#don't ask me what her deadname is because i don't know and i don't care

[aparticularbandit]

i feel like i should note.  i’m writing a claire/devon t4t fic. and there’s this thing in there about names and a running thing about devon having trouble picking his name (vs. claire, who heard her name once and knew it was hers).

gender is a complicated thing for me.  i do not identify as trans, although technically i fall under the banner.

both of these have been my experiences with names.

i play around with names a lot personally - i’m bandit here, and i really like being bandit, and it has a lot of sentimental meaning to me because i’ve been using it, in one form or another, off and on for over half of my life - but i’ve also used a lot of other names, too, trying them on to see if they fit or not.

but i also - the name i’ve started using (both online and off) when i want to be perceived as most masculine, i remember when and where i was for that one.  i was sitting in a chinese restaurant waiting for my to-go order to be done, and i remember thinking that name, and it was mine, and it was my name, and it was who i was - if i wanted to go in that direction.

so like.  the running thing with devon might feel like a really bad, off-color joke.

it’s not.  i mean.  it is also kind of a joke.

but it is also my experience with names and trying them on to see if they fit.

[spatialwave]

"baby, don't you know? that you're my golden hour."

pairing: pre-war!cooper howard x ftm!actor!reader word count: 2.5k summary: being an up-and-coming actor had you fighting tooth and nail for opportunities. you were young, though, still had much to learn and people to impress. you were surprised when cooper howard took it upon himself to mentor you. the cowboy star supported you through thick & thin — a light in your life that reminded you everything would be alright. warnings/tags: sfw, implied transphobia, angst, grief, mention of death, hurt/comfort, fluff. notes: as a transmasc enby, i get very passionate writing ftm!reader stories. this had been sitting in my brain for awhile, so thank you to anon for sending an ask that kicked my ass into gear and write it!

“what do you mean? they told me last week that i had the goddamn job,” your voice was loud and snappy, jaw clenching as you fell back into the chair with a heavy thud, “i did three goddamn auditions and even did a table read, now they’re saying i’m not the right fit? what the hell is that supposed to mean? i put in the fucking work already.”

you were sitting in your agent’s office full of luxury furniture, expensive paintings and the gaudiest decorations. with a red face, you huffed as he explained to you the situation at hand.

your next movie had dropped you as the supporting actor. it would’ve given you enough screen time for it to be your real breakthrough role and shoot you up into the fame and glory you’d been fighting for.

“well,” your agent sighed, leaning forward against his desk, “there’s been word going around about you.”

defensive, you furrowed your brows in confusion, “what word?”

he’d grown uncomfortable, putting one leg over the other as he rested into his chair and thought about what to say next. he needed to be careful with his words, seeing that you had been ready to knock shit off of his desk if he angered you anymore.

“i think you should read this,” he murmured, filtering through papers on his desk until he grabbed a folded newspaper and pushed it toward you.

your heart sank as you snatched the paper, eyes wide and shaky when you read the front page. it was all about you. your deadname was plastered in large text as the article detailed your past that you had gone lengths to keep out of the public eye.

you changed your name, moved away from home and started your transition quietly. you had done everything to make sure that people perceived you the way you wanted.

but life was never that easy.

your eyes settled on a few words, ‘a trusted source confirmed.’ thoughts ran through your mind, thinking of any person who you’d grown up with, family members, ex-friends—anyone who would be willing to spill career-ruining information for a quick lump of cash. 

“i had no idea—“ your agent spoke, but you cut him off.

“i was hoping to keep it that way until i was in a damn grave” you said, voice calm but cheeks red and breath heavy, “fuck this.”

there was nothing worth sticking around for, who the hell would want to hire you now? there were too many close-minded people in the world, and you could already imagine the headlines of them lumping you right in with the opposition. a trans, american communist.

fucking christ.

the following week you isolated yourself in your apartment, high-end and expensive. you couldn’t even feel comfortable in your own home because the looming possibility of being unable to pay rent was alive and very real. you stayed in your bed, wondering how on earth you thought you’d be able to careen through life without anyone finding out.

you were lucky that your mother supported you every step of the way when you were a young, confused teen. she helped you navigate your feelings and even urged you to talk to a professional. one year later, you’d started testosterone injections.

she passed three years ago, leaving you with nothing but her memories and the devastating reality that you’d be alone from here on out. you always hoped your secret died with her.

you melted away on your bed as the sound of thunder boomed loudly and shook your apartment, rotting into nothingness. sleep was on the horizon, but you’d been interrupted by a buzzing sound vibrating from your intercom. you didn’t move, keeping your eyes shut tight and hoping the sound would stop. 

buzz.

“who is it?” you asked tiredly, pressing your forehead against the buzzer.

“a friend,” a southern voice replied, full of static.

you let go of the button that connected your voice to the intercom at the entrance of your apartment, closing your eyes and wishing that cooper would turn around and leave. His pity was far from what you needed

you were angry at the world, and that included him.

swallowing a lump down your throat, you pressed the door buzzer, feeling it vibrate beneath your finger until you were certain the cooper was inside the apartment and out of the rain.

with a blanket strung over your shoulders, your bare feet padded against the hardwood flooring as you unlocked your door. three locks for safety.

you waited to hear footsteps, your ear pressed against the door while your gazed focused on nothing in particular. a shell of a human was the only way you could describe yourself.

you’d never felt this dark before.

a gentle knock rapped against the wooden door, and you had to force yourself to open it up slowly as the lights from the hallway spilled into your dim apartment. meeting cooper’s gaze left you feeling like the smallest man in the world, even if you were the same height.

“you look like crap, kid,” cooper sighed, getting a good look at you. you hadn’t showered in a couple of days and your stubble had started to grow out. for years, you’d been so meticulous with how you looked, never once letting someone see you less than your best. not even cooper.

“stating the obvious,” you murmured, stepping back to give the older man time to step in. you didn’t bother sticking around for a proper greeting, already heading back to your bed so you could collapse on top of it, burying your face into your pillows.

the sound of cooper’s footsteps made you queasy, curling into a ball and peeking out as he turned on a lamp near the doorway. 

“why didn’t ya’ tell me?” he asked, rolling up the sleeves of his button up to his elbows, having discarded his coat and hat. you rarely ever saw him dressed so casually.

through furrowed brows, you glared at him, “i didn’t have to tell anyone a goddamn thing, you know. it was my secret to keep.”

“i didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed, stepping close until you felt the bed dip down next to you, “you’re not obligated to tell anyone your secrets,” his voice was so soft, it made your stomach twist, “but you’ve been ignoring my calls. why?”

a deep, shaky breath came from you as you looked at the man sitting next to you on the bed, his face lit up by the warm lamp, “i don’t need your help. i’m fine, cooper.”

“you’re a terrible liar,” he murmured, a tiny smile on his lips, “you always have been.”

you hated how well his voice and presence soothed you. for the first time in days you felt a spark of hope in your chest, but you stomped it out before it could burn bright.

“i know,” you whispered, moving to rest upright against the headboard with the blanket tight around you, “i figured you wouldn’t want to be seen with me.”

you didn’t dare look him in the eyes because the last thing you needed was for him to feel sorry for you. it wouldn’t be the first time someone questioned your identity and been turned off by it, many of your old friends had left you in the dust. considering you some kind of freak.

yet, there was cooper howard loyally at your side, his hazel eyes showing nothing but compassion and care for you.

you could remember it clear as day, the first time you filmed a scene with him. it was your first big movie gig after years of ads and small roles on television shows, a character that would be memorable if you played it well. cooper was the lead, a sheriff with a heart of gold, and you were his loveable, naive deputy. 

feeling sick to your stomach was an understatement, you vividly remember looking in a mirror and seeing how sunken in your eyes were. you’d been trembling all morning, repeating your lines under your breath as you sweltered underneath the heat radiating from the floodlights that lit up the desert scene.

cooper approached you with that big smile of his, his teeth perfect. everything about him was perfect.

the two of you had run lines weeks and days before, but as you stared at him then, you felt your mind draw a blank. you weren’t going to make a good impression on anyone, especially him.

“you good, kid?” he asked you, head tilting as the makeup department did quick touch ups before the cameras started rolling.

“yeah. i’m great, never been better.” you forced a smile, which got a snort of laughter out of the esteemed actor.

