autumnday19

[autumnday19]

i will never forget in 2022 when i went to the same starbucks every day for like 4 months. and every day i ordered the same thing (grande iced matcha latte with oat milk). and every day it was the same barista and he was so rude to me every single time. and then one day i got in line and he immediately started making my matcha latte when he saw me and as i went to grab it off the counter, he stopped me and looked in my eyes and said "i'm sorry i'm such an asshole to you every day. this job sucks everyone is such a dick to me and youre the only regular who isnt so i take it out on you. and that probably wont change but im sorry anyway." and then the next time i went, he was rude as fuck to me again like nothing had ever happened. life is so strange.

[autumnday19]

a few years back my car insurance company offered me a discount if i stuck a dongle in my car that would tell them how i drive (specifically reporting hard accelerations and stops), with a base discount of 10% even if i drive like a madman up to 40%ish if i drive like a grandma. and of course naturally my first thought was "huh i bet i could make something running off an Arduino that filters hard brakes and accelerations out of the incoming data stream to get that 40% discount" and i got as far as looking up OBD2 protocols before realizing that that would just be insurance fraud. yes im an engineer raised by two engineers how could you tell

[autumnday19]

reaching the point of hyperfixation where I can no longer engage with it due to the nausea that I experience at the mere thought of seeing it on my screen is the closest I’ve ever been to being diagnosed with female hysteria

[autumnday19]

a second bumblebee has hit the flowers

[autumnday19]

"post without tags?" OH IM FUCKING SORRY #BEES #9/11

[autumnday19]

so in an among us game the other night, a player in chat said “does anyone want to get married?”

and bc i was in it for shits and giggles, i said “yes”

he asked where we should get married and i told him we’d meet in comms, which was right at the end of that round. we started the next game, ran to comms together and danced around each other for a minute, which constituted our marriage ceremony. he then proceeded to just run around with me as we did tasks, which amused me to no end, and in out first body report meeting, he exclaimed, “I’M A MARRIED MAN.”

and then, inevitably, an impostor ran right up to us and murdered me. my new video game husband immediately reported my body.

everyone voted blue immediately, successfully avenging me

and then. the twist. my husband got caught murdering.

[autumnday19]

[autumnday19]

My Wife: babe I think my dad might be autistic

Me: your face-blind, emotionally oblivious, picky eater of a father, who has numerous niche interests and the best-organized fly-tackle-box I have ever seen, might be autistic?

My Wife: you knew?

Me: you didn’t?

My Wife: babe I’m not ok I’m having a whole-

Me: you can hear the TVs, babe.

My Wife: What

Me, pointing at the special no-flicker lighting I installed in our house so that we never actually have to have the Big Overhead Light on: babe!

My Wife: … oh my god am I autistic?

Me:

My Wife:

Me: you didn’t know!?

My Wife: YOU DID!?

[autumnday19]

[autumnday19]

I am OBSESSED with people telling me how they met the love of their life. Just found out my director met his wife through a misdirected email - that’s fate right there.

[autumnday19]

reaching the point of hyperfixation where I can no longer engage with it due to the nausea that I experience at the mere thought of seeing it on my screen is the closest I’ve ever been to being diagnosed with female hysteria

[autumnday19]

this entry in a ‘what would happen if the internet went down tomorrow’ contest has been making me laugh since 2009

[autumnday19]

[autumnday19]

just finished reading american psycho. crazy stuff.

[autumnday19]

when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character