#doomed to write things that make no sense

[qiu-yan]

avoidance

if i had been in jiang cheng's position immediately after the fall of lotus pier, i probably would not have tried to strangle wei wuxian.

i don't like dealing with negative emotions, so instead i'd probably say some bullshit like "whaaat? no, it's not your fault and i don't blame you at all, so don't worry about it," and then just put all my energy towards trying to survive. except i would blame wei wuxian. i would very much blame him, from the depths of my soul. even if i tried my hardest to convince myself not to blame him, that i should not blame him, that i do not want to blame him - nonetheless, my subconscious would remain convinced that, were it not for him, my family and everyone i grew up with would still be alive.

and, because of that resentment, i would begin to pull away from him.

i would not save wei wuxian from that wen patrol. even if i did love that deeply, my resentment would still blunt my reaction time and i would not be able to act in time. for the sake of convenience, let's say that wen ning rescues wei wuxian from lotus pier anyways. wei wuxian lives. what happens then? on one hand, i still resent him for causing the deaths of all my family; on the other hand, though, now i also feel guilty for allowing him to be captured and tortured simply because i would not die in his place. how do i deal with these complicated emotions - these unsightly, ugly emotions? i don't. i bury them and pretend they don't exist, because running away from difficult feelings is how i've always lived my life - i run away from him, because whenever i see him, this twinned of resentment and guilt rear their ugly heads again.

thus, because of my emotional unavailability, the relationship tanks. maybe wei wuxian gets his core melted, somehow picks up demonic cultivation anyways, and is thus pulling away from me as well; maybe the avoidance comes from both ends. and if wei wuxian instead notices that something is wrong and starts pestering me about what's wrong - well, i have full faith in my ability to deflect. i am long-practiced in diverting the focus of a conversation specifically to imply that the other party's concern isn't welcome.

thus, by the time the sunshot campaign ends, our relationship would have severely deteriorated. and then, because of this, i would take wei wuxian leaving our sect to protect the wen remnants as the actual end of our bond. unlike jiang cheng, i would not even argue against wei wuxian's leaving, nor say things as sentimental as "if you insist on protecting them, then i cannot protect you" - instead, i'd simply write off our relationship as doomed and sever it peacefully.

after all, he owes me nothing. i am entitled to neither his labor nor his presence. if he wishes to leave, then he is free to go; if he wishes to no longer be family, the i will no longer think of him as so. in fact, the less familiarly i think of him, the better: it is at once much easier and much more comfortable for me to believe, in a post-hoc sense, that someone who has left me actually never wanted to be with me to begin with, and i therefore have not lost anything of value at all. and this loss would not hurt me as much as it hurt jiang cheng in canon. after all, i, unlike jiang cheng, am a veteran at avoiding all thought on topics that distress me; instead, i'd soon find something new and exciting with which to distract myself.

i would not visit wei wuxian in the burial mounds. if jiang yanli insisted on seeing him, perhaps i would accompany her there, but i would not make any conversation with him myself beyond what is absolutely necessary. i would consider the death of jin zixuan unforgivable. i would consider the death of jiang yanli unforgivable. but perhaps i would not feel as wretchedly betrayed as jiang cheng does in canon: after all, i in this scenario, unlike jiang cheng, have already given up on wei wuxian a long time ago.

i would probably lead the first siege of the burial mounds. i would not hold the same level of animosity against the wens as jiang cheng does in canon - in general, while i can hold onto subconscious resentment for a long time, actively clinging onto seething hatred for extended periods of time is difficult for me. perhaps i'd even speak up more for the wen remnants, out of purely some abstract moral concern for the wellbeing of POWs; however, i'd stand down the moment any of said speech put my own people in danger. perhaps i'd lead the first siege of the burial mounds because it is expected of me. or perhaps i'd genuinely want the man who hurt my sister to die.

either way, if i then encountered wei wuxian in the burial mounds battlefield, i would actually kill him. it would be easy for me to do so.

---

as you might have guessed, the "i" in this passage is not actually me (yanyan) from real life. if it were Me In Real Life in jiang cheng's position i would probably just die.

instead, the "i" in thjis passage is a different MDZS character. prize for you (bragging rights) if you can guess who it is!!!!!

[radioactive-earthshine]

timkonbart as a triad? and/or carolbart?

