#easy ass website

[bivampir]

the sexiest thing a man can do is collapse on the floor coughing blood

[mino2aur]

they should give out fake blood at health clinics like condoms

[vulcanette]

my notifs absolutely exploding from the garlic and soup and potatoes posts lmaoooooooo

[calciferstims]

tiktokers be like “I am going to create the most beautiful, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing video ever, with gorgeous lighting, and deeply satisfying content”. …….. “and then I’m going to cut the video fifty thousand times in thirty seconds-”

[plutonicbees]

I've been joking to friends/family that I haven't been reading comics as much since late march because that's when I started on antidepressants but I've been struck with the realization that my baby cousin was born at the beginning of april and I literally go over to see him every day and babysit....

he's occupying prime comic time but it's okay because he was named after wolverine so it balances out

[urfavcrime]

i wanna get to 200 followers b4 my birthday.... i need to do more insane dsmp blogging

[trees-to-meet-you]

Sibling forced me to dress up as golden Freddy and watch the fnaf movie gonna be honest I wasn’t a fnaf kid but since they’ve gotten into it I’ve tried to too but anyway yeah I may have next to no idea what’s going on but it was pretty great

[pinkfey]

stealing from large chains has been a hobby of mine since i was a little girl. i can’t fathom no one ever having stolen from walmart or a walmart-adjacent store 😳

[moongothic]

The idea of my work getting scraped for AI garbage is nasty but I do have to remind myself that my work is mediocre anime shit at best that nobody in their right mind would want to recreate/copy so that's slightly comforting lmao

And Glazing the shit out of my work to poison those data sets would be quite fun too ngl

(But yeah the most frustrating part would be knowing that even if I started Glazing anything new I posted, even if I deleted all my old work, every single reblog would still exist and be out of my control)

[autumnday19]

Seriously considering creating a program out of spite 

[doomdoomofdoom]

Fascinated by people in the notes going "its fine because banks are evil" (while true, not the current point of discussion)

Significantly more fascinated by people thinking this is somehow unique to TikTok exclusively and they would neeeeever do anything so stupid.

On tumblr.

The website that famously has several crowdfunding scam icebergs, and a convention that was set up so poorly, we are going to make a convention about that convention.

The easiest way to fall for a scam is to think you are immune to falling for a scam.

Hey has tumblr heard about the Chase “Infinite Money glitch” debacle from tiktok yet because

[sharpenote]

there's not always going to be an option to make things immediately better, but there will always be options to stop things from immediately getting much much worse, and you will always owe it to people less fortunate than you to keep things from getting worse, no exceptions

[yawnderu]

Pornstar!König's cock is a bitch breaker— that much you know by the way he's ramming every single inch of thick, veiny meat into your sopping cunt, his large hands digging on the supple skin of your waist in a bruising hold, his heavy balls slapping against your sensitive clit every time he manages to bury himself all the way in.

His blue eyes are fully focused on the screen displaying your face, the rhythm of his thrusts only getting rougher to drag more whiny moans out of your parted lips, exhaustion written all over your face at having to take his large dick on what was supposed to be a day off— only accepting a job after thousands of comments bombarding your media, begging you to collaborate with König. Perverts, you knew, yet you're more than happy to play into their fantasies.

One of the cameras pans to your face, fully capturing the alluring scene of your fucked-out state, beads of sweat dripping down your warm forehead, half-lidded eyes barely managing to stay open despite the way they're threatening to roll back with each deep thrust, and that famous smile that shows you crave his treatment. A trademark of sorts, something that made you end on the front pages of popular porn websites more than once, the very same thing that caught König's attention months ago.

“Harder.” A command you instantly regret the moment his hips falter, his brow scrunched up in mild disbelief, yet what is the behemoth of a man if not a people pleaser? König lets out a muffled chuckle, his warm hand trailing up to your chest, lazily rubbing your sensitive, pierced nipple with his thumb.

“Harder?” He repeats, his hips moving at an agonizingly slow pace, a smirk pulling on the corners of his lips beneath the mask the moment a whiny moan of protest is dragged out of your lips.

“Fuck yourself with my dick.” You can hear your own heartbeat pulsating on your ear, the rate steadily rising at his command. His breath hitches the moment you impale yourself onto his throbbing cock right after his words, his calloused hand giving your tit one last squeeze before moving back down to your waist, his large fingers digging onto the crevice of your warm skin, admiring the thin layer of sweat covering your body, the way your ass jiggles every single time you move on his dick.

