#even tho i love those of course
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Every now and then I wonder why violence in videogames is so addictive, why murder is illegal but videogames depicting murder are fine, but while for example [consensual etc] sex is legal, but sex in videogames is a taboo / socially unacceptable. (Note: I'm not saying either should/shouldn't be available, that's not the topic.)
So there's a bunch of obvious reasons why action and violent videogames can be appealing:
short, closed feedback loops (ability to receive and solve problems and not have any lingering consequences)
the joy of learning the skills and reflexes needed to succeed (aiming, weapon selection, jumping, whatever)
the joy of movement (viscerally appealing as an approximation of sports)
visuals and other ear/eye/brain candy (good graphics, music, sound design, sometimes even a story or puzzles that create an overall appealing experience)
power fantasy / abuse (the allure of being in control and solving situations while being the protagonist who's great at everything)
power fantasy / use (the appeal of having even nonviolent tools and resources to solve things that you couldn't afford have in real life)
the inherent acceptance of violence in our society as a sometimes-acceptable way to solve problems (i.e. the state as the monopoly of violence licensing this to army and police forces, creating a culture of limited, but still widely approved violence)
inability to progress in real world (improving material conditions IRL is a lot more work than finishing a videogame)
consistency of rules, limited scope and relative predictability vs real world (a lot easier to predict what's going to happen in a game and know how to fix it, versus the overwhelming challenges of life)
easy availability (have you seen how many decent games are there that _don't_ have any violence? Not even minecraft or stardew valley would check that box.)
a lot of others but anyway this is a large topic
Yesterday it occurred to me to see it from another angle similar to the one of feedback loops - childhood trauma, cortisol levels, sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system, etc.
Obviously not everyone playing violent videogames is deeply traumatized, and that's another topic that's not mine. I mean a lot of low-key trauma and inability to fight against the world and people being mean to you for seemingly no reason.
I was an angry kid. I'm not happy about that, as it's everything I don't want to be now, and hopefully the way I treat others, and my patience and self-control is in stark contrast to random angry outbursts and high irritability I had then. But even kids who aren't as angry will see the appeal of relieving that stress. Sometimes you'd scream into a pillow. Sometimes you'd go for a run. Sometimes you'd walk on the rail tracks, feeling so so cool for doing something illegal.
And sometimes you'd play violent videogames. Not realizing it then, it became not only a tool to attempt control over something fictional when I couldn't control the violence in my real life, it also became a way to compensate for the abundance of cortisol in my life. What good is fight or flight response when you can neither fight or flee? (And the two other Fs were also not available.)
And so videogames allowed to close the loop. Receive violence in real life, reciprocate violence in the imagined world. Relieve stress. Lower cortisol. It isn't the best solution, but it's one that's widely available.
#too widely available I'd argue#but anyway i'm done moralizing#but we really need more nonviolent games#that also aren't just walking simulators#or puzzle games#even tho i love those of course#videogames#violence in videogames
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another request from cohost! my friend asked for traditional inuk hairstyle like qilliqti, which is what i ended up going with! looking up the hairstyles sent me on a sidequest of looking at a bunch of fashion designers with modern takes on traditional clothes, so i also used some of those! so credits for that under the cut vv
jacket- https://www.instagram.com/p/C3QiKIdO0Jp/?img_index=5 jacket 2 (full fashion show with more angles, and a lot of super cool designs, also really cool music)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp_eAzDu8xU patch- https://www.bradorfabrics.com/products/inukchic-iron-on-patches-celestial-narwhal hair originally from the film atanarjuat the fast runner, but the specific screenshot is here https://www.pinterest.com/pin/53480314313400875/
#originally i was going to give her specific earrings too but they were covered by her hair so i couldnt get it to look quite right#of course for the hair specifically it was hard to find a reference that didnt link back to avatar somehow#but the pictures themselves are real so thats fine#i honestly dont think i fully did the hairstyle justice because braids are not my strong suit#even though i gave her braids in her regular design too#anyway i also was like if im putting her in modern clothes lets make it the modern au. and im signifying that by having her play geoguesser#its actually openguesser tho bc geoguesser makes you pay now???#i wanted to play a round to use for the screenshot but i wasnt about to pay money for it so i played openguesser instead lol#also i kinda just wanted to play it too. not gonna lie#but yeah i really hope i portrayed everything well esp since im taking direct inspo from real designers#i wanna make sure everything is credited. so many of those designs are gorgeous and you guys should go look#and while i went with a more casual everyday look here i would love to draw her in something more intricate sometime too#so yeah i hope it all came out well enough 👍 and that i did the req justice even if im not great at braids#its good practice right?#finn's art#finn's ocs
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It's dawned on me suddenly
And for no obvious reason
That I can't go on
Living as I am.
