#especially whenever she touches him. or uses his name. sorry 22

[nycorix]

Consequences [8/11]

[fic post]

|part 1| |part 2| |part 3| |part 4| |part 5| |part 6| |part 7|

At long last I’m back with part 8!! Feat. the Director feeling proud of herself for #winning with him until she realizes, entirely too late, that she super lost

TW: emotional manipulation/abuse, medical stuff (see part 7 tw)

___________

8. 

When the Director enters Medical Bay One, 22 is sitting upright in the bed, posture ridiculously flawless, expression a perfect blank.

This does not surprise her.

She stands aside to let the medbot pass, looks on as it runs through diagnosis protocol, administers the first round of bespoke antivirals, disconnects his IV and pronounces him fit for release and monitoring. 

There was a time when she would have had to bring in a team of six. One for the treatment, the other five requisitioned for restraint purposes. Medbots only, of course—broken medbots quantifiably less expensive to repair or replace than broken employees.

Now, in year twelve of the program, 22 does not so much as twitch at any point of the procedure, his stone-faced stillness perfectly evocative of the bioengineered lab-grown AI superweapon all of New Liberty City believes him to be. If he is relieved when it is done, or apprehensive at her presence, it does not show on his face.

This does not surprise her either.

Indeed, the only thing about the operative in front of her that gives her pause is the fact that he, despite a fever of nearly 102 and a vitals display feed that is threatening to give her a migraine, does not look ill in the slightest. 

Then again, she amends, he doesn’t exactly look well either. The longer she studies him, the better she can see it: something about him is distinctly and unmistakably off, like if you took everything in a room and shifted it over two inches to the left.

The medbot leaves, but it might as well be invisible for all the attention 22 has paid it. His eyes have been on her from the moment she set foot through the door, and as she comes nearer that gaze sharpens—into the trademark unblinking uncanny fixed stare that all of the operatives have, the one that is just shy of predatory and that to this day still sets all her hair on end.

She bypasses this inconvenient primal reflex with practiced ease, fixing him with a measured stare of her own.

“When I received the operative health crisis notification,” she says mildly, in lieu of a greeting, “you were the last one I expected it to be.”

Predictably, this garners no discernible reaction. He sits there, watching, looking for all the world like a bot awaiting a directive.

“Nor, I must confess, was said health crisis anywhere within the ballpark of my expectations,” she continues, seeding the words with just the slightest measure of reproach. “Sudden-onset acute upper respiratory infection?” Reproach up a fifth of a degree. “A broken nose?”

This last finally seems to get through, if infinitesimally. A sea change stirs in his unnaturally pale eyes—the barest glimmer of…something. Not shame, not embarrassment or alarm or unease. Annoyance.

“A miscalculation,” he says, and the ever-present behavioral-scientist-backbrain part of her points out that he does not specify to which affliction he is referring. “It will not happen again.”

The lethal certainty baked into this statement sends a chill through the whole of her, scalp to soles. She muscles the fight-or-flight response down and smothers it. Lifts a brow, lips pressed in a thin smile of quiet regard, and inclines her head. 

“Walk with me.”

She leaves the room without a backward glance, his presence behind her like a weight at the top of her spine. The staccato click of her heels drowns out the faint swish of his socks on the tile of the hall, and when she clears the personnel from the nearest diagnostics room he’s there beside her, silent as death.

“Have a seat,” she says, gesturing to the row of recently-vacated chairs facing the bank of assorted lab equipment.

He does not. He stays put by the smartwall just inside the door, standing: spine perfectly straight, shoulders square. If he’s tired or symptomatic it isn’t presenting in either facial expression or body language.

A lab tech pushes a bundle of clothing into her arms with a jumbled apology as they scurry out the door. The Director takes a look at it, huffs a laugh through her nose, and sets it on a table.

“I see they’ve managed to get the blood out of your jacket,” she says, taking it from the pile and handing it over to him.

He doesn’t even glance at it. Just accepts it wordlessly and slides it on over the thin black smart fabric undershirt he’s still wearing, his stay in Medical too brief to warrant an in-patient tunic. She frowns, just slightly, and hands him his boots and utility belt, which are received in identical fashion.

He reaches out for the gloves as she holds them out next, the extensive knotted trails of scar tissue beneath his skin visible under the harsh fluorescents. She pulls her gaze away, up to his face.

“It’s unlike you.” She speaks softly, almost gently. She wants to say she can see him brace for whatever is coming, but if she’s honest with herself any read she has on his expressions is guesswork at best, twelve years and multiple facial analysis lens apps be damned. “To lose to Nicholas, of all people.” 

To this, though, he again telegraphs annoyance to a degree she can pick up with reasonable confidence.

“I was still assessing his condition.” His voice, quietly brittle, is even harder to pick up than usual. “It was a mis…” He pauses, swallows. Immediately her interest is piqued—22 is not given to speaking without premeditation.

“Miscalculation,” she supplies.

The briefest of hesitations, then a nod. 

“Yes, so you said.” She narrows her eyes. There is significant overlap between his current expression and the one he makes when he violates censorship parameters—only, this can’t possibly be that. Even if he is thinking about the undoubtedly forbidden behaviors that landed him in this situation, the array filter does not censor thoughts. Not that any of the operatives were explicitly told this, of course.

In any case, hesitation in 22 historically amounts to weak spot in defenses, and the Director is by no means above using this to her advantage.

“Speaking of miscalculations.” She casts his vitals monitor up on the smartwall behind him, alongside data from the medbot’s report. “Can you tell me what this is?” She gestures to the image on the right, a cluster of vaguely hexagonal blobs stained bluish against a pale backdrop.

He looks at it a moment, then shakes his head, watching her sidelong. He’s starting to look just the slightest bit bleary—which, given his readings, would hardly be surprising if not for what and, more importantly, who he is.

“Human adenovirus,” she interjects into his telling silence. “HAdV-B14, to be exact. Known to cause acute upper respiratory infections ranging from mild to severe, occasionally fatal, especially in the young, elderly, or immunocompromised. Present specimen imaged twenty minutes ago from a throat swab of yours.” She folds her hands, watching his face.

“I’m not critical.” This is not a question; and the way he holds her gaze as he speaks is more than a little unsettling, as is the subtle note of satisfaction in the husk of his tone.

“....No.” She regrets the admission immediately and hastens to regain her ground. “However, there is still plenty of time and opportunity for you to become so, given the tenuous state of your health, as you are well aware.” She pauses, meeting his blank gaze unflinchingly. Recalibrates, casting new data to the smartwall with a flick of her wrist. This time it’s a building schematic, overlaid with a scrolling list of names. 

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you,” she continues, selecting an entry on the list, “of the extensive measures we have to take to ensure your safety and wellbeing.” The name she selects is random, one she only vaguely recognizes as one of the researchers: a time punch with a small box beside it that reads health check complete. “We screen everyone who enters the building,” she adds, when he doesn’t respond. “The air filtration system is top of the line, especially��” she sidesteps the words down here, carefully—“for sublevels A through D.”

If any of this means anything to him, he gives no indication. He simply watches her, and the screen, and waits.

She pulls up a portion of his file to overlay the schematic. Name, number, age, birthday. Date of initial autoimmune disorder incidence. Dates of subsequential flare-ups. Number, type, and dates of corrective therapies and procedures. List of current medications. He barely glances at it. 

“You’re more than old enough to understand the delicate balance your immune system is suspended in. The immunosuppressants you’re on alone would make you more susceptible to infection, never mind your lack of acquired natural immunities—and I’m sure you’re well aware of the fact that the former cannot be discontinued under any circumstances. Unless, of course, you would like another liver transplant.” She waits for him to flinch. He doesn’t.

Her jaw tightens. Waving away the display, she closes the distance between them, picking up a package of antibacterial wipes along her way.

“Given everything I have just shown you,” she says, tipping his chin down, bracing a hand—a gentling hand, a warning hand—against his jawbone as she begins wiping away dried blood leftover on his upper lip, “the only logical conclusion is that at some point in the last seventy-two hours, you or one of your fellow operatives spent a significant period of time outside of this building.” 

He stays still—stiller than should be possible—as she works at the staining on his skin. He doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. She’s not sure he’s even breathing, come to think of it. If it wasn’t for the warmth radiating off him, for the pulse in his neck, even she might be inclined to think him more machine than human.

“Of course,” she continues, “none of you were under directive to do so, meaning this excursion was unauthorized.” She gives him a meaningful look. A don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble as long as you confide in me look. “I already have the security feeds to confirm this, by the way,” she concludes, conversationally, pulling back to admire her handiwork. “I’m simply giving you the opportunity to tell me the truth before any more…” she pauses, delicately— “...final decisions are made.”

He says nothing. 

She presses her lips into a flat line, patience beginning to wear thin. “I don’t think you understand,” she begins, waving a grainy blow-up of a lens-captured photo from some customer-citizen’s social that depicts 06 and 22 huddled together in the middle of Greenleaf Square over to the blank smartwall, “how much is at stake here. Not just for you, but for her, and for Nicholas as well. So if you have any information for me, it is in your best interest and theirs to share it now.”

Minutes pass, silence and eye contact unbroken.

Irrational anger seizes her, product of the history between them—of the incomprehensible long game she suspects he’s playing but can’t even approximate the shape of; of the way he’s the perfectly obedient foil to 06’s rebellious streak, yet something in his eyes is anything but; of too many unfruitful conversations just like this one. 

“I didn’t want to do this, but—” she stops short, distracted by a sharp movement from 22. More of a twitch than anything else, but the sheer uncharacteristicness of it puts her immediately on high alert. His pulse simultaneously spikes, incongruous with the absence of any detectable motion from him.

She glances sharply at him when he does it again, some kind of spasm that has his vitals feed going momentarily haywire with each one. 

“Something the matter?” she says, eyes narrowing—and when it happens a third time, his expression contorting in an obvious flinch before he forcibly schools it back, it suddenly makes sense. 

“Gesundheit,” she says, arching an eyebrow. “I’d advise you not to keep trying to stop them like that, by the way. If you give yourself an aneurysm, I can’t help you.”

The contempt in the look he brings to bear on her then is enough to curdle her blood, though in a moment it, too, is wiped from his face with a hard blink and the faintest hint of a sniff.

She feels a headache coming on.

“Or Kit, for that matter,” she adds, in a sudden fit of inspiration, probing for sore spots that exist if one knows where to look. “Is she faring similarly after your little excursion, I wonder?”

“I don’t know.” His response is as instant as it is flat. 

“I believe you,” she concedes finally, after another long moment of not quailing beneath his stare, “but only because if she were severely ill you would have brought her to me.” She pauses. He doesn’t quite blink under her sudden scrutiny, but he doesn’t quite not, either. “Unless, perhaps, you’ve got her sequestered away somewhere on sublevel D.”

This, finally, visibly strikes a nerve. As well it should—he came out of the incident she’s referencing with a double concussion, a punctured lung, fourteen broken bones, twenty-eight mishealed ones and a stress-triggered flare up. He was in the ICU for almost a month.

…But then, of course, she doubts that’s the nerve that was struck. She remembers all too well how Kit flatlined no less than eight times during her liver transplant, and she’s certain he remembers it too. The only times he had surfaced from delirium during his own harrowing recovery were to ask if she was alive—and with such uncharacteristic distress that multiple personnel broke protocol to answer him truthfully, in case it would improve his chances of pulling through.

She had, regrettably, been one of said personnel. 

In the end, obviously, both operatives had survived, and if it was by virtue of the tenacity of their fucking bonds she did not care to know it.

When she glances at him again, his face is blank, any trace of a reaction wiped clean from it.

A spike of frustration nearly claims her before she tamps it down. 

“If neither of you are in critical condition,” she says evenly, “and if Catherine does not choose to join you in the next, let’s say, five minutes—” she makes a show of checking the time on her lenses— “then I’m afraid you’re going to have to take full responsibility for the consequences of your actions, with or without her participation.”

He remains silent. If she didn’t know him better, she’d almost think he was exhibiting the faintest air of impatience.

She sighs. “We both know whose idea it was to leave the grounds,” she says, softening a degree or two. An olive branch. A final offering before she drops the other shoe. “Why didn’t you stop her?”

“Risk assessment,” he says crisply—and oh, there’s the infection. Raised just a little louder now, she notes that his voice is nothing like itself, thick and raw like he’s been gargling knife blades. Interesting. “She would have left regardless. I followed her according to the buddy system protocol.” 

Listening to him makes her want to clear her own throat. She fights the instinct, instead pressing her lips together in the approximation of maternal concern she’s honed to perfection.

“If you tell me where she is now,” she says carefully, eyes fixed to his, “I will leave you both in the green. Just this once.”

It’s a bluff, all of it. Whether he knows this or not, whether his obstinate lack of cooperation is inspired by this, or his loyalty to Kit, or his compromised state, she couldn’t be fucked to guess; but whatever the case, he does not budge an inch. They stay locked in this stalemate of a stare before finally, hating herself, she blinks first.

“Time’s up,” she says calmly, though her mind is anything but. “Unless you can somehow summon her in the next ten seconds, I’ll be sending you out to do street cleanup.” She pulls up the appropriate communication channels and information packets on her lenses. “When Catherine is found, she will be assigned to SCQ for the remainder of the month.”

SCQ—what the operatives dubbed “the box” when they were children, despite all her efforts to shut the pejorative down—is Catherine’s least favorite punishment, and she knows as well as 22 does that expecting her to spend a full thirty days in it is absurd, even dangerous. 

“I’ll go,” he says without batting an eye, in what appears to be utter disregard of both his own failing health and the guaranteed wrath of his partner. As if in some involuntary acknowledgement of the first, however, he sneezes again, stifled to silence against the flat of his fist.

“Be careful.” Her tone is part admonishment, part threat, his name threaded onto the end of the phrase to seal the warning. As it leaves her lips his eyes snap to hers again, unnaturally quick, and something that looks disturbingly close to dangerous flashes in the depths of them, there and gone. 

She musters every ounce of her will not to flinch or look away and the moment passes almost before she can register it, leaving him looking distinctly more tired than before.

“Let me be clear: I’m assigning you to clear 13th through 17th Street, alone, before curfew,” she says tightly, unsettled in a way she can’t quite parse. “No assistance, no excuses. If you fail to comply, I’m sending you to the community services department in the morning. Do you understand the directive?”

“I understand.” His tone, beneath the layers of fatigue and congestion, is ice and steel. Worse, though his expression does not change, somehow she gets the distinctly uncomfortable impression that he is, against all sensible logic, pleased. “Will that be all?”

It feels entirely too much like letting him have the last word. She grasps at the straws of the resolve she’d thought was airtight, coming up with little more than a ghost of a threat, the last cast of a baitless hook. “Not quite.” She folds her arms. Realizes the defensive nature of the posture and almost unfolds them, forces herself to remain in the position for consistency, taps her fingers against her arm. “I’m sure you’re as concerned about Catherine as I am. Would you like me to notify you when she is found?”

His eyes when they lock on hers are baleful, a coldly burning gray that pins her like a butterfly to velvet. “That,” he says quietly, “will not be necessary.”

She takes a breath, but by the time the words come he is gone.

|part 9|

[sunlight-moonrise]

Sugar, Spice, and Everything (Not So) Nice (Reid Imagine)

Summary: Being a Barista and falling for a regular is as cliche as it gets. Having that customer become your new professor? Not so much. 

A/N: *Peeks head out* Hello everyone. I have come back from my unannounced hiatus to show off this baby. Major thanks to @definitelynotkatesblog​ and @clean-bands-dirty-stories​ for helping me put this fic together. This was written for the lovely @httpnxtt​ for the secret-fic-swap in the Discord (thanks @imagining-in-the-margins​.) I hope you all enjoy this smutty goodness. 

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: Face Slapping, Degradation, Slight Hair Pulling, Oral Sex (male receiving), Fingering, Spanking, Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex/Creampie

Word Count: 6.4K

Masterlist

Being a barista is pretty awesome. Sure, there were bitchy customers and super early mornings but it had it’s redeeming perks. We got free coffee, tea, and snacks during our shifts, which served the caffeine addict in me. I also learned how to make popular lattes, mochas, and frappes that I ended up making at home for myself one too many times. While there were the occasional assholes who couldn’t appear human before getting their hands on some caffeine, there were the regulars who made it worth it. Most of the regulars were so sweet, I appreciated a familiar face when they came in. Some.. more than others.

“He’s baaaaaaaaack,” my coworker Hazel whispered to me in a sing-song voice as she scribbled a customer’s name on a cup. I turned to see who she was talking about, but I already had an inkling about who it was.

My suspicions were correct. I turned to see one of our kindest regulars, my personal favorite customer, Dr. Spencer Reid. Is it weird to know the full name -including the honorific- of a customer? Possibly. But when I’d asked for his name to write on his cup the first time he came in, he accidentally gave me his full name. 

“Dr. Reid- uh, Spencer. Sorry, work habit.” He stuttered, avoiding my eyes after the mistake.

“No worries! What can I get started for you?”

As a Criminology major,  I learned to study the people who catch my attention before indulging them. Call it an old habit. 

Dr. Spencer Reid had earned his title and then some. He’d joined the FBI at only 22, having six degrees under his belt by the age of 27. He’d written several dissertations and co-wrote novels with his colleague, David Rossi. Someone with his reputation could be a pompous ass and have a leg to stand on, which is what made his humbled demeanor so much sweeter. He was also incredibly easy on the eyes, which was a nice little bow on top. 

Hazel liked to joke about how we’d make a cute couple but I know she only did it to watch me get flustered.  

I walked towards the counter to take his order, leaving Hazel with the task of refilling the caramel syrup. I’m always the one to help him since he very aptly pointed out that I’m the only one who makes his coffee just how he likes it.  

Some days, he’d let me surprise him with a random creation. I’d confirm if he wanted caffeine (he always did), iced or not, and any flavor requests. He’d take his drink, tip me handsomely and let me know his thoughts on the drink the next time he came in. So far, his favorite was the almond milk honey latte I’d concocted. It was nice to have a little bit of fun, especially with regulars who were as consistent as him.

“Hey Doc, what can I get ya’?” I asked.

“The usual, please,” he said with a smile. I nodded and set off to make his drink: a venti dark roast with a shit ton of sugar, a dash of nutmeg, and a tiny bit of cinnamon.

“Of course!” I quickly go to fill his order, making sure to put a complimentary treat in a bag for him. I know he had the ultimate sweet tooth so I try to sneak him a confection whenever I can. At first, he was a bit reluctant to take the free pastries, but nowadays he usually smiles when he sees the small bag. 

“Here ya’ go.” I handed him his steamy cup of caffeine along with the little treat, seeing him smile at the small pun I add to his cup, “Have a BREW-tiful day, Doctor!” I watched as his lips landed on the rim of the cup, taking a long sip of the hot coffee. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the sight making my cheeks promptly flush. I cleared my throat before asking, “Is it good?”

“It’s always good when you make it,” he stated matter of factly, a small smile touching his lips. The heat in my cheeks rose again. “Will you be taking a course this summer?” he asked, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, I’m really looking forward to it. My first day is actually later today. I’m surprised the class section was open, to be honest.” Super surprised actually. I’d been trying to enroll in this class for the past couple of semesters but it was always full by the time I was able to even load the registration page.

“Well, I’ll wish you luck, but I’m sure you won’t need it.”

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I can just tell.” He stated calmly, like it was common knowledge. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain. Before he could respond, an insistent cough caught both of our attention. I peeked over Spencer’s shoulder to see a customer waiting for his order to be taken. I turned my attention back to the Doctor, an annoyed look painted on my face. He nodded, taking a hint from the impatient mouth breather behind him. 

“Thank you for the coffee. Enjoy the rest of your day. I hope that class goes well.”

“Bye, you too.” I waved, watching as he exited the door. I turned to the waiting customer, a bit miffed that he interrupted our conversation. But because I was at work, I plastered a fake smile on my face so that he wouldn’t see just how annoyed I was. “Welcome, how may I help you?”

●●●

After clocking out at 2:30 PM, I made a dash for the building where my class would be held. It’s not supposed to start for another half-hour, but I wanted to be sure to get there in time to choose a good seat and settle in before the rest of the class arrived.

Luckily room 301 was relatively empty so I was able to score a perfect seat by the window. I decided to kill some time by listening to some music and doodling randomly in my notebook. Some time had passed when I felt someone take the seat next to me. I turned to see a young man occupying the chair beside mine. He looked to be a frat boy based on the Greek letters he was sporting. Who wears a cap and hoodie in this weather? I really hope he didn’t expect to cheat off of me- although these types of guys always seem to do so.

I was about to return to my doodle when I felt a poke on my shoulder. I turned to give the offender my full attention, removing one of the earbuds from my ears. 

“Hey, I’m Tony,” frat boy said, with a wide smile adorning his face. I must admit, his boyish grin melted the slight annoyance I had begun to stir toward him. I returned his greeting and introduced myself as well. “I don’t mean to be a bother,” he continued, “but I like to have at least one buddy in each of my classes. In case we need help or miss an assignment or something.”

I nodded my head - a friend in a class was always useful when it came to studying and swapping notes. We chatted a bit more, learning about each other’s major and why we both decided to take a summer course. Tony is a double major and this course will satisfy the credits he needs for his psychology requirement. This is why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. 

It wasn’t until I heard the hush of the classroom that I realized the class was about to begin. I turned back to my notebook, preparing to jot down some important information despite it being the first day of class.

“Good morning class.” Wait. That voice... I didn’t even need to pick my head up to know who had spoken. “This is Criminal Psychology and I am your instructor, Doctor Spencer Reid. Unfortunately, Professor Monroe could not cover this course so I’ll be his permanent replacement. Now…”

I raised my head, watching as he continued to talk about what is to be expected in this course while a TA handed out the syllabus. He went on, able to capture the attention of everyone while speaking of the experiences he had with an array of criminals. His eyes scanned the room and for a brief moment I thought they would land on me, but they continued to take in the mass amount of students before him.

My concentration was broken by Tony passing me a copy of the syllabus. I scanned it over, making sure to highlight all the important dates. I didn’t want any exams or projects conflicting with my work schedule. I also made note of how the overall grade system is broken down. The whole thing seems pretty fair and everything was spaced out enough where I wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed with the workload.

“… and that pretty much wraps it up. Does anyone have any questions?” I tuned in just as he was pulling the first class to a close. No one raised their hands, so he dismissed us with a reminder to read the first chapter of the textbook and to check for any emails.

“So do you want to grab lunch?” Tony asked from beside me. I contemplated whether or not to go with him. He must have seen the hesitation in my face because he quickly added, “Not as a date or anything, I just wanted to grab a bite and I didn’t want to do it alone.”

“Sure,” I smiled, “Let me just ask the professor a quick question about his office hours and I’ll meet you at the food court.”

“Sweet, I’ll see you in a bit.” With that, Tony gathered his stuff and exited the back door. 

I focused my attention on the podium, seeing a gaggle of girls surrounding him asking redundant questions. From what I could hear, their questions could have been answered if they’d read the syllabus. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, they were probably more focused on him rather than what he was saying during class. I waited a few more minutes for them to finish up before I made my way to him.

“So do I call you Doctor or Professor now?” I laughed. 

“From you, I’d respond to either,” he replied warmly. The comment made me blush. If he looked into my eyes at that moment, he’d see more stars in them than the night sky. I bit my lip to stop the idiotic grin from spreading across my face. 

He’s your professor, get a hold of yourself.

“How can I help?” he asked, bringing me back to the original reason as to why I was standing in front of him without a cash register between us. 

I cleared my throat. “Um, I was wondering if it was possible to see you outside your normal office hours? I usually work the morning shifts and I don’t want to flood your emails with my questions.” I asked.

“Of course,” he said. “You can come to my office at whatever time works best for you. I know balancing a work and school schedule can be hard. Besides, I’m usually there handling paperwork anyway.” He gave a small shrug, pushing his hands in his pockets. 

“Thank you so much. I look forward to the rest of the semester Professor Reid.” I liked the way his newfound honorific rolled off my tongue. 

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

“Goodbye, Professor.” With that, I left and headed out to meet Tony. 

I was able to find him at the food court. We got some food and chatted more about our classes as well as life outside of school. He made it easy to be his friend, and it was nice having someone to talk to. He works as a waiter so we shared our customer service horror stories and tales of sneaking food at work. It was a nice distraction that took my mind off of Dr. Reid and the ongoing battle of calling him Doctor or Professor. As Tony rambled, my mind wandered about other things I’d like to call Spencer instead. 

●●●

In that short span of two weeks, we already had an exam, an oral presentation, and a report on the psychoanalysis of serial killers. Not one day had been wasted, but this is what to be expected from a summer course. The essay was due the day before. Now we had to wait for our grades which gave us a moment to take a breath.

I was worried that my paper was subpar; especially since I chose to write about Andrei Chikatilo, a serial killer from Ukraine. He wasn’t as popular as those in America, so I ended up spending hours on deep research to find substantial information about his crimes. It also didn’t help that some of the original reports weren’t in English. I had worked hard, and hoped Professor Reid would see that, even if my writing could sometimes be a little weak. I was worried about the grade as our research papers held the weight of 20% of our final mark. 

“Hello? Earth to Y/N! Anyone in there?” Hazel’s voice pierced through my worry bubble, her hand waving in front of my face. I shook my head, trying to focus on restocking the coffee beans.

“Sorry Haze, I’m thinking about this class.”

“Funny you say that; your favorite professor just walked in. Thought you might want to take his order.” She wagged her brows at me, making kissy faces as I hurried to the front register, trying my best to not let my eagerness be so glaringly obvious.

There he was, in his usual handsome glory, patiently waiting for me to take his order. He greeted me with a small smile that I happily returned.

“Hey Doc, what can I get you today?”

He debated for a moment before saying, “Surprise me.”

“Gotcha.” I already had an in my head; it’d been a while since he asked me to make him a random drink so I’d had plenty of time to plan. We got an early shipment of ingredients for our fall-themed drinks and I figured he would appreciate some pumpkin spice in his caffeine. “How are the papers coming along?” I asked casually as I rang him up.

“Pretty well. I’m almost done, so you’ll all receive your grades later today.” Wow, that was fast. I wondered if he stayed up reading all those papers to be done by today. Probably not, a TA must have helped him.

“I am a bit nervous about mine, especially since it’s worth a huge part of our final grade.” I really wanted to get an A in this course, but it was hard juggling everything in such a short amount of time.

“Don’t worry about it too much,” he reassured. “I haven’t properly finished yours yet but it looked great just from what I’ve seen thus far.” His words gave me a little reassurance.

“Thanks. I put a lot of effort into it. Let me grab your coffee now.” Spencer walked towards the pick-up station while I grabbed a venti cup for his drink. Just when I was about to make his order, I saw another familiar face come up to the register. “Tony, hey!” I shouted, placing the cup back down, “What can I get you?” 

This was the first time he’d been here, despite him saying for the past few days that he’d stop by for a visit, even with the promise of a cake pop if he did. It was nice to see another familiar face.

“Hey coffee girl, how you doin’ today?”

“Just peachy. My feet are killing me, though.” Just saying the words caused the ache on the soles of my feet to spike higher. I thanked my lucky stars I was almost done with this eight-hour shift.

“Give me the chance to sweep you off your feet, I promise you won’t regret it.” he offered boldly. It wasn’t the first time he’d joked about taking me out. I laughed, especially since he had a girlfriend. She met us for lunch one day and we became fast friends- she was an incredibly sweet and intelligent girl, polite and elegant as well. It is a wonder how his frat boy charm won her over but opposites attract, I guess.

“Shut up, Casanova. What are you gonna have?”

“I’ll have a grande iced matcha latte, please.” I should’ve known. He told me that he loves matcha flavored food and drinks the first time we grabbed lunch after class. He had complained that there was no good place to get one on campus. 

“Coming right up.” I quickly filled his order since it was faster to make compared to the pumpkin spiced latte. I handed him his bribe-cake pop, matcha flavor of course, while he waited for me to finish making his drink.

“By the way, we’re still studying at the library for the exam later tonight, right?” Tony asked.

“Yup, I’ll meet you at 8.”

“Copy that, see you later coffee girl.” He turned to leave while I turned to make Professor Reid’s order. I put extra whip cream and a bit more syrup to satiate his sweet tooth. I grabbed a fresh chocolate muffin from the display case and popped it into a bag for him as well, drawing yet another pun on the good doctors bag. “Thanks for being such a TEA-rrific professor!”

“Here ya’ go Doc,” I called out before placing his drink and muffin on the counter. I looked up to see him no longer smiling. “Is everything okay?”

Ignoring my question, he said, “I wasn’t aware you were so close to Mr. Montgomery.”

“Oh yeah, we study together once in a while.” I could have sworn I saw his frown deepen before his features became void of any emotions. He shifted his eyes downward, his hand moving rapidly to grab the cup.

“I should get going.”

“Oh, okay” Before I could say goodbye, he was already halfway out the door. 

That was weird. I looked at the counter and noticed that he left the cupcake behind. Maybe he was in a rush?

I shook my head. I needed to concentrate on making it through the last couple of hours of work. 

●●●

I made my way to the classroom, smiling at Tony as he pulled out my seat for me. Professor Reid walked in a few minutes later, his tall figure drawing all the attention to the center of the small stage. He let us know he already graded the papers and that they would be distributed by the TA before the end of class. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach but decided to brush it off and pay attention in class. Despite my attempts to focus on his lecture, I found my mind wandering every so often anyway.

I couldn’t help but think he was less animated today. Usually, he taught with such passion that the class couldn’t take their eyes off him. But today, it felt as if we were all in a boring seminar with an ancient professor. Tony kept glancing at the clock, probably also wondering why time felt like it was going by so slowly. 

I couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling the entire class. It didn’t help matters that every time I would raise my hand to answer a question, he would call on another student. What the hell did I do? 

I decided to tune out the rest of the class. There is no point in being an actively engaged student if I wasn’t going to get treated like one. I’d just get the notes from Tony later.

Thirty minutes before the end of class, the TA handed out our essays while Professor Reid wrapped. 

“Some of you did very well, while a few others struggled with the assignment.” His eyes landed on mine as he said that. It was the first time he had glanced in my direction the whole class. He moved on to the other side of the room. My mind was probably just playing tricks on me. “If you have any questions you can see me at my office hours next week or send me an email. You are dismissed.”

The TA finally made his way over to me, handing my essay in a slight fold. I looked at the grade on top and almost dropped the paper. My heart sped up as I stared at the letter in bright red ink. No way, no way this could be my report. I looked at the right-hand corner and saw my name at the top. I read through the first page and saw they were indeed my words.

How the fuck was it possible that I got a D on this paper? I knew my writing wasn’t the strongest, but a D? 

“How you’d do?” Tony asked. For a moment I forgot I was in a room with other people.

I cleared my throat, trying to relive the lump so that he didn’t hear the croak in my voice. “Umm, not what I expected. I’m going to try to speak to him about it.” Tony was a smart kid, so I was sure he could see how tense I was. Luckily he didn’t question me any further and instead told me he’d text me later before leaving the classroom.

Fortunately, there were no other students in the classroom to slow me down this time. I walked right up to the podium, watching as Professor Reid placed some papers in his satchel. 

“Professor, I need to speak with you.”

