#everything about it works fine
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If anyone knows how to fix please let me know bc I am SO SICK OF THIS
#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it looks fine#there’s like one little piece missing but I can fix that idrc#there’s literally#nothing I can think of that I haven’t tried#everything about it works fine#EXCEPT ITS CONNECTED TO THE EYE AND BROW BONES#and I cannot for the life of me manage to disconnect them#idek how they got connected in the first place#I have never seen a hair mesh react to a sim BLINKING#I’m losing my mind#I cannot take this anymore#please take this mesh off my hands before I go insane#twink speaks#twink tries blender#not cc
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the responses i’ve seen to shiv’s ending seem very quick to write her off as just another sad victim of the cycle, which isn’t without truth BUT!!! that is not even remotely the summation of shiv’s story.
i don’t think she votes yes to “save kendall” or to try to finally set her brothers free. and i don’t think her main concern was that ken was becoming their dad. she absolutely noticed and didn’t love it, but that was not her motivation in betraying him. she was thinking about herself.
it’s tempting to make a martyr out of her as she is the only female child and we see her suffer the onslaught of misogyny that comes with that. but to make her into a saintlike figure who got beat takes away the power and intelligence behind her decision.
at this point she’s stuck between two non ideal choices, but she recognizes that they have accidentally made her the single most important player in the game. because while she can’t have the outcome she’d prefer, she has the power to decide the fates of everyone else. the written off lone woman now holds in her hands the fate of every man in her life.
so she thinks about the long term benefits of both options and realizes that one side leaves her completely without any leverage.
her brothers have proven to her multiple times in the last few days alone that they will cut her out and walk all over her the first chance they get. siding with them leaves her nothing to bargain with. she would just have to hope that ken would actually take care of her. and that level of vulnerability is not only unacceptable to her, it’s stupid. and shiv fuckin roy is not stupid.
so she thinks about the other side and about what she actually wants for her life. and against her better judgment, it’s becomes unfortunately clear that she wants tom. the way she wants him is not altogether loving or even good but it is necessary to her. she sees relationships as having winners and losers and she chose this man specifically so that she could be confident in her ability to win. except now he’s grown some balls and made himself unavailable to her.
she may not like the way her husband is evolving but she already placed her bets on him, so she’s sure as hell not losing to him now. there’s also a part of her that feels intrigued by this new man she’s married to. it’s interesting to have a sparring partner in him instead of having to looking for excitement outside of their marriage.
so for maybe the first time ever, she processes what tom has said to her and thinks about what he actually wants.
he needs her to prove that she cares. he needs to know that she is capable of sacrifice. if she can’t find it within herself to do this for him, then she will lose him, and by extension, she will lose.
siding with tom gives her the opportunity to once and for all make a grand-stand gesture of love, but more importantly, it creates leverage for her. never again will he be able to hold the moral high ground over her head. never again can he say she doesn’t love him. never again can he call her selfish or uncaring. above all, he can never betray her again, because she just removed all of his moral justification for turning on her. he doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s just taken back all the power in their relationship. just in a more subtle way than she’s used to operating.
and just like that, she has the ceo of a multi billion dollar company in her pocket, while situating herself as the only descendant of logan roy to still be playing the game, having removed her brothers from the equation permanently. she may still be far from the top but she’s creating a path for herself to climb.
so yes, she’ll let tom play king for a day, and she’ll have his baby and say “congratulations,” and play the gracious wife, but tomorrow is a new day with lots of room to maneuver. and when her husband puts out his hand, she’ll place her own on top. but she won’t grasp it because she doesn’t need to.
#🐺#shivy’s gonna be just fine#okay this ended up being a very long post but#i feel like someone needed to point out her wins#also i’m fully aware that remaining in the toxic world of the family business is not a win rly but#i think her ending is being interpreted as powerlessness#which it is NOT#she chose her spot. she’s calling shots#she may not have won today but she sure as hell didn’t lose#let’s not work so hard to sanctify her that we remove everything about her that makes her such a brilliant character#succession#shiv roy#siobhan roy#scn#tv
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hey just wanted to say I hope you're doing ok, I haven't seen your gay dogs in a while and I miss them and you 💛 obv you don't have to post if you're not feeling it, but just know that someone in another country is thinking nice things at you
Aaa thank you! It genuinely warms my heart to hear that you still occasionally think of me even though I've been laying low for a while now.
I'm doing a little bit better now compared to last month, there's been some positive progress, but still struggling with a lot of fundamental daily things.
