#even if you don’t see them that way it can be upsetting or invalidating to others

[raylazuko]

So when I accidentally see ships I don’t like even with blocked tags, I’ll just block the poster. No offense and don’t take it personally, idgaf what you do but I curate my feed to my own comfort. Also if you start drama or are an ahole about it.

Id say I’m neutral because making either pro or anti your whole personality is just weird. There are ships I don’t like but as long as it isn’t lolisha shit im not gonna fight over it. Ship what you like and be mindful of ones that make others uncomfortable and the language used and don’t be mad when people block or disengage with it. But also don’t harass people for what they ship the stupidity goes both ways.

[mournings-stars]

Alright so let's go with fluff for my fave angels Adam and lute

How would they react with their gf who's a magnet for kids?

Her ass would say that she's not fit to be a mom but kids immediately gravitate towards them and labels her as their mother figure, in mere minutes after they had met her

It'd be so adorable

"I don't know if I'll be a good mom." Then you see her giving a kid, whom she just met, piggy back rides. Like, they instantly trust her?? How????

i totally forgot this was in my drafts guys i swear im coming back LMFAOLO anyway this request is cute asl and i went a lil off topic but trust its still fluff

so first up we got adam

so adam is actually a kid person… once you’ve been around him a while

don’t get me wrong, he calls them “little shits” “gremlins” “hellspawn” whatever he can come up with, but he does want his own — like he was created for this… which when you think about it makes you a little more nervous because he would arguably be a good father in your eyes (idk ab arguably but just roll w me) just based off of this information right? you, on the other hand, weren’t made for this

“do you think i’d be a good mom?” you’d ask one day, totally out of the blue, and adam would probably choke on his own spit. “are you pregnant?” would be his first question, expression not giving away any kind of feeling he would have if you were. when you shake your head, he sighs and that makes you feel worse

but, like, it’s adam — he didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and he definitely thinks you’d be a good mom so after a while, sometime later that day, he’ll bring it up again cause he can tell you were overthinking things

“you know, if you were… yanno,” his eyes went to your stomach, “i’d be really fucking stoked.” and he kinda doesn’t know what you’re upset about, which is completely evident when he mentions how much of a milf you’d be before telling you how good of a mom you’d be, but at least he got there! and he made you laugh in the process

whenever you’re talking to an angel with a kid, adam will point out how the kids are always drawn to you; asking questions, talking with you, and even giving you hugs when you leave

he would not let you go on thinking you’re going to be a bad mom, like if you do ever express that you think you would be a bad mom, he’s not taking you seriously. “why don’t i put a baby in you and we can find out?” is his response, and, “adam!” is yours as he just shrugs

lute on the other hand

maybe you’re already working with kids, like you might work close with the church’s daycare or do some work (not teaching) at a school, so even though you don’t work directly with kids, you still see them often and that really makes you want a child of your own

when you tell lute this, you also tell her your worries about not being a good mom. at first she doesn’t say much, not wanting to invalidate your feelings… but she thinks they’re stupid

instead she talks to the daycare or school and sets you up with one of the programs after your usual shift, making another angel take the day off so that you had to cover for them on short notice

she’d come to bring you a snack in the middle of your shift and just see how good you are with the kids, reading to, playing with, and talking to them while they were just so drawn to you and wanting every bit of your attention

she’d definitely help you out, enjoying the opportunity to play house with you as you showed her what to do. then she’d stay until it was their nap-time. she didn’t bother saying what was obvious, knowing she’d proved your doubts wrong just by the way you smiled and laughed with the children

[crystaljellie]

Scott and Pearl analysis moment

Because I’m sick and tired of people mischaracterising C!Scott he is not evil!! Pearl does not hate him!! She’s bitter sure but she doesn’t hate him.

Starting with them in last life Pearl and Scott always sticking by each other always being there for each other, I’ve seen so many “Scott was using Pearl” because he wanted a life from her. Like he’s trying to live?? It’s different from Grian stealing a life from Scar and then tormenting him and giving him nothing in return. Scott does his absolute best to protect Pearl protect their house and spend time with her.

He’s a good friend. And he’s absolutely heartbroken when she dies, because Scott knew she was going to but he didn’t want her to go before him. And he definitely keeps his cool because Scott isn’t the kind of guy to go if the rail easily, the way you can tell Scott is angry is by how reckless or determined he gets. In third life he’s distraught by Jimmy’s death and then rushes in and dies quickly because he doesn’t want to be alone. And in last life he kills Ren because he killed Pearl. He’s doing it to avenge her.

He’s glad when he wins but he’s not upset when he dies either. He’s annoyed that he didn’t get to choose his own death but. He celebrates winning because he doesn’t have to lose anybody else.

And so jump to double life and all of a sudden the person he loves so much and has gone out of his way to protect doesn’t even take the time to go looking for him, so you can see why he’s upset. And it’s the biggest miscommunication moment ever because Pearl is expecting to go back and have Scott waiting with open arms for her, and she can’t explain to him and doesn’t understand what she did wrong, which tbh is nothing but that doesn’t make the way Scott feels invalid either.

And then it kind of all goes to shit, Scott’s more snappy and on edge this season because he won the last one and ya know winners trauma. And he honestly doesn’t want to win again so when Cleo suggests tormenting Pearl (I think that’s how it happens I don’t remember it might have been scar with the snow buckets first) he’s all for it!! Because he’s hurting!!

And pearl on the other hand is left alone and has no idea what to do with herself, because sure she can handle being alone but she can’t handle being alone like this, where’s she’s forced into isolation, she’s going crazy because she feels like everyone she loves has left her, she’s mad at Scott and she’s more mad at Cleo because she feels like Cleo has stolen him from her. And so she lashes out because it’s all she knows how to do here, and in a death game what’s a better form of communication than violence?

But she doesn’t want Scott to die not because she wants to live but because she still cares even if she doesn’t want to care. She wants Scott to hurt because she’s hurting, but like Scott in last life she can’t bare to see him die before her.

She’s winning this to prove herself to be someone who doesn’t need Scott. But she still cares so much and she hates it, that’s why she spends the first couple sessions trying to win him back.

And Scott is with Cleo but he feels alone too, because Cleo’s relationship with Martyn isn’t as strained as his is with Pearl. And he knows it’s his fault, he does. That’s why he starts trying to sabotage other relationships, so he doesn’t have to feel as bad.

That’s why he’s careful to stay alive, so he can make it up to Pearl in some way.

He avoids everything he can that might make him face that guilt. But he’s hurt and is stuck with all the blame placed on him. Everyone KNOWS it’s Scott’s fault Pearl is the way she is. But no one but Cleo acknowledges this which makes Scott more bitter, and honestly he’s a little bit scared of Pearl not that he’ll admit that to anyone ever.

But him feeling this guilt is why he kills himself at the end that and because he’s scared of winning again. But he knows he doesn’t deserve getting to where he’s gotten to, and with his self sacrificial nature he’s trying to make it up to her. If she watches him hurt and hurt and die, maybe she’ll feel better.

