#embrace one and overcome the other you choose which one is which

[itswackadoodletime]

...Mary?... yeah, I guess that saying "sure thing, boss" when an omnipotent god wants you as his incubator is the best way to preserve your ass (also, I thought you were middle eastern, but ok).

[myun-saidthoughts]

˗ˏˋ ⭐ ˎˊ˗ Astrology Observations ˗ˏˋ ⭐ ˎˊ˗

🌟 The placement of Pluto in your chart can reveal the theme of pain or transformation you might experience in this life—pain that serves as a catalyst for profound internal and mental shifts within yourself.

The depth of pain will be dependent on your own choices; if you choose to ignore red flags the harsher and more severe the wake up call would be.

Pluto in the 5th house: Struggles might emerge from overindulgence in impulsive or immature choices, such as gambling or seeking joy in fleeting pleasures (such as affairs or short term relationships). Poor choices may manifest because there's a need of deep inner child healing, which could cause deeper emotional wounds in the process. The extremes of choosing quick fun can lead into a habit of poor decision making.  Pluto in the 7th house: Challenges and transformative pain often arise through intimate romantic relationships, pushing you to confront deep-seated patterns and fears. If you keep choosing people who won't choose you or if you rely on others for a sense of self, identity or acceptance then the wake up call would be more prominent or severe. Pluto in the 11th house: Painful experiences may come through friendships or involvement in communities, leading to shifts in how you connect with and trust others. If you find yourself relying on others or seeking external validation through communities, friend groups, or social connections, the wake-up call may lead you to recognize your own worth and embrace yourself as you are, without needing acknowledgment from others. Pluto in the 12th house: Ignoring your psyche or mental struggles can lead to self-unraveling. The more you avoid or dismiss your internal mental health setbacks, the deeper and more painful the lessons will become. You may not even be aware of your emotional needs, but the longer you avoid confronting your sensitivity or past wounds—whether from childhood or relationships—the harder it will be to redefine your self-concept and belief system. You may even experience a revelation about yourself after overcoming depression or anxiety, which can help you understand yourself better. However, remember that being introspective and aware doesn't always mean you're truly feeling your feelings. You may know what to think or how to act, but it’s crucial to connect the emotions you've been holding onto with the feelings beneath them.

Pluto placed in less interactive houses may have a less intense theme, but if you also have Chiron in the same house, its influence can become much more prominent and life-changing, amplifying the potential for deep healing or painful growth.

🌟 If you have many inner planets in your 5th, 7th, or 8th house, you're more likely to seek out romantic connections, desire a partner, or long for one—even if you’ve experienced emotional turmoil in your childhood due to your parents or past partners.

🌟 If you have many inner planets in your 1st, 2nd, or 12th house, you’re less likely to be open to a connection. Subconsciously, you might desire or wish for someone to be “your person,” but you may never allow yourself to fully give in.

🌟 With 8th house synastry, the intensity of this connection swings between unspoken loyalty and complete avoidance—one extreme driven by the fear of showing disinterest, and the other by the fear of being a burden. If you’re not preoccupied with displaying your loyalty to them in a room full of people, you find yourself avoiding eye contact or minimizing conversation to maintain a facade of “normalcy”—a normalcy that doesn’t truly exist in this connection.

🌟 Pisces/Scorpio placements may have a strong tendency to seek deep emotional experiences during times of creativity. They often search for a specific feeling or emotional state as a catalyst to create art or writing.

🌟 Aquarius placements, especially Moon or Rising, often struggle with avoidance as one of their worst traits in any relationships they navigate—whether romantic, platonic, or even with themselves.

🌟 Scorpios are known for their extreme loyalty. Once they choose you, they are deeply committed and unlikely to leave unless a traumatic emotional blockage arises within the relationship.

🌟 Scorpio risings can have beautiful striking eyes, and because of that their eyes can heavily influence appearance. Their eyes may even become an ice breaker for conversations/be talked about a-lot.

🌟 Aries + Libra axis turnover rate when it comes to relationships is incredibly high. Moving on to the next can come naturally to them unless they have other placements that contradicts that tendency.

🌟 Air signs need intellectual stimulation; they need to feel excited and curious with you.

🌟 8th House placements (esp. Moon or Sun) or Scorpio placements are incredibly private towards the public. They naturally will not post on social media: no instagram stories, tweets, memes, their thoughts or feelings willingly and openly.

This is because

At a young age their needs, thoughts or wishes were ignored and pushed to the side for others sake and so they now have coped to never share their own inner thoughts or feelings to others.

They've been burned or hurt in the past by someone they've trusted, and now they don't share or openly state their true feelings outwardly towards others.

If they have a Taurus/Libra/Leo IC or Gemini/Sagittarius/placements then the chances of sharing themselves online is more likely.

🌟 In 8th/Pluto + 12th/Neptune house synastry connections, if you two are not on speaking terms sudden lows may occur when you're reminded of what was.

If it's been weeks or months since you've both talked and one random day they watch your story on your social media a sudden longing for them may come.

If you run into them and the conversation didn't amount to what you wished for, a low may come and you'll feel as if the relationship is completely over.

🌟 8th house synastry amounts to constant cycles and loops, if you're not wishing for them, you say you're over them.

There could be an emotional block between you two and the desire for them may diminish but If they look at you for one second the way they used too, the desire for them will arise as if the feeling never left.

🌟 In 12th house and Neptune synastry, you might covertly share song lyrics on your social media, hoping they’ll read them and sense that the lyrics are meant as a message for them. Instead of expressing your feelings face-to-face, posting these lyrics in a "hidden" way feels safer.

And if so, you yourself may wonder if anything they publicly post, say, or do is a secret message for you.

You may even go out of your way to somehow find a perfect song that depicts the relationship between you two and use that song as a indirect message to state your true feelings without having to outwardly verbalize them.

(The above statement is more true for those who have Pisces, 12th house, Neptune influence in their cart)

🌟 3rd house synastry creates ease with communication, especially if there's 4th house synastry as well, and if the planets involved are the Sun, Moon, or Venus.

🌟 For 12th house synastry to cause intense idealizations, thoughts, dreams, wishes or obsessiveness there has to be attraction involved, the more attracted you are to them the more you'll idealize them.

🌟 A Neptune/12th house person and a planet person can both experience intense desire, longing, or overthinking, but the way they process these feelings depends on their individual natal charts.

🌟 With 8th and 12th house synastry connections, you might never actually date the person, yet the emotions they evoke within you can feel as profound and intimate as if you had.

🌟 Neptune and 12th house synastry: "You are perfect for me; you feel like everything I could ever wish for in someone."

If you're avoidant, this feeling can be terrifying because it brings a sense of inadequacy, as if you could never live up to the idealized version of yourself they see. You'll long for them deeply, but the way they look at you may feel unsettling, foreign, or out of place. Even if they seem like your dream person, self-doubt can drive you to run. You might fear disappointing them or feel you’ll never measure up to the partner they deserve. You'll view them as some sort of prize from a distance and you'll search for them in other connections but you'll never allow yourself to choose them, not like they choose you.

If you're anxious, this feeling will strike a familiar chord, it'll resonate so deeply within and letting go will seem impossible. You'll feel this pull toward them, you'll feel as if they’re your muse, your catharsis, and you'll wish that they were your person. Even without words, you'll sense that they want you, and this silent connection will consume your thoughts. You’ll compare the way they make you feel to everyone else, and you'll search for that same intensity in other people's gazes. You’ll sit in your head, wondering if your wishes align with theirs, questioning if they feel the same. Over time, you’ll realize the emotions they stir in you are unmatched, which leads you to hold onto the connection longer than you should, you'll rather wish on the what could be's than accept what is.

🌟 Pisces or 12th house placements often turn to writing or art as a means of expressing their inner thoughts, feelings, and longings. The more they feel, the more their creativity flows.

🌟 If you have water placements or planets in water houses (4th, 8th, 12th), deep emotions are embedded within you. The more you avoid these feelings, the more likely physical symptoms such as anxiety or mental struggles will occur. It's your body’s way of processing the hidden emotions you’ve learned to suppress. These unaddressed feelings can manifest in subtle, physical ways, and it's a reflection of the emotional turmoil beneath the surface.

🌟 With 8th house synastry, the second and I mean very second there's a emotional block between you two the deep seated desire for them becomes less intense.

Ex: If you also share 12th house synastry with them, parts of their actions will feel like subtle hints that are meant for you, in essence you want to believe you are more important to them than others, and you feel like you are. But once something comes to light or if you were shown that what you thought to be wasn't the case, the realization creates emotional distance and the desire for them (in that moment) shrinks. It feels as if the importance that you thought your presence gave them suddenly means nothing, and from that feeling creates a instant "I'm never speaking to them again mentality."

🌟 With the 12th house involved, their actions may reveal their actual character, and while you are able to clearly see these actions (in a objective sense), you might still feel deeply tied to the version of them you want to believe exists. You’ll observe their behavior yet convince yourself that someone better lies beneath the surface.

🌟 With 8th and 12th house synastry, there’s a part of you that feels you’ll never compare to anyone else they encounter. Even if you two never dated, there’s a deep sense that the way they feel when they’re with you is unmatched and it's something you intuitively will feel. It's likely that there will be no set actions or verbal affirmations to confirm this knowing.

[the-tarot-witch22]

Messages/Advise from your Spirit Guides - Pick a pile

Pile 1/ Pile 2/ Pile 3

My Paid Readings | My insta | My October Goal

Liked my blog or readings? Tip me!

Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

Pile 1:

(The cards I got for you - The devil, Ace of swords, 9 of pentacles and 7 of pentacles)

Okay so the very first thing i heard and feel is "let go" don't hold onto things that has no value in your life, or people that doesn't make you feel like you should be a better person, the message is so strong here, for some of you i feel you holding onto some part of something and not trying to lose it, but i feel in the end it's hurting you, so your guides are so gentle and keep saying to trust in yourself and in them, what happens it's going for your best. I also feel your guides saying don't be obsessed or infatuated with the situation or someone you already know it's not right for you and you should see the signs i am sending, you deserve better and you know it, I also heard "speak your truth", "you don't have to please someone or anyone in that matter", you have yourself and that is more than enough, I also feel your guides saying communicate, don't try to bottle things up inside you, your loved ones and we care for you, I also see a situation where you had cried a lot for some reason, like a very loud sobs and hard situation but you got out of it and you are trying to heal and they are so proud of you to doing so. "I also heard, "amazing things are coming your way, you just need to be open to accept it" okay so very interesting here i feel they know sometimes you guys could be really pessimistic and have thoughts like "isn't it so good to be true?", so your guides wants you to know don't have second doubts you deserve the best, and so will it happen, I also heard this group could be quite creative or have talents or could be skilled in art, music, photography, writing but could suffer from imposter syndrome. I hear your guides telling me to tell you "keep pursuing your dreams, and not holding back" give your best in whatever you do, I also feel they are so proud of you for how far you have come and the progressed you made, I also heard we like how independent you are but sometimes it's okay to lean on someone's shoulder, i truly feel this pile is quite sensitive or just scared of how people perceive them, some of you might have overcome that mentality but some of you needs to work on it, I also heard "say positive affirmations", and do self pep talk, trust me it will do you good! Your Guides will soon reward you for your hard work and the efforts you put in work, so keep going and know you are enough, more than enough!

