#either way i already want to do more lol
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[SONG : MY KZ UR BF - everything everything]
ok there it is for real. this is my first amv, i hope you all like it!! reblogs are very appreciated <3
#starscream#rid15#tf rid15#transformers#my edits#if u saw me post a different version earlier no you didnt. hopefully i stick to it now instead of deciding its not good enough again#either way i already want to do more lol
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I’m sorry but nothing will ever beat Finn’s drive playlist that he made during s3 filming, with songs like Me and Michael, The Basement, Gay Thoughts and No Woman lmaoooo
#byler#stranger things#in all seriousness#finn has already confirmed he listens to music on the way to set to get in the zone for his character#millie and noah have said when asked that he’s the cast-member most likely to be listening to music on set#do I think every song on there is byler-coded? no#do I think he made it specifically for byler fans to witness and read into? no#but i do think there is a middle ground here#since byler is happening... yeah there are gonna be songs that get him in the zone for byler scenes#and yet there are also probably gonna be songs that he likes rn and wants to use to feel inspo for filming in general#aka plenty of songs just there for the way they sound/the vibes that get him more comfortable getting into character#but then again he also could have made the playlist private to avoid people reading into it#he’s known for years people have seen his playlists and hasn’t made those private either#so I don’t think he cares if ppl read into it#(at least for now...)#but fr that drive playlist still haunts me to this day#i remember when he mentioned listening to music to get in the zone for filming#he specifically mentioned that he listened to it when driving to set and ppl went crazy connecting it to his drive playlist lol#so i mean who knows#maybe he makes the names confusing/random but also sometimes with a hint of truth bc he knows people are gonna deny it or read into it#and he's playing with that possiblity#but i wouldn't die on that hill by any means.#but the drive playlist is why idrc if people read into the STurn one bc i mean....#yeah those songs that sound eerily like mike's emotions in regards to will probably are that way for a reason
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i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode
#trafficblr#life series#hermitcraft#qsmp#the drought's been crazy i had to make qsmp x life series/hermitcraft you don't understand i literally had to#i literally cannot tag all of the cubitos without going over the limit so i'm gonna use them to rant about these doodles instead#when i tell you that i think dl!pearl would've loved tilín i'm telling you i think she would've LOVED them like.#something about just wanting to find love at every turn but feeling unwanted spdihgpisadhfpa. and also tilín's name is similar to tilly LOL#the jelly egg is just like if the double life jelly pandas were just an egg that scar loves with all his heart and grian reluctantly accept#i think out of all the duos in qsmp. the one i would want to see in the dl soumate premise the most is slimeriana. it's the dysfunctionalit#i made a post in the past about pac and tango being my fav cubitos bcs they were both crazy cartoonish and like scientists#but it kinda felt like a disservice to leave mike and zedaph out because to me they're argubly crazier and more cartoonish#missa and tim are paired bcs i just really wanted an excuse to draw the wet cats and it just so happened they both have relations to death#skizz and jaiden as the lawyers who were SHOCKINGLY good at their jobs like they cooked with that one#(was also gonna draw joe and roier as bad lawyers but i was running outta steam)#someone's already made a post about grian and (el) quackity and their eye entities so not much elaboration needed there#fit and etho just give the same vibe to be as a dude who has a reputation and is well-known and seems intimidating#i also made fit's arms way too skinny and i don't like it...but i'm not gonna go back and change it now i spent embarassingly long on this#but then his silliness is brought out by The Narrative#foolish and bdubs is one of my favorite drawings because i just knew i wanted to highlight the silly height difference#just realized they're also both god-like figures at least at some point#cellbit and rendog. cat and dog and lore. enough said about their connection.#i couldn't decide who fit etoiles combat hungry anime protagonist vibe best bcs martyn was originally paired with him#but i wanted martyn with phil so i went with my second options: joel and gem#i couldn't draw them mid rage but essentially the title is derived from “WHO KILLED EMPANADA” and “do me a favor. die for me.”#philza minecraft and martyn inthelittlewood. they feel like twins but one is evil (it's martyn)#SOMETHING I FORGOT THAT I WISH I ADDED: BBH AND BIGB AS THE ENTITIES WHO LIE. I HATE MYSELF HOW COULD I FORGET THAT#if i were to pair impulse with someone it would be tubbo? either him or scar would've been with tubbo#and then lizzie i just did not know who i wanted to pair her with. no one really does it like her in my opinion#scott's someone i also had no idea who to put him with he's just so...him...
