#even though i won't be there she shouldn't be expected to suddenly have to learn all of that just for this one day visit.

[stochastiz]

i am really looking forward to this trip so that i can stop thinking about how unbelievably stressful work has been recently, but there is still so much i have to do before i can reach the point of being "on vacation" that i am just too burned out and overwhelmed to actually take care of

my mother keeps asking questions that i cannot think far ahead enough to answer, asking me to make lists and plans of things to do during the trip when i can barely handle the process of finishing packing before we leave tomorrow morning

i've had to tell her so many times that i am genuinely incapable of so many things right now, but she doesn't understand because 'normally' all of this is 'so easy' for me

[animeyanderelover]

Tsukinami brothers and Cordelia Sakamaki fell in love with a human maid girl. ♥

I love your blog and youu <3

Let's be real, none of them would make good lovers.

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, power imbalance, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional thoughts, abuse, clinginess, mocking, humiliation, bullying, sadism, isolation, abduction

Human maid

Cordelia Sakamaki

🟣​As the only human in the Sakamaki estate, you have hell waiting for you since you're constantly either bullied, ignored or disrespected. Even some of the children there treat you rudely but you can't do anything against it. Cordelia is by far the scariest of all of them though as you notice that even the other vampire mothers are afraid of her. You fully understand why as you have been the one to receive her wrath and discontent. So you learn to keep your head low, never speak up against her and silently take everything if she lashes out on you. You make it your job to observe her and know what she wants without realizing that it is this very submissive dedication that manages to catch her eyes. It's been a while since she has had someone paying that much attention to her and listening to her every demand as at one point you can tell what she wants from you without actually having to talk to you. She still sees you as a pathetic, little thing but your effort to please her flatters her as you slowly upgrade to her pathetic yet adorable thing.

🟣​And just like that you become her own personal maid who she expects to cater to her every need. Bellatrix and Christa start avoiding you out of fear to be bullied by Cordelia and if you even do as much as offer anyone else in the mansion your service, Cordelia punishes you. She's verbally and physically very abusive if you shouldn't act like she wants you to. You have scars and bruises all over your skin on such days, dizzy from the amount of blood she consumed painfully from you. She always says cruelly in such moments that you should be glad that she even pays attention to you at all and could easily kill you if she wanted to. Behave! Behave like a mellow and obedient doll and you won't get the worst of her. Follow her always around with your head bowed, only listen to her and she'll be a bit better. Sit perfectly still when she dolls you up with dresses, make-up and jewels as she tells you in a sweeter tone that you need to look presentable when you are with her and don't flinch when her fingers caress the lines of your face gently. Be perfect for her.

Carla Tsukinami

🔮​Carla barely acknowledges you at first but you prefer that over Shin's taunting behavior. As long as you do your job, Carla doesn't care for your presence a lot. You don't even know what it is that eventually causes his golden eyes to be more drawn to you yet you notice it almost instantly. How his piercing orbs scrutinize your every move all of a sudden as you act as submissive and loyal as you are supposed to as a maid. It scares you but when he one day saves you from Shin who was just about to suck your blood again, you're too grateful to think much about it at first. From that day on he lets you spend a lot more time with him in his office where Shin isn't really allowed. He graciously takes care of your wounds as he bandages them and rubs ointment on all scars and open wounds. You're still grateful and thank him multiple times for his kindness to help you, although when you look up you can't help but shiver whilst looking into his eyes who seemingly drill into your soul as he takes in your form, your scent, those innocent and anxious eyes looking into his own.

🔮​Suddenly you aren't allowed to leave his chambers anymore and whilst you initially assume that he just doesn't want you to run into Shin again, the possessive and hungry light in his eyes tells you another story. His presence all of a sudden dangerous and suffocating as he tells you once to head back into his room and you do as he tells you, your body so terrified that it's moving on his own. You are safe from Shin from now on but you have gone from one hell into another hell as you soon come to realize. You're punished for the slightest sign of disrespect as Carla doesn't tolerate any sign of rebellious attitude and so you spend days without food and water in a cold cell, chained to the wall and at the mercy of whatever Carla has in store for you. It's such a stark contrast to when you're instead cuddled up in his arms in his private chambers and he shares his knowledge of the world in a low tone with you. You fear the Carla who hurts you and acts so coldly towards you and do your best to please him so that you only see the gentler side of him. Slowly but surely, you break for him. And that is exactly Carla's plan.

Shin Tsukinami

🐺​Shin makes his disrespect for you blatant as he sees you as little more than a plaything when you first arrive. You're a human after all, know your place. He doesn't let you do your tasks properly as he ruins your work for you. He pushes you around, bullies you, abuses you sexually, scares you and gives you a bright grin when he sees you breaking down in tears before he suddenly grabs your arm and yanks you up, demanding you to clean the mess he just created and prepare something for him. There is never a day where he doesn't give you a break as he is delighted to see your tears, although he also appreciates a bit of sass since it'll make it only more amusing to break you. He is a living nightmare and it is highly likely that you won't even notice that he has developed something for you because he acts exactly the same. He still sees you as a lesser being and you always will be. In fact he seems to be even more persistent now and you initially assume he just wants to torment you more.

🐺​Until one day, he stops. He stops abusing you as badly. Sure, he is still acting like the worst dick you've ever met but there isn't as much abuse anymore. Instead he's clingy and whiny as he yanks you away from your tasks and insists that you spend more time with him. Then the next morning, he's acting like you expect him to act. He suddenly switches back and forth between clingy and entitled to sadistic and psychopathic. You can not predict him anymore as he can seemingly switch from one mood to another within a single second and it makes you paranoid beyond belief. He's unpredictable so you can't even adapt your behavior in hopes of never eliciting his bad side out of him because your own behavior never dictates his actions. It's his own mood and what he is feeling at the moment and you can not influence that. You are adorable like this though as you constantly walk on eggshells around him. You flinch when he wraps his arms around you from behind, his hot breath fanning your neck as you can only wait if he'll bite you painfully or instead just place a kiss on your neck.

[tenebraevesper]

Sonic Cyber Revolution, Entry 58: The Rush Adventure

''Life starts with a sunny day, let's feel our ocean breath! We are cruisin' open seas, can't wait for a new venture!''

– A New Venture by Sonic Rush Adventure

xXxXxXx

Lucas had to admit that he was glad that the familiar prickling of anxiety had gradually disappeared and was replaced with complete confidence whenever he had to fulfill his duty as the Leader of Team Neos, especially when he had some exciting news for his friends. Speaking of which, said team was gathered at the Taylor Workshop, which has pretty much become the main gathering spot for them, eagerly awaiting the news.

''I got a message from Sana last night, and she and Blaze have invited us to visit them at the Surya Empire,'' he told everyone. The reaction was, as expected, filled with excitement and chatter about seeing their old friends. Despite living in a completely different country, Team Neos, mainly Lucas and Minami, decided to take charge of keeping in contact with Sana and Blaze, telling them about their adventures in Neos City and even giving them a detailed description of how to utilize Chaos Surge when Sana expressed the desire to learn how to use it.

''I can't wait to see Blaze and Sana again,'' Silver said, with Amy, who was sitting next to him, nodding in agreement. ''It feels like it has been so long since we met them.''

''I know that you're all excited to see them, but there is something we need to discuss first,'' Lucas said, drawing everyone's attention. ''How are we going to make the trip from Neos City, Starpoint Area, to Karuna, Surya Empire, considering how that country is located overseas?'' There was a moment of silence, with everyone staring at him, causing Lucas to continue, ''Before anyone says the obvious, I have checked the prices for flight tickets, which aren't the cheapest for a bunch of teenagers, as well as how long it would take us to get there, which would be around 11 hours. Sana and Blaze will be accomodating us once we get there, so we don't have to worry about where we'll stay. Still, this would be a trip we'd need to prepare for properly, not just leave whenever we want.''

''About the flight, maybe I could arrange something so we wouldn't have to worry about the cost of the trip,'' Lily said, with everyone giving her a curious look. ''My parents have access to a private plane which they use for business trips, since Rising Quest has branches in multiple countries and my parents aren't fans of commerical flights. I could ask them whether it would be fine to use it for our trip.''

''Okay, but what if they refuse? From what I'm understanding, the plane is supposed to be used for business purposes only,'' Makoto pointed out.

''True, but I have a way of convincing them to borrow it for this trip,'' Lily replied, a sly smirk forming on her lips.

''If that's so, then we still have to agree on a date. We're still several weeks away from summer holidays, but I don't think school shouldn't be much of an obstacle given our system. I had also called my parents about this, and they were fine with letting me go on this trip, so long as I'm with Sonic,'' Lucas explained, with the azure hedgehog giving him a cheeky grin.

''Dude, saying that they were 'fine with the trip' is an understatement. They were actually really excited to hear that you want to visit another country,'' Sonic pointed out. ''Besides, I think it would be best if we leave as soon as possible.''

''I think it won't be hard to get our parents' consent for this trip,'' Minami said, with the rest of the team agreeing with her. Considering the circumstances and the fact that the one who invited them for the visit was the imperial princess, it would be rude to decline the invitation.

''There is one more thing to consider, though,'' Shadow suddenly said, drawing everyone's attention. ''Have you forgotten that we would be leaving Neos City at the mercy of the Doctor?''

This caused everyone to suddenly fall silent, as they realized they sort of forgot about Dr. Eggman and the fact that he could easily attack the city in their absence. However, Sonic waved it off.

''Knowing Eggman, I don't think he'd be interested in launching an attack on the city if I'm not here. After all, that wouldn't be how the game works, and Eggman is dedicated to form,'' Sonic pointed out, confidently, with Shadow giving him a doubtful look.

''I wouldn't be as confident as you are,'' Shadow told him, arms folded across his chest.

''Oh, com'n, Shads, have a little faith.'' Sonic attempted to persuade the dark hedgehog, not at all intimidated by his steely gaze. ''Point is, this is all a game to him, and if I'm not around to provide a challenge, he won't be interested in attacking the city.''

''While that is true, I really hope that this won't be him deciding to just take over Neos City while we're away,'' Tails said, giving Sonic a look of concern.

''We could ask Rouge and Omega to keep an eye out for him. After all, Omega had been itching to annihilate Dr. Eggman,'' Touka suggested.

''I suppose we could do that,'' Shadow muttered, glancing at Sonic, who just gave him an assuring smile. He then sighed, but nodded in agreement.

''Okay, then we should go and prepare. Lily and Knuckles, you give me a call if you manage to secure the transport,'' Lucas said, with Lily and Knuckles nodding in acknowledgement.

xXx

''You want to go where?!''

''You want do do what?!''

Lily's parents were completely baffled when they heard their daughter's demand. Ever since she had brought Knuckles back home to act as her Guardian, her parents were making compromise after compromise in regards to where she was allowed to go. Only recently, they had found out what she was really up and were immediately intimidated into complying with her demands after she punched a hole through the wall of the mansion. Realizing that there was really nothing they could do to keep their daughter confined at home, they finally relented and let her do whatever she wanted as long as she was safe. They had figured that this would keep her calm and at peace, only to get hit by a sudden demand that left them stunned.

''As I had told you, me and my friends want to go to the Surya Empire and I wondered if it would be fine to take the plane you use for the business,'' Lily repeated her request.

''No, absolutely not! How can you even think of travelling into another country?'' Lily's father. Knuckles gave Lily a curious look, wondering if he should intervene, but Lily's expression told him that she had everything under control.

''Didn't you use it for vacation several months ago?'' Lily asked in a deadpan tone, leaving her parents a little flustered, only to immediately follow up with, ''But, I guess that's okay. I will have to tell the imperial princess that I'd have to reject her invitation.''

''W-Wait a moment!'' Lily's mother interrupted her. ''Did you just say the imperial princess?''

''Yeah, we were invited by the Imperial Princess of the Surya Empire, Sana Jai, personally,'' Lily clarified, a smirk forming on her lips when she saw her parents' shocked expressions. ''We actually met her a while ago when she was visiting Neos City.''

''Well, if it's the imperial princess, it would be plain rude to refuse an invitation,'' Lily's mother suddenly spoke up. Knuckles rose an eyebrow at her sudden change in attitude.

''I agree. It would be a bad idea to just reject the offer,'' Lily's father added. ''I hope you and your friends know how to behave before the princess.''

''Of course we do,'' Lily replied.

''Well, I guess that's settled. You are free to go, and please, make sure you put in a good word for our company. We could branch out into the Surya Empire,'' Lily's mother said, giving Lily a forced smile.

''Thanks. I'll go prepare for the flight,'' Lily told the two, turning on her heel and walking away alongside Knuckles, grinning smugly. ''I told you I could convince them.''

''Let me guess, they only agreed because you were invited by Sana and they want to take advantage of that,'' Knuckles said.

''You're absolutely correct,'' Lily replied. ''My parents had been telling me about the importance of connections, so I'm simply doing what they had told me.''

''They certainly taught you well,'' Knuckles commented, a grinning at her.

xXx

Lucas sighed, busy reading a book and trying to relax. Team Neos was on a plane well on their way towards the Surya Empire, and while they had managed to get everything in order, he still had that nagging feeling that something bad might happen. However, it was also possible that he was just a little nervous because he and his friends were literally travelling into a different country for the first time in their lives.

He looked up, noting how the rest of the team were either excited or just trying to keep themselves entertained during the flight. Warren and Makoto were playing a video game on the portable console Warren brought along; Touka, Lily, Minami, Amy and Silver were excitedly talking about seeing Sana and Blaze again, with Touka mostly listening to their conversation while looking out of the window, watching the landscape below; Knuckles and Tails were having a heated game of UNO; and Shadow was reading a book while trying to ignore Sonic who was pacing around the aisle the moment they were told that they could unbuckle. Despite the fact that Sonic had assured him that he was fine being on an 11-hour flight, it was obvious that the hedgehog would've preferred to run across the ocean rather than sit still for so long. He did join Tails and Knuckles for a few rounds of UNO, but then left after Knuckles won one too many of those rounds and started teasing Sonic about his loss, with the hedgehog becoming restless once again.

''Hmmm…''

Shadow's ears twitched as he heard Sonic humming, his rival having plopped himself down in the seat right next to him and tilting his head in such way that he could also read the book Shadow was reading. Shadow decided to ignore this and flipped the page, only to hear a disappointed sigh coming from his side, figuring that Sonic probably didn't read the page to the end. It didn't really make sense to Shadow that Sonic would just start reading the book while he was 1/3rd into it, but he decided to continue as if nothing happened. Another swift flip of the page, and he caught Sonic pouting, but not saying anything. Realizing that he wasn't getting his moment of peace, Shadow placed the book on the armrest between the two seats. Sonic gave Shadow a happy look, smiling at him.

''You know, if you really wanted to read the book, you could've just asked me,'' Shadow told Sonic in a deadpan tone, holding the right side of the book.

''I didn't want to bother you, Shads. I had figured I could read it in a stealthy way,'' Sonic replied, holding the left side of the book.

''Stealth isn't your forte, Sonic,'' Shadow told him in a matter-of-fact tone, with Sonic giving him a sheepish look.

''Heh…'' He then turned to the book, reading the page. Shadow decided to no longer pursue the issue, focusing on the novel he had been reading. It was only a minute or so later that Shadow then felt Sonic leaning against his shoulder, making himself quite comfortable in his seat and still sporting that goofy smile on his expression. Shadow couldn't help but smile a little, realizing that Sonic had finally calmed down.

Lucas also smiled when he saw this, turning back to his own book, but he kept thinking back to his conversation with Sana and Blaze, having called them to confirm that they would be coming. Sana had told him that she and Blaze were investigating another pirate raid and asked him whether Team Neos would join the two during their investigation, something Lucas agreed to, as he doubted any of his teammates would just ignore any opportunity for an adventure. Since they would be arriving in Karuna at evening, they would be leaving to investigate the pirate raid the next day, mainly because Blaze didn't want to waste more time as she feared that the pirates would be moving onto another target.

Lucas snorted in amusement. I guess our next adventure is basically going to be Sonic Rush and Sonic Rush Adventure. I wonder where that will go.

xXx

Fortunately, their flight to Karuna went without any issues and once they arrived at the airport, Sonic immediately wanted to leave for a run, only to get stopped when two cars that Sana and Blaze had sent drove up to them, with the drivers telling them that they would be driven to the Sun Palace, much to Sonic's dismay. He did relent after he was reminded that he doesn't know the way to the Sun Palace and sat together with Lucas, Tails, Makoto and Silver in one car, while Lily, Knuckles, Minami, Amy, Touka and Shadow sat in the other car. The drive itself was filled with people trying to get a good view of Karuna, as it turned out that they wouldn't be driving through the city due to the Sun Palace being built on a hill next to the ocean rather than being within the city. Once they had arrived, they were greeted by Sana and Blaze right at the gate.

''Hey, Sana, Blaze! It's nice too see you again!'' Lucas greeted the two, followed by the rest of the group.

''It's nice to see you all as well,'' Sana said, her and Blaze exchanging their greetings with the group, then motioning to them to follow the two inside the palace. ''I hope you aren't too tired from the flight. You can also leave your luggage in the lobby, I'll ask someone to bring it to your rooms.''

''We're fine, thanks,'' Minami said, no one in the group noticing Sonic's annoyed look as he itched to just leave and go for a run.

''You had told us that you've been having trouble with pirate raids. How bad is it?'' Silver asked.

''The situation is manageable, but we've gotten reports of robotic pirates raiding ships. Sana and I had realized that we might ask you for aid, since you would be very experienced in destroying robots,'' Blaze answered, with the group chuckling. Blaze gave the group a serious look. ''I mean it. These pirates have managed to destroy several of our patrol ships, so they shouldn't be underestimated.''

''However, I think we can talk about that later on. I'm sure that you're all hungry,'' Sana interrupted. ''My parents have actually requested to have dinner with you, because they were curious about your adventures.''

''You have told your parents about our adventures?'' Lily asked.

''Well, I kinda had to when I told them I'd be inviting you over, as well as me learning how to use Chaos Surge,'' Sana replied. ''Fortunately, they are more interested in hearing in detail how you have defeated Chaos rather than getting upset about it. They actually got the impression of you having a similar status to Blaze, being the protectors of Neos City.''

''Well, they wouldn't be wrong about that, but different than Blaze, we don't exactly have the approval of the government,'' Amy said.

''We decided to not bring up that particular issue,'' Blaze said. ''I'm glad that ARMS isn't giving you any trouble anymore.''

''You're not the only one who is relieved about that,'' Touka said. On their way to the dining room, they came across two people who were waiting for them, the group immediately realizing that they were the Emperor and the Empress, Sana's parents. Lucas was the first to bow his head in respect.

''Greetings, your Majesty,'' he said, with the rest following suit with the formal greeting.

''We're glad to finally meet Sana's friends. I hope you had a safe trip,'' Anisa Jai, Sana's mother said.

''Don't worry about formalities. Clearly, you're treating Sana and Blaze as your equals,'' Rahul Jai, Sana's father added.

''Uh, okay,'' Lucas replied, feeling a sense of relief.

''This is just to avoid any awkwardness,'' Blaze whispered to the rest of the group as they walked into the dining room. ''There were some changes after Sana and I had returned from our trip in Neos City.''

The group got seated, with the imperial family being obviously at the head of the table, still feeling a little awkward, but the atmosphere soon relaxed as they had started dinner and conversations had started.

''I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Sana and Blaze had managed to find a whole group of friends after such a short time spent in Neos City,'' Anisa said, addressing the group. ''You're calling yourselves Team Neos, right?''

''Yeah, we are,'' Lucas answered.

''I assume you're the leader or…'' Anisa trailed off, quickly adding, ''I have noticed that you're the one speaking for the whole group.''

''He is, and you can bet that he's a great leader,'' Sonic, who was sitting next to Lucas, suddenly said. Lucas was slightly flustered by the high praise, but simply smiled in response.

