#but all I want for them post season 2 is learning how to be gentle with th each other
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sensationseekng · 1 year ago
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izzy as the eight of cups - giving up and moving on, courage and loss, letting go of friends, lovers, and old ways of being
(that's the inn in the distance)
eight of cups description from Little Red Tarot:
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bwat5-blog · 22 days ago
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Pivotal moments for Caitlyn Kirraman
**Spoilers for all of Arcane**
Much Like Vi I wanted to do a run-down of the moments for Caitlyn's character I see as showing us who she is/having the biggest impact for her character. As always I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these as well all celebrate these amazing characters and story. I feel Caitlyn's arc was massively under-appreciated in season 2 by the fandom and hope this lends itself to backing that up.
*Side Note- I'm doing these in order in her life not necessarily how we see them in the show*
Helping Jayce:
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We are not granted a lot of time with young Caitlyn when compared to say, Vi or Jinx, which makes sense of course given the focus of the story. However, what we are given perfectly demonstrate the bedrock of who we come to know. She is shown as bright and curious and eager, helping him carry supplies to the lab. She is also shown even at a young age standing up for Jayce to her parents, sitting out in the rain to speak with him, and as shown above, identifying herself as a misfit. Now on the surface its easy to say she falls into the "rich kid who doesn't belong" trope. But as we come to know her she is truly so much more than that.
Who Do You Shoot For?:
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Building on Caitlyn's compassion and defiance in the face of the system she is born into, we have her shooting competition with Grayson. First of all we just get a glimpse into the tough, skilled marksman she will become. But going deeper, we have her interaction with Grayson at the party. Once again she demonstrates that ever-so-polite defiance, humorously confronting the sheriff of Piltover for letting her win. But its their conversation after that's important. The sheriff tells her being skilled with her rife means protecting people, and Caitlyn must decide who she is shooting for. I would liken this to Vi's lessons with Vander. Because while we see Caitlyn go through so much pain and darkness, ultimately when she finds her way back who is she? A leader will go toe-to-toe with anyone for those she wants to protect. For those she shoots for.
The Airship incident:
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This our first real moment with Caitlyn as a character and it tells us several important things about her. Leading up to it, we learn her parents disapprove of her being an enforcer, and manipulated her posting to keep her close by for which she is resentful. This is not surprising, as we come to learn her genuine drive to help and make a difference. She goes to investigate the airship alone. We see her detective's mind at work for the first time, playing out the incident. We then see her interaction with a massive, tattooed undercity criminal who is wounded. She is kind, gentle and respectful despite her role as an enforcer. Furthermore, when Marcus confronts her, he says she's interfering AGAIN. Caitlyn may be naïve and sheltered when we meet her, but she is not PLAYING at being an enforcer. She wants to help, and is actively trying to figure out what's going on in the undercity, apparently long before she even meets Vi.
The Hexgem theft:
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This marks Caitlyn's first interaction with Jinx, which could not be more important to her Arc. Her very first impression of the woman she could never have known would impact her life so greatly, is a manic terrorist who lights a building on fire and fakes that a child is trapped inside before setting off bombs that kill multiple of Caitlyn's peers. Also of note, although not unexpected with what we have seen from her so far is that she rushes in to help and is the first one to notice the danger despite being a rookie enforcer.
Meeting Vi:
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Meeting and freeing Vi is Caitlyn first step into the wider world around her and has immeasurable impact on her character. Her love story with Vi aside (I love it to, its just I could write pages on them alone and I am trying to cover all of her arc in this post haha) we also see her head strong, determined nature in this moment. Remember, she has already been reprimanded for unauthorized investigations into Silco and the undercity. We have been told she has a history of this. When Jayce goes to see her after the explosion she is still investigating, and now she fakes Jayce's authorization to free a woman she doesn't know in order to chase her lead. SHE. WILL. NOT. QUIT. Sound like she may be a good fit for a certain head strong boxer who lacks patience but is always honest? Anyway, the other thing we see here that is a small moment and not unexpected given what we have seen from her, is her disgust and discomfort over how the prison has treated Vi.
Saving Vi Part 1:
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Vi is almost certainly about to be killed when Caitlyn intervenes. She accurately strikes Sevika multiple times with her rifle and is controlled and calm. At a first glance her accuracy and skill are plenty commendable. She hits the same spot with accuracy, lands with clear athleticism to join Vi, is calm, collected, confidant and restrained enough not to Kill Sevika. As soon as the threat is passed she tends to her wounded ally. Now here's the thing. I didn't do a bullet point for it, but consider Caitlyn's behavior following Vi down into the lanes. Part of it is of course that it was unfamiliar and shocking when vi took off, and Caitlyn just wasn't used to that sort of thing. But she was kind of adorably clumsy and unsure. She never really moves with confidence and strength, until of course she pulls our a rifle and starts blasting a woman who just stabbed her new friend with pint point accuracy three times. The moment someone's life is at risk Caitlyn shows us this entirely new side of herself. Perhaps the side of her that will someday lead the front lines in the battle of Piltover?
Saving Vi part two:
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n Caitlyn's continuing efforts to save Vi we delve deeper into what we have already seen from her. At the very basic level, she barely knows Vi. Yes of course we are seeing the beginnings of their feelings for each-other. But that aside she is a young woman in her early twenties. She has followed this woman she barely knows into this very dangerous place, saved her from being killed, followed her even deeper while caring for her, and now she follows a shimmer mutated Huck to the "Doctor" to save Vi. I went to Netflix and counted while writing this. It takes no more than ten seconds for her to surrender her prized rifle that is likely custom made for her and she clearly loves, all to save Vi's life. She then hugs the grotesquely mutated Huck out of gratitude after being kind to him, and showing him respect for his help. She does not shy away, is not disgusted. And in fact she lunges for the hug. This ties to her conversation with Vi during this ordeal before she gives up her rifle. In which she is speaking on her belief that Zaunites and Topsiders are all just people. She does not see them as different.
The Firelights:
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To me this is a massively important point for Caitlyn for a few reasons.
Caitlyn & Vi: They start off bickering. Blaming each other for what they have played close to the vest. But as soon as Vi is taken away what does Caitlyn do? She is concerned and afraid for her. And when she sees Ekko she demands Vi be released and offers herself instead.
in General: She speaks to her desire to see an end to the killing. Its clear she hasn't known how bad things actually are with the enforcers and the undercity, and is understandably resistant at first. But after only a few moments, she acknowledges Ekko would be within his rights to keep the gemstone but "The Cycle of Violence Will Never Stop" (sound familiar?). She quickly agrees to let Ekko be the one to give the stone to the council, still believing in peace and trying to play a part in making it happen.
**Side note: I didn't do a whole point on it because it's really about Vi and Jinx. But we need to make note that before this Caitlyn has her second interaction with Jinx in which Jinx shows herself to be paranoid, unstable and violent**
The Bridge:
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The attack on the bridge is immensely impactful on Caitlyn's character and what I like to think of as the true beginning of Caitlyn's destabilization, leading to her descent into the dark. Thus far, we have watched this extraordinary young woman weather some truly insane events when you consider the life she has lead until now. Even still, she has remained poised, brave, respectful and open. Of course she has heard talk about brutality of her people toward the undercity. She has admitted it was wrong and wants to see things made right. But that is very different than the highest member of her organization shooting her new friend in the chest and getting ready to kill her. Its a sudden and violent in-the-moment thrusting of reality upon her that she has no choice but to believe. Furthermore, we mark her next interaction with Jinx, who has now almost killed her a third time, as well as almost killing Vi and they believe having killed Ekko and who knows how many enforcers.
Testifying To The Council:
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So I know I am repeating myself some here. But that is intentional. The show is driving home for us that Caitlyn is truly a good person. Everything she has been through up until now with Vi is intense, scary, and destabilizing. She and Vi have very real feelings for each other and we end this section with very sad moment in which it seems hopeless for them. But its leading up to that I want to discuss. Caitlyn stands before the council of Piltover. The richest and most powerful people in her immediate world. With her mother on the council it feels reasonable to assume she knows these people. They probably have watched her grow up. And yet in her early twenties after earning the knowledge the hard way what does she do? She stands before them and calls them out for their failures. Including herself in that. She takes a stand against the neglect by Piltover that made the people of the undercity vulnerable to dangerous criminals. She commends Vi for putting herself at risk in helping Caitlyn, and never throws Vi under the bus as Jinx's older sister. And when Vi gets upset and leaves Caitlyn tries to get her to stay still insisting their must be a way.
Abduction From Home/Dinner Party:
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In her next interaction with Jinx, Caitlyn is taken from the safety of her own home, and held hostage until Jinx initiates her dinner party with Vi. The events of the dinner party set the stage for the next chapter of the story dramatically affecting every character we meet, and Caitlyn is no exception. As this is the end of season 1, a brief refresher of who we have come to know up until this point is in order:
Clever, bright and loyal young girl who will defy convention to stand up for those she loves
Tenacious and dedicated teenage girl who doesn't want to earn her victories and is pondering things like who she is shooting for
Dedicated rookie enforcer who will not be deterred from investigating wrong doing and corruption no matter the cost
Open minded and trusting young woman in her early twenties who saves someone she barely knows life, even at the cost of her prized weapon and her own safety multiple times
Displays her desire to see peace with the undercity multiple times and verbally equates the undercity and topsiders in terms of humanity going against the classist behavior of characters like Marcus for example.
Treats Vi with tenderness, loyalty and trust even before they really get to know each-other.
Now. The reason I ran that down again is because THAT young woman in her early twenties is the person you see in the GIF above you. Jinx has now tried to kill her repeatedly. Killed her fellow enforcers. Tried to kill the woman she is having feelings for, even though that woman is her sister. Has abducted her from her bathroom naked, and now has her here. She looks utterly and completely terrified and I don't blame her. And to top it all off, after hesitating to take a shot at Jinx due to her feelings for Vi, Caitlyn is knocked out violently and THEN HAS TO WATCH JINX KILL HER MOTHER.
RETURN TO PILTOVER:
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Caitlyn and Vi return to the upper city in the wake of immense tragedy and we see Caitlyn trying to hold it all together. Her whole world has gone black & White except for Violet(s). She is trying so hard to keep it together but already we can see the cracks forming. Even with all that has happened she maintains her testimony of Jinx being the only issue which is instrumental in preventing more violent Piltover retaliation. But we must also recognize her (totally understandable just jarring) desire to end Jinx's laugh forever, Mel's comments to Jayce regarding Caitlyn hiding it well but being in "So Much Pain", and Caitlyn asking Vi to put on the uniform of an Enforcer, when she knows Vi's history. Caitlyn is suffering and trying to hard to hold things together.
The Memorial Attack:
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Caitlyn is drowning in grief. Her relationship with Vi is tenuous. She is expected to rise to meet her mothers role in city. She is holding on for dear life to her ideals and perceptions of reality that have shaped her as a person. Now the attack on the memorial is incredible as a fan for many reasons. But for Caitlyn we need to keep two things in mind as we move forward that at extremely impactful in understanding her:
There is no reason to think she and the others would not assume that Jinx had ordered this attack, or at the very least assisted in some way. The last they saw of Vi's sister she had just struck at the very heart of Piltover's government and its entirely reasonable to assume this attack is an extension of that. So I think its fair to say we can consider this Caitlyn's next interaction with Jinx even if its all mental.
Up until now, Caitlyn has never used any broad-stroke negativity toward the people of the undercity. She has addressed individuals, or perhaps a specific group of people in the undercity such as Silco's goons. But never called them Trenchers, Sump rats or any of that other stuff. Here in her rage, we see her refer to the people who attacked as Animals. Now in the moment, its entirely reasonable when pertaining to the attackers. But it is a noticable shift in her that tells us she is already (quite understandably) being swallowed by what happened.
The Strike Team:
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Caitlyn leading the strike team into Zaun and utilizing the grey has been the source of much controversy. Its a clear escalation in her willingness to do violence against the undercity but when you consider everything we have talked about its hardly a shock. However, this show does a good job of letting us know Caitlyn is not totally lost to her pain. All we have to do is think critically:
While the use of the grey is extremely dark and absolutely morally questionable, the fandom's decision to portray it as mustard gas/sarin/pick your lethal poison is nonsense. We have seen multiple characters exposed to it multiple times and live. Its debilitating in the moment and uncomfortable and I'm sure is unhealthy over long exposure. Its tear gas.
Caitlyn's small targeted force is the alternative to full-scale invasion with hex tech armed enforcers. As I have said in various posts, by this point in the story Piltover retaliating is not an if. its a when and how bad. Caitlyns plan is the only reason an army of Enforcers does not march into the undercity at this point.
All that to say this. While she is clearly heading down a dark path, excising the hyperbole of the fan-base determined to demonize her and taking into account the whole of the circumstances surrounding this part of the story we are shown Caitlyn is still in there. But she is losing the fight with her inner-demons.
The Kiss:
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We all cheered here. I did. You know you did. But I think we all knew the heartbreaking truth here as well. It was far too late for her to keep her promise to Vi. And in truth, it wasn't a fair thing for Vi to ask (BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME- Vi is my favorite character, and I have written extensively in her defense against the absolutely inane criticisms people have been levelling at her character). It's not Vi's fault, she has lost everyone she loves and is terrified watching the last person she has left be warped by the darkness in their lives. But when you consider the totality of paradigm-shifting suffering Caitlyn has endured since meeting Vi, I don't know how anyone couldn't change.
I have seen people say that Caitlyn was wrong to promise Vi. Wrong to kiss her in this moment. Those people are holding these characters to unreasonable standards in the extreme. We are seeing Caitlyn trying for the woman she loves. She sees the vulnerability and fear in Vi, the woman she loves so much, who she has been through so much with (and who has donned the Enforcer uniform for her) and of course she has a surge of love and a desire to comfort Vi. The love and tenderness is undeniable. But when you take in the context of the situation, It feels like we are waiting for the floor to fall out from under us. AND BOY DOES IT.
The Battle/The Break up/The Rise of the Commander:
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I group these together because really its the transition of Caitlyn as we know her into "The Commander". This whole section is in a word, heartbreaking. We see Caitlyn fighting tooth and nail against Sevika, she likely saves Vi's life as it seems like Isha's gun was going to go off (whether the child meant it to or not), and Vi stops Caitlyn from taking the shot. Leading to Caitlyn lashing out in the worst way, telling Vi she is no different than the woman who killed Caitlyn's mother (AKA the version of Vi's sister Caitlyn knows Vi carries immense guilt over) and ending her status as the only enforcer never to abuse Vi, leaving her holding her stomach and crying on the floor while Caitlyn abandons her. We then see Caitlyn chosen as the commander, taking her place by Ambessa's side, becoming someone who would betray everything she used to stand for .
Its easy to look at this, and feel anger at Caitlyn. Especially as someone who has always connected with Vi's character and as someone who really loves their love story it leaves you feeling violated. But that's the thing, it should. We are not watching Caitlyn choose power out of a desire to destroy her enemies or because she thinks she deserves it. We are watching the tragic culmination of this brave, compassionate, brilliant and tenacious young woman being swallowed by the darkness. What's the line from Hamilton? "There are moments when your in so deep, it feels easier to just swim down". She has lost her mother, her sense of safety, her belief in the system of law and order she has lived her whole life by, and now the woman she loves. And in swoops Ambessa, a warlord. A woman renowned for her cleverness and manipulation. She takes this vulnerable, grieving, isolated and angry young woman and tells her she will get her justice. Caitlyn never had a chance.
**A small pause to discuss grief and peoples absolutely insane take on Caitlyn's handling of hers**
I am going to take a second here before we move on because due to the rushed pacing of season 2 Caitlyn doesn't get the detail she should have after this point, and because the discussion of her loss and grief is essential in understanding how this all happened. This is one of those things I have written about before but peoples dogmatic opposition to media literacy continues so here we go! "Ku Klux Kirraman!", "Oh the people of the undercity live in constant pain and death but Caitlyn loses a single family member and starts gassing kids?!"
To put it simply my friends. Grief is not a contest. Yes, of course the people growing up in the undercity have a much better understanding of death and grief than Caitlyn. up until the events of this story, she has lived a life of peace, and privilege, and comfort . And that's not a bad thing. ideally all children would know such a life if we could work our will upon the world right? But what it means for her is that when she does experience that loss, to say nothing of it being at the hands of a woman who has tried to kill her repeatedly, tried to kill the woman she loves, killed her peers, and abducted her naked from her own bathroom, Caitlyn's entire world is shifted. I have mentioned multiple times during this whole thing. She is only in her early twenties. That is so young.. so fucking young to have your world shift SO VIOLENTLY in such a short time. And in the standard incredible fashion of this show, they have addressed this concept already. Remember this?
