#except that it still hurts really bad

[476b]

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[silusvesuius]

testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags

[californiaquail]

talking to my old trainer at the barn i used to work at because i need references and she sent me this picture of my horse friend

and i feel this image in my chest in a bad way lol. girl his spine. 🥴

[torgawl]

everytime i think about the new chapter the more and more i like it, it really consolidated yuuta and gojo's characters. the revelation of how the higher-ups were taken down and the set-up for the scene with gojo and yuuta's conversation about what their plan was for gojo's body, in case he lost, might just be the part i find most interesting. all in all, the chapter really highlights the underlying difference between the violence of oppression and the violence of resistence and revolution.

when it comes to yuuta and the archetype of his character he is the pure embodiment of love in the series. if yuuji is able to reach sukuna because he was one with him (love as oneness), yuuta's entire exitence has sorrounded love and, specifically, love as a curse. sukuna's surprise at yuuta's antics come from a place of not understanding love and therefore being unable to conceptualise that yuuta would go so far as betray his own humanity for it. he can't conceive how love can drive a person like yuuta, who's sweet and kind-hearted, to a place as cursed as this - emphasised by the sheer horror and heinosity that is seeing the usage of gojo's dead body with yuuta's innocent expression. but we know that yuuta's journey has always been marked by this concept of love as a curse, starting all the way back in jjk 0 where yuuta's unwillingness to let go of a deceased rika caused her to linger in the world in the form of a cursed spirit. one that yuuta learns to let go of by the end of the story. a lot of what he learns in that moment is about consent and mutuality in love (hence his domain expansion name), and although rika's soul passes and gets freed she is able to manifest her will into her vessel that continues to protect yuuta until this day. yuuta asking gojo for consent to use his body not only consolidates this mutual exchange and respect that he has for those he cares for - which are his main driving force - but is also exactly what separates him from someone like kenjaku, who body hops with total disregard for who they were originally. so there's that layer of irony behind yuuta having rika consume kenjaku to copy his technique and make use of it in a equally disturbing but more compassionate way. which in itself can serve to both question if intent plays a role in absolution and introduce, once again, the idea that humans and curses are not so different, as explored between mahito and yuuji in shibuya with them mirroring each other.

in regards to gojo i think his aknowledgement of his own inertia when it came to the revolution that he was leading was the cherry on top to consolidate who gojo really was as a person. gojo's greatest character flaw was arguably that he simply wasn't radical enough, allowing his students to be targets under the influence of the higher-ups. he had reasons not to kill them, as he explained before in the series, but he still failed to weight the consequences of his own actions and how no one is rewarded by working under a broken system. and i feel like having the youth he guided watching as he killed them is also quite significant as they're followers of this new revolutionary ideology.

i think the shock or impact these violent or twisted acts by the hands of those forced to survive within the status quo (like maki slaughtering her clan, gojo killing the higher-ups, yuuta taking over gojo's body) as a reaction to the violence they're subjeted to by this same system serves some purpose. and i think this is the reason the higher-ups are these anonymous faceless figures, barely-there personalities who have such a big influence in the lives of so many people. even in the real world, and we can think of systems like capitalism and how it exploits people in such a casual way and it relies on that exploration to survive, we sort of take for granted that violence coming from those institutions, having our attention driven away from the minority that's upholding these systems to other things instead. that violence is more "acceptable" because we've been conditioned to it whereas the violence in response to those acts is always met with more scrutiny. and that kind of contextualises why shoko and nanami, for example, much like gojo, aren't really revolutionary with their ideals either - or rather, do not get that priviledge. the difference being gojo was someone these higher-ups were actively afraid of, because if he wanted to, he could have done more. and that's exactly why the instant he was sealed it was the perfect opportunity for them to do whatever they could to prevent him from coming back and place new-drawn targets on the backs of the people gojo was protecting. the gruesome nature of maki slaughtering her clan or the off-putting way people react to yuuta discarding his own humanity and going against what he believes is right to make sure gojo's legacy continues is almost forcing this question of what are people willing to stomach in the name of survival and change.

gojo remembering geto in that crucial moment ("i was falling behind" or "i have to catch up") and just having in mind how they were both so young and naive is so incredibly bittersweet. geto had radical ideals, no matter how misguided. he looked at the world and he had this unshakeable conviction that things couldn't continue to be the way they were. he reached incredibly misplaced conclusions, yes, which came from a place of great pain and alienation, but gojo finally stepping forward to follow that same path, to be more radical, also sort of confirms that things could have been so different if only gojo had the same level of consciousness back then; that they could have found a way better solution together instead of the tragedy that ensued. the parallels between them add an extra layer of wistfulness to their bond, too. their fates have and always will be so intertwined, in such a beautiful and tragic way. and i think geto's unwillingness to force gojo to take a certain path will always be one of the biggest proofs of his love towards him. at the end of the day, even knowing gojo was who he was, geto always seemed to want to protect gojo's path from being stained like his.

at the core, jjk really is a story about revolution and humanity; a story about love and curses and how love is the most twisted curse of all (which has been reinforced over and over again). the fact some are rewarded and some are punished for taking certain paths under the same system is there to convey a very specific message. i really love the incorporation of eastern philosophies within the story and the role horror plays, too. the usage of the genre to deepen the impact of these themes and the way things are introduced with the intention to provoke almost visceral reactions in the readers (much like yuuta's own reaction) also makes the message much more impactful. i think this chapter was great!!!