AND SHE DOES FORGIVE HIM!!! NOT BECAUSE SHE LIKES SEEING HIM HURT!! SHE HATES THAT PART!! SHE FORGIVES HIM BECAUSE SHE CAN SEE HOW MUCH HE CARES! And obviously she’s still a little bit bitter because like who wouldn’t be. But she forgives him and she can see he’s trying that he feels awful about it, so awful that actually kills himself.

And you can see how double life effects both of them moving forward, mainly Scott, he’s scared of hurting anyone the way he hurt pearl, so he goes out of his way to let his friend and allies kill him over and over so he can be of use to them, because he’s realised that his life, lives can be used as currency as friendship as a way to get people not to hate him. He’s putting himself on sale.

He does it in secret life too giving up his lives his hearts his safety, just to be of use. He can’t even bring himself to really care when people betray him, because hey he betrayed Pearl worse right?

Pearl is so much more unhinged after double life too so much more reckless. Because why try and stay hinged when you’re going to loose everything anyways?

And coincidentally all of pearls allies start dying before her, and Everytime it happens she’s just reminded of double life, of that tower, of everything bad that ever happened. And because of that she can’t bring herself to forgive Scott yet. Because she doesn’t feel loved yet.

And then wild life comes, and they team together again, and yes it starts with some bickering and fighting but they needed to get that out they needed to bring it up so they can let it go.

Pearl has her own issues with Gem that season sure, but she gets something close to closure with Scott. Not proper closure, because they’re in a death game, they don’t have enough time they never will. But she gets a real end, and gets a chance at a real friendship with Scott again. She even gives him her hoodie when he turns red. They stick together they’re friends again.

Pearl doesn’t hate him!! He doesn’t belittle her!! I keep seeing “oh Scott didn’t trust Pearl oh he’s treating her badly because he’s keeping her on a leash and not enabling her chaos!!” HES WORRIED ABOUT HER??? HE WANTS HER TO BE SAFE AND KEEP THE TEAM SAFE AND THE ONLY WAY IN SCOTTS BRAIN IS TO CONTROL??? HE DOESNT NOT BELIEVE SHE CAN DO IT HES JUST WORRIED FOR HER FUCK OFF MAN

Anyways, and then Scott dies before Pearl and she doesn’t have the time for a reaction.

It’s not over for them, it’s not close to being over, but it’s getting better. And they’re BOTH getting a chance to heal, not just Pearl, because Pearl wasn’t the only fucking person that got hurt.

Sometimes I wonder if people watch the series with their eyes closed and volume off because how could you ever believe that Pearl truly hates Scott?

[gay-dorito-dust]

HIII can I request Mk1 Bihan hurt/comfort where you’re REALLY upset with him/worried for him after he’s been gone for days with no communication with these prompts i got from your list 😼. “where have you been? do you know what time it is?” and “you said you’d only be two hours. two!” and then maybe ending it with fluff like i just want him to hold me when i’m sleeping lowkey (even though he doesn’t seem like an affectionate person i feel like he would show it with actions rather than words yk) (i hope that’s not too specific 😭

I’m honestly glad to see someone actually use that prompt list, so thank you anon. 🦦 ooc Bi-Han? Or did I make him too mean?

You knew Bi-Han could handle himself and you knew that if he could see you as you were now, fitfully sleeping, biting your nails, worrying yourself sick over his well-being and whereabouts, he’d scoff and remind you that he wasn’t a child to be worried over. You’ve had your past frustrations with Bi-Han when it came to you and your overreactions -as he would put it- in regards to him going on long missions but at least during those other missions didn’t include the loss of communications.

Kuai Liang and Tomas both tried to quell your worries by reaffirming what you already knew about Bi-Han but after some time you began to grow more and more frustrated at how this ice cold bastard, who would often regard you in cold stares and long solemn silences, whilst continuously invalidating your thoughts and feelings, had made you feel so helpless and so fearful on his behalf; despite fully knowing that he wouldn’t have spared you a single thought if your positions were switched. So when Bi-Han finally decided to return later in the darkest of night, needless to say you weren’t even in the slightest bit pleased to see him with the emotional turmoil he put you through.

‘Where have you been?’ You began, annoyance lacing your tone that only grew more evident when you noticed how unperturbed by all this Bi-Han was, as though it was something that he’d expect you to accept as the norm whether you liked it or not. ‘Do you know what time it is?’ You rhetorically added as you crossed your arms over your chest.

‘I don’t ever remember asking you to wait for me.’ Bi-Han puts bluntly as he brushed pasted you as though you weren’t even there, which caused a tightness to form in your throat at how easy it was for him to disregard you. Whilst his attitude towards you made you question your worth to him, It also made you mad at how he thought he could treat you with such little respect, it was an insult that stung you deeply and felt like a spit in the face to the way you were stressing yourself over this unfeeling man for two fucking days!

‘Trust me. I’m not at all pleased about loosing sleep over you either.’ You retorted bitterly, not wanting to look at him for the fact that you were both relieved and irritated of his seemingly safe return. You were relieved to see him safe and with minimal injuries as it silenced the anxious and ominous ideals of him possibly never coming home, which neither were based upon any solid evidence that that was going to be the case. And you were irritated about this because it only meant that your sleepless nights, frequent bouts of anxiety and stress were for nothing. Your worrying was for nothing and you truly hated the conflicting emotions that only Bi-Han could withdraw from you.

‘You said that you’d be gone for two hours. TWO! Not two fucking days with absolutely zero chance of communication to let us know, to let me know that you were alright! That you were safe and that you were coming home!’ You chuckled humourlessly at how stupid and pathetic your words must sound to him but this was how you felt, and to you your feelings were anything but stupid or pathetic. ‘But i guess that’s too much to fucking ask from the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei.’ You finished getting everything off of your chest that you’ve been concealing for the past two days, only for them to be regarded with the indignant scoff of an annoyed Bi-Han.

‘I do not need nor want to hear tales of your concern and how worried you were and in regards to the loss of communication that had you so distraught, it was merely a minor hindrance. There was no need to inform anyone of anything, the only thing that mattered was accomplishing the mission, no matter what, even if that meant on the fly improvisation or even in the off chance of never coming back.’ Bi-Han said with a voice so cold you swore you could feel the goosebumps on your arms staring to rise. ‘I shouldn’t be held responsible for the emotions that you feel. You should’ve put more faith in your Grandmaster instead of allowing your own emotions to cloud your judgment, for they only serve to become your undoing during the vital moments.’ He finished and all without sparing a single glance your way as to gauge your reaction, not when he could practically feel it trying to suffocate him with how thick the tension became.

You didn’t have any words, even if you did you wouldn’t know how to articulate them without it come across as disjointed ramblings of things you’ve already said aloud. You felt humiliated and you felt ashamed for standing by and letting it happen but what else could you say to combat that? It was obvious that Bi-Han didn’t care and so after spending two days on the trot, you had truly exhausted yourself both physically and emotionally. You were too tired to keep fighting with a man who might as well have been an ice wall, so instead of continuing your attempt to make Bi-Han see how his actions affected you, you walked out of the room but just before closing the door behind you, you stopped to say; ‘At least I get to say that I am blessed to possess thoughts and feelings. Goodnight Grandmaster.’ Before leaving Bi-Han with his thoughts.

