#efforts does not equal good results in this show

[linoalwaysknows]

Miscommunication.

Warnings: leeknow is referred to as Minho, female reader, as the title suggests miscommunication but !!! They reconcile 😌

a/n: I am. SOSOSOSOSO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG.. I GOT WITH A HUGE WRITERS BLOCK (war is over). I also had finals and results, and I got.. ENGAGED??? OMG??? Anyway, this broke me to write bcs this hits a sore spot lololol, it took a while, but it's here (not like you knew it was coming, hehe 😊)

Summary: After Lee Know forgets to update you on an important schedule change—something he promised to do—you confront him, leading to a heated argument. Frustrated and hurt, you express how his repeated slip-ups make you feel unimportant in his life. Though defensive at first, Minho realizes the impact of his actions and opens up about his struggles, promising to do better. The fight ends with heartfelt apologies and a renewed commitment to improving communication, as both of you reconcile and reaffirm your importance to each other.

--------------------------------‐-------------------------------

You were sitting on the couch, arms crossed tightly against your chest. Lee Know stood a few feet away, his hands on his hips, looking equally frustrated. The tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife, and neither of you seemed willing to break the silence.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” he finally said, his voice clipped. “It’s not like I meant to forget.”

You let out a sharp laugh, though it held no humor. “That’s exactly the problem, Minho. You always forget. You said you’d tell me when your schedule changed, and yet I had to find out through someone else. Again.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his lips pressing into a thin line. “I’m busy, okay? Do you think I intentionally leave you out of things?”

“That’s not the point!” you snapped, standing up from the couch. “I know you’re busy, but it takes two seconds to send a text. It’s not about your schedule—it’s about you constantly leaving me in the dark. It makes me feel like I’m not important enough to know what’s going on in your life.”

His eyes softened for a moment before he looked away, his jaw clenching. “That’s not true. You are important to me.”

“Then why does it feel like I’m always the last to know?” you asked, your voice cracking slightly despite your effort to sound strong. “You promised me you’d do better, and yet here we are.”

He groaned, pacing back and forth. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry, okay? But I can’t always remember everything.”

“That’s the issue, Minho,” you said quietly, your anger simmering down into sadness. “I don’t want to feel like I have to fight for a place in your life. I just want to feel like I matter.”

The room fell silent again, your words hanging heavily in the air. Minho stopped pacing and turned to look at you, guilt flashing across his face. “You do matter,” he said softly, stepping closer. “I know I’ve been careless, and I hate that I made you feel this way.”

You stayed silent, your eyes fixed on the floor. His hand reached out hesitantly, brushing against yours. “I’m not good at this,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I don’t want to lose you. Please.”

You glanced up at him, his expression raw and sincere. “I don’t need you to be perfect, Minho. I just need you to try. To show me that I’m worth the effort.”

He nodded, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “I’ll do better. I swear. You’re too important to me to keep messing up like this.”

Your resolve cracked, and you let out a shaky breath, leaning into him. His arms wrapped around you immediately, pulling you close. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into your hair. “I’ll try harder. For you.”

“Okay,” you whispered, letting yourself relax in his embrace. “But no more empty promises, Minho.”

“No more,” he agreed, holding you tightly. And for the first time in a while, you felt like you were truly heard.

[alexxuun]

Arcane really is the “they fail to do good” show, huh?

[capellla]

Your first fight with your future spouse

In this pac reading you will find information about your future spouse and your first fight together.

Pick an Image

Paid readings Masterlist

1

In this fight, you will be on the side that shows your unhappiness and causes the fight. Your future spouse will have a more patient and strong approach. Your first fight will be about not giving equal effort. You or the parties may change, probably feeling that the two of you are not putting equal effort and not giving enough importance to this relationship. It seems like you two will have different images of the happy family picture in your mind. Another reason for this fight may be related to the child. While one of you wants to expand the family, the other may not be ready yet, but this is less likely. While one person shows a lot of emotions and unhappiness and shows a somewhat selfish approach, the other person will try to digest the incident and solve the situation. I see that your future spouse will have a strong will and determination as well as courage and will not shy away from this fight and on the contrary will be there with you to resolve this situation. You, who have wisdom and determination in this respect, will sincerely explain this situation and your feelings to them.As a result of this fight you will both solve your problem of giving and receiving and learn to look at the situation from different perspectives and also both of you's passion for each other and for this relationship will increase and a new birth will occur in the relationship.

2

Your first fight with your future spouse will be a bit challenging. The main reason for this fight may be where you will live, the issue of living with your family, or even just marriage. While you will be the one who does not avoid living with a family or marriage, he will not be happy with this and will even try to tempt you. It's a bit of a manipulative energy, but he got the spider card, so he actually has a desire to start a family, but he may have fears. You, on the other hand, have the spirit of a tiger, so nothing will intimidate you and it will be your duty to protect your loved ones.Your dreams and dreams for marriage may also conflict with this person, so this person is not a completely bad person, on the contrary, he is just different and will learn from his mistake, and I see him upset about this fight. You both have very different strengths and habitats. You will be very different people and this could eventually lead to a fight like this. As a result of this fight, you will both be stuck and there doesn't seem to be an easy solution.

3

This fight will arise from completely different mindsets and perspectives. Both of your methods and lifestyles may be very different. This fight may happen even for a small reason. While you will display a passionate and harsh attitude in this fight that does not know what you are saying, he will display an extremely passionate and ego-damaged attitude. I see shouting and a fast-paced fight. In fact, both of you will have the same goal and direction and you will both want to be successful. While his goal and method is teamwork, you will carry everything alone and you will not see the two of you as a team. While you protect your point of view and methods to death, he will be hopeful that you can break down these walls. And at the end of this fight, you will both be enlightened.

4

In this fight, you will display a childish and sincere attitude, while the other party will display a sneaky and cautious nature. This person doesn't seem to believe in goodness and modesty, but you believe the opposite and will protect yourself against him. The reason for this fight is all about sincerity. He/she will experience a change and development as a result of this fight and your relationship will enter a new era. This person may have a lot of shadow work to do and karma to heal, but it sounds like you'll love them despite these qualities. The issue of this fight could be third person situation and cheating in some way, but I don't see that really happening. As a result, it seems that an unexpected change will come and this will take your relationship to the next good point.

5

This fight will arise from sadness and trouble. This could be related to any loss or dashed expectations. This can happen on both sides because there is an energy that needs innovation on both sides. You will need to be reborn and love and open yourself to change. Another reason for this fight may be that neither of you can show your true self. In this fight, you will be the one who cannot understand the real problem and cannot learn from mistakes, but will try hard. The other side will be the side that is going through a difficult time but is sincere and loyal. He will also have a hard time seeing the solution to this problem. But you two will love each other deeply, and I see luck and a very beautiful union waiting for you at the end of this fight. This isn't like other fights. It will be a fight filled with sincere, warm and beautiful words.

6

I see this fight will be about honesty. One in two people will lie or not take a situation seriously enough. I see you taking a strong and honest stance in this fight. The other party is loyal and in love with you, but something will be overlooked and they will make a mistake. The other party will try to solve the situation with a joke, and you will take the situation more seriously. But still, as a result of this fight, you will have taken a step towards understanding each other better.