Vi is angry at Jayce for bowing out due to the under city child's death. And for her, for the way she grew up she is totally justified in feeling that way. She grew up surrounded by death. But its just too much for Jayce.
I sincerely hope all of you reading this never have to cope with the loss of a loved one but we all know that's not reality. So if you are one of the people demonizing Caitlyn for what happens here because Zaunites have it worse I'll ask you this. The last time you lost someone, did you chastise yourself because someone somewhere has it worse? No. Because that's unreasonable, illogical, and would be a cruel standard to hold yourself to. Grief is achingly, agonizingly personal to each of us. And while it does not justify Caitlyn's actions, you are simply blind folding yourself to the humanity of this character by ignoring it
Months as the Commander:
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As I said unfortunately we don't get to see a lot of Caitlyn "as the commander" but we do learn some things. There are check-points in Zaun, they are imprisoning people, and under the oppressions she has allowed to flourish the Noxians are able to do things like violently arrest people for having a non-violent rally in the Undercity itself. THINGS ARE NOT GREAT. But there some things of note I want to discuss in understanding Caitlyn's state of mind during this time:
The top GIF is not long enough but watching the scene you can see how distant Caitlyn is, how cold. She is not a "happy-go-lucky" facist gleefully imposing her will. We are actively watching someone in so much pain and so buried by her mistakes she doesn't know how to find her way out.
2. All is not lost however. She discusses her issues with the Noxians behavior, she openly questions Ambessa, she has forbidden the use of the cells where she found the love of her life, and despite her mentor's glee over the opportunity to utilize Singed and his knowledge. Caitlyn knows him for what he is, a monster.
Reunited With Vi:
The pacing just takes off at a dead sprint once Vi and Caitlyn find each other so I will touch briefly on the various points I want to for this section. I will say this, I know we all have feelings on how they handled Vi and Caitlyn's reconciliation. I am of the opinion that it was justified by what they showed us completely, but it was still rushed. Like they got the right answer on the math question but only shared the basics of every step to solving it if that makes sense.
Saving Vander
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Vi and Caitlyn have this first interaction after so long and its so clear they have both changed so much. But what matters is this. Even after everything Caitlyn has done, Vi trusts her with the truth (Because Vi refuses to give up on those she loves), and Caitlyn immediately is on board. This happens so quickly and we only see them discuss it a little, but we need to think about what this means. Caitlyn finds out the "Weapon" is Vi's dad, and she is ready to turn on Ambessa, the enforcers with her, and the whole system. All for the woman she loves
2. The Battle of the Commune:
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So I couldn't find a good GIF for it but even before this moment while Caitlyn is angry when she sees Jinx she doesn't make a move toward her. Then we hit this moment here. If you flash back to the battle that ended in Caitlyn breaking Vi's heart, Caitlyn wanted to take a shot that very likely could have killed a child if it meant hurting jinx. Now Jinx is running with her back to Caitlyn and ALL she cares about is getting to Vi
3. Taking Accountability:
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We find out in this confrontation that although Jinx is in jail, it is because she surrendered. Not because Caitlyn ordered it. We also have a few key examples of Caitlyn owning what she has done:
"I KNOW!"- when confronted by Vi over letting Ambessa poison her heart
"We can't erase our mistakes"- She doesn't say "Jinx" can't take back her mistakes. She says "We" and "Our". She is clearly remorseful.
This rolls directly into her conversation with Jinx in which we see even more that Caitlyn knows what she has done:
"No good deed can erase OUR crimes"- Once again holding herself to the same standard as the woman who killed her mother. Holding herself accountable
"I've hated myself"- This could literally not be more clear
*On Cait and Jinx*: I've touched on this before but the parallels between these two are phenomenal. Broken, vulnerable, isolated grieving young women taken in by older, cleverer mentors with their own agendas but who care about them directing their pain for their own purposes. They then both have to learn to end the cycle, or the killing will never stop. Damn this show is so good.
Freeing Jinx:
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Caitlyn made a lot of mistakes. That's not a secret. There were reasons as I and many and others have explained. But in this moment, she has intentionally paved the way for the woman she loves, to free her little sister from Jail. This comes after Cait admitting she doesn't want to hate Jinx any more. The cycle has to end. And Caitlyn admitting she has made mistakes, she has hated herself, she has lost herself to the darkness she now knows she has inside as well. And on top of that, she is here showing Vi that Vi is not alone, that Vi is loved, and that she knows Vi so well she knew what she would do and tried to help. its beautiful, its heartwarming, and after watching who Caitlyn was be shattered into pieces, we are now seeing her re-forged, stronger and more beautiful.
Commander Indeed:
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Here we have Caitlyn becoming the commander she should have been. I believe I saw a post that one of the voice actors of the show suggested Caitlyn did nothing during the final battle and got her happy ending. Lets recap shall we:
Leads her troops from the front
Tries to take out Ambessa early and spare bloodshed
We have the bad-ass scene of her fighting with the mask taking out multiple soldiers
Even with a rifle at the back of her head she disables Maddie and tries to take out Ambessa
With a knife in her side and exhausted and scared she challenges A WARLORD OF NOXUS to a fight. "Shut Up and Fight!"
Sacrifices her own eye to take Ambessa out of the fight.
This is all pretty clear cut but I mean god damn. Her character evolution is absolutely staggering.
The End:
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Caitlyn ends her story (for now anyway.. looking at your Riot) with the woman she loves. She has surrendered her spot on the Council to Sevika officially granting the undercity a place at the table. And we see her pondering the hex-gate ventilation system, perhaps giving us some hope that Jinx will return as well. I totally understand there are things people wanted to see with Caitlyn that we didn't get to see. But all we can control is what we were given. And when you look at the story of Caitlyn Kiramman, Born in wealth and privilege but with dreams of helping people, to being swallowed by grief, to finding common ground with the woman who took her mother from her, to rising as a leader who doesn't ask her people to fight when she won't and who willingly sacrifices herself for those who look follow her, I'd say she has one hell of an arc. I hope I did her some justice. This actually ended up being longer than i planned but man the more I think about her the more in-depth her story gets. I appreciate all of you.
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ladykailitha · 1 month ago
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Of Butterflies and Backstrokes Part 13
It's a race to the finish line as we are nearing the end. I am quite proud of this little story. I started posting the weekend the Olympics ended and continued until almost Thanksgiving!
The final two chapters will come out tomorrow and Friday.
In this we have Steve learning progress is not a straight line, Dr. Hughes is brilliant, and Eddie's dreams come true.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12
~
The year just flew by, with Steve and Eddie working in the off season. Andy and Haley called them crazy.
“You’ll only burn him out,” Haley said, “then he won’t make it to the trials, let alone the Olympics, Steve.”
“I know you think this gung ho approach is going to do the job,” Andy agreed, “but it’s just not sustainable. You’ll wear him out before it’s competition time again.”
Steve looked back and forth between them in open mouthed shock. “You guys honestly think I would take advice from Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? Fuck off.”
They were flabbergasted that he would speak to them that way, as if they hadn’t spent the last year mocking both Eddie and Steve’s progress in the pool.
Steve just shook his head and walked away. He was doing much better now. He could get in the pool up to his waist and duck under the lane divisions, but he couldn’t put his head under the water. He had even tried kneeling into it, but he had jumped out of the water so fast, he left a huge wake behind him.
It took him two more weeks after that to even put his toe in the water again.
He had never been so disappointed in himself. Not for him. Oh no. But for the look of pity on Eddie’s face when he turned around after having booked it to the lifeguard tower.
Dr. Hughes had admonished Steve for feeling that way. “Your recovery is not predicated on how Eddie feels about it. And I highly doubt it was pity, Steve. You know Eddie better than that. He was concerned for you. As I’m sure Robin was too.”
Steve was forced to acknowledge that he just wanted Eddie to be proud of his progress.
“Steve,” Dr. Hughes said gently, “we’re all proud of your progress. You can go into the water all the way up to your chest. That is a long way from freaking out over putting your foot in the water.”
He took a deep breath and let the words of encouragement slide over him like waves in the ocean. Oh how he wished the pool was just the ocean. Dark, fathomless and deep. Unknowable and therefore conquerable.
He explained the feeling to Dr. Hughes.
“The ocean doesn’t bother you?” he asked tilting his head to the side.
Steve frowned for a moment and then shook his head. “It’s not clear like pool water. I can’t see the bottom and know how far it is for me to drown.”
“Oh.”
A smile spread over Dr. Hughes face. “I’ve got the best idea.”
~
“What are these?” Steve said pulling out the weird goggles.
“They’re for tanning booths,” Eddie explained with a grin. “They’re so you can’t see.”
Steve frowned at them for a moment. “What am I not supposed to see?”
Eddie just continued to grin without saying a word. He put them over Steve’s eyes and led him through the halls. As they did, Steve started to hear waves crashing and the sound of gentle breeze.
“What the hell?” he asked, but Eddie continued to lead him on without a word.
He led Steve to the edge of something and that’s when he spoke.
“Just dive in,” he murmured. “It’s okay, we’re here for you.”
Steve was about to ask who else was there, but it didn’t matter. He trusted Eddie not have anyone there that would make fun of him. So he dived into the water and just swam. It felt so good to just let himself go. To just swim properly for the first time since the accident.
Then he touched a wall. He let his body sink and hit solid floor. The water only came up to his chest. But there was no way they would have let him dive in the endless pool or the kiddie pool.
He tore off the goggles and looked around. He was on the other side of the pool from the door.
“What the–”
On the side of the pool were Robin, Eddie, and surprisingly Dr. Hughes. Dr. Hughes was sitting in one of the folding chairs Steve often sat in during staff swims, Robin was standing next to him with her phone held out, and Eddie was crouched by the edge in case Steve panicked and needed to pulled out of the pool quickly.
He let out a startled laugh, pushing his hair out of his face. “That was amazing!”
“You did it, pretty boy!” Eddie shouted. “You swam in the big pool.”
The sound of the waves and wind cut out and Robin put away her phone with a grin.
He waded over to the edge of the pool to where Eddie was crouched. “So I did. Was this your idea, Dr. Hughes?” he asked, looking around Eddie to the seated man.
He smiled fondly. “It was. We’ll slowly build you up to not needing the sound, then not needing the goggles. The brain for all its complexities can be easily tricked.”
Steve laughed out right. “That’s brilliant!” His smile turned into a grin as he looked up at Eddie.
“Uh oh...”
But before he could get out of arms reach, Steve grabbed him by the arm and yanked him into the water. Laughing and splashing around.
Robin turned to Dr. Hughes and murmured, “Thank you. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”
“It’s my pleasure,” Dr. Hughes said. “He really wants to get better. To overcome his fears and that makes him...hmm...I’m not sure easier would be the right word. More teachable, perhaps.”
“Despite all his dad’s faults and trust me he had many,” Robin said solemnly watching her best friend, “Clint could tell Steve loved the water. Like really loved the water and he did everything he could to make that happen for Steve. It’s just too bad the bastard got so wrapped up in winning he forgot that.”
Dr. Hughes nodded. Steve was happiest in the water and if he could help him get that back even just a little, then Dr. Hughes considered it a success.
~
The Olympic trials had finally arrived and Steve was nervous as hell. Not only because Eddie was going against Jason Carver to be on the team and Billy being there, but because Bob Newby. He was one of the best and he was worried Eddie wouldn’t live up to his exacting standards.
Thankfully Bob came over right before the meet started to chat.
“I’ve been hearing some really good things about your boy, Eddie,” Bob said after they exchanged pleasantries.
Steve grinned. “He’s good, Bob. Like proper talented, good.”
“I can’t wait to see him,” he replied with a nod. “I was hoping to see another name on this roster, was a little sad you weren’t on it.”
Steve blushed. “If I felt better about that damn pool behind you, I probably would have. But I just can’t. Not right now.”
Bob gave his elbow a squeeze. “I feel that. I’m just glad that they offered the coach position to me first. Their second choice was Billy fucking Hargrove.”
Steve leaned his head forward in surprise and disgust. “Are you kidding me? He barely medalled, why would they want him?”
“I don’t know,” Bob said, shaking his head. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Bribery. That would be the only reason for it. Straight up Olympic bribery, like fucking Salt Lake City didn’t blow the cover on that particular can of worms.
“Well, it’s good to see you again,” Steve said. “I’ve got go get my boy ready.”
“We’ll talk more after the meet,” Bob said.
Robin walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “Eddie is going to do just fine.”
Jason, who had been walking by, scoffed. “Your boy is throwing up chunks in the locker rooms.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “Like your beloved coach wasn’t doing the same thing at the last Olympic trials and he still made it. So fuck off.” He waved his hands at Jason, who stomped off with a scowl.
Robin smirked. “He was throwing up because someone told him one of the other athletes was gay.”
Steve smirked back. “I’ll just go check in on Eddie. I’ll be right back.”
He walked into the looker room and everyone started pointing out the direction of the hurling. They knew who Steve was and they sure as hell knew who he was coaching this year.
“Eds?” Steve murmured walking up to the stall.
“Fuck man,” Eddie murmured. “Me and my band play to actual fucking crowds and I’ve never been this nervous before.”
“That’s because you’ve never had the chance to be seen on the world stage before,” Steve said soothingly. “I think you’d be throwing up before a performance if you were told that there was a talent scout in the audience who if they liked your stuff would be giving you a contract.”
Eddie stopped to consider that. “Oh yeah. Okay. I see your point.” He stood up and opened the door to the stall. “You gotta level with me coach, am I good enough?”
Steve took his head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “You are. You are one of the best swimmers I’ve ever seen and you have got this in the bag.”
Eddie gripped Steve’s wrists and nodded. “I’ve got this.”
He opened his eyes and saw how close they were. It would take absolutely nothing to press their lips together. Just tilt his head up.
Then a locker door slammed Steve jumped back, dropping his hands from Eddie’s face. His own face was burning.
“Steve...” Eddie murmured, holding out his hand to him. “It’s okay.”
“I want to so bad,” Steve muttered back. “But I’m coach, I can’t.”
Eddie smiled. “If I make it to the Olympics, you won’t be. Bob will. So just think about that for a moment.”
Steve huffed out a laugh. “You’re a menace, Eddie Munson.”
“You love it,” Eddie said, leaning into his space.
Steve playfully pushed him off. “Go blow away all the judges, rockstar.”
Eddie saluted and led the way out of the locker rooms, out to the pool, a fond Steve following behind.
~
The stands were stacked to the gills of all their friends and family. Max wasn’t trying out for the Olympics this year, opting to wait until she was older before she tried out. Steve and Susan were very proud of her making that decision for herself. She would be sixteen next time and they, and Robin thought it would the best for her.
It was going to be a crazy week. Having over a thousand athletes all vying for the same fifty spots. And a lot of those spots would be filled by the same people across the board.
Steve wasn’t sure what was worse: for first and watching everyone else beat your time or go last and be forced to watch all the amazing athletes go before you. Well Eddie was about to find out.
He was in the first heat on the first day for his first event and most of his heats were also on day one. Which thankfully, Jason was not. Jason was in the middle of the week and had been complaining about it to everyone who would listen longer than five minutes.
Chrissy Cunningham was at the end of the week. The first heat on the last day.
Steve gave Eddie’s shoulder a squeeze.
“Show the country who’s the best, Eddie,” he murmured. His hand slid down Eddie’s arm and he gave his hand a squeeze too.
Eddie smiled brightly and then tucked his hair under his cap. He padded over to his podium and started warming up his limbs. The whistle blew and he pulled down his goggles and got up on the podium. He crouched on it backward, still as can be, waiting for that shot.
BANG!
And Eddie arced into the pool backward, the strong lines of his body sending butterflies to the base of his rib cage and his heart rate rabbited.
Eddie was beautiful. There was no denying that. The last two years had taken him from a scrawny teen to a whipcord strength. His tattoos were beautifully on display and Steve let out a shuddering breath.
Robin took his hand and they watched as Eddie cut threw the water like a hot knife through butter. He was exquisite.
