#i assume only my dear mutuals would actually read the tags

[arsenicflame]

ANGELA/SERA FROM THE MARVEL SNAP HERO ANIMATIC

[heroofpenamstan]

—OC PROFILES: JOANNE & MICHAEL

tagged by the lovelies: @shallow-gravy​, @shellibisshe​, @belorage​, @honeysides​, @strafethesesinners​, @faithchel​, @blissfulalchemist​! thank you, dears! x since i’m tragically late to the party as per usual, not going to be tagging anyone since i assume most of my mutuals have done it, but if you want to go right ahead and tag me too so i can see! :”)) also, fair warning: 80% of the questions i answered at ungodly hours overmedicated on paracetamol and it shows because re-reading this in the morning was a Yikes

GENERAL

name: joanne burton alias(es): jo, annie ( mike exclusive ), burton, dep, jr. deputy, rook, traitor, sinner, wrath/pain in the ass ( john exclusive ), rabbit ( jacob exclusive ), heinous fucking bitch—( also john exclusive ), black widow ( new dawn au ) gender: cis. female age: 29 birth: 30th october, 1988 place of birth: meridian, idaho spoken languages: english; may or may not recite some hebrew lines over the holidays sexual preference: bisexual occupation(s): junior deputy of hope county, montana/menace to all cultists everywhere ( in a certain radius of said hope county, montana, anyway )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: brown hair colour: black height: 157cm ( 5′2 ), or approximately 7′11 when balancing on michael’s shoulders to peer inside john’s windows scars: split right eyebrow ( thanks, jake ), minor cuts and incorrectly healed bruises and gashes, scarred bullet wound on left hip ( you’re welcome, jake )

FAVOURITE

colour: orange or yellow or cyan, or whatever is more stupidly eye-catching and not at all fit for her current environment song: i’ve been thinking by handsome boy modeling school food: various stir-fries, fruits and protein ( or anything that she claims to be “healthy” when, truly, bitch is one step away from living off of instant noodles and canned pineapple and cigarette buds from dutch’s stash ) drink: beerherbal teas and infusions

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, but passing the police academy was already a pleasant enough surprise for her had sex: today? no. two weeks ago? probably had sex in public: probably said two weeks ago gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes, but we don’t talk about it kissed a boy: yes ( derogatory ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate ) gotten tattoos: yes, loads: most were practice scribbles for her ex-girlfriend, and the only true meaningful one she possesses is lydia, scrawled into her pinky in remembrance. otherwise, john seed do not even engage with that rusty ass tattoo gun— gotten piercings: yes, loads multiplied; if there’s a place for a piercing in her ears, she has them. also, an old septum piercing she hasn’t worn in a hot second been in love: yes, loads squared ( girl rents out her heart on the weekdays and cries about the scratches she notices on saturday, but still repeats it all over again come monday; falling in love for her is easy, but actually loving someone and getting over her self-loathing to do so is a whole different ball game ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: she’s probably on hour 31 as we speak ( someone knock her out pls )

ARE THEY

a virgin: whitehorse has heard enough horror stories in the break room between her and joey to last him a lifetime a cuddler: closeted cuddler, yes a kisser: most definitely; woman has to play up her natural assets scared easily: her response time is too lagged for that jealous easily: depends; she’s more jealous of what she should have/could have/would have had in a general sense than being jealous of a particular person or a thing trustworthy: in her own way, yes dominant: disgustingly so submissive: not in this lifetime in love: very much so single: very much so part 2

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: yes, but it’s more by means of unintentional yet severe substance abuse thought of suicide: not as often as one would assume; joanne has a very strong sense of self-preservation, but tends to run from her bleak reality by means of one harmful way or the other attempted suicide: once or twice during her lowest points in life wanted to kill someone: on the daily have/had a job: girl had juggled three part-time jobs; there is nothing she fears anymore have any fears: ( see above ) to fall back into old bad habits, loss of control, death, failure, a bad future, poverty, being abandoned and forgotten, long stays at a hospital, the judges, the bliss, the power of john’s hair gel

FAMILY

sibling(s): micah burton ( older brother ) parent(s): abigail burton née belman ( mother ); jim burton ( father ) children: asher seed ( daughter in new dawn au ) significant other: jacob seed ( circumstantial lover/”could do without” mentor/#prisonwife #prisonhusband #imkidding #kinda ) pets: boomer for the cuddles, cheesecake for the throttles ( bitch naturally attracts the judges but will forget her dog 101 and run away like what does she think will happen then?? )

GENERAL

name: michael scott-hughes alias(es): mike, mikey, mickey ( mary may exlusive ), mike the bike/fall’s end’s bicycle, resistance’s poster boy, manwhore, cassanova, the archangel ( joseph exclusive ), the antichrist ( also joseph exclusive ), war dog, hughes boy ( fairgrave exclusive ) gender: cis. male age: 30 birth: 6th july, 1988 place of birth: fall’s end, montana spoken languages: english, russian, basic chinese mandarin and turkish sexual preference: pansexual occupation(s): residential shady, shady man ( international arm’s dealer, most recently demoted to local resistance leader and occasional general goods store co-owner )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: green hair colour: brown height: 181cm ( 5′11 ), and 6ft on tinder jkjk man’s confident enough to not grasp for that extra inch, unlike someone ( john ) scars: heavily burnt left hand ( from trying to fish out his ex girlfriend’s boiling corpse r.i.p. to that steaming puss— ), gash on his right temple, nicely healed gun wound on left shoulder, not so nicely healed amputated right hand ( man’s not having the best time in my canon, is he ), various incorrectly healed cuts and bruises

FAVOURITE

colour: green and rustics song: wild world by yusuf/cat stevens food: unlike the faker above, michael actually likes to cook and eat healthy meals, so anything from salads to veggies to oatmeal to soups will do ( and meat; man’s been a vegetarian for a grand total of 4 days in his entire life ( or 14, if you count the time he got abducted to john’s bunker womp )) drink: sugary drinkswhiskey, fresh juices, “water can be so, so sexy, annie—”

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, though michael really busted his ass to self-educate on subjects that will be beneficial to his line of work had sex: we stopped keeping tabs and numbers nearly ten years ago had sex in public: we stopped blinking at these types of shenanigans nearly ten years ago too gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes? no? maybe? ( mike’s too afraid to even think about it, but hopes he hasn’t fathered any babies any time soon ) kissed a boy: yes ( affectionate ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate² ) gotten tattoos: yes: the sword of damocles on his left inner forearm, intertwined snakes running across his right ribs, a tiny smiley face on his ass lord save him gotten piercings: yes, and everyone hated his attempt to revive the 90s with his lil earring like c’mon you already have a reputation of being a sleaze— been in love: yes, but surprisingly not as many times as one may think ( truthfully, three times: mary may, lana, joanne mary may again ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: sometimes it just cannot be helped

ARE THEY

a virgin: maybe in a past life as an amoeba a cuddler: yes ( try to escape his hold during a summer night i’ll give you 5 bucks if you can break the deadlock ) a kisser: he just exists to smooch at this point scared easily: truthfully, he’s quite desensitized as is, so it’s really hard to truly rock him jealous easily: no; though he might get a bit petty and bitter if someone mentions merle and mary may becuase, like, c’mon, mary—merle briggs? trustworthy: one of his better traits, but past events have shown that boy tends to lose some of his morals for love dominant: yes submissive: yes part 2 man will accommodate and switch it up in love: often single: loosely, often

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: michael has bad mental health trips stemming from having a lot of insecurities as a child; these may evolve into bad habits and pure recklessness on his part to prove his worth thought of suicide: these thoughts don’t come often, but when they do, it’s harder for him than most to shake them off and recover attempted suicide: once, during the boiling pit incident wanted to kill someone: yes, but it comes more from need than want usually have/had a job: yes, though no retail until he was 30 and stuck providing hope county with slugs and bullets have any fears: loneliness, rejection, abandonment, repercussions and consequences, not being good enough, powerlessness, loss, the angel pit, the process of dying

FAMILY

sibling(s): none, but: jackson hughes ( uncle ) parent(s): jessica hughes née scott ( mother ), david hughes ( father ) girl i have his whole family tree drawn up like you wouldn’t believe children: andrew hughes ( son in new dawn au and maybe canon ) significant other: mary may fairgrave ( childhood sweetheart/awkward ex/once in a rare cosmic event fuck buddy/volatile lovers ) pets: peaches loves him she doesn’t; she just wants to chew on his hair

[kimbapisnotsushi]

ahhh @miiracleboys ty for the tag!! this is going to be so much fun omg ALSO SORRY IT CAME WAY LATER LMFAAO

slow burn or love at first sight // fake dating or secret dating // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt-comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut or fluff // canon-compliant AND fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one-shot AND multi-chapter // kid fic AND road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or middle aged romance // time travel AND isolated together // neighbors or roommates  // sci-fi au or magic au // body swap or gender bend // angst AND crack // apocalyptic AND mundane 

slowburn: the TENSION. the YEARNING.

secret dating: i love a good fake dating fic. i am literally writing a fake dating fic right now. B U T. stolen kisses and knowing eye contact and holding hands under the table??? everyone else having their suspicions and picking up on the clues shamelessly left around?? both extremely funny AND endearing!!

enemies to lovers: i like this one bc like!! the vulnerability of opening up to someone you thought hated your guts . . . thinking that they might not be so bad . . . insults turning into banter that you actually enjoy . . . i LOVE that shit!!

oh no there's only one bed: i'm a sucker for the tension!! the bated breath!! the "oh shit they're way too close"!! the waking up in the morning after only to find out they're cuddling!!

hurt-comfort: nothing slaps like getting a bandaid ripped off and then tending to it with love and care

modern au: i love a good fantasy but there's something about writing improbable hilarious shenanigans in the modern world that makes real life seem just a little bit better. you're limited in what you can do with a modern au, sure, but that's why coming up with the WILDEST events is so much fun!! because you're constantly thinking about what CAN happen to the extreme!!

mutual pining: domesticity is something i value but mutual pining makes me ache in a way. i always get so many feelings with mutual pining involved

fluff: i pretty much always skim the smut parts if a fic has it LMAO

canon compliant/fix-it: this really depends on your series i guess?? i appreciate a good fix-it if there's way too much going down (coughmewritingjjkfix-itficcough), but other than that i LOVE canon compliant bc for romcoms it's funny, and for angst it hits HARD

reincarnation: call me childish or naive or whatever but like. man there's already enough shit in the real world i'm not going to fics to get a taste of ultimate despair as well!!

oneshot/multichapter: i adore both!! i've read some BRILLIANT oneshots that are long and poetic and gorgeous ("it's like you told me, go forward slowly" by elenoir, anyone?) and multichapters are always a fantastic adventure to go through

kid fic/road trip fic: uhh okay i'm assuming that 'kid fic' means fics that involve taking care of kids?? which i adore bc oh my god,,, the building and slow bonding of a family unit,,, gets me EVERY time. so why not take your kid on a road trip yknow. bonding experience!!

accidental marriage: as you can tell by now i am very much a fluffy romcom person, which seems to be the case for accidental marriages!! i haven't read much of either fic tho LMAO

middle aged romance: there is something very soft and sweet about love at that age i just sjdfhniof;a

time travel/isolated together: both are great!! i've seen a lot of "stuck together bc quarantine" works going around, and time travel has a lot of comedic and angst potential to it

roommates: THE TENSION AS ROOMMATES MAKES ME FERAL

magic au: i've got a very intense sci-fi au myself but. i LOVE a good magic au!! not that my urban magic wip thinks so LMFAAO

body swap: body swap is SO much funnier than gender bend would ever be

angst/crack: i adore both but i have to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for angst dear lord

apocalyptic/mundane: i put both bc. bc. "right in the head" by Mysecretfanmoments lives in my soul oh my god. and the mundane life is one i adore and strive for!!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey lovely Steph!!!!!

I was wondering if you know of any johnlock fics in an alternative universe where John and Sherlock are doctors/surgeons in the same/different medical departments and can't stand each other ...always competiting against each other but gradually learn new things about each other and fall in love.....More like a medical fanfiction...

If you know, pls lemme know and have a great day dear☺☺

P.S : You are too kind and good to be true. Sending virtual hugs 🤗

Hi Lovely!

AHHHH okay not 5 minutes before this one came in, I got pretty much word for word this ask with a username attached to it, so in the spirit of assuming you wanted to remain anonymous, I will only post this one <3 and if you're a completely different person, WOO someone copied your exact ask, hahaha.

