#don't come at me I saw it Years ago
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#yuri#shipping#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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If your favorite contains backing vocals, go with whatever feels right in terms of 'they are just as important as the main vocalist' or 'they are functionally another backing instrument like the guitarist or drummer.'
I know that the musicians are in fact just as important as the vocalist (obvious example: the guitar solos in classic rock, like Queen), but hopefully you get what I'm going for here.
#music#gender#bands#phoenix polls#inspiration for this is that a few years ago I saw a music video. it was Cake by the Ocean from DNCE. by all appearances a very normal thin#Except they had a female guitarist. despite having a male vocalist. and it struck me how strange that was#I'm used to either all-same-gender OR female vocalist w/ male bandmates (e.g. Paramore)#Or bands that don't really feel like bands. more like small orchestras. like Gogol Bordello or Goran Bregovic's Wedding and Funeral Band#anyway it's going to be fun to see what comes up here#I'm expecting mostly all-same-gender with a few fem voc/male mus
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HO 🎄HO ☃️ HO 🎁 it's your Secret Santa in town🎅🤶🔔🎶 coming down your chimney with questions about your MC ⬇️⬇️⬇️
I'm so excited to learn more about Alyn! I just got started on one of your fics but I'm dying to know what the dynamics are between Alyn and Ominis?? What do they do when they spend time together? Who's the more affectionate one? Do they argue a lot? Who apologizes first? I would love to know if you don't mind sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hellooo! Thank you for reading 🥹💖 and for the questions, Santa! 💖✨ HERE COMES THE BIG POST! ~800 words👇🏻
To not make it extremely big I marked with * places where there are some extra headcanons behind the statement and I can elaborate additionally if needed.
Amberlyn x Ominis
⋆˚⋆⌜ Dynamics ⌟⋆˚⋆
The only one who'd understand. Recognition of each other's complexities. Mutual respect. Quiet support. Nevertheless, push and pull of varying intensity. Something from their Pinterest board:
Their bond unfolds slowly, built on trust (since Scriptorium, Alyn always sided with Ominis*) and, much later, subtle expressions of affection. They find common ground in shared struggles (family issues among them*) and the guilt and grief lingering after the events of the fifth year.
Alyn has a knack for finding the right words to soften Ominis' sharp edges and gently coax him into vulnerability. Though both are reserved in their own ways, they provide each other a sense of safety and understanding. (exceptions in Conflicts below)
Alyn is more open with affection—small, casual touches like brushing her hand against his (or her knee against his, because yes, she would; she’s, lost, traumatised and overcaffeinated teen). She completes his notes sometimes, drawing schemes from the board for him, describes things that catch her attention in and out of the class—all this happens naturally and easily.
Ominis is more reserved but deeply enjoys her presence and is grateful for her small gestures of help and appreciation. At first, he starts to subconsciously lean just a little closer than necessary during conversations. Over months time, he becomes braver about returning her gestures—a hand brushing hers deliberately, his voice softens noticeably when he speaks to her.
⋆˚⋆⌜ Time together ⌟⋆˚⋆
✨Studying: Since around the end of the fifth year, they often sit together at classes, at the library, or meet in common areas of the castle. Ominis becomes attuned to Alyn's steps, her scent, her presence. He’s startled to realise one day the sound of her voice reading aloud calms him.
✨Spells and Dueling Practice: Ominis’ magic is powerful, and his wand never misses. Alyn learns new spells quickly, and is excellent in explaining. Their training sessions are focused yet competitive and somewhat playful, filled with mutual encouragement and a bit of teasing. Alyn would brush the dust from a shattered dummy off his shoulder, and Ominis, whether he admitted it or not, would think that if the entire castle crumbled into dust around him, he wouldn’t mind—as long as it meant she’d be this close again, brushing it away with her hand.
✨Walks: Both enjoy long walks through the castle or by Black Lake. In the sixth year, they always visit Hogsmeade together. Sometimes they are just walking or sitting in silence. They don't normally talk in big emotional outbursts but instead share small, meaningful pieces of themselves over time.
⋆˚⋆⌜ Conflicts ⌟⋆˚⋆
They feel connection because they understand each other’s pain and offer emotional safety, but that very depth makes them vulnerable to fear, mistakes, and misunderstandings.