''Well, a group that protects Neos City has to have a great leader. Perhaps you could tell us more about your adventures,'' Rahul said. ''Sana and Blaze had told us about an attack from a water monster that left Neos City flooded.''

''That's Chaos,'' Lily suddenly said. ''Honestly, it's a bit of a long story.''

As Lily launched into describing the battle, she was joined by Knuckles, Minami and Amy, while Anisa continued to question Lucas, Warren and Tails about their family and school life.

''That is an interesting system,'' Anisa said as Warren finished describing the school system in Starpoint Area. ''We don't use AR Fields like this here. But, that's to be expected, as Starpoint Area is the center of AR technology.''

Meanwhile, Sana and Blaze were discussing their plans for tomorrow with Makoto, Silver, Touka, Shadow and Sonic. Blaze sat upright in her chair. ''We would have to get up early to meet up with Marine at the private dock. It is about 15 minutes away by foot though, but fortunately, all of the preparations were done.''

''You had told us that you wanted to leave earlier, but decided to wait for us to arrive,'' Silver said. Blaze nodded.

''As for the trip itself, we might end up being out there for a couple of days,'' Blaze continued. ''Despite the sightings, it won't be easy to track down the pirate ships.''

''Do you have anything in mind in regards to where exactly we'll be going?'' Makoto asked. Sana tapped on her AR Visor and after looking through the holographic screen, she switched it to a map and placed it on the free space on the table for everyone to see.

''The sightings were here, here and here,'' she pointed at several parts on the map, leaving red dots on the blue screen surrounded by green shapes representing the islands. She then encircled the area with a red line. ''Basically, this is a hotspot for pirates due to many trade ships passing through, delivering food, water and other necessities to the various islands. Our plan is to act as a bait to lure them out into a direct confrontation. Blaze and I had already tried this before, but during our last trip, our ship got damaged during the battle.''

''This time you'll have a lot more firepower, though,'' Sonic said, fist-pumping. Sana nodded.

''I really hope none of you will get seasick,'' she said. Suddenly, the table went silent, with everyone on Team Neos giving Sonic a pointed look, while Sana and Blaze remained surprised by the reaction.

''Why are you all looking at me? I don't get seasick,'' Sonic said, feeling rather confused.

''Perhaps, but you don't exactly have the best relationship with areas of water that are deeper than your ankles,'' Shadow pointed out. Sonic just waved him off casually.

''Nah, I'll be fine. We'll be on the ship, won't we? There's nothing I have to fear,'' Sonic replied in a confident tone.

''I guess we'll see,'' Lucas said, joining in on the conversation while slightly amused, with Sonic pouting in response.

''In any case, that is the plan for tomorrow,'' Sana concluded, clasping her hands together. ''We might be able to catch them this time. If we do, we would remove one of the greatest threats we currently have.''

''That is really nice dear, but could you please not turn the dining room into a war room?'' Anisa suddenly said, startling her daughter.

''Ah, I'm sorry… I just thought that it would be easier to explain everything now while we're all here,'' Sana explained, a sheepish smile forming on her lips.

''I suppose we could go into the specifics once we're on the ship,'' Blaze said, glancing at Sana. Anisa exhaled sharply, turning to the rest of the group.

''This is how Sana had been behaving since her arrival. She became way more interested in participating in the defense of our empire,'' Anisa explained.

''Well, I am Blaze's partner and the imperial princess. So, it is my duty to defend my homeland,'' Sana said in a determined tone. Blaze glanced at the rest of Team Neos, her expression indicating that this was what she was talking about earlier. Clearly, Sana became quite inspired by her little adventure.

The conversation then continued until Anisa and Rahul decided to retire for the evening, with Sana and Blaze offering to show Team Neos their rooms. Lucas, Sonic, Warren, Tails, Makoto and Silver were sharing one room, while Lily, Knuckles, Minami, Amy, Touka and Shadow shared the other room. After making sure everyone knew their way around and agreeing when they'll be up, the two then left as they still had some last-minute work to do. As for Team Neos, they finally felt the jet lag and general tiredness from their journey catching up to them, immediately agreeing to go to bed, especially since they were supposed to get up early.

Well, everyone except one.

''Sonic, where are you going?'' Tails asked, looking at the hedgehog who was doing some stretches.

''I've been waiting the whole day to go for a run, so I'll do a couple of laps on the palace grounds,'' Sonic explained.

''I don't think it would be a smart idea, especially since we're getting up early,'' Silver pointed out.

''Don't worry, I'll be back in a blink. You can go to sleep,'' Sonic replied.

''Okay, but don't get lost,'' Lucas said, with Sonic just giving him a confident look and leaving for the entrance.

However, on his way there, Sonic ran past a lit room, with the door being slightly ajar. Curious, he glanced inside, only to find Blaze in what appeared to be an office room, reading some papers.

''Hey, Blaze, why are you still up?'' Sonic said, walking inside.

''I could ask you the same question,'' Blaze replied, pointing at the papers. ''I've been reading the reports that arrived today.''

''I thought you'd be fast asleep by now. It's getting late,'' Sonic replied, with Blaze sighing.

''You're sounding like Sana,'' she muttered. ''She was insisting that she would help me out, but when I told her to go to sleep, she told me that I should also go to sleep. Fortunately, I'm almost done with my work.''

''Honestly, I don't envy you nor Sana. You're not only protecting a whole empire, but also have to deal with the paperwork, which sounds really boring,'' Sonic said, tilting his head as he looked at the reports. Blaze smiled tiredly.

''This is all part of my duty. Someone who isn't used to this would obviously find it boring.'' Blaze then got up, gathering the papers. ''Although, I agree that the bureaucratic work is more exhausting than hunting down pirates. Not to mention, this is only a small cog in the wheel in regards to how the empire works. Sana's parents are the ones taking care of the matters inside and outside the empire.''

''I'm glad that I'm not an emperor, or even king. I think I'd go crazy at the mere mention of dealing with political stuff,'' Sonic said, with Blaze placing her hand over her mouth and snorting in amusement.

''I suppose it is for the better,'' Blaze said, tilting her head. ''What about you? Why are you still awake?''

''I actually wanted to go for a run, simply to stretch my legs and get some fresh air,'' Sonic replied, glancing out of the open window. ''Speaking of being right on cue…''

Blaze followed his gaze, taking note of a dark figure standing in the courtyard right below the window. Despite the darkness, her eyes were sharp enough to recognize Shadow standing there and clearly waiting for Sonic. She was surprised when Sonic suddenly leaned over the windowsill, a sense of fear gripping her.

''H-Hey, what are you doing? You'll fall off,'' she said, trembling as she tried to ignore the fact that the office was quite high up and she wasn't exactly comfortable with that fact. However, Sonic ignored her.

''Don't worry, there is a ledge I can walk on,'' Sonic said, leaping over and standing on the ledge while holding onto the windowsill. ''See ya tomorrow, Blaze!''

Blaze felt her heart beating fast as she watched Sonic leaping from the ledge onto another, skillfully navigating his path downwards and meeting up with Shadow. The two then sped off into the darkness, with Blaze stepping away from the window and quickly closing it, trying to calm down her beating heart.

Despite being the Blazing Guardian, able to wield and control fire easily and terrorizing any pirate she came across – she still couldn't get over the fact that she had acrophobia, or an intense fear of heights. Even just watching Sonic leap down from this height made her feel terrified, nervous and uncomfortable. Forcing her jelly-like legs to move, she noted to herself that she probably needed some sleep.

I wonder what Shadow was doing outside, though, she thought, only to come to the obvious conclusion. I suppose when Sonic mentioned that he would go for a run, he actually meant a race. That makes sense for him.

xXx

It was about 06:30AM in the following morning when everyone had gathered for breakfast, some still half asleep. Sana laughed, while Blaze tried to hold back her laugh, when Lily mentioned how Minami and Touka were quite hard to wake up, as both were the type of person who liked to sleep in. Shadow decided to turn this into a lesson for Amy of how to wake them up by ripping the blanket away from Touka, causing her to wake up with a start and fall on the floor. Amy decided to do the same with Minami, who luckily caught herself before she could fall off.

''Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna have a bruise from this that will last for days,'' Touka grumbled at breakfast, gaining some looks of sympathy.

''It's your own damn fault for going back to sleep after I woke you up,'' Shadow replied in an irked tone, sipping his coffee.

''You'll get a chance to take a nap while we're on the ship,'' Sana joined in a teasing tone. ''It will take us a while to get to our location.''

''No, thanks. I'm fully awake now,'' Touka replied half-heartedly.

After breakfast, they made their way to the dock, where they had already found people and ARNavs working on the ships that were there. Sana and Blaze led them to a particular one, which Team Neos, or at least Lucas, Warren, Lily, Minami and Makoto in particular, recognized.

''Woah, isn't that the Ocean Tornado?'' Minami turned to Sana and Blaze, who felt quite proud when they saw their friends in awe.

''Yeah! Honestly, it's kind of a-''

''Ahoy, everyone!''

Before Sana could explain anything, they were met by an Irregular ARNav running up towards them and waving at them. The ARNav in question was an anthropomorphic raccoon with orange fur, a white muzzle, a small black nose, and sky blue eyes with one long eyelash on each one. She had brown triangular ears with cream canals on top of her head, brown rings around her rounded tail, and brown and cream-stripe markings around her eyes. On her head, she had two upturned pigtails with brown tips that were held together by yellow scrunchies. For attire, she wore a lime green tube top with a white trim, black capri leggings, tan gloves, white socks, and lime green and orange shoes with gray soles.

''I guess you're the crew Blaze and Sana were talking about. I'm Marine the Raccoon, and I'm the captain of this ship,'' Marine greeted them all. ''I hope you're all excited for the adventure of your lifetime, because there is no one who knows these waters better than myself!''

''I suppose we can talk more when we're on the ship,'' Blaze said. ''Are we ready to set sail?''

''We're all ready! I hope that we'll find those scallywags who dared to damage my ship,'' Marine said, an irked look appearing on her expression. ''Even if they damage got repaired, I still want them to pay for what they have done. I almost had them last time, but unfortunately, we couldn't follow them.'' Marine then beckoned everyone to follow her. ''Com'n everyone! We have some pirates to hunt down!''

After everyone got on the ship, starting their adventure on the high seas.

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[softichill]

tell me about unavailing divinity plsss :3

It's a story I've been working on since I think freshman year? Either way it's been in the works for a while now, but I haven't posted about it that much!! :0

The gist of it is, there's a war between gods; specifically, Creation and Destruction. And each god selected three Heroes on their side: the Healer, the Warrior, and the Mage for Creation, and the Bard, the Ranger, and the Shapeshifter for Destruction. When the war reached a stalemate, the heroes were set to be reincarnated since they were merely mortals, and each one got to choose a different trait their future lives could have.

A few thousand years in the future, tansies sprout in the wild where a young boy named Thyme (the Healer) spends his time after school. There, he suddenly meets a girl named Aria (the Warrior), and soon after that Michi (the Mage) joins the group as well. None of them know it, but the war is about to begin soon.

After that they have strange dreams, where different Gods meet with them to bestow them their abilities and destiny. Another group begins to show themselves as well; Tiffy (the Shapeshifter), Kai (the Ranger), and Goby (the Bard) just keep meeting up with them on accident.

It's a long story about expectations being pushed onto you that you shouldn't have to fulfill; the point is that ultimately, the war between the gods is pointless, as you cannot Destroy without Creating and you cannot Create without Destroying. And each hero should not have to be involved-- none of them are even out of highschool, and are so fundamentally different from their past lives that they can't live up to the expectations the Gods have for them.

Each has their own arcs as well;

Thyme's past self wished to be less kind, so that he could stand his ground. His arc with his current self is learning to love the people in his life and stand for them instead of shutting everyone out.

Aria's past life wished to be able to stand the sight of death. As a result she is very autistic about death as a concept, and tries to keep a smile on her face, but deep down she's lonely. Her arc is realizing that her special interest in death is not a flaw, and that there are people who will love her as she is.

Michi's past life's wish was to be able to be themself. Current Michi has to learn to get over the hurdle of disregarding others for their own gain, and to help up others in their life instead of ignoring them.

Kai's past wish was to have time and space to herself. Currently her arc is about accepting others into her life and sharing her interests, though I will admit Kai still needs some workshopping.

Goby's past life wished to not have to take things so seriously. Now he never takes things seriously, and needs to learn to recognize when to lock in and understand the gravity of the situation.

Tiffy's arc is about dehumanization. Tiffy doesn't feel like a human, and is never treated like one either by their peers. Xyr arc is about accepting herself and still knowing she deserves to be treated like a person.

I know most of these seem like they're reversing their past live's wishes, but it's not quite that; the Gods tried their best to grant their wishes and ended up causing them to manifest in extremely harmful ways. It's about learning to work around yourself and recognize that you can't change who you are, but that doesn't mean you never change at all.

Some of the later arcs involve this; the heroes are all trained under different gods who expect them to act as their past selves, and end up getting needlessly frustrated when the new heroes don't do what they're expected to. There are some things they only learn from dreaming about their past lives, because the Gods see them as only fitting in certain roles and refuse to let them branch out (i.e. Thyme learns how to use plant magic offensively from his past self, because the gods training him only see his role as the Healer and won't teach him anything unrelated to that)

It's still a big work in progress but it's a very important story to me :]

[greatwesternway]

We know 999's favorite exhibit is the fairy castle, do any of the other engines have a favorite exhibit (besides each other)?

Kinda mean, throwing the "besides each other" caveat in there! Even excepting engines with personal reasons to favor another engine's exhibit, lots of them just really enjoy each other's exhibits for their own merits.

Texaco's a big fan of Pioneer's exhibit, for instance. She likes racing the trains, other planes, and vacuum cleaners on the big panorama displays. She also thinks the Zephyr Fleet film is cool looking, but the questions it begs about who is who leave Pioneer trying to explain his complicated family tree to a little plane who just cannot follow it and loses interest as quickly as she asked. He doesn't mind though; he knows it's a lot.

Every ten years or so, Spitfire will get a little jealous of U-505's exhibit. It's not that he doesn't think U-505 shouldn't have an exhibit that big and detailed. There's a lot to say about him. Spitfire just has wartime stories too! He shot down five Nazi planes and he's got the stamps to prove it. (And he was on the right side of the war so his exhibit could be more fun). But we don't really have a lot of substantiated information about Spitfire, not enough to make an entire exhibit out of. You can't just go by what the plane himself says.

The most expeditious way to get him to let go of the idea is for U-505 to remind him that if he had a big exhibit all to himself, he would have to leave the Transportation Gallery fleet. A submarine is meant to work alone, but a small plane is meant to work in a group. It would be tactically disadvantageous then, both for him and the rest of the little planes, to leave them all to fly solo. (Texaco almost always ruins this because she is used to working alone and her display is appropriately separate of the other little planes. It's nothing an elbow in the ribs from Jenny won't stifle though.)

U-505 enjoys the Dome Theater, if he has claimed it before Stuka and Spitfire can. He particularly likes if the film is about the ocean. When he was in the ocean, it was usually too dark to see everything that was apparently down there with him. They can also go deeper now than he could. He finds films about space intriguing too, because space and the ocean are very similar (expect that one is finite and full of life and the other isn't). He'll watch anything in there though, as long as he's alone or with engines who know how to sit there, shut up, and watch the film.

Mate is not such an engine, so while all these guys were learning about tide pools or some shit, he was left in front of the Swiss Jolly Ball. Which he took as an insult at first, but the Jolly Ball is actually quite enthralling all told. You lean at the railing and watch the ball go on its Rube Goldberg journey and you get to thinking about how one guy put all this together and then you get to thinking about how a railway is a lot like the Jolly Ball except it needs everyone doing their job to run effectively (which is maybe why the Jolly Ball is out of order half the time you visit) and that maybe you yourself are just a large metal ball bearing on your second trip through the Swiss Alps, all thanks to the work of lots of people together. But the Jolly Ball, Mate suddenly realizes, is actually on its fifteenth trip through since he got there, proving... something about why he was left here in the first place, but he's sure it's not anything he wants to bring attention to.

The space wing has just been updated (per billionaire donor interests) and 40B rather likes the new SpaceX capsule room when the video isn't running. The dim lighting when the starfield attract mode is on the screen reminds him of flying at night in the snow. Ray and I have not put much thought into the MSI's space artifacts because we are not billionaires, but I expect most of them (those that might be engine enough to be sentient) also share 40B's sense of seriousness with regard to their work. They weren't just doing exhibition runs.

727 likes to take a stroll through the Ships Gallery from time to time. Aviation borrows a lot from naval tradition and now she's even got a boat to give her a personalized tour (although he doesn't actually know much about sailing).

And Pioneer... well, Pilot's favorite exhibit is the baby chicks. So Pioneer's come to be quite fond of them too. Before that, though, he also enjoyed watching films with a quiet friend who knows theater etiquette, but he preferred the silent comedies of the Yesterday's Main Street Nickelodeon. He wishes they'd thought of the seating they have in the Dome Theater a little sooner though.

[servenas-inner-fangirl]

Liveblogging Black Sails 2x9

Rewatching the first half of 2x9 because it's been a while and I am now more certain than ever that Abigail's entry was timed perfectly for the end of Flint's proposal to make Lord Ashe more suceptible to it.

Vane and his men enter the Spanish Man o' War in much the same fashion Flint won it at the beginning of the season, except they slaughter the sleeping men... parallels, parallels.

Vane didn't really win that fight with Billy, right? Looks like his men stepped in and Billy got a good kick in immediately prior. But then Billy is a giant, so who can blame Vane for not wanting to finish that one-on-one... also this way Billy can live.

Still digging the face paint.

But also Toby Stephens is so attractive in his role as Captain Flint. The hair, the beard, the way he talks, the way he moves... Like, Vane was pretty immediate, but this man is really growing on me.

I suddenly have a very bad feeling about Mrs. Barlow. What was she going to say when the knock on the door interrupted her?

So what, is Silver just gonna put a knife to Vane's throat and make him give up the ship? I so hope that's not the plan here.

God I love to see Anne fight. And we haven't really seen that since the pilot (if we don't count the murder of the guy from Flint's crew and his whore).

That atmosphere during the dinner sure is oppressive. And the ticking clock is making me nervous. Abigail couldn't play her role better if she had been instructed though (which maybe she was?)

Anne making a choice, still with blood spatters in her face. And I'm still pissed-off with Jack, but I'm glad she was there to save him. Shouldn't be too hard to convince the crew now...

Silver about to commit an act that might in the right light be read as selfless... or rather less selfish than usual. Wouldn't his chances be better if he swam to shore and tried to disappear in the dark streets?

But also if he succeeds and the situation with Lord Ashe goes south (which I suspect it will), they're all trapped in that harbor. That... doesn't sound good.

Vane, I believe you're barking up the wrong tree there with Billy. The enemy of your enemy is not necessarily your friend, and I don't think Billy shares your opinions right now.

But that captain's cabin sure is fancy.

I think that is the first time somebody actually managed to talk some sense into Vane, and the fact that it's not Eleanor or Flint, but Billy, is hilarious.

(Also you're still bleeding man, clean up your face.)

I think that's also the first time I've seen Vane run. It's kind of concerning.

Oh-oh, now Vane is coming after Silver personally...

Lord Ashe saying that bad word, "forgiveness"... this is where things go south, yeah? I think Mrs. Barlow knows it, too.

Oh, fuck, Flint's face. Ashe is asking for the one thing Flint can never give. All this hard work, for nothing... Wait, what?

The clock. The FUCKING clock. So it had a meaning but I was wrong about what it was. And Miranda is willing to blow up this whole thing for it, after everything. FUCK. (I mean, I get it, I really do, it's just...very unfortunate. AFTER FLINT SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE.)

And oh damn, she's taking no prisoners.