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mtdd week day 1 - sworn partners
can you tell i like drawing fluff
#mtddweek2023#hi yeah it’s metadede week!! it’s like a whole week of cringe day wednesday!!#which is why i decided i want to have fun with this and indulge a little#not like i dont already but lol#so there’s a lot of fluff a lot of comfort and a handful of kisses#my ship posts are usually accompanied by self deprecating comments but im gonna try to keep it to a minimum#i go into a lot of projects with some level of ambiguity in mind and while i love keeping things more open to interpretation#i also love romance so im taking this as an opportunity to lean into that more#special occasion ya know#and maybe ill do it more in future we’ll see#either way i drew a lot for this week and i had a lot of fun with it#so thank you for being here i hope you find something you like#kirbyposting#my art or something#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#kirby#bandee#metadededads#also i guess wedding rings are usually worn on the left hand but i am terrible at left and right so bear with me#i just reaaaaally like drawing my blorbos being happy and loved
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You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!
Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨
Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.
Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?
I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:
Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.
My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.
BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡
Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.
Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.
So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.
Conclusion
Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)
There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha
Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.
#Also he’s a lot like my own dad so to me with how he is it’s just an immediate “oh yeah he has always drunk duh of course”#So i can admit to bias. Or to specialized knowledge and authority on analysis idk in which way that tips the balance in my favor or not lol#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meta#alcoholism#This post was meant to be short :|#-slaps chilchuck’s family- this baby can fit in so much projection#I have like 3 chil alcoholism & chil family fic wips rn weeeeee#I’m the kind of alcoholic’s kid who grew up to never touch alcohol btw so like. Ik Chil could not have drunk young i just think he did#Can we appreciate the alcohol opinion & resistance chart actually. So often in media it’s either “alcohol’s a source of fun yippee” and#“alcohol is evil”. Thank you Dunmeshi for diversity of opinion thank you for nuance i rarely feel so seen#Izutsumi deserves to tell Chilchuck he stinks#AND BY THE WAY I hope you don’t feel talked down on anon. Ik you seem to have your own interpretation already & that’s good#sometimes i was adressing like. The General Public TM more than you which is why I spent time on some things like ‘think what you want’ etc#Okok i hope that covers it. Help where does the time go#It’s the sort of thing that makes Kui’s masterful storytelling by implying things here and there until it forms a big picture frustrating#for meta. Like! You can’t prove Chilchuck has been poor/grew up in an empoverished family/environment. There’s no evidence#but also you cannot tell me with a straight face that he isn’t and hasn’t like omg. But then it takes 30 pages to explain how he’s coded#Stop showing and not telling Kui smh /j#Ask#I think a lot about the trolls comic and man he was already so tense and grumpy and yelling. I do think that guy was stress relief drinking
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i saw an account post that, unfortunately, if you are a jason todd fan account then you’ve most definitely gotten an ask along the lines of “if you like fanon jason then you’ll definitely like canon helena/steph/mia” and was wondering if you’ve ever gotten an ask like that
I've gotten a few about Helena specifically, never Steph or Mia so I'm going to talk about Helena rather than generalize what I'm about to say to both of them too (because I was actually thinking about this a few weeks ago!)
Those people are right...in a way. If you want christian guilt (that Jason does not in UTRH and should not ever struggle with) and genuine efforts to be accepted by the Bats? You want Helena. A character whose relationship with killing can be benefited by people bringing her into their light without rendering her previous choices pointlessly antagonistic? that's Helena.
Then there's also the factor of Helena often, in canon, being treated as unstable and untrustworthy, no matter what she does to prove otherwise. and that's seen as a continued failing on her part, even if it's others that refuse to believe in her. Jason constantly being pushed into those situations in fanon and canon is very Helena coded. He's got her good and bad.
But if you like the Jason from UTRH era, arguably the best written Jason post-resurrection (which isn't saying much because...we all know how he's written most of the time), then Helena would never work for you because they're so different. Even with fanon, there's only a certain extent it can apply to. Helena's not Bruce daughter, he didn't raise her, she was never family for him outside the costume (or in it. but that hurts me to say), and she certainly wasn't Dick's sister. So those dynamics should be different inherently, even in fanon where they're altered to resemble something like what Helena has. There's still a history that Jason has here that she naturally doesn't.
