#dracula abridged

[fortunatelythevoid]

Page two!

[artnijna]

Doodled some Alucards

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

(I meant Drac, shit. How does Drac feel about being in Dead By Daylight?)

Dracula, sitting in his throne room, scrolling on his phone: It does not take forty goddamn minutes to deliver a bean burrito.

*Ash Williams and Laurie Strode burst into his Throne Room*

Dracula: Oh cool! Dinner and a show! *tosses his phone away* Suck it uber eats, get your game up.

Ash: Is this the vamp, Laurie?

Laurie: What? No, Ash, we're supposed to be in a DIFFERENT Castle hunting a DIFFERENT guy with black and red robes on.

Dracula: Is vamp meant to be some kind of slur? Cause I can think of like ten better ones right off the bat.

Ash: So, how do you wanna do this? You rush him and I take him from the side?

Laurie: Why do I always have to be the one to rush the monster?! You're the one with the Chainsaw Hand!

Dracula: I'm being very polite. I'm being very polite allowing this conversation to continue.

Ash: Look, the entity left me in charge-

Laurie: Oh, here we go! Mister older and wiser as if he could ever hold down a-

*they bicker longer as Dracula sighs and stands up*

Dracula: Aaaaaaadd times up *claps his hands, silencing them* So tell me kids! How exactly were you planning on getting rid of me?

Ash: The only way anyone can gank a vamp. *revs his chainsaw*

Laurie: By taking their head off. *brandishes knife*

Dracula: Ah, well, that's step one? What about two through ten?

Ash: ...

Laurie: ...Come again?

Dracula: Let me ask you something, kids. *Andrew W.K.'s Ready to die starts playing over the castle loudspeakers as Dracula prepares to go on a very enthusiastic walk* Do you know why I keep my door unlocked?

Ash: Uh...

Dracula: So I can let in foolish little children with daddy issues to come on in. *draws sword* Call me the DUMBEST slur I've ever heard in my life! And allow me to cancel my Uber Eats.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/@LampLeg

[wronghands1]

[see-arcane]

I'm imagining Alucard (Hellsing) screaming, "Yes! This IS a JoJo reference!" while Jonathan's just staring at him in bewilderment and asks what the fuck JoJo is and it's all because of you.

All according to keikaku, Anon >:}

In all honesty it'd be fascinating to see Jonathan Harker (novel) trying to navigate Hellsing (manga/anime/abridged series)

x

Alucard being used as a blithe pin cushion for the kukri becomes a running gag. He starts collecting all of Anderson's leftover bayonets to leave them at Jonathan's door like a cat gifting dead birds.

Alucard, full Count Voice (tm): "In case you need a spare, my friend."

x

Jonathan: "You're descended from Abraham van Helsing?"

Integra: "Hellsing, yes, that's what I said."

Jonathan: "Helsing."

Integra: "Hellsing."

x

Seras getting to enjoy having comparatively sane conversations with someone (bonus points for getting an adamant sermon about how her vampirism does not inherently make her a monster, Jonathan knows his shit here)

x

I think he'd hack Walter into pieces after the big reveal. Just on principle. Not just for the present day betrayal, but the fact that once upon a time he'd risked the life of a child for the sake of his ambition. That shit doesn't fly.

x

The Millennium Group, though. Oof. Oof. In any universe, anyone who even marginally messes with Mina, alive or otherwise, has to pay. Things gets ugly there even before he finds out they're Nazis.

x

Anderson: "The Iscariot Organization's purpose is a divine one, dedicated to the destruction of unholy inhuman monsters who prey on humankind!"

Jonathan, remembering the nice lady who gave him a crucifix and the nuns who nursed him back to health: :)

Anderson: "Absolutely no exceptions! Ever! I'd carve that undead police girl into ribbons given half the chance!"

Jonathan: :( "...Well." 🔪

Alucard, 100% saw this coming, desperately wishes he could eat popcorn while he watches: "Rooting for you, Harker"

Jonathan: "You're next."

Alucard: "Here's hoping" :)

[loadinghellsing]

guess who recently watched the One Piece live action

[moody-hellhound-loona]

"I think I found the perfect theme song for I.M.P."

[dontfearthemeeper]

Van Helsing: It seems to me, that our first step should be to ascertain whether the remaining boxes of earth lie in the house beyond that wall where we look to-day; or whether any more have been removed. If the latter, we must trace–

Quincey: So anyway, I started blasting–

[0ldhag]

Missionary so he can spit straight into my mouth.

[starberry-cupcake]

I looked up the whole collection and I need these two specifically

treasure island is so far the only easily conceivable one in a pitch of Disney classics, therefore the one I can live without, but Jonathan Harker Mickey with spicy peppers in hand and Mr Micksey (that's how they spell it in the book) who lives in actual Pemberley estate (no name change) are in my wish list as of today

I asked my sister who the demographic would even be for a Disney Pride and Prejudice as opposed to a more kid-oriented classic and she said "apparently you", which is fair

[hergan416]

I definitely didn't check "A Study in Scarlet" out from the library and screw up my sleep schedule to satisfy my curiosity about what liberties with the source material are being taken in Moriarty the Patriot.

[fortunatelythevoid]

[artnijna]

I don't care if it's yuletide times, Alucard nails!!!

[da12thkind]

Dracula Daily - May 5th and May 7th

Okay, so, somehow, I totally missed the May 5th email. In terms of reading, I already know the entries, as stated back when I made my post, but in terms of making posts, I was a tad bummed. Anyways, let's get going!

So May 5th is basically all about Harker's journey to Castle Dracula. Because he has no idea what's in store, he's super confused by the locals doing the cross and praying for him. He tries to get some answers from his fellow passengers, but they all just, like, brush him off. Which... rude much?

May 7th sees Harker finally reach Castle Dracula where the titular character lives. Dracula in the beginning acts live a very chill host, having everything set up for Harker, a library, toilet pot, food, you name it-he got it.

If only this nice-ness is to last...

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

On the plus side this will cancel all "audiobooks don't REALLY count as reading" arguments while we close ranks against a new common enemy. I think we can all agree that this does not count as reading a book.

If you're reading classics then I guarantee a proper abridged, simplified or annotated version done by a professional already exists. Do not trust the mindless summaries of Spicy Autocomplete.

what is HAPPENING

[see-arcane]

I hope you don't mind since it's been a hot minute since the Hellsing stuff, but for shits and giggles, how do you think your Jonathan and Mina would deal with the Hellsing Abridged cast as opposed to the canon versions?

They’d have to be the abridged versions of themselves too. I think that beyond the time warp aspect they would do alright