So this is not how I expected her death to go. I figured Flint would charge Ashe, and she'd be killed in the resulting scuffle. But she's just... executed? Holy shit.

Things don't seem to fare much better for Eleanor in Nassau...

Love to see Vane on the prowl, even though I hope he won't be successful. - Oh damn, outsmarted just like that, that's gotta sting.

I think what we're witnessing here is Vane having a change of heart in the light of Flint's treatment at the hand of Georgetown. Or at least that's what I hope it is...

Lesson learned, I hope: Don't hold Charles Vane at knifepoint unless you intend to follow through.

Awww, yes, the moment I've been waiting for!! Flint and Vane united are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Also I'm vaguely impressed Vane can admit he was wrong (or at least that someone else was right), although it's probably easier towards Billy than it would be towards Flint. Also Vane is not as stupid as he sometimes seems because he immediately understands the implications of Flint's capture for Nassau and by extension himself.

Quite ironic that Vane's taking of the Man o'War is what's gonna save Flint's ass in the end though...

Nooo, Eleanor!!

Wait, is that the first time we got a song in the credits?

[swimmingelectron]

I have an idea. What if lb says that she loves hamsters, actually. More so than cats or dogs. And for a second, chat almost turns on Rose too.

But suddenly, one multimouse flashes through his mind. Marinette. Someone who used a miraculous excellently on her very first try. Someone who, despite that, didn't get a second chance at being a hero. It's like lb is protecting mari.

There's more to it.

Anyway, mari also loves hamsters. Mari really likes lb. Mari even claims that lila isn't lb's friend. Mari is always nervous during akuma attacks, always runs off somewhere to hide away alone. As though she is expecting to meet someone.

Lb and mari love each other. That's the only way. And really, chat cannot blame lb. If he hadn't met her... anywho. Also he can't blame marinette either. Lb is perfect!

But knowing lb, she wouldn't allow herself to be in a relationship with a civillian. Especially if she wants to protect her. And she surely wouldn't reveal her secret identity to her for the same reason.

Chat has been stupid. Oh, so stupid. Lb is taken, and he has been talking about his feelings for lb to her girlfriend! He must apologise.

Before concluding their next patrol together, chat clarifies his intent. "I'm sorry, m'l- ladybug. I found out your secret feelings. I understand your feelings now. I won't push my feelings on you anymore. I just think you shouldn't let society or hawkmoth stop you from being who you are. But either way, know that I'll always love you and be there for you. All the same, don't hurt your partner. Other partner, i mean. Civillian. Your- uh- civillian partner is my best friend. I will kill both of you for both of you, okay? Uhm, yeah, that's all, sorry. Oh, I'm rambling now, bye" chat swings away to meet marinette at her balcony.

He watches as ladybug finds an alley nearby, and the detransformation lights up the wall. A few moments later, marinette exits the alleyway, a little messed up and a little worried. He knew it. A rendezvous point. And he might have been wrong about the reveal or, well, or mari keeps her eyes closed like the sincere girl she is.

Either way, chat concentrates on marinette and dilligently keeps his eyes off of the alleyway. Marinette gets home and up to her room. Chat knocks.

"Chat noir? What are you doing here?"

"Hi mari, i wanted to apologise. You see, uh, i found out about your thing with lb. And i totally support being gay. You and lb are absolutely perfect together, and i must have been a fool to not only not realise but to yak on about my crush on lb when you guys were dating. And I am sorry about that, and i promise to support you two however possible because you are both important to me. But please, don't ever hurt her feelings because i will fight you for her. But all the same, if she ever hurts you, just say the word, and I'll make her pay because you, princess, are also very, very dear to me, and-"

"Chat, what are you TAlking aboUT!?"

"Marinette. You don't have to hide from me that you're dating lb."

"I'm NOT!!!"

"Whatever, suit yourself. Just know that i support you, okay? No matter what. I'll pull strings as my civilian self and employ our other friends to the cause so that you may one day be able to date freely. And I'll fight hawkmoth off as soon as possible so you can learn her identity and go out as civillians too."

Chat left the moment his ring started beeping and did not hear marinette calling after him.

A dog, a cat and a ladybug.

[holden-caulfield]

What If I Don't Want You To?

main masterlist

REQUESTED: "Hii! I saw that you wanted people to leave kaz requests in your asks so here I am! Could you do a ff in wich the reader is a part of the crows and she's really sarcastic and flirty (similar to jesper) and she constantly flirts with kaz, (he acts like it doesn't affect him but he secretly loves it) and one day she does something especially bold that makes him blush madly and they finally admit their feelings for each other (also a lot of teasing of the crows to kaz pls) thank you so much!"

SUMMARY: reader loves to tease kaz but is scared once she realizes she might have gone too far.

WARNINGS: a mention of blood but nothing graphic

WORD COUNT: 1422

Kaz was the most closed-off person you knew. He never revealed anything, wether it was his feelings or the details of a new plan, and it enraged you. That's why you took it upon yourself to see just how far you could push him.

Flirting with Kaz Brekker wasn't an easy task, nor was it rewarding but it sure was fun. The crows loved to see which new technique you would have used and what effect it would have had on Kaz. It was usually a simple glare; a snarky comment when you were lucky. Bets were made on his reactions and you soon became a part of it.

"What are we thinking today, Y/n?" started Jesper while walking you down to the club, "I'm betting on a smirk."

"A smirk?!" you asked surprised, "I'm not even sure Kaz can smile..."

"He can, i've seen him once. I thought i was dreaming but when i pointed it out, he glared at me. I knew it was real when he whacked me with his cane." stated Jesper, shivering at the memory. You couldn't help but laugh at his theatrics. "Why do you do it, by the way?"

You took a moment to answer, suddenly serious again.

Truth was that all the innocent flirty comments you made −comments that started out as nothing more than a pastime− soon changed something in you. They were becoming truthful, and seeing Kaz answer with nothing but a dismissive comment was not easy. Trying to evoke feelings in him, inadvertently awoke feelings in you. Feelings for your boss that you shouldn't have had.

"Do i need a reason? It's fun, why do you talk to yourself in the mirror when you think no one's watching?" you retorted, raising eyebrows in genuine question.

"First of all, you shouldn't have seen that. Second of all, you should try it, you'd feel much better afterwards." he said simply and you tried restraining the smile that inevitably made its way on your face.

You entered the club which was, as always, in full swing. Several people were already ordering at the bar all kinds of alcohol while many others were betting all their possessions at the tables. Only the dregs knew that the real bets were being placed under the tables.

"Ten that he doesn't say anything." you heard someone whispering.

You were the newest of the dregs and of the crows, but you had already earned yourself a reputation.

"Twenty that he finally kicks her out." another voice from somewhere in the club.

That one made you shiver. Would he really reach a point where he would fire you? You were a useful member, you wouldn't have made it into the crows if you weren't, but were you too much? Would he eventually get tired of you?

You walked over to your usual table with Jesper to meet Inej. Kaz wasn't there yet and you were really thinking of ending it there, no more flirting, no more jokes. This was your job, nothing else.

"What do you have for us, boss?" asked Jesper as he saw Kaz approaching.

He looked as he always does: black refined clothes clinging to him in an assortment of sharp edges, making him look even more direful to new merchants. He looked dashing the way a raging sea at night is; frightening, yet enticing. And that was wrong, you reminded yourself.

"It was a dead end." he said, sitting down.

He was in a gloomy mood, certainly for the news, and even though you knew you would have let down the whole club, you couldn't help but think of the comment you had heard moments ago.

"Twenty that he finally kicks her out."

You loved working and simply being with the crows and the possibility of being kicked out was positively frightening.

But you couldn't simply stop. Everyone would have noticed something was off, he would have noticed. And then what? He would have known you liked him.

You had to do something big, something he couldn't simply ignore. You might have been out of the dregs for good, or maybe not.

Jesper kicked your shin under the table, making you focus back on the real word and motioning at all the dregs in the club, looking expectantly at you.

Kaz and Inej were now talking about something you weren't quite getting, their voices seemed distant as you tried to forget about everyone's eyes on you. You had made it a thousand times already, you could do it once more.

"So, what are we going to do now?" asked Jesper and Kaz leaned back in his chair.

"I have some other leads we can try, but we'll have to split up." he started, the prospect of new kruge in his pockets making him incredibly more cheerful, "Jesper, Inej heard something about a particularly pricey painting in east stave, she'll bring you there and you'll learn more about it. And Y/n," he began and you perked up.

It was your moment to say something and get it over with.

"We'll go to west stave, i need your help with a lead there."

"Oh, you need me?" you said, your tone excessively teasing.

"That's what i said, but i can ask Inej." he replied drily.

You hesitated but you were not one to back down, especially not in front of one of Kaz's passive aggressive comments.

"But then you wouldn't get to stare at me longingly while i work, would you?" you said, pouting slightly.

You could have expected a retort, a glare, a not-so-nice hand gesture, but not him storming out of the club.

The entirety of the dregs was dumbfounded, Jesper and Inej, who never participated in the bets but still knew about them, were agape. You were mortified.

"Maybe," began Inej, "You should go talk to him."

"And meet my demise?" you asked.

"There must be a reason why he stormed out-"

"Yes, that he would have liked to kill me but blood stains are tough to remove." Jesper laughed but you were quite serious.

You got up either way, you had to explain yourself to him, you owed him at least that, and got out.

You found him not so far from the club's entrance, leaning on the railing over the river. You approached him unsurely.

"Kaz." he didn't turn around, so you got closer to the railing and noticed that his face, even in the night with the palest light of the street lamps, was scarlet. "I'm- i'm sorry, i will stop."

He remained silent.

"That is if you still want me in the crows, if not i'll leave tonight obviously." he turned to you, usually-perfect hair now slightly tousled, face still red and unreadable.

"Why wouldn't i?" he asked.

"I'm always teasing you and i figured you hated that. I will stop."

"What if i don't want you to?" your head perked up and he turned back towards the horizon, but a smirk crept up on his face. He didn't bother hiding it.

"So you can smile?" he rolled his eyes.

"I don't like it when people point out things i obviously do, you should have noticed back there."

Heat rushed to your face and the smile he had plastered onto his face turned into a complacent one.

"It was real? You stare at me longingly?" you asked bewildered.

He looked at you once before turning to the horizon once more, "Obviously not."

But you could sense he was lying.

"Told you he could smile, Y/n!" shouted Jesper from behind you.

You both turned around to find Jesper and Inej surrounded by the dregs and a couple of other clients too, all jostling to get a better look of the scene.

"It'll be hard for him not to, i'm afraid." joined in Inej and you bit your lip to refrain the laughter. Kaz's annoyed expression didn't help you maintaining a straight face.

"I'm not paying you to stand here doing nothing, get back inside." he ordered.

Everyone turned back inside but Jesper and Inej.

"Boss, if Y/n now gets double, just know i'm great at flirting too." stated Jesper as Kaz made his way back to the club, you in tow.

He ignored him and whacked him with his cane. Again. Jesper had now yet another lovely cane story to add to his collection.

"You'll never let him forget it, won't you?" you whispered. Jesper looked at you like a child who had just entered candy land.

"Never."

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[britts-galaxy-brain]

I am so sorry that you had to deal with what Lily put you through. There are some recent posts on her tumblr about what she thinks about people in abusive relationships and when to stop helping them, and needless to say they are some of the most cruel, heartless fucking takes on abusive relationships that I have ever fucking seen. LO cares so fucking little for the victims of abusive relationships, that I was not surprised at all when I learned that she is a fucking abuser herself!

I just saw that post and...I shouldn't be surprised at the cosmic levels of hypocrisy and projection at this point, but somehow I am.

Lily Orchard is regularly guilty of everything in that post. I have screenshots proving it, and everyone who has been particularly close to her has similar stories. Lily will get in a low mood, expect her friends to make her feel better, but will fight tooth and nail against literally anything they do to try. Give her advice? She doesn't want to hear it. Talk her up? That doesn't matter because it's not a solution. Try to give her a solution? That's stupid and won't work. Try to change the subject to get her mind off things? You're being rude and not listening to her. All she wants to do in those moods is use everyone around her like a punching bag. She only feels better by bringing others down so she feels superior.

Back when we talked, she started insinuating that it was my fault for getting into bad situations with people, because I was "choosing" to be around those people. Even though she knew my situation and knew that it was absolutely NOT a choice on my end. My family was neglectful and abusive. I didn't fucking choose that. The only "choice" I did make when we were talking that lead to me getting into another abusive situation was when I had to make the choice on whether I should stay at my parents' house (with the person who SM'd me for two years), or take a risk with a woman I was dating at the time. I was a sheltered 19 year old from an abusive background, so I had no point of reference or knowledge of "love-bombing" or any of the red-flags that woman was presenting. So I made the naive decision to move in with her for the better job opportunities (I was moving from a small rural town to a college town) and because I thought I could trust her.

Once the reality of the situation set in and I started struggling, suddenly Lily was on the victim blame train. She would switch between being sympathetic to telling me it was my fault and I could just choose to leave whenever I wanted. I had no family support. I was being financially abused so I couldn't save money. I had NO ONE ELSE to turn to. She knew that. But she would somehow make my situation completely my fault, while simultaneously complaining at me and essentially telling me I was a bad friend for not being able to emotionally support her whenever she decided she needed it. When I started pulling away and not talking to her about things because she made it clear it bothered her and would end in her blaming me, she would get mad and upset that I wasn't opening up anymore. So that meant I was making the choice to turn away from people who were trying to help and support me. Even though she was doing no such thing at the time, despite her being convinced her "advice" was helpful in any way.

TL;DR: Lily is once again a raging, burning hypocrite and a victim blamer.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Unexpected Places (Pt. 04 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

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{Vikings Masterlist}

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Fit For a Princess

You're listening to the chattering between Aslaug and Helga, looking at pieces of jewelry at the market place. You say something every now and then, but you can't shake away Ivar's stare. On the last days, two weeks or so, he's right there, sitting across from you on every meal, eyes burning through you. Hvitserk said he's studying you, still expecting you to snap, to decide you had enough of all this and want to go back home. To Wessex, where your older brother now rules. And Ragnar already said he'd take you back if you wanted, so there's that.

But leaving Kattegat hasn't even crossed your mind, not before and not now. How could you trade all you have here, and slide back into the invisible chains you had on? It wouldn't be just stupid, it would be the death of you. You're finally understanding who you are, the things you like, the kind of people you like. In England, you had to play a specific role, because everything was political. Here, you're just who you are. And you do what you want to do. This is true freedom.

“I really like this one,” Helga says, as your eyes wander through the many rings, earrings, and necklaces. “I'd like those two as well.” She continues as you pace around, further away from both women, turning the corner and then walking to another store. The pieces they have here are all made of metal, delicately bent into beautiful shapes. You caress a bracelet with the tip of your fingers, wondering if it'd look good on you.

“Don't waste your time with these cheap things.” The voice, that you now recognize immediately, makes you turn around. Ivar comes from among the people, only stopping when he's standing next to you.

But despite his attention being on the jewelry, your eyes are on him. “You're tall.” It comes out suddenly, because he never stood beside you like this, so you couldn't have noticed.

“Well, you're tiny.” Ivar glances at you, playing with one of the rings. “Anyway, you shouldn't be looking at these things. They won't suit you very well.”

Giving the old man an apologetic look, you randomly pick a bracelet. You don't get why Ivar is being rude, but, judging by what Hvitserk had told you, his brother isn't one to hold back. He says what he thinks, it doesn't matter how mean it may sound to others. You're still trying to figure out if this level of brutal honesty is good or bad. “I really like this one.” Searching on the small bag attached to your dress, you take four coins, way more than what the bracelet is worth, handing it over to the man and putting the bracelet on. The silver color is beautiful, and the drawings carved on it remind you of the pattern you saw on one of the boats that brought you here.

Ivar rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, sighing. “You are such a kind princess.” Dropping the ring, he starts walking side by side with you when you set in motion through the market. You weren't expecting that.

“King Ecbert was king of Wessex. This isn't Wessex.”

“(Y/N)! Wait for us.” Aslaug calls and you stop, giving her a look and a nod before turning to face Ivar, who towers over you.

“Therefore, I'm not a princess anymore.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give him a small smile.

“That's a shame, isn't it?” He lowers his voice, leaning closer.

“Not really.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give a little step back, putting a strand of hair behind your ears before giving him a little wave, walking back to where both women are.

After they're done shopping, as you walk back home, the clouds push themselves apart just enough for the sunlight to appear. That makes you stop, taking in the warmth on your skin, but it soon disappears.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Hvitserk calls, coming from the beach with his father, Ubbe and Bjorn, who's walking behind them. “We're going to meet some traders. Wanna come?”

“Why not?” You mumble, elbowing Hvitserk when he's close enough.

“Go put on some pants then. We're riding there.”

“Oh.” It's so absurd it's stupid, how you can't seem to do the simple things people know by heart here. “I'm not very good at riding.” Whispering, you tell him, not wanting anyone else to listen.

“I'll help you out.” He nods, tilting his head to where Bjorn is. “Without cracking your head open in the process.”

Smiling you nod before heading inside to change out of the dress. You're just about to head out when Aslaug tells you to grab a cloak in case it rains later, so you have to make another trip to your room. But soon enough you meet Hvitserk and the others again, reading the horses.

“Which one is mine?”

“Over here.” Hviserk guides to a beautiful white horse. “Give me your leg.” He says, and for a moment you furrow your eyebrows, but soon enough you understand what he means. Raising your leg, Hvitserk grabs your calf and you push yourself up, successfully mounting on the horse with his help. It feels funny to be this tall. You have ridden before, but most of the time you used a carriage. There was no need for a princess to ride on the back of a horse at Wessex. It's wild though, and you've grown to love wild things. “Keep your feet like this on the stirrups at all times. Don't put of your feet all the way in or it might get stuck if you fall. If you touch her with your ankles, she'll move forward. Pull the halters and she'll stop. The same thing goes to pull her left or right, but since we'll ride together she'll just follow the other horses.”

“Got it.”

“Your ass might hurt at the end of the day, so be prepared.” He warns before jumping to the back of his horse. “If it'll help you feel more steady, you can hold on the saddle, but trust me, you'll get the hang of it once you lose the fear of falling.”

“Have you ever fallen from a horse before?” As you speak, the small group starts moving, and your mare does the same, keeping their pace, slow at first until everyone starts galloping, and all air leaves your lungs. You hold tightly to the saddle, scared at first, but you remember what Hvitserk just told you. If you let the fear of falling win, you'll never learn to ride properly, and you'll never enjoy it. Slowly, you let go of the saddle, holding only on the halters, making sure it's loose so she'll feel free to run.

And the sensation is amazing. The wind makes your hair whip your face over and over, and you lightly shake your head to get rid of it. Glancing at Hvitserk, you mirror his position, a smile creeping over your lips. The landscape, green, blue, and gray, passes by in a blur, and you try to take it all in. It's beautiful, breathtaking. Almost literally, because when you finally stop, you're struggling to catch your breath.

“You ok?”

“Yeah.” You answer, and Hvitserk nods before moving to stand next to his father and brother. You see a small troop approaching, riding up the hill.

“You're quite good at this,” Bjorn says, guiding his horse away from his siblings and near you. “A few more lessons you'll be riding like a true Viking.”

“I really like it. Its... Thrilling.” You're finally calming down, and your thighs ache a little bit.

“Wanna see the traders coming?” Turning his horse around, he gestures at a cliff, not too many miles away. “We could go up there, it'll give us a nice view.”

“Isn't it a little high?”

“The horses are used to it. C'mon.” Without waiting for your answer, he starts galloping away.

Glancing at Hvitserk, you hold the halter tightly to keep the mare from moving. “You think I should?”

“Sure, it has a nice view. But if you feel like the trail there is too much you come back here, alright? The horses are used to it but you're not.”

