#dreading work actually
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just discovered it's supposed to start raining tonight and all day tomorrow immediately my monday is saved
#dreading work actually#every 6 months my schedule changes and its gonna sound pathetic but . i've gotten used to working a part time schedule#and now it'll be full time and im just. cries#im gonna feel like my day is gone even though its really not#i'll just have less time to be able to do all of my tasks and play my silly games wahhh#which sounds dumb cause a full time schedule is what i need anyways money wise but the more time i spend at work the more i hate my life#on top of that my day to day schedule is going to be very unpredictable and i hate that it stresses me out so MUCH#sends my anxiety through the fucking roof. i need a new job ugfhhfhghhvhd#so. yay#i do not want to have to work to live who decided this was a good idea#anyways... reallyyyyy trying to think of positive things rn :(#₊˚⊹⋆˚☂︎ bunny babbles ₊˚⊹⋆˚
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Average university experience
#based on real life events#don't do this btw it has horrible long lasting consequences.#finals may be killing you but keep that routine up and they /might actually/ end you#last year I had the idea of a uni au which stayed as various notes. drawings and a few drafts#well I have finally started to work on it recently to flesh it out better#I'm planning to stick to the plan of it being a fun thingy to have. mostly just to put them in Uni Situations yk yk#it's the ultimate projection au for a myriad of reasons. putting vash in my major and ww in one of my most dreaded classes but actually mak#him enjoy it will be therapeutic to me in soooo many ways. loved the class. fuck the teacher tho. ww won't go through the same#however he will be cursed with Knives so wtv#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#Trigun Uni! AU
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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I like it when the snakes say things
#mgs#metal gear solid#mgs3#mgs4#eva: its called the slay button actually.#they're all so talkative#kind of refreshing as a fan of another multi-game franchise featuring a silent protagonist#i wanted to get more horror and dread in hal's face but it wasn't working so he's just perturbed now#lemondoodlrr
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Samus painting commission for twt user
Asked to draw her with the metroid dread last suit...it was a very fun suit to draw
#samus#samus aran#metroid#metroid dread#commission work#my art#Actually i should post more of my commission work#fanart#digital art#digital painting#nintendo
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“Rae, why does this coin look so unique compared to the other yen?”
“Oh! See how this one has a face instead of the number of value on it? It’s because this is American currency, this here is a quarter, worth 25 cents. They have George Washington’s portrait in them.”
“That- That’s George Washington!? The first president of the United States!?”
“Uh… yah? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I simply, uhm… envisioned him rather differently than… this.”
Based on Even in the Next One !!! This isn’t an actual scene inside the chapters, but it’s just so easy to imagine them with how lively they feel. Please go give it a read if you haven’t yet <3
To @jobrrr : AUUGHH I’M IN LOVE WITH YOUR FIC!!! It has been a few months since I last became this invested in one :’D It just feels SO real and there are so many thoughts in my head as a result; hopefully I overcome my shyness and drop a comment proper sometime soon. Thank you for your service.
ALSO @melpymoo ! HUGE thank you for reading this alongside me omfg this is crazy, never before has a hyperfix been revived this violently 😭 Ty for granting me the space to be totally normal about these 2, looking forward to the rest of your reactions ^^
#I was planning on working on this in the server vc while we listened to the LN2 audiobook#But I got so fucking invested all over again I didnt and actually just sat there in dread#counting the pages until *that* scene on the final chapter arrived#i was sick#i was ill#its okay though drawing afterwards was my therapy#ANYWAYS#im gonna go read ch12 now wish me luck im worried#ilu Rei Oohashi you’ll forever be famous no matter if you can make a crème br��lée or not#just PLEASE COMMUNICATE#long live yuri#okay tag time#watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou#wataoshi#i’m in love with the villainess#im in love with the villainess#claire francois#rae taylor#rei ohashi#iftv#iltv
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“Your hair’s gotten longer.”
