should charge you double for interrupting my little date, Gran.” He laughs, giving the old lady a quick hug. “How’s your trip to the dreadful city?” 

The old lady who was addressed as Gran by this man, who I believe is Baekhyun from the phone call earlier, poked the side of his stomach, clicking her tongue. “It was fine, and we both know that you’re not on a date, Baekhyun. Everyone is out of your league.” 

Baekhyun places his hands on his chest, faking a grunt as if he has been hit. “That hurts, Gran-gran.” 

“Enough with the chitchat! Come, help us with these bags.” she pushed Baekhyun playfully to where my things are placed, and I think that’s the only time he notices that I was here the whole time. 

Now that he’s up-close, I’m able to see the moles on his face that look like a constellation, how droopy his eyes are, and how can I miss his triangular-shaped lips of his. It’s so pink, and glossy—what the hell am I thinking? 

“Oh, hi there,” he greet. Hisis facial expression immediateldroppedps, except for his ey, which quickly scanned my suitcase, shoes, andmy head. The tone of his voicbecamees hostile, far from his enthusiasm earlier. “From the city?” 

Five words. It only took him five words for me to realize that he’s not really fond of the city... or living creature from the city. 

“Yes, I am,” I answer him politely, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “Is there something I should be concerned about?” 

I saw how the corner of his eye twitches before he literally throws my suitcase on the back of his truck. My eyes widen and I swear I could hear my heart breaking. “What the fu—that’s a Rimowa’s special edition!” 

I’m fuming and I bet his ass that my face’s probably scarlet red, at the same time, praying that there’s no dents on my suitcase.  

“Baekhyun!” Gran scolded, slapping his arm, though she can use some force so Baekhyun and I can be even. “That’s not very nice.”  

Baekhyun, who is visibly upset for no reason at all, opens and closes the driver’s seat with so much force that I can’t help but flinch on how loud the door slammed. “Well—for starters, I’m not trying to be nice, Gran.” 

Gran looks at me with pity in her eyes, although I’m unable to comprehend what is happening, and what he saw in me that he made him this ill-mannered, when just few minutes ago, he was all friendly and making jokes with Gran. 

I have no choice but to shrug my shoulders, silently telling her that it’s fine and I’m not bothered at all. I really am not, yet somehow, I am. Or maybe I’m still hangover? 

When I open the passenger’s door, I’m instantly greeted by Baekhyun’s blazing eyes, trying so hard to look intimidating, but hey—that’s my life everyday back in the city. 

I roll my eyes, holding the door open for Gran to sit beside him instead, and I’ll take the seat beside the door. I haven’t been inside a vehicle which allows three people in the front—but I’ve never been in a pick-up truck before, so hey, who’s complaining? 

We drove for a few minutes in a very awkward silence, with me trying my best to look to my right and watch the trees and small houses on the side of the road until we reached the coastline, which, unfortunately, was on the left side.  

I’m appreciating the nature and this town in peace, being really careful not to glance at the man behind the wheel even for a nanosecond, but he seems to have a huge ego and scoffs.  

“Never seen an ocean before? Going to write blog about it so developers can get a piece of our land?” 

“Baekhyun!” Gran warned, scowling so hard that I’m starting to question if coming with her is a good idea. Because I seriously can’t afford any incident. 

I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself and think of something relaxing and such, but the drop of alcohol in my system acts up, and something in me just snaps. “Okay, listen here, you motherfucker—” 

Adrenaline rush. That is what to blame for my sudden outburst. I can’t even remember the things I said because it’s obvious that they were nonsense and full of swearing. I probably uttered made-up curse words by each alphabet to showcase my pride and to prove this Baekhyun that I’m not backing out from his ego. 

I only stop when Gran shakes her head and places the side of her head on her palm, looking helpless since she’s sitting between Baekhyun and me.  

Fortunately, when I’m done swearing that my mama wouldn’t be proud of—but hey, since when did she, the pull-up truck halts on the side of the road and I didn’t even confirm with Gran if this is her house before I hastily open the door.  

I give Baekhyun one last look, and I’m not surprised that he’s already looking at me with much hatred and somewhat disgust. It takes a lot of me not to flip him off right there and then as Gran already looks so done with us. 

My breathing is restraint, fists turning white from how I’m gripping my palm, when Baekhyun decided to piss me one last time before driving off right after getting paid by Gran. 

“I won’t be surprised if you brought air purifier in that ugly looking suitcase of yours!”  

“It’s fucking Rimowa!” 

My glare didn’t leave his pickup truck once he drives off, chanting in my head to get him stung my bees on his dick. That is until I heard my metal suitcase being picked up from the ground I came back to my senses.  

“Gran—I,” I shake my head, closing my eyes, totally embarrassed from the way I behaved earlier with the man I’ve met for fifteen minutes. “I’m sorry—I hope it’s okay for me to call you Gran.” 

“Yes, my dear, don’t worry about it.” She smiles kindly, patting my arm to assure me. “I would like to apologize as well. Baekhyun can be quite... obnoxious.” 

“Obnoxious is quite an understatement for him,” I tried to laugh it off, dusting the duffel bag freakin’ Baekhyun threw on the soil. I mean, he could at least throw it on the pavement since it’s fabric and—oh... I see what he did. That motherfu— 

“He’s a nice kid, he really is. He just can get a little sensitive to people from the city.” Gran explains, gesturing with her hand to come inside her lawn. 

“What’s the deal with him anyway?” I distractedly ask, observing her pace and silently praying that there’s no bunker or some weird stuff around. Still having the thought of a scenario in thriller movies. 

I thought when she mentioned earlier that she has animals around, I’m thinking they’re just cats and dogs, and probably some rabbits. But what I didn’t expect to see is a barn with hens and roosters, pigs, goats—wait, is that a donkey? 

I was asked to sit in the breakfast nook in the kitchen where windows are on each corner, making the natural light be the source of brightness of the house. A mug of warm tea is placed on the table in front of me and I look at it skeptically, just a precaution and Gran laughs, shaking her head in amusement. 

“I didn’t put a potion or somethin’ on it,” she chuckles, “you want me to take a sip first, so you know it’s safe?” 

My cheeks flush, and I shake my head, abashed that I got caught doubting her. “Just so you know, I’m broke, and I have no money with me. I drink a lot of alcohol and I smoke, so you won’t make good use of my organs. I’m basically useless.” Okay, the last part hurts a bit. 

Gran laughs so loud, holding her stomach as she does. “You’re so clever, dear.” 

I scrunch my nose, repeating the saying: May the odds be ever in your favor, as I raise the mug to my lips to take a sip of the tea Gran prepared. “You’re the first person to say that—oh, this is good! What’s in this?” 

“Just chamomile tea with a teaspoon of honey.” Gran answers, her lips raising a little bit, though it almost interprets as sadness as she thinks of some long-lost memory. “Anyway, dear—” she changes the topic quickly that I wasn’t able to pry, “just bear with Baekhyun. I’ll talk to him to get him to apologize. There's no excuse for what he did, especially to a lady.” 

“Well, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get any dates,” I shrug my shoulders, seemingly impressed with how my brain works to roast Baekhyun until this moment.  

Gran laughs out loud once again, and I take a sip of the tea again, which is weirdly comforting and somehow nostalgic. “So, Gran, sorry for prying, but what’s up with that dude again and the piece of land he was talking about?” 

Her jolly expression immediately drops, a wave of sorrow washes through her eyes, and her shoulders deflate before she heaves a deep sigh. “I—it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Baekhyun was just referring to typical businessmen who like to buy everything they find pretty for their own interest.” 

My lips purse while I nod my head, understanding her sentiment since my father does the same. I can’t even count with my fingers how many enemies he has because of it. “Yeah, they’re the worst.” 

“Okay, enough about this town,” Gran chuckles, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the topic. She takes the seat in front of me and intertwines her fingers before resting them on the table. “You appear to be hesitant, but I have a feeling you’re desperate. I’m not going to pry, but everything okay, dear?” 

“Yes, Gran,” my mouth curves into a smile, the doubt in me slowly dissipating, however, I’m still not ready to share my story nor give a quick overview as to why I’m here. Maybe some other day, but not today. I’m beyond spent. “By the way, Gran. Why aren’t you asking for my name? Aren’t you scared that I might be a criminal or something?”  

She snorts, giving me a dirty look. “You went ballistic when Baekhyun threw your things but didn’t raise a finger to him or me. I’m pretty sure I’m safe.” 

I press my lips together as a flush creeps up my face, still embarrassed by my outburst earlier. “Okay, let’s not mention that ever again.”  

I give Gran a kind smile, reaching my right hand to formally introduce myself. I tell her my name as we shake hands. She asks for some basic information, and I willingly answer. “I still have a year left in university, and I’m turning twenty-two in November. I live in the city my whole life and I don’t really have a good relationship with my family, so I can’t say much about them, but that’s another story to tell.” 

We talk for over an hour before I’m unable to stop the humiliating yawn coming out of my mouth. Gran shakes her head with a fond smile on her face before asking me to follow her to the spare room she has. 

The room is completely empty, except for a few dusty boxes on the corner that I probably won’t get near because I’m allergic to dust... I think.  

With the use of teamwork, Gran and I also managed to unbox and inflate the air mattress she got from Secret Santa from last year’s Christmas. I have no idea how to follow a manual and Gran is too old for such things. We both laugh it off and call it a night. 

I didn’t see Baekhyun again until my third day here. 

I came out clean to Gran the next morning. I stayed in her house and told her about my shortcomings in money. I had to ask her for sources in the town since I still had to feed myself, although she reassured me multiple times that I shouldn’t worry about basic stuff. 

She looked disappointed, nonetheless, and didn’t comment further on the situation as to why my dad kicked me out of the house.  

Since locals don’t know me yet, Gran decided to let me help in her barn instead. Taking the light tasks for now; such as feeding the animals, collecting the eggs from the hens, cleaning their stuff, and the lists go on.  

It’s a lot of adjustment since I do nothing at home, and have zero knowledge in basic home chores, what more working in a barn. But Gran is patient towards me, teaching and guiding, before letting me do the job for the rest of the day. 

On the second day—and the third day since I stayed here, Gran let me do the delivery. Nothing much. I just have to deliver the eggs to the market, get the money, then I can come back to the barn.  

I feel like a loser when Gran asked me if I know how to ride a bicycle since she doesn’t own a car, or vehicle, for me to use to deliver the eggs to the market.  

When she pulls out her flip phone and dials a number, I already know that my day will be ruined. 

“How come a human being can’t ride a simple bicycle?” 

I shut my eyes close. The urge to slam my head on the windowsill is too much. I can’t keep track of how many timeshas had said those words. 

For a second, I decided to protect my peace and let this be done with, butkepteeps going on, uttering the most sensitive topic in my life. “Didn’t your father or mother teach you?” 

“How come a human being like you won’t stop talking?” 

That seems to shut him up as he has his lips pursed when I peek at him at the corner of my eye. The veins on his hands become prominent from how tight he’s gripping the stirring wheel. Feeling like a little pride in me, I decide to continue—you know, just to piss him off since I don’t have my suitcase with me. “What? Did I strike a nerve?” 

No response. 

“You must love your truck so much that you both won’t stop making unnecessary noise—” 

My hands are fast to hold on titot on my seatbelt when Baekhyun swerve on the right, extending his arm to open the passenger’s door. I’m still catching my breath and my heart is still pumping rapidly in my chest. 

“Get out.” 

“W-wait, are you serio—” 

“Out!” 

He didn’t scare me. He looks nothing scary. But he looked visibly upset that I started to rethink what I had said. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, he doesn’t have the right to talk to me the way he’s done since we met.  

Once again, I glare at his truck as he drives away with the eggs Gran asked me to deliver. It’s his problem now. I can just be honest with Gran and tell her how Baekhyun kicked me out of his truck in the middle of the road with the blazing sun in the sky. 

I keep cursing Baekhyun on my way back to Gran’s house. I’m really bad with direction that I circled the same intersection for at least three times. I’m sweaty, flushed, dehydrated, sunburned because I freakin’ forgot to wear sunscreen—and I’m not even sure if I packed any because I was hella hangover that day.  

“Thanks, Gran! See ya later!” 

Speaking of the devil. My heart is full of hatred when I hear his voice, the owner of the voice who is reason for my suffering; the reason why my skin is burning and my head spinning. 

Baekhyun looks surprised upon seeing me slowly walking towards the porch where he and Gran are, then his expression turns into amusement when he realizes I’m fuming with anger. 

“You motherfu—” 

I was cut off, or more like, my rage was cut off when Gran merrily called my name, clasping her hands together. “Dear, thank you so much for delivering the eggs. Though we were a bit late than scheduled, Baekhyun here told me that the market paid him well. And he lost you in the crowd? Is everything okay?” 

The corner of his lips quirked up, while the corner of my eye twitched. Lost? He freakin’ left me, kicked me and let me walk kilometers away from this place. “L-lost...?” 

“Yes, you got distracted, remember? I told you to stay close since the market can be quite crowded in the middle of the day.” Baekhyun lies through his teeth, and I’m amazed that he didn’t even stutter.  

I’m about to expose what really happened but he’s quick to walk towards where I am, bumping his shoulder with mine, not before eyeing my burnt face. “You look like Peppa Pig,” he whispers to my ear, making sure Gran won’t hear. 

I gasp loudly, having the strong urge to punch his face. However, before I can even react, he waves his hand to Gran who returns his smile, “I’ll get going now, Gran! Call me if you need anything!” 

I look at Gran incredulously, but she just shrugs her shoulder before chuckling. “You two are adorable.” 

“Ew—Gran, no!” I almost fainted right there and then. 

It’s no news that I’m having trouble sleeping, much more in this unfamiliar town, not in my room nor my bed. Though I did manage to close my eyes to rest for a bit, it’s far from sleeping to recover my energy. 

I’m already up before five in the morning and couldn’t be more surprised how chilly it is when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

My phone has been untouched since I got here, hence I have no access to the internet, and Gran flip phone is not really functional except for making calls and texts.  

I tried to do some physics I learned in high school to balance myself on Gran’s old cruiser bicycle, so I won’t bother—or more like interact with Baekhyun the next time I have to deliver something again. 

But again, I’m not the wisest kid in the block, never was, and I can’t tell you how many times my face came contact with the ground. I’m close to getting really injured and was about to give up when a familiar, unpleasant, roaring engine pulled up beside where I am. 

“What do you want now?” I groan, praying to heavens to know what I did wrong to be punished this early in the morning. 

Baekhyun chuckles in amusement. He’s wearing a plaid shirt under a white T-shirt. His hair is a mess, and obviously unwashed. “Oh, now you’re learning how to ride a bicycle.” 

“Just—” I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself so I won’t make a scene like I have been doing around him. It’s too early and most people are still asleep. “Be on your way, Baekhyun. It's too early to deal with you.” 

“Hey, come on now,” I groan once again when he turns off the engine and gets out of this truck. “Gran texted me to give you a chance—mind you, that old lady doesn’t text anyone. So, don’t waste the chance I’m giving you now.” 

He sounds so arrogant, and I’m aware that he’s doing it on purpose to get on my nerves. I press my lips together before forcing a smile, breathing through my nose as I raise my head a little to look at him in the eye. “Can you come closer?”  

But he smiled mischievously, shaking his head. “I know what you’re gon’ do. You’ll bump your forehead on mine. I’ve seen that trick everywhere, so puh-lease.” 

I nod my head and smile innocently. “No, no. I’m not going to do that, I’ll hurt myself more than I’ll hurt you. I just have something to say to you.” 

“You can say it to me with distance.” 

“Then I’d rather not say it.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, huffing, before leaning his ear closer to me. “You’re so stubborn. What the heck you want to tell me—ah!!!” 

I normally don’t resort to violence, and I just mentioned earlier that I do not want to cause a scene, especially when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

I just had to do it. 

As soon as his ear was a few centimeters away from my mouth, even though he was not yet done talking, I opened my mouth and sink my teeth on it. I meant to let him experience my wrath just a little bit, however, I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I bit him harder than I intended to. Or maybe I didn’t expect him to squeal like a girl. 

Expectedly, Gran walks out of the front door with a lamp in her hand, still in her sleepwear and obviously just woken up from how loud Baekhyun was. Not only Gran, but the houses nearby light up to let us know they were awakened by the noise. 

“I’m so disappointed to both of you.” Gran shakes her head as me and Baekhyun sit in her living room, the latter holding his ear as he pouts. “I don’t understand why the both of you can’t get along? Or just be civil with each other? If you don’t like each other, just don’t talk, don’t interact—and I don’t even want to know how Baekhyun ended up with a bleeding ear.” 

I can only roll my eyes when Baekhyun points his finger at my face, plastering an innocent face. “Oh, sure. Blame it on the person from the city, because I’m the bad guy here, and you’re an innocent countryside jerk.” 

He looks taken aback by what I said. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times like a fish out of water, but no words came out from his mouth. 

“Okay, now...” Gran tries to calm us down, more specifically to me. “Dear, please... let’s keep everything in place and talk calmly. Can we do that, please, hmm?” 

“I don’t know your beef with people from the city—” I ignore Gran and lock my eyes with Baekhyun who looks surprised as the old lady standing in front of us. “—but there are thousands of people living there, millions even, and I do not know each one of them. If you have a problem with them, then take it out on them, not on me! I don’t even know you and you’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me the minute we met. And now you’re going to blame me for—” 

“Okay, dear, calm down...” Gran had to sit down between us and place her hand on my arm, “you made your point, and we understood it. Right, Baekhyun?” 

The guy just stares at my face, not moving a single muscle, that, until Gran nudges his knee. “Y-yeah...” 

“And what do you say, Baekhyun?” Gran presses on, urging an apology from him. 

Baekhyun sighs, licking his bottom lip. “I—I’m sorry...” 

“Thank you, Baekhyun,” Gran smiles before turning her attention back to me. “Dear?” 

My eyes widen as I gape at her. “Why me—” 

“It’s never okay to hurt someone, dear...” 

I sigh in defeat, definitely agreeing with her sentiment. “Fine. I’m sorry for biting your ear.” But I don’t think I need to apologize for anything else than that. 

It feels like déjà vu the next time I see Baekhyun. It’s almost five in the morning, and I’m teaching myself to ride a bicycle again when his truck pulls up.  

“’Sup?” 

I dramatically groan, placing my feet on the ground to balance myself as I watch him get out of his truck. “What now, Baekhyun? Do you want your other ear to get bitten this time—and why the hell are you out this early?” 

Baekhyun scrunches up his face in judgement, or disgust—I can’t really distinguish. He places a hand on the handlebar just beside my own hand and wiggles it as if to test if it’s sturdy enough. “I think this need a little bit of fixing, and I can see from here how rusty the chain is, we might need to oil or, worst scenario, change it.” 

He ends his sentence with a smile, which made me frown because he never smiles when my presence is around. My face contorted, unable to comprehend what was happening. Then I raise my brows at him to answer my question earlier, and I’m glad he gets the message. 

“I help with the boats at midnight, and we just finished a while ago. This is like my part-time job. And no, I don’t want my other ear to get bitten, thank you very much.” 

I look at him skeptically, “Okay... and what are you doing here? Talking to me like a normal person?” 

He sighs, his chest puffing out as he does. “Well, we were off to a bad start, and I do realize how jerk I was to you. And I would like to apologize for the way I behaved. I also want you to know that I’m not kind of a person.” 

“Gran wrote that script, yes?” I roll my eyes, though I can’t stop the corner of my lips from curving up. 

Even with the lack of bright rays of the sun, and the only source of light is from the lamppost on the road, I see how he smiles as well. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Very,” I chuckle, slapping his hand away from the handlebar. “The choice of words was much mature and totally far from who you are.” 

“Hey! I rehearsed my lines all night. Be appreciative, can you?” 

“Oh, I will, once you fixed the chain something—I’m not really sure what’s the function of,” I get off the bike and push it towards Baekhyun who drops his expression to a deadpan. 

“Will I be getting paid?” he asks, taking a quick look at Gran’s old cruiser bicycle.  

“Well, I don’t have extra money,” I sniff, looking away to hide my broke-ness, and play it cool. And I was quick to stop him when he was about to drop the bike when he learned I don’t have money to pay him. “I can show you my tits? Guys like chest, right? They’re not that big but they’re pretty decent—” 

“What the fu—” 

“Okay, okay! I’m just kidding, sheesh!” Or not. 

“Just stop talking. Can you do that, please?” he emphasizes the last word as he started working on the bicycle and I nod my head like an obedient child. 

Almost half an hour later and a greasy Baekhyun, I’m finally back on my bicycle, learning how to cruise without falling face first.  

By six-thirty in the morning, Gran walks out of the front door, beyond surprise to see Baekhyun helping me attach a semi-large basket on the rear rack of the bicycle. “Lovely morning, kids! And Baekhyun, you need a bath.” 

I look at the man in topic, eyeing him from head to toe and boy did he need a good ol’ scrubbing. “He does.” 

Baekhyun looks me dead in the eye before raising his brows. “Seriously? After I explained what a chain does to a bicycle after I taught you how to balance yourself by pedaling because physics wasn’t working, and gravity was failing you?” 

“Shut up! That’s supposed to be a secret and not to be said out loud.” I walk past him, purposely bumping my shoulder on him. “And you stink; you really do need a bath.” 

“Okay—come on, come on. Don’t ruin the bond you just created,” Gran waves her hand for us to go inside. “Let’s have breakfast together. And Baekhyun, please, help yourself in the bathroom.” 

And I received another glare when I snickered not so subtly. 

Since that eventful morning, I’ve been civil with Baekhyun. We may bicker here and there, but no ear-biting incident has ever occurred henceforth. 