“Alright.” Touching the mare with your ankles, you loose the halter and she immediately moves, following Bjorn's horse. It doesn't take much until you're deep inside the woods, the horses now trotting. Bjorn keeps silent, giving you a few glances since you're slightly behind him.

“That way.” He says, and you just let your ride follow his. The smooth ground soon starts changing, with more rocks, and becomes unravel. When you see a steep slope, with apparently nothing to hold on to, you pull the halters, making the mare stop.

“I think it's too craggy.” You speak up, getting Bjorn's attention. “I don't want to fall on my first try.”

“She's used to this kind of inclination. You'll be fine.”

Considering it and also what Hvitserk said, you decide to leave the cliff viewing for another day, when you feel more secure on the horse. “I think I'll pass, Bjorn. Maybe another cliff where I can go on foot.”

“Don't be a pussy. It's not that craggy.” Then, he kicks his horse hard and it sets in motion. It doesn't surprise you, but when the mare moves as well, following him, you're startled, and in the sudden change, you let the halter fall.

Holding on the sell, you can only watch as Bjorn's horse easily climbs the slope, at a fast pace, and yours do the same. But when it suddenly turns left, around a huge rock, you lose your balance, and since there's nothing to hold on to, both your feet escape the stirrups, and you're pulled to the ground hard. Losing your breath, a sting on your ankle makes you yelp as you roll down the slope, only stopping once the ground is flat again. Rolling on your back, you take deep breaths, trying not to move the left leg since the pain is spreading through your foot and calf. “Damn it!” You exclaim, removing the hair from your face.

“(Y/N)!” It takes only a few seconds until you see Bjorn kneeling by your side. “Are you alright?”

“I just fell from a horse and rolled down a hill!” You speak fast, the pain on your back making itself aware. “Of course I'm not fine!”

“Let me take you–” He says as he starts to pull you up.

“No.” You cut him off, slapping his hands away. Bjorn has done enough for today. If he wasn't trying to be a freaking show-off, this wouldn't have happened. “Go get–”

“(Y/N)?” You hear his voice and breathes out relief. “I heard a yell.”

“Over here. Lying on the ground.” Annoyed, you cover your eyes with both hands. “Can you please see if my ankle is broken?”

“What happened?” He asks in a low voice, and you uncover your eyes to see him jumping to the ground, kneeling next to your stretched out leg.

“Bjorn made his horse bolt up the slope and mine followed.” You explain, giving him a hard glance, groaning when Hvitserk lifts your leg to remove your boot. “Easy there!”

“Sorry.” He mumbles. “But calm down, it's not broken, just sprained.”

“Shit.” Taking a deep breath, you sit up taking off the other boot as well and throwing it at Bjorn. “You can't keep yourself from getting me hurt, can you?”

“Me? Everything you had to do was hold on. The horse–”

“I'm not a Viking!” Bursting out, you look up at him. “I'm not some shieldmaiden, I'm still trying to fit in here and learn things. You can't expect me to follow your pace.”

“I just–”

“Bjorn, you should get back. Help father with the traders, I'll take her back to Kattegat.” Hvitserk interrupts him, and Bjorn leaves after a grunt, saying something you couldn't understand.

“And he thinks he has the right to be pissed!” Lying back down, you groan. “I think this is a sign to stay away from him. Every time he's in the situation, I get hurt.”

“Alright, c'mon.” Hvitserk pulls your arm until you're seated again. “You need to put some ice on this ankle, let's go.” Hvitserk takes your mare first, tying her up with his horse before mounting and pulling you up to ride with him.

Despite the slow pace he keeps, your back still hurts. Resting your head on his back, you sigh. “Why are you so quiet?” You ask after a while.

“I'm thinking about the right words to tell this to mother. She won't be happy.” He answers, a hand resting on his thigh as the other holds the halter. “She's not very fond of Bjorn already.”

“It was partially my fault too, I think. I let the halter slip and had nothing to hold on to.”

“You're know Bjorn likes you, right?” Hvitserk suddenly says, and you pinch your eyebrows together. This thought hasn't crossed your mind. “That's probably why he did that. That's how he... Gets a woman's attention.”

“Would you do the kindness of telling him it's not working?” Muttering, you rest both your arms on his back folding them as if his shoulders were a table. “Actually, I've been meaning to tell you... I met Ivar at the market place today.”

“...And?” He asks after a few seconds of silence.

“Nothing, just... It was nothing, really.” It's hard to understand exactly what you want to tell Hvitserk. You just can't seem to put your feelings or thoughts together. “I was looking at these things and he said they wouldn't suit me.” Stretching out your arm, you show him the bracelet. “I bought this there.”

“That's nice. But cheap.” Rolling your eyes, you remember Ivar said pretty much the same thing.

“He also said I'm kind. But that was probably in a mocking tone, so...” You get into Kattegat, and Hvitserk greets some people. “I don't know.”

“I believe it's safe to assume Ivar doesn't hate you.” Hvitserk slows down the horse when a group of kids run by. “If he did, he wouldn't put himself on your way like that... Or look at you the way he does.”

“And how does he look at me?” The words come out slowly because you're not sure if you want to know.

“The only thing I can say for sure is that he never looked at a woman like that.” You finally get to Ragnar's house, and Hvitserk asks a man to help you down. Once you're safe on the ground, he jumps off, telling the man to take the horses. “And I mean it in a good way.”

He puts a hand around your waist, helping as you jump on the right foot until the table in the main hall. “Do you think he–”

“What happened this time?” Aslaug asks, her voice already giving out that she's not happy.

“Twisted ankle. She fell from the horse.”

“Take her to her room, Hvitserk.” The Queen mutters, saying something to the girls who were following her. “And carry her this time if that isn't too much to ask.”

“Alright.” He replies, picking you up with a hand on the small of your back and another under your legs, quickly finding the way to your chambers.

Giggling, you give him a look “I love when your mother–”

“Careful with the teasing this time. I might just drop you to the floor and I don't care if your a princess who fell off a horse.” The fake angry tone makes you laugh again.

“My bad, Prince Hvitserk.” You snap back, rolling your eyes.

Aslaug has her maids help you bathe first, cleaning the dirt that is attached to your face and hair before lying you on the bed again and applying a piece of fabric with cold water on your ankle, keeping it elevated with some pillows. She isn't happy to know the whole story, despite you assuring her it's alright now. You could've died, she said, breaking your neck. But it's useless to worry about what could've happened. The best thing to do now is to focus on the ankle, which she said will be better in a few days, and let the whole incident go.

Later that night, you give little jumps to the main hall to eat something. It's just Ubbe and Bjorn, seated on a table at the corner. Nodding at them, not wanting to chat with Bjorn at the moment, you sit at the edge of the table in the middle, your back turned at both men, taking the jar and pouring yourself something to drink.

“How's your ankle?” Ubbe asks, and you look over your shoulder.

“It's fine. I'll be able to walk normally in a few days. But my back still hurts.” Completely ignoring Bjorn's existence, you turn away from them again.

Drumming your fingers on the table, you wait for the Queen's maids to bring your meal. When you feel someone moving behind your back, you assume it's them, and place your cup further away to open some space. But instead of the bowl with rabbit stew, a necklace is put down before you. And it's absolutely beautiful, with three blue stones surrounded by a golden metal, delicately molded around it. It's different from anything you've ever seen in Wessex. Taking it in your hands, you see Ivar dropping to the seat next to you, and you turn to look at him.

“What is it?” You ask, unable to hide the smile that comes to your lips.

“A necklace.” He simply says, and you roll your eyes at his tone. What a way to ruin the mood.

“Yeah, I noticed.” The smile slowly drops as your eyes go back to the piece, fingertips caressing one of the stones.

“This was made for a princess. Not those cheap things.” He gestures at your bracelet, and you giggle.

“Well, this is absolutely beautiful.” Glancing at him, you find he was already staring. “Is it for me?” You inquire in a lower voice, not wanting to make any assumptions that might embarrass you.

Ivar nods, lightly pushing your shoulder. “Turn around. Let me put it on.”

Doing as he says, you turn your back at him. Ivar takes the necklace and places it around your neck, and you hold your hair up so he can close it on the back. Once he's done, you let the hair fall before turning to face him, folding your left leg and carefully laying the wounded ankle on the bench between you and Ivar. “How does it look?”

You wait for an answer, but it doesn't come. Ivar's eyes were fixed on the necklace, but slowly, they come to meet yours. Tilting your head to the side a little, you feel heat spreading through your cheeks.

Shaking your head lightly and looking down, you take a deep breath. “Have you heard that I fell from a horse this afternoon?” You're glad you got your brain to function, changing the subject. “Twisted my ankle.”

Ivar's stare falls to your bare feet on the bench, the skirt of your dress pulled up to your knee. “Mother told me it was someone else's doing.” As he speaks, Ivar gives an angry stare at where his two brothers are, and it's obvious who he's looking at. “But I think you'll survive.” You feel his fingers caressing your skin, from your knee and down through your calf, so softly you wonder if he's really touching you.

“I will.” You assure him, biting back a smile.

“Ivar,” Ragnar calls, and it does take a while until you both look at where he's standing, near the thrones. “Your mother wants to speak with you.”

“What now?” He asks, annoyed.

“I don't know. Go ask her.” And he disappears.

“Guess I'll have to go.” He glances at you, grabbing the clutch.

But before he can push himself up, you grab his arm. Perhaps you shouldn't do it. Perhaps this whole thing is just some kind of joke he's pulling on you, but still, the necklace is beautiful and he was... Kind. So you lean closer to him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for the gift. It's very beautiful.”

Ivar is frozen, even after you let go of his arm. He stands there, blue eyes locked on yours. Slowly, painfully slow, a smile comes to his lips. And it feels different. True, genuine. “You're welcome, princess.” He whispers before pushing himself up to his feet and walking away.

You're still a little dazed when the rabbit stew comes, and you can do nothing but play with the spoon. But heavy footsteps get your attention, and when you look at your side, you catch a glimpse of a very angry Bjorn disappearing inside.

He saw everything. And it takes you by surprise to notice that, the moment you laid eyes on Ivar, you immediately forgot Bjorn and Ubbe were here. Everything just... Faded away, and there was nothing else, just you and him. And this is not the first time it happens.

×

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[i-love-hobbies]

The biggest criticism Lilith's redemption arc gets and Eda's biggest strength

(ft. me getting completely side tracked and wanting a Hooty redemption arc)

Ok, so firstly I wanna talk about real life and then say how it was done in the owl house.

I hate the words "Everyone should get what they deserve." Cause firstly this never happens, secondly, the words are very vague and it opens a window of miscommunication and thirdly, cause in Lilith's case they are focused at, she needs to be hurt in order to change.

There are even people that have said that they are looking forward to watching Lilith suffer (I don't know if I've said it on the internet but I was one of them.)

Revenge has been proven to not make people feel better. And a lot of therapists usually say you need to forgive people. That doesn't mean fix the relationship, it means try to stop wishing they get hurt. Cause the feeling is only hurting you.

Also it's a normal human feeling to be angry, so no I'm not calling people monsters for this. And forgiveness is a hard process that takes a lot of work, but it usually isn't helped by hurting others.

The words people usually use to defend this sentence are:

"Consequences change people's minds or at the very least make them scared of doing it again."

Ok so how about we use this sentence instead, it's short enough and the main mission now is keeping ourselves safe Instead of it being hurting someone, you're still wishing it but it's not the main goal, it's a secondary one.

Well, cause it immediately shows two issues both statements have.

Firstly a friendship with someone that wants to hurt you but is scared of doing so is not a healthy one, cause they'll just try to be sneaky. You can only do it with people that aren't close to you like how the authorities do it towards criminals.

Secondly punishments rarely change people's minds. They've never worked on me, especially when you attack my identity, cause this way you make it even worse. And expecting that you can change someone usually means you're about to fail.

"But we can't get rid of punishments, people will hurt us."

I'm not saying we should. I'm saying our main goal should be our safety and hurting them may happen but it shouldn't be important.

Or better yet:

"Building healthy boundaries to the point where you're not getting hurt anymore, but not going overboard."

Examples:

- You have a friend you see Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. But on Wednesdays, after work, they usually are very ignorant of your feelings and sometimes joke at your expense. So you stop going out at Wednesdays.

They might never ask why you did it and that's ok, cause you're not getting hurt anymore.

But usually they do ask why? You explain to them the issue with respect, don't call them names.

Some people will change after this and you can get rid of the boundary later on.

Other people may acknowledge this and say it's a good idea, cause they are overwhelmed, but never change.

Other other people may start hurting you even more. You build the boundaries even more, sometimes to the point you cut them out of your life, even if they weren't hurting you intentionally.

Which is completely ok if you can't maintain contact without being hurt.

- Eda's handling of Gwendolyn's cures is another good one. She never called her names or anything. She just made sure that Gwen can't hurt her anymore. Cause it wasn't only the cures. Eda's feelings were always getting ignored. She literally couldn't talk with her about anything other than the curse. Her emotions were getting neglected.

- Eda's handling of Tibbles is also an interesting example.

At first after the scamming she just left him. She couldn't see how he could hurt her.

And in episode 14 she killed him. Cause he showed that he would do anything to murder her dump kids and knew their address. Almost same story with Adegast.

Yes murder in this extreme cases can be a healthy boundary.

Lilith's relationships with the owl fam

King:

King didn't know Lilith was living with them and knows about her neglect.

Luz:

Luz would only stand up for others never for herself which is very unhealthy. I don't know if she forgave Lilith, but I can see her not mentioning it if she hasn't and playing along as a teacher.

"The real mystery is how she can be both so smart and yet so wrong at the same time. Academics, am I right?"

The closest one to her she has roasted like this, is her mentor, who firstly makes people feel safe.

"EDA, You're embarrassing me Infront of my crew." - Raine, after thirty years of not seeing her.

Secondly, she was being a jerk, she was teaching Luz about cards while she was begging for magic lessons and was not getting it for weeks.

"Cards, the paper rectangles that old people think are fun."

Heck, she might even be scared of Lilith. She almost got killed.

So far I don't have a reason to think she likes her. She hasn't really talked with her or about her much.

Eda:

Eda has already shown that she can handle conflicts in relationships. Like in episode 9, where she got Luz into Hexside and everything I already said.

I made an entire post about Eda being too emotional and I still stand by it, but serious situations that have to do with relationships, she usually is very rational and good at handling them. Probably because of the curse making her afraid of her anger and countless people attacking her.

At the beginning of the series Eda probably was expecting that the worst case scenario would be for Lilith to catch her and if Lilith isn't given the time to realise what she did, she'd be killed and best case scenario Lilith changes.

Episode 5, where Lilith burned down her wanted posters, episode 8 where Lilith was gonna get her straight in the coven instead of arresting her, episode 11, where Lilith said she wanted for Eda to join on her own and episode 17, where they played grudgby.

Proved to her even more that Lilith cares a lot for her and maybe she will change.

Then episode 18 happened and King wanting hugs and Luz's "Let me die!" Suddenly the worst case scenario became not her dieing but her dieing and the trauma the kids will experience. The fact that they won't have her in their lifes.

Lilith says "Then why were you so easy to curse?!?" This does not sound like "I accidentally did this and I'm sorry." No, Eda thought Lilith did this on purpose. And now her kids might get killed by her own sister cause she was too naive to trust her.

From now on I don't think she was trying to kill her cause Lilith isn't dangerous without raw power like Adegast and Tibbles, but to disable her is a possibility.

To add to this Eda wasn't rational almost throughout the entire finale. She probably didn't pick up on the line "If you would just let me explain." Just like she didn't question why Lilith was thrown in a cage.

Then she learns that Lilith commited treason together with her kids and started feeling like she doesn't know the full story, but Lilith is still a caring person. So she jumps Infront of the beam to save both Lilith and King.

Afterwards Lilith shares the curse and has nowhere to go if she gets kicked out so there is no reason to believe that she would hurt them physically.

I know in a post I said I don't think she fully processed the situation with Lilith. But now I think I was only half right.

She didn't fully process how much she was hurt but she understood Lilith's situation. Forgave her as soon as possible, not immediately. But that doesn't mean she rebuilded the relationship as soon as she forgave her.

First of, the forgiveness part happened after episode 1. The entire episode she was guilt tripping her, which I don't think was helping the situation. It makes Lilith more emotional which then makes it harder for her to face reality.

I'm not calling Eda a bad person for this but I do think it was a mistake.

What wasn't a mistake but a good thing is Eda wasn't the one to listen to her problems, it was Hooty. Cause her emotional health matters too and standing in one room with her sister is challenging.

And now I'm wondering does Eda know about how Lilith was treated by both the coven and their parents.

Eda calling Lilith a tool, seems to me more of them competing with each other rather than the recent events. Also Lilith forcing her rules without saying why they are there.

I'm glad the episode ended with them switching roles, where Lilith is now more powerful. Though I'm pretty sure the roles are getting switched again.

So what about the rebuilding of the relationship or should I say trust.

Well they didn't show us much, but I think the trust isn't fully back.

Cause she has only been proving that she can be physically trusted like when she saved King's life.

Eda never opens up, which is unhealthy. But in this case it's a healthy boundary, cause King did it and he got Lilith projecting onto him.

Lilith isn't good at being mentally supportive and still has bad habits.

Lulu and Hootsifer

Hooty helping Lilith was something, she really needed and didn't take for granted, cause the only one to ever even consider this is Eda.

They are buddies that look out for each other. I wouldn't say they talk a lot about feelings as they have no idea how to do that, but there are examples where they do.

Like "What kind of a witch am I?" and Hooty's letter.

Her letter for Hooty, was supportive, but ignored the issue of Hooty always being in people's personal space.

Which led to Hooty drugging Eda, kidnapping three children and almost killing said kids when his plans didn't work the way he wanted. He also ate the letter for King.

I want a Hooty redemption arc, now!

[lostysworld]

My dar(k) ling – The Darkling × reader

Part 13

Masterlist

Pairing: The Darkling x reader

Warnings: none?

Summary: Another fete, another challenge for you and Aleksander. Another person between you and the man you love.

– What the hell is that?

You step on the training ground that you usually keep during archery trainings with young grisha. But seems this time your today's training started without you. Instead of empty space on your usual place a tall young woman is standing next to the line of targets with children not far from them.

Unfortunately, Baghra is here too.

– I found a replacement for you for this day, - the old woman waves her hand and a dark-haired woman sends a suspicious glance towards your side.

– Once it's for a day, and then for a life.

Baghra only rolls her eyes on your barely audible mumbling. When she brings you closer to that woman, you realize you've seen her before during trainings.

– It's Zoya, one of the best grisha in the Second Army.

You trace her slim figure in navy blue kefta with critical glance, waiting patiently for her any reaction. Not that you are against new people, but definitely not today, the day after your latest conversation with the general.

– Zoya Nazyalensky. A Squaller, - she extends her arm for a handshake, and you notice familiar pattern on her sleeve and smirk.

– Yes, I can see that.

Nevertheless, you extend yours in response, with a blank expression.

– She will train them, - Baghra nods towards kids. – While I am dealing with you, young lady.

– What else? - you grit your teeth in annoyance. You still have some lessons with Baghra, but usually they are about one and the same.

– I'm not done abusing you. Not yet.

– I am done.

– What? - the woman raises her brow and stops, turning to you.

– I don't need your lessons anymore. Though I'm grateful for the things you taught me, Baghra.

– Did my son brainwashed you with his teary puppy eyes-

– He has nothing to do with it. I just learned everything I wanted.

You already turn to leave her on the gardens' line, but the old witch doesn't intend to let you go.

– Your ancestors could do incredible things, and you only learned how to summon two elements and think, that you can outdo those grisha, who are here from the childhood.

You freeze on one spot, slowly exhaling and inhaling to calm yourself down. With one swift movement you are standing in front of her again.

– Air I can summon is still in your lungs, so be careful with your words, Baghra.