It’s conscious effort that keeps him from tucking the strands behind his ear, from taking the knife at his hip and shearing it all off. He keeps his stance focused, attentive, there’s little else he can do when he’s taken so completely after his mother when it comes to his hair. His father scratches his chin, the clouds of his beard snaking about his finger like mist parting for mountain-peaks. Ares’ chin is still child-smooth. He can feel the tickle of his over-long fringe against his soft jaw. There’s no heart in his chest, but still he feels as though a pulse is lodged in his throat.
Father sighs, put-upon, disappointed, and Ares feels a slight tremor start in his calves from holding himself so tense. “Well done, Ares. Go clean yourself up and get some rest. Phoebus will want to look you over later.”
He should be ecstatic to be praised by his father. Over-the-moon with joy. There should be pride emanating from every pore of his body, the blood on his skin should be sweeter than ambrosia.
Instead, he bows, manages a soft ‘thank you, Father’ around the lump in his throat and immediately flees the room. A mild ‘make sure to trim your hair’ hits the back of his head like a spear through the skull. He almost wishes the great door had slammed on his foot so he would have reason to feel this horrid in his retreat.
Phoebus Apollo is waiting for him in his infirmary.
He’s gilded as ever, gold from crown to heel. Perfect like the statues they carve of him in his temples. He has a smile for Ares when he sees him, a crinkle at the edges of his pretty eyes from the weight of his joy. Ares is waiting to see the crack in the marble, to see if that’s the chip that’ll reveal his fangs.
“Brother,” he greets, and his voice is warm - like the arms that embrace him, his voice is so warm, “Welcome back. I’ve heard you’ve done well.”
There’s a tremble in Ares’ fingers he hadn’t noticed before. Strain from carrying his sword for so many days, a throb from wounds he hadn’t noticed he’d accrued. “Heard? There’s already gossip?”
Phoebus blinks, disarming, demure, coquettish, “But of course,” and Phoebus’ voice is honey to Ares’ gravel, the juxtaposition is grating on his skin, “It’s Olympus. The gossip began long before you set your course.” Those warm hands lead him further into the room, bodily sits him on the chaise, pulls his helmet from his head. It’s all one, unbroken motion, “It’s summer alas, so I could not watch your war myself, but I hear it was quite the decisive victory.”
A thousand thoughts run on horseback through his mind then.
Did Father overhear some terrible slander that pre-emptively disappointed him? Was Ares’ victory merely a rumour, a bet his father hadn’t bothered to take? Was the gossip more enticing than the stark truth? That Ares wasn’t some child toddling about in the shadow of his sister, that his sword and spear weren’t merely for show - he’d think such a thing would warrant celebration. Not -
“Oh my,” Phoebus is in front of him, pleasant warmth more sticky heat with how close he’s pressed himself into Ares’ space. From this angle, Ares can see the multi-coloured flecks of his eyes, like shards of golden glass suspended in ichor. From this angle, with his hand so gently holding his hair, were Ares to blink too hard, he’d swear Phoebus looked just like his mother. “Your hair’s grown long again.”
He pushes Phoebus off with such force that he bangs into the wall. It’s Phoebus, it won’t make even the impression of a scratch on him, but Ares wishes it would. Wishes he’d hit his shoulder or crack his neck or hit his head just hard enough for all that perfect, gilded gold to bleed.
“I’m only here for you to heal me,” the tremble in his hand extends to his shoulder now. He flexes and unflexes his palm. Gods what he would give to just have a sword - “Don’t waste time with the pleasant-work.”
Phoebus huffs, adjusts the fit of his himation, “...Only because we’re meant to be celebrating your victory.” He crosses the room in two great strides, his hair a swirling tempest behind him as he gathers his poultices and wraps. “The only reason I’ll not throw you from the window is because we are meant to be celebrating your victory.”
There’s not enough acid in his tone for this to truly be a fight. Ares’ jaw clenches, he bites out a terse, “How benevolent.”
“Aren’t I?” He’s got nectar and his sutures in hand, that focused look falling upon his face when he switches from overbearing busybody to Paeon of the Gods. “Now strip unfaltering Ares, let us see the measure of damage done to your indomitable flesh.”