His eyes darken with desire, his hands almost itching with the growing need to fuck into you, something he manages to ignore for mere seconds before thrusting back into you the moment you pull away, a sharp gasp leaving your lips at the way his bulbous head hits your sensitive cervix over and over, his wide hips slamming against yours, filling the room with a lewd melody of skin slapping against skin and combined moans desperate for release.

König doesn't hold back, his thrusts deep and powerful as your fingers grip the bedsheets, trying to find a way to release the overwhelming sensations. He can feel your body trembling beneath him, the sound of your whiny whimpers only serving to heighten his own arousal, shooting one of the cameras a look that drips pure arrogance— his movements becoming more urgent and demanding.

One of the screens displays the way your eyes roll back in ecstasy as your walls tighten around his thick cock, a sense of satisfaction and pride filling him as you cum, only then allowing himself to succumb to his release, his cock throbbing inside you as ropes of hot white cum shoot right into your womb, a loud groan leaving his lips.

Despite how rough he likes to fuck, König pulls out of you, his softening cock coated with your slick and his own cum as your body falls on the bed, utterly exhausted. You can feel his large arms wrapping around you from behind, the sound of fabric rustling filling your ears as you feel his warm lips press a soft kiss to your temple, whispers of praise that have never come out of his lips slip out with so much easiness that it almost surprises him.

[backwzzds]

ೃ⁀➷ spoil you, plug!eren

eren hated when you spent your own money, but you don’t listen.

thinking about the way plug!eren would take you on his drops with him. you were so quiet and in your own world, he never minded the fact that you had your freshly white painted toes resting against the dash of his mercedes AMG coupe. the entire car was blacked out with expensive ceramic tints, protecting you both from your usual…late night activities.

your glasses rested on the cute bridge of your nose as your left leg was sat in eren’s lap while your right rested against the dashboard. eren was lucky that he fucked with most of his customers heavy…you two had been waiting for the dude to meet y’all for nearly thirty minutes now, and had it been someone else, eren would have sped away long time ago.

eren comfortingly rubbed your baby soft feet in the grasp of his tattooed hand, one with beautiful realism art of your own eye. with a turn of his head, he could see you practically nose deep in the bright screen of your phone illuminating through the car. “you growing bored mama?” his voice is concerned. “ian think we was gonna be waiting this long on dude…my bad baby.”

you hadn’t said much since you’d gotten in the car, just wanting to hurry and add all of your things to your shopping cart on the skims website. “nah, ‘m just…trying…to do somethin’ real quick,” you bite your lip as you tap away on your phone. you were trying to add as many things to your cart before it was gone. “before this shit sell out.”

eren being the nosy boy he is leans against your shoulder to see what you were doing. but the moment he’d seen you type in numbers that belonged to what he knew as your own debit card, he kissed his teeth in annoyance. “man how many times i gotta tell you to stop using your card to go shopping bae?” you roll your eyes at his words. “i’m serious, you got all three of my cards on ya phone for a reason. fuck is you typing in your info for?”

don’t get him wrong, eren loved the fact that you were independent and knew how to handle money almost perfectly now that you were in your twenties. but being together with you for so long, he continued to step up with his provider capabilities by always taking care of you. whether it was paying your bills, rent—everything in between.

but of course it was a struggle when ms. i can do it all by myself meets mr. i know you can but let me do it for you

“because i’m spending like 600 dollars,” you point out to his previous question with an obvious scoff. “i’m not asking you for that.” eren mirrors your actions and rolls his eyes again.

eren looks at you as if you’re insane and suffered memory loss for the past four years you’ve been together. “babe…i make that shit in one night. actually—fuck a night—i make that shit in two hours!”

it wasn’t like he was lying either, with the way that eren was one of the only trusted plugs in town, it was very easy that he’d bring at least a band a night on a consistent basis. selling for almost six years was finally paying off.

you two hardly ever fought, but if you did, it was always about money. eren knew how long you’ve had to do things on your own physically and financially. you couldn’t go to your mom for help, you didn’t have a dad to beg, so it was all on you since you’d been 16. but now that he had eren, he’d just wish you’d let him take the burden of money of your shoulders and take care of you the way you take care of him.

after a few minutes, your boyfriend holds his hand out. you give him crazy eyes, but eventually follow orders by putting your phone in his hand. “don’t know how many times i gotta tell yo stubborn ass, forreal,” he grunted. “‘s never a problem spoiling my baby. you don’t ever ask me for nothing. let me feel useful and get you stuff, mama.”

with a sigh, you nod your head, like you always did. there was no way eren was gonna take no for an answer when it came to spoiling his wife.

in response, eren uses his free hand to delete your information and instead place the correct numbers—the information to his amex black card. all the money he has, he sits and does nothing with it, so why not buy you all the things you’ve never had before?

when you hear the chime of your phone confirming your order, eren hands you the phone back and goes to look out his dark window.

with your acrylics, you grab eren by the neck and slowly turn him back to face you. “thanks papa,” you gave him genuine eyes.

eren leans forward and pecks your lips. with a serious face, he pecks you one more time before wrapping his tatted fingers around your neck erotically. with a look in your eyes he tells you, “always tell me what you want, no matter how much, mama. you know daddy gonna get that shit for you one way or another, regardless.”