I’ve also been delivering stuff to the market, or sometimes door to door, when Gran needs a helping hand. My bicycle journey is going well, though there were few minor troubles, but nothing serious that should be cause for concern. 

At times, if he had time, he’d go with me to the market or around the town—or maybe, most probably rather, Gran forced him to. 

And that became the reason as why I met Jisoo. The gorgeous lady that is way out of his league. 

“Gran’s right, everyone is out of your league,” I mutter as soon as Jisoo is already out of sight.  

We stopped by the bakery which Jisoo’s family runs and where she works. She’s nice and friendly, already asked me to come by next time I’m free so she can give me a proper tour around. And I didn’t fail to notice how Baekhyun ogles at her. He looked like he was about to whack my head when I used that term to explain how he was looking at the lady. 

“Not everyone, because that means you’re included,” he simply answers. My eyes widen in shock, gaping at what he just said. Fortunately, he immediately clears things up, but not before rolling his eyes and scoffing. “I am the one who’s out of your league. I’m way better than you.” 

Although I find it offensive, I sigh in relief and wipe an imaginary sweat on my forehead. “Phew, for a minute I thought you were flirting with me.” 

“I’m offended.” 

I think it’s been over two weeks now or so—I don’t know, I stopped counting the days. 

I’m scared to turn on my phone. I’m scared that there will be no text messages nor calls from my family asking my whereabouts or showing their worry on my well-being.  

I’m scared because I have a feeling inside me that I already know the answer to that. 

Always have been. 

The clock shows two in the morning, and I’m on Gran’s roof with the pack of cigarettes I didn’t forget to bring along. Putting a stick between my lips before inhaling deeply, holding my breath for a second, and exhaling the smoke out of my mouth. 

This always made me calm; my nerves feel soothed, my mind would stop running for a minute, and the smell developed as a comfort to me. 

Although I know the risks of smoking, it’s the only way that I know of to cope in life... my life. 

“Holy crap, I thought something was burning up here.” 

I almost jumped from the roof when a voice interrupted my deep thoughts. And my reflex is to throw away the butt of the cigarette after squashing down the tip.  

I peek over my shoulder and see Baekhyun carefully scooting next to me, making sure that his movement won’t make a fuss and wake up the owner of the house. 

“What the hell? Do you really appear everywhere I’d go?” I roll my eyes at him, taking another stick from the box and offering it to him, which he declines almost immediately. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Baekhyun mumbles while he watches me flick the lighter to the tip of the cigarette. “That’s not really good for your health, or mine, since you’re exposing me to secondhand smoking.” 

I chuckle at him quite lowly, looking up to the dark sky filled with stars, which I don’t often get to see back at home as the light pollution in the city is crazy. “Tell me something I don’t know, Baekhyun, then I might be interested to listen. And you’re the one who came up here, you’re free to go and save your lungs, mister.” 

I expected another smart response from him per our usual banter, but when I heard nothing, I carefully remove my stare from the sky to look at him, and more than surprise to see him already looking at my face with expression I can’t define.  

“W-what?” My voice tried so hard to sound my normal self, but it came out breathless.  

He blinks as if he’s snaps out of his trance. “I—n-nothing... I’m just curious...” 

I sniff, sitting up straight before smiling innocently at him. “Oh, I like where this is going. You’re curious about my life. Okay, Baekhyun, ask away. I’m so glad finally pique your interest.” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s about to toss me out of the roof, so I instantly shut my mouth and smile even more. Then he clears his throat, exhaling heavily. “I’m just curious... I mean I know your name, but from Gran. I know we’re almost the same age, and you’re from the city. However, when I asked Gran about why you’re here, because you’re obviously not here to be a tourist, she won’t tell me.” 

My eyes squint at him for a second, and then I proceed to raise a brow at him. “So, you want the tea?” 

He tilts his head, seemingly confused. “What tea?” 

“Never mind,” I purse my lips, breathing through my nose, trying so hard not to say something ridiculous. 

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m just kidding, I know what tea means. For your information, we’re quite civilized here.” 

I exhale in relief, holding a hand on my chest. “Oh, that’s great to hear. I was about to say green tea or chamomile tea.” 

Baekhyun laughed out loud, “You’re so lame!” and I had to place my palm on his mouth.  

“Shh! You’ll wake Gran up!” When he nods his head, I disgustingly look at my palm, playfully wiping it on his shirt. 

“So...” he trails off, poking my arm with his finger. “You deliver eggs to the market, but you use a very expensive sunscreen. You’re not here for a vacation, aren’t you?” 

“Not beating around the bush, I see.” I tried to laugh it off, trying my luck that maybe he’d change the topic, but he raises his brows as he waits for my answer. “Well... it’s a long story.” 

“I’m done working, so I have all night to listen.” he answers immediately, pushing my shoulder with his. “Come on.” 

I exhale through my nose, lifting the cigarette up in the air. “You see this? My dad hates this, and alcohol. I do a lot of both, apparently. So, he threw me out of the house. He also confiscated my credit card and I only had around hundred bucks, so Gran took me in.” 

It’s not like I’m not comfortable telling people what I’ve done to get my father ballistic, but I honestly don’t know how to put what really happened in words. I don’t know how to verbalize things, emotions, and such. So, I’m really out of place when Baekhyun waits for another word to come out of my mouth. 

“End of story,” I grin at him, hoping that he won’t be able to read my mind.  

He looks at my face for a few moments, not leaving my eyes as it feels like he’s staring into my soul, as dramatic as it may sound. “That’s a really long story,” he shakes his head, and the tone of his voice is sarcastic. He stood on his feet and dusted his pants, “You seem no fun. I’m going home now.” 

I send him a glare before scrunching my nose at him. “I’m just confirming your assumption of me being a spoiled brat.” 

“I never said you’re a spoiled brat,” he quickly denies, looking at me like I have two heads on my neck. 

“But you’ve thought about it,” I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

“You can’t blame me for that though. You keep saying: it’s Rimowa, it’s Rimowa, that I had to search on the internet what the heck is a Rimowa. I honestly thought it was a freakin’ country!” 

It was my turn to laugh out loud, and he had to put his palm on my mouth. 

The next time I see Baek,hyun it is almost five in the morning. I couldn’t sleep; hence I let my curiosity get the best out of me and went to where the “boats” are. 

It’s still dark, although the streetlamps illuminate the path on the way there. As I near the dock, my surroundings come from crickets to men shouting and laughing, I’m not sure anymore, but they’re thunderous. 

“Excuse me,” I raise a hand to a middle-aged man who’s about to pass by. He looks confused as he waits for me to talk. “Is Baekhyun around?” 

The man's frown fades away. Baekhyun’s name must’ve rang a bell. “Oh, Byun? I think he’s still on Youngtae’s boat.” 

There are hundreds of things going through my mind at once, but the most significant of them are: Baekhyun last name is Byun, which I haven’t heard until now—and I do hope that he’s the only Baekhyun in this town, and the other one is, who the hell is Youngtae and how would I know where his boat is? 

I know that people in this town know each other like they know the alphabet, but I’m not from here and I’m having quite a hard time adjusting when it comes to this kind of scenario. 

I can only chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck before pointing my thumb behind my shoulder. “Yeah... I think I’ll go for now but tell him I said hi.” 

The man, who looks really buff and has a tattoo sleeve on his left arm, slowly nods his head, perhaps unsure what is happening... as why a woman casually walked to the dock and asked for someone but would leave eventually. “Yeah... sure—you’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I have no idea as to why I did it, but I exaggeratedly sigh—I don’t know, probably in relief that someone recognizes my naïve-ness of this town, even though I’ve been here for almost a month now. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Yeah—” he points his fingers on his ear, “locals don’t do that.” 

I didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then I realized he was referring to my earrings, several of them. My mouth forms an O shape and I nod my head to his arm as well. “Locals don’t do that either.” 

He laughs, extending his hand out for me to shake. “You got me there. I’m Hanjo, but just call me Han, people here call me that.” 

I nod my head, giving him a smile before telling him my name. “So, you’re not from here as well?” I ask, genuinely curious if he’s from the city, too. 

“So, Byun knocked you up?” he doesn’t even miss a beat and immediately changes the topic, though I did get shocked by his assumption. 

“Excuse me?” 

Han clears his throat, looking like he sobers from the way I change my tone of voice. “Sorry, that came out harsh. That Byun guy tends to play around when he’s out of town, and I thought you were here because of that.” 

I’m still looking at him skeptically, and the corner of my mouth almost drew back a snarl. “Uh, no, we’re just friends—sorry, I can’t stop myself from saying this, but I do not appreciate how you’re addressing Baekhyun.” 

“Oh, sassy—you from the city?” he tried to laugh it off, althoucouldI can see that he didn’t mean to be rude, probably just how guys talk, or I don’t know, guys their age. 

I opened my mouth, about to say something smart, but I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I look over Han’s shoulder, and it’s a bit of a challenge since he’s quite huge, and see Baekhyun’s surprised, at the same time, smiling face. 

“Hey! What brings you here?” Baekhyun pats my arm, showcasing his perfectly aligned teeth, he then gives a nod to Han. “Hey, Han.”  

“Byun, I thought you’ve dropped out years ago. How can you still score someone from the city?” Han asks Baekhyun, and I had to remind myself that they are both males, and that’s just how they communicate... I hope.  

But what caught my attention is Baekhyun dropping out. From what? University? He attended university in the city? 

“Come on, Han.” Baekhyun chuckles, though the tone of his voice goes one note down, making him sound so manly. “That’s not a nice way to talk to someone you don’t know.” 

“Oh, but we know each other, right?” Han turns to me, calling my name as if we’ve been friends for decades. I can only make a face, turning to Baekhyun as a silent signal to get me out of here. Acouldn’tcan’t be more glad that he got the message instantly. 

“Okay! We’ll get going now, Han. Don’t drink too much, okay? Gran wouldn’t be so happy that you’re causing trouble here.” Baekhyun holds my arm, bringing me along with him as he walks away, not waiting for Han to respond. 

Baekhyun asks me to wait in his truck while he gets his things from the boat. He comes back not even five minutes later, not beating around the bush, when he removes the thin sweater he’s wearing and changes into a clean T-shirt. 

“Okay. Thank you for giving me a show, really enjoyed it.” I tried to play it cool, hiding how my cheeks blush when I saw the curve of his abs. Damn, he’s been working out. 

He laughs, throwing his sweater on my face and my nose crinkles at the smell. Sweat and seafood. He starts the car and starts driving, and I didn’t bother to ask where he’s taking me, though I have a hint that he’ll just drive me back to Gran’s place. 

“I have a question,” I break the silence, looking at his side profile, and I can’t believe I missed how his nose looks good on this side.  

“I had a hunch you have,” he chuckles, not taking his eyes off the road. 

I click my tongue, glaring at him for a second. “You said that Gran wouldn’t be happy with what Han was doing. Do they know each other? I mean, yeah, everyone knows everyone here. But you know...” 

“Hmm...” Baekhyun purses his lips as he thinks, and I almost coo at how he looks ado; ate, at the same time, almost slap myself for thinking that way. “I’m not sure if I’m in the position to tell you that.” 

“Oh, come on. I thought you like tea!”  

“Green tea or chamomile?” he repeats the joke I told him the other day, earning a glare from me. “I’m kidding. I’ll tell you, but no follow up question about it, okay?” 

I nod my head excitedly like a child. 

“Gran is Han’s mother.” Baekhyun simply said, shrugging his shoulder as if everyone should’ve known about this information. 

I can only gape athim, before verbalizing my thoughts. “I thought Gran doesn’t have a kid. I obviously guessed wrongly.” 

“Kids.” 

My jaw almost dropped on the ground, and my eyes went wide as a saucer. “No fucking way. Where’s the other one? Or how many she has?” 

“No follow up question, remember?” Baekhyun smirks, raising a brow.  

“Oh, come on. You’re no fun!” I groan at him, wanting to slap the smirk off his ,face but he’s driving, and I don’t want to risk it. 

Baekhyun laughs this time, shaking his head. “Well, I’m not going to be like you who didn’t finish her story.” That did earn him a slap on his arm, though not forcefully. He whines, rubbing the spot I hit before continuing, “Gran has two sons. Her oldest is out there, conquering the world, and you see Han... you already saw where he is in life.” 

My figure stiffens for a while, and it takes me a little while to slowly sit up straight, looking ahead of me. I didn’t want the ride to be weird, so I snickered, giving Baekhyun a playful look. “That sounds really familiar.” lookedlook into each other’s eyes for only a few seconds since he had to focus on the road, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything. But I know. I know that he has a feeling what I meant by that. 

The only time a word was said was when I realized that the road he drives on is a different route to where Gran’s house is.  

“Where—” 

“Consider yourself lucky,” he stops the car on the side of the road, pulling the handbrake before unbuckling his seatbelt. I have no choice but to fo his suit. I jump out of his truck and follow him wherever he’s taking me.  

We trek for ten minutes and I’m starting to catch my breath. “Y-you, motherfu—” 

“Just wait and see, it’ll be worth it.” Baekhyun claims, and his enthusiasm rubbing on my unfit body.  

I sit next to him on a bed of grass with little white flowers all over it. “You didn’t even ask me if I want to be driven back to Gran’s house, or if I want to torture myself by hiking before six in the morning, without breakfast, mind you.” 

“Hey, be appreciative, can you?” he bumps his shoulder with mine. “This is secret hideout. I brought you here because you look like you’re turning into a panda—what the hell happened to your eyebags, seriously?” 

His tone was playful, and I’m aware he was. He’s only doing it as a part of our normal banter-slash-daily conversation, but I smile sadly, shaking my head. “It’s nothing...” 

“Hey, come on,” he sighs, scooting closer to me, “I just gave you a tea that I’m not supposed to talk about. A little trust here, please?” 

“I’m—I—” I exhale heavily, biting my bottom lip, contemplating for a while if I should be talking about this to someone I barely know. But then, he has been there for me despite being a jerk at first. “I’m having trouble sleeping.” 

He nods his head; judgment is absent on his face. And I take it as a good sign that he’s listening to me. “Did it start when you arrived here?” 

I shake my head, starting to f my tears forming on the brim of my eyes, and I’m more than surprised because I can’t even remember the last time I cried. 

Was it when my parents didn’t attend my middle school graduation? Or was it when no one remembered my sixteenth birthday?  

I don’t know. 

“Two, three years ago? I don’t know—I honestly can’t remember.” 

Baekhyun heaves a deep trembling breath, trying to look calm as possible. “Have you got it checked? Are taking medication to help you sleep?” 

I shake my head once again, looking ahead. “No. My dad will know since I didn't really have money of my own and used his card back home. He checks all my transaction, and I’m scared that they might found out about it.” 

“Then, how do you cope?” 

I shrug my shoulders, turning my head to look at him, giving him the most genuine smile I can ever give, although it’s a sad smile. “Alcohol makes me sleepy, and cigarette soothes my nerve.” 

He doesn’t say anything for a good minute or two, and I’m starting to get worried about how I shouldn’t have told him my troubles, but when he spoke, his voice is much calmer, soothing, and quiet. “Now I know why you were always up to learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the night.” 

I laugh at his statement, the corner of my eyes crinkling in the process. “Yeah... I couldn’t sleep so , I might as well tire myself out.” 

“Is it also why you were at the dock?” 

I nod my head, “Yep, decide to take a long walk then try to go to sleep. But I saw where the dock is, and the rest is history.” 

Baekhyun hums before patting me; his mouth curves up into a gentle smile. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.” 

I don’t know what to say or how to react. But all I know is that I’m glad I told him what happened to me. My eyes didn’t leave him for a minute until he tilted his head in the direction in front of us, asking me to look at it.  

I didn’t even realize how long we’d been sitting there. The dark sky slowly turns golden. Rays of sun start peeking out at the line where the sky meets the sea. Seagulls start singing like they did when I first arrived here in this town, the sound of waves of the ocean hitting the shore... it’s incredible. 

I hold my breath, mesmerized by the majestic viewthe  of sunrise in this partthe  of the country. My first instinct was to curse to express how gorgeouswast is, but Baekhyun cuts me beforcould can even open my mouth. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

My head turns to look at him, a huge grin on my face to show how much I agree with his statement, but when my eyes get the sight of his face getting hit by the soft ray of sunlight, I am lost for words. 

Words wouldn’t come out between my lips, and I feel like I turn into a rock when I force myself to look away from him.  

It feels like I can’t look at anything else but him. 

Beautiful indeed. 

A month in this ,town and I’m handling it quite well than I expected on my first day.  

Of course, it’s not sunshine and rainbows with unicorns every single day. I’ve had a fair share of bad days. Although most of them were nothing serious, I could still say: Tomorrow’s a new day! 

But nothing compares to what happened when Jisoo asked me to hang out, and she’d tour me around the town—properly, as she clearly claimed.  

Don’t get me wrong, it went well. She’s probably one of the kindest people around here, next to Gran, but then again, everyone in this town is friendly and welcoming.  

I didn’t have the bicycle with me that day because Jisoo insisted on picking me up from Gran’s house and we went around the town in her sedan. And when the sun started to set, she offered to drive me back to Gran’s and of course, I agreed because I don’t have the will in me to walk that far, but surprise, surprise, Baekhyun’s truck pulled up on the side of the road, honking noisily to get our attention. 

I’m aware of his little crush on Jisoo; he made it obvious the first time I met the latter, and he made it obvious again this time. 

Of course, I brushed it off, reminding myself that we have nothing going on between us and convincing myself that I don’t have anything going on for him—and I really do hope I’m doing a great job on that. 

However, it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was splashed on my face when I heard their conversation. 

“Chivalry is not dead, Baekhyun?” Jisoo giggled, pushing Baekhyun’s shoulder with her hand, and the man had the cheek to blush. “Always ready to pick her up, huh? Never seen you put an effort to a girl before.” 

“Oh, it’s not like that...” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s from the city, and I’m doing Gran’s a favor.” 

At that moment, I had to rethink if I had the stamina to walk all the way back to Gran’s. I wanted to be alone, but Baekhyun literally pushed me inside his truck. 

He might be thinking that I’m just being sulky since I do that quite often when I lose every time we bicker. He acts normal as if he didn’t say those words earlier about me, being well aware that I was around and could hear them perfectly. 

I close my eyes and pretend to take a rest while he tells a hilarious story from his day job. Though I’m pretty tired, I still have some energy left in me. I just don’t want to see his face. 

But Baekhyun is quite smart. He figures out three later. Okay, that might be long for others, but I’m still civil with him, to the point no one notices how I tried so hard to avoid him unless necessary. 

I may not be academically smart, but I can be quite observant. I’d be up extra early to finish the errands Gran listed out for me the night before—she doesn’t usually do it, but I kind of forced her to, so I’d know in advance what I’d be doing for the day. 

Then, when he’d come over unannounced, I’d go feed Gran’s animals their second dinner. 

Everything was going well for me until I got invited to hang out with Jisoo and her friends. I really wanted to say no, but Gran looked so happy when Jisoo came knocking on her door. 

“Oh, dear, it’s alright! I’ll pack the leftovers and put them in the fridge. You can heat it up when you’re still hungry once you’re back.” she said when I tried using her meatloaf as an excuse for me not to go. 

That’s how I met Jongdae, the talkative but gentlemanly guy; Minseok, their hyung who’s always looking out for others if they have enough beer in their system and send them home.  

I’m really bad with names and can’t remember most of Jisoo’s circle, but they keep talking to me because, apparently, they’re Baekhyun friends and heard about me from the man himself. 

“Why is he not here, though?” Curiosity got the best of me when Baekhyun’s friends were were here, and of course, Jisoo’s here. “Did he not get an invite?” 

Jongdae laughs and slaps my shoulder like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Minseok chuckles at the sight before taking a swig of his beer. “Baekhyun’s always invited. In fact, he’d be there before you can invite him. But we don’t know—said that he’s not feeling well or somethin’.” 

I frown upon hearing that. He seemed fine when he dropped by this morning at Gran’s. “What—is he sick?” 

“He’s sick alright,” Jongdae snorts, drinking his beer, and Minseok nudges him with his knee. “Hey—you know what? Let’s take a picture to capture this moment.” 

My expression twists at the sudden change of subject, nonetheless, I force the best I could ever give as soon as Jongdae put his phone an arm away after switching to the front camera. “Say: Baekhyun’s sick!” 

I didn’t follow him, though I did manage to sneak an eye roll before he hit the capture button. 

“Send it to me, I’d like a copy,” Minseok says, taking his phone out from his pocket. Jongdae nods his head, tapping the screen of his phone before gasping out loud. 

“What?” Me and Minseok choruses.  

Jongdae turns to us with wide eyes, “I mistakenly sent it to our group chat instead of personal message. Okay, I’m going to put my phone to DND before someone spams me.” 

I roll my eyes once again but can’t fight the smile spreading on my lips, thinking how ridiculous yet fun experience it is to hang out with these guys. While Minseok looks like he’s going to smash his bottle of beer on Jongdae’s head. “Can you stop being so dramatic for once?” 

The night is filled with laughter, beers, and some fun games that, I must admit, are fun. I don’t think I can remember the last time I enjoyed the company of being around other people, or people in general. 

I’m on my third bottle of cold beer, chatting between Jongdae and Minseok, when the bottle in my hand magically disappears. I haven’t had alcohol for quite a long time—no judgment, that I’m already tipsy. I was about to fight anyone just for a bottle of beer but was met with Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“Oh, that was fast!” Jongdae cheers, pertaining to Baekhyun. He claps his hand and pats the space beside him for the guy to sit. 

