#ehhh venting

[sungam-supo]

Ehhh little vent. Ignore if you want.

So I just realised something about a fixation I've had since I was young and why I sometimes feel icky about it. Yeah turns out I was groomed.

I just spoke with an old contact (we've known each other since we were 14- both in our 30's now) about my aversions to this fixation, and he just blew my mind with his perspective. Basically he told me what I just mentioned above, but his reasonings make sense. I entered these online spaces where people had the same common interests. Unfortunately, I was taken advantage of. Usually in the form of taking art requests. Some, if not most- took a spicy turn. Worst of all I didn't know the ages of these people, but guaranteed that they were adults. I feel like I don't need to explain the dodgy implications here. They knew better, yet still used me for their own selfish kicks. Reason why I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time? Well probably because back in the early 2000's, most people assumed there were only one or two ways to be groomed. And if you claimed otherwise, then you were seen as an attention seeker or something.

At the time I didn't think too much of it, until I had this weird encounter with an ex and his best friend when I was around 21. They were both from the same community and they pushed a hard boundary. I always thought when I broke up with my ex, it was because we had grown apart. Which we had, but it still felt like there was more to it. I had in a sense, gaslit myself into overlooking the main issue. After the break up, I went cold turkey on the whole fixation, even to the point of resenting it and lumping everyone in the community together. I know that last part was wrong of me. Every group has some bad apples and all that jazz.

And yet every few months or years I would pick it back up again, tell myself it is fine only to find myself back in iffy circles again. Cycle repeats and so on. It wasn't until a couple of years back when I started this shit up again. This time though I met people who didn't like the waaaay spicier side of the community. I felt at peace. But then the guilt would come back and whenever my new friends would push for me to engage in the topic, I'd flake out or make an excuse. I didn't even know why I felt that way- until now. I fell out of that group a while back (unrelated reasons) and have since decided I want little to do with the community from now on. I don't hate it by any means. I shouldn't feel ashamed either.

However now I'm left realising that the few friends I have left from the community might drop me since I'm not interested in that stuff as much as they are. There is one person in particular whose reaction I am dreading, but one step at I time. Sorry for the ramble. I'm just annoyed at myself for not catching onto this sooner.

TLDR; Was groomed into liking a fixation/topic and now I hate it.

[spotaus]

Apparently all my Errormare Content consists of this exact scenario (Error curling up like a creature and Night comforting/guarding him.)

[madame-mongoose]

i scare myself sometimes

[oleanderspride]

“You need to be respectful towards people who aren’t comfortable sharing their F/Os, they have boundaries that need to be respected just as much as anyone else’s” and “While it’s completely fine to keep your distance from people who share your F/Os, you shouldn’t be putting them down just because they’re fine with sharing and you aren’t” are sentiments than CAN, and moreover SHOULD coexist

[spunkykirby]

ugh look i love childe too but please for the love of god stop clogging the neuvili tag-

[twipsai]

unseen, unheard, and unguided

[monotone-artist]

wasnt gonna post any of the new refs i've been doing but i havent rlly shown this character off yet so. thumbs up

rain's shadow! got her as part of an adopt from @bramblemantle!! she's the monarch's mount and has been desensitized to slugcats, so she doesn't (actively) hunt them. bestest girl <33 i imagine her name isn't actually one that monarch gave her, but one that the scavengers gave her, as she and monarch will raid their villages for supplies.

[id: a reference sheet for rain's shadow (she/her), a vulture from rain world. she is light gray with wings that have red, purple, and pink gradients on the outer fingers, and blue and white gradients on the inner fingers. she has a gray mask and vents, which have been painted with blue patterns. on her forehead is the Friend karma symbol, and on her vents are slugcat paw prints. she is wearing a blue band around her neck. end id]

[nerves-nebula]

my roommate is hanging out with her ex who i hate again !! yknow what that meanssss. i am listening to her cry again.

[snorpdawg]

a place where you go to be forgotten.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

It can be frustrating.

Pouring your time, energy, and creativity into a piece of art. Doing the best you can, spending so long finding a style you like, finding somewhere to draw and post. Just to have your work get one... maybe two notes on average. Sometimes zero.

But don't stop.

It can be annoying, when you keep gaining followers that are bots, or who make you uncomfortable. When only a sliver if them actually care about what you're working on.

But don't take them for granted.

Keep drawing, keep reblogging your work, keep posting, keep improving. It could take weeks, months, maybe even a year or two. But know thar you have a talent that deserves attention and love.

You can't give up if you wanna have an audience, if you want people to want to make fanworks of your AUs, your OCs, if you want people to care. Because there are a ton of people who do care, you just gotta keep pushing your name put there until you find then.

And as long as you're taking breaks, not forcing yourself to do it even if you yourself have list interest? Keep going.

[sysig]

Not going the best (Patreon)

[lovdels-reblogs]

college got me pulling my hair out

got me wondering if i can make around 1,000 dollars in a year (if i ever fail this goddamn course) purely out of art comms bc thats the most responsibility i can handle atp

[kwyoz]

drawing random references with my inky

[feathers-little-nest]

.

[reallyhardy]

period kicking my absolute ASS today!!!

[3416]

I think what gets to me the most about people talking crap about the players after a loss is like.. losing sucks, especially when a team doesn’t play their best, of course it does, but I get over that bit essentially as soon as I turn off the game. What makes losing really suck and what sticks with me is that I get all overly sympathetic and sad eyed about how the players must feel after losing. So saying mean stuff about the players??? Baffling. You can’t be mean to the babies???? They need hugs and love and everything good.

no exactly......... like my frustration comes from knowing they can be better and do better but ultimately... it's still like THEIR success as people that i'm rooting for?? like i want them to win the stanley cup bc i want them to get to be happy bc i enjoy them as people.... not bc of some self righteous reason like i picked a team and get to point at everyone else and say i'm better than you like. maybe i DO get the hate for mainstream leafs fans in a way bc LMFOA. the biggest overreactions and the most entitled bunch for stanning a team with such a long drought. idk where it comes from in people's ideas of sport... like they're owed something by this team they're willingly choosing to spend time and money on but. i want the leafs to win bc i've gotten attached to a bunch of goofy guys and wanna see them happy and fill up my free time w my little thoughts about them. can't fathom my brain ever flipping a switch where i suddenly NEED this team to win to prove something about myself or my self worth the way a whole bunch of ppl on twitter seem to. i really don't get it but i'm here for the narratives and the storytelling of the thing lmao