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[stardustdiiving]

Wanderer doesn’t hide the fact he likes Nahida

I totally get Wanderer being snarky is a funny punchline but sometimes I see Wanderer portrayed as being super snappy and mean in response to Nahida trying to be nice to him and I can’t help being like no!!!!!! He wouldn’t do that to her!! :(

Often people seem to think their dynamic is Wanderer being grouchy & mean & telling her to screw off all the time because he doesn’t want to admit he ~actually enjoys Nahida’s company~ but man like. Wanderer isn’t some edgy moody teenager that Nahida has to keep on a leash and scold regularly whenever he acts out—he’s a grown man who’s actually pretty emotionally perceptive/intelligent when he wants to be in my opinion—he’s just very blunt and cynical and often rude/harsh as a result

Wanderer hates sugarcoating his emotions & if him liking Nahida is majorly because he feels she’s proven it’s more or less safe to trust her, i don’t think he has any reason to hide the fact he genuinely respects her and as a result is regularly open about this when he interacts about her in canon. He may grumble about her requests or emotional earnesty because, well, it’s Wanderer, but imo if he were regularly snappy/mean to Nahida even in an “all-bark-no-bite” way we would’ve see them interact like that on screen already—but we don’t, and the fact that’s now how does treat her is a part of their dynamic I find very endearing and enjoy a lot—so I want to highlight it!

Like…look at how he talks to/about her even just going off of inversion of genesis alone:

I feel hes noticeably more cordial and cooperative with Nahida compared to say, Traveler & Paimon—he doesn’t try to intentionally provoke her for fun (or out of spite in the case of early IoG) the way he does with us/Traveler, both in Inversion of Genesis and Parade of Providence. He spends all of PoP intentionally trying to act suspicious/up to no good to mess with the Traveler & Paimon whenever we run into him—and then we get to the end of the event and find out Nahida just… asked him to monitor the event to make sure there wasn’t any trouble (+ wanted him to make friends LOL).

Like we literally see Nahida playfully tease him on screen and he doesn’t snap or get really grouchy with her…he just tolerates it like a mildly disgruntled cat

Which is…cute! I think it’s very endearing, especially when I don’t feel Nahida is usually playful like this unless she considers them an equal/friend—it feels like maybe she picks up on his energy a bit and adjusts her sense of humor/friendliness accordingly so it’s more intuitive/comfortable for both of them

Everyone jokes about Nahida dragging Wanderer into socializing and making friends right—which is true and something I think is very silly & fun, but again…while Wanderer may grumble about it I don’t think he’s actively mad or fighting with her about it even hyperbolically. Look at how he responds to Nahida telling him she wants to help him reach out to people in Parade of Providence:

This, combined with how he mentions feeling about Nahida not wanting him to isolate & be lonely in his birthday letter (“I can see that she was looking for a chance to make my life more fulfilling, but has she ever stopped to think about what an "experience" it is for others to meet me?”) gives me less an impression Wanderer is outwardly indignant and grouchy about Nahida trying to help him and more like…openly appreciative of the gesture but just doesn’t really think he’s worth the effort

I again think the specific way his responses to her trying to help him emotionally are always worded again show a distinct respect he has for Nahida as a person, and he seems genuinely grateful by the fact she gave him a second chance when, given how internally harsh Wanderer is about things and himself and how much he’s internalized expecting to be used or disregarded by others constantly unless he fights tooth and nail to not be, he probably didn’t expect any sort of grace at all post losing the gnosis, much less having someone seem to genuinely believe in him & want him to be happy/stable when he took said offered chance

I just think Wanderer is someone who cares a lot about being straightforward, especially about things that really move him emotionally, and think it’s really sweet he feels moved enough by Nahida’s encouragement & goodwill towards him to genuinely want to try with life. I get so sad when It seems like people think Wanderer is too like, emotionally immature or jaded to ever care to express how he feels about Nahida even in his own blunt, recovering nihilist way (when he explicitly does in canon IMO) and have him be snarky & grouchy to Nahida constantly, or believe he’d find her being good naturedly silly/childish annoying and scoff at her for it (people seem to think he hates children when he canonically does not and is quite fond of them!! I personally think some of that soft spot comes from finding childish earnestness + innocence kind of bittersweetly cathartic/comforting to see and would be something he’d actively like about Nahida!!) 😔

This is something I always try to portray in my own fanworks of them I just like it a lot, I want people to see the vision!!! Their relationship is very mutual on effort put in from both sides & Wanderer is more open about respecting Nahida than you may believe—which means he actively tries to acknowledge her kindness towards him and she doesn’t have to babysit him or drag him into cooperating with her all the time! And I find it very touching and sweet!

[xxbrightshadowxx]

TF One Shatter Glass Au

Kay so I’ve heard about Shatter Glass before in transformers which is basically of the autobots were evil and decepticons were good(I think? I’m not sure. in the words of my cousin I’m still new to transformers) so I decided to come up with an au for Tfone for it.

Everything would start out the same, everything from the movie would play out, until the attack at the High Guard’s base. Instead of Bee and D-16 being captured it’s Elita and Orion.

D-16 is crushed and is ready to give everything up, he snaps at Bee and laminates that they are doomed and ask how can he do optimistic and naive when he was in a crappier position than he was beforehand. They argue for a while till D-16 kinda admits he’s jealous of orion for being so optimistic and kind even during horrible times. Bee helps him out and shows him to always look for good and tells him this is a chance to improve their lives.(kinda effy on this part)

With the power of persuasion aka, D-16 cannons, they convince the high guard to help them go rescue the others

Meanwhile back at Sentinel’s tower Orion thinks D-16 is dead and is depressed, the evidence is destroyed and he feels like crap. Sentinel mocks them like on the film, and Elita bites back at him which results in Sentinel berating Elita and nearly hurting her till Orion intervenes. Sentinel, tired of Orion being mouthy, takes the( I think it was a drill or a torch?? Can’t remember the name.) and uses it to scratch up his mouth. Orion’s optics turn to yellow

Basically similar thing happens, D-16 gets the miners to help(though is more threatening and uses the high guard to convince them) he freaks out when he sees injured Orion and the same thing happens in the movie except when D tries to shoot Sentinel Orion convinced him not to and D’s optics turn blue. While they walk away, Sentinel tries to stab Orion but D pushes him out of the way and gets stabbed. D and Orion tries to catch him but fails and falls into the well.

Orion turns around and his optics are a bright red and he kills Sentinel, less graphic than D-16 does in the film, a simple execution shot to the head. Meanwhile D-16 is, you guess it, is given the matrix for choosing good even in his darkest moments and sacrificing his life for him.

Orion steal Sentinel’s t cog and changes his designation to Optimus Prime, claiming himself the new ruler. His speech is able to convince several others including Elita, Bee, and several other miners that the only way to become equal they must steal their t cogs back from the ones that ‘wronged them.’ So attack the ones already with t cogs and steal them for their selves.

Megatron comes back and is horrified at what Orion has become but Op knows that’s he’s crossed a line he can’t go back and they fight. Megs wins but can’t kill his friend leaving him to leave. The miners feel in a way betrayed since Megatron told them he could change their future but he wants to keep the bots with t cogs alive. Basically saying he ‘deceptive’ them.(get it?)

The miners, Elita, Bee, and Op leave leaving some miners behind, the high guard, and Megatron behind.

In this au, while good, Megatron is still a bit violent and the decepticons methods are still a bit violent but they do want peace and equality. Most of his journey would be becoming a better leader for his team and for Cybertron. Starscream would still try to surprise him because, yes.

Meanwhile Op is kinda manipulative in this au. He uses his kindness to trick and gain bots trust to make them do whatever he wants. Op wants equality but his ideas to achieve it is fucked up and twisted. Elita, after realizing her entire life and all her effort was for nothing also sorta crashes out and is fully on board with OP’s plan. After Meg’s ‘death’ and seeing his two friends actively prompt their idea of rebuilding Cybertron, Bee kinda goes along with them. He is not as bad or evil as Elita and Op in this au so his optics are either yellow or orange. He’s like the thundercracker of this au.

I might write a fic about this one day. If I do, I’ll post a link here if anyone thinks this is an ok idea?

[purble-turble]

i can 100% see Nezha and mk's relationship (regardless if it's platonic or romantic) being equally beneficial and detrimental. like there so much they could help each other with but also subconsciously cause serious problematic habits/ thought processes/ coping mechanisums for each other and themselves the biggest thing my brain latched onto was how MK could become Nezha's first truly safe space.

