#even though it was for self defense

[writingawaymylife]

Thinking of writing more Ghoul!reader x Simon because despite the angst these two would be so soft and loving and caring but also the most bad ass and terrifying mother fuckers on the wasteland

[daily-hanamura]

[mars-ipan]

Mars i fear i may be dying of the plague. I have coughed blood into my sink twice now and my throat feels like I gave really aggressive oral to a scrubdaddy spongue.

Do you have any priest au thoughts/scenarios/rambles to sooth a troublde lad such as mysrlf🙏🙏

hemo. as a guy who has also coughed up blood somewhat recently. it may be time to go to an urgent care and make sure it’s nothing serious. there’s a pretty nasty pneumonia going around rn and if that IS what it is the sooner you get those antibiotics the faster you’ll recover.

as for priest au stuffs: the election kinda killed my creative flow (we’re ballin but we’re stressed) BUT i’ve been trying to flesh out hajime’s backstory a bit for the the past few days so here’s some bullet point brainstorming on that :D

check under the cut for the goods, as per usual ^_^ tw for mentions of child abuse, and also a general warning for priest au-typical horny talk and homophobia

i’ve been thinking abt hajime’s childhood/past a lot, partially bc i don’t feel fully confident writing him until i have the details of his backstory fleshed out. i think his dad was more of the aggressive “no son of mine” type of homophobic, where his mom was more of the “hate the sin love the sinner” type of homophobic. it’s cliché maybe but like. traditional catholic family values yanno. his family does differ from traditional catholicism in one way though: hajime is an only child.

i don’t think hajime was ever The Manliest Man growing up. yeah he was strong from helping on the farm, but he never felt the need to flaunt his masculine attributes. he never wanted to impress girls, he never initiated an arm-wrestling contest, and once he hit teenagerhood he quit wrestling with his friends altogether. when his friends asked him why he never roughhouses with them anymore, he tensed up and mumbled something about it being “weird” and “immature.”

he showed a lot of delicacy towards nature as well, a trait he carries into adulthood! rescuing turtles from roads, gently rehoming bugs, taking care not to step on wildflowers, that sort of thing. he was teased for this growing up :( he’d be compared to a disney princess and the like or just be called a pussy for Caring About The World Around Him. while he still loves nature and knows there’s nothing wrong with that, he does get embarrassed if his gentleness is pointed out— he’s anticipating some sort of reprimand.

been trying to think about hajime’s gay awakening. i imagine once he hit puberty he started having vague… thoughts. they weren’t attached to anyone but he kept it secret anyways since Lust Is A Sin and Masturbation Is A Sin Too and he’s not interested in growing hair on his palms or going blind (he later finds out that those are myths, but for now he heeds the tales), nor is he interested in the scolding he would get from his parents if they found out. from there we have two main options as i see it.

option A: in a parallel of the magazine he finds in Jabberwock, teen!hajime comes across some sort of gay porn. it’s completely accidental— he finds a mag or some other paraphernalia in a log or something, opens it, Realizes what is is, looks around for witnesses, and quickly stuffs it into his jacket. he’s not even sure why, but he knows he’s curious. as soon as he gets home he hides it between his mattress and his bedframe, and that night, when he’s sure his parents are asleep, he grabs a flashlight and starts to look through it. he doesn’t understand why he’s so fascinated until he realizes: he’s breathing heavily, hot in the face, absentmindedly rubbing his thighs together, and, most incriminatingly of all, he’s the hardest he’s ever been in his life. mortified, he shoves the magazine back under his mattress and tries his best to forget about what he saw, tossing and turning as he tries to calm down and go to sleep.

option B: hajime is really close with one of his peers. they’re childhood friends, and they’ve gotten along great forever. at some point, though, hajime starts feeling weird around him. not BAD weird, but… he’s nervous, and his skin seems to buzz whenever they touch, and his heart flutters when he makes his friend laugh, and… he can’t make sense of it all. not until he wakes up one night from a particularly vivid dream, chest heaving, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his sheets soiled with the evidence of his subconscious sin. he realizes what’s going on, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he does his best to ignore it, but it haunts him.

