#eddie loving buck in a way no one else has

[alchemistc]

Based on my own post from earlier this evening because I can't stop thinking about it.

vanilla

He doesn't mean to see it. He swears. It's just - Tommy's laptop is right there and Buck's is all the way in the office and if he doesn't look up the lifespan of a Cecropia moth right now he's going to forget about it for a month only to remember in the middle of something vitally more important than watching Planet Earth reruns.

So he twists the thing around from its spot on the side table, boots it back up, types in Tommy's password (pA$$word3, because no one would ever guess that he'd be both so lazy and so creative in his laziness), and watches Firefox boot itself up. It's an older laptop, and Tommy doesn't take great care of it - case and point, he didn't even close out of his tabs, they're all still there, and - well. Shit.

That's the most ridiculous dildo he's ever seen.

Biggest, too.

Jesus.

Buck immediately forgets 100% of what he was doing.

And - and looking up Tommy's history is absolutely a line crossed - there's no reason for him to fucking spiral just because there's a bright purple dragon something on the screen with a base as wide as Buck's thigh. There's no reason why he should -

He clicks the search history and regrets it pretty immediately.

That kills two hours.

He has three more until Tommy's off shift, and now everything is worse. Because.

Okay so.

Like.

They have a pretty healthy sex life, Buck thinks. A year into Tommy and Buck Part Two and they still can't keep their hands off each other. And - so, like, sue him for preferring all the boring stuff he never really got to enjoy long term - the way he knows Tommy goes a little crazy when they're lying on their sides and Buck can just slip right in and press his lips to Tommy's shoulder, tuck his hand under Tommy's where he's got it on his chest, curl their fingers together and just breath into each thrust. Sue him for liking it when they're face to face and Tommy's looking up at him with the pads of his fingers tracing the shell of Buck's ear and he can see the love love love in his eyes, see the way his tongue curls out Buck's name like a prayer. Sue him for his fantasies always drifting to that sunny afternoon in their bed, Buck on his belly and Tommy everywhere around him, over him, inside of him, humming useless nothings into Buck's ear while the sweat from their skin eased the chafe of being pressed together from pelvis to collarbone.

Buck picks up his phone. Watches the familiar name ring out one, two, three - answered on the fourth ring.

"Am I not kinky enough, do you think?" Buck asks, and gets a drawn out moment of silence.

"Nope," Ravi says, and the call drops.

And who else is he gonna call, really? Hen and Chim? (Hard no, they nipped that in the bud back when Buck and Tommy were still in Part One) Maddie? Another line too far, but this one he doesn't feel like crossing today. Eddie? If he'd even pick up?

Buck dials out again.

Ravi picks up on the second ring. "Buck, I love you man, but I get a front row seat to your little love fest at least once a week, four hours a night. I am not equipped or willing to help you with your sex life."

Fair. That's fair. Boundaries are important. Ravi does an excellent job of setting his up and announcing where they are.

"It's just I found something in Tommy's browser that -."

"Absolutely not. I'll block your number for twenty-four hours."

"Right. Cool. Sure thing." Buck breathes.

"Talk to Tommy, if you're freaking out about it." Ravi caves, just a bit. "Every time. I say this every time, and it always works, doesn't it?"

True. On both accounts. When did Ravi become his go to guy?

(When he started picking up the phone whenever Buck called. When he came to Buck with his own shit and didn't apologize for it.)

"Yeah. You're right. I'm gonna talk to him."

"We're still on for Friday, right?"

Buck has to search his memory to figure out what he's referencing. Tommy's taking Ravi to the farmers market over in Venice Beach that Buck refuses to go to on principle because Sherri's Treats aren't even homemade. She gets the baked goods from Costco and decorates them with store brand icing.

"Talk to Tommy," Buck throws back, just to be a brat, and Ravi sighs.

"Touche."

He's still freaking out when the call ends three minutes later, and he doesn't want to have to pull this trigger.

Except. Like. It's still there. Right on Tommy's screen. Watching him.

The phone rings six times.

He's contemplating how ridiculous it is to leave a voicemail when Lucy answers with a groggy "'lo?"

"Am I not kinky enough?" Buck asks, and gets the start of a cackle and then a long, slow pause.

She's gonna hang up on him. She's absolutely going to -

"It's ten-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday, Buckley."

And it sure is.

God, this would never have happened if he hadn't started an update on his phone mid-episode.

"Walk me through it," she continues, all business, all of a sudden, and so Buck tells her, grateful for her hums and uhuh's as she starts her day. Buck talks over the sound of her brushing her teeth, and pouring her coffee, and absolutely doesn't mention that he thinks she should probably have better sleeping patterns while he spirals about Tommy being unsatisfied with the sex they have.

"Gonna break bro code here a little to tell you you have literally nothing to worry about there. Seriously. You're getting gold stars every night, I promise you."

"He's been looking up gimp suits and gags, Lucy!"

She's quiet on the other end, for a moment.

Then she starts laughing.

Again.

Which is a great feeling for Buck. He loves it when Lucy laughs at him.

"Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. Honey those aren't for you."

Well, now he's kinda mad at the implication that Tommy would -

"Not for Tommy, either," she interrupts, like she knows where that spiral leads. "I forgot what time of year it was. This is new for you."

"What's new for me?"

He can picture the sly grin on her face as she pours something into a bowl - milk maybe. Then cereal.

God, what a psycho.

"Tommy and an army buddy of his have had this escalating prank war going on for like...seven, eight years? I don't know, I wasn't here at the start of it, but I guess it started as the most heterosexual man you've ever met trying to be a good ally to his newly out buddy and sending a set of butt plugs to the only address of Tommy's he had available."

Weird. But not the weirdest thing he's ever heard. "Which was?"

"Oh, Harbor. Yeah. Got it his first week there. So now every year on the anniversary they try to send each other shit at work that should technically be grounds for a sexual harassment claim from their coworkers. Last year Tommy got a fully custom furry suit. Dude probably dropped thirty grand on that thing."

He shouldn't ask. He definitely shouldn't -

"It was a horse. Because of his big fat -."

"I get the picture, thanks."

"So yeah. It's coming up on time for them to push a boundary a little too far and actually have someone complain about it, this time. They won't stop until one of them gets a write up."

It's kinda funny. Kinda sweet, too, in that really weird way military men are with each other. Irrationally, Buck kinda wants to slew foot the guy for being an unintentionally massive flirt.

Straight dudes are the literal worst at allyship, in the weirdest ways possible.

"He's out of state, so don't go getting territorial, Buckley."

Never gonna live that down.

"But seriously though? Back to the original point. Which is you freaking out that Tommy is unsatisfied in your sex life. Number one: talk to him. You guys are the actual worst. Always gotta have a second opinion before you bite the bullet and do the normal thing. Number two: I know too much. And I know you have nothing to worry about. Number three: when he gets home I want you to record his reaction when you turn the laptop screen on him like a spurned wife and send it to me. I'm having a bad day. I could use the entertainment."

"You just woke up."

"And had to talk an old coworker down from a ledge about how satisfying his sex life is with a current coworker. Bareback, no lube, just wake up and go."

"I think this also counts as sexual harassment."

"You started this conversation with 'am I kinky enough' so I'm not super concerned."

By the time he gets off the phone with Lucy he's very firmly on solid ground. And also wondering exactly how much Tommy actually talks about their sex life when he's not around. Tommy keeps things pretty close to the vest. He can't imagine he's going around bragging about that time he started crying when Buck hit his prostate right as he licked into his mouth and slid a hand up his arm to link their fingers together.

Maybe in less detail.

Something about seeing God, maybe. That seems more like his style.

---

Tommy has a routine, when he gets home from work. Keys hung up, jacket on the coat rack, duffle tucked into one of the cubbies of his makeshift mud room. Shoes under the bench, two minutes of head scritches for Goose as she meows her way down the hall to greet the only man she'll ever love.

(Buck's super cool about the fact that Tommy's breakup cat hates him. Totally chill.)

When Goose has had her fill and darted off to go bounce off the walls of the office, Tommy likes to amble in to whatever room Buck is in and drape himself across Buck's back for a moment, mouth pressed to the knob of Buck's spine, hands roaming for a moment before he manages a greeting.

He's making risotto for dinner when he hears the lock click in the front door.

He's ignoring Lucy's text reminding him to get a reaction shot.

He listens to Tommy talk back to Goose like he understands every "mrow" listens for the shuffle of socked feet down the hall, listens to him pad across the kitchen tiles, braces himself for the dead weight of Tommy against his back.

Tommy's got a hand halfway up his shirt when he mumbles into Buck's ear. "So I hear we have something to talk about."

"Ravi snitched."

"Ravi still thinks I'm the sensible one, of the two of us."

Buck snorts. Tips his head back against Tommy's shoulder and basks in the moment while Tommy buries his nose behind Buck's ear.

"Before I say anything else, I know you said I can use your laptop whenever I want but you should know I definitely snooped where I shouldn't and jumped to some wild conclusions. Which Lucy has already cleared up on your behalf, because apparently we're both too chicken shit to have a conversation without using a lifeline."

Tommy stills. "I didn't close out my browser session last time, did I?"

"You did not."

"And Lucy told you about the horse costume Dom sent me last year."

"She sure did. She very specifically called it a furry suit, though."

Tommy blows out an exasperated breath against his neck. "And you were freaking out because...?"

"I thought maybe you were bored with the sex we have."