⚡️Curiosity vs protectiveness: Alyn is still new to the magical world. It makes her eager to learn everything—seemingly dangerous or not—out of wonder, fascination, and a desire to understand and catch up. Ominis, however, sees such curiosity as naivety and feels an urge to protect her, especially from anything risky. Alyn grows frustrated when she feels he’s infantilising her.
✨ Resolution: Alyn may prove her curiosity is tempered by caution, reassuring Ominis that she won’t put herself recklessly in harm’s way. Ominis, in turn, may learn to trust her judgment while remaining a protective figure she can rely on.
⚡️Miscommunication: Both Ominis and Alyn struggle with communication. Ominis often needs time alone to process his thoughts, but Alyn interprets his silence as distance or blame and tries to pull him out of it. If she doesn't succeed, she can rapidly go to 'Oh, it's now me not talking to you.'
✨ Resolution: They need to compromise—Alyn has to learns to give Ominis the time he needs, trusting that he will come back to her. Ominis, in turn, has to learn to communicate when he needs space instead of leaving her guessing.
⚡️SeBaStIaN isn’t even at school during their sixth year. But, whenever he’s brought up, Ominis subtly redirects or shuts the topic down, even though he's not as mad at him as he used to be and still considers him a friend. Among other feelings, Ominis is unsettled by the thought of Alyn reconnecting with Sebastian and leaving him behind. Again. His worry isn’t just jealousy (though it is that too). He fears Sebastian might pull her into something dark and dangerous. Again.
Ominis might: a) Withdraw—not to punish Alyn, but to protect himself emotionally. b) Overcompensate—offer her small gestures of affection, lingering touches, or closeness during homework sessions as a subconscious reassurance of their bond. c) Act stupid and say something he'll regret.
Alyn, in turn, gets irritated by his lack of trust, and such an attack on her judgment.
✨ Resolution: Alyn may reassure Ominis that she was never anything more than friends with Sebastian, and that she’s not under anyone’s influence. Ominis needs to learn to differentiate between jealousy and genuine worry and to communicate his fears in a healthier way.
⋆˚⋆⌜ Apologies ⌟⋆˚⋆
Ominis apologises after angry outbursts, guilt-ridden over losing control—something he fears makes him like his family. His apologies are slow and a bit awkward but deeply sincere. Alyn, on the other hand, apologises gently when she feels she’s misunderstood his intentions or pushed too hard.
Some of these ��🏻bring them to this 👇🏻
⋆ Christmas 1891 ⋆
...and the aftermath. The second half of the sixth year.
Extra overcompensating for his insecurities while being not entirely sober, Ominis actually kissed Alyn. It happened after an argument following the Christmas party, but as Christmas magic would have it, that time both sides felt heard and satisfied. Eventually, they found themselves sitting together on the windowsill, sharing a quiet conversation. Aaand the first kiss happened.
Afterwards, Ominis apologised so many times they almost had another argument. Alyn reassured him that he didn’t need to apologise—that she didn’t mind them trying this new relationship. But of course, they have to make sure no one finds out.
And here the 'Shades' story begins
[ Thank you for reading all this! Now the little side note and rambling (sobbing on the floor) I don't think I actually succeeded at writing their friends to lovers trope in 'Darkness' I wasn't ever even going to post it and it shows. Well, anyway, I figured I'm rather more interested in writing adventure/action and seasoning it with romance than the other way around. That's what I'm trying to do better in 'Shades'. At the same time, now I have clearer understanding of how to deepen and write their relationship and again, it will all be covered in 'Shades' . You are very welcome to read 🤍]
#barely proofread pls if english is not englishing I'm so sorry#I literally don't have time for anything this month *screams*#should have done such post a while ago#thank you santa for questions#hear me out don't judge me by the 'darkness' story if you ever even saw it 🥲#they also kinda have a ship name#I'm just not sure if I prefer this short form or the full one so I used the full for title to be clear#another side note - mostly peaceful and calm because they were trying to survive after the last year#but now the adventures are back#MORE DRAMA#is coming#omilyn#amberlyn x ominis#hogwarts legacy mc#couple dynamics and some lore#hogwarts legacy#HL secret Santa
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The scene where WoTW and Howl were running across the yard might have been so confusing and creepy though the Megan's point of view.