#esteban flores#elena of avalor#disneyedit#eoaedit#don't you hate it when you have a blorbo; a million song lyrics that suit them; and no photoshop skills to speak of?#esteban flores and pierre bezukov (specifically the version in great comet) would get along great tho#the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present)#the same intellectual snobbery as a faulty mask for profound and permanent self-loathing#the same...'survivor's guilt ' isn't even the right word...it's definitely that but it's also just 'existence' guilt#like 'yes; I failed to die alongside those I love on the battlefield. but even before that; I failed at being loved in the way I wanted to'#'which is like the one job we are supposed to have as humans: to love and be loved.'#'once I'd like to think I was worthy but now I know that I am not. I have wasted my chances and made too many mistakes'#of course they both Esteban and Pierre still ARE worthy of love but it takes time and effort and willingness to change to find it#am going to try to also do something with 'dust and ashes' at some point#not to mention like my million BATB broadway; Frozen broadway and JCS lyrics that suit Esteban#myedits#mygifs#obligatory ' I used to be butter; I used to be butter; I used to be butter' joke here
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frog documentation. frogcumentation
I think I mentioned a while back I'd post nibling frog momence after the gift's done given. which happened on the 2nd this month I just forgot lmao. anyways we can do it now. I used the boigameista pattern scaled up to four pieces of A4 print paper and decided to double deck it to a two layer thing, not unlike a pillow, for ease of washin. because it was gonna be gifted to a one year old child
took a long time and made a number of mistakes bc hand sewing makes me worse as a person but this guy was done in time for the birthday occasion and that's what matters. chose non-fuzzy fabrics for it because we live in a dense city in the tropics and from personal experience if I hug something made of fur I would explode. the original plan included felt patterns on its back for bonus textures for baby but that wouldn't stretch well along with the rest of the thing so had to hold that back. eventually we got this
zipper across its ass, the coat type of zipper bc I miscalculated when ordering. but it did have a shape and that's all that matters to me. will be a fun game for the baby to grow up and be severely misinformed about what a frog looks like
happy extremely late birthday to this thing also
#bakuspecial#uhhhh. whats my craft tag. I forgor. update this later#frog plush babeyyyy#I want this thing to last until the heat death of the universe so I felled all the seams down. dont recommend doing this by hand#Im so stubborn lmao I refuse to get a serger I will simply get better at hand sewing instead. damn its taking kinda long#there used to be a Lot more frogs around hanoi. but the lack of clean water ponds and lakes have driven down the population#I live like right at the edge of the city rn tho (will no longer be the case in five years) so there are still a lot of aminals#house robins. skinks. fireflies (!!!!). praying mantises. tree frogs#they love to hang out at the fountain inside the complex right across the street. had to pick em up to return to the fountain#from the hot brick tiled ground a few times#theyre so small. theyre so small....#I miss house geckos they dont show up a lot in our apartment. I wish they would they would love the cockroaches around here#and of course. bc the kind of rice we eat is more short-grained and thus usually not all the way dried like the longer-grained type we have#so many rice weevils. do u know those little fucks do not drown for a Long time#do u know they lay eggs inside the rice grains and that's how u find out ur rice about to become the weevil beverly hill#by washing the rice and seeing hollowed out grains float up. I have become an expert at this.#but I get to see skinks in random bushes so who am I to be pissed about that. skinks rule#this has been baku talks about animals for a mile of tags. thank u for listening#well. its evening and the family wants to go out so that's what we're doin. hope u have a good time too wherever u are#see u this midnight when I reblog every new posts I've made in the last week or so lmao
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It is so fun watching Orym awkwardly go through the song and dance of formal military presentation - the speeches in front of cheering crowds, the rewarding of titles and honors far too overwrought for the bloody work they represent (Orym could kill someone in half the time it would take him to say, I am Orym, Savior Blade of the Tempest) - because it's possible there's nothing this guy gives less of a shit about than his own accolades or legacy. Orym just wants to be good, even as he becomes less and less certain what that means, even as he thinks that it would be so much easier to give up on that. He wants to feel like he's done something right, for maybe the first time since Will and Derrig died.
And so he fumbles through the rituals, and holds up his shield for the people of Zephrah to bear witness to, and extracts what really matters from Keyleth (who understands the frivolity of this all better than anybody) referring to him as a Savior Blade of the Tempest; not a fancy name for people to call him, but affirmation that he can save people, someone, anyone, at least this time. At least with the Hells at his side.