Wow, pile 1 your guides are so gentle and caring for you and wants what's best for you~

Angel Oracle Cards:

No need to worry - I feel as i said most of you here worry a lot, so your advise to let go of that mindset and be more present in present and do your thing and leave the rest to your angels and guides.

Ask for help from others - Exactly! Didn't I say to not bottle up? That's exactly what i mean , it's okay to ask for help you won't be a burden to your friends or your loved ones!

Trust - Trust in the timing and the divine , what happens will guide you towards the right path!

Pile 2:

(The cards I got for you - knight of swords, 4 of wands and temperance)

Okay so the very first thing i feel and heard is embrace who you are, don't let anyone's perception of you break you down, you are you, unique and loved, so damn them, let them say, because that's just their insecurities projecting on you. Don't let people's words or things get to you. I feel your guides are very straight forward like no sugarcoating things, just tell it as they are. anyhow, i feel that you might have the tendency to protect people or "save them" like fix them, i heard don't do that, it's not your responsibility to do so, The love you give to others, give to yourself too. I also heard "we have more than one surprise for you", "you have been very good, trying to be better, than you previously were, so we want to reward you" Okay so i feel your guides are trying to be mysterious here lol, not telling you but giving you a gist, now it's just up to you to unwrap the present , and know if it's a blessing in disguise, I also feel your guides telling you to be more focused and not having second doubts on the decisions you take, they also want you to be confident, to be open to opportunities, letting it flow, instead of controlling the outcome, some of you here, might have the tendency to do so, I also feel this some people in this pile might be more on a positive side, like taking things as a lesson, and that's what your guides is also proud of they want you to learn, not dwell on past. Anyhow I also feel, new opportunities, including jobs , studies could be on your way, just don't let it slip through your hands, be firm in setting your boundaries, i also feel there would be a certain milestone you all would be receiving. I also heard "be more gentle with yourself", I also feel your guides telling you to embrace the changes and your growth, but also to balance your emotions, not just react but also to look at other person's pov, not everytime, but at times, i also feel this pile could be very spirutual, for you i am also getting that you should guys start to mediate, it will help you in the long run!

Okay so pile two your guides are quite straight forward with you, and gave you messges and advise and they want you think on it and do what your gut tells you to and not doubt yourself too much!

Angel Oracle Cards -

Listen to your intuition - Okay! so this is interesting didn't I say don't doubt your decisions , so this card conveying for you to follow your gut, in situations, because i think this pile could be quite intuitive or almost never wrong!

Forgiveness - your guides wants you to move forward and stop dwelling things that has happened in your life and forgive yourself for anything you could have done intentionally or not intentionally.

Pile 3:

(The cards I got for you - 4 of swords, 7 of swords, the hermit and the king of cups)

Okay so the very first thing i feel is this pile needs REST AND TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, not just physical rest and sleep but also emotional rest and to take care of your emotional needs, I also feel this pile might be quite introverted but try to give their best to other people, or try to fit in or just want to have some validations at times, from another person, and so i heard "you just need yourself to accept yourself as you are, nobody can do it better than you" I also feel this pile should check out pile 1, could have some messages for you there, I also feel for some of you there might be some two faced people around you, who could have backstabbed you or want to betray you so beware of them, and do enjoy your own company because in the end it's you who you need. I also heard "hope", so i feel there could be a time where you were in darkness like you not knowing something or being completely alone which has for sometimes made you feel that you need company but all i hear from your guides is "being alone is better than in being fake people's company", but anyways, rest is literally required for you, i heard that too many times, i also feel this pile could take too much stress on them so your guides wants you to go easy on yourself, I also heard "give respect the way you receive it", Don't let people know you too much, you already know the truth just accept it. I also feel some of you could lie very well? like other won't know if you are lying or not. But anyhow, I feel this group hasn't unlocked their full potential, but if you focus on your growth and self, i feel it would be easy, i heard your guides saying to "love yourself more, and stop dwelling on other people for your happiness" , I also heard and feel your guides are stern but yet sweet, like a parent lol, I also feel and heard, your guides also wants you look more with in, and find solitude in yourself, "I also heard a journey of self-love", didn't i say your guides asks to love yourself more, and be more gentle and compassionate towards yourself, I also feel water and air energy in this pile sun/moon/rising, especially cancer and gemini, I also feel your guides saying to be more nurturing towards your needs but also to understand yourself more, trust your guidance too!

Okay so pile 3, that was for your messages and advise! Your guides are super nurturing, i felt emotional reading for you~

Angel Oracle Cards -

Peaceful Resolution - Okay so i feel if there is a conflict around your household , your guides want you to cooperate and come on agreement which will be mutually benificial for you and the other part, I also heard "don't lose your cool".

The situation will improve - I feel if the situation around you has been hard i see it getting better for you.

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[majikkulu]

━━ ❝MASTERLIST❞

in this pick-a-card reading, we’ll be exploring where you might potentially meet your future spouse. we’ll discuss both the location and the circumstances surrounding the meeting. keep in mind that this is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave the rest.

choose the picture or pile you feel most drawn to, and let the magic unfold!

𓂃⋆.˚

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ i believe you will meet your future spouse when you are in a confident, vibrant energy—when you’re fully embracing your passions and hobbies, which make your energy pop! this meeting might happen while you’re focusing on yourself or socializing. your future spouse could come into your life during a time when you are strong and centred. your vibrant personality will likely draw them in! you may find yourselves meeting in a place related to your work or something that contributes to your stability. at the time of this meeting, you might feel burdened or exhausted from taking on too much responsibility. you could be dealing with stress or pressure, and your future spouse might appear during this challenging period, offering support and relief. you may be coming out of a difficult cycle in your life—perhaps dealing with betrayal, emotional pain, or simply overworking yourself. you’ll be healing from these hardships, and that’s when your future spouse will enter your life, bringing a new chapter filled with peace after you’ve released something painful.

possible locations for your meeting: a social event, party, gathering, a place where you feel comfortable or at home, a work-related setting, the gym, or even at a graduation.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ your meeting with your future spouse might occur when there’s a lot of communication involved, like online. you might meet your future spouse while you’re both experiencing new things, learning something new, or sharing your opinions on a topic that stimulates you both. you may encounter your future spouse during a time when either of you is dealing with unhealthy attachments, fears, or challenges that need to be overcome. for some of you, i feel it could be a one-night stand or something in that realm. you will both be drawn to each other, but the meeting will be unexpected and may happen quickly, possibly while travelling or during a busy period in your life. things can progress rapidly between the two of you after the meeting, with a lot of communication and action taking place in a short time. it will be a time when things change quickly for you. the meeting with your future spouse might happen after you or they have walked away from a situation that no longer serves you, such as a past relationship, job, or emotional baggage, where you both are searching for something more fulfilling and meaningful. you may meet at a time when you’re both focused on yourselves.

possible locations for your meeting: online, bars, clubs, school, lectures, social media, forums, sports events, airports, train stations, or a park.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ you are similar to your future spouse, like you complement each other very well! you may meet your future spouse at a time when you have to make an important decision—somewhere where you need to talk a lot and prove your point. there will be a lot of idea-sharing and mental stimulation. your meeting may occur when you are both in a place of self-sufficiency and clarity. you might encounter each other in settings that value transparency, such as a workplace or a social gathering that involves politics. the circumstances surrounding your meeting might involve a sense of harmony or a need to integrate different aspects of your lives. perhaps you will both meet while collaborating on something, like a project that connects you with others. your meeting may occur after achieving a significant milestone or during a celebration. a sense of mutual admiration may draw you together.

possible locations for your meeting: offices, social gatherings, festivals, university/college settings, or workshops.

[autistichalsin]

A Durge Theory

This is my theory for my Durge, and resist!Durge in general, but obviously YMMV with your own!

So, the core of this is the memories that are unlocked if you either give Durge a noblestalk or use Heal on them. Two in particular are relevant here:

If you eat the noblestalk but haven't met Sceleritas Fel yet, your memory is of murdering a newborn.

If you have Heal cast on you while not having eaten the mushroom nor having resisted Bhaal yet, you see a memory of having murdered a family, very likely the one that took them in.

In the first case, you have a few options for reacting, one of which is, "Delve: why did it die?" The Narrator then says (in a way that indicates it might be your own thoughts): "*Better to die than live on an earth walked by you. Each of your deaths is a mercy.*"

Durge, despite their brutality, despite their affinity for torture, ultimately views their deaths as merciful, because even torture is better than living in the same world as them. That..... is a staggering amount of self-loathing.

For the second option, Durge has a few options, all of which lead to Sceleritas taunting him: "Young Master, precious fledgling, follow ever your heart. In time, your true family will find you." Durge was quite young when their Urge first took over, and it was noted that after this, they tried to fight it off a few times unsuccessfully before giving in fully and entering the Cult of Bhaal.

Further, we also know that Durge has often not been in control of themself while committing murders, though they were for some, too. For Alfira or Quill's murder, they explicitly say it was in their sleep; if they get Steelclaw killed, they have no memory of doing it; if they choose to go to sleep rather than warn their lover after sparing Isobel, they'll wake to find their partner dead.

This suggests to me that in addition to the Urge itself, it is very possible that at times, Bhaal directly possessed Durge to make sure they killed in situations Bhaal wanted them to- particularly when Bhaal wanted them to experience bloodlust, and was angry they seemed to have forgotten this part of themselves.

So... piercing all of this together, we have my heartbreaking headcanon for resist!Durge, and especially for my Durge Kiaran.

Durge/Kiaran was taken in by a loving foster family. They loved to play and were sweet- which angered Bhaal. He needed his spawn to feel bloodlust.

So Bhaal possessed them and made them murder the very family that took them in, quite possibly including a newborn sibling. Durge started to develop an appetite for killing, as Bhaal planned, and was also overcome with grief and self-loathing, feeling they were a monster- which Bhaal also planned. Bhaal made sure the Urge persisted, and all the while, Scleritas kept appearing to taunt and guide them towards their "real family," a group of murderers who understood them better than anyone else.

Feeling there was nothing else a monster like them could do but embrace their nature, Durge finally entered the cult, rose through its ranks, and became feared and admired for their ability to create mountains of bodies. All the while, though, they loathed themselves, feeling that even their worst, most torturous deaths were a better fate than sharing the world with them.

After the Nautiloid, Bhaal tried to reignite Durge's bloodlust with more forced murders, but the brain damage from Orin had truly severed the part of themself that had given in to Bhaal, allowing them to fight back the Urge and become their own person at last.

It fits in so well with the game's themes of gods being willing to completely and utterly fuck over even their worshippers just to get what they want, and many other themes the game hits on too (especially trauma, loss, and accountability for past actions counterbalanced with the ability to change, grow, and be better.)

