#family jokes

[thora-sniper]

Every time when my children ask to give them something when I'm set the table and put something on dishes I say them that I have no Venom in me to provide me some more limbs to manipulate.

i wish i had a comfy hoodie and a beefy alien bf fr

[pirateprincessjess]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[georgexms]

Hip Hop 2000s Music Mix Hits 🎶

⬇️ 𝗦𝗨𝗕𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗕𝗘 ⬇️ ➡️ www.bit.ly/GeorgeXMS ⬅️

Dive into the golden era of hip hop with "Hip Hop 2000s Music Mix Hits 🎶"! This curated collection brings you the best classic hip hop and rap hits from the 2000s, an unforgettable decade that shaped the culture of music. From iconic beats to legendary lyrics, this mix is perfect for fans of vintage hip hop, retro rap, and classic urban vibes.

🎶 What You’ll Experience:

A throwback playlist of timeless hip hop and rap hits from the 2000s. Legendary tracks by some of the greatest artists of the era. A nostalgic journey for lovers of classic and retro urban music. Whether you’re a longtime fan of #HipHop, #2000sMusic, or just discovering the magic of this iconic decade, this mix is sure to have you nodding your head and reminiscing about the good times.

💬 Share your favorite 2000s hip hop track in the comments! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell for more epic music collections and nostalgic mixes.

📢 Join the community of classic hip hop fans and keep the spirit of the 2000s alive. Press play and let the beats take over!

Keywords: hip hop 2000s, retro rap, classic hip hop music, vintage urban songs, iconic rap hits.

#HipHop #2000sMusic #RapHits #ClassicHipHop #RetroRap #VintageHipHop #2000sHits #OldSchoolRap #HipHopMix #ThrowbackBeats

[doghowto]

Man unintentionally teaches his Corgi sign language! 😊 Follow me for more smart puppers!

[daily-spooky]

[buggachat]

MERRY CHRISTMAS @alazic02!!!

[melinaedition]

Hilarious Jokes for the Whole Family: A Treasure Trove of Knock-Knocks, One-Liners, and More...

by Melina Edition

[punsify1]

Laugh Out Loud With 200+ Daughter Puns That Show Just How Much You Adore Your Girl

Looking for a way to celebrate the joy of having a daughter with a side of laughter? “200+ Daughter Puns and Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You Call Her Your Best Pun!”

is just what you need. From sweet and sassy wordplay to hilarious one-liners, this collection will capture the heart of any proud parent or daughter.

Whether you’re looking to brighten her day, share a giggle, or just enjoy some light-hearted humor, these puns are the perfect pick-me-up. Check out more clever puns that will have you laughing together in no time!

10 Daughter Puns That Will Make You Giggle Together

Why did the daughter get a job at the bakery? She was great at “kneading” some dough! 🥐

My daughter said she’s a magician — I didn’t believe her, but she “disappears” every time there are chores! 🎩

Why did the daughter bring a ladder to school? She heard her grades were on the “up and up”! 📚

My daughter said she’s going to be famous. I said, “Go ahead, you’re a ‘star-ter’ already!” 🌟

Why does my daughter love math class? Because she always has “acute” angle on life! 📐

My daughter told me she’s feeling “punderful” today — I guess she’s really embracing the family “wordplay”! 😊

Why did the daughter start a gardening club? She wanted to “grow” her circle of friends! 🌷

My daughter’s favorite color is blue — because she says it’s the color of “pun-sky” days! 🌈

Why does my daughter always laugh at my jokes? Because she’s my “pun-kid” at heart! 🥇

I asked my daughter if she’s ready for a great day. She said, “I’m ‘pun-sitive’ I am!” ☀️

Read: 200+ Daughter Puns and Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You Call Her Your Best Pun!

[chloesimaginationthings]

How William Afton got his wife in FNAF

[siyaazu]

True pacifist ending.

[batsyheere]

Duke, who is tired of being bullied for still having only a few spots checked off on vigilante bingo, decides to get even when family game night includes Never Have I Ever. Danny, who is either a friend or basically adopted family at this point, was invited.

He brings up the fact that he has never died and been brought back to life. Multiple fingers are put down, groans and complaints are made, and then they all turn to Danny when he just stares at the ground.

"If it happened more than once, do I put more fingers down? Or just the one?" he asks. The room falls silent for a few seconds before the flood of questions start.

[majubengel]

Family Portrait~

Extra:

[fanaticalthings]

important family group chat discussions

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[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[doghowto]

Everybody finding just the right spot... 😺 Follow me for more dog & cat pals!