“Not now, I’m busy,” he replied, not even bothering to glance in my direction. This can’t be real. The sweet, kind Doc could not be the man acting like a total asshole right now.

“I really need to discuss with you my paper,” I pressed, raising my voice a little louder in an attempt to get his attention. That was wishful thinking on my part since he continued to fiddle with his satchel.

“I said I’m busy,” he uttered once again, his voice void of any emotion. He was about to walk past me, ignoring my whole being. His blatant disregard made my cheeks burn, and not in the usual way they usually did when I was around him.

“Spencer,” I barked, “We need to talk. Now.” For a few moments, he stood in front of me, his back facing my direction.

I was about to speak again before I heard him say, “My office. Half an hour.” He exited, leaving me alone in an empty classroom. The only things keeping me company were the fuming feelings swirling inside me and the failed paper clutched at my fist. 

●●●

I knocked on his office door ten minutes earlier than he’d told me. The anger in my gut brewed hotter the longer I waited. As soon as I heard a “Come in,” I rushed through the door, slamming it behind me. He regarded me coolly, but didn’t comment on my actions. 

“What can I do for you Ms. (Y/L/N)?” I walked up to his large desk, not bothering to take a seat in the chair in front of me. I took a moment to calm myself down before replying.

“Well, you can start by explaining to me why I got such a low score on my paper.” I guess he didn’t like being the only one of us sitting down because he stood up and leaned against the wall behind him.

“It did not meet the requirements for a passing grade as outlined in the rubric. The information given was boring and the overall topic was uninteresting. It was tedious to get through,” he responded nonchalantly, like he was giving me a weather report.  

“You said that you enjoyed it so far.” I rebutted, placing my hands on the desk. I needed something to offer me stability so that I wasn’t visibly shaking.  

“I’d mistaken your work for another student’s. Maybe Mr. Montgomery,” he dryly clipped.

A bitter laugh escaped me as I put the puzzle together. Was- was he serious? Was this man acting like this because of Tony? The audacity! The laugh that bubbled from my lips must have unsettled him. He left his position from the wall in favor of standing in front of me.

“You want to know what I think?” I didn’t give him a chance to respond before continuing, “I think you’re jealous that I have another guy that isn’t you getting friendly with me at the shop and because of your inability to keep your---“

“That is enough,” he grounded out, shaking his head. But I didn’t stop talking.

“--private feelings away from your professional ones, you decided to give me a failing grade. Do you know how hard I worked in-” my voice rose up higher and higher until I was yelling.

“I said that’s enough,” he said again, louder this time. But I wasn’t done.

“-this class? This is my life, my fucking future on the line. I’ve told you how important this all is to me and you don’t even give a shit! You’re going to let your interpretation of my relationship with another student influence the way you do your job? And here I thought you were a decent man, Professor.” I hissed, “Do you even give a damn abo-”

“Enough,” he roared, slamming his hands on the desk and caging me against the wood. His breathing was matching the upbeat pace of my own. His quick movement and the sheer volume of his voice caught me off guard, effectively silencing me. 

“I don’t deserve to be punished over your envy,” I whispered, locking eyes with him in a steady gaze.

“You want to see a real punishment, darling?” he hissed, the heat of his words almost breaking my glare, his breath fanning along my face.

We stared at one another for a while, neither of us willing to be the first to back down. The tension between us kept rising and rising until the inevitable happened. I couldn’t be sure who made the first move but before I knew it, our lips collided with a mix of rage and desperation. My arms draped around his neck as he pressed me on to the desk. He placed his hands on the back of my thighs, lifting me up high enough until I was perched on the cool wooden surface.

Spencer’s lips were soft, a stark contrast to the harsh way he was kissing me. His tongue parted my lips, gliding over mine with fervor. I couldn’t help but moan as he rolled his hips into me. He continued his rough grind, keeping my legs open as we moved as close together as our bodies would allow. He overwhelmed my senses- the smell of him, the taste of him, the feel of him. Everything was making me absolutely feral for this man. 

I never expected the gentle Dr. Reid to be so fervent, so sensual. The kindhearted, sweet professor who regularly drank his weight in caffeine never gave me this impression. But then again, I’m sure he was shocked by my attitude as well. He knew me as the friendly, bubbly barista, now student, who enjoyed his class. He was about to meet a whole new side of me, just like I was going to for him.

Spencer pulled away from me, our mouths making an audible ‘pop’ sound from the sudden separation. I tried to catch my breath as he stared at me, our chests rising and falling together. If I were to move a bit closer to him, we would be touching once again.

He took a few steps back before motioning me to step in front of him. “I want you to get down on your knees. Now.” I wasn’t going to argue with him, mainly because I wanted the exact same thing he did. I kneeled down, keeping my eyes on his face.

“You going to shut me up, Professor?” I teased, feeling powerful, even though he was looming over me. He didn’t reply, just continued to look down on me with those honey colored eyes- full of lust and rage.

I watched as he slowly placed his hands on his slacks, undoing the belt and buttons. He drew down his pants and boxers at the same time, just low enough to reveal his impressive size. My mouth salivated at the sight of his bulge as he came closer to me.

“We’re going to put that smart mouth to better use. Open.” He said, gripping my face between his fingers, forcing me to follow his orders. I opened my mouth slightly, not giving him exactly what he wanted. Instead of ordering my mouth to open further like I expected, he placed his thumb inside. He pushed the digit deep, pressing it against my tongue. I moaned around the finger, softly nibbling at the skin. He continued to slide his finger within my mouth before dragging it out completely. He wiped the excess spit on my cheek before lightly smacking it. The small shock of pain sent a shiver down my spine.

“Open, and do it right this time.”

I obeyed, opening wide enough to accept him into my mouth. My lips were stretched almost uncomfortably in an attempt to fit around him. He was so hot and thick, I couldn’t help but hum at the taste of him on my tongue. The soft “fuck” that fell from his lips had me purring around him. I went to place my hands on the remaining portion that couldn’t fit, but he batted them away.

“You’re using only your mouth.” 

Fine, have it your way, Sir. 

I placed my hands behind me as I bobbed my head, hallowing my cheeks with every rise. His shallow thrusts encouraged me to suck harder. I slowly pulled away to run my tongue against the vein protruding on the underside of his cock. I was rewarded with a groan escaping his lips.

“I should have known that you would be so good at this, darling,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse as he tried to control his grunts.

I made sure to look in his eyes as I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock. The face he made was purely angelic. The muscles of his neck protruded more evidently and his breathing became more labored. I placed him back in my mouth, this time taking my time to go down on him.

“That’s right, Princess. Show me what a good girl you are for me.” He moaned as I felt his hands weave in my hair before he pushed my head down on to him, causing me to gag around him, tears pricking my eyes. He continued his thrusts into my mouth, barely allowing me a chance to breathe. My nose repeatedly touched the base of him as I swallowed around his hard length.

Spencer tightened his fingers in my hair and I knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.  The pace was brutal, but I enjoyed the rough treatment. Knowing that I was the one making him feel good was such a turn on. He buried himself deep in my throat after a few more thrusts to finish. I swallowed his release like the greedy brat that we both now knew I was.

He eventually pulled out, a satisfied sigh leaving his lips. I swiped the back off my hand across my mouth to clean off any leftover spit and cum.

“Get up,” he ordered, his voice hoarse.

I did so, rubbing the ache in my knees as I slowly rose. “I want you bent over the desk,” he continued.

“I want you to answer my previous question.” I quipped.

“You’re not in the position to be making commands,” he growled. He wrapped his fingers in my hair again, pulling just roughly enough so that I was looking up at his face. “If you want this to end well for you, I suggest bending over my desk before I stuff my cock in that bratty little mouth of yours again.”

He released me, eyes still on my face waiting for me to follow through on his order. I turned to his desk and did as he asked, bending over the wood until my chest laid flat against the surface. I waited as patiently as I could for him. It felt as if I was in this position for an eternity before he touched me. He pushed both my underwear and skirt down to my knees before placing his hands on my hips. I heard it before I felt it- the smack on my ass that caused me to yelp.

“Fuck, Spencer. What the—” I was cut off with another resounding smack.

“Did you really think that I wasn’t going to give you a real punishment, darling?” I took a deep breath as another shiver went down my spine. He had no business sounding so hot right now. Another smack, this time on my opposite cheek, had me biting down on my lip to stop myself from crying out.

“This” *SMACK* “Is” *SMACK* “What” *SMACK* “Happens” *SMACK* “To” *SMACK* “Bratty” *SMACK* “Little” *SMACK* “Girls” *SMACK*. A sob ripped from my chest as the last blow landed. My ass was on fire and surely littered with his hand prints.

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood since you sucked me off so nicely, or I would have made that worse.”

Gee, thanks.

“You look like such a dirty slut like this.” I felt a finger enter me easily, the wetness gathered there making my entrance ready to take him. “So wet. Was it the spanking that got you like this, or your mouth around my cock?” A moan was my only reply as he added another finger, the two digits moving in a scissoring motion. 

“Are you gonna be my sweet girl, now?” He asked as I moved my hips along his fingers, desperately trying to seek some more relief for the fire burning between my thighs as his mouth littered marks along my thighs. I closed my eyes, focusing on the pleasure he was giving me as he curled his fingers, a slow moan falling from my lips. He pulled them out of me, wiping the slickness against my still burning ass. Fucking bastard. I wiggled my hips against him, hoping he would grant me a reprieve and put his fingers back inside me. Instead, he spanked my ass one more time- one quick, sharp blow against the bruised cheek.

Just when I was about to yell at him, he placed the head of his member against my entrance. He moved up and down my drenched entrance before penetrating me in one full thrust. I took a short breath in, trying to get used to feeling so full. He was stretching me out in the most amazing way.

Spencer waited until I was grinding against him before he pulled out and pushed back into me. “Look at you, such a wanton little bitch aren’t you?” He could call me whatever he wanted, as long as he didn’t stop fucking me.

He kept a steady pace, making sure to grind into me every time he slammed back in. The obscene sound of our skin smacking against one another’s and the moans escaping our throats was an erotic symphony that had my body heat raising the temperature in the room.

He hitched my leg on top of the desk, entering in an angle that made the pleasure so much better. I couldn’t stop the whines that kept escaping my mouth every time he pounded into me. His hand stayed upon my leg, holding me down and limiting my movements. His nails dug into the skin so harshly I was sure there would be bruises left in their wake.  

“Fuck, you feel so good wrapped around me,” he hissed under his breath. “Should have known you just needed to be fucked like the cheap whore you are.” He sped up, hips snapping at an almost punishing pace. The desk creaked every time he slammed into me. I hoped no one was nearby to hear what was going on. A whine left my throat when I felt his fingers rub against my clit. I was so close now.

“Should I stay inside you? Fill you up so you walk around campus carrying my child?” He growls, his pace increasing with each passing moment. “Knock you up so the whole campus knows what a whore you are for me?” He asks, earning a cry ripped from my throat. 

“Who’s fucking you?” he grunted. I don’t know how he expected me to form a coherent statement at this current moment. My eyes could barely stay open at this point. 

“Spencer, please.” He smacked the outside of my thigh.

“Try again, who’s fucking you?” 

“You are, Doctor.” Apparently, that was the wrong answer too, because it earned me another smack on my thigh. I had tears streaming down my face from the pleasurable pain he was giving me.

“You have one more chance or else I’m not letting you come. Now, who’s is fucking you?”

“Professor Reid!” I cried out.

“That’s right darling. Now come on my cock.” A harsh bite on my neck was the ultimate push that had me seeing stars. Spencer thrusted a few more times before fully sheathing himself within me.

He slumped over me, the feel of his breath against my neck causing me to shiver once more. We took a moment to have the high leave our body before he pulled out of me, a gasp leaving the both of us. Spencer was the first to break the silence between us.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” he asked, his voice a bit shy. 

I giggled at his demeanor. A few moments ago, he was fucking me senseless and spanking me over his desk like a porno, and now he was asking me out to dinner. 

“Absolutely,” I smiled. “But I should probably cancel my study plans.” I quickly added. 

He led me to the faculty bathroom so I could freshen myself up. When I emerged, he was back to being the prim and proper professor I knew him to be. Just before we left his office, he leaned down and whispered, “By the way, you got an A.”

[josefavomjaaga]

Auguste of Bavaria, vice-queen of Italy, and her two daughters, usually referred to as “mes petits choux” or “mes deux anges” by their father, Eugénie (7 months, sitting on Mama’s arm) and Joséphine (3, clearly not interested in the geography of Hungary that her mother is trying to teach her). Painting by Andrea Appiani

***

During the Austrian campaign of 1809, Eugène for the first time was separated from wife and children for a longer period of time. Perfect husband that he was (in Auguste’s eyes at least), he wrote to her at every occasion. Some excerpts:

July 18:

Good morning, my dear Auguste. My first thought, as every day, is for you and my beautiful children. [...] I know that the emperor was kind enough to announce the armistice to you through one of his squires; I only learned of it thirty-six hours later, and during this time I was fighting on the March, so that the last cannon shots were for me.

July 19:

[…] Last night, Tuesday, I was thinking about our little games and regretting them very much. I hear that in Eisenstadt I will be very well off; they say there is a superb park with plenty of game; I will hunt every morning, work afterwards and think of my little family all day.

July 22:

Here I am back from my journey, my dear Auguste, and I hasten to give you my news, which is very good. [...] I saw Louis [Ludwig, Auguste's brother] this morning; he has improved a great deal since I last saw him; we lunched together at the Emperor's; I hope we shall see each other often during the few days I shall be here; you can well imagine who we talked about. You have been the constant subject of our talks, as you are always the subject of my thoughts. The news of Eugenie's two teeth has given me great pleasure, and everything leads us to believe that she will also be able to get all her teeth. [...] Farewell, my dearest Auguste, I hope that we will no longer be absent for as long as we have been. I kiss you and my two little sweeties and love you with all my heart. Your faithful husband and friend.

Of course, whenever a writer all of a sudden calls himself “your faithful husband”, I wonder why he feels the need to do that ... but that’s just me.

July 26

I am sending you Bataille with this letter, my good and dearest Auguste. Your name day is coming up, and I hope it will arrive just in time. I am sending you a trifle from Vienna, which I thought was pretty; I wish it to seem so to you. I will not make any new declarations of tenderness and attachment to you for the 3rd of August: these feelings are the same, and will be for all days and all times. I am sending toys to my little angels; I hope that Joséphine will pay you her little compliment and I am sorry I am not there to teach it to her. I see Louis every day; I am even having dinner with him today; this morning I gave him your letter and urged him to answer you by Bataille; he promised me to do so.

July 28

Louis leaves today to visit our last battlefields; he will also go to Austerlitz and Raab. I dined yesterday with Duroc and Bessières; it had been five years since we had been able to reunite this trio. We then wanted to walk in frock-coats on the rampart, but as soon as we arrived a great crowd followed us, because we were recognised; I had already been there the two days before and I had enjoyed the greatest incognito, […]

I guess having such a nondescript face does have its advantages. But as soon as you’re out with Bessières and his hairdo from the last century, no way people won’t recognize you.

August 2

[…] They say that the plenipotentiaries will meet tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, and we don't know any more than that, but what I do know is that I love you with all my heart.

August 3

Today, August 3rd, is your name day, my dearest Auguste, and I think with regret that I am not with you to talk to you about my feelings. How happy everything near you is at this moment! [...] I slept last night at Schœnbrunn, because the theatre play finished late, and this morning I went hunting with the Prince of Neufchatel. We returned for the parade and to lunch with the Emperor. I returned a few hours ago from Schœnbrunn, and I bathed, as it is very hot. Aubert has just told me that your foot is still hurting; why didn't you tell me about it? If you need Aubert, please let me know, I will send him to you immediately. Farewell, my dear Auguste, I like to think that in the midst of the pleasures of your name day, my regrets will have been thought of a little.

All quoted from A. DuCasse, “Memoires et correspondance ... du Prince Eugène”, Volume 6

***

As for the painting above, Auguste sent it to Eugène on his 28th birthday (September 3) which other than that apparently had gone pretty much unnoticed, even by himself. He writes to her the other day:

September 4

I thank you a thousand times, my dearest Auguste, I have seen Annoni yesterday. I came back here at eight o'clock in the evening tired from the heat of the day and the hours I had been out, not thinking at all that I was already twenty-eight, and as soon as I got down to my lodgings, Annoni was announced to me. You can't imagine how happy I was when he gave me your letter and your charming present; the idea is charming, the portraits are very similar, especially the one of Joséphine; in short, it's all admirable. I shall always carry this pretty picture with me everywhere, it will remind me, each time I look at it, of the happiness I enjoy with my little family. I am going to mount my horse shortly, the Emperor has asked me to pass some more reviews. I am sending Annoni to Vienna, where I shall be late this evening, and I shall keep him for a few days so that I can talk about you at my leisure.

Adieu, my good friend, I have no time to express to you how deeply touched I am by your attention, and how happy you make me. Farewell, my dear Auguste, you deserve and possess all the tenderness of your faithful husband and friend.

[tanyawritesstories]

Frozen Wounds | The Mandalorian x Reader pt. 5

Things are gonna go downhill today, guess what chapter we're on 😈 I believe there are only two chapters after this one. Also butterflies are called flutterbyes in the Star Wars universe now, I don't make the rules 😝😂 Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: angst, sad times, fluff, mild nudity, canon violence, torture

•••

Tython was in the middle of nowhere in space, Din happened to notice as he input the coordinates into the nav computer. It had taken him several minutes just to find it in the star charts, let alone set a course for it. Just after they left Corvus they had stopped at a nearby planet for fuel and resources, that had been when he realized Y/N was wearing his clothes. He had given her credits to go buy some that actually fit her, as well as more ammo for her pistol.

He had asked her how she knew how to fight and she told him that her husband taught her. Some part of him didn’t think that was true. He was getting more in tune with her and could tell when she was lying. When he thought about it, he actually didn’t know much about Y/N, he assumed she had been born and raised on Tatooine, but what if she wasn’t? Who knew what kind of life she’d had.

Din eased the Crest into hyperspace and planned to go down into the hull and see what Y/N was up to. He’d been in the cockpit for almost an hour, by now the kid- Grogu. He had to remember that, his child had a name now. Grogu was fast asleep in his passenger seat and Din was content to leave him right there. He watched Grogu for a few minutes, smiling beneath his helmet. He double checked that the autopilot was on and quietly climbed down the ladder so as to not wake anyone. He turned and looked to his left, expecting to see the ship empty or perhaps Y/N sitting on the floor with Mandi.

Instead he saw Y/N in the middle of undressing. He couldn’t help but stare at her as she tugged her new pair of pants on and shucked off his shirt that she had been wearing, oblivious. His eyes wandered her exposed upper body, surprised to see scars here and there. His face was heating up, along with another part of his body, as his eyes roamed over her covered breasts. She turned around looking to see where she had put her shirt when she saw him. She squeaked in shock and covered her chest with her arms, Din shook himself out of his stupor and looked away, slapping his hand over his visor.

“Sorry, I didn’t-didn’t know you were….uh...occupied,” he stuttered out, once again thankful for his helmet as it covered his flustered expression. He heard her shuffling about trying to get dressed, her small grunts of effort suggesting she was having trouble. The sound of her knocking on some part of the ship got his attention but he didn’t look up. “Psst,” she tried to get his attention again. “Are you..covered? C-can I look?” He asked. She knocked twice again and Din slowly raised his head and lowered his hand from his helmet. She was holding his shirt over her chest to cover herself.

I can’t reach the clasp, can you get it for me?

Din saw the flushed and embarrassed expression she wore on her face, she didn’t want to ask him to do this. He saw a new bra laying on the crate beside her and his mind connected the dots. Maker, help him. She turned around and demonstrated, her arms couldn’t quite bend that much and her fingers came close to the clasp but couldn’t reach it. Din gulped and walked towards her, at least she was turned around and couldn’t see the predicament that was starting to make itself known on the front of Din’s trousers.

She signed a sorry to him as he fumbled with the challenging and tiny clasp, his leather gloves making it difficult. After a tense minute he got frustrated and took his gloves off. He hesitated and held his breath as his bare skin touched hers. He was able to undo the clasp with ease, his fingers gliding along her skin, feeling the softness. He let out a shaky breath as he gently pushed the straps off her shoulders. Her skin was so soft and warm and he could feel the muscles tense under her skin. He couldn’t help but rest his hands on her bare shoulders and hold them there.

Din could hear her slow breathing and see her breasts rise and fall, covered only by a small part of his shirt. She was able to slip the bra off without exposing herself. Din didn’t want to take his hands off her, he loved the feeling of her skin. What he wanted to do was turn her around to face him. He didn’t though, he just held her, content.

“You’re beautiful…”

The words were out before he could stop them. Y/N turned her head so she could see him. He thought she looked confused, maybe transfixed, like she was experiencing the same emotions as he was. Confusion. Attraction. Love? It was like a magnetic force was pulling them together. Her nose bumped his visor, his helmet the only thing separating them. Her lips skimmed over the Beskar as though she was wishing it wasn’t there. Her eyes found his through the blackened visor; this time Din didn’t feel vulnerable. He felt safe, comforted.

Y/N felt much the same way he did. The original feelings of shame and embarrassment had faded. Deep down she felt at peace, a realization hitting her. Her husband would want this for her, he would want her to be happy. Her mind was made up now, she loved this Mandalorian and his child. Now she had to wait for him to accept that he was too.

Their moment was interrupted by Mandi crying. “I, I’ll go get her…” he whispered. Din broke away and let Y/N get dressed while he checked on the baby and calmed himself down.

~~~~

It was finally in sight after a few hours in hyperspace, they were now approaching Tython. Grogu had woken up and was playing with the metal knob while Din watched him. Y/N had finished feeding Mandi and was going to head up into the cockpit when she heard Mando laugh. It made her smile, she’d never heard him laugh before. She stood at the bottom of the ladder listening to him talk to Grogu. What he said made her sad.

“But you have to agree to go with them if they want you to,” he spoke. “Plus, I can’t train you, you’re too..powerful..”

“I agreed to take you back to your own kind, so that’s what I need to do. You understand right?”

It sounded to her like he was more trying to persuade himself rather than inform Grogu. Y/N didn’t want anything to tear them apart. Especially that criminal Moff Gideon that Mando had told her about. The Crest entered the atmosphere of the hilly, rock covered planet. Din quickly spotted the temple Ahsoka told him about, or at least what little of it there was.

After circling the area on top of the hill, Din knew it was too small to land the ship. He would have to use his jetpack to go the rest of the way. That in itself presented an issue, how was he going to bring Y/N with? Previously he would have asked her to stay on the Crest, but now knowing she was a skilled and capable fighter he wanted her with him. For more reasons besides just having an extra pair of eyes.

Y/N exited the Crest with Mandi on her chest, stepping onto the grass and breathing in the fresh air. She saw Din standing a few feet away, his jetpack was attached to his back and he was tying a better and stronger leather strap onto his pulse rifle. He looked up and saw Y/N walking over to him.

What are you up to?

She asked with a smile, looking down at Grogu who was playing in the grass at his father’s feet. Din finished the new strap on the rifle, much more secure and nicer than the one Y/N had on it before. “I can’t carry these both, you want to use this?” He asked, holding the rifle out to her. “You seem to know your way around one.” She took the weapon in her hands and looked it over, nodding a thank you to him.

My husband had one he insisted I know how to use. He trained me until I was an expert with it, it was the exact same model as this one.

“Then whenever I’m not using it, it’s yours,” he said. She smiled and swung it onto her back, making sure the strap wasn’t across Mandi on her front. Din produced a thick leather belt with extra ammunition on it, also including her DT-22 in a holster. “I figured you could use one of these too,” he said. Y/N smiled and allowed Din to strap it to her waist. Now she had her blaster pistol and the pulse rifle she could use, as well as extra ammo for both. Din also let her keep the vibroblade she took. “Are you afraid of heights?” He asked. She raised an eyebrow and smirked, knowing there was another part to his question.

Not yet.

He beckoned her closer, bending down to pick up Grogu. “She secured tight?” He nodded to Mandi. Y/N nodded, asking him why. “We have to get up there,” he explained, “and I’m not going to make you walk.” She looked at him suspiciously and he asked her to hold Grogu. Din went to put his arm around her but figured he should ask first. “Can I…?”

Of course.

Din put his arm around her back and the other under her knees and swept her into his arms. She let out a small squeal before giggling. Mandi was secured to her chest and Grogu was held tight in her other arm, leaving Y/N to put her other arm around Din’s shoulders. “Hang on tight,” he told her, “I won’t drop you.”

How comforting.

She laughed at her own comment and held both children tight to her chest, her other hand gripping his cape. “Don’t worry, it’s not far,” he reassured. Din tightened his grip on her and powered up his jetpack, shooting into the sky. Y/N buried her face into his neck and he couldn’t help but smirk as he flew. It didn’t take long with how fast his jetpack was, a few minutes maybe, then Din was setting her down on solid ground. “You alright?” He asked. He held onto her, making sure she had her balance.

That was fun.

She answered with a smile. Din smiled back at her, though she couldn’t see it, and took Grogu from her arms. They approached the so-called Temple, and looked around. Din walked into the center and Y/N walked around the circular base, just inside the pillars. “I guess you sit here,” Din assumed, setting Grogu on the round stone. The child watched as his father expected something to happen immediately. Din activated the sensors inside his helmet and searched around for something he might be missing. He heard Y/N laugh and looked over at where she stood in the shade of one of the pillars.

Not everything the Jedi did was obvious. Just be patient.

Din sighed. He didn’t have patience right now. Grogu wasn’t doing anything special, just sitting and looking around, reaching for a flutterbye as it flew over his head. Din wanted to roll his eyes. “Oh, c’mon, kid.” He said exasperated. “Ahsoka told me all I had to do was get you here and you’d do the rest.” Din perked up at the sound of something coming closer, he looked up and saw a strange looking ship flying quite close to where they were. He jogged outside the circle to get a better view and Y/N joined him. Neither of them noticing the kid was starting to sense something.

The ship landed and Din made the assumption that whoever it was, they were looking for trouble. He couldn’t take any chances. “Times up, kid. We’ve gotta get out of here.” The pair turned around to see a transparent pillar of blue energy emitting from the stone and surrounding Grogu. The little one himself was sitting still with his eyes closed in concentration, he was definitely doing something now. Din approached the stone. “We don’t have time for this, we gotta get-”

The second he touched the field of energy he was violently thrown backwards a few yards. Y/N gasped and ran to help him up, asking if he was ok. He just nodded. “Hey, snap out of it, kid. We gotta get out of here!” He urged. The duo just stared at Grogu, he seemed perfectly safe and calm inside his little energy field. Din didn’t know what to do. He walked to the edge of the temple and realized he could see the other ship from there. He zoomed in on it and saw a robed, hooded figure exit the ship. Bad news, no matter who it was. Din drew his blaster and Y/N grabbed his arm, shaking her head.

“I have to go see what they want, they could be Jedi,” he told her. She looked nervous and he assumed she was scared for him. He took her other hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll come back, don’t worry,” he said. She wiggled her hand out of his and put it on the side of his helmet, drawing him closer to her. She pecked a kiss on his visor where she imagined his lips would be, leaving Din stunned.

I’ll keep Grogu safe, and watch your back from up here. Please be careful.

All Din could do was nod before taking off down the hill, blaster in hand. Y/N took point from just behind a pillar of the temple, watching Din as he moved and surveying the area. A reign of bullets shot at the ground in front of him and Din took cover behind a boulder, he peeked out from behind it and heard a voice address him.

“I’ve been tracking you, Mandalorian.”

Din watched as the hooded figure came to a stop on some rocks several yards away from him. He could see vague features of a man under the hood, he was older but still armed to the teeth. His expression was stern and his face was weathered, like he’d spent too many years on an unforgiving planet. Din spoke: “are you Jedi?”

Y/N watched through the scope as Din and the man talked, she wished she knew what they were saying. She had already picked out the sniper that the other man had positioned at a vantage point on the rock ledge above where Din and him were talking. She was easy to spot, her black and orange getup didn’t exactly blend in with the beige and green surroundings. The woman had her blaster rifle trained on Grogu, but Y/N knew the energy field would protect him. Any blaster bullets would either ricochet or be absorbed by it. Y/N herself was half hidden behind one of the pillars of the temple, she doubted the sniper could see her. She had the pulse rifle set directly on the other woman’s body, one misstep and she would be reduced to ash.

Meanwhile, Din was listening as the man explained that he had a sharpshooter on the ridge above them, who’s sights were locked onto Grogu. The shooter spoke and Din recognized her voice. Fennec Shand, he thought that other kid had killed her. Guess not. “Yeah? I have my own sniper, back up there, guarding the child and aiming at both of you. One wrong move and you’re both dead.” Din threatened. The man’s eyes shifted up to the rock where his companion was. “Shand.” “I got her, she’s not hiding as well as she thinks she is,” Fennec replied. Din shuddered at her words. The man suggested a peaceful interaction and Din reluctantly deactivated his whistling birds and removed his jetpack.

Y/N watched as the sniper got up and walked down by the other two men. Y/N checked behind her to see that Grogu was still… whatever he was doing he was keeping it up. She wanted to believe that these people were friendly now but she couldn't let her guard down. As Fennec explained how she was still alive, Din learned the name of the man.

Boba Fett.

He was claiming, and demanding, the armor Din had acquired from the Marshal on Tatooine, saying it was his. Din had a hard time believing that and he wasn't about to hand over precious Mandalorian armor to a man he didn't know. They were on the verge of coming to an agreement when the sound of another ship could be heard. Everyone looked to the noise and saw it was coming from a troop transport. Imperials.

The trio split up and Din began running back up to get the kid. Y/N stepped out from behind the pillar when he got close.

What's happening?

"The Imps are here, they want the kid," he explained quickly. Din once again tried to walk through the force field to get Grogu, but it was even harder this time. Din had to use a lot of his strength just to walk to the middle; only to get flung backwards again. He didn't understand what was really going on. He went to try and get through again, but before he could take a step Y/N stopped him with a hand on his chest.

The energy field is protecting him, you won't be able to get through it. We have to help them.

She motioned to the strangers who were currently holding back the waves of stormtroopers and making it look easy. Y/N didn't know who either of them were, but she wasn't about to let them take on all the troopers on their own.

All we can do is protect him until he's done doing whatever it is he's doing.

Din sighed. He didn't like the situation but what choice did he have. Plus, Y/N would be guarding the child and could grab him whenever he was free of the energy field. "Keep an eye on him. The second that field is down, grab him and get to the Crest," he instructed. Y/N nodded, she looked frightened again and Din wished he could think of some way to comfort her.

"We'll be ok," he told her. Those small words seemed to calm and focus her enough to smile at him.

I've got your back.

Din nodded and looked at Mandi, who seemed oblivious in her wrap. The little girl appeared content if not alert. "Keep them safe," he said before dashing down the hill to aid Shand who was surrounded by stormtroopers. Din braced himself against a boulder and fired his whistling birds.

Y/N picked off troopers with the pulse rifle, leaving piles of white armor behind. The second transport landed and she noticed that the older robed man wasn't anywhere in sight. A large explosion drew Y/N's eyes away from the scope. The sudden lack of blaster fire and noise, made her realize that it was quiet from behind her as well. She turned around and saw that the energy field was gone and Grogu was laying on the stone exhausted. She glimpsed through the scope once more to see the robed man annihilating troopers with a suit of armor similar to Din's. He was commanding all the attention and Y/N took her chance.

She slung the rifle onto her back and ran to Grogu, picking him up and holding him close to her. She made her way down the hill as fast as she could heading towards the Crest as the troop transports took off and tried to escape. Grogu, who was facing outwards and right beside Mandi, began reaching for the little girl’s hand. Y/N was getting down the hill at a decent pace. The Razor Crest was in her sights, even the noise of the transports exploding couldn’t distract her.

With her eyes set on the ship, Y/N noticed it was starting to rattle. She watched as it shook more violently, as if there was a quake happening only below it. She continued to run while watching and soon the Crest was lifted off the ground into the air. Y/N was stopped dead in her tracks and the sound of metal creaking drew the attention of the other three. Everyone was stunned as the Crest was lifted into the air and moved. It was almost like-

Y/N looked down at the children in her arms, Grogu and Mandi were holding hands while each of their other hands was outstretched towards the Crest. Din looked up the hill and saw Y/N and the children. He was in awe. The kids moved the ship far away from where it had been and set it down in a completely different spot. They both gasped in exhaustion from the effort they had just put in. Y/N was beginning to wonder why they did that when a blast as big as a meteor came down from the atmosphere, blowing a massive hole in the ground where the Crest had previously been.

Din was shocked motionless. How had the kids known that would happen? More importantly, who had shot? Din bolted to the Crest as Y/N once again started down the hill. She was about halfway down when she began hearing a sound similar to Din’s jetpack, only louder. She looked behind her and saw several dark figures descending from the sky. Those couldn’t be good. The two strangers began firing at the objects but their bullets only bounced off. Y/N knew they were after the child and as they drew closer she could see they were heavily armored droids. She had a split second decision to make.

Y/N curved her path, ducking behind a large boulder, out of sight from the droids. She unwrapped the cloth hood from her head and wrapped Grogu in it completely, leaving a small hole for him to breathe. She held him for a second and spoke in a hoarse whisper. “Take care of Mando, little Grogu.” With that Y/N set him on the ground in the safe shelter of the strong boulder, wrapped in her shawl that blended in with the ground. Clutching Mandi to her chest she emerged and began running back down the hill as fast as she could.

Din had started up the Crest and prepped it so he could take off at any second. He ran back outside, hoping Y/N was closer. He saw Boba take off, heading to his ship. Din ran to try and get to her, with Fennec right behind him. The droids were getting closer and Y/N moved her legs as fast as she could, jumping over and dodging around rocks. She shed the pulse rifle, running faster. She could hear them. The jets were so loud. She wasn’t going to make it.

One of the droids landed with a loud crash right in front of her, Y/N skidded to a stop and tried a different direction. There was a droid blocking her way, she went the opposite way, one there too. She was surrounded and the droids closed in. She could barely hear Din calling her name, he sounded so desperate. She hoped what she did had worked, the droids wouldn’t know which child they were taking. She held Mandi tight to her chest and stood still, waiting for the droid’s cold hands to grab her. Y/N closed her eyes.

The metal hands clamped down on her waist tight and secure and she was pulled against a metal body. Her eyes opened as her feet lifted off the ground, seeing Din and the sniper come within a few yards short of reaching her. She looked into his visor mouthing the words ‘I love you’ as the droids ascended and took her with. Mandi was now crying and Y/N sheltered her daughter’s head from the high winds, planting a kiss on her forehead and nestling her into her chest.

Din felt like his heart had gotten ripped out of his chest. He had gotten so close to reaching her and he fell short. He stared up at her as the droids carried her away, he read her lips. I love you. Din clenched his fists, why hadn’t he told her! He realized now that he felt the same way. He was in love with this woman and now she was gone, ripped from his hands, taken. Like everything else he loved in his life, it had been taken. He hadn’t even told her he felt the same way. He saw Fett’s ship following and told Fennec to get him to stand down. He watched in horror as the other man's words came through the comlink.

"They're back….the Empire…"

Din had gone from upset to angry. Scratch that, he was enraged. He knew who was on the bridge of the cruiser Fett was describing. And Din wanted to wring his neck. Fett came back and landed his ship, telling them that the droids had taken the woman into the ship and disappeared into hyperspace. Fett had just finished showing Din the chain code in the armor that proved it was his when all three of them heard a soft whining.

Din looked around and saw Grogu waddling towards them, dragging Y/N’s shawl wrap behind him with a little hand. He whined and lifted that hand into the air, as if showing them that she was gone. Din swooped the kid into his arms and held him, the realization of what Y/N had done entering his mind, making him want to scream and cry at the same time.

She had hidden Grogu and let the droids take her and Mandi, to protect Din and his child. She’d sacrificed herself and her baby to those monsters to make sure that Grogu and Din weren’t separated. She had known what she was doing. Din took her shawl from Grogu and held it in his free hand. He could still see the faint darker patch on it where she hadn’t gotten all the blood off from when he used it to clean her wound not long after they first met.

He turned and looked at the other two, not knowing what to say. “Thank you for your help, I’ll...figure it out from here….” Fett stopped him by saying that he had promised the protection of his entire group, not just Din and the child and would therefore help get the woman back. Din gathered up his pulse rifle and jetpack. “Meet me on Navarro, we’ll go from there,” he told the other two. Din boarded the Crest and set Grogu in his seat before taking off. Moff Gideon would pay for everything he had done to Grogu and everything he was going to do to the woman and child Din loved.