[steaming-system-takes]

IMPORTANT NON TAKE!!!

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️@/dissociative-misinfo IS SPREADING MISINFORMATION!!!!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

They're saying final fusion is a way to "heal" a system. They did say that it doesn't go away, but that's not HEALED!!

They're saying people HAVE to source separate, which is NOT true!!

And they're also just being a dick-face to anyone who says otherwise!!! Please, please, PLEASE be careful when looking at their blog!!!!!!

Good morning (again), everyone. We have some down time in our second period, so I'm taking the time to address this.

As some of you have already pointed out, the blog mentioned is actively spreading misinfo while being extremely aggressive towards people with different views from them. The specific things I'll be talking about are in relation to one of their reblogs of a post on our blog claiming that any form of healing other than fusion/final fusion is "anti recovery". This is blatantly wrong.

Recovery is not set in stone, nor is it completely linear. No matter what condition someone has, they aren't going to recover and/or heal the same way others might. This can apply to any mental illness and/or disorder. Let's say two people are suffering from clinical depression, and both are taking antidepressants as well as going to therapy regularly. One of the two ends up being in therapy longer that the other, simply because the two individuals recover at different rates and in different ways. One may reach a point of recovery by spending time outdoors in natural sunlight more often, while the other reaches a point of recovery by interacting with family and friends more often. Both are recovering, despite their different ways of doing so.

The same logic can be applied to systemhood. For some systems, fusion is their way of recovering and healing. For others, fusion only causes them more stress, more hardships, which can very well lead to more splitting and a worsening mental state. Final fusion is not a cure-all for dissociative disorders. There is no such thing as a cure-all for anything. As a system, a large part of our healing stems from building connections between headmates and being able to rely on each other. When headmates fuse, there is a clear absence of the support they offered the rest of the system. Our headmates matter to us, so of course we react to fusions and dormancies the same way a singlet would react to the loss of a friend or family member. When me and my fellow headmates work together and support each other, we are healing. We're learning to make the most of this disorder and embrace it with positivity and optimism instead of dread and distaste. We're learning that we aren't alone, and that there is always someone we can lean on when we need it. We're learning to trust, which is something we've always struggled to do because of our trauma responses. For us, that is healing. However, we recognize and acknowledge that there are systems who heal and recover in different ways. That's okay. Trauma is deeply personal, and how you recover from it is entirely dependent on the individual. There's no right or wrong way to overcome trauma. Trying to force someone to do something they can't handle/aren't ready for/don't want isn't helping them. That is hurting them. That is anti-recovery, as you're actively reversing any progress they might have made.

As for source separation, that also entirely depends on the individual. We've talked about this on our main blog, but I'll summarize our points to make this easier on everyone. There are reasons that introjects may choose to source separate, and there are reasons they may choose not to. Both are equally as valid as the other. What an alter chooses to identify with/not identify with is no one else's decision but their own. No one has the right to strip someone of their own identity.

We've found out through a reblog from one of our followers that this blog is pro endo. For that reason, we'll be blocking this blog as this breaks our DNI. We encourage anyone else to block this blog as well to ensure none of you come across any harmful/triggering things yourselves. We haven't looked at any other posts from this blog, but we've seen warnings of their posts being paranoia inducing. Please stay safe out there <3

Okay! That was a lot! Thank you for bringing this to our attention, and thank you to the people who have reblogged these posts combating the spread of misinformation. Fortunately for you all, we have some hot takes lined up and ready to post for you! Thank you for bearing with me. I'll try to keep posts on this blog a little more lighthearted from this point on, but sometimes you need to sit down and talk about something serious ^^;

It's better than having Zack do it, I'll tell you that much /lh humor

Yours truly, Mod Green

[theblackfemininesociety]

Five Mental Lessons The Gym Has Taught Me About Life:

Through my fitness journey, I have discovered several valuable lessons that have shaped my mindset and attitude towards life.

1. Pain is Temporary:

One of the first mental lessons I learned from working out is that pain is temporary. During intense workouts, there are moments when our muscles ache, and fatigue sets in. However, pushing through these challenging moments teaches us that pain is transient. It reminds us that we are capable of enduring discomfort and overcoming obstacles. This mindset can be applied to various aspects of life, reminding us to persevere through difficult times, knowing that they too shall pass.

2. Character is Shaped by Prioritizing Discipline over Motivation:

Working out regularly requires discipline and commitment. It's easy to rely solely on motivation, which can fluctuate over time. However, I have learned that true character is shaped by the days when we choose discipline over motivation. By prioritizing consistency and sticking to a workout routine, even when we don't feel like it, we build resilience, self-control, and determination. This mindset extends beyond the gym, helping us develop discipline in other areas of life and achieve long-term success.

3. You Are Stronger Than You Think:

Working out has taught me that I am stronger, both physically and mentally, than I initially believed. Through challenging workouts and pushing my limits, I have realized that my body and mind are capable of achieving more than I imagined. This newfound strength translates into other areas of life, boosting confidence and providing a sense of empowerment. Recognizing and embracing our inner strength can help us overcome self-doubt and conquer any obstacles that come our way.

4. Focus on Your Own Journey:

In the fitness world, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison. However, working out has taught me the importance of focusing on my own journey rather than comparing myself to others. Each person's fitness journey is unique, and progress should be measured against personal goals and achievements instead of external standards. By shifting the focus inward, we can celebrate our own progress, appreciate our individual strengths, and avoid the negative effects of comparison.

5. Everyone is Battling Something:

Lastly, working out has reminded me that everyone is fighting their own battles. In the gym, we encounter people from all walks of life, each with their own challenges and struggles. This realization fosters empathy and understanding, reminding us to be kind and supportive to others, both inside and outside the gym. Recognizing that everyone has their own things to focus on encourages a sense of community and collective growth.

Working out is not just about physical transformation; it has the power to shape our mental well-being and personal growth. Through the five mental lessons I have learned from working out, I have gained a deeper understanding of myself, developed resilience, and cultivated empathy towards others. Embracing these lessons has not only improved my fitness journey but has also positively impacted various aspects of my life. I encourage you to reflect on your own fitness journey and discover the valuable mental lessons it has taught you.

Xoxo,

Leah 💋

[vanilla-lip-stick]

Silco's Last Words

In light if the second season, especially what we see of Jinx, I have thought again about Silco’s “You’re perfect.” I haven’t stumbled upon someone talking about it, though most reactors I’ve seen took Silco’s last words as a clear statement of his love for Jinx. That may be true but is not what I want to focus on.

The thing is: the writers of Arcane did a fantastic job of making each line of dialogue count. So what else could “You’re perfect” mean? Well, words were always Silco’s sharpest sword. And that’s exactly what I think they are here as well: a weapon. He uses words to forcefully embed his will onto the world, and in this case, he directs them at Jinx and no one else. To me, his sentence is not tender but cruel.

Let me explain. Look at the word “perfect.” If you take it seriously and attach it to something, it means you can’t imagine any way this something could be better. This, I assume, usually goes hand in hand with you wanting this something to stay the same. So his message to Jinx is: you are the way I want you to be. Don’t change. Don’t apologise. Go on like this.

But Jinx doesn’t think of herself as perfect. She’s torn. I’ve read somewhere: ���Powder killed Silco, so Jinx killed Powder,” and in season two’s third episode, Vi explicitly blames Jinx for killing Powder. I think, however, that Powder is still in there. The ghosts of her family are still in there. To overcome her failures and the guilt of her repeatedly killing her family, Jinx leans into the chaos, into doing “evil” things. It is what Silco would have wanted were he still alive.

That’s the power of “perfect.” Jinx can’t heal, can’t repent, can’t regret. She can’t change. The only path is forward. That much, I believe, was already visible in the first season, and the second season’s first act reinforces me in this regard. In episode two, she says:

“Yep, that’s me. You ever need to curse a sibling or a family or a society: my card.”

She says that as an introduction, but also, in my opinion, as a self-affirmation. She is this “monster” that, in her eyes, Vi created (which I think is wrong, but that’s not the point here), the monster Silco came to love, the monster she chooses to keep alive because it’s the only thing left that ties her to the only person who embraced this side of her.

I believe she hates this side of her because it took Vander and the others from her. It is also the most influential side of her, offers her the most potent tools to make the world bend to her will instead of the other way round. This powerlessness was the overarching experience of her childhood until everything fell apart, and why would she want to repeat that? Before Silco, she received love despite what she was. With and from Silco, she received love because of what she was. After Silco, she receives maybe not love but affection from Sevika and Isha.

Sevika is a little lost, like Jinx, after Silco’s death, and Jinx means familiarity (maybe even family). Jinx is also a tool for her, though, useful because of her havoc-wreaking traits and abilities. Isha is grateful to Jinx for rescuing her by virtue of, again, her havoc-wreaking traits and abilities. Of course Jinx leans further into the monster side.

But Jinx wants to die. She could hardly be any clearer when she tells Vi, “Then stop me. ‘Cause no matter what I do, I just can’t seem to die.” She wants Vi to kill her, to end her suffering, to – that’s how I read it – restore some balance, some justice, wants Vi to finally punish her for killing her family which she knew was wrong since the very moment it dawned on her what she did in first season’s third episode. She can’t do it herself because Silco told her she was perfect.

When Jinx taunts Vi with the barely veiled innuendo about Vi wanting to have sex with Caitlyn, it shows, in my opinion, that Jinx is jealous and that she approves. She wants Vi to go on. Because she still loves Vi. That shows when she aims a pistol at an unsuspecting Vi in episode two and cries. But Jinx also cries because she can’t give Silco what he wants, because neither Silco nor Vi will love her back ever again. She cries because she knows the monster is just a patch to her broken self.

This single tear made me think about why she cried when she fired at the council at the very end of season one. I have no definite answer to that question, but perhaps she already knew back then that she could never fully become Jinx. After all, nothing but herself prevented her from killing Vi and Caitlyn right then, right there.

Perhaps she cried for Silco, too, out of grief, out of wrath. Perhaps she knew this action would put her on a path where, eventually, someone would end her suffering and let her rest, and she cried for herself, for the unfortunate girl that couldn’t safe herself, for the girl she could have been.

In the state Jinx is now – at the time of writing after season two’s second act – she reminds me of a golem: a lifeless tool, animated by magic. If we opened her head, we’d find a slip of paper inside that bears the magical words:

“You’re perfect.”

How cruel.

[thegambitgazette]

Fear: Using Stoicism to Shape Characters

WC: 2,730

Introduction

Like many people, I suffer from severe panic and anxiety attacks. My heart races at what feels like a thousand beats per minute, I get a cold sweat, and my thoughts do not have a filter. The latter of which, I find the most dangerous and disturbing, especially when said attacks get triggered by something so small or nothing at all.

A lot of the time, they boil down to not feeling safe. I feel like I’m vulnerable, that the worst things that happened to me will happen again tenfold, or I’ve become the worst person in existence. Fear, as a lot of us know, can have us assume the worst.

