#especially since I have severe anxiety and some paranoia

[pogbur]

how can I tell my friend to stop talking about his dead grandma bc it’s really bumming me out in a nice way

[hockeyboysimagines]

Love so sweet

Pairings: Arber Xhekaj x OC(Tabitha Hawkins)

Warnings: Sex, mentions of sex, angst, toxicity, language.

I know I said I wasn’t posting anything new but I have such bad writers block that this was all I could do💁🏼‍♀️ Hope you guys enjoy it🤍

“Well you can either come get your shit or I can light it on fire. Up to you.”

Arber was laughing on the other end of the phone “I’ll come get it later.”

“I’ll leave it on the porch.” She hit the red hang up button before he could answer and chucked her phone on the couch with a loud angry “UGH!”

This was their 100th breakup or something and it got worse and more difficult each time. She had this masochistic complex apparently that made her put herself through this over and over.

When things were good, they were great. When things were bad?

Yikes.

War was more peaceful.

She put the box on the porch and slammed the door, making her way angrily through the house.

She threw herself down on her bed, a bed they’d just been in the day before yesterday and closed her eyes. She could still smell his cologne on her sheets and she wondered how long it would take for it to fade. The breakups never lasted long enough for it to go away before he was back in it, and sometimes she wondered if it would be easier to stay broken up if she wasn’t reminded of him every night they weren’t together. The longest stretch of time, a week a half, hadn’t been enough to get rid of it even with two washes. She didn’t really want it to fade. It was the only thing that got her through the few days she spent without him.

As crazy as it sounded though, if she had known things would be this way with him she would still go home with him that first night every single time. She loved him, maybe too much, and she would sacrifice her peace if it meant she got to keep him. Not because she didn’t want anyone else to have him, but because she loved Arber more than anything and losing him would be like cutting her own heart out. Messy and painful.

She glanced over at her walls that were full of pictures of her and Arber and she felt hot tears prick at her eyes. Why they couldn’t be like they were in the pictures all the time was beyond her. It wasn’t fair. Things had been going so well lately she supposed she should have seen this coming. She’d heard down the line that Arber had been out at the bar flirting with some girl. It had made her so angry she called him, cursed him out and the blocked his phone number for several hours. When she’d calmed down enough to tell him to come get his things she hasn’t even let him explain himself before she ripped into him again. Whatever he had to say wouldn’t change how she was feeling. She hadn’t even asked him if it was true. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t, but it wasn’t the first time she’d heard it and she was starting to believe it. It was hard, the position she was in with him. Guys before him were just guys. But Arber had an elevated status, especially here in Montreal. Everyone knew him, girls threw themselves at him, and while he never indulged them, it still filled her with anxiety and paranoia every time he went out with the guys and she didn’t go. But when she was there and it happened it enraged her to the point where she wanted to commit a crime. It was a no win situation for everyone but especially her. His teammates, who she knew loved her, assured her till they turned blue that he never even looked at girls and he hadn’t since they met. They told her she was being silly and that they would be truthful with her if he was. She believed them mostly, but it had gotten so bad at one point that Cole and Kirby had showed up at her house and say he’s down to talk with her.

“Tabitha.” Cole said leaning forward “I’m telling you whatever you heard is a lie. I swear on my mother.”

“Yeah I swear on his mother too.” Kirby said bumping her shoulder.

She laughed and wiped under her eyes as Cole continued with a small smile “Arber isn’t fucking any girls and if he was, you can be sure I’d tell you and then beat him up.”

“You’d beat him up PLEASE.” Kirby said rolling his eyes “We’d find someone to beat him up.”

It had made things better for a while but the rumors killed her. She spent more time crying over fake news than she didn’t and she tried to keep most of it to herself but it bubbled over a lot and Arber usually suffered for it. She knew that she was the problem most of the time but it was out of her control now. Arber loved her and she knew it, but she always felt she was on the brink of losing him. But when things were good, she almost forgot the bad. Being with Arber was a gift. He was so wonderful to her and made her feel like the prettiest girl in the world. She only wished that she believed it like he did.

She felt nauseous, mad, and mentally exhausted. Then, she remembered she hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon and the anxiety of the breakup was churning the acid in her stomach like a spoon in coffee, bubbling occasionally to remind her that it could turn into vomit at any minute.

But the idea of getting up and walking to the kitchen made her wanna cry so she stayed put, swallowing down the nausea and closing her eyes. Her weight sank down into her mattress the longer she was there and her stomach began to settle. She was so tired and her eyes slipped closed as she took deep even breaths.

Much better she thought to herself as she felt her nerves begin to die down and she fell back into normal Tabitha, sending Tabitha the raging bitch back to wherever she came from. What a relief. A heavy feeling came over her and she wondered for a second if she would fall asleep. Every time she had one her episodes she got so tired and hoped this time she’d actually fall asleep so she could miss him coming for his things all together.

No such luck of course.

She wasn’t sure how long she was laying there but she heard his truck pull up, and then the sound of a key in the lock so she got up. Was he kidding? She had clearly said his things were on the porch.

She came around the corner and found Arber in the doorway and frowned at him, arms across her chest. “What are you doing? I put your stuff on the porch.” It came out meaner than she meant for it to, and she winced at her own harshness. She was always mad until she saw him and then all her anger went out the window. More than anything she had hoped he would leave and not come in at all so she could be mad and cry in peace.

Of course he didn’t.

He rolled his eyes and tossed the her house key on the table “Returning this.”

Ouch

“Great. Thanks. Bye.” She snapped.

He chuckled “That’s all I get? Okay then. Here’s your stuff.” He pushed a box at her with his foot “I think I got it all. If anything’s missing just text me I guess.”

“Sure.” She said with a shrug knowing she would end up texting him because she was stupid.

The air in her house was awkward and heavy as they stared at each other before he cleared his throat “Well see you. I have somewhere to be.”

“What?”

“I’m going out with the guys.”

Her stomach tightened and she looked at him surprised. It wasn’t unlike Arber to say he was doing stuff with the guys and then not actually do anything. It also wasn’t unlike Arber to say he was doing stuff with the guys and then leave early. Both of those things usually coincided with a breakup, and filled Tabitha with anxiety. Though she’d accused him of it on more than one occasion without any real evidence, Arber wasn’t a cheater.

She cleared her throat “Oh? Already. Well I hope you have a good time…where?” She didn’t know why she even asked, because as this was a breakup, she shouldn’t have cared. But not knowing where he was going would fill her with anxiety for the rest of the night.

“Why do you care Tabitha?” He asked holding one hand out.

She shrugged “Just wondering-“

“You broke up with me remember? Why does it matter what I’m doing.” He was frowning at her, eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes didn’t show he was angry. He looked sad. She hated making him sad and she found herself doing it more often than not.

“It doesn’t. Can you just get out now.” She crossed her arms and motioned to the door with her chin. All the rage she’d swallowed down earlier was beginning to bubble back up and she wanted him to leave before she exploded. She hated yelling at him, and always felt like a psycho when it was over. He never called her that, but Tabitha hated the way he looked at her when she was flipping out.

“Absolutely. Don’t call me.” He said with a nod and a step towards the door.

“Ha. I don’t plan on ever calling you again. Enjoy single life.”

“You know I don’t get you.” He stopped and shook his head “You break up with me, tell me to get my stuff and then pick a fight with me.”

“I’m not picking a fight with you. I could care less what you do. Go ruin some other girls life.”

The minute the words left her she regretted them, covering her mouth, and felt even worse when she saw hurt cloud his face. Even though they were broken up, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. Especially when they were both hurting enough.

He nodded slowly “So I ruined your life yeah? Okay.” He braced a hand on the door handle and turned it.

“That’s not-Arber. That’s not what I meant to say I-“

“Save it. You’ve said enough for me.” He looked upset, not angry and turned away from her but she crossed the floor and stopped him, bracing a hand on the frame to block his way. Realistically he could have moved her arm with a finger and left but he stopped and that gave her hope. Maybe he didn’t want to leave. Or maybe he was going to turn to her and finally tell her he’d had enough of the fighting and wanted to end things for good. That would be her absolute worst nightmare come to life. She wasn’t even sure what she would do if that ever happened.

“I didn’t mean that.” She said looking up at him.

He looked at the wall above her head frowning “But you said it.” He said quietly before he looked down at her “Do you really feel like I ruined your life?”

“No of course I don’t I just said it cuz I was angry and I’m all mixed up and I don’t know why I get like this. I’m sorry I just-I’m just sorry.” She looked at her feet swiping at a tear that had spilled down her cheek and sniffled. She heard him sigh and then his arms wrapped around her.

“Don’t cry.” He rested his chin on the top of her head and they stood that way for a few moments “Hey please don’t cry.”

She looked up as tears slipped over her waterline and trickled down her cheeks “I didn’t mean that.”

She didn’t mean that. Arber had made her life better from the minute he came into it. Though the fighting was hard, it was worth it to have him around. She hated that those words had come out of her mouth. Hurting Arbers feelings wasn’t easy and she remembered every single time she had. It left a lasting impression on her and she always said she would never do it again and yet here she was.

He looked down at her “I know you didn’t. It’s okay.”

Her eyes bounced between his and his mouth several times before he couldn’t take it anymore and leaned in.

A tale as old as time with them.

Like a lit match on gasoline they stumbled back to her bedroom, and Arber one hand tossed her on the mattress, yanking his shirt over his head with the other one in one fluid movement. She pulled at her shirt and threw it across the room and it landed on the lampshade, engulfing the room in semi darkness. She sat up, pulling him towards her by the waistband of his jeans and sprung the button and the zipper off them. He stepped out and nodded for her to move up the bed so he could pull hers off. His rough and calloused fingers moved down the skin of her legs as he slid her jeans over her feet, leaving her in a pair of pink panties and a matching bra. Though Tabitha and Arber had a lot of sex, she always felt exposed in front of him. Like each time was the first time. She felt a redness come to her cheeks as he reached a hand forward and ghosted a finger down her neck before splaying his hand across her chest to push her backwards, moving over top of her.

“You know I love you right?” Arber said against her neck, tongue sliding over her skin.

“Yes.” She gasped out, nails digging into his skin.

“Good. Because I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”

Tabitha relaxed under him eyes closing, as he reached down, pushing one leg wider, and bringing the other one up into an arch. He ran a hand gently down her face, before it traveled down and closed on her throat. Her whole body was shaking, goosebumps blooming across her skin, heart pounding out of her chest.

He gripped the skin of her legs tightly as he eased in agonizingly slow and bottomed out, letting out a long low noise before he pulled out again. Tabitha sucked in a breath and locked her back up, fingers gripping the sheets as he pushed back in more firmly, and locked her leg around his hip. His hand squeezed her neck gently as he moved finding a rhythm. Tabitha was overwhelmed for a minute, the high of the sex and the fight was almost too much. She closed her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her, lips moving slowly against hers and then down her neck.

“Look at me.” He said hand moving from her neck to her jaw and holding it in place.

Her right leg was bent at an uncomfortable angle and the sheet was bunched under her back painfully but he was giving it to her so good she wanted to scream out in pleasure, but because she was still mad at him she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. She gripped the skin of his lower back and drug her nails across it hard. She heard him let out a hiss of pain and before she could even smile he bit down on her collarbone hard.

“Ow Arber!” She reached a hand up and slapped him, missing his cheek and hitting him in the jaw.

