#dr. grief

[icebearinacornfield]

Rating Alex Rider Villians on a scale of 1-10 on how supportive they'd be of me telling them I'm Agender:

[Just so we are clear, the concept for this came from a TikTok-er who does a good amount of Alex Rider content/analysis!)

Harod Sayle: 5/10 He's too focused on his own revenge plot against British school children to care and he wouldn't entirely understand it, but I get the vibe that he'd ask some follow-up questions about what I meant and then just be like "ok cool IG". He'd misgender me a lot, but it wouldn't be from a place of malice, it would just be because he forgot. He'd be quick to fix his mistake though. All in all, Harod Sayle's just too spiteful to have the energy to expend on being transphobic/enby-phobic/agender-phobic (I never know the right term to use, please send help!), so he simply wouldn't be. If I were British, however, he would be the most transphobic person on Earth to me!

Nadia Vole: 10/10 She'd ask for pronouns upon introduction and always make sure that she's using the right ones! If nothing else, Nadia Vole is a professional, and professionals use people's correct pronouns, names, and honorifics. I also get the vibe that she'd not put up with anyone's bullshit if they're intentionally going around not respecting other people's identities. She also just gives the energy that she's queer (especially in the graphic novel), but then again it might just be me projecting.

Mr. Grin: 5/10 Bro's literally just doing his job and couldn't give less of a fuck. He'd respect my pronouns and stuff, but it'd be out of total indifference to me. Just like, he doesn't have the energy to waste, so it wouldn't matter to him whatsoever.

Dr. Grief: -10/10 He's a racist/nazi/white supremacist/fascist jackass (probably a stronger word would be better suited for this, but I don't feel like putting it in), so going off of what we know already, I can make a very educated guess as to what his stance on me not fucking with gender would be...

Eva Stellenbosch: -10/10 Same with Dr. Grief. She'd also just straight-up hate crime me for fun, so there's that too.

Alexei Sarov: 8/10 He'd be a little confused/not know entirely what being agender meant, or even what it is for that matter, but after it was explained to him, he'd make an effort. He'd read up on the subject, he'd ask questions, he might mess up on pronouns and such pretty regularly, but there'd be an effort on his part and that's what matters!

Conrad: 1/10 He's a chaos gremlin of pure hatred and murder. He is alive solely out of bitterness and spite. He'd purposely misgender me/be actively transphobic just to feel something. Anything. Conrad just wants to watch the world burn and he's got the gasoline.

Damian Cray: 20/10 There was no heterosexual explanation for that man to begin with! I also can't see him being super big on gender in the first place. He'd be out there actively fighting transphobia and showing his support for all of the LGBTQIA+ community! He'd validate me and he'd be aggressively supportive as well!

Nikolai Drevin: 0/10 Y'all saw how he was to his son Paul Drevin. Paul has been head-cannoned/heavily implied to be gay and we all saw how THAT turned out... I just feel like Nikolai Drevin would not hesitate to force me to go to conversion therapy. That's it. Maybe he'd pretend to be supportive at first to lull me into a false sense of security so he could kidnap me for conversion therapy, but it'd be a complete and total act. Believe me, this man IS ABSOLUTELY NOT an ally!!! That being said, he wouldn't outright kill me/other type of hate crime me. Not that conversion therapy is ok or anything, but the bar is so low on this list at points and I'm forced to give credit where credit is due. He'd kill me because I beat him at something which is something he does with everyone else so it's an equal opportunity thing.

Desmond McCain: 3/10 He'd try and do an exorcism of me. not necessarily because of the whole agender thing (not that that would hurt his decision though), but just because of me as a person. I don't care if he's not that kind of religious, but that wouldn't matter to him. He'd become that type of religious. Desmond McCain would also try to talk me out of being agender (not that that's someone that can do) by telling me that "God didn't intend for you to reject your natural calling as a woman." which isn't something that I think that God would agree with because I just don't... Either way, he'd say that I was a sinful person and going to super-hell when I eventually and he'd mean it too even if he's just faking being a Christian.

Dominic Royce: 4/10 He'd be on the quiet side, but don't let that fool you! He'd actively be doing everything in his power to pass anti-trans laws even though legislating is not part of his job! He'd refuse to acknowledge my saying anything about being agender and say condescending shit like 'You're too young to know that!" or "It's just a phase!" and would be calling me "young lady" or "Ms./Miss" a lot which would just be super uncomfortable.

