#i think it’d be fun if komaeda raises a hand to put on hajime’s shoulder and hajime Flinches. that’s yum

[mars-ipan]

Mars i fear i may be dying of the plague. I have coughed blood into my sink twice now and my throat feels like I gave really aggressive oral to a scrubdaddy spongue.

Do you have any priest au thoughts/scenarios/rambles to sooth a troublde lad such as mysrlf🙏🙏

hemo. as a guy who has also coughed up blood somewhat recently. it may be time to go to an urgent care and make sure it’s nothing serious. there’s a pretty nasty pneumonia going around rn and if that IS what it is the sooner you get those antibiotics the faster you’ll recover.

as for priest au stuffs: the election kinda killed my creative flow (we’re ballin but we’re stressed) BUT i’ve been trying to flesh out hajime’s backstory a bit for the the past few days so here’s some bullet point brainstorming on that :D

check under the cut for the goods, as per usual ^_^ tw for mentions of child abuse, and also a general warning for priest au-typical horny talk and homophobia

i’ve been thinking abt hajime’s childhood/past a lot, partially bc i don’t feel fully confident writing him until i have the details of his backstory fleshed out. i think his dad was more of the aggressive “no son of mine” type of homophobic, where his mom was more of the “hate the sin love the sinner” type of homophobic. it’s cliché maybe but like. traditional catholic family values yanno. his family does differ from traditional catholicism in one way though: hajime is an only child.

i don’t think hajime was ever The Manliest Man growing up. yeah he was strong from helping on the farm, but he never felt the need to flaunt his masculine attributes. he never wanted to impress girls, he never initiated an arm-wrestling contest, and once he hit teenagerhood he quit wrestling with his friends altogether. when his friends asked him why he never roughhouses with them anymore, he tensed up and mumbled something about it being “weird” and “immature.”

he showed a lot of delicacy towards nature as well, a trait he carries into adulthood! rescuing turtles from roads, gently rehoming bugs, taking care not to step on wildflowers, that sort of thing. he was teased for this growing up :( he’d be compared to a disney princess and the like or just be called a pussy for Caring About The World Around Him. while he still loves nature and knows there’s nothing wrong with that, he does get embarrassed if his gentleness is pointed out— he’s anticipating some sort of reprimand.

been trying to think about hajime’s gay awakening. i imagine once he hit puberty he started having vague… thoughts. they weren’t attached to anyone but he kept it secret anyways since Lust Is A Sin and Masturbation Is A Sin Too and he’s not interested in growing hair on his palms or going blind (he later finds out that those are myths, but for now he heeds the tales), nor is he interested in the scolding he would get from his parents if they found out. from there we have two main options as i see it.

option A: in a parallel of the magazine he finds in Jabberwock, teen!hajime comes across some sort of gay porn. it’s completely accidental— he finds a mag or some other paraphernalia in a log or something, opens it, Realizes what is is, looks around for witnesses, and quickly stuffs it into his jacket. he’s not even sure why, but he knows he’s curious. as soon as he gets home he hides it between his mattress and his bedframe, and that night, when he’s sure his parents are asleep, he grabs a flashlight and starts to look through it. he doesn’t understand why he’s so fascinated until he realizes: he’s breathing heavily, hot in the face, absentmindedly rubbing his thighs together, and, most incriminatingly of all, he’s the hardest he’s ever been in his life. mortified, he shoves the magazine back under his mattress and tries his best to forget about what he saw, tossing and turning as he tries to calm down and go to sleep.

option B: hajime is really close with one of his peers. they’re childhood friends, and they’ve gotten along great forever. at some point, though, hajime starts feeling weird around him. not BAD weird, but… he’s nervous, and his skin seems to buzz whenever they touch, and his heart flutters when he makes his friend laugh, and… he can’t make sense of it all. not until he wakes up one night from a particularly vivid dream, chest heaving, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his sheets soiled with the evidence of his subconscious sin. he realizes what’s going on, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he does his best to ignore it, but it haunts him.

we could also combine these options and say both of these things happen, but idk yet. i like the loneliness of the porn but i also like the guilt of having to talk to your close friend and pretend you aren’t feeling confusing and frightening things for them.

hajime lives at home until his early adulthood, when he is Caught. if we went with option A for his awakening, then he comes home one day to find The Porn sitting on the kitchen table, its pages now crinkled from years of viewing, and his heart sinks into his stomach. he’s not sure how they found it— maybe his mom was cleaning his room and lifted his mattress? but it doesn’t matter— they Know now, and he has no way to explain himself.

if we go with option B, hajime is caught with that “good friend” of his. he had snuck in via hajime’s bedroom window, at a time they both were sure hajime’s parents would be asleep. unfortunately, hajime’s dad comes up to his room (hajime never learns the original intent of this visit) and opens the door to find his son, hair and clothes a mess, with the neighbor boy straddling his thighs, hands clearly paused in the middle of lifting up his son’s shirt. it’s silent for a bit, and the tension in the air is so heavy hajime feels like he can barely breathe. still, he breaks out of the stupor first, muttering a quiet “you need to go” to his friend without breaking eye contact with his father. the friend gets the message and bolts, leaving via the same window he came from. hajime is now alone with his father, so guilty and scared that he feels nauseous.