Nezha going what i know and understand about his lore and what we can glean from the little we know in the show's canon, definitely has it rough in the celestial realm. he had a very troubled childhood and is clearly haunted by his past and is being defined by it despite his efforts to grow and prove that he's better now. he can command respect for his strength and power but people still question him as a person, always waiting for him to slip up. what relationships he does have he probably doesn't feel fully safe expressing his real self and thoughts because it poses potential risks. then mk comes into the picture. Nezha's given him a safe place to talk openly and he'd want to offer the same to the prince. even if he can't help directly he knows just having someone to vent to can help. its small stuff at first, little complaints here and there about work and the celestial realm, but slowly nezha starts to open up about more personal stuff. stuff with his family, with other celestials, and about his past. and to his amazement and relief is met with only empathy and understanding from mk, even after learning about the darker stuff MK never judges him. Nezha doesn't have to mask anything about himself around mk, infact he's being encouraged to relax and just be his natural self around him. he's truly safe when its just him and mk, that feeling has to be euphoric for the poor guy used to being on guard constantly even around the people he loves.

but of course, could easily lead to a mutually unhealthy co-dependency. nezha's already been isolated to some degree having never had much of a positive support structure, and mk's slowly isolating himself away from his established support structure. resulting in an echo chamber of two very well-meaning but very mentally ill people.

(i'm so sorry this turned into a short essay I've been waiting three hours to get of shift so i can spill my brains out about this. i have more but I'm going to end it here in fear that i'm being a bit much about these two)

Noo don’t worry about this being long, I absolutely love it!!

You’re so right, Nezha and MK are at the same time a good counterbalance for each other while also being accidentally self-destructive. MK is a chaotic lil gremlin who follows his emotions and worries about consequences later and Nezha (in LMK at least) seems to be trying very hard to come at things logically and approach from a more grounded, duty-based perspective. They both could use a splash of the other’s energy in that manner, so in that way it’s for sure a good thing that they’re getting closer.

Problem is, like you said, these boys are sooooo mentally ill 😂 The feeling that they need to constantly be proving themselves, giving a little more away every time, pushing their own boundaries and suffering in silence because it’s what someone else needs- these are things they might accidentally end up encouraging in each other…. Actually, probably not even accidentally. They see the other working crazy hard and being run ragged physically and probably emotionally too, and they’re like “I am SO proud of you for sacrificing so much!” ..and both of them have never felt so seen as when the other says that to them. It’s validating their worst impulses to just keep going and giving because their own feelings about it are less important than everyone else’s.

Also, the fact that they feel like they can expect to get that praise when they admit to being stressed might even make them be more open about it. Only with each other, though… if they were to mention feeling overworked or burdened to their families, they know already that they would not get the response they were looking for.. but again, even if it means they’re being more open, it’s still not a super good thing that it’s reinforcing destructive behavior. :U

[makingspiritualityreal]

I had an interesting conversation with my friend recently and she claims my observations were valuable and should be shared with others.

The context of the conversation was from a phenomenon that we can see on social media recently that criticizes “nice people” and says that “they don’t get what they want” while “bad people get their way”. I have seen many pseudo spiritual teachers preach something similar, but all that it does is preys on people’s anger and resentment and has nothing to do with truly figuring out the vibration of the Universe.

The Universe responds to the frequency of our true intentions and is aware of the truth in all situations, thus it can’t be tricked. And from that comes a very important realization, that being “nice” is not equal to being good.

The other important truth is that this Universe operates within a certain harmony and is not kept forever “out of check”. Thus, it is impossible to infinitely commit destructive actions with no reaction from our environment.

Most people are nice habitually, but it is an action directed at social adherence, devoid of depth of feeling. How many of us can really say that they wake up with a genuine feeling of goodness in their hearts every day, even in difficult situations? It is not only impossible, it is not required of us. If we polled a “vibrational” monthly average there are people out there with foundational goodness of character, but sadly so few of them compared to those who are simply superficially nice. And for those who radiate genuine goodness, it always ultimately comes back in some form. Those who are only “nice” on the surface but sulk about how bad life is to them are dishonest about the true motivations of their character.

The discernment about people called “bad” is necessary, because very few human beings are genuinely bad people. People are complex and have different aspects to their personality. Someone can be a very successful worker and make a lot of money but treat people in their personal life poorly, and their life will ultimately reflect that. This is the problem with the perception of “bad” behaviors - their seeming victories are short lived. You will see that while up until a certain age these kind of people have enough energy to keep repeating their mistakes, they never gain any long term payoff from their bad behavior.

To show you an example, this is the reason why totalitarian leaders ultimately fail and face opposition, because while they power they way through short term victories, they don’t achieve long term respect, as it would require a certain integrity, so the opposition they attract makes them fail.

Genuine goodness is something very fragile, hard to build and easy to shatter. It requires effort and self discipline, yet gives unique results. It is irrational to say that people who don’t work on themselves at all will get the same results as people who refine their character on a regular basis.

If you need an example to put this in perspective, think of a relationship you have with someone, that is bound by negative attachment. Most of us are born with certain difficult karmas, so we go through at least one such experience in this lifetime. You may be temporarily bound to them, you may be afraid or unable to escape them, but if someone has not been good to you, they have shattered your genuine love for them a long time ago. Love and attachment is not the same, and once good feelings between people are destroyed, you can’t really manipulate your way out of it, as deep inside a person’s heart something is irrevocably changed.

That’s why goodness and trust is so rare and so precious. Because, unlike what the modern media tries to tell us, there is really no cheat code to bypass the truth and the effort required to create something genuine. Being good is not about weakness, it’s about hard work, and few people really achieve it.

[joffyworld]

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Joffy is an anonymous identity concocted here at JoffyWorldInc and JoffyBroadcastingCo. to spread good vibes and overall show his appreciation to the beautiful people of Tumblr and especially the Cult of the Lamb fandom!

When is Joffy?

JoffyWorld adheres to a rather loose schedule centered around the GMT timezone. Times active are usually around 1pm to 2am GMT, with some leeway either way.

Why does Joffy like, comment and reblog all my stuff?

Because you're awesome that's why! Joffy loves to see art of all forms from the raunchy to the family friendly and by God will JoffyWorld serve as the Internet's Library of Alexandria and Abbasid House of Wisdom for the things Joffy loves (mainly being Cult of the Lamb content)!

Can I follow or interact with Joffy?

Yes! He is a regular person! This charade of being a company is all an entertaining way to provide information! He loves people, he loves you, and a message or a kind word makes his day a whole lot brighter, and he hopes it does the same for you!

What to do if I find Joffy annoying?

Tell him! He is a person and quite socially inept at that so inform Joffy if you wish for him to no longer comment as frequently or turn your notifications off. Notifications are on for his favourite accounts, so you will likely see him being first to reblog and comment fairly often!

Joffy's Frequent Tags (Subject to Updates):

#JoffyJoff

Regular hijinks, the thoughts and feelings of Joffy in the wide world (usually without any specific subject)!

#AskyJoffy

The responses and asks sent by you! The dear viewer! Usually responded to the same day if not within an hour or two. Anonymous asks are welcome and asks are not restricted to any topics! Let your mind run free!

#JoffyAnnouncements

Announcements regarding the meta of this account, including updates regarding it's creator and the running of it's functions such as redesigns of the page and its' content.

#JoffyWrites

This is the tag where creative works will be stored! Don't expect fully in-depth cohesive stories or ao3 works of art, it'll mostly be short and sweet poems with possible character analysis made afterward to dive deeper into the characters, who knows?!

#Poetry!au

This is the tag similar to JoffyWrites, but specifically for the poetry about the au within the poems. This au tries to stick to canon as closely as possible, but with some elements open to interpretation there is plenty of gaps to fill!

Aaaand that's it!