(Somewhere between the fifth set of stitches and the gentle frown that crosses Phoebus’ face when he notices the persistent tremble in his fingers, Ares pins his eyes to the far wall and asks, “What does it mean when Father says ‘well done’?”
Any other sibling would mock before they gave a true response. Any other sibling would laugh and dismiss it, would say that praise is praise and any lingering ill feeling is just the worst of the war still fogging his mind. Phoebus does not answer immediately. He doesn’t make a single sound. The question settles like fetid water between them, unignorable, the scent right there on the tip of the tongue yet firmly unacknowledged. Ares closes his eyes and tries again to settle his squirming so he does not interfere with Phoebus’ work. The metallic snip of scissors cutting thread breaks the silence. Phoebus bids him to sit up and slides his warm palms up his back until his fingers tangle gently in the ends of his hair. He twists the dark red strands until he’s gathered it all into a neat handful, holding it loosely as he switches his scissors for his shearing blade. “You should know it was not praise,” Phoebus says softly. The first of Ares cut hairs fall like viscera from his head. Phoebus treats each cutting with the sacredness of a blood-sacrifice. If he focused on the moment of tension right before the blade cuts though, Ares thinks he can imagine the agony of his sister’s sacred birth. “It is acknowledgement. Father thinks you’ve done well so he says ‘well done’.”
Gently, Phoebus releases him. Ruffles his head so all the extra hairs fall like red rain to the floor. Ares runs his fingers through the ends now curling against his ear. “Has he ever told you ‘well done’?”
A laugh, warm and gilded, “No, and it would not make you feel better if he had.”
Ares swallows down a thousand different questions. Phoebus wouldn’t answer them, he’s infuriating like that. Instead, he clenches his teeth, the phantom of Father’s dizzying tangle of grey cloud-hairs persistent in the corner of his eyes. “Cut it shorter.”
Phoebus doesn’t protest. He never seems to say a word when it really matters.)
#ginger writes#“Oh I'll post more about Apollo and Zeus!” posts about Ares and Apollo posts about Ares and Apollo posts about Ares--#Admittedly the triad of Zeus Ares Apollo is very interesting to me and it has a very fun place in my work so like#woe Ares/Apollo sibling relations be upon ye#I think Ares and Apollo are such fascinating foil cases btw - both for exploring masculinity and the complexes of the son#Strong masculine Ares with his dread and bloody war-work vs calm effeminate Apollo with his dread but distant archery#Apollo himself is not effeminate by the by but some of the things he's associated with tend to give that impression#I'm thinking specifically of an Achilles/Paris dichotomy between the two almost tbh#Where Achilles lives gloriously and fights gloriously but is ultimately destined for shame and an inglorious end#while Paris lives according to his feelings and desires yet prevails over both the pious and the powerful#That's the kind of relationship they have at this point#It's also very interesting looking at cases where parents (in this case Zeus) don't necessarily deride or shame a child#but certainly don't uplift them either#The distance between Zeus and Ares will never not be a favoured topic of mine#I love that shit so much actually#zeus#ares#apollo#writing#greek mythology#pursuing daybreak posting
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Tetris Fanart.
I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah
#text#art#eyestrain#cw eystrain#bright colors#cw bright colors#tetris#nintendo#god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever#i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow#but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it#ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense#its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel#the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris#i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat#ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff#i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world#the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out#but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag#and uh.#objectum#yeah i think. i think yeah.
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memory holes litter my mind, blotting out years. i don’t follow the rabbit down them.