I’m still working on managing my fear, if it can be managed at all, but a lot of what I’ve been practicing is essentially Stoicism. Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher, often highlighted that it is not events themselves that disturb people, but rather their judgments about those events. One famous quote attributed to Epictetus that reflects this idea is: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.”

This sentiment suggests that fear and other negative emotions stem not from objective reality but from our interpretations and perceptions of reality.

I thought, “What a wonderful way to get to know our characters!” Not only do we have to have a grasp on the world around them, we have to understand the extent of how they perceive said reality and how it leads to their own fears as well as their ambitions, passions, hate, love, etc.

Amor Fati

One of my favorite phrases is “amor fati.” It’s what helped me most in navigating my own fears and, as a result, writing some ways in which my characters handle theirs.

The idea of “amor fati” is closely associated with philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, even though they didn't use those exact words. However, it was Nietzsche who made it a key part of his philosophy. He believed that true greatness comes from embracing fate and wanting nothing to change, not in the past, present, or future. In simple terms, it means loving and accepting everything that happens, rather than just enduring it.

When considering the relationship between “amor fati” and fear, several key points emerge:

Acceptance of the Uncontrollable: Fear often arises from the unknown or from circumstances beyond our control. “Amor fati” encourages individuals to relinquish their resistance to such uncertainties and to accept that life is inherently unpredictable. By embracing fate, individuals can find solace in the realization that some things are simply beyond their power to change or influence.

Facing Adversity with Resilience: Rather than viewing challenges as threats to be avoided or overcome, individuals can approach them with a sense of equanimity and resilience. Instead of succumbing to fear or anxiety in the face of challenges, one can choose to see them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By embracing adversity as an integral part of life’s journey, individuals can cultivate the strength and fortitude necessary to navigate difficult times with grace and composure.

Gratitude for All Experiences: Fear often stems from a sense of insecurity or dissatisfaction with one’s circumstances. “Amor fati” cultivates gratitude for all experiences, both positive and negative, recognizing that each contributes to the richness and depth of life. By embracing fate with gratitude and appreciation, individuals can mitigate the fear of the unknown and find peace and contentment in the present moment.

This idea is what helps form a “baseline” for my way of thinking and perceiving fear, which is what many people, fictional characters included, tend to mix up.

You don’t need to adopt the same mantra, of course, but I believe that having this Ground 0 in your own personal philosophy will add further depth and characterization in writing. It provides a deeper perspective on why your characters think the same or why they may deviate.

Distinction Between Events and Perceptions

Let’s go back to what Epictetus said: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” Stoicism teaches that events themselves are neutral; it is our interpretation of those events that shapes our emotional responses. This concept is often referred to as “cognitive appraisal” or “judgment” in Stoic philosophy.

In practical terms, this means that two individuals may encounter the same external circumstance, yet react to it in vastly different ways based on their subjective interpretations. For example, consider a person who loses their job unexpectedly. While one individual may perceive this event as a devastating blow to their self-worth and security, another may view it as an opportunity for growth and new possibilities. The event itself—the loss of a job—remains the same, but the emotional response varies depending on the individual's perception of the situation.

Epictetus’s insight invites us to reflect on the role of our perceptions in shaping our emotional experiences. It suggests that our judgments, beliefs, and attitudes about the events we encounter play a crucial role in determining how we feel and behave in response to those events. By recognizing this distinction between events and perceptions, individuals can gain greater agency over their emotional lives.

Moreover, understanding this distinction empowers individuals to practice what Epictetus called the “dichotomy of control”—the Stoic principle of focusing only on what is within our power to control, namely our thoughts, attitudes, and responses, rather than becoming consumed by external circumstances beyond our control. By directing our attention inward and cultivating a mindset of resilience and rationality, we can navigate life's challenges with greater equanimity and inner peace.

Applying this to character development, particularly in relation to crafting a character’s fears, can add depth and complexity to the character.

Understanding the Character’s Perception of Fearful Events:

Explore how the character interprets and perceives the events or situations that evoke fear. What underlying beliefs, past experiences, or personal values shape their perception of these events?

Consider whether the character’s fear is rooted in the objective reality of the situation or in their subjective interpretation of it. For example, is their fear based on genuine physical danger, or is it driven by irrational beliefs or past traumas?

Revealing Character Traits and Beliefs:

A character’s response to fear can provide insight into their personality, values, and beliefs. For instance, do they confront their fears head-on with courage and resilience, or do they succumb to anxiety and avoidance?

Consider how the character’s fear reflects broader themes or conflicts in the story. For example, does their fear stem from a desire for control, a fear of vulnerability, or a struggle with existential questions?

External Manifestations of Fear:

Consider how the character’s perception of fear manifests in their actions, behaviors, and interactions with others. Do they exhibit outward signs of fear, such as trembling or avoidance, or do they mask their fears behind a facade of bravado?

Pay attention to how the character’s response to fear influences their relationships with other characters. For example, do they push others away in an attempt to protect themselves, or do they seek support and connection during times of fear and uncertainty?

Symbolism and Subtext:

Use the character’s fears as a vehicle for exploring deeper themes and subtext within the story. What do their fears symbolize in terms of larger narrative themes or character arcs?

Consider how the character’s perception of fear parallels or contrasts with other characters in the story, providing opportunities for reflection and exploration of different perspectives.

“Personal Truths” Are Not Necessarily Lawful

No matter how much a character is afraid of something, there is a line to be drawn on how valid that fear is when justifying a character’s actions and self-proclaimed motives. A person can say that they are afraid of someone else and that they are acting to protect others, but does that truly evade them from the law? In other words, a Villain can be completely convinced that what they are doing is noble and right, or that it stems from their own trauma, but, at the end of the day, they’re a murderous liar.

For example, in George Orwell's allegorical novel Animal Farm, Napoleon is a Berkshire boar who emerges as one of the leaders of the animal revolution against the human farmer, Mr. Jones. Initially, Napoleon is portrayed as a strategic thinker and persuasive speaker, working alongside Snowball, another pig, to rally the other animals and establish the principles of Animalism, which advocate for equality and freedom from human oppression.

As the story progresses, Napoleon’s character undergoes a transformation fueled by his ambitions for power and control.

Napoleon’s fear of losing control over the farm drives many of his actions. He becomes increasingly paranoid about potential threats to his authority, particularly from Snowball, whom he views as a rival. This fear prompts him to manipulate and eliminate anyone who opposes him, including orchestrating the expulsion of Snowball from the farm and later falsely accusing him of being a traitor.

He also utilizes propaganda and manipulation to maintain his grip on power. He gradually assumes control over the farm’s decision-making processes, consolidating power in his own hands and using fear tactics to suppress dissent among the other animals. For example, he employs the threat of the mysterious “Jones” returning to instill fear and obedience among the animals.

Napoleon’s lust for power leads him to betray the principles of Animalism that he once espoused. He progressively becomes more authoritarian and exploitative, engaging in corrupt practices such as trading with humans and altering the Seven Commandments to justify his actions. Despite initially advocating for equality, Napoleon begins to live a life of luxury while the other animals toil and suffer.

As his regime becomes more entrenched, he resorts to violence and oppression to maintain control. He establishes a reign of terror, using his loyal enforcers, the ferocious dogs he raised since they were puppies, to suppress dissent and punish any animal perceived as disloyal. Under his rule, the farm descends into a state of fear and tyranny, with Napoleon ruling with an iron fist.

Napoleon’s character serves as a symbol of totalitarianism and the corrupting influence of power. His transformation from a revolutionary leader to a despotic dictator mirrors the rise of real-life totalitarian rulers who exploit fear and propaganda to consolidate power and suppress dissent. There is not one moment of self-reflection, of him questioning that, perhaps, his fears are unfounded or his “personal truths” are not true at all.

Playing With Reality

Now, how can you utilize fear in order to create a character with as much depth and reflection (or lack thereof) like Napoleon?

Exaggerating a character’s fear involves manipulating elements of reality within the narrative to heighten the character’s sense of paranoia, insecurity, and authoritarianism.

Distorted Perceptions: Employ literary devices such as unreliable narration or distorted perspectives to amplify the character’s fears. By presenting events through the lens of the character’s paranoia, the narrative can create a sense of heightened tension and uncertainty. For example, descriptions of seemingly innocuous occurrences may be exaggerated or imbued with sinister undertones to reflect the character’s heightened state of fear.

Symbolism and Imagery: Symbolic imagery can be used to represent the character’s fears in a heightened and exaggerated manner. For instance, recurring symbols of oppression, surveillance, or impending doom can serve as visual metaphors for the character’s anxieties and insecurities. These symbols can be woven throughout the narrative to reinforce the character’s sense of paranoia and isolation.

Surreal Elements: Introducing surreal or fantastical elements into the narrative can create a sense of disorientation and unease, effectively amplifying the character's fear. By blurring the boundaries between reality and fantasy, the author can evoke a sense of psychological instability and existential dread. Surreal imagery, dream sequences, or hallucinatory experiences can all contribute to the character’s sense of dislocation and terror.

Manipulation of Time and Space: Playing with the conventions of time and space can further exaggerate the character’s fear and disorientation. Flashbacks, flash-forwards, or nonlinear storytelling techniques can create a sense of temporal dislocation, mirroring the character’s fractured mental state. Similarly, disorienting shifts in perspective or setting can contribute to the character's sense of being trapped or pursued by unseen forces.

Atmospheric Detailing: Careful attention to atmospheric detail can help to create a sense of oppressive dread and foreboding. Descriptions of the environment—such as gloomy weather, claustrophobic settings, or unsettling ambient sounds—can evoke a palpable sense of unease, intensifying the character's fear and paranoia.

Character Interaction and Dialogue: Dialogue and interaction with other characters can be used to reinforce the character’s fears and insecurities. Conversations may be laced with veiled threats, double entendres, or gaslighting tactics, leaving the character uncertain of whom to trust. Manipulative or menacing exchanges can heighten the character's sense of isolation and vulnerability.

Did anyone else get a little uneasy imagining all of that? I’d go rather mad if I had all of that happening to me, too. Now, what about the good guys? They are afraid of things, too, right?

Of course they are, and you can utilize the above methods for your heroes, as well! There might just be a little bit of extra work involved in ensuring that they don’t spiral into the villain role.

Establish Strong Moral Compass: From the outset, establish the hero’s core values and moral compass. Make it clear what principles guide their actions and decisions. This foundation will serve as a guiding light, helping to anchor the character and prevent them from straying into villainous territory.

Empathy and Compassion: Ensure that the hero retains their empathy and compassion towards others, even in the face of fear and adversity. By prioritizing the well-being of others and demonstrating empathy towards those in need, the hero reaffirms their commitment to noble ideals and reinforces their heroic identity.

Positive Support Systems: Surround the hero with positive support systems, including allies, mentors, and friends who can offer guidance, encouragement, and moral support. These relationships serve as anchors, providing the hero with strength and stability during moments of doubt and fear.