That gets Tommy going. He pulls free just to get enough leverage to spin Buck to face him, hands on his hips and eyes catching Buck's like if he doesn't see Buck's eyes in the next five seconds he'll do something crazy, and Buck doesn't really know how he got so lucky but he's not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if it's a furry.

"Evan. Please understand when I say this I'm not exaggerating. Our sex is life altering. I want to have slow, quiet, vanilla sex with you until the day I die."

"Which won't be for like another fifty years."

Tommy hums. "I'm gonna be popping Blue Chew when I'm ninety-five and have two bum hips."

"Oh, so I have to do all the work?"

"Why do you think I dated younger?"

Buck has to kiss him about it. And then he has to pull back and duck his head to remind Tommy of the part he blazed right past. "Full disclosure, when I said I snooped I meant I went into your search history."

Tommy's chuckle shakes them both. "I figured. You go back far enough to find the single porn link in amidst all the shitty plastic used actuators for sale on eBay?"

"I'm not a masochist, Tommy." Figures he'd get so frustrated looking for a part to fix the rattling in the Jeeps dash he'd want to rub one out. Usually takes him more than a single video, though. Probably he'd decided he'd feel too guilty to actually get off until he had the part ordered.

Tommy shifts his weight a bit. Wedges a knee in between Buck's legs. His eyes get that sparkle to them that means he finds Buck to be an adorable menace. "How married to the risotto are you?" he asks, hands shifting from Buck's hips to behind his thighs.

"Not - not terribly." It had been a distraction from thinking about Tommy's army buddy, mostly. The recipe still isn't perfected and even though Tommy's complimented it every time, Buck can tell it's missing something and Tommy is just letting him figure it out on his own.

"Maybe we could order in and I can show you how satisfied I am with your service."

"We - that's definitely an option. On the table."

"How about this very sturdy counter, instead?"

They haven't done it somewhere not-the-bed in months.

Their knees aren't gonna thank them for it.

Buck has to attempt to ignore Tommy mouthing at his neck to remember if there are enough ice packs in the freezer for the both of them, right now.

"Yeah - yep, let's do that instead."

Tommy gets both hands under his ass and lifts.

He doesn't quite swoon over the move, anymore, but it still makes him more than a little giddy.

"Wait, did you decide on the dildo over the gimp suit, because if you're escalating at the same rate as your friend I think -."

"Can we talk about Dom after I get my satisfaction scores in, please?"

"Shutting up now."

"I don't believe that for a second," Tommy says, and then shuts him up with his mouth anyway, just for good measure.

[juicebuck]

anyway today i'm thinking about buck apartment hunting. and how it's driving eddie crazy. how buck keeps talking about getting out of eddie and christopher's space. like he's in their way. like he's some sort of burden on them. and eventually eddie just, can't take it anymore. because it doesn't matter how many times he says, buck, we love having you here. you can stay as long as you want. you don't have to leave. buck's still being. well, buck. stuck in the belief that he doesn't really belong anywhere. so when buck tells eddie he won't be able to drive them home after their shift because he has an apartment viewing at nine, eddie's like, that's fine, bud. i can come with you. and buck's like, you really don't have to. it's across town and you'll be tired— and eddie's like, buck. let me come with you. and buck's like, o—okay. i mean, if you want. then, later. end of their shift rolls around and they're heading to buck’s truck, and eddie's like, keys? and buck's like, you wanna drive? and eddie shrugs, says, i had more coffee than you. and buck doesn’t argue, is too tired. it was a long shift. and well, he's a bit miserable. about going to see another apartment he probably won't like because it doesn't feel right. none of them feel right. so he tosses eddie the keys, reels off the address and slips into the passenger side. eddie turns the radio on low, talks. about that movie they're planning to see tonight, it's showing at 8:00. they could grab dinner first. about christopher's upcoming school faire. buck nods, mumbles something about baking cookies for him. listens to eddie's voice, quiet and comforting. lets his eyes slip closed. half dreams of eddie's kitchen. opens his eyes again ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes later. he's not sure. and—

blinks.

because eddie's pulled the truck to a stop. and this isn't—well. this isn’t the apartment buck was scheduled to see. this is 4995 south bedford street. and buck turns to eddie, confused. and eddie's smiling, soft, a little nervous. a little something else. something charged. something sure. and he says, want me to show you around? i think you're gonna love what this place has to offer. maybe even who. and buck's like, eddie, what—? and eddie reaches out, slides his hand over buck’s shoulder, thumb dragging softly over buck's collarbone. says, go with it, buck. and buck stares, nods. heart hammering in his chest. finally says, breathes, okay, show me what this place has to offer. and eddie smiles, and his hand moves, softly, slowly. up from buck's shoulder, over buck's face, thumb just under buck's lip. lingers there briefly. then he says, follow me. so buck does. buck follows him home. and eddie shows him around. tells buck all of the things buck already knows. and all of the stupid things buck told the potential subletters. meth lab jim. and buck laughs and worries his heart is going to burst out of him. and when they get to the bedroom, eddie kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him. says against buck's mouth, so what do you think? like what this place has to offer? as he presses his thigh between buck's. and buck lets out a breathless gasp of a laugh. says, yeah i think this is the one.

[inawickedlittletown]

Through The Darkness To The Dawn (BuckTommy) - 8x17 coda - 2/2

Notes: I started writing this right after watching the episode. I wanted to get into Buck's head and also sort of deal with the Eddie of it all because I really do think he has quickly become my least favorite character in 9-1-1. I don't think I'm alone in that.

The title comes from Nobody Knows by The Lumineers

Summary: Buck is grieving and Eddie is just kind of the worst. 8x17 coda.

Words: 3.5k

Read on Ao3

Part One

-

Part Two: Love Is Deep As The Road Is Long

Tommy: Hey. How are you?

Evan: Okay all things considered. 

Tommy: I’m sorry. 

Tommy: How are you? 

Tommy: If you need anything, let me know. 

Tommy: I heard you guys are going back to work tomorrow. Good luck. Be safe. 

Tommy: Hope you’re doing alright. I figure you’ve at least read my messages so that’s something, but if you want me to stop texting, let me know. I don’t want to bother you, but I do want to know that you’re okay. 

Tommy: Hey, they asked me to be a pallbearer at the funeral. Figured I’d let you know so it’s not a surprise. 

Evan:  👍🏻

Tommy: Wish we’d gotten a chance to talk, but I know how hard today was. It was for me too, but you told me once he was like a father to you. If you want to talk about it or anything at all, I’m here, Evan. 

Tommy: Hey, wanted to see how you’re doing. Crazy, all this stuff with the water. Be safe out there. 

Tommy: Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. It’s been a few weeks, but I know what he meant to you. I’m here, Evan. 

Buck: Are you home? 

Tommy: I am. Do you want to come over? 

Tommy opened his front door when he heard Evan’s truck pull into the driveway. He stepped outside and waited. For being so close to Summer, there was a bite in the air, but Tommy ignored the urge to go back inside to grab another layer. 

Since the funeral, he hadn’t heard from Evan or really anyone from the 118. Tommy understood. He also knew that he didn’t belong with them, no matter how much he wanted to. They were a family and they didn’t need him, the interloper who didn’t even have the excuse of dating Evan to be included. It was, in a way, helpful for him to know that they all had each other and could deal with it together. He figured that they would all most likely just close in with Evan right in the middle. 

It had been a bit of a shock, if he were being honest, that he’d been asked to be a part of the funeral, that he got to walk with the 118. After the funeral, he’d had a moment with Ravi and Hen, got to hear how they were both doing, but he’d seen Eddie and Evan leave together. He couldn’t leave well enough alone, so every few days he texted Evan. Just knowing that he did read the messages was enough. If he ever turned off read receipts, Tommy would be devastated. 

Did Tommy hope that eventually Evan would answer? Maybe. But he just wanted Evan to know that Tommy was a text or call away and that he would always answer. It was the very least he could offer because what Tommy wouldn’t do is try to be where he wasn’t wanted. At the first sight of Evan, Tommy wondered if that had been the right choice. 

“Hi,” Evan said, voice a little raspy. 

He looked defeated. Grief struck and sad. It wasn’t that Tommy hadn’t expected Evan to still be grieving, it was that he had never seen him this…well, diminished. In that moment, it felt like something or someone had taken grasp of Tommy’s heart and squeezed for how much it hurt to see Evan like that. 

Tommy had yet to shake, even after so many weeks, the image of Evan collapsing in that hallway. He didn’t know if anyone else knew about that moment, because when Evan came out after going through decontamination, his eyes had been rimmed red and swollen but he’d been far more put together than Tommy had expected. A little out of it, maybe, but holding it together. Tommy didn’t think that Evan had even noticed that it was Tommy that made sure he made it home. 

As he stepped towards him, Tommy opened his arms. “Hey, Evan.” 

Evan collapsed into him. He was cold and shaking. He sniffled. Tommy wrapped his arms around him and heard Evan sigh. 

“You’re freezing,” Tommy said. “Let’s get out of the cold.” 

Evan kept close, but he let Tommy steer him inside. He also let Tommy settle him into the couch and wrap the throw he kept over the back of it around him. 

“Tea,” Tommy said. “You need something warm.” 

“Okay,” Evan said. 

Something was wrong. More than Bobby’s death. Evan looked like the weight of the world was sitting on his shoulders and he had no one asking him if they could help him carry it. 

Evan followed him to the kitchen, leaned against a counter as Tommy got the electric kettle on. He moved to his mug cabinet and then chose two tea bags. Chamomile Lavender felt apt considering the time. He kept looking back at Evan. 

“Can I ask what happened?” Tommy asked. 