Thank you for checking up on me, I appreciate it. I hope you have a nice weekend ´v`
#it's extremely disappointing how far downhill my health has tumbled#just because of a couple of particularly unlucky and stressful months#I'm trying but everything feels bad and wrong#answered#qthewhatever#I was working on a piece just earlier today and saving diligently every few minutes and feeling really excited about it#but this time the random shutdown corrupted the file#and I lost about two and a half hours of progress#I'll restart the thing and get back to where I was it's fine but man it stung
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MAYA AND CARINA STATION 19: 7x10 'One Last Time'
#station 19#station19edit#station 19 spoilers#carina x maya#carina deluca#maya bishop#mine#i liked this scene and the kiss and everything#and we did get a glimpse of carina saying she was worried#but how does she not find out just how close maya was to dying??#and maya expressing how scared she was almost losing everything??#like that was such a missed opportunity IMO#and having them both at the same scene again only to not interact...like why?#its crazy to me how maya was just fine after what she went through but then andy collapsed and we didn't even see what happened to her prio#such a missed opportunity to not have carina work on maya and have her more injured later on but...story of this show's life i suppose#no sense in staying angry now when it's all over#this scene was very them and i'm glad about that
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forgot to specify on firearm possession when he posted that job ad
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#fabian seacaster#this is the space sweepers AU thing I posted that one sketch for lol#I think trying to preserve riz's canon deal with guns in any AU is a noble&worthy cause#and I worried it wouldnt work in this one specifically. I shouldnt bc it doesnt matter but I do anyway bc of who I am#but also I shouldnt bc it works out fine lol. I think the juxtaposition/gap moe comes through#for context theyre in the far future of the year 2092 about#and the majority of the crew are deeply involved with contemporary tech. half of them got body mods. one of them's a robot#riz is the navigator (fabian's the first captain and the one assembling the crew). he does everything on paper with a pencil#he has a school calculator from our current time. the crew's had to wrestle a comm link onto him#his translator link has been mutilated to stop all wireless transmission. he is also under 5 feet in height and looks Like That#I think its great that he honestly coheres very well despite all appearances. in every life possible it must be wild that he owns a gun#and also the idea of fabian slowly waking up to the realization that he's somewhat responsible for a buncha babies is awesome to me#good luck buddy. hold out for two more years and labour court will no longer be on ur ass
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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Bruce's Billionaire Cliche
You know what one of the clichés (real or from movies) about scandals of middle-aged or older millionaires is?
A spouse of the children's age…..
and you know who needs a story like that….
a Bruce Wayne of around 40 years old….
yep, think about it…
at that time Dick (the oldest son) must be between 25 and 30 years old…
but let's not write the classic story of love, action and saving the world of Bruce…
no, let's write about the reaction of the Batkids to discover the secret romance of their father with who they thought would be their new brother/sister…. yep, the chaos that would be if instead of an adoption certificate, they were shown a marriage certificate…
and of course let's not forget the reaction of the media about the new spouse….
#batman#bruce wayne#justice league#Someone wants to follow him#Any crossover is fine#Bruce lives a love story in the background without any of his children noticing#Bruce shows up with a surprise marriage#Bruce how could you?#he's my college/work/drinking partner#I won't accept a stepfather/stepmother#Alfred and Cas are the only ones who found out about everything before it goes into the news#Vicki Vale got Christmas early#Clark and Luisa will have an interview with the pair of lovebirds#dp x batman#dp x dc
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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hey, actually. justice for ugly people. justice for people who have never been kissed/fucked/whatever because nobody wanted them. justice for the people who were asked out as a joke or dare as kids. people are so mean to people they think are ugly and it’s fucking unfair. it’s not a sign of a lack of worth or morality or whatever. it sucks sometimes but being unattractive isn’t a failing. you didn’t do anything wrong. beauty is not the price you pay for existing in the world.
#obligatory ‘attractiveness is subjective’ and ‘there’s somebody for everybody that wants it’ and everything but. idk. thinking about this-#a lot lately. you can just be ugly. it’s fine. you don’t have to work to change that unless you want to.#txt
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staff logging on to tumblr dot com today
#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site#changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too#this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus#if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear#if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine#the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money#someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont#tumblr staff#EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but#that doesnt stop the post from being stupid#the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase#if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything'#staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did#so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post#edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post#they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us#i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded#and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money#tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol#ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years#but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 96
Part 1 Part 95
Mom makes him go home when he starts dosing on Steve’s hospital bed. But it’s okay because she kisses Steve’s cheek before she leaves, and Eddie and Wayne stay parked by his side.