~~~~

Y/N woke up in a dark and cold room which she could only assume was a holding cell. It had been awhile since she was in one of these. As she gained her senses she touched her chest and found that Mandi was gone, she looked around the room, but she was alone. Y/N had lost consciousness when the droids flew too high and she couldn’t get enough oxygen. Whatever happened between then and now included them taking Mandi away from her, taking Y/N's weapons away, and throwing her into a cell. She hoped they had been more gentle with her baby. She registered the feeling of something colder around her neck and reached up, her fingers touching cold metal that she only assumed was...yep, shock collar. Was she really seen as that much of a threat?

Just as Y/N got to her feet the door to her cell opened and a man clad in all black with a flowing cape and an imposing attitude entered with a couple stormtroopers behind him. She glared at him with as much hate as she could muster. He just stared back, unamused and undeterred. “I wasn’t aware we had such an influential figure on board,” he spoke. His voice was unnerving, scarily calm and composed.

What have you done with my daughter, you asshole?

She signed snappily and with attitude, knowing he couldn’t understand her. “Are you going to speak or do I have to make you?” He threatened. She saw the troopers fidget with their blasters, probably getting ready to shoot her. She cursed at him in sign, asking again where Mandi was. The man sighed almost unnoticeably. “Do you know where the Mandalorian and the child are?” He asked. Y/N didn’t answer, he wasn’t going to make her speak. She only swore at him more in sign. The man rolled his eyes.

Are you going to keep cussing at me, or actually answer my questions?

Y/N’s eyes widened and the man chuckled at the fear in her eyes as she realized he could sign, and understand her every word. “Now that I’ve got your attention, do you know where they are?” She just stared menacingly at him, not saying or signing a word. “I would think such an important New Republic asset would want to do anything to protect the ones they love,” the man taunted, walking closer to her. He drew a hilt from his belt and with the press of a button a black, shimmering blade emerged from it. He held it inches away from her neck and she could feel the heat radiating off of the weapon.

I don’t know, but you’ll never find them.

The man turned the blade off and clipped it back on his belt. “Not to worry, I have a locator placed inside the Razor Crest. I’ll have them soon.” With that he turned to leave and she charged at his back. Y/N didn’t get very far as her collar was activated and she dropped to the floor, seizing from the electricity. The shocks turned off after a few seconds that felt more like minutes. The man knelt down next to her. “Don’t worry about your daughter, we have supplements to keep her alive for as long as we need,” the man said. Y/N looked up at him and growled. “You on the other hand, we have no use for. Thank you for your specimen.” He said before exiting the room, leaving the distraught mother on the floor, hoping her baby would survive.

[deobitchxx]

Hi there! Can I get a request for hyunjae where he shops and chooses lingerie online with his gf and having discussion on which ones to get + buy for her + a slight soft smut? Thank youu!! Stay safe please!

[ 22:08 // 12.10.2020 // R.SMUT ] It was another day of quarantine and not gonna lie, you started to get bored with it. Staying in the shared apartment with your loved one is sure a good thing, but the fact that you can’t get out to capture things for your Instagram feeds is driving you insane. You are an influencer, you have to update your Instagram for every single day. Puffing your lower lips out, you let out a heavy sigh before throwing your body on the long sofa, resting your head on Hyunjae’s laps. “What’s wrong, love? Rough day?” His soothing voice is enough to calm you, the way he gently stroked your cheeks was the cherry on top. You gave the latter a nod, “We need to get out from this apartment, it’s slowly intoxicating me.” “Be grateful honey. There are homeless people who wish to have their own houses now,” he left a peck on your forehead before proceeding to scroll things on his phone.

You groaned at his response and rolled your eyes, there won’t be a time where he can’t joke around with you. You shifted to lay on your left side of your body, grabbing the remote control nearby and began to channel switch, trying to find the proper television show that was good for you to watch. The way your mouth opened wide to form an obvious yawn made it clear that you’re going through another boring day, having the slightest hope that the young man could do something with it. Instead, Hyunjae kept his concentration more on his phone and his lips often shaped a bright but mischievous smile, as if he was having a side chick behind you. You bleated under your breath, “Geez, your girlfriend is right here yet you focus on your phone more.”

The voice of yours might be quiet, but the bigger figure seemed to catch on as he shifted his attention on you back. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” You glared at him and raised your voice out of displeasure, “Yes, I hate you.” Standing up and wearing your house slippers, you stomped all the way to the room and slammed the door loudly, showing your anger towards Hyunjae. “At least try to read the situation, ugh.” Once again, you rolled your eyes to the back and threw your lazy body on the bed. Lying on your stomach, you aggressively kicked the air out of frustration. You let out a heavy sigh, staring blankly on the wall and mumbled, “What’s so good about his phone anyways..”

While on the other side, Hyunjae was still speechless and dumbfound with your sudden mood swing. “What’s with her.” Blinking his eyes for a few times as he tried to keep up with the reality, taking a quick glance over the door of the bedroom. “I’m pretty sure she’s not in her periods,” he furrowed his eyebrows and turned his attention to his phone. He was actually online window shopping since it was hard for him to get out during the lockdown. At first, he was searching for random furniture and he didn’t know how he ended up in the women section, more specifically women’s lingeries. Even though his eyes completely glued on his phone screen, his mind can’t stop bringing him into fantasies.

He started to imagine how your body perfectly pulled off the black coloured of plunge bra with suspender belt underwear, hiding them with his favourite hoodie. Bending down to grab something inside the cabinet, purposely letting him see the underneath. He even imagined you wearing those satin chemises, lying on the bed while waiting for him to finish his late night shower. Fuck, even those thoughts managed to arouse him. The grip on his phone tightened, as Hyunjae went to the bedroom and opened the door, seeing the sulking you on the bed, avoiding his eye contact.

He cleared his throat, closing the door behind and took a seat on the bed, right next to your body. “Hey, are you alright?” He used his other hand to rub your back, but you were quick enough to slap his arm away, the action itself told him that you were still angry. “Come on, I’m sorry that I was on my phone too much.” He puffed out his lower lips, gently tucked your hair behind your ear from blocking Hyunjae seeing your well defined facial features. “Forgive me, hm?” You replied to him with silence at first, but you knew you can’t keep on getting mad on him, especially when he was this cute just for you. You folded your legs to heel sit next to him and opened your arms, “Hug me.”

A sheepish chuckle escaped from the young man, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him. The corner of your lips formed a quick smile as you moved closer to him, rolling to sit on his laps while wrapping your arms around his neck, resting your face on his shoulder. Both of you stayed like that for a while before Hyunjae started to rub your back in a circle, “Babe..” He called you out as you replied to him with a hum. He gently pulled you and unlocked his phone, showing to you the thing that he found online. “I.. I’m thinking to buy this for you,” the way he confessed his sin was unbelievably adorable as if he was a kid who just stole the candy from his older sibling. You tee-heed, leading the latter to raise his eyebrow out of curiosity. 

“So were you online window shopping the whole time? My bad for thinking that you have another girlfriend by your side.” Your eyes were almost nowhere to be seen as you grinned brightly, snatching the phone away from Hyunjae and scrolled his shopping list. “Woah, you sure browsed a lot. From living room furniture to women lingeries,” you clicked your tongue and looked up to face him, showing him the screen. “I like this one, can you buy this for me?” It was the satin chemise that he imagined you in it. A smile creeped out from his lips as he nodded, “That would totally look great on you.” He scrolled to another page and now the phone was facing you, “How about this one? I’m sure you’ll look great in it.” 

It was the red coloured of a triangle bra with a thong, waiting for your response to it. You bit your lower lips and turned your attention to the man, “I have an identical one just like that, and I’m wearing it now..” The sudden smirk on his lips made you furrow your eyebrows as he leaned closer to whisper right next to your ears, “I know, because I’m going to fuck you with the one that you have now.” Without waiting for your response, he rolled and placed you on the bed, his palms supported the weight of his whole body while he intensely stared down to your eyes. “I’m horny you know.”

“Yes I know, who wouldn’t get horny imagining their spouse in underwear? I would do the same thing too whenever I buy briefs for you,” the boldness in you made you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Smiling into the kiss, he tilted his head to the other side to deepen the kiss while his hand went up to caress your cheek. You suppress a moan once you feel his lips on your jawline, travelling down to your neck before landing on your collarbone. While planting sloppy kisses all over your skin, his hands nudged the hem of your shirt, asking for permission to take it off. You gave him a nod as he didn’t waste another second and immediately rolled the shirt out from your upper body, along with your shorts. 

He pulled away, taking a glance over your almost exposed body. “Damn baby, I wonder how many times will your body excite the man in me.” His hands went to cup your breasts, making you gasp and throw your head to the back. The way he gripped and knead your breasts were so insanely good, it almost made you cum untouched. “H-Hyunjae..” you wailed, hoping the latter will do something with the current state of yours. He let out a chuckle and left a peck on your lips, “Ride me baby, I know how well those hips can do.” 

Sitting on the bed with his legs wide spread and leaning his back against the bed frame, you crawled to straddle his laps and wrapped your legs around him after taking the shirt and boxer off from him. Your hands can’t stop itself moving from touching his well defined abs, lips won’t stop chasing after his. “Greedy enough huh?” You hummed in response, you were surely a mess in-front of him and he didn’t matter at all. While you were sucking his collarbone and moving your hips in circles on his thighs, he pumped his dick in a rush before holding your waist, halting your movement. Pulling your underwear to the side without taking it off, you bring yourself down on his dick.

Both of you let out a gasp, as you took your time from sitting down on his thighs. He was still holding the sides of your body, as you rested your hands on his chest, eyes tight closed due to the waves of pleasures that almost hit your entire body. You started to bounce on his laps, letting the man let out a shaky moan and bit his lower lips. “Damn my baby, you are always the best at riding me.” You nodded before proceeding to ride his dick, bouncing and moving in circles to create more pleasures for both of you. The way his grips starten to get harsh on your body thrilled you, encouraged you to move more harder and shaper.

“I’m c-cuming, a-ahh.” You let out a satisfying groan as the way you bounced on his dick becoming lazily fast, you were trying to catch your own orgasm. Hyunjae rolled you over, letting you lay on the bed as he pulled your legs up to his shoulders, pounding into your tight pussy. He moved his hips speedily and skillfully in inhuman speed, bringing each of you close to the ecstasy. “Hyunjae a-ahh, I’m close,” his name rolled off from your swollen lips like a mantra, as he growled and thrusted his hips harder, the sounds of skin slapping almost dominated the whole room.

The sharp moan of yours indicated that you reached your high, but the latter didn’t bother it at all and still moved his shaft into your pussy. You were crying over the stimulation, gripping his shoulder as it surely will leave a mark on the next day. “Argh,” he let out a groan as soon as he reached his high, taking out his dick and pumped it a few times, shooting his load on your red coloured thong. He sighed in relief, catching his own breath and lazily threw his body next to yours. He looked at his other side, seeing you move your chest up and down to catch the oxygen. He nuzzled into your neck, arm dangerously sneaked to wrap your waist, his hand rubbed your clothed core, spreading the cum all over your thong. “H-Hyunjae, s-stop.” You grabbed his wrist, halting before you might overstimulate yourself. “Better let the cum on your thong, don’t wash it off honey.” With that, he playfully slapped your core before leaving a peck on your lips.

[mayflowers07]

Moceit/found family Superfamily AU

(Tw: mention of panic attacks, depression, anxiety, death, kidnapping, human trafficking. Nothing is shown in huge detail at all but be warned)

Also this is a long plot so bare with me:

Okay so Janus Trần was a 20 year old law student by day, world famous super hero named Deceit by night

His power was that Janus had the ability to mind control people if they looked him in the eyes

And while Janus had always used his powers for good, most people (especially the media) still feared Deceit for what he could potentially do

But that was fine, right? I mean he didn’t really have any friends as Janus and as Deceit the world hated him, but he worked better alone! He was definitely not suffering from crippling loneliness... definitely not...

Everything changed when, while stopping a back robbery, another hero named Morality thought Deceit was the one robbing the bank and tried to fight him

And even when after the mixup was cleared up, Janus was still pissed

Except staying mad at Morality was kind of hard. Because instead of trying to justify himself, Morality told him he was really really sorry and insisted on taking Deceit out for lunch to make up for it

During lunch Janus learned a couple of things:

1) Morality had no concept of keeping secrets. He revealed that his real name was Patton Saleh, he was 22, he had two moms and worked at their bakery, and his powers were to manipulate the weather around him based on his emotions

2) Patton was one stubborn SOB. He payed for the meal (despite Janus’ arguing), he gave Janus his number and started texting him later that night, and decided that they were going to be friends, whether Janus liked it or not

3) Janus was already falling in love with this human ball of sunshine... well shit

The two began hanging out as heroes almost daily (Janus swore that he was annoyed by this) and even began teaming up together to fight together

And that actually worked out really well! They both had way better success rates when they fought together, and Janus really felt happier then ever now that he finally had a friend

The issue was that Janus still didn’t want to give up any of his secrets. About a year after they first met (a year of keeping his growing and growing crush on Patton hidden) and Patton still didn’t know Deceit’s real name, age, occupation, or literally anything

This caused a wedge between the two of them that eventually turned into a huge argument. This ended with Patton screaming that he refused to give his heart to someone who won’t give anything back in return and storming off

The two didnt talk for months and the depression and loneliness hit Janus way harder then ever. He even considered not being a hero anymore because of it

Then one day he saw on the news that Morality got hurt in a battle. Badly hurt. And it was a fight that the two of them could have easily won together but because he was alone, Patton was hurt. Because of him, Patton was hurt

Janus booked it over to the Storytellers’ headquarters (Thomas had the ability to heal wounds and acted as the superhero medical assistance for anyone who needed it)

Storyteller explained that Patton would be fine but he would probably be unconscious for a while and that Janus could sit by his bed to wait

While there, seeing the love of his life so pale and lifeless, Janus broke down and told Patton everything. He confessed his name and his whole backstory- how his parents kicked him out when he was 16 because of his powers. He confessed that he had been scared of opening up ever since then and getting hurt again. And he confessed that he loved Patton so so much, even though he didn’t feel worthy to love someone as wonderful as Patton

Three days later, Patton woke up. And the first thing he did is ask for Janus; not Deceit though, he asked for Janus. Meaning Patton had heard everything while he was out. Once Storyteller gave him the all clear to go into his room, Patton immediately pulled Janus in for a kiss and said that he’d been in love with Janus since that first lunch

Janus wasn’t crying. He was not sobbing hysterically and holding Patton’s hand like a lifeline thank you very much.

Once Patton got back on his feet, the two started dating for real. And sure, they still occasionally fought about Patton not putting himself first or Janus hiding things, but they worked through these things each and every time

Half a year later and the two moved in together

And a year after that and they finally got married

Fast forward to when Janus was 31 and Patton was 33. Patton owned his own restaurant, Janus was a very successful lawyer, and the hero thing was going great

One day while Janus was in court, Morality was patrolling the city when he noticed a figure in black hood and mask graffitiing a building. He went to stop the person but as soon as he touched them, he started having vivid, graphic hallucinations of his worst nightmares until he collapsed on the ground screaming and crying

Eventually Janus got a call saying what happened, and he rushed downtown to pick up his husband and take him home

The hallucinations didn’t end until twelve hours later and the first thing Patton said when he was able to speak was that they needed to find the person who did that to him. But not to get revenge like Janus thought, but to help them

Janus tried to appeal to his husband but Patton was deadset that before the person lashed out, he saw their eyes and they looked like a scared child that needs help rather then a villain

After a week of searching the duo tracked down the kid and found him robbing a 7/11. The kid was hesitant to explain anything, but he didn’t attack them. Before he ran away though, he told them to call him Anxiety and that he was sorry he hurt Morality. Patton considered the interaction a win

Over the course of a year, they continued to reach out to Anxiety. They bought him food whenever they saw him, got him warmer clothes in the winter, they even invited him to sleep over at their house when he got sick or too tired to go home. But he still refused to give his name or take off his mask, even when Janus or Patton trusted him enough to reveal theirs

And Janus found himself getting attached to this sarcastic, introverted little kid. He taught Anxiety to better control his powers (turned out that that first day with Patton was an accident because Anxiety was stressed out) and how to defend himself without powers

The breaking point was reached when one day, Anxiety came to them in the middle of a panic attack. They calmed him down enough for him to explain that, when he was eight his powers manifested, and his mom started abusing him and calling him a monster- and now she has been threatening to kill him

Janus and Patton felt their hearts’ break for their kid so they promised they wouldn’t let him go back to her. Finally Anxiety took off his mask and told them his name was Virgil Brown and he was 15 years old

Thanks to Janus’ lawyer skills, getting Virgil’s mom thrown in jail and obtaining custody of Virgil was easy (when they asked Virgil if he wanted to live with them, he started crying because no one had ever made him feel as safe as Patton and Janus had)

The family got Virgil a therapist and continued to help him with his powers and everyone was content with their perfect little family

Until one day two years later Janus got intel that a local gang was transporting a dangerous weapon to a new location and him and Patton went to intercept the gang before they could

The bust went well but when they went to break down the door of the transport van, they were shocked to find not a weapon, but a seven year old kid chained up and giving off waves of electric energy

Patton flashed Janus the puppy dog eyes so of course they took the kid home with them. The kid was scared out of his mind but with some gentle coaxing from Patton, he told them his name was Roman, he was actually ten but he had been starved his whole life so he was quite small, and when he was five his mom, dad, and twin brother were killed and he was kidnapped to be used as an energy source

Janus and Patton already mentally signed the adoption papers in their heads at this point. And Virgil saw this scared child and saw his past self in him so of course Virgil immediately decided he would die for his new brother

They slowly worked to get Roman back to a physically healthy point and to open up about what happened to him while he was kidnapped, and it turned out that Roman was actually a very talkative, excitable kid when he was not fearing for his life

And each detail Roman gave about how he was beaten and locked away just cemented the fact that Janus and Patton were going to give this kid the childhood he deserved

Life had been going well. Virgil graduated high school and started both med-school and going out on patrol with his dads on occasion, and Roman thrived in school as one of the most popular kids

Of course that was not the end of the story because their lives have never been that simple

Fellow hero Mindmeld died in a building collapse and in his will, he asked someone to go to his apartment and get all his affairs in order

Janus decided he would and lawyers up to go over to the given address. And when he got there, he immediately freaked the fuck out because why was there a kid in the apartment?

Turned out Mindmeld had a four year old son named Logan whose mother died years ago and who was now an orphan with no other relatives. A four year old who also had his late father’s telekinetic abilities that made his toys fly around the air and attack Janus when he tried to pick Logan up

You get the picture by now, of course they adopted Logan

And at first Logan was super uncomfortable and closed off to these strangers and kept asking for his dad

But then one night he had a nightmare and when Patton and Janus came to help him, he sleepily called the duo Dad and Papa and they knew they were making progress

Roman and Virgil were both kind of jealous of Logan at first because to them it looked like he was the favourite of the family as the baby, but Logan was such a curious, sweet little kid that no one could really be mad at him for very long

So Patton and Janus had three kids. Three super powered, traumatized kids.

Except that number soon went up to four. One of the members of the gang that had kidnapped Roman- who was now twelve- confessed from prison that they had never actually killed Roman’s brother

Instead they had sold Remus across the country to a supervillain organization that dealt in trading superpowered kids. Apparently Remus had the ability to manipulate soundwaves

So the parents left Virgil in charge and hauled ass to this organization.

Through some potentially illegal interrogation techniques, they managed to find out which warehouse Remus had been kept in this whole time

They found Remus- who had been locked away in a soundproof cell alone for years- and Remus immediately freaked out and lashed out with his powers when they freed him

The sound wave he released knocked down the buildings around him and ended up temporarily deafening Janus and Patton

Remus started freaking out because he thought they were going to hurt him but both of them were only concerned with this poor, scared kid’s safety

Patton told Remus that they had Roman in safety and immediately Remus calmed down and started sobbing and begging to see his brother

They brought Remus home with them and as soon as the brothers saw each other, they were both hysterical. They refused to even let go of each other for a whole week

Remus took even longer then his brother to adjust. He outright avoided being around anyone in the family other then Roman

Finally Remus confessed that he felt horribly guilty about what he did to his new dads and that he was scared he’d hurt someone again

But then Virgil sat down with his new brother and talked to him about the first time he met Patton and how he hurt him too. He tells him about how he knows what it feels like to think that no one could ever love you unconditional, but assures that with Janus and Patton it’s possible. They all have a group hug afterwards, and Remus soon blossomed around his family

And that where the story ends off: a long, long way away from the silently suffering Janus from the beginning who kept to himself, because he thought that no one would ever love him for who he really was.

Because sometimes a family is

a nine year old kid genius who skipped two grades and is in the habit of recreating the Matilda scene for fun

two sixteen year old twin boys that are known citywide as Deceit’s former sidekicks turned solo heroes named Lightning and Thunder

a twenty-four year old nightmare bender who now mentors under Storyteller as the newest superhero healer

and two forty/forty-two year old retired heroes that love their kids and each other to the ends of the Earth and back

[playingbaseballwithyourson]

A Comprehensive List of Why REFLEKDOLL is One of the BEST EPISODES

1. I mainly come to this show to watch Ladybug and Chat Noir bitch at each other for a solid 15-20 minutes and, my god, does this episode deliver.

2. “You’d better get going before you lose your clown costume.” I C O N I C.

3. For real, confirmation that Ladybug sees Chat as as much of a goddamn clown as the entire fanbase, it’s great. 

4. I know people get on this episode because the ladynoir banter is apparently “”mean-spirited””? But honestly like, banter between friends CAN sound this mean-spirited from an outward perspective while all the friends involved in it are totally fine and in complete understanding that it’s all just joking and in good fun. Ladybug really starts tearing into him (jokingly) and Chat still finishes the sequence by bouncing away yelling “SEE I WAS RIIIIIGHT!” in an upbeat, teasing tone. Like, they’re fine. This is just how they talk to each other as friends and it’s clear neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir take their banter very seriously. (Honestly my banter with my friends can be far more scathing than anything in this episode. XD)

5. Watching Juleka and Luka interact... It’s pure. It’s good. :’3 Just an all around good scene. It’s also nice to follow up on how Juleka’s been dealing with her issues since Reflekta, even though it does turn out she’s made very miniscule progress.

6. Alya’s galaxy brain moment of inviting Adrien to help Marinette with a fashion shoot: Makes a lot of sense and is a great way to capitalize on both the love square’s hobbies to get them to hang out more! It’s the single part of this episode that isn’t a contrivance! 

7. Adrienette look cute in the matching outfits. Sorry but they do.

8. Okay, the thing that is truly great about this episode is that everything about it is a massive contrivance to make the kwami swap happens. ML wants it’s fucking kwami swap and it’s going to bend over backwards to make it happen, and it is NOT shy about it and it is NOT sorry. And honestly?? I FUCKING LOVE THAT. Does a kwami swap make logical sense for it to occur without the heroes having planned for it? No. Are we going to do it anyway? YES!!!! BECAUSE A KWAMI SWAP WOULD BE FUCKING FUN!!! That’s what’s great about ML, and this episode is a great showcase of ML’s priorities as a cartoon (which is probably why this episode rubs some of the fandom the wrong way). A kwami swap is illogical, but it’s fun as fuck, so the show is going to do it. That’s the priority above all else. FUN. AND IT PAYS OFF!

Seriously, everything is a contrivance. Why akumatize Juleka again? Reflekta’s power can handicap the kwamis’ abilities to find their humans in the commotion. Why have Marinette and Adrien change for the photo shoot? Get them to take their miraculous off. Why have them keep the kwamis in the car instead of in their pockets? So they can’t find their own kwamis right away. This episode is jumping through flaming hoops to make this happen and it’s fucking gold. Might there have been a much more natural way to have a kwami swap? Yeah, sure, most likely. But literally WHO EVEN CARES cause this episode starts out fun and ends fun, and it works well enough that I don’t give a flumpty. Hell, I appreciate it even MORE for not being shy about its priorities in this episode. Kwami swap fun? Then kwami swap will happen. Fuck everything else.

9. “Are you okay, Marinette?” “YEAH. HE’S TOO HOT. I MEAN--” This is a top tier Marinette flub.

10. I recognize I’m a minority on this, but I fucking love Mayura. She is a goddamn queen. So gosh darn fabulous with the long coat and the fan. I just love it whenever she shows up so I’m glad she’s here. Makes the villains a touch more intimidating in this episode since there’s two, which pairs well with Marinette and Adrien being somewhat off their game due to the kwami swap.

11. Literally any time Tikki and Plagg interact together is great. 

12. Adrien telling Marinette to hide in the car... TTToTTT <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

13. No one ever believes me when I say Marinette is pure chaotic energy but she HECKING IS! When she finds Plagg with the cat ring, this girl does not waste a goddamn second. Will swapping powers probably mess them up? Yes, but FUCK IT PARIS IS IN DANGER AND WE NEED HEROES NOW SO GIMME THAT RING. SHE JUST DOES NOT WASTE A GODDAMN SECOND TRANSFORMING. SHE CAN TAKE ANYTHING AND ROLL WITH IT. I LOVE MARINETTE.

14. Also Ladynoire’s design is fucking choice.

15. Okay, go onto youtube right now, look up Mister Bug’s transformation sequence, and look at the way he puts on his mask.... I know right??? :D

16. This is a very personal thing, but I love seeing Adrien powered-up without the cat eyes. This is the only time you ever see it, and trust me while I fucking love the cat eyes, it’s a really eye-catching change to see him with his normal eyes here! Think about it, Ladybug has never seen her partner’s real eyes until this episode. It’s cool! (Marinette with the cat eyes, on the other hand, is neat as well, but I don’t think she wears them as well as Chat Noir.)

17. Adrien smacking himself with the yo yo.

18. I’ve said this before but I find it absolutely adorable how, when swapped, Marinette and Adrien base their new names off of each other, rather than making up new ones from scratch. Mister Bug? It’s Ladybug, but boy. Ladynoire? It’s Chat Noir, but girl. Seriously that’s adorable.