Evan moved towards him and Tommy lifted an arm so Evan could press himself into him. He was shaking a little and Tommy didn’t think it was all the cold. Evan didn’t say anything and Tommy figured that maybe that was what he needed. So he held him until their water was ready and even then Evan kept close as Tommy poured the water into their mugs. 

“Couch?” 

“Couch,” Evan responded. 

They situated themselves, Evan wrapping the throw over his shoulders and curling into himself, legs tucked in under him, his hands cradling the mug. Tommy sat next to him, let his knee rest against Evan’s knee. 

“I went to the beach,” Evan said. “I think I was out there too long.” 

“Why the beach?” 

Evan shrugged. “The stars. Good place to talk to Bobby. I keep trying to…I don’t know, find him? It’s stupid, I know, but…”

Tommy blew over his cup of tea. He saw Evan do the same.

“It’s not stupid,” Tommy said.  

“I spoke to him right before,” Evan said. “That night, I mean.”

Tommy had known that. He’d seen it. The door had closed with Bobby on one side and Evan on the other and then Bobby took off the protective gear, 

“He told me I’d be okay but I think he was wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.”

“Oh, Evan,” Tommy said. “I don’t think he meant you’d be okay right away. No one expects that.”

Evan scoffed. His face twisted into anger and Tommy knew almost right away that there was more to whatever was going on with Evan. 

“Is someone expecting you to already be over it?” 

“More like that I’m making it all about me.” 

Tommy put his cup down on the coffee table, leaned towards Evan and placed his hands on his knees. Evan’s eyes were watery and Tommy was filled with a combination of adoration for this man and also a wave of sadness and protectiveness. 

“Losing someone you care about is about you, Evan,” Tommy said. “It’s about everyone that lost him. Who? Tell me who said that to you.” 

Evan took a sip of his tea. He winced a little. “It doesn’t matter.”

People did strange things when they were grieving, but he knew Hen and Chim would never make Evan’s feelings less important. Neither would Maddie. That left Ravi and Eddie which really did just leave Eddie. Unless it was someone else…Evan’s parents? Another friend that Tommy didn’t know? Someone else from the 118? Gerrard? 

“Well they’re wrong,” Tommy said. “Your feelings and your loss and your grief are about you. They’re about you and Bobby and maybe they overlap with how everyone else is feeling, but that doesn’t make you or what you’re going through less important. Sweetheart, you are one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met and I know you haven’t been putting your grief and your feelings above anyone else’s. I know you.”

Evan let out a sob and he shook enough that Tommy reached to steady the tea mug before Evan spilled it, grabbing it and setting it aside. He took Evan’s hands in his own. He rubbed the back of Evan’s hands with his thumbs.

“You’re not selfish, Evan,” Tommy reiterated. “In fact, you could do with being a little more selfish.” 

Evan leaned forward and kissed him. Tommy hadn’t expected it, and it was over before he could properly kiss back. 

“Sorry,” Evan said. “I just…I shouldn’t have but I—”

“Don’t ever be sorry for that.”

Evan’s lips turned up a little. “So it was okay?” 

“Better than,” Tommy said. He reached over to touch Evan’s cheek, wiped a tear away. 

Evan leaned into his touch, closed his eyes for a split second and then opened them again. 

“You don’t see me like everyone else. Not…not in a bad way. You know, Eddie said I didn’t do enough…that he doesn’t know what he could have done to save Bobby.” 

Eddie Diaz. Of course. 

Tommy supposed that if he really thought about it, no one else could probably break Evan down this much. Well, Bobby probably could have, but he never would have. Tommy hadn’t thought that Eddie was capable of it either, wasn’t he supposed to be Evan’s best friend? 

“He said I never considered what it was like for him to wake up in the middle of the night to hear about Bobby, how he had to tell Chris—”

“Who else would have told Chris?” Tommy asked and then shook his head. “Not important. Sweetheart, he wasn’t here because he moved to another state and even if he was here, it wouldn’t have made a difference. You know that. I know you know that. We did everything. Do you think I don’t question it, wonder if there had been anything at all to change? There was only one dose. The only person we can blame for all of this is Moira.” 

Evan closed his eyes. He gulped. “He’s just feeling guilty he wasn’t here.” 

“Which is not your fault and that’s him making his choices your fault, the one thing that isn’t about you. Just answer this, what difference could Eddie have made? Really?” 

Evan opened his eyes again and he nodded. “I think I know that Eddie being here wouldn’t change anything. We, uh, we got into a fight.” 

“Clearly,” Tommy said. Maybe a little too deadpan. 

Evan’s lips twitched, but then settled back into a frown. 

“I was so mad,” Evan admitted. “Figured we’d clear the air the next morning but…Anyway, I thought he left, but it turns out he just went to get Chris from Texas. Tonight I came home expecting no one to be there and instead he was there with Chris and his Aunt Pepa. So after she left, I left too and I went to the beach. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle being there with him in that house. I still can’t go back knowing he’s still there.” 

Fuck Eddie Diaz. Had he even apologized to Evan? Had he bothered to notice that what he’d done had shaken Evan down to his core, made him question things about himself and how he was dealing after losing someone as important as Bobby was to him? Somehow, Tommy didn’t think so. 

Thinking back, Tommy didn’t know why he’d admired their friendship? Maybe because he saw how much Evan put into it? But, it didn’t seem like he got any of that back. You couldn’t give and give and give without getting anything back. Tommy had some experience with that, in fact, and he hated that he hadn’t seen that it was the dynamic between Eddie and Evan. 

“Stay here,” Tommy said. “If you don’t want to go back there, you’re always welcome here.”

Evan gave a short but thankful nod. 

Tommy squeezed his hands and then let go. 

“Tea’s going to go cold,” he muttered. 

Evan took back his mug, brought it to his lips and sighed. Drank some more. 

“It’s his house, you know? I really thought that I was finally settling into it but he’s still here and I just…it doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t know that it ever did.” 

Tommy didn’t know what to say. Had it been a little strange for Evan to be living in Eddie’s house? Maybe. Had Tommy maybe taken it as a sign of something that he was hoping even more than ever that he was wrong about? Probably. 

“When’s Eddie going back to Texas?” 

Evan shrugged his shoulders. “No clue. He doesn’t tell me anything. I think we was supposed to leave a couple of days after the funeral, but then he just stayed. Soon, I guess. He, uh, he got the job with the station in El Paso but I had to find out from Ravi about it because Ravi thought I already knew and because Hen was planning a surprise barbeque she didn’t bother to tell me about. That’s sort of what started the fight when I asked about it.”

Tommy probably didn’t do a good job hiding his reaction to that. 

“It’s not…it’s not just Eddie,” Evan said. “It’s all of them. I’ve tried so hard to be there for them…but they don’t like it or appreciate it or even really need me. They have each other and I’m just on the outside of that. I guess Bobby was wrong about that too. He said they would need me. They don’t.” 

“Evan,” Tommy said, “I’m sure that isn’t true.” 

Tommy couldn’t imagine the 118 splitting in any way, but then he supposed with Bobby gone that might be the thing that did create some cracks. Grief did crazy things to people. Tommy brought his own cup to his lips. It was still warm and he’d always loved the smell and taste of chamomile tea which was probably leftover from his mom loving it so much. There was comfort in it and he hoped that Evan felt that. 

“It is,” Evan said. “None of them want to talk about him or about how they’re feeling or…or anything. Hen and Chim keep just going off together while at work. I heard Chim say he doesn’t know how to build the crib for the baby and I’m right here. I know how. I did it the last time for Jee. Guess he forgot all about that. Ravi at least is trying to make things normal. I just feel like I’m floundering and none of them…none of them care.” 

“They do,” Tommy said. “You know they do. They’re your family and they’re grieving too and maybe they don’t know how to approach you because they know that you lost more than just your Captain.” 

Evan took a huge gulp of his tea, his eyes darted away, looking over the room as if Tommy had changed anything since the last time Evan had been there. He blinked away more tears. 

“How, uh, how have you been, Tommy? I’m sorry I never…I wanted to answer your messages but it just, I couldn’t.” 

Tommy allowed himself a smile. 

“I know, I figured. I’ve been alright. Sad when I think about him and about that day. God, I really wish things had gone differently. I liked Bobby a lot. Respected him even more. He was a good man, a good Captain. He made his impact felt in the 118 for anyone that worked under him, me included.” 

When they finished their tea, Tommy took both mugs back to the kitchen. Evan followed after a beat, the throw no longer around his shoulders. Tommy left the mugs in the sink, made sure the backdoor was locked and turned off the lights. 

“Are you sure I can stay here tonight?” 

“Yes. Tonight. Tomorrow. Any night, Evan. I’ll set the guest room up for you.” 

Evan shook his head. “No, you don’t have to.” 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Tommy said with a chuckle. “It’s not a—”

“No,” Evan said, stepping closer towards him. “I was thinking maybe I could sleep with you?”

“Oh?” 

Pink colored Evan’s cheeks and there was a glint in his eyes that was very familiar to Tommy. 

“Just to…just to sleep,” Evan said. “I want…can you just hold me? I mean if you…that is if you’re okay with that because I can understand if you’re not and I know I just kissed you and maybe that wasn’t what you—”

His words were tangled together, coming faster and faster and Tommy stepped closer, grasped his arms gently. Evan stopped mid sentence. 

“If you need someone to hold you, my arms are right here, Evan. Come on, it’s getting late.”