“you’re a terrible liar,” he laughed, reaching over and giving your shoulder a few strong pats, “don’t worry, alright? remember that you’re here because you deserve it. you’ve got skill.”

the rest of the movie was a breeze.

cooper had stuck by your side since then, taking on a role like a mentor. he gave you acting tips, took you for coffee to meet with a better agent, and made sure you had all the connections you needed for making your career even bigger than his own.

you’re not even sure of the exact day you fell in love with him, but after a year of pining for him in secret, you knew you had to end things before trouble found its way to you.

then, he and barb divorced. so, like the devoted little mentee you were, you stayed by his side. 

you helped him start up his gig work, which took weeks of convincing, and it only paid just enough to get the alimony to his ex-wife. you’d even started purchasing the dinners and coffees that you two love to frequent, knowing that at some point he wouldn’t be able to treat you as much as he used to.

cooper had become your lifeline, and this was the easiest way to repay him.

“why would you think that?”

cooper’s voice snapped you out of your daze, eyes readjusting to focus on the man sitting in front of you. he sat there with his brown eyes big and wide, the golden glow from your lamp creating a halo around his head. 

“well, uh, you wouldn’t be the first to think that,” your voice was barely above a whisper as you dropped your gaze, full of shame. 

he exhaled a heavy breath out of his nose, “i’d never do that to you, you know that,” his voice was a comfort to your broken heart, “look at me, i need you to see me say it,” you listened, eyes flickering up to meet his, “i will never ruin what we have over something that makes you… you,” he whispered, his hand holding yours, “you’re the same kid in my eyes and always will be.”

your bottom lip trembled as he spoke, his words digging deep into your heart and leaving you in a mess of emotions. you’d spent the last three days convincing yourself that life was over as you knew it, that all you worked for was just a heap of wood burning away into a pile of nothing.

cooper was a testament to the fact that things would be okay, even if the world wasn’t fair. after his divorce, you knew that he’d lost out on role after role, and if he managed to keep his pride, so could you.

“shit, coop, you’re so stupidly kind,” you laughed, tears rolling down your cheeks as intense emotions flooded you for the first time in months. you weren’t much of a crier, but these wouldn’t stop, “i don’t think there’s anyone in the world who’s as goddamn nice as you. it’s almost sickening how sweet you are.”

the man grinned, “don’t go rubbin’ that in, you’ll inflate my ego and you do not wanna’ see me like that.”

you let out a god-honest laugh for the first time in days, one that made your stomach flutter and leave your cheeks a little sore. 

the days got easier after that night. cooper visited you every day, bringing you a coffee and lunch, not leaving until he got a smile out of you. the two of you would sit around chatting for hours, he’d tell you all the bullshit stories of the gigs he’d picked up. he shared how barb was going to let him take janey to the gigs, too, and you saw how bright his eyes shined at the thought of getting to be with his babygirl, even for just a few hours in a day.

cooper reminded you that it was the little things that made life manageable.

a week later, he’d convinced you to go with him to see sugarfoot at her stable the day before a birthday gig, his first time that janey would tag along.

“hey, coop?” your voice was quiet as you sat in the passenger seat of his car, eyes watching the trees pass by as you made way for the stable in a secluded area outside the city. the evening was warm and bright, filling the sky with hues of orange, red and pink.

“hm?” the man hummed, tilting his head to you, but not taking his eyes off the road.

“why me?” 

his eyes flickered to you, “what do you mean?”

“why, uh… why’d you choose to mentor me?” you mumbled.

the car slowed down as you approached the turn-off to the stable, cooper looked back to road, “guess i can’t really get away with saying it was just outta’ kindness, huh?”

you chuckled, “i want the real answer.”

as you approached the ranch, cooper rolled the vehicle to a stop and shifted into park. you moved to open up the door, but his words interrupted you.

“you reminded me of myself when i was younger,” he answered honestly, turning his head to look at you, “i figured helpin’ you out would heal my soul, or somethin’ like that.”

“how selfish of you,” you snorted, “and to think i thought you did it out of love.”

you kept laughing to yourself after you spoke, opening up the passenger door and getting out to stretch your long limbs. you turned to look over at cooper, able to see him over the roof of the car, and it was then you noticed the red blush that coated his cheeks. he couldn’t hide it from you, even if he tried.

“c’mon, coop,” you smiled, feeling your heart flutter in your chest as you stepped around the vehicle, motioning for the older man to follow, “you don’t have to admit your love to me yet, just shower me in presents and i’ll know it’s true.”

“you’re a real pain in the ass. you know that, right?” he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. 

neither of you needed to admit it out loud just yet, the look you shared spoke more than words could.

“i do,” you said through a smile, leaning into his touch as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and placed a gentle kiss to your temple.

you leaned back, taking one long, good look at cooper. he was breathtaking under the evening sun, his skin radiant. you’d never seen him so happy.

“thank you for everything,” you said.

the colour of my sky.   you set my world on fire. and i know, i know everything’s gonna’ be alright.

[skys-archive]

To me, a very heartbreaking aspect of this election (at least as someone who lives in the deep south) is finding out the sheer number of people who I thought loved me and cared for my safety are happy at the outcome. People I tried to tell about this and what would happen.

My own mother didn't like either candidate from the beginning. I tried to tell her about project 2025 to sway her opinion. She told me those could never pass. She said she couldn't vote for Kamala because she's "basically Biden" to her. She voted for Trump because she thinks he's a smart businessman, and she said she likes Vance.

My own mother, who does genuinely love and care for me and who I have a lovely relationship with, voted for someone who actively wants me dead. For someone who wants her to remain in an abusive relationship she left years ago. Because "they won't pass".

My close friends who know my identity and who I am and I thought respected me for who I am are ecstatic at the results. People I didn't know the political beliefs of are coming out and letting me know they side with someone who wants my death, who wants the erasure of my people.

And honestly, maybe they will have it.

My ex, when I came to him originally about how scared I was of project 2025, thought I was getting upset over nothing. The man who I loved more than anything in this world believed that I was overreacting, that it would all be fine, that it didn't matter. He wasn't there when I was terrified. I almost wish I could look him in the face several months from now and he could see how real my fears are.

Other people like me, other people who are scared like me, are trying to just ignore it. A woman who I don't know too well came up to a group of friends I was with today and went to a couple, a man with his nonbinary partner. She said not to worry, that it was unconstitutional and it wouldn't happen.

This same group of friends discussed it, but it wasn't about fear or what to do now.

I met a friend today, at our usual spot. I was waiting for them, sitting with my head down on the table. I'd only found out a few minutes before. They said my name several times before I looked up. They asked if I wanted a forehead kiss and then led me to the rest of our friends. They said they were scared their father would be deported.

A different friend is probably going to leave their boyfriend. Not necessarily because of him, but definitely due to his friends. They say awful things about people like us every day, and there's certainly a reason their boyfriend hangs out with them.

I sat next to a friend and made fun of a tiktok I saw about Trump, it turned into a velocity edit about halfway through, I thought it was silly. She laughed with me but then said she was "so glad" he won, and doesn't understand why so many of her friends are "in such a mood". Many of her friends are queer.

My black friend is posting videos, jokes about having her rights taken away. I know it's how she's coping. I feel for her, and I understand, but I know I also could never know exactly how she feels.

I'm surrounded by people celebrating, people who I thought wanted me safe. Do they simply not know? Or do they want my death, too? Can they not see how terrified I am, how silent I am now?

I don't know if I should stay out. I hate the idea of using my deadname, of hearing my close friends calling me "she". But that would be safer.

Do I want to be safer? I don't think so. I don't want to die resigned. I don't want to hate myself even more. I want to be who I've been my whole life. Out, proud, safety and inspiration to the younger queer people who are scared. I want to be positive for them so they know that people like them can be happy. But I want to warn them as well, that being like this is dangerous, and hard.

I want disabled people who are scared to get aids, scared to get diagnosed, to look at me and know that there is at least some hope.

My mind is prone to overthinking, to finding the worst possible outcome of every situation. So I wonder if all of the things I come up with won't happen, and for a moment I find comfort in that. But I see others fear. I see how terrified they are of the same outcomes that I am, i see that I'm not the only one seeing them.

And I think, Why?

What am I meant to do now?

[generalluxun]

Hey. Asking about how Chloe was abused. My knowldge of abuse is fairly limited to general pop knowledge so I'm curious as to what abuse was done to her.