19. ADRIEN USING LUCKY CHARM AND GETTING EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED IS ONE OF THE SINGLE FUNNIEST MOMENTS IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SHOW. I’M SORRY BUT IT IS. IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS. JUST ADRIEN BY SHEER LUCK SCHOOLING MARINETTE WITH HER OWN POWER, AND THE COMPLETELY OFFENDED LOOK ON HER FACE AFTERWARDS-- IT’S PEAK ML COMEDY.

20. I’m not the first one to make this comparison, credit goes to @buggachat on that, but Marinette in this episode is like the parent trying to teach their kid how to drive but ends up flipping their shit the second their kid touches the gas pedal. And it’s fucking funny. X”D Marinette has a strong sense of responsibility along with an incredibly specific way of how she likes to do things as Ladybug. Her process is you battle the akuma, gather info about your opponent, use lucky charm at the exact right time that only she knows in order to take them down, and then capture the akuma and/or amok. Her routine is pretty broken in this episode, since it’s now Adrien who needs to do all those things, so that combined with Marinette’s acute awareness of Adrien being a Child Who Causes Problems On Purpose has her veerrryyy on edge this whole episode and it’s just fun to watch. Her asking Adrien if they should switch back, correcting him every time he mis-speaks about how to do Ladybug correctly. It’s not a side of Marinette we get to see every day!

21. Additionally, getting to watch her relax for once in a fight since she’s now in the canonical clown costume is wonderful. I love Marinette. I want good things for Marinette. Relaxation and fun are good. She’s got a lot on her shoulders so this episode is nice, especially with the s3 finale in context.

22. Yknow, I can very happily buy that chataclysm doesn’t work on sentimonsters, since it’s already been established that Miraculous magic can protect from chataclysm. (See: Miraculer)

23. I’ve written already about why Mister Bug wasn’t actually bad with the ladybug miraculous, so I’ll only touch on a couple of those points again. But it is weird to me how people cry about Mister Bug being shit at the ladybug miraculous when he’s so clearly not? He just has a lot of stuff to think about that he usually doesn’t have to worry about cause it’s not his job. When to use lucky charm, HOW to use lucky charm, when to use miraculous ladybug, capturing the akuma once it’s released, capturing the amok. He just quite literally never has to put thought into any of that so it’s pretty understandable that he doesn’t have a handle on it just, automatically. Meanwhile, Marinette doesn’t have a ton of extra things to think about with the cat miraculous, AND she’s canonically naturally talented with handling different miraculous, so it’s very believable that she’d be fine? I get people don’t like that cause they have a problem with Marinette (and any WOC) being competent in general, but she’s just a talented girl. We see her take and roll with anything to stop the villain in every episode of the show, so there’s not actually a reason for her to notably struggle with the cat miraculous. But hell, she actually DOES make things worse by chataclysming Reflekdoll, which might have not happened if she paused before just rushing in and using her power (after proudly declaring she is now the Team Clown). But it’s understandable that she didn’t predict the sentimonster to react how it did, and I can see Adrien making the same mistake, so eh. 

24. But my point is that in terms of this discourse, I think this episode is fine. It’s about Ladybug and Chat Noir learning that they’re both quite good and very comfortable in their default roles. She’s great at handling her job and he’s great at handling his. That’s a perfectly fine lesson for this episode, and it’s not super necessary for them BOTH to learn that their partner’s job is actually super hard! The episode starts with them teasing each other about their roles, and it ends with that little bit of conflict between them being eased away due to their experiences from the kwami swap. Chat Noir is still a clown, Ladybug still is too concerned with her usual responsibilities to spend a lot of time clowning with him in fights, and that’s okay. They both learn to relax about it. It’s a good lesson for them to learn about each other, and it feels natural for the show to spend some time exploring their dynamic as partner heroes! 

25. I actually fucking love how it’s established that the lucky charm works differently for different people. This episode BASICALLY CANONIZES that Marinette’s lucky charm is so insane because SHE HERSELF, IS SO INSANE. Adrien thinks much simpler (which I’ve written about how that’s not a bad thing in previous posts), so his lucky charm is just: You need a mirror? Okay, here’s a mirror. And it’s actually very fun and interesting to me that his ability to use his lucky charm was handicapped specifically becuase he’s only ever watched Marinette use it. Marinette’s lucky charms always yield wildly complicated plans, and that’s the exact thing she’s shouting at him the whole episode, so he expects it to be complicated and thus can’t figure out how to use the mirror. It’s only when they sit down and realize that they’ll have to think on Adrien’s level instead of Marinette’s that they figure out what to do with it! Marinette’s spent the whole episode basically backseat driving for him (understandably), so the fact that the resolution is her meeting Adrien at his own spot and working on his level instead of hers- It’s a good way to wrap the episode up! 

26. Duuzu.

27. dID HE JUST DAB?!?!

28. Oh my god he did. And people actually hate this episode, smh.

29. Marinette flirting with Chat Noir will always give me life, and we get so much of it in this episode! Her calling him Bugaboy is this perfect combo of flirtatious and teasing that’s just very on-brand ladynoir. It’s perfect in this episode for literally so many reasons that I don’t even have time to list them cause this essay is already really long.

30. Adrien and Marinette interacting with the others’ kwami? Wholesome. Marinette and Adrien reuniting with their kwamis? Very wholesome. They’re both so attached to their kwamis in different ways, and they’re also together with their kwamis practically every waking moment of their lives. I can imagine being apart from them even for a little must’ve been a touch anxiety inducing, so it’s nice to see how sweet everyone is when they’re reuniting!

31. Adrien says at the end that he’s not cut out to be Ladybug and honestly y’all... That’s okay. Adrien has his role and he’s incredibly good at his role, and Ladybug is incredibly good at hers. They’re both SATISFIED with their roles. He’s not upset when he says he’s not cut out to be Ladybug, not even a little. He very happily takes Plagg back and steps back into his usual territory. Again, he wasn’t bad at the ladybug miraculous. It just came with more to think about than he really wants to, things that Ladybug is very HAPPY to think about, and if their dynamic already works, then he’s perfectly happy to focus on his part and leave her job to her. That’s great!!!

32. Juleka getting to do the fashion shoot... Yay. :’D I just want good things for Juleka.

In conclusion, this episode is pure unbridled fun from start to finish. It’s chaotic, it’s got top tier banter, it’s a phenomenal change of pace from the rest of the series. I actually love watching this episode with folks for the first time because seeing the look of complete shock and glee on their face as Marinette grabs that cat ring from Plagg is just FUN! And at the end of the day, this episode is a statement on three things:

- Marinette is a talented girl. -Adrien is great at his job. - And ML as a show’s priority will always, first and foremost, be fun.

And none of those are a bad thing. 

Hope you enjoyed the essay! :D

[suhfleur]

dear, my dear • jaebeom (2/4)

• pairing: soulmate!jaebeom x reader

• genre: romance, angst, smut

• warnings: cursing, sexual content

• word count: 2.2k

summary: in a world where a touch can lock the doors of the heart, his voice opened the doors to your soul as he filled it with joy.

a/n: i like doing cliches. enjoy. forgive any typos, i didn’t review this.

•••

“That’s amazing!”, would sound fake.

“Wow, how it happened?”, wasn't something you wanted to know. And, “I'm happy for you” would be the last thing you felt like saying.

But you should still be a good friend.

He never even broached the subject of soulmates with you, so knowing how he felt at the moment was a cloudy situation.

You weren’t sure how to act.

Sunny decided to sleep with you, just in case, because she was too good of a friend to let your shocked ass alone. And you were grateful, because being alone all night wouldn’t do anything for you, except make you cry.

But right now, you are lying on the floor of the rooftop of your building, staring at the stars as if maybe they could tell you what to do. Pretending that nothing happened wouldn’t help much.

[10:16 pm] loftv: And how are you feeling about this?

You thought maybe he might be busy in the studio and wouldn't answer fast, but the answer soon came.

[10:21 pm] def: fine. I feel the same as always.

[10:22 pm] loftv: Is that all? Didn't you feel anything extraordinary?

[10:22 pm] def: it doesn't matter to me.

[10:23 pm] loftv: And why not?

def is typing… appeared on your screen for at least 7 minutes, and yet, no message came for almost others 5 minutes.

[10:35 pm] def: you took too long to answer. what happened?

Okay. He definitely doesn’t want to talk about it. Time to move on.

[10:36 pm] def: I missed you.

You sighed heavily, feeling your stomach twist and turn. No matter if you had found your soulmate, def was still the one you loved. And nothing would change that, not even a predestined love.

[10:37 pm] loftv: I’m sorry. Got carried away with some things. Missed you too.

[10:38 pm] loftv: A lot.

[10:38 pm] loftv: Tell me how you feeling. What you doing right now?

Putting your phone down, you heard Sunny clear her throat, looking at you suggestively.

“What?” You asked nonchalantly.

“You found your soulmate." She said as she propped her elbows on the floor and rested her chin on her left hand. “And I’m not even questioning it, I know you found him… or it is her?” She asked smiling.

“I don’t know,” You answered, thinking about the whole situation at the subway and how it messed the hell out of you. Sunny looked at you deadass like that meant ‘what do you mean, girl?’. “It happened at the subway station. People kept pushing me until somebody touched me and everything happened. I lost him… or her. I don’t have any idea. I just felt like crying… but not because I was scared. But… I felt happiness. It was so weird…”

“Do you still think the soulmate thing is something theatrical?” Sunny asked you while running her fingers through your hair. She seemed cynical.

“No. Not even a bit,” you turned on the floor until you were face to face with her. “and that’s why I’m mad. And scared. And everything.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to have that person. Even if my body it’s telling me otherwise, this is not what I want.”

“This is not who you want, right?” Sunny’s voice sounded kinder and her eyes tried to calm you down. Somehow.

“I love somebody else, Sunny.” Your eyes filled with water, so you returned back to the starting position, with your back against the floor as you looked up, expecting something to come from the sky and change all that, again.

“You know… When I met Jaehyun, everything seemed so natural that it was weird. Like, I had never seen him before and it didn’t feel strange at all. I hoped that even though he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my days with, we would have some kind of... uncomfortable moment, I guess? After all, we didn't know each other. But when I bumped into him at the Museum and we started talking, that thing... started to make sense.” She said excitedly while sitting and crossing her legs.

“What thing?” You asked, curious, looking at her again.

“Do you remember that I would always tell you that every time I picked up that specific book from the library, I felt something different? I never knew how to explain that, but I would always feel that warm feeling, like my soul was being hugged, and you called me high, which was rude of you, by the way, little bitch. But, moving on, when Jaehyun and I started meeting each other, he told me he used to go to that library and always take that same book to read!”

“Okay now, this is a hell of a coincidence.” You answering, not knowing exactly where Sunny was trying to go with that information.

“The thing is: it wasn’t a coincidence, Y/N. Whenever I walked in front of that law firm, I felt the same way I felt when I touched that book. That was because Jaehyun worked there. That Japanese food restaurant that you and I like to go whenever is possible, I used to feel the same way too, because Jaehyun used to go there a few times when you and I were, he would sit with his friends a few tables away from us, every Friday.”

You still didn’t get it.

“What you trying to say to me, Sunny?”

“This whole soulmate thing is not like life is throwing somebody at your door and saying ‘here it is’. It is not predestined as a computer programming, it is built until it is unified. It’s storytelling, your storytelling, but it has to be built. Life introduces you to your soulmate, in some weird ways, yes, but it does. That’s why it’s called soulmate.” Her eyes expressed more than what you could catch. “Just don’t overthink right now. At some point, you will know what I mean.”

And you really wish you could understand that at the moment, fully. But maybe it was not for you right now.

“Hungry?” You nodded. “Good, I will order pizza now. Half spicy!” Sunny got up quickly, laughing. “And you are going to eat with me!”

“You know I don’t eat spicy things!” You shouted as she ran into your apartment, moving backward just a few steps to look at you.

“Life is too short to not eat spicy things, especially when you never ate it before. And, if I were you I'd look at my phone because you're probably leaving a certain someone talking to himself.” She said laughing as she disappeared into your living room.

Oh shit, def…

Quickly picking up your phone from the floor, you see that he had only sent you two messages, 10 minutes ago.

[10:41 pm] def: can I call you? I really missed you.

[10:45 pm] def: please?

You felt your hands shake a little at the question. The two of you had never been messaging, his idea of not knowing much about you never included not talking on the phone, but he never even asked about it.

And now, receiving his call was an overwhelming idea.

[10:55 pm] loftv: I’m sorry, I was talking to my friend.

[10:55 pm] loftv: But yes, call me.

And as soon as you sent the message you started preparing, trying not to create what you didn't want: expectations. You had no more than 1 minute to think about anything because soon your phone was vibrating and his name was shining brightly on your screen.

You answered quickly.

“Hey.”

His low and husky voice vibrated in your ears, in almost a whisper, as if he was testing territory. And you felt like throwing up, your stomach kept spinning, feeling goosebumps on the back of your neck. He could always make you fall apart just like that.

“Hey, you… You never answered me what you were doing.” You said shyly, biting your lower lip, hoping that you didn’t sound stupid.

“That’s why I’m calling you, miss. To show you what I’m doing…” His voice sounded a little more excited.

“Well… You are not going to really show me anything, you know how calls work right? I just can hear you.” You mocked.

“Oh, you are the smartest person in the world, uh?” He answered wryly. “You understand what I’m saying, you wanna know what I’m doing or not?”

“Ok, big baby. I’m all ears.” You heard a small laugh from him, making you smile more. He was walking somewhere because you could hear him opening and closing a door. “Where are you?”

“Studio.” His voice was distant as if the cell phone had been placed somewhere far away.

“I’m waiting…” You hummed.

“Wait a minute, Einstein. I’m almost there.” Then you heard the keyboard noise and a few clicks. “There we go, I hope you like it…”

A gentle guitar melody began to play and you lay back on the floor again, enjoying his voice blending perfectly with the sound of the strings and the sudden beat coming in.

“You’re always in my thoughts,

Where you are right now,

If only I could know

Even if it takes a few years

I want to find you…

Come back to me.”

The calm words being chanted as supplications filled your mind, while the starry sky presented you with this perfect combination.

You didn't even notice when it was over. Only when you heard his voice again.

“You liked it?” He sounded hesitant.

“You still ask me that? It's beautiful. Perfect. Tell me this is the final version, please, I'll kill you if you make any changes." You heard his laugh and some noises again, as if he were leaving that place again, locking a door.

"I would only change something if you told me this song was horrible, after all, you are my quality manager, right?"

The noise of movement and cars grew louder.

"Are you leaving the studio?"

“Yes. I’m going home now because I think somebody once told me that if I was past 11 pm in the studio, she would strangle me or something like that…”

“That must be a nice person, then.” You answered, laughing at him. At least your threats were working.

“Yeah. She is very nice… But tell me now, what are you doing, my Lily?”

So, you guys talked about absolutely everything, from how sushi is not all that good to the meaning of constellations in each mythology, which honestly left you wanting to jump on him because that man could talk about everything, and there wasn’t, at the moment, something sexier than the way he explained things. The conversation was so long and relaxed that you walked through the whole house while talking to him, and now you were on the living room floor, next to a Sunny who just passed out watching Princess Mononoke from Studio Ghibli. After eating a disguting spicy pizza that almost made you throw up while talking to def, and he mocked you for 15 minutes.

Just as your friendship started naturally, the same thing happened with this first phone conversation and you thought "why the hell am I so afraid?", you had never felt so stupid. It was time to be brave. After all, you had nothing to lose. He was not predestined for you.

"Def?" You called, hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"I think... I mean... Why is it so hard to form a phrase? God... Ok. I think we should see each other, if it's ok with you."

You waited anxiously for the answer, and received a laugh.

"If it's ok for me? C’mon now, I'm waiting to see you for months. Of course it's ok for me. When do you want to see me?"

Right now, please.

"Is it okay if I want to see you tomorrow? After work...”

“Are you sure? I mean, you know I work at home, so no problem but it won't be tiring for you?” The concern in his voice warmed your heart a bit. Always so understanding.

“Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry. I just really want to see you.” You admitted holding your breathe.

“I really want to see you, Lily. I really do.”

“Good, I can’t wait to hear why you call me Lily and it better be a good reason or I swear to God, we gonna fight!” His laughter once again filled your ears and heart. “Even though I don't want to go now, it's already 2 am and in 5 hours I have to go to the university and then work. Unfortunately, capitalism forces me to go. See you tomorrow?” You asked with dreamy voice, and big smile.

“Of course you will... Before you go, let me tell you one important thing.”

“What is it?” You asked curiously, looking lazily at the screen.

“My name is Jaebeom. Lim Jaebeom. Sleep well, my Lily.”

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month 2020- Day 9

Prompt-Prolonged Embraces

The exam had been awful; the questions were formulated in such a way that they were confusing to begin with but the subjects they asked about were also very difficult and hard to cover in 50 words. They had over 30 questions and barely an hour and half to finish, much like her, everyone else walked out of the room with their head bowed looking at the ground and doing everything in their power not to catch someone’s eye in case that person thought to strike up a conversation about said exam. They were also all moving in slow motion and zombie-like. The teacher had been cruel, Hinata had attended all classes, did all the extra work and studied as much as she could. Last night as she was looking over everything one last time, she felt hopeful and sure of her knowledge. When Ino quizzed her, she made no errors. But she barely had time to think so she wrote the first thing to come to mind; she didn’t even have time to look over everything before handing in the exam. Thankfully this had been her last exam this semester, this year and this University experience. Ino finished her exams two days ago and she wanted to go out and celebrate, but Hinata wanted to go home and take a 10-hour nap, wake up eat and then go back to sleep.

“I got out. Not 1 word abt it.” Hinata texted Ino and the blonde replied almost immediately witch a bunch of sad emojis.

Her first stop before going to the apartment and cry a little to let out her frustration and make herself better, was a fast food restaurant, she needed food and fast; thus the location. There was only one person in front of her so she was able to order her sub pretty fast. She sat herself at one of the empty tabled to eat half of it in a hurry. The other half she packed and put in her bag; she’d keep that one for later to eat after waking up.

Ino was in the living room on the sofa applying some more lipstick when Hinata walked in. Ino looked at her with sympathy and gave her a big hug.

“I’m sorry it sucked.” The blonde said but didn’t address more the topic because she knew Hinata didn’t really want to talk about it “What are you gonna do? Do you want to come with me and Sakura to a party?”

Hinata only shook her head. “I’ll go party with you this weekend, now I just want to sleep and forget everything I learned” Ino laughed

“Ok babe, but if you change your mind just shoot me a text and I’ll let you know where I am” The blonde said as she checked her reflection one more time before picking up her fanny pack and putting it around her waist. “Whoever decided to bring these back into fashion was a genius. I have my phone, money and keys in there and I won’t have to worry about losing my clutch or whatever the whole time” Ino’s gratefulness to the fanny-pack-Gods has been something she expressed whenever she went out in the past year.

Hinata went to the fridge and put the remaining half of the sub before kissing Ino’s cheek and dragging herself up the stairs. Before sleeping she decided to take a bath and relax. The tub filled slowly with hot water and she even decided to use one of her citrus bath bombs and some lemon oils. Before stepping into the water, she went to fetch her phone and played some music in the background. The moment she was fully undressed and in the water her muscles started to relax. Her brain started to wander; how she wished Sasuke was there, he would be able to distract so easily. Her body was indeed starting to loosen up but her brain was still overthinking everything about the exam from her actual answers, to how she wrote, wondering if the teacher could even read her scribbles at all especially since she rushed so much. She wrote her name right…?

Shushing her thoughts, she started to wash her body and hair slowly but even as she was rinsing her hair for the second time her brain was still spinning in circles. The bath didn’t seem to help so she got out of it much faster than she wanted. Dressing in her most comfortable pj which were a pair of loose shorts and one of Sasuke’s t-shirts she went to bed after drying her hair for a while; it was still damp but she was too tired to care. She almost wanted to force herself to cry a little because she always felt better after crying but no tears came so she did the next best thing, closed her eyes and thought of Sasuke; of his soft hair under her fingertips, his beautiful eyes when he looked at her, his soft lips as they traced her neck. She fell asleep with Sasuke on her mind and her mind gripped onto that thought and continued it into her dream.

In her dream they were having a panic, they just finished eating and were laying down on the blanket looking at the sky, pointing at clouds and saying what they looked like. She was just pointing to a cat folding origami when Sasuke pulled her closer and started kissing her neck. He breathed her in and hugged her close.

“I missed you so much” Her brain was still half-asleep but she was certain that the voice was real, as were the arms that were holding her close. Hinata opened her eyes wide only to see Sasuke looking down at her; he was still in his uniform. The moment their eyes met she started crying and pulling him as close as she could; her arms were around his neck her legs around his waist; if she could she would live in his embrace.

“I missed you too” she said still crying. She hadn’t seen him in about 4 days, he had been really busy and couldn’t skype; but she hadn’t touched him in over 7 months. Sasuke was a solder in the army and had been deployed for almost 2 years now. He returned for a few weeks when he had been injured 7 months ago but that hadn’t been nearly enough time together.

“How long are you back for?” His deployment only ended in another 3 months as far as Hinata knew. “Oh my God are you hurt again?” She asked and pulled away from him softly and looked at him as he was lying on her bed, he seemed fine.

“I’m not hurt” He told her with a smile and ran his hand over her upper arm. “Things worked faster than then we thought and most of us were sent home. Only a couple people higher in rank had to stay till the end.”

Hinata looked at him for a second. “So…you’re home…for good?” Her voice was trembling.

“Yes. At least until the next deployment which shouldn’t be very soon” His smile was blinding. Her tears were pouring again. Sasuke was on his back on the bed and she crawled on top of him; almost instantly his arms curled around her. They stood there embracing for a really long time. Sasuke was really tired after his journey and Hinata just wanted to hold him close and make sure he was real.

“I’m going to take a shower and change ok?” He asked, his voice was lower and he sounded sleepy. Hinata got up from him and allowed him to go to the bathroom. While he was showering, she went downstairs to the kitchen, she was sure Sasuke was hungry and the only food they had was her half sub which was nearly not enough for both of them. So, she put some water and rice to cook and, in another pan, fried some chicken breasts. The chicken was done quite fast and the rice was still being cooked so she decided to make a sauce; she cut some tomatoes, onions, peppers and carrots and put them into a pan with some salt, garlic, tomatoes sauce and soy sauce. As she was stirring softly two strong arms came from behind and hugged her.

Neither of them said anything; it was common for Hinata to cook while Sasuke was embracing her softly, his head on her shoulder. The rice was cooked so she stopped that burner but the sauce needed a bit more time which was fine since the rice needed to cool off and steam for another 5-10 minutes to be fluffy. The veggie sauce was done too and she turned off the last burner and took a step back into Sasuke. He took one as well and loosened his embrace just enough so she had space to turn around and hug him back.

“Welcome back; I just realized I didn’t even say that” Hinata said as she ran her hands thought his hair, it was longer than last time he was home but just as soft.

“I’m home” He whispered into her neck and kissed the skin just above her collar bone. They didn’t mover for a couple minutes before Sasuke’s stomach started making sounds.

“I think you’re hungry” Hinata said amused. It was amazing how Sasuke made everything better in her world, the exam and her bad mood felt like they had happened ages ago. All she could remember, all that mattered were Sasuke’s hugs. Hinata filled two cups with water while Sasuke fixed 2 plates for them to eat.

“You finished your exams, today right?” Sasuke asked between chewing.

Hinata nodded “Yes, it’s finally over”

“We should celebrate this weekend, you finished University” Sasuke was 3 years older than her; but she was also almost 2 years older than most of her peers; instead of going to Uni right after high school Hinata had to stay back due to some family issues. Sasuke did more courses than normal people for 3 semesters so instead of 4 years he finished University in 2 after which he went directly into the army. Hinata’s dad was also in the army and that’s how they met; during the first event Sasuke attended. They started dating about 2 months after; Hinata was a senior in high school and Sasuke had just joined. (They were 19 and 22 at the time; now they are 25 and 28)

“Of course, we’re celebrating, you’re home” The house was Hinata’s and Sasuke’s but during the 4 years of University Ino rented their guestroom but the blonde packed most of her things and sent them back to her home with a moving truck. She was to leave Wednesday next week.

They ate and talked some more about Hinata’s future plans to teach middle-school English, about Sasuke’s deployment which went really well, besides a few injures, nothing major happened. After they finished eating Sasuke went to wash the dished. Just like he did when she was cooking Hinata hugged him from behind while he was working.

He was finally home; whenever he was gone Hinata always was a bit on the edge but with him close everything was as it should be. “I love you” she said and kissed his shoulder.

“I love you too” Sasuke said and turned around and in a few quick moves picked her up and put her on the counter. He walked between her legs and held her close and kissed her slow and steady. He had missed her so much, not only in a sexual way but in a physical and emotional way. He missed holding her while they slept, missed smelling her perfume everywhere around him, missed her voice and they way she held his hand whenever they were walking together even if it was in the supermarket. Her positivism and innocence also were things he craved. He missed everything that made her her.

He deepened the kiss and Hinata crossed her legs over his waist. He placed his hands under her butt and picked her up still not breaking the kiss. Sasuke knew the house well enough to navigate it while kissing her but Hinata broke the kiss when they reached the stairs and smiled at him.

“Let’s go to our room” She said still smiling beautifully at him. Every part of her body was touching his in their embrace and nothing had ever felt that perfect before.

“Yes, let’s go” He would sleep with her in his arms today; of course, after ravishing some of her innocence.

[looselucy]

Epilogue

August 22nd – Harry’s POV Thirteen years of living with her, and I still wasn’t quite accustomed to how it felt to wake beside Alfie every morning.

Each day was met with this quiet elation, especially when I was lucky enough to wake up first, watch her peacefully slumbering. I would simply lay on my side and embrace those few moments of harmony, playing with her hair and not taking my eyes off her for even a second. It was exactly how I’d wanted to spend my Monday morning. It had been how I’d spent most of my mornings for thirteen long years. I’d only been back in Rosebury for three months before I asked her to move in with me. She had been adamant that we take things slowly, go about things as though it was a brand-new relationship, but I wanted to live with her so badly. She was round at mine most of the time anyway, so to me it had made sense to just ask. And though she said no the first time I asked, after a few more months of practically begging her, she moved into the home I had initially bought for my mother, and we made it our own just in time for Christmas. Thirteen years and I was still in awe of how it felt to wake in our bed, to know I had a life with her. I leaned into her, placing the softest kiss I could upon her lips in the hope of not waking her, but as I pulled away, I noticed there was a smile on her face, proving that I hadn’t quite managed it. She opened her eyes, the morning light unforgiving as she blinked in the new day. “Morning.” Her voice was sweet, fractured. “Morning, Fee. Happy Birthday.” “Oh shit. It’s my birthday?” She whined, turning her head into the pillow. “Yep.” I chuckled. “Another year older, still as beautiful as you were the very first time I saw you.” “What, in my neck-brace?” She looked at me again and laughed. “Well it’s not hard to be, is it?” “Fair point.” I snickered. “You still looked good though.” “You talk shit.” “M’serious!” She didn’t have to believe me because I knew it was true. Even with her neck-brace and her gym-wear on, nothing could have covered how beautiful she was. She caught my eye so quickly, and I knew she’d always thought that was because I’d spotted her injury, but I wasn’t sure that was entirely to blame. She went all shy, rushing to give me a peck on the lips before she went back into hiding, burying her pink cheeks into the duvet. “You should’ve stayed asleep. M’gunna make you breakfast in bed.” I said. “Hm.” She didn’t seem too impressed by the gesture. “What?” I queried as she revealed herself to me again. “Y’know what’s better than breakfast in bed?” She smiled. “Cooking breakfast with you.” That’s what I loved about her and our relationship. There was always this sense of teamwork, solidarity, cooperation, support. There was no more give than there was take on either end, we simply worked together as a unit and that was what made us happy. She knew that she’d get more pleasure from spending her time making breakfast with me than she would simply receiving the breakfast. There was more to gain that way. “Alright, let’s make breakfast together then.” “Kiss me first.” She demanded sweetly. “You needy thing.” I hushed, leaping to lay my body on top of hers and kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed; with every ounce of strength and love I had in me. It felt incredible to see her so bright, so happy. I could feel the way she smiled as I kissed her, something I didn’t think I could ever tire of. Every day with her felt exciting. We were settled with one another and our lives together, that much was clear, but there was an exhilaration there that I was confident would never fade. Maybe it was partly to do with the fact we’d lost each other at one point, like there was an appreciation there, an awareness of what life was like without the other, how bland and meaningless. Or maybe that’s just what happens when you’re with the right person. Maybe real love never loses its light. I kissed her until she was breathless, then swiftly I clambered off her, smirking and watching her whilst I grabbed our dressing gowns from the back of the door, throwing hers over her happy little face before putting mine on and fastening it tight. “C’mon then!” “Okay, I’m up, I’m up!” She cried, throwing herself out of bed and putting her gown on before she started chasing me out of the room. She caught up to me and grabbed at my hand, rearranging my fingers so that she could slot her own between them, my stomach still leaping due to the contact. Thirteen years, and my body still burst with giddy glee at the most minor of touches, everything from hand holding to how she would sometimes search for me in her sleep, her mind trapped in dreams and her physical form finding me, as though I was the embodiment of her subconscious fantasies. I loved the life I’d built with her. After she’d moved into our home, we spent some time debating over what we should do with her old apartment above the shop, and we’d eventually realised that our best option was to turn it into a gallery. I kept my most precious pieces there, the few I didn’t want to sell, and people would travel to Rosebury to see them, wander up into that small space and immerse themselves in what I regarded as my favourite pieces. It was a wonderful space. I still painted and Alfie still worked in her shop when she could, and other than those times where I’d need to travel for work, we spent most of our time together. Whenever we were apart it physically stung. I always rushed home to her. “You make the brews.” I grinned as we walked into the kitchen, lightly smacking her arse as she headed towards the kettle, laughing at how she squealed delightedly over my touch. In my younger years, especially my darkest years – at university and my first time living in New York, I hadn’t ever really thought about my future, how it might look, what I wanted. I had been so lifeless and lost that considering how things might be down the line had never been something that entered my mind. The only time I ever started thinking about the future was when I’d met Alfie. I should have known instantly that was because she would be the centre of my life from that point forward. From the very first fucking time we’d met, she had eclipsed my life then and every day since. I knew that wasn’t ever going to fade. I knelt down and opened the cupboard door ahead of me to get out all the necessary equipment. “So what do you fancy?” I asked her, continuing when she didn’t answer. “Summat little or Full English? I feel like we should go all out. With it being your birthday. Fee?” I turned to her, noticing her blank expression, the way she just stared forward like she’d seen a ghost, zoned out and empty. I dropped everything that had been in my hands, the pans and cutlery clattering on the floor as I practically jumped to her, standing in front of her in an attempt to grab her attention, snap her out of it. “Fee?” I tried again, but there was nothing. I really didn’t want to panic. I really didn’t want to expect the worst, but I could feel her fading. I could see a haze clouding her mind and taking everything away from her. I could fucking see it. The mug she had been holding fell from her loosening grip, shattered across the kitchen floor, and that’s when I couldn’t hold in my fear any longer. “Fuck, Fee, stay with me.” I grabbed at the side of her neck, pressed my forehead against hers, holding her as steadily as I could when she stumbled due to my strong hold, but she was still completely blank. “Please stay with me. Listen to my voice, okay? Listen to my voice, I don’t wanna lose you.” It wasn’t working. Slowly, she was fading away again, right before my eyes. Everything I loved about her, all our memories, all of who we were, just disappearing into nothing. My bottom lip began to tremble, fighting tears. “Alfie, do you remember who I am? Can you tell me my name?” She didn’t have an answer for me. She didn’t have anything other than the drop of her brows, which was almost an answer in itself. It told me she was confused, desperately searching for the correct, or any, response to my question, but she was unable to find one. It told me she didn’t know my name. It told me that her Alzheimer’s was flaring up once again.