I think it's too vague and unhelpful of a thing to say if you're trying to make people interested in Helena or change their portrayal of Jason. But I do see the basis of it.
#heavy on the catholic guilt btw. ik it's not the point but i want you all to let flashpoint jason go. helena's such a great character that#even i cared about her christian guilt and i seriously do not gaf about christians. but it just doesnt work for jason. give it up loves#i do not however think helena's being pushed out of the spotlight is entirely or even mostly due to jason lol#she was already being pulled out of gotham way before he became so similar to her. and then she got pushed to the background in favour of#male characters the same way steph and cass have been for quite a while now.#but if we're talking about fanon specifically? i think most ppl simply dont know she exists bc they dont read comics. even babs cass and#steph struggle to make the cut despite being much more well known so this is really a ppl not caring about female charas issue than jason#specifically stealing her light in fanon. the other male charas' fans arent exactly hyping her up daily either#anyways. maybe im not the best person to ask to begin with since i dont like fanon jason
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ANGELA/SERA FROM THE MARVEL SNAP HERO ANIMATIC
#eep babies first gif#definitely... could be better#i ended up having a lot of issues doing it the way i wanted to in my head and so. had to work around it the only ways i could figure#and also making tumblrs size & dimension limits was. harder than i thought! kinda. compressed to hell#idk. i think i can do better but this is what i ended up with#also i know this has been giffed already but i thought messing w animation was a bit easier than irl images#low stakes also bc none of my friends care about this either#nyxtalks#angela#angela odinsdottir#sera#sera of heven#serangela#angelsera#angela x sera#marvel#marvel snap#gif#one of the things i was having issues was was framerate? like i could not get it to cooperate at all#i couldnt figure how to make it faster as i saved it and then when i tried to edit it in post speeding it up even 1% made it way too fast?#but it was stuttery without change. so im gonna have to mess around more with that#idk! still much to mess with#will be a long time before the GB edit happens at this rate lol#i think maybe im somewhat getting the hang of the bare basics though#if you read this far friends i love uuuuuu#i assume only my dear mutuals would actually read the tags#sorry for there being so many. i had commentary
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I’m turning you all into marketable plushies, you watch (Patreon)
Bonus eyes because embroidery brain:
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#ZEX#Original#Cure#Bar#Caleb Stern#Brain has turned to plush mush lol#Tsumtsums really feel like the correct outcome here for those two hehe ♪#I actually went about looking over my like - one and a half Tsumtsums to get a grasp on their construction#Y'know for funsies just to see just to be curious#I think they wouldn't be all that hard to make - something to consider anyhow#I was also thinking about the Tsumtsum sneezing thing lol - many Max all flopping around a Dex! Or many Dex overwhelming a Max haha#Still on the ZEX plush brainrot of course of course he's just so cute ;;#Thinking a lot about construction of his eye :0 I see the appeal of printed fabric so you don't have to contend with large embroidery#Or seams - especially on circles hgwegh not my favourite#Just want it to be flush and flat! Eye-shaped rather than any bulges hmmm how to how to#I'll figure it out - there's ways to make recessed edges in plushies too! Just a matter of how#Few originals to throw into the mix ♪ Cure's already a plush bear! Specifically with the plush pattern I have on hand#I personally don't care much for the pinch style of sewing on features but I feel like at least for her ear inlays that'd probably work best#For the ''meaty'' part of her ears maybe that could be full and proper lol#Barrr <3 Just now realizing how off-model I drew him lol but either way! Huggable! ♥ I've looked- ball-jointed plushies are Kind of a thing?#Even if it was just by shape tho it'd be awfully cute :) And to dress him up in a tiny jacket hehe#More of the Helix lads! Bit cleaner now that I know a bit closer what I'm aiming for hwah they're so cute ;;#I do think it'd be really fun for them to have different eye shines based on their personalities :D#It wouldn't be all that much more work - maybe a lack of practice on specific shapes but apart from that#And rounding out with a short joke lol Caleb's the shortest! It's only right that he'd be a smaller plush! Obviously! Lol
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feel like I've genuinely spent at least a quarter of my day too horny to think. i was going to do some kind of art today but I've been thinking about the boy...