Consequences of Actions: Highlight the consequences of the hero’s actions and choices, emphasizing the impact they have on others and the world around them. By holding the hero accountable for their decisions and their effects, the narrative reinforces the importance of ethical behavior and reinforces their heroic identity.

Redemption and Forgiveness: If the hero does succumb to fear or makes mistakes along the way, provide opportunities for redemption and forgiveness. Allow the hero to acknowledge their faults, learn from their experiences, and strive to make amends. This narrative arc reinforces the hero’s humanity and resilience, emphasizing the possibility of growth and redemption.

Thematic Resonance: Ensure that the hero’s journey is thematically consistent and resonant, emphasizing themes of hope, courage, and resilience. By grounding the narrative in these overarching themes, the hero’s actions remain aligned with their fundamental nature, reinforcing their heroic identity and preventing them from veering into villainous territory.

Conclusion

Fear is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape both individuals and characters in profound ways. Drawing upon Stoic philosophy, particularly the concepts of “amor fati” and the distinction between events and perceptions, can provide valuable insights into understanding and managing fear. By exploring how characters perceive and respond to fear, writers can create nuanced and compelling portrayals that add depth and complexity to their stories.

“Amor fati,” or love of fate, encourages individuals to embrace and accept all aspects of their lives, including the uncertainties and challenges that provoke fear. By adopting an attitude of gratitude and acceptance towards fate, characters can navigate fear with resilience and courage, transforming adversity into opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

Furthermore, understanding the distinction between events and perceptions allows writers to delve into the subjective nature of fear, exploring how characters’ interpretations and judgments shape their emotional experiences. By depicting characters’ fears as rooted in their perceptions of reality, writers can add layers of complexity to their motivations and behaviors, enhancing the depth and authenticity of their characterization.

While fear can drive characters to make choices that lead them down dark paths, it is ultimately their moral compass, empathy, and support systems that determine whether they remain heroes or succumb to villainy. By emphasizing themes of redemption, forgiveness, and growth, writers can ensure that even in the face of fear, their characters' journeys ultimately lead to strength, resilience, and self-discovery.

[thenameswinterfics]

HORROR MOVIE NIGHT

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Settings: General Summary: October has arrived, and you and Bucky start the annual tradition of watching horror films until the big marathon on Halloween Day. Since you're scared of horror films, Bucky gives you the choice to choose which one to watch every evening, not realizing he would be hurt in the process. Word Count: 2,2 K Warnings: Fluff, mention of past trauma, mention of coulrophobia (fear of clowns), mention of acrophobia (fear of heights), mention of anxiety, brief description of panic attack A/N: I finally had an excuse to write about my beloved Bucky. It's my first time writing for him, so have mercy on me! And funny enough to see that a person who suffers from anxiety and panick attacks almost every day manages to put them in the fic... It's odd, I know Many thanks to @zaldritzosrose for the quick beta reading, love you so much.

This fic is my second submission to the Fan-Frankentober event, organized by @fandomeventcenter. Here the masterlist to take a look at the other works.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. I APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE FOR MY GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY MISTAKES.

Header by me Dividers by @zaldritzosrose

READ IT ON AO3 (COMING SOON)

"Come on, baby doll. Just pick one!" Bucky murmured, lying down on the couch as his gaze lingered on your standing figure, your back to him, your hands nervously fumbling through the DVD cases scattered on the table. 

October had officially arrived, and with it your annual tradition of watching horror films over dinner, leading up to the big marathon you would do on Halloween Day. It was Bucky's favourite time of the year, along with Christmas, as you would both spend the evening indoors, cooking up the most unique Halloween-themed recipes you could find on the internet - or at least Bucky tried, as he was not as incredibly skilled in the kitchen as you were - and you would both curl up together in your pumpkin blanket and watch the films on the television.

Everything seemed to herald a perfect evening. If not for one small detail: you were scared of horror films. 

Bucky noticed it last year when you were both going through the DVDs and ended up with a horror classic. During the watch, you tried to put on a brave face and pretend not to be bothered by the violent scenes you were watching: but every scream, every flickering shadow, every tense pause was enough to make you jump in your seat and curl up under the blanket, usually reaching for his hand. 

It was a sight both sweet and amusing to Bucky, who loved every reaction you made: he loved the way your body moved, dictated by your tense nerves, and how your fingers instinctively intertwined with his, feeling the warmth of your skin against his cool metal arm. But he knew not to push your limits, for he had his own fears and traumas to overcome: for him, this tradition had to be as entertaining and comfortable as possible, and if a film evoked something in you that would provoke you, he would avoid it.

From that moment on, Bucky always let you choose the film you wanted to watch. But every time you found yourself in a dilemma, you would flip through the CD cases every night and carefully read the different titles.

Seeing your indecision, Bucky rose from the couch and approached you from behind. He wrapped his arms around your waist in a tender embrace, pressing your back against his chest. He lowered his head, resting your chin on his shoulder, and his blue eyes scanned the endless titles of the films in front of you.

“Still haven't made up your mind?” Bucky asked softly, nuzzling your neck with his nose and planting tiny kisses on it. You let out a contented sigh, closing your eyes and relaxing at the sensation of his lips pressed against your skin, and in the bliss of the moment, you shook your head weakly.

“I don’t know, Bucky. It’s just…” you said, interrupting your speech with a long sigh. You shook your head again before continuing, “You know I’m freaking scared of horror movies. I can’t even watch the silliest one without looking away!”

“I know, doll. I know,” he murmured, releasing you from the embrace and coming at your side, leaning in and resting his elbows on the table. “That’s why this year, it's your turn to choose the film for all the evenings, so you don't have to worry any more about what to watch.”

You did not seem to take his answer well, sneering slightly in reply, "Oh, please! As if I don't know that all the scenes are fake!"

"Then why do you keep averting your eyes when you know it's all fake, huh?" Bucky shot back, grinning to defuse the tension.

His answer left you at a loss of words, your cheeks turning red as you felt the embarrassment rising, “I-I mean, this all feels so real, you know?” you stammered, crossing your arms over your chest, “Seriously, Bucky. It’s so well done they all make it look as if it’s real, I cannot stand here watching without turning my gaze away!”

You took a long pause before continuing, "But I know how important this celebration is for us, so I want to watch it with you and try not to look away..."

"So I have to wake you up every night because you have nightmares or panic attacks?" Bucky retorted again, his gaze resting from the scattered DVD’s to your eyes. He stretched his sane arm, cupping your cheek and staring at you with worried eyes, “I know we have decided to have this little thing together, but seeing you in distress is what I’m trying to avoid now.”

Bucky leaned over and planted a kiss on your cheek, brushing it gently with his rough thumb before continuing, “Please, can we choose a movie that doesn’t distress you?”

You slowly nodded your head, and after feeling the absence of his touch, your hands continued to roam the DVD cases, hoping to find a film that would not cause you to scream so loudly that the neighbourhood was alerted.

In truth, Bucky knew what kind of film you liked to watch, as you enjoyed it both on Halloween and Christmas. It was a lot different from the live-action ones, but the atmosphere, the strangeness of the characters and the music made the mood spooky enough to be among the ranks of your DVDs.

“Hey, you want to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas?” Bucky asked quietly, noticing how intensely you were looking at the film: he knew deep in your heart that this was what you wanted to see and what would make you comfortable, and he was dead certain that you would say yes.

Instead, you shook your head at how much you loved this film and had destroyed the DVD player to watch it, "We watched it last year," you said lightheartedly, your eyes never leaving the DVD case, "Besides, we have other horror films we could watch, like... there's Halloween." You said almost triumphantly, lifting the DVD case in your hand.

"Baby, I suggested it yesterday and you said Michael Myers scares you," Bucky replied, removing the case from his hand and setting it aside, "Next suggestion?"

You pouted slightly at his negative answer, and your hands moved frantically in search of the next movie, “What about this?” you asked, showing him the case of the Terrifier movie. But at your second suggestion, Bucky shook your head. 

“You’re afraid of clowns,” he replied, sighing quietly, “we haven’t watched IT for this reason.” 

You tried to open your mouth to answer, but no words came out. How could you possibly reply? You wanted so badly to prove to him that you could venture into a genre of film outside your comfort zone that you forgot about the phobia that would trigger you.

“Fine, fine!” you sighed in frustration, keep searching in the pile of DVD’s something that could be suitable for both of you. The back and forth came out for almost half an hour, with you proposing titles and Bucky refusing them. In the end, after a research that was made by both of you running in circles, you watched a brand new case you hadn’t opened yet: the contents were still in the cellophane and had the price tag stuck on it.  

“What about this?” you asked in a murmur, tending the case in his hands. You watched how Bucky took it and began to inspect it, turning the cover to read the synopsis. After what it seemed like an eternity for you, your boyfriend lifted your gaze, nodding his head as a way to approve your choice. 

“Fine, let’s watch it.”

The evening unfolded quietly, as it always does after you have chosen a film to watch. A few minutes after choosing the DVD, you both put on your aprons and went into the kitchen to get the ingredients for the dinner you would be eating in front of the TV. As usual, the once sparkling clean kitchen turned into a living mess as you watched Bucky try to keep up with the recipe, but fail and you come to his rescue to correct his mistakes. And like every mess he made with you to clean it up, Bucky took you by the waist and span you around, showering your face and mouth with intense and hungry kisses, silently grateful to have such an amazing girlfriend as you.

When everything was ready to be gobbled up comfortably while sitting on your coach, surrounded by the warmth of your pumpkin blanket, you unfolded the box from its packaging, took out the DVD, put it in the player and let it start.

Unexpectedly, the film didn't seem to be as scary as the synopsis said, and you found yourself almost fascinated by it, only occasionally turning your eyes away from the few scenes that felt too real for you to watch. That was a thing that surprised Bucky too, for him to get used to you instantly looking for his hand, or just curling up and hiding your gaze behind his broad shoulders. Seeing you so taken from the film made his heart swelling from joy to disappointment, as he secretly longed for your touch. 

The evening seemed to be going well, until a scene would spoil the overall mood of the evening. 

There was a very powerful scene in the middle of the film where the protagonists were chasing the killer, and as they searched every room in the apartment building trying to catch him, a dull sound of breaking glass could be heard in the distance, and the scene after that showed the killer flying down at a very high altitude and disappearing from their view. 

It was a sight that took you by surprise during the vision, but it sent Bucky's mind racing back in time: flashes of crystal clear memories flashed through his eyes of being a Sergeant, fighting alongside his best friend Steve Rogers to eliminate the Hydra threat, and of accidentally losing his balance during one of those operations and jumping off the train, watching helplessly as the sight of Steve grew smaller and smaller as he approached the ground, disappearing into the whitest snow.

That scene was enough to trigger him, and he found himself gasping for air, his heart pounding in his chest uncontrollably. Feeling a rough, laboured breath coming next to you, you turned your gaze as you watched Bucky’s head lowered, his forehead covered in a tiny layer of sweat and his eyes closing and opening fastly. 

At first you had no idea what was causing his distress, and the best you could do was shake his shoulder and call his name several times, receiving no response other than sharp breaths. It was only when you took your eyes off the television for a moment that you realised it was the film itself that was to blame, particularly the scene in the apartment building. And you were reminded of his deepest fears.