2 years earlier… “No. No, that can’t be right.” Harry blurted from beside me, keeping desperate hold of my hand. “Please tell me that’s not right. She’s only thirty-six! That can’t be right!” “I’m really sorry.” My doctor replied simply. “I know you were both hoping for better news.” It was the worst-case scenario. It was the exact news we’d been dreading. It had started with really small things that Harry had noticed before even I had, how I would misplace things, struggle to find the right words. Then my memory really started to fail me, and even things like my vision took a hit, and that’s when Harry forced me to book an appointment with the doctor. I think he’d done that in the hope that we could rule Alzheimer’s out for good. But the opposite had happened. “Well… What can we do? How can we stop it?” Harry wailed as I sat in silence, attempting to let it all sink in. “I’m afraid there’s no known cure at this moment in time. But what I need you to do is have a good routine,” He addressed me. “Keep your mind active, and for now that’s all we can do.” “But-” “I’m sorry, Harry. Maybe further down the line if she’s having depressive episodes or struggling to sleep, there are things we can do and medications we can prescribe. But other than that, the best you can do is take it day by day and keep her happy.” I had no idea what to say. All I could do was hold his hand as tightly as I could, prove to him I was still there with him even though I couldn’t say a word. Maybe I’d been expecting the diagnosis in some ways. I knew it could be hereditary in some cases, so it was something I’d worried about sparsely since my mother was diagnosed, but then I’d always pushed it to the back of my mind, told myself that it wouldn’t happen to me. It was terrifying to have to acknowledge that it was already happening. “H-how long do we have?” Harry asked next. “It varies. You could have many, many happy years together. Just because she’s been diagnosed, doesn’t mean that it’s the end. Best-case scenario, this is the extent of it. It might not get any worse.” “And worst-case scenario?” Harry hadn’t needed to ask that. It had been a matter of months between my mother’s diagnosis and her moving into that home for assisted living. That’s all it had taken. Harry knew that already; I don’t know why he needed to hear it from my doctor. I guess it was disbelief more than anything. A refusal to face what we both knew. As scared as I was, I couldn’t imagine how that felt for him. If and when my mind began to truly disappear, I wouldn’t even know about it. Harry was the one who would have to watch it happen, to witness my demise, to lose me in the most painful way. He would be the one handling the most agonising repercussions of my illness and that made it even worse. I didn’t want him to go through that, ever. I couldn’t imagine how he felt then, having to acknowledge the possibility that in just a few months’ time, I might not even be able to recognise him. “Maybe… a few months…” My doctor managed to say, before Harry broke completely, dropping his head into his free hand and sobbing. And still, I sat in silence, hoping I had more time than my mother had, hoping that this illness wouldn’t be something that ruined Harry’s life as well as mine. I hoped he could be more selfish than my father had managed to be, but I knew he wouldn’t be. It would be history repeating itself all over again. I kept tight hold of his hand as he wept, still unable to find any words to share. I was terrified.

I opened the door to Robert, saw the way his smile dropped as soon as he’d noted the exhausted look on my face. He had planned to come around and spend the day with his daughter on her birthday, but he could tell instantly that he wouldn’t be so lucky. The sun was no longer shining, dark clouds hanging so low I thought they might be touching the tops of the trees that surrounded our home. It sometimes felt as though the sun couldn’t shine without her. “How is she?” He asked before he could even greet me. “Not so good.” I answered, stepping aside to welcome him. “What’s happened?” He asked as he entered, taking off his coat. “I dunno, I just lost her.” I tried to stay calm, to hold in my tears. “She was fine and then she just… She just disappeared.” “Where is she now?” “She’s upstairs sleeping.” “Okay. We’ll leave her to it. Hopefully she’ll wake up feeling more like herself. Let’s have a cuppa, eh?” I liked having Robert around. He understood my situation better than anyone else, though I’d gotten much luckier than he had with Rita. It had been over two years since Alfie was first diagnosed, and most days she was okay. It wasn’t often she completely vanished like she had that morning, whereas Robert had all but lost his wife in a matter of weeks. Rob was never condescending, he never compared my situation to his, and as agonising as it was losing my Fee that way, I could never imagine how he felt. To have lost his wife to that disease and now his daughter, I couldn’t even comprehend it. To have had to witness them both slowly fading away. He always remained resilient, positive, trying to make the most of the horrific hand he had been dealt. No one had my respect in the way he did. “You sit yourself down, son.” He demanded once we were in the kitchen, heading towards the kettle. “Talk to me.” “I… I don’t even know what to say.” I sighed. “It’s good to talk. Not so easy, but good.” He knew I wasn’t much good at talking. Alfie had always been the person I wanted to talk to, the person who I was most comfortable expressing my feelings to. When it came to everyone else, it didn’t come quite as naturally, even after all the therapy I’d had over the years. Fee had helped me to see that just because I’d stopped seeing my therapist in New York didn’t necessarily mean I should stop altogether. So, after moving back to Rosebury, I did some research and travelled fortnightly to our closest city to see a therapist, to continue learning and growing. I’d done that for a few years, until I truly felt in my heart that I was ready to stop. I knew how beneficial talking was, even though it was difficult. I couldn’t talk to her, not about this. I had to confide in someone else. Robert was the best person for that. “I’m angry.” I admitted, ignoring his instructions to sit down and instead washing up the items I’d used that morning, still making breakfast in the hope of bringing her around, but I’d failed. “Okay. Angry about what?” “So many things. I’m angry on your behalf. Aren’t you pissed off?” I asked him. “Uh… I try not to be. But… sometimes. Yes, sometimes it makes me angry.” “You don’t fucking deserve this. No one does, but least of all you.” I rambled. “And doesn’t it piss you off the way that people try to… own things that are fucking traumatic?” “What do you mean?” “When something bad happens, somewhere or to someone… people really latch onto it. They use it like it’s their own. Talk about how well they knew them. Or how they’d been somewhere where something bad happened, y’know? You wanna see the way Chloe talks about Alfie. They haven’t been close for years and yet Chloe talks about her like she’s lost her best friend and it makes me so fucking angry. Like someone else’s pain is her opportunity to gain some sympathy, it’s fucking twisted.” “Mm.” “People try to own trauma for their own gain, and I keep seeing that happen with Alfie and it makes me so, so angry.” Tears began to fall, my voice began to quiver. “Bu-but when you encounter real fucking trauma, that’s when you know you don’t want anything to do with it. You want to stay as far away from it as fucking possible, you don’t wanna fucking claim it and draw yourself towards it. Why the fuck do people do that? I don’t fucking want this.” I lay my hand on my chest, crying heavily. “If people want that pain so much, take all of it. I don’t want an inch of this, it’s fucking awful.” “I know it is. I know.” I loved Alfie with everything I was, everything I ever could be. She meant everything to me, and I would stick by her through anything, but it didn’t make our situation any easier. It made it harder, if anything. Some days I’d look in her eyes and see her fucking soul, but when her Alzheimer’s sparked that way I would see nothing at all, no sign of recognition, no love, no evidence of the woman I had been with and built a life with for so many years. The agony of looking into her eyes and seeing nothing was beyond any pain I had ever experienced in my life. That sort of loss is something I had never been able to imagine and would never be able to describe. And I was so frustrated by the way people had started using her as a pawn for attention and cruel compassion. Only a few weeks earlier, myself and Libby had been having a quiet drink in The Tin Mouse when we’d overheard someone talking about her, some lad who barely knew her, talking about how they’d been friends, how sad it was, talking about her mum like he knew anything. I was glad Libby was there to calm me down, tell me not to listen, drag me away from him. She’d had to lure me away from a fight that evening, my first in years. I was so close to snapping. No one can speak openly about things like that if they really hurt them. You don’t just nip down the pub and express your darkest sufferings, talk to whoever’s around you about it like it’s nothing. If they really wanted that pain, they could take all of it as far as I was concerned. “Pay them no mind.” Robert simply said. “You’ve got enough to worry about here without concerning yourself with how everyone else is dealing with it. Just focus on how you’re dealing with it.” “I don’t think I’m dealing with it well. I know I’m lucky. I know it could be worse, but like… even now, I miss her. I miss her so fucking much. I miss her presence. I miss her knowing my name. Because it’s not just her memories that go, it’s all of her.” “I know it is, Harry. I know.” “How did you do this?” I wept. “How could I not?” He simply stammered through a heavy breath, and it made perfect sense. It wasn’t necessarily this feeling of responsibility, like I had to do it because I loved her and I’d told her I would spend my life with her. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that I felt obligated to stand by her, or that Robert had felt obligated to stay with Rita even when she reached the stage where she really didn’t know who he was. It was because I loved her. That was why there was no other option than to just do it, to face it head on, to be there with her and for her through everything. She was the person I wanted to spend my life with, whether or not that was a life she recognised or remembered, it was the life I wanted. She was the person I wanted. I had to stand by her through everything. How could I not?

12 years earlier… We swayed one way as the room swayed the other, my arms hung around Harry’s neck as he lay his hands on my waist and we stepped side to side slowly. “Look at ‘em.” He grinned, nodding towards the newlyweds. I looked to my left, the way Libby lay her head on Louis’ shoulder, a new place she could call home for the rest of her life. He just held her, the two of them dancing close-by, central to all the couples who were on their feet slowly dancing to Across the Universe. “M’so happy for them.” I sighed softly, laying my head on his chest. “Mm. I know. Me too.” He kissed the top of my head, the two of us dancing in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “Do you want this?” “Want what?” I lifted my head to look at him. “Y’know. Marriage.” He looked down. “All this stuff. Is it something you want?” I took a few minutes as I considered his question, looking around the room and taking in the sights, thinking over what we’d witnessed that day and what it all meant. As wonderful as it was, I knew my answer hadn’t shifted. As wonderful as Harry was, I knew I didn’t feel any differently about marriage than I always had. “Not really.” I answered honestly. “It’s a lot of fuss, innit?” “Yeah,” He sniggered. “If you look at it that way.” “I dunno. I guess it’s just another one of those things. I don’t have that desire in me. I don’t really want any of this. I mean… I want you.” I told him, noticed how he blushed like he wasn’t already well aware, gnawing his lip shyly. “But I don’t really need any of this additional stuff to prove anything, or confirm anything. M’happy just being with you, y’know?” “Mm.” “Unless… Unless you want this stuff?” “I don’t.” He grinned. “You don’t?” “No. If it was something you needed, then I’d have proposed in a heartbeat. Anything to be with you, anything to make you happy, you know that.” Now I was the one blushing. “But I feel the same way. I get why it means something to people, and I love that. But… maybe m’just one of those cynical people who thinks it’s just paperwork.” “I know exactly what you mean.” “I don’t need that to promise I’ll be with you through everything. I’ll just promise it. Out loud. I’ll… scribble on a piece of paper. I’ll paint it on every canvas I own.” He was making me laugh, in this weird way of endearment, somehow. “Because it’s definitely not through lack of commitment. That’s not why. I’m committed to you more than you’ll ever know. But… I don’t need this.” “I don’t either.” I loved that we felt the same way about it. It was like how we’d always felt the same way about not having children; it just made our lives so much easier. It’s topics and things like that which can ultimately tear couples apart, bring an end to good relationships. When there are fundamental differences in what each person wants and desires at their very core, it can break love down. We didn’t have to worry about that. We wanted the same things, felt the same way. Sometimes it truly felt like we were perfect for one another. “I promise I’m yours.” I whispered up to him. “And I promise I’m yours.” He whispered back. “Forever. Through everything.” It was so extraordinarily wonderful to hear that and not immediately question him or have any doubts. Since Harry had come back into my life, he had proven to me in every single way he could that the promise he’d made then was one he intended to keep. He had instilled this confidence in me that I might have thought was impossible during the earliest months of our relationship, taken away those doubts I’d had. I didn’t think he was going to disappear, I didn’t ever feel like I was trying to work him out or figure out who we were as a couple, I didn’t feel distant from him in any way. I had always thought the world of him, and he knew that, but there had been parts of our relationship that I really struggled with, things I wanted to change so we could be better and work better as a pairing. Those changes had been made. “I love you.” He told me quietly as we continued to dance. I closed my eyes, lay my head back on his chest, listened to the beat of his heart. I didn’t need any more of a promise from him than that.

By the early afternoon when Libby, Louis and Niall arrived, the rain outside was relentlessly unforgiving, meaning they’d driven the short distance to get to ours, but even the walk from the car to my front door seemed to have left them all drenched. “Uncle Harry!” Ronan squealed as he leapt up into my arms. Niall and Sean had adopted him only a few days after he was born, meaning the little lad had been brightening up my life for over three years. Me and Alfie had never wanted our own kids, but it was amazing to have Ronan there, a little one we could look after and love without that full, lifelong commitment that neither of us had ever desired. But there is something incredibly warming about children. Having him leap from Niall’s arms right into mine, to wrap himself around me like that, it was the first thing to make me smile for hours. We loved being Uncle Harry and Auntie Alfie. The three of them let themselves inside and took off their coats as I continued cuddling him, feeling comforted. “Y’alright?” I eventually asked them all. “Yeah, good.” Louis answered. “Where’s the birthday girl?” “Um… She… She’s not doing so good today.” “Shit.” He knew what I meant straight away, and unsurprisingly, his first concern was me. “You alright?” “Yeah, m’fine. Rob’s here, so… y’know. That helps.” “Is your mum coming?” “She’s here too. She’s upstairs trying to talk to Fee.” She’d arrived around an hour earlier and then gone upstairs to try and get some sense out of Fee about fifteen minutes before they’d arrived, but due to the fact I hadn’t heard a peep from either of them since, it didn’t seem like she was having much luck. My mum definitely saw Alfie as her own, the daughter she’d never had. They had this bond that I couldn’t describe, like they’d known each other their whole lives, like they connected on a level I couldn’t even see. I knew that had only deepened when Jack died. It had happened around four years earlier, when she’d received a call saying he was in a hospital not far from her. Despite everything, she called me and we had both rushed to him, forgetting all the suffering he’d put us through, all the bad things that had happened, the grief he’d caused. He was still her son and my brother. That was one of the few times I could clearly see just how strong love and forgiveness could be. It was the first time since I was a child that my family had felt strong in any way shape or form. We felt like a unit again, like people who wanted to help and heal one another rather than abandon and tear each other apart. But we’d lost him. He was only thirty-seven when he’d died. Jack’s lifestyle hadn’t changed much since we’d both seen him last, when he stole from me and my mum without either of us knowing, targeting the two of us in just matter of days. He’d still been in and out of prison, he was still on the dark path he’d chosen for himself and refused to step off, but that path had lead him into the belly of the beast. He’d crashed his car when fleeing a home he’d broken into, and though he’d put up a decent fight, two days after the accident his body had surrendered, and he’d passed away with me and our mum by his side. It had been so much more trying and upsetting than I could have ever anticipated. He’d brought me nothing but anguish for so many years, and he’d done nothing to change or better himself since before he’d even reached his teenage years, but we both still felt this inordinate guilt, similar to how we had when my dad Billy had taken his life. There was this unpleasant and unsettling sensation, that thought of what might have been different if we had done more for him, supported him more, helped him to help himself instead of wanting to run from him for our own sake. I wasn’t sure we would have ever been able to get through to him, but maybe there was more we could have done, but it was too late to ever know. Thankfully, this loss brought me and my mum closer together, unlike when my dad had died. I’d half expected us to shatter again, but we’d thankfully learnt from our mistakes and allowed the harm to bring us this new bond. We knew we couldn’t lose each other again, not after everything. We were the only part of our family left and we needed to cherish that in every way we could. “You lot get settled,” I sighed, handing Ronan back to his dad. “I’ll go check on them.” “Do you need anything?” Libby offered. “Nah, m’good.” “Tell her I’m here.” Niall forced a grin. “She’s bound to remember her favourite person.” Niall had always been soft, covering his insecurities and fears with humour, but he seemed to struggle that little bit more when it came to what was happening to Alfie. Even then, he’d tried to make some sort of joke, but I could tell how much it was actually breaking his heart. He didn’t cope well when she wasn’t herself. None of us did. They went through into the living room to join Robert as I headed upstairs to see how my mum was getting on, rushing up to our room to find Alfie sat on the edge of the bed and my mother crouched at her side. “Hey, look who it is!” My mum was overly cheery, trying to bring some life out of Fee, who sat despondently staring into the distance. “You know who this is, don’t ya?” I got down on one knee next to my mother, right in front of Alfie, catching her eye and her attention, smiling as brightly as I could and taking her hand in mine, acting like nothing was wrong even when I saw the way she looked over my face, trying so desperately to place a name to my face, trying to recall the millions of memories we shared, but it was as though they were no longer there. If death was the belly of the beast, that disease was the mouth, the enlarged jaw, the sharpened teeth, the thirst for blood and the saliva it drew. Losing her was like being devoured alive. I gave her the most encouraging smile I could, squeezing her hand. “C’mon, boss.” I tried. “I’m missing you. You wanna come downstairs? Everyone’s here to see you.” I wasn’t getting through to her. I could see it in her eyes that what I was saying did not make sense. She withdrew her hand so that it was no longer mine to hold, looking down to her lap. “M'sorry, I have such a bad headache.” She trembled. “Can I be on my own for a while?” “Fee-Fee-” I started to shake. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling myself.” “I know.” I gripped her hand again, becoming frantic, even though I knew that wouldn’t help. “I know you’re not, b-but I think if you just came downstairs and saw everyone, you’d-” “When’s my mum getting here? I shouldn’t be here without my mum.” Tears poured over my eyes as rain crashed unremittingly against the windows in our bedroom, my heart breaking all over again. I just wanted her to go downstairs and talk to the people who had been in her life since she was a child, because maybe that would make sense to her. Maybe that would bring her back to me. I always thought back to the theoretical bookcases she had, what I’d learnt about Alzheimer’s when she’d first told me about her mum. It helped me to make sense of her mood changes, the things she said and the way she acted when she was going through a particularly bad spell. When things got bad, I would picture her bookcases in my mind. The bookcase on the left; old, feeble, holding her memories. And then the bookcase on the right; strong, secure, in charge of her emotions. Every time she vanished that way, I took it as though an earthquake had hit, rocked each case, and the books on the left had fallen from their place, leaving her with only the option to pick books from the lower shelves. She seemed to be talking as though she was young, like her mum was still alive and should have been there with her holding her hand through this. She was lost and confused and sad and it killed me to see her like that. That was why I wanted her to go downstairs, talk to her friends, talk to the people who had been in her life since she was so small. Her and Louis had known each other since they were babies, and if her mind could only pluck at her earliest memories, I knew that he would be there. And if he was there that might calm her and that might keep her happy, which was the most important thing. Nothing mattered more than keeping the bookcase that shelved her emotions filled with books of joy and content, even if she didn’t remember where they’d come from. I wanted to bring her back to me. I just wanted my Fee-Fee back.

13 years earlier… During his first few weeks back in Rosebury, Harry hadn’t really made himself known. We’d stayed sort of cooped up in his house, figuring things out, falling in love all over again, catching up with one another and deciding how our relationship should look moving forward. But over the past week or so, he’d started to reintroduce himself to our little village, make himself at home again. He’d been to the pub with everyone, told them he was planning on moving back, that he even wanted to start running his classes again. That night, the two of us were in The Tin Mouse, sat side by side, waiting for everyone to arrive so we could break what I felt was some of the most important news Harry had to share with everyone. “Lincoln’s gunna hate me.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “He won’t. He’s not like that.” “Y’know… me and Lin proper got on when I first moved here. Proper got on. But then as soon as I clocked on that he liked you, I got all weird about him.” He turned his head and looked at me. “I dunno why I’m like that. I don’t wanna be like that. And I don’t want him to hate me.” “He kinda already knows, y’know. About us, I mean.” “He does?” “Yeah. He guessed before you came around to mine that morning, when he was there.” “When I told you I loved you?” “Mm.” I nodded. “And Louis knows. I mean, they don’t have a clue we’re back together now, but they know we were together when you lived here before.” “What about Niall and Libby?” “Clueless. I mean, both of them had little inklings back in the day, but nothing more than that.” “They had inklings too? Shit.” He huffed, picking up his pint and taking a sip. “We really mustn’t have been as sly as I thought we were. Like, I thought we hid it well.” “M’not too sure.” I chuckled. “Maybe it was too big to hide.” He acknowledged profoundly, then snapped. “Also, I go proper doe-eyed when I look at you, which is probably very noticeable.” “You should try and get that under control.” I smirked. “Trust me, I’ve tired.” He grinned. “It’s impossible.” I leaned towards him and kissed his cheek, which spurred him to turn his head and grab my jaw so he could pull me back to him and leave a luscious kiss upon my lips, lingering his love upon my pout. When he pulled away, he looked at me with those exact eyes he’d just been speaking about. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about us. I couldn’t wait for everyone to know and to finally be in a relationship that wasn’t happening behind closed doors. What I had with Harry was the most magnificent thing I had ever experienced in my life, I was bursting to talk about it with the enthusiasm and joy it deserved. I didn’t want to admit it to Harry, but I was pretty apprehensive about Lin finding out too. I imagined he already had an idea since Harry was moving back, and the same could be said for Louis, but everything that had happened with Lincoln was still really fresh. He didn’t have a bad or bitter bone in his body, I knew that, but it was bound to be strange for him. He was the first to arrive, stepping into the pub only a few moments after mine and Harry’s kiss, but I was glad he’d caught us in a less compromising position. I’d asked him to get there a little earlier than the rest, just so we could tell him without the others being there. As soon as he saw us, his face dropped somewhat, before the door had even closed behind him. He knew. I shot an encouraging smile his way, noticing the way he took a deep breath in as though to prepare himself, before he came over to our table, sat himself down across from us. From the corner of my eye, I saw Harry drop his gaze, looking down to the table rather than at him. It seemed like this was in my hands. “You okay?” I asked Lin. “Yeah, I’m alright.” He sighed. “How’re you two?” “Yeah, we’re fine. We just kinda wanted to… chat to you.” “Yeah. I think I know what it’s about.” He sniggered dejectedly. Harry still couldn’t look at him. I should’ve known he’d be like that, all defensive and jealous and ridiculous until it got down to actually facing Lin, acknowledging his feelings. Harry wasn’t a bad person; in fact, he was incredibly caring when it came to others, incredibly conscious of other people’s feelings. He was good at picking up on things and going out of his way to make others feel better. It was why he’d always been so good with those self-defence classes. Beyond the jealousy, when it actually came down to Lin and how he was feeling, when it actually came to sitting down in front of him that way, Harry’s anger and arrogance was nowhere to be found. “M'sorry, I hate doing this, it feels so weird, but after everything’s that’s gone on recently, I feel like I should.” I got straight to it. “Me and Harry have been talking a lot since he came back and figuring stuff out and… we really wanna try and… make this work.” “As in… you’re getting back together?” “Yeah. We… We have a lot of history, and we-” “Yeah, I uh… I saw that coming.” He smiled. “As soon as Harry said he was moving back, I figured. It’s fine.” “I just-” “Alf, as long as you’re happy, that’s the main thing.” He interrupted, but I actually felt the main thing he wanted right then was to avoid the weird sympathy we were giving him. I imagined that didn’t make it any easier for him. “Look… I-I knew it was a risk when I asked you out and I wasn’t expecting it to work out, genuinely. It would have been a bloody miracle, to be honest. I just wanted to try, and we did, and it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not mad that you’ve found the person that’s gunna make you happy, Alf. I’ll find that too. It’s all good, I promise, you really don’t need to explain yourself to me or worry about me. As long as you’re both happy.” Harry lifted his head, scoped Lin out for a few seconds before he turned his head to me. “Are you seriously picking me over him?” He was somewhere between joking and being completely serious, forcing a laugh out of both me and Lin. “I feel like that’s a poor decision on your part. He’s a better man than I am.” They finally looked at each other, sharing a smile, this strange acknowledgement that I couldn’t quite understand, but it seemed like a positive thing. “I’m sorry.” Harry said to him. “Don’t be. It’s all good.” “And if I was ever off with you or anything-” “You were.” “Yeah, I know, shit.” Harry shook his head, smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry. It’s just because… I just love her so much.” “Then don’t fucking leave again, alright?” Lin grinned, reaching his hand across the table. “You won’t find a better girl if you do.” “M'not going anywhere.” Harry reached back, the two of them shaking hands over the table. I imagined Lin wanted to forget the whole thing, frankly. I really hated the thought of him regretting asking me, but looking at how it had all unfolded, I couldn’t blame him for just wanting to forget that he’d ever proposed a date in the first place. As long as he was alright, that was all I could hope for, and he seemed to be. It seemed more than anything, he just wanted to move on. He and Harry got chatting, returning to normal, the atmosphere much nicer than I’d been anticipating, but I really shouldn’t have been surprised. They were both just incredible men, I was lucky to have them both in my life. Not too long later, the rest of them arrived. Louis and Libby hand in hand, with Niall close behind, shooting a wink to Sean behind the bar before they came over to the table. “Right, what does everyone want to drink?” Niall offered. “I’m going to the bar to flirt with Sean, so I might be a while getting the drinks back to you, but still. It’s the thought that counts.” “Mate, it’s barely the thought that counts when your thought is that you want to go to the bar to flirt with Sean. You don’t wanna get us drinks!” Lin laughed. “You make a fair point, Crosby. I barely wanna sit with you lot, to be honest. I just wanna sit at the bar and make eyes at him all night.” “Okay, before you do that then,” I yelped, wanting to keep him with us. “Can you sit down for a second? I’ve got some news.” Louis’ eyes lit up in a second. I hadn’t told him exactly what had been going on, but the last time I’d spoken to him about it properly I’d said I was going to go and talk to Harry, and since then I’d been very coy about the whole thing. He’d have been a damn fool not to figure it out, but he’d given me my space to let me announce it in my own time, and I could tell from the giddy look on his face that he knew that time had finally come. Libby didn’t look so excited. “What’s happened? Are you okay? Do I need to kill someone? Who hurt you?” “Lib, it’s fine, it’s nothing like that. Just… sit down a second, I’ll tell you.” They all pulled up a stool and sat themselves down, Harry tensing beside me. These were incredibly unfamiliar waters for him to be treading. Harry had lived his life in lonesome shadows he had created, hiding in the darkest corners he could as a way of protecting himself. He wasn’t used to being open about any section of his life, especially a part as intricate and evocative as love. Though it was clear the therapy he’d experienced since he’d left had helped him, there was a difference between him being open and honest with me, someone he’d been so close to and shared with before, compared to sharing such delicate truths with everyone else. This was new to him, it was bound to be scary. I reached for his hand beneath the table, squeezed it tightly. Eager little faces awaited the news I was about to break. “Okay… so… as you all know, Harry’s moving back.” “Woo!” Niall cheered. “Cheers, Niall.” Harry grinned and winked at him, laughing a little. “And uh…” I tried to continue. “I guess I’m kinda extra happy about it, because… Well, before he left, me and Harry-” “WERE YOU FUCKING?” Niall screamed, interrupting the entire pub as he did, cringing and then turning to address our fellow pub-goers. “Apologies! Excuse my French.” I had to drop my head onto the table, everyone else trying to hold in their laughter in an effort to show a little respect to the old blokes who were sat drinking and genuinely unhappy with Niall’s language. “For fuck sake, Niall!” Libby scalded. “Keep your voice down! If you wanna yell shit like that, we’ve gotta spend more time at The Royal Rose.” “I’m right though, aren’t I?” He pretty much ignored her, eyes darting between me and Harry. “Tell me I’m right?” “We were together.” Harry worded it much more eloquently. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO YOU WEREN’T!” Libby yelled. “Oh my god, Libby, shh!” I cried once I’d whipped my head back up. “Who needs to go down The Royal fucking Rose now, eh?” Niall huffed. “Sorry, everyone! Sorry!” Libby bellowed around the room before she turned back to us and whispered harshly. “Were you really?” “Yeah.” Harry smiled. “Were you in love?” “We were. We are.” “Alfie! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” “Sorry, we didn’t tell anyone.” I shrugged. “But that’s why we’ve kinda gathered you all, because… well, now Harry’s moving back… we’re getting back together. I mean… we’re already back together.” “Knew it.” Louis smirked. “What do you mean you knew it?” Libby turned to her fiancé and gave him death eyes. “Did you know about them being together last year?” “Sorta.” “Wow, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. The wedding’s off.” “What? I’m good at keeping secrets! If anything, that should make you want to marry me more! I’m very trustworthy.” The two of them started sweetly squabbling between themselves, Harry and I moving our attention across to Niall who still had questions. “So, wait… you two are serious about each other? It wasn’t just sex?” “Nah. It was never just sex.” Harry said, to my surprise. I didn’t know why he’d said that, but I wondered if he might have done it as a way for compensating for the things he’d said to me when I’d told him I loved him the first time and he’d told me he only saw us and our relationship as sexual, nothing more than that. But knowing what I knew then, being aware of how he actually felt about me, maybe he really hadn’t ever seen it as just sex. Maybe I hadn’t either. Maybe we’d always meant more to one another than we’d known. “That’s wild. Why’d do you leave? Did you break up?” “Uh… Sort of, I guess.” Harry choked. “But that’s not gunna happen again. This is it now. It’s me and her.” Niall was beyond excited, happily asking Harry every question he could think of, even the ones he must have known Harry would find awkward to answer, but he answered regardless. It was yet another way I could see Harry stepping up for me, doing things and removing himself from his comfort-zone because he knew it would make me happy. It was nice that I knew it would make him happy too, he merely needed to get used to the change. We both did. Being in an open relationship with Harry was going to be different, but I’d never been so excited about anything. Our future seemed, so, so bright.