#orym of the air ashari#critical role#cr spoilers#cr orym#cr3#really tho i saw so much talk of orym getting the praise and recognition he deserves meanwhile orym's standing there taking it like ://///#so i was delighted when the savior blade of the tempest title was bookended by keyleth commiserrating and offering him some very good advic#needed that way more than a cool nickname!!#forgot to acknowledge the of course genuine love and camraderie with the people of zephrah in this#but to work that in honestly would require untangling the essential role of patriotism and nationalism in military structures#even if just to say “zephrah is One of The Good Militarized States bc exandria is a world where those exist!” or whatever#crposting
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Anime good :) (Patreon)
#Doodles#MP100#Shigeo Kagayama#Reigen Arataka#Ritsu Kageyama#Forgive the anglicized name order lol#MP100 was another one of my breakfast anime! Admittedly I did not Just watch it during breakfast tho lol#It was too good ahhhh I kept finding my thoughts returning to it throughout the day!#I probably ended up watching an additional episode or so per day over however long it took haha - drastically cut down the number of days!#The lead ups to the finales especially got me - there was no way I could for the whole next day to see them through!#Plus getting to see those beautiful EPs gosh <3 What could be better than some absolutely stunning animation ♥#I was quite impressed the whole way through :D The cast was great and the animation was beautiful and fluid and impressive#And the technical ability that went into the painted animation! Gosh!!#But most of all - of course - it's just a good solid story <3 Of course it's beautifully expressed but it's just - good down to its bones#I love a story like that :) Mob is such a wonderful character and he's surrounded by good people ♥ It made my heart happy to see#He's loved and he loves <3 That's my very favourite!#Unsurprisingly to me I was most enamoured by the brother relationship who could've seen that coming lol me? Siblings? Pfsh ♪#Ritsu's a sweet boy as well <3 I cried at him crying from Mob not even considering forgiving him because there was never anything to forgive#Not me shorter older sibling feeling exactly the same way hhghghh I'm fine ;;#Reigen is such a fun deadbeat supportive adoptive dad haha ♪ He's hard to pin down! Loved his redemption arc(s) :)#Flawed individuals my beloved <3#Such an enjoyable cast and set of circumstances! I might actually have to give OPM a proper go sometime soon if this is the writing quality
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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.
When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.
As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"
She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.
But she's wrong.
That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.
As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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I am heavily contemplating on buying myself a dvd player soon and buying all the DVDs for a ton of movies and tv shows I grew up watching cuz I miss the magic of dvds
#hear me out on this one okay. but the Barbie movies were magic on dvd back in the day#and I do wanna see if stores are still selling the old strawberry shortcake dvds before I go online for those#I wanna snort that nostalgia so bad#and of course I’ll need to get the dcau on dvd#like all of it cuz I’m so bored with the dccu since we don’t get as much new stuff#it’s always Batman or superman and love them but I’m kinda bored from always seeing a new bman or sups movie#Wonder Woman I wouldn’t mind a new actor for her but I know she’s not gonna be a muscle mommy which I’ll be sad about#give me a Wonder Woman that is built like rhea ripely god damnit#the flash is eh cuz I found out this whole time I’ve been watching the Wally west flash#but yeah Wally is who I want and then there’s the green lantern like dude is so cool iams all we have is the 1 from 2011 I think#sure I could watch some of the tv series they have but I have too many shows on my watch list it’s overwhelming at times so I skip over lots#tho I will have to pray like crazy cuz some of the things I know I want are probably gonna be expensive as fuck even as second hand#saw a class of the titans season 1 dvd going for $81 cad 💀💀💀#the world is not kind to those who don’t love the digital age#I prefers my dvds cuz I own it and no one can take it away from me unless they physically steal it#omg I’m turning into my grandma cuz she still had the vhs player with some tapes too#just wish she never donated the tapes for swan princess 1-3 and Anastasia and ferngully and basically all my faves that she owned#like Ngl a part of me wants to hit up value village just to see if maybe they’re still there or if I’ll find other copies of the same things#cuz a perk about cities with older people is that you get so much older tech and other items it’s insane
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dsm really is like well about every other PD is determined by abuse, neglect, poor relationships and bad experiences as a child, and trauma. narcissistic personality disorder is largely defined by a desperate terrified need to never seem weak or like a failure and hunger for praise and approval. who tf knows what causes it tho
#vic talks#was reading the dsm-v-tr for character reasons and of course had to check out my own entry#which is. not very good#'pwNPD are soooo entitled and arrogant and they think they're so SPECIAL and you'll probably notice them#because they're huge jerks. anyway their actions stem from a feeling of utter emptiness#an inability to sustain their own self-worth and vicious self-criticism. did we mention#they're more likely than other disorders to commit suicide successfully? like with a plan?#anyway those who relate to them usually find them emotionally cold or disinterested and they're so invested in status amirite'#'they often usurp special privileges and resources they think they deserve' <- me stealing granola bars from work as a teen#i mean at least there's acknowledgement of the internal side of things#and there's a small note of 'often they have low empathy but they can have cognitive empathy'#but it feels like it meshes awkwardly with the 'symptom: HUGE ASSHOLES ALL THE TIME ugh they're probably really annoying. we don't know y'#side of things#anyway much love to the HPDs (also no speculation on Y Are They Like This)#and my ASPDs (must suck to have the Is A Criminal diagnosis)#very happy that my BPDs are getting a bit more fleshed out sympathetic stuff in their entry even tho you still deal with lots of shit
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whats your favorite life series and why
oooo that’s a tough one, but im gonna go with third life here. it was iconic. it changed me as a person. the slow creeping dread setting in. the cinema. the drama. nobody knew what they were really getting into- grian originally built a starter base, like he was intending to build a larger one later. renchanting was ten’s idea at a shop, built with the expectation that other people would also be building shops. they all had so many plans and none of those could ever have really happened. no one was going to make it out of there alive. yaknow.