we could also combine these options and say both of these things happen, but idk yet. i like the loneliness of the porn but i also like the guilt of having to talk to your close friend and pretend you aren’t feeling confusing and frightening things for them.

hajime lives at home until his early adulthood, when he is Caught. if we went with option A for his awakening, then he comes home one day to find The Porn sitting on the kitchen table, its pages now crinkled from years of viewing, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he’s not sure how they found it— maybe his mom was cleaning his room and lifted his mattress? but it doesn’t matter— they Know now, and he has no way to explain himself.

if we go with option B, hajime is caught with that “good friend” of his. he had snuck in via hajime’s bedroom window, at a time they both were sure hajime’s parents would be asleep. unfortunately, hajime’s dad comes up to his room (hajime never learns the original intent of this visit) and opens the door to find his son, hair and clothes a mess, with the neighbor boy straddling his thighs, hands clearly paused in the middle of lifting up his son’s shirt. it’s silent for a bit, and the tension in the air is so heavy hajime feels like he can barely breathe. still, he breaks out of the stupor first, muttering a quiet “you need to go” to his friend without breaking eye contact with his father. the friend gets the message and bolts, leaving via the same window he came from. hajime is now alone with his father, so guilty and scared that he feels nauseous.

regardless of which of these events occurs, the outcome is the same. hajime’s father responds first, yelling and berating. hajime is terrified— he’s seen his dad mad, but never like this. never shouting obscenities and vile words at him. when told to explain himself hajime stumbles over his words, eventually landing on some variant of “i don’t know.” eventually, his father decides words aren’t punishment enough, and hajime gets the shit beat out of him for the first time in his life. he tries to defend himself, but he’s never been much of a fighter, and he doesn’t want to hit his dad, self defense or not. when his father finally storms off, his mother comes near, her eyes brimming with tears. she holds her arms out to hajime, tells her baby to come here. hajime, aching and bruised and perhaps with a freshly broken nose, collapses into his mother’s arms, silently crying into her shoulder as she pets his hair. she holds him close, rocking them from side to side, before she speaks. “oh, hajime, darling,” she starts, voice thick with tears and love, “i’m sorry. we’ve failed you, haven’t we? that’s why you’re doing this to us.” hajime’s stomach curdles at those words, and he quickly excuses himself, washing the blood off his face in the bathroom sink before he locks himself in his room.

regardless of the guilt he carries— he knew he was sinning, after all— hajime knows he is no longer safe at home. his father had never beat him like that before, and he doesn’t know that he would be able to walk away if it happened again. he doesn’t want to leave his mother, but he could tell that she was disgusted by him, too, her words still echoing in his mind. so, hajime packs as many of his things as he can fit into his suitcase, and the next day he leaves town, never letting himself look back. he job hops for a bit before he manages to get his house in Jabberwock— he got really, really lucky with the price of the property.

hajime hasn’t talked to anyone from his hometown since he left, and while he still has his parents’ landline number memorized, he doesn’t dare call. his dad’s probably disowned him, anyhow. sometimes he wonders how the people he grew up with are doing, but he can’t bring himself to go back. it’s not home anymore.

[uncanny-tranny]

If you mess with somebody's mobility/life-preserving aid and all you got was yelled at by the disabled person in question, just know you got off easy. Fucking with somebody's aid can easily become a matter of life-or-death, so you have to understand why somebody would "lash out" about that.

[heteromerous-rhyming]

guys, can - can we stop saying that percy jackson is an unreliable narrator who thinks he's an idiot? bc like. rereading the books.

he's doesn't??? think he's an idiot????

like sure he'll say things like "echidna.... isn't that a type of anteater?" but he doesn't think that he's himself an idiot for that.

let me quote you the book: "Go ahead, call me an idiot for walking into a strange lady’s shop like that just because I was hungry, but I do impulsive stuff sometimes."

HE doesn't think he's an idiot, but he does assume that YOU, THE READER, will think that. and that's true to his life experience, true to his school experience, true to anyone with a learning disability like his.

[willow-p012]

I was making a post about how Odysseus revealing his name is a case of dramatic irony. And then I realised all my tags just became me ranting about how more people need to blame Poseidon for the shit that happens. I do not know how exactly it turned to that.