The first thing you thought of was to turn off the television and concentrate on Bucky and him alone. Luckily for you, this was not the first time you had dealt with a panic attack from him, as you were used to calming him down after his endless nightmares, and cursing those who had so disturbed his mind. Once you were sure he was in a safe place, you cradled his head in your hands and began to speak to him in a soothing voice, being careful not to raise it too high.

"Bucky? Bucky, dear. Focus on my voice," you said in a soothing but firm voice, hoping that the sound of it would help Bucky to concentrate better on his surroundings. "I know you're worried, and I'm sorry you had to see the scene that caused you so much trouble, but I'm here now. I've always been here, and I'm going to help you through this. You're not alone.

You stood there for a few more minutes, whispering reassuring things and giving him confidence. And after many more minutes that seemed like an eternity to you, you noticed Bucky's chest slowly rising and falling, his breathing returning to normal and the pupils in his eyes returning to their normal size.

"Better?" you whispered softly, feeling his metal hand cradle yours, the coldness of the touch sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. 

He leaned in close, pressing his forehead against yours and taking long, slow breaths, using the warmth of your skin to calm himself. It was at moments like this that he felt lucky to have you in his life, his best friend and anchor, the only one he could count on in moments like this, when he felt lost in a tunnel of darkness and you were the light that guided him to the exit. 

Suddenly, when you both stood in the bliss of the silence, Bucky’s rough voice broke it, and spoke in almost a whisper “The Nightmare Before Christmas, then?”

His sudden request made you giggle, relieved that he was fine and well. Your lips leaned over his, pecking them with small kisses before a longest and most tender one, and after breaking it you looked in his blue eyes and nodded in confirmation. 

“The Nightmare Before Christmas, it is.”

If you've come this far, thank you so much for reading my fic! Hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave a comment if you want to be added in the taglist or be removed.

Bucky Barnes Taglist: @volklana, @zaldritzosrose, @sylasthegrim

[dollish-shard]

Pleasure of Corruption

What they never warned you about corruption is how *good* it feels.

The magical girl 'elders' (in their middle age, for it was a young girl's business) always talked about the pain, the temptation of power. How you'd want it to stop, do anything to make it stop.

How the dark voices that whispered in your ear as you screamed would tell you the only way to make that pain go away was to accept the darkness, embrace it, inflict pain on others. A difficult task, but one a strong and pure heart could overcome.

But here and now, naked and bound to otherworldly magitech you couldn't even hope to understand, you don't feel pain at all. Pain would have been easy. You understood pain.

What you felt was pleasure. Endless, burning pleasure, all throughout your body.

The darkness had creeped into your body through every opening, and instead of the sharp pain it normally brought, it felt... nice. Amazing, even. Every part of you caressed, enveloped by what you had always thought of as your eternal enemy.

You squirmed and moaned, trying to resist as you felt your inner light dim, your purity being perverted... but it was so hard to care. The pleasure was overwhelming...

You could see the Dark Empress watching you, grinning. That same evil smirk as always, and yet…

It looked different to what it normally did. It didn't make the bile rise in your throat.

It made your heart flutter and your spine tingle. Had she always been so... pretty?

The darkness surged, and your arched your back in pleasure.

"Come on, my lovely new pet." She purred, and you felt your brain mush up even more. "Give in. It feels so nice, doesn't it?" She leaned in, and whispered in your ear, her breath hot on your neck. "This is only the beginning. I can show you *so* much more..."

You wanted to tell her you wouldn't. That you'd escape, defeat her, save the day... but the words wouldn't come, though the moans of ecstasy as the darkness filled you completely. Any thoughts of resistance melted away; all you could do was ride high on your lust.

The Empress leaned in and kissed you, and you felt your light shatter.

Darkness rushed to fill the void within your heart, that which was hers filling you, making you hers too. A new outfit formed on your body; tight, black, and deliciously skimpy.

You felt powerful, but not at all like with the power of light. This was something else. Not a flame that burned under your own power, but a vast ocean that you merely channeled. It was her power, that she had merely gifted to you.

At some point your restraints were released, and floated free of the wonderful device that had broken you. You dropped to the floor and to your knees, before your Empress. "I can feel it in me, your wonderful darkness! Thank you so much, Mistress!"

She leans down and pats your head. "You're welcome, pet. I could hardly let such a pretty thing like you labor under the light, now could I? Now you're *mine*, forever. My beautiful servant of darkness."

"Of course, Mistress." You echo. "Forever yours."

And yet, something something still nagged at you. "Mistress?" You ask. "I was... the older magical girls told us that corruption was painful. But for me, it was amazing. Why didn't they tell us it was so wonderful?"

She simply smiles. "Well, pet, isn't that obvious?"

"If you all knew how wonderful embracing the darkness was, why would anyone choose to serve the light?"

[blackjackkent]

Jaheira and Minsc Durge Conversation

So this is mostly a present for @springagainafter and @astreamofstars, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people probably don't know that if you managed to not get the Jaheira/Durge scene before getting Minsc, he shows up in the scene as well!

(I didn't get this myself, but found it while looking in the dialogue files after. :D )

So for those interested, here's how some info on how that scene plays out in that scenario.

(Strap in, folks; this is a long one. XD And the dialogue tree is very twisty, but I tried to make it as readable as possible.)

-----

Scene starts out as normal until the player's first dialogue choice:

JAHEIRA: Dark dreams? I think I can guess. Visions of blood on your hands. The blood in your veins, perhaps. For all the gifts Bhaal's children inherit - a peaceful night's sleep is not among them.

There are three different paths in the dialogue here; one of them is the path for Resist Durge, and the other two are Embrace.

The Resist Path

PLAYER: So the game is up at last. MINSC: No game. A serious matter, to rouse Boo from his beauty sleep. (Devnote: Minsc suddenly looms on the player's other side, surrounding them. He carries no weapon, but his hulking presence is threatening nonetheless.) OR PLAYER: How could you possibly know? MINSC: Boo remembers the scent of Bhaalspawn. Like rot on the tongue - meaning no offence. OR PLAYER: What are you doing, Jaheira? MINSC: She is worrying. Which worries me. Which worries Boo. Which ought to worry you. OR PLAYER: My rest was fine, until a looming druid came to pry. MINSC: We do not loom, friend. We tread soft and sure as hunting hamsters. OR (if player has already told Jaheira they're a Bhaalspawn) PLAYER: Is this the reward for my confession? A dagger in the night? MINSC: I think you are still dreaming if you see a dagger before you. She has a sword - two of them, in fact.

JAHEIRA: The dreams alone do not concern me. It is what waking deeds they might inspire. Are you truly your own master? What is it you feel, when father's dreams come calling?

PLAYER: My birthright, in all its vile glory. JAHEIRA: That birthright may well bring you to a bloody end. How many should I allow to go with you? OR PLAYER: Helpless. Like I can deny him nothing. JAHEIRA: Then would you call it mercy, if the next night I never let you wake? OR PLAYER: It's sickening. I never asked for this power, and hope to be rid of it. JAHEIRA: There is one certain way. I hold it in my hand. OR PLAYER: I don't owe you answers, especially not at sword-point. JAHEIRA: And what is it I owe? Should I allow some horror to be born anew, when I could end it here and now? OR PLAYER: Kill me then, coward. I dare you to try. JAHEIRA: Ever the Bhaalspawn's lot. To bring death, or wait for it to find them.

JAHEIRA: This is your father's true legacy. Not his children - but the fear they plant in us. The savagery it blossoms into. (Devnote: considering her blade)

MINSC: But you have reminded us that when evil calls, we might stop our ears with virtuous cotton. Hasn't she, Jaheira? (Devnote: Minsc walks to stand behind Jaheira. IF DOABLE - he clasps her shoulder, as if reminding her.)

JAHEIRA: In another time - with another of your kind - we found a better way. I would dearly like to find it again. (Devnote: Relaxing, Jaheira sighs and shethes her weapons. She steps back [to stand beside Minsc if he's present], giving the player room to stand.)

PLAYER: Tell me what I must do. [Jaheira +5, Minsc +5] MINSC: Well, you cannot understand Boo's wisdom. So I suppose we must listen to Jaheira instead. JAHEIRA: You would not be the first to turn the taint in your blood to your advantage. But there are barriers a Bhaalspawn must overcome, first. OR PLAYER: My path is mine alone to choose. MINSC: But not yours alone to walk. JAHEIRA: Whatever path you choose, I fear it will lead you to the same point. The same enemy. OR PLAYER: And if I embrace Father's power? Grant unto him my love? [Jaheira -2, Minsc -2] MINSC: It would be like swinging a sword by the wrong side. Painful - but it can be effective, too. JAHEIRA: You would not be the first to turn the taint in your blood to your advantage. But there are barriers a Bhaalspawn must overcome, first. OR PLAYER: Your past is not my future. MINSC: Leave the future for hathrans and hamsters to divine. We speak only of this moment. JAHEIRA: Whatever path you choose, I fear it will lead you to the same point. The same enemy. OR PLAYER: 'A better way?' It's too late. My cruel deeds cannot be undone. JAHEIRA: You are what you are, child of Bhaal. But that need not be all that you are. You would not be the first to turn the taint in your blood to your advantage. But there are barriers a Bhaalspawn must overcome, first.

JAHEIRA: Those of your kind. Orin - I am sure you already know that so long as she lives, she will never stop hunting you. It might be that you have to turn and face her - you cannot change that. All you can choose is how you meet her: as another bloodied child of Bhaal, or as yourself.

MINSC: And for this, you will need Boo. He has tasted Bhaalspawn flesh before - and he would not mind another bite.

JAHEIRA: For now, take what rest you can - we will watch over you this night.

PLAYER: To watch over me - or to protect against me? JAHEIRA: I suppose you'll have your answer when you wake in the morning. OR PLAYER: How do I know you won't kill me? MINSC: Are we so faithless? As you wish - while we watch over you, Boo shall be watching over us. JAHEIRA: What more could you need? OR PLAYER: Thank you. For everything. MINSC: Do not thank us, friend. It is not as if we didn't consider killing you instead. JAHEIRA: Sleep well. OR PLAYER: I won't sleep again. Tell me something of the old days, since they're on your mind. MINSC: STORIES! JAHEIRA: I don't think I have any-- MINSC: Have you ever fought with a talking sword? (Devnote: Butting in, blunt) JAHEIRA: Lilarcor. (Devnote: Camera begins to pull out and voices fade as they continue talking into the night.) MINSC: Yes! A mighty blade, but a mouthy one, too. I wonder what happened to it. JAHEIRA: I believe it went over a cliff-edge, buried in an ogre's backside. And it was still talking...

NARRATOR: No more dreams await you in sleep this night. Only the warm knowledge that, indeed - you are not alone.