But instead, Baekhyun motions me to scoot a little so he can squeeze in the space between me and Jongdae. And of course, that receives a grunt from us. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him in a small voice, though his two friends definitely heard me as they both snicker at the same time. 

Before Baekhyun could answer, Jisoo appears in front of us, holding her own drink and a bit red, probably from drinking too much—she’s not very subtle with her drinking, but I guess everyone needs a little loose from time to time, no one’s judging. 

“Baekhyun! I thought you couldn’t make it!” 

I’m not interested in seeing their interaction as I’m already sulking as it is, so I tried to reach out for my beer that’s still in Baekhyun’s hold, but as soon as my fingertips touch it, he clicks his tongue at me, giving me a warning look. 

Jongdae crosses his legs, leaning on his hands to look at Baekhyun mockingly. “Oh yes, Baekhyun. I thought you said you were too tired and not feeling like it?” 

He really does look tired, and I’m also confused as to why he’s here. But he just kicks Jongdae’s feet and glares at Minseok who frowns because the guy is literally younger than him. “I don’t trust you guys with alcohol.” 

“Pssh!” Jongdae dismisses him by waving a hand on his face. “We both know that’s a lie. You trust us the most.” 

“He’s drunk,” I murmur, which receives a hum of agreement from Baekhyun that makes the hair on the back of my neck rise.  

He turns his head a little to the side to peek over his shoulder. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath tickling my lashes. “You?” 

I shake my head a little, my words getting caught in my throat that I have to put an effort to respond to him. “No, not really.” 

Jongdae couldn’t stop his excitement and let out a high pitch laugh that caught the attention of other people around.  

I’m the one who breaks the eye contact, clearing my throat before looking the other way. I see Minseok already giving me a small smile, wiggling his brows. He manages to murmur, “adorable,” before drinking his beer. 

If I heard that a few weeks ago, I’d probably have had the same reaction when Gran said the same thing. But now, I can honestly feel the heat creeping up from my neck to my cheeks. I’ll just use the alcohol as an excuse if someone notices. 

As more empty bottles scattered around the area, few people gathered where we are, and not to mention they decided it was a good idea to put me on the spot to ask questions—thanks to Jongdae who practically announced that I’m a tourist here. 

“So, wait,” A girl named Bomee slurs, tilting her head as she speaks, “your dad threw you out because you drink a lot?” 

I seriously need more alcohol in my system before I can answer her honestly. But Baekhyun here wouldn’t give them back every time I’d get a new one, and he’d give it to Jongdae instead who, I believe, puke couple times already. 

“Sort of?” I answer carefully, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Then why did you keep drinking if your family hates it?” A guy named Jaebom chimes in. And Bomee hisses at him for being so insensitive. Though, I don’t mind because all my mind can process is how they seem to be invested in my story. 

“Well—how do I explain it?” I exhale through my nose, biting my bottom lip, and my leg started to bounce, feeling a bit anxious if I should answer the question.  

But then I feel something on my bare knee since I’m wearing shorts. I shift my focus from Jaebom and glance at my side. It was Baekhyun’s thigh. He keeps his gaze ahead of him but left his thigh on my knee. 

The corner of my mouth lifts for a second before pursing my lips. It’s probably time for me to let this out, as to why I did what’s been done. To what really goes on my mind that no one bothered to ask. 

Until I arrived in this town.  

Until I met these people. 

Until I met this man who oddly calms my storm.  

“I’m not really the favorite child,” I start, giving them a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “The most common misconception is that if you’re the youngest, you get attention, love, everything. But that doesn’t apply to my family. 

“I don’t remember it well, but I had a good relationship with my father until I started school. He immediately saw the difference between me and my older brother. He’s way smarter than I am. He’s polite and I get in trouble from left to right even without trying.  

“My dad started to compare me to my brother as we grew up, and I believe that’s the main reason why I developed resentment towards my brother. My mother... she doesn’t care, she never did. She’s always been busy with her charity events that would make her look good to the public, and of course, her friends. 

“However, despite their busy schedules, they’d clear everything to attend my brother’s graduation, school events and such. But they’ve never been on mine. That’s probably the reason why something in me snapped when I was in high school.  

“I was in the wrong circle. I got in trouble for drinking and smoking. It wasn’t my attention, but for the first time, my parents went to my school, although for a reason that’s nothing to be proud of. I misunderstood the rebellion just to get their attention. 

“But now I’m in my last year for my undergrad, it just became an escape. I no longer care for my parents’ attention, but I became dependent on alcohol to sleep, and cigarettes to calm down. And to be honest, I’m scared to get checked—because what if something’s wrong with me? Who’ll take care of me? I can barely hold my shit together. Or will it worsen my situation in our house? As they’ve already seen me as a burdensome. 

“So, yeah. I’m here because I don’t have anywhere else to go. I bought a train ticket without knowing anything about the destination. Don't get me wrong, your town is freakin’ awesome, exquisite, but I’d sell my soul for a cheeseburger and chicken nuggets right now.” 

I end my speech with a deep, trembling sigh, forcing myself to give them a smile, but it immediately drops when I see most of them tearing up, especially Jongdae who’s already hammered. 

“Hey—what the heck, you guys.” I chuckle awkwardly, sitting up straight to look at them one by one. Jisoo even had to excuse herself as she cries, while Jaebeom looks at me apologetically, “I’m sorry. I—I shouldn’t have had ask you that...” 

“No, no!” I walk over to them, feeling guilty for ruining the mood. I try to calm them down, but Jongdae, being dramatic as he is, starts to sob, talking to himself as he thanks his parents for loving him despite being such a headache. 

Minseok looks at me fondly, though there’s a hint of pity and sadness in his eyes. “This is such a good reminder to be kind. We don’t know who’s struggling silently, and what we can only do is to be kind.” 

I smile at what he said, nodding my head in agreement. “Be kind.” 

Baekhyun finally gives up around two in the morning. I’m about to bid him good night but then he waits for me to get on my feet. “What—why?” I whine, not wanting to leave as I’m honestly having fun joking around with his friends and others. 

Baekhyun sighs my name, dropping his shoulders. “Please? No one here will drive you home; everyone has alcohol in their system—no, Jongdae, you’re too drunk to drive, just sleep here.” 

I groan loudly, giving him a glare. Nonetheless, I wave goodbye to everyone, promising that I’ll see them again soon.  

I sit on Baekhyun’s truck, rolling down the windows so the chilly night breeze will hit my face soothingly.  

“You okay?” 

I can only grunt in response, resting the side of my head on the window frame. 

“Sure? Or you’re too drunk to tell?” 

“Baekhyun—” I close my eyes before pursing my lips. “I only had two bottles because you won’t let have any as soon as you arrived. If I was drunk by two bottles, I’m sober enough by the window time you kept snatching all bottles in my hand.” 

He looks taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I do admit that I feel a little guilty about it. “H-hey, I’m sorry. I can make a U turn if you want to go back—sorry...” 

I gnaw my bottom lip, wanting to slap myself for overreacting to something not big of a deal. “No, it’s fine. Just keep driving.” 

He keeps driving alright. I’m in daze when I realize that it’s not the way back to Gran’s house, and we’ve been on the road for almost an hour—and that’s without traffic!  

From trees and the shallow sound of waves crashing to the shore, my eyes meet with bright lights and buildings—though nothing compared to the big city, but my heart couldn’t stop fluttering seeing such familiar sight. 

“Baekhyun, where—” 

“You said you wanted cheeseburger,” he simply said, not even letting me finish my question. “And this is the nearest one from the town.” 

And boy, did I wish to still use the alcohol as an excuse when he saw how red my face is, but then I remember how I mentioned that I sobered enough. Dumb. 

Fortunately, he doesn’t say anything. Just a subtle smirk on his face, and he shakes his head a little. 

Two cheeseburgers, ten pieces chicken nuggets, two large drinks and fries to share, we are seated on the back of his truck with the tailgates opened, in an empty parking under a starry night sky. 

“Wait—so, you’re telling me you attended an Ivy League in the city?” I ask him with wide eyes, unable to believe the information I heard about him. We are talking about life and stuff, and I finally convinced him to tell something he hasn’t told me before. 

Baekhyun casually takes a huge bite of his burger before nodding his head. He looks up to the sky for a few seconds before meeting my curious eyes. “Yeah... got a scholarship and stayed there for two years.” 

“Holy crap, so you’re really smart! Damn, I could barely pass a minor subject. What the heck, Baekhyun? Why did you stop?” 

He chuckles, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger. “Slow down, woman. You sound too excited.” 

“Of course, I am!” I huff, reminiscing about the time when I dreamt of attending an Ivy League, but my GPA didn’t cooperate. 

Baekhyun gives me a soft smile, eyes dancing around my facial features. “Is it the lighting here or you’re extra pretty today?” 

I must admit that it did make my heart go crazy, and the butterflies in my stomach dance, or whatever crap people call it. 

And it didn’t help when he chuckles huskily upon seeing my reaction. “I didn’t like it. It was the first time I had been away from my family for that long, and people were so different. Life was too busy, and the pressure of a job title right after graduation was insanely unrealistic.” 

I nod my head in agreement, totally understanding his sentiments, especially now I’ve lived in his town for a month. I saw, experienced, lived the life they have. Quiet, simple, and peaceful. 

Contentment.  

Contentment is the city will never have. 

“I was studying Psychology, and I was really interested in the subject. It was the environment I couldn’t keep up,” he continues, “now I’m twenty-four years old, living in his parents’ walkout basement.” 

“And you’re happy,” I smile at him, and it makes him stare at me, unblinking, he then mirrors my smile, though his was wider and the corner of his eyes crinkle. 

“That, I am.” he grins widely, and it makes my heart flutter seeing him like this. “I’m delighted you used and instead of but.” 

“Oh, of course,” I shrug, smiling more widely than I already am. I honestly didn’t think about that—it just came out naturally. “But hey, can I ask you something personal? And it’s totally fine if you don’t feel like telling me.” 

Baekhyun nods his head, turning his body to face me, his legs touching my outstretch limbs.  

“Why did you hate me so much the first time we met?”  

That seems to catch him off guard. He pulls his head back before pursing his lips. “Y-you sure Gran didn’t tell you? Or you just want me to put on spot?” 

I look at him weirdly before shaking my head. “No, I’m genuinely curious. You went apeshit when you barely know me. You were an ass—sorry. Anyway, Gran only told me it’s about something businessmen wanting to take the town.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, exhaling heavily. He takes the last bite of his food and crumples the wrapper before putting it aside. “Okay—it’s no secret in the town that Gran’s eldest son is a very successful businessman.” 

I gape at him, eyes getting wide. “I didn’t know that!” 

“Well, you’re not exactly from the town and—” he only stops talking when I glare at him. “Moving on, when I was still in the city, I met a girl—why are you looking at me like that?” 

I didn’t even realize I’m frowning until Baekhyun pointed it out. I instantly wipe my annoyed expression that automatically came out when he mentioned a girl. Since when did I become possessive? We’re not even together romantically. “What look?” 

Baekhyun looks at me skeptically, though he’s unable to hide that little smirk on his face that I’ve been wanting to slap off. 

“I met this girl—we’re not together anymore so calm down—” 

“I wasn’t even asking—” 

“You want me to continue or not?” he raises a brow in my direction, and I sigh in defeat.  

“Sorry—continue.” 

“So... I took her to the town to tour around, and of course, to meet my family. I thought it went well because you know, it’s normal for people to take pictures and document everything. However, I never thought that it would take a drastic turn when her short clips posted on the internet became viral and several investors immediately came to examine the area. And surprise, surprise! Gran’s eldest was one of them.” 

I’m listening to his every word carefully and when he mentioned how the town became viral, it came crashing to me as why it sounded familiar back in the train station at the city. I now remember passing by a short clip a couple years ago. 

“Gran’s sons are sort of estrange to her and her late husband. So, when he found out that his mother lives here, he thought he had better chance than other men in suit.” 

I nod my head, slowly absorbing much information in the middle of the night. “And I’m guessing Gran hated the idea?” 

“Hates it. She got angry at her son who didn’t contact them for years, and had the audacity to ask them to convince the people in town to sell their land to him. But more importantly, she cares for everyone in town. What will happen to locals if hotels and resorts are all around?” 

I did hear from Gran about what happened with her husband about a year ago, and now I’m connecting dots. “Poor Gran...” 

Baekhyun sighs, looking up in the sky. “Yeah... Gran and Pop-pop were everyone’s favorite grandparents in town. When Pop-pop passed, it took a toll on all of us. You met the youngest, Han, and he’s not really someone you can rely on, even when it comes to his parents. So, we promised Pop-pop that we’d take care of Gran then the next day, he’s gone.” 

My mouth curves down and I look at him with sadness in my eyes. I just can’t imagine what they’ve been through. “I’m so sorry...” 

But Baekhyun smiles at me, patting my cheek as an assurance. “It’s okay. And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize as well. You didn’t deserve that. I was an ass, damn right.” 

“Well, forgiven since you bought me cheeseburger and chicken nuggets.” I giggle, raising the wrapped greasy burger in my hand.  

Baekhyun laughs as well before straightening his back. “And for your information, this is all me. I’m doing no favor to anyone.” he bumps his shoulder with mine and I bend my neck a little to meet his eyes.  

“What...?” I raise an eyebrow to him. 

He clears his throat before speaking, “Should we now talk about us?” 

Taking a bite in the middle of this kind of conversation is not really ideal. But in my defense, I didn’t know he was going to say that. My cheek protruded with the burger still in my mouth while I look at his eyes, unsure where this conversation would take us. 

“W-what about us?” 

His expression hardens, but it quickly vanished when he realizes I’m quite lost with what he’s going to say. “Gran’s animals will be overweight the next time you avoided me when I come over.” 

“Oh.” was all I could say. I drop my shoulders and sniff, looking ahead of me. “Don’t worry about it. There are times I could get extra sensitive—I’ll get over it.” 

“No, baby, I—” he lets out a deep trembling breath, sighing my name afterwards. “Sorry, that just came out.” 

I can’t do anything but to smile awkwardly, mumbling an, “It’s okay.” Because no one has ever called me that kind of endearment without intimate intercourse before. 

It’s weird... yet nice. 

“Okay. I—Gran stopped forcing me to help you when you bit my ear. She thought that it might get us both on each other’s bad side further. She made me apologize but that’s it. Hasn’t ask anything since then.” Baekhyun huffs out, asking me to look at him, and I did. “I just see you in a different light now. I don’t know when it started. Maybe when you started making jokes about your stupidity with riding a bicycle—or when I finally had the chance to get to know you better on Gran’s roof—minus the smoking.” 

I was about to hit him with my fist, but I’m so glad I didn’t, and chose to let him finish what he’s about to say. 

“What I’m saying is... you make me shy, edgy—those stuffs, and I’d blabber the idiotic thing I could think of. I’m sorry.” 

“I—uh...” there’s a lump in my throat that’s hindering me from responding to what he just said. Though, really, I’m just out of words. “Okay...” 

“Really—that’s it? Okay?” his face went blank, eyes getting droopy as ever. 

“What do you want me to say?” I counter, my voice gets higher. “I thought you like Jisoo. So, you know? I didn’t think about it that much.” Lies. But who’s letting him know? Obviously not me. 

“I didn’t say I like her—” 

“You were ogling at her, Baekhyun!” 

“I’m aware it was inappropriate, but she was wearing a low-cut shirt and flashing her cleavage on my face, okay? I’m sorry if you misunderstood it.” 

“Mind you, I offered to show you my boobs in exchange for some bike lessons and maintenance, but you were too prim back then.” I argue, crossing my arms across my chest, purposely lifting them up to be visibly in better shape. “But I guess Jisoo’s cleavage makes you shy and edgy.” 

“You—” Baekhyun groans, rubbing his face tiredly. “You’re so stubborn, aren’t you?” 

I shrug my shoulder, taking a bite of my burger... angrily. “I’ve been told. But thanks for the reminder.” 

Neither of us said a word for quite some time. We are just seated next to each other at the back of his truck while I finish the food because apparently, I’m too stubborn. What he didn’t know is that I can be stubborn and hungry. 

In all honesty, I do like Baekhyun. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. He makes everything around me brighter. He makes me see colors. He makes me realize that life can be beautiful. 

Especially now he admits that he initiated everything he has done for me without Gran’s presence. And it’s a lot to take... though in a nice way.  

However, I’m not going to deny the fact that I’m quite hesitant since I still have to go back home. I still have a year left in university. And I don’t know my career from there. I’m not even sure if my dad will take me in to work in his company, nonetheless, dropping out just like that is not part of my initial plan. 

If we ever, stating out a huge possibility, got together, in just a few weeks, we’d cater to a long-distance relationship that rarely works for other people. What are the odds it’d work for me... for us? 

And I believe coming out clean about the uncertainty must be verbalized to Baekhyun to be fair. 

“I still have a year left in university, Baekhyun,” I murmur, glancing at him at the corner of my eye and see that he’s looking at me intently. “I need to go back to the city before semester starts.” 

I see the small frown between his eyebrows as he absorbs my intention. “That’s it?” 

Now, it’s my turn to narrow my eyes to him, clenching my jaw as I face him properly. “What do you mean by that’s it? I’m not dropping out—” 

“Who said about dropping out?!” he cut me off, his voice got way out of control and can be considered as yell. He notices how I jolt on my seat, leaning my body away from his. He exhales through his mouth, calming himself before speaking again. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to shout. But can you hear me for a second? Because it looks like I’m the only one who’s willing to make us work.” 

I open my mouth to counter his words, but nothing comes out, coming to a realization that he’s right. I roll my eyes at him just to show him I’m not mad or something. I grumble, “Fine.” 

He smiles at me fondly, scooting closer to me. He snatches the food wrapper on my lap, putting it aside, before grabbing my hands. And I swear to God, my heart almost couldn’t take when he places his puckered lips to my knuckles, kissing them lightly repeatedly. 

This man really knows how to sweep me off my feet. 

“I like you, a lot.” he admits, smiling sheepishly and I don’t miss the shade of red on his cheeks. “It’s embarrassing how much I think of you in a day. I thought I was just worried about you because you’re not from around here. But then I started looking for you even if we were in the same room. You listen to my stories without judgement, you laugh at my jokes even when I know they’re not funny—I don’t know. It’s just... I like you, and it’s too early to say if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you, but I just want you to know, I’m willing to get there.” 

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until Baekhyun calls my name. I blink several times to snap out of it. “B-Baekhyun, I—” I swallow the lump in my throat when my voice cracks. 

“Before you say no,” he cuts me off again, smiling kindly. “I just want to let you know that I will never cheat on you even where you’re in the city and I’m here. I will make sure to give you peace of mind every day.” 

I look at him longingly, gnawing my bottom lip with my teeth. Unable to find the right word to say, or more likely, unable to come up with a decision to my dilemma. “That’s a huge thing to say, Baekhyun...” 

He sighs in relief when I finally said something, although it’s not a yes, but he just looks glad it was not a no. He grins widely, interlacing our fingers together and placing them on his lap. “It is. But that’s to prove my conclusion on how much I like you. I’m surprise as you are.” 

I finally let out a chuckle, hitting his chest with my fist, though with not much of force but he still grunts. “Anything else I should expect from you?” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s going to cry in relief when I said that, and I feel bad for acting so distant that it stresses him this much. He closes his eyes for a few seconds with a wide smile on his mouth before responding to my question. “Hmm... let me see. Well, I’m quite good in bed.” 

I know he meant it as a joke since that’s just how we always communicate, but he looks so surprised when I agreed in a heartbeat. “Okay, I’m sold.” 

“Wait—seriously?” 

I nod my head, grinning innocently at him, or at least I’m hoping it to be. “What can I say? I have needs.” 

“No, baby—” I thought he’s going to take back the endearment, but the butterflies in my stomach flutters when he doesn’t. “I mean—okay, that’s good to know, I’ll make sure to take care of you. But are you serious—you’re not playin’ with me? You’re saying yes?” 

“Yes, Baekhyun,” I thought my smile couldn’t get any wider, but it does. “I like you—though, I can’t say if I like you a lot as well, but—” 

He had to give me a death stare to make me shut up. I giggle, getting the courage to throw my arms around his neck, giving his cheek a smooch. “I like you a lot, Baekhyun.” 

When I pull my head back, still in his arms, we are inches apart, staring at each other’s eyes then to our lips. I can’t help but sigh when our mouths finally meet. I climb to his lap, hands on his shoulders, while he holds my waist.  

His lips are soft and warm. Like a hot towel after a shower during winter. Comforting. It almost tastes like hot cocoa on Christmas evening. Sweet and satisfying. 

We had to cut everything and pull away from each other when I felt something beneath me. Baekhyun looks embarrassed and uses my tongue as an excuse for his hard on. I laugh at him, getting off his lap but not before giving his mouth another kiss. 

He looks beyond surprised, yet excited, when I ask during our drive back, “Hey, can I stay over?” 

It’s my first time seeing where he stays. Since it’s a walkout basement, it has its own entrance a few steps down from the main ground. 

It’s tidy, except for the unfolded clothes on the armchair at the corner, and he has a typical twin-sized bed, and a few clutters on the wall shelves on the other side of the room. 

He asks for two minutes while he cleans up, though what he’s done is to just hide the clothes in his closet and smoothen out the bed sheet. 

Somewhere along my pun, “Are we going to fit in there?” referring to his bed while laughing makes me hot in an instant when he said, “I can top so it’d be fine.” 

I try to laugh it off, sitting at the edge of the mattress. “I only meant to sleep here, but you seems to have another idea in your head. I’m not sure if I like it.” 