Imagine sitting at home, minding your business, washing dishes or playing in the yard, and suddenly this weird-looking lady, dressed as she just escaped from some kind of really unique and rich troop, wearing a dark, gorgeous, medieval-like dress and high heels, that's almost impossible to buy at the store nowadays just... appears before your eyes.
She stands on the grass, leaning on the swing and you're already reaching for your home phone to call the police because how the hell did she find a way into your house?? Except you didn't have enough time to do it because right after that some kind of weird, physical force starts dragging you to this strange, creepy woman, and you want to tell her to go to hell with her stupid tricks, but you can't.
And you kids, waking right alongside you, cannot do anything, too. You can't all possibly be mad, can you?
An when it starts to get even weirder and unavoidable, your jobless, potential-losing piece of a brother, comes into a scene, jumping through the damn fence, dressed in the same weird-looking costume, as If he escaped the same wery troupe (seriously, If you weren't so worried about your kids and unnatural forces right now, you'd think what would happen If people saw this atrociously long sleeves and eye-burning colours), and just...runs at the mysterious woman right away, dragging away your daughter in some kind of sport-like movement. Your brother and the woman then start running across the yard in the most ridiculous way possible.
The force stops. Your brother and the woman go out of sight. You take your kids into the house and pretend this never, ever happened in your lifes.
#look I'm a big fan of “Howl tells Megan and his other fam about Ingary eventually”#BUT REALISTICALLY#this situation is like the worst possible to tell them about it#like “oh yeah this woman you saw was a really powerful witch who wanted to take captive and probably unalive you all#“... because I jilted her a year ago and she didn't like it. Now she thinks she has to destroy everything I love to get me to fight her...”#“...and also I'm a wizard in a magical fairytale other world country btw”#Like sorry but I don't think he'd do that#he's a slither-outer#after all#like he won't just tell everyone everything in their faces#ESPECIALLY when it's his respectable™ sister#(with all my love for Meg)#so it's even more interesting for me to look at the excuses he could come up with in this citation#he can be like guys I joined that magician crew without telling you#and there's was this really strange woman#and one day she's just suddenly gone crazy#and she somehow got into your yard and I run after her in my really cool stage costume and#and she... specialises on you know psychological tricks#so she was able to put this magic trick up#and ehehe I saved everyone so know we're good!#©#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howl's moving castle#howell jenkins#megan parry
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#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but#elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but#he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol#but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be#og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing.#etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color#obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha#i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes#and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes?#like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know#trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like#would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs#i mean..#Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know#i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account#of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character#also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it#so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol#tma#my art#elias bouchard#the magnus archives#some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed#for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and#assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no#there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice#i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair#my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats'#LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian#ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks
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love the voice work you did, it’s great to just listen to Erina and Toshiro banter, blorbos real
awww thank you!! that means a lot! I'm really touched people are enjoying it, it's my first big game so I was REALLY SCARED HAHA!!!
macleod andrews who plays toshiro fucking knocks it out of the park, i love his performance. truly exceptional, he brings the whole thing together. absolute king! in general, though, i could geek out about the p5 actors, titans the lot of them.
toshiro is just like... the I Just Think He's Neat meme.... someone make that pls <3333
#p5t erina#persona 5 tactica#p5t#replies#sillyfluff#persona 5#matt mercer is part of the reason i got into vo. fun fact#i talked about this at our anime expo panel but i used to intern at Geek and Sundry abt 5 years ago#which at the time owned critical role so i saw those actors every week#and it made me go.. huh.. voice acting?? Sounds Pretty Cool!#one of my career goals was to like be in a game with some of the crit role cast members bc of that and.. well!!! did that!!!!#i don't wanna like... ride their coattails or anything though i was just a huge fan and that kinda thing is a dream come true.#so i mostly keep that on the dl. hence. its in the tags
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To whoever made the creative decision for Aizen's characterization this season: Congrats, you've achieved the impossible. You've managed to turn me into an Aizen girlie.
