#everything is too much.
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No cuz like. Why.
#i'm holding my tears back as i'm typing this#i just#everything is too much.#i'm suffocating#venting#personal
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iām gonna cry itās raining right now and i just passed by a family where both parents were without an umbrella but their kid who couldnāt have been older than like 3-4 was proudly holding this GIANT umbrella whose diameter was as tall (if not taller) as the kid. both the parents were getting absolutely drenched but u could tell the kid was just so happy to have an āadultā task and carry the umbrella themselves and i think that sacrifice is what love is all about
#icarus speaks#they were so cute š#i cannot emphasize how large the umbrella was compared to them#and the parents looked as happy as u could be while being rained on too#like it was clear they didnāt mind that much bc the kid was so happy#i love kids so much theyāre so everything#containment breach
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Hmh.
#im ngl.#im so tired.#im so tired of everything.#im tired of work#im tired of being at home.#im tired of losing interest in my hobbies.#im tired of feeling so unmotivated to do anything to the point its affecting me being unable to eat.#im tired of hearing my stepdad yelling at my sisters and almost getting physical.#im tired of my stepdad dehumanizing me.#im tired of living.#everything is too much.#everything hurts so much every single fucking day and even when i try to distract myself with anything#it feels pointless.#is there seriously a point in living when all im doing is laying in bed all day listening to screaming? listening to constant arguments?#having every single little thing i do criticized?#down to what i fucking wear.#i try to act cheery at work and people get annoyed at me. I go all quiet instead to stop annoying everyone#and suddenly im having attitude with people#and then. I cant. Even talk to my friends anymore bc no one ever fucking stays#i have a few people who are constant in my life but theyre all younger than me and its so hard to Talk#without feeling like im baring my soul#im fucked. Im so fucked up. If i talk to anyone i feel like im tearing my own skin open#im only ok saying this shit here bc ik no one actually gives a shit abt my posts unless im talking abt certain ships#i dont know what to do anymore.#i want it all to end. I dont want to live like this. Im so numb all the time and i cant do shit#and its fucking stupid bc other people have it way worse than me.#i want to end it all. everyone irl and online would be better off without me.#i want to fucking dig a blade into my skin until i bleed out. I want to throw myself into the fucking lake near my place of living#i cant do this shit anymore i fucking csnt im not fucking strong enough#i cant fuvi h do it anymorw
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#Iāve used too many knives recently. no spoons in the drawer for weeks.#everything is too much.#I was already feeling suicidal before I saw the current election results but nowā¦#thereās so much and itās all too heavy#suicide tw
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fŠ°ndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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since Eng is getting 7.5 soon(?), I felt motivated to go back to my Meleanor rig and make her a couple of lesson animations! ...except for alchemy, because the cauldron bubbles proved too hard to photoshop around, whoops.
maybe she just got lost on her way to the classroom...?
(credit: backgrounds are from the game, I just put her on top of 'em)
(aside from the backgrounds, this is not an edit, I drew her from scratch! please do not tag or treat as an edit!)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#gif warning#gifs that will inexplicably never get a perfect no matter how many cupcakes you use warning#let's just say she hasn't been added to the alchemy schedule yet#AS PER USUAL#(sam sneaks in at night and messes with the schedule so we have to buy candy from him instead)#(i promise i will stop spamposting eventually) (they gotta stop giving me characters to obsess over first)#anyway in my continuing efforts to manifest a meleanor card into existence#it's time to remember i made this a million years ago#just blow off some of the dust and cobwebs that have accumulated here...#'i'm only gonna add a couple of things i won't do too much'#(spends ten minutes trying to decide what color goggles she should have)#(flipping back and forth between green and purple) it's no use she looks good in everything#spineposting#(not me stealth editing because i didn't realize the wrong arm attachment had somehow popped in whoops)
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Dandadan sketch dump of the codependent duo ever. Quiet boy who loves yapping and loud girl who loves listening, my beloved.
idiots idiots
#I just love how much they genuinely cherish each other#how okarun goes ride or die day one because she was his first friend above everything#how he NEVER once objectifies her and affirms over and over how much he respects her as a person#totally based#momo ayase the badass you are#takes no shit strong sense of justice tactically clever super compassionate?!#also self reflects and grows as a person?! Funny as hell?! Confident?!#Iām her ride or die too man youāre not special#dandadan#dandadan fanart#momo ayase#okarun#ken takakura#dandadan anime#dandadan manga#mokarun#momokarun#momo and okarun#dandadan art
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"Oswald's mom has got it going on" - FNAF Pit bonnie
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf oswald#pit bonnie#into the pit#fazbear frights#william afton#I promise you this is. real scene in ITP#this totally happens#TBH I am actually curious what Oswaldās mom thoughts were during the game#LIKE I wonder if she noticed her husband was acting strange#I kinda got the impression she works too much#so she actually never hung around the pit Bonnie all that much#OSWALD GOTTA save both his dad AND MOM from this dude#Oswald is gonna get this guy#GIVING his mom demonic coodies rn#Oz my beloved i support you in everything you do šš¾#especially choking out the pit Bonnie-#ALSO Iām gonna draw so much ITP I hope you guys are ready#Iām just so hooked on this game#into the peak ššš
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDNāT impact her life as much if they werenāt both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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He's a bit too excited to see you clock in
#my art#moondrop#fnaf moondrop#fnaf moon#moondrop fnaf#moon fnaf#just for reference - I'm not back</3 just posting whatever piled up#i won't be active socially/with reblogs. sorry!#I'd love to but I'm running really low on energy and responding to anything drains me as i put too much thought in it and get anxious :(#but i see and read everything!! and your engagement does really encourage me a lot. thank you!#also#i wonder if anyone recognises the pose lol
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I enjoyed every second of this quest
[This art has platonic intention. Thank you for not tag ship!]