#ask!!#maur!!#also the red-green teamups those were really good#it’s really close for me between 3rd life and secret life tho#i loved the mechanics of the tasks. i loved the alliances. i loved how all of the players were just having fun even as things got scary#and of course. quirky girl etho
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Your law is peak law. It’s cannon in the best of ways I swear. Semi goth fashion, air of badassery, general sadist in his hyper focus of surgery, oddly creepy. Also caves like a bitch to anything moderately cute (corasan bepo ect) and is so overprotective of his friends they don’t even get much of a chance to fight becuase he’s already disassembled the energy and look he’s so proud of himself
i am soooo happy he comes across like that.
law is a hilarious type of character that i love thats pretty fucking cool and intimidating from a distance and then you come closer and he is WEIRD and intimidating but like in a creepy way so sense of self preservation dictates establishing the distance back again
him being a doctor is the most normal thing about him but in that he is so extreme and exceptional
i love that hes just an INTENSE guy to the point that its off putting and im very happy that people enjoy me making loving fun of him
#never reading dressrosa or punk hazard#ive read posts abt it i know enough#only thing im missing out on is cora but i saw clips of that too so i think im good#i love him of course he is perfect#anyway one true law is the law thats with bepo so if im basing my bepo characterization on a few scenes why law should get a different#treatment? im not giving him any!#those arcs just seemed like a lot i have no desire to read them#anyway law is funny as shit#weird comparison but his post timeskip moe hit me in a similar way that when back in hq days i got the appeal of akaashi#they are very different but that -hot/seemingly put together at first glance - fucking psycho if you look closer#i love that for hottie characters#pre ts law's vibe being a piece of shit stoner is entirely blamed on the bucket hat and that hoodie#even tho his character didnt changed#but its funny how its the vibe you know the energy#seeing that one excellent lawbepo artist on pixiv draw law be an obsessive weirdo did it all#anonymous
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Top 8% in BIG Big Run!
Was hoping to beat my placement at Barnacle & Dime Big Run (Top 4%) but I’m still really happy! I managed to beat two Triumvirates and got close at least three other times. I hope the trio of kings gets to enter a regular salmon run rotation (or at least give us Big Runs even after support for Splat3 ends)
#splatoon 3#Big Run#BIG Big Run#Splatnet#salmon run#triumvirate#Good work everyone!#I had a lot of fun this Big Run even tho it was hard#Grizzco Roller is BUSTED and super duper fun#I like to believe I figured out how to use it pretty early at some point I realized vertical flicks are almost too risky to try#unless like a steelhead spawns first and you have ample time to hit it#I would have LOVED to get a Grizzco Splatling (as a splatling main) with like the range of Hydra and charge time/storage of Nautilus#maybe after support is done??? I girl can dream#I also had surprisingly a lot of fun with some of the chargers#I got a LOT of Squiffers and Goo Tubers and something seemed to click with the Squiffer#I’m too chicken to actually try one out tho LMAO#And of course 4k is the BEST charger and I hit one of those flick shots on accident in Big Run#It was cool! Makes me wanna try chargers honestly
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s/oljiwan is like o/ngsasun if they were good and had good development and a good ending and 😸 literally anything good actually
#back on my hate train for Those Two of course#they were so good at the start which is the upsetting part#it’s just the outing and later treatment that sun did @ o/ngsa that rlly makes me mad#i guess it’s different bc s/oljiwan are childhood friends but idk#they did the coming out (kinda.. wasn’t really a focus whatsoever but you know) and also jealous gf/friend thing better#and then the relationship happened and it made Sense#i just think. g/mmtv is too much#imagine if it were well written… if some things were changed…#no but i really am so sad bc of the outcome#o/ngsasun were getting so cute🙁 and then it was messed up#it sucks cause now looking at m/ilklove can be hard EVEN THO I LOVE M/ILK AND L/OVE UGH#i need to watch zero p/hotography urgently so my feelings improve#i’m sojdjekcjfj#🧸
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fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3
