#even though they’re technically contradictions?

[your-fave-jewish-magical-girl]

It’s kinda funny how the online left community has basically nothing in common besides hating capitalism and having progressive social politics. After that you can’t get leftists to agree on ANYTHING man.

[kimstills]

blame

pairing: aaron hotchner x fem!bau!reader, platonic!spencer x reader summary: in which your close relationship with spencer makes aaron wonder if there’s something going on between you and the young doctor. content warnings: mentions of kidnappings, torture, child abuse (typical cm case stuff), insecurities, age gap, and haley, jealous!aaron (hb is DOWN BAD), he kind of acts like a prick in the middle of this? but it’s v brief and he apologizes!! hints of autistic!spence, angst if u squint but mostly fluff, miscommunication, technically idiots to lovers but hotch is the only idiot <3 word count: 5.1k (this was NOT supposed to be this long omfg) a/n: this was inspired by a dream i had where i was besties w reid and everyone thought i liked him until i had to blurt out that i was into older men… enjoy!!

If looks could kill, Aaron was sure Spencer would be dead by now.

It was contradicting, in a way. How he thought of Spencer like the son that had come before his actual son, yet he was staring at him like a predator stalking their next victim.

You were standing next to the young genius, shoulders brushing against shoulders as you went back and forth with the geographical profile the two of you had been assigned to work on, something Aaron was really regretting having done.

The team had been called in to assist with a case in Portland, Maine, involving an abductor-type unsub. One who would stalk his victims and learn their routines before kidnapping them, torturing them for two to three days before disposing of them in forests and parks all throughout the city.

You and Reid were both tied when it came to your skills with geographical profiles, one of the many things that had blossomed your relationship with him. But with the way the unsub was beginning to rapidly devolve, the rush to develop said profile and figure out his next move had forced Aaron to assign you two together.

Deep down he knew that it had to be done for the sake of the case and all its victims, and that it was the best decision to make as leader of the team.

But, still, he couldn’t help the jealousy that was bubbling from within him, his gaze completely focused on the way you giggled and smiled, endeared, while watching Reid struggle to tape the map one of the sheriffs had supplied you with to a spare whiteboard in the office the team had been given to work in.

He hadn’t even noticed when JJ walked up to him, the blonde hair and white button up she was wearing apparently not enough to break him out of his trance until—

“Hotch.”

Aaron snaps his head towards her, blinking in bewilderment, “Sorry, what?”

JJ stares at him with a look of both concern and amusement, a smile tugging at her lips. Her hand is raised expectantly and her eyes flicker towards the case file in his hands.

He looks down at it, brows furrowing when he finally sees the death grip he was holding the paper with. It’s slightly crumpled from where his thumb had rested, the pages wrinkled.

He clears his throat, trying to soothe out the file as subtly and smoothly as he can before handing it to JJ, “Sorry,” he grumbled.

The blonde chuckles softly, taking it from him and doing her own best to bend it back into place. She begins to flip through the pages, though she can’t help but follow Aaron’s gaze back to you and Spencer.

You had finally gotten up to help him in taping up the map, taking it from his hands and effortlessly doing so before turning around and giving him a cheeky smile.

JJ turns her attention back to him, biting back a smug smile when she sees her boss practically glaring daggers at the two of you, “I assume you’re trying to figure them out, too?” She asks, looking down at the file.

Aaron blinks, this time slowly turning his head to gaze down at her, “What do you mean?”

Her eyes widen at the realization of what she just had insinuated about her co-workers to her boss. She shrugs coolly, trying to play it off, “Nothing. They’re just really close is all,” she gives him a tight-lipped smile before quickly walking away, leaving Aaron more confused than before.

He feels his fingers twitch by his side when he glances back at you. It’s cheesy, the way his heart skips a beat when you tuck the strands of hair that had made itself to the front of your face behind your ears. His hardened features soften at the sight of you laughing at something Reid’s said, something he’s sure only the two of you understand.

Aaron’s not sure what it was that had gotten him to stick out for you like a sore thumb or how his sudden infatuation with watching and admiring you and your every move had happened.

All he could recall was that it happened, and it had happened too fast for him to begin realizing how you had begun to overcome his every thought and consume him with feelings he hadn’t felt since Haley’s passing and his marriage with her.

A part of him had told himself that he wasn’t to blame; not only were you one of the best agents he had ever worked with, but you were the loveliest and wholesome of humans.

You had your rough days, everyone on the team understandably did, yet you never failed to meet people with kindness and patience, something else that Aaron wasn’t used to receiving when it came to his co-workers. And, as much as they loved him and he loved them, even his team members were prone to calling him ‘cold’ and ‘stoic.’

While you, on the other hand would always meet him with fond, bright smiles and greetings, never once avoiding his gaze or running the opposite direction as to ‘not get in his way’ like others did.

You were like the sun peeking out of the clouds after a dark and tremendous storm, shining on him with such warmth.

So, in the end, he couldn’t really help himself from falling for you. Or for even feeling childishly jealous when you were shining your warmth onto others.

Especially with someone who apparently the rest of the team suspected you of dating.

Perhaps he couldn’t blame Spencer for falling for you, too.

Everyone meant well, and Aaron knew he was also victim to cutting him off when the boy rambled, but you were the only one who truly listened to him. Who would interrupt him gently during urgent matters and let him continue after they were solved, and never made him feel inadequate.

He doesn’t know how he hadn’t seen it before now that JJ has mentioned it—too blindsided with his own feelings for you—but he begins to wonder, though, if there actually is something more between the two of you.

He likes to think that he begins playing close attention to your mannerism, body language, and shared interactions the two of you have throughout the entirety of the case because he has to. Now that it's been brought to his attention that two of his subordinates might be in a relationship, it's his job as Unit Chief to keep tabs.

So, he watches, when the whole team is sitting in the rectangular table, debriefing with one another and sharing ideas all whilst munching on take out food.

"So, we obviously know that the significance of the victim's being dumped in nature spots is important to this guy," Morgan explains, motioning his hand around the air as he goes on, "but could it be that he kidnaps and keeps his victims in similar spots, just somewhere more secluded?"

"Spencer and I were thinking that that could be a possibility," you say, stealing a fry off of said boy's take out plate, "Maybe he doesn't live in these same places, but he could be taking them to a hidden spot somewhere in the forests, something possibly hidden by debris, wood, or anything makeshift."

Spencer doesn't even blink as you continue to steal more neglected food off his plate, continuing to sort through pictures. Aaron could see Emily and Derek give each other a knowing, smug look through his peripheral.

He manages to swallow, the tip of his middle finger and thumb tapping against one another, "What else have you two come up with regarding the geographical profile?"

"Well, besides where he himself could be living or where he could keep his victims, the whole profile is scattered," Spencer answers this time, sliding the plate towards you as he sets down a picture of each victim with the name of the forests and parks they were found in written underneath. "The first two victims were dumped in a forest, the third in a park, and the fourth in another forest.."

As he goes on, you take advantage to continue eating, the way in which he had just let you eat off his plate despite his known phobia of germs not going unnoticed by everyone else.

If that one wasn't a sign, Aaron didn't know what else was.

*

With the geographical profile being all over the place, Aaron decides on pulling you away from the task the following day, instead pairing you up with him to check out the crime scene of the most recent victim.

He doesn't know if it's the leader in him doing so, pulling you away from your original project he had tasked you to do, or if it's just the mix of both curiosity and jealousy that continues to gnaw at him.

He was a grown man, for Christ's sake. Yet he couldn't help the way his heart churned when you hold his hand for a second longer than necessary after he helps you climb up the small, but frosty hill.

"Thanks," you mumble sweetly, your shoulders brushing against him as you walk past him and towards the await detectives.

Aaron trails behind you, trying to calm his beating heart as the lead detective on the case walks you both towards the victim's body.

"This is the second victim that's been dumped in a park," you start, squatting down to inspect the cuts and bruises on the woman's face. "These sites are obviously more public than the forests, yet he still leaves them in more secluded spots, away from general view."

"Well, we ruled out that he can't feel any remorse or sympathy," Aaron adds while he looks around the now closed off park. "He holds and tortures these women for hours."

You stand from your spot, placing your hands on your hips as you look around the park. Aaron recognizes the face you make as your 'thinking' face, your eyes squinted and your nose scrunched.

"What is it?" He asks, trying to meet your wandering gaze.

“Reid and I were talking about the possibility of the unsub dumping his victims in the same places where half—if not all—of his childhood abuse took place,” you miss the way his breath hitches in his throat and the way his shoulders sag slightly, continuing. “We know that he has to be a local here from Portland—probably raised around these same areas—and that he was abused severely as a child.”

Aaron tries his best to nod as nonchalantly as possible, “Something from his childhood obviously triggered him for him to start abducting and inflict the same pain on the victims before leaving them in similar places where he could have been left as a child after being abused.”

“Exactly,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. “We were theorizing around that idea for a while but weren’t too sure if the abuse could play such a huge part on his M.O.”

At the mentions of you and Reid again, Aaron couldn’t help but feel like an idiot.

Not only was he a grown man, but he was also your boss. And you were his subordinate, someone he should never had feelings for in the first place and someone he shouldn’t be feeling possessive over as if anything was to truly ever happen between you.

At first he had thought that Spencer wasn’t to blame for having the same feelings Aaron so strongly harbored for you. But, maybe, you weren’t the one to blame.

For falling for someone more your age, for someone you worked and paired so well with, for someone nobody else made such a grand effort to understand the way you did.

Not only was he a grown man and your boss, but he was also double your age, a single father, and a widower.

Swallowing harshly, he pulls out his phone from his suit’s inner pocket, “I’ll have Garcia check out any reported speculations of childhood abuse in these areas and see if she can narrow down our list,” He turns, using his height to his advantage and speeding off, leaving you completely behind.

You frown, rushing to catch up to him. You halt when you come to the same frosty hill he had helped you climb up and open your mouth to call for his help, but close it back up when you see he’s already made it back to the SUV and is climbing inside.

When you finally climb inside the car after successfully managing to climb down the hill without busting your ass, he’s talking with Garcia.

You wait patiently as he drives, the phone on speaker as he gives out quick orders that your friend rushes to catch up with. You try to take the chance of speaking up once he hangs up with her, but he’s quickly dialing for Rossi afterwards.

You’re quiet throughout the ride back to the precinct, the sudden change in mood too heavy for you to gather the courage to make any sort of conversation. Once parked in front of the building, he gets out right away, slamming the door while you’re barely unblocking your seatbelt.

You make a beeline to the conference room where you find Reid, no longer paying any mind on trying to find Aaron any longer.

Spencer jumps when you hurriedly slam the door behind you, eyes filling with worry when you lean against the wood and stare at the floor pensively, “You okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” you mumble, pushing yourself off the door and taking a seat across from him. “I just got back from the latest crime scene with Hotch and he started acting so weird after I told him about our theory of the unsub’s dumping pattern.”

“Weird how?”

You move to speak, but hesitate when you realize that going into detail about how cold your boss suddenly acted towards you after being used to receiving such kind—some might say preferable—treatment would make your friend speculate things he, of all people, did not need to speculate.

You shake your head, “Nothing. He’s probably just stressed or tired,” you drop your forehead onto the table’s cold wood, your arms stretched out in front of you. “I know I am.”

A beat of silence passes before you hear a creak and the feeling of a finger press against your index. You bite back a laugh, looking up to find Spencer leaning forward in his own seat to do a ‘finger touch,’ something you had come up with for him after realizing how persistent his germophobia was, even with the people he loved the most.

You smile at him, leaning your head on one of your forearms and pressing your finger into his.

From outside the glass-windowed office, Aaron watches you both, a solemn look on his face.

*

The case is finally closed once you and Spencer’s theory is proven right, the unsub securely put away and the green light to go home given at last. But with the late night icy weather too dangerous for the jet to take off, Aaron orders for everyone to instead turn in for the night at the hotel and head out first thing tomorrow morning instead.

He gives a silent thanks to no one in particular when he finds out it's his turn to have a room all for himself, the rotation always being cheated by Dave, Derek, or Emily that he always forgets who's next.

Shockingly enough, he's ready to turn in for the night, not even sparing an extra glance to any of the files he had brought with him as he prepares for bed. He's just about to sit down when a knock comes from behind his door, echoing throughout his room.

He lets out a quiet groan but stands nonetheless, rubbing tiredly at his face before swinging the door open. His first instinct is to snap at whoever's behind, but that's before his eyes cast over you.

You're fiddling with your fingers, dressed in your pajamas that consists of an off-the-shoulder shirt that dips low enough to show off your collarbone and the very top of your chest, your bra strap in the middle.

And, despite the chilly weather outside, you were wearing shorts. A pair of cotton shorts that peek out from underneath the shirt you were wearing and leave little to the imagination—more so, Aaron’s imagination.

Truth be told, he's seen you in a lot less. Your usual team outing outfits consisted of tank tops, baby tees, shorts, and slightly more revealing clothes.

But this, seeing you in what you would normally sleep in, sends him into a completely different spiral.

You cringe and immediately panic at the thought of having woken him up, "Sorry, were you already asleep?" you ask, taking a tentative step back.

Aaron blinks and clears his throat, the pads of his thumb and middle finger once again tapping against one another, "No," He lies. "I was barely getting ready."

Your shoulders drop and the panic dissipates as a small smile replaces it, “Oh, okay,” you bring your hands behind your back, rocking on your heels, “I just wanted to talk to you. If that’s alright?”

Aaron’s brows furrow though he immediately steps to the side to allow you in, a soft ‘of course’ following.

He takes in the way you hesitantly step in, back facing him and arms still intertwined behind your back.

You’re being respectful, probably hoping that you’re not overstepping with whatever it is that you want to talk about. And though you always are, he can’t tell if you’re nervous, worried, or filled with insomnia that you just couldn’t sleep.

“Is everything alright?” He finally asks when you don’t make a move to sit down anywhere, his hands slightly ajar to his side like he’s ready to reach out and touch you.

God, how he wishes he could touch you.

You clear your throat and turn around, “Actually, I was just coming to ask you the same thing,”

The harsh lines on Aaron’s face deepen when you take a seat on the edge of the bed, glancing beside you as a signal for him to join you.

He swallows as he does so, careful not to sit too close and award you space. His eyes flicker back up at you when he hears your breath hitch.

Seconds of silence pass before you shuffle closer to him, bringing your body forward so that you were staring at him directly.

“Are you… feeling okay?”

Aaron freezes, his movements completely stilling at your question. His mind begins to race with all the possibilities of what could have brought on your question when it clicks.

How he had concurred that you and him were completely different and could never be a possibility, and how he immediately decided that acting cold towards you would shun out the feelings he’s felt for so long now.

Another clear of his throat, he replies, “I’m fine.”

You raise a brow at him, giving him a look that shows that you know he’s not telling the truth.

“Are you sure?” you ask again, this time more firmly. “I don’t mean to overstep, but you’ve been acting rather…strange ever since you and I got back from the fifth victim’s crime scene.”

Aaron cringes at how your expression turns into a sad one, quickly masking it with one of concern afterwards.

He sighs. He supposes that if there’s a possibility that you and Spencer are dating, now’s the time to ask you about it.

He makes a show of staring directly at you in the same way he does when he’s in his ‘boss mode,’ trying to study your face before he asks the question, “Is there something I should know about you and Spencer?”

That wasn’t what you were expecting.

You’re taken aback, quite literally flinching as if you had been struck. It takes you a few seconds to take in what he’s just asked you, and you shake your head almost as if it wasn’t real.

“I’m sorry?”

The desperation gnaws at him once more, and he’s not sure which side of him wants to find out the answer.

“Are you and Spencer dating?” he asks again, voice somehow unwaveringly calm as he punctuates each word clearly.

Your mouth opens in shock, letting out a sound that’s half a scoff half a broken laugh. You look around the room in utter bewilderment.

“What correlation does my relationship with Spencer have with what I asked you?” You can’t tell if you’re angry or just confused, but you stand from the bed and stare down at him.

Aaron follows your lead, “I never noticed it before until the rest of the team pointed it out, but you two are close. Close in such a way that—” He swallows, “—as your boss, I have to ask.”

Before the rest of the team pointed it out. Of course.

You fully scoff this time, “As my boss, you should know that Spencer and I have always been close,” you concur.

“Then why can’t you look at me?”

Despite your heart hammering in your chest, you force yourself to look at him, “Excuse me?”

“You’re not looking at me, you’re getting defensive, and you’re practically avoiding the question,” he says, his own gaze practically boring into you.

