#the change in him from the old guard to an entirely different person always felt so significant to me

[grapejuicegay]

Sometimes I just start thinking about this moment - paired with Maddie's "I just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there's something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time" - and then don't stop thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just reading into it but the way this moment moves. Eddie steps forward, Tommy steps up to exactly where Eddie was, Buck turns to look where Eddie was, doesn't find what he was looking for but still finds something good. It's not just ep 4 and 5 where the focus on Eddie blows me away, it's also this.

[myladysapphire]

His Sapphire Princess (IX)

After the night in the brothel Rhaenyra is married to Laenor Velayron to protect the birth of her child. who in the years to follow is the only one of Rhaenyra's children that is believed to be his, she is loved by all in the red keep, even queen Alicent adores the girl, so when Rhaenyra proposes a marriage between Aemond and Rhaenyra's daughter Visenya, Alicent happily agrees.

The children having been best friends in their youths are more than happy to be wed but when the incident at drift mark occurs things change, will it be for better or worse?

word count: 2,455

CW: angst? some fluff (like they reunite and don't hate each other and decide to start over), tensions, refrences of past SA, not proofread!

Fem!oc x Aemond Targeryen

Masterlist | series masterlist | previous part | next part

disclaimer:  i do not own any of claim any of the A song of ice and  fire characters, all rights belong to GRR MARTIN, all characters are his except for my OC

a/n i hate this, but it's kind of a filler chapter anyway

Aemond

Aemond had been both eager and nervous for her return.

Though counting down the days, planning on how he would greet you, he also was scared.

He know she felt ignored by him, betrayed by how he had just stopped replying to her letters. Ignored her name days, ignored her completely.

But that was not entirely true.  He had wanted so badly to reply, writing letter upon letter, though some were just mindless scribbles. But not once did he find he wrote a letter worthy of her, worthy of the emotions he felt. He needed space and he had shown he needed it in the worse possible way.

He had hated how he knew some version of her, a guarded version. Her letters expressing less and less, over time just mere updates of her life before stopping altogether. And he hated that the version she knew of him was the scared little boy he had tried so hard to get ride of.

The version of Aemond he had gotten ride of, in all ways but with her. He wanted to be the old Aemond with her, but hated that he did. It was why he needed the space, the time to heal, the time to become the man he is today.

But as he stood in the training yard, staring at her as she talked to him, so ddiffernt, so cold.

He knew he made a mistake.

She was so different, she had changed, and not just her personality.

But her looks also. Gods she was the most stunning and beautiful woman he had ever seen, he had always thought it impossible for her to become more beautiful.

But her beauty was clouded by the look in her eyes, the anger, the hurt and the loneliness.

She looked so alone, even as she walked out the courtyard with her brothers, laughing. She same old melodic laugh that could capture a room. The loneliness ceased slightly when he looked into them, as if she was finally being seen.

He understood. There eyes always talked to each other, expressing their true emotions, it why he knew his eyes mirrored hers, but they also showed another emotion, regret.

Regret for reading your letters time and time again, annotating them as if they were quotes from his favourite novel. Regret from the stack of unsent letters he kept in his bedside draw.

Each filled with his thoughts. Most mindless scribbles, unfished letters ending with angry scribbled out words as words escaped him, as  fear filled him.

He had tried to write of the events in his life even detailing his fights with Ser Criston, his rides with Vaghar, the books he read. And yet he could never send them, fear of her seeing his liefe and not understanding why he needed the space, or fear that he would see the darkest parts of his mind grew as the years went on. The sweet kind boy she had once new fading, and a cruel, vengeful man taking his place.  

He had once longed to be a protector, her sworn sword, doing good in her name. now…now he revelled in fear. He loved how the woman would run at the sight of his sapphire eye, a sight he knew deep down she never would. He revelled in revenge, revenge by going to the brothel, the place of his hurt, and burning it.

It was ruthless, but the second he had done it, he felt free, healed.

And yet fear still gripped at him, fear of wheat you know thought of him.

Fear that she would not accept the new him, but as he had started at you he felt like the old sweet Aemond was still in there somewhere, but only for her, his Sapphire.

Watching her sway away he knew he had limited time, this week was the first week of their official courtship, but the week after they would begin the moon long celebrations for their wedding.

Celebrations were they would spend day after day, hour after hour together being the perfect couple.

And he didn’t want it to be an act.

He had returned to his rooms, opening his bedside draw, but instead of reaching for her letter he reached for his own, and realised what he wanted to do.

He waited, two days. Two days of agony.

He had somehow hoped those two days he would be able to approach her, talk to her. But now, all he could was watch her. Watch her spend day after day in someone else’s company

Whether it was one of the tens of ladies begging for her favour and chance at becoming her lady, or her brother Jace, or even Aegon.

Gods he had forgotten about Aegon’s obsession with her. He knew they wrote, Aegon often bragging about it. With Aegon telling him about her, their little jokes, their shared secrets.

Not that he was jealous, no. He was not jealous of how Aegon seemed to act as if they were betrothed to each other. For two days they seemed to walk everywhere together, sit with each other at dinners. Though her eyes were often searching for Aemond’s, Aegon’s eyes were always firmly planted on her. And whenever she wasn’t with him, he was like a lost pup, waiting for her to appear.

Those two days, though never alone they often found the other staring, their mouths would being to form words that they were never able to form. And so he finally built up the courage and sent her his letters.

Visenya

When she had received Aemond’s letters she did not know what to expect.

They had appeared on her dresser, all 112 of them. Though some were scrapes of paper with random thoughts scribbled across them. One just one word repeated, 110 times.

Her name written, again and again, in the same neat, perfect handwriting Aemond had always had.

She then realised what this was, an apology.

She found the first letter he wrote that was left unsent, and she felt her heart break.

Dearest Visenya,

I am so sorry, I can not say why it has taken so long for me to only now reply.

Prepahs it was the guilt.

I never should of come to Winterfell, You had been kind and sweet, but I fear your kindness is unwarranted. I do not desire pity, I regret coming that night, I regret allowing you to see me so weak and scared. My whole life I have sworn to be your protector, your sword. And that night as I cried in your arms I felt like a small child, I felt smaller than when I did when Lucerys tore out my eye. And I hated it.

I have tried to look past it, look at it in away where I do not come across a whiny little boy and I am nothing but ashamed.

I had hoped to write you, bragging of my successes and yet all I can do I wallow In self pity at how I acted that night.

It matters not that I bested ser Criston for the first time, or how often I ride Vaghar.

For all I can think about it the look of pity you gave me.I do not need nor want your pity, my sapphire.

You gave me a place to stay and a place to cry, but I shall make it clear to you that the Aemond you saw that night is long gone. And shall never return. He can never return, not for you not for anyone.

So sweet, I shall not answer your request to come to Winterfell, I need the space, the time and so do you.

I fear distance is what we need, though we may hate it, I need to become Prince Aemond, and not just scared little Aemond, the boy who lost is eye, the boy who cried in your arms.

Yours, whether I say it or not,

Aemond

Dearest Visneya,

It has been near six moons since I last wrote you, and you are writing less and less.

I have been cruel, I know. I have ignored you in the favour of bettering myself.

I do not deserve you, or your kindness even still.            

You seem to be doing well, a fact I envy not too see. But I myself am not.

I miss you more and more each day, I find myself looking for you ate very turn. And yet it has been over a year since you were at the red keep.

So much has changed, Aegon and Heleana are to wed soon, I have started training with a real sword.

I no longer wake in sweats from that night.

So much has changed and yet I have so little words to say, I hate it!

I used to have all the words in the world for you, never once fearing how you viewed me. For I knew how you viewed me then.

And now I fear you will judge me.

Hate me.

Resent me.

I fear I have become a stranger, and yet I have a dozen unsent letters all addressed to you, read and read time and time again your own.

I know you, and I fear you.

Fear your opinion of me, how you view me.

I fear-      

Most of his letters just ended, frustration finding him far to quickly, some were just mindless words and phrases.

Visenya,

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you  I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you .

Some were hateful, words said in anger, at how she still cared.

Dear Visenya,

Stop writing me.

How long must I ignore you to realise I want not to know you as we once did.

How am I to become the man you desire we spend all our time writing each other, stuck in our silly little heads!

Then gossip filled the red keep, gossip that Cregan had asked for your hand.

Visneya,

please, my sapphire, I beg of you do not marry him!

Your mother bids it but I do not!

Please.

And then her letters had stopped and he left once last letter to her.

Visneya,

Please, don’t stop writing me!

I know I have not been a friend to you but a stranger but without your letters the world has stopped.

I now I am a hypocrite, a hypocrite who cannot find the words. Who never has been able to speak his feelings, but show them.

I know not of a gesture to prove I want you till, I crave you and I need you.

but please, I cannot live without you, knowing you, please.

Please!

forever your Aemond.

Gods, she thought, he had to been hurt. Though not by her, and she had resented him for it. Resented how he had opened up to her, and then abandoned her ignored her for so long.

She knew it was hard for, he was never one for words. Gestures yes, but words? They always frustrated him, he could never formulate his feelings and yet this, the scribbled erratic thoughts and letters, unedited and rushed. They showed so much but also so little.

She has spent the whole day reading those letters, seeing no one bar her maid delivering her meals. And had it not been for her mother coming to grab her for dinner, demanding her presence, she would have sat on her thoughts all day and night.

But as she was sat next to Aemond she realised she would have less time to think on what Aemond’s gesture meant and what it meant for them.

“Aemond” she greeted, flipping her hair to the side as she sat.

“Senya” he greeted in response, eyes firmly on her.

 She squirmed in her seat, unsure on where to start. “Senya” he said again, capturing her attention, as they made eye contact some tension left her body.

“why?” she asked, its all she could think of, why?

He coughed awkwardly, clearly not expecting this conversation now, “I was never one for words, Visneya. But gestures, have always been something I excel at.” He moved his head closer to her, their conversation too private for prying eyes. “ I never should have ignored you, I know realise, it hurt us both, more than I ever thought” he shifted in his seat “seeing the look in your eyes when you arrived and realising I had made a mistake”

She nodded, urging him on, as she began to plate up her food.

“I focused solely on myself, I was selfish, but I won’t lie to you, my sapphire”

My sapphire, she liked that.

“I have become selfish and cruel, I have become a man who craves fear, but not from you, never from you”

“then what do you want from me?” she asked softly, before nervously looking to make sure no one else was listening to their conversation. “you did not want companionship from me, you ignored me for years on end, and yet by the end of the moon we will be wed!” she took a breath “if you have truly become selfish, and cruel, how do I know that it is for your betterment? And how will I know that you wont ever make me fear you?”

“because I became that person, so that I never have to feel fear again, feel the fear I felt at Driftmark, at that… at that brothel” she sighed, taking her hand in his “ I want to be your protector, it is all I have ever wanted, and how could I become that if I remained that scared, naïve little boy?”

Everything he was saying was true, but it also made her realize she did not know him anymore.

She breathed in “perhaps we should start over? Get to know one another again?”

He nodded, “I would like that”

next part

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[lina-lovebug]

I Will Protect You

Adam Warlock x fem! Reader

Reader is Gamora and Nebula younger sister. Seems to be a trend with Thanos' daughters to fall for goofy men.

Warnings: ptsd, torture, cursing

Adam did not know love.

He knows his mother loved him. That even though his sole purpose was to kill and work for the Sovereign, he could feel his mother's love for him.

But being in love?

He never thought about it. It was never a priority, especially as a killer who would have no business being intrigued by anything else other than what he was ordered.

"You are an idiot."

"What?"

"But I must say I admire your technique. Staring is also how I got my wife to notice me. Although I did it for hours on end until she noticed."

Drax told Adam, who was staring longingly at (Y/N), the sister to Gamora and Nebula and their resident healer. Adam watched as a pink light emitted from her palms, healing a small injury on one of the children's knees.

"She's very pretty," Adam breathed out. Yes, he had seen specimens that were 'perfect', but you were something entirely different. Your laughter was genuine and kind, and your smile held no ill intentions behind it.

"Drax, I feel sick when I am around her. Like my stomach gets all fuzzy and weird, and-and I can't think straight. Did she poison me?" Adam asked, wondering truly if you despised him secretly.

After all, your first encounter was not a good one.

Adam recalled being beneath you as you held a blade to his throat, pressing it hard enough to draw blood and the rage in your eyes was something to remember.

He now held a small scar on his neck.

"Silly golden man," Drax patted his shoulder, "you love her."

"Love? Are you sure?" He glanced back to where you were but you disappeared.

"What should I do?"

Oh if only he should have known that Drax was the worst person to ask for advice.

_

"I'm sorry."

I turned around to see Gamora. Her arms were crossed, she was guarding herself, as she looked at me with sad eyes.

"You have nothing to-"

"You had someone who was openly loving and caring, and that's not me," I swallowed a lump in my throat. Gamora changed once she realized that Nebula and I just needed a sister, not a combat partner. I saw her make that effort, and she learned my love languages and learned who I was as a person.

When she died, I felt a part of myself die with her.

And when this new Gamora, or old Gamora, had shown up, I wanted that back. But she was just as cruel and as mean as when we first fought and she beat me.

"Wow, you don't think I know that?" I retorted, avoiding eye contact as I continued to polish my knives.

"From our first fight when Thanos pit us against each other, I knew you were only looking out for the best. That you needed to be the golden girl in order to survive, but did you know what he did?" I asked, finally looking at her.

"Yeah, Nebula-"

"No, not to Nebula," I interrupted, standing up.

"When I was eight and kept losing, he didn't just lock me in my room. He had Ebony Maw do things to me. . .he started slow by making incisions in my back to see how much I could scream, and then did this," I lifted up my shirt and her eyes widened.

"He started putting viles inside of me that he found on other planet's to see how my body would react to them. That's how I got my power to heal," I explained, "but every experiment, every needle - it left behind this."

My stomach and back held my memories. It was littered in scars that would never go away and ruined me.

"I-I didn't-"

"No one knew. Not even Nebula until a few years ago," I admitted.

"I get why you fought so hard but. . .I don't think I can forgive you."

Gamora looked like she had just seen what hell was like. A light mist formed over her eyes, realizing that whenever she won, someone else had paid the price.

"I know you'll never be her," I admitted, "but you could at least try to act like we were sisters."

"You are," She grasped my hands tightly in her own, "you've always been. I'm sorry I never saw it until now."

I removed myself from her, "I know you mean it, but I'm going to need you to go."

She hesitated but nodded, "ok."

Gamora shut the door behind her and wanted to scream. All of the "What ifs" plagued her mind, wondering what would have happened if only she had noticed sooner. But before any tears could escape, she heard a shuffle and spotted the golden boy lurking.

He looked just like she did.

Shocked and furious.

"If you do anything to hurt her, I will slit your throat in your sleep," Gamora told him before walking off, leaving him stunned.

The mere thought of someone making you cry made Adam furious beyond belief, but torturing you? Seeing how loud you could scream - how much pain you could take?

