#everyone think diagnosis thoughts
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yo prayer circle for actually getting answers from this long ass round of tests I have to go through.
#please let whatever stomach problem i have show on this 4hr long tests#everyone think diagnosis thoughts#em speaks // ooc.#// hospital ment.#kinda#as in i have to be at the hospital for these tests to take place
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what an incredibly normal and not at all autistic thing to say! (lying)
#truly this is SO funny#casually questioning his bestie's religious beliefs and then genuinely being like âwhat?? did i say something??â#and then he KEEPS GOING with that train of thought#not because hes an asshole. in his head he is genuinely just making conversation. theres just something so autistic about him#also complete tangent but is it just me or is that glass of water between hotch and jj massive. is it the communal water cup or something#why is it so big#full disclosure these images are slightly out of order. the last image here is before hotch and jj's reactions#but it was funnier to order them like this#reid: hmm morgan do you think the reason youve never feared satan is because youve never actually believed in god?#everyone: ...#reid: :)#spencer reid#autistic spencer reid#not fic#criminal minds#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s03e08#lucky#this is NOT a hate post by the way. pre-diagnosis i absolutely would have done this.#even now knowing people consider it offensive i could see myself saying something like this#shoutout to offputting autistic people!!#criminal minds 3x8
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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People only seem to care about mental illness when itâs cute and romanticizable, not when itâs ugly and destructive
#oh you have ocd ahaha wow look at you organizing ur stuff#no bitch#I actually get so obsessed over something that I physically think about it all day everyday#I associate it with everything and canât focus on any chores or tasks or work#I need everything to surround me to be associated with it#my intrusive thoughts never leave my head#aughhh the social isolation#and I hoard every little thing related to my obsession I just want everything#itâs wild#what sparked this you ask?#my stepmom saying everyoneâs a little ocd#WHAT#yeah i think if that was the case it wouldnât need an offical mf diagnosis#hhhsjnnnnn#ocd#vent
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why am i only just now as an about-to-be-27 year old fully grown adult figuring out that i am more than likely on the autistic spectrum đ«
#like. hello?? you mean to tell me that all these very specific experiences iâve had my entire life ARENâT NORMAL???#tbh i either really just thought everyone went through the same stuff as me or chalked it up to my adhd + anxiety#not realizing that my particular experiences went even deeper than JUST being adhd or anxiety#i doubt iâll ever get a diagnosis because iâm 1) high-functioning 2) poor and 3) donât have health insurance or a primary care doctor#but i think these things are just good to know#now of course the next logical step in this weird journey is to imagine talking to my f/os about it and thinking about how they might react#obv most of them probably wouldnât actually care or think anything different#but idk. itâs a big thing for me and i would want it to be acknowledged at least ya know?#itâs weird. a little empowering to finally put a name to the experiences but itâs still something different and brings mixed feelings#đž hana speaks
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones đ#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened đ#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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not to be tumblr ranting again but idk how much longer i can handle uni and it's been 4 days since i got back. there are currently 2 friends of housemates here and i'm too autistic to handle making conversation. just want to go downstairs to make some tea but last time i did that had to say omg hii how are you to someone and my unwillingness to talk makes me look like such a freak sorry i am just finding it physically hard. can't even make tea
#maybe i'm not cut out for this#'this' meaning everything#need to be alone and cant think of anythjng else but it wont be dark for hours so i cant go outside and nobody in the house will shut up#if i was my male autistic housemate i could go downstairs with headphones and ignore everyone but be understood#or at least some attempt at understanding#but if i do that as a woman who hides my traits even around them#i will be talked about and thought of as rude#they know my diagnosis but choose to ignore it honestly#how did i think i could handle university like anyone else#when i cant go downstairs to make tea because sometimes i find it physically hard to speak#<- girl with mild caffeine addiction#rip
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this just occurred to me. do you guys think claire knows sheâs autistic
#by that i mean. she got a diagnostic at 15 but do you guys think she knows this. do you think her parents told her about it#diagnosis*#do you think she just goes through life thinking it is like that for everyone#i can see her parents hiding it from her out of fear. for her i mean. i think they feared her being ridiculed. it was 2005#so they thought well it canât hurt her if she doesnât know about it. plus itâs around the time Things start happening to the swansons so#maybe they just. didnât tell her. which obviously is Not Good and it Does Hurt Her Even More#but iâm just wondering this now because iâve always written claire knowing sheâs autistic but never taking in account if She knows she is#i think that maybe this would explain her constantly need to well being honest. mask. sheâs constantly masking. and it does wear her out!#<- and sheâs not aware of this (performing all the time) until much later in life.. i donât know do you guys see what iâm getting at?