[zekedms]

Hi.

Do you see those articles about sesame seed being added to bread?

A major allergen?

Do you see how the point of this post is that companies are now doing that with other allergens where those things didn't exist before, which puts people with deadly allergies at a sharply increased risk and reduces options available to people?

Do you understand that cheesecake is here as a convenient example?

Please use your reading compensation skills to generalize this information. Being allergic to environmental triggers is indeed a struggle, something I'm very aware of having had to ensure the safety friends with latex and shellfish allergies that caused anaphylaxis from simply being in the same room too long.

Now realize that fatal allergic reactions being treated as "oh well cost of business" is extremely fucking bad for you too and that we ate all in this together.

Not to make a serious post too much but remember how angry everyone rightly was about bread companies adding sesame because it's cheaper to poison people than clean your machinery?

Yeah well it's happening in other foods. I already posted about Kellogg's doing it to cereal bars and Austin Snack Crackers but now it's in greens CVS granola bars and Jenny Fucking Craig cheesecake which btw record level they added EVERY allergen to that shit.

[emchante]

ᯓ f1 drivers — stalker!au

drivers included: max verstappen, daniel ricciardo, carlos sainz, oscar piastri, lewis hamilton.

warnings: 18+ content + dark themes — minors dni.

a/n: stalker!carlos went down well, and i’ve had an ask or two about other drivers. so, here’s a post about multiple drivers as stalkers. i hope you all enjoy, and drop by my inbox afterwards to let me know your thoughts!

— max verstappen.

stalker!max verstappen who is utterly obsessed with you, and has been since the day he lay eyes on you. you were never something he was normal about— infact the day he met you, he went home to find out as much information on you as he could from just your name. and find information he did. your early years, where you were educated, job, friends, family— he now knew a lot.

and with a few fishy websites, max had access to your phone number in no time. you two hadn’t spoken much, so he wasn’t worried about being found out. not when he could make his voice a little deeper and mask his accent a little just to make sure you didn’t catch on at all.

the conversations started off normal, just talking to you as if he were a friend. it scared you, how this man knew so much about you. he never answered when you asked his name, he avoided the question completely. you felt uneasy every time he called, yet you picked up every time.

and maybe you shouldn’t have, because that’s how it got to this point. this point, where the mysterious man on the other side of the phone was telling you what he was going to do you when he saw you in person.

“you’ll be begging for me, you know. begging for my thick fingers to rub your aching clit, or slip inside your pussy and hit the right spot.”

“you’ll be mewling as i grope your tender tits, allowing my rough thumbs to drag over your sensitive, peaked nipples. because you like that, don’t you? i know how sensitive your chest is compared to the rest of your body, and i’ll use that against you.”

“you’ll be such a good girl for me, won’t you? because i know how much you like to listen and obey. and i know you enjoy this— not knowing who i am, yet i know you. i know so much about you, and i’ll use it all to make you a ruined slut.”

fuck. why did you keep picking up?

— daniel ricciardo.

stalker!daniel ricciardo who puts his camera to use for his favourite muse, who just so happens to be you. yet, you aren’t even aware that you’re his muse. maybe it’s because he doesn’t explicitly tell you about it, because he’s taking photos from afar. when you’re walking by his house, when you’re out tending to your flowers, or when you’re in town grabbing a coffee— he’s always there.

but eventually, the photos change. he starts to lurk more, gets closer to get better shots of you. he feels like it’s a sign that you never shut your curtains, it’s like you’re inviting him. he manages to snap photos of you on the sofa as you fall asleep, or photos of you baking in the kitchen. his favourite time to strike is when you’re bent over, your ass straining against your leggings.

then it gets to the final stage of progression. daniel is so thankful your house only has one floor, because it means easy access to your bedroom. he has to stop himself from audibly groaning as he watches you from the window, getting undressed and into your lounging clothes. he snaps plenty of pics of you with your tits out, and some of you with only your pink, lacy panties on. he finally hits jackpot when he catches you masturbating in your room one night, window opened as you touch yourself and moan to your hearts content. daniel is sweating as he takes the photos. some are a little shaky, who can blame him when he’s palming himself with his other hand? he makes sure to take zoomed in photos of your pretty pussy being stretched by your fingers, and then some of your face as you orgasm.

he adores you, and it’s why he has a special print room in his house that’s covered in all the photos he’s ever taken of you.