“Harry!” Louis’ voice was loud, sending shockwaves through my body as I bolted upright, cursing, my heartbeat racing. I looked around, agitated and anxious, noticing we were in the reading room, noises coming from the distance proving I still had a good number of visitors. Thunder and lightning crashed outdoors, light splitting the dark skies whilst the thunder bellowed its dominance as I came back around, a little woozy and lost for a few moments but gradually, things came back to me. I could recall I’d gone in there to give myself a bit of space after me and my mum had tried to speak to Alfie, but I must have nodded off at some point. “You alright?” He was concerned. “Uh…” I was still half asleep, my hands resting firm on the chaise beneath me as I gathered myself, reintroduced myself to the literal world. “Yeah, sorry, m’fine. Sorry.” “Don’t apologise, mate. I can’t imagine how you feel.” I budged up and tucked my knees closer to my chest so he could sit himself down at the end of the chair. Louis had become for me what he was for Alfie. Since I’d moved back to Rosebury, we’d gotten much closer, and he possessed this aura that made him incredibly approachable. Sharing felt easy when it came to Louis. Alfie had always used him as the person she went to when she needed to talk about anything, and I felt a similar way. He could sense that I needed to talk. “Sorry our little ones aren’t here.” He started gently. “They’re getting harder to control now they’re older. They’d rather spend the day with their grandparents on the farm than with us.” “It’s alright. Kinda feel like… the less people the better.” “Mm, I bet.” It wasn’t long after their wedding that Libby told us she was pregnant with Ben, their eldest. A couple of years later, they’d welcomed Amelia to the world, two more kids who referred to me and Alfie and their auntie and uncle. They were good kids, but how could they not be with their parents? “You’re handling all of this really well, Harry.” Louis was kind, encouraging. “Better than most people would.” “The thing is, I’m lucky right now.” I rubbed over my eyes. “With Fee… this isn’t happening often. This is the second time this month, and that’s the most it’s been since she was diagnosed, y’know? She struggles with the little things, and small lapses, but this sort of thing is rare, and I’m so, so lucky that that’s the case two years after her being diagnosed. It could’a been so much worse.” “It could, you’re right.” “But when this does happen… I can literally feel myself falling apart. It fucking kills me. To know she looks at me and… she see’s nothing. It’s agonising. It’s a physical pain, I can’t describe it.” “She doesn’t see nothing, Harry.” He tried to comfort me. “She might be a little lost, but you’re there, deep down. She could never look at you and see nothing, I know how much you mean to her.” I hoped he was right. I knew I’d comforted Alfie with similar words when it came to her mother, and I’d meant it, but it was so much more difficult to see that as the truth when I was so directly involved, when it was me losing the love of my life. “It’s probably gunna get worse. How am I gunna cope when it gets worse?” I asked him rhetorically. “We’ll be here for ya, the whole time. Whatever you need from us, whenever you need it.” I knew he was telling the truth, and it was incredibly comforting. “And maybe your luck won’t run out. Maybe this is how it’s gunna be for her, maybe she won’t deteriorate more than this. Don’t write her off yet, you know how strong that girl is. She’s got a hell of a lot of fight in her.” I’d barely realised I was smiling over his words, nodding. He was so right. She had so much strength in her, I’d known that since the second we’d met. She’d never really been able to see it herself, but she had such a desirable sustainability, this power and fire in her gut that had seen her through some really difficult times. I loved every part of her, every inch of her body and every piece of her soul, but that strength was something really special, something that had always drawn me to her in ways I couldn’t fight. “You gave her some really incredible years, Harry.” “But I want to give her an incredible life.” I explained exhaustedly. Her Alzheimer’s had made it seem as though that was no longer an option, that any life I could provide or that we could build would be lost, either in the depths of her mind or quite literally, if she maybe had to go into care as her mother had. I’d struggled to understand Robert when I was younger, when I saw what he did for his wife, the way he upped and moved to be with her, altered his whole life to be at her side, but now it was happening to Alfie I completely understood it. It no longer seemed preposterous, it no longer seemed like something completely heroic that he’d done. It was the only option. If I had to, I’d do the same thing, I knew that without a shadow of a doubt. But I wanted to keep her at home for as long as I physically could. I wanted to give her a life full of love, a life worth fighting for. “You still can. You will.” Louis smiled. “Do not waste these years worrying about losing her completely when she’s still here. I know it’s easy for me to say that, and with how she is today… it’s fucking awful. She’s my oldest mate, it hurts me too. But right now, like you said, this is rare. So fucking cherish her whilst she’s here. Do whatever you can to keep her here. Think of ways to bring her back. If anyone can do it, you can. I have every fucking faith. Don’t start to let go when she’s still holding on.” He commanded. I nodded, absorbing his words in every way I could. There was something incredibly special about the love between me and Alfie. When I’d fallen in love with her all those years earlier, she’d made me realise that love could truly do some remarkable things. I had to hope that love could keep her with me for many years to come.

9 years earlier… I wrapped the towel tighter around my frame as I anxiously approached the red curtains, nervously hiding from Harry who sat in room ahead of me, canvas and colours all set up in preparation, sun setting between the trees, exactly how he’d wanted it to be, the light breaking into the room and projecting the most fascinating shadows. I peered through the small gap in the curtains, not moving any closer. “C’mon, Fee-Fee. I’ve seen you naked a million times.” He said without turning to look at me. “This is totally different!” I cried. “It’s not!” “It is! This is nude! Which I feel like is not the same as naked.” “It’s exactly the same.” He cackled. “It’s different! It’s a different sort of experience entirely. No one’s ever painted me nude before.” “Good, I should fucking hope not.” He laughed. “This is my privilege.” “I feel really nervous.” “How can I make it better?” “You can’t, it’s not you, Harry! You make me feel very comfortable in my own body, there’s nothing more you can do.” I explained truthfully, standing in silence for a few seconds before I spoke up once again. “What kinda painting is it gunna be? Is it gunna be abstract, or are you gunna be able to tell it’s me?” Harry had been painting everyone of recent, actually asking them to sit for him. He’d already painted me plenty of times since we’d gotten back together, but he’d branched out, painting Louis, Libby, Lincoln and Niall. He’d even done one of his brother, though that hadn’t been in person. He’d gone off memory alone, but I knew he was hoping to reach out to Jack at some point, try to help him and mend their relationship again. It was just a matter of plucking up the courage and tracking him down. He'd even painted Chloe a few weeks back. Her and Sam had recently split up, which meant for the first time in years, she’d attempted to spend time with us all, get herself back into the group, but things had changed. It almost felt as though it was too little too late. I had no bad feelings towards her, I’m not sure any of us did, the water had passed under the bridge years earlier, but it just hadn’t felt the same. It didn’t even feel genuine coming from her, like she’d only come back to us because she felt we were her only option. It was disappointing and it truly was a shame, but it just hadn’t worked. I think that was why Harry had wanted to paint her; not because of the friendship, but more the lack-thereof. But the thing with Harry’s recent work was that they had been varied in style. His older work was entirely abstract, pieces in which I’d barely been able to see myself even when he’d tried to point out exact features. His recent work wasn’t like that though, with some pictures being the most detailed portraits I’d ever seen, so lifelike it sometimes felt as though they could start talking. He kept them all in the gallery above the shop, a collection he continued to add to. “M’not sure yet.” He confessed. “Depends how I’m feeling once you’re in place. If you think it’s too detailed, I won’t put it anywhere. It’ll be your call when it’s done, alright?” With that confirmation, I finally felt comfortable enough to step into his most creative space, shuffling past him and heading over to the podium he’d set up, balancing my knee on it first so I could climb up and sit myself down as gracefully as possible, knees bent, legs to one side, body as upright and straight as I could make it, clutching at the top of the towel, holding it against my chest. I took a deep breath in, steadied myself, made one final request. “Will you make my nipples nicer?” “Your nipples are perfect as they are, idiot. I wanna paint you, not some idealised version of you. There’s nothing wrong with you right now, as you are. I promise.” Harry made sure his voice was warm, the sound alone making me feel at home, like I should be proud to just be myself. “Whenever you’re ready.” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, tore the towel apart and then dropped it to the ground. The first thing I could concentrate on was the way he took a deep breath in, his chest swelling with the intake of air, like he needed to calm himself down as his eyes ran all over my body with care, slowly moving over every inch of me. I felt so exposed and yet it was overwhelmingly intimate too, like my body belonged to his eyes, like I would be invisible to anyone else. I was infatuated with the way he looked at me, because it was all there in his eyes, every emotion and every memory and every loving feeling he had towards me. After figuring out how to remain somewhat calm, he spoke. “Okay. Could you… have one knee up? Just lift your right leg, have your foot pointing right at me.” He instructed and I altered my stance accordingly. “And just link your fingers together and hold around your knee. That alright?” “Mm.” “Are you comfortable?” “Yeah.” “Good.” With that acknowledgement, he began, mixing a few colours and studying me in silence for a few moments before he put his brush against the canvas, proceeded to paint me. From what I could tell, from his point and with my position, my body would be both hidden and revealed. I imagined the shadows that were casting on me only added to the affect, and maybe that was why he’d chosen that time of day, when the sun was going down, when the world was glowing and yet infiltrated with tenebrosity. He had a vision, and I was the centre of it. Strangely, I’d predicted that I would be totally conscious of the time, that the clocks in my mind would strain and my body would ache and tire with speed, but that didn’t happen. Though we didn’t speak whilst he worked, the time flew. Occasionally, he would purposefully catch me eye, smirk at me, bite his lip, probably as a way of easing me, because when he did that, I’d notice my body relax even though I hadn’t realised I had tensed. Harry knew me so well. He knew my mind and my body and my soul in ways that were way beyond my understanding. He saw things in me that I couldn’t, loved parts of me that I hated, understood conundrums within me that I could never comprehend. I loved him so much. “You look amazing.” He said after almost three hours. “I-I dunno. Sometimes it feels like you’re the inspiration I’ve always needed. Proper little muse, aren’t ya?” I tried to keep hold of my position, stay quiet, not blush too much, but it was a complete honour to be his muse, the perfect stimulant for him to be able to create some truly beautiful pieces, none of which involved blood. Wine had been his calling for years, finding its way into most of his paintings, especially the ones of me. But he often got creative too, not always because it worked effectively as a substitute for paint, but as interesting addition. He used fruit juices, my perfume, put petals within his paints or blades of grass. He took his surroundings, pieces of Rosebury, and he made art. More time passed, Harry concentrating intently on each stroke as I slowly began to rearrange my limbs, but he didn’t notice until my legs were both dangling off the front of the podium, still facing him. “Alf-” He began, but I managed to stop him talking when I slowly opened my legs. That was how much confidence he could bestow upon me. I’d gone from being nervous to even walk in the room, to spreading my legs for him, letting him decide what he wanted to do with the woman ahead of him, whether that was painting her or otherwise. Harry looked almost dizzy, eyes transfixed on my core and plump lips parted. He stepped to his side so that the easel and canvas didn’t block an inch of me from him or vice-versa, so I mirrored him, dropped my eyes down to his crotch and saw how much he appreciated the sight. He was rock hard. I bit at my bottom lip, hoping to lure him closer to me, hoping I’d inspired him beyond the canvas. “You’re something else.” He was breathless, a look of amazement clouding his eyes. And yet he remained still, purposefully building the heat. I didn’t realise us saying nothing and not even touching could do that, but I was sure I’d never wanted him more. I had never felt such intensity between us. My whole body quivered the moment he finally snapped, storming towards me. His hands went to his belt as soon as he started walking, the jingling of the metal he was fiddling with sending shockwaves through my body. He was still working on it when he reached me, taking one hand and pulling harshly on my hair to make my neck snap back, forcing me to look up to him. His other hand continued to loosen the leather from the slack trousers he was wearing, the two of us panting even though we’d barely done anything, looking into each other’s eyes. I could feel his hand moving, hear the pleasing titter of the buckle rattling. That alone got me worked up, those two senses sparking a million sensations. Then before I knew it he’d pushed into me, so much force behind his hips that I almost fell backward before he pulled me back to him, shot his head down so that he could bite my bottom lip. His touch was strict, severe, strong. Even with my lip still gripped between his teeth, he managed to smirk, aware of how much power he had in those moments, but it was my power that had brought him to me. He let my lip loose, his hand moving from my hair to my jaw as he began to kiss me, surprisingly gentle, his hips beginning to wind, gradually moving in and out of me. I loved how he could feel so tough and unforgiving whilst also moving with such a gentle ease. I didn’t understand how he could be both and yet he was, and he was with ease. He was the light and the dark. The night and the day. The sun and the thunderstorm. The fighter and the artist. My fingers clung frenziedly to his t-shirt, possibly puncturing holes through the thin material, closing my eyes and breathing him in, barely able to kiss him with how ethereal I felt just being with him. “You feel so good. Fuck, you’re amazing.” He wheezed. I wrapped my legs around his, my heels digging into his backside, pushing my chest up and putting my arms behind me so I could keep myself propped up, Harry slowly taking his kiss away from my mouth trailing it down my chin and then over my chest, causing pretty palpitations that skipped through my body, his hands lowering to my backside and yanking me closer to him. Ever since the day I had seen his paintings for the first time in person, there had been this magnetism between me and his captivating work. Being around his pieces, touching them, breathing them in; it was fascinating and overwhelming and it always brought out such powerful emotions from me. So when I actually became a part of his art, that intensified, took all those feelings to an entirely different realm. That was one of the reasons I felt we had gotten carried away in such a physical sense. We connected when he painted. He took hold of my legs, curving his fingers behind my knees and gripping tight as he picked up the pace, head lifting so he could gaze down between our bodies, watch the way he worked in and out of me as I watched him, the way he bit his lip, even scrunched his nose, concentrating all his strength on me. I moved one hand so I could touch myself, stealing his focus. He watched my fingers move over my clit, the sight bringing new groans from him, and I could tell I was leading him to his finish. I knew all the signs, his giveaways. Nothing turned me on more than seeing him unwind that way. My moans were getting louder and louder, my eyes closing just a few seconds after I noticed a grin spreading across his lips, smug over my pitch, like he always was. “Oh fuck.” He seethed piercingly as he came, and I was able to feel the way his whole body trembled, the ripples riding against my heels and the parts of my legs that came into contact with him, moving my hand until he gasped. “Please finish. I wanna you feel. I wanna watch you.” So I moved my hand back, touching myself for those final few moments before it happened, Harry watching me in awe the whole time. As soon as we were both calm enough, Harry took my neck in his hand once again so he could bring me closer to him, kiss me with enough passion to knock me out completely. I slung my arms around his neck, feeling his smile grow against my lips. “I love you.” He gasped as we kissed. “I love you so fucking much.” “I love you too.” “You’re fucking bliss, I’m so obsessed with you.” He was rambling, spewing his thoughts, and it only made me smile more, my cheeks genuinely hurting even though I was still trying to kiss him back, butterflies in my stomach and rose tinted glasses perching on my nose and altering my vision. When our kiss ended, he stayed close, rubbing his nose against mine, closing his eyes and breathing steadily as I just watched him, just as obsessed with him. I stroked the backs of my fingers over his cheek, transfixed. “You make me so, so happy,” I whispered to him. “I feel like my heart is gunna burst.” “Nah, fuck that.” He sneered. “I need you. No heart bursting, please.” “I’ll try.” I giggled. “I make no promises though.” “I’d be lost without you. I’d hate it. Stay with me, okay?” “Okay.” He kissed me again, lightly gliding his tongue into my mouth, so tender with me I thought I might cry. I never wanted him to feel lost. I would always stay with him.

Everyone had stayed with me for a good few hours, keeping me company on Alfie’s birthday seeing as she couldn’t quite do that herself. Lin and his wife Jessica had shown up eventually too, all of them being upbeat in their attempts to lift my mood, and temporarily, it had worked to the extent it could. But then as soon as I had closed the door on them, all my sorrow had come flooding back. My only aim then was to make sure that Alfie was happy. That was why I’d thought up a plan. “Just follow me, okay?” I encouraged her, finally having gotten her downstairs, though I could tell she was still confused and wary of me. “Where’re we going?” She asked, tracking my steps as the two of us tiptoed through the living room. I was walking backwards so I could keep my eyes on her, conscious that she might cower or run at any second. She glued her eyes to me, as though she was slowly teaching herself to trust me, a flicker of recognition darting through her eyes. I smiled. “Alfie, I just wanna show you something. It’s something you’ll like.” “Uh-” “You can trust me, I promise.” “Ca-can I hold your hand?” At first, I couldn’t even find it within me to reply to her, in a state of shock that she’d even asked that of me. But what it told me was rousing. It told me that I wasn’t entirely a stranger to her. It reminded me that even when she couldn’t quite place me, there was a sense of trust between us that remained. Even though it wasn’t immediate or obvious, it was still there. “Uh- Fuck, yeah, of course you can.” I held my hand out for her to shyly slot her fingers between mine, almost bashful when she did, like it was the first time we’d held hands, like we were giddy teenagers who were dating one another. And I wondered then if that was how I should start viewing it, when her Alzheimer’s attacked her that way. Maybe it would help if I started thinking of it as though I had to win her back and win her over, as though she was someone I needed to charm and woo, a girl I really fucking wanted but needed to earn. Slowly, I lead her through the kitchen and then into the conservatory at the back of the house. I took her to my paintings. Her pupils blew up in seconds, a new galaxy appearing in her eyes, looking around the room in wonder, gazing at all the art in there, the abundance of canvases that still sat in that room. There were paintings of her, paintings we’d done together, paintings of her friends and loved ones, paintings that had been in there the very first time she had been in there. It had the potential to be a really good space for her. She let go of my hand, unhurriedly exploring her surroundings. “Did you do these?” She enquired. “Mm.” “You’re talented.” “Thank you.” I nodded. Her fingers played over a painting I’d done of her, but she was clueless, unaware she was the inspiration behind almost everything she could see. Under the guise that she was a guest, she worked her way around the room like blood running through veins, oblivious to the fact that she was actually the beating heart. I didn’t want to tell her that she was a part of so many of the paintings she was looking at, because I didn’t want to obscure her reality and upset her. Sometimes it was just better to go along with however she was feeling, whatever she felt was real. She spent her time leisurely wandering and inspecting the work that grabbed her the most as I headed towards the prime piece, the painting I had wanted her to see most. Earlier, I’d propped it up against the back window, central, ready for her to inspect. I pulled the cloth that had been covering it away, hurling that tattered throw to the ground beside me. She was so engrossed she didn’t even notice. “Alfie?” I caught her attention, watching her spin on her spot. Her face dropped. I’d captured her attention entirely. It was the Blood Sun. Before my mum had left, I’d asked her to keep an eye on Alfie whilst I rushed to the gallery and grabbed the painting to bring back. Me and Louis had covered it to protect it from the rain before throwing it into the back of his car and getting it to mine and Alfie’s house as soon as we could, hoping for the best. That painting was hers. It belonged to her, and as its owner, I knew the emotional reaction she had to it and how that never tired. Every time I’d seen her around that painting, it had affected her in such severe ways, like it spoke to her, as though it could touch her both physically and mentally. My gut was telling me that connection would still be there. I watched her intently as she took steps towards the Sun, seeing the familiar look of awe that she always had when she was close to that painting, blinded and dazzled and struck with wonder. “It’s beautiful.” She whispered as she stopped ahead of it. “You… You should feel it.” I suggested. “What? Touch it? I can’t do that.” “Course you can.” I grinned. “It’s mine, and I say you can.” She stared at me like I’d gone mad, but I just nodded, willing her to do as I’d asked. She had this beautiful, dastardly look in her eye as she reached her hand outwards, the tips of her fingers only grazing the red for a moment before her hand retracted, like it had stung her. It was rather fascinating to watch her. Within seconds, she was touching it again, and I could see that her mind was whirring. I couldn’t even begin to guess what might be going on in her head, how she might be feeling, what she might be thinking. It might have been an entirely new experience for her, or it might have been shining a light to parts of her mind that had spent that day in darkness. I moved so I was standing right behind her, my body only an inch from hers, admiring the way she let her fingerprint distinguish the paint like brail. I reached out, lay my hand on top of hers, gently guiding her touch. She inhaled heavily, my touch affecting her, my stomach twisting. “Tell me how you feel.” I was quiet, hanging my head just over her shoulder, able to see the profile of her face. “I… I feel sad.” She explained. “There’s so much sadness here.” When she said that, I found my eyes looking at the hand that I had resting on top of hers, seeing the scars that were still so prominent, even after all those years. Looking back, I couldn’t even imagine feeling that way, being able to cut myself like I had. Seeing those scars reminded me of how lucky I was to have wound up with such a wonderful life, so full of happiness that harming myself that way was almost incomprehensible. Seeing those scars was a reminder of my current wellbeing. Alfie had helped me build that life, she had been the one that pointed out just how harmful my old technique had been, and that was why she’d always been able to sense the pain that would forever remain trapped in that painting. “But…” “But what?” I tried to spur her to say more. “There’s something else, I don’t know.” “Tell me. Just tell me how you feel.” “It’s like… home, and warmth. I… I don’t know.” “Like us.” I hushed. She closed her eyes, and I noticed a tear pool over, stream down her cheek. Something was happening. I was rapidly short of breath, keeping my eyes on her. “Fee? Please talk to me.” “I remember the first time I saw this in real life. I remember.” She trembled. “I remember the feeling. I remember crying.” “What else?” I begged, tears beginning to build in my eyes. I could hear my heart beating, observing her memory reform and construct in her mind, filling her drop by drop when all I wanted was for everything to flood into her consciousness again. I adjusted our hands so that I could squeeze hers, resting my forehead against her temple, whispering, pleading with her to search a little deeper. She took a shaky breath inward, overwhelmed. “Harry.” She whispered, and I thought I might collapse to the floor, simply hearing her speak my name. “Yes! Look at me.” I cupped her cheek, not pushing but trying to encourage her to turn her head. “Fee-Fee, please look at me.” She turned to her right, eyes sparking as soon as she looked into mine. She knew me. “Harry?” She questioned. “Holy fuck, Harry!” She scrambled so that she could wrap her arms around my neck, throw her body against mine and take me into her. I’d never held her so tight. Though there had been a few similar occurrences since her diagnosis, none had gone on for that long. I’d spent the entire day wondering if that was it, if she had reached her breaking point and her memory just wouldn’t come back. It was terrifying and excruciating. But she was with me. She was home. My body was frail, using all my might to hold her, but it was as though that meant strength was retracted from elsewhere, my legs giving way beneath me. I crumbled down to the floor, taking her with me, first landing on my knees and then falling back, Alfie straddling my legs, the two of us still gripping onto one another. I pulled my head back so I could look in her eyes, grabbing her cheeks. “Are you okay? Do you feel okay?” “Wh-what’s happened?” “I lost you. I lost you, I’ve missed you so fucking much. It’s been so hard without you. I hate it.” I sobbed, brushing some hair from her face. “How do you feel?” “I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She wept. “Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry, Fee-Fee. M’just so glad you’re back.” We kissed, another way of coaxing her back to me. I knew from previous experience just how disorienting it was for her, coming back around like that, I couldn’t even imagine how it felt. All I could do was talk her through it, be there for her, kiss her, remind her of her life in the kindest way I could. I kept the kiss brief then pulled away, eyes darting across her face and keeping her close. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked. “I’m fine!” She cried, clinging onto me. “Please don’t be upset, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Another horrific addition to her illness was the guilt she felt when she came back around. All she would focus on was my feelings, how it would have hurt me, as if it wasn’t fucking bad enough with everything else it did to her. She was strangely selfless about the whole thing. “Fee, you’ve gotta stop apologising to me, please. You’re here, that’s all that matters.” “I love you.” She wept. “I love you too. I love you so much.” I’d only recently realised the importance of being there for her when she found herself again. Every time, I was elated that she was back, and she was all I could focus on, but I had to be caring and present and not just break over how difficult I’d found it. I kissed her tenderly, breathlessly continuing to tell her I loved her at every opportunity, the words losing themselves upon her lips and swelling within in her mouth before hopefully finding their way to her heart. She was all that mattered. Doing everything I could so that she could find herself and fight that disease was all that mattered. I saw it as my responsibility to give to her and help her to sustain the best life I possibly could, and I wasn’t going to give up on that or give up on her. That disease was venturing to steal our happiness, and though it could gain temporary success, I refused to let it consume us entirely, to rob us of the sublime life we had created. Our love had more fight in it than any disease ever could. “I missed you.” I shuddered when our kiss soothed. “When I touched the Sun… It’s like I saw your face.” She enlightened me. “I saw your face and heard your voice and you were telling me you loved me and then everything started coming back to me. Everything.” Though I had been there physically, it was her mentality that had needed to alter, to shift and shake and align once more. When she had touched the Blood Sun, I had re-entered her mind and memories, my voice calling upon her soul and willing it back to the present. I could never underestimate the power of us. I could never underestimate the power of her mind and just how engrained I was within it. “You were there. You brought me back.” She whispered, laying a loving and gentle kiss upon my lips. “You brought yourself back.” I told her. “You’re so fucking strong, Fee-Fee. Keep fighting it.” “I will, I promise. As long as you’re here-” “M’always gunna be here, Fee. You know that.” She dropped her head. “Hey!” I placed my thumb beneath her chin, lifted her head back up so that she was forced to look into my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, I’m yours. I’m here. We fight this together, okay?” “Promise?” Her bottom lip quivered. “I promise. It’ll always be us. Just me and you.” “Just me and you.” She repeated back to me. She needn’t fear that I might leave, that I may tire of the tumultuous routine of our lives, that her illness wouldn’t merely steal her memories but it would eventually take me from her too. She didn’t need to worry for even a second. I wanted to be her support system. I wanted to be her life, her lover, her confidant, her centre. No matter how difficult things got, even if one day she disappeared indefinitely. I would never love another person the way I loved her, no person would ever compare to her, no life would ever come close to the one we had. I was with her, skipping through fields during the days of sun or sailing with her through the eye of the storm. It was just me and her through everything, always. That was my promise.

[less--beans]

lihn asks: 2, 9, 14, 19, 20, 22, 27, 28, 39, 40, 47

2. Fav scenes?

can i just say the whole musical? i really want to just say the whole musical. i’ll not mention any scenes with songs, bc that’s a whole other thing, but i’ll pick a few (i said a few but it’s a lot more than that, i’m very sorry) top scenes. i’m pretty sure most ppl answer this with like 3 scenes but i’ve never been very good at picking so here, have 10. i’m going to make a list bc if i just put it all in a paragraph it would be way too long. 

-i love sheila and susannah’s first actual conversation. it’s funny how nervous and awkward susannah is, and how many questions she asks and weird things she says. i love how sheila just rolls with it, answering her questions and ignoring the weirdness. francis’ little interludes are funny and it makes my heart melt when sheila goes ‘but in the good way,’ especially after seeing that susannah believes francis and everyone else when they tell her she’s weird in the bad way, and i can’t help but die when i remember that sheila is probably the first person who saw how weird susannah was and didn’t insult her or act like it was a bad thing but instead just rolled with it. 

-it’s a short scene but i love when they’re teaching susannah how to smoke and she visualizes francis being torn apart. it’s the funniest thing. so short and yet so good. 

-another short yet awesome scene is right before the other one, when sheila spends a solid 20-30 seconds just staring at susannah and listening to her write songs. very gay. also, in the same scene, sheila listing what she likes and then adding that susannah’s interests weren’t too bad either. her acting like she usually does and just kind of putting down the other person’s interests a little before letting her walls drop and acknowledging susannah as a person was amazing. again with the walls dropped thing is her respecting susannah’s boundaries and not demanding to know who the letter was from. we love character growth. 

-yet another short scene is right before oh well when sheila’s kind of teasing her about the morse code thing and being like ‘you’re obsessed.’ it was hilarious. and then it kind of clicked in their heads with the nonsense syllables and the secret code and it was like they were finally on the same wave length. it was very very sweet. 

- i loved the scene where sheila got taken to solitary. phenomenal acting. my heart broke. i’ve watched it so many times and i love looking at various reactions of the girls (judith being victorious, sheila being hurt and scared and angry, dorothy in shock and still trying to comfort others, ya-ya collasping, kitty being angry and disappointed, rat just watching concerned and scared from the sidelines) as it all goes down. it’s painful and it was such a different ending to act 1 than i thought would happen just two minutes prior, and it’s a majorly emotional scene. 

-in the beginning of act 2, she’s like ‘no, this is my fault!’ and all the girls just agree with her, and then judith tells the history of harriet. i did not see her backstory coming at all. that part made me physically sick and very horrified. i didn’t necessarily like that scene, but i respect it bc of the acting, and the effect it had on me is proof that it was good. also, when kitty comes from judith and reveals that sheila took out her eye? that was the second huge revelation in the same scene and i had to pause it to process. plus, that was a sick burn. go kitty.

-the scene with kitty and susannah before masochist!! powerful, emotional, had me in tears. I adore kitty so much. some real stuff was said there, and i, as someone who is part of the lgbtq+ community, was really affected by that scene. also masochist, but again, we’re not going into songs right now. that’s a whole other thing. 

-i died when the music was building up and susannah was on the steps and she was giving her whole rousing speech and she finally admitted that she loved sheila. the music stopped, susannah stopped, my heart stopped, and the girls gave a wonderfully funny fake gasp. the girls’ reactions in that scene were impeccable and so hilarious to me, and there’s of course the fact that susannah, after stumbling over her words and feelings the entire show, finally admitted out loud that she loved sheila. not only that, but she did it in front of everyone. very big character growth, plus the growth of my heart as it swelled and burst in my chest. i loved it. 

-the transition of judith being like ‘there’s no way she just thinks the plumbing sucks’ to sheila loudly complaining about her hatred of the sucky plumbing was perfect. also, i can’t watch sheila’s slow realization of what’s happening without laughing. she’s such an idiot and i love her. her slamming her head into the pillow and slowly raising it up again as it sinks in? comedic genius. just the parallels of susannah being like ‘she’ll figure it out soon’ at the exact same moment sheila figures it out is amazing. judith going ‘i will happily eat my own sh-’ and then being cut off by sheila knocking back was hilarious, and kitty’s ‘do you want fries with that judith?’ was so iconic. 

-them being like ‘how are we going to do this??’ in the middle of the song and everything going dark and quiet for a few seconds other than that sign of ‘four minutes and 38 seconds later’ before going ‘that’s a great plan’ was so freaking funny. we’re going to skip the moment where sheila and susannah reunite for now bc i’m probably going to make another post about it and this post is already so long. also, i love how they outlined the plan as they put it into action. it was poetic cinema. perfect execution of one of my fav tropes and i really enjoyed it. 

9. Fav lighting moments?

I love the beginning transition where the lights flash and show the silhouettes of the girls, it’s so powerful. I also love the emphasis the lighting gives when it changes in the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent and also in susannah’s song reprise (basically whenever everything stops and susannah has a gay moment). the lights shining through the smoke to give the illusion of fire? amazing. that was exactly what the scene needed to take it from incredible to literal perfection. on that note, i liked the ghostly feel the lights gave as they shone through the windows once the girls were outside. lastly, i loved the lights in the end of teenage delinquent. that was a very emotional moment and the lights just added to it. 

14. A major(s) character you love?

I love sheila a lot. she’s so tough and yet so sweet. i first met her and i was kind of worried about if she was going to be one of the stereotypical mean tough girls, but she managed to be strong and kind, and it’s amazing. i love how she’s a little aloof and yet totally willing to take down anyone who hurts the people she cares about. she fights asp, buzz, and even judith, all bc they hurt her family. plus, that girl’s been through a lot. i’ve made a few other posts just based on what i got from the three failed escape attempts but i really feel sad for her and all that she’s been through. 

19. Fav (pre)reprise?

So we obviously have the oh well reprise when susannah is delivering the esp to sheila and that’s such an amazing one that always gets me. i’ve cried a lot at that scene. sheila smiling and trying to hide it while half-heartedly trying to get susannah to stop playing by warning her that she would get in trouble... ugh. my heart. another one that i really like, however, is when sheila and susannah first met. the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent gets me almost as much as the oh well reprise does. it’s so short, only a few lines, but we see susannah immediately fall for her. it’s so sweet and it sets everything up so perfectly, and i especially love the percussion. in the last line the drums kick in and crescendo and it’s just a masterpiece. 