Okay caveats first:

I am not a medical professional, I am simply someone with a vested interest in the topic who has done more research than the average person.

There are many definitions of abuse. Legal definitions are rarely useful, as they are limited to concrete, provable, gross violations. Just as you can inflict a lot of pain on someone without leaving the marks to prove assault, you can do a lot of damage to a child without it being legally 'provable'. Medical definitions are much more helpful for discussions.

Lastly some level of extrapolation is required as it is a show. We take what we are shown. For example:We actually only have Felix's word that he was ever abused, and his first character traits sre being deceitful and manipulative. We still take his word though, because it's a show. (And also we should give weight to victim accounts!)

So both parents are guilty in different ways. We will start with Audrey, the simpler one. There's clear verbal and emotional abuse demonstrated on screen. Mis-naming your child is a form of abuse:please ask the trans community about the impact of deadnaming even in full grown adults.

Beyond that she is constantly dismissive and belittling of her child- to the exclusion of all else. Style Queen/Queen Wasp is rife with examples. There is also the clear behavior shift in Chloé. The wheeling, approval seeking, hunched posture expecting rejection. This is a *pattern* not a one off. Audrey may live in NY, but no fashion movil would be away from Paris for 13yrs straight. We are simply seeing the most recent interaction. This culminates im a child having to ask 'Why don't you love me mother?' and the response is telling

Audrey barely chokes out the strange word when trying to contradict the question. It takes Marinette literally making them both mad at her to get a bare minimum of interaction on Audrey's part. It doesn't last though. Audrey falls back into her negation behaviors and is now present to inflict them more regularly on Chloé, while also being a constant target for/model of behavior for Chloé. (Seriously it was such a misstep to write Marinette reuniting a victim with an abuser) We know the show itself considers Audrey'ss care as a bad thing because the original script had André divorcing her and takin Zoé because Zoé 'doesn't deserve you' so Chloé being in an abusive parenting situation in Representation is supposed to be 'punishment'(ewww)

André is not off the hook either. People look at him 'spoiling' her and leave it at that. Well, 'spoiling' can in fact be abusive too. Let's look at what we see:

André has been her primary caregiver for 14 years now, so he has had the most responsibility in molding what we see for good or bad(mostly bad). She does learn from him too. Darkblade she proudly announces she learned everything about winning elections from watching her father. He's also excessively arrogant (I'm the symbol of Paris!) and quite willing to abuse his power for his own ends(having Roger round up protestors etc) which explains where Chloé learned where power is to be abused.

André is also extremely neglectful as a parent, extreeeeemely. Let's hit a bunch of points in the order they come to me.

Chloé lives *alone* in a hotel suite. There's no shared space, no family area. It's not even really her room. It's commercial, sterile. Where sre her hobbies? Posters? Even her *colors*? She is so used to being ignored at home that the girl who is loud as heck everywhere else doesn't make a single mark on her living space.

A hotel employee seems to think he needs to step in to raise Chloé. Let that sink in. An employee can see how bad it is and tried to make some kind of change, (he's working against a lifetime of ingrained behavior and is not very good at it himself). He doesn't even think to you know... Get Andre in to do this.

André was unaware or didn't care his daughter hasn't done schoolwork since Sabrina *learned to write*(5/6 yrs old) that is a shocking level of disinterest in your child. 6yr olds aren't criminal masterminds.

Andre supplants actual attention and affection with *stuff* he gives material possessions in *place* of parenting. This is somewhat similar to spoiling but not the same. André's method denies the child something vital. You see- things aren't a substitute for affection/attention, developmentally. And so while they may delight they never satisfy the need. They never validate the emotional attachment. So after the shine wears off, the hole is still there. So, like someone with an addiction, the child needs more, and more, and more. Since the needs are never met, it is never enough. And this is what the child views as *normal* this is simply *how it is*. They rarely know they are being given inadequate care because it's just life to them. Seeing something different in a one off doesn't make a dent vs a whole life.

This sort of thing makes a potent cocktail when mixed with the abandonment issues from her mother too. See- if her mother left, and daddy doesn't pay attention, anyone can leave. This leads to a cycle of pushing/demanding/hurting. The child expects to be left and let down, so they both try to reassure themselves it won't happen, and *make* it happen on their own terms (because they believe deep down it will) so more outrageous demands, because when those demands are met, it shows that you are still 'loved' and when they are not met, then there you go, you are not loved and they will leave you. It's a self-destructive spiral.

You see it play out with her interactions with her classmates and Sabrina specifically. How does she express affection? Gifts. What does she do? Push. Push and push and find the breaking point because if she can make Sabrina actually leave then it shows that she herself is worthless and her mother was right to leave her and her father is right to ignore her. Pretty messed up right? Yeah. Child abuse does horrible things to kids.

We're not done with André yet. Some people might say 'he expresses love for Chloé!' and to that I say- performatively.

André likes the idea of being a father. It's what respectable people do. It looks good on camera. It's someone to love him unconditionally. It's an ally against his wife.(broken home dynamics are horrible too) André just doesn't like having to parent for more than a snapshot.

We can see his interactions with Zoé highlight this too. He's delighted she's here!(a potential person on his side vs his wife and daughter) what's his first parenting advice? 'lock your dreams away and get on with life' A+ André.

What's he do in Queen Banana? He uses his power to let Chloé manipulate the movie *kicking Zoé out of it* This is the guy who is supposed to be supporting her? He only draws the line when it comes to sending Zoé away... Why? He doesn't want to lose an 'ally'. It's power dynamics. Not parenting. Where was he when Zoé was stuck in boarding school? He was going to keep Zoé in the divorce so clearly Mr Lee isn't in the picture, Audrey probably forgot Zoé existed, why didn't André bring Zoé to France and let the sisters grow up together? Oh, right, that might be work.

André likes Zoé because she comes pre-raised(boarding school was probably better than either parent) he doesn't have to put in work and he gets a free good kid to make him look like a father. She's his 'do over' as he throws the one he raised in the trash.

André shows his true colors when he's lamenting to Gabe about his corruption and abuse and blames ot on his 'heartless daughter' you know... The child he raised. The grown man is actually shoving his own corruption and misdeeds onto his child. You really don't need much more than that.

So, via neglect, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse the Bourgeois parents raised an incredibly messed up child. Chloé is not a 'good victim' like Adrien, she doesn't sulk quietly under abuse. She lashes out. She is hurt and angry and she passes the pain on. This is why they call it the cycle of abuse.

The end of Revolution illustrates this perfectly. Audrey throws verbal abuse at her on the plane. Angry that Chloé embarrassed her(not that she did wrong, Audrey loved the power grab) and calls her a loser by implication. You *see* it hit, the physical cringe. Then Chloé immedietely goes to try and pass on the pain. She is hurt and making someone else hurt is the only way to lessen it. She calls Marinette. Marinette breaks the cycle though, and good for her. But the show seems to have forgotten there's still one hurt child in this scene, and it doesn't seem to care.

I'm going to stop here for now. I probably left a bunch out, but I do have other things I need to do. Feel free to ask more questions. Thanks for taking the time to seek answers.

[moonslie04]

scaramouche x male! reader

Part 6: Fiery touch

masterlist previous next

TW: CONTAINS A SLUR BEING SAID TOWARDS THE MAIN CHARACTER, TRANSPHOBIA. YOUR MENTAL HAELTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE BOOK. PLEASE TAKE CARE.

Scaramouche rang the doorbell to (Y/N)’s house. After planning to work on his story together, (Y/N) had invited Scaramouche over to talk about the story as well as to just hang out. He rocked back and forth on his feet as he tried to smash the stampede that was in his stomach.

The door opened, revealing an older woman, hair as black as raven’s feathers. She looked at him and smiled kindly.

“Can I help you?” She asked, holding the door still closed. Scaramouche didn't blame her. He was a stranger, after all.

“Is (Y/N) home? I was supposed to meet him to study.” Scaramouche said, watching confusion swarm her face. Did he have the wrong house? He was sure he didn't.

“Oh! Do you mean (D/N)? Did she also try to tell you that she was a tranny? I told her not to be delusional anymore.” The woman says, shaking her head.

Scaramouche frowned. He knew (Y/N) was trans and that his parents were bad, but this bad? He hadn't expected this at all. His thoughts were interrupted when the pleasant voice, which had started to somehow reflect his inner thoughts, reached his ears.