“Hotch—”

“You’re deflecting by saying that I should know that you two have always been close, and while I do know that, you’re still not answering my question.”

It feels cruel of him to press you for answers like this, knowing that there was an easier way to do it.

“Reid and I are not dating!” you do your best to not shout it at him in fears of waking the rest of the team up, fists balled at your sides.

“Then why are you so nervous?” he asks, taking a step closer to you. “Why can’t you still look at me?”

“Because it’s you that I like!”

You slap your hands over your mouth immediately and the room falls silent.

Aaron blinks. Once, twice, three times.

You liked him?

You lower your hands, nervously brushing your hair behind your ears as you look around the room in a state of panic, “I-I’m just going to go,” you mumble and immediately rush towards the door.

Aaron stands the for a second, too frozen to do or say anything before his own panic settles in brazenly. His body moves before he has time to register what he's doing and what he'll do when he reaches you.

He wraps an arm around your forearm just as you open the door, halting you from stepping outside, "Y/N, wait,"

"Hotch, please," you're quick to try and release yourself from his grasp, yanking your arm towards yourself in what results as a poor attempt. "Just ignore what I said."

"I can't do that," he dips his head to try and get you to look at him but you simply avoid your gaze even more than your originally had, your cheeks flushed.

"Hotch, let me go!" you whisper-shout, once more fighting his grip. “I’m already embarrassed enough, I don’t need you chastising me anymore.”

“I’m not chastising you, Y/N,” Aaron’s sure he sounds as desperate as you probably feel, but he can’t find it in himself to let you go and ruin his one chance of bringing his feelings to the light. Even if it went against everything he had been telling himself earlier that week.

“Do you not think it’s possible for me to feel the same way?”

Your head snaps towards him, your movements suddenly rigid at his question, “W-What?”

You’re sure that, if your heart hadn’t raptured beforehand, it certainly will now.

Aaron takes you letting your guard down as the chance to bring a hand to your waist and pull you back into the room, shutting the door and thanking that nobody else from the team had emerged from the commotion.

“What do you mean by that?” you’re quick to ask, staring up at him with curious, yet hopeful eyes.

He lowers his head as to avoid your gaze this time, letting out a deep breath. Everything he wanted to do now went against everything he had told himself the day before, when he ridiculed himself for ever thinking that you would like someone such as him or that something could ever happen between you two.

“Hotch,” your voice is firm and you allow yourself to take a step closer to him. You need him to look at you, to give you some sort of clue that he didn’t just say what he said to play you, to get you to re-enter the room just so he could profile you even more. “What do you mean by that?”

Repeating your question doesn’t help him and it certainly doesn’t help the way his heart hammers in his chest, a sound so loud that he’s sure you can hear it from how close you’re standing.

“You like me?” you whisper, dipping your head to try and meet his eyes. How ironic that just a couple of seconds ago you were trying to avoid it.

Aaron shrugs, finally looking up, “How could I not?”

His boyish, yet vulnerable expression makes your breath hitch.

“I said that I had to know if there was something between you and Reid as your boss, but it was just because I was jealous,” he shakes his head, trying his best to suppress an all but amused smile. “It was immature of me, really.”

You shake your head, trying to collect both your own thoughts and everything he was telling you. He had been jealous?

“So, is that you acted that way after I told you about our theory in the park?”

The way in which he left you behind in both the park and in the parking lot of the precinct hits him like a brick, cringing at his actions, "I realized then, when you were talking about what you had both come up with, how compatible you two are. How it would make more sense for you to like someone more suited for you. I'm sorry for how I acted,"

Your heart breaks at hearing his confession, of how he, the same man you practically fell head over heels for after your first meeting, could think that he was unworthy of your attention. If you were being honest, you hadn't been hurt by the way he had acted earlier in the day, only confused as to why.

"Hotch--" you stop yourself. You take another step closer, closing the space between the both of you more and more. "Aaron,"

He snaps his head up at your usage of his first name, the way you said it so gently and naturally getting all his attention.

"I've liked you ever since I first met you," you confess. "I'll admit I was too intimidated by you to fully register what I was feeling, but the more I got to know you, the harder I began to fall. And I fell really hard," you let out a laugh, trying to ignore just how much you were putting on the line right now and how self-conscious you felt with his eyes boring into you.

"You've been with the BAU for three years," Aaron's voice is barely above a breathless murmur and he's sure you wouldn't have heard it if you weren't standing so close. "That's how long you've liked me for?"

You nod, lips pursed, "I never said anything because I thought you would never see me that way, let alone reciprocate my feelings. If I'm telling the truth, I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for you pressing me into telling you that I was dating Reid."

Aaron smirks despite the warmth he feels on his cheeks, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a soft laugh, "Well, then I'm glad I ended up asking. Who knows how many more years we would've gone like this if I hadn't."

You both laugh, subconsciously curling towards each other when you both double over and bring yourselves even closer than before.

You stare up at him with a warm expression before casting your eyes downwards. You lift your hand to linger above his, the pads of your fingers brushing against the hairs on the back of his palm, "So, what happens now?"

Without breaking eye contact, he takes your hand in his while the other reaches for your waist once more. You let out a small yelp when he pulls you even closer, your bodies now touching and radiating the warmth you both thought you’d never be able to feel from one another.

The next few seconds are filled with bliss when he lowers his head to press his lips against yours. You’re immediately weak, letting go off his hand to place both on his shoulders as to support yourself.

The other now free hand of his comes to rest on your other hip, fingers digging into the fabric of your shorts ever so possessively. A whimper escapes from your mouth and Aaron takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, doing so with so much fervor and passion that it leaves you feeling dizzy even with your eyes closed.

Aaron is relentless even after you pull away to catch your breath, the act of kissing you now something he’s inevitably hooked on. He presses kisses all over your face, from your cheek to your chin to your jaw, then all the way down to your neck.

“You know,” you cough out, flushed from the attention, “I told you how long I’ve liked you, but you didn’t tell me how long you’ve liked me.”

Aaron smiles into your skin, immediately recalling when he first realized his own feelings for you. He lifts his head to press a sweet kiss to your lips, eliciting a hum from you.

“I can tell you all the details over either a nice dinner tomorrow evening after we land,” he says, another kiss to your lips. He turns your bodies around so that his back was to bed, the mattress dipping under his weight when he sits. “Or you can spend the night here and we can stay up all night talking about it.”

His voice is sultry, and the way in which he grabs at your hips to get you to straddle him makes you flush.

“Are you already trying to seduce me?” you ask, mock offense in your tone though you happily take your guided seat on his lap, both knees on each side of his thighs.

Aaron hums this time, brushing your hair back to begin kissing at your neck again, “Can you blame me?”

He already knows your answer, he’s sure. He knows you can’t, because he can’t, either.

[berrybanana-arts]

Billford Reccs (as requested!)

@gratych requested some CONSENSUAL Billford as there is a LOT of noncon and dubcon out there... NOTE- Always check the tags!! These are Billford reccs so abusive/manipulative behaviour tends to be in literally all of these even if only as a 'oh god in hindsight this is sad' way.

RF- Researcher Ford (Pre-betrayal) PB- Post-betrayal W- Weirdmageddon AU- Alternative Universe (e.g. One Of Us)

Just as a note- I'm pretty sure ALL of these are Triangle!Bill.

*SFW*

Starstruck by FireFlerg899- RF Cute and fluffy with a hint of angst and manipulation because it's pre-betrayal. What a contradiction! Stargazing.

Something Said Before- FireFlerg899- RF, PB, W Mentions of torture, goes through all 3 eras echoing the same phrase.

To Destroy, To Remake- FireFlerg899- AU, PB Deliciously dark Ford, tempted by power!

Break and Bind yourself to Me- kingsteeth-RF, PB Poetic and different. I enjoyed this.

Future Talk- anysin, RF Bill talks to Ford about the future and coming to visit him. Light warning for pain/blood/emotional manipulation. Funny Bone - anysin, RF Ticking, fluff

Silent Lies- Perlumi, PB Ford reminisces on the past. Minor self-harm, angst, references to NSFT themes but no actual sex.

Knock on My Door- sugarboat, PB (portal) I LOVE this one. Bill finds and patches up a wounded Ford because only HE is allowed to mess with Sixer. Graphic description of injuries, hurt/comfort, weird fluff.

The Writing of Destiny- Nelja, RF Oof. Love this one- Ford believes everything has led him to Bill. Lovely fic.

Reality is an Illusion- chaseandcatch, RF, PB OOF. Sweet and short. Ford looks back on his first journal entry about Bill with... uh... new information.

I can be cruel to you, my love- orphan_account, RF? PB? Unsure. Prose poem, love this series (Hymns).

thoughts that are above you (i've gotten so good at lying to myself)- orphan_account More prose poetry! forever cursed in love are the observant- orphan_account More sad prose poetry. Bill puts Ford in a time loop until Ford gives him the answer he wants.

*NSFT:*

CLEAR consent-

Ford is super duper into it in all of these! Warning, a LOT of these are pre-betrayal and therefore Ford is technically being duped into thinking Bill is his friend so the consent IS dodgy in that way. Enjoy!

I search myself, I want you to find me- dieslaudata, RF Bill is having some fun with Ford's body while Ford watches. Consensual possession.

Contrast- dieslaudata, RF Choking, in a sexy way rather than a dying/torture way. Love having to clarify that /hj. Consensual possession. Holding Onto Everything- sugarboat, AU, PB AU where Ford accepted Bill's deal many years ago and they are in an established relationship, of sorts. On One Condition- anysin, RF Voice kink, conditioning, coming untouched, etc

Calling You- anysin, RF Ford summons Bill in a more... Unconventional manner.

Up to the Neck- anysin, RF Jealous Bill. Short, but Bill's blustering always amuses me.

Everything Stays- sugarboat, RF "Only one of them sees the inevitable end approaching"- LOVE this caption. PWP, tentacle sex, praise kink.

First- Pengychan, RF Fluffy, awkward, cute!- "Full access to one’s mind comes with a few downsides, like stumbling on private fantasies the All Seeing Eye could have lived without ever having to see. Not that they’re not kind of flattering. And really, there’s a first time for everything."

Count to 100- kikaikitai, RF Ford summons Bill in a more... unconventional manner. Again. This is a running theme in Billford NSFT fics and I love it. Praise kink.

Incubus- kikaikitai, RF Sequel to Count to 100. Ford loses himself in his sexual relationship with Bill. Weird demon sex, consensual possession, worship, etc. This is a fun one. Obviously manipulative fuckery from Bill. Ford is DOWN BAD, though.

Restless Sleep- GoofyGoldenGirl, RF Massage, fluffy NSFT.

Trignometry- wubub redux, RF Alien biology, Bill helps a 'distracted' Ford concentrate. Ford wants to reciprocate.

Territorial- Pengychan, RF Mentions of sex. Bill saves Ford from a creature torturing Ford with cruel words, pretending to be Bill... Yes, the irony is painful.

Vibe for this section- Consensual! But more dubious/dark than the last section.

Ranges from 'Ford is capital M mad at Bill still but also DTF...' to 'hoo boy this is a little dark!' Read at your own risk, you've been warned. Check the tags!

Are you ready to drink or are you waiting to drown?- sugarboat, AU Body horror, tentacle sex High Esteem- anysin, RF Jealous Ford. No sex, just Bill being very manipulative, gaslighting Ford and telling him what he wants to hear.

Blood Offering- nelja, RF No sex, just a ritual involving self-harm and dark thoughts from Ford as he summons Bill after a long absence.

A change of scenery- nelja, RF No sex but there is burglary, tattooing, and suggestive themes.

Golden Nerd Doll- nelja, W No sex but- objectification, possessive behaviour, etc from Bill who lacks any sort of self-reflection abilities...

Ghosts of Love Past- nelja OK, WARNING, this one is kissing, if not straddling, the dubcon line. I'm popping it on the list because 'non-consensual bondage' is literally in canon. TLDR- Bill chains Ford (Weirdmageddon) and pets his hair. Ford has a visceral reaction to this which he hates/loves/hates.

I hope you enjoy the fics! I've been careful not to spoil them too much but do be careful- Billford is always a tricky one, as much as I love it.

-Berry

[xxwelxx]

I tried making my own similarity board for the cosmic opera set coz I noticed stuff (it’s mostly just the antennae)

I’ll try making it more legible under the cut

I’ve seen a few people mention this already, the devil n angel parallels btwn tsukasa n rui, I see it and agree amen

But what I haven’t noticed is the mention of tsukasa’s antennae having the same shape as rui’s cat drones. The feathery looking angle wing antennae can also resemble the wings of a pegasus.

There are stars present on them as well, rui on both, n tsukasa on his right one.

Moving on from them for now, emu’s antennae seem to include everyone. The colors and designs chosen are reminiscent of both tsukasa and rui’s old stage outfits. Her right one looking like rui’s old pink coat with the yellowy goop on it, n her left one having a similar blue color with yellow line accents to tsukasa’s entire old look. The new one kind of matches too, but the blue is darker and the yellow isn’t as stringy throughout.

When it comes to matching with nene, they have the same patterns on their antennae. Right is goopy, left has lines. Emu has 1 goop and 2 lines, while nene has 2 goops and 1 line. Both line designs are done in yellow.

On nene’s shoulder also appears to be an emu alien (the antennae match). Its body has all of WxS signature colors.

Even though tsukasa and rui have stars, they’re still in different colors. Tsukasa’s are white and rui’s are yellow. This also mirrors how emu’s goop is yellow when nene’s are white.

You may have noticed this already, if we flatten down their antennae, nene and rui would have 2 ridges and emu n tsukasa only have one. Oddball 1 2 reference maybe I dunno.

Nene and tsukasa both have a black base color. Nene on her left one, tsukasa on both. Rui and emu both have blue gradients. Emu on her left n rui on both. (Technically the blue on emu is a base color, but it doesn’t show on the card and in the 3d outfit it’s a gradient. There’s a gradient from tsukasa’s hair color to the antennae too so depending on how I classify emu’s situation it would contradict the language I used previously. But maybe, just maybe, no one actually cares that much and we can all move on from this) Tsukasa n rui have these on 2 ears while emu and nene have them on 1.

I think that’s everything! If I notice anything more I’ll mention it later :3

I think it’s very sad we didn’t get a nene in alien form. I know she’s just a two star, but couldn’t they have put her somewhere on emu’s card really far away or something :(( 2 stars are so heartbreaking, esp when their designs are so gorgeous.

[miss-sweetea-pie]

A zutara rant about Aunt Wu’s prediction.

As a proud Zutarian I personally love the idea about aunt Wu’s prediction that she gave Katara about marrying a powerful bender is actually hinting at Zuko being the guy.

But I did see some antics mention “Zuko isn’t a powerful bender and it’s mentioned a lot that he’s not that good, they didn’t even think he was a fire bender bah bah”

First off that’s very rude!

So let’s over, analyze the fortune teller episode. Looking back on that episode we noticed that Aunt Wu’s predictions are technically accurate, but not always as they seem. this gets confirmed by the end of the episode and how that one man smugly tells Sokka that the prediction, said the village wouldn’t be destroyed and it wasn’t. Or that one guy having a safe trip and almost getting attacked by a platypus Bear but the gang saves him, technically, he still had a safe trip.

So the whole prediction is “ I see great romance for you the man you’re going to marry, he is a very powerful bender.” 

(technically that wasn’t actually the whole prediction, considering A.ang was eavesdropping  and well Kat@ang is all about A.ang and his feelings but I digress)

So the first half I guess is more about your taste in romance. I don’t think or feel like the canon kat@ang is this great epic romantic personality. But hey i’m willing to admit it could just be my taste. However the show does give us an example of a really powerful romances between Oma and Shu. In story lore of a romance that is so great it has been remembered for centuries and has a city named after them and ironically it has the famous enemies to lovers trope. hmm Interesting.

What I can defend though is the part that mentions “the man you will marry is a very powerful bender” you see A.ang it is a very powerful bender and once he is a fully realized avatar, he will probably be considered the most powerful bender. but like I pointed out Aunt Wu’s  predictions have a catch or they’re not always as you expect. And she said, A (not most) very powerful bender that could technically be anyone right? considering there are masters for all the different elements and being considered a master is still very impressive and seen as an accomplishment Even if you are not the avatar. So her future husband could be a possible Master. Adding the fact that most of the masters are old so this person could not even be fully realized yet, Insert Zuko.