It almost felt like deja vu to get ready for bed with Evan. Their shoulders brushed when they stood by the sink brushing their teeth and every once in a while their eyes would meet on the mirror. Evan’s eyes still had a sad quality to them, it wasn’t something that would leave any time soon. Tommy bumped their shoulders. 

Evan had deposited his phone on Tommy’s bedside table and at a glance he could see several missed calls and texts. 

“Do you want to answer any of these?” 

Evan shook his head. “I’ll deal with that tomorrow.” 

It was easy to arrange themselves in Tommy’s bed. Familiar. Both of them were on their side, Evan in front of him and happily snuggled into Tommy’s chest. 

“They didn’t have enough time,” Evan said. 

“Who?” 

“Bobby and Athena,” Evan said. “I keep thinking about that.” 

He wasn’t wrong. It was the tragedy of death. Tommy had seen Athena at the funeral and he had been wholly impressed by her poise, the way that she held herself together. No one would have blamed her for showing more emotion, but that just wasn’t who Athena was. He’d heard she was already back at work but that wasn’t much of a surprise and she probably needed the distraction. Tommy didn’t know what he would have done in her shoes and just thinking about it made him want to hold Evan even tighter, to bundle him up in as much protective gear as he could just to make sure that Evan came home every night. They weren’t even anything, but Tommy knew that losing Evan would devastate him.

“I was there when they met,” Tommy admitted. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, it was a call to a stab victim, I think. Anyway, the assailant was a rooster and after Bobby captured it, he just handed it to Athena. Maurice, that was the rooster’s name.”

Evan chuckled. “Wow. Doesn’t beat taking a helicopter out into a hurricane, but…” 

Tommy rolled his eyes fondly. “Our first meeting is very unique. That was Bobby’s first week in LA.”

“I forget sometimes,” Evan said, “that you knew him from the start.”

“I did,” Tommy said. 

Evan let silence settle between them and Tommy almost thought he was asleep, but then Evan turned and they were facing each other. 

“Evan?” 

“I know it’s probably not the best time to say this, but I don’t want to waste any time when…anyway, I’m sorry for what I said that day. You know I only said it because you kinda hit a nerve insinuating I could ever have feelings for Eddie…I mean he’s my — my friend, but he’ll never be anything more than that. You know that right?” 

Evan’s hand reached up to touch his face, fingers skirting gently over his cheeks and his thumb landing on his cleft. 

“I don’t think he’s even a friend to you, not really,” Tommy said. 

He saw Evan frown, but he didn’t deny that. 

“It’s not about him,” Evan said. “I don’t want any more time to go by without you knowing how I feel because anything could happen tomorrow so…I love you, Tommy. I think I have for a while.” 

The words felt impossible. A part of him, the part that ran when things got hard and that couldn’t actually believe in the good could almost believe he’d imagined it. Evan was right there, though, inches from him. Tommy was touching him and Evan’s fingers were still on his face. Waiting. Watching him. 

“I love you too,” he responded. Knew it was true. Felt it.

“Good,” Evan said, grasping his chin. He pushed forward and kissed Tommy, just a quick sweep of his lips. It felt like a promise.

Evan burrowed his face into Tommy’s neck, yawning. It didn’t take long for him to succumb to sleep. Tommy was up just a bit longer. He felt so protective of Evan and he didn’t know what he was going to do about it when the morning came. The Evan that had arrived at his house tonight was still more than a little damaged by the loss of Bobby but worse was whatever had been happening with Eddie as well as the rest of the 118. Knowing Evan, he would forgive and move on, but that didn’t mean that Tommy had to. 

He dropped a kiss to Evan’s head and slowly drifted off. 

In the morning, Evan was still there safe and warm in his arms, but he blinked slowly awake as if realizing that someone was watching him. 

“Hi,” Evan said. 

“Hi,” Tommy repeated. “How are you?” 

Evan let out a sigh. “I don’t know, but better. It helps, having someone in my corner.” 

“I’ll always be in your corner, Evan.” 

[dandelioncasey]

(I need everyone to know that this entire ramble was inspired by the last few paragraphs because I am a petty bitch who loves a callback - it's never gonna happen but honestly this concept is living in my brain rent free and I might just write another six versions of this lmao)

Okay so picture this:

Eddie comes back to LA and so Buck moves out to give Christopher his home back (Eddie doesn't notice that Buck never says where he's going, he just gives him a week to clear out so that Christopher will have somewhere to sleep, but it's fine, he's just got a lot on his mind, right? He definitely cares, right?)

And so Buck, with his bad credit and nobody willing to rent to him, ends up sleeping in the Jeep (not acknowledging the truck, he still has the Jeep to me), or in a shitty pay-per-night motel type situation (but he tries to avoid that and he definitely never leaves his stuff there, not that he has much anymore - he left most of what he bought for the house for Chris and Eddie, and it's fine, really, where would he put it anyway?)

He starts withdrawing from the team, both because he's embarrassed about his situation and because some tiny part of him is angry that none of them ever asked - they know Eddie's back in the house on South Bedford Street, so they must've figured it out all on their own, look at Buck being an adult, he'll be fine, right??? We're all just glad you're back!

Time passes and that anger is getting louder and harder to ignore. Buck mostly just hangs out with Ravi on shift and then goes 'home' (to his Jeep) alone. He showers at the station or in crappy motels, he cooks too-big meals with Bobby's recipes (which nobody will eat) so he can maybe sneak some of the leftovers (he has money but nowhere to cook, but Bobby's lasagne is just as good cold, right?), he signs up for every extra shift he can, not for the money but because he doesn't want to be alone

Nobody has noticed his housing issues except for Eddie complaining once that he keeps accidentally getting some of Buck's post (it's not an accident, you took his home and left him with nowhere to go and no postal address, you didn't even say thank you to the man who wrecked his credit for you before you handed down a verbal notice period)

One night, as Buck is sleeping in the back of the Jeep, he gets carjacked, someone drives off in his car with him still groggy in the back, he wakes up fully to the sound of police sirens and he manages to sit up, but this startles the driver and the Jeep ends up balanced on the edge of a cliff

Now in precarious situations like this, air rescue is the only safe option, and who should show up but Tommy and the 217? (because as we all know, there's all of three cops, two firehouses, and one helicopter pilot in all of Los Angeles), and the medics get the driver out and then they notice Buck in the back (nobody knew he was there, he couldn't get to his phone)

They try to set up a way to get him out without tipping the car forward and over the edge, but Buck just tells them to go, it's fine, nobody will notice anyway. And then the radio that one of the rescuers is carrying crackles, and he hears Tommy's voice telling him that 'i'd notice, Evan, I always notice you'

They get Buck out, and the Jeep falls, and Buck is just empty (that's all he had left, everything was in his Jeep and now that's gone too), and Tommy is the first person in months to ask Buck if he's okay rather than just assuming he is because clearly trying to help others means you're over losing the only good father you've ever known, right?

More time passes, nobody except Ravi has noticed that Buck's Jeep is a different colour (and model), or that he filed a change of address, or that he's smiling more and cooking less, they're all supporting each other and everyone thinks Buck is talking to somebody else so it never comes up

Eventually we come to a mirror of Buck finding out about the party and the job offer from El Paso from Ravi, instead of from anyone who should have told him - Ravi asks Hen and Chim when they're arriving at the party that's happening during their four days off

Party? What party, did we forget someone's birthday again? Well, it's a housewarming party for Buck, because he's been crashing with Tommy and Tommy finally agreed to let him pay into the mortgage, so it's officially their house now

Obviously everyone is shocked by this - did you know they were dating again? Why didn't he ask for help moving? Buck shows up and Hen, Chim, and Eddie start throwing these questions at him, and he just blinks at them and says that he didn't want to make it all about him, because they're all busy and grieving and suchlike

What do you mean, make it all about you, of course you moving is all about you! Awkward glance at Eddie, and Buck explains that he didn't really have much that needed moving anyway, certainly nothing that he needed help with

Ravi mentions that Buck moved out of Eddie's house (it wasn't Eddie's it was his but none of you noticed why didn't any of you NOTICE??) months ago and just moved in with Tommy last month after 'the whole Jeep thing' (what happened to the Jeep, it's right there? No, that's a different Jeep, it's not even the same colour!),

And someone (probably Hen lbr) finally notices that hey, that math ain't mathing, and it all comes out that not only did Eddie kick out his so-called best friend without so much as a thank you but also nowhere would rent to Buck with his credit in such a state so he was homeless for months and nearly died and NONE OF YOU NOTICED

I just love the parallel of Buck finding out about Eddie's job offer through hearing about the barbecue to celebrate it and the rest of the 118 finding out about what Eddie did and what Buck has been through by hearing about a housewarming party, and both times it's because the rest of the team are supporting and talking to each other and not Buck (who has been told over and over that his help isn't wanted)

[camerainbow]

✨More HOPECORE for Eddie Diaz✨

Post-Finale - S8 Seismic Shifts Ep. 18 - A Rant

I think some of us forget that Eddie is still generally repressed. Like yes he was able to take control of the Chris situation and stand up to his parents to get him back but that’s not the totality of his emotional repression. (He in a ways had to get permission from his son and Buck to step up to the plate in that situation)

When Chimney made that speech and snatched that phone away in the finale: Eddie probably felt some (newfound) permission to choose his own happiness over the duties he’s made up in his head. I’m seeing some people act like Chimney commanded Eddie return and Eddie felt he had no choice. The moving back logistics not being included on screen in the episode made it seem easy but in reality Eddie made a huge step in choosing happiness/comfort. Fighting for his own life he had built not merely fitting himself in someone else’s (no shade to Chris).