He didn't know understand love but that was not it.

Adam was initially going to go to your room and try to 'woo' you, as Drax said to do. But now, all he felt was rage. He knew Thanos was dead, along with everyone who worked for him, so he didn't know where to put this anger.

"(Y/N)?"

"Adam, now is not a good ti-" as I turned around to face him, all I saw was anger. Red flashed across his face, just like the first time we fought.

"Adam? Are you okay?" I questioned.

"I-I feel angry, and I don't know what to do. I want to kill him," Adam ranted.

"Kill him? Who?"

"Thanos."

The name still left a mark on my mind and it made me want to vomit.

"He-he's dead, Adam," I said.

"I know. But he needs to pay for what he's done to you. It isn't fair. No one so kind, so generous and loving should ever experience that," He ranted, unknowingly confirming that Adam knew exactly what Thanos did to you.

"You heard. . ." This was my fear. I finally found someone who makes me smile and makes my heart race whenever we're together, and he knows.

He knows I'm fucked up. He knows I have ugly scars that'll never disappear. He knows I have a dark childhood. He knows I'm-

He shook me from my mind by placing his hands on my shoulders, "I want to protect you. From now on, no one will ever lay a hand on you again. I'll do whatever it takes, (Y/N), I promise."

"Why?"

"Drax says it's because I love you. I only knew my mother's love but I know that when I see you, I want to make you smile. I want you to be happy and always laughing and never upset."

Love? Shit, I didn't know the first thing about it. I always thought that the torture and the lectures were love because a father always wants you to do your best. But after the guardians, I felt lost. This friendship and trust, it was love, but how could I ever replicate that?

"Adam, are you. . .sure?"

He was caught off guard, "yes, I am. Do you not love me?"

"I do, but I don't know how to express that. You deserve someone who does," I told him.

"What do you do with someone you love?" He questioned.

"You hug them, you show that you're there for them no matter what, you learn what they like, you show it in physical ways. You kiss-"

"Then kiss me," His boldness made my whole body still and I felt like face become hot.

"What?"

"If you love me, then kiss me," He stated, still as blunt as ever. My heart was running a mile, and my mind was screaming at me to stop.

But I couldn't.

I lifted my face to his and kissed him. I expected it to be a small peck, but my body wanted more. I yearned for his gentle touch and placed his hands on my waist as he gently kissed back, still unsure about his movements. His lips were soft against mine, following what I did. As I pulled away for air, he pulled me back in. It made me gasp as his hands held me firmly, his lips desperate for mine. I felt breathless as he held me closer, and my hands began to venture into his hair.

"Seriously?!"

Peter's voice made me pull back, frightened that he had seen.

"Everyone but me!" He shouted as he walked away, and I was still firm against Adam's chest.

"I thought kissing was a private affair," Adam said, confused.

"Y-yeah, it is, but my door is open. Adam, you're sure you want this? With me?" I asked, still frazzled at the kiss.

"I only want you, and we can learn how to love each together, right?" He said, so innocent but so willing.

"Yes, we can," I smiled.

"I heard of this thing called cuddling and it sounds nice. Can we do that too?"

I gave him a soft kiss, "for however long you want."

[moonlight-tmd]

How about Bumblebee ships where Bee has a protective uncle who is pretty much cybertronian Doomguy?

Also, how would others react to it?

Ya know, i had an idea related to the one with Bee having a decepticon dad.

What if Elita and Bee were actually related?

Like, we all seen how similar these two are, from personality to looks, it would only make sense if they were family. I was thinking of attaching it to the idea of Bee having a 'con dad but let's see if i can cook up something different...

So, I suppose the way it happened is that Bee's parents died cuz war when he was a tiny bitty. Elita, being his aunt, took him in and raised him. Bee was too little to remember his parents so Elita did her best to tell him about them when he was older. Besides her, he didn't have any other relatives.

Then, one day Elita had to leave for some mission. She promised her nephew that she'll be back soon... but she never did. Bee was in the middle of trying pass academy. Elita hired Arcee to look after Bee when she wasn't present, when the news of Elita dying on a mission reached them Bee refused to believe. He knew Auntie Eli better than anyone, he knew that she wouldn't just perish like that. Arcee stayed with him until he was old enough to be on his own, she helped him get around in life to the best of her capabilities.

Bee tried to have a normal job like Arcee suggested but it just didn't sit with him. From all the stories Auntie Eli told him about being an Elite Guard he wanted to follow her pedesteps and become one too.

He got into boot camp and then- hell started. Bee was about to quit completely when he met Bulkhead and Longarm. Still, even with the newfound hope he got kicked out. Bulkhead was kind enough to pull him into the repair crew so he won't stay unemployed.

All this time alone Bee started to slowly lose hope to ever see his aunt again... that's until they crashed on Earth.

First year and few months were quiet but then Decepticons came. And wouldn't you know-

The fight was rather messy, at some point the structures on the demolition zone started to crumble and both parties had to run. Team Prime regrouped after the building fell and the 'cons were gone. Except Bee was nowhere in sight. They searched the entire place but there was no trace of him...

Bee woke up in dark place. His frame ached, made sense considering he remembered being hit with rubble while cornered by a giant spider. What he didn't expect was him laying in some form of medbay in a cave and said spider being the one tending to him.

He was quick to jump to his pedes and take a defensive stand. He demanded answers but the femme only told him to calm down and rest. She had that worried and hurt expression on her that Bee couldn't quite place... at least until she said one specific word.

"I wouldn't hurt one of mine, Sunny." She said at some point of their half-argument. Sunny- that nickname was only used by his aunt when Bee needed comfort.

"Wai- h-how do you..?" Bee's Spark seemed to have a seizure as he tried to comprehend what she just said. She only gave him that small kind smile- an expression that gave Bee a painful realization. "...Auntie Eli?"

She nodded and Bee could only run to her and hug her as tight as her could and cry. They talked, Blackarachnia told him vaguelly where's she's been and what she did in all these years, but she never quite told him why she was a spider- all she said was that it was an accident on a mission. Bee felt so sad for her, she went thru so much all alone. He caught onto the little mention of how ugly she was when she was talking and comforted her- she was his aunt always and forever. He even changed the little nickname 'Auntie Eli' to 'Auntie Ari' cuz her name changed.

After she patched Bee up she took him outside. She told Bee to not tell anyone about it so when he came back to base he lied saying that 'cons captured him but he escaped. The others bought it.

And so Bee sneaks out sometime to go visit Blackarachnia. Sometimes they stay hidden and talk, sometimes they go somewhere far to have fun. Sometimes Bee brings her gifts to use or decorate her not-so-little cave-house. One thing about having an aunt who's a scientist is that she can fix you up like a medic, Bee most often goes to her if he has a crash while doing something behind others' backs. Blackarachnia is the type to care about whether he won that race rather than what he did is illegal, spares Bee hearing a scolding for Primus-knows-which time.

They tried to keep the enemy charade going- despite her going rogue on Megatron, she still hated Optimus and his bunch. That's until one particular fight when Starscream showed up- she was hididng from them cuz some stray organic reported suspicious activity and Star showed up out of nowhere and started fighting them. He threw Bee off a tall building, before others had a chance to do something Blackarachnia swooped in spiderman-style and caught him. Starscream fled and she lowered Bee to the ground and started looking over him to injuries, before others got too close she also fled.

Once they got back to base they were wondering what has happened, in their talk trying to figure out why Arachnia would save Bee, said scout slipped.

He ended up spilling that Blackarachnia is his aunt- of course, she used to behave and look different. He told them that she was supposedly dead but he knew better and hey, it was true! She may not be the nicest person now but she's still family.

I suppose Ratchet would still be suspicious of her cuz he heard what kinda shit she can pull.

Bulkhead has heard the full story of Bee's aunt going missing long ago- he's happy that Bee finally found her but at the same time he's kinda worried cuz she is kinda evil.

Sari is happy for him, she feels bad for the gal but she's mostly happy for them to have found each other. She did ask Bee to take her for a visit but he always said he'd have to ask his aunt first. She may have gotten to meet her one time, it was quite a fun.

Optimus... he feels all shocked, stupid and guilty- Elita never told him nor Sentinel about having a nephew. When he first saw Bee he instantly got remined of Elita, he was also the reason she went missing in the first place... he couldn't look Bee in the optic after that.

I think he would give in and tell Bee. He's ask him to speak privately outside and he'll tell him he knew Elita when they were younger. That they went to the same academy, they were on the same team... that he was on a mission with her and something went wrong and he couldn't help her in time. It didn't matter if Bee hated him afterwards, at least he'll take this weight of keeping it a secret off his Spark. To his surprise, Bee wasn't mad at him. In fact he was sympathetic towards Optimus and even asked if he knew anything more about her. They spend the evening talking about Elita and how she used to be, Bee even said some stuff about her new self from the times he snuck out to hang out with her.

So now that the information is out in the open, Bee doesn't have to hide if he wants to go see his aunt. I think at some point, Bee would ask if he can let her come over for some holiday or something. The others are wary at first but Bee told them she's not gonna do anything- Bee told them that she said 'she won't bother them if they don't bother her' and so far she's been sticking to it. No more trouble from her side. It would be very awkward for Optimus tho- like, imagine if she came over for christmas and it was just this tense atmosphere around the two- at least until Bee brings out the drinks and they start to chat... Bee did not know they used to date in academy. "What others do with their lives is not your business... also, you were too young to know this stuff." Arachnia said when Bee argued why she didn't tell him.

I think at some point Elita Guard would visit and also learn the fact Bee is family with her. Sentinel is on the first fire- Arachnia has heard enough of what he pulled with her dear nephew to want to kill him, and keep reviving him just to keep killing him again and again and again. In the end he only got slammed into the wall and nearly decapitated with a threat of making him go to the deepest of Pits if he ever hurt Bee again. Oh, and she also told him she's Elita before that to add to the injury.

Jazz and Jettwins are kinda scared of her, she can be fun but she can also kill you if you make a wrong move so...

As for the ships reactions- Prowl would be worried cuz Blackarachnia is not someone to play with- but she was Bee's aunt and she did save him so maybe she's not as evil? He tries to stay positive for Bee's sake but he always has an optic on her just in case. (If he wasn't dating Bee he'd be just worried for Bee's safety.)

ShockBee- Blackarachnia knows Shockwave. Shockwave knows Blackarachnia. If she learned that Bee and Shock are dating(when he's disguised) she would take him when no one is looking and threaten to do him worse than Blitzwing if he tried anything with her nephew. Being a double agent also meant a treacherous relationship with someone of the opposite faction, she's not gonna take chances and let Bee become his toy. She'll even make him break up with Bee if need be. Shockwave's processor is working on the highest setting, trying to come up with a solution to make peace with all he got going on in his life. Bee thinks Longarm is scared of his aunt but in reality he's actually scared not knowing what to do.

And finally, BlitzBee. I think Blitz would find out way sooner than the others- meaning that Blackarachnia caught Bee alone in the forest just before Blitz arrived at the meeting. Yeah, they tried to kill each other but Bee managed to calm them down to talk. Both were alarmed and confused that the other talked to Bee like they knew each other...

Blitz was shocked when he heard the same person that messed up his processor is his beloved's aunt. Arachnia was more disappointed and worried than angry but she still hid it behind anger. Blitzwing wasn't the best mech and she didn't want Bee getting hurt by this unstable scrapheap... yeah Bee was not having a good time.

Somehow they all made it out alive and Bee got a little bit of alone time with Blitz. Next time Bee was visiting his aunt of course she demanded answers- Bee assured her that Blitz is good to him and won't do anything to harm him.

Blitz on the other hand felt a bit betrayed that Bee didn't tell him but at the same time he understood why. All of his personalities could not have had a harder time existing with one another... In the end he couldn't stay mad at him for having a family so it was all good.

I think Bee would try to get them to ease up so he tries to get them to hang out more like family. It kind of works? There's still some bitterness towards one another but at least they can talk without making it into an argument.

If the others find out about Bee and Blitz, Arachnia would and will force them to let Bee have a relationship and do some not nice things if they don't.

She may be smaller than most of them but she's definitely someone you DON'T want to mess with. She has ways of making folks suffer more than they can imagine and she will do them if it means protecting her only joy in life that is Bee.

I really like the side idea of Optimus making peace with Elita-now-Blackarachnia and them getting back together. Optimus is just trying to be a good uncle and Bee making it an experience to remember (bad) for his amusement. They grow to like each other tho.

[chronoslovers]

the suckening episode 13 spoilers

first of all, so so happy that there's a season 2! as the episode was coming to a close i was feeling super bittersweet as i felt that there was a lot that hadn't been resolved, so glad this series is getting a second season as it totally deserves it! it's been my first jrwi campaign so it's very dear to me.

second of all, shilo. sweet sweet shilo. god how i've loved his arc this season. the difference between the shilo of episode 1 and 13 is palpable. what i especially loved was shilo coming to terms with empathy - facing the consequences of the old peoples home directly during the games. that entire scene with ben's death was genuinely heartbreaking, what a brilliant moment to show that yes, your actions actively hurt people around you.

i've always believed for shilo to be kind, i think it's in his nature as a person. but his lack of empathy for others held him back. he went from basically sending castle guards to their deaths to attempting to make ben's death as pleasant as possible, using his own abilities for the sake of others instead of his own personal gain. this is something i'd really love to see explored further during season 2, can definitely see the parallels with emizel here with his note at the end of the session. both have used people like they were pawns (love the literal example of this with the card planning 'board' in the motel), and are coming to terms with this. the fact that the final track from the session is called 'absence of reflection' really sums this up for the both of them. they really struggled to reflect on their own actions for the majority of this season.

yet shilo has also been fighting for his own agency, this has already been discussed by others so i'll keep in brief. shilo was a pawn for edward from the very beginning, and honestly to a lesser extent for arthur too. he's constantly used for his title and connection to the queen unwillingly, others seeking to access the power that he has. during this season we've really seen shilo attempt to break free from this, to make his own choices as he learns more about the outside world and overcomes some of his naïvety that's honestly no fault of his own. i'd need to make a whole separate post for his relationship with edward but he was only ever seen as a stepping stone to power.

of course arthur is scary, both physically now and in his abilities from the start of the campaign. but in this finale honestly i found shilo the scariest. his spell against edward that ultimately finishes the fight, the way he conducted himself in that moment, the loss of his innocence merit all made for such a wonderful scene that really shows how far shilo has come. he's always commanded people, he's not the best at physical combat but Words, that's nothing the other two pcs have much power with. the power to change someone's appearance to 0 and impact their social stats is such an insane amount of power, and i really hope this is the direction shilo heads down next season. combined with emizel's lives and physical combat skills they make a really scary duo.

summing things up, i really really love shilo. his arc has been incredible and i'm overjoyed that we will be seeing more of him as his story definitely isn't over. i'm glad we will probably get to learn more about his birth and his thoughts on that, guys they're so cain and abel. but yeah. brilliant finale to a wonderful season!

