#ed i want you dead
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stede is 'oh this place has something related to my interest i must go in immediately' autistic and izzy is 'if we deviate one inch from my plan for today i will murder someone' autistic
#stede wandering off into the forest to look at bugs was not on the schedule or any of izzys contingency schedules#new thing i think would fix izzy: a clear fucking plan#in the nebulous reunion timeline future i see izzy researching every port town they are gonna stop in HARD so he can figure out everywhere#stede + ed might possibly want to go and plan several routes for the day to keep himself calm in the inevitable chaos#(and yet somehow every time stede finds something he missed and they still go off script anyway)#(he tries to go separately around port from them one time and its a fucking disaster; someone gets stabbed; so he just resigns himself to#incredibly stressful port stops)#its not like stede + ed mean to do it!! theyre both awful for it individually and they just feed off each other#its ok because theyre very good at letting izzy have the deck Exactly how he wants it and scheduling as much big picture stuff as they can#with him#(when stede realises theyve been the cause of like. 65% of izzys stress they finally agree to let him redo the rigging as an apology and#they suddenly realise watching him buy the supplies that hes just as bad as them in his own way)#(he absolutely terrorizes the rope guy but they have never seen him so relaxed as when he was up there redoing all the lines)#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#stede bonnet#you can pry autistic izzy away from my cold dead hands
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izzy as the eight of cups - giving up and moving on, courage and loss, letting go of friends, lovers, and old ways of being
(that's the inn in the distance)
eight of cups description from Little Red Tarot:
#is this ghost izzy on a ghost ship? alive izzy on the revenge? alive izzy on his own? ghost izzy on the revenge? yes :)#im so so pro Izzy living his own life and not haunting Ed and maybe coming back to visit and learning how to be actual friends with Ed#i came to this pairing for the x rated violent fan fic#but all I want for them post season 2 is learning how to be gentle with th each other#become trustworthy#learn how to love each other better!!!#Izzy is both dead and alive in my universe thank you for understanding#description from little red tarot is exactly what I am going for#(is this about my relationship w the show? maybe a little)#I’ve had this idea in my head for months now but when I heard the show was cancelled it was like well now I gotta make it RIGHT NOW#my horse girl past serves me well when it’s time to draw the hoof#izzy hands#ofmd#our flag means death#our flag means fanart#israel hands#edizzy#blackhands
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i reblog one Weird looking post and all of a sudden im getting recommended ed blogs FUCK OFF
#I DONT WANT YOU HERE#DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE KILL YOURSELF FUCKING KYS IM SERIOUS GET AWAY FROM ME OH MY GOD#im sorry i hate fucking#thinspo freaks#because they are. freaks.#fucking “oh they cant help it” yes actually they can! now die!#i understand it and i get why youd want to share certain things#but when youre just posting almost dead skinny girls then thats just fucking weird#I HATE ED THINSPO K WANT TK STAY SKINNY BLOGS TOU CAN ALL CHOKE#i do have empathy for people sufferimg with eds#however#they are not those people because although tbey may be suffering theyre making it worse for FUCKING EVERYBODY#THAT IS TRIGGERING???????????#TO EVERYONE?????????????????#FUCKING FREAKS I HATE YOU#sorry no this sounds terrible but im tired and its making me sad and angry and BAD#i hate thinspo and i hate “fatty” and i hate “big backed” and i hate edblr and i hate all of you cunts who think its#NORMAL or OKAY to act like it's just part of tou now#youre fucking WEIRD#blah blah!#tw ed descussion#tw ed mention#tw: ed mention
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Yeah, having a bit of a moment over here.