This is a man who re-enlisted himself in the military for his family and almost always prioritizes something over his own comfort (thinking of others first- Ex. Letting Chris leave for El Paso). The speech scene wasn’t as extensive as necessary to properly convey but I think from it Eddie felt like his chosen family was finally telling him he was wanted/needed in their lives (he assumed ~resigned himself to the idea that~ they didn’t need him long term or in person, yes there’s the 8x17 storyline but that’s treated as short term assistance for Buck, not long term).

Him not snapping at Buck choosing to transfer in the early parts of the finale was proof that Eddie doesn’t even have the tools to stop destructive behavior of his loved ones, so why does it feel like some of the fandom assumes he has easy access to those tools for himself? Though he was surprised by what Buck said, he didn’t fight back at Buck in that scene because he understood what Buck was doing. Eddie staying strict to his plan to go back to Texas, even after choosing to be there with his 118 family during the emergency, is him running away from the pain of the changed circumstances of the 118 with Bobby gone (just like Buck, even though for Eddie it is way more convenient). He allowed himself a prolonged stay for his own grief but still thought about his “duty” to create stability for Chris in Texas.

I understand people wanting more Chris and Eddie development (resolution) in season 8 after the whole situation that caused Chris to leave. However I do feel like the addition of the finale montage scene with Chris wanting to go see his friends and asking Eddie was them reminding the audience that Chris had a life in L.A. before he left and similarly to Eddie I think he did not enjoy El Paso for a multitude of reasons (his grandparents probably sucked a lot of the life out of it). Thus Chris was more understanding than a lot of the fandom assumes he would be at a decision of this caliber (moving back) from his dad (think back to earlier s8 with how they show his love for his dad and how he didn’t replace that role in his life with his grandparents like Eddie sorta assumed).

Hence, yes there was some meh writing for the speech scene (concerning Eddie) but I think I can understand how it and the rest of the episode fits for his character. Let’s hope he continues on a trajectory of choosing joy and not feeling burdened.

Going forward, I do assume he still feels burdened by the expectation of replacing Shannon for Chris, but I think he will start to realize that Chris is fine without it (since he is growing up) and that will give him permission to actually realize what he wants over what he thinks he needs. Having that in S9 will help bring more resolution to that whole situation that caused Chris to leave.

In conclusion, Eddie Diaz is trying his best and I think he is on a good path moving forward! :) <3

[superstuffedbanana]

I haven't watched the latest episode but to be honest, if there really is nothing buddie in the episode and separately to that, the plot and character development is as choppy and weak as it has been, I'm done with 911.

I don't want it to sound like I'm leaving bc I didn't get my way with Buddie but it's genuinely just upsetting that they paraded ryliver around all week, not just as 'friends' but flirting, reading thirst tweets, calling past scenes gay etc.

Like, it's 2025, we're not going to stick around for 16 years just for one of them to get killed off after we finally get an admission of feelings. Misha and Jensen never ran around acting like Destiel was actually gonna go canon, and Ryliver used to be like that too, until this week.

They simply can't push this far if they're not gonna follow through. You can't bait the audience into holding on because of their relationship if they're not actually in one, yk?

Also it's not just the press, they literally made Buck crash out over Eddie leaving, then had him fight off allegations that he's in love with Eddie in the way characters do when they're in denial and about to figure it out.

They wrote the show in this direction, and while I don't want it to be rushed, if there's no indication it's actually happening, then there's no point in hanging onto a show that's destroyed everything else I've liked about it.

[thosetwohimbos]

9-1-1 Season 8 Finale Spoilers!

Tim Minear needs his ego checked. He thinks he's a god but he can't actually do shit. The way I'm so upset about how they handled literally all of the character's storylines in the finale is wild.

Maddie being completely fine in the first half and suddenly having a baby at the end. No kind of oh it's happening or oh I'm getting induced or anything. No build up to it? Especially after everything happened with Jee. (Also where is Albert why hasn't he visited since like s6, not even for their wedding?) Knew they were gonna name him after Bobby but I figured maybe Robert Daniel Han or Robert Kevin Han.

Chimney's actually wasn't terrible. I would love if they go with Captain Chim EVENTUALLY but he has a literal newborn. He cannot be captain right now but based off his speech and Athena saying what a good leader he is, it seems to be leading that way. I enjoyed his parts of the episode minus the sudden baby (again no lead up to her going into labor??)

The way they had Athena forgive Chimney was good. However, she was so adamant about not selling the Bathena house in 8.17. It's where her kids grew up and it's where she has spent decades living and loving life. To just turn around and have an open house and not even say anything about it. That was ridiculous and pointless. And then having her walking down the hospital hall. That was such a stupid bait for Bobby Alive cliffhanger. I'm so upset about it actually.

Now the ones I'm mostly upset by.

Did they just FORGET about Hen? She has like nothing in this episode. She could've talked early in the episode about Mara's adoption process and finally being a family together. That would've been much better than a 30 second clip of them signing the papers that came out of nowhere. It was just thrown in to "wrap it up." It was such a disservice. The way they should've been having these conversations with Mara and Denny and then with Karen and Hen excitement or something! And with the captain storyline. It doesn't make sense she doesn't wanna be captain. BOBBY wanted her to be captain. He kept putting her in charge. THAT should've been brought up. She could've talked about that with Athena like Athena did with Chimney and what Bobby thought about him and she could've told Hen what Bobby thought about her. The way it would've been so beautiful to have her step into that role after EVERYTHING!

Buck was also kind of forgotten. Him leaving the 118 because "it's just a number" was stupid. I get the thought process but that is HIS HOME! I mean Hen and Chim and Ravi are still there at that point. He grew so much from that place. I get the impulsive choice to leave to avoid putting your grief onto others. Because Buck is impulsive. But he is an impulsive STAYER. He latches on. He wouldn't leave. Maybe it was the grief talking and he didn't want to put his grief onto everyone else kind of thing, but the writers didn't DO ANYTHING with that. They didn't show his thought process or him breaking down about it or making the decision. They didn't follow through with it either! And AT THE END where he is looking at a new house because "it wasn't his home and he was just subletting" is so OOC. He has said that Eddie's house IS HIS HOME. Not only that but his credit score SUCKS! Canonically!! He can't buy a home or move into an apartment without a decent credit score. Also why did they get rid of the loft if they were just going to have him move out of Eddie's house when Eddie came back? It would've made more sense to have Bathena move into Eddie's house while the Bathena house was being built. That way they can sublet for the year Eddie had signed his lease and then if Eddie stayed in Texas and after the lease is up for both of them, the landlord sells the house to someone else and Eddie is free to be in his home in Texas and Bathena moves into their brand new built home. They threw the scene of Buck at the end in so we couldn't have Buddie Roommates for hiatus.

Eddie has been done the dirtiest the entire second half of this season, if not the entire season. First off the Kim storyline made no sense if we aren't even gonna TALK about his PTSD and grief. Chris not talking to him for the first half and then once they do talk, they NEVER bring up the issues. Chris is 14 fucking years old. He is old enough to have a mature conversation with his dad about his feelings. He was raised by Shannon, Eddie, and Buck. He KNOWS how to express himself in a healthy way. They made sure of that. Then Eddie doesn't even talk to Chris and just up and moves to Texas without a job opportunity. And even if they say he had that conversation it was off screen. Everything about their progress with healing and communicating with each other has been OFF SCREEN so we just have to assume they're ok?? And then the Texas storyline leading to nothing? They could've had Eddie go to Texas and drag Chris back if they weren't gonna do anything with Texas really. If they wanted to make the Texas storyline worthwhile, they should've had him come to terms with the fact he is gay. He doesn't need to live up to his parent's expectations. He can find joy. He can be himself. Eddie has made no decisions for himself his entire life. At the end, Chimney is the one who told him he isn't leaving. Which doesn't make sense for Eddie's character to listen to what Chimney says because he only canonically follows the advice that Buck gives him (yes Bobby gave him advice but he is historically bad at receiving said advice).

They need to take a good look at what has happened this season and fix whatever they were doing wrong in the planning stages. They need to plan out where each character's storylines are going from the premier to the finale and THEN write the scripts. If they need to delay s9 until they can have full scripts written out I will GLADLY wait to watch it. But right now Tim Minear needs to get his shit together. There is NOTHING wrong with giving fans what they want. Killing Bobby isn't what we wanted. Having no character progression isn't what we wanted. Having ONLY a LOOK and a fist bump between Buck and Eddie in the finale isn't what we wanted. He is crashing this show that we all love into the ground for his own ego. This is just terrible writing and storytelling truly.

[pkg4mumtown]

Without Fear

#1 in my Cowboy 9-1-1 Series

Pairing: Bobby Nash x Male!reader

Rating: Teen

Summary: You’re an LAPD Mounted Officer posted at LA Pride when the LAFD is called in for a patient. You expect the firefighters to be hot, but this Captain is fine.

Content Warnings: Male reader, reader is an LAPD Mounted Officer, Closeted Character, hard flirting on our boy Bobby, Bobby is having a major crisis, Unrequited Crush, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Minor Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Pride Parades, drink water kids, Horses, Horseback Riding, not actually unrequited crush, POV First Person, no y/n, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Buck meddling in Bobby’s business, Bobby has religious trauma, Bisexual Bobby Nash

A/N: For all intents and purposes, Bathena did not happen in this AU. (I love them but…this one is for my boys). Very minor BuckTommy mentioned. We need some Bobby love up in here as of late. 😭

I didn’t name the fic after Dermot Kennedy’s Without Fear, but it’s a pretty song and I do recommend a listen.