#well not really lmao#i think it just feels that way to me because of my own character development. we've come a long way.#i used to haaaaate him#like not love to hate. just straight up hate hate.#like fake karakura town arc? when he just kept talking for like fifteen episodes?? i just wanted him to shut the fuck up already XD#and then yhw//ach showed up and i was like:#........... i retract all my previous statements please bring aizen back aizen come pick up me i'm scared#sorry not sorry but our og villain did it better you wish you were him#add to that the fact that he was right (i always knew he was right about soul society but then when we saw the soul king)#(and what kyo//raku admitted in the light novel)#(that was a whole other level of him being right)#plus i'm older now so#i can now see and acknowledge that one of the reasons he rubbed me so wrong is that we'reactuallytoomuchalike#(don't tell my sis that she was right all those years ago XD)#so yes. he's not a fave but i've accepted him 😔#and he's still not a fave but i never thought i'd be invested the way the past two episodes made me#so props to whoever did that lmao#withoutwords
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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.
#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck#oh i just said something dumb to my boss#give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me#oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake#agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it#oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time#oh no my one coworker hates my guts#she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it#i'm not special#it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be#but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues#i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me#i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again#but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong#if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with#plus#these people aren't dwelling on my failures either#they all have their own stuff going on#yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget#they aren't thinking about me that much anyway#XD
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...
#unwrapped a present like Ooh there's gotta be dvds or blu-rays in here :o#and I was right.#HOWEVER.#it was Disneys The Jungle Book (I have literally never mentioned this movie ever and I haven't watched a Disney movie in years)#i did however ask for a (specific) Disney movie once! ~8 years ago.#and then I saw the Star Trek logo and was like FUCK YEAH so they do pay attention!!#it was the Picard box set 😭 literally the only star trek show i don't like. come on.#doddie redet#I love sounding ungrateful online <3#I did however also get socks (ok) and pillows (fuck yeah)#AND my brother got me a random horror movie and a random sci-fi movie. yay yippiii!#he doesn't even live here and we never talk to each other‚ yet he's better at choosing presents for me lol
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The chronic pain has been so fucking bad lately
#And usually colder weather is easier on me idfk#Had a full blown panic attack that my beloved saw...#Not the funnest of times.#But yeah its getting so bad I don't know how much longer I can just. Work. In general#I wish I could take a walk and bring my cat along because she loves being in a harness and going outside#I wish I could swim in the summer#I wish I could go a day without pain shooting through half of my body and I have to brush it off & any thoughts of it being a heart attack#I'm so fucking tired these days#I need to do so many things still. I have comms from months ago I still need to do. I feel like I can't hardly work on art#Without having a full blown meltdown because I've lost so much skill over the years#I've watched my life slowly deteriorate in regards to my health and every result from doctors come back as average or exceptional#Idfk what to do any more#I turned in disability papers in MAY and its still months away from being fully processed l#And is likely to get a no from the first time l#How do I survive another year like this. This past one nearly killed me#I desperately need help and I have no idea where to find it#My poor girlfriend has been getting a short straw for a while regarding how we split payments and god I wish I could#Do so much more. She deserves comfort and so do I.
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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.
#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me#i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu#to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked#but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago#so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer#and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get#she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is#that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist#i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because#i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy#of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with#i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless#but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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it’s crazy how people don’t think their death will affect people around them even if you aren’t close to them, or even if they were just semi passing encounters like no, others feel it. my neighbor died and as I park my car and look up at her dark little house it makes me so sad - I wanna go inside and turn on the lights she always has on. People notice and will feel it even if you don’t believe it.