So people mention that he isn’t that great of a bender or he’s not that powerful and yes, the show does mention that, but also who tells us that? Oh right. His dad the literal villain. The people that try to put him down tell him that he isn’t good enough. personally, I also think the show try to contradict that by showing us moments. for example in book one he did take down Zhao and showed him mercy. (when I watch the show, I think Zuko is actually holding back a lot of the time because he does have a consciences. his whole arc was kick started by him, having a conscience  and being empathetic so I don’t think it’s crazy to imagine him holding back a little). so when Ozai calls Zuko weak it’s kind of similar to how he calls A.ang weak in the finale. But no one questions A.ang not being a powerful bender. Hmmm weird.

Also, the other reason why I think Zuko being the one in the prediction is just better for the story is because the idea that you can become a powerful bender just feels so satisfying to me. In the show people still need to find masters and grow their skills. we are shown that people get better at things over time if they apply themselves. I think that’s a really good lesson. A similar lesson is already applied with Katara I may add, so it’s pretty fitting in a way.

Also the fact that he learns the true meaning of fire bending adds a nice layer of depth. it isn’t just about the skill of fire bending It’s also about the mindset. It really goes to show how he really has become a better and powerful bender in the end.

[divinemackerel]

As much as I do enjoy the occasional fanfiction where frenrey is sweet and romantic, that dynamic (in my opinion) directly ignores and contradicts the most interesting implications about their characters.

“Gordon” isn’t an AI like the rest of these guys, he is a player, able to warp and change his surroundings in a unique way, yet choosing to play along like he is nothing more than another NPC. He is honestly rather malicious in a sense, seeing as depending on your interpretation of the canon, he could also be a streamer on top of this. (Not Wayne, but like, an abstract sort of “oh he is a streamer playing a game,” another layer to the story but still a layer separate from the truth.)

Meanwhile, Benrey is just a rogue bit of code that went wrong, some equivalent of a virus maybe, which is actively working against the player and seems to have some sort of power over the game.

Their dynamic for the first part of the series until the betrayal is one laced with implicative power dynamics, one where while Benrey can annoy and bother Gordon, he is technically powerless, and there is no real fear for the Player.

After the betrayal though, Gordon’s pain is real, and if I remember correctly, we stop seeing donos pop up too, along with seeing chat. Yes there are like, real reasons to this, but in the context of the story, we stop watching a funny stream and instead get an inside look at a man yanked into a game, trapped in the same world he was playing. And it seems, to me, like the only one capable of doing this would be Benrey. Why would G-Man, for example? He doesn’t even seem fully aware the game isn’t real.

Either way, it is an inverse of their previous dynamic, one where now Gordon, the Player, is helpless while Benrey is almighty, and its one that only kind of continued to mount in tension to the boss fight.

I find that dynamic between them fascinating, much more so than them just getting along and everything being ok. Their relationship to each other is one primarily built off of being prey and predator in a sense, and that is something that causes them to be pulled together, and chafe endlessly.

They’re by definition some kind of toxic yaoi, but in a way that transcends romance.

[starsandgutters]

Hey :)

I'd like to suggest "kidnapping" as a flash fic prompt for Kevaaron 🫶🏻

Hello! 💖 I put a slight slant on this. Instead of outright kidnapping, I've gone for coercion. I hope that is okay! 🥰 54. Kidnapping

CWs: Depictions of violence Blood mention References to Thanksgiving/Drake/Easthaven Drug use/OD mention Reference to bathroom rehab

Wymack has told him to stay close to Neil or Matt all night, to use them as his shields, but it is Aaron that Kevin tries to keep in his line of vision. Aaron who he tracks all night with his eyes, only glancing away when Aaron looks back at him. He’s dared to look back too early a couple of times, caught the disapproving frown on Aaron’s face. Kevin hates watching him with Katelyn, everyone’s assumption they’re together so prevalent, Aaron saying nothing to dissuade it.

It’s Kevin’s fault, of course. Kevin had told him to do this. Had refused to let Aaron spend the banquet by his side even when he’d asked.

“It doesn’t have to be as a date, but if Kate doesn’t come I can focus on you.”

“They’ll be suspicious if Katelyn isn’t with you when Andrew is away.”

“I don’t give a fuck, Kev. Not with how you get around Riko.”

“I do,” Kevin had said, with a tone of finality, and Aaron had grown quiet and sullen and disappeared inside himself for the rest of the night. He’s good at that. He’s been doing it more, since Thanksgiving. Kevin has noticed but doesn’t really know how to help. On nights when he isn’t distracted by his own spiralling anxieties, and when he is feeling a bit softer, he thinks about crossing the room and climbing into Aaron’s bed. Not saying anything, just holding him. Letting him bury his face against Kevin’s chest and hide from the world for a while.

Then Kevin thinks of how Nicky would react if he found them there, and he just lies in his bed, listening to Aaron toss and turn, the occasional stifled noises he buried beneath the blanket. Kevin is never sure if he is crying. Kevin has never seen Aaron cry. It hurts his chest to think about, but that ache is not bigger than fear of the impact if anyone finds out. 

Even Katelyn knowing is a risk Kevin didn’t want to take.

“I’m not using her,” Aaron said. “I’m not going to string her along acting like we’re dating and then fuckin’ two time her.”

“Technically you’d be two timing me with her. Which, if that’s what you have to do-”

“Shut up. God, I hate you sometimes. I don’t even know why we’re doing this.”

But Aaron’s harsh words are always contradicted by his gentle hands, the concern in his eyes, the way he never stops showing small signs of care for Kevin even when he is mad at him. Which is unfortunately most of the time. Kevin’s fear means he keeps Aaron at arms length. He can’t find it in himself to let him go entirely, this unexpected source of comfort he never expected in the Foxes, but he also can’t hold him close the way he wants to. Aaron does not react well to the hot and cold, but for some reason he always stays. Sometimes Kevin wonders why. Mostly he just assumes Aaron is always going to be there. 

Kevin thinks Aaron being the first to leave the table after dinner is his passive aggressive way of making a point. He might be more irritated about that if the threat of Riko were not hanging over him like a guillotine. As it stands, he just watches Aaron go with a small frown. Catches glimpses of him dancing with Katelyn as other people move around the room and tells himself he doesn’t care, because he wouldn’t want to dance even if they could. He sticks close to Neil and sips at punch that tastes bitter in his mouth, warily scanning the crowd like a cornered animal as they wait for Riko to come.

He does, though Neil inserts himself between Riko and Kevin until Jean leads him away. Kevin feels like a numb voyeur, but he has enough presence of mind to stop Matt when he heads for Neil. Anyone else getting involved after Neil’s dig about Riko’s distance from his family will only make things worse. Matt shrugs him off, and Jean tugs at Kevin’s arm, leading him further away. Kevin goes, only because it is Jean, and he does not believe Jean will hurt him. 

“He has asked me to give you this,” Jean says. He looks around warily, then slides an envelope out from inside his suit jacket. He moves to press it to Kevin’s palm, but Kevin draws his hand back.

“What is it?”

“Take it.”

“Tell me what it is.”

“Plane tickets. He wants Nathaniel to come to us over the winter break.”

“No. No fucking way. He’ll kill him.”

“I have been told to give you the tickets,” Jean says, his voice flat but his eyes desperate. If Kevin does not take them, Jean will be punished. He tenses his jaw, but finally allows Jean to put the envelope in his hand. Kevin tucks it into an inside pocket. Jean nods. 

“He can’t go.”

“I have a feeling he will.”

“Will you look after him if he does?”

The look Jean gives Kevin is chilling. He releases his arm and steps away, moving back towards Riko when a loud sound catches both of their attentions. They move towards the raucous, and Kevin sees Neil and Riko crash to the ground, Neil a flurry of limbs as he lashes out at any part of Riko he can reach. 

It takes a chaotic squabble of people to pull Neil away from Riko before the coaches arrive, and then Wymack herds them all towards the Home side of the court. Kevin is paying little attention to Wymack berating Neil. He’s too aware of the envelope in his pocket, feels like it is smouldering away, at risk of burning through his clothes and into his skin at any moment. 

"Riko bought off the prosecution." Neil is speaking slowly, emphasising what he’s saying so they all listen. Kevin’s gaze flicks over to him. "That's why Drake risked coming all the way here to see Andrew. Riko would get the charges dismissed if Drake would-" 

Neil grits his teeth and shakes his head, unable to finish. Kevin understands. He feels sick himself with the thought, but unsurprised. When he thinks of the Nest, this is exactly the kind of thing Riko would do. He looks around, automatically checking for Aaron’s reaction. It’s the first time he realises Aaron isn’t with them. 

“Did you get it? Did you get my ticket? Kevin. Look at me.” Neil is hissing at him in French. Kevin’s head turns slowly towards Neil, but he’s looking through him rather than seeing him. His pulse is racing. Why is Aaron not here? Did he not see what went down with the fighting? Kevin swears he saw Katelyn with Thomas when Wymack waved them off just a moment ago. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Nicky says, and Neil looks away from Kevin to reply. He’s not listening. He looks around again, feeling frantic now. Where is Aaron? He can see Katelyn, down the court a bit, also looking around. Which means she doesn’t know where he is either. 

"Do you have my ticket?" Neil’s words draw Kevin’s attention back again.

"You're not going. Do you know what he'll do to you?"

"Do you know what he'll do to Andrew if I don't go? I don't have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me."

"He will break you."

"He wishes he knew how. Trust me. I promise I'll come back, and when I do I'll bring Andrew back with me. It's going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or don't you?" 

"I have it." Kevin presses his lips together hard, gaze shifting around the court once more. He shifts back to English. “Where’s Aaron?”

“Oh shit,” Nicky says. Wymack looks disgruntled, eyes narrowing as he does a quick skim of his Foxes. Even among the panic, Kevin feels a flare of anger that none of them seemed to notice Aaron’s absence. 

“Shall we split up and check the hall for him?” Dan asks. “But someone keep Neil and Kevin here, I don’t think it’s a good idea for them to be near Riko again.”

Kevin’s looking back towards Katelyn when she suddenly takes off running, hoisting the skirt of her dress up above her knees to give her more ease of movement, allow her to race faster. Kevin’s eyes move ahead of where she’s going, but he can’t see Aaron past the other teams on the floor. Katelyn disappears from his line of vision, and it’s several moments later before she reappears with Aaron. There is blood on his shirt. His nose is bloody. His mouth might be too, or it could just be the blood trickling down from his nose. Kevin feels sick.

“Not you too.” Wymack sighs heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. “Who were you fighting with?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“A surefire way to make me worry about it. You’re all trying to take me out via high blood pressure before the New Year. Speak. What happened?”

“One of the Ravens trying his chances while everyone else was distracted in the fray.” Aaron looks at Abby when she comes over to him. He flinches when she reaches for his face. Abby frowns, but she waits for Aaron to move forward to her hands rather than reach after him again. He says, voice far softer with her: “I’m okay.”

Abby checks his nose anyway, while Katelyn wraps herself around one of his arms. Kevin wants to go over and check on Aaron himself, but his feet remain stubbornly rooted to the floor. Aaron glances over at him, but whatever he sees just makes his frown deepen.

“Let’s go home, Coach,” Dan says, and when Abby is done with Aaron, they all pile back onto the bus.

*

It’s a silent drive home. Kevin sits sullenly beside Neil and spends his journey watching the back of Aaron’s head. Katelyn keeps running her fingers through his hair, both of them sitting unnecessarily close to each other on their seats. They don’t say much, but seem perfectly capable of communicating plenty with looks alone. Eventually Katelyn guides Aaron’s head down to her shoulder, insistently pushing him when he resists until he finally melts against her. She drapes his jacket over him like a blanket and wraps her arms around him, fingers continuing to stroke through his hair until she falls asleep. Kevin doesn’t know if Aaron also sleeps, but he doesn’t move, and Kevin is torn between a bitterness that it is not him comforting Aaron, and a deep gratitude to Katelyn for looking after him in the way Kevin can’t. 

There is a selfishness to his desire to be in her place as well. He also wants the comfort right now, can feel a longing in himself for the solid press of Aaron’s warmth against him. He catches his left hand in his right and rubs his thumb up and down along the length of his scar, but it is not the same as Aaron touching him. Kevin is too keenly aware it is his own skin, even when he closes his eyes and tries to imagine it. 

*

Kevin hands Neil the envelope in the hallway of Fox Tower. Neil takes it without opening it and goes into his dorm. Nicky babbles on about the evening, filling Aaron in on the fight in case he missed it, prompting Aaron for more details on what happened to him. Aaron does not answer, but he does inform Nicky that he’s not going to New York for Christmas. He’s going to spend it with Katelyn.

The room goes dead silent for a long stretch. Kevin looks at Aaron, stunned. It is one thing for him to make a point by going off to dance with Katelyn at the banquet, another entirely to leave Kevin for the whole of the Christmas break to be with her. What, are they lying to Katelyn’s family now too? Going to pretend she’s bringing her boyfriend home for Christmas? Or maybe Aaron took it seriously when Kevin said if that’s what you have do. Perhaps it’s not a lie anymore, and Aaron has feelings for Katelyn, and he’s realising she’s the better choice.

“What?” Finally Nicky shatters the silence, going off on an extended rant about how he cancelled his trip to Germany to be with Aaron. How he doesn’t want to be separated for Christmas. Aaron says little in response, expression grim as Nicky gets noticeably more upset. Kevin feels like an unwilling voyeur as he gets changed in the background, but there’s not many places he can go within the dorm to escape. 

Aaron dips his head, expression the closest thing to guilty Kevin has seen on his carefully guarded face. Nicky pauses in his speech. He’s clearly still devastated, but he takes in Aaron’s curled forward form and he sighs for a long time. He puts his hands to his face and rubs his palms over his eyes.

“This will make you happy?”

“Yes,” Aaron says after a beat. Nicky doesn’t notice the delay. Kevin does. Aaron side glances at him while Nicky sighs. Kevin wonders if this is a test. If he asks Aaron nicely will he maybe come with them after all. He sets his jaw, wondering if he should play into that game.

“Okay then.” Nicky sounds exhausted and defeated. “But keep in touch with me, okay?”

Aaron nods. The atmosphere in the dorm is oppressive as they all change for bed. Kevin is glad when he can lie down and pretend to sleep. Eventually Nicky’s breathing evens out and deepens. Kevin waits to hear Aaron’s go too, though usually it is Kevin who falls asleep first. Aaron’s breath stays quiet, and after Nicky has been out for a while, he swings his legs out of bed.

“Come on.” Aaron stops by Kevin’s bed in the dark. Kevin does not move. “I know you’re awake. I can tell by your breathing.”

Aaron leaves the room. Kevin thinks about ignoring him, but it’s only a moment before he follows. Aaron nods at the bedroom door. Kevin pulls it closed behind him. Aaron leads them to the furthest side of the kitchen, as far away as he can get from the bedroom. Kevin folds his arms over his chest as he follows him. He wonders if this is them finally coming to a head. If Aaron is going to break it off with him.

“Do you have it?” Aaron asks.

“What?” Kevin’s whole face scrunches up in confusion. He had been bracing himself for an argument at best, a break up at worst. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to have.

“The plane ticket. Do you have it?”

“I gave it to Neil.” It’s only after Kevin answers that it occurs to him Aaron shouldn’t know about that ticket.

“Why would you give it to Neil?”

“How do you know about it?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Kevin.” Aaron sighs like Kevin is greatly inconveniencing him. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why would you give my plane ticket to Neil?”

It takes Kevin a long moment to process that, and it feels like his whole system has to reboot afterwards. Aaron’s absence. The blood on his nose. Don’t worry about it. No. No. It’s one thing for Neil to go. Neil was destined for the Nest, Riko has some twisted sense of claim on him, but he has no ownership over Aaron. And as much as Kevin would prefer no one go to the Nest, Neil probably has the best chance of survival out of all of them. Not Aaron. Aaron is probably disposable to Riko. Probably as easy to get rid of as Seth.

“No,” Kevin says, the word finally ripping free of his throat. Aaron’s eyes jump to the bedroom door, then he glares at Kevin. 

“Shhh.”

You cannot even imagine what is coming next, Riko had said, and he was right. Kevin would never have imagined this. He’s been trying so hard to keep distance between him and Aaron in public. This is why he’s been causing a constant rift between them. His feeble effort to protect Aaron, and what has it been for? Kevin doesn’t know if he’s the cause exactly; or if Riko’s just come for Aaron off the back of targeting Andrew. Maybe he thinks Neil’s fondness extends to both twins, or he knows this will piss off Andrew when he gets released.

Or maybe somehow Kevin is to blame. Perhaps they’ve slipped up somewhere, or he’s got someone spying on them in private. He doesn’t think Riko will kill either of them; at this point it would not serve the Ravens to win simply because the Foxes are disqualified. There will always be the what if haunting them in that case. But there is an awful lot that can be done in the Nest that is not death. Kevin knows. Kevin has seen it.