With what he said a while ago, he has the audacity to blush, stammering with his words, “H-hey! You’re the one who shoved your tongue in my mouth. I thought—” 

I’m wheezing from laughing too much, holding my stomach as it starts hurting. I cough and catch my breath when I glance at his pouty face, watching me make fun of his conundrum. 

“I’m just kidding, come here,” I extend my arm, reaching out to him before flopping on the mattress. 

Baekhyun makes me feel loved, special, and cherish me as a woman as he kisses my body while peeling my clothes off my body. He never forgets my emotions while getting into his desires. 

I appreciate his time to set the mood by touching me like I want him to, tasting parts of me like a starving man. Then asking for consent before proceeding to enter once he secured protection. 

No one had bothered to ask me on my previous experiences. 

That night, I can consider it as my first time making love. 

My first time feeling loved. 

He kisses my mouth when he comes, then makes sure I’d reach my peak afterwards. I can’t remember the last time I felt sexually satisfied, but I definitely won’t forget this one. 

Our foreheads lean on each other as we bask in our warmth and presence. We kiss each other’s mouth, nose and cheeks, giggling with each peck. And my eyes close blissfully when Baekhyun bends his neck to kiss my forehead, leaving his lips there for a few seconds before sighing.  

I can feel his heartbeat on my chest when he does that. Whatever I’m feeling, he’s feeling it too. 

Baekhyun’s right. It’s too early to say it’s love, but same as him, I’m willing to get there. 

That night was the first of so many nights we’d spend together. 

No one can beat Gran’s reaction when she found out that me and Baekhyun are together-together. She said that she didn’t expect it since she saw how we fought, bicker, and threw nasty words at each other that it gotten to a point where it got physical—my fault, sorry. 

She gushed until the word came to almost everyone in town. I’m no longer Gran’s visitor as they once called me. I’m now Baekhyun’s girl. 

Baekhyun is probably the sweetest, at the same time, manliest man I’ve ever met. Okay, I’m exaggerating but I’m so proud to call him my boyfriend.  

It’s no news that I could say that I grew up without a man figure in my life even though I still have a dad, and I’m not really close with my older brother. And I’ve dated quite a few back in the city. 

But with Baekhyun... damn it’s different. It’s good different. 

Back in the city, it was only sex, alcohol, look cool together, sex, move on to different person, and repeat. 

I mentioned to him that he’s like my first real relationship, and it boosted his ego. I have no problem with it since Baekhyun might know how to piss me off, but he’s never crossed the line, and I can’t see him doing it.  

That’s the thing about him. He’s too respectful. At first, I was skeptical, thinking that he’d done something, and was just acting like that to prepare me for the worst. “Of course, I ought to treat you right. We’re together, aren’t we?” 

It’s shameful to say out loud, but I gave him head that night. 

Also, Baekhyun didn’t wait a week, or even a day, for me to meet his parents. It was awkward since we fell asleep the first night we got together in the basement and were awoken by his mother knocking on his door. I suggested waiting it out and I’d hide under his bed or closet, but he brushed me off, asking me to wear one of his oversized T-shirts before opening the door. 

His mom was cool about it, in fact, she even asked us to go upstairs to the main floor to have breakfast. There, I met his dad, who looked so happy his youngest son got laid. No word was spoken to say what happened; it was just that obvious, even Baekhyun’s older brother kept wiggling his eyebrows to us. 

Oh, of course, sex is great. He really proves he’s good in bed. The only struggle we had in the first week was with where to do it without any hindrance. Because apparently, “Baby, you’re adorable, but please—you’re such giggler.” 

I didn’t even get mad at him when he said that. Instead, I laughed even more, and he had to put his mouth on mine since we were at his place and his family was right above us.  

Since I’m quite ticklish, I had to learn to control my reaction when he’d run his hands on my bare body. That happened when he sneaked on Gran’s window on the second floor where I’m staying. I was about to sleep but felt the air mattress dipping beside me then an arm wrapped around my waist.  

Gran is a light sleeper, so I had to bite my lip and swallow the noise down my throat. Imagine the person who’s taking care of you inside their house caught you having sex in the mattress you both struggle to inflate. 

That'd be embarrassing. 

But most of all, my favorite moments with Baekhyun are when we’d just lie on bed, or his favorite hangout spot where the golden sunrise view is always spectacular. We’d be in each other’s arms, appreciating the comforting silence. 

In our clothes, yet intimate. 

Though, I’m not discrediting him for his ideas of dates. I’ve never been to sweet ones, so he makes sure he’d put his best effort, like picnics, walking on the shore with shoes in our hands while the sun sets in such beautiful collusion of red and yellow colors. Or if he doesn’t have work, we’d hang out on Gran’s roof to stargaze.  

We still bickered, yes, but it was nothing serious. Mostly, just to make fun of each other until one gets pouty and sulky. But that’s mostly me because I do like his affection when I’m pouty and sulky. 

Baekhyun is becoming my favorite person, and I’m not complaining even a bit. 

And not to forget there’s the simple, domestic kind. You know, just hanging out at each other’s place. Doing things normal people do. 

Mind you, I haven’t done the dishes, laundry nor folded clothes—or any house chore, in my entire life. That was until I arrived here. I must help Gran at her house because that’s the least I could do for someone who put roof under my head and food in my tummy. 

She did have a hard time teaching me basic things but there was nothing that could stop me from learning. Even if it means cuts, burns, and even bruises. Those were just small boo-boos and they healed in a few days. Now I have started enjoying doing the laundry or folding clothes with Gran’s old music playing in the background. 

Hence, when Baekhyun dropped by one late afternoon to inform me that he had work in the nearby town and wouldn’t be home until the morning, I decided to pay his place a visit.  

Right after dinner, I told Gran that I’d stay the night at Baekhyun’s, and she looked confused since she knew that he was out of town but let me go anyway. 

It was not the first time I’d be staying at his place even when he was not around. This usually occurs when he’d be working in the dock, and I’d wait for him in his basement. I already know where the spare key is, and let myself in. 

As expected, a pile of clothes was still sitting on the armchair in the corner of his room. He may be tidy in other things, but not when it came to the business after washing machine. I tied my hair in a ponytail and got to work.  

His mom even came down to check since she heard noises and thought it was someone else. She offered to help but I assured her I’d be fine. She looked at me fondly, telling me that I could go upstairs should I need anything. 

His clothes neatly folded in his closet, his bed sheet was nice and clean, and his floor was vacuumed and mopped. And I was spent. 

I never expected anything from him in return every time I’d do these kinds of things, but he just does.  

Sometimes it was a bouquet of flowers, or sometimes he’d take me out of town to eat the food I was craving. But my preferred is his simple kiss on a cheek and a, “Thank you, baby.” 

Orrr... occasionally, I’d prefer a kiss while sleeping in his bed as soon as he got back and cuddling through the morning. 

Baekhyun does the same. When he’s not working, he’d help me at Gran’s place. From simple chores to heavy ones. 

Just like today. It's Sunday and I told Gran that I will stay to help her clean the house. I still haven’t turned on my phone, so it feels almost magical when Baekhyun appears out of nowhere. Most especially now that the roof needs to be cleaned. 

The day was almost perfect until Han suddenly came in from the back door in the kitchen. I roll my eyes at him, and he gives me the same sass.  

When he found out I’ve been staying as a guest at his mother’s, he got agitated since Gran doesn’t even give him a room to stay, but she’s giving one to a stranger. Although Gran still feeds him when he’s around. A mother will always be a mother. Can’t relate, to be honest. 

I’m dusting the living room when Han decided that it was a good idea to rant to his mother. Well, I heard about how hates his older brother, yet wants to experience the kind of wealth the brother has. Gran doesn’t look bothered, nor pleased with the subject, but I don’t want to butt in especially it’s family affair. 

I go upstairs instead to let me ear rest for a while before I have to hear Han’s voice again. Walking inside the room I’m staying in, I peek out the window to see Baekhyun on a ladder leaning against the side of the house as he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. 

“Hey there, baby boy,” I lean my arms on the windowsill and give him a playful suggestive look because I know how annoyed he gets with the pet name. 

He groans loudly and I can’t help but to laugh, “Stop with that weird crap, please!” 

“What do you want me to call you then? Daddy?” I raise a brow at him before squinting my eyes to annoy him even more. Kidding aside, I just got goosebumps upon saying that word. No, nuh uh. Will never ever repeat that, ever, again. 

“Ugh! Baby—” 

“Mom! They’re not cleaning, they’re just flirtin’!”  

I jump on my feet when Han’s loud voice and when I look over my shoulder, he’s standing there with a bowl of cereal that I bought with my own money.  

In the background, we heard Gran yelling, “Leave them alone!” 

I raise a brow to Han to piss him off and he threatens to hit me with a spoon. Baekhyun’s voice can be heard from outside the window while he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. “Han, please don’t do that to my girlfriend.” 

I plastered a smug face to Han because, even though he’s almost double the size of Baekhyun, the latter is surprisingly an expert in some kind of martial arts that instantly flew over my head the second I heard it. Was it wushu? Taekwondo? Karate? I don’t know... oh! Hapkido! I honestly don’t know anything about it, but—yey! Supportive girlfriend here. 

Han scoffs before rolling his eyes. He then points the spoon to the boxes in the corner before walking out of the room, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just clean this up.” 

I truly want to say something back to him, but Baekhyun calls my name to calm me down, because he knows how much I get triggered when Han does this kind of shit. “Just leave the boxes there, baby. I’ll carry them down once I’m done here.” 

“What am I going to do then?”  

“Just stand there and look pretty for me,” he grins widely, the corner of his eyes crinkling in the process. Although I roll my eyes at him, I can’t hide the small smile on my lips that’s slowly spreading.  

I ignore him and walk towards the boxes that have been left untouched, thus dusty, since I got here. Baekhyun once told me that Gran and her husband moved here more than a decade ago from their hometown to live a quiet life. But being the good parents they were, they still brought their sons’ pictures and memorabilia of them. 

By the third box, I hold my breath since the surface is very dusty and I’ve been sneezing like crazy. And instead of helping me or anyone in the house, Han just sits in the living room while watching the television with his feet up on the table.  

As I’m about to approach the back door by the kitchen, the bottom of the box gives up and the contents of the box scattered on the floor. Fortunately, I hear no breaking of glass, so I internally sigh in relief before groaning out loud, crouching down to pick them up. 

“Need help back there?” I hear Han ask from the living room. 

“I mean, if you have a kind heart within you, why not?” I respond sarcastically that earns a hearty laugh from him. 

We start picking up the items and they’re mostly framed pictures and a few documents. The last time to be picked up is a picture frame facing the floor. My hand casually reaches out to it and even makes sure that the frame is still intact.  

In a split second, my facial expression drops, and I can feel how my heart starts thumping almost loudly in my chest when I flipped the frame in my hand. 

There is a photo of Gran and her husband with a young man in a graduation gown, seemingly fresh out of university, flashing a wide smile on his face for the camera.  

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Han interrupts my thoughts and I raise my head to look at him with wide eyes. “That’s my hyung. He’s not a ghost yet, but he’s dead to us.” 

I can’t find words to say nor get any of my muscles to move. However, I did feel how my bottom lip trembles uncontrollably, and my breath becomes ragged. With all the energy left in me, I close my eyes and breathe through my nose, holding it for few seconds before exhaling heavily—a technique Baekhyun taught me to calm myself down in case I feel like my thoughts are winning against me. 

“Oy—you okay?” I feel Han’s hand on my shoulder as he tries shaking me a little bit, and I nod my head a little bit. 

I croak, “Y-yeah...” 

Han looks hesitant, grabbing the frame out of my hands and settling it down on the counter, and does what he thinks is the best solution: call for his mother. “No, you’re not—Ma! C’mere! She’s not breathing!” 

Even with my condition, I still found the strength to glare at him as he can definitely see that I’m still breathing, though heavily—almost hyperventilating. 

Baekhyun obviously heard the commotion, and he arrives first, clumsily and almost tripped from how fast he ran. He pushes Han aside and holds my face in his hands. “Hey, baby... breathe, come on. Follow what I’m doing.” he starts breathing in pattern, showing the basic skill to live, slowly, so I’d be able to grasp. 

My mouth starts getting numb and my body gets a bit heavier as well as my eyelid, but my mind is very much conscious that I know how Gran gasps loudly when she gets in the kitchen, seeing me in perhaps limp state.  

“Hey—damn it!” Baekhyun shakes my body as he curses my name, trying to get my eyes open when they’re about to close. “Look at me, come on. Breathe, please—Han, get a paper bag or somethin’!” 

Even with my eyes getting blurry, I’m still able to see Han looking so confused and unmoving on his feet. “H-huh—what for?” 

“Just fuckin’ get it!” Baekhyun yells. And I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him cuss—well... except when we’re in bed, but that’s another story to tell. 

Han hastily looks for one and hands it to Baekhyun. The latter immediately places it around my mouth and instructs me to breathe as he counts the seven second rule. I lift my eyelid to look Baekhyun in the eye as I try to normalize my breathing and he smiles at me when he notices I’m following him, and my muscle slowly relaxing and the tension is slowly fading away. 

My hand finally raises to hold Baekhyun wrist that’s holding a paper bag on my mouth. I pull it away gently and he sighs in relief, pulling me in to kiss my cheek and wrapping his arms around my figure. I whisper an apology right to his ear and he just shakes his head, continuously caressing my back to give me much comfort I need. 

Han also exhales loudly, holding a hand on his chest. “Phew! You scared me back there, kid.” 

Gran also sighs in relief; her eyes are teary, and her hands clasp on her mouth, thanking heaven that I’m fine. 

I send them both an apologetic smile before taking another look at the picture on the counter as I peek over Baekhyun’s broad shoulders. 

He, the man in the picture, might looked younger but I know him very well. Those bright and hopeful eyes in the past have turned into dreadful pairs; the wide smile when he was young was now a scowl; his sun kissed skin had become pale and wrinkly. I’m bewildered that his once seemingly cheerful soul is now lifeless. 

I may add one more reason to probability as why our he prefers Kyungsoo more than me. He really did look like him when he was his age. 

It’s already evening, a few hours after the incident, and we are all seated in the living room. I’m at the end of the couch, coddled up in a blanket and leaning my head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, while Gran and Han sit on the armchair across from us. 

The picture frame now sits on the coffee table in the middle of the living room as I stare at it, while the three of them still have no idea what happened earlier, and what’s going on right now. 

“Dear?” Gran finally breaks the silence. I lift my head from the picture to look at her. She has the gentle smile she always wears, and my heart breaks when I’m starting to absorb all the details, I’ve gotten from the moment I arrived in this town up to now.  

What are the odds of this happening? For real? 

I put my feet down on the floor and raised my head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. I clutch the blanket on my lap so that my fingers start to turn white from how tight it is. 

“Gran,” I had to swallow the lump in my throat so that I wouldn’t cry by uttering only one word. Baekhyun places a hand on my back and that’s more than enough encouragement for me to continue. I point my index finger to the frame on the coffee table, “That—that man is your eldest son?” 

Before Gran can even open her mouth to answer, Han clicks his tongue impatiently, “What’s this all about?” 

I decided to ignore him, focusing on Gran who looks lost for the first time I met her. “Gran...” I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to roll down my face. “When you saw me at the train station... did you recognize who I was?” 

That makes Gran narrow her eyes as she recalls the day she approached me. She then shakes her head slowly. “No, dear. Your face was unfamiliar, and you really did look like a tourist as I remember.” 

I nod my head, acknowledging her answer, before stating my full name out loud, making the three of them confused as ever.  I extend my hand to reach out for the picture and shows it to her and Han.  

“And this man,” I sniff, pursing my lips before plastering a half-smile in Gran’s direction, “is my father.” 

The next morning, I’m awoken by the birds chirping outside the window and my head laid on Baekhyun lap while his fingers comb my hair. He’s sitting up on the air mattress and blankly looking ahead of him. 

“Hey,” I call out to him, and he instantly snaps out of his trance. “Did you sleep?” 

“Good morning,” he bends his upper body to give my lips a quick kiss before returning to his previous position. He shrugs his shoulders, chuckling weakly. “I tried but couldn’t.” 

Guilt crashes through me when he said that. Now I doubt any of them fell asleep. But I did. Like a log. Which should be surprising owing to the fact that two months ago, I needed alcohol to fall into slumber. 

Last night, Gran was speechless, and she told everyone to discuss things tomorrow since it had been a long day for all of us. Han was quite useless if you may ask me, though let’s spare him for now as he really looked beyond shock yesterday. 

Baekhyun had to call to say that he wouldn’t make it to work last night and stayed with me. Hence, I sleep like a baby. 

My mind is running thousand kilometers per hour again, and I almost jolted out of bed to look for the family picture taken when I was in middle school that’s been hidden inside my wallet just in case they might think I’m just playing with them. But someone knock on the door and Han’s voice speaks on the other side, “We’ll be downstairs.” 

Baekhyun and I quickly wash up before dragging ourselves back downstairs where we left off last night. However, contrary to my expectation, that Gran would still looks gloomy like last night, she’s back into her cheerful self, setting the table with pancakes, eggs and bacon—wait, is that Han in an apron? 

Gran then holds my hand and makes me sit, and I look at Baekhyun who looks dumbfounded as I am. He shrugs his shoulders before taking the seat right beside me.  

Remembering that I brought with me the photo I’ve been keeping in my wallet, I fish it out from the pocket of the shorts I’m wearing, handing it to Gran who freezes for a second before accepting the photo. 

Gran's eyes become teary as she smiles sadly, placing a hand to cover her mouth before walking towards Han to show him the photo. She walks back to hug my head on her chest, dropping a kiss on my hair. “I only dreamt of meeting my grandchild.” 

Han made fun of me throughout breakfast on how I looked ugly crying, and of course, the braces I had back in middle school. Gran is so happy that she wouldn’t let go of my hand and ask about Kyungsoo whom I was thin thread close on forgetting. 

“He sucks, Gran,” I casually respond, sipping my OJ. “But he’s smart, so you’ll be proud of him, nonetheless.” 

The three of them laugh out loud at what I said, and I can’t stop smiling from how my heart is full by this sight. Gran and Han asked questions about my childhood, but mostly it’s just Gran and Han would just butt in to get on my nerves. He may be my uncle, but it will never erase the bond we created at the first place to piss each other off. 

“Uh-oh,” Han suddenly said, looking at Baekhyun with a mischievous grin on his face. “What are you going to do, Byun?” 

Baekhyun’s expression instantly drops, and his eyes widen in realization that I can’t understand. “Shit.” 

“What?” I ask Baekhyun to look for an answer, but he looks like he’s contemplating his twenty-four years of living. Then I turn to Han when I get nothing from my boyfriend. “What the hell is happening?” 

However, Han just gives me an innocent smile, raising his mug with his pinky lifted in the air.  

“Gran?” I desperately ask the last person who might explain to me what Han meant.  

The poor lady shakes her head at those two men, before turning to me. “Baekhyun here got carried away when your father tried to bribe people to sell their land to him. The two of them may or may have not exchanged nasty words.” 

I gape at Baekhyun who’s ready to apologize but turns baffled when a grin slowly shows on my face. “Oh, shoot! It’s an early karma for my dad! Like, you probably know what’s going to happen and took an early revenge.” 

Baekhyun looks at me like another head grew on my neck, totally taken aback. “What...” 

Han’s laughter booms around the house that I swear the walls shook when he did. “No need for DNA test. You're really your father’s daughter.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, scowling at him. 

“Byun, just a warning—run while you still can.” 

“HEY!” 

After all the commotion, Gran asks me to go to the living room to discuss something important. She specifically told Han and Baekhyun to leave us alone in the house since we both know the two have them have the tendency to eavesdrop.  

“My dear...” Gran reaches out for my hand, giving it a gentle pat. “I’m so glad you’re here. I still can’t believe the miracle that just happened. Your dad... he—” 

Gran shakes her head before sighing deeply. “You might notice that your Pop-pop and I were not present in your life. Your dad used to be a kind-hearted soul, gentle and loving son to us. But money took those traits of him away. I can count in my hands the time I’ve talked to your father since he moved out. He became estranged and even got married without us knowing. 

“Before you or your brother came, we visited him in the city from our hometown, in hopes that we could at least grab lunch with our son. What we didn’t expect was for him to be embarrassed at the sight of two old people from the countryside. He didn’t shame us publicly, but he did tell us to stop seeing him, especially in his work.” 

A tear escapes my eye before rolling down my cheek when I heard how my dad treated his own parents. I know I’m not close with him myself, but I can’t see myself sending old people who would travel hours just to see me. What the fuck, dad? 

“He did send money through his secretary,” Gran continues, smiling sadly, “saying that it should be enough and there’s no need for us to bother him in person. Your Pop-pop got really angry with your dad and threw his secretary out of the house when he came by to drop a check. 

“That’s why we moved here, to stay away from our eldest son’s radar. Sadly, he didn’t even bother to look for us. And I believe Baekhyun already told you about the story when he found out we live here.” 

Despite my sorrow, I purse my lips and close my eyes, ashamed that we’re caught in act gossiping about other people’s lives.  

Gran chuckles, leaning forward to caress my cheeks. “You have your father’s eyes, my dear. Don’t let the kindness in you be gone, okay? For your Gran?” 

I lean on her palm, smiling widely before nodding my head. “I won’t, I promise.” 

She nods in approval, dropping a quick peck on my forehead. “Now, I know your father threw you out of his house, but he’s still your father, dear. You’ve been away for two months. He’s worried.” 

My shoulders quickly drop, realizing that she’s right, at the same time, I’m scared that they’re not even looking for me, and probably celebrating that the nuisance of the family is out of the house. “I don’t know, Gran...” 