I’ll open this Cowboy series up to requests here on Tumblr. Just know I’m busy and may not get to it in a timely manner. I also only really write for the older characters, so Bobby, Owen, Ty, maybe some Judd, and you could twist my arm for Tommy. If any requests are for reader fics, know they will be gender neutral or male readers.

Also available on AO3

Cowboy 9-1-1 Masterlist and Request Details

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“Hi, uh, I’m at LA Pride and this guy just—folded like a lawn chair? Wait—uh—hey, what are your pronouns?”

“Is the person conscious?”

“Kind of? Um—they’re, like, super sweaty and having a seriously bad time.”

-

“Available units at LA Pride in the Park, requesting crowd control for on-site medical staff. Possible heatstroke and head trauma, center of the roundabout bridge. LAFD is en route.”

“R-06-E is on-site, ETA is five minutes. Code 3,” I answered into my radio.

My partner and I turned our horses around in the direction dispatch had communicated and made our way through the dense crowd. Thankfully, even inebriated, people had enough sense to move out of the way of the two massive horses. Once we broke through a denser portion of the crowd, we were able to safely speed up and made it to the scene just as the medical team from across the park arrived in a cart.

“Back up, back up!” We ordered, meandering through the crowd as they made room.

My partner took the entrance on one side of the circle while I took the other. The sun was beating down relentlessly on my exposed arms, lucky that our uniforms consisted of wide brimmed Stetson hats to protect our faces and necks.

“Keep moving, everyone. We need to make room for LAFD,” I announced.

Giggles erupted in the crowd at the mention of the LAFD.

“I know we want to see some hot firefighters, y’all, believe me—I need one of them, too—but they need room to work!” That got a few laughs and finally the crowd started to move back and lighten up as they lost interest, “Isaac Dunbar is playing in twenty minutes, that way! Go have a drink for me! Literally be anywhere else! Thank you!”

I finally caught sight of a group of uniformed LAFD members making their way through the crowd with a gurney in tow. My eyes landed on two of them first, one with brown curly hair and a well-built upper body, an intriguing mark on his left eyebrow. The other was more lithe and athletic, black hair, and playfully shoved the bulkier firefighter.

“Man, Eddie, I told Tommy I wanted to come to Pride this year and he said it’s an awful experience.”

“Tommy is hardly the party type, I can see why,” the dark-haired firefighter, Eddie responded.

“He’s right, Buck, it’s just drunk people and heatstroke for a day,” a woman with a shaved head commented, as her and another paramedic crouched near the patient.

“Yea, but it’d be my first one,” Buck punched his own palm, helping with crowd control while his coworkers took over for the medical team.

Aww, a baby gay, I thought to myself.

Buck caught me watching him during the interaction, finally noticing two officers on horseback.

“Woah—uhm,” he stumbled over his feet, seeing a horse in his face, looking from my hat down to my horse. “Uhm, m-my boyfriend is a helicopter—p-pilot.”

I laughed, the dry breeze blowing my fake, rainbow colored lei, “Don’t worry, honey, I like ‘em older anyway.”

“Buck, with our jobs, you’d feel too responsible to not be taking care of every person you met,” an older man spoke up, shaking his head at the young firefighter.

“Y-yea I guess, Cap,” he shrugged. Buck spared me another glance, “Cap’s single,” he pointed a thumb in the direction of the Captain, watching on as his people worked diligently with the patient.

The Captain’s graying-brown hair was closely cropped to his head, body broad and strong, with large hands resting on his hips. He spoke easily with his team, keeping them in order, while speaking calmly to the patient and their friends. He looked up as he saw Buck talking to me, furrowing his brow and walking over; trusting his paramedics to address the patient alone.

“Is there a problem here?”

“Oh—uh n-no, Cap! All good! Oh, Eddie needs a hand—”

Buck trotted off, faking being called away. The sudden movement made my horse take a few steps, horseshoes clanking on the concrete.

“Just small talk, Captain,” I gave him my best award-winning smile, sitting up straighter in my saddle.

He gave me a friendly, awkward smile and nodded his head as he started to turn away.

“I didn’t know they made fire captains who looked like you,” I spoke up before he could turn all the way around, his head turning back to look at me as I licked over my bottom lip. “Just when I thought I’d seen the prettiest eyes around—I think you have ‘em beat.”

The Captain’s mouth was agape, opening and closing like he was trying to catch his words, eyes going wide as he tried to keep a lid on the situation and give orders to his team. I leaned forward a little, giving him a teasing smile.

Ever the professional, he coughed awkwardly, his cheeks turning pink as he stammered out a response and tried to focus on his team.

“Uh—Alright, Hen, make sure we’ve got that patient stabilized...uh, Chimney, the backboard...” His words grew slower, more disjointed as he spoke without looking away from my expression.

With the patient, Hen and Chimney looked up with twin puzzled expressions as they still worked on the patient’s head and pushed fluids. The entire team looked at one another and back at their Captain, snorting and snickering over the flush that crept up the older man’s neck.

I chuckled, letting the Captain get back to his duties. Once the patient was loaded up on the gurney, they started taking the patient toward the trucks outside the park.

The Captain hung back, watching them walk off one by one. He took a step forward before turning back toward me.

“Can I—uh—pet?” he pointed toward the horse’s neck.

“Sure, honey,” I smirked. “You can pet the horse, too, if you’d like.”

His face flushed red, and if I hadn’t watched it happen in real time, I would have suspected he’d been sunburned in the short time he’d been outside. The Captain cleared his throat patting the side of the horse’s neck affectionately with a fond smile.

“I grew up in Minnesota,” he explained without me asking. “Not a ton of opportunities to visit farm animals out here,” he continued petting the horse.

“Feel free to drop by the stables any time,” I smirked. “It’s the station by Griffith Park.”

Giving the horse one last pat, he extended his hand, “Captain Nash.”

I took his hand, responding in kind, “Nice meeting you.”

Captain Nash turned and followed his team out, the crowd having dispersed by now for the most part. There were still some people gathered around, but it was nowhere near as bad as before the LAFD had arrived.

Turning my horse, I scanned the ground to make sure the patient’s belongings had been taken care of, when I noticed something black wedged near the edge of the concrete where the grass met it. It was half covered by a cheaply made fan with the Pride flag printed on it, probably belonging to the patient or their friends. I slid down from the saddle, flipping the reins over and holding on to them to keep a firm hold of my horse.

I dropped into a squat, picking up the pouch and standing back up. It was a durable nylon pouch, fairly nondescript. Standing, I unzipped it and found medical sheers and other sealed instruments. A penlight floated around inside, as well, brushing against a white tag on the inside of the bag.

“118” was written in marker on the tag.

Someone was going to miss this.

I looked in the direction the LAFD left in, lost in the crowd now. I climbed back into my saddle, seeing over the crowd and watching the trucks take off with sirens blaring. My lips tugged into a grin as I tucked the pouch away into one of my saddlebags and met back up with my partner.

-

I pulled up to the curb outside the 118 firehouse, double checking both the address I found and the number hung outside. I glanced into the garage housing the fire apparatuses, seeing all of the trucks present and crossing my fingers that I had counted their shifts right and that the correct shift was on duty.

I grabbed the pouch from my passenger seat, jumping out of the large truck we used to haul the horse trailers, and rounding the trailer I was pulling after an event. I smoothed out my black LAPD mounted unit button up, tucking it more firmly into my worn jeans that covered well-loved western-style work boots. I fixed the Stetson on my head, walking into the engine bay while holding a big breath.

As soon as I was inside, I took my hat off and smiled when I saw some familiar faces from the call. Casually writing on a clipboard as he roamed the floor was none other than Captain Nash while the other firefighters performed their various duties.

“Someone left their gear behind,” I stated, my voice echoing a little in the bay as I held the pouch up.

Captain Nash looked up, recognition settling on his face as I slowly made my way through the bay floor.

“Didn’t know if you made house calls, Captain,” I spoke, striding up to him, “or if I had to do some research and track you down. Figured this was easier.”

He met me halfway, taking the pouch and testing the weight in his hand.

“Thank you, Officer, one of my paramedics must have dropped it.”

“No problem, I was just heading back to the station,” I fiddled with the brim of my hat before finally biting the bullet. Before I could talk myself out of it, I was speaking, “Actually, I was wondering if I could get your number?”

“—uh—,” Captain Nash started but I continued.

“A-and maybe ask you out?”

“Oh—I’m not—um—,” he clutched his clipboard close to his chest like a shield, mouth opening and closing like he couldn’t find the words.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. That firefighter—um—Buck, I think, said you were single. I didn’t mean to make it weird or anything.”

“Oh, I-I am, I just…” he winced, trailing off.

“You’re straight,” I finished, thoroughly mortified, already walking backwards to run out of the firehouse without drawing too much attention to myself. “I’m so sorry, Captain Nash, really, jeez—uh—”

I raised my hat instead of continuing, finally crossing the threshold outside and putting it back on my head. I was speed-walking back to the driver’s side of the truck, letting my elbows rest on the warm metal with my fists propping my head up by my forehead as I let the embarrassment ebb away.

“Hey! Wait up!” I heard a voice belonging to the young firefighter from before.

“Bro,” I turned my head slightly to look at his wide frame but my head still lay on my fists.

“What? How’d it go?”

“You lied to me!”

“No I didn’t! He is single, I swear!”

“Maybe, but he’s straight as hell.”