#val comes out of hiding#with a case and a grip strap (that interferes a little with the case but i'm making it work lol)#it'll be great for my arthritic sad poor hands lmao#and i can download ebooks to it! including fic <3#so like i have backup copies of my bookmarks and i threw them all on there#and threw one I planned to read on there too which i rb'd a few mins ago#it's great because we tend to be into those huge fantasy novels that I 0% can hold and take up a shit ton of space#like bringing brando sando books with me while traveling has been a PAIN lmao#now all i need is a battery pack to make sure it doesn't die. which is its own downside of course#and it means I can pirate so many ebooks. my god so many.#anyway to start with i think i'm gonna go back thru and re-read all my bookmarked fics i haven't read in a while#i'm quite stingy about bookmarks so they're all good (tho i have a soft spot for fluff in hindsight lol)#maybe i'll make a detailed rec post when i'm done?#in regards to fic too though I need to reach out to someone and say sorry for not being a very responsible beta.you know who you are.sorry:#but tangentially related; last night I had one of those core memory moments#it was bed time and fiance was snoozing half-asleep and i was reading fic on the kindle which works great in the dark btw. so dim#and i got up maybe 3 times in 30 mins or so go to the bathroom; get shit i forgot in the other room; etc etc#he's a light sleeper so he tends to wake up a lil#at some point he swapped our body pillows. i have no idea which time i got up it was. i didn't even notice for so long#i use a regular pillow and he has a longer actual body pillow so it was very obvious in hindsight#he loves to mess with me like that. little things make me laugh etc. and in the moment i realised i was just so happy#i'm here in this comfy bed with the man i love reading great fic with the gift he just got me and he's half-asleep and still trying to make#me laugh. and i laugh and laugh and laugh for like 5 mins because i'm so unobservant i didn't even notice it's not my pillow#and not even in a mean way. he loves that about me because he loves me. and he is just so good. so good.#and i was reading a fic about finding someone in any world. i would find him in any world. i would#and i just said 'i love you' and he cuddled into me and went to sleep.#<33333333333333333
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Pivotal bright spot (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Hhhhhh <3#I am once again ''Who am I without you'' - ZEX relies on Zelnick to affirm who he himself is! His Captain is a huge comfort!#It's the codependency for me <3#The way Zelnick comforts him is so sweet ;; He can be quite attentive! When he chooses to be hehe#He's hesitant and concerned but overcomes it to give ZEX what he needs in the moment ahh he's deserving of being a leader ♥#Like covering his eye for him - and repeating back his greeting! ;;;; How many times has ZEX introduced himself that now it's repeated back#How many times has he said those exact words so confidently that Zelnick can repeat it back to him#So confident in his identity until it's all brought into question - too many pieces that align Just So to know one way or anything!#How would his human love know so many details - but such specific details are concerning as well! What's real and what's not!#What's experienced and what's mentally real - or false! There's so many tricky mental traps set agh it's so good <3#It's so interesting how their character flaws interact with their self-assuredness hehe <3 Zelnick is brash and bold!#ZEX is careful and prideful - so which takes a harder hit in matters of the mind? ZEX is at a disadvantage in Max's body of course#Hghh there's so much about this scene that's so good tho ah#ZEX's worries of his own level of self-delusion bleeding out into accidentally telling lies - he's quite honest! Mostly ♪#But here it's all just deep concern - not of Trying to manipulate but being so far gone that he can't Help but do so! Being out of control!#Of course that would be very scary for him :( And of lying to himself? The kind of thing that's wholly repulsive to him </3#Ughhh this scene breaks my heart because they really love each other and ZEX wants him and needs him but I know what will happen ;;#At least they're able to give each other a bit of comfort in the moment - whether it's true or not (it is true haha) the contrast helps#Even in Max's body and even unsure of himself getting to hold his human - this human - feels real and right <3#He's still worried afterwards of course - takes something convincing to pull him out of it! - and Zelnick continues to comfort him <3#I love palm kisses as well ugh they're so sweet ;; <3 What a lovely way to show his solidarity! Hehe ♥
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