The corner of her lips twitches, as if she's waiting for a reaction like this. When the first wave of rage passes you relax a bit and you step back.

–And I still think that you are wasting your time here.

– What should I do? - you throw a glance to her, throwing arms to the sides in grim surprise. – To destroy the Fold with my hands?

– It's time for youto decide whose side you are on, girl. Are you with Aleksander, or you are helping to destroy him from the inside.

Your blood turns cold. No wonder, Aleksander became so impulsive with a mother like that.

– As far as I know, the boy still trusts you, Y/N.

– It is the perfect reason for me not to trust you.

The woman shakes her head, seeing the girl in front of her as a lost one for her to save. Worse that her son's influence is her own stubbornness and youth.

– What was Aleksander like? - you draw her attention. – Before the Fold.

– He laughed... A lot.

– Well, he seemed to do this with me either.

– That's what I am talking about, - she comes closer to you making you flinch. – You may bring some light to his life, but you won't change him.

Nonsense. You shake your head. Every new conversation with Baghra leads both of you to her attempts to turn you against the general. Every time. Always.

– I would never ask him to change-

– But it doesn't mean you won't want him to, Y/N. He is used to ruin people who are dear to him.

You lower your gaze, observing the ground. Loud noises from the training ground reach your hearing. Seems Zoya entertains young grisha more than you.

– Well, - you take a step back to show the woman, that your conversation is over. – Seems, my life has been already ruined before I met Aleksander.

The woman scans you with a mixture of judgment and motherly adoration in her eyes.

– There will be no happiness between you, if you are so alike on this point.

– Be that as it may, - with only one sentence Baghra gets to set your mood up and down.

As soon as she nods towards your side, you turn away, heading to the palace, passing by the training ground. Your head is full of useless information and whirlwind of emotions, so you at least can be used as a bad example of a trainer now.

When you get closer to your room, where Genya should meet you to try the fete dress on, you notice a familiar figure behind you. Even not turning your head, you know who it is.

– That's what the general meant, when was talking about constant pressure.

Ivan smirks smugly to himself.

– Oh, shut up, please! - you reach the door and halt to face the intrusive heartrender behind you.

– I am not a little girl, I can cope with it.

– And I am glad to hear it, - his face just perfectly shows how he enjoys himself at the moment.

– Shouldn't you look after your husband, hm?

– He is not my husband-

– Well, he should be.

With that you slam the door in front of Ivan's face, making him drop this mean smile from his face. If you two go on with communicating like this, you will become besties for sure.

You have never felt yourself so stupid and uncomfortable in your entire life like right at the moment, standing near the wall of the ballroom.

Genya abandoned you about a half an hour ago, and you are standing looking at the only one person here, that may draw your attention.

Aleksander spends his time discussing something with lieutenants on the opposite side of the room. Seems he is not interested in the fete or, what's most important, in you.

Not this gorgeous dress you are wearing, not your hairstyle, nothing can make the man turn his glance on your. After your last conversation none of you dared to speak with each other or look at.

Most of dates to the dance are already preoccupied with their partners, and you have only to throw sympathetic glances to Fedyor and Ivan, where one of them sometimes salutes you with a champagne glass by turns.

Not that you are just standing alone, some of familiar grisha join you from time to time having a small talk. And you may even easily escape from this party, but the chance that Genya will catch you somewhere in the corridors is pretty high and unpleasant.

But one small detail doesn't go unnoticed for you. Only couple of seconds ago the music becomes quieter, and you casts a quick glance towards the orchestra. There from their side, Aleksander is looking straight at you.

But it is not a problem at all. This detail doesn't seem to you; as soon as you follow others' glances with yours you notice a person coming to you.

The one you don't expect to see next to ever.

White coat with golden epaulettes, blond short hair and unusual charming smile instead of dull glassy glance.

Vasily Lantsov is walking straight to your side.

People around are not used to see the part of the royal family dancing with someone at parties like this one, so even musicians slow down a bit.

You are not nervous, but the whole scene is like not happening with you, so you just watch.

– Miss Y/L/N, may I have the pleasure of the dance?

His voice pitch is not high, not low, but something in the middle, although not unpleasant to hear.

You hesitate, but feeling of the general's burning glance on your figure makes you smirk slightly and nod, laying your hand in prince's one.

The music halts, but when the young man leads you to the center of the ballroom, it starts again with new force. The constant thoughts, that you are the only couple now and everybody is looking at both of you vanish as soon as Vasily's hand lays on your waistline, pressing you closer to him.

He doesn't talk, but the man is always looking at you, attentively, with the hidden interest, and you unconsciously compare this dance to your first one with general. It is stupid, because, honestly, it's nothing compared to the first fete.

You were kind of in love, charmed by a handsome stately man, who you trust with your life, and what's now?

Lost, without direction, still in love, but more love than in love, you are dancing with the prince, but not enjoying it. Though the dress is charming. With long waves it waltzes with your every movement, black and red.

Your lips touches a one sided smirk and you can only imagine what an impression this dance has on Aleksander. Surely, his subordinates will have a hard day tomorrow.

Fortunately for you, the music stops soon and the man, as a perfect gentleman, lets go of your palm and smiles in the end. You curtsy and step towards another wall, closer to the exit. One dance is pretty enough for tonight.

But when you intend to leave the room, someone's hand wraps around your wrist, slightly squeezing it, and you turn around immediately.

Lantsov doesn't go away, but stands still peering at you.

– Would you like to join me this evening, miss Y/L/N? - your eyes narrow in suspicion. Carefully you try to take your hand away from him.

– Don't think me to be rude, your Highness, but you are not known for spending time with ladies.

The young man smirks to you and you literally feel that burning gaze from another side of the room.

– I am not, but you will rescue me, if do that, - you clearly don't understand his intentions and wince.

– Otherwise, I will be sentenced to never-ending grumbling of my mother about searching for a bride.

– Oh...

– "Oh" indeed.

You barely hold yourself from chuckling, but the the prince steps closer to you, and suddenly you think that this scene can be used as a motivation. Of course, not for you.

– What do I get out of it? - you take his hand, that Vasily gladly offers to you.

– A way out of your difficult situation.

His words lit a sparkle inside of your mind, your thoughts find a common point, and you switch your interested gaze on him.

He waits for a second and casts a glance on that side where the general should be, but you decide not to test your luck, and keep staring right at the blond man in front of you.

Suddenly you remember that the ring Aleksander gave you with the letter is left in your room, on a night stand.

A nasty rotten feeling crawls inside you and all your previous thoughts vanish away.

When you turn to the direction where Kirigan stood, you see no one. There is definitely not a good sign, and you quickly look around to sneak out of the hall without Genya noticing you.

You excuse yourself and runs out of the ballroom. All this evening leaves your head full of conflicting thoughts and feelings, so you just need more fresh air.

Usually it's Aleksander who comes to your room either to make up or to take his time alone while your sleeping. But something is telling you that this day is not one of them. You need to talk to him first.

The door behind general's back slams loudly, he can even hear some of the pictures on the walls shaking. Everything in the war room is left like it was before he left for the fete. But the man isn't the same.

He ruffles his hair, exhaling tensely, marching from one corner to another in strange mix of helpless rage and jealousy.

He doesn't know, what is going on with him. All these day it was not so hard not to pay attention to this girl, and now, when Lantsov shared a dance with her, the Darkling is furious.

He unconsciously registers his own shadows crawling to his figure from the darkest sides of the room. If he goes on like this, he will surely have troubles with controlling his powers in future, leaving it to his anger.

The full moon is in the night skies and millions of glittering stars are shining radiating a slight pale light. The sudden thought of leaving the palace and having a night stroll dies with a barely audible knock.

Not many people afford themselves a luxury of disturbing the general so late at night, but anyway he heads to the door.

He opens the door rapidly and he blesses himself for wearing a usual cold mask, the general doesn't give his surprise away.

– Zoya? To what do I owe your esteemed company?

The girl's hesitating, but determined expression almost makes him smile, but he holds himself back.

– You left the fete so soon, I was afraid something happened.

Aleksander steps aside inviting her in. Honesty, he may even use this night visit to forget his predicament, but something holds him back. Something is telling him, it is not his way out.

Unconsciously his hand slips into the pocket of his kefta, fingers find the ring of black metal and green stones. He knows the similar one is somewhere here, in Y/N's room.

But when the squaller walks in further into the room, straight to the table, both of them hear one more knock. Loud, clear one. Aleksander will never mistake him for any other.

– Come in!

He doesn't busy himself opening the door, and when it's opened by the woman he is afraid to see, Kirigan finds himself enjoying the moment.

– Am I interrupting? - the witch's cold voice rings in the tense silence of the place, as she cocks her head to the side. Zoya straightens her shoulders.

– I was just keeping company with the general Kirigan, - the man follows Y/N arching a brow without any other visible signs of displeasure. – People tell it helps when you are alone. Isn't it convenient? You should know about it.

Venom in Zoya's voice is clear, but it's not enough for freaking the young woman out.

– Yes, I'm forgetting all my troubles the moment someone breaks into my chambers in the middle of the night.

Kirigan presses his lips in thin line, trying not to smile or smirk. Despite this difficult situation and visible intentions of Zoya towards him, he can't not to admire his forest witch. The little girl turns into his queen. It's just her character, that doesn't let her admit it.

– Zoya is already leaving, - Aleksander pushes himself from the wall, attentively looking at the squaller.

The dark-haired woman passes by you, not even sharing a last glance, and when the door behind her closes, you feel like finally relaxing.

– Don't like the company of the royal family?

The general locks the door and comes back to you, eyeing your figure with a silky arrogant gaze.

You, in turn, don't leave his eyes too, but with completely different expression. The man, who adored you so much, when we first met and developed your feelings towards each other, who worried about your opinion about him, now only pushes you away as hard as possible and even harder.

You indeed are not recognizing the same man you loved. But maybe you should learn to love him again.

– What was that? - your quiet voice seems to shake him to the ground. This strange calm power on the bottom on your eyes frightens him.

– What was what?

– What made you what you are? - you come closer to the man knowing that he won't go away. There are no more places where he can hide from you. – Tell me, Aleksander, what have burnt the heart out of you?

His glance is a mix of shame and disgust. He can't just not look at you and solve his problems with that. With the woman who sees through him.

– You don't want to know, Y/N.

– Well, I'm here..., - you throws your arms to the side.

Kirigan turns away and comes up to the table with maps leaning on his hands. His glance is slipping to the documents and plans, but he feels you're coming with his back.

You can't wait anymore, come closer to your lover. Lean with your hip on the table to face Aleksander, desperately staring into sharp lines of his features, trying to find that very young man he was once, so long time ago, beyond all the darkness that surrounds him.

– What do you want to hear? I was killing people in their backs all these years. I have terrified them, terrorized using my shadows, I was Ravkan punisher. Fouler than death itself.

– I understand, - you say quietly, wondering if there is still soul inside of this man. Burnt down black desert. That is all he has instead of it.

– Do you regret?

You flinch, when low voice rings in complete silence after a pause. Instead of answering you just shake your head.

– Not a minute of it...well, - Kirigan's gaze switches to yours, when you highlights last words.

– Aside from the moments when you tried to send me away.

One-sided light grin touches his face.

– Don't tell me later, that I didn't warn you.

– Even if I ever regret about my decisions, I will never blame you, Aleksander.

Something in him clicks and he straightens turning his head to you. Need in the glance only softens you more.

– Call me that again, - everything inside you clenches, as you hear his broken voice.

– Aleksander-

– No, not like that.

On a short moment you don't understand his words, but then you are finally lighted up with an idea. His hand that lays not far from you appears under your gentle touch.

– Sasha.

The walls he was building for so long are crushing down at this very moment. You make a quick move to embrace him tenderly and tightly. The man immediately hides his head in the crook of your neck.

– Has the darkness in me won over the light, Y/N? - you feel these words as he touches your skin with his lips while speaking.

– I don't know, darling. I don't know.

– Maybe they are right, - he raises his head, and you see these two burning pools of pure madness in his eyes. – Maybe the beast should stay with his own kind-

– Shut up!

Kirigan blinks and fever in his glance vanishes. He definitely doesn't expect this outburst from you.

Your hands laying on his shoulders and chest before, now are cupping his face, making the man look you in the eyes.

– Stop talking nonsense, - his eyes are searching for something on your face, something that gives up your true feelings. – I love you, Aleksander. And you are not even close to a monster. Don't you dare taking about it again.

You bring his head a bit down so your foreheads touch. Only a moment before you notice tears gathering in his eyes.

– I thought I had lost you, Y/N. My dearest love.

You move closer to finally connect your lips, savouring the perfect moment of peace. Your name sounds like a lament from his lips.

– How can you still stand me after knowing who I am?

Kirigan steals one last kiss from you touching the tip of your nose with his. This tension he felt before slowly leaves him.

– I choose to love you for the things you have control over. Yes, I may not approve your methods, but I know that you want the best for your people. That's enough for me.

– If I knew that you become the only thing I needed, I would not come into that forest.

You chuckle and this turns into light laughter, that Aleksander catches too.

– I'm taking it as a compliment, dear.

When you two stop, you realize that it is pretty late already. You won't forget yourself tomorrow's morning for the lack of sleep.

– May I stay with you? - you are searching for the answer on his face.

– Come.

Aleksander leads you to his bedroom where you stayed a couple of times, laying his broad palm on your back.

He gets rid of his own closer and changes it, handing a new clean shirt for you to change as well.

Honestly you have a small collection of his shirts in your wardrobe now, and the whole palace will probably know about it, if you ever done wrong with Genya.

When you take you places on the bed you notice, that the man is still restless.

– Just try to fall asleep, - his hand twitches under your soft touch. – Don't think about anything else, okay?

He is silent, and you go on.

– I see how you talk to your people, Aleksander, I know that you are trying for them. Grisha are dedicated to you, because they know you care about them, - your fingers start brushing circles on the back of his hand. – Though, as I said, your methods are questionable for me.

– I want grisha not to be afraid anymore. Anyone.

– I know. But I can't advise you anything. I'm sorry.

He shakes his head, covering your hand with his.

– It's okay. I'm grateful, that you are here at all, and...

Emotions overwhelm him, and the general falls silent. Suddenly you move closer and hug him tightly, placing a chaste kiss on his brow.

– Shh, sleep. We will think about this in the morning

@aleksanderwh0r3 @all-art-is-quite-useless @carlywhomever @cynthianokamaria

[babygirlkiki1016]

Masterlist

Chapter 1: The company

Chapter 2: The Journey Begins

I pulled the rope, fastening my bag to one of the ponies. I didn't speak to anyone the next morning, besides no one was going to try to talk to me anyway. The company would only speak to their kin, and as I passed by heading to the front of the line I was given dirty looks. Except for Kili, he smiled and waved but his brother shoved his arm down, scolding him for even looking my way. I sighed and walked past some more dwarves, and each scowl gave me a funny feeling in my heart. I couldn't understand what it was, but it hurt deeply, like knives to my soul.

"Y/n." Gandalf greeted me with a smile, letting me pass by. "Once we're out of the shire, you will scout ahead and report anything back to us." He leaned down slightly, so I could only hear. "We're also making a bet on if Bilbo is coming, wish to participate?" I looked towards the rest, they all seemed to be having fun. The talk of the Hobbit showing up again brought them entertainment.

"No, we're heading into a dark path Gandalf. If I were to partake in their silly affairs I'd only ruin the fun." He groaned, standing up straight to get on his horse.

"You know, it won't hurt to have a little bit of fun. You'll be riding with Thorin, for now, being in the front will give you the advantage to take in your surroundings." He was right, in the front of the line I would be able to listen to the woods, there was something dark out there. Something will be following us, I don't know what, but whatever it is it's not good.

"Are you sure he's alright with the idea of me riding with him?" He grimaced at the question, I should have figured Thorin wasn't going to accept it.

"He's not happy, just don't antagonize him and you'll be alright." My very presence puts him on edge, speaking of the devil he came up behind me with those blue orbs piercing into mine. He didn't say a word to me, he just climbed onto his pony looking ahead. Hesitantly I go to climb on but his hand stretched out, he was waiting for me to take it.

"Hurry up we don't have all day." He growled, quickly I pulled myself on and sat in front of him. I gasped at his warmth, it felt nice with his chest against my back. "Lead." His gruff voice made me shiver, I kicked the pony lightly and she went off. We made our way down the path, passing multiple Hobbits that were nearby. One was a child, a small girl about half the size of me. She waved with a wide grin, I couldn't help but wave back eagerly. It's been a while since I've seen children, my kind barely has any men around. The cold blast killed most of our soldiers who were men, so not a lot of children are born these days. Let's just hope those reports will save my people, and we can have a fresh start with alliances. "So, does all of your kind have wings like yours?" His question surprised me, he wanted to know more about my kin? Why? Was he planning for war?

"Why do you want to know? Are you planning to kill us all already?"

"I am just curious about your race, I haven't heard much about it. From the tales my grandfather and father told me, most don't have wings unless they're born with it."

"Hm." I knew all about their race, and the fact that he wanted to know more about mine intrigued me. "Some have wings, it depends on if you have a certain gene in your blood."

"How big is your homeland?"

"It was huge, bigger than the city of Erebor. Yet where we live now, is small considering your kind took our home." I snarled, he took a deep breath, probably to calm himself. His hands then gripped my cloak, and he pulled me against his chest roughly.

"I suggest you don't annoy me, for I won't be responsible for what happens to you on this trip." He was threatening me, I bet if we were attacked he'd leave me for dead.

"And I suggest you let go of me, I won't kill you but I think you'll be fine with a few fingers missing." I turned my head to face him, he was extremely close, our noses almost touching. Reluctantly he leaned back slightly, releasing me from his hold.

"I can't wait to reclaim my homeland, then I'll have you out of my sight. I won't have to deal with your kind anymore, your murderers. I don't know what Gandalf was thinking."

"He was thinking, that your weak, too weak to take down a dragon. If you want me to help you, I recommend you be friendly for I can easily leave you behind. I'll find a way into that mountain myself, so watch your words Thorin Oakenshield." He went to protest but was interrupted by shouting, it was Bilbo running from the entrance of the shire. We were in the middle of the woods now, I pull on the reigns to stop from going any further. Bilbo ran towards us, waving the contract in his hand, panting heavily.

"I signed it." He exclaims, panting heavily as he handed the contract to Balin. Balin pulls out a monocle to check the paper. It looked like Bilbo had brought everything from home with him.

"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." Balin smiles, and surprisingly it didn't disappear when his eyes met mine. The warm smile made me happy, didn't he hear the rumors people had spread about my kind? Why was he so nice to me?

"Give him a pony," Thorin ordered, nudging me to keep going which I obey.

"No, no, no, no. That-That won’t be necessary. Thank you. I’m sure I can keep up on foot. Yeah, I’ve done my fair share of walking holidays, you know? Even got as far as Frog Morton once." Bilbo refuses, but they didn't listen to his cries. Suddenly two of the dwarves grab hold of his arms, pick him up, and placed him directly on Minty. As we all rode along in the woods, I could hear the dwarves talking to each other.

"Come on, Nori! Pay up!" Oin demanded, the sound of coins clinking together reached my ears.

"The rest of the dwarves took gambles on if Mr. Baggins would show," Thorin explained, however, I already knew this due to Gandalf.

"What about you Thorin? Did you participate?" I said looking at him, he shook his head laughing slightly.

"I don't participate in silly affairs, though if I did I would've guessed he wouldn't have come." I can see how that's true, sometimes people just don't want to leave home. They'd rather stay in their safe comfy beds, and I was one of them. "You seem deep in thought." My cheeks turned red as I realized I had been staring at him the entire time.

"I'm alright." Clearing my throat awkwardly only to hear Bilbo shouting about something else.