It was nerve-wracking every time he went into the water, but every time Eddie emerged from the water in the top three if not the top spot.
They watched and waited the whole week as others did the same.
When the results were tallied up at the end of the week, Eddie, Jason, and Chrissy were all going to the Olympics in London.
Eddie came bounding up to Steve. “Better get packing for London, pretty boy. I’m going to the Olympics!”
Steve laughed as he spun them around. “All right, all right!” he cried, laughing. “I’ll come watch you compete!”
“Yay!”
Steve let out a shuddering breath. He wasn’t sure if he could handle going to the Olympics and watching other people live his dream. But he’d do it. He’d do it for Eddie.
He’d do anything for Eddie.
~
Part 14 Part 15
Tag List: CLOSED
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fabuloustrash05 · 1 year ago
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Why I Love 2012 Raphael
A TMNT 2012 Character Appreciation/Character Analysis Post
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If you know me or follow me here or on Instagram then you know that my favorite Ninja Turtle is Raphael. More specifically, Raphael from the TMNT 2012 series. Nowadays, this version of Raph gets a lot of unfair hate from fans (new and old), which I find to be ridiculous. So I decided to show this turtle in red some love and express my reasons as to why I love 2012 Raphael. 
To start, I wanna give some love and appreciation to Raphael’s voice actor, Sean Astin. His voice was perfect for the role. I feel so many other Raphael voices try too hard to make him sound manly and more of a giant muscular brute, often forgetting that he is just a teenage boy. Sean does a good job making Raph sound tough when needed, but still making him sound like he is a teenager. He does a great job balancing Raph’s rude attitude but also his gentle and sweet side as well. Also he nailed those girlish screams! XD I feel voice actors nowadays don’t get a lot of recognition, so I wanted to show my appreciation here.
The biggest thing I love about Raphael is his development in the show. I’d argue he had the most/best character development among the four Turtles. We all know how he is in the beginning of the series, being rude, hotheaded, constantly picking fights with Leo and other characters. The show makes it obvious that Raph in S1-2 is scared of his own emotions and feelings, the only time he truly opens up and expresses himself is when he talks to his pet turtle, Spike. The best way I can describe Raph’s character is that he is the “tough guy with a heart of gold” trope. I believe one of the show’s producers, Ciro Neili, even confirmed that was their intention when creating Raph’s character for the show. Raph is a brute, a hothead, but deep down he's a big softie. A lot of Raphael haters seem to forget or ignore that fact about his character. Yes, he is mostly known throughout the fandom to be the hothead, he is the muscle of the group, but he is also the protector. Raph knows that, so if he comes off as weak, then he loses that title. Deep down Raph, and the people around him, know that he is a big softy who loves and cares for others, but he keeps up this tough guy persona in order to protect and seem strong for the ones he loves most. 
As the series goes on Raph learns to open up to others, he grows to respect Leo as a leader and seems to control his temper way more by Season 5. On rewatch I notice in S4-5, Raph only ever gets mad for valid/understandable reasons, mainly when someone is hurting/threatening his loved ones. How did this happen? I believe Raph’s development started when he lost Spike in season 2.
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Slash and Destroy is one of my favorite Raphael focused episodes and I will stand by and say that this episode was the beginning of Raph’s character development. In the episode, Raph’s pet Spike gets mutated and becomes Slash, targeting and attacking Raph’s brothers. As a reminder, up to this episode, the only person Raph could express his true feelings to was Spike. Everytime Raph ranted negatively about his brothers, Spike was there to hear it, causing him to have a negative view on Leo, Donnie and Mikey. Slash shows pure hatred for the brothers, especially Leo. After brutally attacking Leo, Slash smiles and says “Been looking forward to that for a long time.” The mutagen warped Slash’s brain, making him go crazy and viciously attack Raph’s brothers because like Raph said earlier in the episode, he doesn’t need them. Raph gets a visual representation of his words and negative thoughts towards his brothers in action through Slash. Slash’s purpose in this episode is to represent all of Raph’s anger and frustration he’s had for his brothers over the years based on what he told Spike. By the end of the episode, Splinter comforts Raph and suggests that he should “focus on the friends he has in the present''. For all of Raph’s life, he trusted and relied only on Spike, but Spike is now gone, so Splinter indirectly advises his son that it is time to trust and rely on others, to not bottle up his emotions, advice that Raph takes.
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As the show goes on, Raph slowly progresses, opening up more to others, which will eventually lead to him having two great things in his life come season 4 (but we’ll talk about them later).
Casey was another part of Raph’s development that some fans don’t notice. Donnie makes a comment that Casey being around is like having two Raphaels. While Raph and Casey become best friends because of their similar personalities, Casey is also a reflection of Raph. When around Casey, Raph has to be the level headed one, the responsible one. He criticizes Casey for not being stealthy like a ninja in the S2 episode Newtralized and not planning ahead in the fight (remind you of anyone? *cough* Leo *cough*). When they first meet, Raph gives Casey the same exact advice his father gave him earlier in the episode that “anger is a dangerous alley”. Casey is a more reckless version of Raph, something Raph unknowingly sees and tries to help and protect, he has to be the mature one in their dynamic, opposite to when he’s teamed up with Leo and gets to be the rebel again. It’s like he’s getting a taste of his own medicine.
Not to mention, Raph met Casey after he lost Spike, having a new friend he can rely on. Later on in the episode Newtralized, after meeting Slash, Casey says, “Is that your old pet turtle? The one who got mutated?”. This little piece of dialogue is so important to Raph’s character but it sadly goes over a lot of people’s heads. It indirectly tells us that off screen, Raph has opened up to Casey and told him about a traumatic and hard time in his life. Progress that we will continue to see as the show goes on.
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Season 3 Raph at the Farmhouse was the peak of his character development! Raphael took charge in that arc. He became the temporary leader of the group when Leo was out of commission due to his injury. After losing their father (reminder they thought Splinter was dead by this point), being chased out of their home and the city, and losing to one of their greatest enemies, Raph stepped up. He took care of everyone. He made sure that Donnie, Mikey and even April kept up with their ninja training, he was the one who is always prepared during an attack or new threat (ex: when he and the others were trapped in the geyser in the episode Eyes of The Chimera and he was the only one with a grappling hook to help them get out, criticizing his brothers for not being true ninjas and how they should be prepared for anything). April even states that for months, Raph stayed by Leo’s side when he was in his coma, refusing to eat or sleep, and when Leo did wake up, Raph was the first to help him get back on his feet, taking him out on walks to help get his strength back. 
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Raph not only was there for Leo, but he was there for Donnie. After Donnie gets heartbroken when April rejects his music box gift in the episode A Foot Too Big, Mikey is sympathetic, but Raph hits Donnie with a much needed reality check. He tells him bluntly “It's never gonna happen, Donnie. We're mutants. She's a girl. You're a giant talking turtle. The sooner you get used to it, the better.” Even with that though, Raph acknowledges his brother’s broken heart and quickly tries to cheer Donnie up and get his mind off April with some training. Then later in the episode, when Donnie expresses how uncomfortable he is with Big Foot’s romantic gestures, Raph once again nails it perfectly by telling him, “Now you know how April feels.” Some may say what Raph said was mean and how he should’ve put him down more gently, but in truth this was something Donnie needed to hear and no one else was gonna do it any time soon! Someone had to open his eyes to the situation, and Raph was the perfect candidate. 
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The final brother dynamic in the farmhouse arc with Mikey and Raph was little when it came to screen time, but Raph still shows how much he loves his little brother after Mikey gets captured by the Punk Frogs in the episode The Croaking. As soon as he sees Mikey, Raph drops everything mid fight to hug his brother, relieved for his safety, though the hug abruptly ends after Raph and Mikey find the situation to be “weird”, a very brotherly response if you ask me XD 
With this, we know full well how much Raph loves his brothers. Despite his “lone wolf” attitude in season 1, Raph makes it clear from the very beginning that he does care about his brothers more than anything else in the world. He's loyal, he stays by his brothers' side and has admitted countless times that he would rather die than see them get hurt. "I have no problem risking my own life, but risking my brothers?" (S1 ep14) and he states this again in the next season, “Sorry, Slash. My brothers come first, no matter what.” (S2 ep7). Raph makes it clear (to the audience) that his brothers and his family always come first (so I don’t know why fans keep saying he hates them).
Also, anyone that says that he abuses and is a bully to Mikey needs to go touch some grass because that is a big fat lie and you obviously didn't watch the show (or you're an only child). Brothers are going to fight and pick on each other. That is normal! As someone with an older brother (who is much like Raph btw), I can confirm that siblings to this and in the end we still love each other and have each other’s backs. Out of all the brothers Raph is the most protective of Mikey. The second he learns that Mikey is hurt or someone wants to harm him he is the first going in for the attack or the first one to take action to protect Mikey and bring him to safety.
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I mentioned this earlier, but I love how Raph grows/learns to respect Leo as a leader, though he still questions his brother’s judgment from time to time. By season 5, in the episode The Forgotten Swordsman, Raph and Mikey are out on patrol and start talking about Leo. Mikey expresses concern for Leo to which Raph says “He just misses Master Splinter. Being sensei's hard on him. I just wish we knew-”. Raph gets cut off, so we never know what he was going to say, but I headcanon he was going to say “I just wish we knew how to help him.” Raph acknowledges Leo’s growing stress and pressure of being the new sensei after Splinter’s death and he wants to help out anyway he can, but he (and everyone else) just don’t know how. He looks up to and respects Leo and cares about him a lot more than fans and even he himself believe.
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Though we see very little moments of them, my overall favorite brother dynamic is Raph with Donnie. I like how Raph is the only brother who is direct and tries to help Donnie move on from his crush on April because he worries and cares for Donnie and knows he’s sensitive when it comes to his feelings. Even when Raph shows disapproval of Donnie’s crush on April, Raph will still be a wingman for Donnie. In the episode Operation: Break Out, after rescuing April’s dad from the Kraang prison, Raph starts hyping Donnie up in front of April to make him look good. Also Donnie refers to him and Raph as “The New A Team” in the episode Arena of Carnage (Mikey does too at one point in another episode, but later he calls him and Raph “Team Awesome”). I just think Donnie and Raph are a fun team and a very underrated sibling duo of “brains and brawn” in the series. It deserves more love and attention from fans.
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I’ve talked about how much Raph cares for and is loyal to his brothers, but he is the same towards his friends too. He's protective of April, being the one to go rescue her from the Kraang in the episode The Kraang Conspiracy. He’s even the one who’s words get to April when she was possessed by the alien Za-Naron in the episode The Power Inside Her, reminding April about how much she cares for Donnie which gives her the strength she needed to free herself from Za-Naron’s control. Raph shows he cares for Casey's safety when they do dangerous missions that are out of Casey’s element and was the one who made sure Casey was safe when he was cursed by Alopex’s blade in season 4, and despite their past, Raph is always worried and shows concern for Slash.
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Raph shows throughout season 2 that he has faith in Slash to turn to the side of good (something Raph gets proven right about later on). Raph is even one of the first people to trust Slash when he returns with his new team The Mighty Mutanimals in season 3, despite Leo's harsh judgements and suspicion.
The strange thing is, it is usually the other way around, with Leo wanting to make allies and Raph being the distrusting one, a dynamic switch we will see again in season 4…
I can’t make a 2012 Raphael appreciation post/character analysis without talking about the queen herself, Mona Lisa! As mentioned previously, Raph is a softie, and one of the biggest examples of that is when it comes to his relationship with his love interest, later girlfriend, Y’gythgba aka Mona Lisa. When trying to survive on the ice planet, Raph is the only one to suggest that he and the others should team up with the Salamandrians to find the metal they need to fix their ships and get off the planet. Though Raph’s plan is highly motivated by his newfound feelings for Mona, he knows that it is the best option that can help save his family and friends, and despite Leo dismissing the idea, Raph sneaks off alone to convince the Salamandrians himself. 
Raph’s feelings for Mona Lisa have always interested me, specifically how he fell for her. Unlike his brothers with their love interests being the cliche “love at first sight”, Raph’s was “love at first fight”. We all know how Raph fell for Mona, they fought each other after a misunderstanding and after one good punch to the face Raph was smitten. He quickly began admiring her strength, acknowledging what a power punch she gave him, and amazed by her skills and spirit as a warrior. Raph admits right from the start that he loves Mona because she's “bigger, stronger and a better fighter than” him. He never once feels that his masculinity is being threatened when around her, and throughout their relationship never told her to not be herself. He loves that she's better than him as a warrior and can beat his shell! He shows excitement at the suggestion of him and her sparring together someday in the episode The War for Dimension X. He adores her, and never cares about others' judgment regarding his relationship with her. When Casey laughs at him after discovering his crush on her, instead of denying his feelings or getting angry at Casey and later the others for mocking him (something we would expect Raph to do), Raph instead continues expressing his romantic interest in her to everyone. He opened up about his feelings to others! If S1 Raph met and fell in love with Mona, I’m convinced he would’ve been a tsundere and just be in denial about it the entire time, not wanting to look soft because he has a crush. Raph met Mona at the perfect time in his life. He has emotionally mature. In truth, I think Mona made Raph a better man and was the key to help him continue his character growth throughout the rest of the series.
A good example of how much Raph has changed and matured is when Mona betrayed him in the episode The Evil of Dregg. Discovering that his first love, the one person he trusted “more than anyone in the galaxy” betrayed him, broke Raph’s heart and his fighting spirit. When Mona pleads for forgiveness, you can understand Raph’s anger and now he’s not quick to forgive her, but even when he’s mad at her he still loves her. Look at Raph right before Mona goes off into battle:
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If he was truly mad at her, he wouldn’t be looking back, his back would be fully turned, refusing to have his eyes meet with her’s. He looks back at her but he’s not looking at her with anger or hatred, it’s sorrow. Raph still cares, he’s just hurt at the moment. Because of the betrayal, Raph believes that everything he and Mona have been through meant nothing to her, but then Mona assures him that his doubts are wrong when she tells him that she loves him for the first time, and that’s all Raph needed to hear to bring back his fighting spirit and run into battle to join her. Raph even snaps and tries to kill Lord Dregg after he harmed Mona and shows just how far he’ll go for her if someone ever tries to harm her (he does it again in S5 when Bishop insults Mona, he quickly jumps in to defend “his woman”). By the end of the episode, Raph and Mona reconcile. Him forgiving her shows how much Raph has grown as a character. S1 Raph would never have forgiven her, he would’ve held the grudge and not let go of it, but this Raph knows what Mona did was out of her control, she was blackmailed, so Raph did the mature thing, understood her situation, and forgave her. Him forgiving her shows how strong their love for each other is, and they keep on showing how much they love one another throughout the rest of the series. 
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Some other little details about Raph’s character that I like is that he's an animal guy. With his first pet Spike and the rooftop pigeons, we see a side of him that everyone else rarely gets to see. This minor trait about his character speaks a thousand words. It shows that he is gentle and caring at heart despite his tough persona he gives out to everyone else. We see this not only with Spike in seasons 1-2, but also later in seasons 4-5 with his new pet, Chompy Picasso.
By the time Chompy enters Raph’s life, he has matured. The purpose for Spike was for Raph to have someone to talk to about his feelings and express himself without judgment. Spike was like a therapy dog. Chompy however is not that. Raph has learned to open up by this point in the story, so he doesn’t need Chompy to talk about his personal problems and frustration as much as he had with Spike. Yes, Chompy is there to listen to Raph but at this point in the story Raph is open and expressive and not afraid to show his feelings to others. Raph has probably mention things to Chompy he still wouldn’t say to others (like in The Tale of Tiger Claw, he talks about Mona Lisa to Chompy, seeming that this isn’t the first time he’s done this), but Chompy isn’t a pet for Raph to vent to, instead he was a way for Raph to learn a new responsibility. Chompy is just a baby who just needs someone to love him, to look after and care for him, and Raph is that someone. He took a big responsibility to take care of Chompy after it was believed that his mother, Tokka, was killed. Raph doesn’t need another therapy dog, no, Chompy needs a caregiver, and when Tokka returns to take back her baby, she sees how much Chompy loves Raph and decides that it is better for him to stay on Earth with Raph where she knows he will be safe. I will always stand by this: Raph needed Spike, Chompy needed Raph.