ANYWAY, the only one I know of is a full series that's almost a million words long that I haven't read yet, but it looks SO good and when I stop being lazy, I'm gonna start it:

You Go To My Head Series by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 979,176+ w. across 22 Works || Series WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Autism Spectrum, Anaesthetist John / Neurosurgeon Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity, Additional Tags Under Link) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson and Holmes.

-----

J and 7 are two FANTASTIC authors, and in a rare show of certainty-without-reading-it, I would highly recommend this series.

This one CAN technically fit your description, since Sherlock RP's as a chemist:

Traitor's Gate by roane (E, 17,714 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mystery, Bets and Wagers, Undercover for a Case, BAMF John, Scientist Sherlock, Teasing, Established Relationship, Military Base, Sexting/Texting, Military/Uniform Kink, Frottage, Dirty Sex, Anal, Bottomlock) – John and Sherlock go undercover at a top secret government lab to find out who is selling research. John is back in uniform and Sherlock is back in a laboratory, but they have to pose as strangers. Sherlock thinks he'll have an easy time of it, but John has his doubts. It's up to them to find out who is responsible for putting a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands, and try to keep their hands off each other at the same time.

-------

And MAYBE this one if you want to say engineers and chemists can be doctors:

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

-----

I'm sure there's other stories, but those are what came to my mind first. Anyone have others they want to suggest?

[snarkwrites]

01 | upside down, steve harrington ; stranger things

Notes:

Guess who fell head first into binging Stranger Things? Again? Yep. This bitch. And I kind of came up with this at some point during. I’ve been dancing around writing a Stranger Things fic for a while, but here I go I guess?

A few big cautions up front... There will be things that change/differ from the fic and the show. I’m gonna sort of loosely follow the timeline set forth. But I will be changing a few things here and there. I mean, if enough people enjoy this that I feel like writing more to it, idk yet... We shall see.

I swear to God, I’m going to update my CSI fics and my Riverdale one asap. This just kind of caught me by the nose and demanded to be written...

Summary:

She moves back to Hawkins and manages to turn his life completely upside down. In the best of ways.

But how will everything play out between them? Also, can they handle all the weirdness ahead? We shall see.

Warnings:

loose canon compliance at best, total deviation at worst - this is just an up front catch all because sometimes, things happen that I don’t particularly care for (the senseless death of Barb, anybody?) and if you’re one of those canon only people, this is here to warn you that this is not the fic for you. language, occasional gore, monsters / fantasy elements, teenage drama and shenanigans - Obviously, teenagers are going to do stuff. They’re at that point in their life where not every decision they make is the best one. So if you’d rather skip over this kind of thing (teen drinking, fighting, etc) then yeah.. you’ve been warned. Slow burn / angst / mutual pining / eventual filthy good ness - because lets be real.. we’re all wondering when we’re gonna drop the plot and get to the good stuff. When this chapter occurs, I will flair it with an M. In the meantime, if you’re not into slow burn or mutual pining, then you’re probably not going to care about this.

Other Parts

[ soundtrack ] 

Other Stuff

[ faq - tag list doc ] 

Tagging:

There’s nobody on my list yet but... If you wanna be tagged for this, tell me pls. It will make me overjoyed. 

Throwing out a no pressure tag to @rampagewriting​ and @twistnet​ as well as @chasingeverybreakingwave​ just because. No pressure though bbies!

                                                            ONE

“Table six wants a burger and fries. Smothered for those fries, Jennie.” my nana’s voice shattered through my wandering thoughts. I closed the issue of Glamour I’d been reading and made my way out from behind the counter out in front, heading towards the dining area in the back. 

“Marlena quit again, Nana?” I inquired, shaking my head. Marlena quits at least once a year. Turns up a few weeks later, tanned and broke, begging for her old job back and it’s been that way since my mom and I lived here still, when I was around 6.

“Girl, what have I told you about callin me Nana?” my grandmother asked, laughing softly as she nodded. “Yeah. Said she’s headin out to California this time. Thinks she’s gonna be the next Brooke Shields.”

“Broke Shields is more like it.” I mumbled, taking an apron from the hanger on the wall. My grandmother spoke up again, giving me a nudge and smirking at me while nodding across the diner. “He’s baaack.”

“Nana!” I muttered, raising a hand to my mouth, giggling a little despite my best efforts not to.

“I’m just sayin is all. That boy is not comin in here for my good cookin, Jennie Bird.” my grandma shook her head and I eyed the booth where a lone Steve Harrington sat.

It’s only the thousandth time since I moved back to Hawkins in May.

And my nana is right. He’s probably not coming here for the food.

I’d just grabbed two of the orders and sent Steve’s order back to our short order cook Brett, -or the order I’m assuming was his, he always gets the same thing down to a T when he stops in, when a hand reaches out, grabbing my wrist.

I nearly jumped right outta my skin until I realized that it was Nancy grabbing my wrist and Barb laughing about it. They were sitting at our usual little booth near the window, nursing milkshakes as they waited on my upcoming 30 minute break. Just like we’ve been doing two or three times a week since May.

Come to think of it, it’s around that time that Steve started coming in too. I shoved the thought out of my head right around the time that Nancy and Barb noticed him. And naturally, the question arose...

“What’s Steve Harrington doing in here?” Nancy asked, glancing up at me. I eyed his table and shrugged, suck popping a cotton candy flavored bubble as I told her, “Cher, your guess is as good as mine. He’s been comin in here since I moved back.”

Nancy wiggled her brows and laughed. Barb spoke up. “My mom wanted to know if you wanted to go to the lake with us this weekend? She knows your grandmother is going out of town.”

I smiled and nodded yes, zero hesitation. After Nancy confirmed that she was going too, we made plans to go into the department store in town tomorrow afternoon to pick up some swimsuits.

Nancy’s eyes settled on my boots and she let out a low and appreciative whistle. “Are those the same boots that were in the mall last time we went? I wanted those.”

I smiled, lifting my foot so Nancy could see my boots better. Then I whirled around so she could see the fact that I’d made my favorite pair of Levis into cutoffs and sewn white cherry print fabric over the back of one of the pockets.

“I love those. I wish my mom would let me cut off my jeans.” Nancy pouted. I shrugged. “Ginger said it was cheaper than buying shorts, so I went for it. I did two other pairs too.”

“I’m bringing my old jeans over tonight.” Barb spoke up. I smiled, nodding. “Yeah. I’ll do you right up, hon.”

“I wish I tanned like you. Do you just live outside, Jennie?” Barb asked, pouting a little. I shrugged it off, laughing. Taking a deep breath as I nodded towards Steve’s booth as I gazed at my friends after finally managing to tear my eyes off of Steve. “I best get over to table six. Then I have to go pick up the bohunk’s order, I reckon.”

“What’s a bohunk?” Nancy giggled.

“Same as a himbo, I reckon.” I answered, wrinkling my brows because I didn’t actually know myself. I just knew my nana Ginger often called her long-time live-in boyfriend, Hank, the same thing and I could tell by her tone that it was a loving thing.

I made my way over to Ethel and Earl’s table, setting them up with their food. “Y’all need anything else? Just let me know. Marlena quit on us again, so I’m the server tonight.”

“We’re all set, dear!” they assured me and I made my way over to the second of the tables whose orders I’d picked up.

The next table was Jim Hopper. My mom’s ex boyfriend. He chuckled and shook his head as I approached. “I see Ginger put you right to work.”

“I put me to work, sir. I’m saving money for a Trans Am I found for sale in Rollins.” I smirked as I said it, twisting a strand of hair around my fingertip.

“Oh really now.. Let me know when you get it. So I can warn the rest of the guys and the rest of town to keep a wide berth when you’re behind the wheel.”Hopper teased, chuckling. I pretended to pout, but got him set up with the food he’d ordered before finally making my way towards the back again.

I had to walk right past Steve’s booth in the process, naturally.

I did my best to keep my eyes trained towards the front of the dining area, but Steve cleared his throat just as I walked past.

“Is tonight the night you finally say yes?” Steve flashed a grin as he asked me the question. I wanted to melt, lucky for me, common sense prevailed once again.

“Steve..” I complained, shaking my head. Pretending to pout at him.

“Aw, c’mon.” Steve chided, giving me that charmer smirk as he gazed up at me. I bit my lip, eyes locked on his, lost in the depths of his eyes for a few seconds. My nana’s calling my name had me coming back to the moment and I sighed. “I gotta go get your food, cher.”

I hurried up to the front, ignoring my nana’s pointed stare and nod as she mouthed, “Well? What’d he say, huh?”

I gave a mysterious shrug and picked up the tray containing his food. Started my journey back towards his booth. On my way over, Nancy gave me a thumbs up and Barb mouthed at me in teasing, “ Aww, you’re totally blushing right now.” to which I stuck out my tongue and shook my head no.

I was all business as I sat his food in front of him. Consulting my notepad that had his order scrawled on it in my Nana’s loopy scrawl. “That’s a loaded burger and smothered fries with a chocolate shake.” suck popping another gum bubble as I spoke.

“Yeah.” Steve answered, locking eyes with me. My hand raised, trailing over the loopy cursive of my silver necklace. I toyed with the cursive that formed my name and he chuckled, dragging his fingers through his hair, nodding to it. “You still have it, I see. The necklace, I mean...”

“Why wouldn’t I? My best friend gave it to me, cher.” I gave him a soft smile. I couldn’t resist it because believe me, I tried. I’ve been trying to resist the guy since May, actually.

“Oh. So you did think about me when you left Hawkins...Interesting. I mean… you’re still wearing the necklace I got you for your birthday...” Steve mused quietly. His eyes were absolutely fixed on me. Studying me. And I felt this warmth spreading through my entire being. Like that first sliver of sunlight on a cloudy and cool day. 

Then the calm. Be still my beating heart, the calm that took over when I dared to lock eyes with him as my own personal act of defiance. Popping another cotton candy flavored bubble as I did so. I bit my lip as I thought of the best way, read, least revealing way, to answer his question. This was venturing into very,very dangerous territory at present. Because if I said no I’d be lying and if I said yes, it would give him too much power. He’d know that maybe he was my first real crush back then. He’d know that maybe seeing him again after all this time had been like a burst of fresh air and somehow, felt as if maybe he’d taken all the air from me at the same time.

It was a huge risk. Huge.

“Maybe.” - it was the only word that would come presently. Blondie crooning Call Me from the old jukebox sitting at the back of the dining area shattered through the heavy lingering silence that followed immediately behind my answer. In a rush, I told him quietly, “I have other tables.”

“You’ve been on your feet all afternoon, little red. C’mon. Sit?” Steve nodded to the empty bench across from him.

I scoffed at him over my shoulder. Giving him a sweet but firm shake of the head no and smile. “As much as I’d love to sit, romeo. Sitting’s not what’s gonna put that sweet fire engine red Trans Am in my nana’s driveway by August.”

He pouted and called out as I walked away, “ I’m not giving up.”

This earned him giggles from the booth I usually filled with Nancy and Barb when I took my 30 minute break.

As I walked by them, Nancy teased out loud, “ Awww, look Barb! She’s blushing.”

“I am not.” I pretended to be offended by the suggestion. Mouthing to both of them as I fanned myself with some napkins in teasing and nodded in Steve’s direction, “Whew...He has gotten… Intense.” 

“That’s Hawkin High’s big man on campus.” Barb informed me. I went to clock out for my break and came back with a Diet Pepsi, flopping across the booth across from then. Someone put 867-5309 on to play on the jukebox and I grumbled through closed lids, “I hate that fuckin song.”

Naturally, Barb and Nancy started to sing along. Loudly.

I pouted at them both as I rose to a sitting position.

Steve wandered over, flopping himself down in the empty spot next to me. “Ladies.”

“You’re not at Hagan’s party?” Barb asked, a brow raised.

“Yeah, why aren’t you at Tommy’s party?” Nancy asked, shooting me a covert teasing smile.

Steve shrugged. Took a long sip of his chocolate milkshake, slurping it through the straw noisily. I eyed it.

“I’d kill for a strawberry one right now.” I mused, gazing at the cup in his hand. He muttered quietly, “It’s not strawberry, but…”  as he held it out.I eyed the styrofoam cup and him. Biting my lip.

Nancy and Barb were gazing at me intently. Teasing gleam in their eyes.

I sighed and reached out for it, taking a few sips. Holding it back out to him.