[heartysworld]

The gift that saved them all || Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: nothing much just a bit of blood, nothing too disturbing

A/N: Somebody sent this an anon request and I've been working on it for a while, trying to come up with plot points and everything, I hope you like it guys! Also if anyone else wishes to be added to my taglist,comment or message me so I can add you! Feedback is very appreciated! <3

MASTERLIST

The entire court was aware of the youngest Prince's departure for Pentos over a year ago. Prince Aemond left not long after his brother's crowning ceremony, being unable to look at the cunt he was supposed to call his King and obey. One night, suddenly Aemond decided he was going to mount Vaghar in a fortnight and take on a journey, first to Pentos and wherever the Gods take him from there. For an entire year the Queen Mother received three letter total from her youngest son, the only information they contented being her son's location. It had been months before another, fourth letting arrived,this time informing the Queen that her son would be returning soon,it was not specified when, thought. Every single day since, the Red Keep was in preparations for the return of their second son, a tourney was to be held and then followed by a big feast. Every bible house that was in alliance with the crown was invited, it had been long since something joyous happened.

What nobody expected was,for the young Prince to arrive three months later,and not alone as well.

As Vaghar landed on the place she usually did when she used to lay before, the guards that were sent to welcome the Prince were surprised to be met not with one but two figures climbing down of Vaghar's saddle.

"You've served us well, my old girl. Thank you, Vaghar." Your lover said in High Valyrian to the old dragon that was already preparing for a long well-deserved break.

"Come,my love, they are awaiting us." Aemond spoke as you felt a hand sneak around your waist, pulling you closer to his warmer one. The flight was long and exausting, and cold.

" I am delighted to be able to visit your birthplace, my beloved." You said, nuzzling your head against his chest as the two of you headed towards the carriage that was to take you to the palace.

"This is your home as well,Y/N, you know this." Aemond responded, pecking your lips briefly before the sound of horses squalling outside was heard and you slowly started your journey towards the infamous Red Keep.

All your life you've only heard stories of it, so interesting and fascinating that you even happened to see it in one of your many dreams. That was something unique about you, every night,another story would unravel before you in the world of the dreaming. Everything you dreamed of was always different,never the same, and it was all permanently stamped inside your brain,down to the smallest detail.

When you first met your silver haired Prince, a wave of shock shot through your body. You've seen this man before,he was a constant part of your dreams,even if the story was different he was always present. That day,you knew there was something special about him,you had to find out what it was.

The sudden stop of the carriage pulled you out of your thoughts. Aemond was the first one to step out of it as one of the guards announced his name and title. His mother,the queen, awaited him at the entrance of the Red Keep, Aemond's siblings and grandfather right behind her.

Alicent was full of joy as she saw her son after over a year being away. However, her happiness was quickly overthrown by confusion and anger as she saw a second person exit the carriage, a woman, who her son helped go down the wooden stairs with such care nobody's ever seen before.

Who was this woman? Why has her son brought a stranger in the royal palace? And without even consulting her or anyone else.

"Mother, I see time was good to you,not much has changed since I left." Aemond spoke, oke of his hands still holding one of yours. That was a trait of his you were very fond of, whatever happened, he always needed to be touching you,in any way possible.

While you beloved spoke to his mother,your eyes roamed over the figures standing behind her. What you assumed was Aegon,the oldest, had a smirk quite evident on his face as he came to realize what his brother had done, the woman next to his, possibly Helaena, was starting somewhere at the distance, dissociating. An interesting family he has, you thought.

"Aemond, what's the meaning of this? Who is this woman?" Otto Hightower asked, interrupting the Queen's words as she was just about to speak.

Aemond smiled briefly before turning his attention to you, both his arms going around your waist as he pulled you to his body.

"This, grandfather, is my bride." Aemond spoke, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. "My lady, my Y/N." He added,his voice quiet, also inaudible.

"This is nonsense, Aemond! Have you gone mad!? How dare you bring a random whore in the heart of the kingdom!?" His grandfather's voice echoed around everyone. Nobody dared to speak,not even the Queen herself.

"Be careful how you speak of my bride, grandfather, she is very dear and important to me, I will not hesitate to shut the mouth of whoever tries to speak against her." Aemond snapped, his mother flinching at his tone.

"Please, father, no more harsh words." Queen Alicent spoke in attempt to ease the tension. "Let us go inside, I am sure that Prince Aemond and Lady Y/N are tired, their journey was long and tiring. We shall speak of this when everyone is well rested and calm."

•••

Ever since that moment, which was a few days ago, nobody dared enter the chambers of the younger Prince as he himself had ordered so. This was mostly a desire if his own, as he wanted to nit he disturbed while he rested or made love to his lovely bride he desired so badly.

On the fourth day of your arrival, a knock was heard on the big wooden doors that separated your and Aemond's chambers and the hallway.

"My prince," A small voice said from outside. " the Queen has requested yours and Lady Y/N's presence in the Small Council's chambers. Quickly, if possible." What you presumed was a servant said.

"We shall be there shortly." Your Prince answered briefly before you were once again left alone.

"It is time, my love. Let us go and show them how special my bride is, aside from her beautiful looks and sweet cunt." Aemond teased you while you were getting dressed,his body wrapping itself around yours as his mouth left a trail of hot kisses over your neck and shoulders. At his words you gasped, punching him in the chest with an amused expression. You knew your Prince liked to use his words freely, but that didn't mean you were always ready for such a phrase of his.

"You flatter me,my beloved. But don't forget yourself, you have the tendency to do so." You turned around in his arms, lips ghosting over his while one of your hands sneaked down to the bulge of his pants, squeezing tightly as you watched his expressions change from one to another. A hiss left the Prince's mouth,followed by a devilish smirk as he roughly claimed your lips.

"If it wasn't my mother calling for us, I wouldn't have left you get up from this bed for days, my witchling." He murmured against your mouth, hot breath hitting your face.

With every step you took along the large hallways if the Keep your amusement only grew more and more. You've never been to a palace such as this one before, despite having travelled most of the world in your years of life.

"There's plenty of time to explore my birth home, love, but now, let us focus on while we're here." Aemond said. Just as he finished his sentence the enormous doors of the chamber in front of you opened, revealing a spacious room with a big wooden table at its centre surrounded by what you counted nine chairs, seven of which were already taken.

"Now that all of us are here, let us begin, nobody goes out of this room until we finish our business." The Hand of the King spoke,his stare burning holes into your head.

"Let us leave aside the fact that Prince Aemond had brought back a wife from his journeys, let us discuss what is so special about her that caused him to ask for an audience as soon as possible." The Queen spoke.

As much as she tried to seem neutral of her son's decision to marry in secret, the disapproval was heavily evident in her tone.

"My wife is not just some Pentoshi commoner, mother. Y/N has an unique gift, something that our enemies could only wish for." Your Prince spoke from beside you.

"So she is a witch?! Is this how she made you marry her?! With magic!" Otto Hightower shouted. The Hightowers,you knew, were a religious house, no surprise they would be against such things,but that did not mean a mere old man who's almost in his grave to insult you and your ancestors' beliefs.

Your chair loudly screeched as you stood up from your seat,Aemond tensing beside you.

"What what you speak, Lord Hand! You have no power over me,no right to speak such foul words against me and my ancestors! Without me, your cause will die in vain!" You raised your voice against the old man, nobody else present daring to speak.

"And how did you come to know this?! Are you one of Daemon's spies, did he send you here to finish us from the inside?!" Hightower continued.

This time, Aemond had enough as he stood us as well. Your lover was very short-tempered, especially when somebody went against his words and wishes.

"That's enough!" He shouted. "My wife is no whore, no spy and has no other intention aside from helping us. You should be grateful for what she is about to do for us." He spoke, a tad calmer now but there was still anger laced in his voice.

"And how do you know this, Aemond?" Queen Alicent asked.

"I know because I have seen it,mother. Our victory, my brother on the throne with the Conqueror's crown on his head, my sons." Aegon said. His words seemed to have made everybody speechless, all the other men present in the room remained speechless.

"I see things, Your Grace. I have seen me and your son meeting and getting married years before I even bled for the first time. I have a purpose on this world, and my husband is a great part of it, so is the remainder of your family." You spoke calmly. You knew the woman was not to blame for her father's ways of thinking and sudden anger outbursts. The only thing you could to was speak to her nicely, hoping she'd understand.

"And how...how were you able to see those events happening,my Prince, if I may ask?" The Grand Maester spoke,all the attention going to him.

" My bride's blood is the key, Maester Mellos. Consuming an amount of it shows the person who drank it all she's seen. I, myself, have tried it." Aemond explained.

You could see the way everybody's faces expressed disgust at Aemond's words, but that was the way this worked.

"Gods be good." Tyland Lannister whispered under his breath, on the verge of throwing up.

"I wish to see for myself." The Queen's voice claimed your attention,a small smile appearing on your face, grateful for her desire to find out personally.

"Alicent, this is...!" The Lord Hand started once again,but this time his daughter held her hand up, silencing him immediately.

"If what my son says is true, we cannot miss such an opportunity, father." The Queen said.

"Do not forget yourself,mother, she is also my wife, not just a weapon of yours! She shall be a Princess, right by my side, the mother of my children!" Aemond said, his voice on the verge of snapping. His anger grew by the second as he watched his family once again think only of their own benefits.

"As you wish, Aemond. Now, I wish to see. Show me,Lady Y/N." The Queen spoke, turning to you once again.

A few minutes later,a cup halfway filled with your blood was placed in front of the Queen, your hand bandaged while you stood beside her.

"By drinking this, Your Grace,and then letting me place my hands on your head, you shall see what I've shown my husband all these months ago." Your words did not bring much comfort to the Queen as she felt her heart on the verge of bursting,but she knew she had to do this,for her family.

Gulping down the contents of the cup in one big gulp, Alicent swallowed the thick red liquid while your hands slowly fell on the top of her head. The rest of the men present watched with uneasiness in their eyes,all except Aemond,who had a small smirk plastered on his face, knowing what was to be the outcome.

Moments passed until different colors started appearing before Alicent's closed eyes, as if she was dreaming. Different images shot one after another, first was Aegon being crowned King, the Conqueror's crown being placed on his head, then a babe appeared in front of her eyes, an infant held by her younger son, while he laid next to you, his tired wife, the last thing Alicent saw was her oldest son's dragon,Synfyre. The dragons enormous jaws opened as bright light appeared from inside its mouth,seconds later flames enveloped whoever was standing in front of the beast. Her sight then fell on the person in question, a woman with long silver hair and beautiful violet eyes, someone she had known all her life, her childhood closest friend, Princess Rhaenyra.

Tears gathered around the Queen's eyes, settling worry in everyone's chests, except yours and your husband's. Seconds later, she opened her eyes, staring right at you.

"Are you well,my Queen?" You asked as you took your hands off her head, she only nodded as a response.

"I am fine, thank you for asking, Lady Y/N." She answered while she stood up from her seat, slowly stepping towards the exit.

"Alicent.." The Hand said, worried about his daughter.

"We shall speak of this later, father." She said, turning to you once again. "Thank you,Y/N, for showing me your gift. It will be deeply appreciated." With that, the woman left the room, leaving everybody else wondering what she had seen.

"Come,my love. I know this takes a lot of your energy, let us go rest." Aemond spoke as he supported your body out of the Small Council's room all the way to your own chambers.

10 years later

A lot has happened during the past decade, but most of it you had already seen in your dreams and sudden visions.

Aegon now wore the crown with pride, having crushed his half sister's forces. You and Aemond now had three beautiful sons,all complete copies of their father an not a single trace of you in them.

With every passing day, the Queen Mother's gratitude towards you increased. Thanks to you her son was now King of the Seven Kingdoms, you have seen all future attempts to usurp the throne and prevented them, you have given birth to three beautiful grandchildren she adored so much. Without you, she would've been dead by now, burned to ashes together with her children. You were the gift that saved them all.

Taglist

@ccallistata @social-life-does-not-exsists @kiribrima @westsidelegendary @vaf24

@edum123 @kittycatcait219 @nataliarosana60 @scarletraine @strawbbyjamb @rosey1981 @dunkle-mondseite @anaisbambia @yourswitchling @misskatiewrites @sprikadirkkirk @barnesfilms @beelanie

@fairyfolkoresposts @multifndom @nerdy4itall @simpforfictionalchatactersstuff @drmeghanjones @eudximoniakr @percypup

@idkjj04

[itsasainz]

Is that a yes? | Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Summary: Daniel’s never felt like he was yours, not wholly, and it’s impossible. Established relationship. based of “the gold” by Phoebe Bridgers, with a hint of “peace” by Taylor Swift.

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings/tags: Toxic(ish) relationship, angst, hints of smut, some fluff, insecurity, arguing and conflict.

a/n: I am mourning seb and Danny leaving f1 so much. I need help. anways lmk what u think and my requests are open!! x

masterlist!

Couldn't really love you any more

You've become my ceiling

I don't think I love you anymore

That gold mine changed you

You don't have to hold me anymore

Our cave's collapsing

I don't wanna be me anymore

My old man told me

Daniel’s smile is wide, distinctive; the first thing people notice about him, the thing they always remember after, and you are no different, no more impervious to his cheer and charm than anyone else. He knows it, which only makes you wish he was less to you than he is. He knows that, too. Daniel, as ever, is aware of your inner turmoil, your paradoxical feelings for him, the way you beat yourself up over it, and he hates that you hate because he doesn’t understand why you won’t let yourself feel the way you do.

Not everyone is good at expressing their feelings, Danny, you had once said – practically spat his name – to him after a night out. He knows the story, the family history, the thousands of reasons you keep your cards close to your chest and your perfected skill at reading the most steady of poker faces -- and yet Danny has never been able to imitate that skill, nor has he ever wanted to hide his love.

Another thing you’d once said to him, in a much softer tone, was that he was probably the only man to ever look at you and understand you. You were guarded, careful with your words; that was the closest you’d ever come to telling him you felt loved by him, something he’d only realised when he heard you say, with complete nonchalance, that being understood in a relationship was the same as being loved.

He wants to kiss you. He loves you more than he’s ever loved anyone, he wonders if you’ll let him do so, then remembers where he is. No kissing in public. You’re trying to catch his eye from across the room; he recognises the expression. You’re always asking to leave early, and it doesn’t matter how much fun he’s having, he never wants to stay if you won’t be there. He meets you at the door.

On the way home, you acknowledge that you’ve made a habit of this. Watching him, letting him bask in the glory while you stand on the sidelines, thoughts trailing back to your home or your work, guilty about hating how you share him with the world.

Years ago, back when you first met him, he had listened curiously when you explained your muse and artist theory; the concept is simple, in every relationship there is a muse and an artist – the extrovert and the introvert, the giver and the taker. You had explained that relationships only work when each person accepts their role, and that relationships always fail when both people are trying to be the muse or the artist. He had asked you which he was, and your face had flushed. “The muse,” you had said, “Obviously.”

