#everything was already due but im
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I really like kafhoshi ... it good.... Ther s so much potential and so much material to work with AND YET THERES LIKE NOTHING!!!!! *Rolls up my sleeves* gotta do everything myself in this damn house...
#kafhoshi#kafka x hoshina#kafka/hoshina#jk jk i will not be doing everything. bc i cannot write. and i dont mean im not great at it i like have a legit mental block#ill draw tho!!!!!!!!! i will draw!!!!!!!!#i just think about... how theyre conpeting for the same spot (tho hoshina already has that spot hes fighting to keep it)#and how hoshina was the one to vouch for kafka to be passed as a cadet (partially due to suspicion of him but still)#and also indirectly says that part of why he did that/keeps him around is because he's a stubborn guy who never gives up and that reminds -#him of himself (bc hes been told to give up his whole life too and he still hasnt. theyre both stubborn bastards)#and that hes been ''taken in by his charm'' (along with everyone else cus everyone cant help but love him)#and also they canonically train together sometimes. alone. together. come on man thats such an easy target to make it gay#just have someone pin the other person to a surface while sparring and have there be Tension and Energy there. easy.#just come onnnnnnn if you dont have ideas ASK ME#ASK ME FOR IDEAS. ESPECIALLY FOR WRITING CUS I CANT DO THAT MYSELF I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD THO
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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the way the doctor lets his true feelings about martha show on his face when his face is not visible to her is so...
#he loves her! it doesn't have to be romance!#the joy the contentment the grief oh my#doctor who#tenmartha#they could have worked if they had more time and everything didn't go haywire due to the doctor already sowing the seeds of the general lec#they could have had it all#rolling im the deeeeeep#it's also not lost on my that ten regresses to more negatove traits towards martha when old faces reappear#jack and the master#he needs work but it was too much to ask martha to stay#things really could have turned around after 1913 mainly because i think his convo with joan gave him a reality check#i have so many feelings about my fave underrated duo#they would have been unstoppable#martha jones#tenth doctor#10th doctor#david tennant#russell t davies#martha x doctor#ten x martha#martha#ten#10 x martha#lovely lonely man#not just when she cant see his face but when they are physically so close also.
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here's that essay i accidently hyped up (sorry) on how fionna & cake did a poor job of concluding betty & simons characters + story in the final 2 episodes. sorry it is so insanely long. i don't know what my deal is. sometimes a show just does such a bad job of handling your favorite characters that you have to write 19k+ words complaining about it, i guess. im linking it as a pdf bc i DO NOT want to have 2 copy & paste this all over to tumblr & i kinda don't think tumblr would be happy with me making a post that long.
#if it sucks uhm. be nice to me pls 👉👈#ik im very snarky & kinda harsh in this but like. i rlly dont usually share my thoughts on media like this much#im ok w hearing rebuttals btw. but also its not likley youll change my mind#im really happy other ppl enjoyed this ending (& also kinda jealous)#but i very definitely. dont like it#not just from a personal standpoint but in that#i just genuinely think the portrayal of simon & betty was done really poorly#things r bolded + theres random section titles that interupt the flow#bc even tho i wrote this much i do genuinely have reading comprehension issues#as in the actual definition of poor reading comprension. due to disability#not the tumblr thing where its for some reason used to mean ' bad at understanding media ' sometimes#oh yea also the font is big bc of this too#im nervou s abt this but too late now ig#fionna and cake spoilers#im not putting it in the tags its 4 the ppl who already know abt it#its emberassing that i wrote all this but i think its worse if i dont share it bc then i just. have it#mmmm..worst part is i dont even cover everything. i have MORE complaints#text
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Actually speaking of my one shot do I be a little devious bc one of you has a really tasty hook in ur backstory that would fit so nicely.....
#sorry to vague and live post but this is what happens when i get chatty and im plotting ttrpg#the void gets these thoughts bc i dont feel like texting my sweet malina#so#here we are#im already being a little devious with another equally tasty hook#everyone who's gotten me somethin g has once again DONE IT#by it i mean be sexy and creative and slay#and those who will be there in all due time i love you#i cant wait to play mainly bc i know in my heart i'll gm once again by the seat of my pants#even if i have everything mapped and planned out
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shit man im going to england!!! im going to london in a few weeks!!!!!! fuck yeah!!!!!