“I was there. Got bored. I like the scenery better here anyway.” Steve answered finally, shrugging.

“So you enjoy spending your Friday night in a diner packed with old people..” I muttered, locking eyes with him. Swallowing hard when I found him staring at me already. 

He chuckled, shaking his head no. “I said I liked the scenery here, little red. Not the dining company. If you’d say yes and let me buy you a burger sometime…” he smiled at me as he went quiet.

I felt Nancy and Barb both fix their eyes on me.

“We’ll see.” I answered, shrugging mysteriously and smiling at him as  I did so. I wanted to say yes so bad it was killing me, but given that I know the history of my grandmother and my mother, I was… Definitely erring on the side of caution.

Besides.. It makes things interesting when you play hard to get. I guess I figure that if Steve gets bored and moves on, then it’s better than agreeing, falling head over feet, making any number of bad life choices that seem to plague the women in my family and ultimately, winding up heart broken.

Call me a hopeless romantic. Overly cautious. I just want to wait until I know something is a sure thing before I dive in over my head. I want something that’s going to last a while. Not be this intense and scary whirlwind that starts off strong and ends just as fast as it began.

“Hey, were we all going to go for a swim later? Figured it was hot enough. Besides, Ginger and Hank are going to Rollins later. They won’t be back until 2. Or two days from now.” I mused, glancing from Nancy to Barb.

“Sleepover in the treehouse?” Barb suggested. Nancy nodded, giving me begging eyes. “C’mon, it’ll be fun. It’ll be like when we were little.” 

“That’s actually not a bad idea!” I smiled, laughing.

After we all made our plans for the night, they left to go back into town and this left me with ten minutes in my break. Alone in a booth with Steve Harrington.

Hot Blooded came on the jukebox in back of the dining area and I grinned. Humming along with the song as I eyed the last of Steve’s fries. He chuckled, shoving them in front of me.

“You won’t let me buy you your own food… Yet you’ll eat mine.”

“Mhm.” I answered, dragging a french fry through gravy. Taking a bite thoughtfully. Groaning at the taste of the food because I realized just how hungry I actually was.

Steve chuckled, gazing at me. “Do I need to leave you two alone?”

I felt his arm go around the back of the booth. Brushing right against my shoulder. Normally, I’d politely move a little. But if I’m being totally honest here, I’m tired. So tired of fighting the way I feel. I managed to stop myself from resisting the urge to lean against his side though.

“That’s not so bad, is it?”

I sighed and gazed over at him. Smiling. “It’s not.”

From the kitchen, my nana called my name. Steve stood and I slipped out of the booth, making my way back. Clocking back in so I could finish waiting tables. By the time I’d done four more tables and was counting my tips for the night, Steve wasn’t sitting in the dining area anymore.

“You be careful getting home tonight, Jennie Bird.”

“Yes Nana.”

I didn’t have to look at her to know she was giving me a playful dirty look at what I’d called her. She sighed, the sound giving way to soft laughter. “Maybe get that handsome little beau of yours to give you a lift.”

“Nope. Absolutely not.”

“You are the most stubborn..” my grandmother teased gently, laughing as she shook her head.

I clocked out for the night, stepping out into the parking lot after counting down the drawer in the gas station area out front. Steve was standing outside, leaned against the cinderblock wall, his thumb hooked through his belt loop. Smoking a cigarette.

I glanced around to make sure my grandmother and her boyfriend weren’t looking or anything and I stopped beside him. Speaking up quietly. “Do you think you have another one of those?”

He chuckled, digging around in his pocket, producing a slightly crushed pack of Marlboro Reds. I took one and as I pressed it between my lips, he dug out a silver lighter and cupped his hands around the end, lighting my cigarette for me.

“You’re not afraid your grandmother’s gonna see?” Steve teased, grinning at me.

I laughed, shrugging as I exhaled, a plume of smoke creeping upwards into the sunset. “It’s more tame than her special brownies. I know for a fact it’s a thousand times tamer than anything my mom did at my age. I just don’t openly do it all the time around her because it’s a respect thing.”

“Ah. I get it, I think.” he nodded.

We stood there quietly. Staring up at the sky as the sun dipped lower. I really didn’t want to walk away, but one of us had to. I smiled, nodding towards the road. “I should probably get going.”

“I can drive you.” Steve offered.

“I’m fine. It’s only like a mile up the road.” I answered, swallowing hard. Dangerously close to caving, yet again. It’s getting so hard not to cave lately where he’s concerned and that kind of makes me panic just a little, truth be told.

“Yeah, but it’s getting late. And your feet have to be killing you by now.” he nodded to my boots. I shrugged, flashing him a smirk. “You’re a charmer, Steve.” I muttered as I rose up on my toes, fluffing his hair before stepping away, then turning to walk across the gravel parking lot and towards the road.

His BMW slowed to a stop beside me and he rolled down the window just as I started to walk towards my grandmother’s house. “C’mon.”

I eyed the car.

Then glanced at the road stretched out ahead. My feet were throbbing in these stupid boots because they weren’t broken in completely. I dragged my fingers through my hair, mulling it over.

“Take me straight home?”

“Anything you want, Jennie.” Steve promised, smiling at me. “Scouts honor.”

“You are a lot of things… Somehow I doubt boy scout was one of them, you charmer. Okay, fine.” I gave in, going around to the passenger side of the car and getting in.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he teased gently. I stuck out my tongue at him and reached for the dial on his radio until I found something other than his preferred usual pop station. He chuckled to himself, reaching out to lower the volume. “I missed you.”

“Aw, be still my beating heart.” I pretended to swoon. But something about the look in his eyes had me feeling like all the air escaped my lungs. Giddy. Lightheaded. And yet, underneath it all, that sense of calm.

The rest of the drive to my grandmother’s house was quiet. The air between us filled with this heavy and almost electric tension. Like I was waiting on something to happen, I just didn’t know what.

He pulled to a stop behind Hank’s beat down old Chevrolet truck and I went to open the door on the passenger side. I was about to get out, when he stopped me. “Same time Thursday?”

I smiled, nodding at him as I shut the  door to his BMW and started towards my front door on very shaky legs. Once I was inside, I pulled off my boots and flopped down on the sofa, letting out several long and shaky breaths.

“Heaven help me. That guy is… Something.” I drawled. Resting until I heard Barb and Nancy knocking at my grandmother’s door. I got up to let them in and we went upstairs to find towels to take down to the river with us.

Then we set off, walking through the woods. Laughter and conversation echoing in the night around us. Diving into the cold water with ear splitting shrieks. Splashing at each other noisily.

 We flopped onto our towels on the bank, gazing up at the stars as they started to come out. 

“I can’t believe summer’s almost over.” Barb lamented, shaking her head. “It seriously feels like school just ended.”

“I don’t want to go back to school yet. Yuck.” Nancy agreed, shaking her head. “I mean there’s another month and a half but it’s flying by too fast.”

“At least we got a few classes with each other. I’m dreading starting at a new school. I mean it’s not new, but still..” I sat up, facing the two of them.

“It won’t be that bad. You’ve got us.” Barb pointed out and I smiled, nodding. “Yeah, you’re right. It won’t be that bad.” I echoed her statement.

“Hey, Jennie?”

“Yeah, Nan?”

“Why won’t you just give in to Steve. It’s not exactly a secret you like him.” Nancy eyed me expectantly.

I mulled it over, shrugging. “Guess it’s just the fear I have that I’ll give in and then everything will go wrong and I’ll wind up losing my friend too.”

The truth was… so much more complex than that. And I couldn’t even begin to explain it to myself, let alone my two best friends. 

“I will say this much though.” I started, going quiet for a second or two and taking a deep breath, speaking up again after, “It’s getting harder to fight it off. I mean when I moved back here and we ran into each other again, that old crush came back and it came back ten-fold. Enough about my weird hangups.. Is there some reason you’re not finally going for it with Jonathan?” I eyed Nancy expectantly.

“Every time I try it’s like my brain freezes? I don’t know, okay?” she laughed, shaking her head about it. Barb smirked. “Both of you are cowards.”

“Excuse… Says the girl who almost threw up because Logan, the guy she likes, winked at her on the bus back from an away game?” Nancy teased and Barb scowled at her, sticking out her tongue. “I’ll have you know, ha freaking ha, Logan is actually taking me to a movie on Friday.”

“Oh?” Nancy eyed her, wiggling her brows.

“Oh my god, details.” I spoke up, tapping my foot as I gave her an expectant look. Barb launched into the whole thing and I smiled softly, content to listen. Catching up on what I’d missed in being gone so long.

“Y’all. We need to get back down to my nana’s. It’s getting dark thirty.” I stood, reaching down to grab hold of Barb’s hand, pulling her off the bank of the river. Barb pulled Nancy up and the three of us went running through the wood and back towards my grandmother’s house.

Once we got there, we ordered pizza and went out to the old treehouse we used to play in out back to set up for the night. 

And at one point, we wound up playing Truth or Dare.

And naturally, the first dare I was given was to say yes if Steve Harrington asked me out again…

[thespookyintrovert]

When beauty calls

1,294 words ● Canonical, post S11 ● Just a short little scene ● Notes at the end ● tagging @today-in-fic

I hope this makes you smile and sigh as you read, just as it made me smile and sigh as I was writing it. I don’t pronounce it to be good, but I’m happy I wrote it. 

____

There is an exalted kind of beauty. It’s the beauty of starry nights, whether painted by divine hands or composed of swirling strokes on canvas. It’s the beauty of woodnotes, a natural symphony which exists only for the attentive ear; and the beauty found in a concert hall, made up of haunting notes rolling into a crescendo.

Then there is understated Beauty. It seldom reveals itself, choosing instead to remain enshrouded in banality, brushing only against those who dare call it by name. That diaphanous Beauty belongs only to the commonplace, weaving itself with ease into the everyday movements that make up the course of a lifetime. It is there, if only one knows where to look.

“Mulder, this is ridiculous.”

Ah, if couches were ever rewarded for being the silent witnesses to so many of these domestic disputes. If only the reliability of worn leather was ever a consideration to couples such as this, mindlessly counting on its strength to hold up their bodies and their words. But alas, an ode to furniture was the farthest thing from Dana Scully’s mind this chilly night.

She was focused on one thing with steady intensity, and that was ending a stalemate that had been going on for months. Ever since they had discovered the tiny human currently dancing around her womb was a girl, she hadn’t known a moment’s peace. It should have been simple enough to choose a mutually satisfactory name, but it turned out to be a matter in which they both had strong opinions. Opposing ones. With a sigh, she contemplated how the world kept turning and turning and some things never changed.

“Nag on me all you want, Scully, I’m not backing down.” Mulder’s smile was impish, his tug on her toe fond. She remained, however, unmoved. The bulging stomach between them, currently obscuring her own feet from view, was but one reminder that they had four weeks left to come to an agreement. Aching back, swollen ankles and perpetual indigestion added to the effect of a generally less than sunny disposition. She was no longer in her thirties, and every year of her 54 was felt this pregnancy.

Still, her fingertips traced adoring circles around her belly button, every kick to the ribs met with a grunt and a smile. Yet she kept it to herself, leveling on Mulder the stern gaze he had claimed from her as his own over twenty years ago. She did not want to let him do away with the argument this time. 

“Do you know why it was so easy last time?” He gave her a mock skeptical glance before turning back to his Sasquatch documentary, but it didn’t deter her in the slightest. “Because I picked the name, and you couldn’t argue with me about it.”

He actually laughed a little. “Scully, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that given our family histories, the chances of William having a different name were slim to none.”

She held back a longing sigh and proceeded to ignore him. “My point stands.”

A quiet snort, followed by the gentle clasp of his fingers on her swollen foot. “No, it doesn’t.”

She felt less inclined to argue as she savored the feeling of his fingers massaging the aches away, but still refused to surrender the attempt. “Don’t think you’ll distract me from this. Mulder, I’ve already proposed a perfectly reasonable solution: I get the first name, you get the second name; everybody’s happy.”

His look was wry. “Or I get the first name and you get the second name. Admit it, Scully, the second name only exists on paper, no one will even know it’s there.”

Her head fell back against the couch, for a moment fancying herself a long-suffering saint singing her frustration to the heavens. If only age had softened Mulder’s stubborn edge as it had softened the angles on his face; it was unfair, wrestling with the spitting image of his thirty-year-old self when she wasn’t even sure she’d recognize herself from twenty years ago. “Sure. Fine,” she said, head still stretched back, “you can tell your daughter whose fault it is that she doesn’t get a name until her 18th birthday. Assuming we both live to see it.” The last part was a dry murmur, meant only for God.