#for like the third day in a row#me: I've gotten so much hotter fr like i'm SO hot now and i was already hot i can't believe this#me when a friend who knew me from before says he thinks I'm hot: buddy what do you MEAN??¿?¿¿ 😵💫😵 really?? 👉🏾👈🏾#i enjoy his friendship and his company ♡ and i don't want to make it weird so i needed to cool off for a couple hours (。ノω\。)#i just kinda asked him if he wants anything more of me and what his boundaries are :3c and we can go frm there#i don't like to drive myself crazy wondering and letting a crush build. i nip it in the bud before it consumes me by just asking 😌#this isn't my first crush on him but i did keep the other ones to myself.. he's different 👉🏾👈🏾 but things r p different these days#and it's been a while since we've last seen each other. I've never been more attracted to him than i am now 😵💫😵💫#what happened.. wait no we have been getting closer i suppose. I remember always wanting to know him more in our#friend group back then and i feels rly nice to actually understand him more these days (❁´◡`❁) ♡ to be seen and understood myself.#it's a whole thing lol but basically i split off frm our old group then he kinda got kicked out and the group fell apart#but then we reconnected months later and we're better friends than we've ever been :3 i like him and appreciate him either way ♡#😮💨 having a crush on someone is so exhilarating yet exhausting lmaoo. he's a good boy though i like himmm ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ#ougggh... waaaahh.... auhgggghhhhggggg........#i haven't had a crush on someone in a while (。ノω\。) I've been blissfully hanging w my bestie but he keeps getting me#god..
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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im getting real sick of 'intelligence'
who decided reading books and writing counted as intelligence? who decided that getting high scores on a strict, unfeeling system meant you were better than everybody? who decided that people should be turned into numbers, tie their worth in society into numbers, to compare people on a scale that ultimately does not matter, so that the people who didn't dump everything to perform for it are berated and the people who did end up with nothing?
who decided not reading or writing was a lack of intelligence? who decided that living differently to them was a sign of lower 'societal worth' than those who conformed?
#r slur#and a big rant#in the following tags#this too is just a tool for oppression#but if you had been crushed in the grips of the education system and left limp in the dirt you knew that already#but it's not only a way for society to weed out the 'retards'. it's more than that#let me tell you something#estonia used to be in tribes around the 1000s-1200s or so#a lot of our old historical records were written by someone else#usually christian invaders and other occupying forces who thought we were barbaric and what have you#because we were pagan (especially with Taarapita) and *we did not have a written language*#according to christian-western ideals this means that our population must be like super dumb#and its 'our job' to enlighten them :)#and they did this with anyone who didn't conform.#intelligence has always been a tool to excuse it#so it feels good#so it feels right#You're 'helping' them. enlightening a primitive race#so that they follow Our standards#it's colonialism all the way down#and it still echoes into the modern day. we still see academia as intelligence while we ignore proficiency in other forms#let's not forget the classism of it either. i live in the CEO of classism#working class people are seen as dumber and are thus treated worse because they didn't dump all of their money/future money into#a societally-approved institution like oxford or something#despite the fact that they rely on working class people to operate#or the fact that their booksmarts don't cover years of knowing how to run a corner store#i suppose the general conclusion i want to convey is that we can all do different things well and using a linear scale is bullshit#(and an oppressive tool lol)#people are good at different things and you have to learn to be ok with that#this applies to anything - trades/ crafts/ booksmarts/ spectrums of neurodivergence/ etc
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So here's the backstory to my Yae Miko fics "Spark" and "Unwillingly."
Over five hundred years ago, reader, a half-sky kitsune half-human, was found by Lady Saiguu. Reader was the child of one of her dear friends that fell in love with a human. After finding out her dear friend and his wife were killed by nobushi, Lady Saiguu decided to raise their child as one of her own. It was at this point that reader meets a young Yae Miko. Wanting them to be companions, Lady Saiguu encourages them to be friends, and they grow close. Reader, being older than Yae, acts almost as an older sibling figure without the older sibling vibe. LOL They try to protect and spoil Yae to their heart's content.