“My dear... your Pop-pop used to cry at night worrying about your dad, if he was eating well, or if he was safe having big names as his competitors.” Gran says, encouraging me to be a bigger person. “I’m not going to stop you if you want to stay here. You’re more than welcome, you know that. But for your beloved Pop-pop's sake, please at least let your dad know where you are and that you’re safe. He might’ve been cruel, but he’s still a father. But I will not deny how disappointed I am about the slap you mentioned. And if he doesn’t want you, as I’ve said, you have me... you have us here. And if you want to finish your studies, I’ll help you.” 

I think about it for a few seconds, coming to realization that Gran’s word makes sense. I let him down and he doesn’t want to see me, he made that clear, it won’t hurt if I let him know that I accidentally travelled five hours away from the city, meeting my paternal grandmother who turns out to be the sweetest and kindest soul that made my inner child feel loved and cared for. 

I know I said before that no matter what happens, I will still finish my undergrad in the city. But do I really want to go back to the city? If you’d ask me two months ago, or even a month ago, I’d answer yes in a heartbeat, but now... I don’t know anymore. 

Gran is here. She’s old, and I truly want to be with her, take care of her. I’m being realistic when I think about the years she only has left. And I want to make up for the years my dad, her son, wasn’t around to be spend time with them. Gran and Pop-pop's children were too busy growing up that they didn’t realize how their parents are growing old too... and now Pop-pop's gone. I want to be there for Gran. 

And Baekhyun. The person who taught me that love can be golden, and not black and white.  

We might have had a bad start, but for the short time we’ve been together, he made me feel something I’ve never felt before. He listens to my thoughts, understands my sentiments, and has never judged my past. He makes sure that I won’t feel alone in this world anymore by his words and actions. “You have me—you will always have me. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I will always be by your side.” 

When night comes, I’m left alone in the room I’ve been using for a little over two months now. I finally have my phone that’s been left untouched since then. The charger is plugged as I gather courage before holding the power button. 

When the familiar logo on the screen lights up, my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and when I confirm my pin on the lock screen, my hands start to get clammy. I set the phone down and watch the number of messages coming in as minutes go by. 

Some of them are from my former friends in university that I don’t bother to read the preview and scroll down further on my inbox. Most of the messages are from Kyungsoo, asking my whereabouts, spamming me with concern questions, frantically searching for me since none of his friends or my so-called friends don’t have any idea nor have seen me since I left home. He mentioned in his messages repeatedly: Where are you? / Do you need money? / I’ll send you money if you need it. / Mom and dad are worried sick. / Call me, please. 

But a particular message makes me cry in an instant as soon as I see whom it was from.  

I hope you’re safe and eating well. Dad | Received 11:07 PM 

I’m sorry. Please come home. Dad | Received 5:06 AM 

Gran is right. No matter what, he’s still a father. My thumb hovers the call icon on the upper right corner of the screen, closing my eyes and swiping left instead, making the screen go back to list of messages and tap the one with my brother’s name on it. 

It rings three times before I heard his voice on the other line. “What the fu—where are you? Please tell me you’re still alive.” 

“You’re smart and dumb at the same time. How can I make a call if I’m dead?” I chuckle, though shakily as I couldn’t stop sobbing after hearing Kyungsoo’s voice for a long time. “I—I’m okay... I’m sorry for making you all worry.” 

“Are you still in the country?” 

I nod my head then remember that he can’t see me. “I am.” And I had to stop myself from saying: I only had a hundred bucks when dad threw me out. What country can I afford? Republic of Poverty? Thank goodness I realize that it’s inappropriate to get sassy with him at this moment. 

I heard rustling of sheets from his line and I’m guessing he’s getting out of bed. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.” 

“I—” I can’t stop choking a sob, leaning the side of my head on my palm as I cry. “I don’t want to go back, Kyungsoo.” 

“Huh—what?! Wait, let me get dad and mom.” Then followed loud steps he takes as he strides to where our parents are. There was a commotion on their side, and I heard my mom shrieking, “Oh, my God!” 

“Sweetheart?” It’s my dad’s voice, and I haven’t heard him call me any endearment since elementary. “A-are you okay? Please tell me you’re somewhere safe...” 

I snivel, wiping my tear-soaked face with the hem of my shirt. “I’m okay... I’m okay—I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey—shh... it’s okay.” My dad hushes on the other line, and my mom’s crying can be heard in the background as well, chanting a very soft, “Where is she? Where’s my baby?” 

“Tell me where you are, sweetheart. I’ll come get you.” And I heard Kyungsoo saying that he’ll come too. “We’ll come get you. We’ll be okay.” 

“I—” I take a deep trembling breath before continuing, reminding myself what Gran told me. “I’m here at Gran’s.” 

There’s a pause on the line before my dad asks, “Where?” 

“I’m here at your mother’s, dad. Gran. She’s been taking care of me for the past two months. It’s a long story, but we just found out recently that we’re related.” 

“You—you’re at my mother’s place?” 

“Yes,” I answer firmly, deciding to let him know about my plan. “And I want to stay here with her.” 

This time, it took him almost a minute to answer. I’m biting my nails in anticipation about what he’s going to say, however, all I know is my decision is final. 

“Go get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

The next morning, when my dad said we’d talk, I thought that another call would come in, or I would have to call them back. However, when Han came knocking at Gran’s front door during breakfast to inform us that he’s here along with my mom and Kyungsoo, I wanted to hide somewhere, realizing that I’m not ready to see them as I was expecting myself to be. 

I’m engulfed in a hug by my mom as soon as she comes in the door, and my dad following behind her. He looks like he’s fighting back tears, pursing his lips while he raises his hand to pat my head.  

However, his demeanor fails him when Gran walking in the entrance of her house, smiling sadly at his son, my dad, who instantly breaks in tears before walking towards his mother for a hug. I lost count of how many times he apologized to Gran, and when he pulls away, he says, “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” 

Having no physical affection for my brother growing up, I stand in front of him awkwardly with a twisted face. “Do we need to hug as well?” 

Kyungsoo scoffs, shaking his head with the corner of his mouth curve up in a small smile. “You fucking moron—” he pulls me to him, wrapping his arm tightly around my body. “I was so worried about you. I’m so sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have said those words when I didn’t mean it.” 

I return his hug, burying my face on his shoulder as I cry. “I’m sorry too. And thank you for offering to send me money, I really appreciate it.” 

He laughs out loud as he pulls away, giving the side of my head a playful smack. “From all of the things I texted you, that was the only thing you remember.” 

I grin widely, “Of course.” 

There was a long catch up with the family, more specifically Gran and his two sons. My dad and Han finally sat down and talked by themselves in the living room, while my mom and Gran chatted in the living room. 

I brought Kyungsoo to the barn behind the house, letting him meet my fellas for the past two months and I can’t help but smile that he is enjoying feeding them. Never in my life had I imagined I’d see my brother carrying a bucket of chicken feed while throwing them on the ground with his bare hand. 

I was smiling while I watch Kyungsoo do the things he’s unfamiliar with when I’m suddenly lifted from the ground and spined twice. The strong grip around my waist is too familiar for me not to know who it is, and to think that there’s only one person who’s been doing this to me. 

“Good morning, baby,” before I can even react, Baekhyun places his mouth on mine for a chaste kiss. And if it isn’t for the burning gaze at the back of my head, I’ll return his kiss with the same fondness.  

And I guess Baekhyun realizes that because he pulls away with a scowl. I raise my brows to him, silently telling him about Kyungsoo behind me. Fortunately, he got the message, and his eyes followed where I’m referring to.  

“Oh, hi there,” Baekhyun casually greets Kyungsoo with a nod of his head. He then turns to me, “Gran’s guest?” 

“Uh...” I peek over my shoulder just to see Kyungsoo’s squinting his eyes on me. He knew what I’ve been doing in the city, and words won’t be enough to explain how much he hates it and rats on me every single time. Though, I’m praying that he’s not seeing Baekhyun in a different light and thinks that he’s a one-time thing while I’m here in this town.  

Then I turn to Baekhyun with an awkward smile, “Yes...? Some sort, but he’s also my older brother.” 

I watch how my boyfriend’s face turns into horror, facing Kyungsoo with wide eyes. I haven’t told him about the phone call since he had work last night and stayed the night at their house since his mom needed him for something. 

“My parents are also inside the house—but hey!” I try to break the tension with a laugh, clapping my hands in the process, “I’d like you to meet Kyungsoo, he’s my older brother. Kyungsoo, this is Baekhyun, my boyfriend.” 

Kyungsoo looks at me weirdly, like he’s not expecting me to say the word: boyfriend. And I roll my eyes at him, nudging my brows to Baekhyun’s directly to tell: Yes, he’s my boyfriend. Shake his hand or I’ll break yours. 

Fortunately, they did introduce themselves in a civil manner. Although my worry leaned towards my brother who’s been up my butt since we were kids, however, Baekhyun must really have charm over people, and they look like they are having a decent conversation. 

When my dad and Baekhyun faced each other after their infamous heated argument back then, I thought I was going to pee my pants. Dad didn’t look so happy that I’m dating Baekhyun, but my mom did look surprised yet happy that I settled into a real relationship with someone. She got too excited and babbled, “Are you guys thinking about marriage?” 

And the horror on all our faces, especially my dad who’s about to burst, but I’m grateful he didn’t say any insult to the person I care about romantically.  

Han nudges my dad’s arm with his elbow, and I still can’t believe that the two of them are on talking terms again after the story I’ve heard here and there. “Hey, hyung, I know you don’t trust my judgement, but I can vouch for Byun right here. He’s a good guy and I never see him hurting your daughter. The opposite actually. He’s been taking care of her from morning to night since day one.” 

I send Han a grateful smile, and I glance at Baekhyun to see he’s doing the same. Han may be a jerk at times, likes getting on our nerves, but I’m really, really glad he appreciates and doesn’t turn blind eye at Baekhyun’s effort.  

Gran nods her head in agreement, “Yes, Baekhyun here never left her side even though they didn’t get along at first.” 

I look at Gran with huge eyes, and she smiles at me innocently. She could’ve left the last part out. Seriously. 

“Sir, may I tell you something?” Baekhyun chimes in and all attention turns to him. My leg bounces anxiously while I wait for his next words. “I’m in love with your daughter, and I respect your opinion as her father. But I will still stand with what I’ve said two years ago.” 

Han closes his eyes, palming his face. “You could’ve stopped with you respect him as your girlfriend’s father, you fuckin’ idiot.” 

I peek over my lashes to see Baekhyun’s expression. I’ve never seen him so serious, firm and... he kind of looks hot. What the hell am I thinking?  

But wait! Did he just say he’s in love with me? Wait—what?! My eyes that are ogling at him go wide as saucer and a squeal threatens to escape my throat. 

“You don’t have to worry,” my dad finally speaks, having the same expression as Baekhyun. “I will not go stand between you and my daughter.” 

And I almost laugh out loud when all of us sigh in relief, even Kyungsoo looks like a ton of weights have been lifted off his shoulder. 

“But you, young lady,” he continues, pointing a finger to my direction. “I understand that you found someone here, but is that enough reason you don’t want to go back and finish your degree?” 

“Huh? What—you’re not dropping out!” And now it’s my turn to get the attention. I jut my bottom lip to Baekhyun who looks visibly upset. 

“Okay! Who wants to help me make lunch—I think everyone. Come with me to the kitchen!” Gran cuts the tension between us, and all of them immediately stand up, except for my brother who looks interested in the conversation that’s about to happen. If it’s not for our mom who had to pull him by his arm forcefully. 

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but I stop him before he can say anything. “Okay—first of all, I want to stay here with Gran. I’m not dropping out because of you.” 

He scoffs, running his fingers through his hair. A habit of his when he’s annoyed. “You’re not a good liar, you know?” 

I open and close my mouth several times before settling with a sigh, defeated. “Okay, you’re right. Gran’s part of it though. So, don’t get full of yourself.” 

“Baby—” he groans, ruffling his hair this time, and he sounds so frustrated. “This is such a bad timing to say, but I love you. I really love you, that means I want the best for you.” 

I whimper when I finally hear the three words no one has ever told me. “Baekhyun, I—” I inhaled sharply, “I love you too. And you are part of the reason why I don’t want to leave this town. I now don’t know how not to be with you. Please...” 

He had to close his eyes when look at him with tears running down my face. “Please don’t cry.” 

“You dropped out of college and turns out just fine, why can’t I—” 

“No, I did not turn out just that,” he grits his teeth and realizes how strong his reaction was, so he reaches out for my hands and holds them. “I—I have to juggle several jobs a day to make ends meet. I may be fine with it but for you, my love, I want nothing but the best.” 

“But—” 

“I know you’re capable, I’ve seen you since you arrived here. You’re the one who said before you don’t want to drop out, and I’m asking you to honor your words,” he drops a kiss to my knuckles then on the corner of my mouth. “And I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you’re assuming. I’ll always be here, I told you that. Just one year. If you still want to be here, then I will not stop you. And if you decide that you’ll stay in the city, and God forbid, with a new hot guy, then I’ll support you.” 

I chuckle at the last part of his sentence, “But you’ll cry if that happens, right?” 

“I’ll cry, drink until I vomit, and ogle at someone’s cleavage.”  

“Hey!” I smack his chest with my fist, and he laughs, pulling me to his chest before wrapping his arms around my body, kissing my temple afterwards.  

“So, one year?” 

I contemplate for almost a minute, before pulling away a little just to look at him in the eyes. “We’ll still see each other, right?” 

Baekhyun nods his head, displaying a gentle smile on his face. “If time permits, I’ll go to you. And if you have nothing going on, you can come here. We can also Facetime every day if you want.” 

I try to say something funny about Facetiming every day but realizing that I won’t be physically with him every day saddens me. Baekhyun’s been my light and I’ll be stepping out to the world again without him this time. It scares me, but for him, I’ll do it. 

I cried until nighttime that day. My family left me alone with him, knowing that we’d be separated in a few days. He held me close and made love until the soft rays of light peeked through the windows. Keeping our mouths on each other while chanting our love to one another. 

“I love you.” We said to each other with a last kiss for a while. 

It’s different now. 

My life has turned a hundred and eighty degrees since I came back to the city. I can’t remember the last time I drank alcohol or the last time I lit up a cigarette. 

I’ve been eating dinner with my parents and brother, telling each other’s day and just catching up, or ranting if someone’s day had been difficult.  

I also got part-time jobs here and there, earning my own money instead of being too reliant on my dad’s credit card. I don’t even use it anymore. I’ve also been hanging out around people who make me a good person and forgetting the people whom I used to know. 

Coming out clean to my family about my struggle with my thoughts, I also started going to therapy and they’re supportive of it... of me.  

And yes, you might wonder where he is. Well, you see— 

I’m just kidding. Baekhyun and I are doing great. He’s been visiting at least twice a month, and I go to visit the town when I have a long weekend. Though our time together is short unlike before, we always make the best out of it. You name it, dates, sleeping in, or you know, it’s me we’re talking about so sex will never leave the conversation when it comes to our relationship. 

Gran also visits, specifically on special occasions and holidays. The three of them travelled to the city for my birthday, and it’s going to be my favorite for a long time.  

When Christmas came, Kyungsoo and I went to visit the town since our parents had made prior arrangements months ago, hence they were unable to cancel. We decorated the Christmas tree and received allowance from Gran and our uncle, Han. 

We’ve come to an agreement that it was the most fun Christmas we had in our entire life. 

Time flies so fast that I didn’t realize graduation was approaching right around the corner. My dad sat me down to discuss my decision and assured me that whatever it might be, he’d support me. 

I told him that it didn’t change. He smiled and told me that he was expecting it. He then proceeded to discuss his plan to help. He said that I could reject his offer, but he’d be happy if I accepted it. 

I immediately got into a call with Gran, telling him about Dad’s plan to invest in Agriculture in the town instead of building hotels and resorts. Gran asked me about my thoughts on it, and I told her that it could help locals get more sources of income, and the focus would be on them. 

Gran sounded so happy and agreed. I didn’t understand why she kept thanking me, but when she said, “You changed everything for the better,” I bawled my eyes out. 

After graduation, I told Baekhyun that I’d be staying in the city for a week to think. You know... because it wouldn’t be me if I’d boringly tell him I’d stay for good in town. 

I almost told him that when he looked visibly sad during our daily Facetime, but I’m glad I held my ground. 

It was only five in the morning when I arrived. I drop my things at Gran’s and hop on my cruise bicycle to his basement, my face getting hit by the once unfamiliar but now loved cold breeze when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

With the spare key in my pocket that he had given me, I open the door and see his silhouette sleeping soundly in his twin-sized bed. I remove my shoes before closing the door behind me. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed, trying not to wake him up as I lift the blanket and sneak beside him... Baekhyun. 

But my efforts went in vain when he groaned and lifted his head. His eyes look droopy as he stares at me confusedly. “Love?” 

I grin at him, leaning to kiss his lips. “I’m home.” 

The surprised look on his face makes the dimmed basement brighter. He hugs me tightly and kisses parts of my face repeatedly. “Welcome home, my love.” 

Yes, home... 

This is my home now. He is my home. 

And it’s brighter now. 

[themultifandomgal]

Hi. firstly, I love your writing style. secondly, I was wondering if you could write something about Chicago Fire (maybe Kelly or Matt) where the reader their S/O is a professional baker/chef and spoils the fire house rotten with food/sweets.

Kelly Severide- Baker

All my life I have been baking. I learn from my nan who used to look after me during school holidays while my parents had to work. My mom is a nurse and my dad is a police officer. This means I was very close to my nan until she passed away. I then decided to go to university to complete a course in hospitality and catering, then I progressed to a certificate in baking. Then finally I managed to buy property to have my own bakery, named after my nan.

At the end of the day I often have left over cakes, pastries, bread and other sweet treats. So instead of throwing them away I may give them to the homeless or anyone else who may be in need of a pick me up. But I alway make sure that there are some left over for firehouse 51, which is where my boyfriend Kelly Severide works.

I walk into the firehouse holding a box of cupcakes and some fresh bread.  Immediately I'm being greeted by my boyfriend and some of the firemen

"Evenin YN" capp nods towards me

"Good evening boys" I kiss Kelly on the cheek then he guides me to the kitchen where everyone else is "hey everyone. I've got some left overs if any of you are interested" I open the box lid up

"This is why your the best girlfriend Severide has ever had" Otis' eyes widen as he walks over to me and goes to take a cake. Kelly gives him a nudge as if to say 'watch it'

"Ah ah ah not so fast at least let me put them down first"

"They look delicious YN"

"When don't they?" Sylvie responds to Gabby .

Later that evening Kelly takes me home

"You know I don't think I've ever had cake as good as you make it. My mom was never much of a baker"

"When I bake it reminds me of my Nan. It's like she's there with me. I want our kids to have a childhood like mine where we bake in the kitchen and then go outside and play in the mud while we wait for every thing to cool"

"Our kids?" Kelly says wrapping his arm around my waist

"Yes. Don't tell me you haven't thought bout it"

"Of course I have, but I just wasn't expecting it to come out of your mouth so casually" there's a bit of a pause as I think how to respond, but Kelly beats me to it "you say you want our kids to bake a lot. So do you think you could teach me how to?"

"Of course!" I say with a wide smile "I'm not at the shop tomorrow if you want to come over?"

"Can't wait. I'll see you tomorrow then" Kelly kisses my check then walks away as I open up my front door.

The next dayKelly shows up and we start weighing out ingredients

"Now you need to add the eggs" I tell him who picks them up and goes to crack them on the side of the bowl "wait actually crack them in here" I put a spare bowl in front of Kelly "just in case of egg shells"

"Do you not trust me?" Kelly raises his eyebrows at me

"Honestly no. Now come on. We need three eggs, chop chop"

"Your bossy when your in the kitchen" he chuckles

"You want to make a cake or not?" I place my hands on my hips

"Ok ok I get it" Kelly attempts to crack an egg but it ends up going everywhere

"Good job I put a separate bowl down wasn't it?" I smile at Finn "watch and learn my love" I take the eggs from Kelly and crack them in the bowl with ease "ok you can stir, but..." I'm not able to tell him to be careful because flour ends up all over the both of us "go slowly"

"Never heard you say that before" I give Kelly an annoyed look "oh come on YN. It's me, did you really think that teaching me to make a cake would be smooth sailing?"

"No I guess not" I begin to smile.

A few days later I arrive at the fire house with Kelly who proudly places a cake down on the kitchen table

"She's don't it again! There's more cakes and biscuits!" Gabby yells which causes everyone to run over and grab something. Matt bites into one and scrunches his face up, but then tries to hide it

"Hmm, you tried a new.. recipe?" Otis asks coughing during his sentence. I giggle and shake my head

"No these were made by Kelly"

"Oh thank god" Matt breathes out "thought you'd lost your touch. No offence Severide but these are horrible"

"Oh come on they're not that bad... are they?" Kelly looks at me

"Don't worry love your still learning. If you guys have some ingredients I'll make some biscuits now while I'm here" I offer to which everyone replies with a yes.