“Mhmm.” She felt his lips on her stomach, then, curving around its roundness with the stretch of a smile. Her gaze didn’t acknowledge him, but one of her hands landed amidst the softness of his hair, sweeping off any residual harshness with gentle strokes. This was their rhythm — the never-ending cycle of verbal spars that was as comfortable as it was challenging. No matter which one came out on top, in the end they knew their places to be side by side; with every smile and every touch the slate was once again wiped clean, no scorecards kept. Beneath the frustration, her whole being still hummed to this tune that was all their own.

And thus came Beauty, summoned by the unwitting siren call of a heart that chose love.

Finally lowering her eyes, the scene before Scully seemed to stretch until it wrapped around her entire world. She saw Mulder, face on her belly, alternating between nuzzling with his nose and sending whispers to the baby in a hushed baritone; they were not meant for her, but she basked in the vibrations of his voice, watching every crinkle on that beloved face as it shifted and pressed words into her skin. She saw her hand in his hair, noticed how it felt the same between her fingers as it did twenty years before. She saw past and future entwined around her finger in gold, glittering as it ran between strands tinged with grey. 

She drank in every detail as if at any moment she might be called upon to paint it from memory. Never before had that corner of the world seen such loving gaze; never before had the night breeze found fingers gentler than its own, or the cackling fire eyes that could match it in warmth. They were all silent witnesses to the most mundane of miracles; they, who had beheld for roughly two thousand years these rippling echoes of another miracle, one even more singular in its lowliness.

She knew they’d be arguing about this again tomorrow. She also knew they’d be lying like this again tomorrow, after all had been said and done, chasing away small everyday annoyances on the leather couch. Mulder raised his head to look at her, hooded eyes smiling, and her own lips melted into a soft curve. At the end of the day, their life together was all the more dear for being made of all these little contradictions, the seams an ever-present reminder that they were two individuals bound together by choice as much as fate.  

Perhaps it had taken them over twenty years to find their place in the world, to craft a life dictated by will instead of circumstance. And perhaps many, upon looking in through any window of the little house, would have concluded that the life they chose didn’t amount to much. But as blue met grey over the belly that protected this second chance they never thought they’d get, they both knew it amounted to everything.

Beauty left a little piece of itself in that unremarkable little house, nestling inside two hearts determined to see it in the little things, to call it by name, to touch it with the hands of love. It swept into the creaky floors and through the drafty rooms, kissed each smiling face on the mantle — each of them precious, so many gone. It blessed the little white crib and the old rag doll lying expectantly upon it.

______

Notes: 

1. I chose not to address the whole William mess because a. CC doesn’t deserve my efforts and b. this was really not supposed to be complicated. 

2. Let me know if you caught the little easter eggs sprinkled in there!

[luthienebonyx]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Friday's Child - Georgette Heyer, HEYER Georgette - Works Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gil Ringwood/Ferdy Fakenham, Anthony "Sherry" Sheringham/Hero Wantage, Isabella Milborne/George Wrotham Characters: Gilbert Ringwood, Ferdinand Fakenham, Anthony "Sherry" Sheringham, Hero Wantage, George Wrotham, Isabella Milborne, Chilham (Friday's Child) Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Past unrequited love, Eventual Requited Love, Pining, Idiots in Love, just generally idiots, Friendship, Romance, Marriage, Pregnancy, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, a teensy bit of angst, The Season, Christmas, Road Trips, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, On Purpose, hedgerows, Jealousy, Hurt/Comfort, Regency, obviously, elaborate descriptions of clothing, Minor Original Character(s), Across a crowded (ball)room, What Happened After, Post-Canon Summary:

The tale of a memorable and eventful six months in the life of Mr Gilbert Ringwood, Esq., following the marriage of his friend, Lord Wrotham, to Miss Isabella Milborne in June, 1817.

~

Okay, so this is my YULETIDE AUTHOR REVEAL, and there is quite a story to this one. Fair warning, this is an EXTREMELY self-indulgent post.

Every single story I've written for Yuletide over the years is one that I probably wouldn't have otherwise written, and every single one of them has also wound up being amongst my personal favourites of my own work. I've loved writing all of them. However, the story I wrote this year is one I've been talking about writing for quite literally twenty years, but the history of it goes back even further. So, sit back, and I'll tell you the tale of the long path that eventually led me to writing  That Greek Thing.

~

Some years ago (Shall we specify that it was the ninth decade of the Twentieth Century? Yes, I think we shall!) there lived a girl who was at that rather difficult age when she was no longer a child nor yet a young lady. This girl, whom we shall, for the sake of convenience, call Miss L, lived in a village by the sea in a far distant, Antipodean land. She was a quiet, bookish beanpole of a girl, almost a bluestocking - the sort of individual who lived rather too much in her own head, in fact. One day, as Miss L browsed the offerings on the secondhand book table at the annual fete of the local church, she chanced upon a volume, sadly dog-eared and with a long crease right through the front cover, titled ‘A Civil Contract’ by Georgette Heyer, which had clearly become surplus to its previous owner's requirements. Miss L had recently read and loved Miss Austen's ‘Pride and Prejudice’ for the first time, and it was immediately obvious to her that Miss Heyer's work was set in a similar time period.

So Miss L bought A Civil Contract, and read it, and laughed heartily at the various supporting characters such as Mr Chawleigh, but her youthful heart found the arranged marriage central to the story rather more serious and subdued than she had been expecting. It was not really the book she had expected it to be, but it tugged at her memory, so when she was next perusing the titles at her local library and she chanced upon another title by Miss Heyer, she resolved that she should give it a chance.

She loved this book - though which one it was, exactly, of Miss Heyer's many works is lost to the mists of time - and thus was born a great and enduring literary love.

Miss L noted the very long list entitled "By the same author" at the front of ‘A Civil Contract’ and embarked upon a most determined pursuit, proceeding to haunt fetes, book exchanges and other such faintly disreputable premises in which secondhand books were to be found, in search of Heyers she had yet to read. Dear reader, you must remember that this was long ago, and if it was not quite before the Internet itself, it was certainly well before the advent of the world wide web. One could not simply conduct a quick search and download a book into one's own hands in the space of a few minutes. One could not even easily order books, except through the auspices of an official bookseller - and Miss L was young, and sadly short of funds.

So Miss L hunted most carefully, and over the next several years amassed a collection of all of Miss Heyer's novels set in England during that period between 1811 and 1820 known as the Regency. However, Miss L never met another soul who would admit to having even once read any of Miss Heyer's works, though clearly such persons must be out there somewhere - for otherwise, where would all the books in Miss L's collection have come from? So Miss L continued, hugging Miss Heyer's works to her as her special secret. She read other works set in what was then becoming known as the Regency romance genre, but they were as pale copies of Miss Heyer's sparkling and beautifully researched originals, and she soon lost interest.

Miss L grew older, and assumed the life of a young lady, and other considerations took up much of her time and attention. However, she always returned to Miss Heyer's novels eventually, greeting them like old friends who would never fail to make her smile in the midst of troubled times.

Things continued thus until the closing years of the century - and, indeed, the millennium - when Miss L one day stumbled upon that wondrous community known as online fandom. The fannish life soon consumed much of her time, and she read a great deal of "fanfiction" while also, hesitantly, trying her own hand at writing and sharing offerings of her own.

And then came a most unexpected occurrence. Miss L was reading through the daily bulletin from her favoured Xena: Warrior Princess/Hercules: the Legendary Journeys slash Mailing List, when lo, she espied a most intriguing subject line. It proclaimed, very simply: "FIC: Regency Fuck (1/?)".

Here we shall pause a moment to explain that while, in these modern times, the genre known as the Regency AU is quite well-known in fandom, at that time, more than twenty years ago, this was not at all the case. AUs themselves were not near as wide-spread a phenomenon as they are today, and Miss L had never in her life even considered the possibility of the existence of such a thing as a Regency AU - and yet there it was, before her.

She read the first chapter of Regency Fuck most quickly, and then went to see what other members of the Mailing List might have made of it. The chapter had been received in a most positive light, but everyone else searched and failed to find exactly the right description to do it justice. Most compared it to Miss Austen's work. However, Miss L knew something that all the other members of the Mailing List (except ONE other, clearly) did not: Miss Heyer's very first novel set during the Regency period had been entitled Regency Buck. Miss L had squealed with joy upon reading the first chapter of Regency Fuck, for it was not merely a story set during the Regency but rather, and most clearly, one set in Miss Heyer's very particular version of that period.

So at last Miss L gathered her courage and sent an email to the author. Its exact contents are also lost in the mists of time, however the general gist was: SLASHY GEORGETTE HEYER?! - to which the author of Regency Fuck replied, just as ecstatically: YES!

Thus began a correspondence about gentlemen in tight breeches that continues to this very day. The author of Regency Fuck, whom we shall call Miss Damerel - actually, no we shall not, for as everyone with any proper understanding would know, Damerel is a title NOT merely a surname. Therefore, we shall refer to her henceforward as Lady Damerel. (In any event, Lady Damerel was not then yet going by the pen name Damerel, for in that case Miss L should have been left in no doubt whatsoever about which of Miss Heyer's heroes Lady Damerel numbered amongst her veriest favourites.)

So Miss L and Lady Damerel continued their correspondence as Regency Fuck grew longer and longer, and it was no doubt at about this time that first mention was made of Miss Heyer's 1944 novel Friday's Child, and in particular two of the primary supporting characters, Mr Gilbert Ringwood and the Honourable Ferdinand Fakenham, and how very easy it would be to slash them.

"Someone should write it," Miss L opined.

"Yes, someone should," Lady Damerel agreed.

"I should probably write it," Miss L continued.

"Yes, you should," Lady Damerel said, with great eagerness.

However, Miss L did not write it, though she continued to mention the idea of it every now and then in the years that followed. And a great many years did follow. Miss L and Lady Damerel drifted in different fannish directions, but their friendship remained true - for who else in the world could quite understand their twin mutual and abiding loves for Miss Heyer's works and gentlemen getting each other out of their tight breeches?

Some eight years after their first acquaintance, Miss L journeyed to Great Britain, where she met Lady Damerel in the flesh at last. They travelled together to Bath, and spent a most diverting time there, imagining this or that of Miss Heyer's characters walking the streets, taking Georgian elevenses at the Pump Room, and drinking rather too much of a mysterious white liqueur (which they had discovered in a local tavern) in the evenings at their hotel.

At the end of their time in Bath, they parted sorrowfully, knowing that it would be long before they set eyes on each other again, and went back to their lives. Of course, the correspondence continued, just as before.

At around this time, Miss L first took part in the great fannish holiday time tradition of Yuletide. She was quite overwhelmed to discover that asking for a Heyer story was an option open to her, but she gathered her courage and did ask for such a thing, and received a most delightful story based on The Foundling as her gift. In later years, she received other beautiful little Heyer stories at Yuletide, but she could not quite find in herself the mettle, or perhaps the presumption, required to offer to write Heyer fic herself - for what if she could not do it justice?

Miss L did write Regency AUs in a number of fandoms in the years that followed, however, and she enjoyed the experience very much. She then fell away from writing anything at all for a number of years, and began to wonder if she would ever write fanfiction again.

She was, naturally, quite in the wrong in making this assumption, and in mid-2019 a new fandom set her to writing great screeds again. However, the very first thing she had written that year was actually a drabble - a story of exactly 100 words - using characters from Miss Heyer's Frederica in filling a request for Miss @thisbluespirit​, in a small fandom challenge in which they were both taking part. It was a small step, but a very important one. 

That year, Miss L took part in Yuletide again for the first time in some five years. However, it was not until the end of the following year - that damnable year, 2020, of which we will not speak further - that Miss L finally decided that THIS would be the year that she would finally write a full-blown Heyer fic. She signed up for Yuletide, offering nine fandoms in all, but rather stacking the odds by ensuring that seven of those fandoms were Heyer novels. It seemed as if Fate must have taken a hand when she received her assignment and discovered that she had been matched with her recipient, Miss @afterism​, for none other than Miss Heyer's Friday's Child. Upon investigating further, she discovered that Miss Afterism was particularly fond of Gil/Ferdy - and so, at last, Miss L embarked on writing the story that she had been considering for so long, some 35 (or perhaps even more) years after first reading Friday's Child.

