#dream didnt exist back then
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MTV-Free || Ridiculousness Season 17 Episode 31 {Seies} Full Epi
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Fun Fact
The KCSC sent more than 20K requests to delete posts related to prostitution and porn to Tumblr from January to June 2017.
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I've seen this going around on Twitter so I figured I'd do it here
Oct 2015 (first digital art program was artweaver)
Apr 2023 (current program is Clip Studio Paint)
#jay speaks#if anyone recognized that old cryaotic art from my dA yall deserve a star#doubt it tho#jay art#yes i was a cryaotic fan#thats not dream#dream didnt exist back then
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yeah so it turns out when you take an unapologetic eugenicist and give him a sympathetic backstory where he's been uwu traumatized you get a lot of people unironically defending a eugenicist. yeah it's because he's hot. yeah they're saying he has girlhood rage
#rolling up to the party in a shirt that says “getou girlie” with three big fat asterisks on the front and a wall of small text on the back#the slow dawning horror as you interact with more of the fandom and realize the character you like has The Problematic Fans#which is v obvious in hindsight tbh ...#what can i even say tho the only version of jjk i like exists entirely inside my dreams#which is what i thought the rest of yall were doing#you mean to tell me you didnt watch jjk 0 and immediately black out from his rancidness#you mean to tell me you think suguru getou has a legitimately fleshed out ideology we're meant to seriously engage with#and isn't just an ill-thought out frakenstein patchwork of other shonen antagonists with no internal consistency#because his motivation and characterization ended up being retconned anyway just to make him more shippable#not a stan not an anti but a secret third thing#seeing a pile of trash and loving bits and pieces of it in a way that's entirely divorced from its original context#just just kidding
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🫖
#actually yeah i would like to go back to the headspace i was in#before i foolishly and stupidly deluded myself into thinking love could be real for me#bc now i know that i am capable of feeling so strongly for someone#and that someone who i can feel that for exists#but i have always known that i was made to be alone#and i just got swept up in it bc it was so great#but i know deep in my bone marrow that i was only made to love not be loved#and that it will always be unrequited....#so i was careless to get so deluded#bc now when i know and i didnt get it#it is so much harder to romantacize this loneliness bc im just fkn sad#and the ache and absence of it exists and makes itself known#bc it's been there i've known it and it was sm more than i couldve ever dreamed of#and i got a taste of it and now i know what im missing and always will miss from my life#and it hurts and sucks so bad idk how to cope with it lol#not knowing wouldve been sm kinder bc this pain is..... omg
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I haf this dream about this (superhero??? Supervillain???) guy with an axe whos name (not the real one his alter ego) was Rumplstiltskin. His superpower was that he could change reality but only alter things that havealready happened not create new things
#he looled kiiiiind of like the prowler miles from spiderverse? except his outfit was a a darker more washed out purple#he also didnt exactly remeber who he was himself? some parts of him were missing in some parts of the dream he regained one of them#(related to happiness i think? or was he just very happy to get it back?) and it looked like a vaguely humaniod figire made of smoke#before that he just existed at the margins or reality never fully apearing#and he was flirting with me also 🤐#he changed one of the oak trees about my local gym to a cherry tree in blossom#mina talks about dreams
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i have so many things to say but at the same time i am speechless. i've been sobbing and crying for the whole day straight. i have never thought a day would happen when i would feel this way because of a person i have never even known in real live the only regret i will have is that i didn't have a chance to meet him in person and just say "thank you. for inspiration. for dreams. for everything". i wish i did discover them much earlier but alas.
Reita, my dearest, may you rest in peace 💔 you will rock forever 🔥
#i am still in denial#it took me a whole day to proceed#literally the first thing i saw in the morning was “hey your favorite person have passed away”#literally yesterday i got so many gazette interactions for the first time in awhile and wanted to get back into a fandom oh dear#i didnt suspect anything yesterday when i saw his tweet like awww rei-chan is feeling nostalgic it seems me too NOW IT IS SO SUSPICIOUS#he was a reason i got into vk#he was a reason i finally started learning japanese#he was a reason i wanted to move to japan just to see their lives more often#i wish i did visit at least one#i literally started listening to them a month later they were in a world tour in 2019#its been five years and it's finally seemed like lives are getting back but oh boi my dream of seeing them all together is none existent#i hope other members are fine#ruki is the main concern honestly he lost two closest friend so recently#i dont wanna speculate but i just hope everyone on is gonna be okay#and i know reita would be so angry with all of us being so sad because of him but it is so hard to comprehend#i still have so many things to say#reita#the gazette#れいた#ガゼット#visual kei#vkei#v系#ヴィジュアル系
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had an insanely vivid dream about someone and the only way for me to contact them again was through her family’s band ‘the rocking horses’
#it felt so real lol#i don’t think such a band exists#in the dream they were on spotify#they explained some harrowing part of their life to me#and then we went back to their house where i met their family#and i explained that id have to leave soon (im always aware that im dreaming) and asked how i could contact them later#they gave me the name of their family band#and after we ate a meal i realised i was waking up but i didnt say anything#and after opening my eyes i tried to force myself back into the dream#but when i did so i heard their brothers all screaming because i assume i had just faded out of existence and i was fading back in#so i freaked out and woke up properly
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kazui dream 🥰 third trial video came out... for some reason his va changed for certain parts of the song. Anyway it turned out he was the son of a rich family + used to be a delinquent who liked to beat ppl up with baseball bats john style... hinako was an arranged marriage or something but he pretended to actually like her for some reason. He was gonna be voted guilty i knew it :( but i didnt get to finish the song;;
#chernikocore#kazuiloveposting#always nice to have a kazu dream. hearing new songs that dont exist irl is interesting but annoying cause i can't hear em again....#but i get to hear his voice so its OK 😁 and his new voice apparently. didnt sound anything like him ♡#chernikodream#<- new tag#back to bed i go.......