Awwwww. My feelings. <3 I love them both so much. (Also LOL the bit about Lilarcor. Caden had that sword in someone's inventory for almost all of BG2 and it drove him (and me) stark raving mad. XD )

The Embrace Path

The opening of the scene is very different if the player accepted the slayer form. There are two different possible scenarios here - either Jaheira has not seen the player use the slayer form yet, or she has.

If she has not, you have a relatively calm but clearly suspicious discussion:

PLAYER: So the game is up at last. JAHEIRA: There is one last piece I've been toying with. A terrible and familiar power I've sensed around you for some time. And so I come to ask: what did it take for you to earn that Slayer-skin you hide so well? OR PLAYER: How could you possibly know? JAHEIRA: I've slept beside a Bhaalspawn before. I know the signs - the dreams, the urges... the power. And so I come to ask: what did it take for you to earn that Slayer-skin you hide so well? OR PLAYER: What are you doing, Jaheira? (OR) My rest was fine, until a looming druid came to pry. JAHEIRA: If I must lie awake, then so must you - only fair, considering that you are the reason. I've been sensing something, you see. A formless but familiar dread, which I have only now been able to put a name to. And so I come to ask: what did it take for you to earn that Slayer-skin you hide so well? OR (if player has already told Jaheira they're a Bhaalspawn) PLAYER: Is this the reward for my confession? A dagger in the night? JAHEIRA: You have not confessed it all, I think. There is something in the air tonight - the scent of a terrible and familiar power. And so I come to ask: what did it take for you to earn that Slayer-skin you hide so well?

If Jaheira HAS witnessed the Slayer form, the conversation is considerably more antagonistic:

PLAYER: So the game is up at last. JAHEIRA: Almost. There is but one piece left to play. OR PLAYER: How could you possibly know? JAHEIRA: I don't - not yet. OR PLAYER: What are you doing, Jaheira? JAHEIRA: Distracting you. OR PLAYER: My rest was fine, until a looming druid came to pry. JAHEIRA: Then we shall make this swift. OR (if player has already told Jaheira they're a Bhaalspawn) PLAYER: Is this the reward for my confession? A dagger in the night? JAHEIRA: You have not confessed it all, I think.

In this latter scenario, it turns out these short answers are just giving Minsc time to get into position to mindmeld with you via the worm:

NARRATOR: The ranger's thoughts flit through your own, searching, probing for something specific. Until he finds...

MINSC: ...No. (Devnote: Horror, denial.)

JAHEIRA: There we have our answer. But we might as well hear it from you. So - what did it take to earn that new Slayer-skin of yours?

Both Embrace scenarios reconverge at this point. Player has a number of possible responses based on their actions, but all lead to the same response from Minsc and Jaheira:

PLAYER: This power will save the world from the Absolute. The price doesn't matter. PLAYER: Innocent blood. As innocent as my own: I have no control over when my body kills. PLAYER: Bathing in my dearest friend's gore. PLAYER: Bathing in my lover's gore. PLAYER: Isobel was my doing... the rest of Last Light was an accident. PLAYER: I stole every little life in Last Light.

MINSC: You will answer for this, fiend. And it will be an answer of the screaming sort.

JAHEIRA: Wait. (Devnote: Holding hand up to Minsc, but never taking eyes off player.) You are twice-tainted, yes. But whatever you have done - you might yet serve the good. (Devnote: Relaxing, Jaheira sighs and shethes her weapons. She steps back [to stand beside Minsc if he's present], giving the player room to stand.)

MINSC: What? Evil cannot serve good, Jaheira. That is why it is evil.

JAHEIRA: You know better than that, Stone Lord. We found the good in you - and we found it in another Bhaalspawn, once before. Whatever its source, the Slayer form is a weapon like any other. And if you mean to master it, I know where you must go. To face the other of your kind - Orin. So long as the other lives, neither of you can claim your full power.

PLAYER: Don't patronise me. I can do without your guidance. JAHEIRA: It is not guidance I offer, but a leash. We will help you to control yourself - until you can free yourself of these urges, and use the Slayer form freely. The burden of your blood is yours to carry, but you need not carry it alone. OR PLAYER: And what will become of me, if I beat her? JAHEIRA: Show daddy dear that you alone choose your fate. You are a child of Bhaal - but that need not be all that you are. And when you stand against him, you will not stand alone. OR PLAYER: I intend to become Bhaal's Chosen. So bow, or die. [Jaheira -2, Minsc -2] JAHEIRA: I am truly bored of that phrase. Cast yourself into the dark if you wish. I mean to be there to pull you back - by the hand, or the scruff.

NARRATOR: A spike of rage, quickly muffled - Minsc's mind still lingers near your own, and he does not like what is coming to pass.

Player has three options here. First is one of two conciliatory conversations:

PLAYER: What if I slip out of control again? You will kill me? JAHEIRA: You will be protected. Even from yourself. For now, rest. Sleep escapes me, so I might as well take the watch. MINSC: As will I. Jaheira tells me a debt is owed - even if my heart and hamster do not understand it. NARRATOR: You rest with the knowledge that you are being watched over. Or indeed, guarded. OR PLAYER: Come on, let's go back to sleep. JAHEIRA: You first. I find that sleep escapes me, so I might as well take the watch. NARRATOR: You rest with the knowledge that you are being watched over. Or indeed, guarded.

Second is an intimidation check:

PLAYER: Or perhaps I will take you to my Father directly - as trophies. Roll (Charisma, Intimidation) vs 18 (0) (on Failure) JAHEIRA: No need for such dramatics. I will go with eyes wide open - and the hope that I know you a little better than you know yourself. [Jaheira -2, Minsc -2] For now, rest. Sleep escapes me, so I might as well take the watch. MINSC: As will I. Jaheira tells me a debt is owed - even if my heart and hamster do not understand it. NARRATOR: You rest with the knowledge that you are being watched over. Or indeed, guarded.

But third, and worst, is an [ILLITHID] option which leads, ultimately, to the same place as a success on that intimidation check:

PLAYER: Poke at Minsc's mind to stoke his rage. [Jaheira -10, Minsc -10] NARRATOR: A single prod is enough to send his fury into a twisted spiral, wrapping around you then storming over to Jaheira. MINSC: NO! (Devnote: Jerking his head furiously, mind-meld dissipating) Jaheira, she tried to make me... I almost... (Intimidation success also picks up here) NARRATOR: For a moment, the briefest, weakest moment, Jaheira appears as she truly is. Simply an old woman, uncertain and afraid. JAHEIRA: As you wish, then. We take our leave. I hope you have mastered yourself, when next we meet. If not, we will do what we must. GLO_Companion_Leave (Devnote: Jaheira backs away and leaves, Minsc trailing behind) MINSC: If there is still good in you - find it quickly, says Boo. Or the next time we meet, you will know my rage. GLO_Companion_Leave

FEEEEEEEEELS.

[utilitycaster]

To expand that point about queerphobia (also, to an extent, gender equality) from the tags on someone else's post and sort of tying it back to my post yesterday about wanting to see characters work through similar experiences: I think it makes a lot of sense in the case of Exandria and Hale to build a world that does not have queerphobia and to allow people to choose to insert it if that is something their table wishes to explore. It's very much a case of wanting to build a diverse but non-utopian world that is welcoming to a wide variety of players.

I think it's a very understandable urge to want to see characters deal with the same challenges we face, and I think there are TTRPG settings that have done a good job depicting homophobia or transphobia; it's present though not common in Fantasy High, and The Unsleeping City is very close to the modern-day real world and has, well, period-typical attitudes.

The reason I get frustrated when it comes up in discussion of Exandria, and now Hale is that it's almost always used for one of two reasons: explaining why people (either specifically or generally) don't like a character; or even more frequently, explaining hesitancy between two characters in a ship. It's a convenient way to say "this person is oppressed or afraid for reasons that are objectively in no way their fault and which make the people who dislike them objectively bigoted and wrong". The problem is, while that's a valid story to tell it's often really not the story the cast is telling with these characters. Even more frustratingly, it often is used to steamroll other stories that may place those characters in just as innocent a position.

Some good examples in which this has happened in the fandom are Jester and Dorian. Jester lives on the Menagerie Coast, which is referred to a pretty wide variety of materials as being a place that is especially trans friendly (in a world where trans and nb characters already frequently occupy prominent positions and are not depicted as experiencing pushback). Her mother, a courtesan, indicates that she takes clients of varying genders. The biggest influences on her life are her mother and an otherworldly fey entity who famously can shapeshift. There is absolutely no canonical evidence that Jester would be unaware of the broad range of genders and sexualities in the world nor that she would feel obligated to embrace one that she is not; in fact there is quite strong evidence to the contrary. But if you claim that she's experiencing compulsive heterosexuality, it excuses you from having to consider that Jester is genuinely not interested in Beau, or at the very least is genuinely interested in Fjord.

Similarly, it was, at least prior to the reveals of early Campaign 3, common to headcanon that Dorian had run away from his parents because he was trans and they were transphobic. A trans reading of Dorian is still obviously entirely valid, but he left because his parents were suffocating and overbearing and often pit him against his brother. Dorian is still absolutely the victim in this! It's a valuable thing to relate to for people who have experienced parental abuse and impossible expectations. But it does still force you to think about Dorian's parents as complex people who came to this conclusion of childrearing (even if they are still in the wrong) and not just mindless bigots to be disregarded. And I think the former is nearly always a better story than the latter.

What also frustrates me is that this rarely works through the ramifications. The systemic queerphobia that would be required to put compulsory heterosexuality in place still exists once someone overcomes that and comes out; but that never comes into play when people are talking about the ship, because it's only ever used to explain why the ship hasn't happened yet, never as a significant part of the world that would affect the characters throughout their entire lives.

These are only two examples; there are countless others, some particularly egregious (*cough* Essek comes from a society that explicitly believes in reincarnation across bodies of varying genders and the queen for eternal life is in a lesbian relationship, I promise you his fraught relationships with his parents are way more complicated than simple homophobia or transphobia) but all of which seek to incorporate bigotry not as the destructive and deadly phenomenon it is, to be explored in the safe space of fiction, but as an incredibly lazy shortcut to be discarded as a continuity error once it's served its purpose.

[wyfy-meltdown]

It is literally foreshadowed in her name Kyoko is bound to suicide with Sayaka as sakura's are heavily associated with kamikazes. Besides aforementioned timeline; In Portable, during the scheduled downfall of Sayaka, and eventual death at Homura's hands, Kyoko has a breakdown switching between laughing, crying, until eventually screaming in pain as she turns to Ophelia, saying she was stupid to think she could save Sayaka. Ophelia's labyrinth literally has little fish floating around, it's so clearly underwater, it's so clearly tied to Sayaka, there are staves with musical notes coming out of the ground of the labyrinth. And as if that isn't enough, the music playing is relatively similar to Symposium Magarum, at the very least a part of it, altered, slower, on a different instrument - it's there however if you listen close. Kyoko is so tied to Sayaka in her mind that even if in series they weren't on the best of terms, it affects her in death. Her feelings are obvious once stirred through enough, it's Sayaka that refuses any aid, or a chance at another way. There IS, another way, that through Kyoko, however Sayaka's ideation of a magical girl is heavily tied to Mami's image (not Mami herself, but how she presented, lacking the vulnerability she shared with Madoka) who is in complete contrast to Kyoko. The full "you die a hero or live long enough become a villain". No matter how much she runs away from it however, I feel that in Rebellion Sayaka embraces both sides (and creating the doppel system by proxy). On another note, and parallel, Sayaka chose to "give her life away", becoming a magical girl meant suicide to her in the end and, the argument with Madoka in the rain may had still lingered in the back of her mind, so Kyoko choosing suicide to keep her company mirrored that and maybe, just maybe, she felt understood through it. It was the ultimate sacrifice Sayaka made for love and association could be made to believe that Kyoko's suicide is also her confession. The magnet metaphor is due the blue/red but also you need to hold them in a certain way for them stick (as the same ends will push one another away, the same they did under the same condition) and when they do, they're insepparable.