Dear Reader, she ADORED writing this story. She did, of course, e-mail Lady Damerel posthaste to let her know that she was at last writing Gil and Ferdy's story.  She was also anxious to share with Lady Damerel - because she knew that no other of her acquaintance would quite understand - how she had quite burst out laughing when, while walking her dog - who is, of course, named Lufra after the family dog in Frederica - one day she had realised that this story could only be titled That Greek Thing.

And so at last That Greek Thing was completed and posted and, on Christmas Day, the Yuletide collection was revealed. Very fortunately, Miss Afterism was very happy with That Greek Thing. Lady Damerel also squeed in a most unladylike way about it, and others also commented with words of approval.

Miss L ventures to believe that this story is actually the story that she wanted it to be, and hoped so very hard that it would be, and she still cannot quite believe that she has written it at last. Of everything she has ever written for Yuletide, it is the most special to her.

She thanks you very much for reading both the story - if you have done so - and this most self-indulgent narrative.

[faejilly]

I was tagged by @la-muerta​ & @facialteeth​ & @thedivinemissema​ for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN  by @shadoedseptmbr​ @msviolacea​ & @ravenclawnerd​ for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic  au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

[sotorubio]

Dear Silja,

I have to say: I really admire you. For watching something you actively don’t seem to enjoy. 😯🇫🇷 So not to be rude, but a sincere question: why do you keep watching it (skamfr I mean)? 😥 I am sure you’d feel way happier if you would stop tormenting yourself. 🥲

Anyways: 🌈🌈🌈 & 🙂🙂🙂 for you!! 💚 (but probably a lot of 🌨)

Love,

pizzanon 🍕

i'm absolutely obsessed w the way u formated this so i'm gonna assume ur saying this in good faith n i'll give u an unironic answer smfjksjd 💌

i do appreciate ppl being concerned abt this but the thing most ppl seem to miss is that i actually Do enjoy watching it! the difference between me n a lot of other fans u might see on here seems to be just that i don't enjoy the plot or the show as it is but instead i enjoy talking abt it n making jokes abt it w my friends n sometimes talk abt it more seriously too when they make major fuck ups.

like remember the other day when the clip dropped where la mif comforted tiff n ignored lola's feelings? that was terrible but the tag/the posts i saw on my dash were the funniest shit ive seen in weeks n genuinely made me laugh. if i didn't have this blog or all my lovely mutuals/followers who like to joke or seriously discuss skamfr w me i probably wouldn't have made it past s3. lbr i probably wouldn't have watched any remakes at all bc i don't rly care for them that much as shows but i have so much fun talking abt them w ppl n sharing our thoughts whether they're positive or not 🤷‍♀️

so no worries everytime u see me online on this blog it means i'm here for fun or super bored/looking for distraction, sometimes i'll binge a few days' clips in one afternoon bc i didn't care abt them all week since i only want to engage in it when it's genuinely fun for me!

i've always loved literature/media analysis since i was a kid so reading/watching smth that i don't find good can turn out to be a positive & entertaining experience for me bc i will enjoy dissecting it n trying to articulate what parts of it fail n why it's not working for me

that's just my way of having fun w skam france n other ppl r allowed to have fun in different ways 😗✌️

have some cute emojis too 💜💜💜🕊️🕊️🕊️❄️❄️❄️🌈🌈

[omgviolette12]

After Hours- Chapter 14

Previous Chapter

Chapters: 14/?

Words: 2400+

Warnings: None

Tags:  @milkymaidme @dangertoozmanykids101@alexakeyloveloki @little-moonbeam-666  @marvel-ous-fics@clovermariear@lynnesm@bitchyikes@moon-child-of-a-poet, @allthecraftandthings@bubblegumspitt @shockwavee @blondekel77 @nerd–nirvana @valdemarismynonbinarylove@nightrose64 @pastelhexmaniac @iistormii

If you’d like to be added, let me know. I’ve also posted this on AO3

------

Evelyn barely made it halfway down the hall, before she felt Loki’s large hand engulfing her wrist.

Screw him and his long ass legs.

By now the tears had long escaped her eyes, and she’d be damned if she let him see, lest she annoyed him even more.

“Evelyn! Why in the world are you -”

“ - Can I please...just go?” Her face was stubbornly turned away from his, as she attempted to keep her voice steady. But like he so nicely said a few minutes ago, she was easy to read.

"I will not let you go, especially if you're crying like this,"

Evelyn shrugged her hand out of his grip, surprising them both, "... I'm fine! Like you said, I'm too damn expressive. I'll get over it." She said that, but her voice wavered greatly due to tears.

"Please love, follow me back inside. My words were much harsher than intended...I admit that.”

He stepped closer, but she backed away in turn.

“You..you spoke to me like I was fucking slow. Like a child. How was I supposed to know you hated your sister’s fucking guts!”

Her tears flowed freely now, and Evelyn couldn’t help but feel more ashamed. She was always more sensitive than others, so whenever she was reprimanded, yelled at, or scolded in her younger days, tears would immediately follow.

Unfortunately, those feelings had yet to change.

“Evelyn, you are far from slow, and you are not a child. I.. I am sorry. That was not what I meant to imply.”

Loki wasn’t the warmest person in the first place, so he did not know how to comfort others through regular means, not to mention apologizing.

In fact, Evelyn was probably the first person he'd properly apologized to in years.

Simply because in the past he didn't give two shits how his blunt, unfiltered words affected others. If they understood his point, that was all that mattered.

But as a consequence, he caused the woman he cared for to cry.

“You said what you said, okay?” Evelyn sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes, “I’m...I’m just gonna go home. I’ll grade the tests there,” she made her way past him to head back to the office. Loki immediately followed, his voice revealing a hint of frustration, “Please do not be like this,”

“Like what? Childish?” She picked up her bag that was lying on the couch once she reached inside, then gathered the pile of tests neatly into her hands, “I need a folder for these, by the way.”

Loki’s face hardened, “If you’re going to leave without speaking to me properly, then yes, you’re being childish. I apologized for how I phrased my words, but my point still stands.”

“Well... I got your point. But this was what you signed up for. An immature, clumsy mess of a woman. I can't keep secrets for shit, and I'm easy as hell to read. If you thought I'd be anything else...sorry to disappoint.”

Evelyn looked at him with mustered courage, holding out her hand, “A folder, please? Then I'll leave.”

She could see the gears practically working inside his head, as he stared at her outstretched hand with narrowed eyes.

It took a moment. And without warning, he reached out to grab her by the wrist.

Since the action was sudden, the tests she held against her chest with her free arm fluttered to the floor.

Loki pulled her against him, as he stared down into her widened, startled eyes,

“Immature and clumsy, you say?”

He laughed mirthlessly, and the sound of it sent a shiver down Evelyn's spine.

"My darling girl, while I am quite infatuated with you... I will only apologize just once. If you cannot sense my sincerity, then I am at a loss."

She attempted to pull back against his grip, but his hold remained firm, "I am not a gentle man, especially when I am this peeved. So yes, I spoke as if you were incompetent. And no, I will not do so again."

Loki brought his other hand up to her cheek, staring into her tear-filled eyes, "Because seeing you cry like this is discomforting. Any other time, I would have revelled to be the cause of it."

He let her go then. Unsurprisingly, Evelyn backed away immediately. "That's... that's a weird ass way to apologize..."

"Is it really? I've brought you to tears before, but at the time we both enjoyed the reasons why."

Evelyn was still hurt and put off, but she could not help the way her face heated at his suggestive words. She cleared her throat, hoping to bring her mind out the gutter, “...Anyway, the reason you’re so pissed is because of that lady, Hela. What’s the whole deal with that?”

At the mention of his sister’s name, a scornful expression quickly appeared on his face, “Must I explain? I was actually starting to forget about that horrid encounter.”

“Considering you hurt my feelings because of her, I think that’s pretty fair.”

Loki sighed in resignation. He did feel regretful, so it was the least he could do.

“Due to past...issues between us, she despises me, and the feeling is mutual. I am not sure why she came here personally after all this time, but I could only assume it was to make my life difficult. Evidently, I was correct.”

“Oh…” Evelyn chewed at her bottom lip, now feeling worried, “ I didn’t know it was like that...she won’t cause us any trouble, right? Like tell anyone about us, or..?”

“Not necessarily. While she’s certainly curious, I doubt she cares that much at the moment to take action. However...seeing her brought back unpleasant memories, and I imparted my agitation upon you,”

Evelyn did not step away this time when he moved toward her, and allowed him to slowly pull her into an embrace, “ I was worried about what she might have done and said to you if she discovered we were together, as she is still quite vengeful. I truly did not mean to patronize you.”

She listened patiently to his reasoning. Evelyn was clueless as to what kind of history the siblings shared, but it must be particularly bad to have affected his mood this much.

“As long as you know. I’m...I’m just really sensitive, and I hate being talked to like that in general. Especially by you.”

“I know, my dear. I will mind my tone in the future,”

He tightened his hold, kissing the top of her head, “How shall I make it up to you?”

Evelyn pulled away from him slowly, putting a smile on her face as she spoke quietly, “Um, I’ll think about it. But I just need some time to myself right now…”

Her heart dropped when his face transformed into a frown. Loki probably thought she was going to stay with him, but she needed space to evaluate how she currently felt. He apologized and she acknowledged that - but a part of her couldn’t help but still feel unsettled.

Loki fixed his expression immediately, his smile mirroring hers in its falsity, “If that is how you feel, then I won’t force you to stay. I will take you home,”

“Uh...actually, I want to walk home this time. It’s a nice evening out, so…”

Evelyn didn’t feel like riding in his car at the moment, especially with the tension currently between them. Aside from that, the fresh air would do good to clear her thoughts.

However, the look Loki gave her right then almost changed her mind.

Evelyn thought he was going to chastise her once more. But instead, Loki closed his eyes as he spoke in a deceptively calm manner,

“I am not entirely comfortable with you walking by yourself… especially since it has gotten late. But so be it,”

Before Evelyn could even breathe a sigh of relief, her professor interjected once more, “ Since that is the case, I will accompany you on your walk home.”

“What?” Her voice was louder than intended, but that was the last thing she expected him to say.

“Well, I mean, don’t you have work to do? And, like, I’ve walked home alone plenty of times, you don’t need to go out of your way…”

“You are my partner now. While I acknowledge your autonomy and independence, I prioritize your safety above all else.”

She became momentarily speechless, her mouth closing and opening as she tried to gather up another excuse, “Well, I mean, we can’t be seen walking together...and stuff. That might be suspicious right? Especially considering the whole thing with your sister…”

“Walking together is not a filthy act. We will be fine,”

Loki turned around to return to his desk, picking up his jacket from the hanger right next to it. He looked at the tests still strewn about on the floor, then back to Evelyn. “We will grade these...exams another time. With much focus. ”

-----------------------------

“Do you walk this distance every day?” Loki said after a while, as he walked side by side with Evelyn. Well, they were side by side - but she insisted that they remain a reasonable distance apart from each other, despite the fact that they were no longer on campus.

Evelyn blamed it mostly on paranoia, but she was actually just feeling petty. If someone wronged her in any way, she held onto that resentment for at least a day or more. Even if they apologized.

So Loki accompanied her mostly in silence, as he probably sensed she was still feeling a bit bitter. If he thought that was childish, he made no indication that he thought so.

Evelyn jumped a bit, his voice pulling her from her thoughts, “Uhm...yeah. It’s not that bad, just a half an hour walk.”

“..It is no wonder you were always late for classes. Does your sister not drive?”

“She does...but I just like the scenery. And I’m good at speed-walking.”

At her answer, Loki’s brows furrowed.

While the area where Evelyn lived wasn’t all that bad, it wasn’t good either. The streets were covered in litter, with the odd stench here and there as they passed by the shops and delis. The only good aspect he observed was the abundance of trees since there was a park in the vicinity.

Loki frankly thought it was filthy, but he kept that bit to himself.

“It is...nice. I suppose.”

Evelyn didn’t seem to notice his disdain and only smiled faintly at his answer, “I mean, it could be better. But I try to enjoy the little beauty in things, Y’know?”

Loki remained quiet as she said so, his expression thoughtful at her words.

The rest of the walk continued in silence, and Evelyn only piped up once more when she saw that they reached her apartment.

"Well, we're here…" Evelyn stopped in front of the staircase leading up to the building, turning to face him. The air between them wasn't all that pleasant still, judging from his stiff posture.