Welcome to the world of Joffy, we hope you enjoy your stay. Any questions not answered in the FAQ? Feel free and encouraged to drop an ask in the JoffyWorld askbox and you will receive the answers you desire.

Thank you! Enjoy your stay!

[rat-rambles]

I am not waiting for the results of my own poll look at my fan kids (yes there twins).

The one with 1 eye is Star and 2 is Sphinx

So I guess this this is a full sail Au at this point so let me explain.

So basically Ford got Bill pregnant befor going though the portal and no one realized till after Ford had gone though the portal and they where defintly enemy's. This did result in Bill raising the kids till weridmagon despite Bill trying to parent trap Ford and ford trying to (kiddnap) liberate them.

Pregnant how I hear you say. Well scence in the dreamscape ideas become reality and Bill also is a idea they both basically thought of haveing kids at the same time while doing the deed and Bill's subconscious did the rest. Don't worry about the finer details it's not important.

Why baby's both human shape. Well human is dominated but. Actually Bill's subconscious has a presence for the human traits becuse he resents his triangle heritage. Both the baby's have triangle features though.

Becuse of time fuckery of realms despite it haveing been 30 years on earth the kids are 12/13 just like dipper and Mable when weridmagon happends. After weridmagon Ford and Stan take them in.

Both the kids defaulted to they/them pronouns becuse when Bill was asked about what gender the kids where he gave a "I don't know anything about human gender they'll figure it out when there older.".

Now for spefics

Star: they take more after Bill. There more magical inclined. They prefer to float and change shape at will.

There clearly the favorite even though Bill *trys* not to show it.

Despite this there the more squish one bills little pranks have made them cry on multiple occasions puting Bill in a awkward position.

Is the smart sibling despite the goofy disposition

Sphinx: is constantly compared to Ford and dipper despite Bill's best efforts.

Becuse of the constantly comparison to Ford they both want to meet him desperately and prove that there there own person equally desperately.

There not as good as puzzles as there name would sujest. It makes them deeply insure but they refuse to show it.

Grows out hair to look more like Bill in hopes of gaining his approval.

Ironically feels outcast by the nightmare realm becuse of being "to normal" despite best efforts to match there freak.

There very protective of Star becuse of Stars scentive nature. Sphinx knows Star is used to constant praise and when the drip stops Sphinxs worries about Stars ego.

Bill does love the kids as fearcly as he can but that alone dosnt make a good parent. He is very busy and stressed but is trying. He keeps them far form any compat he sees comeing and insist they wear the bill necklace so he can always see where they are incase of porably Ford based kidnappings.

[lorei-writes]

Character Thoughts: Chevalier #1

Contents:

The Queen -- reasons for motherhood,

How did the beast come to be internalised,

Importance of Clavis,

Wish to be seen as human.

Vaguely non-descriptive spoilers for Chevalier's route and event stories may be present.

Do you know how the way one was raised influences their perception of themselves? I think that shows quite profoundly in Chevalier... and that it is possible to theorise about the Queen's intentions based on it as well.

So, Chevalier is born. The Queen's marriage is loveless, but she did bear a heir and that clearly is something the King wanted. He should be happy with her now, no? She has fulfilled her duty. She has done well. Maybe now, now that they have a proper family, he will forget about the Belle and will love her instead.

But this doesn't happen.

It may just take time. Maybe she is not good enough. Maybe just any heir is not good enough. So, Chevalier is taught -- and surely, now the King must be satisfied. His son is a genius, after all.

The King, however, remains different towards Queen's affection. Worse yet, he hurts Leticia. One question opens up: why?

Now, from the Queen's perspective, she has done everything right -- their child was conceived within the boundaries of a legitimate union; she gave birth to a son; her son was bright; her son was talented; her son was dedicated. All of those can be seen as crucial only in regards to earning the King's love.

Affection was mentioned nowhere on the list. Chevalier was means to an end -- and what does a child do under such circumstances? They try their best. Conditional love is still love, and he is more than capable of living up to her expectations. He is more than capable of becoming all that a perfect king should be.

So he does. And he takes it to the extreme. Killing that assassin? It only aligns with what he was supposed to be. And yet, the King still does not love the Queen. She has only one nugget of hope -- it is not her. It is him. It is Chevalier who is at fault. She has not done a single incorrect thing, so her failure -- through her faulty logic -- is not hers. She couldn't have succeeded with such a son. It's him. It's all him. It's his fault.

Chevalier does everything right. However, the outcomes of his actions only ever earn him fright. In fact, the more correct he is, the more everybody is terrified. His efforts? They are good. His results? They are good. Therefore, it can only be that he is the element that is faulty. That he, inherently, is a fearsome beast.

The belief sits at his core. It isn't a point of pride, however, but of disdain.

---

There were times I was tempted to say that "Chevalier is terrifying" is what every person thinks and acts upon. However, there is one consistent exception we know of -- Clavis.

Clavis' role in preventing Chevalier from fully embracing his status of a beast is immeasurable. As troublesome as he may be, for the longest time, he is the only one to make an effort to actually engage Chevalier on an equal ground. He does not cry when merely in his presence -- he challenges him, regardless of any failures he may suffer in the process.

Clavis nags Chevalier to be more social. He tells him to smile more. He argues with him. Clavis never gives up, and he surely never gives up on Chevalier. What is more, when he sees Chevalier give up on love after obtaining it in his Romantic end? Clavis does not give up on Chevalier's behalf.

Clavis sees Chevalier's emotion. He acknowledges it. He may be getting some enjoyment out of teasing his brother, however, as Chevalier himself says -- Clavis may not have the best logic, but his intentions are always good ones.

--

And lastly, there is one more thing. As I've said, "I am not a person; I am a beast" is one of Chevalier's core beliefs. It is not a neutral one, and as much as he might have buried this desire, all along Chevalier wants to be seen as a person. He just does not allow himself to even hope for it.

It is Emma's insistence that breaks through to him eventually. Her being scared of him after seeing him on the battlefield? It hurts. He'd rather never be considered a person to begin with.

I dare say Emma changing her mind about him is not a concern that disappears entirely. We can see it in True Love & Beauty and the Knight stories. After hurting people, regardless of whether it was justified or not, Chevalier instinctively puts distance between them. He reverts to referring to himself per "beast". He is worried.

This one thing is terribly hard to unlearn. It takes time, effort and tremendous amounts of trust... And trust he does, one awkwardly loving gesture at a time.

[unreone]

Assorted Gnarly and Grim headcanons based on Me and Mel's ponytown rps

"Hell, I'd watch the world burn with him if its warmth makes him happy"

~ Gnarlie talking about Grim

- Grim and Gnarly met through Omegle with the topic about being dark comedy-

- Grim and Gnarly are the results of being undiagnosed mentally ill individuals living in a non-accomodating, hostile world, left to their own accord and the only positive engagement they received are from doomer types of people regurgitating nihilistic harmful takes, it's not even funny it's stomach-churning.

- Grim is just Pim but received 10x more backlash and humiliation by the world because he have more difficult personality traits. Pim does not seem to be suffering because he is good at masking. Reading about the client reviews of Smiling Friends online makes him bitter and made Pim his personal rival (derived from the line "Smiling Friends, we finally met at last"). Despite not knowing him personally, he is intent on showing his so called truth. (Grim to Pim is Trixie to Twilight Sparkle to me ARE Y'ALL SEEING THE VISION???)

- Gnarly is just Charlie but apathetic and the self-serving tendencies is heightened. Constantly observed disappointments whenever he tries to do something proactive. He associated trying equals to useless effort. The only time he does not regret stepping up to something is when he calls out and threathens to hurt the people that was beating up Grim.

- Grim dropped out of school at that one messiest day where the bullying and beatings he take is just taken too far. Gnarlie was there on time, from the fact they agreed they'll finally meet up physically that day.