"Uh-wait, wait. Stop! Stop! We have to turn around." Thorin groaned and I slowed the pony down, waiting to hear Bilbo's excuse.

"What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf wondered, he was riding a larger horse than the rest of us.

"I forgot my handkerchief." We can't just stop and go back because of some handkerchief, it would only be a waste of time.

"Here! Use this." Bofur rips off a bit of cloth from his robe and throws it to Bilbo, who looks at it with disgust.

"Move on!" Thorin announces, and I continue down the path of our journey. Later that night, we stopped by the entrance of a small cave. I slept close to the edge of the entrance, my wings keeping me warm and hidden from the others. That's when I heard shuffling behind me, it was Thorin setting down his sleeping bag.

"Did you miss me already?" I joked, making him roll his eyes annoyed.

"One of us has to watch you, you might try and kill us in our sleep." I just turned back around, curling back up into a small ball. It was colder outside than I expected, I should've brought warmer clothes. I shivered as a gust of wind blew our way, it took a while for me to fall asleep. The cold wasn't helping me at all, but I finally managed to sleep into unconsciousness. That is until I woke up to howls, not just any normal howls, wargs. I sat up, searching the area, getting ready to strike if I had to. The orcs were far off into the distance but I saw them, I could feel the evilness radiating off of them.

"You think that’s funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?" Thorin yelled making me turn to him, he stood up abruptly, his fur coat missing. That's when I realized it was on me, he had laid his coat on me to keep me warm but why? What was his reason for being kind to me?

"We didn’t mean anything by it," Kili stated, looking down at the ground in shame.

"No, you didn’t. You know nothing of the world." Thorin angrily walks off, I had an urge to go try and cheer him up. He did give me his coat, after all, I could at least do something nice. Slowly I made my way over to him, he hadn't sensed my presence yet.

"Thorin?" I called letting out a small yawn. He didn't face me, instead, he kept his gaze pit on the horizon.

"Go away." He ordered but I refused to listen, my feet made their way next to him. He scowled at me, but said nothing else, he only just crossed his arms. His hand caught my attention, it was bigger than most, his fingers were twice the size of mine. Without thinking I tugged on it, making his eyes avert to me. I placed my hand against him, comparing the sizes. "Y/n?" He mutters, wondering what I was up to.

"Your hands, they're so much bigger than mine. For such tiny men, you certainly have large fingers, it's fascinating." I looked up at him, his eyes widened at my comment. "You know as a child I used to wonder what the tiny men of our world looked like, I tried to learn everything about dwarves that I could. My kingdom's library had multiple books about your culture, I have to admit it was interesting to learn about your courting styles."

"You know of our courting ritual?"

"Of course, I know everything about each race. I was a very strange child at that age, yet one question remained unanswered. Why do dwarves keep their hair long?" He smiled at my curiosity, those deep blue ocean eyes stared at me in adoration. Though those furious eyes returned, and he angrily pulled his hand away.

"You shouldn't be asking questions about courting, it's not as if anyone would marry your kind anyway." He lifted his hand, glaring at it in disgust. "Now I have to wash away the filth you have spread upon me." My heart broke a little as if a piece had shred from the flesh. As he stormed off I wondered what ran through his mind, he was the sweet innocent man a few seconds ago. What made him irritated with me? Thorin went back to the place we had been sleeping, and he grabbed his cloak moving to the other side of the camp. Each dwarf turned their head my way, and only three of them grinned at me.

"I'll keep watch," I spoke as I returned to my make-shift bed. It would be better if I stayed away from the others, at least that's not what Kili thought. Cause a few seconds later he plopped down right next to me. "What are you doing? Won't the others scold you for sitting next to me?"

"Who cares, they can argue all they want. No one should be alone, I'll keep watch with you." My heart swelled at his kindness, why was he being so nice to me? Did he believe me than those foolish rumors the others had heard? He frowned slightly, he was serious now. "Are you ok Y/n?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be? I've dealt with stubborn dwarves before believe me. Their rudeness hardly bothers me anymore." I lied, staring down at my hands. How could this world think such cruel thoughts about my kind, why did Thror have to lie about us? Kili placed his hand on mine to try and calm me, and lightly he caressed it with his thumb.

"You know not all of us hate you, me, Balin, and my brother Fili we know the truth. I told my brother what you told me, and he sort of believes it. You don't seem like the angry ravaging digonisks we've heard about, and besides the reports in those mountains is evidence that your kin is innocent. Speaking of Balin however, he wanted me to tell you that when you get a chance he wishes to speak with you." I glanced over the white-haired dwarf who gave me a small smile. I wonder what he wants to talk to me about? Maybe his politeness was just a ruse to kill me in secret, what if Kili is doing the same? Ever since I've joined the company I haven't thought of the consequences, I treat them as if they're normal men. I have to be more careful if I am to get to the mountain. "You know you should probably get some sleep, we'll need those wings again."

"No, they're orcs not far, they're watching us. I need to be awake just in case they decide to come our way. I appreciate the gesture, sleep Kili, you and your kin are the most important people here after all." He opened his mouth to protest, but kept quiet and snuggled up in his bed. I kept my eyes on the frontier, watching as the orcs scattered away but I knew they would be back, they always come back.

~♪♠♪~

The harsh wind blasted against me, the building fell apart from the ice that covered the bricks. Shouts were heard from all over, but the only I could focus on was my mother's. My legs hurt bad, but her condition was worse, there was an ice shard in her side. It no longer looked like liquid water, instead, it was nothing but a melting ice block of blood.

"Mommy!" I reached out for her, my hand reaching out to try and save her from the man that stood close. His sword was raised ready to strike, and that's when I saw his face. Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of our company.

"Die filth!" His sword came crashing down hard, and as it decapitated her head I shot up. My chest beating fast, it was just a dream, just a dream. Most dwarves were asleep, the only one awake was Kili who was taking over my shift. I had fallen asleep, how could have been so stupid? He could've hurt me, or worse slaughtered me like the rest of my family. My body trembled as he came close to me, worry showing in his brown eyes.

"Kili stay back!" I warned, he raised his hands as a symbol of peace.

"I won't hurt you, I promise...are you alright?" I was shaking violently, and it wasn't because of the wind that blew our way. "Are you cold? Here." He sheds his cloak going to hand it to me but I shake my head.

"N-Nightmare." That was all I managed to get out, he dropped the piece of clothing on the floor and slowly made his way over showing that he had no weapons. When he was close enough he wrapped his arms around me, making me gasp. I didn't hug back, for I was waiting for any sign that this wasn't a nice gesture. It didn't come, he just pulled me closer, and I have to admit the hug was very helpful. I listened to his breathing, and eventually, it helped my heart stop beating at a rapid speed. He smelled of sweat and pine wood, surprisingly it was a soothing smell.

"Want to talk about it?" He whispered, pulling back to look at me as his thumb rubbed softly against my skin as a way to calm me down.

"No, it was just a silly dream. It's not as if you would care anyhow."

"I do care, and just in case another agonizing fantasy comes across your mind I'll sit right here. So if you do have another nightmare I'll be here to help." He gently pulled me into his side, which I hesitantly accepted, and soon I went senseless, succumbing to the darkness.

For the next few days when I wasn't flying above them to keep watch, I rode with Thorin. The more we rode together, the more he didn't mind it. Soon it was like second nature to him, and every morning when it was time to leave he would hold out his hand to help me on the pony. Although he was extra grumpy today as we continued our journey in the woods while riding in the torrential rain.

"Here, Mr. Gandalf? Can’t you do something about this deluge?" Dori begged, but to no avail, nothing could be done. Well at least for them, considering I was a dragon slayer and immune to fire. One of my abilities was magic, and that magic included creating ablaze. I felt Thorin shiver from behind me, and I felt bad. I never did thank him for letting me use his cloak the other night.

"Thorin take the reigns," I ordered, turning around on the horse, immediately he grabbed the reigns as I let go.

"What on earth do you think your doing woman?" He growled, his eyes piercing into my own. Resting a hand upon his chest, he blushed slightly at the contact I used just a little bit of my charms to summon some heat. "What curse are you putting on me? Get your filthy hands off of me!"

"It's not a curse, it's a spell to keep you warm you ass. Now hold still or I just might burn you." He growled and lifted his head to try and see in front of him, I wasn't that tall. After a few seconds of straining his neck to see, he eventually rested his chin on the top of my head lightly. "I'm not your headrest you know."

"Well, I can't see around your thick skull."

"It's not that big! I'm shorter than you!"

"Shorter, but your head is certainly wider. Are you sure you have a brain in there?" I burned him slightly, making him wince.

"Keep talking 'Oh great one' and see where it gets you. Your lucky I'm even giving you warmth, I could just keep it all to myself." I returned the heat to normal and leaned my head on his chest. His breathing went rigid for a second, then slowed down but his heartbeat sped up.

"...What other powers do you have?" He asked, moving closer to my hand to get warmer. I slipped it down to his side, making him jump. "Watch it."

"Other than fire, I have a vast amount of strength. I could rip a tree out of the ground, second I can fly at fast speeds while spreading my wings. Soldiers with wings are called our airborne army, they attack from above and can kill dragons a lot easier. Last but not least, only the royal line can take on the form of a dragon. At least we used to, The Power of The Black Dragon was lost long ago. It is passed down from generation to generation, but the Queen with the ability died along with it." My mother, just a year before my coronation to take on my birthright was gravely injured from the frozen blast caused by men. She passed away, I never got to tell her that I loved her. The last thing I ever said to her was 'I'm scared'. Though I will never forget her last words, 'don't take revenge.'

"How many more are there?"

"Once there were millions of us, and now because of people like you, there is only 1,000. I hope your happy, cause soon we'll be extinct."

"No, cause soon you'll get those reports. And you'll show the world the mistake we caused." He whispered, his comment made my heart swoon. Had he said what I thought he had confessed?

"Thank you." It was all I could say, I felt him smile as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. He was trying to keep me warm like I was doing to him, perhaps he's not like the monster from my dreams.

@fili-is-my-lover @kirenia15 @lunariasilver @depressedchilipepper

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 10

    David Bowie concert in the last week was the best day Scarlett had in a while. Severus has offered her to have dinner in London before the concert and she has gladly accepted it. Before they left Hogwarts, Carina has insisted to take a photo of them because they have worn matching outfits without talking to each other and in Carina’s opinion they looked so cool. Her mother was wearing a long black tule skirt with a black jacket combined with a leather beret and long leather boots, her red hair was curled and her makeup was just a simple red lipstick and black smoky eyes. Professor Snape was wearing black trousers and a black turtleneck with a long leather jacket and he has put his hair in a messy bun. Carina has never seen him like that before but she was quite impressed by it. Then Severus and Scarlett apparated to London and their first destination was an Italian restaurant they used to go a lot. After having their dinner, they arrived at the concert hall. Severus has bought front row tickets and Scarlett couldn’t be happier. The moment David Bowie came up to stage, Severus realized Scarlett still didn’t have any self-control for Bowie but he was happy since Scarlett was having time of her life and actually losing herself in the moment and thinking nothing else but the music. After the concert they had a walk around the area and Scarlett insisted to treat Severus with a dessert as a thank you gift when she saw an open patisserie after the midnight. Severus had no choice but to accept it because Scarlett couldn’t take her eyes off the glass where they were showing the desserts. It was such a fun and needed night for both of them in the end of the day.

    This week would be Scarlett’s moving week; she was ready to move into her old house after living with Carina at Hogwarts for over a month by now. Carina wasn't willing to let her go yet but Scarlett needed her own place and privacy since she always loved to be alone, also she didn’t want to be a burden for Carina anymore. Furthermore she wasn't feeling much depressed anymore so she was trusting herself about not doing stupid things like over drinking or trying to kill herself...

    Scarlett has left their family house to Sirius even though she loved it so much but the last memories she had there erased all the good memories that the house held over the years. So she was moving the house that her parents bought her as a graduation present when she was 18. It was a Victorian style small duplex house with light blue and white exterior. The house had a small front garden where she has planted nothing else but roses. Scarlett has lived here with Severus for a year and with Sirius for 2 years until they got married. The house was already furnished, and she wasn't planning to change it at all except the bedroom. Also she has gotten her personal stuff from the family house and needed to place them too.

    Leo and Scarlett have gone to shopping for bedroom in weekdays and today; Saturday, Carina joined them too to decorate the house. Scarlett was decorating the bedroom all over again while Carina was taking care of the kitchen and Leo was emptying the boxes which Scarlett brought from the family house in the living room. Then he found a rather big, fancy trunk; It was emerald green and there was a snake wrapped around a rose design carved on the centre of the lid. Leo has never seen it in his life before but since his mum brought it here it must have been important to her. He couldn't help but wonder what was in it so he tried to open but it was locked as he has suspected.

"Carina, come here for a sec." he called out for his twin.

"Yes?" She walked into the living room and she saw the trunk in front of Leo. "What's that?" She questioned curiously, it was such a pretty looking thing.

"I was hoping you would know..."

She sat down the floor next to him and examined  the trunk. "That carving looks familiar to me but i dunno from where..."

"Alohomora." Leo whispered suddenly but the spell didn't work on the emerald trunk. "Well, now i am even more curious..."

"Leo! Maybe she has very personal things in it. We can simply ask her and not try to open it secretly."

"We've never seen it and it's locked with a strong charm apparently. Do you really think that mum will "simply" say what's inside the trunk?"

"Then maybe we shouldn't unlock it! What she could possibly put inside it, anyways?"

"That's the point. Don't you wonder what's mum hiding!?"

"Maybe i do, a little..."

"Do you have any idea about where the key is?"

Carina thought for a while. "You know she keeps the bank vaults’ keys and some other important ones in the same keychain. Maybe it is also there?"

"I think the keychain is still in her bag because we went to Gringotts yesterday. So the plan is you will go upstairs to distract mum from coming down here and i will try the keys on the lock. She has left the bag in the doorway."

"Okay fine but if you can manage to unlock it, call me for help or something and i will come to see. But don’t be suspicious."

"Okay, let the mission begin!"

Carina made her way to the upstairs when Leo went to the doorway to check the bag. It wasn't hard to find the keys in the bag. There were 5 keys in the keychain; 2 of them were for the bank, 1 was for her own vault which she keeps in the house that Leo knew. So there was 2 other keys left. Leo tried to first one but it didn't even fit the lock. The last one was smaller than the previous one, he still kept his hopes high and tried the last possible key. And then he heard the click when he put it inside the lock. He carefully turned it and the trunk unlocked itself. Leo snickered to himself and opened it slowly. There were many kinds of things in the trunk but the big purple photo album with velvet cover caught his eyes the most. He took it out carefully, he was trying not to move anything in the trunk that she could notice later, then before took a look inside the album he called his twin as he promised. Carina came down running excitedly after couple of seconds.

"Mum is not coming anytime soon, she is so lost with the clothes right now." She whispered and sat next to him.

"There are so many things in it! It is like a memory box but bigger version. Probably the presents dad got her when they were dating or such because there are some jewellery boxes." Then he showed the photo album he took out. "Are you ready to take a look inside?"

She was looking unsure and having second thoughts. "I don't feel very comfortable about doing this behind her back to be honest..."

"Oh c'mon Carina, we made it this far and i saw how excited you were while coming here! Some mischievousness won't hurt anyone, be daddy's girl for once!"

She rolled her eyes at his statement. "Fine fine, open it!"

"NO WAY!"

"Is this...?"

"YES! MERLIN’S BEARD!"

"Be quiet Leo!" Carina slapped his arm.

They looked through the photos in silence and shock for a while until Carina broke it.

"I have told you that there is something between them, i felt it from the very first moment I saw them in the same room!"

"You did but i wasn't expecting THAT. Some big love is happening here! Professor Snape and mum… I would never imagine this pair in my wildest dreams, bloody hell!"

"I wonder why she never mentioned it before, we talked about relationships countless of times and she was like dad was the first and the last. Mum literally acted like she doesn't know Professor Snape for years!"

"Maybe the breakup wasn't smooth. But I remember whenever you talked about Professor Snape which you did frequently; dad was always annoyed and mum was avoiding talking. I bet there is some drama here. " Leo put the photo album back in the trunk. "I am locking it, this shock is enough for today and apparently it is very personal..."

She nodded. "I will learn their story soon."

"How will you do that exactly?"

"Leave the job to the professional and don't worry about the rest." A mischievous smirk appeared on Carina’s lips.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[fydream]

34 | previous | next | m.list | main m.list |

✰ how to be a heartbreaker

↳ so what happens when park jisung, the school’s infamous fuckboy runs into the new girl at school? out of boredom he decides it’ll be fun to have someone new to play with, but little does he know, she’s learning how to be a heartbreaker.

a/n: hi! an authors note before this chapter begins! 1. yes i know the formatting is different but that’s only because this chapter is 5.9k words long!! (yes you heard me!! 5.9k!! that’s the most ive written for anything published on this blog!!) so there will be a cut bc i know it’s annoying to scroll past long posts haha. 2. i know i didn’t mention it in this chapter but i just wanted to say that if you did want to listen to music while reading this, during y/n and jisung’s scene you should definitely listen to euphoria by bts and that jeno and donghyuck’s song is i.l.y. by the rose. i hope u guys enjoy!

An hour or so later you're running out your front door to meet Jisung, who already regrets saying he'll wait.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" You apologize. "I didn't mean to take that long you must've been bored out of your mind!"

"It's okay." Jisung reassures. "We won't be there that long, we might be a little late to hoco if that's okay with you."

"That's fine!! Just let me text Donghyuck that I'm with you then."

"Okay."

The ride to where Jisung is taking you is quiet, nothing but his various hums to the music he plays as as he drives. It's nice, it reminds you of the first time he gave you a ride home. Quiet, but comfortable.

Instead of looking at your phone you look out the window, then take a second to look at Jisung before looking back out the window again.

You so weren't slick about it either because he notices how you quick you look away and how eager you are to sneak another glance.

"What?" He asks. "Why'd you look at me like that?"

"It's nothing.." You mumble, trying best to hide the smile that's slowly creeping up on your face.

"C'mon." He insists. "Tell me!!" He tries to make it sound like he doesn't care about the topic that much, but his vocal chords work against him as it comes out as a whine.

"Nothing.. It's just.. You look like that, and I look like this.."

"What, you mean beautiful like always?"

Jisung makes note of how quickly your cheeks turn pink at the comment he made.

"You can't just say that!" You argue.

"Yes I can, you're my date tonight after all. What kind of person would I be to not compliment their date?"

You open your mouth, about to speak before he cuts you off from your thought. "And don't worry y/n. I'll take that look as a compliment itself." He snickers.

"Hey!" You shout, earning another laugh from him.

"Hey Jisung?" You ask once the giggles die down.

"Hm?"

"Don't tell anyone I've said this but um.." You start, trailing off at the last part. "Donghyuck has uh, told me things.. about you." You notice how he looks at you, how the expression on his face quickly changes from happy and carefree, to concerned and worried. "I know you probably know what I'm talking about.. I uh- I can kinda.. tell.."

"Yeah." He whispers, trying to block out what you just told him.

"But y'know. I think he's got you all wrong."

"You do?" He asks, a bit too eagerly.

"I do." You say. "From the past how many weeks? Of knowing you, we've gotten close. And I don't think you're anything like that, at least, not anymore.. I've seen the difference between how you act in class and when you're with Jeno and Jaemin, than how you are when we're together and I'd like to hope it isn't just an act. I'm not stupid, y'know."

"I never said you were, I never thought you were either."

"I know. You're not too hard to read, y'know."

For once, Jisung is left speechless. This is the first time anyone has really brought this up on him and he has no idea how to respond. Questions begin to flood his thoughts as he begins to wonder what do you know. Do you know the real reason why he asked you out? How long have you known? What if you never want to talk to him again?

"I-" He tries to speak, but nothing comes out.

"It's okay. I don't know everything about you." You scoff, watching as the boy next to you lets out an exhale. "I don't know that much, but I know enough."