And yet, you think, as you watch his hands on the steering wheel, you resent that he is not just your muse. You hate that he gets to bask in the attention of the world, like your love and your care isn’t enough. The possessiveness is so foreign to you, but this is cumulative – having shared his heart for years, perhaps you need him to yourself for a while. Perhaps – and the thought alone is awful – it is not so bad that he doesn’t have a seat for next year. You can love him wholly, and he might just return for more than a few days at a time, he might let himself be yours, entirely.

At the end of the day, he wants to feel love, and it scares you that perhaps you don’t give him enough, perhaps you’re so terrified of letting him feel it when you never have more than a few days of him to yourself.

In the lift, his arms heavy on your shoulders, he presses his lips to your temple, the moment soft and quiet. Breathing on his scent, you relax right into him, your fingers holding the fabric of his sweater. Be mine, you want to say, be mine like you mean it, like if you had to choose between the glitz and glamour or me, you'd come and have a quiet life. In the lift, with his arms heavy around your shoulders, he presses his lips to yours.

When he speaks, his words blow into your hair, lips so close to your scalp that every movement is almost a kiss; “You’re quiet,” he observes, “What are you thinking?”

You do not tell him the full truth; the truth would make him feel awful, cruel. “I’m glad I’ve got you to myself,” you tell him instead, “I’m glad I’m the one who gets to come home with you.”

Your words send vibrations through his ribs, his shirt pressed to your skin. He twirls your hair between his fingertips. “Only yours.”

You pull away slightly, staring up at that cheerful, charming face. Until the morning, you think, until you remember who you are.

You wake up to his alarm, naked under the sheets, Danny's body heat keeping you from shivering. His breath is hot, damp, on your neck, his arms caging you. You stretch out, fingers exploring the cold air and finding his phone, switching the alarm off. You whisper his name, but he is completely and utterly dead to the world.

"You don't open your eyes for a while

You just breathe that moment down."

Forty miles out of East Illinois of my old man's

Heart attackI believed you were crazy

You believed you loved me

You wriggle out from his grasp, worming your way out and letting him settle onto his back, still snoring slightly. Your kisses litter his neck and chest, your thighs straddling him as you kiss his cheeks, the corner of his mouth, fingers laced in his curls vaguely admiring his dark lashes and tan. You almost don't notice the slight flex of his hand on your thigh, his soft sigh bringing his rise to consciousness to your attention. He is smiling – it's not the wide smile he's known for, but a smaller one, a softer one. The one he seems to save for you – one of the few things about that is yours, utterly yours. You don’t have to share these moments with anyone but him, and you love every second of it.

"Why don't you wake me up like this every morning?" he teases.

You prop yourself up on your elbows, face hovering over his. "I don't always wake up before you. You're not always here."

His fingers skim your waist, he kisses you more deeply. You love him, and, for a minute, you believe he loves you too.

-

He's sat in the terminal, watching you from afar as you chat to one of your parents over the phone – he's not sure which it is, but you're taking in every word they say like it's the gospel. You notice him watching and flash him a smile, quickly distracted again by what your parent is saying.

He feels bad, dragging you through airport after airport, disrupting the flow of your life, only for you to sit in the garage for hours a day while he's busy. Nowadays, unlike the first year or so of joining him for Grand Prix weekends, you make yourself scarce until Saturday afternoon, only really joining him for Quali and the race itself. He tears his gaze from you, staring at his trainers where they rest atop your suitcase. You're coming back toward him.

"Mum and Dad say hi," you say, kissing him in greeting, "Dad says he can't wait to see you next week."

Danny can't help but smile. He loves all of you, family and all. He remembers the first time he met your parents, how embarrassed you were when they had brought up your teenage years – the raging insecurities, the misdemeanours, the chaotic fights with your siblings. Seeing you at home, with your parents and siblings, made him realise the facets of your life and love he hadn’t anticipated. He understood for the first time, when he was sitting on your lumpy single bed in your tiny childhood bedroom, that your stony façade and calculated expressions of love are born from the fear you feel of being judged.

He’d always known you were from drastically different backgrounds, but it hadn’t struck him as something that could even be considered embarrassing until he had realised that you were, in fact, embarrassed of the normalcy of your upbringing. He loves you, and you love him, but sometimes it feels like you’re talking past each other. You never feel his love because, fundamentally, you don’t think of yourself as loveable, and that breaks his heart. He wraps his arms around you, always surprised at how cold you are. “I love you.”

You’re not entirely sure how you got here, what started it, who took the first dig, just that you’re standing in the middle of your shared Monaco apartment visibly shaking through your rage. Daniel is ranting – caught up on a comment you made about his lifestyle, reminding you of every little thing he’s done for you in the past four years, and you are fucking fuming. How dare he? How dare he?

I don't wanna bark here anymore

Black hills, the collie

Wasn't really dangerous for us

We just catch you coughing

What the hell are we gonna do?

A black mile to the surface

I don't wanna be here anymore

It all tastes like poison

“Daniel,” you say, cutting through the endless stream of words. The moment is suddenly very still, his talking stopped as he looks at you expectantly.

“What? What, Y/N, fucking what?”

“I am not going to stay here and listen to you undermine every sacrifice I have made for this relationship. I appreciate that you opened your home up to me, and that you’ve welcomed me into your social life and your family life, but it doesn’t fucking compare, okay?”

He looks a little stunned, but you’re on a roll now, unleashing the pent up resentment that you’ve swallowed for so long. “Daniel, I quit my job, that I loved, so I could come to more of your fucking races; I moved across the world so I could see you more – I left my life behind for you! My parents, my siblings, my school friends, uni friends, work friends, my home! And for what? So you can tell me about all of your sacrifices? I spend more time with your friends than mine! I barely know anyone in Monaco that I don’t know through you! And I am so fucking lonely, Danny. You’re always away, and when you’re here, I never have you to myself – You’re always preoccupied with racing and your friends, and I am so sick of being the person you spend time with when everyone else is busy! So no, I’m not gonna stand here and listen to you undermine my sacrifices. I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

Daniel can’t find it in him to open his mouth or utter a word as you brush past him, storming down the hallway to the bedroom. Your words are thick in the air, weighing down on him – the only comparable experience he has is moving to Europe to pursue racing, but that doesn’t compare.

As he listens to the sound of your packing across the apartment, he is instilled in the most unfamiliar of fears; you, leaving. He has always been so sure of this relationship, always known you were in his corner – now? Now, he is faced with his own obliviousness, with the idea that you might not be in his corner any longer, that perhaps he was so caught in the fight that you could have left months ago and he wouldn’t have noticed. He still hasn’t moved when you come back in, abandoning the suitcase in your hand to rummage through a drawer in search of something – your keys? He’s not sure.

You walk past him, pulling your coat on by the door, pulling your shoes on hastily. He sees what you were looking for – your passport, sat on top of your bag, and suddenly it dawns on him that you’re not just heading over to stay with a friend for a night or two, you’re serious, you’re going home.

“Y/N, love, can we just talk about this?” he says. For someone who’s never had to worry about being heard, he’s conscious of how quiet his words come out.

You look at him, finally, mascara stains on your face and a resolute severity to your features. “I’ll text you when I get home, but I don’t want to talk to you until I’m ready, okay?”

-

You’re wrapped up tight in a thick coat, a scarf pressed to your cheeks, your fingers pale and cold in the wind. It feels strange, being out in the sticks, far from the chaos of city life; two weeks since you last spoke to Danny, spending your time with loved ones and reuniting with old friends. They know to steer clear of talking about him, but you can see that your mum is mourning slightly for the idea of your relationship – she wants more grandkids, or perhaps just wants to see you happier than you are now, crying nonstop, barely leaving the house.

It’s a miracle they got you out of the house today, enticing you with the idea of catching up with your siblings and getting to see the dog. Juno, your brother’s collie, is getting old now, but she still loves to be unleashed in the rolling hills just outside of your hometown, your nieces playing fetch with her, their gleeful laughs getting caught in the wind.

Your mum, sitting beside you with a flask of tea in her hand, looks a little teary-eyed, watching her grandchildren. “What happened?”

You glance sideways at her. “What d’you mean?”

“With Danny. I always thought he was going to be my son-in-law. What happened?”

You pick at your nails. “It wasn’t working. He’s away so much, I don’t know how to make peace with that, I don’t know how to share him with the world. Plus, I don’t think he’d clocked just how much I’ve sacrificed to be with him.”

She offers you the flask. “I know he’s got a lot going on, but you deserve someone who’ll give you their world the way you’d do for them. I’m glad that you stood up for yourself, but I’ll miss the fella.”

You smile, the steam from the tea warming your fingers and face up a little. “I think I’ll see where we’re at when the season’s over – you know, now that he won’t be going to all the races and stuff.”

“You’ll do what’s best, I know you will.”

You rest your head on her shoulder. “When did you get so wise?”

“I know you forget it, but I have lived a life, you know,” she teases. You can put off talking to Danny for a while longer, you think, you can just enjoy being home, even if it makes you feel like a teenager again – the same bed, the same busy house. These days, it feels a bit like it did when you were seventeen, all your siblings at university while you stayed at home.

It’s hard to understand why you’re here; how you ended up sitting in the hotel restaurant with your ex-boyfriend’s mum in the futuristic city where he is racing. It’s been a month since you last saw him, but Abu Dhabi is a welcome getaway after a month of living in your monotonous hometown while your neighbours theorise about why you’re not with Danny. The speculation online has been unbearable – you and Danny have always been private, never opened up much of your relationship for scrutiny, but eagle-eyed fans have noticed your absence from the paddock, and some fans have posted photos of you at home. But here you are, with Grace, who glosses over the strain between you and her son admirably.

Can't open your eyes for a while

You just breathe that moment down

Forty hours out of Homestake

And I'm trying to translate you again

You’re waiting for him to come down from his room; his family are all flying back to Australia in the midafternoon, but you and Danny are booked for evening flights – you want time to work out what’s going on between you, to work out where you’re going now.

Once he arrives, breakfast moves smoothly. He’s in a good mood, despite his hangover, laughing and joking with his sister’s children, who are positively smitten with their impossibly cool uncle. The goodbyes take forever, even  though he’ll see them all in a week or so, and by the time they’ve left and you’ve both packed, it’s lunch time.

He takes you out to a fancy place for lunch, where you sit in the sun and catch up, skirting around the real reason you’re here. After, walking through the streets, you never quite reach the topic because he gets recognised by fans every thirty seconds, and you dutifully take photos of him with the strangers.

“Are you still angry?”you ask, tentatively. He doesn’t need to ask what about.

“No, if anything I’m fully at your mercy. I know I haven’t been the best of boyfriends lately, I know you’ve made bigger sacrifices for me than I understood, but I realised, when you left, how much I need you. I’d get it if you want to call things off, like, permanently, but if you’re willing, I will do everything in my power to make you feel loved. I love you, and I am so sorry you haven’t felt it lately. Let me make things up to you.”

You contemplate his words. “I knew, when I met you, when I agreed to go on that first date with you, that it wasn’t going to be easy. I’ve always known you’d be away constantly, that you’d always have other priorities. But it hurts, Danny. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to withstand it.”

“I love you.”

“And I hate having to share you.” you mumble. “I hate it, but I know that if I want to be with you, I have to make my peace with that.”

He looks forlorn, and you almost mourn his smile. “I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m not completely and utterly yours.”

You love him. You love him so much that you’re entirely ready to give up all your dignity, to let yourself follow him around and believe him. He’s never going to be yours, not wholly, but, perhaps, so long as he wants to be yours. If he’s true to his word, if he does love you like he says, you could learn to let it slide. It overwhelms you, the sudden need to figure yourself out; his gaze, not expectant, but so hopeful. How could you break a heart like that?

You turn to face him, not caring that you’re in public, or that such a pivotal moment is being witnessed by the world. You feel him taking hold of your hands, his palms warm and calloused, you feel him kiss your forehead, and then, subconsciously, without instruction, you melt into him. You tuck your head into the crook of his neck and hug him tight. He kisses the crown of your head, a light peck, and you let out a shaky breath. “Come home,” he murmurs into your hair, “Come with me.”

You wonder how much of your relationship has been taken up with him asking you to come with him, or to delay the inevitable farewells. “My flight.”

“We can sort it out. I’ll sort it out.” he promises. You’re crying, getting his shirt damp, but he hasn’t noticed. “I missed you, more than you’ll ever know.”

You lean back, pull away slightly and take him in. He’s teary – a rare sight. You take his face in your hands and kiss him. It’s not an urgent kiss, not rough or soft or slow, it’s just a kiss, just a little signifier of your love. When you break apart, he presses a tiny kiss to the tip of your nose. 

“Is that a yes?”

[cuubism]

k this is kinda random but i feel like a lot of people think that hob is some sort of super rare exception, the ONE person who would actually be happy living forever. but like. i feel like he's not really that special?

like, most people lose friends/family/partners and,,,, don't want to die? most people aren't suicidal? and people DO live for 80+ years now without committing suicide. is it really so "unrealistic" for somebody to live several times longer than that without wanting to die? but of course in so much of the media nowadays (see: the old guard, for example), immortality is perceived as a) a bad thing and b) something which only Evil People want because they're Greedy. and because of this, we all think of immortality as a curse, nobody would want to live forever, etc. in all the stories we tell, it's about people not wanting to live forever. and so we think that nobody would want to live forever. (side tangent: this is maybe why dream is so "who would want an eternity of this" - he's the prince of stories and all the stories say that nobody would want this.)

anyway imo hob isn't special for continuing to want to live. most people like living / aren't suicidal. actually i think neil gaiman is really cool for making a character who is (realistically) really happy to be alive.

i definitely agree with you, i think it's the idea of eternity that freaks people out more than the reality of living longer. eternity is hard for our minds to grasp and i think a lot of people would have an automatic response of 'no' if asked if they wanted to live forever. what does forever even look like? what would the earth even be like then? would you see the heat death of the universe or whatever? it's a hard concept.

but if you asked most people would you want 10 more years? 50? a hundred? if you asked in a concrete term i think most people would say yes, especially if they aren't going to age. living to 150 or something with normal aging would probably be really tough as your body breaks down, but without aging? sounds pretty good tbh.

of course it depends on people's life circumstances as well. somebody who's currently in a good situation is going to be more likely to say yes than somebody who's situation is hellish. but still.

another thing: the fact that hob always has an out changes the situation entirely. there's a huge difference between you have to live forever and you can live until you want out. hob always has an end point if he wants it and i think that would be a comfort during moments when eternity feels overwhelming. being forced to live forever is what changes it from a gift to a curse, you're basically trapped - probably one of the things that makes dream's perspective on it so different from hob's. hob chose to be here, dream didn't, hob has an easy out if he wants it, dream.... technically has an out but it's not in any way easy to choose or to make happen.

dream also has an immense burden on his shoulders that crushes him into the ground and that he feels he can't escape from. meanwhile, human life is always changeable -- even if hob gets himself into a situation where he feels burdened, given enough time he can get himself out of it, and he gets to make choices about how he arranges his life. meanwhile dream was just given this situation, and so on.

i also think that even if hob felt he didn't want to live anymore during his difficult moments, like after his family died and he was totally destitute, if faced with the actual choice he would say no. he might think he can't take this anymore, but if death actually showed up and asked if he wanted to die - when staring down the reality of it hob would say no. and i think a lot of people would too, even if only out of fear of the uncertainty of what comes next, if there is anything next at all. even people who are severely depressed and suicidal are often said to regret their decision the moment they actually try to kill themselves? like people who've jumped off bridges and survived have often said they regretted it the moment they jumped. so. i think most people might think they'd choose death and take it back the moment the reality arose.

so yeah i def agree with you

[dojimakaichou]

for @stingslikeabee.