There was an awkward silence between them now as they stared at each other, neither unsure of what to do next.

Did she kiss him goodbye now? No, she still felt off. Then a small hug?

While she pondered her options, Evelyn didn't see that her sister had exited the building, humming a tune as she did so.

Candice stopped right in her tracks once she saw the pair below the stairs.

"Uhh...Eve?"

Both Loki and Evelyn’s gazes shot up towards the stairs instantly at the sound of her voice.

“Wait...is this…?” Candice’s finger pointed to Loki, as she looked down at them in astonishment.

Evelyn was frozen, whilst Loki’s expression was rather hard to decipher.

“Is this professor Laufeyson?!” Candice shot down the steps in record time, her body radiating with excitement.

“I...um, yeah..?” Evelyn replied awkwardly, still shaken by Candice’s unexpected intrusion.

Candice didn’t seem to read the awkwardness in the air though, judging by her next words, “Holy crap, so it is? Well damn, he’s even finer in person -“

Before Evelyn could reply in aghast and embarrassment at her sister’s bold words, Loki piped up with confidence, unperturbed. “Candice, correct?” Loki held out his hand for a handshake, which she stared at for a moment before taking it, “ Your sister speaks much about you.”

“Oh does she now?” She quirked a brow in question in Evelyn’s direction, before looking back to Loki, “Well, I hope it was all good! She tells me a lot about you too, Mr. Laufeyson.”

“Then I assume Evelyn informed you about us? And please, just Loki is fine.”

Evelyn stood in silence, observing the two as she marinated in nervousness. The tension between her and Loki was already off as is with what happened, and she hoped Candice didn’t worsen it with her choice of words.

“Yeah, I know y’all seeing each other. Wanna come inside actually? I just made some dinner and you can join us. I wanna know more about how y’all met-”

Evelyn’s head whipped towards Candice. What now?

She interjected immediately in alarm at her sister’s chatter, “ I - Candice, hold up would you! Loki’s busy and he has to walk back, you can’t just -“

“If you would have me, then I shall join you.”  He looked towards Evelyn, her mouth still open after stopping mid-sentence, “ That is, if Evelyn is fine with that.”

“Of course she is! Right, Evie?”

Both of them turned to look at her for a response, and she couldn’t help but feel pressured. “I - of course I don’t mind… but weren’t you just about to leave Candice? And Loki...you don’t have to feel obligated to stay or anything,”

“I was just gonna take a lil jog. But nope, changed my mind!”

“I want to stay not out of obligation but to spend more time with you. This is far from bothersome.”

They spoke one after another, backing her into a corner. She had no good reason to argue, so Evelyn couldn’t help but eventually relent.

“I...okay. If it isn’t any trouble to you…”

“Let’s head inside then! I hope you like curry chicken Loki cause that’s all I made,”

“That sounds absolutely delightful,”

And so, Evelyn followed behind them helplessly as they trudged up the steps to her apartment, uncertainty piling inside her gut.

[jinniesmeow]

good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t. 

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works. 

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at. 

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit. 

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean. 

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes. 

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though. 

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/ 

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag. 

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah. 

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass. 

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come. 

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am. 

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here. 

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want. 

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try. 

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible. 

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us. 

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me. 

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you. 

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you. 

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person. 

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual. 

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you. 

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you. 

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you. 

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity. 

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me. 

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!! 

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots. 

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays. 

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever. 

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you. 

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass. 

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention. 

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia. 

[hoeassproductions]

Break A Leg: Chapter 10

Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission. If you would like to be added to the tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading! Word Count: ~1,500

No Vulnerability Spared

I don't know what is going on in his head but I can tell he needs to go. I think fast and take a chance. I lean over and whisper to him, “It's OK, get ready to leave.”

He nods slowly and I pull out my cell to call his phone, praying the sound is on. His back pocket begins to ring and he apologizes to everyone then gets up to leave the room.

I send him a quick text telling him that I will come if he needs me. Almost instantly a reply comes.

C: Please.

I get up to find him knowing all eyes are on me. I walk outside the doors, my eyes searching. Down the hall, I see a hand waving from around the corner. I find Chris there, his backside leaning against the wall and his head between his knees. I kneel before him and rub his shoulders.

“Hey, it's alright. You're safe. I'm here.”

Before I can react, he launches himself into my arms. He grabs on to me and I can feel him shaking.

“Chris, you need to breathe honey.”

I hold him as I whisper words of encouragement in his ear. I feel him begin to calm down and I lean back to hold his head in my hands and look him in his eyes.

“Are you here with me?” I question.

As my words register, he gives a slight nod.

“Are you ready to talk or…?”

In answer, he clutches me close again. I measure our breathing, rub his back and wait until he is ready.

“Y/N, let me explain…”

“No, it's OK. You don't need to” I reply. “I just want to make sure you're alright. I was worried…”

“I was having a panic attack. Anxiety of the unknown is one of my stressors that can trigger panic. Sandra was talking about addressing our fears and having trust but right now, I don't have that with anyone in there. The reality is, those are things I have a hard time addressing given my… status…even outside of here. Let alone with a room full of people I barely know anything about, yet can google me and know my whole life with a couple strokes of their thumbs. Trying to do whatever she was getting at… I'm not there. The only person I feel like I can do that with here… is you.”

He looks me in the eyes and I can see the shame and embarrassment he feels about the situation, along with something else I can't quite place.

“Listen, you're preaching to the choir here. I don't know these people. I'm not about to get into all of my deep dark secrets with them either. Don't be embarrassed. We’re in this together. Didn't you say that to me?”

Chris nods sheepishly and begins to chuckle. “You got me there.”

“Chris, if I'm being honest, you're the only person here I trust enough to do that with too and that scares the hell out of me. YOU scare the hell out of me.”

“Me? Why would I...?”

He reads my eyes, and in this moment I feel raw and vulnerable.

I've said too much.

“Y/N…” he says as tears well in my eyes and it’s his turn to comfort me. He puts his arms around me and tucks me into his chest, trying to soothe me.

Chris leans back from our embrace just enough to see my face. His eyes lock onto mine, expressing a tenderness I wasn’t expecting. “Y/N…” he whispers as he leans his face towards mine. Shaking takes over my body for a completely different reason.

I close my eyes. I can feel his breath on my face and lick my lips in anticipation. 

A door opening down the hall snaps us back to the reality of what is about to happen. Chris looks around the corner and sees Sandra. I can hear her call out his name as if she hadn't spotted him yet. He pulls his head back and yanks us up, putting a finger in front of his mouth as the universal signal to be quiet. He smiles at me and tugs me down the hall behind him. We cross another corner and he picks up his speed.

”Come on” 

We run until we find a door leading outside. Once in the fresh air, we begin laughing like little kids. “Follow me” he says and he takes off in the direction of our cabins.

Assuming I know our destination, I slow down as we reach them.

“No Y/N, this way.” He heads for the woods a few yards away. I follow him if out of nothing more than curiosity.

“Chris, where are you taking me?”

“You'll like it. I promise. It's not far.”

We walk just a little further and cross into a clearing that has a meadow next to a pond with a dock leading to the water.

“I didn't know this was here. How did you find it?”

“I always like to have secluded places to go when it gets to be too much like it did back there. I found it the night of the bonfire. Beautiful sunset here.”

“I'm sure. You've been holding out on me Evans.” I say as I kneel to sit on the edge of the dock which is luckily cool due to shade cover this time of day

He sits next to me and I take in the area. “I can see why this would be calming. It's beautiful.”

“One of my biggest fears,” he begins, “is that my job won't allow me to have the life I want. Having a family, being a dad, is all I want. It will leave a more important mark on the world, on my world, than any gig I could ever get. But I'm worried work will keep me from having the one person that I can have all of that with. That people only want to be with me because of my status. I enjoyed that in the beginning, but now I'm tired of it. I want to settle down and have that steady lifestyle. If I could find that person for me, I'd give the rest of it up in a heartbeat.”

Listening to his words, I realize I have a similar fear. Instead of reacting to his fear, I answer with one of my own

“I fear that I'm unlovable in a way. When I love, I love hard. I will move heaven and Earth for those I care about and I can be loyal almost to a fault. I’m worried that the love I have to offer won't be reciprocated in the way that I need and I'll never find a person who will love me the way that I love them. It's really hard to think about how much time I've spent loving the wrong people because I stayed in relationships hoping that they would be able to love me back the way that I loved them. I only left the relationships more heartbroken than when I entered them. I don't take relationships or dating lightly because of it. It's hard to make myself vulnerable when I've been proven time and time again that the love I have to give isn't enough. That I’m not enough.”

We enter a heavy silence following our admissions. Then abruptly, Chris says, “I'm afraid of spiders.”

“I'm afraid of sharks in any depth of water ever. I know it's completely irrational for them to be in a pool but I worry about it.”

We both laugh outright at this, almost in tears. “Oh man, that is rich. I feel you on that one,” he says.

Pulling us out of our laughing phase, Chris’ phone rings and we share a mutual glance of worry as he fishes it out of his pocket, afraid our episode of hooky is coming to an end.

“It's OK” he indicates. “It's my mom” he says as he raises the phone to his ear.

“Hey Ma,” he answers. “Yes, I'm sitting here with her now.”

When he says this he looks over at me, catches my surprised expression, and he gives me a boyish grin continuing to answer her. “Yes it was fine. Going fairly well so far. No Ma, I'm not going to ask her. OK, alright hold on.” He pulls the phone from his ear and scrunches his face at me. “She wants to know if she can talk to you,” he asks.

“Uh, sure!” I say, completely dumbfounded as I grab the phone. “Mrs. Evans, Hi”

“Oh please, call me Lisa. I hope you are both enjoying your retreat! Chris isn’t being too irritable is he? I warned him to watch himself.”

“I’ve done my best to take care of him but he certainly has a mind of his own.”

“I’m sure you have dear. Chris has told me all about you. Doesn’t speak about much else these days while I’m around. You seem like such a nice woman, but don’t be afraid to give him some hell to keep him in line. He needs that sometimes.”

“So I am learning. But he’s pretty much a teddy bear from what I can gather. No macho man in sight here” I giggle at him as he hangs his head with a smirk.

“I actually wanted to thank you for keeping an eye on him around work. I know it’s a new environment for you as well, but he’s told me about the conversations you have had to make sure he understands what he’s getting into. As a mother, I’m grateful to know he has someone there to look out for him on a personal level beyond the professional. I hope you will consider coming over soon after your retreat ends. I’d love to meet you, and welcome you to the family properly.”

“I can assure you he looks out for me as much as I look out for him. He’s quite the protector, this one.” I can see his his chest rise with pride as he hears my side of the conversation. “Of course I would love to come over for proper introductions. Please let me know what I can bring, and when would be good for you.”

“That makes me so happy to hear. I can’t wait! I’ll be in touch, I’m sure you want to get back to the festivities. Thank you again, Y/N. You’re clearly an amazing woman. I can tell what Chris sees in you. I’ll talk to you later dear.”

“Bye Lisa, talk to you soon.” I say as I begin to feel my heart race at her words.

What has he been telling her?

Previous                                                                                                   Next

A/N: SO...... when I initially sat down to write chapter 10, I had zero intention or thought of how this played out. This whole chapter never factored into the story line for me. It just came, and I’m actually really happy with how this plays out for Y/N and Chris. Vulnerability is a bitch but sometimes the only option. I hope you guys enjoy reading this one as much as I enjoyed writing it!

If you would like to be added to the taglist, you know what to do! :)

Tags: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan  @beccaheartschrisevans @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans@loricameback  @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics  @melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling@kirstie-lotr  @mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox@harrinoodles  @lookwhatyoumademequeue @janeyboo@aglarelen @purelyfictionallife  @shallowshawn @cevansgirl@mrs-captain-evans@randomcevans  @nomadicpixel @elivanah@katiew1973 @symonlyjen5 @tchitchou26@mackevanstanfan80 @unicornpurplelife

[no-1481]

Sorry this ended up being really long.

Get to know ur mutuals better tag thing from @snakesarenonexistent

Star sign: Gemini

Height: 5'11" ~

First 4 songs when iTunes/Spotify on shuffle

(My Spotify playlist is called guess the musical and has 100hrs of music so isn't particularly reflective of what I like to listen to)

Spotify

Spooky Mormon Hell Dream (BOM)

Dear Baby (Waitress)

Join The Parade (Tuck)

28 Hours (CFA)

iTunes

Left Behind (OBC SA)

Mama Who Bore Me (London SA)

One More At Deluxe (Island Song)

Beautiful Morning (JJ)

Ever had a song or poem written about you?

