#extremely tightly
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maybe meaningless, maybe of note: know that odd bit in rogue where the duchess lost a shoe, but it never actually comes to anything - no cinderella princess/duchess-bird-identification plot element or whatever, it just happens?
you know where else someone loses a shoe?
susan right at the end of the dalek invasion of earth.
*shrugs*
maybe nothing and just generalised cinderella theme both times, or maybe they were given a ‘subtle susan reference’ quota to fill.
#not useful on its own#but if i know it you might as well#and if you’ve not read the 10k+ rogue essay#that thing seemed to be written#extremely tightly
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Evolution of Eliot/Hardison hugs over the years.
And the one time that Eliot really needed a hug:
Leverage S02E08/S03E10/S04E01/S04E07/S04E10/S05E09/Leverage Redemption S01E16/S02E06.
#leverage#leverage redemption#eliot spencer#alec hardison#christian kane#aldis hodge#i swear eliot is like a feral kitten#starts off all hissing and spitting and 'i swear i will break your arm'#and to get them used to being handled you grab them and wrap them up tightly in a towel and just shower them with affection#they hate it at first but slowly they learn to accept it#and then they come to love it#the next thing you know you have an extremely affectionate cat who initiates the contact#who's favourite thing ever is to be sprawled on your lap purring their head off#i did not mean to write a thesis on this but here we are#and yeah i could have not added that last gif and saved you all a punch to the gut#but it was getting way too mushy in here! :)#*runs off chuckling back into my pit*#ghostly'sgifs
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Watching ST1 and surprised by just how much Nancy lies. She lies even when she has no reason to, like when she's hanging out with Steve and his friends and wants to leave, she could have easily said something like "I need to do something" or "I'm tired" but she made up some excuse about her mom. When asking Barb's mom about Barb, she could have easily told her she was worried but she didn't. Girl just lies like it's second nature to her.
#she doesn't lie like robin. robin lies for survival#for robin lying and cheating are the weapons life has given her. she's not strong or brave but she's extremely cunning#a fast talker and even faster thinker who can get herself out of almost any situation with her wit and silver tongue#nancy lies like it's a sickness. like she can't help herself. she lies like she's never learned how to be truthful#it's like a vice or an addiction. she's bad at it too. it barely just gets her out of trouble sometimes because people are too uncomfortable#to demand answers from her. at best she can buy herself a few extra seconds of time.#for robin lying is a knife tightly gripped in her hand for nancy it is a boiling poison in her blood and she can't get it out of her#ronance#< target audience
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hey dont be sad, think about centaurs in armor ok?
#see i think theyd attatch little knives to their tails after tightly braiding them#so they can shred on the battle field right#and their armor would be very spikey on top to prevent people from hopping on#i added fantasy elements for fun#the insectoid looking tail cover is to protect what has bone#gonna draw more centaurs in armor tomorrow maybe. i like drawing knights its fun#this is totally not because ive been listening to the doom eternal ost and want to draw badass armor ok?#(lying)#i hid my signature in there just as a precaution#this is extremely loose bcause im on a bit on a time crunch before i gotta leave to go do something
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𝐌 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐌
GOD but she wants me dead!!
Ocean Vuong @ martyrian // Iain Thomas // @ alexanderpearce // Anna Crum, diary // Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa // Jamie T, Tinfoil Boy // Ted Hughes, Letters from Ted Hughes to Sylvia Plath // Fatima Aamer Bilal, My body is a slaughterhouse @ ivynightshade // Yves Olade, Slaughterhouse // Love Song for two vampires, Dante Émile @ orpheuslament // Jenny Holzer // The love of the wolf, Hélène Cixous
#happy sunday have this freak shit!! <3#. 《 dressed in only bronze and ink 》 . aesthetic#compendium for what i mean when i say nik has a masochistic streak#granted this isn't the whole (worst) of it but that's neither here nor there..#this man and his odd relationship to pain as a creature tightly linked to death and able to feel it in full#as well as a infamous self-tinkerer responsible for his utterly agonizing evolution#of course he takes that sublime experience to its hedonistic extreme (as he's apt to do most things)#/blood#/medical#/nsft#/usft
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played thru slay the princess again with the pristine cut update. many thoughts. extremely many thoughts.