#nomad of nowhere#skout non#toth non#melinda non#fullmetal alchemist AU#don't think too hard into this it's like half Brotherhood and half what actually happened in NoN#Y'dalan nomad was my favorite theory back in the day and i had to pay homage <3#Melinda fans please come get your food#I feel like making Toth take Ling's role is a controversial decision when Scar is right there. but i think it's more in character at least-#for her in season 1#yes melinda dead again and 100 years later another dumbass made the same mistake#Skout tried to bring back her mom and got off pretty damn easy in comparison#Skout is actually NOT trying to get her old body back. only nomad's#but the king here. while in Bradley's role is more like what we know in NoN but the crown in a philosopher's stone#just. you have to trust me here even though this is a mess#gave melinda and skout braids because of Ed but i didn't want to mess with Melinda's design too much
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I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:
he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.
#they are different and ihave paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts on it#but dressing like a leather daddy and holding your hand over an open flame and literally everything else he does#is not the behavior of a man who doesn't know or realize what gets him going#he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable#[and he's right for his experience and circumstance but i won't touch that now]#his conflict is emotional; ed's ability to captain isn't compromised by his being attracted to a man. it's compromised by Having Feelings.#their ability to survive a world that wants them dead isn't compromised by either of them being queer; it's compromised by being SOFT#by having WEAK SPOTS#pets are a weak spot. lovers are a weak spot. get rid of them to stay safe. not out of spite.#not out of a disdain for those relationships themselves. out of disdain for what Feelings Do To You#idk man maybe i am simply emphatic about this nuance because i get—more than I would like—the impulse to be SAFE#even at the cost of your self and some chances at being happier#he doesn't even care that lucius is gay in the deck scene and i'd go so far as to say he doesn't really care that lucius is slutty#insofar as. like. he doesn't know him and pete are open. from a monogamy-normative perspective it's a betrayal.#your partner being unfaithful when you expect them To Be is ALSO A THING THAT CAN GET YOU KILLED#like idk i just. i think people don't get how much of him is about safety?#and i know the show's created this atmosphere of 'homophobia isn't a real threat'#but they haven't removed the violence and danger crews other than stede face for Other Reasons#so. he's very security-driven. and that's why he speaks to me.#and it's annoying that people just make 'lol izzy's closeted' 'peak homophobic gay' jokes instead of. engaging. with the shit izzy AND ED#went through to make them emotionally closed off the way they are#THE SENTENCE IS A SENTENCE BUT THE EXPLANATION SURE ISNT
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thing is that yes i suppose izzy could retire and it would've been the same for his character arc but isn't it more fun to have him die and affect ed permanently. isn't it more fun to have him change ed fundamentally as his last action
#ive seen people say he couldve been a captain and its like. he doesnt want that or need that lol#blackbeard had to be gone and that meant izzy needed to be reinvented or dead and the sea couldnt be a part of that#theres a reason he said 'maybe you should listen to it' when ed talks about throwing out his leathers#anyway i cant believe im writing character analysis about izzy hands of all people. who have i become#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death
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“stizzy” and “edizzy” this “steddyhands polycule” that i’m being violently sick on my shoes actually
#ofmd spoilers#fucked in the head if you think stede would touch izzy with a ten foot barge pole#stede might come to respect his skills as a pirate but fucking hell#he actively daydreamed about killing him for hurting ed#he left ed for fucking dead on the ship#and you think this is gonna be a love story that includes izzy#i’m seeing people genuinely thinking their ‘arc together’ this season is a love one#bro 🤡#it is fucking not and sometimes you really are just wrong#like you’re actually radged. off your rockers#just. you have this beautiful love story between ed and stede#and you want to invite the dude who almost killed them both to the party#who is racist and homophobic and emotionally abusive to the point of pushing ed to suicide#the fuck is wrong with you actually#fandom wank#quill to paper#swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest i don’t care. ship what you want but it’s a no from me
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happy tdov! got another spidersona for ya! :]
'parker' is in between names right now but that doesn't stop him from being the spiderman of his dimension!
