#don't feel like myself without it
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I'd like to wear some glass weights in my ears but my setup is that my 1st and 2nd lobe piercings are positioned so both of them are centered on my lobe with the 1st one closer to my face than the traditional placement (on purpose) and I don't like wearing non matching earrings in the 1sts and 2nds, but if I were to wear 2 pairs of glass weights they'd smack against each other
#personal shit#I also can't decide if I want to go with 16 or 14g for my lip piercings#my philtrum is a 16 and my labret is a 14#my tongue was done at 14s but I've stretched them to 12s and they're definitely more stable and don't have that pressure feeling that less#thick barbells give you#my philtrum has some issues and my labret doesn't but there are other factors in that but I do wonder if a 14g would help#you can't see the scars unless I push the piercings up/out but the 14g one is definitely a bit bigger but it's also older and the skin#around the outside of it is a bit irritated because the end is stainless#I really need to get it redone a bit lower but I don't have a piercer anywhere near me and I am terribly attached to my labret piercing#don't feel like myself without it#it's funny because lots of people (usually women) are like “oh I want the tiniest gauge I want to look dainty this 20g is too thick”#bullshit like that while half my piercings are 12g#so that's not really the problem lol if anything I love the look of non dainty jewelry#I also need to decide for my ears if I want 16 or 14g piercings for the ones that aren't 8/20#*8g/10g/12g/12mm flat punch
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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Joining yeye23
#pffhtght with tiktok Kesha I was immediately reminded about this song again. They are inseparable for me#I'm tired of myself saying that I don't have powers on things like fandom stuff and other similar things but oh god I really don't#Will wait 'till everything will be okay around me#I just want some rest time without thinking about stressing things and not feel guilty for not doing something useful *throws the table out
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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hi! I absolutely love your art and I get so happy when I see it come up on my feed! 🥰
if I can ask, why does cyra use a cane sometimes? I just saw your art where gale and cyra are with their newborn and cyra is walking with their toddler and she has a cane and I was curious.
have a good day! 😁💚
thank you so much!!!
i don't think i've said much about it other than 'she almost died' aksdhsh but everything went very wrong when the first one was born and she got sepsis, which can really fuck you up long term and she developed chronic fatigue.
she definitely tells the children that she's got a sword hidden inside it
#ramble#bg3#galemance#it's probably got bones or blood vessels carved into the side of it#aLSO uhhh question for mobility aid users bc i'm not a cane user right now but i'm considering getting one and i need to know if it's? ok??#it's not a pain or fatigue thing but i have really bad agoraphobia+vertigo and the only thing that helps is holding onto something?#example: i can't really walk my dog anymore bc it's that bad but i can get by a bit better when i'm holding his leash#anything that sort of connects me to the Ground otherwise i feel like i'm falling#but if i had to walk across a field by myself i would literally shut down#idk i'm not sure if it would help but even a placebo thing would be better rn#i would like to be able to touch grass without having a panic attack skdjhdshsd#i just don't want to like?? appropriate??? idk if that makes sense i'm just word salading right now
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can you please, please relate? i’m not holding up
[transcript]
#the one without a custom voicemail is asa :')#i always write casper posts when i'm mentally unwell 💀 but now i'm doing okay overall so reading this again makes me feel.......#almost like i'm oversharing somehow#and i get embarrassed#but i guess that's kind of the point#it wouldn't be mental illness if it made me feel good lmaooo#also i'm forcing myself not to proofread this at all because i don't want to get caught up in the cycle like i always do#so if there are any mistakes sorryyyyyy you can think of me as a semi-retired storyteller#frozen pines#camellia#casper birkshaw#tom connelly
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An aroallo canon event is walking into a space designated as friendly and safe to "all of the aspectrum" [awesome, sounds good, I like being able to talk to people about issues that affect all of us] and realizing very quickly that you are not included in "all". It's the constant need to stick up for yourself in what is supposed to be a safe space that burns aroallos out of your community spaces. If you have a stark lack of aroallos in an all-inclusive zone, ask yourself if the environment is actually safe and welcoming, or if they are expected to constantly be their own advocate with no safety net. It's immensely common and underdiscussed.
Are you sticking up for the aroallos around you? Are you asking how you can be better? Are you expecting to rely on being "called out" rather than learning for yourself? Do you know what aroallophobia looks like? What sex negativity actually is? Please don't let aroallos fade away into the background of so many boundaries crossed and lines drawn that they have to go. We need bridges between the community now more than ever, and that means making it a two way street on each one.
#aromantic#aro#arospec#aroallo#alloaro#aro allo#allo aro#aroallospec#aspec#scowl corner#we have so much in common w/other aros that we can talk about. so many goals in common.#but to create those discussions you need to have all parties feel like they can speak safely. and. to be honest?#i don't think i can truly speak my mind in most aspec spaces without being labelled an agitator or a villain. and it's not just me.#i've had to see myself out of so many community spaces because it's either anti-loveless or anti-aroallo and it's exhaustinggggg#i'll keep trying but christ alive.