[chemicalarospec]

it makes me sad how many aspec posts (and videos and other individual-generated content) are just being upset about this depiction or that one. we NEED more (semi-mainstream) aspec rep so bad, so that nobody has to feel hurt when 1 kind of aspec that they are not is represented and the only 1 they see :(

[starbiology]

what about if in the plot the other villains are being pushed to their limits/controlled by the void/drakara whoever it is and the good guys need to stop it by helping the old school villains

[autumnrory]

i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve

but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie

[nyxypoo]

thinking about when the time when me when he when uhm when HANDS FACKKKKK

[starry-bi-sky]

back on my bullshit

and by bullshit i mean "rewatch MCD for the millionth time in a row and resist the urge to make an MCD OC"

i have yet to succeed in my bullshit.

[euclydya]

ok we're back. what the fuck

[sinnershavesoulstoo]

I look at you and it hurts My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day hoping for more time to be with you To be in your presence, to feel the warmth of your body when we're close, to gently brush up against one another unexpectedly.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day imagining a future with you To be held, and loved, and cherished, to know what safety truly is when we're alone, to be intertwined - not just with our bodies, but our souls.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day replaying conversations with you To be told you'd be lost without me, to hear such soft and sincere praise when we're laughing, to wish you'd say more, mean more.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day breaking my own heart, because I'm in love with you. To be alone, and hopeless, and scared, to realize this is all one sided after all, to lose the last bit of hope I held onto and to finally fall apart.

[smilesrobotlover]

Put in the Dexcom by myself this time. It went a lot better than the Libre that’s for sure… and the Dexcom 4

Ok story time. I used to use the old school G4 Dexcom which I HATED. It was uncomfortable, it was loud, and I used this big mp3 player looking thing that vibrated so loud. It hurt my arm whenever I swam and I hated it. I honestly stopped putting it in (well I would always have my mom do it cuz the way you put it in was very intimidating. You pushed down on a giant plunger and the Dexcom would go in). And I moved on to the Libre. The Libre is much smaller and you use your phone to scan it. It doesn’t warn you about your blood sugar, so no alarms, it lasted two weeks, and it gave me serious rashes, but gosh it was soooo much better than the Dexcom. The alarms were unbearable with the Dexcom and it was nice to have a break. But I always had my mom put it in cuz when I did try to put it in myself it was midnight and I was crying 😭😭😭 luckily diabetes camp gave me the courage to do it myself and I never had issues with putting it in since (I believe all type 1 diabetics should go to camp, or even volunteer if you’re too old. It’s truly incredible). I did try out the Libre 2 and 3, and those did have alarms, but you still had to scan it to see your blood sugar which, at that point you might as well not use the Libre cuz it now has alarms and you can’t just see where you’re at. But still, the Libre never gave me issues with movement. Now it did fall off a lot, but a major improvement from the G4 Dexcom.

Now I’m new to the g6 Dexcom but it’s ten billion times better than the G4. Where it was on my arm for some reason hurt for a week tho idk why, but I didn’t work out cuz of it. But I was def scared to put it in myself just cuz it’s new. But luckily putting in the new dexcoms are MUCH better than the G4. Just look at these pictures:

Look at the thing that you use to put it in. It was big. You stuck it on and pushed down on a giant plunger. It was clunky are very scary for little ol me. And then here’s the g6

I use my phone so I don’t have the receiver, but the thing is still a little big, but you just push a button to get it in. Nice and easy and less scary. Plus having a phone instead of the receiver is so much nicer. Plus it’s even an improvement from the libres. You stick the thing on you and THEN you push the button in to insert the needle. Plus the button is super easy. Easier than the Libre I’d say. Tho there will probably be moments when it will jam. I can tell. And just for fun here are the libres:

The Libre 1 and 2 looked the same, but the Libre 2 had alarms while 1 didn’t. It’s hard to see the size but you can look it all up on google if you want to see it compared to a person, but the applicator was much nicer than the g4. You just put in on you and push down. It was more like a giant button than a giant needle. The libres however don’t stick onto you before the needles go in like the dexcoms do. So you can’t stick it on and then push down, you have to have it in the right position before you push down. And here’s the Libre 3 size difference.

Ignore the text and the markings but the Libre three is TINY. Which is nice since it means less rash areas. Very comfy too. For reason I always had the sensors and pumps that gave me rashes lol. But yeah. Idk why I went on a super long tangent about cgms lol. Hope it was educational at least?

[emometalhead]

.

[crows-bite]

Maverick is such a wild character because I think about them so much and want to talk about them but like. Idk writing them is really all about digging into these incredibly selfish, irrational and unreasonable feelings, and sometimes I get like embarrassed talking about them because if I say what they’re feeling out loud you’ll all be like “damn those feelings are incredibly selfish, irrational and unreasonable” and I’ll just be like “yeah man they really are” 😭

But at the same time it HURTSSS because I really sympathize with them at the same time. Just. Really terrible situations all round that produced a very self reliant person in the worst possible way. Idk. They suck but I love them and feel for them at the same time.

[steakout-05]

ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.

i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol

that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.

tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)

[todayisafridaynight]

would you guys still like me if i rambled about my cringe crackship