#dont go hollow friend
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Gwyn can't touch this
#transgender#lgbt pride#video games#shitpost#nonbinary#dank memes#dark souls#soulsborne#elite knight#skateboarding#dont go hollow friend
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hijo de la luna
#okay FIRST off. song by mecano my friend said is soooo silver and it is. like. the story steers off his course but its still his song#SECOND. this isnt Actual hollow moon fanart but it is in my heart. ive reread ell's fic 3 times now and every time it kills me. KILLS#go read it. hollow moon by serenescribe. its a 40k oneshot of silver slowly but surely being moon snatched. its delicious#the tumblr crowd already knows how swagalicious ell is tho i dont need to sell it to u. the munchiest crunchiest writing ever. mwah#but yes. i want silver to be made of moondust. i want him to shimmer and glow white as snow i want him a MOON CHILD#also i do Not make OCs bc im not creative but i think his roommate is a vil fan and eats oatmeal and likes sil's birds#by proximity. doesnt care for animals otherwise. he also has a crush on silver he told me himself#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#if catríona suntails doesn't draw a dramatically lit background then what's the point#suntails
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abt to say smthng deranged
but ive reverted to accepting my fate here especially since im really really lazy and stupid and just want to draw but the only sharp thing still poking at my sides is wanting to transition and how I know as soon as my birthday rolls around I'll wish I had done anything to get out and start that, while sobbing hysterically over how the years just keep passing me by in that regard. 14 years. 15 years. And many many more.
But at the same time its like. I wouldnt want to claw my way out solely to transition (which at this point would be the sole positive thing about leaving). Because whats the point. I want to be transitioned before I really look for or accept love, yes, but moving out and doing so wouldn't lead to that I dont think. Id be living the same life im living here, but Worse and more exhausting. So i also dont see the worth in fighting to do it.
I feel those 2 views are at odds, but, like, its never enough to do things just for myself even if I really need it. It always has to be in relation to someone else. There would not be a someone else so why bother. Im not finding love while I live here so it doesn't Really matter if i cant do it, but this wouldnt change if i left so why would I fight for it. Why be the true version of me if I have nobody to share Me with (especially considering it will ostracize me from most everyone else I love.) I dont know
#i feel this doesnt make sense but idk#its like how i would not have gotten a car at all if it wasnt for Someone i wanted to be able to drive around#if they visited#its the same here. i feel so incomplete without transition and my life cant begin without it#if anyone took interest in me now it would feel hollow until i was actually myself#but nobody is taking interest Now#and if i moved out solely to transition its not like changing locations would suddenly change anything.#so why bother. why do it. its going to be the same anyway#why make my life harder for no reason#why decorate a place you'll always have to leave why deep clean a home nobody will ever visit but You.#theres no point if its just You.#thsi also extends to a lot of things like how i want to paint but cant unless its for someone else#ill draw a billion characters Standing There for a friend before i do 1 for myself bc i dont see the point or Worth#delete later#it was a horrendous experience overall but id never been more motivated to do something than when i had a ''partner''...#nothing made me more willing to turn my entire life around. ill go back to school and study some miserable shit that#will make me rich so I can spend it on You and make You happy. i would not do this for myself.#im not doing anything for myself right now. no use in doing anything for that guy he doesnt deserve it
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I really do not know how to end this fic
#like they CAN be happy if they go back home. but they could also be happy here i think.#idk man like hollow and hornet dont have much going on for them back at bad hallownest (hornet even has an impending kidnapping)#but ghost has so many friends and honestly id feel like. awful. if i permanently separated it from them.#two people who've read this fic please advise#mb's writing
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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Tranquility
#i dont think ghost should go through life like they did tbh. all their friends + siblings are dead or infected#like thats a LOT of emotional trauma for a child. and they dont even have anyone left to get support from but themself#||hollow knight gijinka verse#//ghost#; siblings postings#hollow knight#; sights of hallownest
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Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night