After the cataclysm and Lady Saiguu disappearing, however, Yae was too young to become Guuji, so the elders of the sky kitsune decide to take control. It has to be said at this point, the elders always would talk to Lady Saiguu about abandoning reader. They viewed reader as a filthy half-blood, a stain upon the dignity of the sky kitsune. But Lady Saiguu never listened. So when the elders got in charge, they took reader from their home and basically beat and brainwashed them to believe they were nothing. They told reader the lie that Lady Saiguu never truly loved them and only raised them to serve Yae as a retainer, not a friend. They trained to become a soldier, and once they passed the test, they were given back to Yae as a guard.
Unfortunately for Yae, she has no knowledge of this. The elders told her that reader left because any reason they had to stay (Lady Saiguu) didn't exist anymore. They basically imply reader abandoned her. So when they suddenly appear before Yae again, they tell her the only reason why they're back is to fulfill their promise to Lady Saiguu to protect Yae. But you see, Yae is a smart cookie. She knows how manipulative the elders are and she can see how dead reader's eyes have become over the time they were apart. She can't bring herself to believe that she means nothing to reader.
The following centuries are just loads of sexual tension between the two. There's no other way to describe it. She keeps taunting and teasing reader, trying to get them to break, but reader remains steadfast that their existence is to protect her and nothing more. They even make up that their first love was Lady Saiguu, which is why they're taking their promise to her so seriously. But Yae doesn't believe it. Even though reader gives no outward evidence of such, Yae is convinced that reader is in love with her.
I really can't blame her for feeling that way too. Though reader doesn't react to her teasing and temptations, there's just things they can't help but do to make her happy—secretly ordering for her fried tofu when she's irritated, taking her routes where fireworks can be seen, somehow not noticing when she escapes from her duties despite always having a constant eye on her. Just like from their childhood, reader always tries to make her happy.
At some point in the general present, reader has a "moment of weakness" when it comes to Yae, but I don't know what it is. They definitely do not give in and sleep with her though. I know it's not that. If they did, Yae would definitely tempt them again and they would not be able to resist after tasting the forbidden fruit the first time. I wanna say that it's either that they almost kiss her or that they hug her for some reason. And then run away right after, not addressing it when they meet the next day. Idk. I have to flesh this part out. The fic "Spark" happens sometime around this time.
Either way, around half a year after this, the Traveler and Paimon end up visiting the shrine. They bring Yae what looks to be an old notebook they found on one of their journeys. Upon taking a closer look, it is revealed to be the diary of Lady Saiguu. Upon reading it, Yae becomes quite…. irate. I'd say furious, but that doesn't quite match her. In the book, she discovers the truth. That reader was someone Lady Saiguu cherished, she wanted them to become close companions with Yae, and that the elders despised reader. Upon finishing, she goes straight to the elders and interrogates them about what they did to reader.
Upon coming back, Yae calls reader to her and tells them that they're relieved of their duties. They don't need to serve her anymore. Which causes reader to panic because she's the reason for their existence. Yae tells them the truth about the elders and Lady Saiguu, but they have a hard time believing it. Knowing theyre going to be difficult, she basically gives them an ultimatum. They can either believe her and attempt to foster a relationship (not necessarily romantic) with her once more or they can leave and never return. They choose the first option. Tbh this whole scene is supposed to be more emotional and angsty, but my brain isn't completely working right now.
After this, reader and Yae's relationship is awkward (a glimpse can be seen in the fic "Unwillingly"). Reader vacillates between being warm and cool with her. Sometimes they try to approach her, but then will suddenly withdraw, unable to get over the shame that was beaten into them. Yae understands that they have a lot of trauma and brainwashing to work through, but she does get a bit impatient with them.
At this point, though, reader and Yae are basically a volcano waiting to blow. A bomb about to go off. Reader has loved Yae for centuries and Yae has been waiting that whole time for them to finally give in. If they don't approach their budding relationship carefully, reader will get pushed over the edge and just… It would get really physical in the indulgent addictive sense. Reader would be the addict for her body and attention trying to get back in control of themselves and Yae would be the enabler consistently tempting them to take what they want. That being said, would it be unhealthy? Uhh….. Not as much as you'd expect. I think they'd address their traumas and whatnot much quicker that way lol.
Anyway, this is the full backstory.