- Gnarly is a facts hoarder, even way before Frowning Friends is established. He knows so many niche scientific and environmental facts, both the uplifting and disappointing ones.

- Grim wants to write his name into the history as someone like a revolutionary figure. But like, he doesnt see any other way than Frowning Friends because the only thing he thinks he is good at is disappointing and making people frown.

- Gnarly is a Reddit lurker and Grim is a 4Chan frequenter. Both are enjoyers of Newgrounds.

- Gnarly is unabashedly romantic and literate whenever he have the opportunity to to Grim. Inversely that, his insults are really well thought out and directly targeted against other people whenever he claps back.

- Grim is so lacking at verbal affirmations outside of Gnarlie. From that he assumes he's never going to amount to anything that of worth and the pain of that (terribly false) association makes him want other people to not experience the hurt and so pioneers Frowning Friends under the guise of telling the truth, when what is it really is unnecessary negativity that propagates the echo chamber of stagnation. That's not any better.

- Watch him crumble actually when he received the barest minimum of compliment from Mr. Boss. That moment does not just show Mr. M's skill of being a great Smiling Friend worker, it is a signifier that Grim is just a misdirected soul who does need positive reinforcement and better circle of mindset to surround himself with.

- Grim will have his dick guillotined online if he ever admits he actually hates being negative and edgy and actually seeks for something wholesome (hehe Create Unknown podcast with Michael and Zach reference)

- On that same vein of thought, Grim could not for the life of him stomach liveleak videos. It's only Gnarly who like watches it (mostly through the r/50-50 he does not actively seeks it). Grim is even queasy from any audios similar to it that's why Gnarlie only does his browsing when he's on his own.

- Gnarly and Grim only found solace and solidarity through each other the way the two exchanges vents and affirmations nightly. They have attempted to connect with any other people only to receive ineffective, unhelpful responses that does not reciprocate any weight. They are heavily flawed individuals that can see each other's scars with no judgements.

[princescribbler]

Explaining The Importance of Caring for Your Caregiver (& Examples)

All too often in Ageplay or Caregiver/little dynamics, the caregivers' needs and desires are delayed or limited in an effort to meet the expectations and desires of the little.

That is a surprise to many, who only see the little as 'a submissive' and thus assume that their needs are viewed as secondary. Often, especially in longterm abdl, Ageplay, and CG/l dynamics, this isn't the case and the little is treated as almost incapable of meeting their own needs... and thus the caregiver focuses on that and helping, guiding, or instructing them! The focus then moves on to having the little one get their needs and desires met (often with the caregivers Dommy help, or guidance) but frequently forgets the reciprocity of the dynamic!

As a result, this is one area of kink, as compared to more traditional D/s dynamics, that can easily fall apart for the caregiver/ Dominant role. And it isn't anyone's FAULT, with the little not necessarily aware that they may not be meeting their partner's needs equally! Often they're just trying to be a good partner, little, sub or plaything or devoted cutie!

So how do we fix it? It's actually pretty easy.

Prioritize checking in with BOTH parties: caregivers need safe words, check ins, and their needs discussed just as much as any little does.

Make a conscious choice to identify the CG's daily needs. Like, the little might need a daily bedtime... but the caregiver might need a daily "thank you and I love and appreciate you" text before that bedtime, or even a call to say that you appreciate and agree to what you're getting as their little. Saying "thank you for helping give me structure" makes the caregiver go from feeling like a nag to feeling appreciated and acknowledged.

CAREGIVERS need safewords. Just... this is pretty basic but boy oh boy do a lot of people ignore this. Everybody involved in your kink dynamic needs to be able to express their need to pause and be given aftercare and support, full stop.

Passive affection: often a caregiver is the most important and valued person in a littles life... but that can be shown often through bigger or more grand gestures. Agreeing to go to bed is obedience, thanking them for your toys or pleasure or sexy stuff is fun, but PASSIVE AFFECTION is just a basic need. Call them "love", call them nice names and lovely words. Give them a big hug when you pass in the house, and them a text without getting one first, forward them that song you heard that made you think of your CG... those small acts of daily attention are often even more impactful than great gestures and kinky dynamic things.

Give them time to choose their headspace; maybe they're a switch, maybe they just need a bit of time to engage in a more vanilla or traditional way: if you're with someone who never gives themselves time to relax and engage with you OUT of that headspace, offer it! You might be shocked how much they need a night of adult to adult talk, or maybe just a tiny break!

Give them pleasure! No, not just sex (though... sure, if you're both consenting and able, have at it!) But even things like a back rub, a cuddle in bed, a slow lazy Sunday morning cuddled up without having to do errands... make being with you a source of comfort, pleasure, and affection. It's also a selfish thing you can do too: you'll be amazed how much they want to be with you and be a caregiver to you if BEING your caregiver is such fun and so pleasant!

Show interest in their interests: what hobbies, favorite shows, favorite topics of conversation do they have? I love kink and abdl... but if that's the only way you talk to your caregiver and the only thing you talk about, you might not be connecting in a deeper or more sincere way. Try to show interest, and actually BE interested! Don't treat your caregiver like a kink dispenser you have to occasionally put time and energy into... treat them as the interesting, loving person they truly are.

I'm no expert in relationship dynamics, I'm not a therapist, I'm not trained or anything like that. So take my advice as the opinions of someone who thinks they know what they're talking about... but who is not claiming to be speaking the gospel perfect best truth here. But if you think you might agree or if you feel that you or your partner NEEDS to hear this occasionally, thanks for reading and taking it in.

Caregivers are, quite literally, giving. They give of themselves even when it seems like they're just telling you what to do, because that IS what they can give to you. But littles and their partners need to know how to give back, for everyone's mutual benefit.

Treat your partner well, and remember: even a big tough caregiver needs a snuggle and some quiet time, every once in a while!

As always: stay happy, stay healthy, and stay kinky!

-Scribbler

[tanadrin]

That is correct, I didn't think the Mosaic law would be a practical way of running a society but that's what my client wanted so that's what I wrore

I don't really get the joke here, so I'm just going to take an opportunity to add another fact I found pretty interesting:

It was common in the Ancient Near East to create codes of law for display purposes (and outside it--cf. the Twelve Tables). This wasn't so much so that the common person could know and understand the law, because literacy rates were pretty low, but served a similar function as monumental architecture, to display the power of the ruler and at least notionally their justice. But in practice, the law as it actually functioned could be pretty different from the law as these monuments proclaimed it.

I think it's interesting to consider the law-as-a-symbol. There was some incidental discourse crossing my dash recently about whether "law" as a general concept protects the weak from the strong, or whether it legitimates the rule of the elites. And I think the answer is that is obviously does neither: that a society has a system of law tells you nothing about how that system functions, and you have to dig into the nitty-gritty details to determine whether the society has "rule of law" (which is good) or "rule by law" (which is bad). The former is, hopefully, a system where the law binds everybody, attempts to be fair, and there is at least some effort to enforce it equally; the latter is where law is a justification for a system power that makes no pretense at that sort of thing.

And I think rule by law is a very common state of affairs, especially pre-French Revolution! I might be generous and say pre-Enlightenment at best. Because before you have an ideological starting point of "ok, everybody should be equal before the law and the law should be impartially enforced," one-off privileges, aristocracies, and random exemptions from various rights and duties are pretty normal, and one of the major functions of law is to codify these inequities to make sure the king or his judiciary respects them. There is a reason one of the big components of revolutionary projects historically has been administrative reform, because in redrawing internal boundaries and revising old law codes, you can do away with these inequities and legally enshrined hierarchies.

And that pattern of inequity, of legally enshrined hierarchy, is of course thoroughly present in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. As Dan McClellan points out, agency in these codes flows downhill and it flattens everything in its path. The agency of men erases that of women: the law treats what happens if a man violates the property rights of another man over the women under his dominion (his daughters or wives), but the agency of the women ("consent" in modern parlance) simply makes no difference to the law. The only place women's sexual agency shows up in the law is in the one situation where a woman is interacting with a creature lesser than her, i.e., if she lies with an animal.