Thank you for the opportunity to ramble ^^

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!

I've never been able to play/watch play throughs of the portable games, so I lack a lot of context when it comes to events and information presented in it.

Kyoko has a strange mild obsession with Sayaka and saving Sayaka, which almost reminds me of Homura and Madoka's relationship.

I feel the warped (not in the toxic sense, just unconventional sense) ideas that Kyoko has about expressing her love to Sayaka reflects her past and the wish she made for her father. To Kyoko, love means absolute devotion and sacrifice. In Japan, there's a myth that two lovers who commit suicide together are reborn as twins and/or reborn as the same person. Kyoko truly does see kamikazeing herself into Oktavia as a way for her to fully express the feeling of "I love you and I swear I won't leave you alone or abandon you for someone else".

While I believe Kyoko originally intended to warn Sayaka about wishing for others (sorta how Mami did), and pitied her because the circumstances of Sayaka's wish were so similar to her own, she fell fast and hard.

They're both so similar and yet oppositionally different. They're both so, so, deeply and desperately lonely and Kyoko sees this and sees a way for the two of them to overcome their loneliness together. But Sayaka has such a strong idea of "a good magical girl" and "a good person" she won't allow herself to connect with anyone else, especially not Kyoko, who she views as "evil" (I believe Mami played a part in this view).

They could've had a happy ending and saved eachother if only Sayaka wasn't so stubborn and Kyoko could take a gentler approach. The very direct "full-force love" style they both have, with the added "inability to properly confess without use of secretive acts of devotion" is why we got the ending we did.

I know you're asking anonymously, but I'm pretty sure I know who you are based off the expansion from a previous reblog/post lol. Thank you so much for ranting like this!!! I'm so happy you expanded on the previous ideas!!!

[williamrikers]

some incoherent thoughts about THE queer rights scene of 2023

i love that in this episode, kawi had to confront his latent fears about being part of the queer community. notably, we can see his face on "queer people do not have the same rights that straight people do". if he wants to act on his feelings for pisaeng, this is the reality he will have to accept--and this is the reality he has been trying to avoid for A LOT of years at this point.

he spent so much time trying to make fetch happen, conform to society's standards by step 1: romancing a beautiful woman, step 2: ???, step 3: profit. however, even when he did manage to romance pear, he failed to go through with the other ""normal"" heterosexual milestones: he refused to marry her, refused to start a family with her, both of which she explicitly asked him for. kawi never outright says this but i would like to think that the reason he doesn't is because deep down he does not want those milestones for himself. the original plan before he started time traveling was "make pear fall in love with me". the plan never went any further than that. apparently, once she was in love with him, kawi then didn't really know what to do with her.

because all that time, kawi had been deluding himself. had been hiding from the truth of himself because the truth was scary and painful, not just on a personal level but in a "if i admit this about myself, my rights might be taken away, my humanity might be questioned" way. and in this scene, kawi had to confront that. had to be told, yes, this is the risk you are taking. and kawi decided that for pisaeng, that risk is worth it.

one of kawi's main flaws that he's been struggling to overcome is his tendency to run away. max called him out on this a few episodes ago, and the whole story even starts with kawi running from the bleak reality of his lonely life by escaping into his own past.

kawi, pisaeng and max all have storylines about not running away, about choosing to stay and fight: for pisaeng and max, that choice is mostly geographical, but for kawi, that choice is spiritual. he has to choose to stay by pisaeng's side and fight for him. he has to choose to be honest and upfront about his feelings. he has to choose to live his life in the present and taking on the challenges life throws at him without running away from them.

interestingly, in this episode where he truly starts to embrace that, the episode opens on his father finally and irrevocably dying. some things can't be changed even through magical time travel. some things kawi has to face, no matter how hard he tries to run away from them. (and yes, i am extremely smug about having predicted this correctly.)

not gonna lie, "love for your body, your soul, or even love for someone else" changed me on the molecular level. queerness as love for our bodies and our souls, man, that just hit me today, especially because i honestly Do Not love my body. i can't bear to look at myself most days. but recontextualizing that desire to change myself into a shape i will be more comfortable in as love... i think this show somehow gave me therapy today?? idk i'm very incoherent about this but man. this is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.

GOD, my man kawi is so scared. SO SO SO scared. always has been. and him having to confront that along with everything else he's had to confront is just so beautiful. he has to embrace the fear if he wants his life to be better. there's no magical button that's going to take the fear away (ironic, on the show with the magical time traveling device), he has to confront it and power through it, and we see him do just that in the confession scene.

that confession. jesus, kawi is TERRIFIED. he tries to tell pisaeng like three times and can't do it every time, up until pisaeng threatens to leave again and kawi is like. no. not having pisaeng in my life is even worse than telling him the truth, and it just breaks out of him. that confession scene is just utterly brilliant on so many levels, because at this point, kawi has learned to speak gracefully and with purpose, and he does that, but it is so clear that he's also deeply afraid. and pisaeng teasing him about it by letting him believe for a moment that he won't go out with kawi... these two deserve each other. they're both idiots. why am i crying.

everything in this show has been about growth from the start: pisaeng going from marrying a woman he knew he could never love to outright saying "i'm gay" to his homophobic mother, kawi going from being a cringefail anti-social shut-in to someone who can speak and listen gracefully and with humility (when he tries). and those journeys weren't easy! we saw kawi struggling for eight whole episodes to become a kinder, more sociable person. we saw pisaeng literally flee the gay club the first time he went there.

because love isn't just about feelings for someone else. (max actually mentions those last.) love is, first and foremost, love for ourselves, for our bodies and our souls. and, as max says:

this show is a love story, but more importantly, it is a story of growth. of kawi and pisaeng loving themselves enough to embrace the fear and the uncertainty and daring to love themselves and each other, daring to live their truth. daring to grow and change and embrace these changes. and some of those changes they go through stem from their love for each other, while others deepen their love for each other (personally, i think we'll see more of the latter in the upcoming episodes).

pisaeng loved kawi from the very start. he loved him as he was: a shy, awkward loner. in pisaeng's opinion, there was nothing wrong with kawi, no reason not to love him. however, they can only love each other after kawi makes the effort to change himself, makes the effort to "become a better man", as the lyrics of the theme song would have it. because that shy, awkward loner could never stand in front of tall, gorgeous pisaeng and tell him with emotional honesty and complete certainty that he likes him and wants to go out with him. and a relationship can only work if both parties are equally invested in it.

[brillantradiance]

This is me just talking to the void but I can’t help but to imagine the version of solo leveling where there’s significant internal conflict. For example Jin Woo literally losing emotions every time he gets stronger. Like I wished the story took the time to actually delve into how that would affect him and the people around him.

Starting with the people around him I think Jin Woo would overall be apathetic in nature and as the story progresses values human life (other than his own and his family) less and less to point where if Jin Woo had a choice to either spare/save a group of people but not get exp or kill/ let them die to get stronger (kill boss/monster etc.) he chooses the latter without a single thought . And you see this in the demon king raid with Esil but I feel like he kinda gets away with it because they’re demons in a gate. No one is there to call him out on it. And he uses the logic oh if I was weak they would’ve done the same which is true but If the story changed where it was out in the open whether it be a raid with another guild or a dungeon break it gives Jin Woo a moral dilemma that tackles how he’s losing his humanity because now he’s dealing with people. I feel like Jin Woo would most likely still choose to get stronger like he’ll try to do both but if it means some hunters/civilians have to die to get the job done so be it. And by doing so, the public and maybe even his own guild members find him to be a bit more monstrous. Which Jin Woo wouldn’t care until that fear hits his family.

Jin Woo’s Family:

Imagine after that hypothetical scene Jin Woo comes home to greet Jin-ah just for her step back in fear because she was watching the entire broadcast after school and while watching Jin Woo brutally kill those monsters and maybe kill some people just to get to those beasts faster she’s reminded of the orcs that came to her school and just shuts down. I think it feeds into the tragedy where Jin Woo wanted to get stronger partly to support his Family just for his family to be afraid of him and his power. And Imagine after this Jin Woo waits for the feeling of devastation, the hurt, the pain to wash over him just to feel nothing. He feels empty. Out of habit, he reaches for her and Jin ah skitters to her room. Jin Woo stands there feeling completely hollow. And as if he’s a zombie leaves the apartment to look for another gate just to feel something.

And in terms of his mother: I think after he wakes her up his mother does not recognize him at all. (Like I know it’s been four years but Jin Woo would’ve been 20 and most likely would’ve stopped growing his appearance would not be able to change that drastically) She panics : yelling who are you and Jin Woo does his best to calm her down. Then she looks into his eyes seeing how cold and lifeless they are and states you aren’t my son. My son was full of life. You reek of death. And maybe it’s not until Jin-Ah comes and explains that is in fact Jin Woo she finally accepts him. Also headcannon since Jin Woo serves as a vessel to the shadow monarch as he gets stronger his body temperature decreases due basically being the lord of the dead. Jin woo’s mom goes to embrace him just to realize he’s cold as a corpse. And the panel you see is his mom’s eyes completely overcome by fear and concern.

I think moments like this would make his choice to side with humanity so much more potent. maybe if he could never be ‘human’ like he once was he could use terrifying power to protect them regardless. OR push him to join the monarchs in the end because there’s nothing left for him on Earth. (Hero to Villain Jin Woo would’ve been so iconic like I can go into heavy detail)

Side note: another thing I will say is that story really does go out of its way to make Jin Woo never in the wrong for killing anyone which I can’t stand if he’s going to be morally grey commit to the bit. Let other characters not like him don’t just make them cartoonishly evil and then kill them off. OR let Jin Woo kill them off without cartoony evil antics and use that to reflect on Jin Woo as a character. Again it shows how he’s losing his humanity. Like the most egregious example was the Thomas Andre fight. They had to throw in im going to kill this bastard because he hurt my ego line just so Jin Woo can beat the shit outta of him. Like seriously, aside from that Thomas was literally just doing his job.

This was completely unedited and first time doing something like this. But if you made it to the end of this rant. Thank you. I have become deranged because of the potential of what Solo leveling could’ve been. Let me know if y’all want more rants. I could go on for days.