By the time Bi-Han came to bed you were fast asleep. In fact the moment your head hit the pillow you were already deep into the realm of dreams to properly tuck yourself beneath the covers. He welcomed the sight, content that you hadn’t left him yet despite everything that had been said prior, he didn’t have an valid excuse on hand to justify his actions as Bi-Han had become aware that how he spoke to you wasn’t a tone that one should take when speaking to someone they love, nor was the way he disregarded your thoughts and feelings were anywhere near acceptable either.

However Bi-Han found it impartial to vocalise his regret for the way he had acted but fount that he could express that better through other means. So he journeyed to your side of the bed to pull the covers over the top of you, making sure to cover you completely, knowing how you get when the nights grow colder as he quickly pressed a featherlight kiss to your forehand, lingering there for a minute to savour the moment. Bi-Han then moved over towards his side of the bed and tucking himself under the covers before moving himself closer to you until his front was practically pressed up against your back and his arms were caging you against him as to protect you from the dangers that would bring you harm. Yet under Bi-Han’s watchful eye, that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. He wouldn’t allow that to ever come to pass for how could he call himself your love if he couldn’t protect you?

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for systems who have recently rediscovered their plurality!

For many systems, their process of plural discovery can be messy, complicated, or difficult to understand. Some systems may have members who completely forget about their multiplicity, only to rediscover it later on. There is nothing wrong with forgetting, rediscovering, or struggling to come to terms with or remember your systemhood! This post is for all those who are rediscovering or re-questioning their plurality!

🌸 Shoutout to those who rediscovered their plurality after being made to forget for their own safety!

🕊 Shoutout to those who aren’t sure whether or not they are plural despite having identified as such in the past!

💕 Shoutout to empty systems who have recently realized that they are in fact empty systems rather than singlets!

🦢 Shoutout to dualconscious systems who forget about their plurality from time to time!

🌸 Shoutout to systems who feel like they’re in a constant state of discovery or rediscovery!

🕊 Shoutout to those who rediscovered their system after forgetting due to being fakeclaimed, hurt, or traumatized in some way!

💕 Shoutout to those with complex dissociative disorders whose dissociative barriers makes it difficult for them to maintain awareness of their system!

🦢 Shoutout to those who rediscovered their system after forgetting due to having memory issues of any kind!

🌸 Shoutout to individual headmates who have recently realized or remembered that they’re not alone in their own minds!

🕊 Shoutout to systems whose process of rediscovery has been challenging, upsetting, or painful!

💕 Shoutout to systems who have easily embraced their plurality after their rediscovery!

Having multiple instances of system discovery is actually a normal and common aspect of the questioning process for many systems. If you have recently rediscovered your plurality after forgetting about it, hiding it, or brushing it aside for any reason, we want to let you know that we see you, we believe you, and your rediscovery does not invalidate your plurality in any way, shape, or form! Know that you belong in the plural community, and we are so very happy to have you here!

If you’ve rediscovered your plurality recently, please don’t go hard on yourself for forgetting or refusing to acknowledge your system. What matters most is that you have made progress on your journey of self-discovery! Even if you forget again in the future, that doesn’t negate your progress whatsoever. Please remember to take it easy and have some patience and compassion for yourself and your system! Thank you so much for reading, and take care!

[crazylittlejester]

I’m gonna go on a crazy ass rant because I’m upset and also very tired

A huge reason as to why I characterize Warriors the way that I do, regarding his fear of being poisoned and his food anxiety, is a way to explain myself and my own anxieties caused by my allergies, because when I say to someone I don’t think I can eat the food at the party/function/their house EVEN IF it was specifically made to be free of my allergens, they just don’t understand why I can’t eat it. They just don’t understand that just because it’s ‘safe’ doesn’t mean I feel safe enough to eat it, because there’s always that lingering ‘What if’ in my mind that food made outside of my vision is contaminated somehow.

It is so HARD to explain to people the genuine fear that you are going to die because a food created an odd texture in your mouth and you gave yourself a panic attack over nothing. It breaks my heart every time I go to my friends house and her mom offers to make me food because I’ve been at her house for thirteen hours and haven’t eaten a meal with them, because even though she cleans everything and offers to let me watch her make it, there’s still this loud screaming voice in my mind saying that that food is not safe to eat. And it just NEVER goes away. I feel awful because her mom is so sweet and willing to help me, and I just can’t ever accept because I manage to convince myself it’s contaminated every time

I have been dealing with this for my entire life and never not once have I been able to get someone to understand what this feels like or seen it shown in a media form anywhere. I’ve had family and therapists both just tell me to get over myself, because I’m being ‘ridiculous’ and the craziest thing to me EVER is that for the first time in nineteen years, I have had an outlet to throw this frustration into. Warriors and the food issues I have given him are so important to me because for the first time in my life I can explain this fear through a character and even if people may not relate or really, truly get what it’s like, they understand. They understand and they recognize it as a valid fear, and it’s because of a fanfiction about a traumatized war hero. (which is INSANE to me that this is what it took for people to understand, but you know what, I’ll take it)

This rant was inspired because I opened a sealed container of ice cream and the allergen labels were incorrect and now I can’t eat it and I’ve wasted money and I’m so upset and it’s been a really long week, but also because I never saw anyone talking about this when I was a kid, and if I’d had someone there to represent me like this, or just be there for me to connect with, I would’ve felt a lot better. Understanding allergies and food restrictions is so important for so many reasons, the most important being that if you know how to help someone, you can save their LIFE. And for other people who feel the same way I do, it’s so GOOD to know you’re not alone and that there’s someone out there who gets what you’re dealing with

If I can make people understand what it’s like to live life this way, then that is so important to me. If I can explain to people what to do in an emergency situation because their friend is having a allergic reaction, I will, because not enough people understand how allergies work, and I’m sick and tired of hearing stories about kids with allergies who were peer pressured into eating when they didn’t feel comfortable and then suffering the consequences, and I am TIRED of seeing companies mislabel their fucking food.

Also do NOT be afraid to ask any friends or classmates or coworkers with allergies how to use an epi pen because You Could Save Their Life. If anyone is curious, I’LL tell you, or look up a youtube video I’m sure there are some on there

Anyways, this is why I give Warriors the food issues I do in my fics, for anyone else out there with allergies who’s ever felt invalidated by people telling them their anxieties were stupid, and so people who have no idea what it’s like to fear your food will kill you can try to understand that this is the irritating reality for some of your peers. (not that everyone with allergies has this exact experience, I have a friend with allergies who just eats whatever and prays it wont kill them, but I know now that there are plenty of people out there with allergies who DO have this experience)

Sorry for kinda ranting, (I’m just a little guy 🥺), but this is something that is so hugely important to me, and sorry Warriors but you had too similar of a problem so now you get my exact issues 🫶

[the-dreamers-hotel]

Transmasculine people are treated as boys, not men.

I’ve been noticing a lot of conversations in regards to the struggles that Transmascs specifically have on this platform. Frankly, it’s a refreshing thing to see as I so often see us ignored both by those who hate us and those who claim to be our allies.

Nothing prepares you for the jarring impact that going on T, presenting fully masculine, having surgery, going to the gym, entering male spaces permanently etc etc has on your relationships with others.