He smiled “You know what I like.” He he whispered as he let his head fall into her neck, hair tickling her skin. He moved his lips across her jaw to her mouth, tongue sweeping across her lower lip as he kissed her deeply, weight pressing down on top of her.

Damn him she thought as she felt tension build in her stomach. It would have been so much easier to stay mad at him if he was ugly or a bad fuck but he was neither and she couldn’t even think straight as she surged closer to her orgasm, sweat sheening across her stomach and chest. Arber tangled his fingers in her hair, and pushed deeper than he had before, his signature move and she felt that all too familiar feeling of falling off the ledge and closed her eyes. Pleasure washed over her in waves as she fell into euphoria underneath him. His body grew heavy on top of hers, and after a moment he pulled out slowly, and laid down next to her.

She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her.

She sat up, arms holding the sheet tightly across her chest. She had the beginnings of a hickey on her collarbone and her hair was a mess. She scooted away from him.

“You okay?” He asked awkwardly glancing at her.

She stared at him for another second and rolled away from him wordlessly. He hated this part. After sex for them when things were good was great. But when they were arguing it almost always meant she gave him the cold shoulder. He usually hung around for a while till she decided she wasn’t mad at him anymore.

Though sometimes that lasted for hours.

He laid there a second looking at her back and shook his head disappointed with himself for giving it up so easy. His mom had always said he was stubborn but with Tabitha he had no resolve. He just couldn’t say no to her, or stay away from her. Even though she had broken up with him this time, there had been other times where he ended it and he still found himself at her apartment or finding some way to get in contact with her. At this point in their relationship they were so entangle he wasn’t sure he could get away from her even if he wanted to.

Not that he did of course.

She drove him every way except up, but to be in her presence was to be completely intoxicated by her.

Tabitha had peaked his interest the second he saw her. Tall and willowy in build, long shiny hair, big white teeth, and an attitude that made Satan look like a house pet.

She’d picked him up in a bar with a big smile and a few hair flips and nearly a year later they were here. She was both the best and the worst woman he’d ever met.

There was two Tabitha’s and he felt pretty fortunate to know both of them. Under all the attitude, she could be real sweet when it was just them. There was no feeling quite like the one he got when she smiled at him, or reached for his hand, or pushed her face into his neck right before she fell asleep. Though she had the tendency to get under his skin, she didn’t really have any major flaws.

The worst part about her was her friends. They were awful, and they hated him, and truly they never gave him a chance to begin with. They decided after that first breakup that he was a sleazebag and there was nothing he could do to rehab his image no matter how hard he tried so he gave up. He avoided them like the plague, making sure to never be around when they were if he didn’t have to be. His friends were a little more forgiving thankfully. His teammates he sometimes thought would take her side over his if one of their breakups ever became permanent. His parents loved her even more than the team did, and she’d fit right into his life in Hamilton when she’d made the trip home with him last spring. She was blunt, funny and charming and magnetic enough to draw people in and make them wanna stay, him included. No one was perfect, but to him she came pretty close.

And as much stress as the back and forth the relationship brought to him, he couldn’t let her go. The idea of her with someone other than him made him wanna throw up and rage, so instead he put up with the fights and breakups. It sounded bad but it was all true. He really did love Tabitha. In fact he loved her too much, and he wanted to spend forever with her. He didn’t love fighting with her, but he would deal with it till he died if it meant she wasn’t with anyone else.

It felt a little selfish if he was honest. He wondered sometimes if someone else could make her happier than he could. Maybe he was the problem and it would be best to let her be with someone who could do for her what he obviously couldn’t. He’d even suggested it to her once and it had made her cry for nearly 10 minutes and he felt so bad he never suggested it again.

He reached a hand out and ran it through the hair behind her ear, wondering if she was really sleeping or faking so he’d leave her alone, when he heard his phone buzz twice.

Are you coming out?

He read Cole’s message and bit his lip thinking for a minute No probably not. Not feeling it. Going to stay in tonight.

Okay tell Tabitha I said hi haha

Fuck off.

He set his phone down right as she began to stir.

She half turned “I thought you said you were going out with the guys.” She looked relieved to find him still next to her in bed and rolled over to face him fully.

He shrugged and reached a hand out to run it down her shoulder “I was going to but…I figured I can just go out with them when we break up next week.”

She grinned and made a face “Ha ha.”

“Kidding. I’d prefer we not break up next week or anymore at all maybe? I’m getting tired of fighting with you like this.”

She nodded and reached a finger forward to trace the scar on his collarbone “Me too. Sorry.”

He shrugged “It’s okay.

It was silent for a few moments as she stared at him before she leaned her head down to peer at him “And you are sorry as well?”

He leaned back “Me? Sorry for what? You broke up with me, I returned your things, and now here we are.”

Tabitha sat up, eyebrows knitting together over her eyes and let out a breath “I broke up with you because of something you did. So yes you should be sorry.”

He frowned “What did I do? Whatever you heard from whoever you heard it from is a complete lie, like it usually is. Stop listening to other people.” He said annunciating each word with a small smack from one hand to another “I don’t understand why you can’t just ask me about something you hear instead of freaking out about stuff. I mean Jesus Christ Tabitha why are you trusting other people instead of me.”

“Because-“

“No I’ll tell you why.” He said cutting her off and sitting up “Because you let whatever insecurity this is eat you alive until you can’t take it anymore and you blow up on me for nothing.”

“So it’s all my fault?” She said pointing at herself.

“I didn’t say that. It’s me too, but this time I didn’t do anything. Let me ask you this. Do you really think that if I didn’t love you or didn’t want to be here that I would be? I could go out and pick some girl up right now and yet here I am. Fighting with you. Again.” He said throwing his hands up and shaking his head.

“Well since your so confident in your abilities then there’s the door.” She reached down and picked up his pants, shirt and boxers and heaved them at him, narrowly missing his head and yanked the blanket off him to wrap it around herself “Thanks for coming have a nice night. Out.” She pointed at the doorway.

“Whatever. Fuck this.” He pulled his clothing on and then shoes, slamming the door as he left. He got into his truck and gripped the wheel, resisting the urge to punch it and breathed several breaths through his nose.

This relationship was going to be the death of him.

[enderpearlll]

Yandere!Bob Velseb - My Favourite Employee. PT 6.

So um… This isn’t the last part. I got a BIT carried away writing this part (haha definitely didn’t rewrite this 2 DIFFERENT TIMES). I’m super glad all of you enjoy this series, so I hope this’ll keep you all fed until I figure out part 7. Which’ll be the final part. Enjoy.

Gender-Neutral Reader, but pet names such as sweet pea and darling are used.

TW/CW: Yandere content, emetophobia (vomiting), vivid descriptions of panic/anxiety attacks, harsh language, physical violence, etc…

• It was a cold, solemn January morning. You gnawed on a granola bar and sipped on cold coffee, candy club uniform disheveled as you plopped onto the couch. You can't remember the last time you slept in late, nonetheless pass out in your work uniform. It was a long night last night, since your boss had extended the opening hours. With bleary eyes, you opened your phone to check the calendar. Three years ago, Bob Velseb had been arrested for the murder of several townsfolk. This Halloween would be the fourth year.

• Those past three years had been... Eventful, to say the least. You remember that night as clear as day, haunting you for an ungodly amount of time. The interrogations that never seemed to end, the news reporters that hoarded you and your other coworkers after the restaurant was closed, your coworkers funeral... With a deep sigh, you pinched the bridge of your nose. You knew you shouldn't be overthinking the past, just gotta remember what your therapist said...

• On a good note, you had reconnected with some old friends from high school. You remember being in the same grade, and had even been in an after school club until the struggle of being adults caused a drift between you three. Especially when you got a job at the Boys and Grills, and Bob taking up all of your time. In a tearful reunion, you had spilled your sorrows to them, telling them everything that had happened over the months you've worked at the restaurant. They both heard you out, and had promised that they wouldn't drift away again.

• Hell, one of them got you a job with him at the local Candy Club! But even after you slowly got back on your feet months after the incident, nothing truly felt right. You felt lost. Haunted by guilt and paranoia, you started to attend weekly therapy sessions. You never truly felt safe in your own house for months, having to double check every lock and keep a knife in your bedside drawer in order to sleep at night. Even now, three years later, you still struggled to sleep through the night. It was bearable now, but you much preferred to hangout with Kevin and Streber at their apartment or at work.

• Kevin and Streber were with you every step of the way, and were always happy to lend you a helping hand. At first, you were terrified to even speak to them for long, in fear that Bob would somehow find out and get to them. But as months passed by, accompanied with the aid of therapy, you slowly broke out of your shell. You finally felt safe again, safe enough to talk to people and enjoy life after so long. You felt a smile peeking through the corners of your lips, taking a sip of your coffee. You didn't know what you would do without those two.

• Grabbing the TV remote, you decided to catch the morning news before getting ready for work. You took a large sip as you watched the intro for the news station, the booming intro blaring through the speakers of your TV. Watching with intrigue as the reporter clears their throat, a grim look in their eyes.

• "Local police report that a serial killer named Bob Velseb had broken out of jail last night, along with two other criminals. He had been arrested three years ago for the murders of several community members..." Spitting out your coffee, you nearly dropped both your mug and the TV remote. What? You blasted the TV, slowly shaking your head in denial. No, no, no. You watched as Bob's mugshot had appeared on screen, his signature grin stretched wide across his face.

• No. This had to be some sick fucking joke, no way. He was in prison for years, why would he get out now? Who knows what he might do?! What if he came for you first—! You couldn't control the trembling in your hands, nor could you avoid the panic bubbling throughout your body. You shut off the TV, before stumbling back onto the couch and curling into a ball. With shaking hands, you struggled to dial Kevin's number through teary eyes.

• You clutched at the front of your shirt, the beginning of a horrible panic attack brewing in your chest. "Please pick up, please—" On the verge of throwing up, you thanked whatever was up there when Kevin had picked up. "Hello? Dude, where are you? I was just about to open the doors—" "K—Kevin— The n—news, last night—!" You could barely speak, sobbing into the speaker and heaving for air. "Woah, calm down... Remember to breathe, okay?" You heard the jingling of keys in the background, along with the crunch of snow underneath his feet.

• "O—Okay..." You closed your eyes and took deep breaths, with Kevin helping you regain your composure over the phone. "Are you alright? What happened?" He asked, concern in his voice. You took a deep breath, rubbing your eyes. "Yeah... On the news this morning, there was a report saying that Bob had got out of jail this morning..." "WHAT?!" Kevin shouted, frantic as you heard him drop his phone. "Shit, sorry— But are you serious?! I'll send Streber over right away!" "Wha—?"

• And... He hung up. You loved Kevin and Streber but they were complete worry warts and you appreciated them for that. You waited in the kitchen, nursing another cup of cold coffee. You should make a new pot— Then a sudden knock came at the door, making you scream at the top of your lungs. You quickly opened the door to see Streber, out of breath and holding a huge suitcase. He obviously just woke up, having thrown over his winter jacket over his pyjamas, which was bat-themed pyjama pants and a band tee he 'borrowed' from you years ago.

• "Hoo, holy fuck... I'm here now, are you okay?!" Streber asked, grabbing you by your shoulders and shaking you. "You gotta get out of here!" He said, still gasping for air. "What???" You were dizzy from how hard he was shaking you, swaying around as he grabbed your hand and dragged you to your room. "It's okay, me and Kevin were thinking about this for awhile now," Streber said, sitting you on the bed and digging through your drawers. "About how you can stay with us, and that way we can keep an eye on you!" He threw armfuls of your clothes into his suitcase, struggling to close it.