Even in the European Middle Ages I think there were real disjuncts between the worldview of the people using these law codes for devotional purposes and the worldview of their authors. In the modern era, of course, those disjuncts are yawning chasms, and as a result you get some really weak apologetic attempts to try to reconcile modern ethics with (again, impractical, unworkable, entirely theoretical) Iron Age legal theory. But there are lots of places in the Bible--both in the law codes and in the narrative portions--where I think the disjunct is so great that the aftercomers can't really make heads or tails of the worldviews of their predecessors. This is where the apologists (and before them, the commentaries of the Talmud) often have to invent major details out of whole cloth to try to turn the situation into one that makes sense to them. It would be better, and easier to construct a more consistent system of ethics, to just jettison the bits that clearly aren't applicable to the concerns of your community--but then of course once you admit that what parts of your scripture you do and don't accept are contingent on their relevance to your community, it is no longer the timeless and authoritative book from God, and it ceases to be a useful way of structuring power.

And as with codes of law, holy writ is (among other things) about structuring power! Otherwise all religion would approximately resemble Unitarian Universalism, an honest, gentle, thoughtful faith that is approximately irrelevant.

[ahamkara-apologist]

Not to be insane in your inbox but I simply MUST hear more of your Uluran specbio headcanons. They keep me sane.

Okay yeah I'm just gonna post this now- been fiddling with it for several weeks and keep getting distracted by cool reproductive biology facts (like the complexities of rhino cervixes and why it makes conservation efforts via artificial insemimation so difficult) so here ya go. Most of this is reproductive biology bc I'm studying to be an evolutionary geneticist for conservation purposes, so be aware of that- all that good stuff is under a readmore

*Note: I started using the terms ‘bulls’ for male Uluru and ‘sows’ for female Uluru midway through this bc I got tired of writing ‘male/female’ over and over again, as this doc also contains Eliksni and Hive biology musings. It helps distinguish the Uluran section from the others a bit. I also use Uluru/Uluran interchangeably, with ‘Uluru’ being the notation for individuals and ‘Uluran’ being the notation for a group/the species as a whole.

General:

-The exposed upper gumline we see in almost all Uluru faces isn't how their lips normally rest; baring the teeth and upper gum is an expression of superiority/confidence in their strength. The reason we almost always see their faces in this position is because the Uluran almost universally view humans as weaker, and even those like Caiatl (who has seen otherwise) does it on instinct because they cannot fathom how much smaller we are

-Which, to be fair, doesn't say a lot; an Uluru with a relaxed mouth typically only occurs in private, when around their mate or equals. When an expression can mean both 'I am greater than you' as well as 'I am confident in myself and my abilities', and the whole society they live in is based around being the best of your class, then it's going to be a very common facial expression

-(On a side note: their growth hormones being triggered by a sense of pride isn't actually all that outlandish. House Sparrows exhibit a similar occurrance in real life, where winning dominance battles against other males increases the size of their bib, a black patch on their chest that indicates where they are placed in their social hierarchy. The more fights they win, the bigger their bib)

-Uluran fat distribution is mostly internal, and is focused around the organs to act as shock barriers when fighting; their muscles typically layer over the fat bands. The one exception to this is around the throat/jowl area, where fat layers over the thick muscle pads to help protect the vulnerable area from being gored by tusks during fighting

-Unlike in human society, hitting on a married individual is not socially unacceptable, especially if the individual doing the flirting believes that the pairing is an unfit match for one another and they can do better. It's considered romantic and marriage-affirming for the partner who's being shamed in this situation to chase the other suitor off. This weighed especially heavily on the sows bc of the vulnerable mate-guarding lactation period post-pregnancy

-(However it should be noted that Uluran gender roles are less restrictive in some ways than humans bc they’re based more on the strength of the individual than their ability to perform preset social rules, and that in modern times this is more for show)

-Historically, reverse-harem groups were a common sign of status, with one particularly fit sow mating with three or four bulls and/or having ‘lesser’ males that she did not mate with (or stole from other sows) nursing her calves. In some extremely traditionalist groups/among gladiators, this still occurs, but most mating groups max out at three individuals because the posturing required to keep people interested is just…a lot. Its a lot of mutual impressing to do

Reproductive biology:

-Much like hyenas, sows have a pseudopenis that is a result of increased androgens, and big pseudopenises on sows are seen as a mark of great status/strength. Tusk size/growth rates is also sometimes correlated with pseudopenis size, since the amount of androgens in the blood stream are correlated with both tusk growth rates and penis size

-Unlike hyena pseudopenises, however, the urinary tract does run through the shaft of the clitorus, while the birth canal essentially opens halfway down the shaft, creating a pouchlike vaginal opening. Arousal is required for this pouch to unfold; if not, penetration cannot occur, and in an unaroused state, it collapses in on itself into the base of the shaft, which then folds into the sheath for total protection. This evolved to keep the genital area clean, but has been co-opted to prevent mating until the female is ready, much like hyenas

-Yes, in less civilized times the pseudopenis was also used for dominance displays. During the breeding season, sows would evert their hemipenes in a half-erect state to essentially show off their fitness, which would greatly influence male mate choice. Tusk size = general status, penis size = reproductive status

-Bulls only receive a spike in androgens after the sows actively courting them go into an estrus cycle, which triggers increased sperm production and makes their testicles swell in size to what would be normal on a mammal (inspired by how bird testicles increase in size during mating season) and skyrockets their seminal viability 200% above average, specifically for the purpose of fertilizing a female in estrus. After fertilization occurs, they have to be around a pregnant sow for an extended period of time to a.) drop them back to a normal, non-breeding state and b.) induce lactation for the arriving calves, which is typically when mate guarding begins to occur in earnest. Both hormone cycle mechanisms are pheromonally regulated, but may have a 'ghost cycle' occurrence where the hormone fluxes occur on a very minor level

-As a consequence: very humanly 'masculine' bulls are typically less traditionally attractive compared to bulls with what we might consider more 'feminine' traits. Bulls with too much testosterone will have tusks on par with sows, larger penises, and testes that are noticeably descended from the abdominal cavity. While they are typically more capable of fertilizing sows, they are incapable of producing milk or are subpar at it, which means they cannot gestate the resulting calves effectively, so that increased fertility is essentially useless

-(However, it is important to note again that Uluran gender roles do not correlate to human ones, and high-testosterone bulls will still be considered very valuable fighters, warriors, and champions. They're just not considered suitable mate material, and are laughed or scoffed at if they ever want to have a family of their own. Ghaul was an example of a high-testosterone bull)

-[OOPS I ACCIDENTALLY WROTE THIS TWICE BUT DONT WANNA DELETE IT] Fertilization is internal and requires cooperation of both parties to occur. The female vaginal opening itself is composed of erectile tissue, and directly connected to the base of the pseudopenis; when aroused, it everts from the body cavity in an unfurling motion (as the outer labia are composed of thick skin that tuck inwards for protection) and sticks out a bit for ease of penetration.

-The male penis does much the same, but is long, thin, and semiprehensile, allowing it to easily curve under the curve of the abdomen and slip into the vagina via touch alone. The head flares after ejaculation to scrape out the sperm of opposing males, but isn’t terribly effective at it, as it is composed of soft, spongy tissue to be able to exit the tighter vaginal opening. Because bulls typically pick only one sow to mate with, the effect is not terribly drastic compared to, say, the Eliksni (who are much more promiscuous)

-Vanilla sex is typically done standing, with abdomens pressed together and reciprocal stimulation occurring in a slow rocking motion until orgasm is obtained. Casually reclining is another option, but the evolutionary default was to mate while standing bc it allowed for quicker reaction timing if a threat approached

-Uluran have 5 nipples, placed under the main abdominal fat pad and covered with their pouch, which is a flap of tough hide with very elastic skin around its edges that can be torn away if a certain pattern of muscle contractions occur (much like lizard caudal autonomy). Both bulls and sows have a pouch that can be opened, but it is vastly reduced to a mere fold of skin on sows. The pouch typically only opens when stimulated by the birth of calves (triggered by the scent of newborn calves), or when stimulated from within. The skin that seals it shut has no pain receptors, and calf ejection has to be voluntarily triggered in order to occur- the default pathway is 'closed'.