“Oh, I—I didn’t know. You guys looked like you were flirting before we left.”

“Apparently, that was me just embarrassing myself because I’m mortified.”

“I-I’ll talk to him,” Buck crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his shoulder against the trailer only for my horse to stomp, scaring the firefighter into a stiff standing position.

“Please don’t.”

“Come on. It’s probably a misunderstanding.”

“I gotta go,” I finally sighed, pushing away from the truck to make room to open the door.

“Hey, can I get your number, at least? Maybe you can hang out with my boyfriend and I some time?”

Groaning, I stuffed my hand into my pocket, “You’re lucky you’re cute. Your boyfriend better be eye candy, too.”

Buck’s face flushed red as he accepted my phone with the screen unlocked, “He is,” he smirked at the phone sheepishly as he typed. Buck handed me my phone shortly after.

“I’ll see you around, man.”

“Yea, don’t be a stranger.”

“Tempting,” I muttered as I got in the truck.

I waited until Buck was safely back on the sidewalk before pulling away from the curb and heading back toward my station.

-

Knock. Knock.

“Yes, Buck?” Bobby answered without looking up from his mountain of paperwork, thin-framed glasses perched on his nose.

“Uh—I saw that—uh—that cop from Pride was here,” Buck smiled, hands clasping together nervously.

“Mhm,” Bobby hummed, taking the glasses off his face, setting them down and scrubbing his face for a moment. “You’re in a relationship, Buck.”

“What?” Buck was bewildered for a split second, “Oh—no—not for me. I was just wondering why he left so fast without saying ‘bye’,” Buck sat in the seat across from Bobby, slouching deep into the chair.

“Probably busy,” Bobby shrugged, sighing. “Did you tell him I was single?”

“…Yea,” Buck answered slowly.

“Why would you do that, Buck?” Bobby groaned.

“Well, you are…”

“Yes, okay, but I’m not…you know…”

Buck tilted his head, “It looked like you two were flirting after I walked away.”

“N-no, well...” Bobby trailed off before doubling back down. “No, that was all him,” Bobby didn’t even sound all that convinced to himself.

“Oh,” Buck licked his lips, thinking about how to approach this carefully. He spoke softly, “I’m sorry if me telling him you were single made you uncomfortable. I—I saw the way you looked at him after I walked away and it seemed like I had made the right call for once.”

Bobby was silent, lost in thought.

“But, hey, maybe I misread it,” he added gently. “Or, maybe you did like him. And if you did, Bobby, that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that—”

“—I know there’s nothing wrong with that, Buck,” Bobby practically snapped, but not harshly, just tightly.

Buck nodded in understanding, “You should talk to him. Even if it’s just to clear the air and tell him that one of your idiot firefighters made a mistake. Who knows? Maybe you’ll feel differently without a crowd watching you.”

Bobby was silent again, rubbing his forehead. His hands slid down his face before coming to rest under his chin, “I thought I was supposed to be the dad, here? When did you get so wise?”

Buck laughed softly, “I learned from the best. From you.” He thought for a second before pursing his lips and leaning forward until his elbows were on Bobby’s desk. “Well, I also told Eddie—when Tommy and I were on our first date—that we were going to find some ‘hot chicks’ after dinner because I panicked. I was scared to see Eddie there. I realized how messed up that was later. I—I learned a lot from Tommy about my sexuality and how to just—be—I guess. Without fear, that is. Like I didn’t have to hide or make up excuses.”

Bobby’s lips twisted in thought, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s okay.”

-

Bobby stood at the window in his small office after Buck left to continue his duties. Muscled arms crossed over his broad chest, staring out at the late afternoon light fading out of the engine bay. He hadn’t moved in several minutes, not even to touch the paperwork still piled on his desk. It was still there—neatly stacked with half-filled forms awaiting signatures and reports needing to be checked—but he couldn’t bring himself to get back to work yet.

The officer—had Bobby even caught his name? Maybe he had and just shoved it aside like he always did when someone got too close.

Buck was right, though, for once. Bobby had looked at him. Maybe longer than he should have. Maybe with more curiosity than he meant to show.

Bobby sighed.

The embarrassment in the Officer’s face had clung to Bobby’s thoughts more than he expected. Not because of what the Officer had asked him for—but because of how fast Bobby had shut him down. He had been defensive and even a little scared despite more than a couple members of his team being part of the club in various ways.

He hated that part of himself. Still. The part that hid and suppressed every problem in his life, thinking he could handle it on his own.

For a second, Bobby wondered what it might’ve been like to say ‘yes’. Not to anything serious. Not yet at least. Maybe something quiet without any labels or pressure. He shook his head and turned back to his desk, trying to pretend like that thought didn’t warm him deep in his chest.

But the thought did stay. Long after the paperwork ended and long after the station quieted.

By the time his shift ended, Bobby found himself in the parking lot with his keys in hand, debating which way to drive. Home—like he normally would—or north, toward Griffith Park.

-

Bobby almost turned around twice, to go anywhere else, before finding an open parking spot in front of the LAPD Mounted Unit’s small headquarters. He sat in his truck for a minute, partially in shade from an old eucalyptus tree, though the sun would be set soon. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, staring at the outside of the building.

He wasn’t even sure the Officer would still be here. for all he knew, the man’s shift could be over and he drove all this way for nothing. He had remembered the Officer saying he was on his way back here, though, when he awkwardly asked Bobby out.

Bobby looked to his right seeing a covered dirt area, fenced in for the horses to be trained and exercised. Someone was riding a horse there—slow with loose reins and a relaxed posture. The horse was a different one to the day of the Pride event, a much lighter brown, but beautiful all the same. The shape of the man though—it had to be him considering how much he’d been plaguing Bobby’s thoughts.

Bobby stepped out of his truck and walked over quietly, finding a shaded spot against the fence, leaning his forearms on the railing. He watched the Officer talk softly to the horse as they trotted in a circle around the ring. It was peaceful in a way that Bobby rarely felt unless he was home alone—but even then he was usually consumed by his own internal demons. Sitting with his found family or watching someone at ease doing something they loved, though, was different and occupied the space in Bobby’s head—leaving no room for any other thoughts.

The Officer finally noticed Bobby’s presence and steered the horse toward the fence. Bobby took a deep breath and debated running away, feeling anxiety and dread fill his stomach, but just stood straighter instead and smiled.

-

I turned in my saddle, catching sight of a figure resting against the railing of the fence. I squinted, not recognizing the form right away until…

Captain Nash?

Embarrassment churned in my gut again, not really wanting to relive it even if he was here to apologize. Wallowing on my own—with horses—would be much preferred.

I sighed and made up my mind, not wanting him to think I was rude.

I turned the horse in his direction before pulling the horse gently to a stop and waving in a greeting. I sat there for no more than a second before swinging down. I draped the reins over the front of the horse and guided her the rest of the way to the fence.

“Hey,” I greeted as I approached. “This is a surprise.”

“For me, too,” Bobby admitted, his voice sounding distracted and rough.

I gave him a small smile and patted the horse on the neck, “This is Kilo. Want to say ‘hi’?” I looked at Bobby, nodding toward the horse.

Bobby nodded, letting the horse smell his hand and smiling when the horse huffed at him. When the horse didn’t shy away, he ran his hand up the bridge of her nose. It was just the grounding experience he needed as his shoulders relaxed.

“She likes you,” I said quietly, watching how the horse pressed a little closer to Bobby. “And she’s a terrible liar, so that means something.”

That brought a smile to Bobby’s face, his eyes closing as he laughed at my poor excuse of a joke.

Seemingly more relaxed, Bobby opened his eyes and made eye contact with me, “I—uh—want to apologize for how I reacted earlier.”

I waved my hand at him, not wanting him to bother but also not wanting to relive the humiliation, “You don’t have to—”

“—I do,” Bobby interrupted but with a gentle voice. “You caught me off guard and that’s not your fault. I didn’t mean to shut you down like that.”

There was a beat of quiet, save for the soft stamping of Kilo’s hooves.

“Well,” I said after a moment, “You found me anyway.”

“Yeah,” Bobby exhaled, meeting my gaze. “I didn’t want to leave it like that. I don’t really do this. Not because I don’t want to, just…it’s complicated,” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “I—I grew up in a very conservative midwest home, constantly surrounded by the church. I—”

I nodded, letting him continue.

“I found—find—you attractive and the prospect of pursuing that scared me. I’m, well, I’m at the door of the closet, you could say,” he sighed. “Buck had some sage advice for once and—well—talking it out seemed like a smart idea.

I nodded, “Thank you for telling me that. I know it must have been hard.”

“I don’t know if I can make promises right now, but maybe…”

I nodded, “I get it. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. We could grab coffee sometime. No pressure, whatsoever.”

“I was going to suggest the same thing,” Bobby said, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Somewhere quiet.”

“I know a place. Right near here, actually,” I pointed in its general direction over my shoulder.

Bobby nodded, the smile not letting up, “Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeated, smiling more fully now.

Kilo shifted between us, snorting softly.

Bobby gave the horse one last pat and looked back at me, “Thanks for understanding and—and not making it a big deal.”

“Thanks for showing up,” I replied. “That’s kind of a big deal.”