Owen Andrews: 2/10 Bro totally leaves Reddit comments about how being trans/non-binary/agender isn't real/is a mental illness or some bullshit like that in his free time for fun and probably believes it as well. That being said, however, I don't see him being super transphobic out loud to my face. He'd definitely misgender me every time and place he got, but I could probably beat him in a fight and he knows this.

Darcus Drake: 6/10 He'd use the right pronouns, he'd be respectful enough, but mostly he wouldn't be too bothered with any of it.

Dr. Raymond Feng: 5/10 He'd be skeptical about it, but he'd hear me out and just accept it. I get the sense that he'd be thinking 'oh is this internalized misogyny or childhood trauma or something?', but I stand by my statement saying that he'd ultimately be accepting and validating to me more or less. Not a strong ally, not a transphobe, just a man who presumably has a doctorate in psycology with no quams about imprisoning and interrogating a thoroghly traumatized child. And I for one think that's beautiful. (Not actually, I just wanted to put that last part down there.)

Dwain Garfield: 1/10 He's a Trump supporter. 'nuff said. Source? Trust me bro.

Vladimir Sharkovsky: -5/10 He'd hate crime me or, more accurately, have somebody else hate crime me for him.

Harry Bulman: 2/10 Bulman would've been out there writing transphobic AF articles LONG before meeting me. Harry Bulman would be writing articles about how being trans/non-binary/agender was the latest 'fad/trend', go out of his way to make fun of the trans experience, and spread misinformation about how "gender/women are under attack!". Now, I don't think that he'd actually believe what he's writing (except for the whole thing about it being a 'trend' or mental illness or whatever), he's just in it for the money/the clout. Not that this makes it any better, if anything that makes it worse. In any case, he'd laugh in my face when I say I use they/them pronouns and then tweet about it or whatever and call me a 'crazy, blue-haired liberal' or whatever despite me not having blue hair. In short, metaphorically (never literally) fuck Harry Bulman!

Colonel Aubrey Sykes: 1/10 He'd just call me a 'snowflake' and say that he identifies "as an attack helicopter" because like many transphobes, he hasn't evolved much since 2016-2017. Also, since I'm not a veteran or active service member of the military and an American, I just get the vibe that he'd already have had absolutely zero respect for me in the first place even if I was cis. Also, he just gives extremely misogynistic vibes too, so whether or not I was cis wouldn't change much.

[Probably going to do a separate list for SCORPIA members and the Nightshade board. The same goes for MI6/CIA/ASIS characters. It'll be fun maybe!]

[onionninjasstuff]

i present to you the au that has been brewing up in my head for a couple of months now, dr steals-your-ending (thanks sm @scatterbrainedbot for coming up with the name, it slaps)

i need future mikey focused shenanigans like air, so heres my take. idk when i have the time and energy to work on it more but im glad i at least have this bad boy of a comic out of my system for now <3

[archivebottles]

HeartShaped_Object

[IMG ID: A knee-up drawing of Kris from Deltarune. They are standing with their arm raised near a heart wearing very detailed armor that has a goat on the pauldron and tripp pants, along with a cape with the transgender flag colors on it. The background features various patterns against a dark blue gradient. /END ID]

[valtsv]

there's truly nothing as crazymaking as the dynamic between a person paralysed by their own grief and the person who takes it upon themselves to break them free of that by taking their hurt onto themselves. it's inarguably not a healthy form of intimacy but it's such a unique and compelling bond. not to mention the fascinatingly irrational emotionally-driven psychological machinations that could drive someone to override their sense of self-preservation to martyr themselves in order to relieve someone else's pain in such a manner. you can destroy my possessions. hit me. say whatever cruel, unfair things are raging inside you. you need to let it out, so take it out on me. i can take it. i can't stand to see you hurting, beyond my reach, and not share in what you're feeling. so help me to understand. let me share the burden. i'll take whatever you give me. and when you're done, and you collapse in on yourself, the fire that's been eating away at you entirely spent, weeping with such shuddering sobs that they wrack your whole body on the way out, unable to stand unsupported, i will gather you in my arms and hold you tight, unable to resist placing myself between you and the rest of the world for just a little longer, and tell you i know. i know. i know. and it will be the truth.

[skeleton-squid-boy]

ever think about twelve being so sick of losing people, especially losing people because of their belief in him as a hero, like amy. so he strips off that mask and shows how cold and calculating he is willing to be with lives and he chooses a face that shows his age and stops hiding his danger behind a charming smile or a bow tie. he does it as a kindness, so Clara knows what she's getting into. and she does. and she gets into it anyway. and it makes him even more desperate not to lose her. so he breaks all of his own rules, everything he stood for because just once he didn't want to have to lose someone. he went to the end of space and time the long way round, he beat death and he betrayed the home he spent his life searching for to try save her. for once he chose what he wanted, her, over the universe.

and after all that, all he managed to do was make it so she lost him instead.