I use the phrase “humble beginnings” a lot in my real life conversations, it is a (mostly humorous) explanation that I do not disconnect my childhood from the identity I live as. I am, and always have been, a man. But I was raised, and experienced life as, a young girl – with all the experiences, good and evil, that comes with that. Many transmascs can sympathise with this, I’m sure.

Now, years into transition, so often I am met with disdain from female friends and family because of the mentality that as a man, I must adhere and promote patriarchy. There something so upsetting about being treated as a caricature of all evil men. Even more so when I see how I am invalidated in every other way.

“Welcome to being a man” because I complained about something simple.

But contrast this with a flippant comment on how you trust me with x, y, z because “its you”. Not as a show of my character and our relationship, but as a sign of how you view me – how you truly see me.

Some people can use your name and pronouns and even align their terminology with your gender all while their “he” really means “she”. It is easy to change language, much to many transphobe’s claims. You can convince yourself that’s what you mean, but if you don’t view someone as their identity – it is noticeable. This unfortunately affects all trans-people.

I am (apparently) toxically masculine, unaware of femme issues, a hater of x,y, z and entirely unable to like or understand feminine things and yet, cis people will treat me as lesser than a whole man in any given circumstance.  I am too manly to relate or discuss issues that affect AFAB and Transfem people, but I am not too manly that they berate, infantilise or reduce me.

Transmasculine people are treated as boys, not men.

It is truly baffling to try and comprehend how the cisgender mind can erase and recreate gender identity for transmascs so easily. Ironically, and I’ll touch on this subject again in the future as I think about it constantly, trans people must face misogyny and transphobia constantly.

Transmascs are seen as fragile, small and a non-threat. This is rooted in misogyny, a view put on women for as long as we can remember identifying them. And even this is deeply transphobic as it invalidates our transition from AFAB to male or masculine.

While transfems suffer unimaginable horrors and terrorism, let us not forget that transmen must also be fought for. We all have to stand together against patriarchy and the ideologies it pushes.

Correct transphobia in all its forms. Transmisandry and transmisogyny go hand in hand and both must be violently and aggressively crushed.

Compassion & Comradery,

TDH.

[dallasgallant]

I talked before about potential reasons behind fighting and the difference in the ways they ‘Stay cool’, which will be linked here. But there’s something else I’ve noticed and I’m wondering if anyone else picked up on this…

The two who don’t like and want put an end to the fighting are socs.

Now one could argue that the greasers don’t want to fight all their lives either but that’s getting into semantics and a whole other topic. I’ll be touching on soon.

I am not saying either Cherry or Randy are wrong for having this opinion or invalid, both have very personal reasoning. Cherry knowing how her boyfriend was and just not understanding violence and Randy seeing the outcome of it being his best friend’s death. But there’s such a clear distinction to it, a luxury in being able step away and see the pain it’s caused and stop.

Soc’s can afford to stop fighting, for them life just goes on as usual. There was never a real reason for them to fight besides asserting power or some bid to feel something (something can be said about being rich and having everything, feeling little leads to ramping up and ramping up- danger, violence, wild stuff etc.)

Soc’s fighting is like everything they do, clout, power, and being part of a whole… except there’s no closeness. There’s no bond and loyalty like what the Greasers have— friendships are thin and if you don’t go along with the pack you might as well… well, leave.

On the other side of the tracks you don’t get that choice; even if you don’t like to fight you will all your life. The bank, the cops, the soc’s, other greasers— whoever, whatever. Theres no easy exit, what money? Where would you go- would you even be welcome?

“Years of living on the east side teaches you how to shut off your emotions if you didn’t, you would explode. You learn to cool it.” (122)

Both groups learn to shut themselves off. Greasers are more selective; they tend to blow more often. Soc’s shut down almost completely and if they do break— it’s not around anyone they know (how Cherry and Randy let the mask slip to Pony).

Now, the struggles soc’s face shouldn’t be directly compared to Greasers — fake friends and social expectations vs the effects of poverty aren’t exactly the same level or a comparable thing. But the point isn’t comparison! It’s humanizing the “other side”. Realizing that how it may not look like it, Greasers and soc’s suffer under the same systems.

“Things were rough all over, but it was better that way. That way you could tell the other guy was human too.” (118)

Both sides tend to be individualistic, Greasers tend to look at it more on a personal level fight between gangs or groups- where as Soc’s will see things personally in a “all about me” manner. Focus on the self rather than the group, how you hurt, you feel— upset you can’t talk to anyone but never trying etc.

Cherry and Randy actively see and hate the system, explaining as much to pony. They want out rather than stopping cycles — which, is human and understandable as in all likelihood they couldn’t do a thing to stop in. Nobody can as much as they wish, that’s part of the point.

This is more a mini exploration of the broader, underlying reasons and not necessarily a concise, surface level thing. For individuals it all depends- everyone has their own reasons.

It is interesting to notice how traits are both shared but then come through in completely different forms (being ‘cool’, individualistic, etc.) how at the end of the day people aren’t too dissimilar, things are rough — you heard it a thousand times by now.

[weirdass-shiptournament]

WELCOME TO THE (UN)OFFICIAL WEIRDASS SHIP TOURNAMENT‼️

DO YOU:

- Have a rare pair so rare they never interact in canon? Or even exist in the same canon?

- Is literally only known by a small circle of friends and is completely incomprehensible to the average onlooker?

THEN THIS IS THE POLL FOR YOU‼️

THE SUBMISSION RULES ARE:

- CANNOT interact in canon! We are talking the obscurest of obscure. I need to have to hunt these character down and edit them into a photo in order for them to be valid. If I google their names together and can easily find official pictures of them hanging out it’s invalid(exceptions can be made depending on circumstances)

- CAN be from different source material. Literally anything goes!! Anime character and Spongebob? OKAY!!! Two characters from the same show who’ve never interacted?? YES!! I’m looking for ships you need to explain the development of. There needs to be a lore.

- CANNOT have a mass following. Once again, I’m looking for ships that can only be comprehended by a group of friends with insider knowledge. So things like BBC Sherlock’s mormor, despite being a ship wjere one of the characters technically doesn’t exist, doesn’t count on account of being immensely popular and having several hundreds of fics made for them. WE’RE TALKING WEIRD. RANDOM. OBSCURE. There’s gotta be like 5 fics of them MAXIMUM(exceptions can be made if they’re all by the same one or two very dedicated ppl)

- ALL SUBMISSIONS WILL BE JUDGED BY DEDICATION NOT NUMBERS!!! I want you FIGHTING for your LIFE to justify why your blorbos are not only weird but extremely valid to ship. I want to see essays with the same passion and effort youd put into your English paper worth 50% of your grade.

AND THE POLL RULES ARE:

- NO REAL LIFE PEOPLE. streamers count.

- I have full control of who gets in or not. Once again, we are going by dedication, not numbers. Please don’t be upset if your blorbos do not make it in. I f things go well, I’ll probably do this again, so you’ll likely have more chances to see them submitted.

- I DO NOT HAVE ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY MEDIA EVER. while i will go out of my way to do background checks of any character I don’t recognize, I’m not very smart. If a ship gets in that’s in some way notably problematic, I assure you I did not know!! Please just DM me about it if it happens!!!

