#don’t waste another day
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Yoshitomo Nara x Stella McCartney (2023) 'Don't Waste Another Day' Knit Sweater
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Can you tell I can’t stand him
#professor layton#jean descole#I don’t know what else to do with these because I don’t have the energy to ‘finish’ them#I feel like they are too stiff to I just don’t want to waste time coloring it rip#that won’t stop me though another day another descole#grown ass man in cosplay who plays dress to impress and loses to an army of 10 year olds
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#one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen the pictures don’t do it justice at all it took my breath away#it took up the whole sky: all the colors and cloud shapes were magical I feel like I was in another world#took over a hundred pictures it was so hard to chose#once again I hadn’t left my bed at all for 11 days#I felt so weak and was in so much pain & was about to go back inside then this vision appeared & it was all worth it <3#will always marvel at a beautiful sunset#this day wasn’t completely wasted#sunset#sky#stunning#breathtaking#beautiful#colorful#pink#orange#vibrant#vivid#colors#nature#garden#fall#autumn#November#coucher de soleil#magical#beauty#purple#clouds#cloudy#skies
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my seniors have been so quiet all year and it’s been fine cause we’ve had a lot of writing/research to do but I need them to talk to me now so i was hit by a bolt of inspiration two days ago and I made them all tell me their comfort level with sharing aloud, rating themselves on a scale of 1-10. I then averaged the class score and they’re a 4.5. I then told them yesterday we needed to raise the score the tiniest bit. And the 1’s and 2’s didn’t need to be 10’s just maybe 3’s and 4’s. And they tried! They talked more 😭
#it’s sooooo hard because when a class is quiet my default is to assume you hate me#which is so hard because I need a response. which is why I actually can handle a loud raucous class pretty well because it’s just about#holding their attention and redirecting#but when they’re quiet it’s so hard. but i’ve really forced myself to be like ‘they don’t hate you they’re just quiet’#and they ARE#and actually they are reading (not all of them lol) and a lot of them want to learn#it was really helpful going to try to capitalize on this today#I had a moment a few weeks ago where I taught them a poem and it was crickets and I was like sigh they hate it and me#but then I said wanna learn another one? and like—seven of them nodded at me with big eyes and quiet enthusiasm#and I was like okayyyyy there is something going on#it feels so different teaching them than any other class it’s been a real learning experience for me#also yesterday we were talking about Jane Fairfax and Emma hating her lolololol#and Emma being frustrated with Jane’s reserve and I teased them a little bit#I said you’re not cold but you ARE reserved and I am Emma trying to get you to tell me about Frank Churchill at Weymouth#literally lol#ALSO it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that this is the class where I need to tell them WHY I make them tell me all the plot details#and we go over it together#and the actual concrete purpose of it. cause it isn’t just book-clubbing it!#it has to do with guiding them through a novel but also teaching them how to do it themselves#I get so prickly when people think it’s just book club behavior#if I was in a book club i would be a tyrant which is why I belong in a classroom#ANYWAY I AM WASTING THE DAY AWAY#but i have woken up with great excitement because I’ve been mulling on the seniors all year#and I feel like I’m getting somewhere#teaching tag
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Officially deciding I shall not be going to work tomorrow because of the snowstorm so…. Yay? Extra day off?