[asbestos-11]

made for aventio week over on twitter. the prompt was grief

[grandcovenant]

who's pulling the strings of the puppet king?

[ogsherlockholmes]

Don't think about Watson making Holmes up to compensate for his loneliness after his injury. Don't think about Watson sitting alone in his hospital bed conjuring up problems just to be solved by an enigmatic imaginary friend. Don't think about all the inconsistencies in the book being due to Watson's weakening health. Don't think about Watson killing off Holmes as a means of trying to support himself without living in his imagination but failing and having to bring Holmes back to save him. Don't think about Watson writing all those historical novels (which ACD preferred to write) as another outlet for his loneliness but ultimately always returning to Holmes because that was the man who saved him. Don't think about Watson putting himself down in the stories continuously because that's how little he thought of himself, but writing Holmes, someone he thought as superior, complimenting him to try and make himself feel better. Don't think about-

[florrysgf]

LOOK AT ME! alex karev x fem!reader

SUMMARY: in which you struggle after the loss of a patient, and alex is there to calm you down

WARNINGS: panic attack, grief, mentions of death

WORD COUNT: 0.8k +

The moment you heard the machine flatline, you swore you felt your heart in your throat. You also felt the sweat dripping down your brow as you immediately shook your head, locking your hands and starting compressions on the patients chest. You couldn’t lose her, you just couldn’t. She had four kids, for God’s sake. No matter how many times you pressed against her chest, she just wasn’t coming back.

“No,” You whispered, warm tears threatening to spool from your eyelids. “C’mon,” you breathed.

Dr. Bailey came up behind you, a similar look of grief in her eyes as she gently grasped your shoulder, attempting to pull you away. “Dr. L/N,”

“C’mon!” You yelled out with a shaky, broken voice.

“Dr. L/N,” Miranda tried again, a little more forcefully this time, but you just didn’t stop. The rest of the surgeons in the OR stayed silent, sharing looks, none of them wanting to interfere with your clear distress. “Dr. L/N, she’s gone.”

You let out a pained sob and your body suddenly went limp. Dr. Bailey stepped in front of you, pulling your hands away from the patient as you were positioned next to Dr. Shepherd. He rested a hand on your shoulder whilst you fixated your eyes on Miranda, inhaling as she looked up at the clock.

“Time of death: 21:04.”

Dr. Bailey’s words rattled through you so fast, that you felt yourself struggling to breath. “No, no, no,” The heat began to spread through your body, it felt like the walls were closing in, like you you were going to explode. You had to get out of there.

Ripping off your scrub cap, you burst through the OR doors, running out into the hall and collapsing against the wall. “No,” you whispered once more, clutching your chest with both of your hands, trying your best to steady your breathing. All you could hear was the screeching sound of the machine filling your ears, and the hospital corridor around you was now a blur.

“Oh my god, Y/N.” You ever so slightly managed to hear the familiar voice of your boyfriend calling out your name, as he knelt down beside you, concern spread all across his face.

“Y/N, babe,” Alex watched as you sat slumped against the wall, your hands pressed to your chest and you heaved. He extended out his arms, one tightly gripping your shoulder, and the other cupping your cheek at an attempt to reassure you. “Y/N.” He repeated, keeping his tone soft not to stress you further. “Y/N, I need you to look at me, please. Can you do that?”

When your struggles for breath got faster, Alex quickly started to panic, “Y/N, look at me!” He sternly said, shaking you slightly and pulling you harshly back into reality. He watched as your eyelids flickered open, as your rapid breaths calmed down when you looked at him. There you were. You never told him what happened - you couldn’t. Nor did you need to, the look in your eyes told him all he needed to know.

You studied his face. Alex seemed sad. For the patient and her family, but more so for you. He knew that you were blaming yourself, but it wasn’t your fault. And he needed you to know that. He pulled you in for a hug, allowing you to sob into his shoulder the second he wrapped his arms around you. You felt his hands rub soft circles on your back, whilst he pressed gentle kisses to your temple. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. Need you to calm down for me.”

“It’s all my fault.” You croaked out between sobs as you heavy breaths finally slowed down.

“Hey,” Alex scolded, pulling away from the embrace. He cupped your cheeks with both his hands, pulling your chin up to ensure you were looking at him. “Don’t say that, don’t you ever say that.” His tone was stern yet sincere, “There was nothing else you could’ve done. She was sick, she’d been sick for a long time. It was not your fault, Y/N. Okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered under your breath, but loud enough that he could still hear you, “Okay.”