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This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think Raphael is more similar and a parallel to Splinter than Leonardo is. Leo may be Splinter’s “best pupil” and next in line to be sensei for the Hamato Clan, but Splinter and Raph have a lot more in common than the show’s canon or even the fandom acknowledge and it hurts to think of the wasted potential. Raph obviously inherited Splinter's temper. We see in flashbacks that when Splinter was a young man he had an uncontrollable temper that Shredder could easily manipulate, and we still sometimes see that temper blow up in the show when Splinter is upset and disciplining his sons. There’s more similarities though than just them both being hotheaded. They both have a love and appreciation for art. Splinter mentions in Lone Rat and Cubs that he always wanted to be an artist, and it’s well known he loves the renaissance artists. Raph being an artist is a cute and fun little detail about his character that I really like and you see many times in the show, but fans barely acknowledge. He’s the one who painted the Venus pin up girl on the Party Wagon, he gives his girlfriend the nickname “Mona Lisa” (which he indirectly tells her that every time he calls her Mona Lisa he is reminding her that she is a beautiful work of art), and names his pet "Chompy Picasso" after the artist Pablo Picasso. Not to mention that both men know the pain and fear of the woman you love dying in your arms. I love Raph’s relationship with Splinter in the show, and it’s honestly way more interesting than Leo and Splinter’s.
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I love their little “Spike, chew on your leaf…” bit in season 1 and how they bond over the Japanese mantra to help Raph overcome his fear of insects in season 4 (btw Raph being scared of bugs was so fun, I like the trope of the big strong dude being scared of something so small and harmless). The episode ends on a fun note, Splinter tells Raph to not tell the others of the mantra cause he “might use that trick on them one day”, showing that Splinter has a devious fun side to him similar to Raph’s.
Is 2012 Raphael perfect? Not at all. No character is. He still has flaws, but I feel that’s what makes him such a fun character still. I feel he had the best and most character development in the series. I love his voice actor, I love his character development, I love his relationship with his brothers, friends and girlfriend, I love all the little character details about him from his love of animals to his passion in art. It’s just my personal opinion, but I think 2012 Raph is the best version of Raphael. He has faced injustice in this day and age with fans misrepresenting his character and hating him for the wrong reasons. You don’t have to like him, everyone has their own opinions on certain characters and I respect that, but there’s a time when not liking him goes too far with saying he’s a bully and abuses his family. The haters can go argue with a wall, 2012 Raphael is the best and I love him, and I hope this post made you appreciate him a little bit more too <3
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laxmiree · 10 months ago
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[CN] MLQC Lucien’s On Fire MQ translation + video with sub EN (Part 3/3)
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
This post contains a detailed spoiler for an MQ that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~
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On Fire MQ | Part 1 (1-2) | Part 2 (3-4) | Part 3 (5-6) | Moisturize ASMR
[Warning]: The content of this MQ is currently the most explicit compared to other dates and may not be suitable for individuals under the age of 17 (CN server). It is recommended that those who do not meet this age requirement refrain from proceeding beyond this point.
Part 3 & 4-> [Here]
✂———————–
[Subbed Video, TURN ON CC!]
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✂———————–
—[Part 5]— Video Timestamp [31:11]
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The kitchen is filled with all sorts of ingredients.
After studying a few recipes, Lucien starts by cleaning the vegetables one by one, arranging them neatly based on size and color.
I put the excess ingredients into the refrigerator and see him preparing to chop vegetables on the cutting board. His movements are meticulous yet unfamiliar.
MC: Do you want some help?
Lucien arches an eyebrow ever so slightly, then frees up one hand to pull me behind him, his voice gentle.
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Lucien: Yes, then come closer and help me, okay?
I wrap my arms around Lucien from behind, adjusting his hand to control the force and posture of chopping vegetables.
MC: [smiles softly]...Are you sure about this?
Lucien: Mm, I'm not particularly skilled at this. This position makes it easy for you to correct me at any time.
I wrap my arm around him with some struggle. I can feel his heat seeping through our clothes, causing a slight warmth in my ears.
Unwittingly, I remember the first time I spent New Year's Eve with Lucien. He also once stood behind me and wrapped his arm around me under the pretext of learning to make dumplings.
MC: ...Then, I'll make an effort to not get distracted.
MC: It's better to cut in from this angle...
Two people working together noticeably accelerate the process. After the pot is ready, Lucien and I stand on either side of it, seasoning it together.
Seasonal vegetables lose their raw appearance in the sizzling hot oil, transforming into delectable dishes on the dining table.
MC: The colors are right, and the cuts are similar. At least in terms of appearance, we've perfectly replicated these dishes.
MC: I just wonder how they taste. These dishes look so good, they couldn't possibly be bad, right?
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Lucien: They're definitely going to be delicious. After all, we made them together.
Lucien: However, in the coming year, I will try my best to break away from this lady’s help and lead this process independently.
MC: Hehe, it's okay if you don't break away.
MC: I'm happy to accompany you and enjoy this process together. Plus, occasionally being Professor Lucien's "guide", I couldn't ask for more.
Lucien glances at me with a smile on his face, then bends down to kiss me lightly on the eyes.
Lucien: [chuckle then KISS!!!!] Since I have your permission, I won't insist on proving myself anymore.
Lucien: In the days ahead, accompany me to tackle more complex menus.
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At the dining table, Lucien picks up his chopsticks, slowly bringing each dish to his mouth. He chews carefully, seeming to savor the unique taste of each dish
Though it's just an ordinary lunch, he eats with exceptional seriousness.
Lucien: The change in cutting technique has a much greater impact on the crispness of the vegetables than I anticipated.
MC: It's subtle, isn't it? Even though the cooking method remains the same, just changing the cutting technique makes the texture much crispier!
Lucien: Hmm, it's also interesting to stew meat with fruits.
MC: Hehe, that's because fruit acids not only tenderize the muscle tissue but also blend in smoothly with the flavor.
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Lucien: [chuckles] So, although all these dishes are delicious, I particularly enjoy the stew you've added your ingenuity to.
It's rare to see him provide detailed commentary on dishes beyond just "delicious", and I can't help but raise my chin in pride.
MC: I've actually made some observations before when cooking. Just a slight change in the dish can make a huge difference in taste!
MC: It's kind of like the difference between the front leg meat and the hind leg meat, very distinct!
Lucien's gaze, which was originally focused on tasting the dishes, shifts towards me. Under the lamplight, his eyes soften, as gentle as water flowing into a stream.
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Lucien: This classmate's metaphors are always so imaginative.
Lucien: It seems like every inch of the world you perceive is so vibrant and intriguing—
Lucien: Just like these rich dishes, they can evoke a range of emotions and also spark inspiration.
I prop my chin up, looking at him with interest.
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MC: If that's the case, then I also want to be the “fruit” in the stew, making Professor Lucien even "sweeter"~
MC: Every happy and interesting experience in my perception, I want you to experience them together with me~
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Lucien's eyes soften, and he taps his knuckles gently on the table.
Lucien: [whispers] In that case, can we do something fun together right now?
My eyes light up, and I stand up, walking over to his side. I cup his face in my hands, smiling as we lock eyes.
MC: Of course, then... what do you want to do?
Before I finish speaking, Lucien's hand gently lowers my head, and he plants a light kiss on my lips.
Although it's just a gentle touch, and although the atmosphere isn't ambiguous, I feel my heart beating wildly due to the unexpected intimacy.
I look at him with a flushed face, seeing overflowing tenderness in his eyes, and a magnified reflection of myself.
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Lucien: I want to thank this lady who “shares the world” with me.
Then, he leans down, slowly closing the distance between us—
Until our hearts and minds feel the same frequency, melding together into the gentle twilight.
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As the last rays of twilight fall, Lucien invites me to experience the festival in this small town.
Lanterns adorned with festive decorations hang on the streetlights, and the air is filled with the scent of firecrackers.
As New Year's Eve approaches, there are already many stalls in the small night market, with couplets, paper-cut decorations, and various potted plants joyfully arranged together.
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MC: These paper-cut decorations are quite ordinary, yet they're selling for two digits. They're not as pretty as the ones you've made, but I just bought something really nice!
I take out a box of pink, peach-shaped pastries and hand one to Lucien.
MC: "Longevity Peach Buns"~ Would you like to try one?
Lucien takes a bite, his brows furrowing momentarily as he examines the bun in his hand with a hint of skepticism.
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Lucien: [smiles helplessly] I wouldn't recommend it.
Even Lucien, who isn't usually picky about food, expressed dissatisfaction with the bun, which piqued my interest.
I take a bite, and the dry bun with a hint of artificial flavoring fails to satisfy even basic taste expectations.
MC: Uh...!
MC: [unamused] Although it's not tasty, it does look festive... Let's just display it at home when we get back.
Lucien smiles and shakes his head, then picks up a set of spring festival couplets from a nearby stall.
Lucien: The wording on these couplets seems rather ordinary.
Lucien: I'm thinking, why don't we buy some raw materials and try writing our own couplets at home?
MC: Sounds good! Then when the God of Wealth arrives, he'll see that the couplets we've put up are heartfelt and sincere.
MC: If he's in a good mood, who knows, maybe we'll strike it rich~
From the "福" (fortune/blessings) character for the front door to the refrigerator and even the shoe cabinet, to the money tree for the entrance and the glowing little dragon...
As we chat and laugh, the bags we're carrying are already overloaded.
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We load the bags into the car and return to our seats. Just as I start to fasten my seatbelt, Lucien pushes open the car door again.
Lucien: I suddenly remembered there's something else I need to buy.
MC: Then I'll go with you.
Lucien: No need, it's right nearby. I'll be back soon.
Before I could react, Lucien had already closed the car door and disappeared into the bustling crowd once again.
✂———————–
—[Part 6]— Video Timestamp [36:42]
(T/N: if you haven't watched the video, please watch it from this timestamp! The BGM choice + voice acting really help set the mood~)
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MC: What did Lucien go to buy...?
Snacks, or decorations? Before my thoughts can stray any further, Lucien's figure returns to the car with bags in hand.
MC: You're back!
The car door is pulled open, and along with Lucien’s scent, the chilly wind brings in a subtle smell... of gunpowder?
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Lucien: [chuckles] I bought some fireworks...
MC: Oh~
Lucien: And firecrackers.
MC: [surprised] Eh?
I widen my eyes and look into the bag. Besides a few fireworks, there are…
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MC: O- one-thousand-firecrackers-rolls and firework rockets?
Seeing my reaction, Lucien satisfactorily curls up the corners of his lips.
Lucien: As an "experiencer," of course I must try some sufficiently exciting things.
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The car, loaded with goods, returns to our courtyard. Lucien parks the car and, together with me, we unroll the long red firecrackers on the ground.
The long firecrackers snake around like a red dragon lying on the ground, almost covering the entire courtyard.
I hold the lighter, watching the fuse that is about to ignite the firecrackers and can’t help but feel nervous in my heart.
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MC: Lucien, could you, could you wait a moment? I'm not quite mentally prepared yet!
Lucien: [chuckles] Then allow me.
Lucien seems to chuckle softly. Before I can react, he has already struck the match, and the flame dances on his fingertips.
The fuse instantly ignites, speeding forward like a shooting star. I quickly grab Lucien's hand tightly, pulling him away as we run.
The next second, the firecrackers erupt like an awakened dragon, emitting a thrilling roar.
My body instinctively tenses, and I hastily cover Lucien's ears while he does the same for mine.
(the way they instinctively protect each other instead of themselves :”…)
His broad palm reassuringly shields those startling explosions.
Despite the barrier, my hearing becomes even more acute, listening as the firecrackers "rampage" through the courtyard.
I look at Lucien, in the faint red glow, his face is coated with a shimmering warm light, and from beginning to end, his lips are always brimming with a smile.
The bright light swiftly dashes through the dark night. After the long-lasting thousand blasts fade away, the air in the courtyard seems to have turned red.
Lucien waves his hand in front of him, trying to dispel the pungent smell of firecrackers, yet the smile on his lips never falters.
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Lucien: Whether it's from the sense of hearing or the sense of smell... The stimulation I'm receiving is far more excessive than I anticipated.
MC: Many things you just have to experience firsthand to truly feel them!
MC: Just like I've come to realize, besides with the beauty of fireworks, Professor Lucien and the firecrackers are also quite "compatible"!
Lucien raises an eyebrow and takes out all the remaining fireworks and firecrackers from the car.
Lucien: That sentence sounds like a stereotypical impression of "Professor Lucien".
Lucien: Fortunately, tonight happens to be a good opportunity for "out with the old, in with the new."
The night sky stretches endlessly, as dark as a piece of black velvet, while the courtyard ground is scattered with remnants of red firecrackers.
Lucien stands between the darkness of the night and the redness around him, with the match he ignites in his hand being the only source of light around.
This glimmer of light remains silent, yet always manages to ignite clusters of earth-shattering fireworks in my world.
So I walk towards him, and together we light up all these fireworks.
The light flies into the night sky, showering down gently, casting warm hues upon us.
And beside me, Lucien's smiling expression is just like the fireworks filling up the sky.
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In the end, Lucien and I left a few fireworks unlit and returned to the car for warmth.
The distant sound of firecrackers can be faintly heard, with occasional fireworks lighting up the night sky, illuminating the scene inside the car.
We sit side by side in the back seat, enjoying a moment of tranquility after the playful revelry.
Bright light filters through the car window, casting ambiguous light and shadows on Lucien's face. I trace his profile, and my heart is filled with joy.
MC: Looking back, we've had a lot of fun in just a few days.
MC: Going to the home exhibition together, selecting ingredients and cooking together, wandering through the festival night market, and even setting off fireworks and firecrackers...
MC: I wonder how Professor Lucien feels about this "town trip"?
Lucien meets my expectant gaze, but instead of immediately responding, he ponders for a moment.
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Lucien: I've thought of many different answers, many different adjectives.
Lucien: Happiness, warmth, contentment... Each word seems to encapsulate my feelings, yet they all appear a little shallow.
I listen earnestly, reaching out my hand to intertwine with his palm.
Lucien: Whether it's in the warm room, cooking together under the bright lights, or lighting firecrackers together and making "noise".
Lucien: At the moment of accomplishing these things, I have a vague feeling.
Lucien: These seem to be things I've never consciously longed for but deeply desire to do.
Lucien: And year after year, in the New Year, you've helped me realize these, even wishes that I myself didn't fully grasp.
Lucien pauses unusually as if carefully considering his words. After a while, he simply casts his gaze toward me.
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Lucien: So if there's anything missing, it's that I want my little lady to feel my happiness.
MC: I've already felt it...
But Lucien gently shakes his head.
Lucien: I want to paint it more vividly for you. Not through carefully crafted rhetoric, perhaps not even by speaking.
(T/N: insert the solemn, melancholic, yet hopeful 5th anniv special theatre BGM 😭 if you've read this far and haven't watched the video, I’d actually beg you to watch 🥺 The timestamp is: [42:09] )
Lucien gently takes my hand and places it over his heart.
In an instant, the world quieted down.
With the familiar heartbeat in my palm, it feels as if the overflowing sense of happiness is also held within my grasp.
"Thump, thump," resounding as if echoing through the entire universe. And it speaks—
Lucien is very happy, very content with life.
And so am I.
At this moment, I seem to also taste the shallowness of "words", for no matter how many words are spoken, they can't fully express the deep love beating in my heart.
So I recklessly approached him, wanting to convey my most profound feelings to him.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, my fingertips threading through his soft hair, as I lean in closer, Lucien gently but firmly pulls me into his embrace.
The smell of gunpowder fills my nostrils, seemingly carrying the heat capable of igniting flames with it.
The lips merely brush against each other, then clinging lovingly and inseparably, unwilling to part ever again.
Our tongues entwine as if thirsting, drawing out every bit of sweetness, until our breaths become so chaotic that they can't be distinguished from each other.
Can a deep kiss express this love? Can a long embrace reveal the yearning in the depths of our hearts?
While thinking about all this in a daze, Lucien's whisper comes to my ear.
Lucien: [whispers breathlessly] Is this kiss enough to explain it all?
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MC: Not enough...
I instinctively spoke out, not knowing whether I was answering him or telling myself.
Upon hearing this, with one arm still around me, Lucien unbuttons his shirt with his other hand, revealing his well-defined physique.
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Lucien: [chuckles and whispers] Then tonight, I will lay bare all of myself to you, okay?
His eyes still carry a faint smile, but they are moist as if they've captured light, burning and deeply sincere.