#spoilers#bc some people were curious#if you're wondering how yae feels towards reader? she loves them in the way that she is capable of loving#yae is an addict for their attention. that's what she's been vying for all these years#reader is an addict for her. they want her in every way possible though they hate themselves for feeling this way#and on some subconscious level yae is aware of this which is why she makes reader's life a living hell#she has tempted them in too many ways to count#she never forced herself on them#she wants reader to give in and do that to her#is it healthy? no lol. they're obsessed with each other but i wouldn't exactly say it's toxic either#thinking about it more they really desire to possess each other like damn#get a room already
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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"normal" meaning "unquestionable" & the embrace of that cropping up anywhere such as an aim to be on the unquestionable side of a Normal / Weird binary, thus surely being a comfortable effortless indelible version of Good that stems from "just be normal"
ppl out here like freud 2.0 where well they had the sufficiently normal Nuclear Household family(tm) experience so they're sufficiently normal for it, versus the weirdos who had the Questionable family times so as to end up with Issues, surely unlike all those who are Family Issue free, i.e. normal, no question. like how also Going To School is Normal, so of course there's that idea that anyone who didn't go to school normal style or did but Did That Wrong are the people made Weirder with Issues. & when what's Normal is what's Good is what's Unquestionable it's like why would i need to question it when it's so normal? why wouldn't some rando asshole nepo man be Meritous & Good at business when he's so Successful at it. speaks for itself, same as Your role of being treated entirely differently does, this can't be questioned, blame it on your own failures; again how the supposedly "questionable" experiences (unlike other ones, which need no Legitimate questioning) are pathologized like. people talking about disabled ppl's lacking "social skills" being this meaningful Driver of ableism just like poor people's lacking "financial literacy" being that darn cause of classism & resource extraction, the already Questioned vulnerable [you're just doing it wrong / failing] people are the cause of their own mistreatment, Normal people who are so socially & financially successful are helpless, this victim blaming (can't question it. Normal) sure totally doesn't speak to abuse being "normal" as well
which, good thing abuse totally isn't Normal i.e. in the territory of unquestionable things (with, obviously, the idea that Abuse (Real abuse, if you like) must be Exceptional in addition to, if not to Really be, "obviously" questionable) since if something can't be questioned then surely it's also How Things Were In The Beginning, Are Now, & Ever Shall Be (catholic prayer paraphasing re: god, for referential context) & there's just nothing to do but invest in & play into it For Success & resent / punish / try to eliminate disruption, like people just existing but doing it Weird, c'mon, be a better person please, obviously....meanwhile people out here approaching queerness in a way that accepts & acts according to the unquestionable normal of abuse of queerness, such that oh the "abnormality" of being queer (that is, "normal" people's abuse in the face of awareness of queerness) is unquestionable, such that Oh No, investment in that abuse now & forever world without end amen, & now punching down on the people who are just Being Weird & Disrupting this embrace of the norm: radfems invested in "all bodies will be classed as men & women & the former abuse the latter" & hate women who already disrupt this premise; pointing out ace exclusionism as terf logic just applied in the different context where queer vs nonqueer binary is neatly detected just as the gender binary is & people who already prove that & the way it's defined is not the case are the real problems, infiltrating Unquestionable (Normal) Queerness & delegitimizing it i.e. being The Cause of e.g. homophobic abuse, which will also unquestionably exist, so if we're gonna blame someone as Needing To Change it'll have to be uhhh already also affected Weird people who are ruining things, they're the Real causes of this abuse, so they're basically men, basically cis, basically straight. boooo to trans ace bi pan aro nonbinary gnc people....hardest to be binary gender "same sex" "romantic" "visible" Truly Queer couple currently holding hands in public or in front of family, & it's You Mfs who make it harder, not, yknow, the people who were already always embracing & perpetuating the abuse bolstering Normal(tm) Cishet Just Being Normal. and of course don't forget going after poly people & others disrupting / not accepting premises about Unquestionable Relationship Structures/Requirements. so not just being normal