• ... Huh? "And now that the weird guy that was stalking you broke out of jail, we think it's the perfect time for you to move in!" Streber finished his ramble, a big smile on his face. He shoved the handle into your hands, a look of anticipation in his eyes. "Well, at least until they catch him... Which'll probably take a few days... Maybe I shouldn't have packed so much— But anyways! What do you say?" He clasped his hands together, a toothy grin on his face. "It'll be just like our high school sleepovers!"

• You barely had the chance to process anything he said, finally having a moment to take it all it. Well, they did mean well and you know damn well it was a bad idea to stay in your house while Bob was on the loose... You gave Streber a nervous smile, giving him a shaky thumbs up. "Yeah, sure. It'll probably only be for a few days anyways!"

• And Streber wasn't kidding, it really was like your high school days! You all played video games well into the morning (which you and Kevin regretted at work), watched a lot of horror movies, played board games, and spent a lot of time just talking and chatting into the night. You had to go to work still, but Kevin was happy to walk with you. Having them around really distracted you from everything going on with Bob.

• But as days went by, there was no news of his recapture. After a week you were getting restless, constantly on edge and watching the news 24/7. Kevin and Streber literally had to force you to go to bed. Eventually weeks went by, and after a month you all were concerned about your safety. You rarely went out of the house whenever you could avoid doing so, only going to work and therapy. When the first disappearance happened, you felt like throwing up when you found out who it was. It was an old coworker of yours.

• He was found in the next week afterwards in his own house, dismembered with some body parts missing. He even lived on the same street as you did, which only meant that Bob had at least attempted to look for you. One month slowly grew into two, and so on and so on. So did the number of bodies. Most were people you knew, but were never close to. You feared for your friends safety, afraid that Bob would find them and kill them just like he did to your coworker... No, they were okay. Bob hadn't found you. Yet.

• You practically lived with Kevin and Streber now, unwilling to be alone in your house. The next few months were hell for you, paranoia and anxiety chipping away at your wellbeing. Kevin and Streber were by your side whenever you needed, more than willing to help you through your situation.

• It was the ninth month of you living with your friends, stuck on the couch with paranoia-induced nightmares. You were still wide awake by seven in the morning, unable to sleep for more than an hour without being rudely awoken by another nightmare. Today was Halloween, which only meant that the Candy Club would be ten times more busy today. You got up, creeping towards the washroom to get ready for work. You peeked into Kevin and Streber's shared room, with the former spread out over Kevin and snoring loudly.

• You smiled at the two, happy that they had gotten together after graduation. It was bound to happen. You turned to face the washroom, when you saw a devil-horned silhouette standing in the doorway. The toothy grin that haunted you for years stretched impossibly wide once his eyes landed on yours, a wicked scream tearing from your throat. You fell on your ass, scrambling backwards until you hit the wall behind you. You rubbed your eyes and looked around wildly, realizing that it was just a hallucination.

• Kevin and Streber had come stumbling out of their room, both of them fighting to squeeze through the doorway in order to get to you. "A—Are you okay?!" Kevin yelled, kneeling beside you and placing a hand on your shoulder. Streber had peeked into the washroom, quirking an eyebrow. "There's no one in here. Did you see something?" He asked, both him and Kevin staring at you with concern. You sighed and rubbed your eyes, avoiding their gazes. "Yeah, I guess I did... I didn't get any sleep last night, that's probably why. Sorry, guys..."

• Kevin and Streber frowned, each of them sitting on opposite sides of you and giving you a sideways hug. "It's alright dude, we get it." Kevin said, giving you a small grin. Streber nodded, smiling at you brightly. "If you'd like, you could probably stay home tonight. Me and Rick can handle it. " Kevin said, watching as you shook your head. "No, it's okay. I think it's best if I go to work. Thanks though." You tried to reassure them both, a weary smile on your face.

• And you weren't kidding when you said it was going to be ten times busier than usual today. When you and Kevin got there to open the store, there were already people lining up to buy candy for tonight. It was going to be a long day... You struggled to stay focused, running on an hour of sleep. You ate a lot of candy in order to stay awake, causing your stomach to ache with both worry and an overload of sugar.

• "Ugh..." You groaned in pain, slamming your face into the counter while Kevin rung up someone's purchase. Your coworker Rick stared at you with what seemed like concern, leaning onto his hand while staring at you. Luckily, kids were starting to go out trick or treating which meant that the store wouldn't be busy for a good while. All you three had to worry about was keeping the store well stocked and handing out free candy cans.

• But without any more customers to distract you from the situation at hand, you were lost in your thoughts. Bob was still on the run and he could be anywhere, and there was ten confirmed deaths— and parents were STILL letting their kids go trick or treating?! Rick seemed to notice your inner turmoil, poking you on the shoulder.

• "What." He asked, his voice as monotone as ever. "Hmm?" You replied blankly, still lost in your thoughts. "What's wrong." Rick said, watching as you glanced at him with a frown. "Oh, nothing. Just worried I guess." You answered, looking at Rick with a reassuring smile. Rick's droopy eyes widened as he avoided your gaze, cheeks turning a slight shade of red. "Hmm."

• Kevin had come back from the back with armfuls of candy, a tired look in his eyes. "Ugh." He uttered, glancing at the muddy floors. You got up from your seat to help him restock, sparking up a conversation with him. You all had collectively sighed when you both finished up your task, thankful for the moment of peace. Rick watched you with interest as you walked past him with a box of candy, getting up to help when you couldn't reach the top shelves. You grinned at him, watching as his shoulders tensed. What a nice guy.

• You were stationed at the till listening into a conversation between Kevin and Rick, leaning onto your hand. Interrupted mid-yawn by the door ringing, you watched as two kids in a pumpkin and skeleton costume came barreling in. You grinned cheekily and got out of your chair, stretching out your back. "Hey, Kevin, your kids are here." You gestured towards the two with a sly grin, watching as his face dropped.

• Kevin gave you a dirty look as you pardoned yourself to the washroom, stifling your laughter. As you got to the staff washroom, you adjusted your uniform. When you were fixing your hat and bow tie in the mirror, you let a yelp of shock tear from your throat when the lights had gone out suddenly. What the hell?

• You flailed around, patting the walls and sink in order to find the door. You heard a loud thud on the sales floor, and then a flurry of footsteps running out of the back door. Unlocking the washroom door, you peeked out of the doorway. It was obviously dark, with only the candy machines illuminating the store. You walked out nervously, grabbing a nearby broom and holding it close. Maybe it was some kids playing a trick... "Hello? Kevin? Rick?" You called as you walked into the sales floor, glancing around nervously.

• No one was there except for a costumed man bent over a mess of gum balls on the floor, eating them by the handful... Disgusting. You cringed and tried to walk over, unaware of the blade sitting next to him. You slipped on a stray gum ball and fell on your ass, a loud grunt of pain coming from you. Man, fucking kids... You knew you should've swept earlier. The man turned to face you, eyes wide with shock as your eyes met. His wide grin faltered as he stood to his full height, towering above you with shaky hands.

• "S—Sweet pea..?" Oh. Oh FUCK. You knew you should've recognized that eerie grin right away, pure terror evident on your face. "I—I finally found ya! O—Oh, it's really you, darlin'!" Bob uttered, like you would shatter at the sound of his voice. He slowly reached towards you with a trembling hand, smile soft and full of wonderment. Where was everyone— How did Bob find you?!

• You couldn't move, nor could you even think straight. You were petrified, glued in place as Bob came closer and close with booming steps. Oh god, no. You knew you shouldn't have come to work tonight. This was you died, wasn't it? You finally snapped back to reality when his fingers grazed your cheek, Bob kneeling in front of you gingerly.

• Do something, do something—! You pat around the floor, fingers landing on the handle of the broom. You shut your eyes tightly as you took the handle in both hands and swinging with all of your might, hitting Bob straight in the face. He screamed in pain, watching as you scrambled away from him, chest heaving with panic. You felt your feet roll over even more gum balls, making it impossible to get up.

• You watched as Bob's shoulders tensed, his smile fading into a grimace. Someone had taken you by the shoulders and pulled you to your feet, dragging you away by your arm. You glanced back at Bob, who's face contorted with anger as he stood up obviously dazed. "GET YOUR HANDS OFFA THEM YA—!" And then he was interrupted by the back door slamming in his face. Your saviour was Rick, who was panting for air as he barricaded the door with a wooden plank. Kevin was currently throwing a box of candy into the arms of the costumed kids, sweat beading down his forehead.

• "Here!" You and Rick watched as the kids thanked him with gigantic smiles on their faces, walking off with an entire box of candy. You and Rick glanced at each other and then walked over to Kevin, who was angrily grumbling to himself. Kevin sighed in relief when he saw you with Rick, running over to you both. "Oh thank god you're okay, I would've came to help but—" He angrily jabbed a thumb in the direction of the kids, furrowing his brows. "I had to deal with THOSE two."

• "Do you deal with this everyday." Rick had asked, deciding to ignore what had just happened. You stood close to Kevin, giving Rick a nervous smile and a little wave. Rick's lips twitched slightly before he gave you a thumbs up. The realization of what just happened hit you suddenly, so as you stumbled away from Kevin with nausea brewing in your stomach, anxiety evident in your voice. "I—I think I'm gonna be sick..." You said quietly, grabbing your stomach. You ran towards the dumpster and threw up, with Rick following close behind and holding your hair out of your face. Kevin grimaced and kneeled next to you, patting your back.

• He was about to pull out his phone to dial the police but someone in a devil costume similar to his had approached you three, scaring the hell out of you and Kevin. Rick could care less. Kevin had also panicked and threw a handful of candy at them, watching as they recoiled in pain. "What the hell dude!" They yelled at Kevin, who stared at them in shock. Rick had stood in front of you and pushed you behind him protectively, shielding your cowering form from the stranger.

• Kevin and the devil guy argued back and forth for a moment until the former threw their arms up, pointing towards the store. "I just wanted to say that kids are stealing candy!" You and Kevin shared a look that said 'oh shit' and both collectively cussed and ran back inside. While you may be on the verge of a panic attack, you still needed a paycheque.

• The night was relatively peaceful after that, but you were pacing back and forth trying to keep yourself occupied with cleaning up and restocking everything. You kept mumbling to yourself, jumping whenever someone walked in. It got to a point where Rick had gotten up and dragged you towards the counter, said "Sit.", pushed you into a chair, and then sat back down like nothing happened.

• Kevin was calling Streber like crazy, but he wouldn't answer any of his phone calls or texts. The both of you were on edge until closing. Kevin was fidgeting as Rick locked the front doors, all three of you overtired and exhausted. It was closing time, finally. God, you needed to call the police— or get home, you didn't care anymore. You just wanted to be out of the public eye, sick to your stomach. Too bad you had to stay behind and clean up.

• Kevin took you by the shoulders and pulled you aside. "Listen, I've gotta go find Streber. He isn't answering any of my calls and I'm scared if he's—" You took a deep breath and placed a hand on his own, a nervous smile on your face. "I—It's fine, I can get home by myself." Kevin frowned and shook you by your shoulders. "Your stalker is on the loose! You should call the police or something, or you can wait here for me." He offered, obviously desperate to go and look for his boyfriend.

"... Okay. I'll just stay here and clean up with Rick." You said, glancing at Rick. He looked at you with wide eyes before coughing into his hand and flushing pink. Everything was going to be okay, right?