Timkonbart

Ship It

What made you ship it? I mean, just look at them.

What are your favorite things about the ship? They all compliment each other and they each act as a ballast for the other two in their chaotic relationship. Konbart gets on Tim for being an idiot without powers, Timkon gets on Bart for avoiding taking care of himself and not opening up about things that bother him, Timbart gets on Kon for pretending everything is okay when no they ain't.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? It started as Timbart first and they were dating for quite some time before both of them just got the feels for their resident alien clone and it took a long time to parse that Kon also was into them.

Carolbart

Ship It

What made you ship it? She is his canon almost-girlfriend and doomed relationship in a hypothetical future. Bart's comics started their relationship right - a slow burn and fleshing out their FRIENDSHIP first but then it was fumbled because they never were intended to be with each other but TPTB demanded it, and Dezago was hired to write it, so he did even if he didn't want to. Ignoring the technical data around them - they are good match for each other! They compliment each other very well, Carol grounds Bart and makes him stop and Bart makes Carol question things she might never have before and pulls her out of herself from being so stubborn.

What are your favorite things about the ship? I like how they are both stubborn in different ways and it can lead to some interesting tension that is fun to read and explore. Again, I also love that their relationship was slow-burned to start until it was just fumbled and Carol was turned into a source of man-pain.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I didn't hate the hypothetical future of them being together and breaking up because Carol refused to listen to Bart about trusting his grandfather - that is a betrayal that does warrant breaking up and I am glad Bart did break up with her over that. Then again I love it when my girls make mistakes and are flawed and maybe put themselves and their ambitions first even over what might be wise or common sense.

I hated almost everything else about that story line but not that.

[zorosdimples]

ITADORI YUUJI X READER ⟢ mdni. vaginal fingering + feelings.

The sky weeps plentifully, washing the horizon silver. Tears pelt the towering magnolia outside your window, pooling in pointed petals and veined leaves before overflowing, coursing downward to plink onto the sodden earth.

Your bedroom is the same shade of grey. But it’s warmer in here, shared breath and body heat keeping the room alive. The steady rainfall is drowned out by pleased sounds: fluttery whimpers to rival the whipping wind, heady moans more electric than lightning, groans that rumble deeper than thunder.

“One more—hm? Please?” Yuuji mumbles into your jaw, nipping at the flesh with his canines.

Two of his fingers caress you deeply, exploring your innermost heat with tender precision. It’s a day of rest, of respite, of falling apart beneath him over and over and over. His thumb teases your aching clit, coaxing you further toward the precipice, the rough pad of his digit an insistent pull that promises ecstasy.

The whole time (for hours, it feels) his eyes never leave your face, not even for a split second. Wells of sticky honey soak in every crinkle of your eyelid and twitch of your lip. The tiniest pockmark on your forehead and hair on your cheek is dear to him—a vital brushstroke in the art of your being.

There’s something that yawns within Yuuji, cracks his rib cage open and yearns—no, insists—on memorizing every aspect of you. He has always hungered, ever since he was a young boy. He hungered for love and connection and meaning and a full belly. But you stir something vital within him.

He wants to consume you; he wants to devour everything you do. The quirk of your brow and the tinkle of your laugh and the curve of you nail—they all pluck a chord within him that he didn’t know he had. It’s so innate, so in balance with his soul that he no longer knows what he would do without you. A part of you will forever live with him.

Nothing about you is unfamiliar to the sorcerer; perhaps he knows you better than you know yourself. It’s why he insists that you continue, why he has a knowing smile tucked into his lips when you cry out his name and dribble around his fingers. It’s why he allows you to greedily lick yourself up from his skin and settle into his lap, asking for more with a rock of your hips, asking for him.

[a-passing-storm]

Ough... Moby Dick... Moby Dick... I think I have a new favorite book.

[masterfuldoodler]

girlbossed too hard.... unless...

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

anyone else think it's insane that folie a deux -- which literally means "the shared delusions of two"-- opens with "I'm coming apart at the seams/Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams"

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

obsessed with their different reactions to being called starcrossed lovers

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

i am confusing kali and durga but you did make design of fgo her right? can i ask you to repost it bc i scoured your archive and i still cant find it

It was kali! The actual post is here but I’ll post some of the pictures here as well

I’ve been planing on doing proper ascension-like art for her for a while now, just haven’t found the time between work and making my normal content for the blog ;v;

[capricious-bastard13]

I've watched Jack's (Jacksepticeye's) playthrough of MyHouse.Wad, and at first, because I only heard of Doom and never played it, I let it play in the background. Until Jack's voice starts reading the attached letter to the game.