[verdemoun]

how the flip does arthur cope with no dutch?? for the first time in so so so long there is no dutch??

oh ouch thank you for reminding me what a question. this is high honor helped john escape arthur. an arthur who died alone because dutch walked away but he died holding onto the relief that dutch didn't go with micah. maybe dutch had a chance, maybe dutch could save himself

hosea and bessie silently agree they need to protect him from that knowledge for as long as possible and for just barely long enough arthur isn't curious. they've gotten pretty decent at helping people adjust to the timewarp! you don't start with btw we're in the future we know about everything that happens to the gang and it's awful.

they focus on the happy things like hey we're okay, we're all together and we're here. things are really different there's a lot of noises and smells and things to get used to like cars are mainstream. going outside means the constant noise of engines instead of horses. sometimes you can hear electricity humming and that is a really weird noise but look how easy it is to make toast! so many foods that were like insanely difficult/risky to get like milk are just parts of life. you can put milk in coffee without it instantly coagulating it's okay that the milk been in the fridge for four days it tastes the same as when we opened it

arthur jumps like a cat for at least 2 weeks every time the toaster pops but if there's one routine he picks up insanely fast it's the simple joy of waking up and having warm toast with coffee in the morning. arthur morgan figuring out what he likes on toast. the first weekend where bessie is home and he wakes up to the smell of bacon and eggs and pancakes (not because bessie is a homemaker but because the gang are yet to prove themselves capable of using a gas stove (hosea will take over one day and be too passionate about the perfect fried egg)) i'm so sorry i'm getting off topic but the sheer joy he would get out of the smallest simple modern pleasures

arthur wanted to get out of the gang, in the end. he wanted to rest and it literally took him dying to get it because he was so loyal to dutch. it's a relief to rest even if he isn't physically drained and sore because of tb anymore but that mental fatigue is still there. he went through so much and now he gets to rest knowing that the people he had to mourn are there. he gets to sleep in a bed every night instead of it being something he pays for the luxury of. it's comforting dutch isn't there because it means dutch is still alive somewhere

but it's innevitable. hosea, bessie, annabelle, even lenny and sean, waiting in dreadful anticipation for the day arthur connects the dots that they aren't in an alternate universe they are in the gang's future and they know what happens to them. and dutch-

hosea has to be the one to tell him. knowing arthur tried, remembering the relief in arthur's face literally days after processing his own death as arthur explains at least dutch didn't go with micah because arthur tried and he thought dutch had a chance of becoming himself again. it's the worst conversation in his life - explaining to his unruly son that dutch did change but he went back to micah. he got the blackwater money. he started a new gang that were almost a parody of the o'driscolls and killed innocents like muriel scranton just for a chance to escape. that eagle flies's death meant so little to dutch that he went out of his way to continue exploiting the anger of displaced young native americans to make up his new gang. that a professor that worked with john wrote about the night dutch van der linde jovially told john that he was going to kill him for 'i don't know, sport, i guess?' and dutch died in 1911 reportedly killed by john himself (according to the bureau's reports)

god fellas would it be enough to make arthur cry? christ i still don't think he would be able to let himself cry in front of hosea and tries to be dismissive like well we all saw what he was becoming after blackwater. reminds me of something rains fall said about people not changing, just becoming more of who they always were. guess we (john and I) were right in the end, maybe we hadn't really known dutch at all and we were never who we thought we were (who dutch told us we were, we were never idealists, we were killers from the damned start)

but he does cry. alone. in the bedroom that sometimes felt so comfortably private but suddenly feels like more of a box than his wagon back at camp. the fact he still thinks of back at camp, like it's something he can go back to. he still misses dutch. old dutch. he misses camp before blackwater and they made a goddamn mess of everything and he cries because he misses it. he still can't doesn't want to believe that dutch, old dutch who still cared and believed in things before he started making bad choices and plans went wrong, was the same dutch that went back to micah after arthur tried so hard to convince him. his last words were still pleading for dutch to realize he changed and to change back into the infallable, god-like man he admired. finding out he wasted his breath.

[noah-liketheboat]

I’ve recently begun using a wheelchair. Here’s the scoop.

I also started using forearm crutches even more recently but we’ll get to that in a second post bc this one got too long

I got my chair for $325 on OfferUp. It’s a motion composites Helio A6, and it has some fancy cushions on it. All in all I got it like 88% off of original price and it’s in pristine condition. Well, it was, until I brought it home and within 24 hours my cat scratched the (pink!!) paint job and put holes in the cushions. Thanks Misty. It now lives in the back of the car for its protection.

I put a clip-on cup holder on it and purple/white spoke covers. It’s pretty sick.

I use my wheelchair instead of walking/standing probably 30-40% of the time.

Personally

Oh my god it’s helped so much. I have so much more energy. I don’t flinch when I stand or walk. I can wait in line for food. I’m not dizzy, embarrassingly sweaty, and spacey just from standing in line anymore.

Because the previous owner spent literally $1,000 on special cushions (seat and back), I have the comfiest seat in any room 96% of the time. 10/10 would recommend. It helps with the back pain too obvi but first and foremost it’s so comfy.

I can go to the zoo. I get into the zoo for free because college but I can’t ever go because I can’t tolerate walking and standing for so long. But now I can go to the zoo!

I have more energy at the end of the day to participate in household chores and life. Before this, all my time was spent either in school or trying to recover enough to go to school again. Even doing my homework was difficult because of the fatigue, let alone date nights, hobbies, cooking dinner, sweeping the floors… it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner as well as my general being miserable.

Very steep learning curve. Very steep strength curve.

The ramp to my math class isn’t a steep grade but it’s long. When I started using it, I had to wheel up backwards. I got out of breath very easily and my shoulders were always aching something awful after going between classes. Now that hill is quite manageable and I only have sore shoulders if I’m going really fast or really far.

Wheelies. An unexpected but important skill. One that I am not good at. It took me weeks to get my wheels off the ground at all, but once I did I had a huge improvement and quickly was able to get my wheels ~6 or 8 inches off the ground. I still can’t sustain it though. I use them to go over bumps and get started up awkward ramps sometimes.

It’s been an amazing improvement to my life. I’m more independent, in less pain, happier, and more energetic. I should’ve done it earlier.

Observations:

People are weird. They talk to me more. Like, strangers ask me how my day is going in the elevator, people make small talk when they hold the door. This isn’t necessarily negative, but it is weird.

Kids stare. Adults also stare but they try to hide it. I don’t mind when kids stare though. They’re just curious and unaware.

I’m always a little nervous to ever stand up or walk out in public in case someone either thinks it’s a miracle and starts praising the lord or like hate-crimes me for “faking.”

When I wheeled in to all my classes after spring break, my teachers and seat mates were all instantly “oh my god what happened are you ok???” It’s a little awkward to explain that it’s just nerve damage that’s been getting worse.

People usually say “I’m so sorry” or “I hope you get/feel better soon!” And it’s like. I know their intentions are good, of course, but I don’t want people to be sorry! This has been an amazing life change for me! Also I’m not getting better, certainly not any time soon, and conversation gets awkward after that.

I think when I tell people it’s not really a “get better” thing, I think they at least subconsciously think it’s terminal or something?? Like. I’m not dying of nerve damage. I had nerve damage before spring break too. It’s just I finally decided to do something besides suck it up and hope I can make it through the day.

My campus is not as accessible as I once thought. The main culprit? UNLEVEL SIDEWALKS. They are the bane of my existence. My right arm will be pumping like my life depends on it and my left will be almost doing nothing. And then later when I’m doing the other way it’ll be the opposite.

There’s no ramp on the other side of one of the buildings I walk through to get to class. That was awkward.

There’s also a lot of cobblestone-type walking areas. Not only are they hella bumpy to wheel on, but they’re old and not well maintained. The cracks between slabs and the potholes can and will eject me from my chair if I’m not careful.

Funny story #1:

I rolled into the disability center on campus to take a test, as per usual (extended time and testing environment accommodations) and they had me wait while they got everyone else seated, which was weird, and then the testing coordinator came over to me and sat down next to me and was like “heyy how are you?” And I was like “I’m good, I’m good! Ah, well—*gestures to chair* yknow.” And she goes “Yeahh of course… so is this… new?”

Is it new??? Ma’am you see me every three weeks on the dot for tests, and every time for the past two years I’ve walked in on my own two feet, and today I come rolling in as I’ve transgendered into a vehicle. Yeah it’s new!!

Don’t worry I didn’t say that. I said “yeah, well, kind of. The chair is new, but the reasons aren’t. It’s just helping me a lot and my life is easier with it.” or smthn like that and she was like “oh ok good cool great”

Anyways, she just needed to tell me essentially that she would have me take my test at a height-adjustable table. Same room, same everything. Just instead of sitting in a test cubby I’d be at what’s essentially one of those standing desks. I was all nervous just for her to sit me at a table I can crank up and down like an old car window.

Funny Story #2

I’m rolling across the courtyard(??) in front of the library where they were having one of those random college of business things with tents everywhere. You’re aware. Just trying to get to class.

I hear “Hey! Excuse me, hey!” from behind me and I turn my head to see a girl frantically waving me down running across the grass. Naturally I’m intrigued.

She gets to me, a little out of breath, and then goes “Would you be interested in playing tennis?”

I look down at my chair. I look back up at her. “Ah… no…”

She was talking about adaptive tennis. Which I could’ve guessed probably but I was caught so off-guard and I was real confused.

She invited me to join the adaptive sports program/club thing, which is headed by a disabled professor but run entirely by able-bodied students (who get a class credit for volunteering with the organization, essentially). I told her I was really new so probably not, but I was willing to look into it. She gave me the professor’s email and I sent him an email like “hey one of your students flagged me down to talk abt adaptive sports but I’m shit at wheelchairing so probably not but I’d love to meet up and chat and get to know more about the program and stuff.”

It’s been a month. I haven’t gotten a reply or acknowledgement or anything.

All the stuff I can find about the program is obviously directed towards able-bodied students wanting them to volunteer or take the class. The Instagram has a post with each student in the class getting a slide with their lil intro and stuff. The professor only appears in group shots. At any rate I’m not that invested.

Personal Relations

Abled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: oh no!! I’m so sorry!! What’s wrong!! That’s awful!! :((((

Disabled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: omg that’s amazing I’m so happy for u :)

One exception to the able bodied trope: my youth group Bible study, surprisingly. I was sharing that I was really feeling a lot of turmoil about my decision and all that jazz and they were like “just do it. you already know it’s the right choice, and ur strong enough to do it” and they all “oohed” and “ahhed” when I rolled up with it next week. 10/10 queens.

My wheelchair has caused so many personal relationship issues in my life. So many.

Suddenly everyone’s a medical expert in me specifically. Everyone besides me knows what’s best, and what’s best is not a wheelchair. People who used to ask me what was wrong with them when they had a tickle in their throat or fell on their foot funny have apparently become scholars on complex hashimotos, nerve damage, neuropathy, and any and all suspected other conditions I may have. I wonder when they had time to do that, since they still don’t know how to care for a simple kitchen injury.

When I point out that the alternative to the wheelchair is constant+worsening pain and ask them if that’s what they think is best, these overnight medical experts get all huffy and don’t have an answer.

I have done extensive research about all my diagnosed conditions and possible ones over the course of many years. I’ve been in and out (mostly out) of at least a dozen doctor’s offices and done several rounds of different types of PT. I also live in my body 24/7. One of my earliest memories is of waking up my aunt at night during a sleepover because my nerve pain wouldn’t let me sleep. I wasn’t any older than 4. Back then the only words I had were leg cramps and growing pains.

I didn’t know my pain was abnormal for a long time. I’m good at hiding it. I’m good at “pushing through.” I experienced severe medical neglect, to the point of it being life-threatening, for nearly 2 years in the TTI and I was punished any time I tried to advocate for myself and my needs or really even talked about how I wasn’t physically well.

Basically I gave up trying to truly tell people how bad my quality of life was when I was about 16 because I wasn’t believed and I was often punished and/or had it used against me.

Nevertheless, everyone (read: my partner, my parents, and my partner’s parents) in my life thinks that I’m terrible awful wrong bad lying etc. for using the chair.

I’ve been using it for ~2 months and this is the first week my partner hasn’t argued with me about it or made an unnecessary comment. #1 worst thing they’ve said is that I’m “neglecting half of my body” by not walking 24/7. Oooh that made me mad. I do my PT almost every day, I stretch every day, I know exactly what almost every ache and pain originates from, I check in with my body constantly throughout the day. But I’m “neglecting it.” Not to mention that after my second appointment my Doctor specifically said he wants me using the chair until at least June.

My partner was originally very supportive, but then they talked to their mom and suddenly everything changed and they are borderline vindictive about my chair. Their mother is a Doctor, true, but most of her career she was a PICU nurse and also knows exactly nothing about my medical history except that I’m allergic to pecans and walnuts. Oh, and their dad has a friend who cured hashimotos by going gluten free, so obviously I’m just not trying hard enough or smthn. ((I’ve been almost gluten free before. No change.))

I cried every week about their attitude towards/comments about my chair except for this one. Every time I felt confident about it I would remember everything they said and my shoulders would physically slump. But no matter how many times I brought up how hurt and uncared for I was feeling, it ended up with me crying and them being either the same or more solid in their beliefs.

My therapist is a saint.

On the brightish side, my family and partner have finally begun taking my health and chronic issues seriously. I went to the Doctor two weeks after I got the chair and got started on a new medicine (a loop diuretic if anyone’s curious).

My mom keeps asking if I’m “better yet” and it’s really hurtful for some reason? She wants to know all my improvements, but when I start to say how my chair has helped so much, she cuts me off and says “no I mean the medicine.”

I am on the lowest dose they make, and I only take it every other day. I haven’t lost any weight since starting it (loop diuretics work by flushing excess water out of your body via peeing every twelve seconds, and this leads to weight loss. It’s estimated I’m carrying ~30lbs in water weight). Again, it’s been nearly two months. I’m the pissmaster 9000 every other day.

My mom at some point said she just “can’t accept that I’m in a wheelchair at 20.” My brother in Christ, what does that even mean? I’m not even using it full-time, or even the majority of the time.

I’ve had a follow up with my Doctor since I started but he kept me on the same dose even though I told him I haven’t lost any weight. Cest la vie.

He did tell me he wants me using the chair until at least June, and if all goes well he’ll start me in (another round of) PT, and it sounded like he wanted me doing decently intensive PT because he asked if I was in school in June and said it was good I wasn’t. If I go to PT, the chair usage advice will be passed on to them.

This post got far too long. I’ll split my crutches experience into a separate post and link it here once it’s up.

The chair herself. Yeah it’s in a bathroom don’t worry about it.

[ethereal-engene]

from home | jaemin

pairing: bf!jaemin x gn!reader

genre: non-idol!au + university!au, fluff, comfort, and slice-of-life  // warnings: brief mentions of food and use of cuss words & not-proof read

summary: Stay-at-home dates are where it’s at sometimes but especially for you and Jaemin. // word count: 1212 words

note: this is for anyone who’s an introvert and I am in love with jaemin. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

You were going to head over to your place after today but Jaemin and Jeno’s place is so much closer so that’s where you decide to go for tonight. Driving to school was already a pain in the ass and if you had to be in the car any longer, you might as well go crazy. Luckily they lived around 15 minutes from school and upon arrival, you wanted nothing more than to just cuddle with your boyfriend.

It was finals season again and it takes you everything not to crash and burn due to the deadlines you have to meet. However, you do your best to take care of yourself and Jaemin helps as well. A lot of people think he’s just a goofball but if they really knew him, he’s more than just a goofball. Anyways, you had texted him that you were going to crash at his place and he responded with let me know when you’re there so I can walk you in.

This was another sweet thing he always does for you. Walking with you and out despite being tired. The only times he didn’t do this was, of course, when he was out already or etc. You’ve tried to wave him off but he won’t hear it.

You can recite what says and it goes a little something like “I won’t be able to sleep easy knowing I didn’t walk you back safely. Your safety and well-being is important to me, so this isn’t up for debate.” After he says it, he opens the door for you and holds out his arm waiting for you to loop around his. His way of ensuring that no one can take you from him if you’re linked like this.

You don’t hate him for doing it though, I mean who could hate someone for being so caring about you? Fast forward to you finally parking your car, you text him and it only takes about a minute for him to knock on your car window to let you know he’s there. Unlocking your car and getting your stuff before looping your arm with his. Just as you’re about to start walking, you get pulled back and wonder why he hasn’t started walking with you. He doesn’t say anything, instead he grabs your backpack and wears it.

For how long you guys have been dating, Nana’s been quite good at picking up when you’re tired in whichever way that may be. Similarly, you notice when he wants to go home from an event even if he doesn’t say anything. Perhaps its just the introvert in y’all that makes it work so well. Having either you or his social battery dying is not the funniest thing to deal with. It looks like today is another one of those days except this time both of you have drained your social battery and are in need of a re-charge.

As a thanks, you softly plant a kiss on his cheek and lean into his shoulder while y’all both walk. His face can’t help but smile as he receives a kiss from you. Opening the door, there’s already food on the table and a favorite movie on the TV that you two have re-watched it enough times to recite every line.

“You know something, Nana? I’ll always ask myself if I saved a country in my previous life because I got hella lucky with you. Thank you for making us dinner and putting on our favorite movie. I love you so much and I hope you never forget it.”  Your mouth is practically watering and he kisses you to shut up because he can just tell that you’re hungry and that if you say anymore, he’ll never hear the end of it. After that, he nudges you to go eat but you’re stubborn and want to eat with him.

“Y/nnie, I love you too and hope you never forget it either. Even if you didn’t save a country in your past life, I still would have loved you just as I do right now. Come on, let’s go eat now or else it’s gonna get cold.” Finally taking your seats and y’all start to eat. For a few minutes, it’s silent and as the universe would have it, you both are about to start talking. His joyous laughter and yours blend into one.

You decide to hear him off first after exchanges of “you go first” and “no, you go first”. A game of paper-rock-scissors was used to decide who would go first. The winner would be the one to go first. Anyhow, he talks one of his finals went out today along with mentioning that the guys invited y’all out to go drinking but he turned it down.

Quite frankly, his social battery was drained from having to meet with his group mates for a final group project and needed some time either with you or by himself to recharge. The latter would be have fine but he’s glad that he gets to be with you. The thing about recharging though, whether it be alone or with another, it’s nice to just be around someone who understands the value in silence or simply being there with you. You two don’t always talk to each other or do things together. It sounds a little odd but sometimes that’s all we need to get back up on our feet and socialize.

They say silence is golden but so is being around someone who doesn’t take away your energy but rather energize you with their presence when needed. A healing effect if we can call it that. To add onto that, on the days where you do spend time together to recharge, it brings so much comfort and happiness. You’re always grateful for Jaemin for being there for you and being straight-forward with you & others when he doesn’t want to got out simply because he would much rather stay at home.

It reminds you that it’s okay to say no. Going back to the present, you guys finish dinner and decide to wash them later. Making your way to couch to cuddle and start the movie. You’ve forgotten just how much you miss being in his arms and feeling his warmth. After today, this was the best way to end it.

Not too long after the movie starts, you mumble a quick thanks to Jaemin for always saying yes to at-home dates. He reminds that this isn’t anything you have to be saying thank you to because it’s the bare minimum.

“I know this sounds cliche but because of you, I found the place where I can feel comfortable, you are my home. I can love you anywhere but I prefer to can love you more from home.” As these words leave his mouth to fill your ears, they wrap around you like a cozy blanket. You’re far too tired to respond with words so you respond with a heartfelt smile. He looks for your face and smiles back. Giving you a forehead kiss before turning back to the movie. Before he knows it, you’ve fallen asleep with a smile on your face.

He wonders what you’re dreaming about but he can only hope it’s about him.

thank you so much for reading this! I also wanted to make this longer but wasn’t too sure how. Honestly I want a Na Jaemin in my life. He’s out here raising my standards for men exponentially and I don’t think I’ll find a lover like him.

Anyways, to any of my college or students taking their finals right now! I wish you the best of luck and let’s finish strong!! I believe in you & we’re almost there.

Please look forward to my upcoming fics! Thank you and take care

signing off with love

- ash

[edfairyy]

3rd of april, 21:55

a new beginning <3

i am ready to put my foot down and put in the hard work after regaining 7kg of my wl from october-feb within a matter of a month. i got myself into this situation, i’m the only one who can get myself out of it.

i have to lose 16kg and reach around 50kg by july. i’ll do anything.

i’ve made nothing but excuses the past few months. “i can’t starve like i used to” or “ill start tweaking without breakfast or lunch” are little lies i used to tell myself to give myself an excuse to eat, but i will no longer believe those lies. i CAN starve for days on end and i CAN go without an extra 2 meals a day. i CAN control what i eat.

i’m going to start completely fresh, i will no longer hold onto my old identity of a chronic binge eater or bmi 25 chubby girl. if i believe im gonna binge then im gonna do it, but if i leave all that behind it will never come to mind anymore. binging? what’s that? i only know starving.

i am a NEW girl with a skinny mindset, starting at 66kg with a goal of 50kg and a need to meet it NO MATTER WHAT. I HAVE CONTROL.

to myself:

YOU NOT NEED TO EAT. your body has AT LEAST 80,000 calories of fat to burn instead of food.

eat small stay small.

follow your plan, not your feelings.

imagine you stick to this now.

april 4th.

in a week, april 11th: you’ll be building back your habit of skipping meals, regularly fasting, and gaining back control of your life and what you eat.

in 2 weeks, april 18th: you’ll finally feel it again, the euphoria of starving, avoiding food and watching the scale go down at a minimum of 1kg a week. you’ll be in a new honeymoon phase, and nothing can break your discipline and dedication.

in a month, may 1st: you’ll finally SEE your hard work, not just FEEL how much lighter you’ve noticed yourself become, slightly less fat - nearly at your lowest weight, hopefully around 60kg.