20. Headcanon(s) for what happens before the show?

i’m very sorry to announce that i forgot who the creator of this (if anyone knows please message me!) but some created this amazing timeline. it’s phenomenal. i’ve pretty much accepted everything on that list as canon. 

22. Headcanon(s) for what happens between Teenage Delinquent and Finale?

judith definitely became a chill therapist. 100%. she keeps in touch with ya-ya and they try to arrange meetings every now and then. sometimes they see certain plays together. ya-ya went to hollywood with dorothy. she made it big in special effects, and dorothy prefers to act in smaller gigs in underground places. ya-ya helps out with dorothy’s plays sometimes. they share an apartment together. sometimes dorothy sees rat in the audience of her shows. she doesn’t question how rat knew where she’d be performing and she doesn’t question the money and cigarettes that are pushed into her hands after. she also doesn’t question it if rat ever shows up in need to stay for a few days. it happens every few months, and dorothy just makes sure there’s good food in the house and slips some money into rat’s things when she’s sleeping. kitty keeps in touch with susannah, and she attends all of susannah’s performances she can. susannah goes on tour with her band, and she could’ve sworn in their tour in hollywood she saw three familiar faces in the crowd. she’ll never know for sure though. sheila stays in mexico for a while before deciding to go back to the states. she doesn’t know what happened to francis. at the border she told him he was lucky she didn’t kill him and left on his bike, never to see him again. she traveled around the us with that bike, eventually deciding to visit hollywood. she saw a familiar name in an underground club and immediately went to the next showing available, watching with barely held back tears as dorothy starred in a play. she saw rat in the audience and ya-ya’s name credited in special effects, and she had to leave at intermission to keep herself together. she wasn’t sure how to approach them or what she would do or say, so she took off that night to keep the temptation away. she went all the way across the country to nyc, figuring it was about time she visited some old friends from mexico. she walked into a record shop to ask for directions and caught a thief stealing from the store a few minutes later. she walked in to return the record.

27. Teenage Delinquent or Revolution Song?

how am i supposed to choose?? from the moment i heard teenage delinquent pre-reprise i loved both versions. it’s such a pretty tune, and it’s so meaningful, and the emotion in it is so powerful. it makes me cry every time, and the end... wow. they’re gay and in love and i get very emotional about it. i absolutely love teenage delinquent. revolution song, however, was one of the first ones i ever heard and probably the one that made me watch the show. it’s so energetic and so great, and i cannot listen to it without wanting to start my own rebellion and take down some terrible patriarchal system. it’s constantly in my head and it’s so catchy and fun. plus, i love watching it in the show, and the girls throwing things and burning down the building is one of my fav things. i love both of these songs so much and i physically can’t choose which one is my favorite. 

28. Something you like/have noticed about the show that you haven’t seen anyone else mention yet?

both of these things are only briefly mentioned in the show but i’ve still never seen anyone talk about them. this show takes place over the span of only 17 days (excluding the finale, obviously). in the beginning, when susannah had just arrived, asp got the call about the interview and she mentioned it being in 17 days. a lot happened in 17 days, especially since they were locked up for 8 of them. all of the events of act 1 took place over 9 days at most, and probably less, bc we know sheila didn’t respond right away in solitary and we’re not sure of how much time passed until she did. that feels like such a short time span to me. another thing is that they’re on the fifth floor. i don’t know why this stood out to me, but it’s probably something to do with the fire. they would have lit the fire and gotten out really quickly. i feel like imagining them on the first or second floor is different than imagining them on the fifth floor for some reason, and i just felt like pointing it out. 

39. What got you interested in LIHN?

I was bored in between classes and so i watched a random youtube video of musical clips. there were three clips of lihn in there, and they interested me enough that i watched the entire musical a few days later. i immediately fell in love and i’ve watched it almost every day since. 

40. What does LIHN mean to you?

love in hate nation means so much to me. i absolutely love this show. there’s so much to think about and so much to build on. musicals are amazing bc there’s choreography and lighting and lyrics and sets and so many things with hundreds of little hidden messages, and deciphering potential meanings for those messages is so fun. this show is no different. there’s so many things to analyse, and it’s such a good show that i want to analyse everything about it. i can’t put into words how much i love this show. just know it’s a lot.

47. A single wish for the future of the show?

it says a single wish, but i have three, so i’m going to list them all. if i could only have one it would for sure be the first one. first and foremost, i want a cast album. goodness gracious, i want a cast album. so bad. second, i really want this to get to broadway. more people need to know about this show. it’s so good and it’s worth everything. i want this to get big. third, i believe joe posted something about a potential proshoot? i could be wrong but that would be amazing to have.

my grammar is terrible and this is so much longer than it should’ve been, so i’m sorry about that. thank you so much for asking!! it was really fun to answer these. if anyone wants to ask more questions, the link to the asks is here

[inyourwildestdreamslove]

Falling for Something

Pairing- Sweet Pea x Reader

Summary: After Sweet Pea finds you in the rain and takes care of you, you see an whole new side to him. Suddenly, he isn’t just the annoying boy who won’t leave you alone. And you start to fall....

Part 2 of Playing Hard to Get

You are surprised when the next day at school when Sweet Pea falls casually into step with you. He doesn’t try to steal your books or pull your hair. He isn’t nearly as loud or invasive as he was just yesterday. In fact, he seems to be totally at ease with you and casually brushes your arm or ask to carry your books for you. He doesn’t stand in the aisle and he doesn’t spend all class stretching making it hard for you to see.

You aren’t really sure what to think.

Your head is buried in a book and you tense a moment as you sense him suddenly hover over you. You hear a mutter in your ear of ‘Good morning, beautiful,’ before he sits in his seat and starts to pull out his things for the class.

You reply with a quiet ‘good morning,’ before returning to your book.

You expect him to start to mess with your hair or steal the book from hands, but neither happens. You send him a soft smile as you reach behind you to grab your homework out of your bag and he returns your smile with a dazzling one of his own. As class continues, you become colder and colder until you are hunched over trying to get as warm as possible.

“Cold?” you hear a deep voice behind you.

You glance over your shoulder and nod your head as your rub your arms to generate heat. You suddenly feel his jacket drop around your shoulders. You glance over your shoulder at him again, a look of confusion on your face.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you’re cold, it’s fine.”

You slip your arms into the arms of the jacket and snuggle into the jacket appreciating its warmth. The scent of spicy aftershave and heady scent of liquor flood your senses. You feel yourself relax into your seat. You miss the way that Sweet Pea smiles softly at you, seeing you in his jacket.

You especially weren’t sure what to think when you saw him in the library sorting through the shelves looking for something.

“Need help?” you ask walking quietly up to him.

He glances up from the page he’s scanning and just shrugs, “I’m looking for information on Vlad the third.”

“For the report?”

He nods as he plucks another book off of the shelf, “Is it because he’s the Prince that Dracula is based off of?”

He smirks as he glances up from the book he’s inspecting, “You know about Vlad the Impaler?”

“Of course! I’ve actually got one you can borrow for your report it talks a lot about his history.”

He gazes at you for a moment, “How are you so cool?”

You blush and look down from the unexpected compliment, “Shut up! It’s not that big of a deal…”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t know how cool you are,” he says with a boyish smile.

“Well you’re pretty cool yourself choosing Vlad the Impaler as your focus! Most people don’t know that Dracula is based on an actual person.”

“Yeah, they just think it’s a work of fiction.”

“Kind of like-”

“Frankenstein’s Monster!” you both exclaim at the same time.

“Yes! Being inspired by-”

“The first cell animation by scientist!”

You just stop and look at him in awe, “How…?”

“What? I do read you know… and pay attention in class… I’m more than just a thug.”

“Well… I know that… I know you’re more than a thug! I just… no one pay attention to this stuff!”

“I do.”

He says it so simply as if everyone in the world knew about literature and horror and history and actually cared.

“So… What angle are you writing your paper from? I know it’s on the Salem Witch Trials, but I don’t know the aspect.”

“It’s going to be about the failure of the justice system and the mass hysteria that it caused resulting in the death of 22 women and 2 infants.”

“Linking it to today’s tendency for media outlets to prey on the fears of the population would be a cool point to make.”

A sincere part of you is speechless, you had no idea that Sweet Pea is so smart.

“I’ve thought of that angle! I’ve got several stories already lined up for comparison.”

“You know… This Saturday we should work on our paper together… Maybe we could hit up that party that night as well?”

You take a moment to consider the offer, you aren’t one for parties, but that’s just because your friends usually run off and leave you all alone. You don’t care of idle chit chat and getting hit on by drunk guys is so uncomfortable.

“You wouldn’t leave me alone at the party right? My friends always abandon me…”

“No way! You go to the party with me and you’re stuck with me for the night! I’m making sure no one touches you and you get home safely.”

“Okay… Sounds like fun then!”

The bell for your next class rings and Sweet Pea makes his way up to the front desk to check out his books. He then pulls you behind him out the door and walks you to your next class. When he sits behind you in English you are hyper aware of him now that you aren’t trying your best to ignore him.

You lean back into him whenever he leans forward to whisper in your ear and suddenly the jokes and comments you thought were so stupid are now funny. You about leap out of your chair when you feel his lips brush the shell of your ear and the breathy mutter of how nice your hair looks suddenly sends you into overdrive mode.

What is going on?

When class is over you don’t wait for Sweet Pea, you grab your things and rush for the door. You miss the forlorn look he has on his face as he looks up to see you rush from the room. You speed walk down the hallway towards your best friends locker.

“We need to talk,” you say coming to an abrupt stop in front of your friends causing her to jump back a little.

“What is it?!” she asks in slight panic. You aren’t one to freak out or have much drama in your life. So having a look of panic on your face puts them on edge.

You lower your voice to below a whisper, “I think… I have a… crush!”

“ON WHO?” she exclaims.

“Shut up!” up hush her grabbing her arm and pulling her off down the hallway.

“OMG you totally have a crush on that guy in your math class!”

“Will you stop yelling!” you exclaim, neither of you noticing Fangs leaning against the locker hitting on some random girl in the hallway.

He stops what he’s doing and looks off down the hall in the direction that you went. He can hardly believe his ears. You have a crush on a guy in your math class! You don’t have math with Sweet Pea! Plus he thought that you and Sweet Pea were going to the party together. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!

“Are you going to tell me or not?” questions your bestie as she stops you from going into your next class.

“Not if you’re going to yell it out for the world to hear!” you exclaim in annoyance before you stomp into class.

“I’m sorry! It’s just so exciting! You never have crushes!”

“I do too have crushes!”

“Oh!” exclaims Toni as she sits down in front of you, “On who?”

Toni gives you a blinding smile as if she knew something that you didn’t.

“She won’t say…” huffs your friend as she scowls at you.

“Why not? It’s just us girls and I won’t tell!”

You know you can’t say anything while Toni is here. She’s friends with Sweet Pea and you don’t know how you feel about him yet, you are still too confused.

“Who do you think it is?” Toni asks turning towards your friend ignoring you since you won’t tell them.

“Well there is this guy in her math class that she thinks is cute...”

You huff and roll your eyes turning away from your friend and Toni, facing the front of the class. You miss the look of disappointment that Toni gets when she hears about the mysterious guy in your math class.

The next class you have is with Sweet Pea and instead of sitting in the seat he has saved for you near the window you opt to sit near the front and keep your head down. You can practically feel his eyes on you the entire class, but you are too nervous to face him until you understand this new attraction that you have for him.

You quickly leave class again and feel like a terrible person when you hear him call out your name and slip your earbuds in pretending you don’t hear him.

“I don’t get it… Things seemed to be going so well!” Sweet Pea groans in frustration as he drops his head to the table in front of him.

Sweet Pea, Fangs and Toni decided to go to Pop’s after school to eat and talk about the ongoing saga of Sweet Pea’s attraction.

“I...think there might be another...guy…” Toni says hesitantly.

“What do you mean ‘another guy?’” Sweet Pea question in annoyance.

“Like… apparently she likes this guy in her math class.” Fang supplies while taking a sip of his milkshake.

“How do you guys know that? Do you have math with her?”

“No, but I heard her friend and her talking about him today on their way to class,” says Fangs with a disappointed frown.

“They were talking about him in art today…” says Toni softly giving Sweet Pea a sad smile.

“That doesn’t make any sense! This morning was great! We even had a real conversation! She didn’t get pissed and she even seemed happy when I walked her to class!”

Sweet Pea became even more frustrated by the situation at hand. Sitting there staring at the double cheese burger in front of him he is hit with an idea.

“Well if she likes this other guy I’m just going to have to prove to her that I’m the better choice.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Questions Toni popping a fry into her mouth.

“I have a few ideas…” he says with a smirk.

Notes: I have turned this into a mini series... I know... I just can’t help myself... So I’m off to work on the next part of Upside Down! Did I just casually drop the link right there so you can read it if you want to? Hell yeah I did!

 Also, I have some fun things planned in the future! A Love triangle... Some fluffy baby fun and a bad ass biker chick... Just sayin...

Special Thanks to my writer friends @formysakeamaryllis and @sweetpea-cc for helping me make this series adorable.

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Can you please submit Adam's past!!! As well as some headcanons on him ;(

Out of Character:

Adam’s past is in the works… You see, I started some day in December and didn’t do so much work on it since. 😅 Technically, it’s finished, but it’s especially hard to edit, because it’s the longest one I’ve yet written, and I really do want it to be perfect. But don’t worry, I’ll def publish it. ☺️

Lemme start with my headcanons:

My biggest one: Adam is a psychopath. So, sometime ago, I asked people on their opinion on that topic and legit no one replied… Thanks for that, guys. 🙃😂 Anyway, I have been drowning myself in research for several weeks now, and I know that there’s a lot of misinformation about psychopathy online. Like, psychopaths have very little to do with Hollywood movies, and it’s not a mental illness but a neurological disorder. I differentiate between sociopaths and psychopaths as well, as in: Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made, and they behave and think differently. I have been analyzing Adam’s behavior and scenes carefully and, as far as I’m concerned, he meets all the signs for psychopathy. I know it’s kind of a critical topic to discuss, but I’d love to analyze Adam’s behavior and thoughts and compare it to psychopathy, in a separate post. (I am not looking to insult or offend anyone with this, I just love giving interesting characters more depth and exploring their minds and ways of thinking, especially when it comes to villains.)

Fitting the above one, Adam was a con artist at some point. I always thought of this job he would be so good at, but never knew the name until I came across it during my psychopathy research. Con artist! That job is made for him. I headcanon, some day after being a politician as a human, he came to America and started working as, I don’t know the name, but those people who came to people’s houses and sold them bullshit. He didn’t do that for a long time, though, because I don’t think it makes good money and it has a low social standing. However, that’s how he slipped into the con artist job or how he calls it “working in the finance sector”. He did that for, I don’t know, ten years or more, before he decided he had made enough money with it. He wanted to get into poilitics again to satisfy his desire for power, and quit being a con artist, because it would have been too risky to do both at the same time. (I doubt he was ever caught, but conning people is obviously illegal.)

It was slightly hinted at by Adrian that, sometimes, Adam kills women after sleeping with them. I think when he was around Priya’s age, he did that very often. Just sought them out and killed them afterwards, because he liked the feeling of power and control it gave him. In the present, it is more likely that he has contacts for things like that, contacts he does not kill, because it would be a huge scandal, obviously. Still, he sees all people as objects, humans more so than vampires, and attractive young women primary as sex objects to use and discard, and he thinks it’s pathetic that they adore him and seek him out the way they do, that they ‘let’ him kill them. But of course, he pretends to be this super elegant gentleman. I do think he was taught to treat women with special respect, but, if you consider his actual personality, it’s highly unlikely that he keeps that mask on in the bedroom. He displays it in public, because most women love gentlemen, but, unless his lover needs to be manipulated by him or he wants something from her, he is totally different, degrading even, in the bedroom.

I think Adam is very vain to the point that he needs longer in the bathroom than some ladies. I think he has a personal barber, stylist, you name it, and they come over every morning. He loves his appearance and - sorry - I can definitely see him making out with a mirror. At least, whenever he walks by, he does admire the guy he sees. But how could you not? How could women not? At least, that’s what Adam thinks. And lemme judge: he’s damn right. Adam’s About 183 cm tall (I just know), he’s muscular, he has a nice haircut, a fancy beard, great taste in fashion… And those, lemme guess, thick 7 inches. 😌😏 Hehe.

Pretty sure that Adam has a wild, irresponsible streak in him that he must live out somehow. I mean, he dated Priya and as if she would ever date anyone boring. Adam loves partying, irresponsible sexual acts, the adrenaline when seeking thrills. Despite what people think, I can definitely see him as a reckless driver, especially when alone. This guy has no fears. He is similar to Kamilah in some ways, but that’s one where they differ: I think he can let go better than she can, he just needs the right circumstances, right people, right situations. He is a lot more likely to play Roulette and bet on black just for the hell of it. With Priya, he did many irresponsible things, thinking “I don’t care. I love it.” Icona Pop knows. 😉

As a mortal, Adam had a family and children. Considering the historical context, this is more than likely. People often say they can’t imagine him as a father, and in a way I agree: I think he was a very neglectful and absent father who had a lot more kids than he wanted (considering the fact that he wanted none 😂). Furthermore, he was a very disloyal husband, married more than once, got women pregnant who he wasn’t married to, banished them or forced them into an abortion (people knew there were ways to miscarry)… I’m guessing the probability for him to cheat in a relationship to be as high as 80%. I see no reason for him not to cheat, because he has no moral compass and he believes he can have anyone, deserving of as many lovers as he wants. However, if she would cheat, he would either be incredibly angry or totally careless. Anyway, if there is one person seeing a crying toddler and thinking “Damn, I’m glad my kids are dead”, it’s Adam.

Back to his roots: Adam grew up Catholic. This is not me saying religion makes people bad (I’m religious myself), but me saying he grew up at a time and in a country that was certainly Catholic. However, I highly doubt he ever believed in any religion, simply was raised into a strictly religious environment. In that way, he broke rules very early such as no lying or no touching yourself, and this is how he learned to be sneaky about it. This theory explains his name as well, as Adam was the first human created by God, and he was likely named after him, not as the first human in the world, but the first baby born to his parents, a noble couple. I’m very sure he grew up in a big family. However, he is only focused only on himself since… all the time.

Obviously, regarding sex, Adam has done almost everything there is to do. I think he is much more animalistic and pleasure-focused than people think, and he loves to break taboos the same way he breaks rules as he considers himself above them. Imagine anything nasty and I bet he has done it. Either with someone kinky like Priya or he just persuaded a ‘normal’ person into letting him try whatever ‘sick’ fantasy he had. Also, he loves group sex with, like, four women who cater to his needs. I tried to widen this headcanon a bit by bringing guys into it as well. While I think Adam is definitely heterosexual, I wouldn’t be surprised if anything happened between him and a man. I headcanon something like: He was at an orgy, drunk or whatever, centuries ago, doing his thing, and a guy just approached and gave him oral. Lol. And he let him do it, because why the hell not? Meanwhile, I find kissing a bit too intimate, but I can imagine he has done it, too, out of manipulation or because a guy just kissed him. With Priya, I headcanon he seduced young women, killed them… and they had fun with them, like… blood play and stuff…

I think Adam’s basic directive is “I don’t care”, regarding the other members of The Council as well. Of course, there are things he cares about deeply, like killing the Clanless or getting votes, but all of that serves no one but himself, the only person on Earth he actually cares about. You could give him any person’s name and ask if they shall live or die and he wouldn’t care at all what happens to them (unless that person’s existence is useful or bothering for him). Yeah, he has no conscience and he gives zero shits. His emotions are super limited. Like, when Gaius presented them his morbid plan, Adam was careless to the point that he had to observe the others’ reactions to be able to form and voice an opinion. He is calm by default and rarely gets angry (the anger he showed in several scenes was fake in order to appear believable).

Regarding lovers, Adam has a type. He likes young women (22-28), naive and ‘stupid’, women he can easily control, and he sees himself deserving of having all the pretty ones, like trophies or possessions. When someone doesn’t have the right age or look, he considers them not good enough for him and would find it pathetic if they asked him out. He doesn’t like independent women, he likes women he can make dependent on him. He always needs to be the superior one, financially as well as intellectually. All this explains why he never had and never ever will have a thing for Kamilah. She is everything he can’t control, can’t subject, and that’s why he respects her and can openly express a platonic liking for her. But deep inside, women like that threaten him and he wants to destroy them, because they are too smart to fall for him. And women (people) he can’t benefit from, who refuse to obey him, who he can’t manipulate, have no use to him. Regarding one night stands, which he had a lot more than gilfriends, he only targets very attractive women. He likes dark types, like himself, rather than blondes, and women who are particularly feminine. Long hair, long nails, dresses, high heels… I think that attracts him. And he loves asses. And Latinas. Sorry.

I think Adam has more than two faces. To the public, he is that super friendly, charming guy who wants the best for anyone. To The Council, he is that friendly guy who has drastic measures, but still puts a lot of importance on their team-spirit. Part of the mask is off, but he still presents himself as friendly and interested in the well-being of the public. Like, he greets the members happily and calls them his “friends”, but everyone does know they shouldn’t turn on him. (The Baron even said so.) When dating Priya, he showed a different face again. More of that easy-going guy, a great sport, overly protective of his ‘loved’ ones. He always alternates between “Hello, I am super friendly and chill, you can talk about anything with me” and “I am super dangerous and you better not fuck with me”. Then, in reality, he is a cold-hearted snake who cares about no one but himself. Now imagine him around his Clan. I think his mask slips off even further than it does when he’s with The Council, in a way that they might even fear him, because they know what he’s capable of. Or they admire him because he leaves the mask on, like the nerd in the train to the Ball does, who obviously has a crush on him? It is so different to assess Adam, because he is a great actor and he can legit be anyone. He can be the kind philantrophist you support, the sexy celebrity you admire, the relaxed guy who is your best friend, the intelligent Clan leader, the most caring boyfriend you have had, the most abusive boyfriend you have had… or the man who is actually planning to murder you.

[dorevenge]

where ignorance is bliss - chapter 6: love an ember

SUMMARY: Maria and Howard go to visit her parents. It's Christmas at the Carbonells, and she forgot to tell them she got married. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 ☆

December 16, 1959 – Bronx, New York City, Peggy’s Apartment

“You married Howard Stark? I didn’t even know you knew Howard Stark!” Peggy says when I show her the ring on my finger. I went to visit her after she phoned me to ask for help moving her out of the house she and Daniel shared to a small apartment closer to the S.H.I.E.LD. headquarters. Her eyes are still bright with tears, she was crying when she opened the door, but she didn’t want to talk about anything less than positive. “When did you two meet?”

“A month ago.”

Peggy sits her drink down. “Maria-”

“Peggy, please. I’m sure I’ll get a lecture from my mother once I tell her, and I don’t want one from my best friend, as well. Please try to be happy for me.”

Her face softens. “I don’t have to try. I am happy for you. It’s just… Daniel and I rushed into things, and look at where we are now.” She gestures to a thick folder in the coffee table in front of her. “He returned the signed divorce papers to me this morning. I don’t want anyone else to go through this. I just want you to be careful.” The tears slowly creep out of the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Peggy. I should have been here for you. And I’m sorry I didn’t call to tell you we were getting married. We’ll have a party and invite everyone, and we’ll have a proper wedding. I want you there.”

“Howard and I will have to get dinner soon so I can hear his side. I’ve known him for a long time, Maria, and I’ve seen all his shady angles and dirty secrets. I know you want him to be different, but I’m not convinced that he can change overnight.”

There is truth to Peggy’s words. Whenever you hear Howard Stark’s name, your mind automatically adds playboy. Despite being an inventor, his face graces countless tabloids. He’ll never settle down, no woman will ever be good enough for him, he’s never slept with the same woman twice. While he whirled me around the world, I didn’t forget his reputation, but I wanted to get to know him on my own. And the Howard I came to know and love – and marry – was nothing like that.

“Maybe he needed a reason to change.” I realize it as I say it, unable to stop the words in my mouth. Peggy slightly frowns at my naivety, how foolish and young I must sound to her, marrying a man 19 years my elder after knowing him for only two weeks.

“For your sake, I hope so.”

December 22, 1959 – Southampton, New York City, Maria’s Parents’ House

In the whirlwind of moving into Howard’s mansion in Manhattan (I suppose it’s our mansion in Manhattan now), I’d forgotten to tell my mother I was married.

Christmas at the Carbonells is more than just one day: it’s three days of drinking, eating, and gossiping. I didn’t know whether to introduce Howard as my husband or not to my family, and I was trying to prepare him best I could before we arrived.

“They’re Catholic, but not really Catholic, except Grandma Rosa, who is very Catholic. My aunts Caroline and Marisol might try to flirt with you, but they’re easily distracted. Their husbands, George and Bill, might get jealous, though, especially if they drink too much. My cousin Morgan is my favorite, but I don’t know if he’ll be there. My mother, God, I don’t even know where to start with her.”

“Maria,” Howard says from the driver’s seat, pulling up at the address I gave him and rolling to a stop. He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I’m not worried at all. If you’re with me, doll, I can take on the world.”

We knock on the front door together, hand in hand, and I’m considerably more nervous than Howard, despite the Carbonells being my family.

My cousin Morgan opens the door, his freckled face stretched into laugher. “Maria, you’re here! Come in quickly, or you’ll miss it. Cousin Bethany is pregnant even though her husband died half a year ago, and the aunts are just about to figure out that the math doesn’t add up.” Morgan drags the two of us inside, and we’re met by a typical sight in our household.

Caroline and Marisol are standing, yelling at Bethany, Grandma Rosa holding her rosary, praying in the rocking chair, George and Bill drinking their beers in the corner. Howard’s grip on my hand tightens as a pillow is launched at Bethany from Marisol, and Caroline hollers, “Not at the baby!” in response. I ask in Morgan’s ear where my parents are, and he points to the kitchen before swooping in to take the lamp from Marisol’s grasp.

“How many more days of Christmas? I can’t stand this circus for much longer.” my mother asks my father, hiding in the kitchen, an almost empty glass of wine in her hand. She turns towards me when we walk in. “Maria. You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, that’d be my fault,” Howard says.

My father steps forward, hand extended. “Stanley Carbonell.”

“Howard.” Just Howard.

“Jacqueline,” my mother introduces herself next, her frown outlined in red lipstick, and accepts Howard’s handshake. “And who are you to my daughter, Mr. Howard?”

I freeze, the words not able to make it past my lips, when Morgan bursts through the door. “You just missed it! Marisol asked who the husband is, and Beth confessed it was her husband’s brother!” He’s gone as soon as he entered, and the silence falls in the kitchen again. Jacqueline resumes her piercing stare.

I steel myself before saying, “He is my husband.”

My mother sets down her glass and takes a deep breath in through her nose. “Are you pregnant?”

“No.”

“Is he Catholic?”

“No.”

“Is he baptized?”

I turn to Howard, and he responds, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Thank God.” Mother pours herself another glass and rolls her eyes far back into her head. “You sure you’re not pregnant?”

“Yes, mother, I’m sure.”

“He treats you better than that Stane fellow?”

“Yes, mother.”

She drains the glass, sets it down loudly, says “I never liked him much, anyway,” and leaves the kitchen, muttering under her breath.

My father fumbles with his tie. “Howard, huh? You look familiar. Anyone ever mistake you for a movie star, or a politician or something?”

“All the time, sir,” Howard smiles. “Just one of those faces.”

In the middle of a rambunctious, rowdy dinner, the phone rings. Morgan answers and yells that it’s for me.

“Hello?”

“Maria! You’re with Howard, right? At your parents’?”

“Peggy! Yes, we are. How-”

“I founded S.H.I.E.LD., don’t worry about know I know. Don’t go home.”

“Don’t go home?”

“We got a hint that there was going to be hit on Howard’s place tonight, and it turned out to be true. Your house is swarming with agents,” Peggy warns.

“Whose agents?”

“We don’t know yet. Stay there until I call you again. Oh, and Happy Christmas, Mrs. Stark.”

Peggy hangs up before she can hear me say, “thank you.”

My heart falls heavy to the bottom of my stomach, sinking deeper and deeper with each step back to the table. I sit next to Howard, a pained smile on my face. He leans in to kiss me and whispers, “What’s wrong?”

I return the kiss, “Tell you later,” and focus on the plate in front of me. The world starts to spin, and my grip on the edge of the table seems to be the only thing holding me there. Throughout the meal, my family engages me in conversation, and I only half-heartedly reply. My palms grow sweaty. I’m not good at keeping secrets, and there’s no way no one is noticing my fidgeting.

“Tell me what’s eating you, doll. Meet me in the bathroom in a couple minutes.” Howard stands and excuses himself, folding the napkin on his lap and setting it next to his plate before leaving.

The minutes feel like hours as I push around my mashed potatoes and chicken before joining him.

“Peggy called,” I tell him once the door behind him is closed. “She says agents are all over the house.”

“Who are they?”

“She’ll call back with an update, but S.H.I.E.L.D. is on top of it.”

“So we stay put?” he asks.

“We stay put.”

We survive the night with my family, anxiously waiting for Peggy’s call. I jump every time the phone rings, going through extended family members wishing us a Merry Christmas. Mother tells everyone I had up and married a stranger, and we field complaints and questions left and right, ‘til we finally hear a welcome English accent.

“The house is clear. It’s safe for you two to come home, but…”

“But what, Peg?” Howard asks, leaning in to share the phone with me.

“You’ll want to come here and tell us what’s missing.”

“Again? After last time, I make sure my inventions would never be stolen again.”

“Not your inventions,” Peggy says, “It looks like they only went through the filing cabinet in your office. In and out, and that’s all they touched..”

The color drains from Howard’s face.

“Howard, what is it?” I ask. “What’s in the cabinet?”

“It’s worse than my inventions; it’s the blueprints for the shit I never made. Shit that should never be made. And my designs, they’re flawless. Decades of work, with no duplicates made, for that very reason, to keep them out of anyone else’s hands but my own. Maria…” Howard looks at his feet, embarrassed. “I don’t know what I’ve gotten you into.”

[dong-hyucks]

Cupid’s Stupid Arrow ; Jimin

Prompts: 19. “You look cute.”, 3. “You look cold.”, 11. “You’re warm.”, 22. “You... want me to act like I’m your lover?”, and 25. “I love you.” Characters: Park Jimin // Reader Genre: angst + a bit of fluff // college!au // we haven’t really had a lot of angst so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   Word Count: 2.5k+ Admin: CJ

Masterlists || Ten Days to Christmas Prompt List || TDC/CNY Masterlist

it was a cold december day when the question was asked. the inquiry itself was enough to stop the small puffs of breath that escaped through jimin’s plump lips.

his stare bored into yours like a pair of lasers. his chocolate brown gaze was different—and it wasn’t the best type of different either.

he was surprised (at the least) and he didn’t look very happy. his next utterance was enough to send a shiver down your spine. it was most definitely not because of the cold.