★. ―

Daigo couldn't help but feel a sense of dread as he was brought before the prison officials. He was a free man — if the courts were to be believed — but the level of paperwork and administrative approval needed to truly release him had already delayed the process by a full day. The Chairman did not think he could bear another disappointment, so he kept his expectations low ( though his head remained as high as ever ).

Eventually, however, Daigo felt the general mood shift. A guard unlocked the shackles binding him to his chair and walked him to a small, colorless room. Inside, the garments he had worn the day he was arrested sat waiting for him. His personal affects were there as well ; the yakuza's wallet, watch, and cigarettes had been stacked neatly beside his dark suit. Daigo frowned thoughtfully. He remained skeptical until the same man removed his wrist restraints and gestured toward Daigo's things. After, the guard left, closing the door with a snap.

The Chairman massaged his hands, rolled his shoulders, and blew out a long breath. A bit of tentative hope needled its way into his heart. Quietly, he picked up his wallet. Daigo rifled through it, looking for the most important item he always carried : his wife's old hostess card from Shine, poorly laminated and faded. At that, some of the remaining tension in Daigo's body dissipated. He didn't care that the cash was gone. Everything he kept in his pockets normally was replaceable — except for that.

Daigo changed slowly, growing accustomed to the new fabrics on his tired body. He smiled thinly at the realization of how much weight he had lost. The yakuza was still formidable to look at, but the looseness in the sleeves of his well - tailored shirt and jacket confirmed what he had suspected. Once he was finished dressing, the Chairman scratched as his full beard and ran his fingers through his hair. It was all too long, coarse, and messy.

Soon, the guard came to retrieve him, and the rest of the process was a blur. Daigo inevitably gave in to his growing excitement. He wanted nothing more than to kiss his wife and hold his children. Hikari would seem like an entirely different baby after his time away. Daigo wondered if she would remember him. She had been so small when he left, so new to the world ; under his breath, he cursed the powers responsible for robbing of his chance to see her first months.

The yakuza walked out of the prison with long, confident steps ; unfortunately, they faltered a short distance away from the exit. Daigo saw the shapes of a car and a person ahead of him, but his eyes were too pained by the daylight to focus. He stopped, closed them, and raised a hand instinctively to shield his face. Beneath the shadow of his limb, his handsome features looked drawn and exhausted. For a moment, Daigo was not aware of who approached him — only that he was free and that he needed to conquer this demon if he was going to return to his home.

[guardxdavis]

sinqua walls, bisexual, male + he/him ― hey look, it’s davis brooks! they’re 33 years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for one week, and they’re currently working as a security guard in shrike mall. i heard they’re pretty uncertain, but i think they’re so brave at the same time. can they make it out alive?

Davis Brooks thought he had his entire life figured out. Coming from a military family, there was never any doubt about what he’d be. His grandfather was a Marine, and both his parents were in the army (which was how they met), and then his older brother and sister both followed in their footsteps, joining the navy and the air force, respectively. For him, it felt strange not to join the ranks as well, and beyond that, Davis genuinely wanted to, especially after his father was killed overseas. For Davis, there was no greater aspiration than protecting people, and that was what he wanted to do, so he joined the army like his parents.

Davis rose through the ranks, and he truly felt like he'd found his calling. This was his dream, and it was coming true. However, his personal life was not as fulfilling. He’d dated, but he’d never had a relationship last. And even worse, he wasn’t sure he’d ever loved any of his past significant others, and the longer things went this way, the more discouraged Davis became. Maybe love wasn’t something meant for him. Or maybe he just couldn’t get over his first love.

Growing up, Davis and his best friend Alec had been inseparable, and for Davis at least, it been more than that - he’d been in love. However, Alec had always claimed to be straight, so Davis had accepted that, never professing his love for the man. It was enough just to be near him. As they got older though, they began to drift apart as they went down different paths, Alec falling in with a bad crowd. Davis had tried to help, but there was only so much you could do for a person who didn’t want help. And eventually, they lost touch.

That changed though in a way Davis had never expected. There was a home burglary in his hometown, wherein one of the residents had been badly beaten, and Davis discovered on the news that the description of the perpetrator matched Alec, particularly a unique scar on his arm that Davis remembered from a biking accident. But that couldn’t be right; the Alec he knew wouldn’t hurt anyone. So he told no one, instead looking into it himself, and after a bit of searching, Davis tracked Alec down.

When they reunited, it was like no time had passed. Alec seemed genuinely happy to see him, and after talking, Davis knew that Alec couldn’t have done this. Alec swore he had nothing to do with the break-in, and he seemed aghast that suspicion was ever thrown on him. Davis believed him, though he was admittedly troubled when he learned that Alec had briefly dated the man who had been attacked. But Davis had been thrown off by the fact that Alec wasn’t as straight as he had assumed, and his friend revealed that he’d always had a crush on Davis. And then the men finally acted on their long-standing feelings for each other.

Alas, Davis had been wrong: the house was broken into again, and just as before, the man had been attacked. This time he’d had a security system installed, so he escaped major injury, but his security cameras had footage of the attacker fleeing. The footage was shown on the news, and when he watched it, Davis knew it was Alec despite the grainy footage. Even though the man’s face was covered, he recognized the scar and the tattoo on Alec's wrist he’d seen during their night together. Davis felt so foolish, and, angry with himself, told his mother everything, seeking her advice. She was furious he’d kept this to himself, and after his mother called the police, they converged on Alec's house. Wanting to talk to his friend, to try and convince him to turn himself in, Davis went there too, reaching the house at the same time as the cops. But Alec would not come quietly, and there was a standoff wherein two people were shot before they were able to get into the house and arrest Alec. One of them was an officer who was hit in the spine and would be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life. The other was Davis, hit by what he thought was a stray bullet.

The wound could have been worse: Davis was shot in the shoulder, and apart from some physical limitations, he’d made a full recovery, though he was no longer deemed fit to serve due to his injury, and the army honorably discharged him. But Davis would never forgive himself for letting love blind him to Alec's true nature. His mother never told anyone else (her call to the police had been an anonymous tip), though the police briefly questioned Davis given the fact that he'd been there during the standoff. But Davis's mother could not look at him the same way, and Davis couldn’t blame her. So she suggested he move to Shrike Heights, the town she grew up in and where her mother still owned a home, having recently retired to Florida. After his siblings figured out what had happened, Davis had nothing keeping him in Boston.

[fleepnomore]

A new recap for 2022

Its been a long time coming, but I’ve still been going to SNM for all these years. Now that Tumblr is making it long awaited comeback (Fuck you Twitter) here’s a new entry. 

Wanted to do a mini recap of my show from a week ago because it was so good. Jeff (Speaks) and Camara (Hecate) seriously made the show (I'm somewhere between 180 and 190, I've lost count) one of my top 5. [12:36 PM] It started with Louis and Miguel as PIB and Julia as the singer. I hadn't been since August, so the newer setup in the Manderley was a fresh experience ( I'm not entirely sold on it). I also hadn't seen Louis in the show yet (except for the Halloween parties, but that's a different story). After some reminiscing; Dee, Frost and I were on the first elevator with Nate. We were the last three on the elevator at the end and Nate asked us where we wanted to go. Being old school, none of us answered. "The party it is" he responded. "Strange, I don't recognize any of you, and I never forget a face. They keep me in this box all night long and its fucking filthy." he said as he wiped his finger across the elevator buttons. "Last floor, everybody off". This interaction alone would have made it an amazing night.

There was nothing that caught my eye in the ballroom, so I did my usual tour of the space, stopping by the lobby to clock Porter and then moseying up to 4 to check in on High St. No Speakeasy yet so I went to Malcolms. Zach Martens was on as Malcolm, and I almost chose him, except that Frost had done the ballroom chase (bless his soul I just don't have the energy for that anymore.) Im glad I sodded off, because I got back to the Speakeasy right as Jeff was exiting the 1:1 room. This is somewhat controversial, but when Jeff first started doing Speaks years ago, I wasn't a fan. His interpretation was too off from the loop that I had memorized by heart. His Speakeasy was too aloof, having too much fun in Hecate's service. I'm glad that my opinion has changed over the years, as I think that he and Tony are the current best of the bunch. One more thing that instantly attracted me to the Jeff loop for this evening. Jeff has been my great white whale for Speakeasy (except for Layne and apparently they weren't doing the 1:1) I have never once had the 1:1 with him. There were several times from years ago where I felt he purposely wasn't choosing me (which is a very Speakeasy thing to do). It wasn't personal, I think he liked teasing me along. The very first night I saw him as Porter I had his 1:1 almost instantaneously. I was hoping to rectify that this evening.

I was very fortunate to have about 90 percent of the loop to myself. Jeff did several things I had never seen in a Speakeasy before, all of which blew my mind. When Jeff dissappeared into his room during the card game, I bopped over to Paisley for some sweets and came back to my usual spot in the box corridor to wait for him to emerge from the hidden flap (I love standing here as the black mask on guard in the bar always beckons me to come forward and I never do). When Jeff emerged, he instantly clocked me and HELD OUT HIS HAND. What's this?? He positioned me between the boxes so I could see a tiny sliver of Banquo being murdered and held my shoulders from behind as if Macbeth was getting hanged.

I followed Jeff along the corrugated hallway as we sat in wait for Hecate to harvest her tears. CAMARA! Finally. I hadn't seen her in the role since March. I instantly knew who my second loop would be. While I was still reeling, Jeff did another new thing. He handed me the box that Hecate's locket would soon reside in. Their interaction played out as usual, and Jeff reached for the box when it was time. Camara stared through my soul (if it wasn't Camara, at this point I would have known that Hecate was my second loop)

Though some find it dull, I love Speakeasy's loop during the reset. It's mostly resetting the space during for the next loop, but it's a series of moments that can be filled with individual performances. I have my routine for this segment just as Speaks follows his. (after all it was during this 10 minute section that JWW pulled me into the BW bathroom for a one time only improvised 1:1 about  Grace  many years ago.) Jeff filled each moment with perfect choices, and his interplay with Hecate was superb. When Agnes held up her locket during Hecate,s High st. procession, Jeff moved up to her and got in her face as an act of jealousy that Hecate was paying her attention and not him. When he got on his knees to present the picture of Grace to Hecate, he stared his triumphant pride at Agnes ( Zina this evening)

Jeff arrives back in the Speakeasy for the 1:1, and though there are other people in the room, he notices me and pulls me into the room. The 1:1 was everything I had always imagined it would be  minus the whiskey of course. And I was a bit sad that there was no dancing, as I've heard that Jeffspeaks dances with the women in this moment)  Captain Ahab has found his Moby.

The sexy witch duo with Kristen has an extra charge to it this evening. The Fulton duo with Nando is also fraught with a particular peril I don't usually notice. For his card game, Jeff picks two random white masks and brings them to the cardboard table, where they attempt to pick up on Jeffs non-verbal cues to build a house of cards. It collapses several times, and Jeffs reaction are comic gold. Somehow it gets to a third level about a minute before Agnes will enter. He folds a final card and beckons me over to place it on top. I do ever so gently and the entire thing collapses any way, much to the exacerbation of all. It was a hilarious replacement for the card trick ( I still miss the thrill of winning and getting a shot) and a wonderful way to end a perfect loop. Jeff acknowledges the three of us and shakes my hand. My time with him is over, as I have come back to the moment where I joined him. I wander to the rep bar to wait for Hecate to emerge. [1:14 PM] Camara emerges and screams the most ululating scream I have ever heard to kick off the second loop rave. I am transfixed by her subtle movements at the table, controlling the rave within an inch. She forcibly puts Sexy Witch back on track and then waits for Agnes. I watch the other side of the scene from before, as Jeff waits in the hallway with no helper to hold his box. He notices me as Hecate's loyal follower and nods in recognition, welcoming me into the the familiar brotherhood. I am under Hecate's sway just as he has always been. Hecate pulls another into her layer to send to the Porter ( I am glad, as I get to watch the full loop now)

Camara notices me and plants a kiss on my mask before leaving for her procession. Again, I watch the same scene play out with Speakeasy and Agnes from a different angle. As the table is set for Hecate's dinner, she notices me and maintains eye contact for the enitre sequence. That is until a woman who is entirely too drunk for her own good stumbled up to the dias and sat uninvited into the chair next to Camara. Hecate beckons to her with her knife to get up. No response. Hecate continues. Drunk lady reached out to grab Hecate's fan and gloves and Camara snatches them from her grasp with the speed of a viper striking. Eventually drunky gets the clue and stumbles away, almost tripping into the crowd, only to come stumbling back moments later to sit on the couch behind the scene. Camara pays her no more mind. The lip synch is flawless. She ushers me into the room where I have the first Hecate 1:1 since Covid.  It is Find My Ring, and it is unhinged. I emerge into the apothecary, momentarily thinking that the ring is back in place and that I am compelled to find it. I go upstairs to search in the two or three spots I know the ring used to be. Unsurprisingly, it is not there.

My loop with Hecate is at an end. I head down to the Manderley for some water, and a chat with Miguel; who tells me he is about to sing a song in the middle of the room and that no one will pay attention. I tell him that I will, and watch him perform a loving ballad in Spanish. He is right, as the crowd in the room is particularly drunk and loud. I spend half of my attention on his performance and the other half worrying that the masses will trip over his microphone cord. He finishes and I head back up to 4, catching a bit of Nando's Fulton. I watch his ritual and want to keep following, but he ushers me into the interrogation, where only one other person is waiting, effectively making it a 2:2. I finish the show with Hecate, and know that when she dissappears into her lair that she will emerge on the other side. Going through the rep bar, I walk down to the beaded curtain just as she comes through the beads. She holds out her hand as if she was expecting me and we walk down to watch the murderer hang from Duncan's box.