The connection’s easier now. It’s like all that time straining for Steve has snapped something into place. He can feel them all the time, a warm buzzing in his chest. He wonders if he runs hot now. If the warmth will diffuse through his whole being, make coats obsolete even in the dead of winter.
Hopper is waiting for them in the waiting room, El burrowed into his side. She looks wan, and tired, drooping into her extravagant coat, eyeliner running down her cheeks like she’s been crying. Something inside him twists when he looks at her.
Before he can untangle that knot of emotion, Hopper stands up, both hands slapping against his knees first the same way Mike’s dad does before he gets up from his recliner. “You ready to go?” he asks, not looking away from Mom.
When Will glances up, Mom’s smiling up at Hopper in a way he doesn’t want to think about. The adults talk quietly in front, leaving El to stumble tiredly along beside Will. She’s staring at the side of his face. Will can’t bring himself to look back.
“Steve,” she says, sounding the word out and making it longer like it still tastes foreign on her tongue. “He is okay?”
When Will gets up the courage to look over, her eyes are big and worried. He smiles at her helplessly. It’s almost funny how innocent she looks; like she’s a bunny dressed up in punk clothes. “He’ll be okay.”
She smiles, small and close lipped, but it still beams out of her like the sun. Will tilts his head to the side and tries to see what Mike sees in her. He wants to hide her in Castle Byers, build a fortress around her, and keep her away from all the lab people for the rest of her life.
Is that howMike felt, hiding her in his basement, giving her frozen eggos and keeping his mouth shut?
But then her lips thin and she looks forward again. The feelings vanishes. It’s just El, hia friend, despite how much of Mike’s attention she’d snapped up just by being herself.
“I’m glad,” she says, looking at Hopper’s broad back as she takes two steps for each one of his.
It’s quiet after that, the way it always is after; all of them too brittle and bruised and bone-deep tired for conversation.
Hopper’s truck rat-a tat-tats itself to life in the hospital parking lot. The radio croons out something quiet and thrumming until Hopper reaches over to shut it off.
El’s heads smushed into the window, vibrating against the pot-holed roads of Hawkins.
Will’s so tired he’s wide awake.
He watches the familiar buildings of Hawkins flicker by. It's been a long time since knowing his surroundings brought any comfort.
Monsters could live behind every door, every tree, every smiling face.
He’s not sure any of them will ever feel safe again.
Will closes his eyes, locking the scenery out so he can focus on the bundle of warmth in his chest. They’re still huddled together, two sparks merging in his chest.
The past couple days have been a necessary violation of Eddie’s private feelings. He’d bared them all with love confessions and grasping hands, trying to pull Steve back from the edge of immolation.
He’s not even sure Steve knows, hopes he does. Steve deserves to hold that love delicately between his palms and choose what to do with it.
He won’t crush it, even if it’s unreturned. He’ll hold it gently like he always does.
Will doesn’t realize he fell asleep, or that they’d arrived home until he’s in free-fall. It feels like one of those falling dreams where you wake up solidly in the middle of your bed, but this time he really is tumbling, only Jonathan’s arms keeping him from hitting the gravel.
“Are you okay?” he asks shakily as he pulls Will into his chest, holding him tight enough to hurt. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Mom murmurs, wrapping them both up in her arms, chin landing solidly on Jonathan’s shoulder, sandwiching Will between their bodies. “Everyone’s fine, right Will?”
Will murmurs his affirmation, feeling groggy and confused in the light of day.
“I was with Nancy,” Jonathan whispers. “I was just with Nancy, and you were–I almost–”
“Shh,” Mom cuts him off, reaching up to cradle his face and smile up at him. Will barely catches the edge of his watering eyes from his restricted vantage point between them. “Everyone’s fine.”
“I should have been he–”
“Jonathan,” Mom interrupts again, sharper this time. “Everyone is fine. You deserve a normal life.”
“But Will–”
“I’m fine!” Will cuts in this time.
Jonathan pulls back, looking down at him with worried, droopy eyes. “And Steve? Mike said he was possessed.”
Will feels that bundle of warmth in his heart, lets it shine through his smile as he looks up at his brother. “He’ll be okay.” As Jonathan droops with relief, Will feels his smile turn cheeky. “Eddie will never let you forget that you were on a date while we were fighting monsters, though.”
Jonathan closes his eyes, pained while Mom laughs.