- I don’t want to see any trash talking towards other opponents. This is a for fun poll! Please have fun. Discover new weird ships to have. Form weird ship polycules with the opponents and kiss or smth. If I see any vile behavior in the polls you will be blocked.

- unfortunately I am a human bound by feelings and bias. This was originally just going to be a ‘weird a3 ships’ thing before I decided to branch out since I doubt I’d get many submissions sticking to one fandom. If you see a lot of a3! Specific ships thats because I have a lot of friends who are all individually buckwild about certain weird ships.

- ALL PROPAGANDAIS NOT ONLY BELOVED AND ADORED BUT ENCOURAGED!!! GO APE!!!

THE SUBMISSIONS WILL LAST UNTIL MAY 15TH GMT -4‼️ (<- linked here)

(Should a date be needed I will specify later down the line. I will give more than enough time with a heads up for when I close submissions, so you do not have to worry about being too late to submit your blorbos.)

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO @pinkandbluebracket @redandyellowbracket @a3outfitstournament AND @greenhairandpronouns-tournament FOR MAKING POLLS SEEM FUN AND SILLY AND THUS MY ENCOURAGEMENT TO MAKE MY OWN!!! ALSO BECAUSE TAGGING SEEMS CUSTOMARY

[girl4music]

So I was watching ‘Once More, With Feeling’ earlier and I was paying more attention to stuff that was happening in the background instead of the forefront because I wanted to see the town folk being compelled to sing and dance and what craziness ensued. And I noticed Willow and Tara’s physical distance a lot in the background of the Magic Box.

The absolute contrast between Willow and Tara sitting around the Magic Box table so close together with hands and arms touching to such distance between them when they’re sat around it later after Tara finds out what Willow did to her the episode before… and what had happened earlier in this episode with them…

God the pain. This is what I mean about how there should be no physical intimacy at all between them while Tara is under that spell. Never mind just sex. Because you know Tara wouldn’t consent to it if she had had her memories. The fact Willow took away her autonomy just so she didn’t have to confront Tara’s disapproval of her use and abuse of magic and so she could continue to make love with a compliant Tara who’s emotional state was altered because of the spell… It really is a double-layered rape/sexual assault.

How could anyone do that to someone they claim to love? It’s fucking horrifying. Henious. Absolutely evil.

Especially since Willow knows the life Tara had had before with her abusive relatives. And as Tara mentions when she confronts Willow in ‘Tabula Rasa’ - what Glory did to her. I just don’t understand how Willow could do that to the woman she loves. And we know she loves her. We know she loves her more than anyone. And we also know she wouldn’t like that being done to her either because her own autonomy is incredibly important and she’d regard it as violation if someone just erased her memories about something that made her upset or angry or disappointed too.

It hurts. It really does hurt as a shipper of them and it honestly has to be the most egregious thing you see any of the main protagonists do in the entire show not just because it’s messing with someone’s mind, but because physical intimacy is involved in the meanwhile it’s messed with. I know Whedon did not intend for ‘Under Your Spell’ to be viewed like this but it is unfortunately how it has to be viewed because if we’re understanding the metaphors of magic = sex in Season 4 and magic = drugs in Season 6 then this is drug-induced date rape. The whole arc with them for the episode. Not just the spell. Not just the sex. The whole manipulation of altering or erasing someone’s mental autonomy to ignore, disregard or even take away their bodily autonomy. It’s the fact Tara cannot validly consent to any of it because if she could it would mean that she’d be aware about the deception and she wouldn’t allow any physical intimacy between them until she resolved her fight with Willow. So any physical intimacy or closeness whatsoever is wrong because it’s not something she would be doing if she had her memories and her true emotional state on it. Her autonomy wouldn’t be violated if she was aware about the fight and the way she felt about the fight. It’s because she isn’t aware why her consent to any physical intimacy between her and Willow is invalid.

I swear I feel like I’m the only one who realizes just how bad what Willow does is because my autonomy is very important to me the way it is very important to Willow. If it goes against MY will - then it’s not valid. And if there’s anybody in the whole show who should understand this it’s Willow. So that’s why it’s so bad. Because she wouldn’t allow it to happen to herself and therefore as soon as Tara said that it was a violation, it should have clicked with her. And yet… it just doesn’t.

How can you be so aware of your own will and yet so oblivious of somebody else’s will at the same time? 🫤

I think it goes all the way back to the ‘Will Be Done’ spell in ‘Something Blue’. She never intended to hurt her friends. It was just a mistake what ended up happening to them. But she wasn’t thinking about them when she attempted to have her will be done with magic. She was only ever thinking about herself. She’s a compassionate person but her mentality is “me me me” all the time. She never seems to look at a situation and not see herself and her own views there. And it’s like the more and more powerful she gets, the more selfish and arrogant and entitled she becomes.

And so we get to Season 6 and she’s saying she’s doing all she’s doing with her powerful magic to “help” and to “heal” and to “make things better”. And her intentions may be true with that but what happens doesn’t help or heal or make things better. Just worse. There is such a disconnect with her ideal and with her reality that it just doesn’t click for her at all that what she’s doing is wrong, is bad, is violating, … is evil. And she’s such a fascinating character to unravel all this with because she is a main protagonist. She is a Scooby. She is someone who you should be rooting for. Agreeing with. Condoning the actions of. But - how can you when all it does is just causes chaos?

I’m not saying she doesn’t care about doing the right thing. I’m saying that she doesn’t recognize that it isn’t right even when she can see the destruction it causes. And that is what is just so fascinating to me about her. That she doesn’t see it herself as wrong. How many actual villains start off that way in storytelling? That view their actions and choices as heroism even when it’s hurting and harming others? Even when it’s causing destruction and chaos and devastation? And how many of them see that it is? Before they’re ever the villain in the story… how many characters start off believing that they’re benevolent before they make the switch to “I am the evil villain”?

It really is no wonder why Willow Rosenberg is my favourite character in the entire Buffyverse when I get this much substance and depth out of her character.

[badchoicesworld]

Hey!

Your noir fic made me smile so so much. Thank you so much for writing it. I keep going back to smile at it :)

Can I request a fic with noir where the reader is again transmasc, and despite their best and continuous efforts, gets deadnamed, but is almost always too nervous or scared to correct people, no matter how uncomfortable it makes them. Maybe noir can help correct people, or help reader become more confident in doing so? I wonder what noir would think of the reader being so hesitant to correct others, would he be confused as to why it's such a careful ordeal to determine whether or not it's safe?

I feel like it's a pretty common (and slightly infuriating) experience for a lot of trans people, but of course, if it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, please disregard.