Haha. nope

When was the last time you played guitar?

Based on the amount of dust, probably a year ago.

(I'm very bad!)

Celebrity crush?

Kinda torn between Andy Mientus and Jeremy Jordan

What's a sound that you hate/what's a sound that you love?

Hate

Any sound a mouth makes (most talking, those disgusting eating sounds, just all of it. Singing is acceptable)

Love

There aren't many sounds (other than beautiful singing) that I really like, most things just drive me mad so I wear headphones at all times to drown everything else out. Sorry :(

One just occurred to me, sorry, when there’s just silence (in class) then all of a sudden someone really quickly starts scribbling cause they just got the answer. I kinda love that mad panic before u forget how u got there

Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope

Do you believe in aliens?

The universe is very big, it seems really self centred and egotistical to assume that only our planet has life. So yep. I like to think there's some awesome stuff out there. Also it's less scary than we alone are hurtling through a near infinite black void. : )

What was the last book you read?

The Element In The Room or Fermat's Last Theorem, can't remember which but they were both great and would recommend them both!

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Can't say that I hate the smell of petrol/diesel but definitely don't love it

What's the worse injury you ever had?

Haven't broken any bones or anything like that so it's nothing major but...

Couple years ago I was longboarding (in flip flops) down my street then I sort of wobbled and turned into my neighbours fence. Side note: when you stand on a longboard and put your weight on it it bends down in the middle. The board went under their white picket fence (with my feet still on top) I fell backwards. And so the weight came of the board and pushed my feet into the bottom of their fence. It wasn't nice, there was lots of blood and tears and now I have two parallel scars down the side of my foot from where I pulled my foot out. : ) fun

Do you have any obsessions right now?

Hell yes. As of mid-June.

Nope :)

Do you tend to hold grudges against people that have done you wrong?

Omg yes. I'm so petty. Sometimes they don't even have to have done anything wrong to me. But recently discovered there's only one person I have ever actually Hated. Like hated, hated.

In a relationship?

Nope!! Never been in one actually. (People have a tendency to not like me cause I don’t bother with tact or genuine human emotion)

I guess I’m supposed to tag people now so...

@the-last-five-newsies

And anyone else that wants to :)

Hi, do a thing, I’m curious.

This is completely irrelevant it’s just that hurricane from death note is playing at the moment. Can I say that that is such a great song! Srsly love it!

[suit-lady]

At One Hundred Two.

Pairing: Tom Holland (Unrequited) x Reader

Summary: Inspired by 102 by Matty Healy. In which Tom has fallen in love with a close friend who has no idea... and then falls for someone else. And in which Tom has to learn to let go.

Warnings: Swears, I think. Uh, Tom cries? I think that’s a fair warning because bby is sad... Other than that, no?

Words: 2850 (whoops it’s way past my bedtime)

A/N: Yo I did my best to keep this as gender-neutral as possible even though the song is very much straight. So shoot me an ask if I fucked something up, thank you. Also, I’m gonna keep my tag list off this one because it’s been so long... I might just erase it and start over. If you still wanna be tagged (or if you’d like to start being tagged!), shoot me an ask as well! Thanks for supporting me xoxo Also yo I listened to 102 for the first time ever today and it had me so far in my feels my dudes so if you’ve never listened to it get fucking ready. Ps, the link is to a tumblr post because the quote from Matty helped inspire as well.

Snow fell softly around you. You were out on a midnight walk with Tom. Though you didn’t know it, he was watching you out of the corner of his eye, memorizing the way you looked that night. The two of you were littering the fresh snow with your boot tracks as you walk, talking about everything and nothing.

Tom had picked you up from your house, and the two of you were walking back to his to watch a few movies and warm up your freezing toes. When you’d first stepped outside, he’d complimented your brand new Timberlands, and you’d excitedly told him about how they were a gift from a family member and blah blah. You kept looking back at the tracks in a satisfied fashion as you walked. Tom tried to hide the smile on his face every time you did.

“Tom, you really don’t think you’re gonna finish the final paper of the term in just a few days, do you? I’ve nearly finished mine already,” you were saying, your voice muffled behind your scarf.

“Sure I do! I only need a night and a fresh-brewed pot of coffee. It’ll be a Christmas miracle.”

He felt you roll your eyes as you said, “Tom,” drawing out his name, “you at least need to get started this weekend. The draft is due Friday, and you know our instructor expects a lot from you.”

“It’s senior year, (Y/N). Relax a little.”

“Thomas Stanley Holland!” you cried, whirling on him. The outburst caused him to stop in his tracks. “You better not be getting senioritis on me already! It’s fucking December!”

Your eyes were wild with playful fury, and your nose was rosy despite your efforts to hide it from the wind. Sheepishly, Tom rubbed the back of his neck with a chuckle. He looked off to the side, focusing on the snow. He couldn’t bear to look at you; you were so adorable when you got passionate about things. From experience, he knew that it was written all over his face how he felt.

“You’re getting started tonight.”

“Sure, (Y/N). After we watch The Polar Express.”

You sighed and took his arm. “Alright then, let’s go.”

Face red from what he hoped you assumed was wind, the pair of you walked the rest of the way to his house in silence, just watching the snow fall. You never let go of his arm, and the butterflies nearly smothered him. When you arrived at his, however, you ran off to give hugs ‘hello’ to Nikki and Sam and Harry and Paddy and Dom, and Tom quietly covered the floor of the den with pillows and blankets (a “pillow nest,” as you’d call it), and put on the movie. He swapped his jeans for a pair of sweats while Nikki grabbed yours from the laundry room.

Before the movie was over, you were sound asleep. Tom held his breath as he moved his arm around you and drew circles on your arm with his fingers. In your sleep, you cuddled up to him, and Tom chewed on his lip. Why couldn’t he say anything? He hated being like this, but he was too afraid that you didn’t feel the same.

Once the end credits began to roll, Nikki came into the room to help Tom make a makeshift bed for you on the couch. Tom gently woke you while Nikki tucked a blanket into the couch and laid another one over the back for you to cover up with. Sleepily, you clung to him as you stood, too tired to keep yourself up. Tom tucked you in, whispering a goodnight that lacked the trade of “I love you”s he so badly wished for.

“You know, (Y/N) could be sleeping in your bed with you by now, if you’d just say something,” Nikki whispered as she walked Tom to his room.

“I know, Mum,” he replied with a roll of his eyes, mostly at himself. “But what if it’s not mutual?”

“I’d be surprised if it wasn’t, dear.”

With a shrug, Tom headed off to bed. He laid there, so close but so far from you. For what felt like ages, he scrolled through pictures of the two of you from the past few years. He could see himself fall in love with you over time, and his heart ached. All he had to do was put himself out there, but he couldn’t. Sighing, he eventually decided to sleep. Putting his phone on the nightstand, he checked the time: 01:02.

 -

 Months passed, and the pair of you spent more and more time together. The twins would refer to you as “Tom’s datemate” when you weren’t around because it made Tom’s face turn bright pink. After a while, Nikki and Dom had stopped casually mentioning that they wouldn’t mind if Tom married you, deciding that he’d tell you when he was ready. Before he told you, however, you went off to university and he started his acting career. They never told him, but Tom’s parents were beginning to worry that he’d lost his chance with you.

Then, when you came home for a break, Tom went over to visit you. You had been texting for hours, but the conversation had turned into something Tom figured he’d want to be in person for. As quickly as he could, he made the walk to your house. Before knocking, he checked the time: 01:02. It had become “your time” for whatever reason.

You swung the door open, wearing navy and white pajamas. “Come on in; I’ve just been listening to the radio in my bedroom.”

He followed you upstairs, and stayed in your room for hours. After you swore yourself to secrecy, he told you about all the amazing things he was getting to be a part of. He had an actual agent now, and the agent was helping him get real auditions! He might get to do this if he hears back, and he’s got a callback for that, and he’s just so happy, (Y/N), and he really can’t believe any of it’s happening, and he’s so glad you’re home so that he can share it with you, at least for a little while. With the huge smile you were giving him, he could have talked forever.

“…but anyway,” he started after trailing off, “what about you? How’s uni?”

“Oh, Tom, uni is amazing,” you said, your smile changing to one of nostalgia.

You told him about all the writing you’d been doing and all the pictures of the beautiful new places you’d been, and you even showed him a few pictures. Early in the semester, you had made a few friends who were from the area, so you’d eaten at all the best local places and there was this one place that you were sure he’d love if he visited. If he did manage to make it to your university, he could meet all your friends, and he could check out this tree that you really liked sitting under to read books and take pictures and watch people, and he could go on a walk at the beach with you and see the sunsets because the sunsets were always so beautiful on the water, and you wished the distance wasn’t so far because you missed him dearly as well, and you were so glad he’d come over.

“Wow, sounds like uni’s got you quite busy.”

“Oh, yes, but I’ve somehow managed to get hooked on someone there.” You blushed and looked away as Tom’s heart shattered.

“Oh?” Tom asked, doing his best to swallow his feelings that were forming a massive lump in his throat.

“I know, right? Who would have thought?” you said with a laugh.

Then, you launched into a description that seemed to go on for hours. Dark brown hair in gorgeous curls. Deep brown eyes that were apparently soul-piercing. Taller than you, but not incredibly tall. Fit, but not muscular. Had a laugh that was contagious, even when you were terribly sad. Smart, too, and helped you out in that one subject you’d always had trouble in. This “special someone” seemed like a dream come true.

“A dream and so much more,” you told Tom, and Tom felt like he could throw up.

You invited Tom to sleep on the couch “like old times” because you missed him. He told you he had promised Nikki to do chores early the next morning. A frown contorting your features, you walked him out. The hug goodbye was much shorter than usual; Tom apologized and made the excuse that he needed his sleep. Once he fell asleep, in his own bed, so far from you in more ways than one, he didn’t wake up until the late afternoon.

 -

 Years passed with things being just like they were. Every once in a while, you would bring up this “special someone” that you were always too afraid to admit your feelings to. You learned not to, because Tom would always bristle like the protective best friend you knew he would be once you found someone you really liked. Things were perfectly normal, as far as you knew. Many nights, however, Tom would lie awake, wondering how he could have let himself lose you.

One night, as Tom was getting ready for bed, he put on an old tee shirt. Immediately, he regretted his decision. He hadn’t seen you for months due to press tours; however, the shirt still held your smell so strongly he could have sworn you’d been in his arms an hour ago. Stunned, he half-sat, half-fell onto his bed. He was surrounded by your smell, and memories of you bombarded him from all sides.

Before he knew it, he was crying. Here he was, in love with his best friend who’d had no idea for nearly eight years. He had everything he’d ever wanted: He was Spider-Man, he was touring the world, he was supposedly loving life. One thing, however, was missing from the equation: you. He’d never had a single chance to share any piece of his amazing life with you, and he hated it. Everything would be perfect if only you were there to witness it, but you were off enjoying life doing things he’d never be a part of either. Though he tried not to admit it, it killed him.

Eventually, he stretched himself out, mentally scolding himself. He reached his arm out and tried to find his phone in the pitch darkness of his room. After finally being successful in his search, he dialed your phone number. He checked the time as he listened to the ringing: 01:02, as if it was fate. Gritting his teeth, he cursed the time. Of course. It just had to be 01:02. Why wouldn’t it be?

You answered on the third ring, “Hello Tom! I was just thinking about you!”

“You were?” Had he sounded too hopeful?

“Yeah! I’m coming home in a few weeks! We should plan to do lunch or something. I have so much to tell you about uni… Junior year is crazy.”

You started telling him about classes again, and about your ongoing projects, and about the cool things your friends were doing, and about how pretty everything was, and how excited you were for this and that and the other upcoming thing. Unable to contain the smile on his face, Tom lied there in the dark, just listening. Your voice had been his favorite sound since he was seventeen, and it still was at twenty-one. Still, after all this time, you had no idea. Tom was surprised at how oblivious you were. Maybe you’d just gotten used to the way he looked at you.

“But that’s not nearly as exciting as all the things you’re doing, Mr. Spider-Man! The trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming came out a bit ago, and I loved it! I’m so excited to go and see it with my friends come next July!”

“Yeah? I really hope you like it.”

“Even if I hate the movie—which I already know I won’t, I know I’ll love Peter Parker, since I already know I love you, Thomas Holland.”