My thought immediately went, "This is something, and I feel like I'll like this something." I rewind it and watched it from the very start to the end. But I felt it wasn't all that it was, I bounced from his to the comments, explaining the game and all being recommended to play it for yourself. I don't have the resources to do so, so when I saw a comment about a video explaining it, I looked it up. The video lays out the house and the different ways you can go from point a to point b. I've seen Power Pak's after watching Jack's playthrough. And just now, I've watched Pyrocynical's video and theory on it.

There's two that stood out to me, near the end; he lays out the theories and practically dismisses the queer interpretations of it. Until now, I've always been in the camp of "Thomas and Steve were a couple, but due to the time period, or their families, they kept it hidden." When watching Pyro's video, I started realising, why were there pills on the bathroom floor, why the crib, the ring? And I felt like Pyro was nearly there, he was so close to putting it together.

But he dismisses Thomas perhaps being trans or that Steve and Thomas are gay--calls a "fat stretch" and "Level difficulty: Medium" respectively.

I've prefaced all this, because as someone who's transmasc, it felt invalidating. For months I've seen this game--although I never played it and only watched it--as a queer story of grief and loss, of processing that loss, of going through stages of denial, of reliving memories, of just wanting to reach an end where you feel at peace, of looking back on that journey and thinking to yourself that you've made it--past the hardships to a place where you can feel at peace again.

MyHouse.wad being as ambiguous as it is but leaving all these little tidbits is as when it comes to art, hard to piece together. But hearing about how there's also a trans interpretation of made me perk up, thinking, "oh, it's going to be talked about in detail," only to be disappointed.

So, despite being that MyHouse.wad has probably had this interpretation ("tHeOrY") put up already, I still felt compelled to write my own view on it using the pieces that I know of--but, there might be details that I describe vaguely because I don't remember them all that much.

We get tiny little small glimpses of Thomas through Steve's entries, of introduction we get along with the link to download it. And even just from the descriptions of the items in the game like the ring, the die, and whatnot. And the first thought is, "oh, they're gay, but they're not out," which is a sad thought, yes. But I held that interpretation close to me. It's a journey of Steve trying to get through his grief, of plunging in to his thoughts, dismantled and breaking apart as they are. The rawness of everything, of how for him, it probably felt so fresh still and this game, of going through their mod map is his way of processing--never mind how it consumed him, as he said.

And what I consider to be the best ending; the real beach, with a heart on the sand, initials--"S and A, forever". Who's 'A'? Isn't it supposed to be 'T' for Thomas?

I've seen how 'A' could be for "Allord", Thomas' last name, and at the time, yeah, maybe it is A for Allord. But what if it isn't? What if 'A' is the deadname--using that initial, despite it being a deadname, was probably used to protect them, protect him-Thomas. To be seen a heteronormative couple to get away from the hate, the stares, the animosity.

What about the excerpt of their death? Thomas' photo clearly being of a man? Well, that's just it. It's an indication of how the family has accepted Thomas for who he is and to honor him properly, used what a photo of what he looks like now, of who he really is. Proudly too, showing him as Thomas Allord, age 35, in the newspapers. This is their son, brother, and husband.

This is certainly something that will be labeled as a "fat stretch". The crib, then? The pills? And the bloodied bathroom? Perhaps, Thomas had gotten pregnant, experienced a miscarriage in the airport bathroom and had to be rushed to the hospital. As Steve puts in the description of the baby bottle; "It wasn't meant to be." And as he writes in his journal entry, he had a dream, a baby crying in the attic, in the crib, a still born baby.

Perhaps, Thomas was ready to carry the baby--their baby and due to complications, what happened, happened. They'd already bought the crib, but put it away, and we see, maybe both of them had hope that they still had a chance, clinging on.

"If Steve and Thomas are together as you say, then why does Steve refer to Thomas as "my friend" or "my childhood friend"?" Living through life closeted brings habits, unfortunately.