Again thank you so much for your writing! I don't know if you know this, but I'm sure you've made a great number of people smile.

spider-noir reacts to you being deadnamed

spider-noir x transmasc!reader

i got ur other message and there’s gonna be stuff about that at the end, a little bit of a vent

i’mma assume that it’s the same circumstances for this too, spider-reader, established relationship with noir if that’s okay :]

warnings: triggering topic ? zero use of feminine pronouns though, nothing explicit

pairing: spider-noir x transmasc!spider!reader

requests: 👉 masterlist

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

OKAY so, deadnaming ! hopefully, it’s usually an accident, but there are cases where people will just be dicks about it

the first few times noir hears you being deadnamed, he can brush it off as an honest mistake since he’s never heard anyone deadname you before

honestly, he probably takes initiative anyway and corrects them, probably joking “well, i sure hope not!” then crack a really old gay joke in lavender language (WHERE MY LINGUISTIC BADDIES AT?) because you’re the boy you not the not boy you and he likes boys

and that’s that, as long as those people apologise and admit it was an honest mistake then there’s no reason to escalate it

he won’t even think about comforting you about that at first, it simply doesn’t cross his mind that this could upset you

but then he can physically see just how uncomfortable you are- now he’s confused, why didn’t you say anything? why’d you let him do all the talking ?

it’s hard to explain, so you don’t at first . even if you and noir are sharing your lives, it’s still a really difficult conversation to have that he admittedly won’t understand right off the bat

for now, you brush it off. he’s a little hesitant to drop it, since you seem so gloomy once it’s happened, but he won’t push as long as you’re smiling again sometime soon

to him, a name is a name but he can’t understand that sort of significance

NOW if you meet one of those excuses for people that intentionally do that shit to invalidate you or make you feel shit, then it’s on sight

say it’s someone you’re “acquainted” with, that knows you and what reality you live

the first time noir ever hears you get deadnamed or misgendered by them, it’s similar to the last time that he expects it to be an honest mistake

but then they don’t apologise, and maybe they do it again

now noir is getting irritated, starts to actively call them out and be like “excuse you?”

expects them to apologise and correct themselves, if they don’t then you will actually have to either pull noir out of there or watch him do the charleston on a corpse because now they’re just being disrespectful

we all know noir has some anger issues

if you stop him or look off after that interaction, he’ll definitely ask about it again, way more insistent this time

you’ll explain to him that these issues are delicate, that sometimes it’s not safe to confront people like that, that’s one of the reasons you get nervous

does not get it

noir’s like “wh ): but they’re wrong!” and he’s so very confused

you’ve gotta sit down and have a really detailed conversation for him to get it, ideally a slideshow featuring many colours (primarily purple, please)

you have to really explain to him why your deadname is bitter tasting and should never be uttered again, lest the world ends

no, you explain the genuine implications of someone calling you that out of arrogance, what the name means to you now and how it makes you feel- the bad associations and you even explain the transgender terms to him, like deadname

and then you’ve gotta explain how some people genuinely aren’t accepting, that people die over this

he looks like a kicked puppy for like a split second when it clicks in his head that people are intentionally trying to hurt you sometimes, but then he’s right back to himself + determination

yknow that audio that’s like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?” “never give up :’(“ that’s you two, he’s ur hype man 30’s style

speaking of 30’s it’s not like he’s unfamiliar with closed minds and all that, that time was full of them- he just wants to believe that people aren’t like that to begin with, but he’s not naive

but trans issues are new to him, so he’s clueless, figured it would be normalised at least in your dimension

whenever you find yourselves in those situations again, his first thought is to make the transphobe become extinct

but he’s learned . he’s advancing and he also cares a lot about your well being, so he kinda just side eyes you until you either walk away with him or ultimately give him permission to get down and devious with a handgun

then he just makes it a point to avoid these interactions at all for both of ur sake

he thinks he’s being discreet by loudly announcing things like “oh! it’s mY BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND Y/N ! HE is here ! my stag ! my stallion of a man !”

“hello, honey! how are he?” what

dysphoria does not exist, he killed it

he’ll drop his hat onto your head all of the time, usually just because you look so handsome in it

but, throughout the 30’s, hats like his represented masculinity, and you’re one hell of a man

so if you’re ever feeling dysphoric, fear not ! now you’ve got a swanky hat to remind you of just how handsome and manly you are- because you are a boy and noir will be damned if you ever second guess that

he’s still a confused golden retriever of a man, but he’s got the spirit- he just can’t understand how people are so cruel and why it doesn’t just make sense

it’s so simple to him, you are y/n, one hell of a spider-man

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

first of all, you made me cry, how dare u (this is fine and i’m okay, ily)

my dad was the one who outed me, i tried to let him be involved in this part of my life and gave him the opportunity to be a dad, but he failed . he angrily spewed to everyone, those who didn’t already know found out by the end of the day and yeah, it sucks

but i’m the living embodiment of it is what it is, so we ball

it was really nice of you though, to say those things, thank you :] i like for people to perceive me as this funny guy with no enemies kinda vibe, but sometimes life gets the better of you

if anyone’s reading this and they ever find themselves in this situation, if you can, just cut them out ur life; it’s not worth it and you’re better off

live laugh love spider man

[atopvisenyashill]

I feel like Hugh and Ulf are one of the only interesting adaptation this season. They took very flat characters from the book and explored their background nicely. When for every other character, they become more and more irreconcilable with their book counterpart, which totally invalidate the it's the true story tell without bias for me. Hugh and Ulf are believable for now because, of course, maesters wouldn't let smallfolk be grey characters

Pushing back just slightly against them being irreconcible with their book counterparts - I think the only ones that are irreconcilable are Helaena, Rhaenys, Rhaena, and arguably Alicent. I think everyone else is more or less hitting the same character beats as their book counterparts, even if the writing is frustratingly opaque in some places (because we don’t spend enough time with the characters). And I don’t find the changes to Alicent’s character heinous the way I do find the changes to Rhaenys, Rhaena, & Helaena deeply annoying bordering on Me Accusing Condal & Hess Of A Few Isms. Especially imo Rhaena and Helaena - as you say, it’s hard to take this seriously as the “true telling” without bias when race, gender, and ability biases are very clearly dominating the way their story arcs have been crafted this season and for their specific cases, I don’t think my constant refrain of “this series just needs more EPISODES” explains the changes nor do I think the strike might have affected their writing the way I suspect it has affected other characters. For them, I really think Condal & Hess just like. Missed the point and didn’t find them particularly engaging in F&B and decided they were the perfect characters to give ~their own spin to~ but that spin is done in a way that is not particularly well thought out for Helaena, and just outright a complete departure from & destruction of Rhaena’s character and the themes she engages with.

