#not knowing wouldve been sm kinder bc this pain is..... omg
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#actually yeah i would like to go back to the headspace i was in#before i foolishly and stupidly deluded myself into thinking love could be real for me#bc now i know that i am capable of feeling so strongly for someone#and that someone who i can feel that for exists#but i have always known that i was made to be alone#and i just got swept up in it bc it was so great#but i know deep in my bone marrow that i was only made to love not be loved#and that it will always be unrequited....#so i was careless to get so deluded#bc now when i know and i didnt get it#it is so much harder to romantacize this loneliness bc im just fkn sad#and the ache and absence of it exists and makes itself known#bc it's been there i've known it and it was sm more than i couldve ever dreamed of#and i got a taste of it and now i know what im missing and always will miss from my life#and it hurts and sucks so bad idk how to cope with it lol#not knowing wouldve been sm kinder bc this pain is..... omg
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