I nod and kiss the corner of his eye, taking in all of him.
His warm lips carry a slightly wet sensation as they wander over my body, igniting my skin like clusters of flame.
The intimate and meticulous licking makes me feel like I'm about to melt, my body instinctively tensing up, sliding towards the only fulcrum.
Lucien: [noises of him eating… something, and sighs in satisfaction] ….
The fingers holding my calves suddenly tighten, pulling them wider apart. I sit back heavily and then whimper out in pain.
MC: [blushing] Lucien….
My voice comes out sweetly and aggrievedly, elongating the end of his name with a deliberate undertone. It sounds like pleading for mercy yet also carries a tacit demand.
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The sound of muffled laughter reaches my ears, Lucien flips over to be on top of me and presses me down, kissing me on the lips.
Between the disorganized breaths, he murmurs something on the tip of his tongue.
Lucien: [whispers] Sorry, does it hurt a bit?
I nod, but in contrast to my answer, I thrust my hips upward, wanting to fit even closer to him. In the process, I almost hit my head on the car door, but Lucien protected me.
The decorations on my clothes roughly brush against Lucien's exposed skin as he moves, causing him to tremble lightly.
Lucien: [chuckles] These little decorations are a bit in the way.
Those words are much colder than his kisses, and I can't help but watch my heart beat faster as he gently picks at them and lets the decorations fall.
It's just that there seem to be more and more things that get in the way between us… the top, the belt, and the skirt, they all seem a bit unnecessary.
The car's air conditioning blows dry, warm air, dispersing the remaining traces of coldness on our skin.
The moist sensation behind my ears makes me feel like I'm lying on a stream, his voice, hoarse and low, reveals a fervent longing.
Lucien: [hoarsely] Now, can you understand this feeling clearly?
My heart beats fiercely, and within my hazy consciousness, I seem to hear the emotions hidden behind Lucien's questions.
Instinctively, I tighten my arms around his neck and wrap my legs behind his waist. My hand gently caresses him.
MC: I think... I still need more time to understand.
MC: This is what you want too, isn't it?
Lucien’s laughter-tinged voice drifts into my ears.
Lucien:  [whispers followed by more wet kiss noises] The night is still very long.
The ambiguous warmth inside the car envelops us like the steam of a hot spring, carrying us into the clouds.
It seems there are small trinkets on the dashboard that can't withstand the shaking, but we are too preoccupied to notice.
Unintentionally, someone presses the car window button, and the distant sound of fireworks leaps into our ears.
Tiny snowflakes land on my outstretched arms, only to be melted into droplets by the heat.
"Splat," "splat."
This night, when the old days and the new years merge, we seem to need a little more warmth.
--———FIN————–
✂———————
[Bonus: some h-word translation notes before afterword because I don't want to ruin the beautiful smut with my dumb commentary]
Lucien: [whispers] Sorry, does it hurt a bit? I nod, but in contrast to my answer, I thrust my hips upward, wanting to fit even closer to him. In the process, I almost hit my head on the car door, but Lucien protected me.
(T/N: this sentence implies that the pain is not from her sitting back but… him fitting inside *cough*)
The car's air conditioning blows dry, warm air, dispersing the remaining traces of coldness on our skin.
(T/N: this description implies that they are both already completely undressed at that point. To counteract the chill from being unclothed, the warm air conditioner is turned on :>)
✂———————
[Afterword, rambles and highlight(s)]
⎯ Just like how sunlight helps plants to grow, love nurtures Lucien's growth over the years.
Even after 6 years, Love and Producer still have such a talented writing team that never FAILS at making us feel h-word and cry at almost the same time ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽. This date is not angsty in the traditional sense, in fact, the date in general is so sweet and full of daily life. But the end really punches you just right in the feelings ESPECIALLY with the 5th anniversary special theatre BGM.
Honestly, it’s hard to explain why this date is so good and makes many CN stans cry by the end of the date. It’s… something that you can experience only if you know him for so, so long. It's something that can only be felt by witnessing his growth from the moment you first 'met' him until now. The feelings of observing someone you've ‘nurtured’ with love and care for years finally blossoming into the most colorful and unique 'fireworks' you've ever witnessed… they’re really hard to describe.
But anyway, before this essay turns into an analysis of "The Little Prince" and Lucien, let’s talk about the date, shall we? If last year's date theme was along the lines of "accepting yourself and your emotions from the past," then I predict that this year's theme seems to be about "experiencing and living the present"; and this is such a fitting theme for Lucien. Why? Because as a character, before he met the MC, he was simply an "observer" instead of a “participant”, curiously observing and experimenting on everything around him, and yet never really ‘participates’ and ‘experiences’ in it.  However, thanks to MC, he has begun to actively participate in the hustle and bustle of the world, experiencing many things that have made him more vibrant and ‘alive’. This transition from ‘observer’ to ‘participant’ is cleverly depicted in this date by making him into a participant in the experiments with MC, rather than solely being the experimenter as usual.
This date as a whole centers around two important things, experience and emotions. While the relationship between experience and emotion can be complex and multifaceted, the way I get it from this date is that; if ‘experience’ is more about the ‘input’ that we get from our senses, then ‘emotions’ are the ‘output’ of our experience. In other words, experiences provide the stimuli that trigger emotional responses. Both experience and emotions are important things for us humans; together, they contribute to our ability to fully engage with and appreciate the present moment, rather than simply going through the motions of survival… They’re also two things that Lucien has been learning over the years.
First, let’s talk about experience, when our observer scientist sheds his lab coat and removes his glasses, he transforms into an ordinary person sincerely in love with you and deeply experiencing love. This date depicts how he experiences love in the warmth of everyday life, and amusingly, it almost makes this date feel as if MC and Lucien are newlyweds on their honeymoon ahah. From shopping for furniture for their new home to encountering silly and unexpected problems that the organizer throws at them (just like how everyday lives always throw problems at us lol), to grocery shopping and cooking together, and cough even the fact that they’re basically ‘on fire’ everyday cough— The grocery shopping parts are especially funny (with just Lucien being Lucien lol)... and cooking scene is just chef kiss. It's really endearing to witness how he adapts to homemaking tasks in his unique way, all because of his love for you.
Still on the topic of ‘experience’; do you know that both of the more descriptive spicy scenes are part of the plot? First, the spicy domming ‘guiding’ scene. In that scene, MC guides him to focus on what his senses told him instead of giving processed answers. And this seems to work because, throughout the date, you can notice him developing more opinions on things based on his senses as he experiences everything. Previously, because he never slowed down and always looked far ahead (See also, his Summer UR MQ, recent CN birthday date and story for more in-depth digging about this theme-), he never fully ‘experienced’ life. But with MC's guidance, her “sharing the world” with him, he starts to perceive the world around him more keenly. This transformation is evident in tasting scenes and fireworks scenes, where he earnestly uses his senses to taste their cooking, hearing the loud firecracker noises, and smelling the scent of gunpowder. She doesn’t only ‘bring’ color to his monochrome world, but also the taste, smell and noises of the world around him as he experiences the present. All these stimuli make his world no longer feel ‘silent’ to him. Sometimes, loving him feels like pulling a ‘god’ from his pedestal to experience the lively and ordinary life of mortals. Perhaps he loses some of his ‘invincibility’ (like for example, that causes him to fall for consumerism trap lol), but in this way, he becomes more alive and real.
Then about emotions. The initial discussion about emotions centers around “emotional synchronization” between lovers, setting the stage for exploring how MC and Lucien perceive and handle each other's emotions. Just as MC accepts all of Lucien's emotions, whether they be sadness or happiness [referencing Lucien’s CN birthday date in 2023], Lucien reciprocates by accepting all of her emotions. Lucien demonstrates emotional stability and maturity as a partner, creating an environment where MC feels no need to restrain her emotions in his presence. He is fond of and intrigued by her colorful range of emotions (and a bittersweet reminder of how her moods affect her “color” in his eyes ahah:”””). This highlights their curiosity and fascination with understanding each other on a deeper level.
For them, all human emotions are important, but MC initially wanted Lucien to feel more positive emotions. With the concept of “emotional sync” in mind, she promises to convey more positive emotions for him, inadvertently restraining her own emotions in the process. However, during their time together in the small city, she learns that even so-called “negative emotions” have value. Despite facing challenges or "troubles," both characters find joy and support in each other's company. MC finds Lucien's moments of vulnerability endearing, while Lucien appreciates MC's encouragement and companionship. They both come to acknowledge the natural ebb and flow of emotions in their relationship, realizing that some negative emotions are far from being detrimental; it’s simply part of their day-to-day life. Those emotional fluctuations are just a very small part of their overall happiness~
ALL THE FEELINGS FROM THE SECOND EXPLICIT SPICY SCENES SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME CRY. Experiencing all sorts of things with her during experiments and everyday life … even things and wishes that he never consciously longed for yet always wanted:
许墨很快乐,很幸福
The meaning of these words are difficult to render accurately in English, and my “Xu Mo/Lucien is very happy, very content with his life.” are just barely scratching the surface… While 快乐(kuài lè) refers to a more transient or temporary feeling of happiness and joy, often related to a fun event, 幸福 (xìng fú) encompasses a profound and enduring sense of happiness and contentment in life. It signifies a state of well-being that extends beyond momentary pleasures, often associated with having a loving family, spouse, fulfilling relationships, and a sense of overall satisfaction with one's life. So when combined, it emphasizes the fact that while experiencing all the ups and downs of the world with her, Lucien is not only feeling immediate joy and pleasure ("快乐"), but also enjoying a deeper, more lasting sense of happiness and fulfilment ("幸福"), he is both happy in the moment and all of his life. By slowing down and deeply experiencing each moment of their shared life, he discovers his own happiness and longing that even he himself never knows about. So, he wants her to experience every bit of his happiness and love that has blossomed because of her… candidly and unrestrainedly wants her to experience all of him.
In another vein, LOVE IS A VERB, NOT A NOUN!!! It's a continual action, continual choice, continual promise to another person. And no matter how many words are spoken, both of them can't fully express the deep love beating in heart. So, when words are too “shallow” to even capture a fraction of deep love and happiness, he can only confess them through instinctive actions, recklessly pouring out his heart in every embrace, every kiss, and every touch. And yet, the question still stands, Can a deep kiss express this love? Can a long embrace reveal the yearning in the depths of our hearts? They’ve done everything, yet it still feels not enough, and perhaps… it will take a lifetime of shared experiences and ‘confessions’ to fully reveal the depths of his love and longing for her.
AND SPEAKING OF CHOICE(S), the BGM choice for that last spicy scene is freaking genius!!! It comes from 5th-anniversary special theatre“The many choices of life” video (You can check it on my YT!). This special video is all about the power of your/MC’s choice. I want to highlight the first “what if” scenario. The first “what if” is about what would happen if she had chosen to not meet Lucien.
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In this scenario, the narrative explores what would have happened if MC hadn't met Lucien. Without their encounter, Lucien would still be questioning and seeking understanding from the world around him. He would have found another path, albeit one that didn't involve her, dedicating himself to searching for the 'most optimal solution.' However, his world would remain black and white, indifferent to whether there were people who tried to understand him and care for him :”. Anyway, by using this as a BGM choice, it accentuates the power of your/MC’s choice in shaping him being the way he is right now; while still running on the path to explore truth with dedication, he also finds happiness and contentment along the way because of her choice.
In conclusion, Lucien’s writers never fail to captivate us and deliver top-tier writing! This date highlights the importance of experiencing life fully and embracing all emotions, while also underscoring the transformative power of love~ His writers really excel at utilizing his character to its fullest potential. I can go on and on, talking about all the small details and references on this date but this UR won’t be published any time soon if I do LOL. If you’ve read so far, thank you for reading this date and my rambles~
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wildlife4life · 9 months ago
Text
Fuck-Friday Coda
Tagged by the always lovely @theotherbuckley @perfectlysunny02 @cal-daisies-and-briars @aroeddiediaz @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @loserdiaz @wikiangela @daffi-990 @tizniz and @diazsdimples Thank you all so much for all the tags throughout the week and today! I have eased back on working NFL Buck because I am absolutely swamped with school. I have started clinic rounds and somehow the classwork has doubled for the next set of courses. Which holy crap. So a lot of my days are for studying, homework, and quizzes. Add on being a mom/house wife and yea, not a ton of time to work on my favorite WIP. But I am making time on Thursday to watch the newest 9-1-1 episodes and write codas, because I started them in the final episodes of season 6 and really enjoyed it! So I made a goal to make a coda for most if not all of season 7 episodes! 2/2! I will try my absolute damnest to get some work into NFL Buck because it is my baby and I know how much it is beloved. Until then, enjoy the season 7 codas. Posted to ao3.
7x02 Coda
“We-I…” Buck tries to find the right words again, but he has no idea what they should be.  He doesn’t know if he should be defending himself along with Eddie and Chimney, proclaim that they were just being honest with internal affairs. Or if he should defend Hen and the betrayal she felt when they couldn’t back her up.
Rock and a hard place, with Buck being squeezed tightly in between.
Chimney left the locker-room soon after Hen, with the passing false hope comment, “She’ll come around.”  His phone was half-way to his ear before disappearing around the ladder truck, most likely spilling the entire ordeal to Maddie.
Buck slumps back down on the bench and leans his head against the lockers, closing his eyes with a defeated sigh. Still standing close by, Buck hears Eddie hum in agreement. Yea, tonight was very much a downer.
“We should have had her back.” Buck finally says.
He feels additional weight added to bench and pressing warmth along his arm and thigh when Eddie sits beside him. “We did. We just all put our foots in our mouths trying to show her.” He assured.  He gives Buck knee a gentle squeeze, “You more than me with that whole ‘right call’ comment and wanting to give Captain Collier’s a hard time.”
Buck groans in embarrassment, “I was trying and horribly failing to lighten the mood.”
“The mood was dead on arrival; you had no chance.” Eddie chuckles.
They both go silent, stewing in the hurt emotions left behind by Hen and Chimney, mixing with their own anxiety and worry. It kind of reminds Buck of the last time Hen was captain and that man died at the happiness convention. God that felt like so long ago, when really is less than a year.  Yet here they all are, questioning themselves on the job after losing a patient and without Bobby’s steady leadership to help guide them through it.
Buck could only hope this didn’t send him or anyone else on the team into a spiral of questioning their purpose in life. And he really hoped it didn’t lead to another brush with death, for anyone of them.
The hand on Buck’s knee never left and gave another squeeze, pulling him from his past wallows and has his eyes fluttering open. He looks over at Eddie and sees an understanding smile gracing his lips. “That man’s death isn’t on us. We we’re working on the worst of the crash, and we saved that girl and her mother.  Hen made the right call, the same one Bobby would have made and when those lab results concur with her story, she’ll be back, and we’ll find a way to make it up to her.”
Buck takes a moment to let Eddie’s words sink it and pull him from the beginnings of a self-deprecating spiral. He did his job, he gave his facts of the event truthfully, and Hen would come around. In all regards, Buck just needed to learn how not to put his foot in his mouth, because at the moment it really was a nasty taste.
Slowly most of the tension that had built up during Hen’s confrontation eases away and Eddie felt it through the press of his shoulder into Buck’s, “That has to be a record.” He comments before getting to his feet and reaching a hand out.
Buck doesn’t even hesitate and tries his damnest not to flush too red as Eddie hauls him to his feet with little to no effort. The man has a girlfriend and Buck was done chasing. “Uh yea. Turns out when you stop trying to search for the life’s great moments and instead live in them, internal spiraling is easier to pull out of.” He explains. Eddie also is a big contributor, but Buck isn’t going to admit that to said man.
“Well… At least those self-help books will make good kindling for the next campfire.” Eddie cackles and Buck swats at his shoulder which only makes him laugh harder.
Eventually Buck joins in and the pit of dread dwindles further. He embraces this moment and knows eventually everything is going to be okay.
Short but somewhat sweet I hope! Tagging (no pressure): @jesuisici33 @fortheloveofbuddie @rogerzsteven @lemonzestywrites @evanbegins @buck-coded @devirnis @glorious-spoon @thekristen999 @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @sunshinediaz @watchyourbuck @lover-of-mine @hoodie-buck @elvensorceress @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @jeeyuns @bekkachaos @buddierights @try-set-me-on-fire @rainbow-nerdss @thewolvesof1998 @eddiebabygirldiaz @spaceprincessem @eddiiediaz @honestlydarkprincess @doublecheekeddiaz @prosperdemeter2 @transboybuckley @nmcggg @monsterrae1 @dangerpronebuddie @missmagooglie @thebloomingheather
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thesoftboiledegg · 1 year ago
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"Mort: Ragnarick" was pure fun, but a different kind of fun than "Rickfending Your Mort" and "Rise of the Numbericons: The Movie."