But I high key agree that the MVPs this season for being adapted interestingly are Hugh and Ulf and I find some of the criticism and pushback to be obnoxious. @maegorsbignaturals said this when i was bitching earlier-

and i very much agree! i like how they’ve used hugh and ulf to really explore how the smallfolk feel about the war, because it’s clearly attempting to get the audience to understand WHY the smallfolk take such a huge step, take this risk and storm the pit. i think of that line in the og series where sansa is - rightly - traumatized by the riot and doesn’t quite understand why the smallfolk were so upset with her until shae puts it very bluntly - your horse eats better than their children. we get the meleys reaction that hugh is part of, the reaction to sheep being brought in for vhagar but not food for the people, the way rhaenyra (however sloppily written) leads a large group of innocent people to death without fully explaining the risk they’re taking, we see aegon attempting to help the smallfolk but only so far as it makes him feel good about himself, aemond straight up writing them off as necessary sacrifices, we get ulf really digging into the way the royal family treat flea bottom as their own personal playground, so he just Doesn’t Know if the story his mother told him is correct, and all the doubt that exists surrounding the low born and base born surrounding their own worth and how it affects their lives. all of this is leading to this HUGE payoff where the smallfolk, ulf, addam, and hugh are put in a no win situation and do the only thing they CAN do which is react with violence, because it’s the only tool they’ve been left after over a year of extreme subjugation and starvation. And people have the audacity to be like “leave baelon out of it” “leave saera out of it” they’re in it whether you like it or not because they’re targaryens!! they’re culpable!!!! they bare a partial responsibility for the way the smallfolk are treated!!!! nope doesn’t matter that’s someone’s precious pure valyrian blorbo and we don’t get to explore the way hugh and ulf might resent their targaryen ancestry for making them stick out in a crowd, we don’t get to explore the way the smallfolk might resent whoever’s ass is on that throne through sylvi and dyana because “well it makes my team look bad” WHO GIVES A SHIT BRO. A child just died in her parents’ arms for no reason at all and it’s just another tuesday for the smallfolk because while both teams will make an attempt to help the smallfolk at various points, ultimately, both sides see them as faceless unwashed masses instead of living breathing people trying to survive the hell world the royals have built!!

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about invalidation and its effects

You know when you’re really upset about something and someone tells you that you’re being a little dramatic? Has that ever made you feel less upset? 

I’m guessing it probably made you want to actually be dramatic or it completely broke your heart. You weren’t trying to get them to completely understand your experience and deeply feel your emotions—that invalidation only created another dilemma for you to have to deal with. Now you’re questioning if you really are overreacting about the matter or you’re thinking that person’s just an asshole that is sabotaging you or you’re afraid that maybe there’s something fundamentally wrong with you…

Notice how fast we spiraled? That’s how impactful invalidation can be. Constant invalidation of our experiences dramatically influences the way that we tell our stories to others. The story is no longer “I was hurt and taken advantage of”, it’s “this is why I’m dramatic and don’t know how to handle anything”. Sometimes the invalidation begins during our formative years and from the very first people we met when we arrived in this world. 

What’s that label that your family gave to you that you just can’t seem to get over? Crybaby, loser, weirdo, “the fat one”, “my problem child”, “the mean one”, “the one I don’t talk about”, etc. The creation of that label significantly changed how they talk to you, speak about you to others, treat you, and perceive you. Most importantly, it changed the way that you see yourself. Now you hold back tears because you don’t want the crybaby label to stick or you hold your tongue while they say things that disrespect you because you want to get rid of the mean label. The invalidation continues when you bring up the past to them and it seems like the only person that remembers the story even vaguely is you. Then you really start believing those messages that were said about you.

Did the invalidation actually make you stop feeling sadness, out of place, alone, unheard, misunderstood, frustrated, or whatever the original emotion was? 

When I was a young child enduring trauma, I wanted to tell someone about it but when I did, I was met with, “you talk too much”, “you say the wildest things” or “you’re being a baby”. I was no longer just feeling sad, unloved, unwanted, confused…I became sad, unloved, unwanted, and thought I was legitimately going insane. It was no longer just a traumatic experience, what happened to me had found a way into my personality. 

Had I not just experienced something devastatingly difficult? Did that event not hurt my feelings or cause me some sort of pain? Even if it was a minor thing and from the outside looking in, I was being a little dramatic…I still felt that pain, and telling myself that I shouldn’t have, didn’t make the feeling go away. 

I often wonder how things would be if I was adequately validated when something happened. I wonder if I would be better at managing my emotional responses or overcoming challenges. Because instead of the situation intertwining with who I was, maybe I could fully feel my feelings, validate them, and possibly move onto actually solving the problem. 

Nonetheless, the past is the past and I am now responsible for doing my best to end that cycle of invalidation.

It can be difficult since we become accustomed to belittling our emotions and the emotions of others. You hear “you’re such a crybaby” for crying about losing something you really loved so often that it becomes easier to say the same thing to an actual child crying over losing their favorite blanket. It’s a skill that takes practice, I’m not always the best at it either. 

You’ll need to first become comfortable with acknowledging and identifying your feelings. I don’t know how else to explain this but you have to feel the emotions fully so that the emotions don’t consume you. If you feel sad, just feel sad and find a non-harmful way to express that even if it's bawling in bed or recording voice memos where you pour your heart out. Validate that emotion and the experience that brought it up. Now that emotion doesn’t feel as heavy as before and you might actually be able to combat the feeling with one that you’d prefer to feel.

We can’t change other people and their perception of us but we do have control over the way we speak about ourselves and our experiences. I challenge you to validate one feeling and experience that you have this week. And because I know you’re capable of doing difficult things, I additionally challenge you to validate someone else’s emotions and experience. Create more productive narratives about yourself and about those you care about.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

as someone with OCD if i see another one of those “im so OCD i clean my room once a week! here’s my best friend organizing my colored pencils being so quirky OCD!” or generalizing OCD as neat freak cleanliness im going to flip my shit and here’s why (under the cut)

yes OCD can manifest in obsessive compulsive cleaning behavior but OCD DOES NOT MEAN NEAT FREAK. OCD manifests in so many different ways, and everyone’s experience is different especially if you have co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety or if you’re autistic or have ADHD. people think OCD is just cleaning and being neat and clean but they don’t understand the thought processes behind OCD so let me explain it to you. OCD is a condition where someone experiences unwanted obsessive thoughts, and in an effort to ease these thoughts engages in a compulsion. obsessive thoughts are often based in fear and trauma, and the compulsions try to ease the fear, but it’s often short term and doesn’t work for more than a few seconds.

here’s an example. green equals obsessive thought, red equals compulsion.

im scared that something will happen to my pet when im not near her/in the same room as her, so i’ll check on her twice every hour and will pet her five times each time i check on her

(this is actually close to one of my own compulsions btw)

as you can see this is an irrational response to a fear that is irrational if your pet is perfectly healthy and safe. many times OCD fears and compulsions are extremely irrational. it can even be something like “if i don’t tap my door handle three times after leaving this room my family will die in a fire”. it’s not fun, it’s scary, and we’re (usually) aware of how irrational our fears are but the fear is still very real and the compulsions are irresistible. symptoms of OCD also include checking. for me one of my obsessions and compulsions in relation to checking is i’ll get the thought of “what if i accidentally said something offensive/cussed/said something bad abt my teacher in my college paper” and even though i know I didn’t do any of that i’ll have to check my paper 3 times or more just to make sure I didn’t. another example of this is checking to make sure you turned the stove off like 5 times before you leave the house.

OCD can also lead to rumination and thought tunnels. this is prominent in all forms of OCD but is extremely prominent in relationship or friendship OCD. an example of rumination in OCD would be:

“what if my response to that text message sounded stupid?”

“if i sounded stupid what if they think im stupid”

“if they think im stupid they’ll leave me”

“if they leave me I won’t have anyone to talk to”

and so it goes on and on and on . and not just for a second or two, it can last for hours.