-Births are a private affair, limited only to one's mate; a midwife and their apprentice may come stay on the property, but typically only come in if something is wrong. Even though Uluran calves are born underdeveloped, much like marsupials, they also suffer from the same evolutionary blows dealt to humans in that an upright stance and larger brains made birth more difficult. Pair that with the fact that they're coming out of a narrow birth canal, and yeah, first-time births are often quite painful; Uluran culture typically see birth as a battle, and first births (where tearing of the vaginal canal almost always occurs in some capacity) as a blood rite.

-If possible, the calves are born onto the bulls's abdomen as he guards/monitors his mate, which is all the help that they are traditionally allowed to get as they crawl into his pouch and latch onto a tear to complete development. Any that fail to reach the pouch are left to die

-Up to five calves can be born at a time, but 2 is typically much more common. Of a five-calf litter, only four will ever be healthy; the fifth will always be a runt, and almost never survive. Six is practically unheard of, and always leads to the litter dying because all of the other calves are too underdeveloped to have been carried to term

-Calves are roughly palm-sized when born, and are a stoutly compact, rectangular pink blob of flesh. They're essentially fetus potatos, with the only developed part of them being their crawling limbs. Their skin is transparent, thin, and heavily vascularized, especially along their bellies, as the interior of a bull's pouch is also highly vascularized, and oxygen exchange occurs through cross-current exchange across the skin. Once they find and latch to a nipple, the babies will essentially fuse belly-first to their father's pouch + teat, and will stick there until they're developed enough to leave the pouch and start breathing on their own (the thick hide on their bellies is the last thing to develop before leaving the pouch). This also means that calf ejection is almost always fatal, as it involves the tearing of that oxygen-exchange patch

-Uluru milk consists almost entirely of protein, with the remaining content being mostly fats. There's very little sugar in it, and just enough water to give it the consistancy of something slightly thinner than heavy cream. It's basically an antibody-packed protein shake, and allows the calves to grow at tremendous speeds once born. They're capable of tripling their weight in the first week alone

-(Coincidentally, how fat a baby is when they leave the pouch is deemed a way to tell how fit the male is to be a father. The fatter the baby is, the sexier the male, as that means he's fit enough to be producing very high-quality milk at very little cost to himself)

-(Yes this means that Calus was peak dilf material in Uluran terms. Deal with it)

[autisticsupervillain]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Stats Equalized!

The show where we equalize strength, speed, and durability to decide who would win a battle of hax, skill, and versatility.

This Month's Fighters...

Blitzo Buckzo vs Karkat Vantas!

Conditions:

No other restrictions.

Scenario:

After dying and being sent to Hell, Her Imperious Condescension hires IMP to assassinate Karkat out of spite.

Analysis: Karkat Vantas

Ask yourself one very important question. A question that has plagued nearly all of mankind since its very inception. What does God, our omnipotent creator, look like?

Stop thinking, because you're wrong. Our God is just an internet troll from another universe who wears a massive sweater, pulls his pants up to his chest, and has a love for dumb rom coms.

Meet Karkat Vantas, a mutant blooded alien troll from the distant planet of Alternia. Born as a mutant with bright red blood, Karkat had no place in Alternia's dystopic blood-based caste system and, as such, his very existence was a crime punishable by death. As such, Karkat has lived his entire life in constant fear and paranoia that one day his blood would be discovered and he would be killed. Growing up as a born outlaw in a murderous dystopia did not do well for Karkat's psyche, resulting in him growing up into an abrasive asshole who was fully convinced he would die at any moment.

Little did he know until his 13th birthday (or 6.5th birthday going off Alternia's time measurement system), he had inherited a destiny, regarding both the future of his race and the future of his very universe.

See, Karkat wasn't any mutant. He was a direct descendant of the Signless. A troll who, many centuries ago, had rebelled in the name of trolls of every caste, seeking to bring peace to the horrific, bloodthirsty dystopia. He was executed for his efforts, but not before his genetic information was copied.... by Karkat himself. Technically.

Karkat's other destiny was his destiny as a SBURB Player. He and all his friends were destined to play a video game called SGRUB, which would bring about the end of their world. The game, if played right, would allow Karkat and friends to become the gods of the new world, but in order for that to happen at all, the game had to allow Karkat to ensure his own existence through time traveling clone science fuckery. It's complicated.

This gave Karkat a golden opportunity to both escape his horrible situation and rule as the leader of a pantheon of gods over his own personal universe. Namely, our universe. He kindly assures us that it would've been a horrific and brutal regime, but it never really got off the ground, as Karkat's victory was stolen from him at the last second by an invincible time demon and Karkat would up having to work with the humans he had intended to enslave for the sake of survival.

This is because Karkat is not even half the conquer he wants to be. He isn't even really the leader of his team. Despite all his bluster of being a God born from a superior warrior race, Karkat is a loud mouthed weakling when measured up to nearly anyone else on his team. He has no special powers, he's physically the weakest out of everyone, and he isn't even an actual God.

What Karkat does have... is heart. Much to his chagrin, Karkat's special power is basically friendship. As a Blood Player, Karkat is supernaturally predisposed to being really good at making friends and maintaining friendships... which turned out to be the very thing he needed to succeed as well as he did.

See, all of Karkat's friends have a very deep, bloody history. As in, "these people are personally responsible for the most traumatic and horrifying events in my life. Events that shape who I am as a person to this day" deep. They've killed each other before and they would again. However, thanks to Karkat's influence, they're able to not only work together but actually almost get along. Karkat had a genocidal highblood supremacist counting him as one of his best friends, that's how potent this guy's friendship power inexplicably is.

A lot of this can be chalked up to the Blood Aspect, sure, but a lot of it can also be chalked up to who Karkat is under all the paranoia and anger. He gets people, he understands their character flaws, their failings, their fears, and he sympathizes with them. He gets, probably better than anyone else, that everyone around him is effectively a terrified kid with boatloads of trauma. That's the real reason he could never by the bloodthirsty tyrant he dreamed of. It's not who he is, at his foundation. It just took a long time and a lot of bonding with the humans he supposedly despised for him to realize that.

That said, Karkat is only physically unimpressive by the standards of the literal gods that surround him. He's still a SBURB Player and he still grew up on an inhospitable hell planet. As such, he is much stronger than your ordinary human.

Notably, he should powerscale to the same kind of meteor trip that Rose survived, as all SBURB Players arrive on their home planets this way and all the Players are capable of surviving their meteor trips. Unless you want to suggest that Rose is thousands of time stronger than Karkat as an infant, Karkat should be roughly comparable.

From this point, Karkat has been getting stronger all of his life. Everyone and everything in Homestuck has an Echeladder, a video game style leveling system that continues to make them stronger as they accomplish random things throughout their life, ranging from opening a fridge to winning a fight.

On top of this, Karkat is certainly a much more skilled fighter than your average human being. His team was able to take in the armies of the Kingdom of Derse, which has been warring with its opposite Kingdom of Prospite for as long as its home reality has existed. Despite that, Karkat found himself being flat out disappointed by how easy they were to fight against, with only the King proving to be enough of a challenge to rally the whole team.