"Rickfending Your Mort" was a laid-back clip show that gave the viewer a break after the insanity of "Unmortricken"--a smart decision but not one with a lot of substance. "Rise of the Numbericons: The Movie" has been controversial. I thought it was entertaining, but it would've worked better as a YouTube short.
If "Unmortricken" represented lore episodes at their best, "Mort: Ragnarick" was the best of classic Rick and Morty adventures: a wildly imaginative plot, goofy satire, fantasy science and Rick and Morty working together as a duo, reminding us how much they need each other.
Rick's the driving force behind these adventures, but without Morty, he's just a miserable old man trying to distract himself. Morty's the heart and voice of reason. He also gives Rick something to live for. Without him, Beth, Jerry or Summer, why do anything?
Rick pretends to live for science, but "science" just caused decades of grief and isolation. His family isn't a concept; it's an entity that loves him back.
Bigfoot, an evil pope, Pokeballs, Valhalla, clone bodies, infinite energy sources, zombie Summer, Rick screaming "PO-O-O-O-OPE!": only Rick and Morty could combine all those concepts into one cohesive episode. I never thought "Wow, that took me out of the story." The Pokeball came close, but the end credits scene tied it all together.
Jerry's scene was a standout, too. Chris Parnell's reading of "Nana!" was genuinely sweet. It seems like Jerry's becoming a (mostly) willing participant in Rick's schemes instead of a helpless guinea pig. Is Rick learning that releasing his iron grip on his family makes them more attached to him, not less?
I also loved it when the Vikings called Rick a witch. He loves crystals, plays with magic, has two crows as familiars: damn right, he is!
You have to suspend your disbelief a couple of times, mainly when Bigfoot attacks Rick in the kitchen (he crushed Rick earlier like it was nothing, but now Rick walks away with a few scratches?) Still, the little character moments overshadow these flaws.
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Judging by old posts that I've seen floating around, I think Rick and Morty's relationship is finally becoming what fans wanted it to be in seasons 1-3. Rick's still mean, but he's less dominant and more of Morty's mischievous co-conspirator. An alien mobster freaking out in "The Jerrick Trap" because of Rick's "touch my grandson and die" policy is straight out of fanon.
Rick's more physically gentle, and Morty responds in kind. He grabs and supports him when Bigfoot attacks him at home and touches his arm during their weird, overdramatic Bigfoot send-off. His pained cry of "Rick!" when Bigfoot nearly crushes him is heart-wrenching. Operation Phoenix is back online, but Morty's tired of watching him die!
Season five is when Rick started showing emotions on his face besides that cold, pissed-off glare--we all know the one--and in season seven, it's accelerated to Rick crying in front of others. He matches Morty's feelings instead of pretending that he's above human emotions.
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Needless to say, dudebros have been flooding Adult Swim's Instagram comments and Twitter replies with "Rick and Morty is shit now!" "Rick's too nice!" "Rick and Morty has gone woke!" Justin Roiland's firing gave them more fuel, but they started even while he was still on the payroll.
Their favorite line is "Rick isn't Rick anymore!" And they're right. Rick's not the asshole from seasons 1-2 who had a couple of redeeming qualities. He's not the monster that he was in season three and parts of season four. He's not the defeated man in season five who started to realize that he's hurting people but still wanted Morty to look after him like a child.
Season six is when he started to grow up--not a lot, but enough that he began taking on adult responsibilities instead of thinking he's a teenage boy who sees another teenager as his peer. I wish we saw more therapy appointments, but while they're mostly off-screen, we're definitely seeing the effects.
This doesn't make Rick a great person or atone for what he's done. Some of his crimes are beyond atonement, and not just the obvious ones like blowing up planets. This is a universe where everyone has a body count and events that should've destroyed Earth have no effect on civilization. Death and destruction don't mean that much.
His worst crimes are the personal ones: destroying Morty's psyche in "The Vat of Acid Episode," treating his family like garbage for most of season three. You can't atone for that. You can't apologize for that.
However, I don't only judge characters by their past. I judge them by their capacity to change.
Walter White is a brilliant character, but he's not a personal favorite because his arc is a slow descent into hell. Rick's slowly climbing out of his crater, and while it doesn't erase the past, it's still happening. For me, that's more satisfying than watching a monster become a bigger monster.
Of course, he's still not above cosplaying as Odin while wearing a golden crown that literally says "GOD." But the former "no girls allowed" alpha male has become a dedicated therapy patient who's also a thirst object that would make bros cry about double standards. Sure, Rick, you're a god, now put on that weird half-shirt and prance around a little.
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llannasvsp · 9 months ago
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Dragons Rising Season 2, Episode 2: Shattered Dreams
Before I start I just want to say that I don't know how long my little recap will take to finish because of my life schedule, but hopefully I'll get it done within a week. I share a TV with two other people so that puts a hold on my ability to rewatch.
Now lets begin!
Heyyy Cloud Kingdom!
Is the Master Writer destined to be a douche??
I also want bagels. ("Selecting a bagel." -Peter Parker; Into the Spider Verse, 2018).
I'm still so confused on how writing destiny works. Do they decide destiny? Do they not? I don't get it. Someone please help me.
EUPHRASIA YAAAAAAAS
Hey Imperium!
Percivallll I love youuuu yes you fix Imperium!
Euphrasia freaking dies.
"Then I wake up screaming." DO YOU WANT MY HEART TO FALL OUT??!
Lloyd is a braver man than I. I could never consume that tea.
Not Lloyd making a joke about his panic attack. Me too buddy.
I LOVE LLOYD. SO MUCH. YOU ALL WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
Still don't know what the deal with Fedulian is.
Awh, Arin. I love him so much.
PLATONIC "I LOVE YOU"'S.
Why are the so mean about Sora's cat? Poor Sora.
Lloyd getting floored by a cart. Nice.
NADAKHAN'S TEAPOT!! (/j)
Do we think that anyone in our team is going to get their soul shattered?
ARIN AND PERCIVAL RAAGGHHHHH
Oh ehm gee Cinder heyyy. (Guys I kind of get it).
OKAAYYYY EUPHRASIA SLAYYYY
I love Lloyd thinking Arin's grapple is cool.
Lloyd is just SO kind to Arin he's so gentle with him and is always reassuring him it AGHHHh I love.
So was it because of Ras that the ninja were attacked in season 1?
Isn't there a comic about the Forbidden Five? I want to read it.
AGHHHHAH LLOYD HAVING ANXIETY.
Not Sora still not remembering Jordana.
I want to know who is under the wolf masks GRRRR.
NYA GRABBING LLOYD'S HAND TO STEADY HIM AGHH.
More Arin getting tossed by the foot.
"You know I thrashed the last one, right?" Served.
First Shatterspin fight is pretty cool. I love how Wildbrain has really solidified that they have the superior action sequences.
Lloyd's sword toss move during the fight has me giggling he is so cool.
RIP Wyldfyre's leg.
LET CINDER MURDER.
Arin and Lloyd's jump looked a lil goofy tbh.
Lloyd havinnnnnng more doubt.
Oooohhhh yes the gong clashing + Cinder's snarky lil smirk. Peak television. I love.
GUYS I LOVE DRAGONS RISING SO MUCH. I don't think words can actually express the depth of my love for this series. This is it. After 13 years, I think Ninjago has finally hit it's own true potential. I have so many things I want to say but I think it will be at the end of my recap series.
Shatterspin is so cool and I love how Cinder owns them all. We see firstly that Cinder is a good fighter, but not good enough to defeat Kai without Shatterspin. Then, when he actually uses Shatterspin, the ninja don't stand a chance. It proves how powerful the technique really is.
I think I mentioned this in the last episodes post, but Lloyd having canon anxiety and panic attacks is just. Everything. Representation is fantastic. As someone who has had anxiety my whole life... if I had seen that as a child, maybe I would've learned about my anxiety way earlier. I'm so glad that this show is not afraid to talk about mental health.
I just. I love.
(this is the sword toss i was talking about)
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blitzsicedcoffee · 4 months ago
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Ficlet-Learning To Be Gentle
Making another ficlet while laying in bed cause I wanna write but I'm also exhausted.
Enjoy!
Timeline: Post Season 2, Bruised from the fight at his palace with Andrealphus, Stolas has lost everything and is brought back to Blitz's apartment.
Blitz pushes open the stuck door with his whole body, using his whole weight to push the dumb rusted hinges. The sudden opening of the door doesn't phase Stolas as he stares at the ground, hugging himself, feeling so very out of place here.
Blitz gestures in and when Stolas doesn't move, he hesitantly takes his hand and pulls him in slowly, Stolas letting him. Then Blitz closes the front door.
Stolas looks around but doesn't want to take in much right now, all he does take in is that it's extremely small. Of course, they're an imp and hellhound. But, he can only see three rooms. The one they're in, the restroom, and a room with many signs on it.
Blitz gestures to the couch that's beat up and rubs the back of his neck, clearly nervous as well. They haven't said a word to one another since he brought him home. But Blitz would never let him stay on the street, or ask another Goetia that barely knows him. No chance.
Blitz rubs his hands and heard Loona 's music and walks over to her door, cracking it open.
"Hey uh, we have a guest in the living room. Do you mind handing me some of your extra pillows and blankets, the floor cot you take for sleepovers, and your largest shirt?" He asks and she tilts his head, peeking behind him and widening her eyes at Stolas's defeated owl eyes and bruised face, "Oh. Yeah I'll throw them all out in a sec".
Blitz smiles, "Thanks Loonie". "No sweat", she says.
She does throw them out, right at Blitz and he growls a little as they make him fall over then he carries it all over to the space in front of the couch, collapsing it all and setting up the cot with the pillows and blankets, and handing Stolas the shirt.
Stolas holds up the oversized Verosika mayday shirt, "What's this for?" He asks. Blitz chuckles, seeing which one she picked. Of course that one.
"For you to sleep in", he replies. Stolas blinks and hesitantly takes off his clothes that admittedly feel great to peel off, sweat sticking to the fabric and his feathers. But before he puts it on he pauses.
"Could I uhm...do you have a shower?" He asks and Blitz chuckles, "Of course we have a shower what do you th-nevermind. In here", Stolas follows him to the restroom and Blitz pulls him to crouch down by the hand to make sure he doesn't hit his head on the doorframe. Then he realizes Stolas is already naked and blushes, biting his lip. He quickly digs in the closet and pulls out a folded towel and hands it to him, "Take as much time in there as you need".
Stolas nods as Blitz closes the door, giving him privacy. He takes a deep breath and prepares to squish himself in this small and messy shower, already missing his rain shower at home. A home that's no longer his. He tries to pull back tears but as the water hits his chest they fall and he starts to sob.
Blitz looks to the bathroom door with a pained expression as Loona escapes her room for a moment to grab a soda.
"I thought you two weren't sympatico at the moment", she asks, opening the can. Blitz hugs himself, "Well...it's..complicated", he rubs his arms, feeling goosebumps from thinking about just how complicated it is.
"Well, if he's going through a hard time you better be gentle with him", she says. He blinks, "Gentle..?" and looks back at her but she's already back in her room, and he looks back to the bathroom door. He drops his arms and heads into the kitchen, starting a kettle of hot water while he hears Stolas finishing up.
Stolas comes out and shivers himself, rubbing his own arms.
"Got just the thing for that", Blitz says, handing him one of his horse mugs of tea and dropping two sugar cubes in it. Stolas manages a small smile, "Thank you. What kind?" He asks. Blitz's mouth forms a line, "Kind?"
"Kind of tea, dear?" He asks again, sitting on the couch and Blitz sits next to him, pulling a blanket over both their legs. Well, most of Stolas's legs.
"Uh...black? Its the only kind Loonie had. Sorry" he replies, starting to flip through the channels.
Stolas sips it, "That's alright. I don't think I can sleep tonight anyway".
"Yeah it's been a long day. Do you wanna watch a movie? Doesn't have to be something serious. We can just turn our brains off and watch something", Blitz asks and goes to put his hand on Stolas's thigh, bringing him out of his dissociation.
"What? Oh, sure", he replies and looks back down at his tea. Watching the sugar melt the rest of the way.
Blitz wonders if Stolas blames him for losing everything. It wouldn't be the first time he's made someone he loves lose everything.
"What about this uh- sappy romance movie?" He asks Stolas and taps his thigh gently again, "Stols? You there?"
Stolas hesitantly looks up, "Hmm? Sure. I thought you didn't like rom coms".
Blitz smirks, "I can be swayed for the right person".
Stolas blushes and looks away, continuing sipping his tea as Blitz presses play.
They start the movie and Stolas pulls Blitz's legs over his lap for more warmth. Blitz wrapping his tail around his leg too.
"I-is that alright?" He asks Stolas and he nods, and Blitz takes that as enough of a sign to lean his head on Stolas's shoulder as well. This shit movie was actually pretty funny, as well as warranting "Awws" from Stolas every few minutes.
At the end of the movie, Blitz goes to reach for the remote only to be stuck in place by a sleeping owl. And suddenly his sleeping coos are obvious. He looks up at him and smiles, kissing his cheek gently, and curling up closer to him to attempt to fall asleep as well.
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evilphrog · 1 year ago
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Watching Wheel of Time without reading the books: Season 2, episode 1
I'm at it again! I know I never posted the season 1 finale review, and maybe I will go back and do that later. But for now, I just finished the season premiere, and I have to say, Perrin is 100% correct. The five of them are much more impressive together than apart. Which isn't to say I disliked it. They are all on the struggle bus, but that is where character development is at its peak, and where we get to see their true inner strength. Which is to say, I LOVED it. Bring on the angst!
The season opener with the round table of evil plotters was a fun and clever way to deliver some exposition without boring us. Having a little girl crawling under the table, disturbing the Very Important Shadowy Cloak Meeting really humanized every single one of them, and seeing the Fake Dark One be so gentle and patient with her gives some insight into how people can become dark friends. They are just concerned parents. I am now calling him Nancy Reagan, since he is their leader. I also definitely want to pet a trolloc. They look much cuter when they aren’t being ordered to kill everyone in sight. Are they tamable? Or...redeemable? I am still not sure of their level of free will/sentience, so I am not sure which word applies.
The first scene post-credits is Moiraine working hard to take her Very Sad Alone Time Depression Bath. Just one woman, chilling in a hot tub, cuz the water gets cold without magic. It was a very good idea to show the first hot tub scene in the recaps, so I could get the full emotional subtext here. Bathing is a communal activity in this culture, but she can’t handle having someone else see her in such a vulnerable position when she already feels so vulnerable all the time. But the longer she spends isolated, the more alone and vulnerable she will continue to feel.
She and Lan are hiding out with their friends, Sassy Twin, Serious Twin, and Tom. Tom is married to one of them, but I forget which one. Without the warder bond, Lan must have lost the rapid healing that allows him to withstand his severe clothing allergy. Good thing the Sassy Twin is there to helpfully point out additional clothes that might be hurting him, and to reassure him it would be fine to remove them in her home. She truly speaks for all of us. I’m glad Lan has these three friends around to support him as he supports Moiraine. This poor man is having to learn, at the tender age of forty-something, to use his words to describe how he feels. He is afraid for his best friend, he is hurt about being pushed away at a time when he would expect to be leaned on even harder, I am pretty sure he blames her for blocked bond because she had put the block up prior to being shielded, and he feels like he is losing his only purpose in life.
And in the face of all that, he has to exhibit so much patience as Moiraine acts like every insecure teenager ever and tries to push him away. His previous experience with teenagers taught him what this behavior is like, but not how to handle it. Her “I am so aloof and do not care at all about the feelings of others” routine was incredibly transparent to everyone except Lan. He really needed his friends to lovingly slap him in the ego and remind him that the only way to truly help her is to let himself be the vulnerable one, so she can see how it' it's done, and realize it's something she can live with.
But now he has to do it the old fashioned way, by walking upstairs to check on her. Good timing, too. Slightly worse timing for Serious Twin, but at least she could handle all the Eyeless. Hopefully one of the twins does healing.