(I’m a simp for Rick also R.I.P Streber LOL)

[tzipporahs-well]

Hey it’s @flangstynerd AKA @scinerdwrites but on a new blog. There’s been a lot of changes in my life in the past couple years, and as a result I wanted to make a new blog for jumblr. Several of my friends are on here and I got inspired just to reblog their stuff :D

What’s Changed:

I converted to Reform Judaism from Catholicism in May of this year. I’ve been doing this conversion journey since November 2021, but I didn’t want to announce it to the internet until everything was done and finalized. After 2.5 years, everything is finally official.

I plan to be slightly more active on tumblr than I have been previously. I named my blog based on my Hebrew name (Tzipporah), and how I wish to provide a treasure trove of info.

I would say my ideals of practice are some kind of cross between Conservative and Reform Judaism.

I’ve acquired some chronic illnesses and disabilities over the years. My body has been tough to me for the last couple years.

I have a Jewish podcast that has several eps already now. Our podcast has a tumblr blog, but please dm me for more info for safety reasons.

What is the same?

I’m still Chinese, Hmong, and queer (pronouns: they/she). I’m still culturally Italian as an adoptee. Those are not going anywhere lol.

Still have several varieties of neurodivergence (autism, PTSD, anxiety, psychosis, some kind of unclear mood disorder). My brain likes playing it rough. I have healed a lot of trauma, but the other stuff is still a wild ride.

Still don’t plan to be super duper active as I have a scientist day job. But if I ever see a great jumblr post from one of my friends or otherwise, I’d be happy to reblog.

Still hold a lot of nerdy interests: Disney fandoms (Tangled the Series, Encanto, etc.), classic literature (Shakespeare, 19th century European literature), certain manga/anime (Fullmetal Alchemist and Death Note)

Still can be quite critical of the things I enjoy.

About Me (Jumblr Edition):

Favorite Torah character (first 5 books of Moshe only): Tzipporah (I relate to her so much as someone who came into the tribe and a nontraditional wife; the bridegroom of blood scene is iconic)

Favorite Tanakh character: King Shaul (very relatable for me as I feel like I struggle from similar challenges as him: mental health issues, low self esteem, and paranoia) followed close behind by Esther (she’s a role model for me, and Purim is my favorite holiday)

Favorite Jewish Holiday: Purim (relatable message especially for these dangerous times; also a lot of fun while still being a relatively low stress holiday)

Hamantaschen vs. Latke: hard choice but I have to go with traditional poppyseed hamantaschen. They’re older (~1500s) than the potato latke (late 18th to 19th century) and store better.

Areas of interest: Jewish history, Tanakh discussion, Jewish culture (food especially; I love cooking and baking), Jewish learning (especially more about Jewish life in Israel)

What Jewish value can I improve on? Chesed; I find it hard to always express loving-kindness, and my impatience and temper can get the better of me. I’ve been trying to improve on these for the past two years but 5784 has been especially trying.

What Jewish value is very important to me: Ahavat Yisrael; it is important that we as a people stay united. United we rise, divided we fall. I admire all legitimate Jewish streams (side note: Messianic Judaism is not a Jewish stream)

Important note: If something says #goyim don’t touch, listen and obey! Don’t even try with the antisemitism.

[ithaquasbbg]

Hello I hope you are doing well!

I wanted to request some Joseph x reader headcanons!

I was wondering what you would think would happen if Joseph's s/o didn't exactly agree with camera world/him wanting to be immortal? because it obviously seems like he is striving to especially immortalize his loved ones. do you think his fear of death would cause problems in the relationship or anything else would arise due to this? (you can put this as yandere or not depending on how you interpret it. srry if you don't do yan I couldnt find your rules.)

thank you whether or not you decide to do this!

take care!

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Yoooo thanks for the Joseph request I love my George Washington knockoff 🫶 /j

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Joseph with a reader who dislikes the photo world ~ Headcanons

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Tw : paranoia, mentions of murder (Joseph’s camera world), dependency, trauma mentions

Extra : I didn’t go full “yandere” route partially because that’s not how I see jos, but I did play on him being a little possessive and desperate

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|🎀| Joseph is a man heavily influenced by the loss he has experienced throughout his life, and he couldn’t bear to lose you like everyone else, hence, he shares the concept of the photo world with you

|🎀| But when you make your intentions clear you have no interest in being preserved, his anxiety ramps up tenfold, though he’ll try his best to avoid showing it.

|🎀| Quickly becomes more protective of you, because he knows that he cannot keep you safe in his photo realm, no matter how much he may want to.

|🎀| Thankfully (for the both of you)- it’s quite hard to actually pass in the manor, though Joseph’s irrationality would get in the way of that fact.

|🎀| Joseph would probably be hurt by the fact that you don’t support his efforts to preserve the lives of others for two reasons. The first is that he is genuinely blinded by his trauma and believes he’s doing what’s best for everyone, and that it would be the best for you. The second reason is that he’s terrified you’d see him as a murderer and leave him like many other people had done in the past.

|🎀| He’s always been plagued with nightmares, though after the confrontation, he’d have more and more frequent nightmares, specifically of losing you and being unable to do anything, like what happened to Claude.

|🎀| Joseph may want to immortalize you, though he couldn’t bring himself to betray your trust. He has lacked a sense of security in his life since he was young, and you provide him that security he so desperately seeks out.

|🎀| If you return from a match injured, he’d be quick to find out who it was and shoot them no small amount of looks.

|🎀| That is.. after panicking over you of course.

|🎀| If it’s a little injury, such as a scrape or some bruising, Joseph would likely be a little tense and immediately try and bring up the idea of the photo world again, and would become dejected when the idea is declined.

|🎀| But if it’s a large injury, something severe, he’d be inconsolable, panicking and trying to get your permission for him to photograph you.

|🎀| The worst is when you’re sick, especially after the whole photo world debacle. Joseph is very self sacrificing by nature, and would destroy his own already frail health in an attempt to help you.

|🎀| However, there’s always the chance he’s gone against your wishes (if he got desperate enough) and taken your photo anyways, that way he could save you if you needed it.

[jabberwock-islanders]

Systober Day 14: In-sys/Out-sys Couple

Since we've done multiple entries for some of the days already, we'll be doing both an in-sys and out-sys pairing for today!

In-sys: Light and Elaine

Light and Elaine are both introjects from Death Note; Light being an introject of Light Yagami, and Elaine being an introject of L. Both of them are 18 and don't age within the system. While there certainly are a few relationships within our system, these two are one of the pairings that have been together the longest.

Light (he/kira/killer) is only slightly similar to his source. He's usually pretty apathetic and doesn't care for most people. The only people kira truly cares about are those in our system that kira's extremely close to; those being Elaine, Vivian, and Izuru. Other than those three, he couldn't care less about anyone. Though, some people that Vivian or Izuru are close to get a small amount of appreciation by proxy.

Elaine (they/he) is almost the exact opposite. They have a high amount of empathy, and are at least slightly close with everyone in the system. He's especially close with Shuichi (not August, different Shuichi introject), and they often bond over their experiences as detectives. In fact, Elaine is close with quite a few of our Danganronpa introjects.

Light and Elaine started out having a very interesting relationship. They acted like they hated each other, yet Light turned his entire closet into a small living space specifically for Elaine to stay in. Before they officially started dating, they treated each other like that kind of best friend that you annoy the hell out of just because you can. Once they became official, the only difference is that now they annoy each other by being consistently clingy with one another.

Out-sys: Jasper and Clover

Jasper and Clover were the very first relationship that developed between us and our qpp system! They're both super sweet and a little bit cringe /aff. Jasper is one of our Hajime Hinata introjects, and Clover is one of our qpp system's Nagito Komaeda introjects. A match made in heaven, I know /silly

Jasper (he/him) first split several months ago, and Clover (he/him) was one of the first people he talked to outside of our system. Jasper has a metric fuck ton of social anxiety and paranoia, which caused him to latch onto Clover during his first few weeks as an alter. Clover helped give him something familar that could keep him grounded, and the two remained close ever since.

Jasper did eventually grow close to some others within our system (one of which being a Dazai introject, funnily enough), but he does still struggle with both his and our collective anxiety. He is getting better, one small step at a time.

[art by ambonexus]

[dingbatnix]

Venture

Chapter 6

Aww yea, an update! Eeeee. Also totally not me typing out whole chapters with a screwed up hand, sorry Becky xD

Anyway anyway, enjoy! Not much happens here and it's a bit short compared to the last one, but y'know. Injured hand and all that : D

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Chapter 5

Dream + Tommy reference

Word Count: 1,901

Warnings: mmmm, mentions of starvation? Fear of reprecussions, I suppose. Not much going on here : D

They continued to travel, days passing as they grew closer and closer to the edge of the forest. Tommy wasn’t exactly sure how far they were from Manberg, but…it had only taken four days for the men who had previously kidnapped him to get as far as they did. Dream was either taking his sweet time getting to the capital, or…or he had lied to the teen about their destination. Tommy tried not to think about it too much.

It was a bit…disconcerting for Tommy, spending his days on a human’s shoulder, and, occasionally, in the human’s hands as Dream walked. The motions of Dream’s body as it moved felt different than when he had been in the cage, more…telegraphed than before, but Tommy couldn’t really find it in himself to complain. Often, he found himself being lulled into short, hazy bouts of sleep from the rocking, repetitive motions. He honestly felt more rested than he had been for several weeks, and it was very refreshing.

His clothes, unfortunately, were stained from the blood that had soaked into them. Both Dream and Tommy had tried their best to wash the remains of the faint tan smudges from his shirt and shorts, but they stayed stubbornly in the fibers of his garments. Tommy didn’t have anything else to wear, and Dream didn’t have any convenient stashes of smallfolk clothes, so the teen just had to deal with it for the foreseeable future.

Dream had been…surprisingly accommodating to Tommy, despite the fact that he’d had to carry and keep a general watch on the teen for the last couple of days. He hadn't even tried to put Tommy in any of his pockets, not since the teen had mentioned his fear of small spaces. That, among other things, had Tommy growing less and less wary of the human as the days went on. He learned that, pretty much no matter what he did, Dream wouldn’t hurt him. Even after the one time Tommy had managed to get his hands on an especially sharp stick and had stabbed the thing into Dream’s hand in a bout of defiance, all the human had done was curse, pull the splinter out from his bleeding skin, and ask Tommy not to do it again.

As usual, the human’s actions puzzled Tommy down to the extremes, but he wasn’t about to complain. He found himself enjoying the simple days of travel, especially when he got away with being ‘a little shit,’ as he had been called many times before. He thrived on being able to vocalize every little thought he had, and the fact that Dream would add on to whatever Tommy had to say made it all that much better.

Tommy didn’t think about their destination, or his approaching future, focusing more on the current moment. He’d decided that he would enjoy every second of his life while he still could, while it was still fun and painless. But, in the very back of his mind, the cesspit of anxiety, paranoia, and self-preservation roiled, waiting for just the right moment to rear its head and take control.

That’s why, when Dream had let Tommy down on the forest floor for a few minutes as the human dug up some sort of medicinal plant, Tommy took the chance and booked it, impulsively darting away from Dream and towards a nearby clump of weeds. He sprinted as silently as he possibly could away from the hunched, towering silhouette of the human, leaping over stray twigs and dodging around branches of grass and dead leaves. He dove under the arch of one such leaf when he heard Dream start moving, stifling a gasp with one hand as he sensed more than saw the shadow the human’s body cast over Tommy’s hiding place as he stood to his full, impossibly colossal height.