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At this rate I might need to start keeping track of all the people who arbitrarily peg me as autistic, having ADHD, or both because it's kind of concerning considering I've been diagnosed with neither
In the past two months, I've had
-someone who I'd been chatting with for maybe 20 minutes ask if I was audhd
-my long time coworker casually reference that the difference between me and him is that my ADHD is medicated. I spent a solid ten seconds staring at him before shaking my head
-a friend who I'd been complaining about social cues with ask if I'd been tested
-someone I see infrequently but have known for years reference my supposed autism
I feel like everyone in my life is on something sometimes, this is just weird man
#is it self diagnosis if you dont know a ton about the condition but literally everyone thinks you have it#adhd and autism#neurodiversity#i think im just weird guys#theres a reason nobody ever thought to test me
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most annoying thing iâve been seeing online lately is ppl in the adhd/autistic communities posting benign relatable posts and being inundated with comments from neurotypicals being like ummm everyone does that and youâre literally promoting harmful self diagnosis :// stop acting like everything is a symptom and it takes all my power not to tell them to shut the fuck up because not everything is about you, is the audhd community not allowed to make funny relatable posts without you insufferable cuntbags assuming the worst and reading shit into it that was never meant to be there
#unless a post is saying âdoing this thing means you are definitely neurodivergentâ then 9 times out of 10 itâs not meant to be a fucking#diagnostic tool and anyone with a brain should be able to tell that itâs not#funny relatable posts DID help me figure out im neurodivergent after years of suffering on my own but they werenât the only tool#incredibly funny because isnât straightforward language like a hallmark autism thing too.#like if it was meant to be a diagnostic post it would Fucking Say That#donât pretend thatâs what it says because youâre an ableist dbag whoâs scared of ppl understanding and accepting themselves#donât pretend to have well meaning concerns when ur rly just afraid of having to accept that being nd is way more common than you thought#âstop trying to diagnose everyoneâ directed at the most benign relatable/educational posts has the same energy to me as#the fucking âthe queers are trying to convert ur childrenâ rhetoric#whatâs that? are you afraid of people (even young people) gaining a better understanding of themselves and accepting and celebrating whoâ#they are?#are you afraid of accepting that people know themselves better than you think you know them?#these types of âwell meaning concernsâ are what made me suffer in silence and prevented me from getting a diagnosis for years đ#anyway. angry post because this shit makes me so mad#mental health#neurodivergent#audhd#speaketh
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#Sometimes I think about the fact that without my OCD diagnosis I might be dead#Like given the intensity of how things ramped up last fall/winter especially#I was so terrified that I was sleeping like 2 hours per night in like half-hour bursts#And sometimes could barely speak#I have no idea what I would have done if I hadnât been able to get some distance from it instead of#Believing it was all my fault and I was just uniquely awful#Suicide mention#Like to be clear: diagnosis is not something I think everyone should pursue and I think the actual *therapy* I was getting during that time#Was not actually helping#But having some way to say that the thoughts I was having did not reflect on whether or not I deserved to live#Was a relief
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You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!
#you ever watch a documentary on autism in âwomen and girlsâ and SO MUCH of it hits home and makes sense but not all of it 100% so doubt#yourself even though over 75% fits when youâve been thinking this might be The Right Fit but donât have a formal diagnosis and probably#will never get one#BUT THEN get really upset because itâs in âwomen and girlsâ and you donât want to be either of those and it hurts in a way you canât explan#and then worry you are over analysing everything and making things out to be more than they are#idk idk just thoughts to vent out I donât need a reply so please donât feel obligated or anything#I mean talking abt it is always interesting but Iâm not expecting anything#as all of my posts are!! never an obligation! ever!!!#idk man just thinking out loud and tag talking is my way becaude a full text post is too Much#I just hope everyone is doing okay???? AND!!! I hope you are enjoying yourselves???#in some way!!#because Iâve come back and seeing the creativity and joy and community here js so lovely#I wish I had the time to reblog everybodyâs work and exclaim the details and feeling of it all#because regardless of fic shit post art edit gifs itâs all INCREDIBLE. it brings so much emotion to so many and you deserve the recognition#and credit for it because yes you do it for yourself but the feedback is always nice. always.#I just want people to be encouraged to create idk you are all so wonderful and I need you to know that#OKAY Iâm done back to Normal reblogs and ask answering and whatever else I can provide#sorry!!!