#sat on the bus going home from my second to last shift at this job#saw lots of people at work that used to know me for my old job that i absolutely loved and did for 6 years#and i was describing why i know all these people to my coworkers and i was like oh my god thats not me anymore#thats who i used to be what the fuck#and this is the same bus journey that ive been doing for three years#on the same bus ive taken since i started taking the bus#its the same journey but im so different#and im moving into a different phase of life again#how many times have i sat on this bus#how many times have i sat in this seat#how many times have i driven this route how many me's#I've literally moved to the big city and moved back and i am irrevocably changed and im looking at the same shops out of fo the window#everything is the same but so different#since i started taking this bus i have changed so much that i would not recognise myself in the mirror#my boss said 'dont be a stranger' sir i am a stranger to myself#how long can i not be a stranger#how long can you try and keep up with the dregs of your old life until it no longer fits#how long can you keep coming back until it becomes somewhere unrecognisable. or you become unrecognisable#how do you mourn losing something of yourself when it happens so slowly and you dont realise it until its been dead and buried for years#do you ever find yourself falling into old thought patterns and finding that you have no conviction#the you who started thinking that is gone. you dont feel this way. but you did#even just about a band you like. or a snack you always used to buy before school#one of my essays this term could have been about humes view that we dont have a concrete self#and i just thought how am i supposed to answer that#how am i supposed to say no hes right there is no continuous self. i know this because i am filled with ghosts#because i look in the mirror and part of me tries to look through the eyes of teenage me#just to wonder what they would think#and i cant do it. because we are so far apart that they are not me#i am clinging on to friends and places as though i am someone that i am not because rhe ghost of a child inside me demands it#even if the words are hollow and the feelings are long gone
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.
#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week#but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go#and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man.#i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr.#im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again#and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester#im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october#and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that.#nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better.#my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this.#he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time#and man. idk.#really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr.#winter speaks#personal#and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits#and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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3rd and final of this weird team. If you don't have a vessel oc then. Um. Uuuh...
BEHOLD! Casket, idiot extraordinaire with a heart of solid gold and an empty, oblivious head to match. Friendly to the extreme and befriender of both Xal and Hrelgere despite both of them having attempted to kill them at first meeting.
Stolen away by foreigners to the Wild Land long ago for some funky experimentation. They have little clue about where they came from or what they are. Luckily they're a nerd! They'll figure it out.
#messy machinations#leo's blorbo box#hollow knight#hollow knight oc#mmmyes my dumb idiot creature#they're smart i promise. its just that theyre smart and also naive as hell#thats what the other two are for. babysitting#this guy just makes me so so happy for no reason#i see them and i go :]#they have some freaky neat powers that they also dont realize exist. as per usual friends in bad places triggers them#the namesake btw is because they were stolen away in a casket. so they just sorta picked up on the name for themselves#clever being. see!
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i know i said no more negative posting but it hurts so bad to feel like im backsliding and steadily gaining momentum like a snowball
its like everything that i was worried about and reassured wasnt an issue, is an issue and man...
im as miserable of a person as i once thought, but possibly worse! 😊
#love getting reminded how im only really called on when i can be useful at the time#love being shut down mid-sentence with an 'i dont care' when talking passionately about something -#but in turn im readily there to listen to everyone elses love and joy with sincerity - even if im clueless about what its really about#love being reminded of how much of a drain i am - and all that you do that i '''cant'''#love being told one thing only for you to NOT do the things you said you were going to do - im offering my help and time but ehh who cares#love the feeling that im feeling - like im failing at everything and doing and thinking things i know better than to do/think of#at least 4 different people who are supposed to be the closest to me...#so...no - i feel like no one really has the right or privilege to get to know me any more#if that means im an automaton or just hollow with how i treat others then so be it#crazy how loneliness has become such a good friend to me after all of this time and never really left me when i thought i did#ami sez
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Me: *has like a dozen art requests in my ask box*
Also me: k but what If I made 71848394 unrelated wips