“I love you too, (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” he said with more meaning than you did.

“But hey, Mr. Superhero,” you said, your tone getting more serious. “Have you found someone to give all your love to yet?”

“Not since signing with Marvel, no,” he responded. Before. So long before.

“Awh, Tom! Are you sure you’re looking hard enough? There are tons of amazing people out there who would love to have you.”

“Yeah? Like who? Know anyone up at your uni?”

You laughed, and Tom’s heart ached. “I’ve tried so many times, but you always stop talking to them after a few dates. I obviously don’t know what your type is.”

Tom laughed too, and ironic laugh. “Guess not.” It’s you.

“Speaking of love, though, you won’t believe this!”

Then, just like that, you’d launched into yet another story about your “special someone” who you’d admired since you’d gone to uni but never told. You just admired from afar, and this person was none the wiser. Beyond words, Tom was jealous. You’d just talk and talk and talk about your friend—you always said you’d never say anything because the two of you were close. How ironic. This friend was just so smart, so kind, so gorgeous—so absolutely perfect. Even though you were in your final year at uni, Tom had always managed excuses and had never been up to visit you. He’d done this on purpose because he never wanted to meet this friend that you’d secretly fallen in love with. Maybe, if you met this friend, they’d be able to see that he was secretly in love with you.

Eventually, you grew tired enough that you were yawning every time you took a pause between stories, and then between sentences. “Tom, I think I’m gonna go ahead and go to sleep… It’s been lovely talking to you.”

“Yeah, you too. Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“Goodnight, Tom.”

“I love you,” Tom said after you hung up.

He lied in bed, trapped in the sheets and you scent, for hours. He was plagued with more memories of you than he had been before he called you. When he closed his eyes, he could see your smiling face, but all he could hear about was the one who had stolen your heart away. He covered his face with his pillow so that his sobs were muffled. He didn’t remember falling asleep.

 -

 Months passed. Every once in a while, the pair of you would catch up, but you eventually grew away from each other. Tom was always filming when you had breaks from school, and senior year ended up being extremely hectic for you. At first, Tom had tried to keep contact with you, but it proved to be too difficult to factor in all the time zone differences when he was really the only one who cared all that much.

He started worrying about other things, like founding the Brothers Trust and using his growing presence for good. Eventually, you were pushed to the back of his mind. He wasn’t sure when, but in the craziness of all the new in his life, he fell out of love with you. He had no idea how easy it had been, but it had happened.

One break, in between the European and the American pre-release press tours, Nikki was able to tell something was different. She was folding laundry when she asked him, “Hey sweetheart, I was just wondering, do you know how (Y/N) is doing? Isn’t senior year just about over?”

The question surprised him, and his answer surprised himself even more. “Actually… I have no idea. I’m not sure when we talked last.”

At the time, he was playing with Tessa, so he told himself to text you later asking you how you were. He never did, and Nikki never asked again. She suspected that Tom would bring it up if he ever heard from you. Once a few days passed with nothing from Tom, he figured that either you’d gotten too busy for him or that he’d gotten too busy for you. When Tom blew Harry off very casually when he called you “Tom’s datemate,” Nikki was sure it was the latter.

Come April, the Hollands received an invitation to come to your graduation. Tom texted you from Dallas saying that he’d be in New York when you were getting your diploma. With little thought, he wished you a congratulations that you replied some sort of “thank you” to. He didn’t really bother after that.

 -

 It’s been months since he’s spoken to you, he still considers 01:02 to be “your time.” Every time it’s 01:02, he thinks of you. Now, however, he only reminisces for a little while before letting you go. After all, he lost his chance with you, if he ever had one in the first place.

 Fin.

[thatmudblood]

13 6 reasons why I DON’T FOLLOW YOU.

because it doesn’t mean I don’t want to RP with you

This one is the basic one. Following means I see you on my dash. I’ll get to the MY DASH.exe part of the story, so please follow me a little longer if you might. I’m not mutual-exclusive.

because you don’t cut your posts

I love you. I know some of you roleplay through mobile and you don’t have the option to cut it. I know some of you don’t even know how to do the cutting thing. It’s not against you. It’s that I don’t want to scroll forever. It’s a matter of scrolling. I see me scrollin’ I hatin’. I STILL WANT TO ROLEPLAY WITH YOU. I JUST DON’T WANT THAT ON MY DASH.

Extra: But Vic! I’ve always wanted to cut them but I don’t know how to do it! Come to me and I’ll explain.

because you’re a super multi multi muse (yes, multi multi, twice)

And now the crowd goes like VIC HOW COULD YOU, MULTIMUSES DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND YOU’RE A HORRIBLE PERSON. Well you’re right in both, they’re awesome and I AM a piece of shit, but that’s not the issue here. The thing is, I read all of your RPs if I follow you. Yes. All of them. I don’t just go through my dash, I read the things you write. That’s why I’m staying on tumblr, because I get to read awesome stories! Following me so far? Well, the thing is, if you play a lot of characters from a lot of fandoms I don’t know, I won’t understand a thing of what you write, and I’ll be less interested. I’ll skip your posts because I won’t understand and I don’t want that. I want to read. I want to be invested in what you write with your partner. You happen to be a multi with characters from fandoms I like? Then I’ll follow. Does that mean I DON’T WANT TO ROLEPLAY WITH YOU? No.

because you only post/mostly post ooc

‘ok i’m gonna take a shower and tackle some replies!’ ‘OMG such a long shift today and i have so many drafts!’ ‘i’m not feeling the drafts but send me memes?’ ‘i can’t believe INSERT CHARACTER NAME gets so little love when they’re so awesome’.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but no. I am REALLY sorry. I post OOC too, but for gods sake, I’m here to read RP. AGAIN, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be doing it. I’m not telling you how you should run your blog, that’s not the issue here. You wanna tell us about your life more than you feel like rping? Please do so. But I won’t follow you. Nothing against you, or against what you do, it’s about my dash. You should post all the OOC you want!! I’m here to read your roleplays. The crowd now goes ‘But Vic, why don’t you just blacklist their OOC tag?’ --- because I don’t want to? I still wanna read the OOC things, but not if they’re 90% of the blog itself. I STILL WANT TO RP WITH YOU. I just don’t want that on my dash.

because your muse’s backstory implies my character did something i’m not ok with

Difficult part. Let me explain with an example for my character: Harry’s siblings. Judging by the amount of ocs, Lily had a pretty decent sexual life because dear lord this place is filled with children of theirs. But Vic, do you have something against Potter OCs? No, actually no. I love my 7987485 childs. I do have something against them when they contradict directly my views on Lily. What did you say? That James and Lily abandoned the child to the care of whothefuckever? That they found some misterious way to protect the child but not to Harry? No. From the bottom of my heart, no. If they have two kids, they love both. They protect both, in every way they can. That one applies to all of your characters that assume things about Lily. It’s a matter of how are we going to write and not about YOUR CHARACTER, I probably love it and would love to read your rping with another Lily that matches your backstory. But for the sake of interacting, I’d rather not follow you. 

because you vaguepost and drama drama drama

I’m too old to care. that’s all.

tl;dr i still want to roleplay with you but I won’t follow you for the sake of a clean dash. and since i’m not mutuals-exclusive, you can ask me to rp without waiting for me to follow you back.

[breabroad]

On Japanese among students

When I first signed onto JET, I vowed I would always speak to my students in English. Oh, sure, I’d make it as easy as possible, and I’ve had a knack for speaking slowly to foreigners since I was five years old and struggling through native-speed French. But I could speak to my Lithuanian students solely in English, so why would my Japanese students be any different?

Oh dear, sweet, innocent me.

I envy the JET who can get away with English-only communication among their students. They must either be the most welcoming, fascinating ALTs their schools have ever had, or their students must truly be the cream of the crop. My school is a mid-level school in Tokyo, which already has more international advantages than the countryside, and yet my students…well, let’s just say it took me about six months of rapport-building before students beyond the English Club greeted me in anything but Japanese.

This isn’t going to be another blog post about the flaws (and there are many) of English education in Japan. This is a meditation about whether my limited Japanese has a place in a job where I’m paid to expose my students to as much English as possible.

Example time. My school contracts two ALTs apart from me (not JET, just local foreigners). One is M, an older woman from the East Coast who’s lived in Japan for 25 years. She’s seen more students pass through my school than I’ll ever see in my tenure, and although I hadn’t heard much about it, I was sure she had her own successful way of engaging with students.

At the same time, the school basketball team has a weekly reading session in the computer room, where they read English books for fun. It was an ingenious solution made up by H-sensei, who knew that her team would be meeting before the gym was available, and decided to use our sizable English library as an asset.

I decided to attend one of those reading sessions, and on the way I ran into M, who had nearly finished grading some speeches. I invited her to tag along, figuring that the more native English speakers, the more excitement there’d be to spread. (Did I mention I like books?) M waffled on whether she had the time, but agreed to stop by.

When she entered the classroom, I happened to be shuffling through books next to one of the girls from my Thursday class. I’d never seen M interact with a student before, so I was watching out of the corner of my eye.

M leaned over the shoulder of my student, who had picked up a book she was about to put back. “Oh? Can you tell me the name of the book?”

My student froze and looked at her, partly in nervousness and partly in confusion. If I had to guess, I’d assume she was thinking, “Why is she asking me that?” Ultimately, she didn’t respond.

After only a moment of silence, M nodded and spoke again in what I noticed was a kindergarten teacher’s voice. “I think it’s ‘Pat the Bunny.’” Satisfied, she moved on to the next student. She stayed for only another minute.

My student and I looked at each other. I tried very hard to keep any skepticism off my face.

My student and her friend and I all settled down with books, and while I don’t remember how I opened the twenty-minute conversation we ended up having, I do recall that I did it in Japanese. We chatted about the books we liked, and I mentioned that my mom worked at a bookstore and had passed on some title recommendations for our school to order for next year. At this point my Japanese began to run dry, and my students, noticing this, switched to English. We began talking about onsen—Japanese hot springs—and the differences between Japanese and American public bathing culture (they were astounded to hear the US doesn’t have one). By the time the reading session had finished and it was time for basketball practice, a student I’d never had—with the help of K-sensei, who eavesdropped—had told me an entire story about her family arriving at an onsen and her being mistaken for a boy by the staff.

Yes, my job is to teach English. It’s also to learn Japanese, largely so that I can become a cultural ambassador to the community and to the US once I leave Japan. But very few people talk about the intersection of these seemingly mutually exclusive tasks, and when they do, they tend to speak in absolutes.

To this day, I revert to Tofugu’s discussion on how to learn Japanese while on JET. They recommend speaking Japanese with your students outside of class, and while they spend only a paragraph or two on the reasons and outcomes, I can vouch for everything they say and more. Like the article claims, it’s a confidence-builder and a fascination for my students to see me struggling with their language just as they struggle with mine. I’d add to that claim that speaking Japanese keeps me realistic—if I can barely wrap my head around the Japanese present perfect, why should I expect my students to get the English form right on the first go? Plus, on top of it being plain interesting, forming a Japanese-English pidgin with my students feels like an actual communicative exercise. M’s “Pat the Bunny” question, as well-intentioned as it is, would never be something a native speaker would ask of these students outside of school. They’d be more likely to hear a tourist asking what a sign says (a translation exercise) or how to get to the station (a communicative exercise), or—like me—a foreigner working on a primitive knowledge of Japanese and just trying to be understood.

Of course, speaking Japanese to my students isn’t a panacea. There’s a reason I rely so much on games and candy, and I’m thinking of instating a stickers-for-speaking policy that will help me avoid going broke with candy investments. But I can’t deny how nice it is to be able to understand and answer students’ questions in their own language—to save the communication activities for the lesson, not the administrative details—and how fun it can be to be mix up my “easy English” definitions with the Japanese term, if I know it. Why try to elicit “die” with “to stop being alive” when I can just use “shinu”? Why not gleefully mention that I happen to know the Japanese equivalent—denchi—to our new vocab word, “battery”? It keeps the students on their toes, it keeps me studying, and most importantly, it keeps us on a roughly equal playing field.

A big part of teaching is not looking like a hypocrite. You have to convince your students that you know something about your subject and, perhaps more importantly, that an actual human who can relate to those students is doing the teaching. Without those two matters settled, your students will tune you out. Me practicing my Japanese with my students—in appropriate, usually social or administrative situations—makes it all the easier to make my English lessons worthwhile.