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shout out to the blunt ass resident who, upon taking a five second look at me in the er, went âyou have crohnsâ and made me cry. it took the internists and surgeons and GIs another like four months to make that diagnosis.
#this is not recent this was 2017 lol#but i think about him every day#man just KNEW#everyone else thought it was an infection#took two hospitalizations an mri an ultrasound two CAT scans and a colonoscopy to get that diagnosis
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#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests#i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers#in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol)#and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff#and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels#but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say#i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks!#because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research#and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it#but now that i do know more and things do make more sense#i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think#i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid#but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself#and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah''#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol#and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be#but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything''#same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are#who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way#like that's so stupid!#dkfjhkdfhkdfg#i'm angry and i feel trapped#i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her#and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge#and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!!#i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of#buttoning the top button of my button up shirt....#that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me...#imagine if i wear ear defenders out...#not gonna risk it lol
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Oppositional defiant disorder I hate you forever
#it shouldnât exist! itâs a bad disorder and we should stop diagnosing it!#ooooh I get so mad#Iâm writing a paper about it and I have had to put all of research away and fully stop thinking about it multiple times bc Iâll read some#crazy shit that pisses me off.#these papers will be like thereâs a significant decrease in oppositional behaviors when treated with adhd meds#or like. childhood abuse is a significant risk factor#like no! maybe itâs just like. adhd (which causes irritability!!) or a fucking traumatized kid who doesnât have right control over their#emotions. like there is no reason for this disorder to exist#I read in something that close to 60% of children diagnosed with adhd meet requirements for odd like maybe itâs fucking. the same thing#causing these issues. have we considered that maybe the disorder known for causing executive dysfunction is like. possibly causing this#executive dysfunction. have we considered this. anyone. has anyone had the thought.#like I understand not everyone with adhd experiences this. however. itâs certainly enough of a correlation that itâs like. bro wtf.#if it needs to be diagnosed it makes much more sense as a signifier on an adhd diagnosis so at least the kid can get access to#accommodations or meds if they need them. instead of being essentially labeled bad kid for life#bc even trying to talk to a doctor to get it off your record is literally taken as proof you have it which is so fucked. god Iâm so mad#prsnl
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ive known i was autistic since i was liek seven but its onlu recently that my mum has brought it up to me. well i think i noticed something was âwrongâ with me when i was around 6/7 and i didnt know much so i went through ocd or maybe adhd and i seen some of the traits in me, but i didnt think to look at autism until later. but like ive thought of myself as autistic since then(i really got into it like alot of research) anyway it was only 2022?2023? when my mum said to me (i had never said anything to her about it i thought id just have to wait until i was older to go to the doctor by myslef, but i so badly wanted her to notice) and she said she had thought since i was really young and idk it made me upset cos like if shes known this whole time and didnt do anything like i couldâve gotten help as a child. i suppose nothing couldâve been done until i was 10 but i was like 12/13 when she first even mentioned to me like maybe not 2020cause idk it was probably last thing on list of priorities but she couldâve done this in 2021 i know she obviously had more important things to focus on like yknow having a place to live and like a job and its jsut selfish to think liek tjhis sorry idk whatim saying i know not everything is about me its just what theysay to me all the time i know j dont think im better than you i fucking cant stand myself
#i know diagnosis process is a long one and its only just starting now..#she keeps saying itll be good to know what some things i might to are caused by but ive known for years a diagnosis wont make a#difference in my head but i suppose i didnt think id get a diagnosis this early#but sometimes thinking what if its not autism? like everyone around me has said it seems like it is but what if its not and i have jsut#thought this for years??
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