Meanwhile, at Aes Sedai High, Nynaeve and Egwene are in novice training. Egwene is dealing with a bit of culture shock. She accidentally witnesses an actual, honest to Light, bisexual orgy on screen. She is going from being a big fish in a small pond to being a big fish in an ocean surrounded by other big fish, but she is handling it better than I expected. Nynaeve is handling the entire thing exactly as I hoped she would. While Egwene focuses on adding extra challenges by learning to weave with both hands tied behind her back, Nynaeve is semi-consciously stopping herself from doing any magic at all. Polly tries playing on her pride, by saying she is just scared, and Nynaeve responds by drinking dirty dishwater while making direct eye contact. Such a power move, there. Unfortunately, it leads directly to an unwanted face-to-face discussion with JK Rowling, which quickly turns into a surprise duel. I thought JK was torturing Nynaeve by hurting her, but my husband said she was only making the air too thick for Nynaeve to move through. And really, nothing could possibly torture Nynaeve more than placing an unwanted restriction on her. She did end up shielding her, temporarily, and that was described as one of the most brutal forms of assault. Pretty sick, but also pretty consistent with boarding school hazing rituals.
Later, Nynaeve and Egwene read the letter from Perrin, where he hopes they will all stick together. And JK Rowling goes down to her secret Man Dungeon For Men to read a heavily edited version of the letter to her prisoner, New Mat. And, to this I have to say, come on JK Rowling! Why do you go and pull a stunt that the actual JK Rowling also used in her own book? Your name is getting more and more accurate as time goes on, and that is not a compliment. Anyways, Mat responds in pretty much the same way Harry Potter did, by trying to break out of jail. I’m not sure how I feel about New Mat so far. He seems a bit like a soggy bed sheet, but he is also in the exact circumstances that would lead to soggy bed sheet behavior. His puckish attitude was mostly a mask he put on to lift the spirits of those around him, and his private moments were entirely spent dwelling on his own misery. Presumably the only person he has interacted with for months now is someone who actively feeds on that misery. JK Rowling is a cursed dagger unto herself.
We get a brief glimpse of Rand, with his new haircut. He is sad and has no lines. I assume he will be more present in future episodes. He lights a lantern, presumably for his mother, but maybe for the innocent version of himself that will never exist again. Maybe for his friends he thinks he can never see again. They light the lanterns for those they lost, which might not necessarily mean the ones who died.
Perrin, meanwhile, is on a quest to find Padan Fain and steal back the magic horn. He has found another Wolf guy, who seems to be teaching him how his wolf powers work. Apparently he can see the past? Maybe he is smelling the places where things used to be, like Angua does in Discworld? So then, is he a werewolf? This is a very confusing power that has still not been explained at all. I would have liked to see Perrin get a training sequence similar to Egwene and Nynaeve, but the defining trait of wolf guys is that they aren’t a chatty bunch. They find a bunch of bodies of the traitors from the final battle, presumably disposed of once they were no longer useful. The group holds a proper funeral for them, which confuses Perrin. He doesn’t understand how they can go to such effort for the people responsible for the deaths of hundreds. The prince guy responds that if his people spent their time seeking revenge on those who betray them, they wouldn't have time for anything else. It is more helpful to the ones left behind to let it go and focus on the mission. Sort of the way of the leaf, but with a more productive twist. Perrin is really on a quest for a moral philosophy that he can live with, and this one seems slightly more compatible with him.
At Bel Tine, he lights a lantern for his wife. The first time he has to do so. He places his wedding ring on the lantern, but takes it back at the last second. He isn’t ready to let go of his own guilt just yet, but at least he can move forward while carrying it now. Loial seems good for him. And Perrin is good for Loial. He’s way more likeable now that he has gotten used to the wonder of living in the human world, and stopped condescendingly and incorrectly explaining how it all works. They are both figuring that out together. I am not sure how he survived being stabbed with the cursed dagger. By all rights it makes no sense. So I guess… Loial returned somehow. And we are also moving on from it and focusing on the mission, even if we carry our confusion with us.
Other episode reviews
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frvnkcastles · 2 years ago
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TOGETHER AS ONE ➵ F. CASTLE
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Summary: After the events of season 2, all Frank needs is some care and a hug, so you tend to his wounds and hold him tight.
Warnings: Canon-typical violence, description of physical trauma
Word count: 1k
Author’s note: I am really blown away by the attention my two other fics received and I’m definitely more inclined to keep posting here now :) I think I will post more PTSD-related works but for now, here’s this short-ish one about Frank receiving some love.
Ps. I’m totally up for receiving Frank requests!
The bathroom reeked of coppery blood and you wondered when exactly you had developed a stomach strong enough to avoid gagging at the smell, when exactly you had become immune to the horrors displayed all over your lover’s body. Well, physically, at least. Emotionally… you weren’t quite sure you’d ever get used to this.
You were both silent apart from pained grunts and huffs from Frank when you helped peel off his sweater, no longer black with all the dirt and blood it had gathered — barely even in one piece, with slashes all over his arms and back. You were seated behind him on the bathroom floor, gently tugging on the fabric until it was tossed near the door and you could assess the damage done to him.
You choked up, tried to swallow the lump in your throat while your shaky hands ghosted over the dozens of cuts, stabs and swelling bruises across his shoulders and back. You dreaded to even imagine his chest, but for now, you focused on what you could see. You so badly wanted to suggest a hospital, but considering he had barely managed to break out of one just days ago, you chose to say nothing. Some of the stitches that he had been equipped with still remained on the gashed skin, but for the most part, he had ripped open everything.
”Can hear you overthinkin’”, Frank murmured, his raspy voice filling the bathroom, and you tore your gaze away from the old scars mingling with what would surely turn into new ones. You looked at the back of his head, how he was hanging it low, almost like he was ashamed.
”I’m glad you’re here with me”, you whispered, not realizing just how close to losing him you had been. He didn’t say anything, but reached over his shoulder with one hand to grasp yours and squeeze it tightly.
You took in a deep breath and turned to reach for a handtowel before switching on the showerhead as lightly as you could, just enough to trickle water down Frank’s muscled, torn back. The droplets trailing down his spine quickly turned red, and you made sure to carefully press the towel against them before they could slide down the waistband of his jeans.
You cleaned him up, gentle and dedicated to not causing him any more pain, and he sat quietly, letting you take care of him. He wasn’t usually so good at accepting it, but after everything he had been through, he was just so goddamn tired. And after all, if there was anyone he trusted to look after him, it was you.
Evening turned into midnight quickly as you moved to step two: stitching the worst gashes up. His back looked like a piece of cross-stitch by the time you were done, and maybe, in a few days, you’d be able to joke about it. You did the same for his arms, and eventually, crawled around him so you could make sure his chest was okay, too. You could feel his eyes on you, burning through you as he watched you do your thing.
”Gotten good”, he noted quietly, licking his lips. ”’M sorry”, he added, wishing that you could have learned to stitch from your own volition and not because he kept coming home beaten to a pulp.
”Don’t apologize”, you were quick to cut him off, giving him a warm, genuine smile as you placed a hand on the back of his head and met his gaze. ”You look after me, I look after you. That’s just how this works, baby”, you promised, and unable to respond in any way, utterly amazed and grateful for everything that you were, Frank simply looked into your eyes until you asked him to move.
His jeans came off next, and with the heavy atmosphere, there was no sly comment or joke, only complete solemnity as he undressed in front of you. There was a nasty wound on the back of his thigh, and you didn’t think twice to disinfect it and do the same for everything else he couldn’t reach himself. Hell, even if he could have, he was entirely sucked out of all energy. Knowing him, he would have neglected the cuts for as long as he could.
Eventually, you climbed off of the floor, not quite meeting his height as you stood in front of him and placed a hand on his broad chest. ”All fixed up”, you smiled before nodding towards the bedroom, ”want me to get you something comfy to put on?”
Shaking his head, Frank took your hand and swallowed. ”Nah, just wanna get in bed. That alright?” he whispered, and unsure how you’d ever be able to reject him when he sounded so fragile, you simply nodded.
You led him into the bedroom and after switching your bloodied t-shirt into one of Frank’s old ones, you got under the covers and let the man twice your size get on top of you, his head resting on your belly and his arms around you. You wrapped yours around him, too, and gently caressed his hair, smoothing the unruly curls out and rubbing his scalp with your fingertips.
You didn’t realize he was crying until the tears came in contact with the revealed skin from under your tee, the exhaustion finally wearing him down. After facing off with Billy, evading the police time and time again, saying goodbye to Amy… he was just happy to be in bed with you, free to breathe and sleep.
His quiet cries got you to tear up, too, and you leaned down to press a kiss on the top of his head. ”I love you, Frank”, you whispered, ”you’ve earned your rest, okay?”
The squish he gave your sides was enough to decipher a thank you and an I love you all at once, and you smiled weakly.
”Dunno what I’d do without you”, he admitted.
You chuckled softly. ”Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out”, you promised, continuing your gentle touches on his hair. ”I’m with you as long as you want me”, you added, and now, it was Frank’s turn to chuckle.
”Sweetheart, I ain’t ever lettin’ you go.”
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cyrusthedragon · 6 months ago
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Okay, I know this post will read only one man and his dog, but I really need to write down all my thoughts on season 4, and just keep it structured. If you're interested in discussing it - you're always welcome!
HUGE SPOILERS BELOW, CHAPTER 1/2
Word count: 1,057
Includes: Vicky Neuman, Zoe, Kimiko, Frenchie, Hughie, Hughie's mum
1. Victoria Neuman + Zoe
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First of all, I really need to appreciate this intro cuz, excuse my goddamn french, Vicky Newman is HER. Vicky Neuman is absolutely HER, I'm really looking forward to her character development. I honestly don't think she's a villain, she's just an antagonist, but a very good one. She is not a bad person in any particular way, she has an Idea in her, she has a Meaning, she has Reasons and Motivation. More Neuman please, especially in GEN V. Thanks.
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Like Vicky, her daughter is also a scary ass Supe, but unlike Vicky, who's a bloodbender, Zoe's powers hardly can be used for anything good. Some headcanons here:
While Vicky thought that she was the monster because of her “terrible” abilities, she, by injecting her already grown-up daughter CompV, somehow created a real monster. She stupidly turned her child into a freak, who will be very difficult to accept by society, because her... superpower is something that u often see in nightmares. And it’s unlikely that the typical "don’t judge a book by its cover" slogans will be enough to accept that someone can pierce your mouth while kissing you with their four...tentacles? Whatever they are. I personally find them cute, btw, but in The Boys Universe, I'm not sure ppl will accept Zoe. Zoe, forgive your mom. She's not thinking rationally when she's worried about you.
It is also very much worth thinking abt her willingness to kill without any questions asked. That was definitely not her first murder. Vicky could use her power, as a politician perhaps, and bring victims to Zoe so that she could kill them and get used to it.
2. Kimiko
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These are just very beautiful shots that I want to share with yall. First - Zoe tore off Kimiko's hand, it just grew back :D I love this scene for its absolute absurdity. God bless Karen Fukuhara. + Demonstrated that Annie can fly, also a good introduction to new abilities! Well done!
Secondly, I ADORE Frenchie's reaction here, it just shows so much love he has for her: Kimiko's face literally peeled away, she REATTACHED IT, and Frenchie, her platonic soulmate, at first was confused af, and then he UNIRONICALLY SMILED to his girl being literally unkillable. I feel you, Serge, I love her too!
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Kimiko is very balanced. Information about her comes up every season, and each time there is enough information left to theorize but be satisfied. She's small and cute, like a mouse. She loves girly stuff like doing hair, wearing jewelry, and dressing up. She’s all about having fun and smiles a lot. Her gentle, kind personality totally contrasts with her powers of mega strength and near-immortality from regeneration. She was raised to defend and attack, but her empathetic nature is well shown in the smallest details.
For example, new information: Kimiko gets wasted super fast. I adore her.
3. Frenchie
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Next to Kimiko, literally being her soulmate (i fuckin' can't believe that we're so lucky that in addition to the chaos of dicks and murders, we also have the genuine, platonic love between a man and a woman AT FIRST SIGHT), is Frenchie. We've already seen he's bi; this isn't the first rodeo, but now he shows it ON THE SCREEN, HURRAY, COMRADES. I'm very proud of him, he's my baby 🥹 we finally, with the help of his new love interest, found out about all the murders he committed when he worked for Little Nina and even before that. Frenchie is a very balanced character, just like Kimiko, you learn a little about his life in each season, and each time enough to build theories and be satisfied. I wanna know how to write like that.
My favorite things about Frenchie are his wild love affairs and his doglike loyalty. He's got an unbelievable knack for forming strong platonic (with Cherie also sexual, but you get the point) bonds with women, who end up adoring him. Probably because he has a heart of gold and doesn't act like a jerk. He also sincerely tries to be better. C'mon now, he's doing his best! All the love for my boy.
4. Hughie
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Hughie loses the only person who has been with him his whole life. His father was a great, excellent parent. But it’s time for Hughie to stand on his own two feet and become at least a little bit the main character - which means, eh, i guess rest in peace, Mr Campbell?... If this doesn't happen, I'll be overjoyed. Although besides pushing Hughie to mature, the coma plot also provides a chance for us to learn about his mother. His dad is in a coma - won't she come? Here we learn a lot of interesting things about our babyboy.
Hughie's emotional outburst when he sees his mum for the first time since he was just a kid is very realistic and I love everything in here, including the cast choice. Because Hughie is a spitting image of his mother. This kind of attention to details makes me wanna chew Kripke's brains off.
Hughie is very similar to his mother: in speech, in movements, in facial expressions. For some reason I really like this. He, like his mother, has tenderness and a steely core, they are both very stubborn. Although he also has a note of “cowardice” from his father, his desire to push forward and that decision in the first episode to go help Butcher and take revenge on Reggie were just visible sides of his mother’s character.
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Not gonna say that was the original idea, but I think Hughie saw Butcher in his mother. Because 'I'm not made to be a father'. And he realized that Butcher was almost just like she was. At least it seems to me that way. That being like Butcher is... normal. Ppl do fear being parents. And this is currently the best representation of postpartum depression, very realistic shit, Kripke, I'll stuff your brains into a Thanksgiving turkey. With all love and respect.
If you've made it this far, congratulations, you're a survivor! If suddenly s/o wants to be tagged in the second part of this review (well, sort of), write in the comments and I’ll tag you!
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tatertato · 1 year ago
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life series smp winners playlists part 2
we're back! for those who don't know, i'm putting together songs that i think fit each of the life series winners, and they're either songs i've seen work really really well in animatics already or songs that would probably work really well, but are less popular or not associated with this fandom (yet)
i'll be linking+listing them here as well as providing little snippets of explanation for why i think the song fits, but i don't feel like making actual spotify playlists or smth, so if anyone else wants to do that, be my guest.
i still had trouble finding good songs for some of them (this one especially)- if anyone seeing this has a good idea that i missed, lmk and i'll update these posts (no promises tho)
pt 1 (3L!Grian)
pt 3 (DL!Pearl)
Last Life: Scott
Boss Bitch - Doja Cat: alright, kickin it off strong! picked this song for the gaslight gatekeep girlboss energy and little else
Yeah, ain't tryna be cool like you Wobblin' around in your high-heeled shoes I'm clumsy, made friends with the floor Two for one, you know a bitch buy four And two left feet, you know I always drop (this line because of this post and this post alone)
I'm a bitch, I'm a boss I'm a bitch and a boss, I'ma shine like gloss (need i say more)
Said, I took it and I ran for it I won it then I stand on it (NEED I SAY MORE)
2. Two - Sleeping at Last: as i mentioned i had some trouble finding songs for scott since i dont watch his pov too often, so some of these are less exclusively last life and more just his character in general. that being said, i do feel like this still fits to an extent for LL!Scott
Sweetheart, you look a little tired When did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home Stay as long as you need (this is scott's total eldest sibling energy, always helping and trying to be friends before anything- ex: taking in cleo, being friendly to scar)
You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat (this applies more after last life, see: the many many many times he offers to sacrifice himself, but also the fact that he refuses to betray his friends as the boogeyman)
Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached And what a privilege it is to love A great honour to hold you up (very representative of scott's trust and loyalty to his allies in every series, through both chaos and peace)
3. Constellations - The Oh Hellos: at first this one was only here for the star symbolism, but after listening to it a couple more times it does fit pretty well (also the oh hellos is very scottagecore)
'Cause like constellations a million years away Every good intention, every good intention Is interpolation, a line we drew in the array Looking for the faces Looking for the shapes in the silence (despite all his efforts to maintain alliances throughout the series, everything inevitably falls apart in the chaos of the finale)
Like constellations imploding in the night Everything is turning, everything is turning The shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light And everything you thought you knew Will fall apart, but you'll be all right (LL was really the only series in which they made a point to isolate the reds- in DL, there was always a pair, and alliances stayed solid despite name color in LimL and SL- but in LL, alliances could be torn apart so quickly, loyalties constantly changing which made it hard to trust others and that shows why scott's loyalty stood out)
4. How to Be a Heartbreaker - Marina and the Diamonds: this is another one that isn't exclusively LL, i just had to put one in abt scotts many ex's.