I've grown up without realising that I'm trans, and it was only the past few years where I've realised that the gender I was given and raised to be, isn't who I am. Despite my family knowing, they still call me with feminine pronouns, I get referred to as "sister", or "she/her" a lot of the times. And it's become the biggest norm for me that they just fly by my head without even noticing it, without getting the chance to say "that's not my pronouns".

Is this a "weak" point of the "theory"? No, because I see it as valid. People who aren't out or don't have the chance to express who they are live day to day with being misgendered, seen as someone they're not. I don't want to say, "everybody experiences this" or that there are people who don't go through intense dysphoria that it becomes crippling; I'm just saying, that for me, this is how my day to day is today, what it's like--a sort of cynical indifference to it that boils beneath the surface of my skin.

Or, this is Steve's way to be ambiguous; Thomas was Steve's friend first before they reunited, gotten married, lived together, after all.

Maybe, he wanted to detach himself in his grief and longing. A way to protect himself from the immense loss he's going through and this is his way of doing that. By saying that Thomas was just a childhood friend, it probably eased the pain just a bit.

Or, Power Pak states in his video, isn't it strange how explicit names are never--if ever, rarely-- given. Thomas' name doesn't show up until February of 2023. Steve's name is never used. Maybe, Steve wasn't the one who wrote the journal; a third party who saw the effects of loss on Steve, instead?

In the newspaper clipping of Thomas' life, it's stated how he reconnected with his high school crush, got married and moved in with his partner. The ambiguity could mean that the family simply didn't want bigots to be bigots toward their loved one.

In Steve's clipping detailing his life, he also reconnected with his high school crush. "Soulmate", this person is described as. And like with Thomas', "partner" is used, rather something explicit like, "husband" or "wife."

Although, "wife" can't be correct either since Steve doesn't have a partner listed who outlived him, simply his family.

With MyHouse.wad being as up for interpretation as it is, there's ways of reading into things, one can take it however way they want to, where they want to.

And I, personally, like to think that Steve and Thomas are happy together, with their cat, cuddled up together in their home.

You picked up Die. "Roll for intercourse?"

I feel so helpless, like I can't do anything to bring him back. I feel so sad and it feels like my heart is heavy. I can't help but think about all of the fun times we had together growing up. All of our adventures, our secrets, and even our arguments. I miss him so much and I can't believe he's gone.

You picked up Ring. "I do."

I attended the funeral of my childhood friend, and I was overwhelmed with grief. As I looked around at everyone else in the room, I could feel the sadness in the air... I never imagined that I would be saying goodbye to my friend so soon.

You picked up Wine Bottle. "Drunk Buddy." You picked up a Bauble. "Christmas makes me happy."

Happy Valentines day to the only person I ever loved. For a short time, you brought a little happiness to this painful existence called life. I hope we can be together again one day.

You picked up Baby Bottle. "It wasn't meant to be." You picked up Pill Bottle. "Refill needed." You picked up Full Pill Bottle. "Feelin' fine."

You picked up Game Controller. "It's my turn."

Somewhere, in another dream, the version of myself that winked back is sitting on the real beach, happy and content, knowing life is finite, there is no afterlife, and happiness is found in the small things around us that we can control. Happiness has to be fought for.

[cocoabubbelle-newblog]

Do current Marvel Writers hate Professor Xavier or something?

[anachronistic-falsehood]

oh my god dude. sorry i'm gonna have a homestuck interlude to classpect qpac and his role in the narrative because i'm thinking about him

he's. SO Page of Hope coded. he's so page of hope fr. his class being a Page makes so much sense because throughout homestuck, every single Page are all people pleasers. they're walking doormats who rarely stand up for themselves. they feel like they can't do anything right, so they sit down and shut up half the time so they don't do anything wrong. and his aspect being Hope makes so much sense because like. Hope is about optimism and doing right for right's sake and helping those who are down. he holds optimism as his greatest shield even when things are crumbling around him. it's so important to him!!!!

but also being a Page means that he lacks his aspect in a way, and his journey will be long and arduous before he can see the fruits of his labour, and when his efforts pay off, MAN it will pay off. there are so many times when he has just seemed to have completely given up hope. he's been broken down again and again and again and you can see the peak of that during the risus pills arc, when he was so out of it he was actively suicidal. but somehow he keeps bouncing back!!! he found the cure anyway, he left it for Cellbit, the guy he's terrified of, and he saved himself and Forever. he will step between something that scares him and something he wants to protect even as he cries and shakes and sniffles the whole time.

the thing about Pages is that it takes a long time for them to reach their full potential, and there will be so many bumps in the road before he even comes close. but when a Page finds that potential, they can be one of the most helpful, powerful, and dangerous members of their session. Pac is an extremely useful member of the server, he's extremely skilled, he just doesn't see it, and he can't reach his full potential as a Page until he can recognize his own accomplishments. the only problem is that when Pages reach their full potential, they have a tendency of dying right away. when Jake faces Aranea in Game Over, when Tavros stands up to Vriska, they both die almost immediately.