#bubba speaks#i promise I'll finish them is just adhd has other priorities rn ig#ive been working on hk aus and i wanna talk about them#but none of my friends have the same level of hk brainrot as me :(#got one where Veni (my moth oc) knows Grimm bc they were the one raised him when he was a Grimmchild#and also another one where things are slightly better and the little vessels grow up like normal. but then shit goes down#*gives pk clown shoes bc that's his fault*#and another one where p.much summs up to#radiance: arent u tired of being nice? dont you wanna go apeshit???#hollow: ...... kinda. yeah#so yeah im gonna be in a corner thinking very hard#this is me just rambling on tags
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trying to hold myself back at all hours of the day from complaining about how much i really only like about 25% of p5 . why is it such a SLOG
#probablt because half of the phantom thieves dont need to be there#ugh im sorry i just. makoto and haru are so lifeless and boring and mishandled#the whole makoto and kaneshiro arc is shallow and makes no sense#also the phantom tthieves dont feel like a group of friends to me. its like. cliques in a group#most of them dont even like each other#sincerely baffling that sumi is a better character than 2 characters that were int he fucking MAIN GAME#bold coming from the p4 guy but like go fuck yourself actually. the investigation team all actually care abt each other#the phantom thieves get so caught up in fame So Fast and its so fucking annoying LOL sorry#the themes and attempts at having a message are so fucking lost in p5 none of it means anything#it just feels hollow and empty for so much of the game#the kamoshida and madarame arcs had so much heart#and after that (futaba not included bc she makes me cry) everything feels hollow and shallow#like. ughh. UGH!!!!!!#jonah.txt#im taking shuake and leaving everything else fuck yall ‼️
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thought about my son and the actual utapri movie i saw and spotify has decided to play one of the only songs it has from it on my 12hr long idol-esque playlist
#NAYWAYS NOW IM FEELING MY HEART HOLLOW OUT A LITTLE BIT MORE BC I WONT HAVE THAT EXP AGAIN FOR *ANOTHER* 5 YRS#CRYINF I WANNA GO SCREAM WITH EVERYONE ELSE#i somehow am the only person to not cry at these movies tho???? idgi but anyways i dont have just dry eyes but dry voice#glad i got to sit next to a friend each of the 2 days!#ALSO PLEASE GIVE ME MY SON'S SONG SPOTIFY DO U FUCKING HAVE IT YET I NEED TO HEAR HIS SONG IT IS BOMB DOT COM
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Hehe, I really like them <3
#hollow#I'm a fucking idiot and I'm going to drive over an hour to pick them up. bring them back to my house.#and then drop them back off at their house over an hour away. the next day.#I am about to drive like 6 hours in the span of two days just so I can spend time with them I'm literally so insane for this#I dont even like. know how to drive.#thats a lie but I'm not very confident and its a little scary but I'm gonna do it#and I didnt tell them the real reason I'm doing this#I said its so they can come to boardgame night with my friends but really its because my sister is buying pizza for it#and I know they've been craving pizza but have no money at all right now#plus I'm hoping they get along with my friends so they can have more people in their life that they maybe care about#I know only having me to talk to is taking a toll on them bc like. obviously. I'm only one person!...kinda#idk I just want to give them the world but this is all I can do right now so I'm going to do it#plus then we can fall asleep together#AND we could watch OTGW!!!#and plus also I'm planning on bringing home icecream from work for them!#and cooking pasta for them#just. so they have food to eat for once#I literally hate doing nice things for people so much who even am I anymore#anyway literally all we talked about today were our favorite shapes#which is cute idk!#their favorite is a circle and mine is a semicircle and idk I just. I like that
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half came out to friends i didn't plan to come out to (blurted out im bi when they asked if i liked girls) (guy who asked took it well ("ayyy women enjoyers") and i didnt see the others' reaction) coincided with mizu5. im. uh. yeah
#i yell#i did say im ok with any pronouns earlier to that guy only but didn't say outright I'm trans because they have made transphobic jabs before#mizuki bbg i also want to run and hide from everyone but also im ok with socialising as long as im oblivious to. the other friends#i dont even know if you'd call this apathy because i can still gain emotion from other things but#(m: i think that'd be repression. file it away for later etc)#vent#i dont know i feel hollow but at the same time it's not as dramatic as that#I'm looking away at the implications of the future where I'm going to spend time with them#(h: im evading im dodging and weaving)(m: and heaving)#i just said it's not that big of a deal#m: if that's the case then why do you feel like you have to process it. if it's so plain and simple then tell me how you feel about it and#move on#h: and I can't. i feel like it's indescribable frustratingly. and i think it's not that big of deal but at the same time i can't let go#2s: time to project on the blorbo! h: but it feels disrespectful to her#I'm getting a rash
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