“Mom, who is it?” (Y/N) asked, his tone clipped and short.

“Someone is here to help you study. Would do you some good anyway. You're always far behind in English.” (Y/N)’s mother replied, opening the door further, as if inviting Scaramouche in. (Y/N) sighed, nodding.

“I know, Mom. I'll try better. Scara, follow me.” Scaramouche nodded, taking his shoes off and following (Y/N) up the stairs.

“Better keep that door open (D/N)!” (Y/N)’s mom yelled from downstairs. (Y/N), on the other hand, didn't bother to reply.

Scaramouche was still in shock, hearing (Y/N)’s own mother deadname him like that, as well as calling him a slur. He shook his head to get out of his head when he heard the other boy sigh.

“I'm sorry you had to witness that. I’ll be sure not to make us meet up here from now on.” (Y/N) apologized.

‘Tell him it's okay. Tell him it's not his fault.’ Scaramouche’s inner thoughts said, looking at the other boy’s saddened and disappointed face.

But he couldn't. One of his major flaws was that he sucked at comforting others. He avoided it like it was the plague. He himself hadn't gotten much or none at times comfort from his mother, so he didn’t know what you had to do to comfort someone.

Although looking at the boy in front of him, all that scaramouche wanted was to pull him in his arms, form a bubble around him that could protect him from any evil that wanted to harm him. Wanted to protect him from his own parents.

And that's what he did. Hugging (Y/N) was probably the best physical contact Scaramouche has ever had. The two complimented each other, fitted around each other like pieces of a puzzle, finally being placed next to each other. (Y/N) wrapped his arms around his waist, his touch, hot on Scaramouche’s skin.

“You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. I suck at comforting but always know it's not your fault at all. They’re the ones being ignorant and not accepting their son.” Scaramouche said, feeling (Y/N) shake his head, letting out a hollow laugh.

“I know. But every time they or someone uses my deadname, a part of me chips away. Especially since I'm not on T, nor can I use the one binder I have when I'm home. I’ve tried to tell them thousands of times, but it always ends up in the same way. It feels so bad, and it makes me cry at night. Makes me feel selfish that I am crying because, after all, they are my parents even if I don't want them to be.” (Y/N) ranted, releasing a shuddering breath.

Scaramouche’s arms tightened around the boy in his arms. Hearing (Y/N)’s voice sounded so broken, he couldn’t help but wonder how long he had been keeping it in.

He heard (Y/N) take a shuddering breath, presumably trying to steel himself before pulling away from Scaramouche. He turned away, his cheeks red from embarrassment.

‘Cute,’ Scaramouche thought, ‘Red looks good on him..’ He shook his head, trying to get the unholy thoughts out of his head. Not the time or place.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump this on you, and it was rude of me to do that.” (Y/N) muttered, turning around and wrapping his arms around himself as if shielding himself from Scaramouche.

Scaramouche frowned, shaking his head. “Don’t. Don’t apologize for feeling things. Never do that,” He said firmly. “We can talk more about this if you want or we can go outside?”

(Y/N) turned around, his cheeks still red. “Can… Can we go out? I really don’t want to stay home. Its okay if you don’t want to. I don’t want to burden you more than I already have.”

“I swear to god, if you say sorry one more time, I will tell all of the university that you called me an omega.” Scaramouche huffed, taking out his bike’s keys.

(Y/N) barked out a laugh, grabbed his jacket, and opened his door, a mischievous smile on his lips. “I think that would be more harmful for you than me.”

A soft smile played on Scaramouche’s lips as he followed (Y/N) downstairs. Thankfully, the latter’s mom wasn’t around till the time both were out of the house.

“Holy fuck is this yours?” Scaramouche turned towards the sweet voice, a smirk on his lips. He nodded, causing (Y/N)’s jaw drop as he turned back towards the bike. One of the perks of having a rich mom and her even richer wife was that he could have the shit he wanted at the snap of his fingers. And that meant getting a bike out of guilt tripping his mom.

“You like it?” Scaramouche asked, even if he already knew the answer. The speed that (Y/N) nodded his head made Scaramouche concerned that it would fall off. Scaramouche laughed, giving his spare helmet to (Y/N), making the boy look at him in bewilderment. Scaramouche clicked his tongue, putting the helmet onto (Y/N)’s head.

‘He looks so cute. Gods.’ Scaramouche thought, unknown to the red that was creeping up to (Y/N)’s face.

Scaramouche got onto the bike, jerking his head to signal (Y/N) to get behind him. Squealing (Y/N) got on the back. He wrapped his hands on Scaramouche's waist, his touch feeling like fire spreading.

Scaramouche grinned, putting his own helmet on and started the bike.

taglist: @kaitfae

(If you wanna be added, please ask me or just comment underneath!)

A/N: I will have exams in the next week till like the 19th of March. therefore, I will not be able to write at all. Apologies but these exams are like very important, unfortunately.

[jewish-vents]

I can't with this anymore uhhhhhhggggg

"AITAH for creating a private doc to keep notes on what my racist teacher said"

I have this teacher who said a lot of shit (eg. "Ashkenazi people were Europeans forcefully converted by invading Jews", "the Torah mentions Jesus and Mohammed", "Judaism started in Ethiopia because it's the oldest religion and therefore must come from where all people do", "getting angry at Houthis for attacking Israel is like getting angry at a l*nched man for struggling on the noose", etc.). No one cared that she said these things besides a boy she kept deadnaming, a girl who she used as an example talking about slave r*pe, and a kid who she humiliated in front of the class a few times.

When I reported this shit to the dean he was concerned as fuck and 100000% on my side because he's really cool. And to report the stuff, I'd been using a private google doc to keep track of what she'd said. The principal though was overly optimistic and decided instead of talking to the teacher in private, she would hold a class discussion! Yaaaaaaayyyyyyy. I was less than pleased by this, and at the discussion most people took her side. I eventually decided to share the doc with the other three kids so I could get better firsthand accounts.

But then the doc started spreading.

One of the other kids shared it with this boy who she used to mock and throw under the bus, and he shared it with his friend. Who shared it with another friend. Things went like whisper-down-the-lane until someone, I don't know WHO, got a hold of it and shared it to the whole. Fucking. Class. Including the teacher. People started claiming the doc was Islamophobic and didn't elaborate why, and saying we were only "attacking" the teacher because she was Muslim. Or that we only reported this stuff to get drama and attention. The principal herself even said that this was happening because we have varying cultures, which is BS because I have plenty of Muslim friends who have never said ANY of the shit this lady has. That is waaaayyyy more Islamophobic of a statement and I felt offended on my friends' behalf with that one.

I feel bad for the teacher for seeing that doc, but then again, I myself am suffering because someone leaked all my personal opinions to the class. I'm a super conflict avoidant person because I have severe ADHD and OCD and mild autism (ASD1, to be specific), and I hate being involved. I want to sympathize for her. I really do. But when asked to apologize for what she said, she started defending herself and saying we were all closed-minded for not thinking what we previously thought was wrong. My mom wants to take me out of the class to do an independent study project so I can pass the required course without being in that classroom. Because nothing gets in the way of Jewish parents. Especially during Passover.

My classmates are saying she's a sweet lady and it was wrong of us to get upset at her, so are we the bad guys and/or am I overreacting to this scenario.

Anon I'm going to be very honest here. You are absolutely NTA here. And you're not overreacting at all. Your teacher is being very offensive, not to mention historically wrong.

And the doc? If she didn't want to have her offensive opinions called out in front of everyone, maybe she should stop being offensive.

I'm going to say, personally if she were my teacher the doc would be the least of her problems. She would not like me very much.

I hope you're safe tho, you and the other students she's hurt. You don't deserve to be treated like this

-🐺

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for leaving my mother-in-law's funeral early?

Some background: my (29 NB) wife, A (32 F) is trans. Her mother was sort of supportive towards the end, and her father F (70s, M) uses the right name but wrong pronouns. We've been working on him for about ten years with the pronouns and he still constantly misgenders her, but claims to support her.

Now A's aunt and uncle, J and J, are some of the most unpleasant people I've ever met. They were the ones in charge of arranging the funeral.

Leading up to the funeral, we had basically no information about what was happening. Day of, we show up, and J (the aunt) immediately deadnames A. A corrects her and asks where we're supposed to sit. J takes us to a back room where my father-in-law and sister-in-law are waiting.