“You can’t go,” Kevin hisses, crossing the space between them, putting his hands on the counter on either side of Aaron’s hips. “It’s a trap. He’ll kill you. Or destroy you. Aaron, you can’t.”

“I have to,” Aaron says simply. “He threatened Andrew if I don’t.”

Do you know what he’ll do to Andrew if I don’t?

So Riko is hanging the same threat over both of them. There is a small relief in it. Riko doesn’t know. This is not Kevin’s fault. He is not hurting Aaron because of Kevin, but then, in the grand scheme of things, of course it is Kevin’s fault. None of them would be in Riko’s line of attack if he had not left. If he had not come to the Foxes. If he had not made his deal with Andrew and fought to have Neil on his lineup. They wouldn’t even be dealing with the Ravens in their district if Kevin had not come here.

“Aaron.” Kevin’s voice is a broken plea. He knows it is hopeless. There is no force on this Earth that will shift Aaron’s decision beyond Andrew himself walking back into the dorm. Kevin knows this. It does not make it easy to accept. He ducks his head down, pressing his forehead to Aaron’s shoulder. He laughs, but it is a bitter sound. “I thought you were breaking up with me. Kind of wish it were just that now.”

Aaron goes extremely still beneath Kevin. Kevin’s chest catches again.

“Are we even together?”

Kevin tilts his head, looks at Aaron through watery eyes. Aaron looks back, his own expression blank and assessing. Kevin swallows thickly. He watches Aaron’s resolve weaken in real time. As always, he cannot help but care for Kevin even when he is mad. He lifts a hand and gently smooths his thumb along his cheek. Kevin shudders out a breath. Aaron closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Kevin’s. 

“I’ll just have to be your New Year’s Eve kiss in spirit,” he says. “Not that you’d have let me kiss you with everyone around anyway.”

“Aaron.” 

“I assume Neil is going too then. Ballsy of him, taking two of us. Come on.” Aaron pushes Kevin back gently. “Let’s go get my ticket.”

Aaron wraps his knuckles against Neil’s dorm door, no concern of waking Matt. Kevin hopes he’s not back from the girls' dorm yet. It takes a minute before Neil appears, looking bleary and smelling of smoke. Aaron steps in past him before Neil can block him. Kevin follows, his head dipped.

“What?” Neil asks, looking drained.

“You have something of mine,” Aaron says.

“What?”

“The envelope.” Kevin’s voice sounds like it is coming from outside his body. There’s a ringing in his ears. He walks through to the bedroom, and when he finds it empty, sinks down into the desk chair. “He’s taking Aaron too.”

“What? No.” Neil’s voice is more irritated than the devastation of Kevin’s reaction. “What’s he want with you?”

“Does that asshole ever have reasoning?” Aaron shrugs. He doesn’t know that there’s a much bigger reason why Riko is taking Neil. He thinks this is still just about exy. Kevin’s eyes flick to Neil, wondering if he is going to reveal this. It’s not Kevin’s place to say. Neil says nothing. “He said he’ll hurt Andrew if I don’t go, so I’m going.”

“Yeah.”

“You too?” Aaron looks at Neil with an assessing gaze. Neil nods, staring back. “Why? He won’t be grateful.”

“He won’t be grateful to you for killing Drake, or for doing this either. It doesn’t matter. We do what we have to do.”

“He’s my brother.”

“The Foxes are all I have. I don’t care what Andrew thinks. I’m making the only call I can.”

Aaron studies Neil in silence, his expression unconvinced. Kevin looks between them, then drops his gaze to the ground, head in his hands. He’s already lost Andrew. He’s barely been able to grasp the idea of losing Neil. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive losing the three of them. His chest tightens, his breath cutting in and out of him, not enough, lungs aching. 

“Breathe, Kevin,” Aaron says. His voice is sharper than usual, and he doesn’t move to Kevin’s side like he sometimes does. Kevin wishes he would right now. He doesn’t even care that Neil is here. He wants Aaron to reassure him. Andrew is the one that tells him hard facts, like everything is shit, but he will survive regardless. Aaron is the reassurance. He doesn’t lie, but he focuses on what is true. You’re okay. You’re safe in this moment. You can breathe, I know you can. “I know this is hard for you, but I need you to get it together. You have to watch Nicky for me until I get back.” 

“You can’t go,” Kevin says, even though he knows they both will. It’s a pointless waste of the small amount of oxygen he manages to drag in.

“We’re going,” Aaron says, final, then holds out his hand to Neil. “Ticket.”

*

While Neil makes up some lie about going home to see an uncle, Aaron simply says he’s got an early flight and he’s leaving with Katelyn. 

“How are you getting to the airport?” Kevin asks.

“I’ll take the bus. Too suspicious if Neil and I leave at the same time. Kate’s gonna cover for me if anyone messages her.” Aaron finishes double checking his bag and turns back to Kevin. They’re in the living room of their dorm, both of them having been unable to sleep last night. “You’ll be okay. You’ll be in New York. No one outside of us knows you’re going. No one will be able to reach you there, and they’ll be busy with Neil and I anyway, I’m sure. So you’ll be fine until I get back.”

“You won’t.”

“I’ll live.”

“Best case.”

“Kevin.”

“Let me get you a cab.”

“The bus is fine.”

“Aaron. It’s the least I can do. If I could go in your place-”

“You wouldn’t,” Aaron says, and Kevin deflates, because it’s the truth. “And that’s okay. I wouldn’t let you, because you might never get out again, but I will.”

Kevin reaches for Aaron, unsure if he’ll actually be allowed to touch him, but once his hand wraps around Aaron’s forearm all the bravado seeps out of him. He sags forward against Kevin’s chest as Kevin embraces him tightly, pressing his face to Aaron’s hair, breathing in the familiar scent of him.

“Come back to me.”

“I will. I just said that.”

Aaron draws back just enough to look up into Kevin’s eyes. His gaze flicks over his face, assessing, before he pushes up on the balls of his feet and presses their lips together. It is a surprisingly soft kiss for them. Kevin drops his hands to Aaron’s waist to steady him, then leans down so he does not have to arch up so much. Aaron’s arms curl around Kevin’s neck, holding him closer. The pressure between them builds, a sense of desperation, but the kiss does not deepen. Aaron breaks it, pulling away slowly, Kevin following him for just a second. Aaron takes a deep breath. He sighs it out. 

Then he kisses Kevin in a way that makes his inside melt, tongue against his, tongue piercing trailing along the top of his mouth, fingers in his hair. This kiss is far more brief, but Kevin is almost panting when Aaron pulls away. Aaron wipes his damp lips on the back of his hand.

“That’s your New Year’s Eve kiss early.”

*

Kevin’s phone rings on Christmas Day. He excuses himself from the table, insistent he has to take it. Neil’s name is flashing across the screen. It’s the first he has heard from either of them beyond a confirmation text from Aaron that they had landed in West Virginia. Kevin’s been sick with worry, and Nicky’s festive mood has been darkened by Aaron not replying to any of his messages, thinking he’s being ignored in favour of Katelyn. Kevin makes sure to move a fair bit down the hall before he answers.

“Neil?”

“Nathaniel’s a bit preoccupied at the moment,” Riko says, and Kevin freezes, heartbeat thundering in his ears. “I just wanted to let you know about my Christmas gift to him. See, he’s finally got his number. Just like he was always supposed to have. Things in order how they should have been.”

“No,” Kevin says, disbelieving.

“Oh yes, Kevin. Just finished tattooing it. The ink is still fresh.”

Everything in Kevin wants to hang up on him, but he’s afraid if he does Neil will suffer for his arrogance. So he is stuck clutching the phone and breathing shallowly. 

“I will have my Perfect Court, Kevin, as is my birthright. I don’t care how many bumps I have to go through along the way. You will all fall in line for me eventually.”

When Kevin still doesn’t speak, Riko laughs, sharp and cutting, crackling down the line.

“Merry Christmas.” He hangs up without waiting for a response.

*

We landed in WV

He’s here with Jean

We are just heading to the airport for NY

Merry Christmas

You’re meant to be back today

Did you get back?

Happy New Year

Yes

Happy New Year

Are you okay?

Aaron?

I will be

Was asleep

Did he hurt you?

I’m okay Kev

Are you okay?

Of course I’m okay

Really?

As okay as I ever am

Okay

*

“Is Neil okay?” Kevin asks when Wymack answers the phone in lieu of greeting. “He’s not answering my calls.”

“Surprise surprise. Okay is perhaps an overstatement, but he’s alive and functional. Just about.”

Kevin sighs heavily. It doesn’t quite feel like relief. 

“You knew then.”

“Yes.”

“Did you know about Aaron too?”

Kevin’s mouth feels incredibly dry.

“Yes.” The word scratches hoarse and quiet out of his throat.

“You’re going to have to tell the others.”

“They didn’t want me to-”

“Kevin. Listen to me. They are going to be okay, but neither of them are in a good way right now. The others need to be warned what they’re coming back to. Neil’s battered. They’ve dyed his hair, he’s apparently been wearing contacts all this time, and…”

There is a long pause. Wymack does not tend to hesitate. Kevin feels a sick drop in his stomach.

“And what?”

“They’ve tattooed him. A number four.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Riko called me on Christmas to gloat.”

“A heads up would have been nice,” Wymack says, but he does not sound particularly angry. Just his usual gruff irritation. 

“Aaron too?” Kevin does not really think Riko will have inked Aaron. While Neil’s number was probably intended as a claim of ownership, Riko in general is very picky about who gets one. The Perfect Court is only to be composed of the best of the best, of course. There are countless Ravens fighting for those numbers. Aaron is not really talented enough, does not care enough about exy to really merit one, but Riko has been acting more erratically and taking more risks than Kevin has ever expected from him. He has to check. 

“No. From the little I’ve managed to scrape out of Neil, they had Aaron somewhere else while they were putting him through exy torture camp.”

“So Aaron’s okay?”

“No. They’ve pumped him full of something. Abby’s sent for blood tests, but he’s a mess. She suspects a blend of heavy opioids and maybe something else. The early signs of withdrawals have started but Abby anticipates he’ll get a lot worse over the next week or so. She’s keeping him largely sedated at the moment. Looks like he’s barely eaten in weeks. He’s not as badly battered as Neil, but they’ve definitely beat him as well.”

Kevin puts a hand to his face. His throat convulses. Fuck. Fuck. 

“We’ll try and get back earlier.”

“No point. I doubt he’ll be conscious much in the next few days, and Neil can barely move. I’ve got my hands full trying to get him to rest.”

“You think Nicky is going to want to wait a few days when he hears about Aaron?”

“Then don’t tell him until the day before you come back, but I need you to warn them, Kevin. I got enough of a shock when Neil phoned me to pick them up from the airport. Neil was the one to phone me. That says enough. He barely knew where he was, and Aaron was still off his head. I don’t know how Aaron managed to navigate the pair of them through the airport, or how no one stopped them. I don’t even know how he survived the flight. He spent the whole car ride back shivering and puking in the backseat.”

“Did you take him to the hospital?”

“No. It’ll be too easy to slant this as a stress induced relapse after everything that happened, and if the press can paint him as a junkie, that could have a negative impact on the trial. Abby’s monitoring him. If it gets precarious enough that he needs to go in, she’ll make that call, but at the moment she says she’s got him, and I trust her.”

Kevin sniffs. He’s finding it hard to speak. He nods even though Wymack can’t see him, breathing shaky down the line.

“Are you going to be okay?” Wymack asks, in that way he has that is blunt but somehow still compassionate. Just like Aaron. Fuck.

“Nothing happened to me.” No, nothing happened to Kevin. Everyone else is just suffering in his place. Taking all of Riko’s blows because he can’t reach Kevin. “If I’d just gone back to the Nest-”

“Don’t start that. No one wants that. You’ve seen how Neil has gone out of his way to put himself between you and Riko countless times, and I know Aaron can be a bit closed off, but he wouldn’t want you going back either.”

Kevin wonders if Wymack is just saying that. If he’s trying to be comforting, or Aaron has maybe said something in his high state. Kevin searches himself to see if he cares about that, but the old throb of panic and concern is gone. All he feels is a hollow ache. He’s speaking with his father, who doesn’t know, because Kevin is too afraid to tell him. About the boy who he loves, who doesn’t know, because Kevin is too afraid to tell him. And both of them put in the effort to care for Kevin even without the awareness of either of those facts.

“Look after him,” Kevin says, sounding broken even to himself. Then, uselessly, he adds: “Both of them.”

It’s pointless in multiple ways, because he knows Neil will resist being taken care of, and he knows he already exposed himself. But he’s tired, aching, sick, and he can’t find it in himself to keep pretending. Not right now. Not in this moment.

“I will. I’ll take care of things on my side, and you take care of things on your side. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah,” Kevin says hoarsely.

“Good. Oh, and Happy New Year.”

*

You told me you were okay

Aaron

Was sleeping again

I said I will be

I can’t wait to see you

Really?

Yes

Is that a surprise?

Kinda

You should get more rest

See you soon

Yes

*

“We have something to tell you,” Kevin says. His voice is paper thin. He’s looking at Nicky but not really seeing him. His hands are shaking so badly he has to move his phone to the right one, afraid his left one will give, and even now he feels like he might still drop it. He swallows around the lump in his throat. 

“You alright, man?” Matt asks. Nicky is uncharacteristically quiet as he takes in Kevin’s stance and expression. His smile slowly drops from his face.

“What is it?”

“It’s Aaron,” Kevin says, and he feels his throat convulse, closing tight. He thought he had learned to shut this down. How many years he had spent watching Jean get battered and bruised. How many times he was made to hold him down as Riko tortured him. How many distractions he had to create so the others wouldn’t notice the extent of his injuries, or to pull their attention away from poking at the weaknesses in Jean’s play. Kevin should be more than used to having Riko hurt the person he loves. He shouldn’t even flinch at it by this point.

But he’s been out of the Nest for over a year now, and almost every memory he has of Aaron is separate from Riko. Small blood like Kathy Ferdinand aside. Where Andrew is the constant, steady force that keeps Kevin propped up and moving forward even when all he wants to do is crumble, Aaron is the persistent patience that encourages him to let some of his guards down. To shrug off the weight the Nest left on his shoulders. To try and embrace his new freedoms. He has not needed those defences in the same way, has not been reinforcing them through practice, and so they have weakened. 

He didn’t think he would ever need them for Aaron. Aaron was never supposed to be tied up with Riko, was never supposed to be in the Nest. Bar marking him on the court, Aaron should never have been near Riko at all.

Nicky’s face grows serious at the mention of Aaron’s name. He steps closer to Kevin.

“What’s wrong with Aaron?”

“He wasn’t with Katelyn over the Christmas break. He was at the Nest.”

“What?” Matt and Nicky’s voices ring out in synchronicity. 

“Neil and Aaron both. I’ve-  Coach is on the phone. He can tell you better than I can.” Kevin sets the phone on the table between them as he doesn’t trust himself to keep a grip on it, putting it on speaker. 

“Coach? Is Aaron okay?” Nicky leans over the phone, like that will make Wymack answer faster. Matt leans forward beside him.

“Is Neil?”

Wymack gives them a summarised breakdown of what he told Kevin. He doesn’t mention the tattoo, but he warns them Neil won’t want to be fussed over, and not to ask about his eyes. He gives Nicky the latest update from Abby, the blood tests definitely showing some strong opioids, but also a mix of drugs she’s not entirely sure of. There’s reassurances that they will both be okay despite the fact they’re in rough form now. Kevin folds his arms tight across his chest as the other two babble down the phone, and turns his head away from the panicked concern on their faces. 

He’s glad they’re going back to Palmetto tomorrow. He’s barely slept the entire break, and he knows he won’t be able to settle until he finally sees Aaron and Neil again, until he can prove to himself they’re safe with the physical proof of their presence.

*

Kevin’s cheek is still throbbing from Matt’s punches as they make their way to Abby’s. Neil is driving, Nicky is in the back, and Kevin stares out the windscreen with hollow eyes. Once Nicky heard what happened and immediately contacted Aaron, Aaron made him promise to not get Andrew without him. Kevin isn’t sure if Aaron is really up for being away from campus yet, but Nicky had promised.

“I’ll wait in the car,” Neil says. “Give you space.”