#goddamn im so relieved#im going with my grad program and i forgot to fill out a crucial form bc i thought it was due at a later date#and i was so worried bc i already paid for everything#but i can still go!!! god im so relieved#now i just have to actually fill out the form damn#which isnt an issue but i need a medical exam#so im going to a minute clinic lmfao#but anyways i literally was so upset. so relieved now.
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my COMMITTEE MEETING is tomorrow and i fly out to my grandfather's funeral LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD and my girlfriend is in GERMANY right now so i have to make sure the whole apartment is fully cleaned & ready to potentially have all the power shut off during a heatwave for a couple of days just in case that happens & also make sure my work samples don't die and all the antibodies i ordered still get in the freezer etc while i'm gone
and because i only learned i was dealing with this yesterday morning when he, you know, died, i absolutely did not budget time for both meeting prep and other work tasks and life stuff AND a deep clean of the fridge & kitchen or whatever it is i should do, and of course i also guessed completely wrong about what my PI would want me to be doing for this talk so i still have a bunch of stupid fiddly little figure adjustments to make each of which takes me an hour due to my like, bad intrinsic nature, and also i am having trouble focusing because my GRANDFATHER IS DEAD, AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, so i am going to be working on slides for like 28 cumulative hours and yet will have practiced this presentation zero times before giving it. so i hope they don't, you know, form any opinions about me based on it or anything
#i know most people don't even HAVE grandparents anymore and i'm only even having this problem because they;ve all lived to be 94 or 102#or whatever#i feel somehow embarrassed about this like i'm developmentally delayed for having had 3 living grandparents at the#start of grad school. like somehow i was supposed to get this out of the way already#or alternately like i shouldn't care about it this much#idk. my parents are now both going to be completely insane due to parental death and if i don't at least kind of help them#it will be worse. so i have to go home and help with stuff#everything is so stressful and horrible and i miss 🌸 so much even though they only left yesterday#and thinking about any of it for even ten seconds makes me lose it#so im not even capable of expressing emotions i just sound horrible and insane#box opener#anyway. i'm feeling anxious and stressed! about various inputs!
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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hello hi interrupting our regular programming to say FUCK YOU THESIS SEASON FUCK YOU
#this is a cry for help#so basically tomorrow is thesis topic consultation day and like im referring to like the final final thesis and everything#and like my braincells are tired#i mean i do have 12 topics listed already but those are just like shit thrown against the wall#i have yet to refine them and all that#my top favorites at the moment are#CONDITIONING OF FILIPINOS TOWARDS SUPPORTING BUREAUCRAT CAPITALISM IN PH ELECTIONS DUE TO POLITICAL COMMUNICATION MONOPOLIZATION#apologies for the all caps i dont wanna type that again i just copy pasted#Are Love Team Movies Empowering for Women – Religious and Heteronormative Conservatism in PH Media (referring to the love team culture here#and the correlation of the trend of celebrities-turned-politician and populism in the ph#but none are as refined as they have to be yet so um#yea welcome to college#ANYWAYS THE BLOG IS OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS FOR TOPICS I CAN EXPLORE WOO CAN BE JOURNALISM CAN BE POLITICS CAN BE MEDIA IN GENERAL#im desperate JGFKDKF#personal shit
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ceo au but its just mc surviving working as lucifer's assistant and asmo keeps flirting with them everytime he visits
#thats the whole thing :] the end#okay i lied its not the whole thing#ive been daydreaming about it and its a slowburn in my head#mc becomes workaholic due to working for lucifer#its not easy working for him im sure#everything needs to be perfect and done on time and they have to present themselves a specific way and blah blah#so i get to work with the dynamic of the person who is very work focused and the person who is about chasing thrills#each of the brothers has their own successful endeavor going on but they do a lot of work together so mc sees them often#i dont know how businesses work exactly lol#but ive always love making AUs#obey me just likes making AUs too so its like should i just focus on canon??#obey me#obey me asmodeus#asmodeus x reader#asmodeus x mc#of course actual feelings are caught#tbh theres no a lot of drama in this au#they just get together in the end and everyones happy#maybe mc quits their job because theyre burned out and they rather go work for less pay at this point#and lucifer is like dammit theyre really good at what they do and are already used to everything and everyone#so it would be a pain replacing them#and he wants them to come back#he also likes them as a person but probably wont say that