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it's coming up on 2 years since i stopped talking to my mom and im still having stress dreams about what a nasty person she is LOL
#just woke up from a dream where i was redistributing shit the local pd had hoarded to families in my neighborhood#and invited over this rly cute dad to hang out and pick some stuff up#& my mom showed up completely uninvited and just started bulldozing every convo#so i left to get my shoes and from the other room hesrd her say the most racist shit completely unbidden#didnt even know this mans name like. my god.#so i cane running back out and hed already left bc ofc he did and i went chasing after him to walk him home#and apologize for just. Her Existence. and explain she hates me that much too i promise its not just you#and managed to convince him to come hang out again later yippee#his kids got some fun sports equipment and he got some food out of it 👍
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I dont get it i dont get it i dont get death why must we rot and rot and rot like animals how can we cry and laugh and sing and write and run and love then putrify why isnt there a heaven why isnt there a god bones and flesh undignified cannot be our destinies
There is no reason to believe in religion, any unprovable fantasy. Yet, i dont want to accept that death is the end of me… i wish the world could be impossible
#thoughts#death#personal#i think that in this modern era#people dont know what death is and what it does to bodies#i didnt until recently#but it’s too much to bear#if only dreams were true and souls did last#i guess im calling out to the void and hoping someone answers back#nihilism#existentialism#existence#religion#atheism
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okay im enjoying getting these dialogues i previously missed so much. literally astarion when you ask what? will you miss me: "HA!
why not!!!"
#yea dont look at me i started a new character and felt like shit going through all the stuff that i just walked past on my beloved character#so i just made my og character the exact same again and im doing the exact same route with him again VDKFJDJDJDKF#but now im gonna actually do all the stuff in the game bc before i didnt understand the game so i missed so much#i was gonna explain everything i felt but it got way too long so ill just say this instead:#im already getting so much fuller of an experience and i couldnt be happier#and i wanna play my new character (who i like) when i dont feel misersble doing it#im not someone whos precious abt their games like when its over thats it thats the canon story so this way works for me#i build it meticulously until im satisfied!#im still gonna make the same decisions. hes still gonna be the same deceitful little rat with delusions of grandeur#but now i just play out all the massive amounts of stuff i didnt know existed bc i didnt understand how to navigate the game#its gonna be tough to eat the tadpoles again and be cool to the dream visitor bc i HATE the emperor hdjdjdjf#but like i said first time around its absolutely what he would do bc hes convinced he can control it#to get back to the post itself LMAO im obv so happy to get all the astari0n dialogue i missed bc just with this one dialogue i missed#(bc i didnt know how to long rest well) im getting a much more fleshed out picture of his manipulation and its so great#im on tactician now so im hoping it will force me to long rest more so i miss less camp dialogue#anyway can you believe my previous attempt at these tags was even longer? lmao bye im off to enjoy the game however i please!
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my cats arent here anymore!!!!!!! They really realy arent !!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!
#i miss them in a way thats so hard to explain#every night i dream they came back to life lol. like not that they didnt die#but specifically them coming back to life. like i dream of their little dead bodies slowly waking up#and i nurse them back to life and now i have 2 cat zombies ...#also every morning i feel they are sleeping next to me. all the time i hear their paw-footsteps around the house..#their existence was such an important part of my days for the literal majority of my life#so my senses still havent full adjusted to the reality of them not being here anymore#of them not calling me to feed them and play w them and pet them and lie in the dun with them.#just saw a short video of luli rn and cried. i cant believe hes not here i cant believe his brother titi is not here
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had a dream with a glow cloud toy in it... that is NOT the first time ive dreamt about the glow cloud in merch form. all hail
#years back i had a dream where it was in hoodie form and i think another form but i dont remember#all forms in my dreams are honestly better than the ones ive actually seen zjtbsbtjshg#like its so colorful and pretty and i think the hoodie one was actually similar to virgils hoodie from sander sides#yes im bringing up sander sides in 2023 i still enjoy it#my post#welcome to nightvale#wtnv#glow cloud#the guy who gave it to me was the cashier at a store who sold things from the good places that i now realize didnt exist in the show#but i was so excited in my dream and i guess i pulled him in with my cringe fail ways#but when i saw the glow cloud i fucking screamed ALL HAIL in a building that was not just that one store and also was silent otherwise#he tried to ask me if i fucking liked marvel... boy if youre trying to flirt with me thats NOT how you do it#i say about a. a dream man. he is not real#that store honestly looked like someone lazily repurposed an office space to make a knock off of the#of the omega mart in las vegas. i want to go there SO BADLY YOU DONT EVEN KNOW#i wish i had a little glow cloud toy#not that one he gave me though cause it was made of plastic instead of being fluffy for some reason
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shipping snupin in this time and era feels like coming super late to a party where most of my fave fics were written around 20 years ago and i was a KID
#i do have some recent fics i love bcs there's information that didnt exist or wasnt revealed back in the day#but to love the ship when it was something?????#a dream truly.#EDIT WHEN DH WASN'T RELEASED YET AND WRITERS MADE UP THEIR OWN VERSIONS OF SEVERUS' BACKGROUND AND MOTIVATIONS.