"Enough?" He asks.

"Enough to know that if you are going to break my heart, you should do it right now. Because this is the part where I'm about to tell you how much I like you, and I don't want you getting that satisfaction."

Once you're done talking, you give him a smile. It's a small, innocent, bittersweet smile. It's one of the smiles you would give out to other girls who were ever mean to you, it's subtle, but it gets the point across.

"So what'll be? Park Jisung." You ask, awaiting a response.

Jisung has many things to think about right now, the most important one being driving. He still has yet to process everything you just told him, let alone figure out what to say.

"I.. don't know what to tell you, y/n." He sighs. "I don't want to hurt you.. Can you give me a few minutes?"

"You can have all the time in the world, sweetheart."

When Jisung finally decides to talk to you once you've reached your destination. If you're going to be honest, it was the most awkward car ride you've been in.

"Okay." He starts, closing his car door. "I know that was way more than a few minutes but I just wanted to tell you this here."

The spot that he had taken you to was a little hill area, on the other side of town. From the top of it you could see the sun set as it's golden rays covered the place you called home. You weren't going to lie, it was beautiful indeed but you didn't care for it at the moment. What you wanted to know was what he was going to say.

"I was.. gonna tell you this here no matter what happened so uh.. Here goes nothing?" There's hesitation, and you can already tell that whatever he was going to tell you was something big. "I'm not here to break your heart, y/n. I know, that's what you thought and probably what everyone else thought too but.. you're different. I know this."

Your brain wants you to call bullshit on that statement but your heart prevents you from doing so. The logical part of you believes that it's probably all a lie, an act just to get you to fall for him. You know this. You know the stories, you've seen the receipts of what he's done to people before you, and you can only assume the things he'll do just to make you fall for him. But if you knew this, then why does it still work?

"Am I really different?" You ask, looking up at him with shaky eyes.

He chuckles.

"Well, yeah. For starters, you're the first girl to ever call me out on my bullshit like that so.." He jokes. "I know.. you're scared. But you shouldn't be." He whispers. "You really are different. I promise."

"Listen, Jisung." You start. "I really want to believe you. It's just hard, because you haven't really given me a reason on why I should."

"That's okay. I understand." He says softly. "I didn't expect you to."

For a second, your heart breaks. It would've continued if he didn't continue talking right then and there.

"But what if I told you all the reasons why you should?" He asks, giving you a shy smile.

"What are they?"

"Well first of all. You're smart. You're smarter than I'll ever be. You've figured me out in what? The span of three months? You don't give yourself enough credit than you deserve. Second of all, you're really passionate about a lot of things. Like that time we argued in the library over the best Stranger Things season? Even though you were wrong, you kept arguing against me."

"Hey!" You exclaim, while Jisung gives you a smile in response.

"Third of all, you're really cute. Don't think I don't notice how your nose scrunches whenever I make a comment you don't like, or how easily you get excited over the simplest things. Remember when we walked to the cafe across the street from school? You got excited because the place had good boba, out of all things. Do you know how ridiculous you sounded?"

"Well- yeah! That's because it was a cafe! And not a boba shop!" You defend.

"I'm kidding." He chuckles. "Also, did you know that whenever you get embarrassed over something not only your cheeks turn pink, but your nose does too."

"You can stop now.. y'know.." You mumble.

"These are just a few things that I like about you, y/n. Do I need to tell you all of them for you to believe me?" He asks, looking at you innocently, as if he didn't just give you the biggest ego boost of all time.

"I believe you." You giggle as he pulls you in for a tight hug.

"Thanks, love." He whispers, placing a light kiss on the top of your head. "Now it's your turn. What were you going to tell me in the car?"

The next hour or so is spent with you two talking about each other, both of you giving out compliments as if there were no tomorrow. If it weren't for the sun being completely gone then you two probably wouldn't have noticed how long you've been alone together.

"Oh my god." Jisung exclaims. "What time is it?"

"Uhm.. Seven fifteen?" You respond, quite confused on why he was suddenly freaking out.

"We have to go, now. They're going to close the doors in like ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay!" You smile, eagerly skipping back to Jisung's car with his hand intertwined with yours. "We better get going then, huh?"

"Y/n said that she might be late because she's with Jisung already." Donghyuck tells Renjun and Chenle once pull up in front of his house.

Renjun had driven both of them together due to them only being a block away from each other. Donghyuck on the other hand was going to drive you, but when you texted him that you were already with Jisung he decided to ask Renjun for a ride. "Sorry for the inconvenience.. by the way." He mumbles, buckling his seat belt.

"It's alright. Where do you think they went?" Renjun asks.

"Hell if I know. This is the most I've seen Jisung do for anyone." Donghyuck retorts, clearly bitter about being ditched by his best friend.

"Should we be worried?" Chenle asks.

"I don't think so." Donghyuck responds. "Y/n is her own person and she can handle herself, plus what the fuck is Jisung even gonna do? They probably went to take pictures or something."

Chenle shrugs. "I guess so. How are you doing then?"

"What do you mean?"

Chenle shrugs again. "You know what I mean. During the time you two fought you barely said anything to each other, it was just her hanging out with Jisung. Then, even after you made up she ditched us to hang out with him and even now they're probably on a date before the dance or something. How are you dealing with it?"

Once Chenle is done talking, Renjun shoots him a glare before hitting him lightly on the back of his head.

"Ouchie.. That hurt!" Chenle whines. "Aren't you supposed to be driving Junnie.~~" He teases.

"Yeah but I'm also trying to make sure no one fucking cries tonight." He hisses. "Why would you even ask that?"

"I dunno. Was curious I guess?"

"Haven't you heard the phrase curiosity killed the cat?"

"It's been alright." Donghyuck says to prevent Renjun from harming Chenle any more. "I haven't really thought about it I guess? I mean.. I was the one who assigned her to Jisung after all so.."

"Do you think she y'know? Likes him?" He asks.

"Chenle!"

"Whaaaat?? I'm just asking."

"Zhong Chenle you will drop this topic before I stop this car and make you walk to homecoming alone."

"You wouldn't do that. You love me too much."

"Don't try me." Renjun threatens, turning on his blinker.

"Okay okay.. god.."

"Are you two done arguing now?" Donghyuck asks, rolling his eyes. "And no, Chenle. I don't think she does. If she did she would've told me by now."

"Alright Hyuck.. Whatever you say."

Sooner than later the three arrive at school where Renjun drops off Chenle and Donghyuck to hop in the line already forming before leaving to park his car.

"Ask any more questions Lele, and you're walking home." Renjun threatens before Chenle slams the car door on him.

"I mean it this time!" Renjun yells as he watches the two boys walk away from him.

"So." Chenle starts as Renjun drives off. "What's your answer?"

Donghyuck gives him a confused look. "Answer?"

"To y'know.. the question."

"I already told you."

"No silly, I meant your real answer."

Donghyuck is silent for a second before he decides to answer.

"How did you know?" He asks, and Chenle giggles.

"You just told me." He laughs. "I didn't think you'd walk into that one, Hyuck."

"Oh shut up." Donghyuck teases. "It's not like it would matter or anything."

"I supposed you're right." Chenle hums. "But if it did.. Then what?"

"Then I'd tell her to get out of there." Donghyuck whispers to himself.

"Hm?"

"Oh- uh, nothing. I dunno." Donghyuck responds. He knows he has no chance in fooling Chenle but even after that response you'd know not to bother him about the topic anymore.

Once Renjun is done parking he meets up with the two boys and they discuss about how their night will go. While the line slowly moves Renjun argues with Chenle that they should take photos first. Chenle argues back saying that he wants snacks and that all the good ones will be gone if they wait too long. While this goes on Donghyuck has been sending you frequent texts.

[hyuck: hey! we're in line now! see you in a bit?]

[hyuck: are you on your way soon?]

[hyuck: pls hurry.. renle fighting.. dk what to do..]

Needless to say, you haven't responded to any one of them, leaving Donghyuck wonder what you were even doing.

After successfully waiting in line and making it through their schools quick security check, Chenle, Renjun, and Donghyuck had finally made it inside the gymnasium where the dance was being held.

Once inside they move to an quieter place, where they could talk without having to yell over the already loud music that's being played.

"What about you Hyuck?" Renjun asks. "What do you want to do first?"

"Hmm? What? Sorry." Donghyuck responds, checking his phone once more before pocketing it. "What's happening?"

Renjun frowns. "You weren't listening, huh?"

"No, sorry." He apologizes. "Y/n hasn't texted me back yet and I don't want to do anything until she gets here y'know?"

"Don't worry Hyuck, it's possible they're still outside or something. They just opened the doors y'know."

"Yeah I know.. I'm just.. yeah."

Ten minutes later, you still haven't responded and the music is loud, but it's not loud enough to drown out Donghyuck's heartbeat as he frantically awaits your arrival. As each second passes by he begins to regret letting you go with Jisung, because you're never late, but the second that he lets Jisung control how your night starts you're ten minutes late and they're be closing the doors to the dance soon.

Renjun begins to notice that you aren't here either and decides walk over to Donghyuck to ask if he knew where you were.

"Hyuck, is Y/n here yet?" He asks, tapping his shoulder lightly.

Donghyuck gives no verbal response, instead he shakes his head while he fiddles with his phone checking back if you happened to text him. "I don't know where she is Junnie.."

"Hey, it's okay." He reassures. "It's not like she's in danger or anything, I know you don't trust Jisung that much but I doubt he'd do anything to hurt her. She'll be here soon, okay? I promise."

"Junnie~~" Chenle whines, popping up from behind them. "I'm boredddd. Can't we just do something already?"

"Lele, not now." Renjun shoos. "We're talking here."

"It's okay." Donghyuck says. "You guys can go do something, it's fine. I don't want to keep you from having fun tonight."

"Are you sure?" Renjun asks, he knows not to believe Donghyuck but he's getting quite annoyed at the fact that Chenle keeps pulling at his arm.

"Yeah. It's fine, if anything happens I'll text one of you."

"You heard him!! Let's go!!" Chenle exclaims before grabbing Renjun by the arm to drag him to god knows where.

"Chenle!" Renjun yelps. "I-I'll text you Hyuck! We won't be gone for long. I swear!" He yells back at him.

And then the two were gone. Leaving Donghyuck alone, by himself.

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling alone, in a place full of people.

He doesn't know why he let them go off without him, maybe it's because he wanted to be alone, or maybe it's because he didn't know any better. But standing alone on the sides of a school dance, with no one to talk to really shows how lonely you are. He knows none of you meant to do it to him on purpose, it's just him overthinking things after all. But if he was okay with them leaving, then why did it hurt?

Deciding it was awkward enough to just stand there and people watch, Donghyuck decides to go back on his phone. He checks your text messages only to see no response. "Great." He thinks to himself. "You said you would be here, but you're not. I guess you did spend a lot of time with them after all."

Donghyuck feels himself about to cry when someone taps his shoulder. He closes his eyes trying to fight back the few tears that threaten to spill before having to talk to whoever was with him. He didn't want to answer any questions on why he was crying, only knowing that if someone asked him if he was okay he wouldn't be able to control them.

When Donghyuck looks up from his phone, the last person he expected to see is standing in front of him.

"Hi." Jeno greets. It's short, and airy. But it's just enough to get his heart racing. Is it from fear? Worry? Or is it from the fact that his ex, just so happened to catch him at the wrong place and wrong time.

"Hi." Donghyuck responds. It doesn't mean much because he didn't put any emotion into it, instead he decides to focus his attention elsewhere. He looks past Jeno towards the entrance of the gymnasium in hopes of seeing you walk in, spoiler alert, you didn't. "Chenle and Renjun picked the worst time to leave.." He thinks to himself. "I can't blame them though, after all I did tell them it was okay."

"You um- You look beautiful." Jeno compliments, giving Donghyuck a half-hearted smile. "So I've been told.." Donghyuck murmurs before attempting to push past the boy standing in front of him. "Listen. I don't have any time for this right now. Y/n said she would be here and she's not so-"

"Hyuck- Donghyuck, wait." Jeno starts, grabbing Donghyuck's wrist to prevent him from going any further.

"What the fuck? Let go of me!" He yells. It's loud enough to get the attention of a few people around him, but the music the DJ is playing is way to loud for them to have heard what he said.

"Hyuckie, I- Will you please let me explain?" Jeno practically begs, this is the first time that he and Donghyuck have interacted in person since the break up and he can already tell that he's blowing it.

"Don't- Don't call me that." Donghyuck states, hesitant to answer. "You've already explained yourself enough."

"Hyuckie.. Please. We haven't talked in months, you haven't let me say anything."

Of course, Jeno had to find Donghyuck in one of these moments, where one of their songs was being played by the DJ. It was one of the songs that Jeno had showed him, meaning it left such a big impact on his heart. He doesn't know what to do, does he accept Jeno's offer and let him explain? Or does he continue the rest of his high school career pretending that Jeno doesn't exist, leaving many questions unanswered.

Panic starts to fill Donghyuck as he looks around to see if anyone had noticed him and Jeno together. It would cause a bunch of talk, considering that fact that they were both pretty popular and that teenagers loved to start rumors.

He notices Jaemin as he spots Jeno from across the room, by the way Jaemin is walking towards them he can tell that he was looking for Jeno himself, clearly unhappy and very confused where he found him. He glances back at the entrance for a split second before looking towards the direction that his two friends had gone off in, only to see them walking back towards him, just as confused as Jaemin is. He can see the concern rise in Renjun once he sees who Donghyuck is with, as he grabs Chenle's arm to drag him across the makeshift dance floor that their school has created, where Chenle had decided to stop to talk to a few friends.

He looks back towards the entrance and to his luck he sees you and Jisung walk in. Thankful, he lets out a sigh of relief because he sees that you're here and that you're safe. He notices the smile that you have on your face and though he was a bit far away he can tell it's a genuine smile, like one of the one's you would show him when it was just you two hanging out. "I guess I worried for nothing." He thinks to himself, as he watches you two skip in, hands intertwined.

And amongst all this commotion happening at once, his ex, out of all people had to come up to him and ask him a question he knew he wouldn't be able to answer. So what does he do? He panics, of course.

"Oh my fucking god.." Donghyuck mumbles to no one in particular. Jeno seems to hear it but he doesn't process it because he's too busy being dragged by Donghyuck who was attempting to blend in with the big group of people who happened to pass by.

When Renjun, Chenle, and Jaemin end up where Donghyuck and Jeno were previously standing they're left more confused on where the two went. Though it's loud, Donghyuck manages to pick out Renjun's voice yell "What the fuck?" over a crowd of teenagers.

Donghyuck smiles to himself, knowing that he successfully got away. He didn't think it'd work, he'd only seen it in movies before and you know what people say, it's just movie magic after all.

"Where are we going?" Jeno asks innocently.

"Outside." Donghyuck responds, leading their way towards the "exit" sign on the other side of the gymnasium.

"Why?" Jeno asks once more, and Donghyuck turns around just to shoot him a glare.

"So no one. fucking. sees us." He grits through his teeth.

Needless to say, Jeno doesn't ask any more questions after that.

"Where is everyone?" You ask Jisung through the fit of giggles you let out.

"I dunno. Jeno isn't answering his phone so I'll call Jaemin, yeah?" He responds, just as giddy as you are.

"Oh, I was talking about Renjun, Chenle, and Hyuck."

"You can hang with us for a bit!" Jisung insists.

"I know but I haven't seen them all day." You pout. "I'll hang out with you after!! Besides, they're my best friends after all. How would you feel if I took you away from Jeno and Jaemin?"

"My dear you're allowed to do that any day of the week. I like you better than them anyways." He teases.

"Oh shut up. You know what I meant." You snort. "Can we just go find them please?"

"Yeah, hold on- Hi Jaemin!" Jisung says through his phone. "What? Sorry.. I can't really hear you. Is that Renjun? Why is he yelling at you?"

Your ears perk up hearing the name of your friend leave Jisung's mouth. "Renjun?" You ask, looking at him curious. "Are they okay?"

Jisung nods at you while trying to hear what Jaemin has to say, it's hard considering the fact that there's not only loud music coming from his phone speakers but the voice of an angry boy as well, and to add onto that, the same music being played just a couple feet away from you.

Pouting, you look at him. Jisung can tell you're worried about your friends by the way that your pupils shake as he pulls you into another tight hug, hoping to ease a bit of the worry.

From then you can kind of make out the conversation on the phone, it's something about Jeno and Donghyuck being together then suddenly disappearing out of thin air, like a magic trick.

"Where are you?" Jisung asks.

"We're in one of the back corners." Jaemin yells through his phone. "The uhh.. One on the right, your left."

"Okay. We're on our way." Jisung says before hanging up.

"I guess our night of fun had to end somewhere." He tells you before you two head further into the gymnasium to meet up with your friends.

Once you meet up with the three boys you're greeted with a hug from Chenle while you watch as Renjun and Jaemin argue.

"So they were right here?" You ask tapping Renjun's shoulder.

"Yeah. And then all of a sudden they disappeared." He says, quite frantically.

"Y'know worrying isn't going to do anything." Jaemin taunts.

"Yeah! And you making snarky comments doesn't help either!" Renjun shoots back.

"Can you two stop bickering a second?" Chenle snaps, surprising all of you. "We have no idea where the fuck they went and for the past five minutes all you two have done is argue? Why haven't we checked anywhere yet?"

"Because, Lele. They could be anywhere. We're in a room full of teenagers." Renjun states.

"For once, I agree with this one." Jaemin adds on, earning a glare from Renjun and a facepalm from Jisung.

"Okay? And? Have you ever thought about the fact that they could y'know, be outside?" Chenle asks.

"Why would they be outside?" You ask.

"Because it's loud in here, and it looked like they wanted to talk."

"So.." Jeno says, swinging his legs back and forth. He was currently seated on top of one of the picnic tables your school had, while Donghyuck was standing across from him, leaning against the corner of a wall.

"You said you would explain, so explain." Donghyuck states.

Jeno takes a deep breath as he stops swinging his legs, he looks at the ground before looking up towards Donghyuck who was already looking at him, clearly annoyed at the fact that Jeno was stalling.

"It was a dare." He starts, before Donghyuck cuts him off.

"Yes I know. We all know." He spits.

"But theres more." Jeno says once again. "As you know, Jisung dared me to ask you out and me, being the asshole I was back then, I agreed and decided to do so.." He pauses for a second. Trying to think of what to say next.

"Listen are you gonna keep stopping or are you going to tell the story?" Donghyuck comments, it's only been two minutes and he's already fed up with Jeno's bullshit.

"I am. I'm just trying to think about the right words to say."

"Why? So that I can fall back in love with you?"

"No, Hyuckie-"

"I said, don't call me that."

"Why?"

"Because Jeno!" Donghyuck yells, voice cracking as he tries to control the same tears from earlier from falling. "I am still in love with you! Each time I hear you say that stupid nickname my heart does leaps and I can't fucking stop it!"

His voice is loud enough for you to figure out where he is, and while the other students outside look around trying to find out what's going on, both you and Renjun take off running towards the sound of Donghyuck's voice.

Arriving in time to hear Donghyuck finish the last words of his sentence he can't tell if he's hurt or if he's relieved to see you. A sense of relief washes over him once he spots you, Renjun, and Chenle running in his direction. But then he sees Jisung and Jaemin, not that far behind you three, and he feels hurt, betrayed to say the most.

"So this is why you asked me, huh?" He scoffs, looking at Jeno with glossy eyes. "So you and your friends can get a little more enjoyment of my misery."

"Hyuckie- I-" Jeno starts.

"Save it. I don't ever want to hear from you again, Jeno. I can't believe I even believed you would tell me the truth."

Nothing more is said as Donghyuck walks away from all of you, and Jaemin and Jisung run towards Jeno. It's quiet, despite there being the sounds of the muffled music that's only being played from a hallway away, it feels like a horror movie with the unsettling silence between all of you.