#river dipping#theodore doe#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#ts4 screenshots#cw blood#i had these long rambling tags talking about the logistics of this edit bc i didn't actually want to talk about the edit itself#realized i was avoiding it and just deleted all of them. this is the edit i wanted to make for theo's birthday back in september.#i've worked on this preset/build/pose/edit in small sections for weeks now but finally locked in these past two weeks.#this is fifteen year-old theo in the hallway of his summer boarding school#i’ve talked previously about how theo has these gaps in his memory and struggles with probing questions about his past...#he has a very negative reaction to being asked them and there’s this dread that rises when there's nothing that floats to surface.#like memory is a reel of film left too long out in the sun. overexposed. spotty.#dizzy with all the light in his eyes when he tries to remember what used to fill the gaps.#it gets worse the further back he tries going like something’s sunken in there and he can’t touch his feet to it.#so he doesn’t think about it. he doesn’t follow the rabbit down.#this is only a glimpse of what spills out when a door is left ajar in his mind.#that's all i'll say#my oc...#yeah#quality kind of got nuked despite resizing so zoom if you want to see the details better
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click for better quality? tumblr loves to compress images worse than dudes repressing gay urges
Art I made for my second work in the Scales of Fate au (Blood In The Wine) featuring The Ocean Queen and her new knights Dame Gem, Lady Pearl and Earl Cleo 🌊💗
#scales of fate#sofau#ldshadowlady#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#zombiecleo#each design is picked from a few series. different from each other.also just my mind#my inspi for gem was actually a lot of her series but generally i really like drawing her with birch antlers#she's a fawn and tree nymph#cleo is inspired by hc 9 and witchcraft smp and last life#pearl is inspired by double life by design shes a wolf :3 character wise empires#lizzie is empires and the life series but also other series#with likr a punch of existential dread and anxiety and angt^_^#this right after the Accolade of the knights and welcome into lizzies kingdom#more works coming soon :D#empires smp#hermitcraft#rare sketchbook
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Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)
#my ârt#crush depth#crush depth spoilers#fnaf#tw blood#tw drowning#idk how many others apply#anyways this is midnight crow coming out of the shadow realm to scream at you#first of all a cs ramble is on the way I'm still recovering from that fic too#im biting you naff im biting you so dang hard#I don't even know much about iron lung besides watching a play through but damn do you make me want to know more#just. where do I even start. the atmosphere is established so well and even though there was such a small space to work with I FELT it#I felt the claustrophobia I felt the walls and the console and the single dim lightbulb as my only solace in this death trap#the THOUGHTS#poor yn had so much time to just get lost in their head and spiral pretty much constantly#the dread. the constant overhanging dread of knowing there's a 99% chance they're not getting out of there alive and at this point#they just want to accept it and let it end bc there's hardly anything to go back to if they live#naff. look at me. reading some parts made my chest actually tighten with dread. it was so well done.#this poor human just buried in existential horror and just wanting it to end in a slightly less painful way#and the unknowable beings trapped outside who absolutely REFUSE to let that happen#god those eldritch fish were trying their hardest but just couldn't get in#yn was trapped inside while they were trapped outside and I just#I am EXPLODING the more I think about it#thinking about when they thought they were drowning and tried to breathe again#wanting to die but still having that instinct to survive#asking to be ripped apart but still cherishing their last breath of air#I'm shaking you I'm shaking you I'm dying on the floor#ough.#I'll never mentally recover from this and I want you to know I genuinely get inspired by your writing#this has been midnight crow ramblings. I just hit the tag limit. have a lovely night.
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The world owes you a great debt.
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#datvedit#userhalk#usertogepies#solas#fen'harel#the dread wolf#rook#veilguard rook#dragon age rook#audo#veilguard spoilers#da spoilers#dragon age spoilers#datv spoilers#spoilers spoilers spoilers#i LOVE this ending but it shouldn't have worked#like it's fine but it doesn't actually make all that much sense#solas thought something was up like it looks like he can tell the dagger's not right it had to have felt different#AND IT STILL WORKED#S O L A S#DUDE#or did his pride take over in that moment because he thought he beat rook there?