[soliloquivm]

⸻ KIM JONGIN HE + HIM / have you ever heard of MAKE IT RAIN BY ED SHEERAN., well, it describes JACKSON RYU to a tee! the TWENTY NINE year old, and ARTIST was spotted browsing through the stalls at portobello road market last sunday, do you know them? would you say HE is more antisocial or more CREATIVE instead? anyway, they remind me of the feeling of a soft mattress for the first time in ages , paint stained t-shirts , blank canvas , maybe you’ll bump into them soon! prison tw , murder mention tw , bullying mention

time in notting hill : less than one year birthplace : london , england sexuality : bisexual relationship status : single

✯ jackson ryu grew up in low income housing where the streets were the kind that would be especially unsafe at night . he had public school education and struggled to pay attention , often not doing well on tests and other evaluations . ✯ when he was sixteen , jackson fell into the ' wrong crowd ' , the kinds that would ditch school , bullying the younger kids and smoke outside during their free time . ✯ jackson , while friends with these other students , didn't partake in the bullying , and in fact would try to sway his friends in the other direction , but considering his own lack of social skills , he was often afraid to make them angry with him , and didn't want to end up becoming one of their targets . ✯ with a low gpa , jackson didn't have a chance in getting into university , so he moved into a garbage , low rent apartment with one of his friends in which he slept on the pullout couch in the evening and closed it up in the morning so he could go to work at a local restaurant where he waited tables to pay the rent . ✯ jackson pretended to be happy with this life , but something never felt right . his roommate was out until all hours of the night , coming home high , or drunk , or with a partner in which he could hear them clear as day coming from the bedroom , and he always wished for better . eventually , he began to save his money so he could move out on his own . he wanted to change his life around and do something with it . ✯ it was when jackson was out apartment hunting , an attempt to get a lay of how much a new place would cost , that police raided the apartment , and while he was walking in , he was quickly in handcuffs at nineteen years old , being accused of armed robbery of the local bank , where one of the tellers had been shot and killed . ✯ robbery would have been a hefty charge on it's own , but jackson knew he was innocent and pled to every detective he could speak to , but nobody believed it . the evidence they had against him was insurmountable , the cash , stolen from the robbery and the gun used to kill the teller were both found with the rest of his belongings - and without a solid alibi , there was no other choice but to charge him . ✯ jackson knew all along that it was his roommate that had been guilty of the crime , and while it was against his better judgment , he'd said as such to the detectives , however , his roommate had a solid alibi , his mother claiming that he was at her house the entire time , so there was no chance her son could have done the crime . ✯ jackson was found guilty of all charges, and sentenced to life in prison . there he sat for ten years , longing for the chance at freedom , attempting parole multiple times , but each time he was denied . ✯ while he was in prison , though , in an attempt to keep himself busy , jackson began painting during therapy hours and realized that he had a talent with a paintbrush . he'd practice every chance he could , spending as much time in front of an easel as the guards would allow , losing himself and time in his artwork . ✯ it took ten years , ten long years for the justice system to run it's course , when new evidence from a different crime linked his roommate to the robbery ten years prior . with that , jackson was released from prison within a few weeks , the only personal effects to his name being the easel that he'd been given by one of the counselors , and from there he was expected to start from scratch , to ease himself back into society . ✯ this has been a hard adjustment for jackson , not only has the ten years been difficult for him , but integrating himself back into a world that no longer felt like his own . he first stayed at a shelter for the homeless , painting on his free time , doing portraits on the street corner for cash in order to save up money for his own place . without any expensive vices of his own , it only took a few months , and he was able to rent a small apartment in notting hill , where he still works on his art , often commissions for people over the internet and word of mouth .

[fear-is-truth]

What if a girl from Kai’s pre-cult days encounters him and is so upset/heartbroken by the way he is now? crying and trying to reach out for him, get the old him to show🥺 Maybe they both used to have unspoken feelings for each other. Would he break down?

— ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ i know you , kai anderson x gn!reader.

𐙚 ݁TAGS ⨟ angst | mentions of murder | wc: 2k

somehow managed to get out 2k while waiting at the restaurant… fair warning: english is not my first language and this is not proofread (too lazy)

Winter’s eyes were distant as she cradled her mug, her blue-painted nails tapping anxiously against the ceramic. You had insisted on visiting, despite her gentle warnings. Her gaze softened as she studied your face,

“Just be prepared, okay? Kai’s...different now. He’s not the same person you remember from college.” You shifted in your seat, trying to dispel the nervous energy that had settled in your stomach.

“I know about his hair, I saw it on the news when he gave his speech,” you chirped, hoping to lighten the mood. You added with a forced smile, “I like blue, it’s my favourite colour.”

Winter winced, her grip tightening on her mug. “I’m not just talking about the hair,”

“Hey, I get it,” you replied, your tone more serious now. “People change, but I’m still curious to see him again after all these years.”

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approaching the living room pulled you out of your thoughts. Winter tensed visibly beside you, her knuckles white around the mug.

And then, he walked in.

Your breath caught in your throat as you took in his appearance—his electric blue hair fell in waves, framing his face with a cascade of vibrant hues. Judging by his physique, it was evident that he had spent considerable time at the gym; powerful muscles were hidden beneath the pristine, white tunic he wore.

But it wasn’t just his physical appearance that had changed – the new Kai oozed confidence, the way he carried himself with an air of assurance. He looked around, his gaze sweeping the room before landing on you.

“Kai,” Winter greeted her brother, her voice cautious. Kai’s gaze flickered over to Winter briefly before returning to you, his eyes narrowing slightly as if trying to place you. For a moment, you felt a pang of uncertainty. Would he even remember you after all this time? But then, to your relief, his eyes widened slightly in recognition.

“Y/n,” he said softly,

You glanced at Winter, who was watching the whole interaction with a guarded expression. Turning your attention back to Kai, you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth flood your cheeks. His intense gaze was remained fixed on you, and for a moment, you felt as though he could see right through you.

It was embarrassing how easily he could still make you blush after all these years.

“I know you’re probably super busy now,” you blurted out apologetically, the words tumbling over each other in your haste,

“but I just wanted to see you again. Been wondering how you've been doing, is all.”

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Kai’s lips, his eyes softening ever so slightly at your words. “I’ve been good,” he replied in a measured tone.

“And don’t worry about that. I always have time for you,” he continued, his words sending a flurry of butterflies dancing in your stomach.

“In fact, I was hoping we could catch up, privately.” Kai led you toward the basement stairs, gesturing for you to go ahead. As you descended, a wave of nostalgia washed over you. This was where the both of you – and sometimes Winter – had often spent your time. The man following you was both the Kai you knew and someone entirely new, and you were hell-bent on figuring out both sides.

He pointed to a small round table with two chairs opposite each other, illuminated by a vintage yellow glass lamp overhead. Sitting down, you faced him, your heart pounding in your chest. He smiled, resting his elbow on the table and raising his pinky. You immediately curled yours around his, familiar with the rules— Pinky to pinky, flesh to flesh.

“Now… tell me. What’s the thing that scares you the most?”

࣪࿐ྂ

Despite Winter’s warnings, you joined Kai’s cult. Her eyes were filled with a mix of sadness and fear when you insisted on becoming part of Kai’s movement.

Some nights, Kai would come home covered in blood that didn’t belong to him. You’d meet him at the door, your heart throbbing with concern and resignation. He never offered explanations, and you never asked for any. Wordlessly, you’d lead him to the bathroom, hands trembling as you helped him undress. He’d watch you work in silence, his expression unreadable, and then suddenly pull you into a kiss that was both desperate and possessive.

The sickly sweet taste of copper and the bitter tang of Adderall lingering on his tongue always made you feel sick.

When you were done erasing the evidence, Kai would take both your hands in his. His touch was gentle, reverent, as he kissed your knuckles, juxtaposing the violence you knew he was capable of. He needed you, and you needed him. The nights were spent tangled together in the same bed, his warmth enveloping you. You fell asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat, feeling safe, loved.

The news channels was a constant background hum, blaring with reports of horrific killings, the gruesome details seeping into your consciousness even as you tried to block them out. You’d sit on the couch with Kai, your head resting on his shoulder, his arm draped around you while Beverly detailed the latest atrocities.

Eventually, you did learned to tune it out, to focus on the man beside you rather than the masked murderer described on the screen. Still, it was impossible to erase the knowledge that he and his people were responsible for the killings. Each day, you turned a blind eye to the violence and bloodshed, convincing yourself that Kai was different, that his actions were justified in the pursuit of a greater cause. And so, you continued to clean away the evidence of his violence, silently complicit in his deeds. Choosing instead to focus on the moments of tenderness he bestowed upon you.

You told yourself that his affection was enough to justify your loyalty. To see only the man you loved and not the monster he was morphing into. The way he would brush your hair back from your face, his fingers lingering on your skin. The way he looked at you with a softness that made your heart simultaneously swell and wither. The way his lips brushed against your skin, whispering loving praises in your ear.

You clung to these moments, convincing yourself that the affection he showed was real, that it meant something.

Every night, your dreams were constantly plagued by images of clowns and death. Even though you weren’t present at the murders, the knowledge of the crime made you feel like an accomplice, twisting your subconscious into a nightmarish maze of guilt and fear.

You’d wake up in a cold sweat, only to find him curled up in bed next to you, his body warm against yours, a shield against the horrors outside (outside? maybe the true horror was inside the house, lying right next to you).

࣪࿐ྂ

A square of morning light filtered softly through the bathroom window as you stood behind Kai, combing through his shoulder-length electric blue hair. The brown roots were beginning to show, a painful reminder of the person he used to be. Kai was sitting on a small stool, his eyes closed as he relished the gentle tug of your fingers. As you carefully gathered his hair into a man bun, preparing him for his city council meeting later that day, you noticed his eyes watching you in the mirror.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked. You hesitated, the words caught in your throat. But as you looked into his eyes in the reflection, you saw the Kai you had always known, your Kai, the one you had fallen for all those years ago.

“I just... I worry about you, sometimes.”

you admitted, hands resting gently on his shoulders. Kai’s eyes softened as he reached up to take your hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“You don’t need to worry, lamb. I���m doing what needs to be done. For us, for our future.”

At this, tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision.

“But it’s not just about us, is it? It’s about the people out there, the lives that are being destroyed. I can’t ignore it anymore, Kai. I can’t pretend that everything is okay.”

Kai stood up from the stool, towering over you. The room seemed to shrink as he looked down at you, his eyes like bottomless tar pits.

“You know why I do what I do. This world needs change, and sometimes change requires sacrifice.”

Your heart ached as you looked into his eyes, seeing both the man you loved and the darkness that had taken root inside him.

“I love you, Kai. I always have. But the things you’re doing... they’re tearing me apart.”

His expression softened for a fleeting moment before he buried it under a veneer of indifference. But you caught it, that brief flicker of vulnerability, and it tore at your heart. With a choked sob, you reached out to him, your fingers trembling as they brushed his cheek.

“Please, Kai,” you begged, “Please don’t push me away. I don’t wanna lose more of you than I have already.”

Without a word, he closed the space between you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You buried your face in his chest, your tears ruining his suit. His touch was hesitant at first, as if he feared letting himself feel too much. But then, his grip tightened, and he held you closer. He rested his chin on top of your head, his breath warm against your hair.

“Don’t cry. I’m here,” he mumbled thickly into your hair, “I promise I’m still me, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only by your ragged breaths and occasional sniffles. Still clinging to him childishly, you pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes, searching for the man you loved. And then, you felt it – a single tear wept from his eye, landing on your cheek, warm against your skin.

let’s pretend this was in character bc i kinda wanted to delete this…

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[lessthanimpressedlesbian]

What Remains

They bury her bones in Gelvaan, next to the hut where Imogen first met the spooky witch who changed her life forever. 

Imogen lays her beloved to rest with her rock hammer, the sole belonging Laudna kept from before. It was her father’s, she’d told her once. He used it to clear away rocks on their farm, though occasionally he would let Laudna borrow it to split open geodes. Imogen doesn’t feel right keeping it, so she places it carefully atop the relatively small wooden box, tears falling as she tries to send out a thought she knows will never be received. 

Rest now, darlin'. You deserve to enjoy some peace and quiet. 

Her friends follow suit, each placing something small in the grave, whispering parting words that Imogen tries her best not to hear. She doesn’t keep track of their gifts, preferring to stand away from the rest. Imogen shakes her head when FCG tries to give her their condolences, quietly stepping back when the others look at her with concern. She wraps her arms around her stomach, mentally pleading for them to leave her alone. One by one, they agree to keep their distance. Imogen knows none of them are happy about it. 

Imogen's father helps her shovel dirt back into the hole, his face as stoic as she's ever seen it. It's his eyes that betray him— always have. He's got tears pooling in them, but he doesn't do more than offer Imogen a quick hug once they've finished the task. 

Things are different now, even if some things have stayed the same. 

Relvin had wept when he saw Imogen, battered and bruised with lightning scars reaching up to her shoulders. He clung to her, his thoughts a mess of guilt and relief and love. The concern took her by surprise, especially when he noticed the box she held close to her chest. Laudna’s body didn’t survive the failed ritual, leaving behind her clothes, personal effects, and bones. Imogen didn’t look at her father while she told him, but his soft voice gave away the empathy he had for her. He didn’t push, but his heart broke for his daughter. He may not have understood Imogen, but he understood the love she felt for Laudna. He’d had that same love for Liliana.

Imogen is still angry with him, angry that he never told her about her mother, that he knew she was alive, that he knew what Imogen was going through. It takes a long night of drinking and talking before Imogen realizes that Liliana left them both. Her father couldn't handle the heartbreak, so he locked away his memories and built a wall between them when Imogen's power started manifesting. She can still fault him for being distant, but she understands better now.

Her friends stay with them in their home, cramming into the den while Imogen takes refuge in her old room. Chetney and FCG take glee in exploring all the knick-knacks Relvin has collected, while Fearne and Ashton sit quietly as they pass a flask back and forth. Orym keeps guard outside her door, though she wishes he wouldn't. 

She's not upset that Orym and Fearne came back. 

But sometimes, she's angry that Laudna didn't. 

Not for the first time, her eyes fill with tears as her breathing starts to come out uneven. She knows Orym can hear her, and part of her wants him to. The pain and loss and fury overtake her, a miniature hurricane erupting within the small space. She grabs a pillow and screams into it, tearing at the cloth until she’s surrounded in feathers. Another cry escapes her lips and she forces herself to sit down and breathe, willing the storm away as she clamps down on her emotions. Her breathing takes a bit to get under control, but eventually she’s able to hold her breaths for a handful of seconds without feeling like she’ll die if she doesn’t let it out. Imogen looks around her, taking in the rather childish carnage of her latest emotional outbreak. She fists the pillow case, pulling the two halves apart completely. It doesn’t make her feel better, but at least all she destroyed was a pillow and not an entire street. 

With a deep sigh, Imogen lets herself fall across the bed, not bothering to move into a more comfortable position. Her feet nearly touch the floor, and her head almost hangs over the other side. She knows she should actually try to sleep, but how can she when Laudna isn’t there to chase away the nightmares? Another shuddering breath forces its way out as she remembers their nightly rituals.  