#driving home after work tonight was bad enough#and it’s just gonna keep snowing so yeah I’m good#if my fucking roommate tries to speak to me though we might have issues#I don’t think she realizes the precarious position not paying the bills put her in with me#like did I already dislike her and find her extremely annoying? yes#however I was willing to deal with that for another couple weeks#but now you have costed me hundreds of dollars#if you try to speak to me or get in my way and it’s not to give me your share?#it’s your own fault if I decide to maul you#I will say I find it amusing in an infuriating way that she constantly goes on and on about how I spend too much time in my room#and I’m wasting my life and ‘hiding won’t make things better’#cuz like. anyone with eyes and a brain could see I’m literally just avoiding you#I hang out with friends I go places I do things when you’re not home I chill in other areas of the apartment#I’m quite literally just avoiding your dumbass and you’re too stupid to realize so you lecture me on depression#like oh my fucking god……#anyways that was a tangent#snow day ig#will probably write some and watch a couple episodes of Gundam and haikyuu#kaz rambles
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Applying for 50 jobs within 12 months and not getting a single offer is almost an accomplishment woah I’m so talented x
#it’s killing me j wasted the last 3 months of my life working full time unpaid (internship)#and I was like. j need to suck up this bc it’ll get me a job#and I’ve applied to 25 jobs since starting this internship and I have not succeeded in getting a job#I just want to kms I’m ngl#my current org has offered me a full time job buy for a salary that’s literally minimum wage#so. that’s pretty fucking crap#I applied to 25 jobs in the last month while working full time . like I am so exhausted#I had an interview yesterday morning literally the morning of my grandmas funeral and just got emailed now that I haven’t gotten the job#yknow? I’m just heartbroken at this point#and I still have 1 week left working this internship and there’s literally no point#I was literally a middle level manager in this current job for no pay even worker across a weekend once#and it’s literally for nothing 🤣🤣🤣#I have a masters degree !! and 4 months of full time work experience and another several years worth of working part time#it’s not like I’m one of those grads who’s never worked a day in their life#and like i know no one can get a job these days. like barely any of my friends have anything#but money is beginning to become a little terrifying. so shelving the corporate applications and time to go back to being a barista again#not that I’m even guaranteed getting a job in that.#just spent a week living with a friend in Boston who IS employed straight out of undergrad for a rly cool nonprofit#literallt living my dream yknow what that rly challenged my ability to just be happy for my friends#I just don’t know how I keep on going like this tbh
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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Me: *creates an OC*
Me: *heavily implies OC will meet a bad fate*
OC: *meets bad fate*
Me:
(Alternatively, I may have started it, but @katkastrofa enabled me and now I’m losing my mind)
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#first rule of interacting with Nia: don’t suggest a dark/whumpy/extremely angsty concept to them#they’ll take it and run a marathon with it and next thing you know their own ideas are making them cry#this is just what happens when I start developing an OC during a rough time in my life#happens every time. guess who came up with Summiya’s fall from grace after their college application fell through??#and since Summiya has a more or less completed storyline. it’s now someone else’s turn#namely Jia’s. also Sunat’s but. mostly Jia’s. Sunat is more angst than whump and I’m craving PAIN#I’ve been frothing at the mouth thinking about Jia all day#just.. imagine how terrified she must have been when she was brought before Jusamah. when he said that he’d make her talk one way or another#and if she doesn’t want to obey and confess willingly… something else can be arranged#how her fear got even worse when she was dragged into the palace dungeons. when she saw the whipping post#begging for mercy as she was stripped and tied. swearing on her life that she doesn’t know anything. that she’s innocent#rambling incoherently right up until the first hit lands. after that it’s just screams and sobs and barely audible ‘I don’t know’s#all the while she’s yelled at by a man three times her age who refuses to believe that she truly doesn’t know anything#and she doesn’t. all she did was point Aiza in a direction. she has no proof she even went in it#I don’t want to get to graphic here but let’s just say I read an article on whipping and it’s.. it’s bad#the aftermath is brutal and bloody and passing out from the pain would be a mercy#and afterwards… I do think someone is called