[apricustar]

what is your take on buck announcing he was going to transfer in 8.18? i didnt take him as a runner especially after that conversation he had with maddie about how she’s the runner out of the two of them

hi nonnie! well, honestly, i think that was one of the only in-character things that happened in last night's episode. which, seems to be an unpopular opinion: i've only seen people call it abrupt and ooc—but i don't think its either. i think it's the final step in a process of emotional dislocation that's been happening all season.

and, the thing is, this is not the first time buck has said he's going to put in for transfer!

back in season 5, after chimney left to find maddie, buck did the same thing. he gave this calm, rehearsed little speech about how much he has loved being part of the 118–but then said he was leaving for 'the good of everyone.' and it quickly unraveled into what it was really about: guilt—that aching feeling of being the one responsible for ruining things without meaning to. he thought he was the reason chimney left, the reason everything at the station suddenly felt fractured. he curled himself around the silence like it was punishment, like proof that everyone else was thinking what he felt was true: that he was the problem, that everything was his fault.

and that is buck to a T! he’s hyper-aware of emotional shifts—the tiniest change in tone, silence that stretches too long, the moment someone looks away instead of reaching back. that’s how he navigates the world. when it’s his fault, it’s familiar. it gives him something to fix—something to hold onto—when everything else feels out of his control.

buck isn’t a runner in the way maddie is, but when fixing doesn’t work—he starts to disappear instead. not all at once. not dramatically. just in small, tentative steps backward. and then bigger ones. a transfer request: a final act of self-removal dressed up as a solution. a way to say, if i’m the reason this hurts, maybe stepping back completely will help.

at the end of the day, it's not about wanting to go. it’s about not knowing if he deserves to stay. it’s about trying to manage the hurt of disconnection by changing what variables around him he can—his job, his space, his role—because naming what’s really hurting feels impossible.

and now, in 8x18, it happens again. not in anger. not as a threat. just that same quiet resignation. that same question beneath the surface: if the people i love don’t need me—if i’ve failed them, again—then what am i still doing here?

he tries to holds onto bobby's words. tries to be what the team needs. he prods with grief assessment questions. he follows maddie's asks, helps her corral chimney. he reassures eddie. continues picking up pieces, again and again, like if he can just keep going, things will eventually come back together.

but despite his best attempts, they don't. nothing is getting better. his efforts aren’t getting anywhere. and buck is a doer—he always has been. he believes in action, in momentum, in helping. but now the doing hasn’t done anything. he’s thrown himself into every task, every gesture, every fix he can think of, and still, everyone is spinning further and further apart.

while speaking to bobby in the confessional, he tells him that he was wrong—that the team doesn’t need him. and buck, who has always measured his value by what he can give, starts to believe he has nothing left. that maybe the only thing he has left to offer is his absence.

so he says he’s transferring—not because he wants to, not even really because he means it. but because he needs to say something. do something. because when you’re buck, and all your doing has failed, stepping away starts to feel like the only thing left.

transferring isn't necessarily about escape. it's more about reaching a limit. it's about not knowing how else to say things like do i still matter? will anyone ask me to stay? will things ever feel the way they did—and if they do, does that mean we’ve moved on? forgotten?

i don't think buck runs from the people he loves. he runs from the idea that he’s already been left. he runs from the silence. from the hollowness. from the version of himself that feels like a burden, like a liability, like the reason things fall apart. he doesn't wait to be asked to leave—he leaves so no one has to ask in the first place. so he doesn't have to deal with the moment where someone confirms what he already fears—that he's too much, or not enough, or the problem.

he removes himself before anyone else gets the chance to. because if it's his decision, at least he has some control. at least the leaving can feel like something he did for them, rather than something done to him.

[eddiegettingshot]

Its not like tim can force ryan to do buddie if he really doesn't want to. Even oliver said tim called him asking if he was good with doing bi buck soo its not that crazy to assume ryan said no, and given the way he's so set on buck and eddie being this great platonic brotherly friendship, its not crazy for people to think he's the one saying no

But it is also tim's fault for continuing to write buddie like a possibility just to keep fans views

it is crazy to think that considering clearly he did NOT say no since tim KEEPS trying to do it! like! he clearly did not say no if they wrote an entire 704 coming out for him? and frankly literally what else is he supposed to say other than the script he has????? i mean you have oliver out here literally saying it doesn’t mean anything that they brought up buck being in love with eddie…surely that’s not his Actual Belief lmfao

[rainbow-fandoms]

and when buck and eddie kiss to love me anyway by chappell roan in 8x12 then what

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Ravi being the one who tells Buck that Eddie got a job offer from the firehouse in El Paso.

Ravi - who is the physical representation of Bucks abandonment issues - telling Buck that Eddie got a firefighter job in El Paso…

Ravi being the one to tell Buck that Eddie has been offered a job that will make it even less likely that Eddie will return to LA - because he has now got a house he owns, his kid back and will be back doing a job that he loves and is good at - making Buck feel even more abandoned than he already is.

I love the way the show is using Ravi to explore and deal with Bucks abandonment issues!

but now Bobby - his father figure - has died and Buck has no idea how to deal with his grief but he’s been holding it together the only way he knows how (with all his online tests and using charts and numbers to determine everyone else’s grief so he doesn’t have to deal with his own because he doesn’t know how and cant let himself break because Bobby told him the others were going to need him and he can’t fail Bobby and his last words), and now he’s discovered Eddie has a job offer in El Paso - something that will take Eddie away from him forever (in his mind).

Eddie’s presence back in LA - in the house (even if its Bucks furniture in there and Eddie is on the couch) has been a safety blanket that Buck has been clinging to and it is now going to come to an end. Eddie’s going to go back to the new life he’s been building in El Paso - that Buck isn’t a part of (physically) leaving Buck abandoned

He’d been able to deal with Eddie going to El Paso because while Buck was subletting Eddie house there was a chance that Eddie would come back,

[grapejuicegay]

Sometimes I just start thinking about this moment - paired with Maddie's "I just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there's something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time" - and then don't stop thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just reading into it but the way this moment moves. Eddie steps forward, Tommy steps up to exactly where Eddie was, Buck turns to look where Eddie was, doesn't find what he was looking for but still finds something good. It's not just ep 4 and 5 where the focus on Eddie blows me away, it's also this.

[tommygotwrittenoff]

things i think buddie would argue about after moving in together: buying organic, the tupperware cabinet, couch throw pillows, the coffee maker

[eddiediazenjoyer]

ranking the ways that buck denied being in love with eddie in this episode:

6. “this was not his house. he’s a renter” + “because i’m living in eddie’s old house therefore i must be in love with him? ” FANTASTIC missing of the point here. actually awesome bc that’s literally not what anybody was saying at all. like sure but also. what about literally everything else about the way buck was acting about eddie . but no he’s like SO WHAT IM LIVING IN HIS HOUSE? SO WHAT I HAUNT IT LIKE A GHOST AND SEE HIM EVERYWHERE I TURN? NOW THAT MAKES ME IN LOVE WITH HIM???? like nobody’s saying that but you man. but yes.

5. “he’s straight”. classic . clean. tried and true among gay people denying their feelings. says nothing about the state of your feelings while placing the entire weight of your argument on a fact that can (and will!) be easily refuted. great stuff.

4. “as much as everyone seems to want me to be hopelessly pining for my straight best friend it just isnt like that” love the redux of the eddie’s straight argument . and it’s IMMEDIATELY followed with him talking about what a huge insurmountable hole eddie leaves in his life. but he’s STRAIGHT . remember?

3. “are you?” “in love with eddie?” “it wouldn’t be so crazy.” “except that i’m not” the defensive tone . the pure confidence . this one is great bc it’s the first time that the unspeakable has been spoken out loud and he’s being hit over the head with it not only by his ex (who has now been confirmed to have broken up with him over this) but his sister . and he’s still closing his eyes and covering his ears and going LALALALALALAA . bc he’s CRAZYYYY 🫶🏼🫶🏼

2. “i understand him being threatened by what me and eddie have but—” like okay???? so you admit that there’s something to be threatened by? the way he says it so casually but there’s also such an undercurrent to it . simultaneously an acknowledgment and a dismissal. the subtext is getting subtextual but also clawing it’s way to the surface :)

1. “i don’t have to want to sleep with everyone i have feelings for” YAY FOREVERRRRR unbelievably awesome . no i’m not in love with him i just have feelings for him. hello???? and he SAID this. and he MEANT IT. buck buckleyyyy 😭😭😭 this one is going down in HISTORY

[kithmet]

i think there’s a part of buck—a part that exists very, very deep in his subconscious—that has feared being accused of being in love with eddie from the moment he realized he liked men. like, if we circle back to 7x05, eddie is the only person buck is scared of coming out to. he does it fine with everyone else, on accident, brushing off the importance of it. but with eddie we had a whole episode avoiding it. his relationship with eddie is the only one that could be fundamentally impacted by that change. a part of buck was maybe scared, irrationally, that eddie might think it now means he is in love with him.

so when tommy brings it up in 8x11, this thing that has been eating away at buck for almost a year at this point, he goads tommy into saying it. it’s obvious tommy was referring to eddie but buck wanted him to voice it, he wanted someone, anyone to say it aloud. he wanted to hear those fears said to him for the first time, maybe because in a way it almost validates this crazy part of him that he repressed down. honestly, i think buck is relieved someone finally said it so he could start arguing his case.

the problem is, when he finally starts speaking the arguments he’d prepared—“eddie’s straight”, “this isn’t even really his house”, “it just isn’t like that”—he realizes that, actually, no one actually believes him. that’s what pisses him off the most, what sent him over the edge with tommy. then the, “everyone wants me to be hopelessly pining for my straight best friend,” when absolutely no one said that! those are his own fears that have manifested. and what’s even worse than all this is—it might even be true. but i think buck will avoid that until something snaps.