He heard the human’s voice, loud and pervading, blare out through the forest air. Tommy pressed himself lower against the cool, mulchy ground, holding his breath even though he was sure Dream wouldn’t be able to hear him.

"Tommy? Tommy?! Where’d you go?” The sound of shuffling, as if Dream were searching through his pack, then around in the nearby foliage, and then, Dream’s voice again, this time slightly hissed and flecked with an emotion Tommy couldn’t quite identify. “…Goddammit."

A small, triumphant grin slid across Tommy’s face, and he had to hold back a small laugh of victory. He was free! He was free! For the first time in nearly two weeks, his life was in his own hands, and nobody could grab him and keep him captive!

All he had to do was make his way further from Dream without being spotted, and he’d be free to go wherever he wanted!

It almost hurt to keep his gaze so high up towards the sky as he ducked and sprinted through patches of cover, but it was necessary for Tommy to keep an eye on Dream, and, more importantly, where the human was looking. Tommy didn’t think anything bad would happen if he were caught, per se, but his freedom to roam about the camp at night would definitely be taken away. Tommy frowned, realizing that, if Dream caught him, he might just stick the teen in a pocket and not let him out until they reached Manberg.

Well, I guess that’s just more incentive to not be caught, then, Tommy thought, swallowing down the knot in his throat and clambering over a particularly large log of a stick. He glanced back and was unable to see any sign of Dream behind him.

Deciding that he was far enough out of sight to properly start moving, he set off, picking the direction that would take him furthest from Dream, and started fast-walking. He was eager to see where his path would take him, and even more eager to see where his newfound freedom would bring him.

°°°°°

He’d been walking for about an hour now, and was gradually coming to realize that this, escaping into the forest, had been a terrible idea. He’d already had to run away from two trapdoor spiders, and one huge lizard that had persistently chased after him until Tommy managed to juke it out through some roots curling up out of the dirt.

He was tired, and his feet kinda hurt. He had a nasty scrape across his right shin from a broken stick he’d tripped over, and his hands were still shaking with the vestiges of adrenaline from the lizard encounter.

Huffing slightly, Tommy plopped down on a stone that jutted out of the ground at about knee height, slouching as he caught his breath and rested his legs for a moment.

Tommy knew jack-shit about the world of nature. He'd spent most of his life learning the ins and outs of being a borrower, an inchling that lived inside big-folk houses, where there were very few dangers aside from being caught by the owner of the house, or being bitten by a wayward spider or rat. Tommy knew that there were smallfolk that lived their whole lives outside in the wild, and that there were even whole villages built out in hard-to-reach places, like burrows and crevices and hollowed out trees, but he wasn’t one of them. He didn’t know the first thing about outside living, or, hell, even outside travel!

In the house that he’d lived in before he got kidnapped, there was a garden balcony with many, many plants. In the seven years that he had lived in that house, he’d only gone out to that garden twice. There were so many crows and bugs and critters bigger than he was populating that small patch of greenery that he hardly ever dared to venture out into it. He would have been plucked up and eaten in a heartbeat, he just knew it.

The point was, Tommy didn’t really know what he was going to do now that he had escaped. What the fuck had he been thinking? He was gonna get himself killed! He’d been safe with Dream, if only until they reached Manberg.

He couldn’t go back, though. It was partially from a point of pride, because he didn’t want to go crawling back to Dream just for the simple fact that he couldn’t handle being outside. The other part was from a slowly growing sense of fear, an unnerving buzz in the back of his head that tried to convince him the longer that he was gone, the madder Dream would get. It had already been a little more than an hour. Tommy didn’t want to know how pissed Dream was. Of course, there was the small chance that the human had given up chasing after the teen, but Tommy didn’t take Dream for the type to let go of something so easily. The human was definitely still trying to track him down.

He had to keep moving. Tommy pushed himself up, and continued walking.

Eventually, he came up to a massive wall of stone that blocked his path, rising at nearly a ninety-degree angle to bar Tommy’s trek forward. The teen’s brow furrowed as he scowled, glaring at the unprecedented obstacle. Now what?

His only options to continue were to go right, left, or to climb the stone cliffside all the way to the top. Tommy took one look at how high the crest of the cliff was and chose left. After that, it didn’t take him long to find a crack that split into the stone, one big enough that it might as well have been an invitingly wide door. It took little effort to scramble through it. Tommy hoped that it would lead to a path to the other side of the cliff.

The crack opened up almost immediately into a huge, dimly lit cavern, so huge that Tommy couldn’t even make out the ceiling above his head. He gaped for a moment, thrown off by the sudden expanse of space, but shook it off fairly quickly. He wanted to keep going.

Oh, what if he found diamonds in this cave? The thought brought a grin to his face, and he started moving, keeping close to the wall he had come in from.

As he wandered deeper, searching for a way through the network of caverns to the other side, his mind started drifting towards what might happen once he got out of the cave. What would he eat? Where would he sleep? How would he find fresh water that wouldn’t steal him away with a simple current?

It had gotten so dark. Tommy didn’t feel the most confident about wandering through the caves now, unable to see much other than the occasional flash of the pale skin of his hands as he felt his way forward. He should probably go back. What if the cave only got deeper and deeper and deeper? He could get trapped down here, and he’d starve to death, or die of thirst.

Tommy needed to go back. This was a terrible idea. He’d find some other way around the cliff, or pick a different direction to travel in. Anything would be better than continuing on in this abyss-like darkness.

The ground disappeared out from under his feet before he could turn around, and a terrified shriek escaped from Tommy’s lips as he plunged down, down, down…

…

…

Poor toms...Anyway, taglist!

@brick-a-doodle-do @i-am-beckyu @da3dm @kayla-crazy-stuffs @local-squishmallow @skullsnbruises @munchkin1156 @gt-daboss

[elysia-nsimp]

TWST Headcanons!

Hello everyone! I'm starting a new series where I infodump about my headcanons for twst characters. Feel free to request certain characters if I haven't done them already. To start off, here's Jamil Viper! Please ignore the awful quality I swear I tried to fix it

So to start off, what changed physically?

His right eye isn't grey--it's muted green with red in the center. This is the eye his signature spell primarily comes from, which is where the red came from.

he has an eyebrow cut because i have one and its COOL

He has a widow's peak! (That's the point in his hairline, if that term is unfamiliar to you)

He has long, pointed ears. I will elaborate later.

He also has several gold earrings! He has 3 hoops on his other ear.

His tongue is split at the edge. It's not super visible in this card, though.

He also has a tongue piercing, it's a teardrop-shaped Ruby. He takes very good care of it.

Lastly, he has LONG fangs. They poke out of his mouth a little bit.

Elysia, what are these changes for?

Great question! Almost all of these have an explainable reason (except the eyebrow cut and the split tongue thing I just decided he would do that just because), and I'm here to explain them!

So to start off, what is Jamil? In canon, he's a human, pretty simple, but I decided humans are BORING and Jamil deserved to be non-human like the other super cool epic characters like the twins and Malleus (personal opinion alert). In this AU, Jamil is still partially human--mostly human, even--with both his parents being human (mostly), but further up his family tree, there are traces of both gorgon and genie ancestry. How'd he get those in his family tree? Well, long long time ago, an ancestor of Kalim found a lamp that Jafar used to inhabit. As their final wish, they freed the genie. As thanks, the genie decided to stick around and continue to offer help here and there. That genie found a partner out of their lamp, and thus, began the Viper family. Somewhere along the line, one of Jamil's relatives fell in love with a gorgon. Does this mean Jamil can grant wishes? Absolutely not. However, it IS why his family has been serving the Asims for generations.

What new abilities does this grant Jamil?

Honestly, not many changes about him. He isn't even aware he's not fully human, though he has questioned why he looks different than others. Here are a couple things that have been added or changed, though.

He's more inclined to want to help you if you preface whatever you want with "I wish" (he does not even notice this, do not mention it)

He's venomous! If he bites you, it'll paralyze you for about a half an hour, maybe an hour at the worst. He doesn't use this ability much... only if he feels like he or Kalim is in danger or he just REALLY wants someone to shut up.

He reall.y likes lamps.... he has no clue why he just likes lamps

His emotions are slightly easier read, because his ears tilt up or down depending on how he feels and he has zero control over that.

He has a slight lisp that he has spent YEARS training himself out of because of the fangs. It's barely noticeable if you're not listening for it.

Some other headcanons!

These are unrelated to the species change, but still worth mentioning!

Jamil's bisexual, but he was in HEAVY DENIAL for a DAMN long time. He just prefers he/him.

oh boy here's some diagnoses for you: Major clinical depression, anxiety/paranoia (lesser impact), C-PTSD, AUTISM!!!!!!! (he just like me frfr) (also he lives in his mask so it took him a while to figure that out), POTS, assorted other CHRONIC PAIN that hasn't been diagnosed yet

He collects gold jewelry because Kalim used to always want to buy him gold things. Its kind of just become habit to collect anything that looks gold because it was one of the nicer things in his childhood.

He takes EXTREMELY good care of all his jewelry! Especially the tongue gem, since it's the most likely to get infected.

Jamil has joint issues. It's not so substantial that he can't function, but sometimes his arm will pop out of place or ache like all HELL if he overworks himself too much. This is what he uses the arm brace for and why you see him rubbing his arm often. (this is partially based in canon, partially projection because I too am in chronic pain)

mention whipped cream around him and he will go insane (/neg/hj) (based on other RPs he's been in where it's a running gag revolving around him)

He and Najma both don't have great relationships with their parents. Especially after Book 4 and some mandated therapy, Jamil grew bitter of how much his parents pulled him back and made him fear just... talking to Kalim (ofc a lot more went into his blaming of Kalim, but his parents' influence was extremely damaging).

Jamil is extremely overprotective of Najma, even if he acts like she's a major nuisance in his life.

One time he passed out in front of Najma (which made her panic), only for him to sit the fuck back up, walk to the kitchen, and down an entire thing of salt in front of poor Najma's very eyes. She was HORRIFIED, but started laughing once he confirmed he was okay. (This is related to the POTS)

Jamil knows how to pick up fingerprints and has done so on several occasions (mostly to catch Najma after she stole his food)

This is all I can think of off the top of my head. This post may be edited in the future, but for now, thanks for reading my first in-depth headcanon post!!!

[probablyasocialecologist]

Over the last decade, trans civil rights claims (particularly those of trans women, and especially those of trans women who love women) have become the scapegoat for an increasingly pervasive anxiety: that young people, or social media, or young people on social media, are incapable of rational thought, and their modes of reasoning need to be radically suppressed for the good of their blameless victims, which are sometimes figured as “women,” sometimes as “the university,” sometimes as “children,” and sometimes as “lesbians.” In order to defend this facially rather improbable account of the world, the gender critical movement must maintain a constant state of battle-readiness: always ready to swarm some graduate student on Twitter, to circulate some collection of memes that prove that trans teenagers are more likely to detransition than is widely believed, or to smear anyone who contradicts any of their positions as a rapist, a pedophile, an apologist for rapists or pedophiles, a misogynist, a wife-beater, a homophobe, or all of the above. These interventions, which are daily occurrences, have intensified a climate of mistrust and paranoia in British universities, but what is most striking to me is that they resemble maximally punitive pedagogical interventions: claiming to speak against dogma, and in favor of complexity and independence of thought, a class of teachers aims to intimidate, belittle, humiliate, and silence a class of students, instead of—as might have otherwise been expected of them—doing their job and actually teaching.