Renjun is the first one to talk. His voice not only startles you, but grabs the attention of Jeno, Jisung, and Jaemin who happened to be a few feet in front of you.

"What the fuck happened?" He asks, looking at Jeno in the eye.

"I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry.. and that I missed things the way they were.." Jeno says, voice barely above a whisper.

Both you and Chenle can tell that Renjun is about to start yelling and if someone doesn't stop him now then fists will be thrown. Renjun is about to start talking again when Chenle interupts him.

"Junnie." He says softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's not worth it. Let's just go find Hyuck, okay?" He eases.

Renjun takes a second to sigh and relaxes before deciding to head off with Chenle, he know's it'll only make things worse but he really wants to tell the three boys off and possibly throw a punch or two. "It's okay.." Chenle coos at him.

"Y/n, are you coming?" He asks, looking back at you.

"Uhh.. Yeah. Just give me a second. I'll meet up with you in a bit, okay? Just text me where you are." You say quickly before glancing over at Jeno and his crew.

Chenle looks at you, confused on why you were looking at Jeno. It only takes him a second to realize what you were doing before he walks off with a hesitant nod. "Um.. Okay.. Just uh, don't be long. I know Hyuck wanted to see you."

"Thanks Lele. You're the best." You say, before talking off towards Jeno.

"Lee Jeno." You state, standing where Donghyuck previously was. You earn a few glances from Jisung and Jaemin, ask if they were asking each other why you were here and how long you've been there. It's not because they were doing anything bad or wrong, it's because of the fact that they were caught being nice and genuine to one of their friends, something that barely anyone has seen before.

"Y/n." Jeno sniffs, trying his best to wipe away the tears that had managed to leak out. "What are- What are you doing here?"

"Save it." You say, walking towards him. You push Jaemin away as you take a seat on top of the table next to him. It earns you a glare from Jaemin, but you shrug it off and ignore him once he start's complaining that you stole his spot.

"Just- Just tell me everything." You sigh, awaiting a response from the boy next to you.

Jaemin shoots you another look before Jisung walks away with him, knowing this should be a private conversation. They don't go far though, just out of earshot.

"This is my fault." He starts. "If I just continued letting him hate me, then I wouldn't have hurt him like that.."

"It's not your fault, you just wanted to explain things. Do you want to tell me what you were going to tell him? Or is that too personal?" You ask.

Jeno is hesitant to answer. His first initial thought is no, but as the seconds go by his answer changes to yes.

"Start from the top. What happened?" You ask.

You're gentle, and being patient with him. It's something that he's thankful for. It's also something that reminds him of Donghyuck, because whenever the two of them had disagreements Donghyuck would always wait for Jeno to explain, this was the first time he hadn't.

"Okay well.." Jeno sniffs. "If you didn't already know.. Donghyuck and I used to date. Our relationship started off from a dare but as our months together passed by I began to enjoy his company a little bit more. I don't know what it was, and if you asked me I wouldn't be able to tell you but there was just something about him that I ended up liking. Maybe it's the way that his hair flopped on his face each time he ran up to me, or maybe it's because of how tightly he hugged me and how gentle his kisses were, but it was something." He pauses for a second, reliving through a few memories. "I ended up catching feelings.. and as soon as I figured out that I did, he found out how we got together."

"Oh." You sigh, not looking at him.

"I was going to tell him that I meant everything I told him.. All the 'I love you's' and the 'You look beautiful's' but he just wouldn't let me talk.. And then you guys came and that just- that only made things worse.. and now- god.. now he's gone. He said he never wants to see me again."

"I'm sorry, Jeno. It's my fault." You say softly, taking all the blame. "I'm the one who brought everyone here, if it weren't for me then you probably would be talking to him right now."

"It's okay." He reassures. "It's not your fault.. You just wanted to help your friend. I'm sure it would've gone poorly even if you weren't here."

"I doubt that's true."

"Are you kidding me y/n? He hates me! And he the worst part of it is that he has every right to do so.."

"I didn't know people who hated each other confess to each other about still liking one another." You joke, hoping to earn a laugh from Jeno. "Besides, it's not like you won't see each other again. You still have time to make things better, plus you have me on your side."

"My side?" Jeno asks.

"Well yeah. You still like him don't you?"

Jeno sighs, he's lucky you aren't paying that much attention to him because if you did you would've noticed the way he looked at Jisung and how it hurt him more to let you keep going on like this. Nonetheless he lets it happen and he wonders if he really does deserve your help.

"You're too good, y/n."

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.

Your POV

The 57th expedition is two days from now and to make things worse, Hanji came over. She declared that as it is our only titan shifter's first expedition, we will be drinking tonight to celebrate. Although her motive was to experiment if Eren can get drunk, heichou strictly denied her requests since Eren is underage. I personally didn't want to drink because those men from when I was 5 were always drunk. "Drunk people are bad and dangerous" was a thought that was stuck into my head. Hence, I was planning to avoid their little party at all costs. It was morning at the moment and we were supposed to have breakfast. I made tea for everyone since I woke up before everyone else. I had already memorised how everyone had their tea, 2 spoons of sugar and milk in Oluo, Gunther and Petra's, 1 spoon sugar without any milk in Eld's, 3 spoons in mine and sugarless for Levi heichou. Eren didn't like tea. I had it all memorised because I tend to wake up before everyone else and thus, I always get the breakfast duty. I made pancakes for everyone and when I was done, I poured my tea in a cup and started reading the book. Every day, Levi would wake up early and sit with his own book and tea too. We would discuss the contents of the books when I go to clean his room. We would also share some of our personal issues to eachother and while I don't know how much it helps him, but it helped me ease up quite a but. Just as I was thinking these, he entered the dining hall as usual and took his cup which I had already filled with tea just the way he liked it. Eventually everyone else came around thus making it impossible to read because of the commotion. Hanji started blabbing about her experiments. Yes, she arrived yesterday and stayed the night in a spare room.

After breakfast, it was time for training. Levi heichou was giving me intensive 3DMG training recently since I already passed his strength trainings. We sparred more later, to test how much I had improved my strength and he won most of them due to his immense stamina which was impossible to match but I gave him a hard time though. In case of 3DMG, he decided that I wasn't making enough use of my agility and that I should be able to match his speed and accuracy. I was still learning his spinning move as I couldn't get a hang of that anyway. Today, we were supposed to have our last practice session as most of us will have hangovers the next day. Not me though. I'll just lock myself in mine and Petra's room. I've noticed by time that Petra tried to impress Levi heichou a lot. It kinda pissed me off because who even looks for emotional attachment when they might die anytime? And it's not like heichou was interested in her anyway. That's another thing I liked about him. He was serious about his career. I had always respected determination and I felt like there couldn't be a better mentor than him. However, something about it was bothering me. Levi heichou was making me feel things that I never felt before. It started with the way he looks during our training sessions, no, all the time honestly. I started having these urges to touch those muscles beneath his shirt, that showed slightly when he was sweaty after training, his clean shaven and extremely smooth looking cheeks and that extremely soft and silky looking hair. God knows how it would feel to run my fingers in there... Yes, that's exactly the problem. I shouldn't be thinking these. Things escalated when he convinced me to stop cutting myself, something even my parents couldn't do. It happened a week back.

One week ago

I was cleaning the floor in Levi's room while he was getting his paperwork done. "So, the protagonist is in a situation where he couldn't blame the antagonist as the antagonist had reasons to justify what they did too. It kinda resembles our world doesn’t it? I mean, titans don't have minds so, they can't really control what they are doing..." I was talking to heichou about the book I recently finished. "Hmm. However, one has to do what one needs right? The protagonist killed the antagonist at the end. It didn't matter if the antagonist had justification for what he did. It depends on who wins at the end. If the antagonist did, then the he would've been portrayed as the protagonist." heichou answered, not looking up from his paperworks. "Yeah. It's the weak who always loses." I muttered. "Not always. One can start off as weak but get stronger. That's what smart people who want to live do." Levi answered to that, before stopping for a moment and asking, "You mentioned that you want to live to make things right didn't you? What is the 'right' for you?". " I don't know, happiness? That's my goal." I answered. "Well, that's what we all want. Anyway, what's your plan to achieve that?" he asked. "I don't know, it started with getting strong enough to take care of myself but I don't really have an aim anymore." I answered, acknowledging it for the first time. "If you want happiness so much, why do you cut yourself? As much as I can recall, you told me, you did that to remind yourself that you're alive. If you don't have a plan, why remain alive at all?" he asked me, looking up from his paper works at me, raising an eyebrow. "Well, that's true... I don't know what I'm doing to be honest... Being alive honestly is pointless." I muttered as an answer. It was the truth. I had no reason to live.

"Oi brat, take my advice on this, you're an extremely skilled soldier. You think I am itching to be alive? I have a goal to be happy too and the fastest way towards it is a bullet in my fucking head. But, there's also another way, that is using my strength to do something for humanity, getting this war over for good and opening up a tea shop. My plan in this case is to stay alive and keep fighting. I suggest you to have the same plan. When this war is over if you are still alive, these people you saved will make a way for you. And trust me, cutting yourself won't help you at all because that only limits your agility as, trust me, I've got into enough fights to know how much every single cut hurts. It may not affect your performance by a lot but a mimimum percentage of performance issues can get you killed in expeditions. So I suggest you to stop with that shit and get your priorities straight." heichou advised me with a straight face. "So, you suggest me to try my best to survive? If I can get through this war, then the people will help me make a way?" I asked before pausing for a moment and stating, "I honestly didn't join the survey corps to make some dead people proud of me. I just wanted to die I guess..."."Well then, you're at an advantage both ways. If you die, you get to your goal. If you live, you get to your goal in long term too." he answered.

"Heichou, why did you join the survey corps?" I asked him out of curiosity. "Well, Erwin blackmailed me into it at the begining but later, I decided that my life was meaningless too and decided to do exactly what I advised you to do." he answered. He was right. If I survive, after the war with titans are over and the survey corps are disbanded, I'm sure they will give us all a way to live. However, will I always be alone? What's the point of living like that? No, wait, Uncle Erwin will be there... He's as good as family, so I'll be fine. Atleast as long as he lives. Maybe I'll even consider marriage... There are so many possibilities... Heichou was right. I had to survive or die in combat. Its good both ways. "(Y/N), if you really want to remember that you're alive at times, instead of cutting yourself, remember your interactions with your comrades. I'm sure you made an impact on a lot of them and you wouldn't be able to do that if you weren't alive." Levi ended his statement with that as I was leaving his room after cleaning. "Yes heichou. Thank you for the advice" I answered before leaving. An affect on my comrades, did he mean the way I intimidated them? But doesn't that mean that I'm an emotionless piece of shit? Or was he talking about my conversations with him? Did... Did I make him feel alive? Because, even if I hated to admit it, he made me feel alive. I felt like I didn’t have to hurt myself anymore.

Present day

Levi heichou beat me this time as well after we sparred for 30 minutes. No one lasts that long against him. During the 3DMG session, everything was going well until suddenly captain Levi attacked me. He came out of nowhere and tried to cut me but I instinctively dodged and tried to escape him. I was shocked as I didn't expect something like that. He was as fast as I am in 3DMG and with his special techniques, he was faster. He slashed his blade against me again and to block it I used my own blade but the blade broke. I was scared that he might kill me and that's when he told me that he was testing how well I'd do in unexpected situations and he definitely wasn't satisfied with my skills.

Levi POV

She was pretty good at running away but she used one blade at the wrong angle when I slashed my blade at her. Ofcourse she didnt learn about what angle to use because Shadis didn't know some of the tricks I learnt underground. However I expected her to use two blades. That's just common sense and the fact that she panicked in a situation like this is unacceptable for someone as skilled as her. She has a lot if potential but stupid decisions like that will get her killed. "Do you have a brain of the size of a pea brat? Anyone with common sense would use two blades. Are you trying to get killed in any unexpected circumstance? " I shouted at her. She kept a straight face but I could see the embarrassment in her eyes. Serves her right. "Sorry heichou. It won't happen again" she said with determination. I'm not usually too hard on her because she doesn't disappoint me often so I let it go. I taught her the angles she should use. It would make her blades last longer. She practiced with complete determination but failed to get the spinning move done. Honestly, no one I trained was able to do that, so, I didn’t judge her. However, she wasn't the one to give up. I respected that about her as a mentor. It was time for lunch and Petra already cooked stew. We had lunch and I saw her head upstairs and come down with her 3DMG and blades. "Oi where are you going?" I asked her. "To practice the blade angle and the movements you taught me. I want to be able to get the spinning move perfected." she answered, saluted and left. I didn't expect her to be able to do it.

I went to my office to complete some paperwork and after about 2 hours, I heard the sound of her falling down with a thump and occasionally, frustrated cursing. I went to the window and saw (Y/N) falling on her face every time she tried but getting up to do the same nonetheless. "Damn, this girl will kill herself at this rate." I thought and felt a bit proud about being her mentor. I looked at her graceful moves through the air, which turned into a complete disaster whenever she tried to use the spinning move on the titan dummy. "There must be some problem with her balancing" I thought. I found her beautiful the day I first saw her. "Just another pretty face that's gonna be titan food" I thought. After she sparred with me and sat on my face, I think I blushed for the first time ever in my entire life. I didn't let anyone see though because it's inappropriate. Now that I see her potential and determination, she seems to be more than just another pretty face. She is what I'd call beautiful. I knew she deserved a normal life and yet she chose this uncertain life where death my come and where its impossible to have a family. She is a very brave person. I know some stuff about her past. How she was rescued from a brothel before being sold off in the underground. How she killed a Garrison member but was let out because she was a minor. I was curious about her given that I was from the underground too. As these thoughts plagued my mind, I suddenly understood exactly what was causing the problems with the balancing.

"Oi brat. Get down here." I called (Y/N) out, who was sitting on a tree, about to do the spinning move again. When she got down, I noticed that she got some minor cuts on her face. Atleast her instincts were good enough to make her use her hands to prevent her face from getting hit. "Yes heichou?" she asked, confused. "I have a fair idea about why you can't get that move done. Your body proportions are what's causing this." I told her with a calm voice even if talking about it made me uncomfortable. "I don't understand..." she muttered, clearly confused. "Your breasts are what's causing the issues. My body structure allows me to distribute all my weight at the correct points but as your body structure is different, the distribution gets disoriented as your breasts are the weights that make you slouch forward easily." I explained as calmly as possible. This was awkward. I saw a blush slowly creep upon (Y/N)'s cheeks as she muttered, "But they aren't too big...". " Well, the simplest errors can make it impossible to master this move. I'm not sure if you can do it but try using bandages to bind you chest and make the surface as flat as possible." I answered with a stoic expression, which was very hard to bring given that I have never talked to cadets about their breasts, and the fact that this particular cadet made me want to rip her clothes off didn't help at all. "Hai!" (Y/N) answered before running off towards the castle.

She actually did it. It didn't take any effort at all. I was right about the problems with body proportions. You came back after a while with an almost flat chest. It didn't look comfortable at all because she looked like someone punched her on the face. I, however, was impressed by her determination. And, the fact that she was able to get the spinning move done at one try. Ofcourse, it wasn't perfect, it had many flaws, but, it was an amazing feat as no one else was able to get this done. However, I knew that this wouldn't work well with her because being uncomfortable on an expedition isn't an option. "Oi, get down" I commaded her as she got down from the tree, pleased with herself. "Yes heichou?" she asked. "You won't be using this move. You're not feeling comfortable in bandages and that's as obvious as it can get. Just make use of the speed training we went through." I advised her. "Yes heichou!" she answered and as she was going off towards the castle, I spoke up, "Oi (Y/N)! You did well.". "Thank you heichou" she answered, giving me a rare smile. She really should smile more often.

Your POV

I came back being pleased with myself after getting a rare compliment from Levi heichou. After some very intense and not to mention, painful training for 2 hours 30 minutes that compliment probably was the best gift anyone could possibly ask for. I went back to Petra and my room to find Petra sleeping. I took a shower and went to take a nap. I was asleep but I was woken by feeling someone drag me out of the bed. I woke up and saw Hanji dragging me out. I tried to get out of her grab but Petra and Eren also held me firmly. I could've gotten away from Hanji easily but I couldn't fight with three people grabbing onto me. They brought me downstairs and Levi heichou was there too with a glass of alcohol in his hand. I was shocked to find him here and looked at Hanji and she explained that she dragged heichou out here so that he won't drink alone in his room, in Hanji's words, like a sad excuse of a human. Apparently he drank alone before expeditions. No matter how hard I tried to avoid drinking, Hanji was relentless. I had to drink a few sips of alcohol. As the alcohol started kicking in, Hanji convinced heichou to have a drinking contest. I had to admit that the alcohol made me feel light headed and more confident. I liked the feeling despite the horrible taste which is why I drank a bit more than I planned to. Then I remembered that my body weight was not enough to take it all but my head started spinning by then and I was slipping on and off my consciousness.

Levi POV

Hanji thought that she would win because she was taller but she didn't know about my high alcohol tolerance. After an entire bottle, Hanji was done. It seemed that she had lower alcohol tolerance than I imagined. I had one more glass and I won naturally. I was pretty drunk and thought it's best to go to bed. Before I got up, (Y/N) puked. Everyone was a bit surprised as they didn't notice her taking on two glasses like an idiot. Since no one was sober enough to get her up to her room, I knew I had to do it "Tch! They had to get wasted now." Eren was already sleeping as he wasn't allowed to drink. "Ofcourse she puked. She didn't come down for dinner" I remembered. "Petra, get Eren to clean this mess up. I'm taking her upstairs and you're coming with me to clean her up" I stated with authority to a tipsy Petra. I took her to the bathroom in their room and made her sit on the floor. She was barely conscious. I waited outside for Petra to be done washing and dressing her so that I can pick her and put her to bed. Petra called me when she was done. I picked (Y/N) up and put her to bed while Petra was washing her clothes.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Your past will be explained now. It includes rape and underage sexual acts and, well, some seriously nasty stuff so don't read if it bothers you. Skip to the next chapter in that case.

"Heichou?" she called out weakly before I left. "What brat?" I asked keeping my usual bored face. "The first day we met, didn't you call me a privileged brat? How does it feel to know that the only thing your prostitute mother told you is that you're born to do exactly what she does? How does it feel when those men do things to your mother and all you can do is sit in the room and read a book to pretend nothing is happening? How does it feel when those drunk men touch you, do things that they did to your mother and hurt you like your body is splitting? How does it feel to know that your mother left you to these people and that you'll never see her again? How does it feel to be hit and cut by these men? How does it feel not being given water unless you drink the semen of those people? How does it feel when you gladly do it because you are so thirsty? You don't know anything about the life I had, heichou. When they told me I'm safe after taking me out of that horrible place, I believed them and I regret it because that man I killed wanted to do the same things I went through in that hell. He told me that I shouldn't mind because he assumed I enjoyed these back then. I enjoyed slitting his throat and gauging his eyes out. You knew nothing heichou " she said, her voice cracking as tears left her eyes. I looked at her, shocked by her sudden confession. I had no idea that she still remembered what I told her that day. I had no idea it hurted her feelings to that extent. Besides, as much as I knew, she never said anything about herself to the court or to anyone. As much as I knew, she didn't talk in her court case about murdering that man. She only did it for self defense. I looked at the weeping girl. She was a brave soldier and seeing her break down like that made me feel things I didn’t quite understand. It made me do something that I never did for anyone before. I sat on the edge of her bed, took her hand and said "Now you know how to fight. No one can hurt you now. You can trust yourself and if you want, you can trust me. I'm sorry about my behaviour that day. I shouldn't have judged you without taking a closer look." She gave me a shocked look after I said that. I gave her a small smile, and left the room. This was the first time I smiled after years.

To be continued

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