Laudna would always wait for Imogen to get into bed first, insisting that she choose which side she wanted that night (nevermind the fact that Imogen always slept furthest away from any window). While Imogen moisturized her arms and applied some healing salve onto her hands, Laudna would take the time to massage out the tension accruing in her shoulders. Sometimes, when Laudna was having a particularly bad night, she would let Imogen brush out her hair, carefully detangling the long strands and lulling the older woman to sleep. Other times, Imogen would fall asleep to Laudna embroidering their clothes and humming some tune she didn’t recognize. It had taken time to build up these rituals, and Imogen almost laughs at the memory of their first few nights traveling together.

Imogen wasn’t used to sleeping on the hard ground, even with the cushion of a bedroll. Laudna wasn’t used to comfort or warmth, and would curl into a tight ball from years of always anticipating danger. They both took a few weeks to shuck off their old sleep habits, and months more to form their new ones. Imogen lets out a sob as she remembers the feeling of Laudna’s arm resting across her waist, her unnaturally cool skin soothing the heat radiating off Imogen’s back. 

She's gone.

As much as she tries, Imogen can't stifle her sobs. Rather than anger or hurt, all she feels is a deep hollowness in her chest. She takes refuge under her covers, finally laying down properly in her bed. That hollow feeling starts to grow and expand, consuming her entire being. Imogen doesn't bother trying to fight it.

Laudna’s gone, and she's never coming back. 

As she lays in her childhood bed, clutching at Pâté and Sashimi, Imogen lets herself grieve. 

[shipsandlattes]

So I know everyone has already dissected this scene to its core, but it’s taken me a good 48 hours to digest this and I just needed to get it out.

I’m an aspiring actor, I’ve been training for a long time, with a lot of amazing teachers. I’ve watched a lot of shows and shipped a lot of couples. Some of them beautiful and canon, others, well, let’s just say waiting 22 years and counting for acknowledgement, closure, anything, it’s a damn challenge. I’ve seen a hell of a lot of will-they-wont-they’s, baiting, purposeful ignorance, deliberate fake outs, zero explanations, storylines that basically caused canon disintegration, the works.

In saying that, Dean and Cas were right up there on the list with the other “impossibles” because honestly, I didn’t think the writers would have the guts to do it, but I am so f*cking proud they did. It’s safe to say I’ve watched the scene a good hundred+ times already. 

I’ve seen a lot of “controversy” around Dean’s reaction/Jensen’s acting choices and whether or not Dean reciprocates Cas’ feelings, and obviously, I needed to add my own views to the mix.

Just work with me for a minute here.

Dean Winchester is an emotionally repressed trainwreck, and ironically enough, the one that is so full of emotion it hurts to watch. When Cas first starts his speech, he’s confused, really confused because why on earth would Cas start off on a rant now? Billie’s waiting to kill them, he just said he knew something that was more powerful than she was, something that could save them. That’s where he thought this speech was going.

The confusion turns to realisation that it’s a goodbye when Cas starts telling him how incredible he is, how his entire essence is love. Go back and watch the scene again, when Cas says “you’re the most caring man on Earth”, you physically see Dean look down, his eyes searching, he’s actively trying to make sense of what’s happening, he knows what’s coming and you can see him coming to terms with the shock of the words being said to him. He then looks directly at Cas. That look, that was pure shock.

Also, notice how he doesn’t stop Cas from talking? He doesn’t interject, make a joke, doesn’t talk about how there is no time for this now, they’ve got to at least try and stop Billie. He. says. nothing. He listens, he listens like I’ve never seen Dean listen before. Because it’s sinking in now.

When Cas really starts crying, when he says “you changed me, Dean”, you can actually see the pain in Dean’s eyes. He’s no longer in control of his emotions, he’s crying too. He’s never seen Cas like this, so raw, and vulnerable and human. This is the hardest, most emotional conversation they’ve both ever had. They are talking about the one thing that everybody knows, but is never addressed. When it wasn’t talked about, they could deny it, live in the lie. Once it’s said aloud, it’s real and they can’t turn back.

This above series of interactions is the part that kills me the most. The moment Cas says “because it is”, that’s the exact moment of realisation. Look at that last GIF, really look. He’s just worked it out, that he is Cas’ true happiness. He knows what’s coming before Cas even says it. Go back and watch the scene again, they pulled that off so well, the way the music swells at this exact moment. Jensen is giving us everything here, you can see what’s happening in his head - he is Cas’ happiness. He is the one thing on Earth Cas wants and thinks he can’t have. He is the reason Cas is about to die. He knows what Cas is about to say and he’s not sure he’s ready to hear it, not now, not like this. It’s almost a silent plea not to say it, because he knows. Of course he knows. It’s like he can’t quite believe Cas is really, after all this time, finally going to say it.

And because obviously Jensen decided that that wasn’t enough to break us, the loaded reaction when Cas says “I love you” has me nothing but convinced that it’s reciprocated. Because Dean knows. He’s always known. Those tears, that head tilt, that gulp. He’s so genuinely confused that they’re really having this conversation. It’s like he can’t quite believe that this is the reality before him because he’s been living in that denial, in that self-loathing and unlovable layer he believes to be true. He’s been under the ‘what if... but it could never be’ umbrella for so long. 

What also makes this real is that there isn’t anyone else around this time. When “I love you’s” have been said before, they have always been able to deflect it, with other people or other words. Now it’s just the two of them. No deflecting, no running away. Dean is forced to hear it, to absorb it, to realise it’s for nobody else but him.

Now, I don’t know if you guys felt this, but when Dean says “Don’t do this, Cas”, he wasn’t just referring to Cas sacrificing himself to the Empty, he’s telling Cas that he can’t just say this, not now, knowing he’s going to die, knowing that Dean won’t get a chance to think, to process, to say what he needs too. I keep staring at that GIF above, Dean is breaking down, I’m almost convinced that Jensen was using an “I love you too, please just stop this” inner monologue for this bit. Look at the way he’s looking at Cas before he realises the Empty has started materialising and turns around. That’s a look of pure heartbreak. Trust me when I tell you, it’s really hard to keep those inner thoughts inside if you’re so in the moment - actually, don’t just take my word for it, read any acting book, ask any actor, it’s so hard to keep that in and sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you do - it’s in both the resistance and the letting go that the gold happens. This my friends, is gold. 

Did anyone else hear “Cas, I-”, well, regardless of whether or not it was an “I” or a very sharp breath, the outcome is the same. Dean’s gone into immediate panic mode. The Empty at one end and Billie at the other, and all poor Dean wants to do is gather his thoughts on not what to say but how to say it. I don’t think he comprehended just how little time he had, he was so focused on what was being said that the reality of the situation caught him completely off guard.

Also, I know this post was about dissecting Dean’s reaction, but can we sidebar a minute to talk about Cas as he pushes Dean out of the way? He’s sobbing, he’s fully crying. That hit me really hard, I’ve never seen Cas cry like that, I’ve never seen Misha get to play that level of emotion before and it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch since The Doctor and Rose and Buffy and Spike, to which by the way, I find many parallels between those couples and this scene.

Speaking of crying, that brings me to this: Dean slumped on the floor, ignoring a call from Sam, sobbing his heart out knowing he’s lost everything. Dean-I’m-emotionally-unavailable-Winchester is sobbing. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t recall ever seeing Dean cry like this before either, the sobbing was so evident and piercing in that silence. The look around the room, the burying of his head in his hands, that is a classic writers romantic love trope if I’ve ever seen it, they really pulled out all the stops with this one.

So, to summarise, I think Jensen’s choices and Dean’s reactions were absolutely and utterly perfect. They both did it so well that it didn’t break from character that these two emotionally distant and repressed men are in love and finally voicing it. Jensen barely said two words and still managed to cause mass coronary’s across the fandom. That my friends is what you call a brilliant actor. I bow down to the talents of these two amazing human beings.

Before I leave this novel, I have to say there are now a few things I’m going to need from the powers that be to not screw this up, help me manifest this:

1. Dean gets to reciprocate his feelings to Cas in person. So, I’m gonna need Cas back and a very emotional Dean.

2. Dean to be actively dealing with heartbreak in the next episode (unless they decided to bring Cas back that soon, which I wouldn’t put past them at this point).

3. Sam to confront Dean about his feelings for Cas, because out of everyone, he’d be the one to hit Dean with the truth of his fears. Sam knows. Sam is supportive. Sam sees it all.

4. I’m gonna need some physical affection, cause after 12 years of nonsense, we damn well deserve it. A hug, and not just any old reunion hug, a proper, this is different now hug. A kiss because hello, in love out loud now. Forehead touching, handholding, really gonna need the works here.

5. A happy ending for the two of them, one way or another. We’ve never had one, it’s time.

Okay, have at it now, let’s speak these into existence please.

Note: GIFs are not mine, I did not make them, credit to owners who I’m not sure of, but they’re beautiful, thanks for making them. EDIT: I’ve just been informed that these gorgeous gifs belong to @michaeldean​ and @inacatastrophicmind​! 

[hxney-lemcn]

No One Like You — Hunter x gn! reader

Summery: Reader finds out the truth about the Golden Guard and they don't know how to feel.

tw: Spoilers for season 2 episode 6. Mentions of abuse.

wc: 4.3k

Chapter Seven

Master List | Chapter One

Hunter still hasn’t visited me. The worry I held before growing way more. After all, now I have more material for my anxious ridden mind to use. After all, everything points for Hunter and the Golden Guard to be the same person. Okay well not everything. But what if he was? The voice was awfully similar, not to mention when he seemed so kind towards me. It felt like Hunter was talking to me…if it weren’t about me being restrained. 

And if Hunter was the Golden Guard. He mentioned the Emperor and…the dark undertones it left me with were not pleasing. Does that mean the Emperor Belos is the witch that took him in…and the person who abuses him? That leaves this entire situation more complicated than ever. Much less, what can I even do? Nothing really. I guess, try to convince him to leave. But how could I do that if he doesn’t visit me anymore? It’s not like I can break into the palace, and I don’t know what room he’s in anyways. Besides, I’m just a sixteen year old student at Hexside, taking the beast keeping track. He’s…well he’s possibly the Emperor’s right hand man. It would also explain all the instances where he didn’t want to break the law that Belos set down. Or even contemplate wild witches not being dangerous.

“Luz didn’t get a palismen,” Viney said to me. I looked over at her and frowned. “I kinda feel bad, she seemed down about it but tried to hide it.”

I remember when I first got my palismen. My moms knew about palistrom wood being over harvested early on, so they managed to sneak me some. They taught me how to carve my own, and I decided on carving a phoenix. Cinder. Representation of hope, of being reborn, rising from the ashes. Other kids in my year weren’t so lucky, the school couldn’t get any palistrom wood so they ended up just canceling it. I’m glad that the Bat Queen was generous enough to bring lost palismen to the school for future generations to have one.

I saw Luz exit the school so I waved bye to Viney and made my way towards her, “Hey Luz!”

Turning around in shock, she smiled at me, but it seemed forced, “O-oh hey (y/n)...”

“I…I heard that you didn’t get a palismen,” I said shly, just ripping the bandaid off. “So I was wondering if you wanted to have a sleepover or something. Try to get your mind off of it.”

Looking off to the side, she thought for a bit before nodding, “Sure, that sounds good.”

We walked to my house so I could ask for permission and get some clean clothes and pajamas. Momma handed us each a few cookies before we took off on my staff. We changed into our pajamas and ate dinner before staying in her room. I couldn’t stop myself from admiring her echo mouse that she must’ve got recently, as she started to pace. 

“What’s wrong Luz?” I asked out, turning to face her. “You can vent to me, I don’t mind.”

Letting out a sigh she replied back softly, “I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“Luz you’re my friend,” I said, walking over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not being a burden, especially when I’m asking you to share your problems.”

She nodded and began to pace again, so I sat on the ground, “I stayed here because I wanted to learn magic. I want to be a witch like Eda and Azura! But what does that even mean? And I’ve read stories like this. The main character always has to return home. And what? Did I expect to be a witch in the human realm?”

I frowned as she unraveled her feelings about well…being a human in a different dimension. I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle this,  but I did put myself in this situation. Sue me, I want to help a friend.

Luz let out a sigh before I could reply and laid down, “I wouldn’t want to be my palismen either.”

“Luz,” I said softly. “Those aren’t all the palismen in the world. I’m sure there’s one out there that’s just waiting for you. And even if you don’t find one, that doesn’t make you any less of a witch.”

Suddenly a cardinal palismen left Luz’s bag at like…the perfect timing, “It’s you! Did you come here for me?”

The bird chirped lightly while hopping around the room, “No, of course not.”

“We should take it back to its nest,” I said as the bird hopped into my hands. “Maybe you can try to connect with one of the palismen again.”

“Yeah!” Luz exclaimed, seeming to get some of her spirit back.

The trip back to the school field was quick. It was dark out, but the moon shone down lighting the way. Yet when we got there, I noticed that the nest for the palismen had a forcefield around it.

“How are we supposed to get through this?” Luz asked, touching the forcefield. Suddenly the cardinal pushed its head against the yellow forcefield and it broke. “Woah, palismen powers. Neat!”

I kneeled down and opened the door for the cardinal to enter. Luz kneeled down next to me and looked around at all the palismen. Then she crawled in, waving for me to follow. It was a cramp space for both of us to be in, but it wasn’t terribly bad either. I could still move my limbs. The palismen chattered when we entered but calmed down once Luz started questioning what she wanted to do in her future. It was getting really late and I felt my eyes close involuntarily. 

Feeling the ground jolt, I didn’t even remember falling asleep. I looked around in panic as Luz opened the door to shout at whatever was making the ruckus. I looked over her shoulder to see why she looked startled and I felt my own eyes widened as we were high up in the air. Looking up, there was a blimp carrying the nest. 

“I think we’re being kidnapped,” Luz said looking back at the palismen. They coward in fear Luz continued, “Don’t worry, I’ll…we’ll figure this out.” 

We nodded at each other in determination as Luz made a plant glyph so we could climb a vine up. I went after her in case I needed to catch her if she fell…though I’m kinda more worried for myself. We finally reached the side of the blimp and looked in. There he stood, the Golden Guard in all his glory whistling a tune to himself. Once again I felt my heart clench, this had to be Hunter. There’s no way in Titan it isn’t.

“Ugh, him again,” Luz groaned. Jumping over the side, Luz smacked the leaf she wrote a glyph on, onto the Golden Guards back and he looked back at her in confusion.

“Luz wait!” I shouted jumping after her, but it was too late as the Golden Guard was rocketed off.

“He’ll be fine,” Luz said looking towards me, a sheepish smile adorning her face. “Now how do I land this thing?”

Before I could reply, arms wrapped around me, one around my waist and the other covering my mouth. I let out a muffled shout as I looked back, seeing the Golden Guard being the one holding me. He let out a whispered ‘Shh’. 

“You just pull that cord above your head,” He said nonchalantly. Like he wasn’t currently holding me hostage.

“Oh, thanks (y-” Luz started, beginning to pull the cord before turning around in shock. 

