#dont worry about it if youre not good rn!
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not good, im quite in a burden rn.
also our collab? i send it later. i forgot to give it to you.
oh, then I hope you will figure everything out, eventually.
Sending you a lot of hugs, friend!!!
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so much jegulus hate on the dash recently. definitely my most controversial ship aha. ha. ha. 😖
#bb if youre worried about james and regulus?#you dont even know the depthhhhssss of my ao3 history#but acc fr why have so many of my moots been told to kill themselves#'regulus was a bad person' POOKIEEEE you arent tlooking too good yourself rn#anyway!!#reading SUGAR HIGH for the first time#im excited 😁😁😁#jegulus
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i've been doing a bunch of tMG-inspired linocuts to make patches for my jacket, and i haven't been posting any of them yet but I'm super super proud of this one and thought y'all might like it <3
[image description: a photo of a linocut print on a patch of fabric comprised of different colored stripes pieced together to make the trans flag. the print has a cluster of honeysuckle flowers and a jasmine flower, with the silhouette of a flame behind the blooms. text around the design reads "i feel so proud to be alive". end ID]
#img#orig#the mountain goats#tmg#heretic pride#this one is the smallest print ive done so far (print area about 2x4'') and the details turned out SO nice im so proud of it#plus the challenge of printing on the pieced fabric was a trick but god it was SO worth it#ill post my other prints someday! i dont have good pics of them rn tho#several of my friends have said i should start a shop and im kinda (shrugs) about it just bc i dont want to worry about pricing#but i WILL be taking extra patches to the tx shows to give away to anyone who says hi so!! if youre gonna be at any of those say hi :D#okay enough rambling. please enjoy this humble offering <3#described#the patch zone
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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im sorry
#apologizing for 2 things#first is that i promised to upload requests but honestly im truly in survival mode (killer combo: physically sick and really depressed)#also apologizing to all the good palestinian people in my inbox. i really want to share your gofundmes and donate but im just#so overwhelmed rn#my profboss is a saint and let me off on friday so ill go back home and hug my mom and hopefully itll be ok#i still intend to share augusts patreon earnings with different fundraisers so dont worry about that#i just need to get my shit together and sleep for more than two hours at a time#ty for understanding hopefully
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I'm gonna post this hopefully quickly and then go make bracelets to distract myself bc I wanna get it out but not have to come back to it later . And I will be whining about this on main a lot so I might as well give yall some context first
#i got soft fired.#they said it was bc summertime is slow and they dont have the hours for me#but they also said smth about my 3 month evaluation ? which i was not involved in but i felt like it implied something about my performance#but they didn't say it was about my performance not being good enough#and they also didn't say its just bc of the hours but you're a good employee so don't worry about that#they said they still might call me at some point if they have hours for me again#the words fired and let you go were not used#but. i stg they just hired a new froster. idk for sure but i thought they did#and one of the cashiers (the girl i know actually 😐) said she might get trained in frosting this summer#even tho by company policy youre not supposed to work in the kitchen if youre under 18. shes 16#but there was no warning or critiques or anything#there was when i first started#but not for a long time now#the manager gave me one note like 2 or 3 weeks ago and not since and that was the first time in a while#i had a panic attack when i got home#idk what im gonna do and idk what to think or feel about it rn#i just . yea#thats whats going on in my life lol anyway
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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Someone I know irl keeps on talking about queer discourse and shipcourse to me at school sometimes and all I can think is "I don't know any of these terms I have a job and bills to pay"
#they be yapping abt whether someone in theor fangan or something can say what slur or odentify as what bro#maaaaaaaan idc will me caring pay for my hrt?#will it put food on my plate#with it buy me a new computer#maybe im being pretentious pr an asshole or just...something negative#but you have to be insanely privilege for that to be on the top of your head#thats your biggest worry?#the thing that rlly grind your gears rn?#you dont have to ration food or think about how ur family is gonna pay bills or how you cant afford medical care???#fuck must be good#need those petty problems to fixate on#rant.txt
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they rejected my application :(
#i mean i knew that they were going to. i literally do not have the degree they want#but sometimes it feels as if people in this field don't take me seriously because im young lol#like they assume that my experience just Does Not Apply because im not in my 40s#its fine. i never told anyone irl i applied for the job so i don't have to worry about that (ty past me) (i almost said it like 10 times)#when the time comes for me to REALLY start job hunting ill start taking rejections more personally but this was a good experience i think#them giving me a rejection at all and not just ghosting me was actually a huge relief tbh#am i supposed to respond to the rejection email? i guess i will?#dont burn your bridges etc#it feels a little weird saying ty for the opportunity when they didn't even interview me#but this whole corporate bullshit is just empty tradition at this point so whatever#anyway the GOOD news is that my really big name reference told my current boss (as a joke but still) that he wanted to steal me from her#he works for the state which would be an INCREDIBLE opportunity if he was in any way serious#so when the time comes ill be casually mentioning to him that im job hunting and we'll see where it goes#literally every conference ive been to people know his name and ask where he is so im hoping he will have enough pull to let a fresh grad in#two different people (both also rather big names in the field) have told me that he thinks really highly of me#and while working with him was a little bit like pulling teeth i don't really have the option to be choosy rn lol#anyways. im disappointed but not surprised#it was a remote position too :( oh well
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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and so anyway, we're in love now. anyone interested in a wedding invite?