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this is the closest i have ever come to failing all my classes 😃
#desperately need to turn it around this is what im rocking with rn#class 1. finished everything for it but then skipped a class so i need to write a one page make up summary or else i go down by half a grad#class 2. have to present on my final project tomorrow (i haven't started it but can't really change my topic bc i already talked w the prof#project is due monday#class 3. final project is a week late (didn't email bc i kept thinking id just get it done and then didn't) + second part is a day late#class 4. never turned in a final project proposal and have to present on it next monday (haven't started)
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I'm still grieving the dreams I lost due to my disability and I just added another one
#ones id already lost: wanting to hold any job at all. wanting to be a doctor. wanting to be a gymnast. wanting to play bass#wanting to be a therapist (maybe still possible? this is due to my inability to hold any job but im still hopeful i may be able to do this)#i wanted to go to school... i can still learn things of course but its harder and there's no community#i wanted to learn everything. everything about plants and animals and quantum mechanics and languages#everything about history and culture and sciences. but i can't. i mean that was never a realistic goal of course#but I cant get as close to it now as i wouldve if i was healthy#the one i recently added is discovering my fingers have deteriorated so much that playing keyboard is nearly impossible#thats been a lifelong dream of mine... even drawing hurts unless i draw with my finger. i cant hold a pencil without pain#like im figuring things out. working through accommodations and making new goals#but that grief is still there and the wound is still fresh and sometimes it just feels like its growing and it will never stop#i need too much that i cant have. I have so few options#i really dont know what kind of future there is for me if my pain and disability is already this bad in my 20s
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well this is what ive been doing for the past 2 weeks
#sorry for using chrome. drive sucks on firefox. i use firefox for everything else. literally it's open right next to this for other shit#so what im doing is making a list of every creature you ever encounter in dai (that part is complete. it took a week)#and making note of its important stats and now its chance of each elemental immunity with the walk softly trial on#because i am genuinely planning that solo nightmare all trials run and the most important thing is making sure i can actually hit everythin#you will notice that NOTHING is EVER immune to spirit damage. that is due to a bug that i personally discovered in the trial implementation#the only creatures that can gain immunity to spirit through the trial are cretahl and hurlock alphas (only the ones in the descent)#and the only creatures naturally immune to spirit are in dlc (mostly trespasser but some in the other dlc too)#so basically what this means is that you NEED spirit runes lmao. or i guess runes to damage specific types of enemy#the least likely immunity of the three core elements is electric which is good because chain lightning is VERY powerful for solo runs#you've just gotta be mindful of hitting yourself because friendly fire WILL be on for this run fml#oh so those percentages arent technically correct. they're inflated for most creatures#for normal-ranked creatures (rank 0) there's a 20% chance they'll be promoted to elite (rank 1) and then all elites--#(whether promoted to elite or already elite) have that chance of immunity. so you can divide them by 5 for normal-ranked creatures#except for the 100% ones. those are from preexisting immunities#yes im putting way too much thought into all of this. i went into the all trials and the solo nightmare runs without doing too much work#it's just that on nightmare you get FULL immunities and with no companions you've gotta make sure you can deal with that#because you might end up in a situation where you just cant damage something AT ALL#(a good reason to diversify your abilities. also you CAN damage them it's just capped at 1 damage per hit)#and no abilities that decrease resistances help because an immunity is +1000% resistance and nothing comes close to getting that under 100#im having fun at least. i wouldnt keep doing this if it was too boring#some of it has been tedious (especially going through some of the areas with dozens of the same enemy) but ultimately feels worth it#the spreadsheet has 5678 lines ftr. fortunately around 2.5k are npcs so i dont have to do anything more with them#anyway. i usually post about what da-related thing im up to every now and then and it's been ages so i thought id give an update lmao#personal#da#dai#undescribed#there are also a lot of interesting things like. you'll see that poison spiders CANT be immune to nature damage#and that's because it wont apply an immunity if the creature is already immune to that element OR its associated effect#so poison spiders arent immune to nature damage but they ARE immune to poison so they wont gain nature immunity from the trial
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maybe now that i have adhd meds i can attempt Language again