their dimension is fairly desaturated so the appearance of our favorite red and blue hero is a disturbance in more ways than one
gwen stacy becomes his 'guy in the chair' after she figures out that he's spiderman :]
#gari draws#gari’s ocs#oc: parker#spiderman#spiderverse#that side profile had hands oh my god 😭#I started this. september 2023. it's older than the piece with mario holding mela and pera#I just consistently forgot about it before making the push to finish it for tdov#since. you know. I made them from earth 331#he's closeted in his secret identity but as you can see. presents masc as spiderman. don't expect a spider-person to be strict on health#gwen and parker went to the same all girls middle school before moving on to a co-ed high school and were good friends#before parker started being weird/withdrawing for several reasons#she figures out that he's spiderman but NOT that he was trans so when she was going over her evidence he just kinda awkwardly blurts it out#I think it would be nice for parker's new name to be ben but I have been unsuccessful in researching trans renaming + the jewish naming#after the dead thing so he could also be peter. but I want him to be ben bc that would be kinda boring. if anyone has a good source lmk#aunt may is supportive!#idk parker has any special powers. but that isn't set in stone
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My brain nonstop since watching episode 2:
*RUN* angelic choir singing as we pan up Izzy's missing leg and then his body. As we see him holding the gun *RUN* Izzy looks sad, wet, sick, and PISSED, betraying Edward for good this time*RUN* Zoom in on Izzy's face, the mark of his failed attempt dripping in the rain *RUN* Pan to Ed, laughing like a maniac, relieved, and scared, as he realizes that Izzy didn't die. So him killing himself like this would kill all the people left in his life. That he's put the ship in danger for no reason.*RUN*
youtube
(Spotify is SO LUCKY my top Songs of the Year reset October, this fucker would be top 50 AT LEAST)
#izzy hands#ofmd s2#edward teach#ofmd season 2#con o'neill#israel hands#It's not my fault one of my ships became canon in the most roundabout way following a path I did expect (Izzy confessing Ed ignoring it)#I love that Izzy brushed his own confession aside and didn't expect anything in return. He felt his life was over. It was.#so he dedicated himself to protecting his crew. He could have shot himself again. But he chose to TRY to save them#I love that they survived the storm somehow AND they were still not done. Clearly starving and catching any bird they could just to eat.#GOD I fucking love ep 2 and how it shows the problems in Ed and Izzy's relationship#It's so fucking broken. The love each other AND they can't stop hurting each other (though it's 90% Ed hurting Izzy right now)#My favorite scene so far(close tie with the EdIzzy scene before Izzy's attempt). I know Con will top it. BUT DAMN#ofmd s2 ep 2#Con O'Neill you are an amazing actor and I hope all the fuckers who want Izzy dead can at least acknowledge that#Youtube
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Ed Boon better finally give us Ash for Mortal Kombat 1 or I am sending explosive dildos to his house
#mortal kombat#mortal kombat 1#mk1#the evil dead#evil dead 2#army of darkness#ash vs evil dead#ashley j. williams#ashley j williams#ashley williams#ash williams#ashley joanna williams#ed boon#netherrealm studios#I want ash ed not fucking peacemaker#I will take homelander and omni-man tho#but fucking give me ash we are owed#despite what you and bruce say I fucking know you canned ash for the joker because the joker film was coming out I fucking know this#so hold up your end of the deal AND GIVE ME ASH MOTHERFUCKING WILLIAMS#NOBODY ASKED FOR THE JOKER#NOBODY ASKED FOR ROBOCOP#NOBODY ASKED FOR RAMBO#NOBODY ASKED FOR PEACEMAKER#GIVE ME ASH YOU FUCK
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ok i get why anthy has creature of delirium now
#rgu ramblings abound:#i just assumed she had many-faced as in. socially. shifting to be whatever the current Engaged wants#but no yeah ep 23. she does do that.#what in the (end of the) world were those hands during ep 22 though#like yeah yeah time is fucked so the hourglass is blue for illusion#tokiko's lipstick on the teacup was orange so like... juri-color. hopeless relationships? i cant pin it down in words but yknow what i mean#but what was the black cats teacup butterfly guys holding hands etc about? might be missing cultural context. ill read some analyses later#god mikage is such a good character though. WILL miss him going ''fukaku motto fukaku''.#i know akio is the patriarchy but like. is he... a reverse bodhisattva or something????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#keeping people in the schoolgrounds-of-not-letting-go-of-the-past??