#dont have people to vent to like i used to

[genderqueerdykes]

sorry for the random vent, but this whole transandrophobia discussion is making me so sad. or more ike.. the reaction to it.

Like... the trans people I know irl (be it transmasc, transfem, nonbinary, something else...) are AWESOME. Supportive and kind, a community. Yet, for some reason, on tumblr there's such animosity?? Over transmascs wanting to talk about their oppression?? And sure, some of that is probably terfs wanting to break us apart, but i dont think that's all it is. And I just... why do we get called horrible things, like transmisogynist, antifeminist, MRA, for that? I've had literal trans guys tell me they hate all trans men that talk about transandrophobia, because it's a "dog whistle" for hating trans women? When it's literally not?? like. i feel like i'm going a bit insane. I get told absolute vile things that "transadrobros" are apparently saying, but i never seem to witness it first hand. the reaction to a bunch of people talking about their own oppression is literally making me feel gaslighted about what is, and isn't being said.

Why can't online spaces be more like irl? Why can't we lift each other up, protect each other, listen? I hope it will be like that again. But NOT by silencing trans mens struggles, villifying them and sweeping everything under the rug. But at this point, i fear that's where it's heading. Idk if it's the majority of the trans community thinking like this, or if their voices are just very loud, but it's making me feel alone.

it's great to hear you have good irl spaces like that, that's awesome. and i've had the same experience irl as well, as people im extremely close to online.

i agree so hard. i dont understand why people who say transandrobro aren't being called out on it. i don't understand why people who start misgendering trans men and mascs when they don't agree with them don't get called out on it. i don't get why people who shit on intersex trans people don't get called out on it. i don't get why people who are awful to nonbinary, genderqueer, gnc and other gender variant people and don't get called out on it. it's awful.

being called an mra hatefully is so exhausting. why do people think thats a bad thing in this context. trans men are treated like shit. ive seen people freak out over the word transmisandry. it doesn't matter what it's called, it's real. people in the queer community are treating masc queer people like shit. people do it outside too but people are doing it inside rn. people are not allowing queer masculine people to talk about anything right now and it just sucks

transmascs get called terfs constantly despite being trans men. they get called transmisogynists. it's so hard to criticize anything transfeminine people do without getting attacked. it's so hard to address transandrophobia inside of queer spaces without getting attacked. it's so hard to point out that everyone has internalized bigotry to let go of no matter what without getting attacked. it sucks

people take the pain cishet patriarchy has caused them and take it out on trans men and mascs instead of the establishment that holds them down. it sucks. the fact that transmascs legitimately just cant dole out criticism anymore without getting called a slew of awful names is just. come on. people tell trans men to die every day. people tell trans men they're confused girls every day. i always get misgendered when somene disagrees with me. people always treat me like i'm an unreliable narrator for being a hysterical cis woman who wants to be special

it sucks. im sorry you go through this too. people are so hostile right now its getting to be not worth it

[wp100]

i keep waking up at 2am and then falling asleep and then waking up like 50 mins before my alarm (4:35am, really early i know but i take a while to get ready and prepare myself for work mentally lmao)

also been having a lot of bad dreams lately. idk what that means. must be my mental health taking a nosedive lately

[angelpuns]

pov i did in fact get a (v cheap) cane to see if it helped any but I'm??? apprehensive about using it or telling anyone about it cause im?? Idk if it will improve my life but it's a temporary solution until I can go to the doctor. Anyway this is just me telling someone( the internet) about it cause it frankly should not be this big of a deal. It just is cause that's the type of person I am. I mean- my friends can attest to me not being able to stand or walk for long periods of time, I just don't want them to??? i don't wanna say judge me, but maybe think I am being dramatic?? It really is temporary to see if it helps so. Idk. I know they probably wouldn't but man im just.ragh. I also was under the assumption that canes are just for support when walking but apparently nthey are also helpful if you have trouble standing. good to know cause that's where most of my issues lie. walking sucks too but I can usually deal cause im too focused on other things such as 'dont get hit by car' and 'dont let knees get too straight'

ALSO SIDE NOTE I WILL BE GOING TO A DOCTOR SOMETIME AFTER JANUARY IM JUST LITERALLY TOO BUSY AND POOR RN TO DO SO

[deranged-selfship-confessions]

[kaysdenofchaos]

hha lowkey not looking forward going back home from college anymore

regardless of how it turns out im kinda realizing that this election like. probably broke my last bit of hope i can keep a relationship w my trump supporting asshat of a brother

i just wanna feel safe man.

[basofy]

i think you can be as critical about the venezuelan opposition and maría corina and edmundo as you want but arent venezuelans allowed to choose for themselves even if the options arent perfect? are you willing to justify electoral fraud and police brutality, class inequality, bad management of resources, lack of maintenance of the country, breach of the law, lack of investment in health services and education etc etc just because the person doing it is someone you like or because you don't like the other option? are people at fault for wanting something different?

[variksel]

youtube ads becoming first one 5-second ad then two 5-second ads in a row or one 15-second ad then a million unskippable ads in the middle of videos instagram quietly inserting one ad in-between every 5 or 10 ig stories then 2 in-between 4 ig stories not to mention the new reel- and explore page ads. a quiet tumblr ad banner at the top of your dash then photo ads in-between posts then video ads then video ads in-between every 3 or 5 posts that play audio automatically while youre trying to read a textpost. the most popular, paid subscription, news apps adding ads between their articles, then in articles, then paywalling new articles further with a new "news +" subscription and putting ads in those as well. once every 15 tweets there being an ad, then every 5, then theres also an ad if you scroll to the replies. you cant look at tweets without logging in anymore, theres just no option for anon scrolling. facebook ai mining on instagram, facebook ai profiles hyping up ai generated photos im fucking going insane ai temu ads and gallery app ads and printer app ads and higher subscriptions while still seeing ads and i cant fucking do this anymore!!!!! its fucking shameless and worst of all its silent and nobody talks about how half the things we see anymore are fucking ads and we dont own a single thing we pay for and companies can just randomly raise their prices through the roof and nobody says anything about it

[internetdruid]

Evening, ladies

[satorugojoswiife]

tbh I kinda hate when people say no one cared about satoru. I know gege didn't show us anything, but knowing the characters there's no way that's true. Especially for yuta and yuji. He literally saved their lives and helped them so much & they were always happy to be around him and support him 😭 megumi definitely cared too, but we know he isn't someone that shows his emotions. Shoko too, remember how concerned and stressed she was during the gojo vs sukuna fight? Lots of the characters do care. Gege just didn't show any of it in the end chapters :(

[rosekasa]

there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to

[puppppppppy]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[parspicle]

i think an underappreciated part of Being A “Functional Adult” is learning to appreciate something You Do Not Like, but a Loved One Does. it’s a skill you do need to work on, to listen to something You Do Not Care About, But They Do, but it is so, so worth it

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[sleepyyghostt]

any time i remember that trump supporters are in any way associated with christianity i feel fcking insane

[senseiwu]

Every time the crystalised discussion on twitter comes back and they get to Lloyd's issues with his father i want to freaking rip my hair out

"Lloyd's in the wrong" "Lloyd was an ass" (<something I literally just saw)

God forbid a child hurt by their parent BE HURT. BE UPSET.

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.