“you... want me to act like I’m your lover?” 

jimin’s face had paled, but the look you were giving him won him over. he played his nervousness off with an awkward chuckle, and pat your head with a sweaty palm.

“yes please—it’ll only be for one night. i’m going to christmas dinner with my parents, and if i don’t have anyone with me, they’ll pester me while i’m trying to enjoy my food.”

your pleading eyes were what finally pushed him over the edge. he let out a defeated sigh and prayed that his condensed breath would shield your face from his view.

it did

and he continued on with his schedule.

but, one little phrase that you said was like an ear-worm. it wriggled itself into his brain and wouldn’t stop repeating. 

‘it’ll only be for one night.’

yeah

only one night.

that was what he was afraid of. 

yeah sure, jimin was in college. he’d had flings before. he’d been in a fwb relationship (which had broken ungracefully). he was a normal twenty-something year old (you begin to lose count after all the years)—

 but you were special to him. the first time he laid eyes on you, you just about set his insides on fire. and, for the first time since tenth grade, he’d actually been in love.

love was confusing though

especially when it was unrequited.

although, this time, jimin had a plan. he’d mapped it out on his civics notes. he would take you to the dinner with your parents, and win them over—that was the easy part. then, he would win you over.

that was the hard part.

for four years (in undergrad) he’d tried to make you fall for him, and now that the two of you were at the same graduate college, he was given another chance. 

it was as if something from the heavens was smiling down upon him. and, though the situation would most likely make him nervous, he realized that it was the perfect opportunity to capture your heart.

cupid would use his bow only once tonight—

and jimin would do all that he could to guarantee that you two would fall in love.

he wished the day would speed up

he got more and more jittery as the sun cycled in the sky. jimin considered cutting for the rest of the day to prepare for the long night ahead. he tossed the idea around in his head for the rest of civics

then, he went for his free period and never returned to finish his school day.

when he reached his dorm door, he fumbled to open it, and when he did a frightful sight awaited him—yoongi was sprawled out on his bed—

not wearing a single article of clothing ...

jimin launched a (dirty) pair of boxers at him, and scoffed. “i thought we talked about this yoongi?! stop skipping class so you can lounge around in your birthday suit! seriously!”

that when he realized another, important fact

“AND ON MY BED?! C’MON MAN!” “sorry.” “NO YOU’RE NOT, YOU ASSHOLE.” “eh, you’re right. i was just trying to make you feel better.” yoongi hadn’t moved from his position on jimin’s bed, and jimin threw yet another pillow.

“get off!” 

yoongi complied,,,, making no act to cover himself. jimin yelped and his hands flew to cover his eyes, and yoongi snorted. “what’s your deal? we both have one y’know?” 

“just because i have one, doesn’t mean i want to see yours too.” “fine, fine, fine. damn you’re harsh.” yoongi’s sly smirk did not make anything better.

“you’re annoying, y’know that yoongs?” “so i’ve been told ... but what i really want to know is what you are doing cutting class.”

jimin’s face flushed a crimson red, and his hands flew together, fidgeting around in front of his stomach. yoongi groaned and planted his face into the cheap sheets he’d bought from target

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! (name)?! are you serious!?” yoongi’s lips curled into a snarl when he spat out the question. he lifted his head and shook it slightly. but jimin’s eyes were already glued to the ground.

“she asked me for a favor,” he muttered.

“yeah, no shit. and lemme guess, she won you over with her infamous ‘gaze?’ one that she’s been using on every guy since the freshman year of undergrad.”

“yes.”

“you know what. i’m not gonna help you this time. because, i swear to god, this will finally break your heart for good. jimin, you’re so naive that it’s actually fucking funny. no joke. you’re in for it this time, and i’m warning you, this won’t be any different from any of the other times she’s hurt you.”

“you’re wrong.”

“no—i’m not wrong, jimin. in fact, you know i’m right. but, you’re so desperate for validation from her, that you’ll do anything.”

“stop.”

“you clean her dorm, you do her homework, you cook for her. it’s like you’re repeating the seventh grade for the seventh time.”

“stop, yoongi.” jimin’s voice was almost deadly. it’s tone was enough to send a poison dart frog into toxic shock.

“shit—no! you don’t get it do you?! jimin, she’s using you! she’s been using you. i’ve seen it with my own two eyes. i’ve been your best friend since grade school, i’m not dumb. i have a college degree. maybe not in optometry, but i can still fucking see!”

“shut the fuck up!” jimin exploded. his face was still that bright shade of crimson, but it was for a different reason this time. “(name)’s not like that, yoongi, you don’t know her at all. and since when have you been my best friend? since now? since two seconds ago? just because my roommate has a fucking opinion about me for once in his life, doesn’t mean he’s my best friend.”

yoongi’s gaze flicked to the floor, and his eyes hardened. “get out. get out of here.” he shooed jimin away and had to restrain himself from slamming the door in his face.

“i know you’re angry right now, but that was unnecessary. we’ve been best friends since grade school, and you know it. i’m sorry that she’s gotten you this wrapped around her finger, but there’s nothing i can do now. all i’m gonna say is that when she dumps you in the trash chute with all the other men she’s thrown away, i’ll be there. you can tell me whatever. and who knows. maybe i’ll have an idea—or god forbid another opinion.”

and with that, yoongi swung his arm once and the grating sound of the door rattling on its hinges made jimin grit his teeth.

‘there won’t be any trash chute, ‘cause i’m not getting dumped. when i come back with her by my side, i’ll have to ask you to leave.’

when jimin arrived at your house, he was decked out in a rented black suit and tie. he had to return it of course, but while he had it on, it made him look quite dashing.

but the sweat on his palms made him stuff his hands into his pockets. jimin was a bit nervous.

it was pretty obvious.

he rang the doorbell and waited patiently. his glances became more and more panicked as the seconds ticked by. jimin wondered if you would even open the door after a couple minutes passed.

and, when he heard the sound of the door being unlatched, he let out a sigh of relief. but then it was sucked right back in when he locked gazes with you.

you looked absolutely stunning. in a long, elegant red dress. strapless, sweetheart neckline, sequined in all the right places. definitely a high dollar brand. lv or—dare he say—gucci?

did i forget to mention that jimin is a fashion merchandising major

“you look cold.”

your smile almost brought him to tears. jimin stared at you like you were aphrodite herself. but, after a few minutes, your smile faded and you snapped at him playfully.

“well, are you gonna come in or do you want to freeze your ass off.” jimin just chuckled and entered your house, taking his dress shoes off at the door.

he looked up and down the walls of your home. taking in everything. the pictures that have been hung since you were in kindergarten, the warm feeling of the fireplace, the burning sensation that engulfed his hand whenever it happened to brush yours—everything.

“wow,” he murmured, “it’s all so nice.” he reached out the touch a picture frame, and you swatted his hand away.

“don’t touch jimin,” you laughed, eyes crinkling, “that picture frame is real wood. you could get a splinter.” jimin smiled in return, turning his attention back to the photo.

“you look cute.” jimin’s comment didn’t go unnoticed, and you punched his arm lightly. “don’t say that, idiot,” you shied away from his compliment, “that was like, third grade.” 

“what? it’s true.” jimin touched the tip of his finger to your nose when you scrunched it up. you turned your head away, acting like you were embarrassed.

but, jimin wasn’t acting. 

and—if only he knew—the reason you were being so sweet was because your parents were right around the other corner.

but that probably would’ve hurt him more than just having to pretend.

as the night progressed, you got more and more touchy. at the restaurant you were almost on top of jimin. but, he wasn’t complaining. having you this close was something he’d wished for for a long while.

then, the words came back. ‘only for one night.’ 

that’s what he dreaded.

‘not this time. she’ll love me this time. i know it.’

no he didn’t

and, when dinner was over, the four of you headed back to the house. you just chatted for hours. after a few hours, realization had struck him, he had completed the easy part. jimin had advanced to the boss level.

winning over your parents was too easy. but, winning you over was going to be difficult. you were so headstrong, so restless, so free-spirited—yes—it was going to be difficult, but this time, there was no room for failure.

“hey, (name), so you think i could talk to you outside for a bit?” your parents glanced at jimin hopefully, probably wondering if a proposal was in the works.

no way in hell.

“are you sure? it’s three degrees outside, y’know.” jimin just nodded, and grabbed your hand. he placed his coat on your shoulders, and sat you down on your porch bench.

he shivered, but soon learned to ignore the pleads his body was pouring out, begging him to go inside, or at least put a jacket on

jimin should’ve listened.

you stared up at him, not knowing what would come next. your eyes were as big as saucers, but jimin stayed silent. he lifted his hand to scratch the back of his neck, and you still waited for him to speak.

“jimin, say something or i’m going back inside.” he reached out to your form as you began to stand.

“(name), this may come as a shock, but, i love you,” jimin continued, “i love your smile, i love your laugh, i love everything about you. you’re nice, you’re funny, you’re warm. (name), i’ve loved you for years. take a chance on me, please? it’s the least you can do.”

once he let that sentence slip from his lips, he knew he had ruined whatever the relationship used to be.

your face darkened, and you glared daggers back at him. jimin’s face paled, but he gazed into your eyes—not wanting to give up.

but, what he didn’t see coming was you hand. everything outside your little bubble froze—including jimin. his eyes widened in horror, and the only sound that could be heard was the harsh slap of hand colliding with fist in the blistering cold of the night.

“for your information, jimin. i don’t date. sure, i might ask for favors, but it doesn’t mean anything! i live for me, not anyone else. i’m sorry, but we’re just friends—or we were.”

“you don’t date?! then why can’t you just tell your parents that, huh!? why?” jimin persisted, and you tilted your head down towards the ground.

“yeah, that’s what i fucking thought. you’re too much of a coward. y’know, i thought we were friends too. i thought we could’ve bee something. i thought we could’ve been happy together—with each other—as more than just friends!”

jimin winced as he held a hand up to his cheek. you reached out to him, but he batted your hand away.

“don’t touch me.” his growl was enough the curdle blood. you paused, fazed by his venomous remark. “my heart’s already broken, why not have something to match,” he spat, his voice bitter.

“jimin, i’m—i’m sorry.” “what?” “i’m sorry.” “no you’re fucking not.”

“just stop. stop trying to be sorry. stop trying to make everything okay. because, i sure as hell am not okay.” “i—” “no. i told you to stop. i’m not okay, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you, does it?”

you looked helplessly at him. you wanted to save him from himself.when jimin finally cut himself off, he stared pitifully into your eyes. he was broken. he was hurting. you wanted to pull him out of the man made abyss he had plunged himself into, but your rope wasn’t long enough.

“i’m the one that should be sorry,” jimin began to speak again—

“i’m sorry for ever falling in love with you. i’m so sorry. even though you’re beautiful, and smart, and kind—even though you’re perfect—you never wanted me.”

“jimin no—” but, he was already walking in the opposite direction. 

“you forgot your coat!” “i won’t be needing it!”

jimin walked and walked, his hands stuffed inside his gucci suit’s pockets. he walked, replaying the conversation between the two of you over and over again. he walked cold, alone, and without a coat (that he desperately needed).

he walked until he was no longer in your field of vision.

he walked away.

and, when he reached his dorm room door, he knocked, and yoongi let him in. he threw an arm around jimin’s shoulder, and led him to his twin bed. they sat together, a quietude unfolding over the two of them.

“i hate love.” “isn’t that a bit of an oxymoron?” “i hate it.” “well, then i hate it too.” jimin yawned and yoongi climbed out of the man’s bed and into his own. yoongi scoffed as he saw jimin’s frown still present as he fell asleep

jimin thought of your face as he fell into a deep slumber, and he felt a sharp pang right where his heart rested in his chest. 

cupid’s stupid arrow was still there.

[captain-zajjy]

Solstice, Chapter 22 - A Final Fantasy XV Story

Pairing: Ignis x Female Original Character

AO3 | Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

A/N: Again, I’m really sorry for the long absence, but I think the break did me some good. 

Tagging @gudetamazing​ per request, and @roses-and-oceans​, @geochic03​, @bespectacled-girl​, and @blightyonfire​ for leaving such nice comments on this story in the past. And of course, my one and only beta and editor-san @calilumina! Hopefully I haven’t lost anyone with my long hiatus.

Valeria woke the next morning with a start, blinking bleary, heavy eyes at the unfamiliar surroundings. She wasn’t home - home, Insomnia, was gone. It wasn’t the abandoned country house of some stranger where she’d sought temporary refuge from the daemons; the daemons were still out there, but they couldn’t be close, not with all the light pooling beneath the door and the soft sounds of a child’s voice filling the hallway. She remembered, with a heavy heart, that she wasn’t in Ignis’s tiny apartment either; he had gone back out on the road to chase his wounded pride, gone and left her with Gladiolus Amicitia’s sister and the boy, Talcott, grandson of the Amicitia family’s butler.

Valeria couldn’t quite bring herself to resent Ignis for leaving her, but it still hurt, and it took her back to a time when she was ten years old, watching her father’s motorcycle take off down a quiet city street. He’d come back - once in awhile, whenever it suited him, not nearly often enough to fill the void he’d left behind.

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, exiting the bedroom (Iris had slept in her brother’s room, allowing Valeria to use her bed while she stayed) and made her way to the bathroom with a deep yawn. As usual, she hadn’t slept much, and what rest she did have was plagued by nightmares of daemons and Magitek and Ignis screaming as he was torn apart.

Talcott was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a piece of dry toast with a small glass of orange juice that looked like it had been significantly watered down.

“Good morning!” Iris chirped. “Would you like some breakfast?”

Valeria shook her head and slumped down at the table, envying how well-rested and just plain optimistic the younger girl seemed. Ignorance, as they all say, is bliss. Talcott was rehearsing some kind of history report, and Valeria could only offer a wan nod when he turned to look at her, having only heard about a third of it.

“I think that’s an A plus, Talcott,” Iris said.

“Really?” They boy’s large, blue eyes were wide, eager.

“Seriously. I didn’t even know half of that stuff.” Iris handed him a metal lunchbox with a chocobo on the front of it. “Did you?”

“Oh, I...” Valeria shook her head. What had he been talking about? Something about the Caelum dynasty? “I’m more of a math person,” she offered, trying to disguise the fact that she hadn’t been paying attention.

“I hate math,” Talcott grumbled as he pulled on his backpack. “But Grandpa said I have to get good grades in everything, not just the stuff I like.”

“Yep,” Iris said, walking him to the door. “Have a good day at school!” she said with a wave, shutting the door behind him.

Valeria regarded Iris for a moment - still in her pajamas and slippers as she lazily scrubbed at a dish in the sink.

“Aren’t you going to school?” Valeria asked.

Iris looked up for a moment, then seemed to purposely put her head down. “No.”

Valeria didn’t know Gladiolus all that well, but from Iris’s reaction, she was almost certain this was an argument the Amicitia siblings had - probably more than once.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because it’s pointless,” Iris snapped, her cheerful demeanor giving way to something far more forceful. “How is learning, like, geometry going to help save anybody stuck out there?” She pointed toward the apartment’s window. “I want to help people, not....sit around.”

“There are plenty of ways to help people that don’t involve fighting.” They weren’t always glamorous, especially to a teenager, but that didn’t make them less valid.

Iris looked her in the eye. “I’m an Amicitia,” she said, both pride and expectation in her voice. “We fight. It’s what we do.” What had she called it? A family curse? Perhaps it wasn’t just the men who were affected by the weight of that family name.

Valeria merely shrugged. If her brother hadn’t been able to talk Iris out of it, there was no way a woman she’d only just met was going to.

“They say this isn’t going to last forever,” was all Valeria said on the matter. “Things will go back to how they used to be.” Mostly. Maybe.

“Whatever,” Iris replied, putting the dishes away. “I’ll fight then too. When Noct comes back...” Her voice trailed off, her eyes glazed over with a longing sadness Valeria immediately recognized, recognized because she had seen it in herself. She loves him , Valeria thought. She loves the Prince.

“He’ll come back,” Valeria offered with a smile. He’ll come back, just like Ignis will come back, like he promised.

Sometime well after the city chimes sounded that it was past noon, the door to the suite abruptly flew open, a bulky, tattooed man filling the entire doorway.

“Gladdy!” Iris shrieked, bounding off the couch and into her big brother’s arms.

Valeria pushed past them, her heart in her throat.Ignis. Where’s Ignis?

He was there, standing in the hallway behind Gladiolus, looking rumpled and tattered and alive and well. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.

“Iggy,” she whispered, then threw herself into his arms with a pathetic whimper. “You came back. You came back to me.”

“I told you I would,” he replied, squeezing her tight. If only we could stay like this forever, Valeria thought, burying her face into his shoulder. But she became acutely aware of the eyes of the Amicitia siblings on them, and turned to see them both beaming at her and Ignis with knowing smiles.

Valeria felt her cheeks burning crimson as she quickly broke the embrace, her eyes fixed on the grubby tiled floor. Romance is a waste of time , her mother chided in her head. It’s not like that. The lie came to Valeria automatically; she’d programmed herself into believing her own bullshit. But she didn’t have to lie anymore, to anyone.

“Iris, forgive me for rushing off,” Ignis said. “But I’m afraid I’m simply exhausted.”

“Of course,” Iris said. “I’m just glad you guys are back safe and sound.”

Valeria thanked Iris for allowing her to stay, then led Ignis down the stairs and out of the Leville. Relief was crashing over her in waves, so violently that she stumbled as her knees grew weak.

“What’s wrong?” Ignis asked, his strong grip on her arm keeping her upright.

“Nothing.” Valeria turned to smile at him, the man she held above all others. The man she loved. You came back. “Nothing at all.”

After taking a shower and a long, peaceful nap, Ignis stood over the worn clothes he’d laid out on the bed, running his fingers over the stiff spots that signaled the presence of dried blood. More than just his gloves had been stained; there was spatter across the front of his shirt and sleeves of his jacket.

Fortunately, Ignis knew a simple solution for that; they’d slain enough beasts on the road that he’d had plenty of opportunities to field test a remedy. He grabbed a can of salt from the kitchen and carried his soiled things into the bathroom, asking Valeria if she needed the sink before proceeding to fill up the basin.

“No,” she replied, following him in - or half-in - the tiny room. The gentle touch of her hand on his back, the feeling of her body pressed close against his side, made his pulse quicken in such a way that he once would have lamented his body betraying him. But now, it just felt like he’d always known it, in his bones and in his heart, what his head had stubbornly attempted to deny all along. Even so, he wasn’t ready, not quite yet. There were so many things that frightened him, not the least of which were all the ways he’d been altered in the past few months.

“What are you doing?” Valeria asked, curious, as he dumped a generous amount of salt into the cold water in the sink. “Oh,” she said as he opened his mouth to reply, undoubtedly noticing the blood on the clothing he’d piled atop the lid of toilet.

“It’s best to soak the stains in salt water for a few hours, before laundering,” Ignis explained as he stirred the water with his hand, letting the salt dissolve.

“Really?” she asked.

“It’s worked in the past.” Ignis pressed a wet finger to his lips, testing the saline levels, before tossing in a bit more.

“Did you have bloody clothes often?” Valeria asked, her tone probing.

“It was animal blood,” he replied, fully aware of what she was getting at. Ignis hoped that, in time, he’d be able to forget the pathetic way the dying man had clutched at him, pleading for his life.

“It’s not animal this time?”

“No.” Ignis turned to grab his clothes, plunging first his gloves, then his shirt into the sink. Valeria stopped him with a touch on his arm before he could add the jacket.

“Wait a minute.” He heard her walk across the apartment and then return, taking the jacket from his hands. “Let me see if I can put this on a hanger, so you don’t have to put the whole thing in the sink. It’s silk isn’t it?” Ignis nodded. “I bet if I can hang it on the mirror, the stained parts will reach...Ah, perfect.”

“Good thinking,” Ignis said, quietly grateful for her narration of exactly what she was doing. He was growing accustomed to filling in the gaps of what was going on around him with suppositions and imagination, but it was frustrating, particularly for someone as analytical as himself, to have to rely on such an incomplete picture much of the time.

The clothes would need to soak for several hours; there was no reason for them to stay in the cramped bathroom, but they both remained where they stood, her chest pressed into the side of his arm.

“Are you hurt?” Valeria asked him quietly.

“It’s not my blood,” Ignis said. “What you said about the people out there - you were right.” Valeria said nothing, but slipped her hand into his. “Aren’t you going to gloat?” he asked, trying - and not really succeeding - to lighten the suddenly dark mood.

“Not about this,” she said. “I didn’t want to be right about this. They attacked you?”

“And tried to abscond with our supplies.” To think that common bandits would plague Lucis’s highways in this day and age... As he’d said, Valeria had been right, been right about everything. People were frightened and hungry and cruel.

“Did you kill them?” Her voice was quiet, flat, unreadable.

Ignis swallowed. “Yes.” He half-expected her to push him away in disgust, but she squeezed his hand.

“Have you killed anyone before?”

“Imperial soldiers.” Most of them had been Magitek, but some were flesh and blood, just like him. “These weren’t soldiers. I doubt they were even as old as we are.”

“You did what you had to do, Iggy.” Valeria rested her head on his shoulder. “They would have just kept hurting people.”

Ignis stood there, taking comfort in her words and her presence, until he realized exactly what she’d said.

“So did you,” he said.

“What?”

“You did what you had to. Whatever it was that happened to you out there, you don’t have to be ashamed.” He heard her inhale sharply, felt her grip falter on his hand.

“I...Iggy...”

Ignis shook his head, chiding himself for speaking so carelessly. “I wasn’t trying to conjure bad memories.” He slid a comforting arm around her back. “Would you allow me to take you out for dinner?”

Valeria let out a startled laugh. “What?”

Ignis grinned. “I happen to know of at least one restaurant in Lestallum that still exists - after a fashion. If you’d like-”

“Of course I would,” Valeria replied, her mood audibly brighter. “Just let me change my clothes.”

They walked past the market, to a street corner Valeria must have passed a dozen times, only now noticing the half-lit sign that said ‘Cafe ’ (or ‘AF’ if one was going by the letters that were still illuminated).

“Oh,” Valeria said, peering in the narrow windows. “It’s really crowded.”

Ignis shook his head. “I doubt most of them are patrons.” As Valeria pushed the door open, a bell dinging softly overhead, Ignis quietly added, “The owner has far too big a heart.”

The owner in question, a heavyset man of about thirty or so, looked up from the counter, a broad, excited smile immediately lighting up his face.

“Scientia!” he boomed, making his way toward the pair. Ignis stuck out his hand and the man shook it vigorously.

“My friend, Valeria.” Valeria was surprised when the man gave her the same vigorous handshake, threatening to wrench her shoulder from its socket. “Valeria, this is James, the proprietor of this fine establishment.”

“‘Fine,’ he says.” James let out a hearty laugh. “You’d be singing a different tune if your eyeballs worked, my friend.”

Valeria recoiled at the glib way the man spoke of Ignis’s blindness, but Ignis merely chuckled.

“The cuisine is quite fine,” Ignis said. “That’s what matters.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive the ambiance,” James said to Valeria, shooing away a group of people loitering near a small table in the corner. “Move it,” he barked at them, although not entirely unkindly. “And don’t bother the paying customers.”

A few of the people regarded Valeria curiously, undoubtedly wondering just what sort of person went on a dinner date at a time like this. A date... The realization made her blush as she followed James to their table, but that’s exactly what it was. She was tired of lying to herself about these things.

“Here you are,” James announced with a sweeping gesture toward the table. “Give me just a moment.”

As he dashed back off toward the counter, Valeria took Ignis’s hand from her elbow and placed it on the nearest chair back; rather than take the seat, he pulled the chair out and motioned for her to sit, pushing it back in after she was settled. Valeria rolled her eyes, although she was hardly annoyed; you damned, chivalric fool, she thought as he felt his way around to the chair at the other side of the table. But she wouldn’t have it any other way.

James quickly returned, spreading a blue and white checkered tablecloth across the tabletop and setting out napkins and silverware. He even placed a small, dented lantern in the center of the table, lighting the votive within with a match.

“Can’t leave this stuff out,” he explained. “I swear, they’ll pocket anything that isn’t nailed down.”

“But you let them in?” Valeria asked, scanning the crowd. They had the same tattered, defeated air that she’d had when she first entered the city.

“It’s the damned kids,” James said, then slapped his forehead. “Pardon my language. But I’m a real sucker for kids. Anyway...” he spread his hands in a welcoming gesture, “I’m afraid I can’t really host a menu, per se, not with the way the food deliveries have been, but I do have a nice cut of behemoth steak a Hunter dropped off yesterday.”

Steak? Valeria felt her jaw drop open even as her mouth began to water.

“That’ll be fine, James,” Ignis said, removing his gloves and tucking them into his shirt pocket.

“More than fine,” Valeria said.

“Excellent! I’ll get that started and bring you something to drink.”

Valeria turned to Ignis as James left, a smile spreading across her face. Steak, a restaurant, a date...and most of all, Ignis. Ignis came back.

“What?” he asked, his expression bemused.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“It seems as though you want to.”

“I...” Valeria tried to think of some eloquent way to dance around the subject, like they always did, before stopping herself. No more of that. “I’m just happy,” she said honestly.

A flush crept up the sides of Ignis’s neck, his ears. “I’m happy to hear it.”

“Is that bad?” Valeria looked around all the people crowded into the other corners of the restaurant, people who weren’t about to dine on steak, who had probably lost the men and women they loved.

“No.” Ignis shook his head emphatically. “Don’t feel guilty for being happy. Don’t ever feel guilty for that.”

Valeria felt something swell inside of her and had to look down, avert her eyes, busy her fingers with picking some lint off the tablecloth, lest she get all emotional in public.

“Iggy,” she ventured, still not able to look at him directly. He was too bright. “Have you been here before?”

“Well, I...” His eyebrows knitted together. “Obviously.”

“No, I mean before...” Valeria let that trail off, hoping he’d catch her meaning. Even if Ignis didn’t mind others cracking jokes about his blindness, she still felt hesitant to bring it up.

“Ah. No. Noct’s preferences leaned more toward the greasy spoon.”

“Oh, right.” Of course they did. “I could, um...describe it to you. If you’d like.”

The smile that played across Ignis’s lips was small, cryptic. “I would,” he said quietly.

Valeria looked around the small restaurant, suddenly wishing she had more of a way with words. She had asked, and yet she was uncertain where to begin.

“It’s not a big place.” She decided to start broadly and narrow down to the details. “There are maybe ten or fifteen tables, mostly for two.” Valeria wondered if, in the past, it had been filled with young couples, like herself and Ignis, shyly regarding one another over the golden light of a small lantern.

“The walls are exposed brick,” she went on. “Red. But there are patches where the bricks have faded pink from the sun. The floors are scuffed too. You know,” Valeria leaned with her elbow on the table, even though her mother would have snapped at her for that. “This whole town is kind of like that. Everything in Insomnia was so...slick . Perfect. The signs of wear here, I guess it should feel shabby, but I don’t know... I think it’s kind of quaint.” Romantic , she thought. It’s all terribly romantic. Or maybe that was just her present company.

“I always thought Lestallum was a charming town,” Ignis said, nodding. “Perhaps, because it is so unlike the Crown City and what we are accustomed to.”

He was right. Valeria wouldn’t want to live here forever, but it wasn’t the first time that she’d thought if things hadn’t been so dark and crowded and miserable, it would have been romantic. Romantic. She pushed away how that word made her blush, every time, and continued to describe the restaurant’s layout and decor to Ignis. She’d just gotten to the tablecloth when they were interrupted by James, setting down two glasses of water.

“Red wine’s the only real way to enjoy a steak, I know,” he said. “But water’s all I got.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” Ignis said.

Valeria turned to the restaurant owner. “If you don’t mind me asking, why bother to stay open?”

“You have any idea how hard it is to get a permit?” James asked the question like it was meant to be rhetorical, but when Valeria shrugged and stared at him blankly, he explained. “Figured you were a Crown City type. It’s tough to get a business off the ground here, unless you’ve got a connection to someone up in the Ivory Tower. And it’s even tougher when that business is male-owned, like this ‘fine establishment.’”

“Oh,” was all Valeria could say.

“I’ve always wanted my own place,” James went on. “Ever since I learned how to cook. Now, Scientia here tells me this catastrophe isn’t going to last forever. Even if it means hemorrhaging money and giving out more handouts than serving paying customers, well...that’s just what I’ll have to do.”

“I did say the Darkness might last quite a while,” Ignis added.

“Then I got quite a while of feeding freeloaders. Hell, maybe once all of this is said and done, some of ‘em will remember and come back as paying customers. Or even,” James’ eyes took on a faraway gleam, “investors. Ha!” James clapped Ignis on the shoulder. “Keep dreaming, right?”

“So that’s why all these people are here,” Valeria said, glancing at the listless crowd. “You cook for them.”

James seemed to shrug off the implication that he was running some kind of charity. “Can’t rightly throw food away when it’s about to spoil, not with so many hungry people in the city. But don’t worry - the steaks are fresh. I wouldn’t try to pawn off anything that wasn’t fresh onto my paying customers. Plus, Scientia would definitely call me out on that, wouldn’t you, friend?”

“Well, I-”

Before Ignis could properly respond, James went on. “First time he came in here, he had a twenty minute conversation with me about spices, and I thought, ‘Damn, James, you better step up your game.’ Speaking of, I better check on your supper.”

“That conversation was mostly one-sided, I assure you,” Ignis said after James had left.

Valeria snorted a laugh. “I believe it.”

“He might be overly loquacious, but he’s an excellent chef.”

“And a good person.” Valeria once again regarded the others, now shunted to the opposite side of the small restaurant. “I wonder what other businesses do with things once they go bad...” Convincing business owners to give away all their products to the starving might be a tall order, but surely they’d be willing to part with things that were on the cusp of becoming garbage.

Ignis cocked his head with a small smile. “I sense the gears are turning.”

“You can read my mind now?” Valeria asked playfully.

“After a fashion. Experience tells me that when your voice trails off like that, you’re usually hatching some sort of scheme.”

“‘Scheme’ sounds so nefarious,” Valeria said.

Ignis arched an eyebrow. “Yes. And?”

Valeria made a sound of mock outrage. “Iggy!” She gave him a playful swat on the wrist, but Ignis grabbed her hand, gripped it firmly, his expression suddenly serious.

“I’m not going to go back out there again. Not if it isn’t alright with you. The last thing I want is to cause you harm.”

“Iggy...” Valeria felt her lip begin to tremble. This man, this beautiful, wonderful man - what had she done to deserve him? “Your duty, I understand,” she babbled. He cut her off with the tight squeeze of his hand.

“Noct is gone. Gone where I cannot follow, and putting myself in harm’s way will not hasten his return. It’s been a struggle, but I...I think I’m beginning to accept that.”

“I’m sorry,” Valeria mumbled.

“As am I. My duty is to the King and the people of Lucis - and there are plenty of people right here that I can help.”

How very gallant. Valeria liked to tease him about that, but at the moment, she thought the man sitting across from her, holding her hand, was the very portrait of bravery and honor.    

“Tell me,” Ignis went on, his expression softening. “Will you be terribly cross if I give my dinner away to someone here who truly needs it?”

Valeria grinned. “Not at all. But I think James is going to be disappointed.”

Admittedly, she was looking forward to steak, but she followed his example, and the two of them ended up hand-in-hand in the market, sharing a bag of popcorn for dinner.