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#..himemiya under orders from himemiyas brother pretended to be mamiya trying to get people to kill himemiya so mamiya could become himemiya#not quite ''vergil teamed up with vergils brother and vergils son to kill vergil so vergil could become vergil'' but close enough#saionji is the only one sweating during the intro. wonder what that means#i saw an utena out-of-context compilation before watching the show and like#nanami lesbian moment which i have no context for had birds. juri shiori scene had a bird. is birds lesbians???????#the cmwge seed program is EXTREMELY utena student council huh.#...i watched a few more episodes before posting#i had written a whole thing about how i didnt get why anthy was on CoD because they pull the sword out of *her*#and had an epiphany about how she like. used the black rose duelists as vessels and extracted the student council's swords#but nope! she's straight up pulling the sword out of utena now#the subtitles called the elevator a ''gondola'' and... I Don't Think That's What That Is. Like. At All#also god is akio creepy. viscerally uncomfortable man. i wish to Punt him#is the new ed song about jesus??? a full analysis wouldnt fit here but yknow. dante's paradiso mentioned. also nge is full of jesus so#also! empty motion??? after the primum mobile thing??? that seems important!!! is it referring to the eternal thing? i guess?#from that ooc compilation- touga repeated akio's throbbing engine thing p much verbatim to saionji. something something cycles of abuse#(it WAS an EXTREMELY funny scene though)#huh. not a single man in this show is normal about women. is that a themes thing or#oh wait no. yamada tanaka and suzuki. love those guys. i def didnt have to look up their names what are you talking about#also mamiya i guess but he doesn't count he's dead#was really expecting utena to turn into a car during the saionji duel. like. the whole arena's cars. i know she does it but if not now when
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Pochita is such a good boy 😭
#i can't believe they killed the dog in the first episode#i want him back!!#give me back the dog you sick fucks!!#(i know he's technically not really dead but you know what i mean)#i also know way more f-ed up things are gonna happen in this show#but the dog though!! he was just a little guy#maybe i'm not mentally ready to watch this show rn lol#chainsaw man#s1e1#pochita#em blabbers#anime#screenshots
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Guys rq, if I'm doing an RP with you and I haven't responded yet, please LET ME LIVE MY LIFE. I will get back to you eventually I swear, but repeatedly reaching out about it will not get a response faster. I'm busy with school, I have mountains of work to catch up on, and feeling like responding to an RP is just another *task* I have to do just makes me distance myself from it more. Please give me more slack, I understand it's frustrating, but I am like this with EVERYTHING social atm. I am periodically responding to all rps when I have time and motivation to do so, and I'm even limiting irl things too. Please be patient with me.
#NOT TARGETED#multiple people have been kind of poking me for responses#as well as writing requests on here#like I'm just busy#please have patience#I am working to do these things#but I'm doing a lot of things for a lot of people outside of Tumblr#I appreciate all my requests#I will get to them I promise#like atp I'm always either isolating and working or just isolating and recovering#I'm distant from everyone#you didn't do anything wrong#my mental health is complicated atm too#ED stuff. its complicated#just please don't be reaching out and nudging me if you just want an RP response#I love talking to you all#but that's kind of all I have energy for rn#talking#I have maybe one RP I'm keeping up with daily#kind of#don't be offended please#I am still interested in our rp#I just need a sec#ty for coming to my Ted talk#love all my mutuals#please reach out if you want to#but I am slow to respond#like I'm basically dead a lot of the time#but I do like our interactions#okay I'm done mansplaining
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like it’s VERY very important to not text and drive. and i understand how dangerous it is to do that and to be distracted at all in any way for any amount of time on the road. i know it’s important to learn about these stories and bear witness to them. but i just think. like idk. watching multiple of them every day for 10 days (with a two day break halfway through for the weekend) is realy… like idk. i think after seeing a couple you can get the point. i don’t want to sound dismissive or lackadaisacal and im scared im sounding like that but i just am so freaked out by all of this and witb every new horror they’re showing us it’s scaring me worse.