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what are the things that annoy you that loumand haters say?
everything a loumand hater says annoys me 😤 a loumand hater is my true enemy 😤 that being said here's a summary of the things i don't like:
"louis and armand never loved each other" sorry you're wrong. yes they did. and if i can be more controversial? they loved each other in dubai. they'll love each other again. a part of them loves each other still.
when people make armand exclusively and by large margin the victim of their relationship because louis was uhhh. checks notes. a bad dom. like i think that we are forgetting that armand has spent centuries trying and often succeeding! to manipulate every scenario to his will. including directing the play that killed claudia and madeline. armand so often succeeds in this that i think fandom (incl. me) finds it fun to focus on the times when he fails, but like. he is a master manipulator.
double the point above when people act like daniel is saving armand from louis and is perfect for him where louis was a mean and unloving and uncaring abuser. so many problems with that i can't even start
very frustrating to me in general when people make the shades of grey show into the black and white moral issues show. but especially especially frustrating to me when we can love the shades of grey when it comes to everyone but louis and armand. like this is the unhealthy relationships show but suddenly the guys who were together for 77 years aren't in love and weren't ever? please............
#asks#loumand#i hope this makes sense. don't kill me but also actually maybe im ready to die on the loumand hill today#the post that made me so mad was a meme implying louis and armand could never be together again. pissed me off because they CANNNNNNNNN#THEY DOOOOO GET BACK TOGETHER. in the books of course. this is literally so important to me despite never having read it myself#i feel like i could say more but i feel like this sums it up without me rambling out of control
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i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode
#trafficblr#life series#hermitcraft#qsmp#the drought's been crazy i had to make qsmp x life series/hermitcraft you don't understand i literally had to#i literally cannot tag all of the cubitos without going over the limit so i'm gonna use them to rant about these doodles instead#when i tell you that i think dl!pearl would've loved tilín i'm telling you i think she would've LOVED them like.#something about just wanting to find love at every turn but feeling unwanted spdihgpisadhfpa. and also tilín's name is similar to tilly LOL#the jelly egg is just like if the double life jelly pandas were just an egg that scar loves with all his heart and grian reluctantly accept#i think out of all the duos in qsmp. the one i would want to see in the dl soumate premise the most is slimeriana. it's the dysfunctionalit#i made a post in the past about pac and tango being my fav cubitos bcs they were both crazy cartoonish and like scientists#but it kinda felt like a disservice to leave mike and zedaph out because to me they're argubly crazier and more cartoonish#missa and tim are paired bcs i just really wanted an excuse to draw the wet cats and it just so happened they both have relations to death#skizz and jaiden as the lawyers who were SHOCKINGLY good at their jobs like they cooked with that one#(was also gonna draw joe and roier as bad lawyers but i was running outta steam)#someone's already made a post about grian and (el) quackity and their eye entities so not much elaboration needed there#fit and etho just give the same vibe to be as a dude who has a reputation and is well-known and seems intimidating#i also made fit's arms way too skinny and i don't like it...but i'm not gonna go back and change it now i spent embarassingly long on this#but then his silliness is brought out by The Narrative#foolish and bdubs is one of my favorite drawings because i just knew i wanted to highlight the silly height difference#just realized they're also both god-like figures at least at some point#cellbit and rendog. cat and dog and lore. enough said about their connection.#i couldn't decide who fit etoiles combat hungry anime protagonist vibe best bcs martyn was originally paired with him#but i wanted martyn with phil so i went with my second options: joel and gem#i couldn't draw them mid rage but essentially the title is derived from “WHO KILLED EMPANADA” and “do me a favor. die for me.”#philza minecraft and martyn inthelittlewood. they feel like twins but one is evil (it's martyn)#SOMETHING I FORGOT THAT I WISH I ADDED: BBH AND BIGB AS THE ENTITIES WHO LIE. I HATE MYSELF HOW COULD I FORGET THAT#if i were to pair impulse with someone it would be tubbo? either him or scar would've been with tubbo#and then lizzie i just did not know who i wanted to pair her with. no one really does it like her in my opinion#scott's someone i also had no idea who to put him with he's just so...him...
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Admittedly, I will follow an artist because of their art, but when they post things that are not art I don't mind it.
In fact, I enjoy it as much as I do their art because it's like "oh, yeah, I totally get you there" and "you like that thing, too, sweetness" and "you have my support, take your time, get better, we all need a break at some point".
Like, yes show me the part of you that isn't just "the artist". Let me see how you are without having to spend hours working in a piece to post.
So it does annoy me that I'll see people send asks like "when are you going to post art again, I followed you for art only" and "why did stop drawing this or that" and so on and so on with other obviously "I'm entitled" asks.
Like, let's no forget anyone who does art, write and other creative works are human.
They're allowed to have blogs that aren't just solely art and post it every single damn day and it sucks that there are people who make them feel that way.