[...]

Ironic, too, is the fact that “gender critical,” laughable as it is as a designation of an intellectual position, displaced a term that was, at least in principle, defensible on its merits: trans-exclusionary radical feminism, or “terf.” That term, which is now only spoken on the BBC or in the Guardian in hushed tones and with the proviso that it is apparently “a slur,” identified a strand of radical feminism (not a ubiquitous radfem position, through probably at present the dominant one, at least in the UK) that wants to exclude trans women from the category of “woman,” and therefore to exclude actual trans women from women’s spaces. Yet because that position was easily identified among those that opposed it, those who were hailed as “terfs” demanded to be referred to by another name, and the demand was largely met. The broad censorship of the word “terf” is part of a worrying dimension of contemporary British culture in which the bearers of an idea being criticized are to be deferred to in respect of the language used to designate the position. My invitation onto Andrew Doyle’s GB News program was rescinded after I referred to Ann Coulter as a fascist, an observation that Andrew claimed revealed I was “not serious” about open discussion. But I am relentlessly serious about Ann Coulter’s fascism. One might also consider the fate of the term “eugenics,” the subject of a powerful recent apology authored by UCL workers: the term “eugenics,” inflected by histories of genocide, cannot be heard today except as negatively valued, yet it was not so for the figures who espoused those positions, and must not be abandoned as a term of historical analysis. Anyone who has not yet done so is encouraged to read the website “terf is a slur,” to see a number of anonymous Twitter accounts, many of whom seem to be teenagers, and most of which took place several years ago, saying cruel and obnoxious things about terfs. They might also wonder why “Tory” is not a slur, since it is so often followed by the word “scum.”

Only one other brief comment on the term “gender critical movement” is necessary before advancing: the group often refers to itself as, simply, “women,” as in the hashtag Women Won’t Wheesht, or the writer J. K. Rowling’s claim that “women are organizing.” But this isn’t a good name for the movement, because the core advocacy group contains a number of men—Graham Linehan, Jesse Singal, Alan Sokal, Colin Wight, Colin Wright, Milo Yiannopoulos—all of whom are white—and because polls suggests that while, on the whole, UK men are receptive to GC talking points, UK women aren’t persuaded by them. These findings have been affirmed in a recent report by the Equalities and Human Rights Commission, even as the EHRC has been increasingly subject to GC capture in the last two years.

[shadowsrulemymind]

How the Prison Realm is a worse solitary confinement and what that means for Gojo Satoru:

With Gege stating that they hope to end the series this year and Gojo possibly being released from the Prison Realm very soon, I decided that it was time to write about my favorite theory for the series, especially since I haven't seen anyone else make a full documentation about it.

Content Warning! This theory will discuss in depth about horrific prison conditions, torture, suicide, self-harm, and severe mental health problems.

Spoilers for the manga up to Chapter 213.

To start off I HIGHLY recommend reading This post explaining the theory about Gojo’s left eye! Its very interesting and some of its concepts overlap with this theory. 

What exactly is solitary confinement?

Solitary confinement (SC) is a method used in prisons to punish disobedient/dangerous inmates. SC is carried out by isolating the inmate within a small room that's typically 6x9 ft. The cells may or may not have windows to see out of, have just enough room to contain a bed and a toilet with little space to walk around in, have blank walls, and little to no way to tell the time. Inmates are typically kept within the cells for 22-24 hours a day for however long the prison deems necessary. This can span from a couple of days to years.

The only contact inmates typically receive when held within a SC cell is restricted to the prison guards that give them food through a smaller door built into the steel door that keeps them trapped.

SC’s conditions have SEVERE effects on both mental health and physical health.

The psychological effects of SC are as follows:

Anxiety / Paranoia / Obsessive thoughts

Aggression / Decline in impulse control

Depression / PTSD

Insomnia / Loss of Identity

Cognitive disturbances / Psychosis

Losing touch with reality 

Increase risk of Self-harm and suicide

Hypersensitivity

The physical effects are as follows:

The shrinking of the hippocampus / Surges in the amygdala

Slowed brain activity / Worsening of intellect

Social Pain (Body translates this into physical pain)

Worsening of perceptual motor skills

Fewer/smaller/decreased connections of neurons

Fewer blood vessels in the brain

Hypertension / Increased heart rate / Shaking

Muscle atrophy / degradation of eyesight

Weakness / Loss of weight

To put it simply SC is designed to break its prisoners. Many of those who have been through SC have stated they would injure themselves to remind themselves that they are still real or even to force guards to enter the cells so that they could have a shred of human contact, even if it means being beaten by the guards and obtaining a longer sentence. Those who have gotten out have said the effects are long term and they have become afraid of being in open spaces or afraid of interacting with people. 

There is no benefit to SC, it makes violent inmates worse and non-violent inmates can become aggressive.

Many inmates commit suicide within SC or eventually do so after release due to the resulting mental health issues. The United Nations declared SC for more than 15 consecutive days to be torture.

Now that you know what the conditions/effects of SC are, lets take a look at how that relates to the Prison Realm (PR).

We only have a single image of what the inside of the PR looks like.

And just by this singular image you can immediately find similarities between the PR and SC:

Little to no room- While SC gives you at least a little room to walk around, the PR seems to have ZERO room for its inmate to move around in. Seemingly it contains its inmate within the dimensions of that persons body.

Complete isolation- The PR is a pocket dimension designed to completely separate its inmate from the rest of the world with absolutely no contact with the outside world or any other living beings.

No way to tell the time- Gojo states that time doesn't pass within the PR which means he will have no way of knowing how many hours, days or even years have passed while he’s contained within. 

Kenjaku even tells us that like SC the PR can only contain a single inmate and that the only ways out of it is either by being released intentionally or by suicide. Considering the current known similarities its no wonder Jogo states that the PR is taboo.

There's also symbolism that implies that Gojo wont be coming out of the PR the same as when he entered it.

As an artist I can tell you that blotting out the face the way that the PR does to Gojo’s before his capture is something we use often to symbolize a few things. Its been used to show that someone is inauthentic (eyes are the window of the soul) and/or that that person is corrupted. 

Trains are also a symbolism here since they can represent change and a transitional period. 

One thing that I think shows that the PR has some sort of effect on its inmate is the fact that Kenjaku wants to one day release Gojo from it. Its become obvious that Kenjaku does everything simply due to scientific curiosity and I believe that this is no exception to that. If the PR does effect Gojo, Kenjaku would ABSOLUTLY want to release him to observe its effects.

And if the PR effects Gojo the same way as SC would than it will be catastrophic.

Gojo has already shown signs of mental instability throughout the series. He’s unhinged when taking a fight seriously and seemingly had a manic episode during his rematch with Toji.

And after he kills Toji, when Geto finally arrives he seems to have started dissociating. Which he relies on Geto to help guide him and make the right choices.

Gojo has also shown multiple times that he wants to simply kill all the higher ups and be done with them all. 

Jujutsu Kaisen has had many moments that discuss mental health, whether that be during Geto’s downfall, Yuta stating he attempted suicide or Yuji’s current declining mental health and willingness to die. Gege knows what he’s talking about and its abundantly clear that the PR is based off of SC. 

This means Gojo is undoubtedly going to have serious issues when he’s finally released from the PR. 

He’ll be more aggressive than ever, his impulse control will be fucked, he might come out of there hallucinating and unable to even tell what’s real. Which if all of this is the case there is NO chance that the higher ups wont be slaughtered. He already wanted to kill them before and now that most of his friends are dead, his students are mutilated, the higher ups have exiled him and finally him losing the two children its implied that he raised? I can’t imagine he won’t finally snap. 

We’ve seen what happens to those jujutsu society deems worthless from both Maki and Toji. Maki murdered her entire clan and Toji became an unstable mess. It won’t be surprising if we will finally get to see what happens when they put ALL the expectations on someone. When they demand perfection. 

Gojo has been able to pick himself back up every time something has gone wrong, but I don’t think he will be able to do that this time. 

The higher ups at the very least will die, that I’m sure of; However, I think Gojo might take down both the Kamo and Gojo clan too. If he’s in such an unstable state he might just say ‘fuck it’ and kill everyone who had a hand in keeping their society the way it is. 

Gojo has now been in the PR for 16 days. This exceeds the UNs limit of 15 days for being held in SC. 

Another thing that I’ve begun to theorize while writing this is that it’s possible that with Gojo unable to tell how long its been inside the PR, what if the real world time he’s been imprisoned (3 years, 4 weeks) is how long he thinks he’s been imprisoned? Not sure if that will hold any weight but it’s definitely an interesting idea.

Edit: So a recent Q&A happened and...

This basically confirms everything that I said.

https://twitter.com/jacixn/status/1629947429901541377?t=dyu81gFSJzdZuGxefmQBAQ&s=19

[idrisofficial]

ok lore drop time! finally.

so, the months following artemis’s massacre were an utter mess. the monarch has been crowned at 17 after she’s woken up from a coma, and the nobles in charge of the country now range from ages 13 to 17. not even a year later, natal has been discovered to be a traitor to the monarchy and imprisoned.

this was shocking to everyone (barring grace, who already knew, and lennox, who had his suspicions), and was a major catalyst for brinne’s development of severe paranoia. she wanted him executed even though he was only 15 years old and idrisian law does not permit the execution of minors.

even if natal wasn’t lennox’s close friend, lennox would have questioned the legal validity of brinne’s desire, but considering lennox’s big fat gay crush on natal, he fought like hell to search for solutions aside from execution.

while brinne and lennox were in the midst of this week long debate, another noble died. 13 year old juno theoris had been thought to have been very ill from trauma following the massacre, but after she died, it was revealed that her systems were full of slow-acting poison.

backtracking here: the debris of artemis’s massacre left nesrin completely traumatized. she was afraid that not only would the government quickly collapse, but that she would be rendered politically powerless in the new generation of acting nobles. the complexes which her parents had instilled in her as a child that she was essentially a marriage prize seemed ever the more likely to become reality, and nesrin wasn’t going to stand by and do nothing about it. so she began slowly and continually dosing her sister’s food with poison with the help of a servant. juno being the third child and nesrin being the second, nesrin would inherit the power that came with her sister’s domain and position after her death.

while nesrin had originally planned to play off juno’s death as terminal illness, natal’s imprisonment provided her a strategic opportunity. to avoid garnering suspicion, she framed natal for poisoning her sister as part of his treasonous crimes before he had been imprisoned. this easily fed into a narrative which appealed to brinne’s paranoia and her desire to prematurely execute natal.

lennox could not argue against the accusation. as much as he so badly wanted to and tried at first, there was ultimately little he could do to counteract what nesrin had set up. he lost that battle. natal lost his life. lennox hated himself for it, but he hated nesrin more. consumed by grief and envisioning their future marriage to be a living nightmare, this was when he started drinking.

lennox did not confront her about the framing for two years. in that time, he developed an image of her as unprincipled and voraciously power-hungry in a way with which he could not reconcile. he feared immensely how the politics of their marriage would play out, not to mention how he dreaded the sexual elements. on her part, nesrin despised the way lennox basked in his unfettered power and familial relationships. recognizing how lennox wanted nothing to do with her brought her another slurry of emotions; while it assuaged some of her anxieties, she also resented him for denying her the one significant degree of power she had been promised since childhood.

by the time he was 20, lennox was up to his neck in alcoholism. one particularly bad night he went to confront nesrin while viciously drunk and she ended up saving his life. both of them got much more off their chests than they expected to, and they found themselves with surprising inklings of respect for each other. finally able to stomach the other’s presence, they decided to spend more time together. their immense resentment took a long time to heal over, but especially after they each managing to communicate to the other that they were gay, the two of them felt much more able to trust and confide in one another.

nesrin also developed her interest in kaia as she became more comfortable with lennox. im not saying the quiet part out loud but there is something very fucked up about nesrin murdering her 13 year old sister at 15 and then years later running to smooch another noble who is not only from juno’s sibling-generation but a younger sister to her fiancé and a younger sister figure to her. something something nesrin making up for what she killed, something something can’t escape the cruelty of love, something something oedipus.

long post. i am literally insane about this. hugest lore drop in a long time. thanks for reading my insanity </3

[collapsingbenjamin]

☆⠀.⠀"Put me to sleep, evil angel; Open your wings, evil angel."