also the beloved concept broken out that, of course, Being Normal = Being Good, b/c hello, unquestionable?? where it's like meaningless ideas that abuse is Abnormal like ":( hurt people hurt people" (inherently a framing to counter any response to [person is hurting me] that's not silent secret sympathy forever i guess. nobody's using this catchphrase to argue for Hey Quick let's all intervene to stop someone being hurt, lest they go on to hurt anyone themselves) like & yet everyone is hurt, yet not everyone is doing shit where these arguments are broken out after they're already getting away with nonsense & we're telling others to just stop complaining, while also not everyone isn't getting shit on for being "disruptive" & perchance the real hurtful problems for trying to Stop being shitted on, or just have a little more breathing room to day to day live while it happens. everyone's hurt bitch let's get you some "what's the actual patterns & context of supported power imbalance made emergently evident by whose choices & life are constrained & undermined & made smaller" like. or the expanded idea as that well all abuse comes from Being abused, i.e. the Cycle, never mind that abuse is everywhere as per its being Normal, & nobody's intervening every time it manifests despite its supposed exceptionality thus rareness & supposed indication that someone's Being abused to cause it. just gotta roll with it, wow. & pathologize being victim to it, abuser in the making, Vulnerable People are dangerous, those insulated & given more access to systemically backed power in an oh so Normal way are surely oh so Safe as well. the very rich families are all lovely havens. the abused people are treated so well & embraced & supported by all the more Normal people they encounter, certainly not Also isolated, bullied, victim blamed by these Normal friends family coworkers new partners randos in public randos who are "professionals"
but yknow uh literally just be normal lol. aaand post. and like "lol being Anti Being Normal? just like a weirdo" like yeah of course. and what, i'm gonna try to win the heart & mind of someone like "of course you have blue hair & pronouns" & convert them, as would definitely happen if only all transgenderists were Normal about it? and the perspective of "what Unquestionable Good is ever actually coming from striving to get to point at Others as Weird" involves going like "nooo i wanna see myself & be seen as Just Being Normal" instead of like having ideas / arguments about how to be considerate towards people which can be articulated in any other way & involve effort & said consideration (ft. anything able to be questioned)
#but i think we all agree that ppl pointing & going ''ugh poly shit ruining everything'' or ''aplatonic?? lmfao'' are heroes AND le epic#always feel free to circle around too to bi ppl who are Totally Basically Cishet AND Worse Enemies Really Than. Anyone Cishet#and i'm sure the ace exclusionism never ends for plenty of ppl. keep the logic but go ''oh well it's just still not That big a deal''#the experiences of being more vulnerable & exposed to exploitation of that? are the drivers of Deviation. your weird issues#MY blessed normativity. had enough of Family Friendship Romance that was all surely pleasant enough#popular enough / not bullied enough at school. i am now a good person based on vibes b/c to be Hurting anyone? well i would Know#why not go talk to the rando who was like ''racism is over b/c i have never invoked like Hey. White Person To White Person. give me#preferential treatment >;) & in fact now white people are Dispreferred etc etc'' ohh all the Special Treatment(tm) for Others....#again like the idea Abuse happens in some ''abnormal'' situation & simply being in ''normal'' ones will show victims the light#(already with the logic that ppl are in abusive situations b/c the victims need to Know Better & Take The Correct Actions finally)#(i.e. victim blaming / pathologize the individuals) like yeah the guarantee ppl don't just keep getting shat on is not there lol#the blessed normal ppl who are i guess natural healers i presume? Totally never ostracizing bullying & further treating as ''''weird''''#like the idea ohh autistic ppl are Bad At Interactions. oh shit interactions b/w autistic ppl go great? well uhh#then It's A Two Way Street except also being nt is Normal so autistic ppl need to ''learn social skills'' so Ableism Ends. their fault#same deal like sympathy & support from the supposed Primed To Harm fellow abused ppl?? while others are undermining & ostracizing? nahh#even getting to be ''alone'' i.e. either existing amid others but not there ''with'' anyone; or certainly Left Alone; way more Validating#and just more pleasant too like. even the abstract concept of [do xyz: with a friend group] :((( vs do it by yourself :)#''oh ppl don't want to have the Social Skills & exert the Effort to have a friend group?? that's that on Moral Failure'' Lol. truly.#good people are popular & bad people are ostracized in recognition of their unquestionably Questionable Weirdo Vibe. got their ass#if you can't / won't break something down beyond Normal/Weird. why. i'm questioninnnng....And queer.#like ''sounds just like something a Weird Ruinerrr (Disruptor) would say'' uh yeah i sure hope it does &c