🌟 in 2 months, at the start of june, when the summer heat finally comes and you’re finally past your lowest weight of 60kg and instead at 55kg, you’ll be able to wear bikinis without insane guilt or shame, hopefully slightly toned as well. you won’t be sweating like the pig you used to be last summer. you still may not be the thinnest one around you BUT you’ll finally be NORMAL. that’s all you’ve ever wanted. to not be the chubby one, or the one sucking in your stomach because of your gluttony. you’ll be at an average weight, somewhere where you’re considered “healthy” and people won’t worry about you and you won’t worry about feeling like everyone is staring at your chubby legs or fat rolls on your stomach. you’ve wanted this for years, and you’ll finally have it. you may not reach 50kg as you hoped but -10kg in less than 2 months is an achievement in its own, more realistic, and more maintainable anyway🌟

in 3 months, the start of july: when you’ve been living off fresh fruit and low cal popsicles to bare the heat of june you’ll hopefully almost be at 50kg in time for your 3 week holiday this month. all your dedication will lead to this moment. a goal you’ve been working towards since april. your family seeing you and you’ve lost 20kg in total since last year! imagine being able to say you lost 16kg of that in 3 months and kept it off - unlike your yo-yo effect of losing 10kg in 6 months and gaining most of it all back like a fatty! you’ll inevitably gain a kg or two during it, but you can always lose that once you’re back home.

in 4 months, at the start of august: you’ll finally be home from your holiday and after eating a normal amount for 3 weeks you’ll be able to slowly lose down to your ugw again with an increased intake. it may take longer than a month, but it’ll help you maintain it in the long run, and you can finally recover. 💗

come back to this any time you feel like giving up, none if this will become reality if you don’t put the work in.

♡

[sukisukisu]

Stuck in the jet wash

Bad trip I couldn't get off

And maybe I bit off more than I could chew

And overhead of the aqua blue

(The kids aren't alright- Fall Out Boys)

---

If I want to touch him, Iwaizumi thought, so be it, just touch him.

"You still haven't gotten over the habit of buying a bunch of ready-to-eat food for the whole week, have you? Cooking one proper meal will kill you or something ?" he asked, his voice monotonous through the speaker, a very Iwaizumi Hajime kind of tone. He always tried to be polite to everyone, but at the same time, Iwaizumi knew he didn't want to.

(It's a relief to think about the fact that, Oikawa was the only one who knew all this about him)

"Yes, sorry for always being a clumsy person, sorry for always being wrong, Mr.Iwaizumi" Oikawa sighed. Iwaizumi was in his dorm in Irvine, and it was dark now, the sounds of the city rushing in to fill up the empty room. Oikawa, on the other end of the line, was far away in Buenos Aires. Suddenly Iwaizumi realized how much he missed hearing this teasing tone so close to his ear.

"But you know, Iwa-chan. Time is treasure, and money. I want to focus all my time on volleyball. If not, why could I still standing here?" Oikawa exhaled. Iwaizumi didn't say anything approving, but he let out a small, complacent hum.

"Well, I guess you're not wrong" Iwaizumi sighed, more helpless than in surrender. He wondered where Oikawa was. He didn't hear any other sounds around him, maybe Oikawa was at home. "But I mean, you need to balance your life too, Oikawa. I don't want to go to your funeral yet"

"It's okay, it's okay. Everything's fine, Iwa-chan" Oikawa boasted "Recently, I've improved my reaction speed to the ball from one second two to one second. Sooner or later I'll get to play oversea"

"You talk like a clock or something . It's awful" Iwaizumi said bluntly, and Oikawa let out a disgruntled cry. Iwaizumi could never understand it, but Oikawa once said that he liked the calculation, because he wanted everything to be perfect, and loved the feeling of the ball reaching the palm of his teammate in the right amount of time. He liked it, when everything was in order, his lips parted, counting the passing moments. One, two. A pass is two seconds. The jumping block is three seconds. Fast pass is one second five. "I remember when I was in high school I was influenced by you too. I kept counting one, two before I jumped. Not so much now, though"

"You can use that habit for many things Iwa-chan, in normal life, for example" Oikawa hummed. "Like the three-second, and five-second rule. Do you measure anything else like that?"

(If I want to touch him, Iwaizumi thought, so be it, just reach out)

(It's only three seconds)

"No, nothing," he lied. Oikawa fell silent, an invisible nod that both of them understood. Oikawa then tried to convince him of his habit of shopping for ready-to-eat food, the health benefits of a box of dried sardines, and told him to buy presents for their parents, the next time they would return to Miyagi.

(Not just three seconds anymore, Iwaizumi thought. It's thirteen hours now, do you have to be so far away from me?)

---

Fall to your knees bring on the rapture

Blessed be the boys time can't capture

On film or between the sheets

I always fall from your window

To the pitch black streets

---

They were sitting together in class, their desks by the windows, and when the glass is pulled aside they'll be able to have their own cherry blossom branch. The branch seemed to have grown in a different trajectory than the others, hanging down from the window of their third-floor classroom instead of floating in the pale blue sky like others. This was Oikawa's favorite lunch spot, Iwaizumi remembered. Though to him it was nothing more than a nuisance, as cherry blossoms always covered his lunch box.

"Not again!" Iwaizumi let out a disgruntled groan, clutching his head as a peach petal fell straight into his bowl of soup. It was springtime, and his mother had prepared a squash soup for him, which she said was perfect for this weather. Anyway, he couldn't eat it anymore now. "I'm so sick of this place"

"Sometimes we should just enjoy those small moments in life, Iwa-chan" said Oikawa intelligently—something Iwaizumi detested. "You'll miss this all later, when we're not here anymore"

Oikawa's statement made them both fall silent for a second, even though Iwaizumi knew it was just a frivolous but factual remark. They both knew what was coming, though both avoided it like a giant elephant in the room. They were in their final year, the college entrance exam is approaching, and then they would have to find their own way. Though it sounded shallow, Iwaizumi hated thinking about those things, about what school he's going to, where he's moving to, the things he often called "adult worries". He wanted his life to be just like it was then- only him and Oikawa, the volleyball team, school, dinner, and the desire to become stronger. Thinking that all of this would eventually end made him feel both frustrated and heartbroken, like a child who lost his favorite toy he was holding in his hand.

"Have you thought about where to go?" It was Oikawa who asked, ending the silence that hung between them. He knew Iwaizumi didn't want to stay in Japan- he said that Tokyo was too complicated to live in, and he didn't really want to continue his career as a volleyball player. As usual, Oikawa always knew what Iwaizumi was thinking. He wasn't sure why either.

"For the time being, I'm considering between California and Brazil, or Korea. They have a very good university program, and the scholarship amounts are also very high" Iwaizumi said. Oikawa replied with the sound of bread crumbling in his mouth. What is he, six years old? "But anyway, I want to choose the closest place to Japan. I also have to calculate how long it is from the airport to where I will live and which country is the easiest to issue a Visa"

"I mean, you can just go where you want. There's no need to think so much. If you want to go---- then just go" Oikawa explained calmly. A hand tapped on his chin, and Iwaizumi's eyes widened, as if surprised, before that expression slipped from his face. Looking calm, Iwaizumi shrugged.

"And what can guarantee that, there will be no risks if I just go where I want to go, without any consideration?"

Oikawa smiled. Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes, he didn't understand, couldn't understand. The midday sun shone on Oikawa's face, a glimmer of light, winding through the air.

"Because no matter where Iwa-chan is, I'll be there to find you whenever you need me"

---

Surviving in California wasn't easy for Iwaizumi, even though he never wanted to admit it. After being encouraged by Oikawa that year, Iwaizumi decided to go to Irvine, and signed up for a small volleyball team while waiting for the results of his college entrance exams. At that time, everything was still easy. He lived in a small apartment, the window overlooking the street, watching the flow of people. His apartment was a five-minute bus ride and a ten-minute walk from the gym. Everyone was friendly to him, every Friday they would go to party at the restaurant just down the street. California was so similar but also so different from Japan, especially when you place Irvine next to the Miyagi. The night in Irvine was always alive, in a sense that wasn't very pleasant to him. How can one sleep in a city like this?

"You can never actually separate the night and day here" another Japanese guy on the team told Iwaizumi. Apparently his name is Takehito. "It's not easy to live here, Iwaizumi" Takehito said while packing things from his closet into his personal bag. He applied for leave to return home. "I'll just go back to Japan. My parents said it's okay, and everything will be fine. I'll give it a try there" then he gave Iwaizumi a rare smile "But one day, I hope I will see you on TV"

Iwaizumi found himself different from that moment, from the day Takehito returned home, until he received an invitation from Birtwistle University, for a scholarship to the athletic training department. But studying was no way easy, and Iwaizumi had to move from his tiny apartment with beautiful windows into the school dormitory in the city center. His classmates were not very friendly. They were taller, and harder to approach. They didn't try to talk to him. It took him twenty minutes to walk from the dormitory to the nearest restaurant. Weekends were no longer a concept to Iwaizumi, as he spent almost all of his time at the library, and the chatty calls between him and Oikawa dwindle before disappearing altogether. Currently, they only call when there was a need.

Suddenly, Iwaizumi realized how great the distance between them had became. He could no longer reach out and touch him, one, two, three, and his hand reached Oikawa, and Oikawa turned to smile at him, like a strip of spring sunshine. No, that had gone too far, and Oikawa was on the other side of the continent. There was no way Iwaizumi could reach out to touch him anymore. Not just three seconds. No more feeling the warmth of his flesh, like one reaching out to touch the sun. Just a palm filled with air.

"Iwaizumi-san" someone called out, causing him to flinch. Iwaizumi looked up, it was Ushijima. He looked even taller than when he was in high school, even though he was already something different from them then. He almost forgot they were at the park chatting after meeting Ushijima's father, not having time to regain his composure until the other handed him a can of Pocari sweat.

"You got heatstroke? Your face looks a bit tense" said Ushijima, very casually. Iwaizumi never thought he was that kind of caring person. "If you want, we can go home"

"I'm fine, thank you" Iwaizumi nodded politely and popped the lid of the can. Its sticky taste was so familiar, it made him smile a little. "In high school we used to drink this like it was water, so nostalgic"

"You're not wrong" replied Ushijima. It seemed that what Iwaizumi said also made him think a bit. "Miyagi sure is amazing"

Iwaizumi was silent, because the other was right. There was something about Miyagi that always held him back, even though he was an ocean, and twenty-two hours away. Relaxed days, without thinking about the worries of adults, a volleyball on his shoulder. Peach blossoms outside the window of their classroom in Aoba Johsai. His training shoes were lying next to Oikawa's, and they were sprawled on the floor, drenched in sweat. Oikawa reached out his hand to touch the sunlight as if it were something, and his face was disappointed as if he wanted to hold it tightly in his hand. Iwaizumi didn't know why he remembered that scene now. Oikawa's hand clenched, sunspots dancing across his face.

Iwaizumi realized he could never forget that face.

"Do you want to go back to Miyagi, Iwaizumi-san?"

---

I'm not passive but aggressive

Take note, it's not impressive

Empty your sadness

Like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor

We put your curse in reverse

---

They were sitting side by side in the shade of Kitagawa Daiichi High School's gym, and Iwaizumi remembered that at the time, Oikawa was crying. His face was flushed red, buried in the collar of his blue-white jacket with their middle school logo on it, his eyes puffy, tears streaking down his cheeks. Iwaizumi sighed, pulling out a handkerchief. He was already too used to this.

"Listen, everything's fine. We'll do better next year" Iwaizumi said, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible, thrusting the towel into Oikawa's hand. With the stubborn expression still on, Oikawa blew his nose. "Shiratorizawa is strong, but they're just a team like us. Just practice and we can beat them. So stop crying, okay?"

"I can't accept it...." Oikawa sobbed, his face buried in the handkerchief  "Unacceptable....we practice until it's dark....every day.... only to lose..." He pouted "It's not fair"

"I know, I know" Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. He, honestly, didn't feel as miserable as Oikawa was feeling right now. I mean, last year they lost to Shiratorizawa too. The year before... and the year before that, as well. It was humiliating to think about, however, Iwaizumi didn't think he had the need to show it out like Oikawa, so he kept quiet. But Oikawa seemed to have something else in mind, so Iwaizumi saw him look up, his eyes shining like stars.

"Listen, Iwa-chan. Do you know what the summer solstice is?" Oikawa said. Seeing him shake his head, Oikawa let out a sigh.

"The summer solstice is the beginning of summer in the northern hemisphere. Which means it's the only day of the year where the day is longer than the night. It's the longest day of the summer" he explained, scrutinizing Iwaizumi's face. Eyes shining, it was hard to believe that Oikawa was in the ninth grade, the province's best second passer, and the captain of the Kitagawa Daiichi volleyball team. He looked just like a kid.

"That means, on this day we have more time to play volleyball, the longest day we can practice together in a year. So from now on, we will play volleyball a lot on that day, and then we'll get better. And then, we'll defeat Shiratorizawa, okay?"

(At that time, his way of thinking was only enough to deceive children. However, Iwaizumi still wanted to listen to him. He still wanted to believe)

"That's a good idea, Oikawa" Iwaizumi exhaled, grinning. Oikawa nodded.

"Then promise me, that we'll spend the summer solstice every year together. And we'll get stronger. We'll be the strongest pair in Japan!"

Oikawa held out his hand, and Iwaizumi waved it at him, a habit of theirs.

"I promise"

---

And it's our time now if you want it to be

Maul the world like a carnival bear set free

And your love is anemic and I can't believe

That you couldn't see it coming from me

---

"I can't make it this year" one day when Oikawa called him, Iwaizumi lied.

He didn't have to turn on the video mode to picture Oikawa's face right now. He must have been frozen in front of the phone, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed stubbornly—the kind of Oikawa Tooru expression he used to make when he didn't get what he wanted. Then Iwaizumi would have to coax him with some reason that would be able convince Oikawa, hopefully, so that he would just let it go and forget about it. He was so used to this scenario.

"I have a particularly important test. You know, I'm in my fourth year, my final year. I can't miss any chance to graduate" he lied again, the words overlapping, he knew it was all a pathetic counter-measure. "That's why I'm not going back to Miyagi. But Ushiwaka will go, I guess"

"I don't care about Ushiwaka at all, are you crazy out of your mind??!" Oikawa hissed from the other end of the line in displeasure. His voice was shrill, filled with anger, and Iwaizumi understood why. "We already didn't come back last year, Iwa-chan. And the year before as well"

"What's the point of coming back there?" Iwaizumi sighed "We've been gone for four years anyway"

"Well, we should go back to watch this year's Seijou match against Shiratorizawa. Go back and have a beer with Mattsun and Makki. Go back, and have a surprise party to congratulate Yahaba on his promotion. Let's go home, back to our old practice room in Aoba Johsai, Iwa-chan" Oikawa explained. Iwaizumi admitted that all of the reasons Oikawa listed were valid, but he couldn't let himself give in.

"I'm so sorry, but I can't miss the exam this time He sighed. Somehow, Iwaizumi had a feeling that Oikawa didn't believe him. He always knew when he was lying, but despite that, Iwaizumi was still here. He really didn't want to see Oikawa. At least, not right now.

"I see" Oikawa hummed, then sank into a thoughtful, silent silence "It's just...."

"It's just that I feel like you're so far away from me, Iwa-chan"

Consciousness slammed into Iwaizumi like a bullet train, and he felt his hand freeze for a moment. No matter how much they both avoided it, despite the fact that they already knew it was true, Iwaizumi- like Oikawa- never wanted to admit, that their relationship wasn't what it used to be. They were different. They were adults, with adult worries, and Iwaizumi had forgotten how close Oikawa felt to him, as well as the love he had never expressed. He didn't want to say it, nor did he intend to say it. He just wanted to keep Oikawa there, close enough for Iwaizumi to see him, but far enough for Iwaizumi not to touch, to not need to touch him.

It was him who pushed Oikawa away, but as a natural reaction, he wished Oikawa would come closer to him, once again placing his hand on his forehead, laughing into his throat. As a natural reaction, he avoided Oikawa, but he was the one who craved him, more than anyone.

How ironic.

"Stop saying things like that"

"What?"

Iwaizumi was silent. His lips pursed.

"I don't want to hear you talk about such things anymore" Iwaizumi repeated. "Our relationship--- it's fine. We're grown-ups, Oikawa. We're not two eighteen years old anymore. We don't have to stick together all the time. So-- you don't have to, think about me so much. Just let--- let things be. I'm just one of them people in your life"

Deep down inside, Iwaizumi knew Oikawa wasn't wrong. He knew it all- about the short, awkward conversations, about the calls that dwindled and stopped altogether. Suddenly, Iwaizumi wondered how his old self would feel. If he went back in time, and told eighteen-year-old Iwaizumi that he didn't want to be Oikawa's best friend anymore, he would probably punch him in the mouth and call him an idiot. That's what Iwaizumi was, he was an idiot. He knew his eighteenth self would reach out to touch Oikawa and hold him tightly in his arms with all his might, but now, he wouldn't allow himself to do that anymore, wouldn't give himself the right to that anymore.

Oikawa didn't say anything. He hung up, and Iwaizumi couldn't reach him until a week later.

---

And sometimes I just wanna sit around and

Gaze at my shoes

And let your dirty sadness fill me up

Just like a balloon

---

They were sitting next to each other on Aoba Johsai's gym floor, it was the summer solstice of their senior year in high school. The two had been practicing all day, just like the promise they had made to each other, so Iwaizumi thought his poor back was falling to pieces as he collapsed onto the wooden floor. Oikawa was sitting up straight, thinking about something. He was always thinking about something, it was weird. Iwaizumi reached out, his fingertips touching Oikawa's shirt, the white and blue plaid uniform shirt worn over the years. At that time, Oikawa was still very close.

"What's wrong, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa asked with wide eyes. Outside the door, dusk was slowly falling, signaling the end of the longest day of summer, and also the beginning of summer.

Iwaizumi felt his mind relax at that thought.

"Nothing" he grinned, exhaling. He didn't even know why he was so happy. "Suddenly I feel happy because summer is coming"

"You've always liked summer, haven't you, like a child" Oikawa made an innocuous remark. Iwaizumi glanced at him, and Oikawa seemed to falter. "Okay, me too, fine, I'm sorry" the brunette exhaled, surrendering.

"But this summer is the last summer I'll be able to practice with Iwa-chan. It's sad to think about, to be honest"

Ever since they were two kids, Iwaizumi and Oikawa have always loved summer. Iwaizumi was born in June, a month before Oikawa, so his mother made a joke that they were the children of summer. Iwaizumi remembered that they were both very proud of that, a childish pride. But for him and Oikawa, summer is the season of freedom, no school, no homework, the sun is always overhead and a big field with a ball for them to play freely. Summer is the season to rest and do what they want, the blue on the back of Oikawa's shirt when he jumps for a serve, the sticky taste of Pocari sweat dripping down their throat, Oikawa's hand holding his, sweaty, but never letting go. It is often said that high school is the spring of life, although Iwaizumi still stubbornly believed that it should be summer.

"That's not wrong" Iwaizumi exhaled. "We trained really hard today, anyway. Even though I don't think we'll ever face Ushiwaka again" he pretended to stick his tongue out, shaking his head. At the thought of that name, Iwaizumi was bored to the core. They had haunted each other for years now, it was finally time to let go.

"Actually... that's why we don't need to practice today. But for some reason I still wanted to call you over"

"You're too cheesy" Iwaizumi laughed. The setting sun poured into the gym, licking his shins.

Oikawa did not answer. Iwaizumi jerked his head up when he didn't hear him reply, with a laugh, or perhaps an exclamation, as his talkative nature often did. But nothing came. Oikawa said nothing, and when Iwaizumi tilted his head to look at him, he saw that Oikawa's face was red.

(Don't say anything, he thought. Please don't)

"Perhaps because...." Oikawa hesitated. But then he squeezed his hand, his eyes wavering.

(With each summer, you'll get further and further away from me, thought Iwaizumi. So don't say anything. You know that's better for both of us)

"Perhaps because today is the longest day of the year, that I can be with Iwa-chan" continued Oikawa. His eyes filled with tears, like that day when he cried after the loss, and Iwaizumi comforted him, the day they made that promise. A promise for the summer solstice, a handshake at dusk, a handkerchief, a smile. Iwaizumi remembered those things as clearly as if it were yesterday.

"One day in a year may sound like a big deal, but compared to our whole life, it's merely a second" Oikawa laughed. "So if it's just for a second, can you stay with me?"

---

On the summer solstice of 2023, Iwaizumi did not go to class.

The previous call between him and Oikawa kept Iwaizumi miserable for a week, as he deserved. He tried calling him many times but couldn't, all his messages went straight to voicemail. No calls from Matsukawa and Hanamaki- maybe Oikawa didn't tell them. He spent his days buried in blankets and survived on fast food and water. The hum of the air conditioner was the only sound he could hear these days. Looked like his utility bill will increase. Iwaizumi couldn't care less. He deserved it.

The clock showed nine o'clock in the morning. Iwaizumi turned on his phone, realizing that today was the summer solstice, he had almost forgotten about it. June twenty-two, the text on his screen appeared. He sighed heavily, and was actually about to go back to his sleep, until someone knocked on his door.

"The utility bill isn't due today" Iwaizumi called out, his voice slurred, tired. Damn, he hated this dorm.

There was silence on the other side of the door. And then, Iwaizumi's eyes widened.

"If you don't open this door, Iwa-chan" the voice said, "I swear, quite seriously, that I'll kill you"

And in the end

I'd do it all again

I think you're my best friend

Don't you know that the kids aren't al, kids aren't alright?