(I lost my train of thought near the end of this, but if I remember anything, I'll definitely add more to this. Sorry about it being so long, I love to ramble and go on-and-on about who I am, what I could be, and other things. I was anxious to post this, originally. I am not able to provide image-IDs. Plain text would also clutter everything up, but if you need it, please request it. Apologies.)

(I also don't have a tagging system yet. Again, if I get one or make one, I'll update here. This whole page is a work in progress, but the tags would most likely be related to songs from the Breaking Benjamin band's songs, obviously.)

Benjamin B. IV/VI, He/They (possibly Hy/Hym, I like how it sounds. I'm still figuring out some things about this identity. Not sure about They/Them, but I'd like to try it out some more.) Fluid identity in some aspects, but usually is primarily masculine, secondary neutral.

I enjoy the Trans-ID community but I feel like I can go a bit too far on some things (especially when I'm identifying as a real-life person, which could be seen as insensitive due to their experiences, whether it be current or past,) but if it feels right to me, and makes me feel more connected to them (when they're a big influence or comfort for me,) then I guess it's alright to some degree. (This isn't to make fun of anybody.)

TW for below: Talks of self-harm, and mental illness. (I'm very used to things having a lot of censorship and trigger warnings, such as servers and other places where I was required to add trigger warnings. So, for safety, I'll be doing that. It's a habit I have. Apologies in advance.)

I am genuinely mentally ill, in need of therapy, but unable to access it due to some things in life I don't want to share (in general, it's access/insurance problems with a mix of family and personal problems, but I'd rather not go too deep into it.) I experience delusions, moderate-to-severe paranoia, depression, anxiety (especially social,) memory problems, and a lot of other things. (I can go out-of-character and turn very manic, which makes me embarrassed about myself.)

I have identity problems, including suspecting other disorders and such, I have a lot of separate identities and well over six accounts, over ten emails, and other things related to that. I severely struggle with my self-image in general, but I also like delusions. (It's a love-hate relationship, sometimes being delusional helps me escape.)

It's hard to find things on-theme for this certain identity, but I have a few labels that I've found that might be able to suit me. Here are my Trans-ID, Tris-ID, and Cis-ID labels and how I feel about them.

Trans-IDs: Addict/Addiction, Alcoholic/Alcoholism, and Trans-SH (more as Trans-Severity, since I have a history with self-harm but I'm currently not practicing it, it's more mental in a sense.)

Tris-IDs: Weak/Weakness (I already experience this in general or occasionally in many different ways, that's the Cis-ID part, but the Trans-ID part would be weakness in the joints due to a mystery illness, reference to my source.) Perma-Nauseated (I'm aware this is a Perma-ID label, but I do frequently feel nauseous, and the Trans-ID part would be more severe or constant.)

Cis-IDs: Hypersexual (warning about this, I can have flare-ups, mood-swings, or phases of this and I feel highly ashamed about it since it can get triggered easily when I'm more manic,) BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder,) SZA (Schizoaffective Disorder, characterized by Schizophrenia and a mood disorder, it's Bipolar Disorder in my case,) anger/irritability issues, Hypochondria (I'm confused about this one, some sources say you need a diagnosis for this, but at the same time that doesn't seem correct to me.)

Suspected Things: BIID (Body Integrity Identity Disorder,) ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder, suspected by family members as well,) OSDD/severe identity issues (putting this here to be safe,) StPD (Schizotypal Personality Disorder, I genuinely cannot remember if my psychiatrist diagnosed me with this, a family member who was with me said he put it on the file but I don't know if he directly said I had it, and I'd rather have a diagnosis I can remember.)

I hope everybody reading this, including antis (despite the fact they aren't allowed to interact with me, and should stay in their own space, this also excludes the mean antis,) to have a nice day/night, or whatever time it currently is for you. I hope I can make new friends (or at least try.)

(Clarification: Civil antis are allowed to interact, but generally, I am most likely scared of you and will not interact with you. I'm too tired, exhausted, and brain-fogged for discourse. And what I mean by "excluding mean antis," I meant as in I hope they have a terrible, as in non-threatening, day. It's never okay to send death threats and stuff just because someone identifies as a certain thing.)

About contact and other stances: I'm still figuring it out, it's fluctuating but I'm oriented toward anti-contact for harmful/illegal paraphiles (not sure how to word it,) and generally pro-consent in all aspects of the matter. (I'm also still learning terminology.)

"Fly over me, evil angel; Why can't I breathe, evil angel?"⠀.⠀☆

[sunny6677]

Disney/Fairytale AU(A Spooky Month AU)

Part 1: Leon and The Six Children.

Explanation for this AU before we begin: In this au, the Spooky Month cast have been reincarnated several times in the past, in past lives that were basically heavily based on Disney movies. The life they are all currently in is well.. Spooky Month. And while they can't remember their past life's on a conscious level, they can subconsciously remember it somewhat. This short series will kinda just be an explanation of all of their past lives, in order of which they all happened.

TWS: PROFANITY, DEATH MENTIONS, ATTEMPTED MURDER, DEATH, BASICALLY ABUSE, CARMEN BEING A DICK, ORGAN MENTIONS, POISON.

(Clarification: Any sort of problematic themes from the Disney movies all of their past life's are based on shall be removed.)

Without further a do, let's explain this part of the AU. But I'll show the designs first. (Apologies if the designs might be a bit shitty, I was trying to match the medieval style of this part in particular.)

It opens up with Carmen speaking to her magical mirror(nicknamed Dexter occasionally but just referred to as Magic Mirror most of the time, he also happens to actually be Dexter by the way), asking who the fairest one of them all is. Dexter tells her like always that she is the fairest one of all, but that there may be some competition in her midst. You see, Carmen has a nephew by the name of Leon(they are related in this life), and the only reason he is in her care is because both of his parents are dead due to her greedy and evil actions, and she basically only took him in because she was jealous of him in general and wanted to use him as a personal servant. Carmen is furious by this, of course, and plans on doing something about it.

Now, introducing Leon. Leon is technically a prince due to being in Carmen's care, but he is not treated like it due to.. ya know, Carmen. He is very kind and gentle, especially with animals, and remains ever polite despite the circumstances he is in. But while he is doing chores, his childhood best friend and crush Ethan kinda happens to hop over the palace gates just to come and see him. Ethan is actually a prince, and they both do love eachother(by the way, since this is an alternate universe, despite it being in medieval times, homophobia is not a thing in this life.), but rarely get to see eachother due to Carmen. So they have a romantic meeting with the other, but Carmen happens to be watching from a window, furious.

Carmen then orders a hunter named John to literally kill Leon, but John is hesitant, but Carmen also doesn't give a shit. So she requests that as proof that he killed him, he has to bring back his fucking heart, or at least some kind of other proof that he killed him.

So John goes out to kill Leon, who is kinda just minding his own business and chilling with animals. He tries to stab him while he's distracted, but guilt overcomes him, and he just can't seem to kill him. Leon, confused and terrified, asks what the hell is going on. John gives no actual explanation, and tells him that Carmen is gonna fucking kill him if he doesn't get away somehow, so he screams at him to fucking run for his life. That is what Leon does exactly, and he literally runs into the forest, but out of his own anxiety of the new information, he begins to have a panic attack due to paranoia of Carmen finding him. After a bit, he drops onto the floor while weeping, clearly not in a healthy state of mind yet. But nearby animals manage to calm him down somehow, and he manages to stop crying.

Leon, now that he's not completely panicked, decides to search for a new home with the help of the animals. And of course, he does, but it's empty and dusty. So he decides to organize it by himself, but the animals attempt to join in, and almost make the place messy again until he kindly stops them and decides to get them to help in some other way. Leon also assumes that the house must belong to some people, for there would be no reason as to why the place was so messy, and why there were several beds upstairs. He assumes it must belong to children, and realizes that they must be orphans. Feeling sad for them, he decides to organize one last time, just incase they arrive.

He then rests upstairs for the night, but the owners of the house happen to return in the middle of the night. Of course, the owners are six orphan children(The dwarves are replaced by the kid characters in Spooky Month in this au). Roy(he is not related to Carmen in this life), Ross, Robert(he actually does have one last relative, which is John. But his parents died in an accident, along with many other relatives, and John happened to be present during that, but he survived without Robert knowing. Both Robert and John think the other are dead.), Susanna(nicknamed Susie), Sam(Lila fucking died in this life, so that's why he's an orphan) and Paul(Susanna's brother). They have seemingly come back from getting supplies for themselves.

They obviously panic, seeing him as an intruder. But after a bit of chaos, he manages to calm them down a bit, and tells them that he means no harm. After a bit of a tense conversation, he explains himself and they actually do pity him, but Roy is pretty intent on getting him out of the house despite his story. Even so, the others decide to let him stay, and Leon is kind of happy, but mostly because he doesn't want these children to be by themselves without a parental figure any longer.

So for a bit, he cares for them like an actual father, one of them even accidentally calls him 'dad' at some point. Roy also eventually warms up to him, but he doesn't want to admit it.

But of course, cutting back to Carmen, she receives a box of what looks to be a heart from John, and obviously thinks it's Leon. But this was a trick John put up so she wouldn't go looking for Leon, and eventually, she finds out that it wasnt Leons heart, but just the heart of a pig. So out of her own fury, she decides to finally deal with Leon herself.

She makes a potion, and once she drinks it, it disguises her as an innocent little girl. And in order to kill Leon once and for all, she poisons an apple, fully intent on killing him with it.

So, she happens to run into him while he's taking a walk, and the plan sets into motion. He, not suspecting a thing, offers her to come inside since he doesn't want a "child" to be walking by herself, and even offers to go and look for her "parents" in the mean time. She of course agrees, and comes inside. The six children are still there, and they are very suspicious of her, though Leon is not. He makes a pie for her. And Carmen basically says(while still disguised as an innocent little girl) that since he's being so kind to her, she'll give him something. So she tries to offer him the apple, and he's about to accept it, but Sam and Paul(Skid and Pump) happen to somehow sense that something is off, and attempt to literally destroy the apple. Leon gently scolds them(still oblivious as ever), and decides to take Carmen elsewhere.

He takes her outside, and she finally gives him the apple, and he eats it. He then promptly dies, and she retreats, laughing manically as she does so, slowly turning back into her real form. The six children come outside, and are devastated by the sight, each traumatized and already in grief.