Alex continued to hold you as you calmed down, it felt as though the the whole world was crumbling away from underneath you both. As the two of you sat there against the wall, thoughts began to swirl around your head again, thoughts of what was going to happen next. “Oh god,” you whimpered, sitting up slightly as your eyes filled once more, “I have to tell her husband.”

Alex tightened his grip on you. He’s just calmed you down, if you got stressed out again you’d only hurt yourself. “No.” He was quick to shake his head, “No, you don’t. Bailey can do it. You need to stay here with me and calm down or you’ll make yourself sick.”

[long-lost-mcguffin]

praying. PRAYING we get more insight into nya’s grief of losing her brother in the next season/part because holy shit i cannot take their sibling dynamic being shoved aside again by other relationships.

[too-many-rooks]

Yassen Gregorovich and the morons he works with: sneaking up on his employers/coworkers just to annoy and unnerve them edition. Next>

Bonus;

[foolishlyzephyrus]

i love nine and twelve because both at first glance seem indifferent but they actually care very deeply

[anabetel35]

familiar, familiar sparks

A few alt versions

[aq2003]

ten

[milliebugydementia]

I completely missed the parallels in s4 between el and max, especially in episode 1

- theyre both struggling with grief and loss of a family member who they had mixed feelings about. billy had been paralleled to max's stepdad, and hopper had been compared to brenner. they're both girls who have grown up in violent and controlling environments, but we see them bond in season 3 as each others' only female friends amongst the nerds. they get to have fun being girls together and el grows massively as a person for it

then in season 4 she's immediately tossed into the deep end as soon as she was trying to find a sense of self. we don't see max's mom, but we hear that she drinks, and we see joyce also having wine and being sad, not that this is ever shown to affect her parenting. but max and el are both incredibly lost at this point in the absence of each others' only true friend, and they both become withdrawn from the people around them in trying to act like everything is fine - el trying not to show will when she's upset, and max trying not to show lucas that she's seeing things, and being defensive to the rest of the party.

in s4e1 we see el getting mocked in her presentation while max is walking out of the counsellor's, both in positions of vulnerability trying to move very fast and get away from the past which is clearly haunting them (and they're both talking about the past and the specific trauma they're dealing with in the scenes prior) and failing to.

they're also both being pursued by vecna, which i feel is likely intentional on his part because he can read max's mind and knows he can use killing her to break down eleven.

and max is also so relieved when el finally comes to save her, from vecna but also from everything he is bringing up - el's intervention is as a hero but also as emotional support after max has been so isolated and alone in her feelings for so long, and we never really get to see her and el bond over their mutual grief before she moves away, nor exchange letters about feeling each others' absence.

it would be nice if in season 5 we get a reunion from them that explores some of that in their relationship as it develops, if they decide to bring max back.

i also think it's noteworthy that el and will and max and mike are also kind of parallel characters? mike and max have a lot of sassiness & sark and strength in character for standing up for the people they love & their friends, and a lot of their feud comes from being the same kind of defensive bitch (especially of eleven) and bickering cos they're just the same person? and even in terms of like gender nonconformity, max is a masculine girl while mike is not necessarily effeminate but by being the weedy gay autistic phenotype is kind of inherently gnc.

and el and will are both the sensitive, impressionable counterpart who they fight for, who've also both come from violent backgrounds, experienced a load of trauma pertaining to the same one guy, have the same terrible fringe and cry and have ptsd episodes a lot.

which i think is relevant because for both will and mike and el and max, that separation really strains on all of them, and when they come back together they realise just how much they missed each other.

in conclusion elmax byler supremacy

[skeleton-squid-boy]

twelve is not more ruthless or cruel or endangering than any of his predecessors. he just doesn't hide it. I think he was the kindest doctor because he didn't hide his ruthlessness from his companions, didn't hide it behind a goofy bow tie or the charm that makes people follow him to the end of the universe. . . he showed Clara exactly who he was and the brutal things he was willing to do if he believed they were right. And he didn't pretend to feel bad about them. I think after amy and rory he got tired of how easily people believed he was good, how easy that made them to kill, how their faith in him always always meant they never got home. So he does the kindest thing he can think of, and doesn't hide that they're not just choosing to travel with him, they're also choosing to travel with the death that follows him everywhere he goes. I think he's the first doctor not to hide from that second companion and the part he plays in keeping it onboard.