It was like a shock, and suddenly, all the sounds in the world seemed to have returned to him, crashing into Iwaizumi's room like a giant storm. The sound of the city, the music outside the window, his TV crackling, his heart pounding. Iwa-chan. Its tone was painfully familiar, nostalgia exploding and rattling in his chest like a chemical reaction. Iwaizumi mumbled, getting out of the blankets and crawling up, heading for the door. His hand was cold when he placed it on the doorknob, and for a minute he wondered what it would be like if he hadn't opened it. But he knew this time, he had to do the right thing after all the mistakes, so---

(Three seconds, only three seconds)

Oikawa's arms wrapping around him, and the scent of shampoo in his hair smelled like cherry blossoms, his body warm, his shoulders lightly shook as they collided. Oikawa was like a hurricane hitting right in his little room, and it really scared the hell out of Iwaizumi with what all this could do, but at the same time he thought he'd never been so happy. Turned out that's all it took. It only took three seconds to reach him, three seconds for his mouth to open and call "Oikawa!", three seconds to dial the phone, thirteen hours to get to Buenos Aires. That's all, but he didn't do it, never had the courage to do it. Perhaps he was never as brave as he thought.

(If I want to touch him, then I would just reach out my hand like I'm touching the sun, reach out for three seconds)

"Iwa-chan" Oikawa, just like his memories of that year, bursted into tears on his shoulder. His hair was shorter, and he was taller too, sturdier, tanned and certainly more handsome than the last time they'd seen each other three years ago. But in his eyes Oikawa would always be just Oikawa, he was Kitagawa Daiichi's Oikawa with the blue uniform, Aoba Johsai's Oikawa with the jade teal flag on his back and the crown on his head, the Oikawa who had always reached out to him.

I'll be yours

When it rains it pours

Stay thirsty like before

Don't you know that the kids aren't al, kids aren't alright?

"Iwa-chan, I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About us becoming adults, about how we don't need to stick together all the time. I asked my mom about it and she said you'r enot wrong" Oikawa said. Iwaizumi brushed the wet hair from his cheeks. "But, I still don't want to accept it. I thought about it, and I realized that one day a year isn't enough. So, can't you stay with me for the rest of our life?" He sobbed "You said that you're just another person in my life, but I don't think so, I don't allow, will never allow you to say that. Iwa-chan to me, is the most important person, the bearer of the warmth that is warmer than anyone, the one who holds me tighter than anyone, so you can't say that, you can't ever say that, understood?"

With just those questions, Iwaizumi allowed himself to pull Oikawa closer. This time, he allowed himself to hold him in his arms, the gap he had tried to fill but never dared to. This time, he allowed himself to smile. Suddenly he remembered that last summer solstice of high school when he and Oikawa were sitting next to each other in the gym, and neither of them wanted to go home. They ended up sleeping there too, only to be scolded by their parents the next day. So childish.

"I promise," he said, his voice echoing from the past. "But, I also want you to know that I love you. And that's why I've been avoiding this since forever. So if anything happens, it's your fault" Iwaizumi said nonchalantly, though his face was red, deliberately ignoring the fact that he had just confessed his love so blatantly.

"Fine, Iwa-chan" Oikawa laughed. And then Iwaizumi suddenly felt so relieved, to be able to hold the summer of his life.

---

(Iwaizumi realized that "I love you" only takes three seconds to say.)

[tonberry-yoda]

Pineapple Flip Flops – a one piece modern AU – Chapter One

notes – HERE IT IS! I am working pretty hard on this series and it is running around in my head all feral like LMFAO I don't know if I have a schedule for this series yet, but I know I want it to come out pretty often?? But with school starting, we'll see! I'm working on chapter 2 right now and the story is coming together. For now, enjoy chapter one! &lt;3 word count – 865 summary – Luffy lost his favorite pair of pineapple flip flops and we get to see an introduction to his usual life ft. his brothers.

Luffy stared at a rack of hanging flip flops, sipping on a drink he hadn't paid for yet.

Which ones do I not have? he thought. And which ones will Ace laugh the hardest at?

He hummed in deep thought and pressed the can to his lips. The cold was helping a cut on his lip he had gotten the day prior.

“Luffy.” An employee sighed, walking up to the boy.

“What’s up?” He was pulled from his thoughts as he turned to the employee.

“Please put on some shoes. You know the rule.” They pointed to his feet, which were completely bare on the cold linoleum floor.

“What does it look like I'm doing?” Luffy pointed to the rack of flip flops and the employee sighed again before getting back to work.

Luffy wanted to go on a long bike ride to enjoy the day out instead of staying inside and ended up having a nasty fall which made his flip flops fly into a river. He fell, of course, because he got distracted by a squirrel. He tried to chase after the shoes, but the river was too fast and the flip flops were never seen again. So, he pensively walked his bike to the nearest Dollar Tree, mourning the loss of his favorite pineapple flip flops.

And he couldn't just replace his favorite pair with the exact design because it just didn't feel the same; it didn't have the same value. He needed something new. Something that was calling his name.

Which was how he ended up grabbing a light blue pair covered in rubber ducks.

“I'd like to get these, please!” Luffy smiled at the same employee that scolded him earlier, taking a long sip out of his drink. “And this!” He burped loudly as he set the empty can down, which earned him an unamused stare.

“Luffy,” they sighed. “How many times do I have to explain to you that you need to drink your soda after you pay for it?”

“It's not hurtin’ anybody!” He stared at a bag of chips and then slammed them down on the conveyor belt. “Plus, I'm paying for it either way, right?”

The employee heavily sighed again and told Luffy his total. He then pulled out a couple of crumpled up bills, handing them over.

“Have a good day, okay, worker person?”

“You too, Luffy.”

The moment he stepped out of the door, he broke off the tag on his new flip flops, slipping them right on. He wiggled his toes in excitement and grabbed his bike. After throwing his chips in the basket, he took right off.

“Ace is gonna love these.” he giggled as he rode his bike with no hands, eating some of his chips.

It was nice out. Not too hot and not too cold. Perfect bike riding weather. What was even nicer though was being able to bike everywhere. He lived so close to everything that he got the opportunity to take his bike – The Merry – out wherever he went. What was even cooler though was how close everything was to his, Ace's, and Sabo's apartment. He could go anywhere he wanted with ease and always have fun doing it.

Luffy had to avoid being led to any nearby restaurants due to the smell. Especially the Baratie, a super nice restaurant in town. He only made so much mowing lawns, and though food was tempting, helping out his brothers meant more to him.

So he booked it home, smiling when he saw his building in view. He locked up his bike and grabbed everything from the basket. As he stumbled up the stairs, neighbors rolled their eyes, already used to his shenanigans even though Luffy and his brothers just recently moved in.

Luffy unlocked his door like his life depended on it and fell inside their apartment. “ACE, LOOK!” He stood proudly, only to find that the apartment was pitch black and empty. He pouted. “Ace, what the heck?”

He slumped down on the couch. Sabo had been out for a couple weeks because of some internship opportunity, so Luffy was already used to him being out. But Ace should’ve been home.

“Acccceeeeeee, what the heeeeeeckkkk?!” He crossed his arms and pulled out his phone.

He sulked at the response and turned on the TV as background noise. Quickly, he found himself absorbed in some kids' shows.

But that was quickly pulled away when he heard his phone go off.

Ace worked as a camp counselor over summers, but since school was starting for the elementary schoolers, he had to start doing after school activities with them, which changed his whole schedule. He didn't make much doing that, but thanks to Sabo’s savings and his job, the three boys were able to get something together. They really wanted to feel more independent and didn't want Garp up their asses about being Marines anymore. They didn't mind if it was a shitty place. Together, it felt like home.

Luffy brought his attention back to the show and yawned. A quick nap wouldn't hurt before Ace showed up.

~~~~~

one piece masterlist | one piece modern AU masterlist | pinned post | ko-fi

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[mouseymousey]

Kung Fu Panda Headcanon

I always see jokes on the internet that Po is the Dragon Warrior by chance, because he's a fast food worker, etc. I think the real reason he's the Dragon Warrior is because of his body mass, and when watching the movie from this perspective, everything seems to click into place. For one, Po first ends up in front of Grand Master Oogway because he was late, something that happened solely because he was unable to climb the stairs on his way to the temple. His love of Kung Fu and the Furious Five meant he still made it to the top, full of the dedication and commitment. Both his body type hindering his speed and his dedication to Kung Fu make him get to the temple at the exact right time to become the Dragon Warrior, even if he doesn't realize it then. Instead of giving up (even though he has had the chance to twice cow from the lack of accessibility AND the doors shutting him out), he builds a rocket system. This rocket system would have probably worked to get over the wall on a smaller person. He goes a good ways up and over the wall and picks up a lot of speed. However, he's too heavy, landing him in the center of the arena instead of an empty area in the back he could have quietly snuck into the crowd from. Again, his body mass and dedication were the main contributors to him becoming the Dragon Warrior. Think of Master Oogway. He's fast for a turtle, but knowing that most people in this universe take on characteristics of their animal counterparts (like birds with flight), he probably wasn't taken seriously as a fighter when he was younger, but he became a Grand Master anyway. Despite being looked down upon and not believed in, he became a wonderful and well-respected Kung Fu fighter. He also, due to his shell, was probably very skilled in defensive combat. This would be the main fighting techniques his predecessor would teach to Po, and his age (being an elder turtle) is probably why he believed in fate so strongly. Grand Master Oogway is very old, and he can tell when fate is in action or not from his years of wisdom and experience. Master Shifu, an opposite force to Oogway, is hyper and fast. He specializes in offensive combat. He doesn't respect Po because he is quick to judge him, but he's also quick to get over his first thoughts when he sees Po's natural skill. In the cookie scene, Po reaches Monkey's cookies on the top shelf in a matter of seconds. Having a bird as a father, Po probably had to learn to climb at a very early age up and down the shelving that his father could easily fly up. Ladders would break under his weight (even ones made for hogs), so he has to climb onto the shelves themselves. He's also a panda, meaning he should be able to climb up bamboo shoots, so he can climb up 13,000 feet. Po is the perfect Dragon Warrior because he is a being of perfect balance. He has equal offensive and defensive fighting techniques and a powerful dedication to his home, his people, and his art form. When Shifu is ready to retreat, he refuses to. During the final battle, Tai Lung attacks him swiftly. He's the fastest, faster than any opponent the Valley of Peace has, however, Po begins wholeheartedly laughing at his attack, leaving him confused. Po doesn't need to be quicker than Tai Lung because the punches are absorbed into his body fat. His agility allows him to go on both the offensive and defensive in a way no other animal could have archived in its lifetime. It leaves Tai Lung feeling out of place, confused, and dizzy. He has never fought an opponent like this. It's only then that Po pulls out his finishing move, something anyone else would have glanced over, but Po is a fanboy. He pulls out the Wuxi Finger Hold. He's both warn out his opponent and trained hard enough to pull it off. Every other person who learns Kung Fu in this universe specializes in one natural attribute and spends there whole life perfecting it, but Po was able and willing to learn from everyone he met, including those that didn't have lives tied to Kung Fu like his father. He's the perfect Dragon Warrior because of his range. :D

[makima-s-most-smile]

Man, I am still thinking about the 'Would Wolfwood pay child support?'-poll.

It is not even about would he be a good father, but would he pay money so the person he accidentally knocked up could keep their child safe and fed.

There is the difference between would and could, of course, too. And that is in the case of Gunsmoke/No Man's Land a fucking big and important distinction.

Any iteration would struggle as fuck. They are constantly broke and barely get by. 98 tricks adults for fare money (the chess board scene), 98 and Trimax haggle for bus fare (their introduction), Trimax more often than not gets by with the help of generous strangers (like when Angelina broke down (again) on the way to Home and Wolfwood more or less having to carry Vash into a house/motel for a night's stay) and Wet Kitten Stampede... (*stares at him giving Vash an invoice of 20.000 $$ cause he could and then continuing to bum his way to Julai with the group*)

Then again, 98 and Trimax are able to get Angelinas! They don't take the best care of them, since they literally break down (twice in 98 case), but a bike is a massive investment. Maintenance on the other hand... That would need a consistent flow of money... And that they do not have.

Then the could? If they can they will. Every Wolfwood is generous towards children (I stress, children). 98 shares his last food equally with children. Trimax shares his last money with them. 98 gives them time, plays with them when he can and build an orphanage with the money he earns by being an assassin. Trimax and Stampede build up a defence wall against the Eye of Michael, protecting an existing orphanage's proteges with their body and wellbeing from sharing their fate. Trimax gives up his life towards a 'brother' so the brother may have a kinder future without bloodwork instead of Wolfwood.

I think the reality of the child support would be plagued by inconsistency. The Wolfwoods would pay whatever they can towards the kiddo (and the orphanages at the same time), while keeping enough to keep on going, to earn more money. And after big jobs, windfalls, anything, there may be one big payment, that then returns to the crumbs they normally share. The inconsistency isn't done out of neglect or selfishness, but because that is the reality they live in. Random jobs here and there, maybe with a big payout every few months.

I don't think any Wolfwood is good with money management, too. Maybe 98 because there is the whole economy of the orphanage on his back, but he may also have helpers that take care of that, while he is away on the road to keep the money flowing.

And the other question, would Wolfwood be a good father? I don't think so. But again, not by selfishness, but by circumstance. I cannot see him staying present in his kid's life. Not by malevoncy, but by necessity. Wolfwood would be absent to either earn money to keep the kid safe and fed or to physically protect it from danger like Knives. The reality of Wolfwood's world does not allow him to settle down at all, when Knives is still on the horizon with his whole apocalypse in the making.

Even 98 is constantly on the move to earn money for the orphanage. He provides safety, food and stability. But he cannot stay there personally for the emotional connection that a child needs for a healthy upbrining.

The only way for a Wolfwood to have the opportunity to be a present father would be something post-canon, where Wolfwood did not perish and he would be able to settle down somewhere safe. He would struggle with parenthood.

Maybe he wouldn't act as a father but as a caretaker of an orphan. In any way it would be a confrontation with his traumata, of growing up unsafe, of having to kill his abusice caretaker (98), of being alone, of being parentified, of being molded into a weapon and growing up too fast (literally in Stampede's and Trimax's case). And then it would depend on a flip of a coin if he breaks over this task or if he prevails. But he would do his best to be there for his kid/children/proteges.

[sinestrosmind]

OC Asks: desire, mistake, and secret for Chief!

oc asks: not-so-nice edition

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

To stop trying to survive and start trying to live. Right now all he does is fight for survival, Chief wants a family. He had one, at one point, years ago, before he was mutated. But Draxum stole that from him.

In mainverse, Chief has a little family again. He has Flame and Softy, and he's a lot happier than he'd be without them, but he wants more and he can't get more due to his living situation. It wouldn't be safe to have a child with his little family living on the streets and Chief's line of work.

It's a relief to Chief that Flame and Softy know how to hunt and fight, but he still has to bring in money to put guaranteed food on the table. Until Chief can get enough money to afford at least an apartment, he's going to continue his work until he's got enough money. ...Which is hard to come by considering he has three mouths to feed and he, Flame, and Softy can't cook for shit, so Chief can't stock up on food to cook. At least Hueso lets him have a tab that he can pay off.

Sometimes, in mainverse, Chief has made it known that he does desire to have kids, but only after Flame's started the conversation.

In the Big Brother AU, Chief already has what he wants as far as a family goes. He has four brothers, a sister, and a dad, and he fits in just fine. The thing he wants there, however, is Leo to be better prepared to be a leader. Post-Movie, Big Bro Chief is extremely upset with Splinter, to the point where he won't even talk to his adoptive father and has essentially disowned him, because Leo almost died because he was put in the leader position.

Big Bro Chief is convinced that, if he had time to train and prepare Leo for leadership instead of the role just being thrust upon his little brother, things would've ended differently.

Bad Futures Main and Dead Man Walking both want their Flame and Softy back. Both lost their little family the same way; fatal wounds leading to Krang infection, which leads to a vicious attack and Chief having to end his mates by his own blades. The Peepaw Chiefs have some issues lmao

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

Oof. Man, there's two for mainverse

The first one is pre-mutation. He took one of his shortcuts to get home and that led him to cross paths with Draxum. Chief always thinks that if he'd gone a different path, he'd still be with his parents and he'd still be human. He's moved on enough to function, but he still has those moments where he just... Stares at his hands. Contemplates his life currently and what could have been. Has some body image issues due to his mutation. It's hard for him sometimes.

The second is not doing enough research on a job he accepted. Someone had tricked him, forged documents to get him to accept a job. They claimed to be from another town, gave a vague description enough to where Chief wasn't suspicious about the target, and did everything they could to pull a fast one on Chief. And they succeeded.

Chief only found out that the target was Donnie when Leo tried to stop Chief AND Chief saw the target. That.... Led to a big fight later on between Chief and Leo. Chief hasn't forgiven himself for this mistake, and he probably never will.

Big Bro Chief doesn't have a mistake he made himself, but he thinks Splinter made a massive mistake appointing Leo leader without training. Fixing a mistake that isn't yours can be hard, but so long as he can convince his little brother to listen, Chief will try his best to fix it and prepare Leo for properly leading. He's the eldest out of this universe's Hamato brothers, so the responsibility of protecting his little brothers falls on his shoulders regardless of who's leading the team.

In the Bad Futures, both Peepaw Chiefs think that if they could've just... Done more, been quicker, been stronger, been more alert and aware, their Flame and Softy wouldn't have been fatally wounded or Krangified and they wouldn't have had to kill their mates. They'll never be able to fix these mistakes, never be able to move on, and honestly they still have nightmares about it.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

That he was once human.

In any of Chief's universes where he's with Flame, if she finds out he was once human that would ruin her trust in him.

He also just wants to forget he was once human. That part of his life is 16 years ago, it's gone, he can never bring it back, he can never relive it, he can never change it. Chief's better off doing his best to disconnect himself from his past as a human.

If someone calls him a yokai or a kappa, he's not correcting them. If someone thinks he's mutated from a normal turtle, he's not correcting them. He prefers those origin stories. His human life is gone, stolen by Draxum.

[babeczka415]

Eternal Love

Chapter 2

It's been a week since that morning I came home. It's been seven days and who knows how many hours since he left me. My heart aches in ways I can't even describe. Jessy has stopped by making sure I eat and cleaning up. She finally got me to talk the other night and we drowned ourselves in wine and ice cream while watching horror movies. I haven't told Dan yet and I know that conversation was coming tonight as it was the night he and Jessy always came around to have fun.

I manage to get out of bed and move to the couch with my laptop. I have never been more grateful for this job than I am now. It allows me to work from home and as long as I tell my boss in advance no video chats. I just told him I was sick but still able to work. Eventually I know that isn't going to work but it's been a blessing this week.

I keep checking my phone all day hoping for something from him. Something to explain but still nothing. Instead I have a text from Lilly, I curse her under my breath. She only wants to talk to see how he is.

Lilly: MC, everything okay? We haven't heard from him or you.

MC: No everything isn't okay and please stop talking to me only to find out how he is. He left me a week ago and told me to move on.

MC: I'm gonna say you and Hannah should do the same thing and just forget him!

I sign off just as fast as I send that message and I'm glad it's the end of the day. I head into the kitchen and grab the Jack Daniels and take a drink from the bottle. It burns going down but at least it's a feeling. I hear the door unlock as Jessy has a key. 

"I don't know why you didn't knock like we always do" Dan states.

I sigh, I hope she doesn't tell him why. I turn around with the bottle still in my hand and I see them in the doorway.

"Hey don't start the fun without me" Dan laughs.

I smile the best I can and he instantly knows something is wrong.

"Still nothing?" My red haired best friend asks and I shake my head while taking another drink.

"What is going on?" Asks Dan.

"Jake is gone," I say, looking away from him. He wraps his arms around me. He's finally started walking again after the accident and I just cry into his chest.

"We will make you forget all about him," Dan says, lifting my head up. I lean against him not being able to say anything. 

I was expecting an 'I told you he was bad news' or something along those lines from Dan but he instantly goes into best friend mode.

Jessy grabs out all the junk food she has brought over and we make a table top on the bar between that and different alcohol. These two know exactly what I need after having my heartbroken by the man I thought was my forever. 

We pile on the couch and throw in movies after movies. I remember taking a silly picture of us but I don't do anything with it.

Jakes POV:

It's been seven days and 16 hours since I left her. I never wanted to fall in love but she did it. She made me fall in love with her. 

Tonight I'm in an abandoned warehouse tracking my pursuers. Sleep has not been my friend in a while and this last week has been worse. Everytime I close my eyes I see her smile, her sleeping. I feel her curled up against me afraid to lose me.

You see when I told her my location I knew what was going to happen. I knew she wouldn't let go of me but I needed to see her and feel her touch and kisses one more time before I broke her heart. Those hazel eyes as she spun around were full of love and feeling safe.

I knew I could never be HER safe haven. I also know she would give up everything for me if I so much as hinted at it.

I couldn't bring her into this world, more than I already had. She needed to live her life normally, before she got dragged into finding Hannah and falling in love with me. She needs a normal future, one not on the constant run. I have no idea when I can give her that and I knew it from the start. 

You see she's the good girl, the girl every guy wants. I'm troubled, she knew that but still fell. It's the typical good girl who falls in love with the bad boy. What the normal story doesn't tell is how the bad boy fell in love with her, but just wanted to keep her safe.

I hear my phone go off and I look and it's Lilly. I hadn't reached out and I wasn't planning on going until I knew I was safe. I sigh as I open the location on MC. I have to make sure they aren't tracking her. She's at home like she has been since she entered back in. I could pull up her webcam but it would just break my heart. I do follow her social media but lately she hasn't been posting but I keep a watch.

I see a photo pop up, which is odd at the time. It's a photo of her, Jessica, and Daniel curled up on the couch with drinks. I read the caption and my heart breaks.

When your world is falling apart, you can't ask for more than best friends, Jack Daniels, and lots of junk food.

The photo looks odd then I realize it's taken at night and it's now the next morning… eight days since I saw her smile at me, even in her sleep.

I set Nymos up and lean back on the couch trying to catch some sleep hoping she doesn't haunt my dreams.