In honor of the only father figure they've all had in life, they bury him inside of a makeshift casket, weeping as they do so.

But Ethan happens to come into that area, and recognizes Leon's dead corpse. He goes into a state of grief, and begins to weep at the sight of the man he loved being dead inside of a casket. Out of his own grief, he hugs his corpse, still weeping and letting out weirdly poetic sad comments as he does so. But like a Disney movie, his tears manage to get onto Leon, and it somehow magically brings him back to life. True love managed to bring Leon back to life instead of a kiss like in Snow White, since I found the prince kissing her corpse a little weird.

Once he is revived, the six children and Ethan are all relieved at him being alive, and they all have an emotional reunion with him. Afterwards, Leon tells Ethan about why he was there, and tells him about the six children as well. Ethan is furious and sad with both Leon's situation, and the six children's situation, so he takes action immediately. Since he can easily do so, considering he's a fucking prince.

He manages to expose Carmen for what she did, and manages to get her arrested, which makes Leon take her place as head royalty instead, which makes him 'King Leon' now. And after a bit, Leon and Ethan decide to adopt the six children as their own, giving them all a happily ever after.

Now, as for how this life would effect their subconscious behaviors in their current life, I do not know. But I assume Leon would probably be fearful around Carmen if he ever saw her again, and Carmen would feel an unreasonable rage upon seeing Leon. Ethan would probably feel a weird emotional attachment to Leon, not knowing if it was platonic or romantic, but still feeling it. He'd also feel weirdly enraged if he ever saw Carmen, and wouldn't know why. Leon would also feel as if Skid and Pump looked oddly familiar when he saw them in the haunted house, and would probably look almost shocked for a moment. Ethan would probably feel that way as well. If John ever saw Leon, he'd probably feel as if he looked oddly familiar, but wouldn't think much of it. And if he saw Carmen, he'd also feel the same way, but a bit fearful. Carmen would probably feel enraged if she saw any of them to be honest. But that's just what I think.

[littlecreepytransage]

As a Traumagenic DID system going through anti endo tags makes me feel like… idk sick???

It gives me so much anxiety because it’s just full of people ranting about how dissociation ruined their life, even though that has nothing to do with Endogenicy?????

I just feel so confused, it makes no sense, especially since some Anti-Endos have also tried to convince us we are faking?

I’m so confused all the time, we suffer, but we don’t really care about Endos or syscourse. Is severe trauma and suffering supposed to make you like, not like Endogenic systems?

We experienced trauma, We experienced dissociation, We still have dissociation, and it’s slowly ruining our life. We have other things to, mental breakdowns, missing school, fear, paranoia, anxiety, feeling so out of it, it’s not just “spacing out.”

Idk, if a anti-Endogenic system can explain to me then maybe, but I just struggle to really understand???

[iironwreath]

Trial [Cihro]

[204-206]

For the first time in what felt like weeks, Cihro removed his armour for more than just to bathe. On Mount Celestia, it was a matter of habit and convenience; it was light and worn-in, easy for him to sleep in. Everywhere else, it was a matter of safety. He’d grown too inured to danger, even on ships—especially on ships. He'd gotten a better handle of his paranoia, but at some point it had become more about practicality than anxiety. He wasn't scared of an attack, since they were likely. He was just prepared.

Cihro didn’t fancy a dip in the ocean again, so he washed his face, neck, and hands in a basin in his room. The Resplendent Glory had a small, wooden tub for baths, but Cihro was too exhausted to go through the effort of filling it and scrubbing down his entire body. He stripped away grime from the mountain trek and leftover soot from their skirmish with the gold dragons. Bahamut healed them, but he hadn’t cleaned them.

A tap-tap came from the door. It sounded like Day’s cautious knock—when had he learned that? Footsteps were one things, knocks were another. But then, he could hear the gentle creak of wood as Day shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“Come in,” he said, toweling behind his ears. 

Sure enough, Dayereth slipped inside, cleaner than Cihro, free of dirt—he had the benefit of prestidigitation. Cihro guessed he could’ve asked him or Elspeth to help, but it was therapeutic to do it himself, and the water was refreshing. 

“Do you want me to—?” Day gestured at him. 

“Do I smell?”

“Always.”

“Shucks, you’re just saying that. But sure, go ahead.”

Day whisked his hands and the remaining grime dissolved off Cihro. “Thanks. What’s up?” He fluffed the towel over his hands.

“You looked a bit rough after your trial on the mountain,” Day explained. “I wanted to check in.”

“I’m fine now,” Cihro said, and meant it. 

“What happened?

Cihro haphazardly chucked the towel beside the basin. Even though he felt stable, the memory was fresh, quick to breach and snap again.

“Path of Amino Turret—” 

“Terrent,” Day corrected.

“Torrent. Whatever. It was just about conquering fear, literally. It showed me Sean slitting Talsin’s throat, my skin was crawling with spiders, our family was dead.” He gave a wry smile. “I’m just glad you didn’t have to go through it.”

Day leaned back against the door, hands folded at his lower back, one ankle crossing the other. “I can take a guess what I’d see: Emon burning, my parents dead, you dead again, take your pick.”

“Yeah, sounds about right.” Cihro moved to the bed, sitting and folding his ankle over his knee to unclasp his boots. “I expected Lolth again, cuz that’s what I saw in the Feywild when Euripides cast a spell on me. Guess my fear for our family outweighs my fear for myself now. I’m not too concerned about her anymore, most of my fear comes from her spidery-ness than anything.”

Day’s hat tipped toward the floor, brows etched in thought. Cihro slid off his boots and massaged the arch of his foot. “Is it bad,” Cihro hedged, “that my day to day nightmares are worse than a literal trial set by the gods?”

Day nudged the floor with a toe. “No. Maybe? Mine are bad, too. That’s why it’s not hard to guess. We’ve already lived through several nightmares. But I dunno if that’s more a reflection of the gods who set the trial, what we do, or what the cults are capable of.”

“Feels weird to acknowledge every time.”

“It hasn’t gotten any less true. But yeah, it does.” Day’s eyes lifted to his again. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I am, promise. Nothing I haven’t already dreamt about. I always expected some mental hurdles when we came here. I’d check on Elspeth, though, I think hers is hitting harder. Or Caius, since he must be traumatized by your naked ass.”

Day flushed, but his glare resembled a pout more than anything that could sting. “Maybe it was best you weren’t there, I’d sooner cast blindness on myself than have to see your naked ass. That’s my actual nightmare for the trial: Naked Cihro butts, as far as the eye can see.”

“Talsin’s heaven.”

Day made a hacking, disgusted noise and swayed off the door, reaching for the handle. “Okay, I’m leaving. Goodnight, asshole.”

“Goodnight, loser.”

[ofyorkshire]

psychology + mental health deep dive !

QUICK FACTS ,

diagnoses: i don't know what doctors of the early '80s would have diagnosed bj with, especially given that he's gay and possibly trans (genderfluid?), but imo, bj has severe c-ptsd and possibly schizophrenia (though there's not a lot of evidence for the latter; the visual and auditory hallucinations he experiences could just be a symptom of his c-ptsd and drug abuse, which is how i portray him, since i'm not confident that i can properly portray someone suffering with schizophrenia). there's probably more, but i'm not a psychologist and wouldn't know where to begin with bj.

triggers: a better question would probably be "what doesn't potentially trigger him?", because bj lives in a near-constant state of dissociation and hyper-vigilance. but the smell of damp earth or decaying leaves, gunshots, knives, sex, and the sound of large dogs barking are his most common triggers.

positive coping skills:  few, but he has found ways to help ground himself through little personal rituals like touching something cold when he feels far away, or listening to music when his auditory hallucinations get too loud. personal superstitions like counting to seven or drawing sevens for good luck help ease some of his anxiety, as well as dancing and painting.

negative coping skills:  substance abuse is probably bj's worst both because of their affects on his physical health as well as his mental health; the high or drunk helps keep him in a dissociative, numb, or euphoric state when the high is "good", but abusing drugs and alcohol has also worsened his hallucinations and paranoia. he also often engages in risky sex and occasionally borderline suicidal behavior.

attachment style:  disorganized-avoidant / fearful-avoidant

love language:  (to give) touch and to give / (to receive) touch and words of affirmation

myers briggs / mbti: i've tried to figure this out before and i'm honestly not sure i know, even taking the test. there's "barry james", who... i think is maybe his more authentic self, and then there is "bj" who is not inauthentic, necessarily, but certainly is more of a mask than who bj really is. the problem, though, is that i don't know who bj would be without his trauma, and i'm not sure who he is with it, because it changes depending on how he needs to survive. if i had to guess, i'd say he's probably an infx or isfx? maybe?

HISTORY EXPLORATION ,

are their diagnoses formal ( via a doctor, therapist, etc. ) or informal ( self diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized, etc. )     he supposedly gets a formal diagnoses sometime in the early '80s (?), but considering that the hospital releases bj at what i would consider his absolute worst state mentally, idk how correct the diagnoses was.

have they ever been treated / medicated?     yes, but. well. see above.

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis?   yes.

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms? around 9 or 10 was when bj really began to sink into himself and his inner-monologue switched from first person to third as a way of distancing himself from his trauma. after that, his mental health dive-bombed.

do they have a family history of mental illness? likely. but we don't know enough about bj's mom to say.

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family / community?    none at all. at most, reverend laws would call him "troubled" because of his mother at best, and at worst blame "sin" on bj's deteriorating mental health.

what are their thoughts on mental health / their diagnosis?   negatively, when he does think about it. angry, mostly, and ashamed. but then he also just doesn't think about it, if he can help it.

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences?  n/a. except for his doctors potentially making him worse because of how they treated him after his diagnoses, bj doesn't think about his diagnosis and doesn't find it helpful or useful.

SYMPTOMS: note that all of the below are, on their own, normative and typical aspects of human functioning. they become “symptoms” when they last longer than “normal” or when they pose a significant impact on someone’s life / functioning.

BOLD  all that are present,  ITALICIZE  those that are resolved or in the history.

depression.    anxiety.   panic attacks.    dissociation.   derealization.   depersonalization.    suicidal ideation.    self harm.    homicidal ideation.    psychosis.    auditory hallucinations.    visual hallucinations.    delusions.    mania.    hypomania.   racing thoughts.    hyperactivity.    attention difficulty.   flashbacks.    nightmares.   hyperarousal.    hypoarousal.    hypersexuality.    hyposexuality.    psychopathy.   risky behavior.    catatonia.    somatic / bodily concerns.    mutism.    phobia.    agoraphobia.    hoarding.    obsessions.    compulsions.    body dysmorphia.    hair picking.    skin picking.     amnesia.   illness anxiety / hypochondria.    sensory loss.    speech difficulty.    comprehension difficulty.    communication difficulty.    tics.    defiant behavior.    irritable mood.    vindictiveness.     aggression.    pyromania.    kleptomania.    paranoia.    attention seeking.    narcissism.   avoidance.   dependency.    pica.    rumination.    food restriction.    food binging.    purging.   soiling the bed (sometimes; struggles mostly when in an especially bad mental place).    insomnia.    fatigue.    sexual dysfunction.    delirium.    developmental delays.

explanations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms:

i don't think i could properly explain all of that in a single post, and i think most of it would be far too triggering anyway without a readmore. if curious, feel free to ask, but this is mostly for my reference anyway.

tagged by: no one, i just wanted to fill this out for bj. tagging: anyone who would like to