#purrs#delete later#car accidents tw#death tw#child death tw#ask to tag#drivers ed tag#like this sucks so bad. we go from watching a video about how to drive in the city… to a 10 minute vid of a man talking abt how he hit and#killed 3 kids and it shows a PICTURE OF THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING… and then after the video we immediately start#talking about like. fucking street cleaners and how you have to watch out for them. HOW is the video about the kids being hit and killed#part of the flow of the learning. what purpose does it serve. and it’s like these are REAL PEOPLE who died. real kids who existed. and it#just feels kind of fucked up. maybe it’s more fucked up thst im not following the flow and accepting the weight of it but it’s hard to when#im scared as fuck and just want to not be shown gore videos anymore. and then once we pick up the content again like abt street cleaners and#shit i can’t focus on any content bc i have to wind down from seeing the dead bodies and hearing the letter the parents wrote. like how is t#this helping. maybe it’s landing / more necessary for the 16 year olds but im 24. i am a whole adult. i do not take being alive for granted#i am terrified of death and dying and painfully aware of how fragile human beings are and how easy it is to be in danger. this is not#helping me or sending me a message it’s just making me so scared and terrified to even leave the house and unable to stop thinking about#death or injury lol!!! and i can’t tell them to stop and i can’t quit bc i need my fucking license so i have to just put my head down and#do this but it sucks indescribably. and we also saw one of those trick videos again too that makes you feel stupid bc it tells you to count#the number of lkke. things you see and it turns out i missed a few AND they were like did you notice what was going on in the background snd#i didn’t bc i was too busy counting the fucking things they told us to. i want to SCREAM. this makes me feel so stupid and helpless lolllll#<- as i was typing that we were learning about the chance of survival if you are hit by a car at different speeds! bc that’s relevant 😍😍😍😍😍😍#anyways. my therapist was telling me stuff abt how i need to remember this isn’t targeted for me and i need to regulate my nervous system an#and how to calm down when it triggers me but i forgot everything she said literally 5 hours ago and now im here freaking the fuck out so. 🥰
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see sometimes I try and think about it all more logically. what if it was all happening to a friend. my friend!! you completely forgot to feed your kitten his wet food for five days? you haven't drunk water for a couple of days? you didn't shower or change your clothes for four days? you've only eaten two actual meals in the last two days? your average sleep in the last week is around five hours? my friend, you need help.
since it's me, I don't need help.
#most of it has been genuine forgetfulness/zoning out and 'oh it's 2am'#but like. last night i was lying awake hungry as anything bc all I had was dinner and not a great deal of that. if id been in a house on my#own i would've hopped up and got smth but i couldn't in case of disturbing grandma#(I have since purchased things that I will store near my bed that I can either take out of there#or leave them there for any such emergencies. if you call them emergencies. sometimes if i can't handle eating normally if i can't see what#im eating i can manage that - makes it less real somehow.)#honestly tho i am shocked by how immediately all my carefully created routines have fallen apart tbh#should i talk to my lecturer at uni who does the 12-2 class? to check she's ok with me eating in class? bc otherwise i will likely not eat#anything before dinnertime. probably skip breakfast#i don't know. i don't know anything. i love my course i love it so much and i don't know how i'll handle it#but i don't think i'd handle not doing it#idk im just so tired man#depression does a number on you frfr#okay that's it im turning on the heater finding some music and doing a lil dance. see if i feel better. maybe try a bit of hot water with#ginger or smth livening in it. i do want to try that. something to wake you up. ive been in a dead depressed limbo for five hours straight#and done nothing of use#tw ed#good news tho i find my anxiousness overall reduces the more depressed i am xD idk why lol#personal#puddleglum hours
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.
#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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