BUT i’d like to circle back and say that im not invalidating people with OCD in relation to cleaning. it DOES exist and it IS valid, and cleaning and organization in general can be a big big comfort and regulator for people with OCD. im talking to the people who think it’s quirky or fun or on purpose to have cleaning related OCD. compulsions aren’t cute, they aren’t quirky, they’re scary, and OCD is a disorder. it’s not fun. I grew up with a mother with very extreme OCD in relation to cleaning/sanitization and it has taken a huge toll on both of us. I watch her get upset and panicked and burned out because of her organization and sanitation OCD. and i watch myself get into the same cycles because of my OCD, even if our obsessions and compulsions are completely different. it’s not something enjoyable.

if you’d like to read more about OCD , or the related condition that is OCPD, here are some sources to do that. PLEASE educate yourselves on disorders before posting about them, especially tiktoks that are meant to be comedic. to that one girl on tiktok: it’s not funny that you moved all your OCD friend’s shit around her room and left her deodorant and toothpaste open in the bathroom! get a life!

anyway. some sources:

Cleveland Clinic’s Explanation of OCD

Friendship and Relationship OCD Explained by Mashable

Co-Occurrence OCD and Autism

[transenbyconfessions]

I just wanna get this off my chest… i feel so lonely and disconnected from other non-binary people (and trans folks in general tbh) recently, but not for the reasons you might expect?

bcuz for me being non-binary is freeing. it means being comfortable with who i am and not needing to prove it to people, it means dressing and acting like i want without worrying, and embracing the parts of our endless shared cultural history that feel “right” to me.

and don’t get me wrong; im not rly a super happy person. i’ve spent over a decade struggling with depression and its been really rough at times. but being non-binary has never caused that? instead its been a refuge, a reminder that I know who i am and am comfortable with that and can continue to discover new, happy things about myself.

but the thing that’s frustrating and makes me feel lonely, is that no matter where i go I can’t seem to find a non-binary space where people feel the way I do. its just endless person after person struggling with dysphoria, people who worry they aren’t non-binary enough bcuz of the way they look, people who are filled with dread and anxiety because the world is this hostile angry place to them.

when i see that part of me wants to help them, to grab them by the shoulders and shake them and cry and scream that it doesn’t have to be like that, that they have it all wrong and that this is a happy thing and that it can help them feel safe and peaceful and make their world a better place! they don’t have to feel validated or invalidated by other people, the rest of the world doesn’t have to acknowledge them because they are who they are, and the very nature of existence protects that.

but the rest of me is just tired bcuz i’ve tried. i’ve tried to be a source of positivity and happiness - but most of the time my words don’t reach people and they just get upset.

they probably feel im invalidating them and their feelings, and that means i probably am, and that just makes me feel worse.

and even when someone does hear me, it never feels like they really believe me or get it. it just feels like im performing mental health triage on an endless tide of broken hearts and empty spirits. and its exhausting.

that’s what makes it so lonely. i feel like im trapped in all this bitterness and despair and just want to find a place with people who feel the same way i do. other people who find being non-binary a joyful, comforting thing, who love to play with gender in their fashion and have fun with their voices, who revel in the fundamental humanity of what we are and have seen the light and joy the future can hold, even if its sometimes hidden behind clouds! people who hear me say things and go “omgg same tho!!!” and then share their own stories, and I can see myself in their stories too and feel that special spark you get when someone else understands a thing that is very deeply important and connected to who I am!

only i can’t seem to find any place like that. and i have precious, wonderful friends who listen to me and can empathize, but they don’t quite get it. either they aren’t non-binary or their experience with their gender is different enough from mine that a gap is left that i can never quite cross.

so that joyful special part of me that i want to share just kinda. sits there. and tries to keep being positive and happy despite the fact that they feel like they’re unwanted and useless and incomprehensible to binary and non-binary genders both.

it sounds really sad when I put it like that, huh?

Submitted March 20, 2023

[genderkoolaid]

“You can set that boundary and say you don't want anyone who identifies as a woman to interact with you. That's your right. But multigender people aren't gonna trust you & are gonna see you as exorsexist or at least have exorsexist ways of thinking that make you unsafe for us to be around” hey man! Maybe not trusting someone who sets boundaries about their relationship is….. bad? Demanding someone have no boundaries about who interacts with their (especially sexual) content and demanding that people allow people who they are uncomfortable with to be alright with interactions! Yikes!

Also can I control who’s attracted to me? No. But I can choose to not act on it, if someone says men dni, men dni, swag. I simply respect relationships. Im not saying boygirls/girl boys/genderfucks are weird, they fuck, some of my best friends are gender fuckers, I’m saying it’s weird to explicitly identify as a woman and then get angry when people who don’t enjoy women interacting with their content…. Get….. angry? At them for setting that boundary.

sigh. okay

Your obsession with our womanhood is misandrogyny. Multigender people aren't infecting any communities, we aren't leeching in womanhood to gay spaces or manhood to lesbian spaces we aren't opening doors to cishet predators, and us interacting with your posts as gay men is not infecting you with our girl cooties. I'm not saying you don't have real trauma but your focus on how some gay men are women is a focus on how our androgyny and how unnerving and dangerous it is to binary identity.

On top of that: the focus on our womanhood when we are discussing our identities gay men means you are assuming that womanhood is a dominant identity, one stronger than our manhood, because its the part of our androgyny which unnerves you the most, which means its our dominant feature. When it comes to being a gay man, everyone sees me as a woman, but when I'm a lesbian suddenly I'm the most man ever, depending on which one offends monogender/binary people the most. If a multigender person is interacting with your post because they relate to it as a gay man, why are you focusing on their womanhood so hard, regardless of if you even know how their womanhood impacts their sexuality and manhood? All you need to know about multigender gay men, in this context, is that they are gay men in gay men's space. Its not weird to explicitly identify as a gay man and then get angry when people invalidate your identity as a gay man because you are also a woman, because they don't want to question why they think those things are incompatible. Why is it so concerning to you that some gay men are women? Why does their gender specifics matter to you at all? Why do you feel like its such an affront in the first place? That's the exorsexism. That's why multigender people wouldn't fucking trust you. Emotions aren't apolitical or except from critical reflection & I'm saying you ought to reflect on why you have this wariness towards multigender people in the first place instead of unquestioningly following it.

Lets pretend to be a transphobic gay man for a minute. "I don't want trans men interacting with my posts. I just don't want to have to see vaginas in gay men's space. Its not transphobic to set boundaries. Why are you getting upset with me? You just want to force me to have sex with vaginas, that's homophobic. I have the right to loudly tell trans men I don't want them to have anything to do with me because I think they all vaginas, all want to fuck me, and I find that disgusting. I respect trans men, I just think that letting them in gay men's spaces is opening the door to trying to force gay men to have sex with women!" Do you seriously not see the similarities?

Look I've had two different anons now talk to me about how much they love & support genderweird people, buuuut they just make life so hard for me because they talk about their identity and want to be respected and partake in their communities :( I promise I support you guys I just would like you to shape your lives around my internalized transphobia. I mean you literally said "I love gender fuckers, my best friends a gender fucker"

I really, truthfully, honestly hope you realize how fucked it is that you've now made me, someone who literally brought up the emotional trauma this kind of exorsexism has had on me and my sexuality, put all of this energy into explaining this and defending us.