He looks towards Kevin, but Kevin is already out of the car before he realises that Neil is probably expecting Kevin to wait with him. That it is Nicky he is giving space with Aaron to, not Kevin. He could pretend he just wants to stretch his legs, or he could act like he misunderstood and get back in the car. Kevin does neither. He ignores Nicky’s surprised look, and doesn’t even glance back to see what expression is on Neil’s face. He simply strides towards the building.

Kevin thought he was prepared after seeing how bad Neil looks, but his first glimpse of Aaron punches the air out of his chest. Kevin knows Aaron is, objectively, quite short, but he never really looks small. He looks so fucking small in Abby’s guest bed, his pale skin marked with cuts and bruises. Nowhere near the technicolour portrait of Neil’s skin, but bad enough. He’s paler than usual, even his lips drained of colour. His skin is damp with a layer of sweat, his eyes glassy and hollow. Kevin is frozen by the door as he takes him in, but Nicky rushes ahead.

“Oh, Aaron.” He catches Aaron’s face in his hands. It is telling of the state that Aaron is in that he doesn’t even fuss as Nicky puts a hand to his forehead, brushes his hair back, leans down to look in his eyes. “How are you feeling? Don’t say fine. I’ve already told Neil I can’t hear that today.”

“Like shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’d have tried to stop me.”

“Of fucking course I would have. God.” Nicky sniffs, the threat of tears evident in his voice. “Though Kevin told me why you went, so I know I wouldn’t have won that argument. I should have known you wouldn’t just change plans so last minute.”

Kevin finally gets his legs to work. He crosses the room and sinks into the chair beside the bed, across from where Nicky is hovering. Aaron’s eyes flick to him. His pupils are blown wide, dominating his eyes, only a ring of colour visible. A dull brown in the artificial light of the room. No sign of the usual kaleidoscope of colours Kevin knows exist in Aaron’s eyes. Kevin meets his gaze and can’t think of a single thing to say to encapsulate how he’s feeling. He puts his hand on Aaron’s bare forearm, careful not to overlap any of the bruises from needles. Kevin hopes at least some of them are from Abby, that they’re not all from the Nest. There’s a drip running into Aaron’s other arm. 

“Aaron.” His voice comes out hoarser than he expects. Aaron’s eyebrows lift, like he’s surprised Kevin is touching him in front of Nicky. Kevin can feel Nicky watching them, but he doesn’t give a fuck. He can’t. He’s been pushed past the edge of his fear. He’s been thrown into a situation only one step away from his worst case scenario, and Kevin can’t help but think how easily it could have been. One miscalculation, one bad reaction between drugs or from Aaron. People accidentally die from taking one too many paracetamol drinks when they have the cold. It would have been so easy for Riko to have unintentionally caused Aaron to overdose on whatever shit he was injecting him with.

“Hi.” Aaron’s face has been largely vacant since they entered the room, but after a delayed moment, he smiles at Kevin, his head lolling on the pillow towards him. “Look after Nicky for me?”

“Think I scarcely managed to look after myself.”

“Tch.” Aaron clicks his tongue disapprovingly. He moves his arm back until his palm is beneath Kevin’s instead. Kevin grasps Aaron’s hand in both of his.

“Uh. Excuse me? Am I the one who’s high?” 

Kevin glares disapprovingly at Nicky, but Aaron doesn’t look away from him, thumb rubbing over the back of Kevin’s knuckles. It’s selfish. Aaron is the one beaten and drugged in the bed, but here he is, comforting Kevin with his touch. The sheer relief of it enough to have Kevin almost sagging against the bedsheets beside him. 

“You’ll have to tell me about New York.” It’s not that Aaron doesn’t talk to Kevin. He does. Sometimes quite a lot, but it’s always when they’re alone, and his tone is never quite chatty like this. 

“Later. Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“I’m going,” Aaron says firmly. “Abby said I can.”

“I did, but he’ll have to come back here later. We’re still running a fluid drip. He was badly dehydrated when he got back, and he’s having trouble keeping even water down with all the vomiting.” Abby glances at Kevin’s hands around Aaron’s but doesn’t say anything, giving Kevin a small smile. She touches Nicky’s bicep reassuringly as she steps by him, then leans over Aaron. Unlike at the banquet, Aaron doesn’t flinch when Abby reaches for him this time. Either the instinct is blunted, or he’s used to Abby caring for him now.

She checks his pulse, takes his temperature, and removes the IV tube from his arm. She leaves the small plastic bit that it feeds into though. Aaron probably knows the name of it. Kevin will ask him later, because Aaron will enjoy telling him. 

“Am I going to live, doc?” Aaron grins at her. It’s not quite as manic as Andrew’s drugged smile, but it still sends a cold shiver down Kevin’s spine, because it’s not Aaron’s smile. Not any of the ones Kevin recognises, anyway. 

“If I have anything to say about it.” Abby smiles fondly, pinching Aaron’s chin. Nicky’s eyes move between them, eyebrows raised. 

“Is he still high?”

“Nicky,” Kevin hisses.

“It’s a fair question,” Abby says. “Yes. I’ve got him on a lower dose of a similar opioid to the one that showed up in his blood results. It’s helping with the pain of the other injuries, but mostly it’s to wean down the dose and stave off the worst of the withdrawal side effects.”

“Not getting rid of all of them though,” Aaron says. 

“Last dose was just shy of an hour ago, so you shouldn’t be too sick before you get back again. Might take a basin with you just in case.”

Aaron pulls a face, but he starts to push himself up in bed. He has to take his hand from Kevin to do so. Kevin clutches on for a second before realising what Aaron is trying to do and letting go. Nicky moves to help Aaron. 

“I’ve got it,” he says, but Nicky pulls the blanket down anyway. Aaron winces as he gets out of bed, in a way that suggests he’s trying very hard to hide it. “I need to get dressed.”

Abby takes her leave of the room. Nicky takes one step, then looks at the slow way Aaron is moving.

“Do you need help?”

Aaron glares at him.

“I’ll help,” Kevin says, waving Nicky towards the door. “No, seriously, what is happening here?” Nicky looks between them. Kevin meets Aaron’s eye. Nicky is his family, it’s not Kevin’s place. Aaron looks warily back at him. Kevin has always wanted to keep them secret. Aaron does not go against that promise.

“I’ll be out in a moment,” Aaron says.

“You’re just going to ignore me?”

“Go tell Abby about your trip. I bet it’s more pleasant to listen to than mine.”

Nicky’s frown deepens. He lingers, clearly not wanting to leave Aaron, but he’s been reaching out to the twins for long enough to know when his hand is going to get batted away. With one last curious glance towards Kevin, he leaves, clicking the door shut behind him.

“Should I not have said that?” 

“I don’t know. Should you?”

“Nicky is your family. It’s not my place.”

“Not your place to what?”

“Suggest… anything about you.”

“What would you be suggesting, Kevin?”

Kevin looks at Aaron, the space between his brows furrowing. Aaron looks back. He sighs. He starts to take his shirt off. Kevin steps around the bed.

“Here.” He catches the base of Aaron’s shirt and pulls it up slow, jaw tensing as he sees the old bruises littering Aaron’s torso. “You said he didn’t hurt you.”

“No. I said I was okay.” Aaron holds his arms up for Kevin to slide his shirt over them. He’s lost a noticeable amount of weight. “Besides, most of this wasn’t Riko. I think he was too busy with Neil. He sent others. I didn’t recognise them, so I don’t think they were Ravens. He must have got someone with medical knowledge. To get the dosage right. Most of this is from the start. He wanted me to inject myself. I wouldn’t do it. He didn’t like that. When he realised he couldn’t beat me into submission, he started on about Andrew again.”

“Then you did it.”

Aaron looks up at Kevin, his mouth pinched. Kevin can see the confirmation in his eyes.

“Then I guess I was too out of it after a while. Might have injected myself badly, or taken too much, or… I don’t know. They just came and administered it themselves after… I don’t even know. Time is weird in there. Felt longer.”

“It’s the days.”

“What?”

“The Nest runs on sixteen hour days.”

“Shit. I thought time was just moving different, with the drugs.”

“Sorry I didn’t message more. When you didn’t reply, I was worried they had your phone.”

“I think they did. I don’t really know. I remember bits, but I was out of it a lot. I think that helped. That I slept through most of it. Neil had a worse time.”

“Maybe. This is still bad.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you really going to be okay?” Kevin touches Aaron’s cheek. As soft as he can manage. Aaron leans more heavily into the touch, his lashes fluttering. He looks up through the pale fan of them at Kevin. 

“It’s going to suck, but I trust Abby. It will suck less than the first time.”

“The first time.”

“When Andrew got me clean. Right after our mom died. Locked me in the bathroom for days. Clawed my fingers raw against the door trying to get out. Was convinced I was gonna die in there.”

“Jesus, Aaron.”

“Abby’s doing it carefully. Weaning me off. Keeping me hydrated, monitoring my blood sodium levels. That’ll lower any potential risks of heart failure. Andrew might flip once he finds out she’s giving me drugs though. Don’t let him lash out at Abby, okay?”

“How can I stop him?”

“If you get between them, he’s less likely to hurt you.”

“He won’t hurt you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Aaron says. It’s a bizarre statement. Since he’s been at Palmetto, Kevin has seen Andrew lash out multiple times. He’s been a target, and Nicky is on frequent occasion, but never once has Andrew reached for Aaron. Yet Aaron sounds so unconvinced. 

“I’ll try,” Kevin says, because he knows it’s a lost cause trying to meddle in the twins’ relationship. “You’re shaking. Let’s get some clothes on you.”

“You don't have to- I can dress myself. I just thought this would give us a chance to speak with Nicky out of the room.”

“I want to,” Keivn says, navigating Aaron into his jumper. 

“You’re acting weird.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting like-” Aaron cuts off, turning his head away.

“Like what?”

“Like you actually like me,” Aaron says after a long moment. 

“Of course I like you.”

“Doesn’t seem like it. A lot of the time.” Aaron looks back to him, brow creased. Kevin frowns at him, both of them unhappy looking.

“Why would we be doing this if I didn’t like you?”

“I don’t know. You like the attention. Like having someone take care of you.”

“Is that what you really think?” When Aaron shrugs, Kevin sighs.

“Can you blame me? You act like you don’t even want to know me half times, now you’re all over me. I’m getting whiplash.”

“I was so scared I was going to lose you,” Kevin admits, looking at Aaron’s chest so he doesn’t have to meet his eyes. “I thought if anyone knew, Riko would target you. I thought it was for the best. Then he got you anyway, and all I could think for the last few weeks is what if you don’t come back? What if you’re gone, and we didn’t even part on good terms? You die resenting me and I don’t even get to say goodbye?”

“I don’t resent you, Kevin.”

“You thought I didn’t even care about you. Why do you do this if you think that?”

“Because I care about you,” Aaron says simply. “Thought that much was obvious. I tried not to, and it didn’t work. I can’t turn it off. So I’m stuck settling for whatever you give me.”

“You shouldn’t have to settle.”

“You were never willing to give more. I couldn’t push you.”

“I can’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t even wait in the car. I had to see you.” 

Aaron’s face twitches. The briefest hint of a smile. He puts his hands on Kevin’s shoulders. Kevin crouches down immediately so Aaron’s arms can go around his neck, hugging him to his chest. He’s gentle with his grip, not wanting to aggravate any of Aaron’s injuries. Aaron has no qualms in response, tightening his arms around Kevin, clutching to him. His cheek is clammy where it presses against Kevin’s. His body is shaking against him. His hair smells sickly; sweaty, but not how Aaron’s sweat usually smells. Something acrid and bitter to it. 

“We should go. I don’t want Andrew to be waiting.”

Kevin helps Aaron finish changing, making a mental note of any other marks on his skin. When they’re done, Abby wraps a blanket around Aaron’s shoulders and gives Nicky a basin to take with them. She hands Kevin a bottle of water, tells him to try and get Aaron to keep taking sips. Nicky sits in the back with Aaron. Kevin wants to stay near him, but he gets in the front. At the hospital, he sits beside Neil when Aaron collapses into a single chair, awkwardly trying to extend some comfort to him. He’s already been honest with Aaron today. Listening to Neil talk about Riko should be easy in comparison. Neil thanks him by throwing the knowledge that Wymack is his father back at him, which is very in character for Neil. Kevin’s spared any further discussion about it by Andrew’s appearance. 

Andrew’s cool glance drifts across them all, but Kevin notices as it lands on Aaron his eyes widened fractionally, and his look lingers for several seconds longer than anyone else. He says nothing. Kevin’s stomach clenches painfully. I don’t know about that, Aaron had said. Is it because he knows what Andrew off his meds completely is like? Did he know Andrew wouldn’t spare him a second glance?

Aaron is the first to move, heaving himself painfully out of the chair. He had wanted to come. Even as sick as he is. He had wanted to be here for Andrew, and Andrew doesn’t so much as say hello. Kevin steps up beside him when they get to the car. Andrew’s gaze dips over him in a bored inspection. 

“You’re not even going to check if Aaron’s-” 

Andrew flicks his fingers in dismissal, and Kevin, always the obedient fucking dog regardless the master, can only nod and go get in the car. Aaron reaches forward from the seat behind his and gives the back of his neck a firm squeeze. His hands are always cold, but they’re freezing today. Kevin reaches up and catches Aaron’s hand before he withdraws it fully, rubbing his fingertips between his own until they warm up some. Aaron tugs his hand away when Andrew gets in the car. 

They’re sent up to the dorm when they return, Andrew keeping Nicky behind. Aaron survived the car ride, but he’s starting to get nauseated again. He immediately collapses on the couch when they get in, making a soft, sick moaning sound. Kevin moves him so his head is resting on Kevin’s thigh and tries to encourage him to drink from the water bottle, holding it up to his lips so Aaron can take small sips. Aaron pushes it away. Kevin has tugged Nicky’s throw blanket from the back of the couch down over Aaron and is carding his fingers through his hair when the dorm door bursts open. 

“I did not believe you to be stupid,” Andrew says. Aaron doesn’t stir in response. Kevin starts to open his mouth, but Andrew holds up a warning finger. “Not you.”

“Oh, are you actually talking to me for once?”

“You went to Evermore.”

“Yeah. I’d have told you as much if you had asked.” Aaron starts to sit up. Andrew’s eyes flick between him and Kevin, but he seems to prioritise this over questioning their closeness.

“Go and get Neil,” he says to Kevin. Kevin looks warily at Aaron. Aaron gives a small nod, so he leaves him. He can hear Andrew’s voice as he leaves the dorm, Aaron’s raising in response, but their words are lost when the door closes behind him. Nicky’s already at Neil’s door, so Kevin takes that to mean he was just being dismissed. This is confirmed when he tries to follow Neil into the dorm again only for Andrew to close the door in his face.

“Well,” Nicky says. “We may go elsewhere for a while.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kevin leans against the wall across from the door, taking his phone out. “Aaron needs to go back to Abby’s soon. I’ll see if she can come pick him up. Andrew doesn’t seem in the mood to offer lifts.”

“You’re very concerned about Aaron.” It is an obvious prompt coming from Nicky, but he’s left disappointed, because Kevin says nothing in response. Eventually Nicky sighed. “Let me know when he’s back at Abby’s. I’ll check in on him tonight.”

*

Neil eventually come out of the dorm, Andrew behind him. Kevin has slid down to sit on the floor, his head resting back against the wall. He moves to stand. Andrew settles him with an unrecognisably cold glare. Kevin has never been subject to a look like that from Andrew.

“You let him go.” 

Kevin’s gaze slides to Neil even though he knows that isn’t who Andrew is talking about. Perhaps he just wants someone else to defend him if Andrew is abandoning the position. Before Kevin can answer, Aaron comes rushing out the door. His hair is sticking to his clammy forehead and he’s gone extremely pale, but he plants himself between Kevin and Andrew. 

“Kevin didn’t let me do anything. You may act liks his keeper, but he’s not mine. He has no control over what I do.”

Andrew’s eyes narrow, flicking between the pair of them. Aaron squared his shoulders as if he does not currently look like a strong breeze could take him out. Andrew huffs, inclining his head for Neil to keep on walking. He holds Kevin’s gaze for several long seconds as he walks down the hall, before eventually turning away. Aaron sags back against Kevin once they’re out of sight. 

“I’m calling Abby.”

“Mm.”

*

Aaron was right. Andrew does not take well to the news Abby is still dosing him with drugs. She is firm with her explanation why, and when she explains the risk of fatal complications from going cold turkey, Andrew goes still. He does not argue further after that.

Kevin thought he might put him out of Aaron’s room, but he doesn’t. Abby has told him he can stay or visit as much as he likes.

“But no drinking, Kevin. I’m already putting one of my Foxes through rehab. I don’t need to deal with another. If you want to come see him, you do it sober.”