to tend to her so she doesn’t bleed to death before they can get a confession out of her#and that person is kind. if a little detached emotionally. and likely her back could have been salvaged if the whipping didn’t repeat#but it did. because they need her to confess. maybe the excruciating pain of reopened wounds will get her to talk…#it doesn’t. she never says anything. and after a while they move on from torture to locking her up and starving her#maybe that’ll finally break her. perhaps she’s still whipped occasionally even afterwards but for the most part she’s just left alone-#in some dark cell and questioned occasionally. it lasts anywhere from weeks to months and yet she never gives out the one detail she knows#because Aiza’s safety depends on it and she knows Aiza’s punishment will be much worse than hers if she’s caught#but anyway. enough of the bloody horror show. instead think about what it must’ve been like for her parents#the town is alight with scandal following the disappearance of Lady Aiza. you know a bit about her since your daughter works for her#you don’t hear from your daughter for a while. eventually someone tells you that she’s been convicted of helping Lady Aiza run away#she’s been under interrogation since. no one’s seen her but rumour has it they’re torturing her. there’s little you can do as a poor family#you request an audience with Lord Jusamah. it takes a long time to to be granted but eventually you’re before him begging for your daughter#apparently she’s proven to be a useless waste of resources so she’s released to you. you barely recognise her. AND I REACHED TAG LIMIT FML
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who else up art and crafting to keep further nervous breakdowns at bay 🤣 (sewing from last couple weeks)
#sewing tag#another disappointment today. another day wasted on crying and playing the same records over and over to drown out the crying.#i’m tired of this grandpa!!!!!#genuinely this summer has fucking sucked for me and i don’t see things getting better#soyeah here’s my jacket. yay.
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“i’m all alone, but i’m as happy as can be!”
#aka top 10 things i wish i could drill into my coworkers brains grrrrrrrrrrrrrrnrhrhbgbgbfbfbfnf#‘you should get a bf’ ‘when are you gonna get married and have kids?’ how about n e v e r#i just want to sleep when i’m not on the clock mans i don’t want to waste my precious sleep time on others#i mean. i don’t even leave the house on my days off. not to go shopping or anything bc sleep is more important~~~#and stuff can be bought online anyways s o o o o o#g o d speaking of online purchases thoughhh this massage seat i bought online came in yesterday and it works amazingly well~~~~~#used it for half an hour last night and i was relaxed enough to sleep for 11-12 hours straight#wish i had space for an actual massage chair though but this will have to do…#it’s been my dream to own a massage chair for the longest time…… but ig this massage seat is good enough……#i can just slap it onto my desk chair and b a m ✨instant paradise✨#speaking of instant though… one of my coworkers was commenting on my love for instant noodles the other day#‘you’ll ✨d i e✨ faster if you eat a lot of cup noodles yk?’ he said#so ✨o f c✨ my mouth chose to work faster than my brain when i replied with ‘i’m fine with that bc i won’t have to work then’#he and another coworker laughed :( sadded#b u t i finally had my cup noodles that i ‘customised’ at the cup noodle museum today and it was good~~~~~~~ i have good taste (self praise)#the best part was the lack of spring onions!!!! bc screw spring onions really who decided that they should be included with most cup noodles#or just noodles in general? the texture sucks and they don’t even taste good man. why would you even add spring onions?#it’s number 2 in my list of most hated food toppings. it loses only to ikan bilis bc s c r e w ikan bilis or dried anchovies or whatever#they’re known as >:( i hateeeeee how takeout places will just assume that you want ikan bilis and lop on a huuuuugeeeee serving of them#atop your food as you desperately and futilely b e g them to stop#and when you try to pick them out they just!!!! keep turning up everywhere instead?????#like hello???? how did you manage to get to the bottom of the bowl???? you were only added as a topping!!!!!!!#also. their eyes are really creepy. and the heads get detached from the bodies all the time and just. seeing the eyes ruins my appetite.#wait this was supposed to be about my coworkers and their pushiness in a matter that doesn’t concern them how did we get so far off-topic—#chizuutan chizpost
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Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags
#I’ve spent a very long time trying to change my brain so I can just operate at a neurotypical level#it’s always been impossible and I feel like shit for it#so recently I finally just said#I am not neurotypical and never will be no matter what I do!#so I need to be kind to myself and make the accommodations I need for myself!#which is a work in progress but idk. it’s kind of painful that the neurotypical people in my life act like I’m asking for an arm and a leg#when I’m very genuinely asking if slight changes could be made between us#I absolutely don’t expect anyone to change their lifestyle for me or anything#it’s stuff like not holding long conversations when I’m in the middle of writing because it messes up my flow#and I tell my family beforehand! hey I’m gonna write for a couple of hours does anyone need anything from me before#and they say no! but then ten minutes later will start telling me a story about their day#which I’m okay to hear BEFORE I start a writing session or AFTER#and I goddamn communicate that!!! but they act like I’m asking for nobody to ever speak to me again#another thing is that I CANNOT eat anything past an expiration date#I know it’s still probably good but my brain will just keep saying YOURE GONNA DIE OF FOOD POISONING#so say the half gallon of milk is past its date#I will buy a fresh one to start using myself but I don’t toss the old one because I know others don’t care as much#and they they complain that I’m wasting milk#like I’m sorry it’s 1) my money and 2) how is it being wasted when y’all are happy to drink it til it’s done?#idk man!! neurotypical people sure do say that shit should be easy for neurodivergent people#but they sure do struggle to be slightly accommodating without bitching#idk rant over peace out
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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nvm I still feel insane I wanna break shit and spin around and cry and go insane again
#loooove this. like can we hit the normal button I am so mad right now#I was going to make another post but I don’t want to do I’ll just complain in here#but anyways nobody wants to talk to me. which should be normal bc it’s 11pm but I feel fucking insane#It’s probably because I just wasted the day today and I’ll probably have to waste tomorrow too#and that’s a whole other thing but whatever!!! it’s fine!!!!!#I actually love being ignored and canceled on it’s my favorite#I should be excited but fuck my stupid baka life!!!
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stabbing my lab partners with a plastic fork
#personal#the engineering chronicles#one of them is sick which is fine obviously but it does suck bc she’s my lab partner in this class and another class so i was up literally#all night yesterday working on the lab due this morning and now im probably abt to pull another all nighter#doing This lab and my other lab partner is trying to argue the two of us should just work from home since one of us isn’t here already but#the last time we decided to work from home it was utterly disastrous and we stayed up all night anyway and only got our demo prepared in#time bc we were one of the last groups my prof checked and even then part of the demo was not Correct. like. ALSO this particular lab is mcu#to mcu communication and technically i Have two mcus bc we bought new kits for this class even tho most of it is the same as a class we took#before but i gave my working extra mcu to my lab partner a few weeks ago bc he blew out some of the pins on his and only had the one mcu on#him so now i just have my usual mcu and his broken mcu that isn’t totally busted but idk How busted it is so i could very well end up#totally wasting my time if i work from#home instead of the two of us meeting and working together with two mcus we know work :/#also he texted earlier today that he could meet after 6 so i was there all day waiting for him like if you’re not coming say that!! why are#you waiting until i text asking where you are to tell me you don’t want to meet up after all
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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just finished bojack horseman for the first time…
#so like woah#I have mixed feelings on whether or not I’m glad they kept BoJack alive#TVFHD was quite possibly the best episode of television I have ever seen#it was the perfect way for BoJack to confront his mortality and the fact that he always thinks he’s going to ‘wake up’#but keeping him alive also forces him to confront his mortality: how long will he spend being a shitty person how many days will he waste#will he ever change? i’d like to think so. i feel as tho bojack’s death#whenever it arrives for him#will be once again similar to TVFHD#sorry I’m stoned i need to shut up#But anyways the idea that shit happens and we think it’s the end of the world but it’s really not and eventually we move on#And we don’t always realize we’ve moved on/what has passed us until it is so far gone it’s almost laughable#bojack lives to see another day. sunlight shines on all the bad choices he’s made sure but sun shines on all the chances he has to change#And be better#BoJack horseman#j watches#shaggy’s stash#j’s thoughts
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