#and I feel so bad because I saw her a couple of days ago and she was trying to give me flowers but I was rushing back to work#they’ve been on her porch she said take some and I haven’t and ew I feel bad#she was always trying to give me flowers and stuff because knows I like em#she was a lot but had a lot of issues going on#she use to come over crying all the time I knew so much about her life#and she genuinely cared about all of us over here#been like 16 years#I use to walk and also be chased by her dog way back in the day#stood in between her and her husband in a fighting match#one time she slid a picture of an owl under my door and we were so fucking creeped out because what#turned out it was her and she gave it to me because I love animals and photography hahah#l'd hide from her but feel bad and end up listening haha#she’d give me birthday cards because I share a birthday with one of her daughters#definitely an end to a era#I feel bad for her daughter she was sitting in her car while medical examiners were in the house#a bunch of ominious black vans outside for a bit#I should've taken the flowers 😕#I felt crazy guilty afterwards to the point I kept mentioning it and now I’m wondering if my spooky bitch body knew something#it's me and I wouldn't be that surprised I am all knowing even if I don't know you know?#seems odd#anyways I was thinking of leaving something for her daughter but I’m not sure when#she wasn’t home today#I’m not surprised by that#the flowers are still on her steps and it makes me really 😖#anyways life is short and weird and sad and ppl care
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they make me so
#tm#the way she immediately goes along with him there's no hesitation and then she immediately puts them in the same boat i want to scream#because there's a way to read this that it's actually too much faith; she trusts him and his methods - weird though they usually are -#maybe too much - the 'one day i'm gonna get fired because of you; that's just how it is' route#(which is like that excellent tag i saw - that lisbon's 'a rebel with the trauma of having to be responsible' -#like she likes breaking the rules and jane breaks them in fun ways (usually) and his rule-breaking gets results#- the 'people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place' bit alsosheskindofinlovewithhimnbd)#but on the other hand there is a bit of 'such little faith' too because yes he gets results but she knows firsthand (and repeatedly)#that he runs the risk of hurting - himself; others; her - while he gets those results#and she's putting them in the same boat she's making them equally responsible for anything that happens#*unequally actually she'd take the brunt of any punishment/backlash as they both know#and you COULD (and i do) see that as her trying (maybe unconsciously) to temper him; to pull him back from going TOO far#whatever you're doing you're not doing alone; remember this is on me now too don't go too far#CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU; WHO NEED YOU#and like does the tempering always work? no; obviously; for multiple reasons#but for her to - on whatever level - think that she would be enough FOR it to work? much to think about#(it's crazy how it's so clear that on some level they both know she's the most important person to him#but they're also just....tucking that fact away until a moment comes when they can actually think fully about what it means#(which would have to be post red john but also they're just avoidant bitches too afraid to look too close i love it)#anyway i'm back at work so i'm back to thinking too much about tv shows that ended 8 years ago it's so cool and stable#(also rigsby just going along with it too lkfasdj i just adore them)#FUCK THE END OF THE EPISODE BARK BARK I FEEL CRAZY#TERESA LISBON YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT TO ME LIKE SHIT
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i'm planning next week's picnic like if one thing goes wrong i'll be publicly beheaded. i'm locked in to such an absurd degree.
#also never shopping in my nearest town again maybe#i saw my cousin's ex who lives an hour away and her friend together which is so....... like wow i really thought i'd seen the last of him#very messy situation#started talking to a cashier/stocker i've spoken with on occasion for several years and she showed me some of her art & poetry (???)#got in line in front of one of my former classmate's dads who tried to proposition me right after my mom died#went to the new dollar store which has four self checkouts & one manned‚ tried to use a self checkout and the cashier said#'we don't have self checkouts' i said 'do you mean today or period' she said 'period' and we discussed how badly that's got them fucked up#they're literally running one of the self checkouts as a manned checkout when things get busy like...#and it was JUST built!! like just less than a year ago i think#i always come home from that town wanting to pull my hair out it's sooo strange!! like everything is craaazy#i also got fucking scammed!#i forgot to check until just now but the grocery store likes to run a weekly sale then not update the computers to reflect it#like they've done this for years and years#and i paid $1.99/lb for apples that were marked down to $1.12/lb so i overpaid a damn dollar#during the panini when it was my only source of groceries sometimes the difference would literally be like $50 because of big ticket items#i'd usually walk out‚ unload and read the receipt‚ then walk back in and get my refund. every friday.#and if i didn't i'd be out like $100/month for nothing on top of everything costing double what it did in the city#that place is fucking cursed. like there's just layers and layers of misery covering every surface.#adam yaps
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now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it
#em dashes#DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING#i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques#i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection!#bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!!#however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away#they all have editors and peer critiques to help them#and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures#because they aren't!! they're there to help!!!#anyway. enough venting for now#it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol#but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief#and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief#and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong'#AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes#but to be proud of myself for a second#i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it#it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr#i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years#and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet#wow. time is so weird
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