#i mean ok i had them before but different ones & they didnt work. but i think what im on now is what i was on in hs & those Did work#(& then i stopped bc i was like well i am not in school anymore i dont need these. & then. i moved out. and oops i do need them actually)#(unfortunately due to the adhd & also my medical records having gone fucking missing somehow(???) it um. took a while)#but ough i must learn words......... i just need to Actually set aside time for it . and like keep a fucking notebook im not making the#mistake i made with french where i start out like oh this is easy :) & then it gets harder but i havent been taking any notes & now idk How#& so i just give up. we are not doing that this time we are taking notes From The Start and figuring out what works .#but...... probably not this month. this month is Busy. maybe august..........#thats actually a little bit of a lie bc i Have already started theres a podcast w some basics that i have on my work mp3 player#buuuut its been a minute & also Because i only listen to it at work im not really able to pick up on everything. so im basically still#kind of starting from scratch lmao.#honestly my biggest complaint w the podcast is that like. while it does have a sheet w the translations it doesnt have Pronunciation & bc i#have auditory processing issues i cant actually figure out How they are saying certain words just by hearing them.... bc i dont know that i#actually hearing them Correctly. fucking cannot identify sounds disorder killing me over here#doesnt help that its a language where pronunciation is Quite Different than english lmao......#i did find a pronunciation cheat sheet online somewhere & i . bookmarked it? downloaded it? sent myself a link on discord? fuck idr#but i also dont know if theres significant differences in dialect between the two. idk what dialect the cheat sheet was even made.. for? in#whatever ykwim its 6:30am i need to sleep
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*chants in increasing volume* ghost AU ghost AU GHOST AU GHOST AU
#dolphin noises#wips#I love me a good ghost AU 😭💜🎉😁#Timeline-wise I'm thinking maybe Cedric succeeding in his coup and Asbel arriving at the catacombs too late#Asbel passing right by ghost!Richard like a reversal of that iconic richass shot in the opening~#initially only Sophie can see his spirit due to her own enhanced capabilities#and Asbel can see him when they're all 3 holding hands a la Friendship Pact 💙💜💛#but ghost AUs are pretty much inherently tragic since someone's already dead#and if you play this one right you don't even need Lambda. One malevolent spirit is plenty 🙃#Asbel feels guilty for being unable to protect Richard in time but gets a chance to redeem himself this way#by helping Richard with his unfinished business that keeps him from moving on#Initially it's to ensure that his kingdom is not left in Cedric's hands (and maybe get a little revenge)#but Richard's own resentment twists him into wanting to take back EVERYTHING he's lost including things he simply can't get back#Richard's nature turns vampiric as he needs more and more eleth to sustain his continued half existence eventually targeting the valkines#And Asbel who had been so ready to give anything to help Richard realizes his beloved friend is crossing a line. people are getting hurt.#Thus the theme of the story shifts from 'protecting the will to live' to 'learning when to let go'#Poor Asbel having to learn this lesson first. That the best thing he can do for Richard is stop indulging his tainted wishes#and instead grieve together w him over what could have been then move on. It wasnt fair it wasnt kind but neither is what Richard's doing#it's basically the canon story except instead of saving richard and bringing him back it's saving richard and letting him go#it's angsty and bittersweet AF which is how you can tell it's PEAK dolphin AU 😅 themes of grief and loss and loneliness#helping someone who's lost themselves to obsessive love#'cause that's where Richard's anger comes from. the loss hurts so much because he cared so much. he wanted to fix the world then LIVE in it#dammit this is a half-baked idea and im already weeping 😭
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do you ever try & find something to watch/listen to while working but just sit there getting annoyed after a few minutes at EVERYTHING you attempt to turn on ??? thats been me for the past
two hours .
#( sighs im TRYINGGGGGG im trying my brain needs SCRATCHED I NEED STIMULATION !!!!! )#( i listen to the HH soudtrack twice today . everything else minus a couple videos i watched about hereditary has just left me groaning#& immediately going to try & find something else & spotify is buffering evry two god damn SECONDS on me when i listen#so THATS not happening . ik its probably also due to me not having smoked but ONCE TODAY bc of my parents that i cant relax & just vibe . )#( they say we won't be able to smoke at ALL this week except for my dad & i just knownit already that this week is gonna be HELL for me )#( save me pls someone I JUST WANNA WORK IN PEACE & RELAX IS THAT TOO MUCH. )#˚₊·—̳͟͞♡ i. 𐙚 ooc. ᝰ .ᐟ . . . abi speaks ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ .#˚₊·—̳͟͞♡ i. 𐙚 ooc. ᝰ .ᐟ . . . mobile post ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ .#delete later.
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