We talk amicably for a bit before the preacher and J (the uncle) walk in. The preacher gives his condolences to the family, and goes through the program. When he gets to A's part, he deadnames her. We do a double-take, because we do not know this man at all and there is no way he should know A's deadname.

J and J had printed her deadname in the program.

A is understandably upset, and points the issue out to everyone. J (the uncle) quietly leaves the room. F says it was a mistake. I calmly but firmly tell F that it has been five years since A changed her name, and J and J's oldest child has been correcting them constantly (often getting a response of "you know who I mean/it doesn't matter/I don't care"). I tell F that this was intentional.

F gets angry and raises his voice. I'm already crying because I don't handle confrontation well, but like. I gotta. F swears up and down that he and J and J love and support A, and "can't you ignore this for mom?"

We say no, and leave. Before the funeral even starts. My side of the family leaves in solidarity and to be there for me and A.

We haven't talked to F (or J and J) since.

I feel somewhat guilty that we didn't stay, and that we haven't talked to F since his wife's funeral, but it's been five years since A came out, and it feels like F has only given lip service about supporting A without putting in the legwork. If he had just said "oh that is wrong, I'm so sorry" or offered any kind of sympathy or entertained the idea that this wasn't a mistake, instead of immediately defending J and J, we would have stayed.

But he didn't, and we left.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[your-queer-dad]

dad! I talked to the princapal and got the right name on some papers and also he said he’d talk to all the staff

later that day a different teacher came up to me and pulled me asided and asked me if she was the one who misgendered me she was really worried and said if she did she’s sorry and she asked if I was ok and stuff she’s alright sometimes I wish it was all the time

anyway back to the shitty teacher she’s just been avoiding me I think I haven’t heard her talk about me or to me the entire while

the principal said that none of this was on purpose but like bro she’s been screaming and misgendering and she’ll be super ableist and visibly homophobic not letting boys sit near eachother and saying how like boys can’t have stuffed animals and we’re to old for itshit whenever we’d bring toys to school but she lets the girls do it! and she’ll go on rants about how boys shouldn’t to this or be this etc and how girls can’t act like this blah blah blah and it’s like hell yeah she meant it the fuck

anyway she’s either lying to him or he’s covering for her either way this is annoying he kept trying to like idk smooth it over and it’s like dude I don’t need to be best friends with her just tell her to stop being a massive pile of shit

also I got my blood drawn and they kept deadnaming me and saying how oh well when you get your name legally changed then we can call you whatever you want. And it’s like sure but you could also call me my name right now motherfucker. My mom made a comment like only a couple more months because I’ll be turning eighteen soon and I called her out cause she does this thing where she pretends to be a good mom and a ally in public but actually she’s been keeping me from transitioning and she sent me terf books and called me a demon spawn and threatens me like all the time etc and then in the car after the appointment in the car I told her she’s making excuses for the nurses and they didn’t have to deadname me and then she got mad like really fucking mad and she went all quiet and started driving crazy like dangerous crazy she does that a lot and it’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten me in a car crash I’m at home now I know she’s not safe not just from the car thing just in general she’s violent and threatens a lot and she does this thing where when she gets mad she’ll grab the back of my neck real hard and drag me around like a damn rubber chicken I started walking behind her to avoid it so it hasn’t happened in a while but idk man everything really pisses me off this is all bullshit and I’m so sick of everyone just excusing it all you feel me also some girl at school keeps coming up behind me and squeezing my neck and it keeps fucking with me cause of what my mom does that girl keeps hitting on me to she won’t leave me alone and this always fucking happens dude she’s like threatening and making jokes about sexually assaulting me and I’m like bro??? The fuck?? My parents don’t care I’ll tell the principal if it gets worse but with the way he is he’ll probably be like oh she didn’t mean it she’s so young she was just joking try to be friends she’s just a little girl blah blah blah I hate how adults justify all this shit I just want someone to call it out or get mad on my behalf for once why won’t anybody ever defend me I’ve been dealing with this for eighteen years the same shit over and over from everyone I’m just a kid to and no one ever stepped in

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry you have all of that shit to deal with, that's awful. I'm really proud of you for telling the principal and that teacher came to check that they were being okay. How your mom treats you is awful and you don't deserve any of that. I am so sorry she has been doing that. You have so much awful things happening to you and it isn't fair, not at all.

- dad x

[that-one-dark-smiley]

Yea so my mum is going through the five stages of grief after I came out. I don't really know what to do about it. (Just as a side note, I didn't say I am agender, I came out as a binary trans man because my parents wouldn't understand anything else)

Basically I asked her what her thoughts were after two weeks of processing that I came out as trans and well....

Her reaction basically was "well you were so feminine as a child, so feminine that it's weird you suddenly think you're a boy" (she literally said herself that I wasn't very feminine as a child when I came out and also that wouldn't necessarily mean anything), "I was also interested in masculine things and I'm not a boy either" (again, doesn't have to mean anything) and that she "feels as if she buried her daughter". Ironically, she compared my coming out to Hermione erasing her parent's memories of her in the last Harry Potter book/movie. Just... Idk. The irony when you think about it.

It also doesn't make a lot of sense what she said. Like "just because you like masculine things doesn't mean you're a boy" but also "you were so feminine as a child so why would you be a boy". Make it make sense.

She didn't let me finish even one sentence when I tried to tell her that 1. Hobbies and interests as a child don't determine gender, 2. My hair doesn't determine my gender, 3. I have felt "not like a girl" for the majority of my life, 4. I'm not dead?, 5. I am still the very same person as before coming out (she did let me say that once, and straight up answered "no". So there's that.), and 6. Nothing about our relationship has to change just because I'm not a woman.

Idk man. I thought my father would be tough to handle but my mum is in a state of complete denial. I thought she wouldn't care because...she never cared about most of the things going on in my life until I became an adult. She can't be bothered to help me with my mental health or my physical health, she constantly talks over me, she rarely listens. I thought she would just be the same person before and after my coming out. But no. She is behaving the worst.

I don't know what to do especially because I don't want to talk to my father about it. I don't want them to fight. They have fought so much in their life because my father protects me a lot. And also, I don't know how well my father is handling my outing right now.

I am just... Idk. Not doing as well as I had hoped.

Now the misgendering and deadnaming isn't because they don't know, it's on purpose. And my father is doing it as well, so, whatever.

[r0b0-wannabe]

I think people sometimes forget about the clothes =/= gender argument.

Talked to my mom about one of the reasons I don't feel like wearing ���girly” outfits is because people see me in those outfits and automatically assume I'm a girl. They do this even when I'm not wearing “girly” outfits.

But, once I start T, I’ll be growing facial hair. And maybe then I’ll feel more comfortable in a skirt.

She asks me, “Why don't you like people assuming you're a girl?”

And I say, “Because I don't feel like one. I just feel like me. And I don't feel like a girl or a guy. I'm just me.”

And she says, “I'm not woke enough to understand that.”

It’s troubling. She admits that she won’t look up anything to educate herself because she's “lazy.” And I do love her, she has continued to help me through things in my life that I know must be difficult for her. She worries about me, she helps take care of my dog, she still makes me dinner most nights, she goes with me to the doctors when I’m scared, she doesn't deadname me.

But she doesn't support me. She says she does. But she doesn't.

Keeping your mouth shut because you know what you're going to say will hurt my feelings isn't support.

Saying, “I don't have to agree with what you do, I just have to love you,” isn't support.

Support is work. It's not always easy work. But it’s work that matters to the person you claim to love.

I hope she still loves me when I start T. When the “little girl” she grew up loving doesn't have the same face or voice.

[l0veraven]

Wrapping up today's events

(For full context, refer to today's posts in the #leasebound tag)

Unfortunately, someone pulled up into a Leasebound fan's ask box and decided to submit a rape fantasy scenario between Shez (a butch lesbian) and Brick (a bigender asexual) to basically "screw the asexuality out of them."

My circle of Leasebound anti's still are unaware of any specific individual within our community submitting it, but we know whoever did it won't come forward to admit their bullshit. As a community, we have made it a point to declare that we do not condone the behavior of the person who submitted the ask, regardless of whether or not they were within our circle. Obviously, neither side wants to claim the person and points fingers at the opposition, but at the end of the day, we can't prove "which side" did what unless the person admits it / someone is able to confirm who it was.