[abandoned-quiche]

i think what undertale fangames should really strive for is to push undertale's themes of mercy to the edge - push the PLAYER to see what their limits are on who deserves mercy.

[sprtruechara]

i really hope people like my interpretation of chara for the pb au bc if they dont im putting my neck on a saw blade

[peachdoxie]

Aaaand there's some solid evidence for the "Shallan's mother was Chanaranach" theory

[astarlightmonbebe]

slightly hot take (?) but personally i felt the reactions in ep 17 were all in-character and justified... don't have the time to get into it, but it boils down to the fact that knowing something logically =/= knowing it emotionally

[always-a-joyful-note]

By the way, I love how everyone in Idolish7 is never just one thing. Yes, Iori has a cool aura and is very master-of-all-trades analytical...but he also is a guy who loves small and cute things and just kinda wants to support people he loves and also is asocial as one can be. Yes, Yamato is like the lazy but friendly older brother figure with dirty jokes...but he also has incredible trauma from secrets kept to him and wants to love his friends so much in the right way and also has a pet rover named Musashi. Yes, Yuki is the cool and distant playboy male lead trope....but he's also someone who tried so hard to stop that behaviour and is actually doing better in trying to communicate and value other people! Yeah, Tenn is a two-faced angel-demon who takes his work way too seriously and K.O.s people with one insult....but he's also way too self-sacrificing of his own good and values people so much to his own detriment. And Riku being the cute and oblivious airhead who is kinda spoiled....but also trying so hard to be more than the sheltered kid he was raised as, having so much talent, loving books a lot. It's just them being character archetypes from animanga, and the writers having fun with that, but also making them more without disparaging those stereotypes

[passionfruitmango]

I went to see if I could see the northern lights last night with my naked eyes, my phone camera could see them but i could not!

I did see a shooting star last night though 🥹

There's a lot of AI fragmenting my camera added but this is my best shot! I didn't really look at the pics until I got back inside, was trying to keep my eyes adjusted enough to see the stars X3

[57sfinest]

actually i do want to make this a post. it’s so interesting to think about harry from other people’s perspectives, especially if they’re people who were around him before martinaise. because the thing about harry is: he’s a spectacle. there is not a single person left to him who genuinely *cares*. but there are people who take an interest for interest’s sake. harry is the car crash that people can’t look away from, and it’s such a rich lens to view him through.

let’s exclude jean, judit and trant because there’s already enough you can say about them as the sole remaining members of the major crimes unit. think of the other officers who worked at the 41st. whether they worked in c-wing with him or not, they were exposed to him. they had to be around him in some capacity. as a lieutenant, he was “responsible” (i use that term loosely) for overseeing a number of subordinates under the rank system. 

like put yourself in the shoes of a patrol officer at the 41st. you know harry as, in a word, unstable. a deeply unreliable man of extremes with alarmingly few personal attachments to keep him in check. he’s also practically untouchable as long as he keeps getting results, which he does, at a cost. so there’s never any point in formally complaining about him- he’s never going to be corrected or fired, so you just do one of the following: 1) keep your mouth shut (if you’re polite or playing it safe), 2) only bitch about him out of earshot (if you’ve got something to say but you’re nonconfrontational), 3) start shit with him but in a “playful” way that is secretly sincere (if you’re ballsy/have known him long enough), 4) or start shit with him for real (if you’re jean, or have a death wish). 

and the thing about the last two of those options- *especially the 3rd, which seems to be the favorite of his fellow C-wingers*- you have to know him VERY WELL to pull it off without ostensibly getting your nose broken (or worse). you have to know his moods and his triggers and what exact cocktail of bullshit he’s displaying that day so you know where the line is for this particular shift. whoever figures it out first passes it along to everyone else- hey, you can fuck with him about dating today, but don’t bring up the drinking or last week’s case or he’ll go ballistic. and it’s just like... he’s a specimen. you may not know him on a personal heart-to-heart level, but you know him the way a zookeeper knows their tigers, or the way the falconer knows their hawk. you know when to feed and when to back away with your arms up. it doesn’t make things better, but it stops them getting worse. (for you, anyway).