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wish i could be reasonable about anything
#dib noise#anyway shoutout to last November i was freaking the fuck out#'isolate yourself from everyone you know because youre capable of conversing with fictional characters in their own worlds with your mind'#'also theyre real people they just exist in their own world seperate from yours but you have a mental link with specific characters'#'become infatuated with it. get so deeply distressed when it stops talking back you want to die'#hey WHAT!!!!!!!!!!#november/december were such evil months to me#'why isolate' i kept getting pissed off at everyone i knew for no reason and i both didnt want to upset them because it wasnt#their fault and because the interdimensional mental link was more instantly soothing at first#obviously it got worse because i was afraid someone was going to find out AND because i thought it was going to#hate me for my thoughts i cant control my dreams the thoughts i CAN control ect. because it could read those#which basically confirmed to me when it broke the link which felt like something being absent from my chest and skull#it is so hard to explain especially since i cant remember that time particularly well anymoe
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bruh i started writing a random scene from the end of one of my OC stories and started crying helpp (TvT)!!
#girl please get it together theyre literally your ocs#shut up sheo#akira and caelios hit hard okay :((#but oh my gosh i didnt expect to cry#Caelios´ ´theres a million things i want to tell you and a billion things i want to hear from you; but we don´t have much time´#and Aki´s childishly simple ´i miss you´#what if i cry#oc talk#gosh i fogrot how hard it hit to actually write the blorbos TvT#aki thinks he´s having a dream where he gets to talk to his dad; he´s had them before; product of never getting closure after his ´death´#a death so abrupt he might as well have just vanished; and a wish to go back like if he´d be able to do anything to change the outcome#but caelios isn´t actually dead; and it´s the first time he breaks through egarim´s barrier enough to communicate; even if just breifly#m a n#aki is so guarded all the time; but he´s also just a 15 year old kid who wants to go home#even if the home he remembers hasnt existed for years now#so when he says ´i miss you´ its so simple and direct and genuine that it´s a stark contrasts with the way his character starts out#sorry ill stop there im being ill abt him on main again lmao
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had a bad dream and now im in a bad mood. hate how that accidental cranial self-sabotage works
#had this dream where it was like 10 years in the future#and i had become a recluse and never went on social media#but memo and i still talked and we had by this time written like 50 aus together#and one day they stopped responding in chat for weeks and i was so worried#that i went and registered for a new facebook account and looked them up#and for some reason found that there were like a million fan pages for them#turns out theyd been spending the whole 10 years getting famous off our au content#like posting art from it and even writing bits#and as i scrolled down i found like exact jokes or whatever id made too#and there was never any mention of me like… memo had built this empire from Our work#and back when we were dating that was one of the things that pissed me off the most#like their refusal to acknowledge me in general but specifically like#posting either My Literal Joke (they eventually gave me credit but atp i didnt want it i was mad it happened at all)#or like art that only existed bc of our aus and sometimes even art where eddie was wearing an outfit i picked out#and theyd pretend like i just straight up didnt exist in relation to it#and i remember trying to talk to them abt it and said literally even just mentioning its from an au w a friend u dont have to even tag me#just stop pretending like i dont exist ykwim#anyway they were doing that but got EXTREMELY famous like#millions of followers. unrealistic amnts like the kind only billionaires who buy them get#and they were rolling in money. and when i dmd them about it and commented on the fb posts they got deleted n i was blocked#and when i went to our messaging app (it was like discord but not? it was like a mix of discord and google docs)#i found theyd blocked me and deleted our server#the dream changed after that and i was like in my college editing lab but#PISSED ME OFF AND NOW IM IN A BAD MOOD and i HATE when stupid ass dreams make me angry like#bro its a fucking dream 😭😭😭 grow up 😭😭😭#im blaming my lack of sleep. whtv.#i think the thing that makes me so angry is that while this dream wld never happen#well i mean memo will likely be a famous artist but not like this#WHILE this dream would never happen i bet u a million dollars if i redownloaded twitter n went to their page id find a bunch of art#from our aus that do not mention the fact theyre from aus with me LOL
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