While it may have seemed as though we were glossing over what was going on, it wasn't because we agreed with what was happening. It's because what was said in the ask directly mirrors the other asks being sent in about basically "fucking the gendie ideology" out of Blaire and even Eli (both queer-affirming characters). I say queer-affirming because they're accepting of everyone that falls under the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

I won't call out the blogs by name, but it's also not that hard to find their posts.

Something that piqued my interest is how these fantasies only came to an abrupt stop the moment a Butch Lesbian™️ got involved. Aside from Ruth, Blossom, Murphy, and Ari, Shez is one of the more prominent butch characters.

In the following screenshot, I pointed out this particular ask that one Leasebound fan received (the one who ultimately received the horrific ask):

Screenshot 1: Riley (andro/butch[?] lesbian) x Blaire (femme bi) x Jaden (andro/butch[?] lesbian)

[I only put question marks because I personally can't tell whether the two have a tomboy appearance or fall more under butch, but that's not the point]

Anon: "Riley has to keep giving Blaire orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss gender with Jaden."

Fan: "Fucking quick time event threesome at that point" and "The slapstick potential is strong."

I also sent this in direct response to how this mirrored what the fan received later on:

Me: "I don't want to hear anybody defend this line of thinking at all," "This is not okay," and "This has similar energy of corrective rape, if not, outright so."

I then provide the example by reframing the previously shown ask:

-> "Man has to keep giving woman orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss being a lesbian with her male friends."

Directly following this example, I pointed out how that sounds predatory as hell.

I elaborated further:

The fan didn't condemn the fantasy being portrayed, yet I gave the fan the benefit of the doubt that she maybe didn't realize the implications of what was being described. After all, even I'm blind to certain things until they're pointed out to me or after I've sat with things for more than two hours/days. It happens.

I ended by offering the fan the opportunity to explain where I may have misinterpreted things.

"You're also more than welcome to prove me wrong." "Help us understand your point of view."

And no reply was made to this reblog from any Leasebound fan that could defend their positions.

A fellow Leasebound anti provided more screenshots of other similar rape fantasies being submitted without a care to what was being depicted.

Screenshot 2: Eli x Self-Insert

The fans continually deadname, misgender, etc. all trans characters, so that'll explain my pronoun differences.

Anon jokes about Eli's idea of sex, but then the same fan blog from earlier decides to create an... interesting scenario.

Fan: "I ask [him] if either of us is eating pussy that night and [he] tried to hide [their] visible disgust," and "I then ask if either of us is gonna finger blast the other."

This scenario on its own is already acknowledging AND dismissing Eli's discomfort of the topic, but then the fan pushes past an implied boundary (visible signs of discomfort).

Lets put this in perspective of if a man were involved.

"The man asks the woman if either of them were getting head that night, and she tried to hide her visible disgust. He then asks if he was gonna pound her."

I hope I don't need to explain why this is just blatant rape. Pressuring someone into sex is rape. No questions asked.

If you try to force feed someone a hot dog that doesn't want to eat a hot dog, that's violating their bodily autonomy.

This same idea applies to sex. If you don't understand this, please learn about consent, especially in the context of sex.

Screenshot 3: Riley x Blaire x Jaden (again)

Anon: "Having a threesome would solve everything." "[Blaire and Jaden] wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss gender because they were too tired from all the orgasms." "Problem solved"

Do you see how often the word "solved" is popping up? "Gender" as a concept is so much of a problem that sex will ultimately "solve" the problem of it being brought up?

Example: "A man fucking a woman would solve everything. She wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss being a lesbian because she was too tired from all the orgasms."

This scenario is describing using sex as a way to control "undesirable" conversations. Strange, isn't it?"

I know the terfs get a kick out of calling Leasebound antis braindead... but have you seen what yall are saying? And yall are the ones showing up anonymous in the ask boxes and receiving no repercussions. You claim these anons and don't have any issues with it.

But it all comes to a screeching halt when you bring in Shez.

Screenshot 4: Shez [butch lesbian] x Brick [bigender asexual]

Anon: "[Shez fucks Brick] to break her out of that stupid aspec bullshit and show her joys of being lesbian" and the odd statement of "Shez manhandling."

I'm not saying the anon was or was not a Leasebound fan. That is not what this post is about.

It's about highlighting how it mirrors what fans have already been discussing during their own self-admitted horny posting.

I'll put it out there that the fan blog immediately shut this anon down. Didn't even entertain the thought of the scenario. Absolutely despicable in her eyes, and frankly, is despicable in my eyes too. No one should have sent this to anyone. This is honestly foul and, as I have repeated many times in the past 24 hours, I do not condone this and anyone like this needs to be barred from shared spaces.

It's also worth pointing out the term "manhandling" in this screenshot. Obviously, butch women are seen as strong, traditionally masculine, and more. However, there's something more nefarious with this term being used in this scenario. Manhandling directly means using force/aggression. This isn't even in a ~ooh, sexy~ way. No, this is straight up evil. I do feel as though the term manhandling was homophobic in nature, whether the anon meant that or not. It's not a good look to associate butch lesbians with being forceful sex pests. Lesbians deserve respect. Period.

I'll continue to put an example to further illustrate my point, but I'm sure you understand what's gonna be said.

Example: "Man fucks woman to break her out of that stupid lesbian bullshit and shows her the joys of being straight."

Now lets put it all together

Fantasy #1: "Riley has to keep giving Blaire orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss gender with Jaden." - Fan endorsed the statement

Fantasy #2: "I ask [him] if either of us is eating pussy that night and [he] tried to hide [their] visible disgust," and "I then ask if either of us is gonna finger blast the other." - Written by the fan

Fantasy #3: "Having a threesome would solve everything." "[Blaire and Jaden] wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss gender because they were too tired from all the orgasms." "Problem solved" - Fan endorsed the statement

Fantasy #4: "[Shez fucks Brick] to break her out of that stupid aspec bullshit and show her joys of being lesbian" and the odd statement of "Shez manhandling." - No one liked this

And compare them to their associated examples:

Example #1: "Man has to keep giving woman orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss being a lesbian with her male friends."

Example #2: "The man asks the woman if either of them were getting head that night, and she tried to hide her visible disgust. He then asks if he was gonna pound her."

Example #3: "A man fucking a woman would solve everything. She wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss being a lesbian because she was too tired from all the orgasms."

Example #4: "Man fucks woman to break her out of that stupid lesbian bullshit and shows her the joys of being straight."

All of the examples explicitly describe the woman as a lesbian because the root of the matter is that lesbians are the primary focus of the fandom. It's literally what Leasebound is built off of (aside from rampant queerphobia and even dissing some lesbians for certain traits).

All the examples feature a man because if you were to put a man in any of these scenarios, everyone would easily see how fucked up these scenarios were from the very start. Also, it shows parallels with the "manhandling" comment. If a lesbian manhandles another "woman," it's hot, but if a man decides to manhandle a woman, it's universally understood to be a fucking crime.

And within the fandom: If a lesbian fucks the gender ideology from another "woman," then they'll shut up about it.

Concluding Statement

I don't plan on revisiting today's event because I think everyone said what needs to be said, but I wanted to compile everything in one comprehensive post. I'm not trying to call out specific fans. However, this behavior is clearly being endorsed until a butch lesbian gets involved. Maybe don't excuse shitty rape fantasies and this won't happen again?

If you do end up finding out who these blogs are, DO NOT HARRASS THEM. I don't care if you dislike them. Trust me, I dislike them too. That doesn't give you an excuse to be a piece of shit.

If I catch any of yall doing some foul shit like what I discussed in this post, you're not gonna be welcome anywhere I am. Tbh, I feel as though you're a danger to people as a collective.

Be decent human beings for the love of god.

And please, don't publicize your rape fantasies. Keep them in circles where the average person can easily avoid them.