Pac and Jake "yes and" everything because they don't want to be a burden, and Pac and Tavros don't know how to face the people who traumatized them. the inaction of Jake and Tavros is what ultimately leads to their deaths at the hands of the Light players who hurt and manipulated them. (coincidentally, i also see Cellbit as a Light player, a Prince or Bard of Light, but that's for another post!!!) Tavros didn't stand up to Vriska sooner, Jake couldn't say no to Aranea, and Pac folds as soon as Cellbit, one of his greatest fears, is in front of him with a knife.

Tavros and Jake forgive people who hurt them no matter what they've done. Pac has faced his own Light Player and died multiple times at his hands in both Purgatories, and now after a brief interrupted apology, they're supposedly just fine. Cellbit doesn't mean to be, but he is Pac's own personal Serket.

the difference with Pac though is that he is like if Jake or Tavros got a well-rounded continuation to their character arcs. his story isn't done!! it's still going!! he's getting there!!! he's getting more confident, he has support from the people around him, and i think eventually he can break this doomed-by-the-narrative cycle that fully fledged Pages seem to have.

[mechahero]

Lambda's currently sat at his desk, hunched in front of his computer, feverishly typing away.

"Who the heck does this person think they are? I can't believe someone would be this dumb.", he grumbles, mostly to himself as he was the only one in the room. (And because Skip was asleep elsewhere.)

/

[cybercds]: no way. bloodstorm 2: blood will rain is a TERRIBLE sequel. it was so rushed out and it sooo shows. half the maps are ugly or are so bright it hurts to look at, only 3 of the weapons actually right!

[cybercds]: *work

[cybercds]: and on top of that, theres the fricking rocket+ ice feet glitch combo that you have to deal with the entire game that just ruins the gameplay! its not even bad in the fun way. why would you ever wanna play it when bloodstorm 1 is right there?

[cybercds]: and don't even get me started on the story! its so bad bc of the rush to get it out and i really, REALLY hate the reveal of the vampires' creators being aliens. it literally doesnt make any sense especially since 2 is supposed to be connected to the lore of the first game and in the 1st game it was established that the vampires were made by demons! like what even????

/

He pauses, interlacing his fingers as he waits for a response. Not a minute later before ding! His eyes scan over the screen and hangs his head with a sigh.

It was going to be a long night.

[hauntingblue]

That batman jukebox musical tik tok made me thing about how mama would be a great song for jason dying in the warehouse

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 235

Adjective: Alluring

Noun: Voice

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Alluring: powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating, or seductive

Voice: the sound produced in a person's larynx and uttered through the mouth, as speech or song; the ability to speak or sing; the supposed utterance of a guiding spirit; the distinctive tone or style of a literary work or author; a particular opinion or attitude expressed; an agency by which a particular point of view is expressed or represented; the right to express an opinion; (music) the range of pitch or type of tone with which a person sings, such as soprano or tenor; a vocal part in a composition; a constituent part in a fugue; each of the notes or sounds able to be produced simultaneously by a musical instrument (especially an electronic one) or a computer; (in an electronic musical instrument) each of a number of preset or programmable tones; (phonetics) sound uttered with resonance of the vocal cords (used in the pronunciation of vowels and certain consonants); (grammar) a form or set of forms of a verb showing the relation of the subject to the action

[featherymainffins]

Thinking about Epiphany and how I should write Chatterbird Corporations again but ough the other projects

[dreamerzclvbz]

she was as me as i was her, as alike as we were different, the same and yet not at all. she was my sister, and i hers. i was her mother, and she my daughter. she was my light as well as my dark. i was her prison and i never wanted to let her go. i hope she comes to adore the sunlight reflecting off the sea.

i am far fonder of you than you could possibly know