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I hate getting into something that has a canon(ish) sapphic couple, but I only end up caring about one of the two women 😭😭😭
#warrior nun? only cared about beatrice couldn't really get behind ava much#the locked tomb? INSANE for gideon. harrow is like cool I guess (I feel like I should like her more than I do idk)#and now dungeon meshi. I knoowwwww I'm going to love falin. 10 episodes in and I already find her relatable and awesome and so cool and sexy#AND SHE BECOMES A DRAGON LIKE FUCK MAN (she's still dead atm but soon soooooon)#marcille on the other hand?? I mean she's fine... but I'm not really drawn to her (I like namari a lot more tbh)#and the thing is I know part of it is the feminization of all three of them#I am not attracted to femininity pretty much ever (outside of a super sexed up version in which case gugh)#and ava and marcielle both have a very bubbly personality type that has never really drawn me in ever#they can have cool stories and I can enjoy them in that. but I have no desire to seek them out outside of that#and harrow... honestly I think it might be the way fandom sees her that makes me not care much about her?#also my feelings about the series as a whole by the end of nona probably don't help#BUT I definitely think a big part for all three is the femininity. none of their counterparts that I DO love are overly fem#(and HONESTLY I don't think harrow should be either and the fact hardly no one actually makes her butch the way I see her pisses me off)#((she CANONICALLY hated her long hair!!!!!!!!! stop giving her anything more than a buzz cut I'm going to attack you!!!!!!))#also. marcielle has green eyes and I'm sorry but I just can't 😭#I need every single character ever in existence to only ever have brown/black or gold/yellow eyes#stop with the blue and the green 😭 please#ANYWAY POINT BEING: I hate that this happens to me because I end up not getting obsessed with the ship#and mostly only getting into the single character but then I don't want to read fic about just one person#so I try out the ship stuff and shocker no one writes the other character in a way I like so I don't read it#and then I feel bad cause all my ships and main characters I'm obsessed over are men#and then I complain all the fandom favs and mcs in stories are men#but like I'm contributing to the problem!!!! but like I'm not attracted to hannibal but I like his personality#I'm not attracted to optimus but I love how fucked up his whole deal with megatron is#I DO love both luffy and zoro even though I'm not really attracted to either of them#the lotr/hobbit ships.... eh I love the world and I love dwarves and I will do anything for them so the characters don't matter much lol#AND THATS THE ISSUE 😭 the worlds of warrior nun and tlt and most of what i've seen of dungeon meshi don't really entrance me much#so I don't get into the ships for that. and I'm not attracted to both people in the ship. and I can't relate/project on both in the ship#and sometimes I find one character type less likable/annoying so that makes me not want to engage
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youtube
oh whoah the new noa hex demo is REALLY really good. something 11 year old warrior cat fans in 2008 would use for their emo furry amvs (compliment)
it apparently uses his attack, power, whisper, and nasal out of his 13 reported vocal modes, im so curious about the rest. you can really hear the nasal and whisper being used to good effect, and the tuners (aria and tomo in the credits) were doing some crazy shit to those breaths hes like doing 2006 alt rock vocal fries and gasping and vocal breaks.... how did they do that
#i was already intrigued because anri arcane knocked my socks clean off despite me being largely underwhelmed by orginal anri and jun#i like how exaggerated their vocal modes are. anri has so many and noa is supposed to have a billion too LOL#which i dont mind many vocal modes vs few that much. if anything i prefer a solid medium amount#like more than 4 but i dont need 13 HGJKFDLSHksd a solid 6 or 7 is nice....#but i do appreciate either way how like strong anri arcanes are like they are DIFFERENT sounding#a lot of the dreamtonics vocals while beautiful i find a lot of their vocal modes a HINT too subtle#same with internet and such. eclipsed sounds and USUALLY ahs are pretty good at making them like#really varied. but not all the time. but i like them to be varied and exagerated because like#yeah it might sound a bit distorted at 150% but 1) i like distortion sometimes and 2) most of the time ur not using all 150%#its nice to have the huge range to mess around it. get really intense with some power modes. get really raspy with some whisper modes#sound nasally as hell in a nasal mode. thats what i want. so i have lots of room to move around in!!!#especially because for me the best thing about sv's vocal mode system is how you can change em in curves.... you can slowly get more#powerful over the course of a single note. you can slowly fade into a whisper. it rules#and strong unsubtle vocal modes benefit that well#Youtube
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