#my art#genshin impact#genshinimpact#tighnari#genshin impact tighnari#daily tighnari#cyno#genshin impact cyno#please do not tag as ship thank you#i have too much words but nothing came out from my mouth#i. i love it so much šššššš#i am way too lazy to write everythin abt it#but gOSH WHEN SOME OF MY BRAINROT/HC BECOMES CANON#NO SPOILER BUT ?!?!?! EVERYTHING ABT THIS QUEST MAKES ME SO HAPPY#sethos ?!?!!! i love him. i need more cyno sethos interaction#i am so sleepy from work oh gosh but i already had idea for sethos comic/fanarr#SETHOS I HOPE HE ENJOYS CYNO'S PUNS#oh i swear if he laughs at cyno's jokes it IS SO OVER FOR ME#and WE GOT THE WHOLE CYNO FRIENDS I-#tighnari. can i talk abt tighnari.#no i wont i am lazy.#good night to them
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Iāve already said it, Iāll say it again, Mal du Pays is such a visceral and clever word to describe Siffrinās Sadness. When I first saw it in game it genuinely made me pause like. Yes, it translates to homesickness. But it has the literal word for country in it. āCountry sicknessā. For a guy whose core problem is that his childhood, his culture, his country is missing. One could argue itās a twisted pun. Iām obsessed with it.
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat mal du pays#isat fanart#my art#in stars and time spoilers#isat headcanon#not done yapping: like you meet mdp at a point where the Big Problem is the loops and siffrin's fear of being abandonned by the party#and then Mal du Pays shows up and it hits you#thats the core of every fucking issue Siffrin has#his country and how it fucked everything for him#his bad memory making him forget too much and making him feel like a horrible friend and making him think that surely#hell also be forgotten#because hes a bad friend and a mess and is missing half of his fucking life#he holds onto the party with everything he has but also feels an infinite amount of shame about it because Hes A Bad Friend#hea so scared to forget whats important to him just like he forgot his past#just#ough
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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au idea... tng but it's set in the 80s and the enterprise is an apartment building rather than a ship
other tenants of the building include: -Picard (the head of the college that Data attends) and Q (no one really knows what he does, he just pops in and out whenever he pleases) -Troi (high school guidance counselor) and Riker (personal trainer) and Worf used to live here too but he moved out -Beverly (still a doctor) and Wesley (burnt out college freshman) -Barclay (works at Blockbusters w/ Data and Geordi) -Guinan (bartender of a secretly gay bar)
the ds9 apartment is a whole other story
#not super happy with these drawings but i put too much effort/time to not share them anyways#its the idea that counts. not really the art#fellas is it gay to spend every waking moment of your life with your best friend? working with+ living with+ co-parenting his child?#geordi is fully under the illusion that data is aware that he's trans. but data is VERY sheltered. he wouldn't know the difference#dude talks about periods once and data's like āis it normal to do that? how come i do not? is something wrong with me?ā#data got taught everything he needed to know about sex (dr soong was weird) but regular information like that? nope. definitely not.#data soong#geordi la forge#lal soong#star trek#star trek the next generation#alternate universe#tng#star trek fanart#fanart#art
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Carry me home
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#haurchefant greystone#haurchefant x wol#haurchewol#ffxiv wol#ffxiv spoilers#heavensward spoilers#final fantasy xiv spoilers#tinydraws#let me know if iām missing any spoiler tags#tagging seems like it would be an easy and straightforward thing but also. iām stupid.#anyway i choose to believe that Rowan carried him back to the manor#even if someone tells me otherwise i will not believe them#also i choose to believe that these two had it bad for each other#neither of them said anything but everyone could tell lol#haurche specifically was very Not Subtle in his displays of affection#and Rowan for the most part picked up on it#not everything cuz she's still in the midst of working on accepting any amount of companionship. but like. most.#and went āhonestly.... if i told him i liked him it would probably go well. We just have so much stuff to deal with; nowās not a good time'#and then the time came and went :ā)#and Rowan went āDidā¦.. did he know? Did he Know how much I loved him? did he KNOW???????ā#and then she grieved behind closed doors away from everyone#and also tried to replace said grief by focusing a lil too hard on her duties#idk iām still working out WOL lore but this is what i got so far lol#or at least in regards to haurche
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after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"
it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.
#harvey voice: you know why im not killing you jokes? cause you can only die once and i want to hurt you so much more than i want to kill you#jason was harveys baby too after all#spent my entire boring work meeting thinking about how robin!jason bruharvey would end in the joker dying no matter what bc of two face#this is all bruciemilfs fault btw. theyve been making me insane about bruharvey#bruce wayne#harvey dent#two face#also bruce doesnt tell harvey to kill or not kill the joker bc he cant request someones death#but he also cant make himself ask for his sons murderer to be spared#i dont think any version of bruce would be comfortable with openly planning someones death let alone actually doing it#but after jasons death he gets so cold and numb to everything that he just turns away from it#he knows hes being too violent.knows hes hurting people too much but the only time hes not remembering how small jasons body was in his arms#is when his blood is roaring in his ears during a fight. maybe if he becomes the worst monster in gothams shadows#no more little boys will go cold and silent. no more fathers will stand in the doorway of rooms that will never be full again
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