#maybe i relate because i am a writer#and sometimes i do feel bad when i don't post something for a long time#but then i remind myself I'm human and I'm sharing my works#no one is entitled to it#artists and writers should be able to enjoy sharing and bein creative without assholes making them feel guilty and like machines#just kiya's thoughts
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I love trans people whose transness means that their sexuality is complex. I love trans people who adopt contradictory labels. I love transmasculine people who still have ties to old lesbian spaces and transfeminine people who still have ties to gay spaces (even if they themselves aren't lesbian or gay). I love trans people whose dysphoria has put them at a place where they don't want to engage with any type of sexuality. I love trans people who are confused, unsure, or questioning. I love trans people who toe the lines of queerness. I love trans people who are unapologetically embracing their sexualities. I love trans people who are working through internalized shame about their sexualities.
#trans#transgender#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#honestly being trans has really complicated my sexuality in so many ways and i don't always see people remember this i guess#because i think people expect that trans people will assimilate into their gender and immediately adopt their sexuality...#...in an assimilationalist way where it is uncomplicated and understandable to even cishet people#but it's honestly more complex than that for a ton of us#like i've found myself in most of the situations i included in this post and i'm probably forgetting some more (feel free to add onto this)#because the reality is is that transness *can* make figuring out your sexuality more complex#and that is okay. we should acknowledge this in addition to recognizing that sexuality can be easy or less complex for some#we can recognize that transness can be linked in some way to a person's sexuality without being weird about it i think#because a ton of people are weird especially about trans people's sexualities or their assumptions about our sexualities#this blog aims to grow and encourage growth and acceptance - especially if *i* don't get it *personally*
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the juppet !! i just realised he is jerma posing i swear that was unintentional...... i spent so long digging thru muppet concept art and looking at old puppet designs just to end up doing a rly simple drawing but. i love joehills!! i have only been watching them for like 4 years but their videos r so special to me :3
#i would love to do a more complex drawing inspired by muppet concept art at some point... just wanted to give myself a bit of a break#i've been spending So much time on these drawings every day n it's not really sustainable for me to be spending multiple hours every day#when i have so much work i should be doing...... but i rly enjoyed this silly little muppet even if it's v simple for my standards#tbh i'm surprised i even made it this far into the challenge.. we're like two thirds in ?!!?!#i've only ever completed an art challenge once and that was inktober in 2018... and those were SIMPLE drawings#my standards are a lot higher than they were 6 years ago... but also there's extra pressure because i'm posting these#and i know i don't Have to post them but. it's a way of keeping myself accountable because i am terrible at that without outside motivation#omg why do i always ramble So much in tags this is ridiculous i'm so sorry if anyone actually reads these....#anyways i rly hope my people drawing skills r improving..#i doubt there will be noticable difference but i hope i feel at least a little more confident by the end of this#hermitaday#horsemeatluvr does hermitaday#horsemeat gallery#joehills#joehills fanart#joe hills#joe hills fanart#hermitcraft#traditional art#unedited sketchbook drawings 4 the win (i've given up on scanning n editing these or even taking them in proper lighting... too much effort)#i'm just a little guy
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vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
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thinking very intently about a stern, severe, imposing sort of character, the type who despises being seen as showing weakness, who stifles their sneezes as quietly as possible when they're around other people. they sneeze so forcefully that it can't be contained or held back; the stifling is as much of a compromise as they can manage, though it gives them a terrible headache.
thinking about this uptight chronic stifler having one person with whom they feel comfortable enough to let out their sneezes around. it's an unconscious thing, not at all deliberate; the stifling in public is fully a reflex by now, as is the letting it out in private. they don't even realize! their One Person, on the other hand, is Very Aware. 👀👀👀
#snzario#snz kink#whether they're Aware in a snzfucker way or simply in a. noticing they don't feel the need to stifle when it's just the two of them-#-and feeling Some Kind of Way about it. kind of way. up to you!#love a situation where a character has the kink but as time goes on i also find myself liking other situations more and more...#idk there's just something neat about someone having reasons to be interested in/turned on by snz without it necessarily being *about* snz?#skdlkf i'm Very sleep deprived and making probably zero sense but. please enjoy these weird thoughts regardless 💖#sickos.txt
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everybody! quick! tell me what aro joy means to you <2
#i will go first. breaking the boundaries set in place by the systems of love and romance is so cool#and i feel like it opens up so many possibilities.#like i've said in a poem before aromanticism to me is not a lack of anything it's an opening of the world before me...#it is also! the fact that i have had to contend with the thought of a future living my life alone#and now i am not only at peace with it but so happy with the idea. so overjoyed at the thought of spending my life with myself.#self esteem and delight and choosing what you want and making a life that is really and truly your own#without society's expectations changing it and without someone else's expectations changing it#AND. being sexy as fuck. aromanticism to me#if you don't feel aro joy rn you are not allowed to bemoan the experience on this post. i care dearly for you but go find another post.#before you do that though. take a second and look through the notes... hopefully people will have put some good stuff in there...#it is hard to get to the point of aromanticism bringing you joy sometimes BUT. by fucking god you can get there.#and it is so so fantastic...#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#talking#aspec#aroace#aro positivity#aro joy#aromantic positivity
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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