then martinaise happens and if he comes back- his instability is still there, but it’s not the same. you don’t recognize the way he’s acting. maybe some things are not as bad as before, but all of it is different and it’s impossible to get a read on it. you have no idea how to approach him now, or if you should approach him at all. there’s a new layer to his unreliability and it’s somehow even scarier than before. there’s a tiny tiny calm in his storm, finally, and you don’t know when it’s going to break or what’s going to break it. you hear he’s finally actually kicking the booze and maybe you just scoff and move on, or maybe you let yourself root for him. really it all depends on how long you’ve known him, how many times you’ve seen him *try*. how sympathetic you are to his conditions and how patient of a person you are. how many times he’s hurt you (because that number is rarely going to be zero). no matter what, you’re going to be left wondering. you don’t know how much of him is gone. you don’t know how much is going to come back. you’re not sure how much of each you *want*.

[loumauve]

the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub

[milfshenyuan]

reading is a dangerous hobby 🤷

[allthecastlesonclouds]

not to go crazy about these tags but you just simply must say more on the thistlesprings as italian i’m obsessed with that

I OF COURSE WILL I WILL PUT IT UNDER A CUT THO BC IT GOT LONG

i do mean italian american because that is what i know. and also slightly catholic italian american but. yeah.

alright so it did first strike me with the extended family. i do believe that the vision that the sphinx showed gorgug in the forest had some amount of truth to it– everyone else's did, and wilma and digby are very much the idea of "we don't need anybody but each other! :D"– and so, therefore, what's the reason the extended family isn't in wilma's and digby's lives? misguided kindness on both ends.

the thistlesprings (extended) have prejudice and boy howdy the italian grandparents i know. they try and they cook and they have their laws but also they have their beliefs. my (italian, catholic) grandmother called unitarian christianity a cult and tried to stop my (jewish) aunt from marrying my (catholic) uncle in front of a rabbi (that meme of "i consent" "i consent" "i don't!"). it's giving "all they know is wrong and they must change but you cannot change them without being hurt." We cannot accept people of other beliefs so you cannot let anything else in to prove us wrong, all under the paper-thin veil of wanting to protect.

and wilma and digby are such contradictions. they're so, so self-sacrificing, and yet they'll fight the whole world. they have a tank (wonder what happened to that lawn mower, actually...), for gods sake. they care so much about their boy but they also left their families at the drop of a hat? there simply must be more but also the self-sacrificing and yet horribly defensive... they are trying so hard because they know what they want and they are willing to do anything to get it but they would prefer to not fight extensively. but they do, because they over-corrected from their upbringing, and gorgug doesn't have the solidest of ground at home to rely on.

there's also just the gnomish/orcish culture mashup of focusing so much on food. i love food so much guys. you reach out and share those dishes with others– if you're having an event, you best bet you're getting up crack of dawn and making a multi-course meal that anyone and everyone can enjoy. the frosty fair folk festival being right up w+d's alley– of course it was, it was bonding. especially the as-homemade-as-we-can-get-it. never met an italian american who prefered canned sauce or preshredded cheese over homemade. that shit is as fresh as it gets.

there's also the dramatic family gatherings where everything goes wrong. why did gorgug see basically his entire extended family. i know that. the grandchildren are in the basement playing twister or some shit and the parents/grandparents/in-laws are Hashing Shit Out. there is a veil of politeness until 5 year old is gone and then it's a Shouting Match. gorgug saw "Digby and Wilma [are] having a fight with a lot of other gnomes. [He knows] that [he has] aunts and uncles and grandparents and stuff like that." that was Moonar Yulnear or some shit and stuff Went Down. Everyone was there. the cousins were in a tire swing or something but the extended family was there.

point 5b actually both sides of the family know each other. why do italian americans know either nobody or Everybody In Your Life and Their Life and The World Actually.

they just. they have so much (misguided) care and they mean so much to me. and do you think that any side has tried to reach out or has it just been years and years of blame game, of they'll never accept him and this is just how it is and how could they destroy themselves and how could they destroy something good. it all feels very italian american to me. homegrown experience gone sour because you want to thrive.