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i think a big part of why wilson is so hot is bc he's very rarely seen wearing anything that doesn't include a button down with the sleeves up
#desire mona#i was in choir.. the dreaded concert attire#another big reason is the fact that he is played by robert sean leonard#i think thats most of it actually#crazy how that works#james wilson#house md#robert sean leonard
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ddhdhjshdj forgot to post this but BOOMBOX MY BELOVED I LOVE THEM!!! /plat
i cant decide on how light/dark i want their skin to be so yea! alt versions under the cut (further rambling will be taken to tags) (i’ve decided that now…) (<- probably because i can write WALLS of text about my art and stuff if people let me) (i will GLADLYYY ramble in dms) (also tag limit jumpscare)
style practice </3
grrrgh i love this idiot they’re just so shakable
trying to draw chubby people too this is all just practice tho i’m still learning despite how long i’ve been doin art :,]
#me when i put scribbles random shapes and chappell roan lyrics in the background and call it a day#i mean… it works!#i’ve been listening to chappell roan a lot recently#she’s got good songs!!#anyways about boombox#i couldn’t decide on their skin colour so have this-#i’ve been trying to work on phighter’s personal designs for a while!#for some reason my brain wants me to draw them all in separate styles#<- working on that atm#i’ve got it written down for most actually!!#just need to set some styles for ban scythe and shuri#i’ve also practiced drawing dreads in this one cause i’m struggling a bit#i learn through observation though so we good :3#who reads these#projecting on this idiot btw that’s why there’s they/them in here </3#GHHHH I MIGHT CHOOSE MERMAIDS SOMEONE SEND ME TEAM PROPAGANDA#/silly /nf#||#art#digital art#digital illustration#artists on tumblr#artwork#phighting#phighting!#my art#digital artist#fanart#phighting fan art#boombox phighting
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playing through where the dead must go with an ingellvar rook and......... oh. rook LOVES loves the grand necropolis actually huh. you can hear it in every line they say. I'm. so full of feelings I didn't expect this to hit so hard but between the voice lines, banger music and astounding visuals (TELL ME this game is ugly and that the visual style sucks while you meet me in these halls of grieving I fucking dare you) I feel second hand drenched with grief and melancholy on the inside what the fuck
(feat. lucanis coming along unwittingly meeting future in-laws and realizing that rook has been clenching their teeth with the effort of only seeming about 5% of the freak they actually are the entire time he's known them fhsadkjfsa. local man learns that the one thing future spouse is deadly fucking serious about is their role as a watcher. it's a little hot)
#it fits so well because I haven't picked up a single necromancy spell and kept holding off on going to recruit emmrich#almost like rook is so homesick he could die but also dreads being back there because he fears he fucked up#and that the place itself would reject him somehow the same way the seniors watchers did#WILL THEY KNOW ME they say about the wisps with all the fear and longing of a child!!!!!!! what the FUCK what the fuck helllo!!!!#emmrich already feels like such a healing presence for ingellvar in particular through this he's so kind and companionable with them#of course rook is ruefully wracked with grief beneath it all they're in exile. augggggghhhh#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#rook ingellvar#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#at least american masc rook DOES sound like an excited child through this whole mission it's so endearing#I had headcanoned that rye was a bit of a problem kid -- brilliant but restless and underachieving despite wanting to be good#and this works really well with that actually. emmrich. pls come help this guy heal his relationship to academia and home lol#'what *idiot* would try to break into our necropolis?' he loves this place he's so proud of this place bonding over it with another watcher#is so important to him. I need to lie down
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.
#I struggled so hard today#and for no apparent fucking reason#I struggled with something at work that I've done for the first time while also constantly task switching#and I STILL NOTICED MY MISTAKE#but the fact that I made a mistake in the first place is fucking killing me#I feel like I will be executed for it#it makes my skin crawl#and to know that I'll have to go up to another human being who I respect deeply and be like hey I made a mistake please don't hate me#is the first fucking thing#BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE#part of science is noticing your own mistakes so why is this so terrible to me#I know upbringing bla#yes I was raised to believe that among all other things I'm smart#and I have had this proven to me over and over and over growing up#so when I actually struggle with something I can no longer be smart therefore I am nothing#utterly worthless#and nobody even meant me any harm by telling me I was smart#this is such a STUPID FUCKING problem to have#uh I was told I'm smart#bitch what#yes being yelled at from 10 through 28 by my father for completely unpredictable reasons did not help with me thinking this is terrible#BUT STILL#get your shit together#see and even now I'm beating myself up for struggling with something#URGH#I just want peace and not existential dread whenever I make a mistake that is definitely my fault#personal#so and if you've actually made it till down here I'm giving you a big hug#we'll make it somehow
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