Kevin agrees, even though he desperately wants a drink. He wants to go burn himself out on the court too, but he wants to see Aaron more. 

“I’m just sleeping most of the time. You don’t have to stay.”

But Kevin does. He sleeps with his head resting on folded arms at the side of Aaron’s bed. Sometimes he wakes up with Aaron’s fingers pushed through his hair. He rubs Aaron’s back when he throws up, helps him wash up and change when the cold sweats soak through his clothes, feeds him soup when the shakes in his hands make it difficult to hold the spoon. It is evident Aaron does not take easily to be fussed over, but he accepts it as an inevitability of his care plan, and only pushes back against Kevin minimally. 

“What do you call this?” Kevin touches a finger to Aaron’s arm near where his IV is running into the skin.

“IV.”

“No. This bit specifically.”

“Cannula.” Aaron doesn’t quite smile, but his eyes crease slightly. 

Kevin uses Nicky or Andrew’s visits to go and clean up himself, though he’s got a bag with his own spare clothes at Abby’s now for when he wants to stay, and she grants him free access to her bathroom. He stays through Katelyn’s visits, pettily territorial as if she has not been helping cover for them at Kevin’s request all year. He doesn’t get in the way, sitting back to let them catch up, and he replies as pleasantly as he can manage when Katelyn includes him in the conversation. 

Slowly Aaron starts to look better bit by bit, his injuries clearing up. Though his withdrawals get worse as Abby lowers his drug dose. Kevin lays behind him on the bed as his body trembles, curled around him, trying to press his own warmth into Aaron.

“I hate you seeing me like this.”

“You’ve seen me in worse states,” Kevin says. Aaron sniffs. Kevin presses a kiss to the back of his head. “Through sickness and health. Or whatever.”

“We’re not married,” Aaron says, but he still laughs, which is all Kevin really wanted, his fingers tangling with Kevin’s where his hands are wrapped around Aaron’s, warming them. Aaron laughs, and they’re okay, and he’s going be okay. He’s going be okay and Kevin is never, ever going to let anyone take Aaron from him again. 

[mothfables]

Modern Day Chain Work at a Christmas Market

so i work at a seasonal christmas market and had this idea today while we were doing set-up. time to induce my misery (lighthearted) on my favourite characters lmao

under the cut so it doesn’t take up your dash haha

Time is the closest thing they have to a manager. he does not like this. Warriors is a close second

Twilight + Four are in charge of physically setting up the tent/stall

Legend, Wild, and Four are in charge of displays (well, when Four isn’t fed up from setting up the tent)

Wild works in the back/warehouse, Time the register with regular breaks on the floor, Legend on the floor (he refuses to even touch the register), Hyrule the floor, Twilight on the floor and occasionally register, Sky’s the greeter and occasionally works the floor or other things, Warriors is mostly on the register, and Four does a bit of everything. Wind is technically, on paper, on greeter duty (cause, yknow, child labour) but he sticks his nose into everything, much to literally everyone else’s chagrin

Time tends to put Sky on greeter duty because he knows the other man tends to tire easily, but he does surprisingly well at whatever he’s assigned. that being said, whatever he does, he passes out immediately upon getting home

they tried the ‘My Name is Link’ nametag thing exactly once. they lasted two days before everyone was sick of it

Hyrule is still shy + uncomfortable around crowds, despite working there for four years. Time has tried putting him on the floor to try to boost his confidence, but he still escapes to the back at every opportunity

Legend flat-out refuses to work their busiest weekends. he told Time they’d have to drag him kicking and screaming into the store if they absolutely want him there. Time has yet to test this

Time + Twilight are physically intimidating, which tends to be a deterrent for most shoplifters + Karens. when that doesn’t work, though, they have a secret weapon: Hyrule

shy he may be, put him in front of a Karen and you’re in for a show. more than one of them have stopped what they’re doing to watch things go down. Time has berated them for it but they don’t pay him any mind considering he’s guilty of the exact same thing

also, Hyrule has a sixth sense for potential shoplifters, no matter where in the store he is. Four + Legend have been trying to figure it out but after four years they still don’t have an explanation

Time asked Mallon once if she wanted to work at the market with them. she laughed and told him she’d rather stay on the ranch. there are many days where Time regrets not doing the same thing

Wild does not work the floor. he has stated in no uncertain terms that if he’s put out there he will bite someone. to this day Time doesn’t know if he means a customer or one of them

everyone has their own organizational system that directly contradicts everyone else’s. they all hate it

Wind works the least hours out of all of them (considering he’s fourteen). he’s pouted about this many times, but the rest of them agree he should save his back + knees while he still can

Ravio is perfectly happy with his own shop. he does pop in sometimes to say hello, though, and on occasion brings treats for everyone

[o-hora-o]

another question! Do you think anti-entropy still holds a grudge against otto and/or shicksal for what happened in ‘55? I remember tesla blowing up at one of clones and basically talking smack about him to his face, but welt and einstein were able to have a (somewhat) civil conversation with him.

This one is a bit complicated to answer due to the story-plot-holes problem or more like writers' laziness to dive deeper into the history development of these two organisations + me not being alright with how the story was unfolded and then wrapped up in general. But it's a great question to ponder about nonetheless! 

 As Ein once said “I can't erase my memories but I won't blame you for what Otto did”. I think this can suffice as a short answer. 

And now let’s dive into this story of the most contradictive illogical moves I can’t fathom to this day.  

Schicksal and NA branch had had tense relations long before 1955 happened. Technically, Edison’s personal disdain for Schicksal and Yellowstone soulium situation can be considered a starting point of this story. Plus, even though that NA branch had some sort of autonomy, lab 42 was still considered a part of European branch therefore they had to obey HQ. And a defiant group of scientists with different philosophy, life values and belief was something HQ couldn’t allow to freely exist. So, the conflict of sides was unavoidable. Even if 1955 accident had never happened, NA + lab42 would’ve fought for their independence one way or another. What I want to emphasize here is that AE organisation was destined not only to be founded but to be founded on ashes of lives and sacrifices, the core of the organisation was a historic legacy of its own.   

But 1955 did happen and then it was all snowball effect from there. Conflicts, threats, intrusions, more conflicts, rivalry etc. And the thing is that the story plot wouldn’t have gone so smoothly if Schicksal and AE had continued having beef with each other. So, at some point, they had to start cooperate, temporary at first and then on permanent basis.  

Yes, AE and St. Freya were wary of each other at first, Ein was cautious about the information and strategies they shared with Far East branch. But at some point, the story led AE to the dead end where they couldn’t defeat honkai without Kiana being the key part of their world saving plan. And then Kolosten arc came where AE and Schicksal had a whole relationship development story and AE realised that no matter how much it hurt, no matter how huge their grudge was, no matter how unfair the life was, they couldn’t blame Schicksal members for what Otto did and for what Otto made them do.  

What I dislike about it is that AE’s will to work with Schicksal felt too forced and contradictive? As if the story told them to “shut up and get over it” while, be it Ein or Tesla, clearly couldn’t shut up and get over it but were forced to play buddy-buddy with Schicksal nonetheless. Ein definitely held a grudge against Schicksal. But then something contradictive started to happen. She was reluctant to work with Schicksal at first, then she wasn’t, then she was reluctant once again and at some point, it all led to her becoming Theresa’s lapdog, to put it bluntly. And, by playing this right hand man role and speaking in the name of AE, Ein left Tesla no other choice but to suck it up and go with the flow. Which was a low blow since we all saw how emotional and enraged Tesla was in the Kolosten arc (reminder that she wanted to bombard the city) when the story decided to remind them of what Otto did. Still, they were willing to put their bitterness aside and go on a new path together as partners with Schicksal. 

Like, we have Ein and Tesla who kept AE afloat for many years which wasn’t an easy thing to do because 1) AE was an unstable organisation that was on the verge of collapsing many times 2) Joachim was MIA throughout almost the whole story 3) In the end of the day, they’re just two scientists, just a theorist and engineer. Yes, the organisation was more of a burden to them, but it was all they had, it was their legacy, their pride and their fuel to keep going. And then one day Joachim comes back from his MIA status in the story and discards it all by agreeing with the merging plan of two organisations. 

I might be biased but the “there’s no longer a conflict of ideas between us” and “it doesn’t make sense to operate separately” is something I’m not agree with to this day. Because the conflict of ideas is still there. Schicksal and AE do have different ideologies and Coralie and Helia keep proving it in the part 2. These two organisations are still naturally different on a core level. Always were and always will be. AE and Schicksal could continue operate separately and be business partners together as mechas organisation and valkyries organisation. But no. For some reason making Joachim ditch the whole organisation into Theresa’s hands and therefore burdening her with leading two world organisations simultaneously seemed more positive and wholesome to the writers. Moreover, it was done so randomly? Without anyone’s consent in AE on that matter? It’s not only Ein or Tesla who had wary opinions about Schicksal but other AE staff most likely had too. There’re generations of AE members who spent their lives seeing Schicksal as their enemy for many reasons, be it personal or political. And then everyone just went with the flow, agreed with Joachim’s decision and that’s it? I mean yeah sure, he deserved to start his life anew doing whatever he wants. But he was a sovereign after all. So many decades and efforts to make AE an independent strong organisation only to give it all back under Schicksal’s control? Just great. What’s the point of making characters so attached to their organisation only to end it with them being like “yeah, whatever, we can’t care less”. If Joachim wanted so badly to step down from his role, why to not give the sovereign role to Ein and Tesla as they rightfully deserved it? They were brain and hands of the AE organisation the whole time. The merger is even more absurd knowing that they continue operating autonomously and separately. But now being part of Schicksal.  

Which means they came back to where they started and all that history legacy and holding grudges thing goes down the drain in my opinion. 

I still think that AE were made dirty. We still don’t know about AE’s structure, how they let faction split to happen, who’s in control of their military forces now, what about Edison’s companies that were left, why Ada never played some crucial role etc. And on top of that we have this sad story about characters full of bitterness and resentment who never had a chance of being properly written but to be only used as another tool to move the game story.  

[stairset]

Satine says “we are a people of tradition” in season 3, and in this behind the scenes featurette from 2010, when lead designer Kilian Plunkett discusses the design process behind Satine (at the 16: 44 mark), he says that they tried to “make it feel that she was definitely part of this culture”. This proves that Satine hated everything about Mandalorian culture and was ashamed of her Mandalorian heritage and tried to deny it.

Mandalore joined the Republic after Satine become the leader, which is obviously inherently a bad thing because All Government Automatically Bad Always. Despite being loyal to the Republic and its core principles, she was often very vocally critical of them when she disagreed with their decisions, and she chose to stay neutral in the war and was upset at the prospect of a Republic occupation of Mandalore. This proves that she was a total shill and sell-out for the Republic who forced her people to assimilate into Republic culture. (Even though the Republic, not unlike the United Nations in the real world, is a largely symbolic organization that consists of thousands of planets with different cultures and thus there really is no one singular “Republic culture”)

In the aforementioned behind the scenes featurette, (at 7:12) Dave Filoni, Kilian Plunkett and Joel Aron discuss how the shapes in Mandalorian armor inspired the design direction of the New Mandalorians (including Satine herself as previously stated) so as to give them a uniquely Mandalorian aesthetic, from the architecture to the clothing to the artwork to the ship design to the goddamn hair textures. In Rebels, when we meet a prominent warrior clan in the form of Clan Wren, the design of their ancestral home, the artwork on the wall, and the clothing worn by non-warrior Alrich Wren all generally follow similar design cues as the New Mandalorians. These design choices were clearly not done for a reason and this only further proves that Satine stripped Mandalore of their unique identity and Made Them Assimilate Into Republic Culture™. They’re now totally interchangeable with core worlds like Coruscant because Mandalorian culture is WAR KILL DEATH CARNAGE only and none of that other stuff matters. Also, the royal palace has a giant ass mural of Mandalorians fighting Jedi in ancient times right on the front of it for all to see, which clearly shows that she was erasing history and that the New Mandalorians Forgot About Their Roots.

It’s an important plot point in both season 2 and season 5 of The Clone Wars that Death Watch cannot take Mandalore by force because they are too small in numbers and Satine has the will of the people on her side, which is why they have to ally themselves with outside forces (first the Separatists, then Maul and the criminal syndicates) and must come up with super elaborate schemes for the express purpose of painting themselves as heroes and making her look bad, and it is only by doing this that they are able to win the people over to their side, at which point she surrenders the throne. But BEFORE she lost the throne, members of the Protectors, an ancient group of elite warriors dedicated to serving as royal guards to Mandalore’s leader, made up Satine’s royal guard during the Clone Wars, as stated in this Rebels Recon episode (10:30). In Rebels, Fenn Rau, the leader of the aforementioned Protectors, says that many Mandalorians by that time regard Bo-Katan as Mandalore’s rightful ruler in part because of her relation to Satine. Also if we go by the novelization for the Shadow Collective arc in season 5 (said novelization is technically Legends now but it’s one of the few sources in either continuity that gives any specifics on how her rise to power went down and this specific detail has not been contradicted by current canon) it claims that the warriors who supported her rule did so willingly because even they were tired of the constant fighting. All of this clearly demonstrates that Satine did not respect the will of the people at all and did not have the majority on her side for the bulk of her time as ruler and her rule was definitely not recognized as legitimate by anyone.

As also mentioned in the aforementioned Rebels Recon episode, the Protectors who served as Satine’s royal guard wore armor that was essentially just a more ceremonial version of their traditional combat armor, as worn by the aforementioned Fenn Rau. Also, Sundari’s police wear armor too. Also also, Satine’s own former Prime Minister Almec has his own armor that he pulls out during the Siege of Mandalore, and since it doesn’t match the aesthetic of the other Maul loyalists it’s safe to say it’s most likely his family’s armor passed down to him. This clearly proves without a doubt that Satine flat out banned wearing armor even though that’s never stated anywhere, that’s clearly the only logical explanation as to why the average citizens don’t wear it. Certainly not because their society was actually peaceful for about 20 years give or take and they didn’t need it or anything like that.

Satine speaks Mando’a (specifically the Concordian dialect) in the literal first episode she appeared in. Mando’a can also be seen in written form on the police speeders and in the royal academy. This shows us that she suppressed the language, further destroying Mandalorian culture.

The lack of racial diversity on Mandalore in The Clone Wars was definitely NOT an out-of-universe character design problem, but rather an in-universe problem that only applies to Satine and the New Mandalorians specifically (even though their opponents in Death Watch are just as white), as opposed to, say, the True Mandalorians in Legends who are so much more racially diverse. And season 7 definitely did NOT add more New Mandalorians with darker skin-tones as a direct result of the criticisms regarding how white the planet was in the previous seasons (and because Star Wars in general became much more diverse after the Disney buyout).

Also she’s a colonizer despite literally being born on a Mandalorian colony planet. And she can’t be the leader specifically because she wasn’t born on Mandalore and is thus not a real Mandalorian, but this same logic doesn’t extend to any other Mandalorian characters who weren’t born on Mandalore, such as Jango Fett, Boba Fett, Din Djarin, Fenn Rau, Ursa Wren, Ketsu Onyo, Jaster Mereel (assuming the broad strokes of his Legends history still hold true in canon), etc.

In conclusion, if you can’t see how Satine was OBVIOUSLY meant to be seen as a villain who committed cultural genocide by telling her people to maybe stop doing imperialism in favor of focusing on productive things like art and education, and also implementing gun control, then you CLEARLY haven’t been paying enough attention. Hashtag Make Mandalore Great Again.

[keepmeinmind-01]

rewatched the ministry corridor scene and while it does have its flaws (i.e., what the hell is going on and how come this doesn’t really matter), i really like how they made newt prickly and theseus (awkwardly) affectionate there. I think it’s so interesting. like newt is compassionate and friendly to everyone but a bit standoffish to theseus. theseus is distant from most people and pretty reserved but affectionate towards newt. the contradictions!

like i know i write them with a bagful of problems that complicates this, and this scene was also charged by the credence discussion—but hey, let’s pretend for a moment it’s just set neutrally, and forgive me for writing my own subtext that’s actually not subtext.

I love prickly newt and affectionate theseus.

in short, I like the idea that maybe newt just doesn’t like theseus very much at that point, because i sort of relate to placing distance between myself and other people for no tangible reason. it feels like such a good character flaw. being sweet and compassionate but also just that little bit defensive. and even more interesting for newt’s psychology if it’s not a cut and dry situation and perhaps it’s even a little arbitrary, rather than super deep. like maybe he just doesn’t want to be around theseus, he just wants to leave; it’s not because he has a history where he hates theseus or because he loves leta. it’s just that he doesn’t like theseus in that moment, even though theseus is (according to david heyman, which you’d have to squint to see) finding middle ground. like maybe theseus is doing all the things that are technically right, but newt is just being prickly because at that moment, he /is/ prickly.