“Hiiiii,” Golden Guard said in a mocking tone before sending Luz to the back of the ship and wrapping her up with rope. I struggled in his grip, trying to get him to let go. I heard him let out a quiet sigh as he used his magic to more gently sit me by Luz and tie me up as well.

“What do you want with the palismen, Golden Guard?” Luz shouted out in an accusatory tone. 

“Frankly…” He started, teleporting into Luz’s face. “You should be more concerned about yourself. For the crime of rocketing me off my own ship, you’ll be locked in the dingiest cell in the Conformatorium. For the rest of your sad little life.”

“Whatever,” Luz scoffed. “I already broke out of there, like, twice.”

“I don’t think you should say that,” I muttered, wincing slightly.

“Then we’ll just zap you to dust and throw you into the sea,” The Golden Guard replied, turning away in frustration. “That better?” Luz groaned and he just replied with a simple ‘good’.

Luz tried to struggle free and I came up with a way to get the ropes off. Just…well…my hands were sticking out the bottom. So I could try to untie Luz and then vice versa, presto. But instead Luz stopped and started to draw a glyph, talking to the Golden Guard as a distraction.

“Say, how did you get back to the ship so fast?” She asked. 

“Staff,” He replied like it was a dumb question, and honestly…I would’ve facepalmed if I could. 

Activating the glyph, she aimed it towards his staff…and it was gone.

No!” He shouted, reaching out towards it. Chuckling, he turned towards us, “Human, it’ll take more than just that to thwart my mission.”

Suddenly a giant dragon looking creature flew by, “Like this?” I couldn’t help the sarcasm that flew out of me. Then the hand dragon thing split the top of the blimp open, causing the ship to crash. 

“/n)! (Y/n) wake up!” Someone exclaimed while shaking me lightly. Opening my eyes I looked around. We were in a yellow forest, Luz hovered over me with the cardinal bird perched on her shoulder. “C’mon we gotta go.”

Sitting up, I watched Luz crawl towards the Golden Guards staff. Looking past that, I saw the Golden Guards body and he seemed to be waking up from the way he was groaning in pain. 

“Kikimora, maam,” I heard a scout behind me say. “We’ve found the palismen. They seem rattled but unharmed.” 

Luz and I looked over to see Emperor coven scouts and what seems to be a higher up talking. And…she was holding the Golden Guards mask…will I finally find out his identity? No that's not what’s important right now.

“Very good captain,” The small leader spoke up. “Return to the city and prepare them for travel.”

“Is it true maam?” The captain spoke out. “Is the Golden Guard really…”

“This is all that remains,” Kikimora responds dramatically. “Such a horrible accident. Probably caused by the incompotent pilot."

When the scouts left, she called the hand dragon (that’s what I’m calling it now). I felt sick, his own coven members were plotting his downfall.

“Now find the rest of him and have yourself a nice little snack,” Kikimora said sweetly and had her dragon pet sniff his mask. 

Luz and I looked at each other, coming to a silent agreement, then looked back at the Golden Guards body. Nodding at each other, we made our way to where he laid. Little rascal perching on my head. When we got to a position where we could see him I froze. I was right. The Golden Guard…he’s my Hunter. I…I didn’t know what to do. So many thoughts rushing through my head and feelings that I didn’t even know. 

“This is the Golden Guard?” Luz asked, surprised. “It looks like he could be a student at Hexside.”

I stumbled my way over to them and crouched next to Hunter. Luz leaned in closer to him, but I noticed her raise her arm and I stopped her before she could hit him. 

Instead I raised one of my shaky hands and carded my fingers through his hair, leaning down to his ear I whispered, “Hunter it’s time to wake up.” 

Hunter slowly opened his eyes and turned his head towards me. I raised my face so we were eye to eye and I noticed a small smile come over his face, “(Y…y/n)?”

I backed up and looked off to the side. I…don’t know how to handle these weird feelings inside of me. On one hand I want to forgive him for not telling me everything and be understanding. But a more selfish part of me wanted him to hurt like I have these months I haven’t seen him. So I chose a more neutral route, bringing my walls that I normally let down around him up once more. 

Hunter looked over towards Luz and sat up quickly, looking around in panic. The situation seemed to finally dawn on him, “What?”

“Listen,” Luz said, not mentioning anything about what just happened thankfully. “You are a bad person and I do not like you.” I flinched slightly at those words. I wanted to vouch for him, say he must be misunderstood…but do I even know him? “But Kikimora is trying to kill you, and unfortunately we’re too nice to let that happen!”

“Are you licking my hand?” Luz exclaimed grossed out, quickly wiping his own spit on his face. “I’m trying to help you!”

“Why should I believe you?” Hunter replied back, and…are they seriously fighting like siblings right now?

Taking a deep breath to control my emotions a bit, I quickly turned stern, “You two stop fighting right this instant.” Both stopped pushing at each other and turned to face me. “Stop acting like children, this is a serious situation and-”

I heard the hand dragon sound from behind me and I stopped speaking to look back. Hunter quickly discarded his cloak and grabbed my wrist as we all ran off. Hiding some glowing orbs, we watched as the Hand dragon tore up the cloak that Hunter left. And we used this distraction to sneakily get to Latissa. 

Once we got into the city, Hunter looked angry as Luz started talking, “Wheh, man, Kikimora must hate you.”

I nudged Luz lightly, “Luz I don’t think now is a good time to bring that up…once again.”

Luz and I watched as the citizens of Latissa seemed much more…bruanier? It was different, but it was neat to see somewhere new.

“I haven’t been outside of Bonesborough that much,” Luz said, spinning around. “Latissa is so cool!”

“I haven’t either,” I agreed, noticing Hunter take a sharp turn. I called out a ‘wait’ as I grabbed Luz’s hand to follow him. Hunter actually paused for a second before walking again.

“Where are you going?” Luz said in a frustrated tone, holding his staff tighter. “Hey man, we just saved your life. The least you could do is tell us your name.” I resisted the urge to correct her and say that I already knew his name, but Hunter grunted at her, looking back at us, his eyes falling to our intertwined hand before stomping off faster. 

Hunter walked up to two scouts and said in a commanding voice, “Scouts! Direct me to your communications room. I need to contact the castle immediately.” Then he showed them something one his wrist, I’m guessing it's his coven sigil.

“Cute,” One of the scouts said in a mocking tone. “I didn’t know kids your age were still into temporary tattoos.”

“Yeah,” The other scout said. “Show us your badge number.”

“I am your superior and I can prove it,” Hunter said. Luz dragged me closer towards where they stood and I felt nervous, so I held onto her arm to try and feel better. Turning towards us, Hunter held out his hand, “Staff.”

Luz hid it behind us and I honestly felt bad at the defeated look that crossed Hunter’s face. He looked even more hurt when he noticed how I clung to Luz, but I chose to ignore it. It probably looked pretty funny to see a 16 year old clinging to a 14 year old.

“Isn’t it a little late for you kids to be outside?” The scout asked with their hands on their hips.

“We were just on our way home actually,” I said with a nervous chuckle, tugging Luz towards where we came from. 

The scouts then walked away and Hunter turned towards us, his cheeks and ears colored red and started chasing after us. Luz quickly ran, me stumbling behind her. Running past people, jumping down to stairs,  and running into a dead end, Luz quickly let go of my hand and drew an ice glyph and launched us onto the top of the building. 

Turning back around, Luz leaned over the railing and taunted, “C’mon Golden Guard. Don’t you know any, like, levitation spells?” Hunter looked away and I felt my heart drop. Could he…not do magic or something? Luz seemed to have come to the same conclusion as she pointed to his staff, “Are you powerless without this?”

Hunter glared up at us before walking away. But I knew better than to think he was giving up. And I was right when he parkoured up the building, and honestly? I was impressed. But that was quickly shattered when Luz used Hunter’s staff to send shocks at him, which he dodged. 

“Back up! Or…or else!” Luz threatened. 

“Or else what?” Hunter said, walking closer. “You gonna blast me to bits?” Chuckling he continued, “Nah, you’re too nice for that. Fly away? Nuh-uh, you know you can’t do that either. ‘Cause then you’ll be leaving behind your precious palismen. You don’t tend to think things through, do you, human?”

“Back off,” I said, standing in between them, holding up my own staff towards Hunter. “We’re not gonna get anywhere if we keep squabbling like griffins.”

Suddenly the hand dragon flew over us, and we walked over to see what was going on. “So Kikimora was after my catch,” Hunter said, resting his hand on his chin.

“Seems like neither of us want her to win right now,” Luz said, pointing his staff at him once more. “Sooooo, let’s work together to take back those palismen.”

“Then what?” Hunter asked frustratingly. “You think I’ll just let you walk away with them?”

“Maybe you won’t have a choice,” Luz said smugly. “It is two against one.” Luz twirled the staff around only to hit her own head and nearly drop the staff. We all reached for it as a reflex, but Luz quickly caught it and laughed awkwardly. 

“I doubt that,” Hunter said, crossing his arms. “But…fine. Truce till then.”

“Truce,” Luz and I said together. Holding out her hand, Luz waits for Hunter to take the bait. Sighing, Hunter uncrossed his arms and went to shake her hand. Only for Luz to slick back her hair and say “Too slow” while chuckling. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me as Luz ran away and Hunter glared at her. Turning towards me, Hunter seemed like he wanted to say something. And I wanted him to. I also wanted to say something but I didn’t know what.

“Let’s get this over with,” He muttered and followed Luz. I…felt even more hurt at that, but I realized my colder attitude with him probably hurt him too. Ugh why can’t things ever be easy.

Hunter went to get some sleeping nettle as I helped Luz write the glyphs in chalk. After all, they were similar to the ones in that book I bought about wild magic. 

“I’ve never seen magic like this before,” Hunter spoke out, aw underlying in his voice. “What will it do?”

“Well,” Luz said, starting to explain. “We don’t want to spook Kikimora’s steed because it would drop the nest and hurt the palismen.” “So using fire and ice spells, we’re commanding the glyphs to produce a strong mist,” I continued for her. 

“And the sleeping nettles?” Hunter asked, handing them to me.

“They’re essential!” Luz exclaimed.

“Combined with the mist it’ll create-” I said, being cut off.

“A sleep induced smoke, forcing Kikimora to land,” Hunter continued for me, awe laced in his voice. And once again it felt like I was back at home, lying in bed with Hunter by my side as we rambled about magic. Hunter smiled at me brightly and I couldn’t help the shy smile I sent back.

Luz looked at him in confusion and Hunter stammered to explain himself, “Oh-uh…I-I read a similar spell in the book From Bones to Earth-”

Luz cut him off, “A Study of Wild Magic! Eda once pickpocketed the guy who wrote it!”

“I’ve never seen glyphs before,” Hunter said, staring at the wall, “But it seems very similar to the elemental magic practiced in the savage ages.” And there's my dork.

“Really?” Luz said intrigued. 

“Actually, not many people know this aside from (y/n) and I, but,” Hunter said excitedly. “No. No, no, no, no. This stuff is restricted for a reason. You should forget about it before you’re hurt.”

Luz glanced at me in confusion before saying, “Other than Lilith, I’ve never spoken to someone inside the Emperor’s coven. What made you want to join?” My memories went back to when Hunter told me about how he was taken in by his only family member. And I stared at him waiting for an answer…hoping to high Titan that it wasn’t Emperor Belos.

“You were right before,” Hunter sighed, sitting down, resting his arms on his knees. “I’m a powerless witch. A lot of my ancestors were. I never thought I’d have a future in a world like this. But then Belos found me and gave me a staff with artificial magic. Said the Titan had big plans for me.” At this point he was fidgeting with his fingers. 

Luz deflated slightly and looked away, “At least you have your future figured out now.”

“At least you can figure out your own,” Hunter replied, glancing at me before looking away. Suddenly the cardinal palismen landed on Hunter’s arm and he jumped back in shock, “Hey!” The bird twittered at him and I felt a giant grin form on my face, “Stop! Get away from me.”

“He’s just being friendly,” Luz said with a slight giggle. 

“I don’t care!” Hunter exclaimed, tense with fear. “These things are made from wild magic. It’s dangerous.”

“Does he look dangerous to you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow, leaning over to pet its head. 

We all jumped up once we heard the sounds of the hand dragon. We saw it start to fly and Luz looked at Hunter and I, “Masks on.” We all put on our masks as Luz continued, “Once they’re surrounded by the smoke, we’ll need to stay close to see where they land.” Hunter and I nodded. And Luz held Hunter’s staff out towards him. 

He looked back at her with wide eyes, “Are you sure? (Y/n) has her own staff-”

I fake whistled as Cinder hid behind my back. I tried to hide my smile behind my hand as Hunter looked surprised, but also slightly amused. 

“Just take it,” Luz said, shoving it towards him. 

Seeing the hand dragon take off with the palismen, Luz activated the glyphs. The mist poured out as Hunter and I already sat on his staff, waiting for Luz to join. Which when she did we quickly took off. 

“I think it’s working,” I said, seeing the dragon slow down slightly. 

Luz then casted a light glyph and we led the dragon to the ground. I heard Kikimora let out a pitiful ‘stop’, before fully crashing.

“The palismen!” Luz exclaimed, running over to check on them. But I turned towards Hunter, standing in front of Luz as she comforted them. 

Hunter lit his staff, so I called Cinder, who quickly came to me. I heard Luz chuckle awkwardly behind me muttering a meek ‘right’.

“Are you really going to do this?” I asked, frown tugging on my lips. 

“You’re going to bring all those innocent creatures to Belos?” Luz agreed. “I know what he does with them. I thought you might’ve been a good guy. But I guess that was just wishful thinking. You’re not my friend. You’re just the Golden Guard.” My heart tugged at her words, and so did Hunter’s it seems as he looked from Luz to me. His glare softened. 

Tugging his mask down and lowering his staff slightly he said, “My name is Hunter.” 

I felt my features soften. I wanted to lower my staff and hug him, but he got hit in the head with a bolt of purple fire. Looking to my left I noticed a semi-conscious Kikimora. She was mumbling to herself and at that moment I wanted to wack her with my staff for hurting Hunter. I mean after all the craziness that happened tonight, I forgive him. I just want him to explain everything to me first. 

Kikimora started firing bolts out randomly and I stood in front of Luz and the palismen. If Hunter was the Golden Guard I knew he could take care of himself. I went to block a blot that was going to hit me, but Hunter blocked it for me. He continued to deflect bolts and got closer to Kikimora. He hit her, and she landed by us, her weird finger whistle landing at Luz’s feet. Kikimora went to cast a spell at Luz but Hunter blocked her at the last moment, continuing to protect us.

Luz tugged my hand and led me towards the hand dragon. I hesitated, turning to look back at Hunter as he defended Luz and I. I felt terrible, but I knew Luz was right, we needed to keep the palismen safe. Hunter will be fine on his own. We sat on the dragon as Luz tried to sound soothing. Using the whistle, the dragon came to and started to fly off. I looked back towards Hunter, who stared at us after finally knocking out Kikimora. 

I’m sorry Hunter.

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