#i had a very confused understanding of this game on first go through - extremely affecting but#very confused and messied by my interpretations and assumptions#after 10 hours of poking around i have a much more solid (if still nascent) understanding of what this#game is doing and#holy god and shit and also fuck this is such excellent art#i finished it tonight again and had ro just get up and stim around the room for a while to try and#evacuate the overwhelming excitement of seeing such a well constructed beautifully presented tightly written#complex creative profound varied cohesive unique curious compassionate fun GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD fucking game#i need go eat my computer#some of the stuff here made me have visceral and extremely interesting reactions i now need to sit with#this is the sort of game that lives in you for ever#thank you. thank you#this is the shit i am alive for#slay the princess#mine
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having so many benbaro thoughts as always
#how did it feel when they held eachother bare for the first time#theyre probably both extremely touch starved. how would it have felt to hold the other so tightly and feel them breathing#and their heart beating and their chest rising and falling#i have to write or draw something about this#euporie exclaims
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shaking lawrence gordon round like a bug in a jar
#txt#rewatching saw. again#oghh hes so. hes so.#tightly wound n controlled n losing that control is. mwah#n esp w the details we get from the script like oh man.#i dont like to armchair diagnose esp as a neurotypical but theres smth going on w that man.#isnt there a bit in the script abt his routine (PRINTED) saying shit like. 6am gym. 7am smoothie. etc#n apprentice lawrence adds another layer like oughhhh u lost everything (incl assuming ur marriage bc lack of wedding ring etc) so like#he got out of the bathroom for them but lost them anyway. so turned to apprenticehood (partially bc well. pried over to that thinking)#(during his. recovery)#n like. oughhh lawrence.#hes so. hes soooo.#the movie + the script u rlly do get a sense of how much he values his sense of control. even if its not. what he wants?#eg the cheating stuff ohhh my god#anyway. lawrence im tapping the screen i wanna study u like a bug#n the bit james wan said in the commentary about him n adam switching roles (calming vs stressed etc) throughout the movie oughh#<- extremely simplified but waghh
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one of my biggest pet peeves and my smallest hill to die on is when people act like parchment is just The Old Fashioned Paper, or worse, use those terms interchangeably. it’s especially egregious in the fantasy genre, of course.
and i can kind of see how they got there: a lot of surviving texts from medieval europe are on parchment and that influences the way people perceive things; because ofc western fantasy draws a LOT of things from medieval times, that just gets exported along with the ideas that thatched houses are constantly falling apart and gothic churches come pre-blackened with soot
there’s a lot of ground to cover with the history of the written word, but the thing about paper is that it really took off because the gutenberg press made it fast and cheap to make books and paper was CHEAP and much easier to produce. parchment is expensive and, quite frankly, a much more limited resource (and it also didn’t disappear after the printing press took off. i’ve seen books printed on vellum, but by that point it was for the novelty/explicitly because it was so expensive). but it does have significant longevity vs paper, so of course it was usually reserved for important cultural items. people wouldn’t be using parchment to make a flyer for the county fair or to advertise a job, and probably only used it for correspondence if they’re very rich. granted, before the printing boom galvanized literacy levels (because it made reading material cheaper and more accessible), generally only rich people were literate and would have a need for something to read and write on, but there have been pamphlets forever
paper existed before the 13th century and honestly, whether it was anachronistic in real life shouldn’t bother you in a made up setting and anyway PLEASE remember that paper and parchment are not the same thing
#i don’t even know what set me off this time lol i was just standing at the toaster and blacked out#i know i say a lot of things are my biggest pet peeve but GOD this might actually be it#extremely low stakes and irrationally high annoyance#spell scrolls printed on parchment. iffy. i understand they need to be transcribed with expensive paper but also#what is the average wizard’s cow body count#honestly if we’re gonna be REAL picky and wizards are supposed to use the high end fancy shit. their spell books should be on vellum#another thing to note abt this tho#parchment isn’t indestructible. it needs to be kept under very specific conditions or it will bloat#fun fact: this is why old books had clasps or chains on them. so they could keep it closed tightly and limit moisture getting in#but it doesn’t degrade like paper does#the category of ephemera is fascinating to me. the stuff that wasn’t meant to stick around like wrappers and ads and flyers#most of that stuff was on cheap paper and has long since disintegrated bc no one thought to preserve it bc why would they#yknow. the stuff we generally consider trash lol. but when it’s OLD trash i want to study it#mine
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billie joe armstrong: i want to hold you like a gun
me, was taught proper gun handling by my dad early in life: *tearing up* yeagh
#tightly with extreme care and precision with both hands but at arms length#hunched over clutching my chest trying to claw my heart out#oughghg#oh god oh fuck#youngblood green day#wtf dima
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i just finished playing in stars and time the other day, and because everything has to come back to amphibia, im thinking about the calamity trio and timeloops.....