I feel like a core thing in their relationship is a certain amount of irrationality because of the distance. like newt pushes theseus away for /some/ reasons but he also doesn’t know why. and theseus keeps persisting in this very limited way with this somewhat one track mind and still doesn’t /quite/ break out of it. maybe they have many other reasons, but when it comes to a quick interaction, this is just “what happens.” perhaps not because theseus has ever been particularly mean, or newt has ever done whatever that equivalent is back, but just because they’re both so unsure with one another.

idk…i wish i could articulate it better, but i really like it, I don’t know why. I feel somewhat represented by the fact that newt at his core is compassionate and gentle, but doesn’t come across as “nice” all the time when he’s uncomfortable or unsure, and perhaps sometimes that’s just how he is. like maybe newt is being a little “mean” to an observer, because he’s not perfect, but theseus keeps pushing on: because in the end being a /little/ prickly and mean sometimes is /okay/. you can be a cinnamon roll-style character and not always extend eternal love and sunshine to everyone all the time, because it’s hard to work like that.

this part is slightly tangential, but, like, i think i am autistic, and sometimes, even though my family are fine, i can’t bear to talk to them, or anyone at all. i like to think newt has days like that, where he’s snippy and a bit unfair/resentful and quietly prickly and desperate to retreat, but we (and all the characters) love him anyway. :,)

[prismatoxic]

i know the original mgs1 graphic novel has been around for almost 20 years. i'm sure it’s been analyzed to death by people smarter than me, with more innate knowledge of the series than i have, but serzh and i watched the digital one (with all the voices and animations), and i've been thinking about it ever since.

mgs1 is my favorite. in comparison to the rest of the series that followed, it's far more subdued; the voice acting is more sincere, the setting is less fantastical, the enemies more human... when things like psycho mantis's manipulation or vulcan raven's ~mystic native powers~ (ugh) come into play, the juxtaposition of those events with the more grounded rest of the narrative makes them feel more severe.

is mgs1 perfect? god, no. maybe raven's portrayal can be somewhat forgiven from a game from 1998, but a lot of the issues it has come down to technical limitations and plot discrepancies, imo. i have a lot of thoughts about how stilted snake and meryl's relationship is, too, but i kind of want to give the game a point for that one since they fell apart after the fact anyway. i just don't know if that was intended from the start. if not, they wrote an unsalted cracker of a relationship story for no real reason, and that's sad.

but my thoughts don’t end there, nor do my thoughts on twin snakes and, later, the graphic novel, which was eventually billed as a way for players to get the story of mgs1 without having to play it. i feel like that framing makes things far more egregious than they already were. regardless, if you’re interested, my thoughts on all this will be under the cut. i’d love to hear other fans’ thoughts, too. fair warning, though: a lot of this will be centered on the dynamic between snake and otacon, and their individual characterizations, bc those things interest me most and also made me the angriest when changed.

so let’s get twin snakes out of the way first. twin snakes is a bastardized version of the story that i love, which somehow manages to mangle the narrative while also changing none of the dialogue. i’ve heard the story of david hayter personally paying all the other returning VAs to get them to come back, but you can tell they don’t really have a lot of passion for re-recording things they already said years ago. david himself, while not so disenfranchised, has fully switched to the later snake portrayals here, and while i do think he’s a very talented VA and the only snake i’ll ever agree with, the direction he was nudged in from then onwards makes snake so... over-the-top, and hammy. it’s embarrassing at times, and in twin snakes it’s at its worst.

then there’s the characterization. ignoring the voices, for a moment, you will also run into situations where the characters’ actions and movements paint a picture of them that contradicts the characterization they had originally. snake is... over-the-top, like his voice, and then you have otacon. i am still mad about otacon. i am so mad about otacon. without changing a single goddamn one of christopher randolph’s lines, they butchered his character, turning him into a joke: he’s constantly falling down in silly slapstick ways, even during the wolf death scene. one of the most powerful scenes in the entire first game, if not THE most powerful one, and they turned it into a fucking JOKE. (and had an actual wolf carry her body away at the end??? what????)

...but this has absolutely been talked about by people smarter than me. here’s an article by the english translator for mgs1 about his work and experience with the game, and here's a video by youtuber jackdonsurfer about the differences between mgs1 and twin snakes, and why twin snakes is a bad remake. i highly recommend both of these, they’re very good.

so moving on from twin snakes, we have... the graphic novel for mgs1, the bastard son of the two games combined with a bunch of its own ideas as well, for better or worse. i’ll be referencing the digital version, but anything that isn’t related to the voice acting will still hold true for my thoughts on the actual book.

the graphic novel uses the same voice direction as twin snakes, but toned down, more befitting the tone of mgs2 or 3, which did seem to learn from that particular mistake. the actors also seem to have regained their passion for the project, and for the most part, give it their all. gray fox is voiced here by rob paulsen, as well, and that’s a decision i understand, same as in twin snakes; greg eagles voiced donald anderson along with gray fox, and the similarities between his anderson and gray fox voices were inescapable once you recognized them. i do think greg eagles did things a lot more passionately, and his version of gray fox is very different from rob paulsen’s, but at the same time, the more mechanical read of gray fox’s lines—up until the tail end of the fight in the lab, or the REX fight, where he gets more intense—does lend an interesting interpretation to his character. so, in the end, while i think i overall prefer greg eagles’ version, i don’t think rob paulsen’s is bad.

so everyone is doing their best, and the writing isn’t as godawful as it was in twin snakes... however, several things jeremy blaustein discussed specifically changing in his english translation of mgs1 in the polygon article i linked are instead lifted from the twin snakes version of the script, or based largely on it. so it’s not great. better, but not as good as it could be.

so with that out of the way, and with me having a subzero interest in talking in depth about the art (it’s really stylized, but there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s perfectly serviceable), it’s time to talk about the story.

there are some things the graphic novel does alright, or even really well. i like the added scenes between FOXHOUND members and other main characters; i like otacon’s justification for wanting his own codename; and i love the psycho mantis section. absolutely fucking flawless concept, wish they’d done that in the game instead of making the controller vibrate. ah well.

the rest, though. god.

i mean, a lot of it is fine, i suppose. slightly more dramatic spins on the original narrative, cutting out parts that only made sense in-game, shifting some events around, and otherwise just sort of doing things the same. but i have some very specific grievances about some of the portrayed relationships.

so, if this post gets out farther than i expect, like some of my other mgs posts have, here’s some background: i’m an otasune shipper. i don’t think that affects my biases too much, as the story and characters are really important to me as-is (in the original, obviously), but i am particularly invested in snake and otacon’s relationship, even in a strictly canon sense. otacon is my favorite mgs character, too. so let’s discuss some of this while also knowing those things about me, for transparency’s sake.

onto the point, i think snake and otacon’s relationship in the original game is massively important to the narrative. the video i linked by jackdonsurfer discusses this, and is one of the reasons i originally started fully considering it, but to be more precise: snake and otacon are very explicitly narrative foils. 

snake is a military veteran, a mercenary, a soldier by birth and by trade. he kills people for a living, and he does it well. he’s gruff and aggressive and with rare exceptions, looks out for himself first and foremost. he’s rough around the edges, sharp, pushing away meaningful connections and never letting anyone get too close.

otacon is a scientist, as well as an anime fanboy, two of the first things we learn about him. we also quickly learn that he’s a pacifist—upon accepting that he’s responsible for a nuclear weapon and not a defensive machine, he immediately vows to fix it, refusing to cause any more deaths than he surely already has. he’s soft and kind and passionate, and he wants to help people, whether it be the whole world or just snake. he wears his emotions on his sleeve, and even when snake is holding him at arm’s length, otacon is trying in earnest to connect with him.

they tend to bounce off of each other like polarized magnets, but in moments like the “love blooming on a battlefield” scene or wolf’s death, they come together, finding common enough ground to understand each other while remaining distinctly different. you can feel snake warming up to otacon before the end, even without taking into account the otacon ending (which is noncanon anyway, but its exploration into their relationship in that situation is still very sweet). otacon is willing to sacrifice himself to ensure snake and meryl’s survival in the canon ending, and snake makes especially sure to request otacon’s extraction when the bombs don’t fall.

this all segues nicely into their dynamic come mgs2, but even taken only by itself, it tells a very concise story. even though they both have romantic interests in mgs1, their relationship with each other is important, a key factor in both of their character arcs.

why am i bringing all of this up? well, uh, because the graphic novel tries to downplay it in favor of the romances.

look, i don’t ship either of the “canon” ships in mgs1 (if we can even call otacon/wolf such), but i don’t think they’re done poorly, either. as i said earlier, i felt like snake and meryl’s stilted, almost forced romance lends well to the timeline between mgs1 and 2, because the idea that she’d eventually realize he was exactly who he said he was—thereby seeing the real him, and not this idea of him she had in her head—and subsequently realize she didn’t want that and wind up leaving, is really good. it’s an interesting story, and adds to the overall narrative. as for wolf and otacon, i always got the sense that otacon was in over his head about someone who’d shown him the barest hint of mercy, and wolf was mostly neutral on him in turn. the moment when she reaches out, and snake asks what she wants, and she says her gun? with otacon visibly in frame behind the gun? that’s powerful. he’s inconsequential, meaningless; yet to him, she’s everything, this symbol of “love blooming on the battlefield”. it’s an interesting story.

the graphic novel giving us more scenes between snake and meryl/otacon and wolf isn’t something i mind, especially the latter. i want to see more of that! i want to know why otacon feels the way he does. the first time he runs into wolf in this story, she wants to kill him. (never mind that she “doesn’t kill for sport” in the game, huh.) the second time, she uh. decides she likes him a lot? i’m willing to accept her being at least somewhat fond of him (he does have her handkerchief, after all), but her sudden pivot to openly liking him is... odd. and then the third time, he bursts onto the snowfield to stop snake and wolf from killing each other (this is good, i like this idea), and she can’t bring herself to shoot him to lure snake like she did with meryl (which feels... not like a problem a trained killer like her would have, especially given that she discusses shooting him in non-vital but crippling ways, specifically). her death scene is similarly impacted by this increased focus on her and otacon, stripping away the mood of the original in ways i really wasn’t fond of. 

now, snake and meryl i have less to actively say about because we genuinely skipped a lot of it. it was painful to watch. i like meryl—i think her being an inexperienced wannabe soldier who is desperate to prove herself is a great story. she idolizes “heroes” like snake, who were never heroes at all, throwing herself into the war machine to live up to this ideal that will never exist. (mgs4 handled this well too.) i guess i don’t have much to say on how the graphic novel handled her because of the skipping, but i can say that there was ample focus on her and snake, and in a way, i feel like parts of otacon and snake’s story were surgically removed to make more space for it.

remember the “love blooming on a battlefield” scene? of course you do. it’s one of the most iconic scenes in the entire game—maybe the whole series. how does the graphic novel handle it? it, uh. doesn’t. it’s gone. 

and at that point, i can’t help but wonder if part of the entire point of this was to make the story seem less gay. maybe that’s just a tinfoil hat thing. but why would you remove one of the most powerful, character-driven conversations in the game? it doesn’t sit right with me. were they worried snake and otacon would eclipse the oh-so-important romances if they were allowed to be proper foils?

some of the stuff towards the ending is pretty good. i like some of gray fox’s changes, and i like snake being forced to fire the stinger because fox begs him to, though the original version where snake can’t bring himself to is still good. i like that snake cuts off liquid’s arm, setting up ocelot’s arc later on. i like that the patriots are mentioned; of course they weren’t originally, bc they hadn’t been conceived of yet, but it’s a good addition now that they’re part of the series. 

i don’t like how otacon is stripped of the chance to demonstrate his conviction and loyalty, because he’s already safely out and hacked the security doors in advance. i don’t like how he mocks snake’s real name instead of making a 2001: a space odyssey joke. i don’t like how him escaping with snake and meryl has made for some very confusing fanfics where writers think he was at the cabin at the same time as meryl because that’s the only version of the story they know.

and that, right there, is the worst part of it all, isn’t it?

this version of events, with all its changes, has been presented multiple times as a stand-in for the actual game. it’s not the only one in this series, but it is the only one i’ve seen, and it veers so wildly from established canon that it actively changes several dynamics and story beats—and people without access to mgs1, or who don’t like the look of it, or can’t quite get into it, or aren’t able to play video games in the first place, are given this story as a way to bypass having to play it at all. it has been presented as being just as good as playing the game to see its story. it’s officially sanctioned konami content.

i genuinely hate it.

i liked a lot of things, like i said. some changes were good. psycho mantis was great. several of the VAs did a stellar job (though there was one part when otacon meets wolf and her dogs where the voice christopher randolph uses for him is exactly huey’s, so much so that it makes a genuine statement sound manipulative with that context, but this was recorded before peacewalker/mgs5 so it absolutely wasn’t intentional). a lot of it was a really interesting take on a familiar story, but some of the parts they changed just... were really bad. i was kind of fine with it when we finished it, but the more i thought about it, the angrier i got. 

i don’t know what the point of this is. i mostly just wanted to get out my thoughts, i suppose. it drives me insane that this is billed the way it is, like a canon thing and not some fanciful retelling by a fan. i wish it was better, but i’m at least comfortable with the fact that a lot of people in this fandom don’t seem to have any open feelings about it, if they’ve seen it at all. mgs1 hasn’t been lost to history even a little bit, and i love that. 

if we hadn’t skipped a lot of it, i’d probably have more to say, but also, i never want to see it again, so this is what you get. thanks for reading; i’m gonna write otasune fic now probably.

[invisibleicewands]

Terry Pratchett would love the queer politics of Good Omens 2

Good Omens 2, the second season of Prime Video’s cult hit, will finally arrive on Friday (28 July), almost five years after the first season debuted and over three decades since the publication of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s beloved novel on which it was based. Like the first season, Good Omens 2 is warm, inviting, weird, whip-smart, wonderfully diverse, very funny… and it’s really going to annoy the “anti-woke” brigade.

As with Gaiman’s other recent TV hit, The Sandman, this is a show with diversity and representation built into its DNA. Characters have same-sex crushes and no one bats an eyelid. There’s a completely open approach to casting in which the race, gender and physical characteristics of individuals basically don’t factor into the story in any way. There are characters with visible disabilities, black characters, white characters, old and young, women, men and non-binary – and none of these identities has any bearing on the story. Rarely is representation on this scale so elegantly done. For a story about the end of the world, it’s strangely utopian.

At the centre of the tale are Aziraphale (Michael Sheen) and Crowley (David Tennant), an angel and demon, friends, companions and technically mortal enemies for millennia. Sheen is fussy, well-meaning, pleasant and fastidious, while Tennant is wily, louche and sardonic.

And they love each other. It’s never stated aloud, though it bubbles close to the surface once or twice if you know where to look. The pair’s odd-couple, will-they-won’t-they chemistry, which is less obvious in the book, was the heart of the first season, and season two gives us even more. They’re a classic pairing: attracted opposites thrown together by fate. There’s a wonderful moment in season one where Crowley states that, rather than being agents of heaven or hell, they are simply on their own side, and another where Aziraphale tenderly uses his angelic wing, almost absent-mindedly, to shield his partner from the rain.

What the pair’s relationship hasn’t been, at least not yet, is overtly romantic, though Gaiman, the show-runner, has said many times that he regards Good Omens as a “love story between an angel and a demon”. It’ll be interesting to see how this unfolds as the season progresses. If it blossoms into a full romance, it’ll be another example of the representation baked into the show. Crowley and Aziraphale may be genderless angelic beings, but Tennant and Sheen are cis-gendered men, and any romantic scenes will unavoidably be viewed through a queer lens.

In a way, that would be deeply fitting. Good Omens is not an innately political book, but it is, like most of the late Sir Terry Pratchett’s work, intensely moral – something that Gaiman (alongside the show’s executive producer, Rob Wilkins, who is also executor of Pratchett’s literary state and his “representative on Earth”) has preserved in the new story: a two-season arc based on ideas he and Pratchett had for a follow-up they never had time to write. That morality, that anger at injustice, was an essential part of Pratchett’s writing. (“Do not underestimate this anger,” Pratchett once told his friend. “This anger was the engine that powered Good Omens”.) There’s a lot of that anger in Good Omens 2, mainly aimed at the contradictions and cruelties ordered by God in the Old Testament. The avidly atheistic Pratchett would certainly approve.