Thanks

[magnolia-sunrise]

The way you explore Bastien’s sense of identity through his presentation reminds me of an OC of mine, so they might see eye to eye in at least some respects! My guy Evan (he/him) is a fat trans man who figured out he was trans a little late into his teenage years because he was too preoccupied being the third parent to his three younger siblings. Eventually this fact about himself was too strong for him to ignore, though, and thus he quickly began the process of socially transitioning and gradually sought medical transition as well. He changed names several times throughout this period (Callum, Beck, Rory, and many others among them)

His parents… They weren’t *un*supportive, but in the very least his mother, who saw a lot of herself in her oldest child, indulged his desire to transition while never quite shaking his deadname out of her vocabulary, you know? Especially with him changing names *so* often, it’s just *so* hard to remember which one is right these days. And Evan wanted to maintain a relationship with his parents for a long time (honestly what he wanted was to stay close to his siblings, the youngest of whom is 13 years younger than him). It wasn’t until after he met his eventual spouse, Isador (he/she), who called him by the right name consistently, who encouraged him to experiment and figure out what he liked about being trans, and who showed him what supportive family looks like (Isador was raised by her grandmother who absolutely loves the hell out of her grandkid), that he eventually got the courage to confront his parents. This eventually leads to him going no-contact with said parents, although his siblings reach back out to him on their own

It takes a WHILE for Evan to feel comfortable circling back to femininity for himself, and to feel totally comfortable in his body even then. He grows out a beard and dresses in layers to kind of hide how his body looks underneath. He pushed his feminine hobbies and interests to the side Hard when he started socially transitioning, because he convinced himself he Had to, and instead leans hard into new hobbies like handiwork and cars. Once again he’s content to simply push through the feelings as though they’re small, until they’re too big to ignore. Years down the line, after he and Isador are married, he can admit to himself that Christina Aguilera may still be one of his favourite artists. After they have a daughter together, he comes back to the mending skills he learned as a kid in order to fix her dolls — and maybe even make her some, when he feels brave enough

Evan also tends to be good at reading people and social settings, and if he knew Bastien to any degree, I think he’d be thrilled to see how their sense of personal style and the way they carry themselves changes over time. It’s good to see :)

(Wolfgang and Isador would also absolutely queen out. That’s a separate thing skhdjssjg)

(sorry for getting to this a bit late i got this ask as i was heading out!)

helloooo Evan(and Isador!!) so nice to meet them :") <3 !

really really love how much care and love you put into his story and the realistic and long identity journey (some of the family stuff really hits so hard).

i don't post about this stuff much since its not relevant to the story and i like exploring my characters identities in relation to each other but Bastien left his family when he was fairly young to get himself out of that town and that deeply supressive environment and off to med school as far away as possible, and they've been no contact pretty much since. he used to be a twinkish dyke, and then a dykish twink early on in university and that environment was really fundamental in experimenting with gender and sexuality for him. he was also really lonely, and unsure of anything - getting himself DIY testoterone and then waffling whether he actually wanted to go on it, then waffling about some of the changes, then waffling about top surgery (so he spent some years walking around with mustache and tits) just. a lot of anxiety and stress all the time, they preferred to just put their studies ahead of anything else and only engage in sexuality in terms of one night flings on campus. then after one dramatic event and a shoulder injury, continuing studies was no longer an option and his life just. shattered.

this is where Matteo came into his life in a bigger way, and immediately he was someone really attractive because he seemed so confident, his life figured out, future lined out. it was intoxicating to be in the presence of someone so self assured without a care in the world. who in turn also accepted Bastien - at least back then, when he was a depressed twink Matteo could "save"- and motivated him. but ultimately it was like jumping from one form loneliness and isolation into another form of it, now depending on his cis partner, surrounded by Matteos cis rich friends. his body still changing, gaining weight, feeling unattractive to his partner and locked into specific way of gender and sexuality expression, losing sense of his identity and what they even wanted to do with their life. its so alienating.

all this is to say-- i think if Bastien knew somemone like Evan early on, he would have really loved to have a friend like that - someone going through similar experiences i feel like they could have found a lot of strength and support in each other :") i think if they stayed in touch and friendly over the years, they could have been really positive influences on each other and maybe Bastien would not have such deep seated issues opening up to other people and even to himself. lost in the thought imagining the happiness Bastien would feel visiting Evan's family and seeing the pure love and joy there and what it took to get there its just :"))))) maybe he even would have the strength to leave his unhappy relationship seeing what it's like to be *actually* really accepted when seeing how Isador loves Evan :"))

thank you for sharing!!

[aromantic-enjolras]

The Amies of the HRT headcanons

This is based on a brainrot with @shamedumpster a long time ago, and a continuation of this post. I won't go into Grantaire, Joly and Bossuet because they are all that post.

Enjolras is really in-your-face about being trans. She is not trying to pass, she doesn't have to pass to be trans. If cis women can be butch and still be women, she can go around with a five-o-clock shadow and not go on HRT and still be a woman. One time during one of their fights Grantaire accuses her of saying that "because you already look like a girl to begin with" and she almost decked her.

Combeferre is your classic case of the person who went into a STEM major as a boy and came out as a girl. She jokes that she should have been tipped by the fact that she always played girls on RPGs. She's thankful that her coworkers are not overtly transphobes, but also sometimes they're..... they've got the spirit. That's what she tells herself. The Amies are her safe space. Also, the moment she realised she was trans she started digging into the literature. Any question you can have, she will whip out an answer, with peer-reviewed citations and footnotes.

Courfeyrac is a theatre kid. She started playing with gender at theatre, putting on dresses and makeup at rehearsals. She went down the he/they->they/them->she/they-> she/her pipeline. Her family is relatively supportive and also loaded, and she started her transition relatively young, which means she has the most complete passing out of all the Amies. She's very hot and she knows it; but she is also very careful around cis guys. She has been called "a trap" enough times to be wary.

Feuilly is mostly closeted. She can't, or doesn't dare, to be out in her blue-collar job. She can't lose her source of income, no matter how uncomfortable she is. One year she gets the courage to go to Pride, staying in the middle of the Amis and trying to stay invisible from the outside, when she hears a voice calling her deadname, and sees a girl from work looking at her. Before she can react, though, the girl is apologizing for misgendering her at work and asking for her real name. After that point, at least she has an ally.

Bahorel started her gender realization as an almost ironic thing. She became a drag queen because "wouldn't it be funny if a guy that looked like me pretended to be a girl???" and somewhere along the way she realized that actually no, it isn't funny. And she's not pretending. Now she's the biggest defender of "cringe is dead". Do things wholeheartedly or don't do them at all.

Jehan is a witchy trans. She knows everyone's star charts (or she thinks she does, Grantaire gave her a fake one to mess with her), and she swears that she can tell who is going to be trans by their star charts alone.

I hope you enjoyed this!!

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m kinda confused, because my brother will always say to me ‘I don’t believe in all this transgender bullshit. It’s mocking intersex people and even intersex people say it’ the worst bit is that he says it infront of my mum who’s already as transphobic as it is and I was so fucking close to her not deadnaming me and not using she/her when referring to me.

So I wanted to know your thoughts on what my brother said if that’s ok <33

hello there!

that's not an argument i hear too often, but i have heard some people say things like that. that's not a sentimenti ever see expressed from other intersex people, it's almost always perisex people speaking for intersex people. just because someone wants to look different doesn't mean it's insulting someone who looks that way without any outside interference. i don't feel insulted when people want to look physically androgynous, even, if they want to change their body to have big breasts and a penis, or whatever, it doesn't bother me!

if anything, it makes intersex people feel less alienated because now you are involved with a community of people who possibly look and sound a lot more like you. even if it's by choice and not by nature, it doesn't really matter- being intersex influenced me into transitioning, after all! i took my feelings into consideration about both my body and my gender, and i needed to keep my intersex traits of having a beard and body hair and a masculine appearance

it's not an insult, it helps normalize the broad spectrum of how humans can look, act and sound based upon their individual biology. the sheer number of trans people who wanted HRT and surgeries in the past and now are a huge part of the reason why i have access to my own HRT. it only helps me when other people look and sound like i do and expose people to the fact that humans can look like literally whatever, from birth or otherwise

if you ever encounter anyone that has an argument that posits that intersex and trans people are enemies in any capacity, it's bullshit. we are often the same person, not always, but we are friends either way. we are siblings, we are very closely related people, and we understand each other's struggles about body autonomy and being identified correctly

whether or not you choose to stand up to your brother is up to you, just know that what he's saying isn't true. he's finding whatever reasons he can to antagonize you and put you down in front of your mom so she will continue to misgender you. there's nothing within good reason with this attitude, it's an attempt to scare you out of identifying as trans. you don't have to let it work

even if you don't stand up to them, you can remind yourself that he's just being a bully and he's not right. if he isn't intersex, himself, he has no ground to make that argument, and if he is intersex, he doesn't get to make the call for all other intersex people. tell him to ask a few other intersex people how they feel and he'll see his opinion doesn't make any sense

take care of yousrelf! hope that helps, good luck with your family. i'm sorry they're not receptive. bullies want you to think they're right but they're just angry and insecure that you have something that brings you joy. hold it close to your chest as tightly as you can, they don't deserve to take that from you. stay safe, good luck, feel free to ask any more questions you may have!