regardless of which of these events occurs, the outcome is the same. hajime’s father responds first, yelling and berating. hajime is terrified— he’s seen his dad mad, but never like this. never shouting obscenities and vile words at him. when told to explain himself hajime stumbles over his words, eventually landing on some variant of “i don’t know.” eventually, his father decides words aren’t punishment enough, and hajime gets the shit beat out of him for the first time in his life. he tries to defend himself, but he’s never been much of a fighter, and he doesn’t want to hit his dad, self defense or not. when his father finally storms off, his mother comes near, her eyes brimming with tears. she holds her arms out to hajime, tells her baby to come here. hajime, aching and bruised and perhaps with a freshly broken nose, collapses into his mother’s arms, silently crying into her shoulder as she pets his hair. she holds him close, rocking them from side to side, before she speaks. “oh, hajime, darling,” she starts, voice thick with tears and love, “i’m sorry. we’ve failed you, haven’t we? that’s why you’re doing this to us.” hajime’s stomach curdles at those words, and he quickly excuses himself, washing the blood off his face in the bathroom sink before he locks himself in his room.

regardless of the guilt he carries— he knew he was sinning, after all— hajime knows he is no longer safe at home. his father had never beat him like that before, and he doesn’t know that he would be able to walk away if it happened again. he doesn’t want to leave his mother, but he could tell that she was disgusted by him, too, her words still echoing in his mind. so, hajime packs as many of his things as he can fit into his suitcase, and the next day he leaves town, never letting himself look back. he job hops for a bit before he manages to get his house in Jabberwock— he got really, really lucky with the price of the property.

hajime hasn’t talked to anyone from his hometown since he left, and while he still has his parents’ landline number memorized, he doesn’t dare call. his dad’s probably disowned him, anyhow. sometimes he wonders how the people he grew up with are doing, but he can’t bring himself to go back. it’s not home anymore.

[potatotrash0]

Mint Chapstick

hajime stop biting your lips they’re chapped and komaeda’s gay panicking

—

“You should stop digging your nails into your lips like that.”

Hinata looks up, raising a brow. Komaeda is still looking at his book, somehow managing to cram his long ass legs up next to him in his chair. It’s a mystery how he doesn’t get cramped, Hinata thinks idly, though it’s probably his luck at work. Or maybe he’s so skinny that he can just do that without issue. Both are plausible answers, frankly.

“Okay, why exactly should I stop?” Hinata flicks his pen back and forth between his fingers as he talks, “Not like it hurts or anything.”

Komaeda’s eyes narrow as he glances at Hinata’s hand, which is still sitting close to his face. “You’ll dry out your lips and end up licking them all the time. It’s distracting.”

Hinata snorts at that, dropping his pen in favor of leaning forward on both arms. “Yeah?” He might find a little bit of amusement in how Komaeda’s grip on his book tightens at Hinata’s sudden playful tone. “Didn’t realize you payed so much attention to my lips.”

He definitely finds it fun to watch Komaeda open and close his mouth a few times, clearly trying not to look Hinata in the eye.

“It’s hard not to notice them when you’re always biting at them,” he settles on, turning fully to face Hinata instead of slightly to the side, only to shove his book up in front of him as a barrier of sorts. “Personal space, Reserve Course.”

Taking the hint, Hinata backs off, though not without laughing again at Komaeda being flustered for once. Before, the Reserve comment would have felt more like an insult, but he’s not quite as bothered by it nowadays. It’s also a bit harder to take the guy seriously when he’s glaring at Hinata from above the top of his fantasy novel, peeking out just enough to make his flushed face noticeable. It wasn’t hard with how pale he was, really.

Still, Hinata drops the topic without much fuss. He does glance up and snicker at Komaeda once he puts his book down, which earns him a light kick to the shin. He sticks his tongue out in response, dodging the second kick and preparing to retaliate properly, at least until he notices someone coming towards the back of the library where they’re sitting.

From there, they both go back to what they were doing before, Komaeda spacing out with his book and Hinata focusing on his homework. It’s not long ‘til the sun sets and they decide to pack up for the day.

“Oh, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda stops him just before they part ways outside the building, digging in his bag for a moment before holding it out.

It’s chapstick. Mint, to be specific. “Why do you have this in your bag again?”

“Mioda-san gave it to me.” Komaeda’s brows furrow as he waves the green tube in Hinata’s face, “just take it before your lips start cracking. It’s not kusamochi-flavored, but surely it’s better than tasting blood, right?”

Hinata rolls his eyes, snatching it out of Komaeda’s hands anyway. “My lips aren’t that dry,” he says under his breath, pocketing the chapstick just to get the guy off his back about it.

Komaeda huffs and Hinata swears he hears a mutter of “stubborn reserve,” before the Main Course is turning on his heel and calling, “see you tomorrow, Hinata-kun,” over his shoulder.

Hinata brushes it off and returns the goodbye, making his way towards the dorm buildings. He still doesn’t see why Komaeda is so irritated by his lips, especially when he barely notices the feeling himself, but it’s not like it’d hurt to use it. Plus, he might actually remember since it was a gift this time.

—

Good luck: Hinata’s lips are no longer chapped and he doesn’t lick at them constantly

Bad luck: Hinata’s lips just look soft and kissable now. Komaeda isn’t winning this one chief