Rule number one is that you gotta have fun But, baby, when you're done, you gotta be the first to run Rule number two, just don't get attached to Somebody you could lose (i see these "rules" kind of as lessons learned from each season instead, like things he tells himself he'll do next time, but because of his loyal and caring nature, never can)
How to be a heartbreaker Boys they like the look of danger We'll get him falling for a stranger A player, singing I lo-lo-love you At least I think I do (really like i said, a play on the ex's)
5. The Garden - The Crane Wives: here it is, the obligatory crane wives song
Put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat Give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes (something abt this line is just very scott to me)
Lay me down Pour the dirt into our bed Tell the crows They can have their pound of flesh The ghosts at the window echo all our quiet prayers When they come for us, they'll come with hammers and nails My darling, the devil knows my name My name My name (this comes from the things i've seen about how the watchers hate scott, the watchers here symbolized as "the crows" and "the devil")
6. A Terrible Ride - Lizard Boy: this one is an animatic recommendation! here's the animatic -also i think this is applies to most of the winners very angst
I used to be calm But now this ticking bomb is gonna go off (the way he goes after ren for revenge after pearl's death)
I fought and fought hard And I could've died But I got scarred A terrible ride Ride This game was not fun I thought it was right Because I won Was it worth the fight? Fight? (WATCH THE ANIMATIC)
Written in the starss This could have been ours (what can i say, im a sucker for the star symbolism)
and that's all for scott! DL!pearl coming soon!
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nottoofondofgaypeople · 1 year ago
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You should make a long post about Laurance
You are so lucky I got that Vylad ask before this... Ohhh boy
Full stop, this post is probably going to be one of the longest things I post on this Nether forsaken website. Laurance has been a comfort character since I first watched this series years ago in spite of all the bull shit Jesson put him through. I have many many many thoughts on him, and none of them will be organized.
I'm fairly confident that this post will get into some very unhinged territories, I cannot be normal about this man
I feel like this should go without saying, but all of the headcanons I have dumped onto Laurance on my main blog apply to this rewrite. Including this one which you have definitely all seen, and all Shadow Knight headcanons are also canon here.
But let's talk about this rewrite specifically. Because when Laurance comes back from the Nether, and he confesses his love, the mother fucker does it! He actually gets Irena to say she at least feels something towards him! It isn't much, but she doesn't get all awkward when he says that he loves her, and she's supremely gentle with him while helping him with his recovery. This really quickly turns into romance and the two are effectively dating shortly after.
Yeah Laurance's eyes aren't magically fucking cured to perfection, that's stupid an abelist.
Actually, because I want peak recovery arc material out of this rewrite Laurance is going to get to spend a lot of time learning how to fight with this new form. His body has been pretty significantly altered from the process of undeath and also the torture. I'm so for real when I say Laurance has so many scars, just so many of them, 18 million scars all over his everything. He already had some from being a stupid fucking child, but these ones are a lot uhm... bigger.
Laurance has to adjust to the new symptoms of his body. A lot of them are slow, appearing over time. The first major thing Laurance notices is that when he stops thinking of breathing for long enough, he just stops breathing. Shadow Knights don't need to breathe, so their body doesn't naturally do it. But Laurance never fully died, so he kind of does need to breathe?? And this is just where it starts.
I think the doll symptoms start kicking in a lot slower than I initially thought of. There's still the first time that it happens, but then it doesn't happen as often. Maybe once or twice, but the next time Laurance really deals with that is during the Season 1 finale (but it isn't Garroth that knocks him out (but that's a whole post unto itself)). Going into Season 2 though, it gets worse and worse. As the Shadow King has more influence over the Overworld, the calling gets stronger and stronger.
More often than not the calling manifests as a whisper in the back of Laurance's mind, something that sends a tingle down his spine and not in a good way. His blood runs hot, and he can feel his body pulled to Irena. Like his blood is tied to her life force and constantly trying to bring her to it. And any time he's around her, that voice gets louder, starts multiplying as he fights it, all of them demanding him to kill, to do it, to free himself of the burden, to gain eternal life.
Laurance doesn't want eternal life though!! He never has!! He wants to fall in love and start a family and grow old with his partners!!
Okay so going into Laurance's childhood a bit, I've said it before and I'll say it again, Laurance is the mcd equivalent of a theater kid and yet somehow fumbled in choosing his class and ended up as a fighter instead of a bard, the goof. He picked up the Lyre when he was a teenager, mostly because his father bought one and expressed an interest in teaching Laurance how to play, and he was all over that.
He stops playing it when he goes to the guard academy cause they just don't have instruments there (which is a crime), but he does still spend a lot of time remembering songs and finger placements, mans is doing whatever he can to make sure he doesn't fall out of practice. When Laurance comes back to Meteli as an official guard he celebrates by having a party in the town and finally getting to play his beloved lyre again.
He doesn't play it as much when he's a guard, but he always tries to stay in practice. And he won't let any blindness get in the way either, his muscle memory is so on point he barely needs his eyes unless he's reading sheet music, which is usually right in front of him.
I could seriously go into a whole character analysis of comparing Laurance to Orpheus, specifically from Hadestown, like I really want to, but I'll restrain myself to just the general myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Laurance really thought he could walk into hell and defy the gods. He really thought he could just do that. And even when he was faced with punishment, when Orpheus was forced to stay in the Underworld in her place, he endured it all for her. And actually this is so funky the roles are kind of reversed. Because Irena is the one who can't turn around to look at Laurance when they're running out of hell. If she does, she will die. That is guaranteed. Eurydice has always acted in the assurance of her survival. Unlike Orpheus in the same position, she can manage to not turn her head.
Hhhhhhg Laarmau as Orpheus and Eurydice is literally everything to me you don't understand.
And yes Laurance being Orpheus coded is why I gave him a Lyre, I won't even deny that. Like, c'mon, Laurance very earnestly trying to earn Irena's affection and saying "I also play the lyre" and Irena snarking back "A liar and a player too? I've met too many men like you." I'm--
Stay focused!! This is not the Hadestown post!!
What if Laurance was like obscenely physically affectionate? Like he's so so so physical, he loves having a point of contact with someone at all times. It doesn't have to be anything big either. He just likes wrapping his arm around Garroth's shoulder, or having Irena play with his hair. It was something important before the Shadow Knight transformation, and he only needed it more as time went on. The feeling of his lovers heartbeat reminds him he's alive.
And other people touching him reminds Laurance he still has this body. In spite of all the Shadow Kings control, he has control of his own body in this moment and he is using that control to show love and care and that matters to him more than anything. He likes holding hands, putting his hands on people, having other people do the same, even the smallest amount of affection is enough for him to selfishly crave more.
Laury likes singing a lot. His voice got a little deeper after the Shadow Knight thing because his vocal chords got just a little shredded in the Nether, but he still loves singing and singing with his friends and lovers. Laurance singing some sappy love song to Garroth who is just completely smitten, or singing some silly little campfire song to boost Cadenza's mood when she's having a bad day.
THE TABLE BIT!! I simply adore the table bit!! All of it! And it's even better in my rewrite cause even if the dialogue and the scene plays out almost exactly the same, they're in love while doing this silly bit!! Such fucking dorks I want to throw them against concrete.
Thinking about Laurance and Ungrith. Laurance finding this wyvern in the forest while exploring one day and befriending it almost instantly because Laurance is just a very kind person. Even if Ungrith isn't allowed to be with his brethren, it's okay because this weird fuckin kid is really entertaining and a genuinely great friend. I know it isn't possible but a scene where Laurance, Garroth, and their wyvern childhood friends get to hang out and talk would probably fix all my problems.
Raven doesn't literally anyone but Garroth touch him, but when Irena tells him about Ungrith, he's willing to let Laurance pet his scales or whatever you do to show affection to a flying lizard. It's not the same, but it's better than nothing.
Laurance's favorite place to kiss other people is on the cheeks, but his favorite spot to be kissed is the forehead. I think that he doesn't admit this to people, rather lets them figure it out. Both Garroth and Irena figure out Laurance likes kissing their cheeks a lot, like he does it constantly, especially because Garroth has freckles and Laurance is determined to kiss every single one of them.
Garroth is the one who learns about Laurance's affinity for forehead kisses cause he's only like two inches taller than Laurance, but that difference matters a lot to both of them. And Garroth can tell very easily from the way Laurance always loves looking up at him with those big doe eyes. Once he tells Irena this, she starts asking Laurance to bend over or kneel in front of her so she can kiss his forehead very tenderly.
Because I made Garrancemau polycule real in my rewrite, Laurance's calling latched onto Irena, but man oh man, it tempts him with Garroth sometimes. He fights so hard to protect Irena partially because if she dies by someone else's hands, he knows it'll latch onto Garroth. And sometimes the calling urges him towards it anyway, considering it'll work. A calling is best answered by the death of a lord, but the death of another guard isn't always a bad thing.
Every time Laurance runs from his lovers to fight the calling he feels so cold without them. Like if he bothers to try sleeping while on his own it just feels so cold. So empty. It doesn't feel right to try to sleep without Irena in his arms and Garroth snuggled up behind him and a blanket over the three of them.
I think Laurance cries a lot. He doesn't really have hang ups about showing his emotional side until he's a shadow knight, and even after, he only tries to hide his anger. He never hides his anguish, his sadness, his absolute misery as a result of the nightmare he was forced to live through. Laurance's crying is so loud, so wretched, almost agonizing for him. It forces his entire body to shake and tremble, sobs being wrung out of him almost forcefully.
I want. him. to be okay. and happy. and I know he won't be. Aughfhhg.
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sound0ut · 4 months ago
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Nine people I’d like to get to know better
I’ve never done a post like this before, so be gentle, y’all. Thanks for the tag, @augustjustice!
Last song I listened to:
All My Exes Live In Vortexes by Rosie Tucker. Highly recommended if you need a way to vent your existential angst about living in the Anthropocene.
Currently watching/reading:
Currently watching season 2 of The Bear. I know I’m late to this one but as someone who used to work in a kitchen and had some of the most stressful days of her life there, it took me a while to feel ready. It’s really well-done, both in terms of writing and acting, but jfc it’s triggering for me sometimes.
Currently reading a bunch of stuff, as always, but what I’ll mention is that I’m in the midst of a reread of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, one of the texts I tend to return to when I need a kick in the pants, creatively. Current favorite piece of wisdom from Gilbert (or Seamus Heaney via Gilbert) is this:
“A particularly elegant commentary on this instinct [trust in your creativity] came from Nobel laureate Seamus Heaney, who said that—when one is learning how to write poetry—one should not expect it to be immediately good. The aspiring poet is constantly lowering a bucket only halfway down a well, coming up time and again with nothing but empty air. The frustration is immense. But you must keep doing it, anyway” (148).
Sweet/savory/spicy?: Depends on my mood, but probably savory.
Relationship status: Happily married bi bb ✌️
Current obsessions: I tend to be a person of varied and rotating obsessions, including: finding the perfect early 80s tunes as the soundtrack for my current podfic project, Monster Theory scholarship (ask me about my personal theory about yonic imagery and the gates/monstrous mouths in ST), adding miles to my long ride, getting better at Travis picking, improving my voice acting/narration, writing my silly little stories (and never sharing them b/c 😱).
I have few mutuals on here and have talked to even fewer folks, so apologies if this is out of the blue, but @chaoskiro, @wynnyfryd, @cuips-not-cute, @onirislanding, @teddywesworl, @geddyqueer, @hullomoon, @n0connections, @xiaq I would love to learn more about you if you feel moved to share :) Or from anyone else for that matter, if you want to connect!
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tmnt-reticent · 9 months ago
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Reticent got through the second round of the @tmnt-iteration-compeition ! So here’s the incentive I promised!!! (Rest of the post under the cut as it’s pretty long chdkhdkshfj)
Donnie won the poll!!! He’s my favourite guy so I was pretty glad hehe there’s a lot I want to talk about regarding him. I wanted to spoil smth from Season 5 but since it’s the last season it hasn’t had a lot planned out for it yet. So I decided to spoil smth from S2/3 along with part of the Season 5 thing!!! (The episode has had a decent amount planned for it but not to the point I could properly ramble about it and have it make sense dbkdbskchfk-)
During Season 2, Donnie is constantly having to rebuild the Foot Clan’s weapons as they keep getting broken by Raph, who’s looking for him. Due to this he’s barely getting any sleep in between repairs, training and doing the Purple Dragons work (Which they dumped on him as soon as they realised he wouldn’t fight back). So when he finally gets a breather, he decides to start work on something he refers to as the foot bots, which will learn the aggressor’s moves and hopefully lead to less work for him as they’ll be far more difficult to beat than a regular foot soldier. He never gets to the stage where he’s able to actually start creating them as he never gets a chance to present the blueprints to Shredder for approval before uh. The stabbing. But the purple dragons find them and present the idea as their own, getting approval to start creating them immediately.
In Season 3, Ret Donnie gets into a fight with Leo and leaves the lair for a bit to let off some steam, and that just so happens to be the night when the prototype of the foot bot is being deployed. Donnie sees it attacking a random bystander (Timothy 😈💥💥) and goes to help him, telling him to run before beating the absolute shit out of the foot bot in a fit of rage (both at himself and the foot clan for creating that thing). Karai turns out to be nearby as she was sent out to make sure the test run went well and to retrieve the bot in case anything happened and they have a talk. It’s quite pleasant for the most part, Karai making sure he’s being treated well, that he’s healing nicely, etc. But she tells him to stay out of anything regarding the Foot Clan from now on, partially because she doesn’t want the Shredder finding out he’s alive, but also because she won’t be as gentle next time. He’s an enemy to the Foot Clan now, after all. Donnie doesn’t adhere to this warning however, his guilty conscience over allowing something like the Foot Bots to be created leading to him trying to hunt them all down.
Season 5’s premiere follows directly after the events of the Season 4 finale. Leo thinks that it had something to do with Karai, so he starts to interrogate Donnie regarding her location, which he doesn’t want to reveal as things with them are already not the best and he can’t take ruining their relationship even further. As Leo continues to grill him, backing him further and further into a corner whilst the others shout over each other trying to get him to stop, Donnie unlocks his ninpo under all the stress. None of the turtles have been really able to control their powers when they first get them, and Donnie is no different, his ninpo going haywire. Instead of letting him read others minds, it allowed others to enter his.
Thats right its an E-turtle of the Spotless Mind/Journey to the Centre of Mikey’s Mind episode‼️‼️🗣️🗣️💯💯💯💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️ (it has aspects of both but I think it’s a bit more similar to the latter)
The group begin at the edges of his mind, where shit has clearly gone down. Massive books tower over them, the pages scribbled on and burnt at the edges, some pages completely missing. It takes a second for them to realise what they are but Mikey realises first given how many things he’s said are written within their pages. They’re rule books of some sort, filled to the brim with every order and correction Donatello has been given over the years. Although, of course, some of it contradicts, and the turtle desperately tried to figure out which one he actually should be following, leading to the plethora of scribbles across the majority of the pages as he attempted to make sense of it all. This leads to Mikey feeling incredibly guilty as he knows he can’t keep making excuses for himself, hiding everything under a guise of trying to be helpful. He was trying to change his little brother, he was trying to *fix* him, and it had been tearing him apart for years.
I have a few things planned out past that but I don’t exactly know how to talk about them without having everything planned out so I’m gonna leave it there!!! If you do have any questions regarding anything I’ve said here though please do ask!!! I love talking about Reticent :D
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