#kulemiiplayslove&deepspace#kicking my feet and giggling rn you have no cluuuuuue ahhhhh#saw someone upset that there weren't any black hair options- girl i was just mad that for the longest time all i could change was the bangs#i dont even gaf about the hair I'll pretend im wearing a fresh lil silk press or got a cute lil wig#you know how fucking rare it is to be able to change to a darker skin tone in a game like this???#I WILL TAKE THE CRUMBS BABY I WILL TAKE THEM hahaha#she's also on the thinner side and you can't change that and i imagine that bothers some people#but tbh it's been kinda standard to not be able to change your figure for so long im used to it#im so happy to not have white hands I'll take anything atp LMAOOOO#there's also voice customization for english but like i said i kinda hated the English dub-#bc of copyright tho you cant modify the jpn voice tho#i was so worried the Japanese mc would have a super high cutesy voice that i couldn't identify with but it's a nice middle ground tbh#so there's it's pros and cons!#i think it's a matter of whose playing and what they personally struggle with that makes them decide what's good or bad about that stuff
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Showed mysister this picture of azure lion mid azure lion rant and she immediately started playing this song
#icant stop thijking about him wtf#I HATED HIS ASS !!! WHEN WE FIRST SAW HIM#AND MY SISTER WAS LIKE yourebeing so mean to him rn he hasnt done shit . hws silly and goofy#and then nowhes jnsane and I like him and my sisters like IDONT CARE FOR AZURE LION !!!!! YOU ONLY LJKE HIM BECAUSE YOURE GAY AND STUPID#likeyes but also :[#hes sooo . woahg#malik's rambles#also wehave like a BUNCH of finals one after the other this week so Blaze is probably gonna be here?#imnot good at talking in public I go non-verbal a lot or jus t. get overwhelmed . not that blaze doesnt but he can manage it better#bun's been getting worried ppl dont like?? the way he texts online since its maybe a bit different from me but i dont think anyone cares#BONKING XEM ON THE HEAD relax you uptight asshole . nobody gives a fuck . stop giving so many fucks#Spotify
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youtube
young k - not gonna love // best song off the ep for me
#i honestly havent been playing much music lately#my head is so consumed by thoughts..#it's too busy in here already#this song has been in my head tho and this is the first ive played it#i have to play a lot of catch up rn and im really worried about my health right now..#there's one person in particular i want to talk to right now but i also really dont at the same time#i need to think straight#hope youre good#young k#day6#brian kang#kpop#k rock#song rec#shut up kaily#q'd 11/20/2024#Youtube
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I love my job if I'm being quite honest
#like really#it has its ups & downs sometimes but at the end of the day i like it here. especially nights when i work alone#no offence to kim but im straight up chilling. on nights when i work alone i can be non-verbal when not talking to guests#which its overnight so i dont get more than a couple hours of guest interaction & its never usually intense#like tonight. its super quiet. im listening to my own music. all my stuff is basically done already and ive been here two hours#im sitting in the back office rn watching the cameras and eating mozzarella sticks. ive got the whole night ahead of me to mostly chill#i do a good job if i do say so myself. my shit is almost always right (like 97% of the time) my managers love me. i get paid well.#im comfortable & content. yes im just a desk person but im happy. i dont want to be a manager. i dont want to work sales. im chillin here#very fortunate thats all. its nice to not worry about climbing a ladder. its ok to be happy where youre at as long as youre actually happy#heyitslapis rambles#work tag#personal
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sometimes it's really hard not to be bitter at Mental Health (Social Media) "Experts" stating the fucking obvious. "it's unhealthy to have strong emotional reactions to someone setting boundaries" ohhhh is it? wow....... youve really cracked the fucking code on human psyche there. should we throw a party? should we invite maszlow?
#charlie.txt#mental health social media influencers when they find out mental health makes you behave irrationally and unhealthily: 😡🤬🤬👹🤯🤮🤢💢⁉️⁉️#wanting to kill myself for accidentally crossing someones boundaries isnt a reaction id like to be having either stacey thank you very much#also its the presumption that having these reactions means youre putting that on the other person to manipulating them in silence#i shouldnt have to hide the fact that i fucking loathe myself just so the Drink Water!! girlies dont get upset at me.#and saying that you feel a certain way and have a certain reaction isnt the same as actually blowing up at someone for it.#i can want to kill myself without telling anybody about it. im actually really fucking good at it.#i dont want to kms rn before anybody worries. im being hyperbolic bc im mad.#and bitter.
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