It’s not until they’re walking toward the front door that Will notices the lack of demo-dog bodies. There’s still puddles of black oil-slick blood, but everything else looks normal. Who covered their tracks? The lab? Hopper?
He settles down for the debrief, pillowing his head on Jonathan’s shoulder as Hopper’s even tones flit through his brain.
Maybe familiar places no longer hold any comfort, but Jonathan’s bony frame is enough to lull him into a peaceful sleep.
Part 97
Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso @best-selling-show @v3lv3tf0x @bookworm0690 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @wonderland-girl143-blog @nerdsconquerall @sharingisntkaren @canmargesimpson @bananahoneycomb @rainwaterapothecary @practicallybegging
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#will byers#steddie upsidedown au#my fic#Steve pov: I'm a wretch and a monster and everything is my fault#will pov: steve's so comforting :)#also Jonathan freaking out because he missed everything is something that is so fun to me. He's like. I'm a terrible brother!#Meanwhile Nancy only has low stakes in the whole thing. And she never got involved so by the time she knew to worry about Mike.#She already knew he was fine. so her main reaction is feeling left out.#Nancy is so fun in this AU because her inciting character incident (Barb's death) shapes so much of who she is#that we have like maybe one episode of characterization to work off of wrt what she was like before#anyway I'm sick so we'll see how much writing I can actually get done while feverish!
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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Early morning study sessions, corepower gym classes at 5 am, unhurried walks under the sun w laidback rnb, extensive skincare bc I need time to myself even on booked & busy days, cute fits & nails, keeping track of my multivitamins, putting more effort into phone calls w relatives, engrossing myself in days at my orgo lab or the neuro clinic, volunteering more and more at the refugee center, holding myself accountable, being more in touch w my feelings, getting better at staying in touch w friends, soft & moisturized curls, reading for fun even when my brain tells me I could be doing something productive…. I will make this life beautiful even if it’s by the skin of my teeth etc etc
#February was fine but it was robotic#I just felt out of touch w myself idk how to describe it#March I’ll be on my shit but also grounded & present. That’s the goal I think#February is usually always a ??? month for me but this March I’m resetting and throwing myself into things I’m passionate about#I just wanna imbue the things I do w passion like I used to#Instead of being on autopilot all the time#Literally writing everything into my calendar rn I will make this work
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Girls after working themselves up so much over something and getting major anxiety only to realize they overthought everything AGAIN like they always do and things turned out fine and it was NOT the end of the world like they thought it would be:
#IT’S ME I’M GIRLS!!!!!#Shima speaks#Had major anxiety about work stuff but it was literally fine. It was fine. I’m a DUMBASS 💖#My mom: Why do you overthink everything you can’t do this to yourself!#Me in tears: I can’t help it it’s the way my brain works :(((#SHE MADE ME LIKE THIS!!!#(Not directly bc of her I mean bc of genetics lmao)#My mom: You gotta tell your brain to chill out#Me: I know. Smh 😔
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ultimately i think the appeal of daniel and armand to me is that it's very much a typical dark romance storyline where the heroine is kidnapped and tortured by an evil monster but using her wits she manages to seduce him and make him emotionally vulnerable to her, because she is More Special and More Clever than all of his other victims, and because of this she enjoys a level of dangerous favor and protection from him, except in This version of the dark romance it's two toxic old men who both have the worst fucking personalities imaginable. who truly just fucking suck beyond measure. like no pun intended, they are Garbage, one is the actual literal immortal devil and the other is just kind of a deadbeat with no moral compass, neither of them is willing to work on himself and neither of them has ANY reason to want to rail the other as bad as they do.
and yet. There They Are,
#i am not immune to evil stockholm syndrome dark romance that makes certain booktokers puke.#i am also not immune to a pair of shitty people who absolutely SHOULD fucking HATE each other#and who are going to be nasty little freaks about the other instead. possibly also while hating them.#'why do people write enemies to lovers so soft' i'm always saying. i just want you all to know#this is maybe the first time i've seen an enemies to lovers arc done in EXACTLY the GROSSEST ways i DESPERATELY WANT IT#and it is FUELING me. i am THRIVING. i am REFRESHED i am FINE i am NO LONGER SAD my SKIN is CLEAR#the layers. the drama. literally don't care about anything else going on in this show it's all them 2 me. theyre everything. thanks#i'd apologize for my taste but like. i'm not gonna apologize for finding the evil ships hot in the evil ship show. come on now.#iwtv#devil's minion#with that i need to like. go pick my partner up from work and then go to sleep. thanks for watching me do this on main everyone!
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