[frogoru]

What inspires you as an artist? What do you wish for your art to achieve?

This ask is from a little while ago but I didn't really know how to answer it before *SOBS* I wanted to think on it a little more... I feel like a ton of things inspire me to keep creating, but something really big on that ever-growing list is probably the sense of connection art is able to give different people. Does that make sense?

When it comes to fanart and stuff like that (which I primarily focused on when I started posting art to the internet), I keep drawing and putting myself out there in hopes of reaching people who also enjoy the things I love so we can rave about it together. It makes the experience of enjoying something and creating things that stem from that enjoyment even more fulfilling than it would be if I just kept the stuff I made to myself. It feels really good to spread joy around like that. Sharing and seeing so many people's different interpretations of stories I love and cherish makes me really happy.

I didn't really post my oc drawings online in depth or outside of friend circles before Natalia and all the other ones I have came to be. I didn't really expect people to care about them as much as the fan work I made, but when people did express interest in them it was a really nice surprise. I've gotten so many messages and comments about how little things I add to my characters resonate with people. I've gotten a ton about how Thalia having visible body hair without it being seen as something she's ashamed of by herself and others is uplifting for some, a lot of comments and stuff where people get really excited when it comes to art of Natalia and her body type, and general things about how sweet it is to see my wlw characters be happy with each other. I remember someone also anonymously say that Sadie being the way she is while having that name made them feel good about themself in a weird little loop around way when it comes to their deadname (I don't think I explained it well but if you're the person who told me that and you're reading this u know what I mean). I feel like I might be rambling a bit but I wanted to list some things that I've been told because I still think about them and it fills me with so much happiness that I can't even express it properly. Saying I'm really flattered that people connect with my characters like that would be such an understatement LOL. Every time I get a message like that it really encourages me to keep using them and being proud of my original art and little brain creatures ^_^

It feels really cool to know that people are into them too HAHA when I was younger I used to think to myself "wow wouldn't it be cool if people were attracted to my drawings" and now that it's a reality it feels really cool

It's just really nice to see how much of an influence art can have on people. I'm really happy my little self-indulgent doodles can make other people happy too!!!!!!!

[yourstrulyarrow]

i'm gonna get no responses to this but if anyone reads this and likes giving advice PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

so i just finished my GCSEs, and i can't decide which school i want to do A-levels at (for non-brits: did qualifications after turning 16, U minimum grade, 4 pass grade, 9 max grade. i can't decide what school to go to for my pre-uni qualifications). doing psychology, biology, maths, and further maths.

OPTION A: my current school. i'm pretty out about being trans, and although i went around asking teachers to use different pronouns for me 2-3 years ago, most don't because they keep forgetting (i don't pass, and the picture of me on the school register they see every day is when i was 11 and very fem-presenting). i have 1 teacher that uses they/them for me (i only use he/him pronouns, they/them is ok because it's not she/her, but i don't like it much). they were okay with my name change, but my school email has my deadname's initial since you can't change an email. i haven't gotten a response yet about whether i can have a new email for sixth form (i'll update when i do). they have zero clue what a trans person even is, they "officially" think i'm non-binary (i'm not, i'm a binary trans guy) but zero teachers were informed of this hence the issue with pronouns. my head of year didn't know i'm trans, and he was awkwardly trying to not offend me by "not assuming" i'm trans. i've been there 5 years and i generally have not had a very nice time, BUT they did let me use the disabled changing room rather than forcing me to go with the girls or the guys back when PE was mandatory (in year 11 they let everyone change in the toilets/whenever during lunch, so no issues there). they're understanding and sympathetic i think, just a bit ignorant. they refused to let teachers sign my deed poll to avoid "getting between [me] and [my mum]", despite using my preferred name in all correspondence anyways (so if there was a problem they would know... ironically all correspondence misgenders me). they give year 12s/13s detentions (which i disagree with... if a sixth former is late or doesn't do their homework that is THEIR PROBLEM and they should be left to deal with the consequences. if they're not responsible enough...), don't let sixth formers attend only for lessons (i.e. 8:30am start even if you don't have lessons until 9:50am or 11:30am, can't leave if you don't have a lesson. can leave for lunch but not break, and only once you gain permission). their school counsellor found about about my mother's abuse of me, and decided to get a social worker called to my house, creating huge problems for me, and when the social worker decided the situation was "resolved", she decided to send the document with EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT MY ABUSIVE MOTHER... *TO MY MOTHER*. it was hideous. i really really like the maths teacher here, the way he explains things is top-tier, but i'm not guaranteed to get him. i'm attached to the psychology teacher (and she's very lovely, i've had issues with splitting where i swap between "she's my mother" (positive, as in "i wish i was her kid") and "she's the worst teacher and a backstabber i hate her". but after some careful analysis i was greatly overreacting, she's amazing). i like my biology teacher (also not guaranteed to get him, he's very nice though and he likes me and is supportive of me being trans!!). they also have 1 trans teacher (i think he does maths) who could be helpful to me when i do my EPQ, as i'm definitely going to do it on some kind of transgender topic. i'd also have already-established friends, i'm okay with most of the girls with my year but a lot of the guys don't like me much (trans and i was very annoying when i was 11 and they never forgave me). the guys who are chill with me are mostly going to option c school :(

OPTION B: school near-ish me with same sort of grades as current school. they're about the same grades-wise and in terms of oxbridge offers (i want to go to cambridge). their psychology spec is the same as my gcse psychology spec, which you'd think is a net positive but oh dear lord it is so boring. i don't want to re-learn some gcse content. we had our induction day and i don't like the psychology teacher :(. also i got called out for being autistic as fuck (not diagnosed, but peer-reviewed) in our induction day session because she made us do a thing about recognising facial expressions and i got it completely wrong. it made me feel really shit and stupid because i'm not diagnosed or anything ://. i also don't really vibe with the biology teacher, the maths teacher seems chill though. this school is a LOT bigger than my current, and they have a whole separate building/cafeteria/etc. for sixth formers. good because it means i dont have to see the little kids but also there's wayyy more people, kinda scary :/. also i have 1 friend who says she'll go to either option a or b depending on where i go so we can be together (if i choose option c, she'll go to a as one of our other friends is going to a). they have really good lab facilities for the sciences though so i'm not sure?? also public transport is better to there, but distance is similar to option a. big thing for me driving me to consider this school is they have a "transition policy" for trans kids, they know what transgender means, they have a whole system, they understand having the wrong name on exams and stuff can be distressing, etc etc.

option c: amazing school, slightly far. ok so omg i REALLYREALLY want to go to c but the problem is my first mock grades weren't good enough :(( 999988876 + L2D (btec is in business). in last mock, i got 999999996 + L2D. also a distinction in english speaking. so clearly i'm academically capable enough to go there, right?? the 6 is in art, i recently got my raw mark back and it's an 8 (1 mark off a 9). my coursework for business i got 107/120, that's not amazing but i think i can maybe maybe get a L2D* in it anyways? they don't have a very casual atmosphere, it's very much study study study, but i don't mind because the school gets such amazing grades. really good maths department, but they make kids learn all of maths a-level in year12 and then all of fm a-level in y13 (if doing both), treating it as 1 combined a-level. routinely 20+ oxbridge offers every year. a few of my friends are going to option c as well, including a guy who got about the same grades as me in the first mock but lives closer so he got n offer :(. no policies on trans kids so i don't know how they are in this regard. i don't have an offer for this school, i'm on the waitlist, but ppl who got rejected were told if they email on results day with much higher outcome grades than their application, they can get in (subject to spaces left). so there's a small chance if i get all 9s and an 8 or something maybe i can go there??? i'd have to basically get on my knees and beg though.

so anyways, option a, b, or c, and why??