As with all Homestuck characters, Karkat also has a sylladex, a hammerspace inventory system where he can store objects much too big to carry on his person, allowing him to pull out his handy twin sickles whenever he needs them. Really, the fact that most of his friends can knock him out cold with a love tap says more about them than it does about him.

Despite that though, Karkat is still not a fighter and he possesses bad luck to a literally superhuman degree. In fact, his luck is so horrible that it completely counters out luck based superpowers, allowing him to beat Clover, whose luck is so supernaturally good that it made him completely untouchable to everyone else on the battlefield except for Karkat. Turning all your negatives into a positive. If that isn't just Karkat's entire character arc.

Karkat is not the conquerer he so desperately wanted to be. But he is a leader and he is a friend, and in the hands of a Blood Player, those two titles are far more powerful than a warrior ever could be.

Analysis: Blitzo

Hell. The eternal punishment awaiting every sinner and heathen at the end of their life. Whether you be a cruel mad scientist who tortures the poor or a murderous, cannibalistic matriarch. Your chance for redemption was the life you had before and your punishment is this. But, for some people, being born an imp in Hell can be worse than being a sinner sent down to it.

Blitzo Buckzo was a circus clown working for his abusive father Cash down in the Greed ring of Hell. Blitzo was never as popular as his coworker Fizzarolli, who would eventually go on to do better things, but despite that he was mostly happy with his life. Until the day he accidentally ruined it.

On the day of Fizzarolli's birthday, Blitzo was working his way up to confessing his romantic feelings for his coworker, but he chickened out at the last second, accidentally knocking over Fizz's birthday cake. This started a fire that completely destroyed the circus. Blitzo's mother was killed, Fizzarolli was crippled for life, and Blitzo's sister now hated him for life. Physically and mentally scared by the accident, Blitzo's life was destroyed as everyone he cared about either abandoned him or died. The O in his name is silent now. He doesn't want to be reminded of it.

Turning to the world of professional killing to make a living, Blitzo would found the Immediate Murder Professionals. Using his... "relationship" with Stolas, a royal demon of the powerful Goetia family, to gain access to the human world, Blitzo would loan his services to sinners who wanted revenge on the living to make a profit. A terrifying prospect, seeings how he's one of the most dangerous killers in Hell.

Blitzo always carries a sniper rifle and two flint locks with him into every fight and he's an expert marksman with both. He's headshot moving targets out of the air on more than one occasion and gone up against some of the toughest customers in Hell. He's defeated a group of Cherubs from Heaven alongside IMP, fought Striker, the most dangerous outlaw the Wrath ring has ever seen, and, alongside Fizzarolli, defeated the entirety of the Knolastname Mafia in a single massive fire fight.

As an Imp from Hell, Blitzo is extra resilient. He's immune to earthly fire, survived building sized explosions of Hellfire on multiple occasions, and is durable to shrug off getting shot. His agility certainly hasn't gotten any worse since his circus days, as he's fast enough to run on walls, nimble enough to dodge arrows and bullets, and skilled enough to catch himself falling out of the sky with just his tail.

But, most impressively, Blitzo seems to have turned his bad luck into some sort of superpower. He's made falling pianos suddenly change course mid-flight, fooled humans with realistically impossible human disguises, and once tricked an entire gang into slaughtering each other so that he didn't have to fight any of them.

If Blitzo can be said to have any weaknesses, it's his own personality. Ruining his own life and the abuse he's suffered from his own father has given him a self loathing streak, turning him into a massive jackass who mistreats and pushes away his own friends. He fails to notice Stolas's genuine romantic interest in him because he can't comprehend anyone actually wanting him around and he fails to realize how he's improved the lives of anyone around him. Even burying the hatchet with Fizzarolli and giving his adopted daughter Loona a loving home hasn't dissuaded him of this. He's a self destructive mess.

But, no matter how he gets in his own way, he knows what he's good at. Guns, knives, and murder. So, he'll keep killing and keep racking in that murder money until all of his problems go away. So, you want so vengeance, loathsome sinner of Hell? Then call the Immediate Murder Professionals!

Throwdown Theme:

Throwdown Breakdown:

This fight boils down entirely to a comparison of skill feats. There really aren't many other factors to consider here. Karkat's bad luck has completely nullified the luck powers of other fighters before, making that a non factor, and stuff like Blitzo's fire resistance just isn't relevant here.

Unless Karkat can breathe fire, in which case, he's been holding out on us.

Honestly, these two match each other in a lot of ways. Even with the stats equalized, I can see Karkat being fast enough to dodge Blitzo's bullets. Not only does he have comparable feats in canon, but Blitzo himself can keep up with people who can dodge his fire arms, so Karkat would be equalized to his level regardless.

Both of them have had really shit lives growing up in horrible hell worlds. Or in literal hell as the case might be. The difference here is the sheer scope of the opposition they faced. It's easy to dismiss Karkat as a terrible fighter, but that's when placed alongside his friends. IE. gods, chainsaw wielding space vampires, and telepaths so powerful they can push continent sized meteors around.

Blitzo is one of the best professional killers in hell. There's no question there. And the only character who can reliably match him one on one is Striker, who himself is so badass that circle of Wrath sings his name whenever he passes by. Striker said it best himself, Blitzo could be killing overlords if he really wanted to.

But, Karkat grew up and survived on a planet where his very existence was made illegal. He was a crime punishable by death. And this is ontop of making the Kingdom of Derse look like a joke. Even Karkat, the weakest member of his own team, was disappointed by how easily he could slice through Derse's armies and imps, even after they were Prototyped with the eldritch monstrosity Gl'bgolyb. Derse, for the record, is a Kingdom that had been locked in an eternal war for its entire existence, so it wasn't like they couldn't back themselves up on that.

Mranwhile, Blitzo's best showing was against a building full of literal D.H.O.R.K.S. Government agents that the rest of the world saw as quacks who only used weapons from Japan's Edo period instead of, say, guns. And even with I.M.P. backing him up, he still needed to bailing out by the end.

That isn't to knock Blitzo out of the running completely however. I do believe he's more agile and certainly has better aim. Karkat's not bad in that department himself, literally front flipping up cliffs at points, but Blitzo has just been doing similar for a lot longer. But, by that token, Karkat's sylladex would catch him off guard, resulting in him either getting crushed by a safe or having his guns taken away. Karkat can use his own sylladex to create cover for himself, nullifying Blitzo's range advantage.

You can argue for Blitzo using Stolas's grimoire for similar effect, but the problem is he doesn't usually take that with him on missions. He leaves it with Loona, so she csn portal him out afterwards, so he's unlikely to have it here. And even if he did, Karkat could toss it into his own sylladex like he could with the guns, leaving Blitzo with no way to access them.

Overall, I think Karkat is, if not superior in fighting skill, at least comparable enough to break out his real secret weapon: Friendship.

Karkat's Charisma is outright supernatural. As a Blood Player, he's literally bound to it by fate, msking undyingly loyal friends even against his own will. It's not even troll specific, as the Jack Noir of his session can attest to. Karkat's response to this random asshole stabbing him was to basically declare them friends on the spot. And it worked.

Blitzo, meanwhile, is honestly the exact kind of person that it would work on. Blitzo's life is the exact kind of tragically romantic soap opera that Karkat's romantic little heart would love and Blitzo doesn't care enough about his clients to kill someone he's grown to like. He's just flat out said "fuck my clients" when it serves his own purposes.

In the end, Karkat's unironically a better fighter and his own unique tricks would let him win out in a close fight more often then not, with Karkat's Blood Player status allowing him to talk the fight down to a nonviolent conclusion if he needs to. Blitzo's marksmanship could end the fight before that happens and he has enough of his own advantages to win almost as often as he losses, but I'm putting my money on Mr. Adorabloodthirsty more often than not.

I might be biased to hell and back because I love both these characters, but, well, it's my blog, so.....

This Throwdown's Winner is...

Karkat Vantas!