#isat spoilers in the tags#gonna ramble a bit in the tags but before i do that#isat is a really cool game that you should totally check out if its ur type of thing#and i wanna talk about spoilers#so consider this a warning#anyways. i keep thinking about specifically marcy and siffrin#the way that they both held on so tightly to their closest and only friends#how they were both so scared of losing those friends and the extremes they went to in order to make sure they wouldnt#but then also how all three of the calamity trio were so codependent towards each other at some point#how they all held so much fear - in some shape or form - of losing the others. of being left behind#like im very biased towards marcy so he's always gonna be my first thought#but also theres that one sasha timeloop fic that left a permanent dent in my brain#and theres all the sasha and siffrin parallels... how they both were so desperate for control#for some sense of agency. for security.#....i feel so bad about not adding something about anne#but. i'll be real. marcy and sasha are the main ones that are. in my brain. with this.#but uh. yeah#the isat brainworms. the amphibia brainworms. theyre plaguing me.#(i hope this doesnt show up in the main tags-)#j rambles#k.txt
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#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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after earlier, i ache so deeply. my mind is in control, but my body is screaming at me to let it orgasm.
unluckily for my body, i prefer the feeling of needing to get off to the feeling of getting off—and unlike getting off, i can do this all month... maybe longer
#denial#i'm not kidding about the ache though. turns out the body gets pretty tightly wound up after an hour and a half of extremely close edging#that ache is like an old friend to me
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i have questions tho
#like with the irritability and aggression symptoms. does it count if i have those but i also have extremely tightly held self control#like yes i used to feel like this all the time throughout high school and that was the fucking worst but i've figured out coping mechanisms#i would not have survived this long if i had not been able to crawl my way out of my five anxiety attacks a week era#sophomore year! was! hard!#but now that i'm uncovering shit that happened when i was a kid and all the shit i have boxed away my entire life#when i wrote about ladybug having well developed compartmentalization that post was about me#i literally put things in boxes in my head. i separate myself from the emotional effect of things so that i can be as fair and#logical as i possibly can be. like yes i've had nightmares since i was a kid. yes i've had depressive symptoms since i was seven.#yes that's when one of my major traumas occurred. why have i never connected these dots#they literally sent me to GRIEF COUNSELING bc they thought my sudden behavioral change was a delayed reaction to my parents' divorce#vent cw#mental illness cw#i just need to talk this out#when i get to donna's office on 3pm thursday we will be so back#mer rambles
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If only the people in power would stop.
Collaborate and listen
#ice is back with a brand new invention#something grabs ahold of me tightly#flow like a harpoon daily and nightly#Will it ever stop?#yo I don’t know#turn off the lights and I’ll glow#to the extreme#and I’ll rock the mic like a vandal#light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle#dance#go rush the speaker that booms#I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom#deadly#when I play a dope melody#anything less than the best is a felony#love it or leave it you better gangway#you better hit bullseye#the kid don’t play#if there was a problem yo I’ll solve it#check out the hook while my DJ revolved it#ice ice baby#thoughts from the pond
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i just tried giving a rook one of the long straight hairstyles (the one with the side part, im not a zoomer) and i saw how violently the hair shakes when you move your character around and im.....honestly. im sorry i judged all you girlies (gender neutral) who used the long straight hairs actually. i understand it now. the headbang and the moshpit call to all of us. i get it now
#dragon age: the veilguard#veilguard#as much as i love it the character i tried it on is an extremely fastidious manbun (neat and tidy and well maintained) haver so#i went back almost immediately#my whole fucking kingdom if someone manages to put the bangs on myrnas hairstyle onto the neat and tightly wrapped straight hair bun.#or like. a bun on myrnas hairstyle instead of the ponytail i guess#thatd be literally the hair my wol had from arr to post-shb....#literally the hair in my icon and header!!!!!!
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