But even without the religious critique, Good Omens is innately political. It tells a story in which all characters, regardless of gender, race, age, physical shape or ability can be completely, authentically and – crucially – visibly themselves. It’s a very Terry Pratchett idea. A very Neil Gaiman idea. And an ineffably Good Omens idea.

[winterpinetrees]

Marin's Opinions (The Gap Years part 25)

July 10th 2019

Walden, CO 

Marin and Zerada have their own plans and motives, but you already knew that. I wouldn't call this Mission Impossible it's just Mission Really Tough.

…………......

There’s a line that Marin remembers, but is careful to not share. Humans can do anything if enough of them unite behind the cause, and elves can unite humans behind anything. After a month on the run with these humans, he agrees. Clay’s steady hands, Brian’s brute strength, or Sierra’s technical skill would have been helpful alone. Instead, they are all together, and their minds (while running on far fewer memories and less knowledge) are smarter than his. Their help has been invaluable. 

And to think that he found this trio mostly by accident! Marin was bored in the capital and looked straight across the worlds to San Francisco, where he found three young humans talking about nothing. When he decided to spend some of his gap years in the human world, it wasn’t a tough decision to go find the rich kids again. It ended up being a good choice. He never would have made it to Vegas without them. 

Sure, he almost ruined it on the first day by brainwashing them (his tutors always did say that charms don’t fix problems, they only delay them), but why else would three sensible teens spend the afternoon with a stranger? Between the adrenaline, some very real facts about noble revenge, and the fact that the three were all desperate to do something with their lives, he didn’t think there was much of a chance that they’d run. A month in, the risk is nonexistent. They’re attached to him now! Brian’s downright starstruck with Zerada, Clay couldn’t put down the rifle if he tried and Sierra’s letting curiosity lead her. 

That human momentum is down a single track though. Each teen has a slightly different drive, but they all want to be heroes and save their world. He raised a glass to it on their independence day and scowled goodnaturedly at Zerada when she wouldn’t. They’ve whispered about it at night. That momentum needs to be redirected, subtly, before they use those clever brains to figure the truth out themselves. 

Sierra will be easiest, even if she was the closest to realizing when they began. Sierra’s caught contradictions before, especially around the science she loves. She’s neutral about saving the world, but won’t forget that his mother brought down Excalibur. Thankfully, the worst she ever did was act snarky and ask questions. Every word he shares about the Void or the guns they carry makes her easier to convince. (It’s also nice to talk about it). 

Brian doesn’t just love humanity, but the United States of America in particular. However, he wants his hero’s journey, and the boy has always been loyal and strong in a way that is very desirable in domesticated humans. He’d probably accept anything if Marin spun it around duty. Zerada claims he’s more in love with falling than fallen in love. She says she gets it, and that she can keep him in line. 

Clay Shepard is going to be the problem. Clay is sharp. He’s quick on his feet and faster with a gun. There’s almost something elvish about how stable he is, and the boy had a distaste for wild humanity to match. All of that changed after they visited Project Excalibur. A pandemic, even one that clears away the governance he hates, is a personal nightmare for him. Clay has gradually grown from cynical to paranoid and trying to switch gears will spook him like a prey animal. 

In reality though, he won’t notice anything has changed. Driving through the mountains to find intel and allies in the service of a prison break was always a logical next step. Going by the gaps in the casualty list, dozens of his relatives and family allies have been captured instead of slaughtered. He’s been turning it over in his mind. Why would Ishtar choose mercy, especially when a complete massacre would have been justified by Lazarin actions against her two-hundred and forty years ago? Noble loyalties might as well be part of their genetic code. Every Sondaica, Marolak, or aligned noble left alive is a threat. Even members of lower genera can be important allies, like they saw with Litayo. The brief list of dead just doesn’t add up. 

It’s good for him though if the new apex has gone soft because of her Voyager consort! Basic science means that those prisoners are being held together at a few locations under the anti-magic gaze of the Betrayed. He was never shown much of his mother’s paperwork, but even towards the end he could get an approving smile for sneaking around her quarters without being caught. There were over a dozen Betrayed at a stronghold due north of where they are now. He also knows the Betrayed are moved as little as possible for their own comfort (and that their abilities are strongest in places they know inside and out). Over a dozen with plans to requisition more is an almost unbelievable concentration for anything but a major prison. That means they have a possible location, and that the prisoners inside might even know about the security of the place!

It’s still going to be tough. Luckily, humans evolved for tough. 

“Are we back in New Mexico?” Sierra asks “Wait no, don’t tell me. We’re not supposed to give hints for car-chase-geoguesser".

They are in fact in northern Colorado, driving along State Highway 125. He knows she’s purposefully not looking at signs, but can’t the girl tell that the grass is literally greener here, and that they’ve left the Adust-controlled plateau for some sort of artificial irrigated grassland? 

“Oh I hope Kebero is as clueless as you,” he says. 

“Look, I have no reason to bother with a million slightly different types of grass. I’ll probably never be here again, wherever here is,”

Brian jokingly swerves the car. “We’re stopping in every grassland now. Kebero? They’re gonna see nothing but grass. Tall grass, sweetgrass, bluegrass,”

“That’s a type of music,” Clay interjects.

“Nope! Most baseball fields are Kentucky Bluegrass. Anyway there’s bermudagrass and wheat and oats and rice-”

“Shut up about grass, you literal Ken doll”.

“No! Kebero needs to hear all of this”. 

“Rice is grass?” she replies. 

“Yes. Rice is grass. Corn is also grass. Domesticated grass,” Brian responds, telling his mechanically-minded companion a basic fact of their society that every elven child knows. “And you know what else is grass?”

“Probably not, going by the rest of the conversation”.

“Bamboo is grass,”

“I can see that. They have the little…” Sierra wiggles her fingers. “The little top leaves”.

Zerada starts laughing in the passenger seat. This is completely unreasonable. He cannot be expected to deal with this.  Brian drives their too-fancy car (with his magic going towards healing himself, it’s been harder to keep the thing charged) over to a cabin run by one of many overlapping governmental agencies and begins to pester a young woman in uniform about the local plant life. It takes too long to end the conversation and get everyone back to the car, especially once Clay gets into it. For how specialized humans become during their lives, they all seem to have a lot of interests. Weird. 

He and Zerada begin to introduce the plan that night at their motel. Over the next week or two, they need to learn as much as they can about their target prison. Then, once his arm has healed enough that he can move it a bit, they break in, and break everyone else out. The basic strategy will be to stop the Betrayed guards through persuasion (or murder), while unlocking doors so the now fully powered prisoners can get everyone out. That’s the end goal. The harder part is figuring out their plan to get in. 

“What do elf heist films look like?” Clay asks without a grain of humor.

“What? Why?”

“Well, human heist films have a lot of sneaking through ventilation shafts, but that rarely works in real life. What are the big ideas that we definitely can’t do?”

“Well, I can’t go around doors by switching worlds. A place like this will be built underground to prevent that. That means that once we're in, we’re in. No sending away bullets or bodies either”. Brian and Clay mutter to themselves. Sierra is away to avoid being spied on. The humans will tell her everything tonight, using some codes. “Sneaking into the air vents might be possible though, but we’d need a blueprint”.

“This facility, no matter the details, will also be an anti-magic zone. That means Marin and I will be nearly useless once we enter the range of The Betrayed. Elven guns will also be useless,” Zerada adds. 

“That’s just a creepy name for them. I get that magic is important to you guys, but the betrayed? That feels offensive,” Brian says. 

“The betrayal- the change from magic to anti-magic, occurs in late childhood. It is a betrayal. Anyway, their abilities are based on perception more than proximity, so the Betrayed are probably kept in the center of the prison, or each cell block, where they can see all of the prisoners they are assigned to”. 

“Kept? Are the Betrayed prisoners or guards?” Clay looks at Brian after he says it, and both of their faces get very grim.

“Great. And it’s a panopticon,” Brian mutters, probably just to Clay. He forgets that elves have good hearing. He raises his voice. “So we get to the Betrayed and get them to, well, betray their bosses, while Sierra opens the doors?” 

“That was what we were thinking, yes. Escape will be easy once the prisoners’ magic is back. You just need to get in,”

That will be easier said than done.

Once Sierra returns with supplies (mostly food), they all sit on the two beds and create a list. He and Zerada are powerful sorcerers, especially in illusions and charms. They have perfect balance and know how to lie. However, his arm is broken and their magic will be blocked in most of the prison. Also, guards will recognize them on sight. Clay is a sniper with experience breaking into places. He can pick human-style locks and lie through his teeth. He is also willing to kill. Brian can crush an elf’s windpipe with his fist, but really doesn’t want to. Elves generally think he’s sexy and he’s comfortable using that to his advantage. It is also a disadvantage, because he is six foot three and thirty pounds heavier than an elf of the same height would be. (the one exception to this is their enemy, Apex Ishtar Mercuralis, who for unknown reasons is quite literally built different). A human seducing their way past enemy gates also happened in one of the most popular stories from Lazarus’s conquest, so guards might be suspicious. Lastly, Sierra can’t shoot or lie, but she can probably get doors open, so that’s her job. 

It’s not exactly a plan, but it’s the foundation of one. They just can’t let anyone find out until they’ve gotten themselves an army. 

………..

More information on The Betrayed can be found in part 9, part 13, and part 17. 

“human seducing their way past enemy gates” is this world’s origin for the Babylonian myth of Asu-shu-Namir, which still can’t find actual sources for beyond Overly Sarcastic Productions. Maybe I’ve been bamboozled. I don’t think so though. there's lore here please ask me about it!

They’re driving through the Arapaho National Wildlife Refuge. Marin doesn’t understand how the Department of the Interior works and honestly, I don’t think many people do. They do good work though.

[ssruis]

31, 33, 34, 49, and 50 for the pjsk ask game :3

31. Favorite event?

Oh man this changes All The Time… for non mixed events it’s probably a tie btwn it’s on wonder halloween/smile of a dreamer/OHE but I feel like once I get more caught up or have to reread an event for analysis my mind will change again

33. Favorite mixed unit event?

Let’s Study Hard is so peak... Incredible mizuki and an moments. Mizuki/Rui enjoying themselves at school. Akito is in hell (always funny). Toya consistently being hysterical. All the card stories are fantastic. Tsukasa fail moment. Nene is even there for a little bit. Kamiyama crew my beloveds.

Special shout-out to doll festival (tenmas my beloveds) & pandemonium (self explanatory) which are also favorites

34.Mixed event lineup you want?

+ I want an emu/tsukasa/minori/saki/kanade event so badly… I think putting kanade in an event with 4 people who genuinely do not have an off switch is the funniest idea ever.

+ I also really want an event with the leaders.

+ an emu/airi/mizuki/Luka/saki event (pink gang)

+ or a toya/shiho/nene/kanade/niigo kaito event where there’s like. 3 words said. They all just Vibe.

+ an event with tsukasa/shizuku/an/akito (+ any other character who is competent just not like. Academically.) where they have to do a trivia competition or some other intellectual event & it’s shaking up to be a huge flop but they all pull through with their different areas of knowledge

+ event with a bunch of random characters but NOT tsukasa. and they all meet amami seiichi but have zero idea who he is. Tsukasa hears about this and dies inside.

+ siblings event…

49. a hc that came out of nowhere and has no basis in canon but it's ingrained into your understanding/portrayal of the character?

Mostly inconsequential hcs here & if any of them are contradicted in canon uhh no they aren’t </3

+ Rui on ssris is both incredibly inconsequential and also canon. To me.

+ Emu and Tsukasa both have adhd but Emu is unmedicated (& doesn’t really need to be she has systems that work)

+ rui sleeps curled up like a cat, Tsukasa sleeps sprawled out like a star fish, emu clings onto whatever’s closest when she sleeps, and nene sleeps on her back with her arms folded over her chest like a corpse.

+ I saw someone say they had the hc that tsukasa chose his room because he likes to see/hear that other people are home and that stuck with me

+ emu is scary capable of starting a long conversation with anyone like she’s incredibly good at figuring out what you’re interested in/can ramble about and asking you questions about it. This actually has basis in canon but I like to remind people.

+ I think I’ve talked abt it on here before but I think tsukasa having a fictional character crush on the normal virtual singer kaito when he was younger & not realizing it is an incredibly funny idea. He’s like “yeah idk why I just used to really like the character. Whatever (doesn’t analyze this further even when the wxs sekai manifests).” Wxs Kaito knows this but he’s not saying shit because it’s not relevant anymore but it DOES make him side eye tsukasa incredibly hard whenever tsukasa is like “these must be normal best friend feelings I’m feeling towards rui.”

+ technically rin and len being twins is a head canon but I’m sorry that’s so stupid they’re twins to me

+ nene experiences gamer rage. Wxs operate under the assumption that she doesn’t really get Super Angry until they’re at her house and see her die to a boss in a fromsoft game/fail a platforming section for the 30th time and she’s Seething.

+ mmj could survive if they got stranded in the wilderness. Would they make it back to civilization though? Only if they don’t trust shizuku with directions.

+ emu & mizuki fashion buddies… gestures at area convo where mizuki is like she seems like she has good taste. I also just want them to be closer friends.

+ rui listens to video essays/informational podcasts/documentaries while he works and this is (partially) how he’s gained so much knowledge about random topics

+ saki is capable of making the most intricate woven string bracelets of all time & will make them for her loved ones based on their interests.

+ shizuku can play “old people” games (mahjong, mancala, etc) scarily well… don’t play against her or you’ll lose…

50. A hot take?

I think I say my hot takes often & without any restraint so it’s hard to throw one out that I haven’t mentioned before uhh

+ fanbase has a misogyny problem. Who’s shocked (no one). Not even a hot take but I see a lot of people get mad when this is said like. please look up what an implicit bias is.

+ I don’t trust people who only talk about tsukasa with any character takes (including ones about tsukasa they straight up Do Not Get Him) because they’re incapable of viewing other characters outside of their relationship to him. I also don’t trust them in general & find them irritating. & this is coming from someone who talks abt him a lot.

+ you Need To Interact With The Canon Text because if you rely solely on how the fanbase portrays characters you’re going to walk away with the completely wrong characterization. Also the stories are good so you should really be doing that anyways.

+ actually very unhelpful and irritating to reduce female characters down to like one trait and then pretend you’re a fan of them bc 90% of the time the trait is wrong. Nene for example I see so many bad takes on because people think she’s a girl boss (???) 24/7 hater (??????) who never says anything nice about her friends (??????????)

[miladythewinter]

Review of Ahsoka by E. K. Johnston:

The first 80 pages of this almost made me quit. It got better as it went on but close to the end it went back to just being straight up bad. Only my love for, and familiarity with, this universe kept me going. E.K. Johnston is a technically proficient writer in the sense that they can clearly write on a superficial level. However, as a storyteller, their writing leaves a lot to be desired. It’s simply bad. There is no depth, no connection with the characters and plot. It’s all superficial, cold and detached. The fact that this book is YA, and as such meant for younger audiences, is no excuse. Standards for writing quality don’t change depending on the demographic of the book. Quality is quality. Many children’s books have rich, complex and beautiful writing. Sometimes it seemed like the sentences in this book were ordered by a computer, such is the incredible confusion that goes on in it. Johnston omits so much information that a reader is constantly faced with sentences that follow each other with no connecting links, where characters pull out weapons that they definitely didn’t have before, and where eventually contradictions start to show up. In just one example, a character almost drops something and, following a short dialogue, another character picks up the object from the floor even though it was never dropped. This shockingly careless writing comes through on the forced plot contrivances as well. Johnston seems averse to using connecting words and phrases like “however”, “meanwhile”, “later that day”, etc., which deeply confuses the reader as to when and where something is happening, and seems unsure when to insert a paragraph break. All this put together, you frequently encounter three short sentences immediately followed by another one about a completely different thing with no connector and without a paragraph break. As a result, characters are cardboard thin and the plot equally so (I doubt it would even be considered for an episode of the Clone Wars TV show). I also get the feeling that Johnston is either not very familiar with Star Wars (namely the books and their particularities that every writer should maintain for continuity) or that they didn’t particularly care about Ahsoka and this plot. It’s irrevelant to me whether a hired writer loves the material they’re working with. The most important thing is writing a good book to the point that I wouldn’t be able to tell that the writer was clearly uninsterested. All in all, not a book I'd recommend, not even if you're a fan of Star Wars or of Ahsoka. I'll have to think twice about reading Johnston's Padmé trilogy as the short preview at the end of this book did not change my opinion about their writing abilities in that other work.