— carlos sainz.

stalker!carlos sainz who knows you better than you know yourself. he’s obsessed with you, he knows your schedule for every day of the week. you trust him so much, and yet he uses it all against you. the spare key to your house you had given him for emergencies? he uses it for his own sick pleasure.

he has a day every week where he sneaks into your house while you shower, so that you can’t hear him unlocking the door or sneaking around the house. you have a spacious closet in your bedroom, one that sits right across from your bed. it gives him the perfect view of you whenever you’re drying and dressing yourself after your shower.

you walk around your bedroom naked while you look out the pyjamas you want for that night, and carlos gets the perfect view of your soft ass as you bend over to the drawers, seeing your options of clothing for the night. he loves when you perk up with excitement after finding your favourite set. the expression and noise you make is cute, but his main focus is your bouncing, wet tits that are in view.

he’s filthy, using you getting dressed and running your hands over yourself with your (supposed) alone time as material for him to jerk off to. he loves palming himself over his slacks as he watches your beautiful, bare body slip into the lacy panties and bra, before it gets covered my the soft, silky pyjamas that hug your body perfectly. his favourite part is when you get into bed, moaning in delight at how relaxed you are before dozing off to sleep.

he steps out of the closet once you’re fast asleep, pulling his slacks and boxers down to finish jerking off at the sight of you. he slowly opens the drawer that contains your panties, and cums into a fresh pair before he makes his way back home, as if he was never there.

— oscar piastri.

stalker!oscar piastri who’s just the sweetest soul you’ve ever met. he was always so lovely to you, such a gentlemen anytime you had been out together. he’s always offering help when you need it, even just the simplest things; your dress zip getting stuck, being low on cash for a meal, when your phone was acting up.

oscar was more than happy to help out with these issues, especially when it came to your phone. he asked if he could have a look into it, and of course you gave him permission— you couldn’t have your phone breaking on you now. he has it for longer than you’d expect but when he hands you it back it’s working just as well as it was before, so you don’t even care about how long it took. you hug him tightly and thank him.

however maybe you should have wondered why he had it so long, because it wasn’t just to fix your phone. in fact, that only took him five minutes. the rest of the time was spent installing a type of malware onto your phone, so he could have access to everything. your photos, apps, search history, socials. it was all for safety precautions of course, not for any other reason.

but it’s through this that he finds out how much of a filthy girl you are. he’s checking your search history late one night, and his jaw drops to see the amount of porn links you had clicked on that night. from soft porn to hardcore, kinky porn— he was truly shocked. he would never have expected it from you, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on even more.

you’re surprised when you wake up the next day to see a video of a man jerking off in your camera roll. you’re a little scared, but yet you watch it anyway. you put it down to one of the pornsites installing videos to your phone. you touch yourself as you watch the thick cock in the video pulse and spurt warm cum everywhere, and the heat is pooling in your belly.

if only you knew it was oscar.

— lewis hamilton.

stalker!lewis hamilton who loves to send you gifts. he knows you very well for a multitude of reasons. you’re friends of course, and a lot of topics come up in passing during conversations. other times, he finds out your interests in his own time. who could blame him for keeping an eye on you when you go out? he’s just trying to protect you, even if you aren’t aware that he’s always watching you.

you’re surprised when you start waking up to deliveries of random packages you don’t remember ordering and it’s even weirder when it has your full name on it.. maybe you had ordered it in your sleep. you think that’s correct, because the items you receive are things you’ve been talking about or looking into recently. it’s just weird when you don’t see the money coming out of your account, though.

but one day you’re left shocked when you open a package and you’re met with a dildo. you’re in shock because while you may not remember the last purchases, you’re certain you wouldn’t have ordered anything of the likes. it takes you a while to see there’s a note attached to it, not handwritten but printed.

“film yourself using this, sweetheart. you know you want to.”

and maybe you’re stupid, but you do it anyways. a free gift is a free gift.. you may as well put it to good use. so that night when you’re in bed, you position your phone against the headboard between your pillows and hit record. you record a lengthy video of you using the dildo you were gifted, moaning thank you’s to whoever it was that had sent you the gift. you end the video by gathering your slick that had spilt over the dildo, staring into the camera and licking your two fingers before ending the video.

you’re happily surprised to see lewis visiting the next day.

⋆˙⟡ enjoy this concept? come chat to me in my ask box about it! i’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas. <3